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#this was an expirence i would pay good money to re see
twig-tea · 9 months
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What's Going On with Seng and Freen
I don't like to follow too much of the fandom drama, but I had to mention what's going on re: Seng and Freen, two QL industry artists.
Seng is a BL actor who has been in Secret Crush on You, Y Destiny, and War of Y, all partnered with Billy Patchanon. Seng was originally with Idolfactory but left on January 2023 when his contract expired.
Freen is a GL actor who has been in Secret Crush on You and GAP the Series both partnered with Becky.
The FreenBecky ship is particularly strong and this ship has been really active promoting and doing fanmeets since GAP aired.
Last week Idolfactory posted a notice that the privacy of one of their artists, Freen, had been violated and that they were taking legal action.
A video was posted a few days ago (no I'm not going to link it) taken through a window from a distance, showing Seng and Freen kissing. Since then, both Freen and Seng have come forward to say that yes, it is them in the video, that someone followed and recorded them without their permission, and they apologize to their fans.
I...just cannot handle the way people are talking about this on Twitter [still calling it that]. Thank goodness for this place, honestly.
Listen, feel however you want to feel about your ship being real, but don't shame a victim of stalking, harassment, and attempted extortion for having a relationship that isn't the one you hoped they had in their real, private lives.
No matter how much money someone makes from performing a relationship with someone else in a ship, they don't owe you their personhood. They are still allowed to be who they are and love who they love on their downtime.
Gatekeeping who can and cannot act in queer media does nothing but force people out of the closet (potentially threatening their life, depending on their circumstances) and take away peoples' fundamental right to decide who they share parts of themselves to and when. [Note if someone is in a position of power enforcing homophobic legislation or culture and they are outed that is different because it's about the hypocrisy of their politics and the prevention of further damage to other queer people]
Insisting that people who are acting as part of their job have been lying to you by not being the people they are pretending to be for money does nothing but explain that you don't understand the meaning of the words acting or job. If you don't like that shipping culture feels real when it isn't, then don't pay attention to it.
Leaving here the note from one of the authors of War of Y (which if you haven't seen it includes a plot in which another shipped Idolfactory couple, Tohru and First, play characters who are in a ship but one sleeps with a costar which potentially ruins both of their careers when it gets leaked to the press... it's all a bit wildly accurate tbh)
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[I know this rant is not for the people here who are going to see it but I had to yell it somewhere, sorry tumblr buds]
Editing to add: OMG I can't believe I forgot that I would have to say this, but also bisexuality and pansexuality exist, just because someone kisses someone of a different gender does not mean they also never have and never will enjoy kissing someone of the same gender, and either way it is literally none of your business and you cannot queerbait people in real life. That is Not A Thing. Please stop saying it.
If you want the industry to be better for out queer actors, contribute to a safer environment for queer actors to be out by supporting out queer actors, so that more actors can feel safe and have stable careers while out.
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Do Us Part
Warnings: nonconsent and rape; oral, fingering, marital discord, cheating, spousal arguments and mental/emotional abuse, age gap (Peter is 24/25 and reader is 35/36)
This is dark!Peter Parker x 30s/’older’ reader and explicit. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.
Summary: You find it hard to accept that not all good things last as you face the changes in your marriage, yourself, and your marriage.
Note: I wanted to write Peter again but also I’ve seen this nonsense about how 30+ writers are too old for fanfic which is dumb af. And I wanted to turn the age gap trope a little so that it wasn’t the reader being the younger one in the relationship. I label it older reader but I don’t think being in your 30s is old tbh (my bf is 36 so pfft). It was all just a conglomeration of circumstances that inspired a deceivingly sweet dark Peter and I hope you like it. Also it’s 7.4k so a bit of a longer read.
Thank you. Love you guys!
Please leave some feedback, like and reblog <3
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You walked slowly along the transparent shelves set into the pristine white walls of the cosmetics section. The department store was a haze of distant voices and the chirp of scanners as customers milled the aisles and waited their turn to check out. You whiled away your time looking at things you’d never buy as you waited for your husband to return from the men’s department.
You thought of the sparse make-up bag under your sink and the liners and shades you hadn’t used in years. They were likely expired and better tossed in the bin. You hovered along the crystal bottle of designer scents and stopped to test a particular blush-tinted fragrance.
You set the bottle back and peered over at the dark cubbies that housed the men’s scent. Even from there, you could catch a whiff of the heady scents as a younger man with reddish brown hair examined an angular vial of Dior Men. You suddenly felt out of place; a mid-thirties woman in her out-of-season clothes fantasizing about overpriced perfume.
Your husband's voice further cemented your reality as you fingered the golden cap of the Coach eau du parfum. Wesley rolled his eyes and flipped up the little plastic panel that hid the bold prices and huffed.
“I hope you don’t think I’m gonna pay for that shit,” he sneered, “what have you been doing? I was waiting for you.”
He waved a plastic bag as his lip curled and you pressed your mouth shut tightly and swallowed. The day began with another argument as he discovered the seared hole in his shirt and instead of blaming the crappy old dryer, he blamed you. Most of your clothes had been chewed up by the thing but you never complained.
“No, I was just… looking,” you teetered in your flats and glanced around. The young man at the corner display quickly turned to hide his nosy observation, “did you find some new shirts?”
“No thanks to you,” he sniffed.
“Oh,” you played with the hem of your tee and tucked your hands into your pockets nervously. You’d left him to look alone as you only seemed to irritate him and rarely took your advice on matters of clothing, “well, I thought I’d give you some space--”
“Stop acting so pathetic. Start taking responsibility for yourself. For god’s sake, you're almost thirty-six and you don’t know how to hang a shirt to dry?” He spun on his heel and snapped over his shoulder, “let’s go.”
You flinched but followed behind him as he strode away and you stumbled out behind him through the automatic doors. He tossed the bag into the back seat and slammed the door before flopping angrily into the driver’s side. You mirrored him daintily and squeezed your legs together as you tried to make yourself as small as you could.
“I told you about the dryer,” you said.
“And?” he started the engine and slapped his hand around the wheel, “call a fucking electrician or some shit.”
“Alright,” you shrugged as he stopped at the exit of the parking lot and checked his phone quickly.
“Benny wants to do a round of golf,” he peeled out and you grasped the door as your heart raced. You hated how reckless he was when he was angry. You hated how easily he got angry these days.
“Okay,” you picked at the fraying stitching of your purse.
“Don’t start moping,” he sneered, “I fucking work all week and I can’t go out and have a few rounds?”
“I never-- I didn’t say anything,” you murmured.
“You don’t need to,” he turned the wheel sharply as he cut off another car, “you sit at home all day and do what?”
“I work too,” you said.
“Uh huh, sure, if that’s what you call it.”
You ran your fingertip over the bleach stain on the knee of your jeans and said nothing. When he was in a mood, he would latch on anything until he outright exploded. You tried to think of when he changed, when he had stopped being the chill guy you met back in college. It felt like a slow trickle, small things you ignored until it was a mountain you could not see past.
You felt like crying but you’d stopped that a while ago. You existed in a purgatory of acceptance and helplessness. You wanted him to love you again, wanted to believe you could fix things. So you would keep trying. You would do better.
💍 
You picked out a large flank of steak and winced at the price. You had a special dinner in mind. It was Friday and the work week was done. You wanted a weekend without a fight and Wesley was always one for a nice big cut of beef. You hadn’t made him one in a while, your dinners were the usual repetitive drumsticks and rice or your homemade mac and cheese.
You continued onto the fish section and grabbed some salmon for yourself. You’d gained some weight and decided to cut out dairy and red meat if you could help it. The pile of produce in your cart reminded you of the extra jiggle around your stomach and thighs. You also grabbed one of those women’s magazines that advertised a regimen to help slim your figure. You only hoped you could stick to it this time.
With your weekly haul in tow, you wheeled up to the check-out and waited behind a young man who looked oddly familiar to you. Maybe that was the passing years. You always felt a vague glimmer of deja vu, more often a sense of forlorn nostalgia of what you would never have again.
As you stared thoughtlessly, he looked over and smiled. He bent in front of your cart and picked up a thin packet of seasoning. 
“You dropped this,” he said as he held it out and you thanked him before quickly snatching it and looking away. 
He paid for his large bags of chips and over salted pre-packaged meals and packed up at the end as you loaded up your own goods, the cashier sending them down the parallel belt. You swiped your card and tried to calculate the chunk of money from your last check. You thanked the clerk and sidled past the young man as he finished up.
You rounded the counter as he lifted his three bags. You looked up without thinking, the sleeve of his shirt tight around his bicep. You caught yourself staring and looked back down as you packed in the cans. 
It reminded you of Wesley; he’d also started being more mindful, he hit the gym after work and you noticed the little pudge that started just after he turned thirty was slimming out. It was that exact reason that made you notice the extra pounds on your own frame, not that you didn’t realise before.
The man left and you unfolded the little buggy you slid under the cart. You loaded your bags into it and dragged the cart behind you as you made an awkward exit with both wheeled trolleys. The compact fabric buggy was easy enough to fit on the bus if you stood.
You pushed the cart into the row of empty ones and continued across the parking lot. You rolled up to the bus shelter and checked the bus times on your phone. You dug out your strip of tickets and ripped one away. You leaned on the thin handle of your trolley and looked over your shoulder as you heard someone approach.
The man who checked out ahead of you put his bags on the metal bench inside the shelter as he sipped on a bright drink from the place just beside the grocery shop. He sent you a smile over his straw and you spun back to crane your head and search for the bus.
When the metal beast barreled up and cranked to a stop at the curb, the man waited behind you and as your wheels caught on the edge of the ramp, he reached around you and helped push it over the lip. You thanked him shyly and continued up. Usually you tried to keep the shop light on weekdays but you hadn’t really been paying attention.
You pushed your cart against the small barrier just behind the accessible seating and stood beside it, conscious not to take up too much space. The man stood just behind you two bags on one shoulder and the other dangling from the opposite elbow as he sucked on his straw. You grabbed the upright bar as the bus took off and watched the electronic banner for your stop.
A sharp stop had you veering back and you were caught by the young man as he chucked, “oop, you okay?”
“Yes, thank you,” you muttered and gave a sheepish smile over your shoulder.
“There’s a seat,” he gestured just behind you, “I’ll watch your stuff.”
“Um, no it’s… fine,” you gripped the bar tighter as the bus shuttled forward, “my stop is soon.”
You looked ahead of you and three stops passed before yours. You exited through the front with your buggy and headed down the sidewalk as the bus pulled away. You were exhausted just from your little sojourn and it wasn’t even two o’clock. God, you felt old.
💍
You had a salad chopped and tossed and the steak and fish laid out and seasoned. As you listened to your old Spotify list, the music dipped and the notification blipped over the screen. You washed your hands and grabbed the phone. You frowned as you read the lone message from Wesley, the only one you got from him all day.
‘Just finished at the gym, getting drinks with Andrew,’ you read and re-read the message as your heart fell.
You typed out a whole angry response and backspaced it all. You replaced it with ‘ok, have fun’ and blacked the screen. You shoved the meat back in the fridge and stretched saran wrap over the bowl of salad. You placed it on a lower shelf and closed the door, quickly swiping a can of the craft beer Wesley kept around.
You shut the light off in the kitchen and ignored the pang in your stomach as you cracked the can. You climbed the stairs as you sipped the hoppy foam. You put it on the night table and changed into the old butterfly pajamas you wore most nights and turned on the tv mounted against the wall. 
You turned on Netflix but hardly paid attention to the carelessly chosen movie. You sat against the headboard and down the bitter beer until the can was hollow and your eyelids were heavy. You slumped down so that your shoulders were at your ears and dozed off in the stiff position as the room moved with the colours of the television. 
The anger and alcohol shaded your shallow sleep and you hardly heard Wesley when he came in, only waking when your bladder was ready to burst and his snores rumbled in your head. You went to the bathroom and returned, wide awake, and stared at the shape of him in the dark.
You remembered when he used to kiss you when he came home, even when you were asleep, he’d wake you with the little pecks. You remembered when he was happy to come home. You remembered when you were happy. 
You swallowed the acrid aftertaste of beer and left him to snore. You went downstairs and curled up on the couch but didn’t sleep. You just stared at the shadows of the furniture until the sun rose.
💍
The next day, Wesley didn’t wake until after noon and when he did, he didn’t say a word to you. He took his coffee and sat at the patio table in the back as you stewed and cleaned the kitchen. You had nothing to say to him even if you felt stupid for being mad.
“Gotta head down to the dealership,” he said as he interrupted your scouring of the stove.
“The dealership?” you said after a moment, deciding whether or not to break your vow of silence.
“I told you on Wednesday, I’m picking up the car--”
“We talked about this. We should wait a little longer--”
“It’s my money and I got a great price,” he sighed, “just because you have to pinch your pennies--”
“We’re married,” you squeezed the foam sponge, “it’s our money. Don’t act like I don’t pay for anything around here.”
“Oh thanks, honey, so wonderful you paid for a five dollar steak,” he scoffed, “I’ll be impressed when you can make a mortgage payment on your own.”
“How dare you!” you turned your back to him and kept scrubbing, “fine, but not a penny of my money is going to that thing.”
“That’s fine, I’m selling the old one, that should cover most of it--”
“What?” you slammed your hand between the burner, “you said we would hold onto it so I had something to--”
“Then you can buy it from me,” he said venomously.
“I’m your wife,” you spun to scowl at him again, “I-- what is wrong with you?”
He tilted his head and squinted as he poked his tongue out along his lip. “Nothing wrong with me,” he shrugged, “what’s wrong with you?”
“Don’t--” you warned as you pointed a finger at him through the bright yellow gloves, “don’t do that… I’ve been trying and you just keep pushing me away.”
“Me pushing you away?” he rolled his eyes, “you were passed out last night when I got home. Maybe if you didn’t fall asleep before nine I could actually fuck you… or at least get it up if you worked on losing some of that cellulite on your ass.”
Your lip quivered and you sucked in a breath. You shook your head and turned around again. You ignored him as your hand shook and you continued your work, scratching at the dried-on food around the burner. His empty mug clinked onto the counter and you listened to his exit.
Fuck him and his new car. You were done trying with him.
💍
Wesley’s new car was shrouded in the shade of the garage as the old black Hyundai sat out on the driveway with a red and white “For Sale” sign on the windshield. Right after he got back from his extravagant purchase, he made the listing online and several perusers stopped by Saturday night but Sunday morning saw the car still there.
You sat by the border of stones around the garden as he drank beer in the garage and approached any interested buyers who appeared; although so far he’d only had two before noon.
You tucked your clippers into your apron pocket and dusted off your gloves as you stood. You were a little dizzy from sitting out in the sun and a glass of water was the perfect excuse to drown out the annoying sound of your husband’s voice.
You ignored Wesley as you trod through the garage and kicked your sneakers off on the mat right before the three steps up to the house. You went to the kitchen and put your gloves on the counter as you filled a glass from the dispenser on the front of the fridge. You’d given up everything but water and the slices of lemon were the only flavour you had.
You took the glass and your gloves and headed back. Wesley waited just at the bottom of the stairs as he glared up at you with arms crossed. You sighed and descended but he didn’t let you pass.
“What is your problem?”
“Are you really asking me that?” you hissed.
“You giving me the silent treatment isn’t gonna fix this,” he snarled.
“You know what you said so… I shouldn’t have to tell you to apologize,” you retorted and he stayed put.
“Is this about the car?”
“The car is just another thing,” you cross an arm around your stomach, “you think I couldn’t use it to get around, to get the groceries maybe? Or, I don’t know, maybe since you have such a problem with my home office, I could go out and get a ‘big girl’ job as you put it so many times--”
“Your mother has a car she never drives. You can just take her with you, two birds, one stone. I need to sell this to pay for the new one--”
“The one I begged you not to buy,” you huffed, “you could’ve waited a few more years until we were a little more comfortable--”
“Oh, wait? Until we have a kid and all my money goes to it,” he snapped, “yeah, I’m sure we’d have the money then--”
“You’d have to fuck to do that,” you stepped down the last step and pushed past him.
As you came into the sunlight and shielded your eyes, a figure stood by the garden, knelt just by your tulips as he felt the soft petals. You narrowed your eyes. You recognized him for sure. It was the stranger from the bus.
“Um, hi?” you croaked as you swallowed the lump in your throat.
“Hey, it’s… you again,” he chuckled softly as he stood, “I saw an ad for a car and… well, I’m getting tired of the bus.”
“Oh, uh, my husband,” you pointed over your shoulder, “you’ll have to talk to him.”
“Okay,” he smiled, “Peter,” he held out his hand and you stared at it. You introduced yourself and shook his firm grip.
“Like I said, it’s my husband selling the car,” you brushed by him and got to your knees by the flowerbed. “Unless you’re looking to buy some wilting pansies.”
“Hmm, I like the tulips better,” he said as he slowly inched away, “thanks.”
You sat back on your heels and he strode over to the open garage. You heard Wesley greet him and didn’t bother paying attention to the same pitch you’d heard all morning. You pulled on your gloves and wiggled your nose as it tingled. You really just wanted to keel over and bawl.
“Sold,” Wesley announced and you heard a clap, “all yours!”
“I’ll just transfer the deposit,” Peter said and a minute passed before he emerged again, the keys hanging from his finger, “Thanks, Wes.”
You hid your distaste. It used to be that Wesley hated being called ‘Wes’ but lately, he introduced himself to everyone as just ‘Wes’. He really had changed. You must have too.
“Hey,” you looked up and blinked as the sun made your eyes water as it shone around Peter.
“You bought it?” you asked as you yanked free a weed.
“Yep, but uh,” he glanced over his shoulder as the old car stereo Wesley used blared out a classic rock tune, “I… wasn’t eavesdropping but I heard some of it and… if you ever need a ride to the grocery store, I usually try for Wednesdays,” he tucked his hand in his pocket, “I don’t live too far and since we go to the same one--”
“No, no, you don’t have to do that,” you looked back to the soil, embarrassed.
“Well, if you change your mind,” he kept the keys dangling from one finger and reached into his pocket. He pulled out his wallet and slid out a card with some effort, “I’m supposed to have these handy but I never really use them.”
He offered the business card and you read his name above the title, ‘senior photographer’. You gave a half-hearted smile and put it in your apron pocket.
“Thanks,” you said, “I can manage.”
“You don’t have to though,” he said kindly, “but I’ll, uh, leave you to your gardening. Sorry if I bugged you.”
“You didn’t,” you assured without looking up, flattered that anyone cared enough to even offer help.
“Hey, Pete,” Wesley stopped Peter as he neared the car, “you can have one before you go.”
“Oh, no, I’m gonna be driving,” Peter argued.
“Pfft, it’s a celebration and one won’t put you over the limit,” Wesley insisted and handed him a dark bottle of craft brew, “come on.”
“I really should go--”
“It’s a Sunday, where do you need to be?” Wesley patted his shoulder and looked over at you, “hey, honey, you wanna see if we have any snacks for our guest?”
“I’m not hungry,” Peter said curtly, “really. Just the beer is fine.”
They disappeared back into the garage and you cringed. You hated that. Wesley only every acted like a husband when others were around.
💍
You waited a whole week before returning to the grocery store. You were short on everything and it was a reason to get out of the house. Your husband had made both your home and your workplace hostile.
It irked you that Wesley resented you working from home when a couple years ago he was so happy about it. Then, he’d been so enthusiastic about starting a family but when it didn’t happen right away, he grew disillusioned and bitter. Now, he seemed to have no interest in being a husband let alone a father.
As you packed up your spinach and bottles of Perrier, your cart rolled just a little as someone nudged it from the other end. You raised your head and hid your surprise and discomfort as Peter smiled back at you.
“I thought you said Wednesdays,” you murmured as you dropped a bag in your cart.
“I forgot eggs,” he held up the carton, “I guess I have good timing.”
“You do?” you asked as you pulled your cart forward and maneuvered around to push it out of the way of fellow shoppers. You bent to grab your trolley from beneath and he caught it as you unfolded it.
“I’ll drive you,” he said.
“I told you--”
“I’m here so why not? Save the ticket for next time,” he urged.
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why does it matter? Why do I matter to you?” you asked.
“I don’t know, I… like helping people,” he shrugged, “what if I told you you were helping me? I have this horrible need to be the hero.”
“That will go away,” you muttered under your breath and he lifted a brow, “sorry, I… thank you.”
“Alright, let’s go then,” he collapsed the trolley and carried it easily under his arm as he cradled his eggs in the other, “I got the A/C fixed on the car too.”
“Mmm,” you hummed and walked with him out of the store. 
You crossed the parking lot and helped you load up the bags in the trunk. That car should have been yours; you’d made enough payments on it yourself but Wesley was such a stubborn ass.
You sat in the front seat as he slid into the other and started the car. He drove cautiously through the lot and you read the store signs as he came to the exit.
“How long have you and… the old man been together?”
“Um,” you glanced over at him and chewed your lip, “since college so… almost fifteen years now.”
“Fifteen?” he turned out onto the street, “really? I thought he was older than you.”
“Christ,” you scoffed, “don’t flatter me.”
“Really, I woulda said twenty-eight at most,” he said coolly, “wow, I feel so young now.”
“And I feel so old,” you grumbled as you crossed your legs, hoping he didn’t notice the wrinkle in the pink capris.
“Whatever, you’re not even forty,” he said, “and time has treated you well so I can only think in a few years… oh jeez, sorry, that came off weirder than I intended. Not that I meant for it to be weird at all--”
You giggled at his rambling as he rolled to a stop at the sign and peeked over at you in the rearview. You caught his eye and quickly looked away, “what?”
“Just… you have a nice smile,” he said as he turned down a side street, “and a nice laugh.”
“Thank you,” your voice was brittle at the genuine compliment, “you’re funny.”
“Am I? I wasn’t trying to be,” he took the same short cut you took when you walked home from the convenience store which was closer than the plaza.
“And nice,” you said as he came onto your street, “you really didn’t have to drive me. You could’ve dropped me at the corner--”
“No way, I was raised better than that, and if you think I’m letting you carry that all in by yourself--”
“Raised to help little old ladies?” you mused.
“Raised to treat ladies properly,” he corrected, “especially pretty ones.”
“I’m married,” your heart pattered as you dared to flirt back, almost in disbelief that he was humouring you, “and your lies don’t work on me, young man.”
“Not that young,” he insisted as he pulled into the driveway.
You got out and went around to the trunk. He handed you the bag with the bread and other light products, and loaded up with the other bags.
“You get the doors, let me do the heavy work,” he said and nodded you towards the house.
You went ahead of him and unlocked the door. You let him inside and pointed him into the kitchen. He placed the bags on the counter and stretched his arms and hands as you set yours on the other side. The muscles of his arms moved under his skin and you could trace the lines of his torso through his grey tee.
“So,” he took out the bottle of Perrier, “this going in the fridge?”
“What-- you’ve done enough.”
“Fridge?” he ignored you and pulled out the other.
You gave a long blink and threw up your hands in surrender, “yes, please,” you came around and reached in to grab the whole grain buns, “bottom shelf.”
You finished unpacking your groceries and took the empty bags from Peter and shoved them under the counter. You stood and looked at him nervously as he watched you, his fingers tapping on the granite.
“Do you want a snack? Something to drink? Water?”
“I’ll have a water,” he said and moved to leaned his elbow on the countertop, his side snug to the edge.
“Sparkling or--”
“Regular’s fine,” he answered
“Ice? Lemon?” you pulled out a tall glass.
“Just ice is fine… then I’ll be out of your hair,” he said.
Ice clinked into the glass and you covered it with the distilled water from the fridge. You slid it onto the counter and stepped back.
“Oh, I… actually, it’s a good thing I ran into you,” he said and took a sip, “my aunt, she likes to garden too but she got some bulbs she’s not gonna use, I thought maybe… maybe you would like some to fill in the holes?”
“What kind?” you asked.
“Some daffodils and some crocuses, I think,” he said, “I could bring them over next week after work?”
“That sounds like a lot of work,” you scrunched your lips, “you could probably just give them to a neighbour.”
“It’s not out of the way,” he said, “you want them?”
You stared at him and thought. He was nice. Too nice.
“What?” he asked.
“Nothing, I… I’m sure you have a girlfriend you could be spending time with--”
“I don’t. Not anymore,” he interrupted.
“Oh, sorry,” you said, “I didn’t--”
“Like I said, I always wanna be the good guy,” he finished his water and the last of the cubes settled at the bottom, “thanks.”
“No, thank you,” you said as he set his glass in the sink and backed away, “really, you made my day so much easier.”
“I hope your weekend is better,” he said, “but…”
He didn’t finished and you folded your hands together as he hesitated by the hallway.
“But what?” you prodded.
“Nothing,” he shook his head, “nothing. I should go.”
“Okay,” you rubbed the back of your neck, “see ya.”
“Monday,” he confirmed as he turned to the doorframe, “I’ll bring the bulbs. Just after seven.”
“Right,” you slanted your lips and watched him go.
The door marked his departure and you turned to exhale and lean against the counter. You could still smell his rich cologne. Then you felt guilty. It was stupid to think he was doing anything more than being nice, that the flirting was anything but a joke, but still, you missed feeling that way and it should’ve been Wesley making you feel that.
💍
You squeezed the phone as you clenched your jaw so tight it hurt. Your eyes were wet and finally the tears were ready to start falling. The smell of steak filled the kitchen, another meal you wouldn’t eat. At the last minute, Wesley texted to tell you he was hitting the gym. Again. He was already late after a long meeting but promised he’d be home to eat.
So you waited for him to answer your furious phone call but got his voicemail instead. Your eyes narrowed at the bottle of wine and your chest knotted as the tone sounded.
“Wesley, this is it. I can’t do this anymore! I’m your wife. Do you even want to be with me? I can’t go on like this and now you won’t even answer my calls,” you snarled. You knew he had his phone on him as he no doubt had his Spotify work-out list on shuffle, “when you come home, you can sleep on the couch.”
You hung up and grabbed a stemmed glass from the cupboard. You filled it to the brim with Pinot Grigio but before you could taste it, the doorbell made you jump. You set down the glass and walked up the hallway. Just on the other side of the frosted glass was a silhouette. You opened the door and touched your forehead as you faced Peter.
“I totally forgot you were coming,” you breathed, “I’m so sorry. But thank you, you really didn’t have to--”
“Are you okay?” he asked as the paper bag in his hand crinkled.
“Yeah, I’m fine, I… thank you for the flowers,” you looked at the brown paper bag and he handed it over, another bag on his wrist; white with ribbon handles, “what’s that? You headed out for a date?”
“Um, no,” he said, “actually, I was just…” he pushed his fingers through his hairs, the reddish brown locks slightly curled with sweat, “I wanted to talk to you.” He looked past you and his warm eyes returned to yours, “Wesley isn’t home yet?”
“No, he won’t be for a while,” you backed up, “so you might as well come in. I have a steak no one’s gonna eat.”
“Yeah, he wouldn’t be,” Peter said glumly, “and steak sounds good.”
He closed the door behind him and followed you into the kitchen. You put the bulbs at the back of the counter and grabbed the bottle, “wine?”
“No thank you,” he said.
You plunked down the bottle and took a gulp of your wine before you turned to plate the steak and your chicken breast alongside the fried asparagus and roasted potatoes. You set the filet before him as he sat on the stool and climbed up across from him at the long island.
“Thank you,” he watched you slide a steak knife and fork towards him and his gaze lingered on your lips as you took another thirsty mouthful, “this is for you, actually.”
He pushed the white bag over to you and you smelled the subtle floral scent rising from it. You put your glass down and pushed open the top of the bag and peeked inside. You shook your head and rescinded your hand as if you were slapped. It was the same perfume from that day weeks ago.
“You… how?”
“You don’t remember?” he asked.
You thought back on the day you wanted to forget. He was the other shopper in the perfume section, the one who sent you that sympathetic look as Wesley reproached you. You winced and grabbed your utensils. You cut into the chicken and shoved it in your mouth. You swallowed loudly.
“Take it back,” you sniffed, “I don’t want it. I don’t deserve it.”
“You do. He doesn’t deserve you,” he carefully sliced into the medium rare steak.
“Is that what this is? Some perverted joke? A challenge?” you dropped your fork and knife, “you think you can seduce the sad housewife and then laugh at it? Sow your wild oats?”
“No, it’s nothing like that,” he calmly put down the silverware, “I… what I didn’t say when I showed up is I just came from the gym.”
You frowned in confusion and wrinkled your nose. You took another drink of wine as you tried to understand.
“I saw Wesley,” he said as he leaned on his elbow and pulled out his phone with his other hand, “I didn’t wanna say anything but… you’re here beating yourself up over him and-- just look.”
He slid his phone across the counter and you looked at the screen. Your entire body felt heavy and your veins filled with ice. You dropped your head into your hands as you tried to wipe the sight from your eyes; the image of your husband groping a woman in yoga pants, an act she wasn’t deterring.
“I knew it,” you sobbed as the tears burst forth and leaked down your palms, “I knew it. And why wouldn’t he? I’m old, ugly--” you sniffed and pulled your hands away to wipe them on your pants. Peter held out a paper towel and you took it as you avoided his eyes, “thank you but I think you should go. I’m humiliated enough.”
“You shouldn’t be alone,” he said as he climbed down from the stool and rounded the island, “he’s an asshole. He’s blind.”
“Please, Peter, just leave me alone,” you slid off the stool and he caught your shoulders. You looked up at him as you dabbed away the streaks of sadness with the paper towel, “Peter--”
“I’m not leaving,” he said firmly, “he’s out there having his fun, so why don’t you have some of your own?”
“Peter, that’s-- that’s wrong. I’m too old for you. And… I’m fat and--”
“You’re perfect,” he reached up to frame your chin with his hand, “you’re gorgeous,” his other hand trailed down your arm and to your hip, “that’s the first thing I noticed about you…” he pulled you closer and tapped your ass lightly.
“No, I can’t-- I just want to be alone,” you pushed on his arms and felt the thick biceps as he flexed and kept you close.
“Well, baby, what I want,” he turned you so that you were pinned between him and the island, “is for you to put on that perfume… I want you wearing nothing but that.”
“Peter,” you pushed on his chest that time and the hard muscle wall didn’t budge, “Peter, go--”
“Baby,” he bent and scooped you up suddenly. 
His hands spread over your ass as he lifted you and crushed his lips against yours. You murmured in surprise and he placed you on the granite countertop. He parted from your lips as you sat up and he shoved your legs apart, inserting himself between your knees. He played with the bottom of the dress you’d worn in hopes of rekindling your dying marriage.
“We can go slow,” he tickled along your thighs and pulled back suddenly, “just a little at a time.” 
He leaned in as he reached around you and grabbed the small white bag. He pulled out the perfume and snaked his hand around your neck. He pulled you to bend over him and he kissed your neck just before he sprayed a puff of perfume across your throat. He stood back and took a deep breath. He put the bottle on the counter and his hands went back to your skirt.
“Peter,” you caught his hands as they crept under the fabric, “please.”
You tried to slide forward and he stopped you as he grasped your hips and held you in place. He bit his lip as his eyes glimmered up at you. He drew a hand away and took the glass of wine and held it before your mouth.
“Drink, relax,” he cooed, “forget about him.”
You stared at him and he brought your hand up with his and wrapped it around the full body of the glass. He nudged it to your lips and watched you until you drank from the crystal rim. He smirked and lifted your skirt as he bent to bury his head beneath the folds.
You gulped and choked on the wine as your skirt fluttered down over his shoulders. You felt his finger on the lace trim of your panties and winced. He squeezed your thighs with his other hand and nuzzled the crotch of your underwear. You tried to close your legs but he kept them apart easily.
He curled his fingers under the elastic of your panties and tugged. He pulled until you lifted your ass just enough for him to get them free and he guided them down your legs before quickly parting them again.
You set down the glass and almost overturned it, the last mouthful splashing up the side. You pressed your hands to the granite and peered down at the shape of his head beneath your skirt. You gasped as his cool tongue grazed your warm folds and delved deeper.
“Peter…” you wisped and closed your eyes as you tried to hide from your own shame.
He purred as his tongue flicked over your clit and you twitched. He caressed the crease of your thigh with his fingers as he lapped at your, his other hand pressed against your stomach until you fell back across the counter. You arched your back instinctively and his hand cupped your tit through your dress.
He blindly pulled until your chest slipped out and pushed the cup of your bra as he teased your clit with his tongue. He felt along your cunt with his fingers and shoved his index inside of you. You moaned as he pushed another inside and curled them as he suckled on your bud.
Your core burned to life. Your entire being was set alight after months without affection. You quivered in delight and fear. Your nerves stormed both out of guilt and hunger. It felt so good but you knew it was wrong. The scent of the perfume filled your nose as your skin grew hot.
He moved his hand in time with his mouth as he doted on you. His touch intensified as your legs bent around the side of the island and your fingernails dragged along the granite, your voice rising without thought. He pinched your nipple and you cried out as you came in a wave of sheer pleasure and grabbed his wrist as you tried to steady yourself.
He eased off slowly as you trembled in the afterglow, his lingering touch tickled along your legs as he pushed your dress up. He pulled you to sit up and lifted the fabric over your head and ripped your sleeves free from your arms. He tossed as side the garment and swiftly covered your mouth with his so you tasted your own arousal on his tongue.
He unhooked your bra blindly and slid it off your arms. You were intensely aware of your nakedness and as you brought your arms up to cover yourself, he forced them down and ran his hands over your bare torso. 
“Beautiful,” he said as he laid a trail of gentle pecks along your throat and chest, pausing to take a nipple in his mouth as he rolled the other between his fingers and sent a shiver through you.
He kneaded your sides and hips, his fingers danced along your thighs and he followed the path with his mouth, kissing and nipping your flesh. He lifted his head again as he took your hands and twined his fingers through yours. He tugged you gently until you slid off the counter and landed on your feet shakily.
“Baby, you’re so amazing,” he placed your hands on his chest and pushed them down his muscled torso and brought them back up beneath his tee shirt, “go on.”
He let you go and you continued to roll up his tee. He dipped his head and raised his arms to help you and you clung to the tee as it fell limp in your grasp. Dazed, he snatched the shirt from your hands and flung it. He once more pressed your hands to his chest and guided you in feeling the lines of his toned flesh.
He pushed your hands against the top of his jeans and leaned into you. He kissed your temple and whispered along your hairline, “turn around, baby.” He squeezed your ass and purred, “mmmm, please, I wanna see that ass.”
You blinked, dazed, and spun slowly. You caught yourself on the edge of the counter as your legs trembled and you heard the subtle zip. He kicked his foot between yours and pushed your legs apart as he led you back so that you were slightly bent against the island. He ran his nails down your back and gripped your hip with one hand as his other drew away from your skin.
You flinched as you felt his smooth tip against your ass and he rubbed it between your cheeks. You inhaled and held in your breath as his hold on your tightened and he angled his dick under your ass and grazed your cunt. He poked your entrance and pressed his chest to your back as his hand covered yours on the granite.
He slid into you and your voice fizzled in the air as he forced the air from your lungs. You pushed your head back and it met his shoulder as his other hand crawled down your front. He spread your folds with his fingers and swirled another around your clit as he tilted his hips and thrust into you slowly.
“Ah, Peter,” you slapped the counter and he shushed you as his hand left yours cold and his fingers stretched over your throat.
His motion picked up as the noise of him crashing into you echoed around the kitchen. Your eyes rolled back as he rammed into you even harder. You were on tiptoes as he was driven by the weak moans that leaked from your lips and your wet pleasure squelched around him. He pressed two fingers to your bud and rubbed until you squeaked and your thighs quaked around him.
“That’s it, baby,” he growled, “I bet you never cum like that for him.”
You whined and he sped up again. He pinned you against the counter so that the lip pressed into your stomach. He took his hand from your cunt and pushed your head down as he kept his other hand around your neck. He didn’t waver once as he fucked you.
“Touch yourself, baby,” he commanded, “I want you to cum again for me. I know you want to too.”
His thick breath warmed the air and grazed your back as he held you down and his hold on your neck tightened until silver stars rose in your vision. Your feet dangled against the tile and you reached down to play with your clit as it buzzed. It was only seconds before you were murmuring in ecstasy once more.
“Fuck, baby, can you feel that? The way your clinging to me,” he puffed as he slammed into you over and over, “he can hardly fill you, can he? Hmmm? Little man.”
You wheezed as he choked you and his other hand kept your head pinned. You heard a distant creak but could barely do more than keep your fingers moving as your heartbeat deafened you. You came again and croaked as your cunt squeezed him hungrily.
“What the fuck?” the voice broke your lusty trance and suddenly you were pulled away from the counter.
Your head lulled as Peter held it up and turned you around, his pelvis slapping against your ass as you faced your husband. Your mouth hung open as your blurred vision barely registered the scene and the deep grunts only got louder behind you.
“Look who’s here,” Peter rasped as he snaked his arm around you.
“The fuck are you doing?” Wesley sneered as your eyes closed and your ass rang with each thrust.
“What you can’t,” Peter snickered, “doesn’t she look so happy?” He grasped your chin and pushed his fingers into your mouth as he held your head up, “well, you into watching or you gonna let us finish, old man?”
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Even though this was around the time of the Roman Empire to quote Tacitus “The more corrupt the state, the more laws.” That is true even today as I see the supreme court and all branches of the government are corrupt and that is how the dems run this country to the ground.
So here's the thing I've learned about corruption while working for the government: it rarely looks so blatant as an under the table pay off or quid pro quo agreement. It usually begins with good intentions (what's that they say about the road to hell?). There are a couple ways this usually goes:
Scenario #1: The Never Ending Problem
Someone gets hired to solve a problem for the public
They solve that problem
Oh shit, now there's no need for them to continue to be employed
Understandably, they would like to continue to be employed
Now they have to find justifications for why they should continue to be employed
"Oh wait, that was just Step 1," "this problem won't really be solved until we do this," & "but we can't do that until we do this"
Well wait, this is a really important issue and we need to make sure it's solved but if it's going to require all that, we probably should hire this person some more help
Now all those people would like to continue to be employed long term
Hey lookie here, we got a one-time grant from the feds or someone to hire an extra person to help with this! It's free money, so we might as well do it!
Oh wait now that person also wants to be a permanent employee
And we clearly can't cut any of these positions because this is a really important issue and we are taking it very seriously
Just to show how seriously we are taking it, we're going to hire two more people to work on it!
Result: we must hire more an endless stream of bureaucrats to continually address what was only a one-time problem to begin with and they spend all their time writing new and updated regulations that the rest of us have to spend time and money trying to follow
Things to look for: impossible standards, unspecified metrics, hiring government employee on a temporary-but-soon-becomes-permanent basis, and hiring more staff instead of putting the cost of their salaries into the things the last round of hires suggested we do to solve the problem
Scenario #2: In Which Transparency Backfires
In an effort to stop politicians from hiring their friends at an inflated cost, government implements public processes for determining what goods and services they will purchase and from whom
Obviously we want extensive documentation for why we selected any particular company to do business with, so companies will need to fill out long and detailed forms explaining their product and costs
Unfortunately that is very expensive for companies to do and they have no guarantee of winning the contract so they jack up their price to account for this
Also we can't make any snap decisions so the review process is going to take months
And not every company can afford to wait around that long on a maybe so most of the more cost effective ones drop out of the process
Oh and if there's a company we've worked with before, we obviously have a lot more documentation on them so in the interest of transparency, we're more likely to pick them again
And maybe we even write our contract requirements so that those guys get a bit of an edge because we want them to win because we've worked with them before and we like them and also look how transparent that makes us
Oh look the contract reached its expiration date and oh gee, we really need this service and don't really have time to go through that whole review process again....
Let's just extend the contract another year or two and worry about re-bidding it later
Result: the same one or two companies get every contract and they cost two or three times as much and do a worse job
Things to look for: prohibitively long and complicated and often oddly specific proposal requirements, history of business with government being a key factor in scoring, cost not actually being a significant factor, after the fact changes to cost or scope of contracts
In the end, government always gets bigger. It always gets more complicated. It always gets slower. It always gets more expensive. And it very rarely delivers more of what anyone really wants.
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Prompt: "It's not a double date. We're just third and fourth wheeling." - Bucky x Reader Ft. Steve x Prism - Words: 1,683
"Please?" Your friend Prism begged you. "It's out first date but Steve's really nervous and, to be honest, so am I, and he'd really like a chaperone and-"
"Ok, ok! I'll do it!" You laughed. She let out a huge sigh of relief and hugged you tightly.
"You're a lifesaver, Y/N!"
Later that evening, you and Prism were heading downstairs to meet up with Steve for their date. "So where's he taking you anyway?"
"Not sure," She grinned. "Oh! And I forgot to mention! He said he's going to bring one of his friends too so it's not too weird. You know, just you? 'Third-wheeling'?"
"A friend?" You groaned as you walked out of the elevator into the lobby of the building. "As long as he doesn't bring-"
"Bucky!" Prism exclaimed excitedly, running up to her other friend. 
"Oh no," You said. "Why'd it have to be him?" 
"Well well well," Bucky smirked. "You didn't tell me you'd be bringing the stupid with you.” You rolled your eyes at his comment but decided to let it go. For now.
“Alrighty, then,” Steve said. “Shall we?” He asked, offering his arm to Prism. She grinned and took his arm, happily walking out with him. However, when you reached the door, Bucky let the door close in your face. 
“Oh I see how it is!” You yell, running out the door as fast as you can. “You want trouble?” You quickly shift into a cheetah and bolt ahead. Turning back as soon as you get in front of him, you pounce on Bucky, knocking him back and growling loudly. 
“What the-” Steve yells as Bucky shrieks girlishly. “Y/N! Down! Now!” You hop off and prance over to the couple, purring happily.
“What was that?” Bucky demands, getting up and dusting himself off. 
“Hi there,” You say, shifting back to yourself. Bucky looks utterly confused and you revel in the feeling. Steve shakes his head and sighs. 
“Ok, ground rules.” You realize that you may have gone a tad too far and so you listen quietly. “You two had better get along at least for tonight. It’s our first date for pete’s sake! Don’t make me regret not accepting Tony’s offer to be chaperone!” The rest of the walk to the restaurant was silent, at least from you and Bucky. You did notice he was watching you warily from the corner of his eye though. Thankfully, it wasn’t a long walk and you got there soon. 
“Oh! Italian! I love italian!” Prism exclaimed. Steve grinned and chuckled lightly.
“I figured everyone loves it, so,” He shrugged. “Safe option.” Dinner too went smoothly and before you knew it, the waitress was coming with the check. 
“One or two?” She asked.
“It's not a double date. We're just third and fourth wheeling,” You spoke up immediately. 
“Oh, well, um,” She stuttered. “I’ll just have to go re-split it. I-uh, hang on.”
“You’re new?” Bucky asked. She nodded nervously. “Just leave it in two.” She smiled gratefully and handed the two men their checks. 
“You didn’t have to do that, Bucky,” You said. “I have my own money too you know.”
“Yes,” He replied as he finished paying. “And I also am about to send you a request for your part of the check.” He tapped a few more things on his phone and you promptly felt your phone buzz. “Not too bad for a centenarian, huh?” You groaned loudly but sent him his money. He looked back at his phone with a smirk. “Finally seeing things my way?” His smile faltered, though, when he saw you’d labeled the payment ‘Medicare Payment’. “Now look here you little-”
“Stop it you two!” Steve growled. “I asked you two to come with us because you’re our best friends. Could you at least pretend to get along for one night? Please?” You both mumbled a quick ‘sorry’, genuinely embarrassed. It was their date night after all. After dinner, Steve decided to take Prism to a nearby roller rink that was, apparently, having a sock-hop night. The two of them immediately hit the rink while you and Bucky lagged behind. 
“I’m not so good on wheels,” You chuckled. Bucky laughed lightly and shook his head. 'He doesn't look so bad when he's happy,' You thought involuntarily. Realizing what you said to yourself, you shook your head slightly to push away the unwieldy thought.
“Me neither to be honest,” He replied. "Steve's always been better so you can guess how lousy I am." You chuckled and gave him a small smile across the table, falling into a surprisingly comfortable silence as you watched your two friends glide across the hardwood floor. Well, Prism glided. Steve, not so much.
A few days later, however, you found the truce from that night had very obviously expired. "What do you think you're doing?" You yelled, storming into the kitchen. 
"Whatsoever do you mean?" Bucky asked innocently, sipping on a cup of coffee as he sat next to Steve and Sam. 
"That is my mug, you dunce!"
"Oh it is?" He replied. "I didn't notice." He took another long sip, holding the mug with both hands to cover the 'Property of Blackmist' stamp on the bottom. 
"Give it back!" You yelled. Trying to grab it from him. Steve went to help you but Bucky slipped out of your grasps. Unfortunately, so did the mug. It went flying across the room and shattered on the floor.
"Doll, I'm so sorry," Bucky quickly apologized. You didn't hear him though, as all you could see was the mug your childhood best friend had given you shattered to a million pieces. You felt yourself get very angry very quickly but it was almost like watching a movie. You weren't really thinking. "Uh, doll? What are you doing?" Bucky asked. Your perspective seemed a little off, like you'd somehow gotten taller, but it didn't really register.
"Yep, this one's on you, Buck," Steve said, patting his friend on the shoulder and booking it. Sam just cackled and followed Steve.
"Ok, since I have no idea what's going on or what you're able to do, how about we just calmly discuss thi-woah!" You came running at him and went to punch him with your left hand. He ducked out of the way and that's when you realized what had happened. You saw a metal fist slam into the wall and felt the pain shoot up your arm. "Y/N?" Bucky called out carefully from behind you. You closed your eyes, consciously forcing yourself to return to normal, and turned around slowly. 
"I'm sorry," You whispered. Walking over to the broken mug you tried to see if it was possible to put it back together. 
"That was pretty special wasn't it?" He asked, still keeping his distance from you. You nodded and explained that Y/BFF/N had given it to you when you were teens. After gaining your powers, you had to move and really didn't see her anymore.
"I don't know exactly what happened. I've never done that before, turning into someone else and not an animal or something like that," You said. "I just got really angry and I guess I lost control of my powers. I'm sorry."
"No, I'm sorry," He said. "I haven't been very kind to you. You're a really nice gal and you do great work. I guess I haven't really given you a fair chance. Can we try again?"
"Alright," You smiled. Walking to the door together, you both were surprised when they didn't open. "Um, FRIDAY?"
"Captain Rogers ordered me to keep the doors to this room locked until you both, quote, 'realized how stupidly in love with each other you are.' To which Mr. Wilson added: 'And get your heads out of your butts long enough for you to realize that.'"
"Well," Bucky said, running his fingers through his hair nervously. "I guess we can use this as an excuse to spend some time together if that's alright?" 
"More than alright," You smiled. "Since we have the kitchen and living room area, how about I whip us up a fantastic brunch and then we play a few rounds of your favorite board game?"
"Really?" He replied, eyes lighting up. "Everyone else usually prefers movies or TV shows." You shrugged, getting out some eggs and bacon.
"Well, it's not that I don't love a good flick, but I guess I'm just old-fashioned that way. I'd prefer to talk over Clue or joke during Scattergories than veg in front of a screen." Bucky ginned widely and went to find his favorite game while you finished cooking. 
A few hours later, Steve and Sam stood outside the locked doors, trying to hear anything from inside. "Captain," FRIDAY suddenly asked. "Would you like to hear the audio feed from inside the room?"
"Yes please," He replied quickly, throwing a worried glance at Sam. "I just hope this was a good idea." Sam shrugged and didn't seem too worried.
"Barnes! You better watch yourself! You're going down!" They heard you yell. 
"Oh yeah? You think I'm gonna let a dame like you kick my butt? Ha!" Now Sam was worried.
"You think we should go in? They don't sound any better."
"I'm not sure, Sam. Maybe they'll work it-"
"No!" You screamed. "No! Stop that!"
"FRIDAY! Open the doors!" Steve was horrified at seeing Bucky pinning you to the ground near the coffee table. However, he was oblivious to the game and food set up around you.
"Bucky!" You squealed. "Stop tickling!"
"No way, doll! You build a hotel on Boardwalk, you pay!" 
"Boardwalk?" Sam mumbled. "Hey!" He called out. "You guys good?" Bucky rolled over, leaning back on his elbows next to you.
"Good?" You laughed, sitting up slightly as well. "We're better than good!"
"We're going steady!" Bucky grinned, giving you a kiss on the cheek.
"Steady?" The two men exclaimed. You laughed at their stunned reaction and grabbed the spare Monopoly playing pieces, holding them out.
"Now who'd like to get beaten at Monopoly Extreme?" 
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The Freedom of Expression Ep 14 - The Party To Protect The People From The NHK (N Koku Party) commences "Same sex, same name stealth operation".
K: Hi this is Dir en grey's Kaoru, starting this episode of The Freedom of Expression. Joe san, Tasai san, welcome....Well, recently, who knows whats really happening?
J: Yeh, its troubling. I've been spending a lot longer looking at my phone and computer. I've been getting a lot of coupons. My favourite shops or brands are all going online...well, no ones going into the shops, so they can only sell online. So i've been getting coupons like, if you spend over a certain amount, you'll get 20,000yen off.
T: I see.
J: I think like, 'Waa, I wanna spend!'..but then I think, actually since April, I've had less work so I need to restrain myself. I experience this conflict every day for about 15mins. Like, whats wrong with me?
T: I see.
J: Thats thier strategy.
K: If you have free time...
J: Thats it.
K: You'll end up spending money.
J: Normally, they have expirations, and I just think 'Aghh', so its really...
K: You can't help buying stuff, right?
J: I do end up buying stuff!
K, T: *laugh*
J: I really do! I bet there are people out there addicted to coupons! Aren't you? Are you ok?
K: Well, im ok. I just shop by mail order.
J: Ahh
T: I see
J: People are shopping like that a lot right now.
T: Hiranabe san, who works at our place, he's got a lot of offers from night time establishments, and he's troubled as to what to do.
J: Oh, to get him to go there?
T: Yeah. He got an unprecedented amount of messages.
K: (quietly) Unprecedented?
T: Like, 'please come, please come, please come'.
K: He only gets them now? Cause he'll be quick to spend.
J: How is Hiranabe san doing?
T: Well, as expected, he seems scared. He's in his 50s, it looks like he finally understands that his life might be in danger if he caught the virus. He wears a mask, he wears pollen protection glasses. When he goes outside he's like..'the virus won't get in my eyes'.
J: Sounds like a terrorist! Thats just like him.
T: He flipped 180°. He used to be the guy who says, 'Im not wearing a mask'.
J: Oh, really?
T: He's that different now.
J: Well, Im a similar age to Hiranabe san...
T: I can't believe it!
K: I can't believe it.
J: So, what was it?..Its risky, if you are over 50 its more dangerous?
K: Ohh right, yeah.
J: If you catch it, there's a higher death rate at this age?
T: Also, men are more at risk, right?
K: Yeah.
T: They are saying the death rate is higher for men.
J: Well, we are among that group. Shall we get on with the main topic? I thought we'd go with a topic that is unrelated to corona this time.
' "N Koku Party's 'same name, same sex' stealth strategy for Shizuoka no.4 district Lower house by-election". With the death of Mochizuki Yoshio, the LDP's former environment minister, candidates standing for election are the LDP's Fukuzawa Youichi, an independent group of the unified opposition's Tanaka Ken, independent candidate Yamaguchi Kenzo, and the Party Against the NHK (N Koku Party)'s Tanaka Ken, whose name is the same as the unified opposition's candidate. N Koku's Tanaka Ken uses the same kanji, and has the same reading as the unified opposition's Tanaka Ken. The opposition parties, electoral commission, and local media are racking thier brains about it. If a vote is for 'Tanaka Ken', there will be no way to distinguish between the two. Its a proportional division system, so ambiguous votes will be split according to the overall percentage of votes. The electoral administrative committee have taken measures to change the rule that makes a ballot paper invalid if it includes anything other than a candidate's name, to allow a candidate's age to be written aswell. As a result of this, with the aim of reducing ambiguous votes, the unified opposition are promoting 'Tanaka Ken - Age 42' in thier election cars, posters, and online in order to attract votes. On the other hand, N Koku's Tanaka Ken surprisingly hasn't taken any action. He has refused pre-election interviews with the media, hasn't published an campaign bulletin, he doesn't appear in election posters, he has no plans to visit the area. There are expected to be people voting who are unaware that two Tanakas are standing for election. As for N Koku's aim, their leader, Tachibana, had this to say.."We want to test how the votes will be split when there are candidates with exactly the same name. We are not appealing for votes either online or on the ground. We are a weak political party, and want to know how we stand *1'.
There's also suggestion of running another female candidate named Koike Yuriko for Tokyo governer. I thought we could talk about this kind of same name/sex disturbance strategy which the N Koku party has set up.
T: Its amazing, isn't it?
K: So are they doing it to siphon votes?
J: It seems like it, yeah. Especially, that would be the aim if it was for Tokyo Governor.
T: They said they wanted to test how the votes would be split, so like you said Joe, for Tokyo Governor, if it was someone else called Koike Yuriko, they would want to get the data of how the votes are split.
J: Well, its not about freedom of expression, but there is nothing illegal about what they are doing in terms of the election, so its totally ok for them to do this. What do you think, Kaoru?
K: Well..*laughs*, even if you ask.....its interesting but...how will it end up? But, well, hmmm...its fine, isn't it?
J: As it happens, I've been on a radio event with Tachibana san once. And also...well, in this kind of election, a candidate who no one is expected to vote for is called a bubble candidate, the most famous example is Mac Akasaka. I've worked with Mac Akasaka before, so I've listened to what these kind of guys have to say. I mean, certainly, these guys are laughed at and made fun of a lot, but apart from the question of what Tachibana Takashi is doing, to be a candidate for Tokyo Governor, you have to pay a deposit of at least 3 million yen. And if you recieve under a tenth of the total valid votes, you have to forfeit your deposit. The Tokyo Governor elections get about 5 million votes, so if you get under 500,000 votes, you will lose your deposited 3 million yen. As for national elections, the deposit is 6 million yen. So you can call it a prank all you like, but they are spending a lot of money to do this. What a lot of bubble candidates will tell you is, its not free, so they are doing this with the intention to win, they do think thier ideas will improve the country, improve thier party. If there was no financial risk, it would end up at the level of annonymous postings on SNS. But after they've actually paid money, most of them will start electoneering. Making election posters costs money, and there's the cost of gas to run a car to go handing out flyers, and all sorts of things like that. It will end up costing another huge chunk of money in election costs. So in doing this, there is another side to these guys other than, 'they are just idiots'. Maybe they are trying to get people to change the way they see elections, instead of just routinely voting for the faces they know.
T: Well this case has great advertising effectiveness.
J: It does, yeah.
T: Tachibana san's name has really been sold with this.
J: It has.
T: Like, with his own business, and on you tube and stuff *2.
J: Well, as for my personal opinion, I remember Uchida Yuuya running for Tokyo Governor. You can still find his political broadcast on youtube, its great. If you compare Yuuya san to Tachibana san, honestly, Tachibana san seems to have more of a knack for it.
T: Its interesting seeing that kind of political broadcast on NHK. ????*3
J: Well, even in times such as these, we are still having elections. From now on, due to corona we'll probably see new ways to vote and new ways to do all sorts of other things.
K: Its created a need to re-think things, like with the custom of personal seals...in Japan there's a big custom of 'You have to do it this way', or 'You need it on paper'.
J: Yeah, as you mentioned Kaoru, the custom of using personal seals...in the end, even Japan's IT minister also stands as the head of the organization to retain personal seals. Somehow in Japanese society, one of the things companies insist on is the personal seal. There are those who ask why they can't just settle things digitally, but if the minister responsibile for advancing IT is also the head of a group advocating to retain the personal seal, there is a clash going on now. This is the kind of time to think about changing the political system.
T: Things would change a lot if we switched to online voting.
J: They would change, yeah. If young people started voting a lot online...
K: Yeah, right now, in the situation we have now, I think people are starting to think about future.
J: Yes, in that respect, although its very difficult with corona around, I feel like we are starting to wake up to the things we have just put up with till now. I mean, what comes next? In particular, with coronavirus, a lot of countries' governments have taken on huge powers, and in some countries its almost like a corona dictatorship. So, its very difficult, but we really need to slightly re-think the way we carry out elections and the way the state operates from now.
T: We, ourselves are a part of it, right?
J: Yes, yes...Yep, so, same sex, same name...it even hard to search for him. I wonder what this candiate actually intends. ?????*4
K: He's not showing his face much.
J: What will he do if he wins? ...Eh? Hello??
K: Is he sleeping?
Kami: Yes, yes.
J: Were you asleep, Kami?
Kami: No, I was waiting till you called on me.
J: Oh, you were waiting? Oh, sorry.
Kami: I've had a thought.
J: Oh, have you?
Kami: I have...Um, Joe should run for the N Koku Party.
J: *laughs*
K, T: Ohhh
J: Me?!
T: Thats a good idea.
J: Would it be ok, though?
T: In the Tokyo Governor election.
J: In the Tokyo Governor election? Which election?
Kami: It would be ok, yeah.
J: Would it?
Kami: Yeah, anything is ok.
J: *laughs* You couldn't participate in the election could you, Kami? You don't have voting rights?
Kami: No, I don't, but instead, I can make myself into substance.
J: What?
Kami: By pretending to be a citizen.
T: Prentending to be a citizen?
J: Oh, is that it?
K: So that means you could pile up votes for someone?
J: Right?
Kami:...No, I can only do it once.
J: Oh, so you can only take on substance once?
Kami: Yeah, yeah...a bit like Devilman.
T: Ah, like Devilman.
J: But if you could do that, surely you'd be able to do it will two or three people? I feel as if you've just made that up.
*K laughs*
J: Did you just make that up, Kami?
Kami:...Yes, I did.
K: *laughs*
J: He did.
K: I feel like his heart hasn't been in it for a while now.
T: *laughs*
J: Kami, has your mind been elsewhere?
Kami: Ye...uh, no no no.
K: He said yes!
J: *laughs*
Kami: Crush the NHK.
J: Yes, crush it.
K: Well, on that note, I think we can finish here. Thank you, please tune in next time. Please subscribe, thank you very much.
J: Please do.
Kami: Vote for Joe!
*1 I think the confusion arises here, because rather than ticking a box, Japanese voters have to actually write down the name of the person they are voting for.
*2 Think thats what he meant.
*3,4 Couldn't catch these bits.
17 notes · View notes
eastasianfeelings · 4 years
Text
falling into the sky — chapter two: baby
← chapter one: crush  //  chapter three: hug →
Summary: Your dance crew is backing up 5Vixx’s comeback. You happen to have a big crush on Ken. It’s kind of not an ideal situation for you, but your dance crew and the rest of Vixx make up for it.
Words: 3.7k
Warnings: slight angst
*
You walk into the practise room on Monday to find Vixx huddled in a circle right inside the door, laughing over something on Hyuk’s phone.
He calls out to you right away, taking you by surprise. “Noona, hey!”
You pause and look over. “Oh, hello.”
Hyuk holds out his phone toward you. “You took this photo?”
A little warily, you walk just close enough to see what’s on the screen. “Oh. Yes.” It’s the photo of Leo with the restaurant server. “From the dinner on Friday, right?”
For some reason that makes Hyuk burst into a string of giggles, while beside him Ravi and Hongbin snicker amongst themselves. Opposite you, Ken’s grinning widely. Leo’s the only one not amused.
“Don’t show it,” he complains to Hyuk, making a weak lunge for the phone.
“If she’s the one who took the photo, then she’s already seen it,” Ravi points out with a snort.
“Yeah, no point in hiding exactly how drunk you look,” Hyuk says cheerfully.
“Um,” you say. “Is there something wrong?” You’re sure you’ve seen them take photos with members of the general public at all times of day. Surely you’re not in trouble just because you helped take one.
“No,” Hongbin tells you, humour warming his tone. “Leo-hyung just thinks he looks dumb in the photo.”
“He does look dumb,” Hyuk says cheekily, then ducks away from Leo’s incoming throat chop.
“Think of our Starlight babies, Leo-hyung!” Ken chirps. “Aren’t they worth throwing away the last remains of your dignity?”
“I didn’t know he had any dignity left,” Ravi says.
“His dignity is in the negatives now,” Hyuk says.
“Ahh, that makes sense.”
“No, it doesn’t,” says Hongbin, straight-faced.
“Put it away,” Leo’s whining.
“It’s already on Twitter, hyung, everyone’s gonna see it eventually.”
Leo rounds on you with a sharp inhale. “You posted it on Twitter?”
Eh?! “No, I didn’t!” you defend yourself.
“No, no, the fan posted it,” Hyuk corrects.
“I took that photo with her phone,” you add. “For her.”
Leo cedes quickly. “Hm. Right.” He pauses. Then, in a very different tone, he says, “That was nice of you.”
“Oh. Well…” The sudden softness to his voice takes you aback.
“Wait!” Ken suddenly interjects. “That’s when you were inside covering our tip, right?”
“Huh?” Ravi, Hongbin and Hyuk all swivel to look at you.
There’s a sharp inhale from Leo as his eyes widen.
Yikes. You back up from all of their gazes, wondering exactly how Ken remembers all this. And what else does he remember?
“That’s right,” Leo says slowly, the memory apparently dawning on him. “That’s how we ended up taking that photo… because you were inside paying the tip…”
Okay, gotta cut all this reminiscing off. You default back to your most reliable weapon: politeness. “It was a fun dinner, thank you.” You smile vaguely. “Let’s work hard today, too.”
And with a cheesy fistpump, you turn and hurry into the crowd of crew members already setting up along the far side of the room.
Daesuk’s swinging his legs from his perch on the sound system amp that Changyeon’s setting up. “Y/N-ah,” he says, “since when are you so friendly with Vixx?”
“Never mind that, eonni—” Ahwon pushes him over so she can plop down beside him. “—since when do you fistpump and say ‘fighting’???”
“I didn’t say ‘fighting’!” you protest.
“But you fistpumped!”
“...Yeah, okay, I fistpumped.”
Daesuk laughs at your guilty face. “Did they make you?”
“Who?”
“Vixx! You were talking with them for like five minutes.”
“No, Daesuk-ah, they did not make me fistpump.”
“How weird would that be.” Ahwon shudders.
“Hey, kids, move along.” Changyeon comes over to get the amp into place.
“Oh, sorry.” Ahwon and Daesuk hop off.
“Need help, hyung?”
“I’m good. You guys should go warm up before Jaeeun gets here.”
Ahwon’s eyes grow wide. “You’re right.”
Damn. “See, this is another reason why I don’t go to our socials,” you complain jokingly. “Jaeeun-ssaem’s always determined to exercise all the alcohol out of everyone afterward.”
“But that’s how we stay young!” Ahwon leads the way toward the open side of the room. “Work out your liver and your metabolism one day, work out your lungs and your muscles the next.”
“That formula’s got to expire by your thirty-third birthday, latest.”
“So you have three more years, then, Y/N-ah,” Daesuk says. “Yay!”
“Besides, look at Changyeon-oppa, he’s doing great.”
You laugh and settle into a stretch. “True. I guess I’ll aspire to be Changyeon one day.”
“That’s the first time anyone’s ever said that to me,” Changyeon comments as he joins you.
“What about all those times I called you my role model, hyung?” Daesuk demands.
“Yeah, hyung, me too!” Ken’s chipper voice joins your conversation.
You pull out of your stretch and turn cautiously to face him. He’s bouncing on his heels next to your little group with a smile for everyone. Ahwon and Daesuk nod a polite hello, while Changyeon slips into easy banter with Ken.
“Jaehwan-ah, you’ve literally never called me your role model once in the ten years we’ve known each other.”
“Aw, come on, hyung, you know you’re my one and only idol…”
By force of habit, you distance yourself from Ken by drifting over to another corner of the room. Ravi and Hongbin are there; Hongbin’s busy checking his make-up in a compact, but Ravi looks up at your approach.
“Oh—” He stands and greets you. “Hello.”
“Hello.” You nod back, surprised when he starts walking over to you.
Once he’s right in front of you, he clears his throat and reaches into his pocket. Next thing you know, he’s bent in a ninety-degree bow, holding out a stack of bills to you.
“I’m sorry for my poor behaviour last Friday,” he says to the ground, “and for all the trouble I caused you. Please allow me to repay you in return.”
Your eyes bug out. “Uhhhh, it was no bother, you don’t need to pay me.”
He lifts his head and shuffles closer to thrust the bills into your face. “It’s not paying, really—Leo-hyung said you covered our tip, right? So I’m repaying you. As an apology.”
“Ravi-ssi, that’s really not necessary,” you say with a nervous laugh. “Everyone was tipsy, it was fine.”
“Being drunk isn’t an excuse,” he says immediately, which makes your evaluation of him rise several notches. “I shouldn’t have bothered you with that kind of inappropriate behaviour.”
“It didn’t bother me, okay?” You try to think of something reassuring to say. “It wasn’t inappropriate, it was… cute.” Sure, let’s go with that.
His eyes go round. “C-cute?”
“Yes, cute. And funny,” you say firmly, hoping that’ll embarrass him enough to drop it. “So there’s nothing to apologize for.” You nod and prepare to make your exit. “Then…”
“Wait!” He’s wearing a sheepish expression when you turn back around. “Um. Sorry, noonim… I still don’t know your name.”
Oh. “My name is Y/N.” You turn and motion to the other side of the room. “I’m part of Changyeon-sunbae’s dance crew, with Jeong Ahwon, Byeon Hyeomi, Ahn Soonil and Gu Daesuk.” Which reminds you: where are Hyeomi and Soonil?
“Oh, of course I knew you’re part of our dance crew,” Ravi says hastily. “I mean, we’ve been practising together for weeks now.”
You nod vaguely as you sneak a look around. They take the same bus route, so maybe traffic’s bad. At least Jaeeun-saem isn’t here yet either, so the two of them are still in the clear.
As you turn back, you see Leo walking in your direction with a frown. You quickly pivot to face away, but you’re pretty sure he’s coming straight toward you and Ravi.
“Yah.” Leo marches straight past you to plant himself between you and Ravi. “I said I would pay her back.”
“Huh?” Ravi straightens. “What are you talking about?”
Leo pivots to face you, blocking Ravi. “Don’t mind him. I’ll have the amount transferred to your bank account by the end of the day.”
“What?” You’re bewildered by this abrupt declaration. “That’s not necessary—”
“Why?” Ravi demands, elbowing Leo out of the way. “I have the money right here!”
“You don’t even know how much the service charge was.”
“This is a hundred thousand in total, that should be more than enough.”
What?! Who carries around one hundred thousand won in cash?! Slowly you start backing up, step by step, distancing yourself on instinct from all that money.
“Hey, whoa there—”
That’s all the warning you get before you run right into someone. Apologizing on instinct, you turn and find Ken’s smiling, inquisitive face looking down at you. Your stomach flutters.
“Sorry,” you repeat quickly, then move to side-step him and flee this idol-infested corner of the room.
But unfortunately your tiny collision with Ken has drawn Leo’s and Ravi’s attention again. “Y/N-ah!”
What the hell? You whirl to stare at Leo. What’s he hollering your name so loudly for? And what’s with the informal address?
“What’s up, hyung?” Ken tosses an arm around your shoulders, easy as you please, keeping you in place as Leo and Ravi approach. “Ooh, Wonshik-ah, what’s that?”
“Nothing.” Ravi tucks the wad of cash behind his back protectively.
Leo presses forward. “Y/N-ah, I’ll transfer the money to you tonight, please keep an eye out for it.”
“Leo-ssi, that’s not necessary.” Your tone isn’t as firm as you’d like; most of your attention is focused on not squirming uncomfortably underneath the weight of Ken’s arm.
“Oh, for the tip?” Thankfully, he removes his arm to take out his phone. “Here, Y/N-ah, I can do it now. What’s your email?”
“Jaehwan-ah,” Leo says on a displeased hiss, “I’ll do it.”
Ken looks up, eyes wide and innocuous. “Hm? I might as well do it now, though, I have my bank account set up on my phone.”
That prompts Ravi to bring his bills out into the open again. “Wait, I have the money right here! Noonim, please, take it—”
Leo grabs Ravi’s arm and forces it down. “Yah, I said I’d give her the money.”
“What’s the big deal?” Ken’s chuckling beside you.
You look around frantically, searching for anything or anyone who might be able to save you from this surreal situation. Hongbin’s gaze abruptly catches yours; he’s still seated on the bench by the wall, watching you all with an expression of amusement. You widen your eyes, desperate enough to see if you can tell him through facial grimaces to come over and control his hyungs.
Miracle of miracle, it works somehow: he stands leisurely and walks over in time to dodge Ravi as he staggers backward to avoid a swipe from Leo. “Shadow-boxing so early, hyung?”
Leo rounds on him, sufficiently insulted and distracted, while Ravi picks his ass up off the floor with a pout. Ken’s thoroughly entertained as their audience, so you take the chance to make a hasty exit.
But as you turn, you nearly run right into Hyuk. He’s not paying attention to you, looking toward his hyungs curiously, mouth half-open to call to them.
No. That’s going to ruin your escape. Urgently, you grab onto his arm to get his attention. “Uh, Hyuk-ssi.”
He halts, blinking at you in complete surprise like he hadn’t even seen you there. (Maybe he hadn’t, given how much stupidly taller he was.) “Oh, hi, noona.”
“Do you, um…” Yikes, how thick is his forearm?? You let go as you try and come up with something. “Do you know where Hyeomi and Soonil are?”
… Okay, not the greatest. Why would he care about the whereabouts of two back-up dancers? But whatever, at least now he’s not about to draw attention over to where you are.
His brows come together in confusion. “Hm? They’re not here?” He turns to scan the practice room.
And it’s like he’s summoned them or something—or at least, summoned Hyeomi. She comes through the door at that very moment, followed by Jaeeun-saem.
“Oh, there’s Hyeomi-noona…”
You’re no longer paying attention to Hyuk. Hyeomi’s walking in with a shellshocked expression on her face, still holding all her stuff like she came straight to the practice room after getting here, and you’re hurrying toward her before you know it.
“Hyeomi-yah,” you call, and she jerks up her head like she’s been startled out of a daze. Her eyes seem to latch onto your face. “Hyeomi-yah, hey.”
When you reach her, she’s instinctively trying to pull up a smile. “Eonni, hi.”
You put a hand to her shoulder. “Hey, is everything okay? What is it?”
Her smile collapses. “Soonil’s partner is in the hospital.”
“What?” You pull her further into the room, sit her down on an empty chair and crouch beside her. “Since when? For what?”
With clammy hands, Hyeomi slowly puts her things down. “I don’t know, I was just waiting at the bus stop, waiting for him to text me back and let me know if he was taking the bus today, and then he said…”
She fishes her phone out of her bag, swipes to her messages and reads: “‘I’m in the hospital with Dagun. I won’t make it today, I’m sorry.’”
You exhale sharply, stand and look for Changyeon. “When did he send the text?”
“About half an hour ago.”
Changyeon’s greeting Jaeeun-saem by the sound equipment. You start toward him, Hyeomi on your heels.
“Hyeomi,” he greets her, “bad traffic?”
“Sunbae, have you gotten any messages from Soonil?” You cut to the chase.
“Hm? I don’t think so.” He pats his pockets, then realizes, “Oh, my phone’s in the break room. Why?”
Hyeomi holds her phone out to him.
He reads it, and a frown carves itself into his face. “Hang on. I’ll get my phone.” Changyeon heads straight out of the room.
Jaeeun is looking at Hyeomi, concern in her face. “Hyeomi.”
But Hyeomi seems to anticipate what she’s going to say, and quickly ducks a bow. “Thank you very much for the ride. I appreciate it.”
“Of course,” Jaeeun replies, though her frown remains.
Hyeomi turns and heads back toward her things, and you follow her. “Jaeeun-saem drove you in?”
“Yeah. She saw me at the stop and picked me up there.” Hyeomi sinks back down on the chair, and you crouch again and put your hand on her arm.
At that point, Ahwon and Daesuk spot the two of you and ditch warming up to come over.
“Hyeomi-yah! You’re late for once,” Ahwon jokes.
Upon seeing Hyeomi’s expression, Daesuk elbows Ahwon. “Is something wrong?” he asks, gaze flicking to you.
“Soonil’s partner is in the hospital,” you say quietly.
Daesuk’s eyes widen. “You mean Dagun?”
“What? Since when?” Ahwon demands.
“I don’t know, but—remember Soonil left early on Friday?” Hyeomi says.
“Friday…?” Daesuk blanches. “Oh no.”
“That’s why he didn’t text all weekend,” Ahwon says.
“Oh no, and I kept telling him to stay for one more shot.” Daesuk sinks to his haunches next to you. “Oh God.”
Before you can try and reassure him, Changyeon appears in the doorway again. He catches your eye and beckons.
As one, the four of you hurry across the practice room and to Changyeon. He withdraws into the hall, looking grave, and you all crowd after him.
“Hyung, what’s going on?”
“Did Soonil text you anything?”
He nods. “Come to the break room, we’ll talk there.”
In tense silence, you follow Changyeon into the empty break room. His phone is sitting in the middle of the big table; he scoops it up and motions for you to crowd around.
“I’m going to call him,” he informs you, and puts through a video-call before any of you can say anything.
Soonil picks up after a while. “Hyung?”
“Soonil, the team’s here.” Changyeon leans back a bit so the rest of you can crowd into frame.
“Soonil-ah, is everything okay?”
“How’s Dagun?”
As he’s bombarded by concern, you realize: he looks tired, but… relaxed. He’s framed by beige hospital walls and poor fluorescent lighting, and it’s not the most flattering angle, but he looks happy.
“I’m okay,” he says once he can get a word in. “I actually… I have some news to announce.”
You can almost feel Daesuk, Ahwon and Hyeomi hold their breaths, bracing for the worst.
“Dagun-ah and I—we’ve…” He hesitates once more, then says it: “Dagun’s given birth. To our baby.”
Shocked silence.
“Oh my God,” you say. “Soonil. Congratulations! Oh my God!”
That sets off Ahwon: “Soonil-ah! Are you serious?! You were expecting? Jeez, I’m so happy for you!” She jumps on the spot, clinging onto your shoulder so hard it hurts.
Daesuk’s staring, mouth hanging open. “Dagun… was pregnant?”
You elbow him. “Yes, Dagun was pregnant,” you say sternly. “And now Soonil’s a father.”
That seems to get through to him. “Wow, congrats!” he splutters. “Wow, I never imagined … but wow. That’s great, congrats!”
“Yah, Soonil!” Hyeomi sounds like she might tear up. “Why didn’t you tell us anything? We were so worried something terrible had happened!”
“You didn’t message the whole weekend!” you add.
“Is Dagun okay?” Ahwon asks. “He got through all right?”
Soonil nods a little. “It was—at the start, there was some… but he’s fine now,” he says, smile breaking through again. “He’s with Munsik right now.”
“Munsik?” you repeat.
“Munsik??” Ahwon and Hyeomi say at the same time.
“It’s a boy?!” Daesuk says joyfully.
Changyeon just adds a little chuckle, one that Soonil returns.
“Yes. He’s a boy.”
“Oh my God.” You’re starting to tear up, too. “Soonil-ah, I’m so, so happy for you.”
His smile is blinding. “Thank you, everyone. It means a lot.”
“Please tell us next time something happens like this,” Hyeomi says, “we have to emotionally prepare ourselves!”
“Seriously,” Daesuk adds. “One of us is a parent now!”
“Thank you for sharing with us,” Ahwon says, a little choked up. “I’m so glad for you, Soonil-ah.”
Changyeon clears his throat. “You should get back to Dagun, Soonil-ah. I’ll text you about parental leave details later, okay?”
“Right.” Soonil nods, then hesitates. “…Shall I send photos of him? Munsik?”
You, Daesuk, Ahwon and Hyeomi all shout “YES!” at once. The volume causes Changyeon to leap backward half a foot from surprise, dropping his phone on the table, and everyone scrambles to pick it up again.
Soonil’s laughing, and it almost makes your heart ache to see him this happy. “Okay. I’ll send photos.”
With that reassurement, you say goodbye in a flurry of cheer and contentment, and Changyeon ends the call.
For a moment you just stare at each other, eyes shining.
“Oh my God.” You let out a long breath and drop into a chair. “Oh my God, I can’t believe it.”
“Thank God,” Hyeomi says fervently. “I’m so glad it was good news.”
Daesuk just shakes his head. “Soonil. A dad.”
Ahwon sniffs. “I think I’m going to cry.”
“Don’t!” Daesuk says immediately. “You’ll make me cry!”
“But I’m so happy.”
You laugh, overcome with the urge to hug them all one by one.
“If only he’d told us earlier,” Hyeomi says.
“I’m sure he had reasons why he didn’t,” Changyeon says calmly. “And I think we should keep this among ourselves for now, until he decides to let others know.”
“Of course,” Hyeomi hastens to agree. Then she smiles wider. “But we’re getting baby photos!”
“It’s weird,” you say, “I don’t like baby photos. But I really want to see Soonil’s.”
“No, you don’t like random strangers’ baby photos,” Ahwon corrects you. “But this is Soonil.”
“It’s Soonil,” Daesuk agrees.
You close your eyes and let your fondness for your team expand inside you until you think you might explode from it, might float away and live forever like this, eyes closed and smiling and so happy.
“Everyone,” Changyeon says, “we do still have practice.”
That brings you all back down to earth.
“Ah, you’re right.” You stand from the chair, then can’t help bouncing on the balls of your feet. “I feel like I could dance forever, right now.”
“Same,” Hyeomi agrees.
“We’re gonna kill Jaeeun-ssaem’s post-drinking routine,” Ahwon says with determination. “Come on, let’s go!”
Outside the practice room, you all school your expressions and do your best to walk back in with straight faces and neutral answers to the other crews’ curious questions. It’s easy enough to say “Soonil just has a family thing, nothing serious.” But damn is it hard to hide the buoyancy within you, the sheer joy that your entire crew is feeling right now.
Jaeeun-saem’s exercise routine only serves to fuel the feelings higher as the endorphins start to overload your brain. When she finally ends the routine, you’re sweaty but still pratically vibrating with energy.
Impulsively, you turn to Hyeomi beside you and draw her into a hug. “Good work, Hyeomi-yah.”
She laughs and squeezes you tight. “You too, eonni!”
You’re both laughing as you part, and you think maybe a few other crew members are wondering why you seem so hysterical, but you don’t even care.
As Daesuk passes by, you give him a hug too. “Daesuk-ah, good job today,” you say, hiding your massive smile against his shirt.
“I know,” he replies happily as he returns your hug without hesitation.
“Are you actually going to say ‘fighting’ this time, eonni?” You turn to see Ahwon grinning at you, a mirror to your expression.
“Maybe I will,” you taunt, and grab her in a hug. “Ahwon-ah, you did good today!”
“Fighting, eonni!” she teases back, and both of you laugh before you let go.
When you turn the other way, a little tipsy from sheer joy, there’s someone else beside you. “Are we giving free hugs today?”
It’s a warm voice. It’s Ken’s voice. You look up, and it’s like the sight of his beautiful smiling face is an adrenaline shot straight through your blood, through your mind, through your heart.
“Good work, Jaehwan-ah!” you say without thinking.
And then you hug him.
*
← chapter one: crush  //  chapter three: hug →
8 notes · View notes
ahnsael · 4 years
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My car is finally fixed!
Went to a local Auto Zone that advertises free tests of batteries, alternators, etc to diagnose problems like mine. It was a REAL quick test. “Yup, that battery is DEAD.”
He explained that new cars usually come with cheap batteries, and you’re lucky to get three years out of them (I got about 3½ out of mine).
I told him we did the same thing at Disneyland -- when you buy a light-up toy, odds are it comes with “Rocket” brand batteries, which we got (at the time) for about 1¢ each. And they would last maybe an hour or two (if you were lucky) before you’d notice your toy getting dimmer (granted, we brought LOTS of spare batteries out with us to sell these toys, so any guest that came up to say their toy didn’t last long, I’d explain that the batteries are indeed cheap and don’t last long but when they put better batteries in, the toy will last. And then I’d give them enough batteries to change them out four more times so the toy would last them through the next couple nights of use.
I spent an extra $30 (in theory -- read on) to get a better AGM battery (at least it’s better for my situation -- they tend to recharge faster and withstand extreme hot and cold temperatures, unlike normal car batteries -- and since most of my trips are four miles to or from work, that wasn’t long enough to recharge what battery power I spent on starting the car by the time I reached my destination. And since I work graveyard, my car is outside in sub-freezing temperatures all night this time of year).
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The guy said he wasn’t trying to upsell me (he was TOTALLY trying to upsell me), but when I went with the more expensive option (and after we talked Disney for a few minutes -- I’m telling you, once in a while being a former cast member still pays dividends) he asked if I was a veteran and I said “No, but he is” and pointed at my stepdad who was in the Army, and the guy took $20 off the price on the spot, and then he said that he’d take another $10 off if we left the old battery with them (which, THANK YOU, because I don’t want an old car battery to try and figure out how to get rid of).
So in agreeing to spend $30 extra without hemming and hawing over it (I had actually looked at batteries over the past couple days and knew that everything he was telling me matched up with what I had read about AGM batteries vs the standard wet cell battery), I got this battery for the same price as the other one that he had which would fit my car.
No more having to jump-start my car every time I go to work, recharge my jump starter while working, and jump start the car again to get home! No more worrying that I can’t stop at the store on the way home because the store isn’t going to charge my jump starter for me and I may not be able to start my car again to get home. No more leaving the car running when I run into a convenience store and hope I see it if someone tries to get in and drive away.
And now I ramble (yeah, yeah, I hear you shouting “too late, you’re already rambling!” at your computer screen), so here’s a “read more.” Some of you who have followed me for less than two years may learn something about me at the end of this post that may change your perception of me, but since tumblr is the only place I’ve talked (albeit sparsely) about this particular thing. Those of you who know me well already know this unless you missed those posts.
I’ll still keep the jumper in the car “just in case” -- I just have to charge it every 30 days to keep it up to snuff. Plus, it may come in handy if a guest at the casino needs a jump. Though I should check with my boss on that; it may bring up liability issues that we would rather not deal with. I have a feeling that would be a no-go. We’re not even allowed to administer first aid, or even have a first aid kit, because of the liability if we “treat” someone and it goes south somehow. We just call for the ambulance (which I’ve only had to do twice -- once for a lady who fell out of her chair [never did find out why but she was alert and coherent and walked to the ambulance but DID want their help] and once for a guest who had a stroke while at a machine -- and didn’t want the paramedics, he wanted to keep playing video keno with his left hand since he couldn’t lift his right one (we did get him on a gurney, but he literally did not stop playing until paramedics put him on the gurney, and then I cashed him out and gave his money to one of the medics to give to him -- if a friend of his hadn’t told me that he wasn’t okay I wouldn’t have known because other than playing with his left hand when the “play” button is on the right side, he looked okay, but after she told me he needed help and I wasn’t sure if he did I sat down and talked to him and it became very clear that she was right but without asking him about it I would have never realized what was going on, but because she told me that she thought he was having a stroke, and the 9-1-1 operator walking me through some tests which confirmed it, it was caught in time that there was no lasting damage).
But I digress with work stories.
Now to the thing newer people may not know about. As some of you know, I did something REALLY not-smart a couple years ago (I got behind the wheel of a car when I had no business being behind the wheel of a car), and I’ve been dealing with the consequences since then. Nothing too terrible, all things considered (thankfully I didn’t hurt anyone or cause any damage), and finishing the worst part by serving the rest of my 48-hour jail sentence was over in August of 2018. In February of 2019, I was freed of my obligation to attend counseling after the counselor signed off on me not being a continued danger and not likely to re-offend (which I WILL NOT do -- the consequences get worse with successive infractions, and just ONCE was enough to teach me that, even if I hadn’t felt awful for putting my community at risk, the punishment is NOT worth deciding to go to Burger King when I should NOT be driving to Burger King -- fun fact: the Auto Zone I was at today is next door to that very Burger King which I was leaving when I was pulled over).
In August of last year, I was done with “alternative sentencing.” What that was, was I had to call the probation arm of the Sheriff’s Department EVERY SINGLE MORNING to see whether or not they wanted to test me for alcohol in my system (the judge had ordered me to drink ZERO alcohol for a year -- not even NyQuil if I was sick). If they were to find alcohol in my pee test, I had a warrant issued for my arrest. Granted, in May of last year, the head probation officer told me that I didn’t have to call anymore -- but I was subject to search or testing at any time (and they did show up at my house a few times to make sure I was still complying -- they still had to monitor me, but I didn’t have to call anymore because I had earned a degree of trust with them; also they were genuinely nice people and I got along well with them, so our positive relationship may have entered into it as well; when I was officially released from their rolls of “people to watch over,” I went in the day after the judge’s order had expired to verify that I was done with them, and the head guy shook my hand, said “you’re off our rolls,” and admonished me: “Don’t come back”).
But then there was the year of having an interlock device in my car. I didn’t reinstate my suspended license until January of 1999, and that’s when the year (ordered in my August 1998 sentencing) kicked in. It’s not “wait a year and then reinstate your license without having to do this;” it’s “once you reinstate your license, you must have this device in your vehicle for a year from THEN”).
It’s actually been 13 months now. But I wasn’t sure about the process of getting it removed. I asked about it the month before my year was up at the place where I have to get it calibrated once a month, and they said to call the interlock company (this is a car audio place that also handles interlocks, but not the interlock company themselves), and they would tell me how to “petition the court” to get it removed.
I did more research and the interlock company says they need the “monitoring authority’s permission” to allow the interlock to be removed. But they don’t say who the “monitoring authority is” (which is understandable as they are a nationwide company and state laws differ but even when I found a page that broke down the removal process state-by-state, it didn’t say who my monitoring authority was or what kind of “permission” I needed to obtain or how to get it).
But yesterday morning, I emailed the interlock company and the DMV to ask them about the removal. Surprisingly, the DMV got back to me first (still haven’t heard back from SmartStart -- edit, yes I have, see below).
But it was a reply to my email address from a person in the “Drivers License Assessment Team” saying that they had looked at my record and that I was good to come in and get the interlock restriction removed, and that that should be enough for the interlock people.
And, as I was writing this, I got an email from SmartStart saying “Please be informed that removal authorization is not needed if you have had device installed (1) one year from date of when your restricted license was reinstatement.” Grammar aside (”when your license was reinstatement?”), this actually contradicts what the web site says. But I think I’m going to the DMV tomorrow morning to get my restriction removed, and then I’ll call the car accessories store that I’ve been using and make an appointment for its removal (I may have to call SmartStart and have THEM schedule the appointment -- I replied to SmartStart’s email asking with whom I make the appointment, so we’ll see if they replay today).
But the one other major stress in my life is going away. Not that I’m afraid “I may be too drunk to drive” because THAT IS NOT HAPPENING AGAIN but that it has occasional errors, gives me an “ABORT TAMPER” message (which means it thinks I tampered with it somehow) when temps get below 20º, sometimes reboots itself mid-drive (it will test me after about 10 minutes of driving after I start, then about every 45 minutes thereafter to make sure I’m not drinking WHILE I’m driving). When I leave work on a cold morning, I could be sitting in my car for 4-5 minutes before the thing is ready for me to breathe into it -- as I sit there shivering, because without the engine on, the fan isn’t blowing in heated air, it’s just blowing in outside sub-freezing air (and frosting my interior windows as much as it had been outside before I scraped the ice off while waiting for the interlock to warm up).
So that other major stress will be gone soon, too. And then that whole nasty experience is behind me after two years, as long as I’m never stupid enough to do it again. And I do NOT plan on that. My thing is that...I have a co-worker who I used to offer rides to once in a while (I’m off 30 minutes before him, but sometimes I stay and gamble for a bit). He walks a couple miles to/from work. But he doesn’t know about my DUI, and I don’t want him to know about it. I did give him a ride ONCE since then when weather was particularly nasty, but I wend out and started my car while he played a daily tournament, and by the time he got to my car I had gotten it started after passing the breathalyzer. Then I just hoped that it wouldn’t test me before we got to where he lives (I hid the interlock under my seat while he was in there). Fortunately, it didn’t request a re-test until a few minutes after I had dropped him off.
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Fiction: Tempo Rubato
An essay by an unnamed musician, as provided by Jonathan Danz Art by Errow Collens
Tonight, backstage is too hot, too dark, too much like some high-ceilinged mausoleum straight out of one of those old Friday night TV horror shows. The strap of my dinged-up Telecaster bites into my shoulder. Tonight, like most nights in recent memory, this guitar is like my very own stone of Sisyphus. Truth be told, I don’t know if I can roll it up the mountain one more fucking time. I don’t know if I can go out on stage yet again and pretend I’m me.
Vegas–swarm cams, drinkbots, holo-betting, omni-feeds, every last bit of it–can go to hell. The guy on stage now, the Buddy Holly impersonator, even with his bitglam in effect, comes off more like an impersonator of a Buddy Holly impersonator. He’s opening with “Peggy Sue.” Poor bastard. There’s nowhere to go from there but downhill.
Everyone’s an entertainer these days, what with voice plugins, appearance modifiers, movement enhancer neuro-mods, and every other trick. There’s no work at the art anymore, just show up and let the tech do the work.
Me and my new band, we’re the only completely analog performers in Vegas. Re-Invaded And It Feels So Good, that’s our act. Real clever stuff. The crowds eat it up. It’s fresh, in a manner of speaking, especially after seeing a hundred enhanced shows in a hundred casinos. After a while, it all blurs together.
I know, I know, that’s what they said when we were all flooding into the U.S. during the British Invasion. I’m a connoisseur of irony. But when something stands out from the pop-star one-offs and Rat Pack 3.0 crooners, people take notice. People don’t know they’re craving something different until they get it.
These Vegas performers could stand a lesson in “less is more,” but instead they’re all in on everything. All that tech must seem like magic to these fools, but tech ain’t magic. Believe me, I know from magic. Not like this Buddy Holly guy.
Look, I liked Buddy Holly back in the day–we all did–but that sound aged about as well as a bottle of piss. When you hear it, you know exactly when it came out. It never evolved. Sometimes I wonder what would’ve happened if his plane hadn’t crashed.
Sometimes I wonder if Buddy wasn’t the lucky one.
~
It was the 1960s, and the Beatles exploded out of Liverpool with us right on their heels, and the British Invasion was on. The money began rolling in free and easy like juice through a Marshall stack. In a move that would become the hallmark of making it in rock and roll, I bought a posh estate in the English countryside.
That’s where we were between tours in ’70. One night, December 11–Christ, you’d think I’d forget after so long, but the memory is like tough old scar tissue that’ll never go away–anyway, we were in the studio, turning a three minute song into something epic. I dove into my solo, weaving amplified heat through drums and base and rhythm guitar, stitching it all together at first. Then I began teasing strands out into the dark corners of sound. My fingers slipped and slid high on the fretboard. My guitar wailed and moaned with an urgency I could feel. I raced out ahead of the rhythm, then eased back into the mix by turns. I scooped time from some measures and poured it into others. The world around me wobbled and shimmered.
By the time the cops barged in, I was fully lost in the solo. It was as if someone had accidentally stuck a needle in my artery and my life was spraying out everywhere. It wasn’t blood, though, dig? I swear it was life itself flowing from me, streaming into my mates. Everyone was higher than an old vicar’s waistband. The cops’ shouting tore it all down and the music collapsed. I was wasted, could barely stand.
The cops’ arrival probably saved me, but all they saw was some weed, some pills, and whatever, and that’s all they needed to know. They grabbed their headlines for busting some punk kids who’ve risen far too high, and I grabbed some jail time. Prison was no great shakes, but there was something about the monotony of the routine. It freed up time to think. And I had a lot to think about.
~
Vegas Buddy Holly slides smoothly into “Rollercoaster.” It’s a checklist for him: hit this note, do that hiccup thing, take three steps. Technically, it’s perfect, but there’s no love for the music, no heat. Choosing to impersonate Buddy Holly is purely mercenary. He’s found a niche and it pays. It’s calculated. And I’ve got to tell you, hearing exactly the same thing done exactly the same way night after night gets tiresome.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not the music itself; I feel like I could play forever. It’s everything else. Some might say the world has passed me by, but I’d argue it’s the people who flock to this place on the regular who are being passed by. Was a time when people would spend hours parsing song lyrics or album cover art. Now everything wheels by like startled birds, gone in an instant, replaced by the latest streaming shows or VR episode or vending machine stimdrugs. We’re so fixated on what’s coming next, we can’t enjoy whatever it is we’re consuming right then and there.
The marketers’ll tell you their latest con expands the mind and taps into unexplored landscapes of the imagination. Rubbish. It’s about making money. It’s always about making money. Just ask ol’ Buddy Holly on stage there.
The guys in my band are no different. Sure, they tolerate the analog sets, occasionally even enjoy themselves when they’re not thinking about it. But they’re just gigging with me to pay the bills while they seek online stardom. That’s where the real money is, even if the odds are so long they stretch well beyond the horizon. They just need one video to virus out, and they’ll have it made.
I hear you, telling me to fuck right the hell off. I made my money, so why shouldn’t they make theirs, right? I say, have at it. There’s no magic there. You want magic? Strip it all down, get rid of the enhancements. Focus on the music, the guitar strings beneath your fingers, the vibrations of your vocal cords, the buzz of a packed venue. If you let yourself fall deep enough, you’ll find the space between it all.
You’d think songs almost a hundred years old would lose their luster, but that ain’t so. There’s that quote about not being the same person who crossed the river the first time or some shit. There’s truth there. Songs are like rivers, always changing, waiting to show you something new, if you’re willing to look. That’s why I hang around, every single day and twice on Saturdays.
~
After the bust, I couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened at that rehearsal. I needed to know what that was. As a band, we were looking forward, working on new songs, planning new tours, finding new ways to spend our windfall. But as an individual, I’d decided to look backwards as well.
I searched for answers in the deep, slippery roots of music, looking for the faintest whiff of anything even remotely like what happened the night of the bust. Whenever we hit a new city, I scoured libraries and bookstores and pored over rare tomes, letters, and sheet music for something like magic.
Then I found tempo rubato.
Now, I know you’re thinking of that Styx song about the robot. That was Japanese. Tempo rubato is Italian, mate.
The definition of tempo rubato in music texts refers to, and I quote, “the slight speeding up and then slowing down of the tempo of a piece at the discretion of the soloist or the conductor to be more expressive.”
But here’s the thing, Tempo rubato isn’t just an Italian term on some sheet music like sotto voce or fortissimo or any of that lot. Now I had no idea if the concept originated in Italy or not, but the Italians nailed the naming of whatever this phenomenon is.
In Italian, tempo rubato means stolen time.
As a musical cue, that was all fine and well, but I was positive there was more to it than that. Slowing down, speeding up, everything I’d been doing that night, it was all there.
I began playing around on stage, messing around in subtle ways with what almost killed me the night of the bust, learning, refining. I did it carefully until I unpacked tempo rubato and put it to work for me. I pilfered small bits of time so as not to cause harm and, as much as we played, the stolen time accumulated like the juice on a mob loan.
~
We’re a long way from Vegas, now, aren’t we? What does this have fuckall to do with tech enhancements and swarm bots and flash androgynous technicians? Well, hang tight, bruv, I’m getting to that. Besides, Buddy Holly’s got one more song yet.
He launches into “That’ll Be the Day.” When he hits the chorus, like he does every night, I can’t help but think that maybe in some alternate universe I’m dead, and he’s here in Vegas in real life, the original watching some mercenary performer imitate me.
“That’ll be the day that I die,” Buddy sings. Well, the real Buddy Holly boarded a plane that flew him right into his grave at the tender age of 22. And, despite the booze, the drugs, and other depredations of the body, here I am still going strong well beyond my expiration date. Is it fair? That’s not for me to say, but I’m fully aware of the irony.
The ubiquitous “they” insist everything that’s old is new again and I’m inclined to agree. Maybe that’s true, but it’s a cycle, ain’t it, which bloody well means everything that’s new becomes old again as well.
I think about all those musicians who hung around too long. I’d need more fingers than I’ve got to count everyone who couldn’t let it go, guys who wished they headed out at the top of their game, leaving the fans wanting more.
But damn if every time I hit that first chord on stage, I’m not transported back to our first live gig in Coogan’s Pub in Dartford. Now there’s a magic all its own, you know? Throw in the fans and the applause, and small wonder musicians can’t let it go.
What I miss, though, what has me in this funk, is that I’ve got no one to share any of this with. Everyone’s gone. What’s the use of hanging around as long as I have if you can’t share the honest-to-god artistry?
There are days I’m aware the only person I’m really playing for is myself, searching the music for ghosts of the long-gone boys who crossed the Atlantic and got rich with me. There are days I wonder if stealing time during all those tours with them might have hastened their respective ends. Shit, we were all getting older. People just age differently, right?
I search through the music. Maybe some combination of sound will bring them back, but inevitably the ghosts are always just out of reach. I’ve seen musicians wind up searching elsewhere, the needle or the booze or something just as deadly even though we know whatever it is we need isn’t there at all. And sometimes you don’t even know you need anything at all until you’re shown otherwise.
~
Inside some nondescript sound studio in Memphis in the late ’20s, I was waiting to record an interview for some classic rock retrospective podcast. At least I think they were still calling what we did way back when “classic.” The host was explaining to an angsty lad on the sound crew what vibe he needed and who I was.
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But damn if every time I hit that first chord on stage, I’m not transported back to our first live gig in Coogan’s Pub in Dartford.
“Seriously?” the angsty lad asked. “I thought that guy died years ago.” No embarrassment. No apology. Just a statement of fact with perhaps the smallest hint of a question or accusation in his tone. That’s when I realized I couldn’t keep on as myself forever. No matter how good I felt, no matter how I looked, someone would do the math and start asking questions I had no intention of answering.
And so I did the only thing that made sense: I disappeared to sort things out. For a few decades, I traveled to places where people had no idea who I was. For a while, it wasn’t so bad, the newness of it, you know. I tried out things I couldn’t do when we were touring, things like gardening and painting and woodworking, whatever struck my fancy.
Even as I did these things, in the need was always there, waiting. I told myself it was just the music I needed, just the feel of the guitar in my hands, the heat of the stage lights, the cheering crowds. I mean, the music was definitely part of it, but I missed what I was able to do with the music even more. I needed tempo rubato.
What better place to resurface than Vegas, the impersonator capital of the world? If I couldn’t be me, at least I could pretend to be me. I mean, I had me down pretty good.
~
Buddy Holly wraps up with a deep cut, one of his b-sides that has surprising layers. Something about this song appeals to Buddy. I can tell, because he loses himself in it. He’s so close to touching the music and doesn’t even know. The crowd applauds just enough to encourage Buddy Holly to do an encore.
Buddy Holly launches into a respectable version of “Not Fade Away.” Huh. Normally he trots out a tired medley of songs that roll into that other song that’s not by Buddy Holly but about Buddy Holly, when his plane crashed, and the music died, and all that. Tonight, Buddy Holly’s veering off script.
I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.
One more song to figure out how I’m going to break it to the band. Since I returned to Vegas–what has it been, 30, 40 years?–I’ve asked myself why I keep going so many times it feels like a vocation unto itself. If there’s an answer to that question, I’ll be damned if I know what it is. Now’s as good a time as any to call it quits.
“Hey, Billy,” I say to my bassist.
He turns to me and raises his eyebrows in question.
Time to tell the crew tonight is the night I stop, but the words die in my throat just as Buddy Holly strums the last chord of his encore.
The applause for Buddy Holly packs more punch this time around, there’s real enthusiasm behind it. Buddy comes off stage. His bitglam distorts and winks off. Bruv looks tired, but he’s smiling.
We nod at each other.
That simple gesture is like a smack upside my head. It’s straight out of those days right before the British Invasion, back when we were just one of a hundred bands were trying to make it. Yeah, we hated each other, but there was some measure of respect for the fact we were all chasing the same thing. There’s a camaraderie that comes from mutual suffering.
Maybe I’ve been too hard on ol’ Buddy.
Then the host is announcing us to the crowd. Cheers and stomping feet shake the building. The crowd is as amped as I’ve ever heard it. That sound … that sweet, goddamned sound washes over us. The hair on my arms and the back of my neck stands at attention, expectant. My heart thrills and prances inside my chest. A smile spreads of its own accord across my face.
Billy smiles the same me. He’s feeling it too. “What were you going to say?”
My guitar feels lighter, and the only thing on my mind is strumming that first chord. “Forget it,” I say.
Billy’s no longer the fresh-faced kid I brought in to hold down the beat a few months ago, but that’s what the business does to a musician, isn’t it? The pull of the stage and the lights are like an old friend’s arm around my shoulder, warm and comforting.
A British Invasion musician learns the secret to rock on for evermore, but after outliving his mates and winding up as an impersonator of himself in Vegas, he wonders if it’s time to hang it up.
Jonathan Danz is a speculative fiction writer living in West Virginia with his wife, daughter, and cat, all of whom are artists in their own right. He attended Viable Paradise 21 and narrates for various science fiction, fantasy, and horror podcasts. He likes books, bikes, and beer.
Errow is a comic artist and illustrator with a predilection towards mashing the surreal with the familiar. They pay their time to developing worlds not quite like our own with their fiancee and pushing the queer agenda. They probably left a candle burning somewhere. More of their work can be found at errowcollins.wix.com/portfolio.
“Tempo Rubato” is © 2019 Jonathan Danz Art accompanying story is © 2019 Errow Collins
Fiction: Tempo Rubato was originally published on Mad Scientist Journal
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p18kfdge-blog · 5 years
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Is a Ford KA cheap to insure?
Is a Ford KA cheap to insure?
I am a new driver, just passed my test ( im 17 ) and thinkin to buy a ford ka as a first car. Is it cheap to insure tho? Around how much? Thanks
BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :insurance4hquotes.xyz
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