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moonaft · 4 years

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The Killing Frost - Review

I usually wait for my library to have a copy before reading the latest book. Not this time.

Honestly, this is more of a live blog than a review.

Spoilers up to The Killing Frost and June 2020 for the Patreon stories.

Before I begin, I want to mention that I have physical copies of only some of the books. These are Rosemary and Rue, One Salt Sea, The Winter Long, The Brightest Fell. As of yesterday, I count the Kindle copy of The Killing Frost in that number and will pick up a physical copy eventually. Everything else I borrow from the library, which are usually always available. This series is something I keep re-reading because there’s something new every time I read.

“It doesn’t matter what I wear to the wedding, we both know it’s going to be completely covered in blood before we reach ‘I do’“ and we’re off to a wonderful start. I’m so glad Toby has become genre-savvy. She can now anticipate and plan for being covered in blood. That’s character development.

“My name is October Daye because my mother should never have been allowed to name her own children.” No, your name is October Daye because Eira wanted children named thematically after their parents and the Torquills went for all the months of the year. You can blame September for that one. Or I suppose August is older than January, so blame Simon.

Interesting that she’s accepted that one day she’ll burn out the rest of her humanity.

“Now I live in a house that I own free and clear, thank to Sylvester” Does he still pay property taxes on it, or is that Toby? Does Sylvester have an accountant, and if so, are they fae or human?

Toby, you could definitely get married at the courthouse and then do a fae wedding. They won’t recognize the mortal one but you can still say you’re married. Do Tybalt have any form of human id? I guess they could magic something up and confuse the attendant.

Hi Karen! Something I forgot for my “Open Question” post - why does Stacy have two Seer daughters when Seers have been nearly extinct for centuries?

How’s that for a plot hook? Your seer niece lets you know what you’re doing and with whom. Easy.

After everything Toby’s been through, she has a right to be paranoid when someone knocks at the door after Karen’s done warning her.

Could still be a trap. Negative points for not confirming with Tybalt first.

His date idea is very romantic, I will give him that.

Does Tybalt even have a last name? I don’t remember if he does.

It’s always fun to recognize people before the narrator mentions them by name. Hi Patrick and Dianda! This isn’t suspicious at all.

Does Dianda use the same wheelchair whenever she’s on land? If so, where do they store it? Or do they haul it with them? Is there a storage unit filled with Undersea fae stuff?

Patrick, this isn’t weird at all. You’re digging for something. Given that the summary says Toby needs to invite her legal father to her wedding, I assume you’re trying to make sure he’s there.

I’m not convinced Simon’s trying to wake up Evening. He doesn’t like her, and if losing his way home made him forget August even exists, I’m not sure he’d return to Evening given a chance.

And there’s the actual kicker - by not inviting Simon, Toby allows his boss to claim offense. Evening claiming offense on his behalf is a very very bad thing, and that’s why it’s important he’s there. I am certain Patrick’s parents weren’t at his wedding, but they probably washed their hands of him when they heard who he was marrying. And their liege probably didn’t care about a landless Baron in another Kingdom, so there was no consequence.

The Luidaeg did tell Toby she has to find Simon - along with two other tasks. What happened to those?

Looks like Patrick does have the broad strokes of the plots of The Winter Long and The Brightest Fell - given how much Toby doesn’t tell people, I wasn’t sure. She didn’t tell him about Poppy prior to the Ducky of Ships, after all.

Patrick and Dianda do want him back - looks like I might right that he goes to Saltmist when this all clears up. And they really want him to divorce Amandine, which, yeah. That marriage is not a good one. I firmly believe that if they do divorce, both Toby and August would declare for Simon.

“Bring him home” from Les Mis starts playing. It’s interesting that Dianda is the one telling Toby this.

“You and Tybalt have been banking on my ignorance throughout this whole process, and now your reward is that you have to go with me to look for Simon Torquill, and Tybalt can’t come” I love how she rolls with it. This would have been unheard of in The Winter Long.

“And yes, I actually wanted him to be there when I did that, if it was even remotely possible.” Aww. It’s a shame her relationship with Sylvester is deteriorating at the same time her relationship with Simon is growing, but it is growing.

I assume Spike, being fae, is also functionally immortal and won’t die of old age.

“I hardly wind up ambushed and alone at all these days.” True, thanks to your ever growing cast of rotating characters.

I love Toby’s continued roasting of Evening and Amandine.

If Evening’s been in the Mists for a thousand years and also popped for Tam Lin in Scotland 500 years ago, how is she getting back and forth between the two? Though she convince Torin to take Saltmist when she was asleep, so maybe she’s just been dreamwalking.

Hi Marcia! What weird things are you going to do this book that no one’s going to pick up on?

Dean and Quentin are cute together.

Wait, this means Toby needs to invite Amandine to her wedding. Fuck.

It’s the Summer Roads key again.

Right, Ceres could do it too. And Toby’s actually thinking of the consequences of her actions.

Quentin will be a force of reckoning on the High King’s throne.

Hi Etienne! You could totally go visit Toby whenever you want.

Randomly appearing magic door - technically, the knowe could bring them directly to the Moon Garden if it wanted to. It wants to bring them to this door, and let them know something’s going on.

Blood for the blood door? Toby has a right to Shadowed Hills, and the knowe knows and likes her. Maybe this is a way of helping with her eventual claim?

“Cool. Good to know. We’re all going to be eaten by weird magic flowers.” “Let’s face it, this isn’t much of a surprise.”

It’s Raysel’s bed/coffin. Given that they’re looking for Evening, I don’t like the parallels to Raysel’s Firstborn.

Neither Evening nor Simon have an interest in Raysel, but Sylvester doesn’t know that.

I love October’s speech to Sylvester about Rayseline.

It would likely be good for Raysel to spend a year with Toby at her house. She can meet Toby’s teens and live without her parents for a while. Might be awkward when Dean shows up but that’s a conversation they need to have.

Interesting that Raysel’s magic changes - did she get more of her father’s scent?

Summer Roads key is weird, and definitely more plot related than it appears. Given that it’s currently a MacGuffin to get to Evening, that’s pretty powerful.

What is this weird black bubble.

Shit, May got impaled.

So this is where Simon stored Luna and Raysel for 14 years. I personally wouldn’t anchor a formless void holding a Blodynbryd off the Rose Road where she has power, but it ‘worked out’ I suppose.

Toby’s headache is concerning me. I wonder if she’s doing the impossible without knowing it, and that’s what’s causing the magical backlash.

How did Luna and Raysel escape the bubble? There’s been no indication that someone found them, so perhaps they found Simon’s door.

Toby’s talking to Maeve as roses. How is she doing this? Why is Maeve (or part of Maeve?) part of the Rose Road? Didn’t the Luidaeg and Toby turn onto Annis’s Roads at some point during The Winter Long? Did they transition from the Summer Roads part of the Rose Roads into the Winter Roads? Is that even a thing? Why does the Summer Key allow them access to it?

Reviewing TWL again, the Luidaeg used the Key to open Annis’s forgotten road to take a shortcut to Shadowed Hills. Then Luna used the Key to open a Rose Road to Evening. The Key, which “belonged to [Luna’s] grandmother”. Unspecified grandmother. Maybe it’s not a Summer Roads Key afterall.

Roses are the thing that connects all three Branches - Maeve has them, Eira has them, Amandine has them.

Unrelated to the current plot, I think Raysel would be great with flowers. It’s implied that when a mixed blood uses a hope chest to pick one bloodline, they keep something from the missing bloodline. Tybalt’s niece Cailin (Daoine Sidhe/Cait Sidhe -> Cait Sidhe) is extraordinarily good with illusions and can’t shapeshift. August is relatively good with illusions (enough to bind Quentin) and kept her red hair and yellow eyes.

And Maeve (or a representative?) listens to Toby. Wow.

Quentin has strong and unflattering opinions about Evening’s forest scene. I love how the characters feel focusing on the small details. They’ve accepted the impossible and have moved beyond it.

Interesting that there’s no scent of roses before finding Evening’s clearing. Another open question: why does Evening also get apples in addition to roses and snow? What causes the shift between roses+snow and roses+apples?

And why doesn’t anyone but the Luidaeg recognize that apples are also Evening’s?

“I wish I’d met Simon and Sylvester’s parents... it doesn’t make sense.” “Most Daoine Sidhe I’ve known have something floral about their magic. Simon doesn’t” Does his mulled cider not count? Fruit isn’t floral? I want to know Septimius’s magic scents as well, because I’m pretty sure Simon got the apple cider from him, via his own mother aka Evening’s daughter Fómhar. The October Daye wiki is failing me on some of these names.

Please let her know that the twins were once changelings this book. Please.

May, I’m sorry you have a literal hole in your body, but I live for magical theory.I need moar.

Hello, Sleeping Beauty. Also, Simon is rather good at archery and I don’t know why that doesn’t come up more often.

Simon is not looking well. He’s also doing some bizarre leaps of conversation -

October: We came here to look for you.

Simon: Where’s Oleander?

No one brought up Oleander? I get that the spell is doing weird things to his mind, maybe it’s skipping.

"who seemed to have stolen most of his memory of who he’d been”

Jossed on him not seeking out Evening, but kinda confirmed on the reason why: he doesn’t give a reason why he’s working with Evening. The spell’s not working as well as it did on August - he is definitely getting confused, if only briefly.

Is that why he didn’t show up during Night and Silence or The Unkindest Tide? He was stuck in the clearing? What has he been eating? Is he still wearing the same clothes he was in for The Winter Long and The Brightest Fell?

October: Hey, you can wait here for a hundred years, we just need you to take a trip to see the Luidaeg. It’ll be super quick.

Toby, I love you.

AND HE REMEMBERS PATRICK. Enough to stand down, at least. But he think’s Patrick’s dead? Oh no no no. Did he think that for most of the last century? This keeps getting sadder.

At least he’s not hurting May and Quentin.

I don’t think he sent the Doppelganger in Rosemary and Rue, pretty sure that was Devin.

He doesn’t remember the events of TBF, interesting.

Fucking hell, that was too easy. I should have seen it would be too easy. And he thinks Amandine modified Toby’s memory?

I guess May doesn’t need to worry about infection.

Helpful pixies! Glad to see more of them. Toby better deliver that dinner soon.

“Also to be fair, the terrible disaster was usually either my fault or happening to me” True words, Toby.

Hi Walther and Cassie!

HI Luidaeg!

If her debts are currently balanced, then she did work off the other two from The Unkindest Tide.

Yeah, pretty sure Simon hasn’t broken the Law yet.

Emotionally mature Toby strikes again. She’s been so this entire book. The amount of difficult conversations so far is pretty large.

This focus on Stacy not wanting her kids to date is interesting, unless it’s a red herring. And she grew up with Toby in Shadowed Hills. Not Firstborn, I won’t guess one of the Three - Marianne? But she was fully grown back during the earthquake. Did her fae grandparents have a human partner like Simon and Sylvester’s parents, and her fae parent was also a changeling? They moved away after their child died because they couldn’t deal with the grief? A hope chest moving her blood? How old was October when she met Stacy?

Hi Arden!

Recap time with the Luidaeg.

A solution with Dianda and Patrick? If he goes and lives in Saltmist, he’s far from people who want to harm him.

If Simon’s so good at using other people’s blood, then potentially he could use Amandine/August/Toby’s blood to be a poor man’s Dóchas Sidhe. For healing, maybe?

‘Her husband could only hear the ones who belonged to him” - huh, interesting tidbit about Oberon.

Torquill lore! Finally revealed to Toby!

Off to Goldengreen. Return of the water trauma for Toby, boo.

Oh my god she’s an otter. So cute! Yes, everyone should be an otter. Bite her, Toby. Do it.

Marcia! Does Marcia not know that Simon exists as a separate person from Sylvester? Acacia at least understood that Simon wasn’t Sylvester, even if she didn’t get the concept of twins. I’m not surprised she survived Simon’s spells - Evening seemed to completely ignore her in TWL. And Firstborns tend to get mind whammed if they think about her for too long. More evidence for the Titania theory (or Maeve, if she’s in multiple pieces).

That many spells can’t be good.

I am not surprised that Toby asked how to give Simon her way home. This family has a tendency to pass around debts.

Also, now would be a good time to call Tybalt. Might be faster than driving to Half Moon Bay. I guess the plan is to steal a Selkie skin and swim to Saltmist since Goldengreen was a bust? But yeah, he’s probably not up to date with TUK if he’s been stuck in the clearing for a year.

“evil hot potato” good phrase. This stinks a little of self-sabotage.

Diva did need to be shifted, interesting.

Simon wouldn’t have gotten away with it, there’s nothing natural about a boy eating 6+ bowls of soup, especially if he kept doing it past when he’s physical ill. Poor Quentin.

Interesting that Simon’s not trying to cause harm. His superpowered spells are doing a terrific amount of damage, but nothing that can’t technically be reversed if they have the power to do so. Even Quentin was harmed only because he couldn’t stop eating, and that wasn’t Simon’s intention.

Dean admittedly is not have a good day. Neither is Quentin.

Simon under the Luidaeg’s curse is surprisingly self-reflective. I wasn’t expecting that.

Fuck off, Evening.

I didn’t think we’d get the reason behind why the Luidaeg couldn’t lie in this book, that’s nice.

Go Toby, tear this bitch down.

It is interesting that of the three daughters of Titania we’ve met, each one follows a different school of magic. Guess it shows that schools of magic don’t always follow blood.

Evening has been dreamwalking. Stronger when she’s sleeping? Can’t keep her asleep, can’t keep her awake. Can they turn her into a stone?

Confirmation: Titania was banished, and I assume only Oberon could do that.

“Lady, let alone” Maybe in the first blood changing dream, with her father who I think was actually Oberon? I don’t remember.

Tybalt and Walther also aren’t having good days.

I don’t get what Toby’s figured out.

“Rolling emergency that is your ongoing existence” Love it.

Dean’s day is getting better.

There goes the hot potato. I appreciate that Simon’s first action is to get the Luidaeg to reverse it and I’m sure Tybalt isn’t far behind.

Simon’s spending a good portion of the book confused.

Toby just coughed up a pigeon. I can’t determine if that’s weirder than the Luidaeg pulling it out of her chest.

“None of my enemies are remotely that powerful” I’m pretty sure there won’t be a book where Toby travels back in time, but just imagine what a book that would be. And Simon’s mulled cider is back, nice. And confused again.

Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Thornton?? OBERON???

Is his name a play on ‘root and thorn’?

Did he make himself human so Janet could fall in love with him as human? He’s expecting her.

Her name was suppose to be Almandine? And she doesn’t count as home to Toby, no wonder.

She got Oberon lost in Annwn and then pulled him out again. What the fuck.

Confused man remains confused. “He looked like a man who’d just lost everything” Something tells me that isn’t because he’s meeting his father-in-law/a physical god. Did Evening tell him something about Oberon’s return that hasn’t been revealed yet?

Lots of people get to come home today. This is great.

Time to get status reports. Toby is calm in crisis, as long as no one’s actively trying to kill her.

Let the Luidaeg and her father catch up. Wow. I didn’t expect they’d find Oberon with more books left to go.

Toby owes Walther far more than just one pizza - get that boy home and let him sleep.

Way too tired to consider how the car got there. Is it only one day since the Cat in the Rafters? Is this book taking place over the course of a single day? How long were they on the Rose Roads? Everyone needs sleep and food.

I do appreciate Simon taking responsibility for his actions and while apologizing doesn’t fix anything, it is the right thing to do. Toby hasn’t had a chance to tell him about her meeting with Patrick and Dianda, has she? He assumes he’ll be elfshot.

Not that his opinion matters on the Toby/Tybalt relationship, but I like how he’s being supportive.

Get married in the courthouse Toby, The fae won’t recognize it but it takes pressure off the wedding in Toronto so when that goes south, you are still married. Take May, Jazz, Quentin, Raj and whoever else you can grab at short notice.

Good on Toby for checking in on Tybalt and having a difficult conversation.

Back to Goldengreen. Do let Marcia hit Simon, let her do that. Once again, no one remembers that Marcia’s survived things a thin blooded changeling shouldn’t. And Simon doesn’t want to face Patrick and Dianda. It’s been over a hundred years since he last saw them. I wonder how much of the time he thought they were dead?

Changing people into trees can at least be reversed. There’s going to be trauma, but it’s better that everyone in Goldengreen was a tree or toadstool then dead.

“We have access to Oberon now, we can ask him for more Laws if you think we need them.” Oh god. I love this entire chapter, the dialogue is great and too numerous to quote.

And Simon, Patrick, and Dianda aren’t saying anything. Thank you for taking charge of this scene, Toby, otherwise nothing’s going to get done.

“Not that we’re going to get a honeymoon, since someone is inevitably going to try to murder or abduct us” If you say it and plan for it, it might not happen.

Toby’s little interjection to Dean, the pro-mammal conversation, this chapter is pure good.

Can Simon say Eira’s name now? It choked in his throat during TWL.

Are they really getting into the Janet thing now?

Side-stepped that conversation. Simon definitely wasn’t expecting his best friend and wife to convince to divorce his wife, and then have his step-daughter and her fiance agree as well.

OT3! OT3! Oh man, I didn’t expect this and I love it so much! OT3! Do it! Also, Dean’s day just got weirder.

OT3!

“hey, kiddo we want to open our marriage and include the man who just turned you into a tree” so many difficult conversations to have.

Oh my fucking god, this is everything I could have wanted and didn’t know to ask for.

Wedding time? IS IT WEDDING TIME? “My mother’s divorce proceedings” THAT WORKS TOO.

Glad Toby is still carrying her knife even to this. She’s going to be wearing it to her own wedding.

I still can’t believe Simon’s the one calling for the divorce but good for him. Prior to this, I assumed it would be Amandine insisting on it. I assume the news got to Sylvester and Luna and I would love to know what Sylvester thinks of this.

Hadn’t realized Evening got Quentin fostered to Shadowed Hills because she wanted to marry him and become High Queen.

Fuck off, Amandine. Poor August. Raj gets one line in this book :(

And now it’s confirmed public knowledge that Amandine’s Firstborn.

Called Toby declaring for Simon, and I love how fierce she’s picturing her human father during this.

Also, I firmly believe if August hadn’t disappeared and Amandine still married Jonathan Daye (and Patrick and Dianda hadn’t convinced Simon to divorce her), Simon would have been a part of that. And if Amandine hadn’t told him and just brought October home one day, he would have helped Toby still see her own father.

Patrick and Dianda have gotten him to sleep and eat, good. He wasn’t looking well a couple chapters (a week?) ago.

He’s still trying to protect August to make choosing Amandine easier. I still think she’s choosing him.

CALLED IT.

Hi Oberon! Nobody recognizes you, that’s interesting. And you can calm everyone in the crowd. So you have some power.

“You have no descendant line to stand for you” Is that why Eria’s focused on breeding pure blood Daoine Sidhe? She gets power from everyone who declares for her? My current theory is that she wants to be the true Queen of Faerie, get rid of the Three and rule by herself.

Surprise wedding! Five minutes after Simon got divorced! I love this OT3 so damn much.

Dean, Peter and Toby all agree, August doesn’t say no. Toby has two new step-parents and two step-brothers? I honestly can’t think of Dianda as Toby’s step-mother. She’s Toby’s punchy friend and also the women who married Toby’s step-father/ fae legal father.

Peter’s the one who probably going to spend the most time with Simon, given that he’s still an enemy in Goldengreen. Is August moving down to the Undersea? She can’t stay in the tower anymore. Maybe she can crash at Toby’s or Shadowed Hills or Tamed Lightning if she doesn’t want to stay underwater. Has she seen January since she got home? Or maybe stay at Muir Woods.

I would love to see the dynamics of this new family. And the conversations of the OT3 in the past week.

I’m glad to see Simon and August out of Amandine’s grasp. She was abusive.

Wait, Toby doesn’t need to invite Amandine to her wedding because they’re not legally related anymore. Excellent.

Really wondering how the news is taken at Shadowed Hills.

What a great book. What wonderful surprises. I couldn’t have asked for more. No one died. Lots of trauma from super powered compulsion and shapeshifting to deal with but honestly, things are better for a lot of people.

To me, it feels like Simon’s story has mostly closed. He can rest and be happy with his spouses in Saltmist, and pop up whenever Toby needs info about Evening’s plan or blood magic, like Walther does for alchemist solutions. Staying mostly out of the line of fire. Good for him. I was so concerned he would die as a result of resolving his story.

Review of Shine in Pearl to follow.

#october daye #october daye spoilers

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docholligay · 4 years

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Endings And Beginnings

Another Patreon release for my 12 Favorite Fics post coming up! Built off this fucking prompt from geeky: "When someone leaves your life, those exits are not made equal. Some are beautiful and poetic and satisfying. Others are abrupt and unfair. But most are just unremarkable, unintentional, and clumsy.” -Griffin McElroy; The Adventure Zone 1900 words.

It wasn’t fair. It just really wasn’t fair.

Usagi knew that these things happened to everyone eventually, but it still wasn’t supposed to happen to her. If it did have to happen, it wasn’t supposed to be like this. It was supposed to be slow and dramatic, like a heroine with tuberculosis, or quick and tragic, like a heroine who fell off a horse and broke her neck. It wasn’t supposed to be a few days of feeling bad, a brief collapse, a terrible decision, and a goodbye.

She’d read a lot of stories, and that wasn’t how it happened. That’s not how people died.

Rei tried to be helpful, but even after losing Mina (In a quick and tragic way) she was still Rei, and still applied the same amount of force to a bowling ball as she did an egg, however good her intentions, and however tight her hugs.

“You have to come over to dinner with me and Michiru,” Rei had barked, Usagi in her widow’s haze not even thinking to question whether MIchiru had invited her or not, “At our apartment. I know Seiya’s dead,” Usagi had winced, and for as little as Rei could see, she must have sensed it, for her voice softened, “But you need to live, Usagi. Let us...let us help you.”

It still didn’t seem real. How could it be? It couldn’t be. She couldn’t really be gone, because her hamper of clothes was still on the bedroom floor. Usagi had bought her some ginger soda, and it was still in the fridge. It was kind of expensive, and Seiya wouldn’t just let it go to waste. What about ramen thursdays, and who would read her romance novels as they sat in the tub together?

She couldn’t be gone, because she loved Usagi. She wouldn’t leave her like this.

Seiya knew how much she loved stories. She wouldn’t leave her with an ending like this.

Even though she couldn’t be gone, Usagi could still remember her funeral. Even though she couldn’t be gone, her side of the bed was still cold. Even though she couldn’t be gone, Usagi still felt her wedding ring in her pocket.

Even though she couldn’t be gone, Michiru had still sent a car to the house, and Usagi was still riding toward Michiru’s apartment.

Michiru had lived in the elegant high-rise ever since her own love story had its (slow and dramatic) ending. It seemed to fit her, glistening but not gaudy, well-appointed and expensive, but in the quiet way Usagi used to never notice, until she learned what to look for.

Usagi was underdressed. She had a simple jersey dress that fit like a nightgown, Seiya’s hoodie, which she was certainly coming back for, zipped over the top of it. The doorman looked at her askance as she shuffled through the front door, mumbling Rei’s name, and stopped her as she paged the apartment.

He’d seen her before, she and Seiya had been here to have dinner with the two of them a dozen times, to attend parties and little teas. But maybe he didn’t recognize her without Seiya. Maybe no one would ever recognize her again.

Usagi Kou nee Tsukino burst into hysterical tears as the man picked up the phone.

He waved his hands and asked her to stop, but she couldn’t hear him, couldn’t hear anything but the last thing she had said to Seiya, wishing it had been better or more poetic or beautiful, wishing she had given Seiya a pretty end instead of the one she got in some horrible ICU.

Usagi wasn’t sure how long she was crying, but it was long enough for Rei to come down and collect her by hand.

“She’s on the list!” Rei snapped impatiently at the doorman.

“So sorry, ma’--”

“Her wife is dead!” Rei continued, and Usagi cried louder, cried because it was true, and that was the end she got to her love story, and because Rei was being mean to the doorman, and because she was hungry but she never wanted to eat again, and because she hadn’t changed clothes in days, and because the world was a terrible and unfair place.

Rei held her tight, not sparing a moment to consider her own lack of delicacy, and took her into the elevator.

Usagi loved Rei, because Rei didn’t let go of her. Rei held her and hugged her all the way up to Michiru’s floor, and she muttered angrily about the doorman but didn’t tell Usagi to stop crying, not once, and Usagi kept crying because Rei was being so nice to her, and because she loved Rei, and because she was afraid of her how and Rei’s story would end, too.

Rei shuttled her carefully into the apartment, where Michiru had laid the table with a tablecloth and all of the finest, least exquisite noodle dishes Tokyo had to offer. There were fried shrimp, and curry rice, and all of the terrible things that Usagi loved so well.

Michiru smiled kindly, and if Usagi would have had the strength to cry again, she would have.

“I insist you eat something.” She sat down at the table, and indicated to a spot for Usagi, where a bright soda sat waiting. “And if you do not, you will have to hear REi’s insistence, and I believe you will find it much less polite than my own.”

Rei scowled at her, and Usagi almost laughed, somewhere in the back of her soul.

She sat at the table, and was relieved that little was expected of her. Michiru continued in her patter to Rei, and seemed to draw Rei’s loving scrutiny away from her, allowing to simply eat noodles and fried shrimp under a cloud, offering her nibbles of small cakes from an elegant selection on a silver platter.

Her stomach filled, Usagi felt slightly more human. She looked out over the lights of Tokyo and imagined heading back to that dark and lonely house, that too-large and cold bed, and nearly began to cry all over again.

“I should go…” she said, voice wavering, trying to remain strong.

“Usagi…” Rei drew an arm around her, “Remember when we were young and...do you want to have a sleepover with me?”

She offered it with warmth, trying to sell the idea with a smile, as if she were speaking to the Usagi of a month ago, and not worrying over the Usagi of now, who couldn’t even properly feed herself, the least Usagi concern of most of Rei’s life.

“Is Michiru…?” She said softly, knowing that, though she and Michiru were friends, they were hardly close, and Michiru protective of her time.

“Of course,” Michiru said, returning from the kitchen where she had taken the dishes, “But you must do me one favor.”

Rei bristled protectively, and Usagi’s shoulders fell.

“I insist you take a bath. We have a deep tub, and a wide selection of bubbles. I have a nightgown you might have, it is nothing terribly fancy, but it is warm, and soft, and will suffice.”

Usagi nodded, unable to speak, as the lights of Tokyo twinkled, unknowing that the stories of the stars in the sky were lies.

___

Usagi slipped under the flower-scented bubbles, the warm water embracing her as closely as she imagined Seiya would, if she were here. Tears ran down her face again, thinking of how she and Seiya sat at home like this, Seiya reading to her and dramatizing the most romantic parts, Usagi shaving her legs and washing her hair, tangled up in each other, laughing.

The door opened, and she sniffled deeply. She didn’t want Rei to see her like this. Rei worried enough.

“My apologies,” It was Michiru, and Usagi whipped around a moment in surprise, “I neglected to give you a towel.” She laid a thick, plush bath sheet on the side table, still warm from where she must have popped it into the dryer.

“Michiru?” Usagi said, as she turned to leave. “Why are you being so nice to me?”

Michiru stopped for a moment. “I like to think I do have the barest sense of empathy, Usagi.” She considered a moment. “As an adult, anyhow. Is it so unusual that I should be kind?” There was a slight sting to it, as if someone had whipped her with a switch.

“No, but…” Usagi turned back to her bubbles, “You hugged me, Michiru. You got stuff together for Seiya’s--I didn’t think you liked me that much. I know you do like me, but, not like--”

Michiru came over beside the tub, and sat down on the bathroom floor.

“You were so very kind to me, when my Haruka passed.” Her voice was tinged with only a slight note of sorrow, but it was still there, the same as the scar on her arm, no matter how many years had passed. “In a way you were in no way required to be. It is true that I am not terribly warm, and we have been ill-matched. But I could never forget your kindness in a time that was so dark for me.”

“You lost your prince too.” Usagi sniffled again. “But Seiya....It wasn’t supposed to be like this. It’s a love story. They don’t go like this.”

“Oh Usagi,” Michiru sighed, “It is never meant to be any way at all. There are no beautiful deaths in this world, and I am sorry that you must know it. Rei never was allowed to say goodbye. I watched Haruka grow weaker and more ill every single day. We each have been jealous of the other, at turns, but I tell you this truth now: Our lives mean much more than our deaths. You and Seiya had a wonderful love story, and you raised a wonderful daughter, and unfortunately it is very often difficult to finish a story in a satisfying sort of way. It is not the end of your story, simply of hers. For you, it is a new chapter.”

Usagi sat quietly for what felt like the first time since Seiya’s last heartbeat, not wanting to cry, not wanting to speak, just wanting to notice. Michiru’s head was tilted up toward the ceiling, sitting by the edge of the tub, and she had never seemed so real to Usagi, not even when she had been ill, not even when she had cried at Haruka’s funeral.

She was simply a widow, just like Usagi, just trying to make sense of it.

“How did you do it?” Usagi asked, poking at the bubbles in the tub.

“Slowly.” She laughed. “Inelegantly, at times.”

“I can’t do it.”

“I am certain that feels true. But you are stronger than you know, Usagi,” Her voice rang clear and true, “It gets easier, that I promise you. This year will be a difficult one. But we are here.” She chuckled. “Rei is very aggressively here, I assure you. You will write your story, still, and we will give you the pen and paper.”

Usagi threw her dripping arms around Michiru’s neck. “We’ll do it together!”

Michiru took a deep breath. “Your personal tragedy and mine, I am certain.”

Usagi was hurt for a moment, and then Michiru turned to her with a smile.

“Michiru!! You’re teasing!!!”

Usagi laughed for the first time in one month, and if we would ever believe that those we love look down on us, the stars smiled.

#Bachelorette Exploits of the Widow Kaioh

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clevercatchphrase · 4 years

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2019 year in review

So… The 2010’s are almost over. Huh. What a decade it’s been. Hard to comprehend how much has changed in 10 years. I can barely believe that I was in high school at the beginning of this decade, and now I’m a college graduate with 2 degrees who’s been working at the same job for the last 3 years. But trying to summarize the past 10 years in a single post is a good way to give myself an existential crisis, so let’s not do that! Instead, let’s just focus on 2019 because there has been more than enough shit that’s happened to me in this year to talk about.

PART 1 OF 2: 2019 AND 2020 GOALS AND RESOLUTIONS

Huh, looking back through my archives, I apparently didn’t make a tumblr post about my goals this year. I definitely had some, though. Lemme list ‘em off real quick, and then we’ll go through them point by point.

1) Pay off all my student loans 2) Finish some song comics 3) Make art for my Redbubble account 4) Finish the first rough draft/script of a game I wanted to make 5) Practice ASL 6) Sew some stuffed animals 7) Finish some fan fictions 8) Work on Ghost Switch 9) AMVs 10) Do some original writing 11) Make illustrations for my fan fictions

Okay, first off, the student loans. I was actually SO CLOSE to successfully completing this one bUT THEN MY CAR HAD TO BE A WHINEY PISS BABY AND HAVE ITS ALTERNATOR DIE ON ME WHILE I WAS ON THE HIGHWAY AND THEN A BLOW OUT THREE WEEKS LATER.

GOD, if I had to summarize this year in two words, for me it would be “Car troubles”. I swear I spent more on auto repair in the first third of this year than I ever have just freakin’ OWNING a car. All four of my tires had to be replaced, my alternator failed and my car literally just SHUT OFF while I was driving, and I was barely able to coast into a gas station. Both my front breaks and rear breaks were worn down the metal and I only learned this when my car was barely able to stop after I had to slam the petal down full force! I went in for an oil change, and they found some problems and then I didn’t get my car back for three days! I don’t even like owning a car! I hate driving! I hate my country’s refusal to provide universal, free public transportation! I NEVER ASKED FOR THIS!

Oh-kay… number 2. Finish some song comics. I didn’t finish any. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t work on them. I have made tiny progress, but that’s certainly better than no progress. One of these song comics I hope to be realizes is going to be a collab with one of my friends. It’ll be a long-time coming as it’s pretty low priority for the both of us, but if anyone else out there was disappointed with KH3’s ending, we’re gonna have ya’ covered… With SONG!

3. Make some redbubble art. I actually did this one! Not in the way I expected, but I added (technically) 3 new designs to my redbubble in the middle of the year. If you like butterflies and dragons, I got some product for you~!

Number 4, finish a script for a game I want to make. I… thought about this. I thought about this a lot, but I never put pen to paper, so… oops. It almost happened! I debated making this my main writing project for NaNoWriMo this year, but ended up having more inspiration for another story. Maybe next year? (god, I hope not. I don’t want to wait a full year just to write something)

Number 5, practice ASL. I just straight up didn’t do this and I only have myself to blame. Still keepin’ up that Danish Duolingo streak, though. 4 years going strong and not a day missed yet.

Number 6, sew some stuffed animals. Again, another one I just straight up didn’t do, but I have an excuse of trying to save money while my car crashed and burned in every other sense except literal this year. Hopefully 2020 will be different. I’ll definitely be able to pay off this last loan within the first half of 2020, and then I can start saving for whatever I want to buy.

Finish some fan fictions was number 7, and I did this! Well, I only finished, 1, but it was a story I’ve been working on for over 3 years, and it came out to over 200 THOUSAND words long, which is the longest thing I’ve ever written, and I’m quite proud of myself. Now that the big story is out of the way, and I’ve gotten into a good rhythm of working on Ghost Switch, maybe I can squeeze in some short writing sessions more frequently. (either that, or just wait for my car to break down again and then go on a writing spree in a pepboys. The lord and the fan fic discord know that’s solely why I finished my other fic this year)

Speaking of Ghost Switch, working on it was a goal this year too, and I did that! I kept it up all year and took a vacation in November and it was wonderful. While the major plot points have been in place since before I started drawing, I still need to script each arc beyond Snowdin, but hey, by the time we get there, it’ll be 2022 so I got time. (Note, don’t do this, kids. Script your stories and comics thoroughly before publishing. The road I’m on is paved with misery and pain and it will only end in tears unless I change lanes soon)

Number 9, amvs. Do people make AMVs anymore? Idk… the last one I made was... Jesus, 5 years ago? (it was a gravity falls/fall out boy crossover, if you were curious) I’ve been wanting to do 2 more for just as long, but in order for me to do that, I’d have to spend time re-watching the shows to find the footage, and then actually edit them together, and I just don’t…. feel like it. Maybe someday, but not any day soon.

10; do some original writing. I did this! For nanowrimo! I wrote the first draft of some original fiction I’ve been planning for a year or two now and it completely sucks! But it’s on paper now and I’m happy. Will I revise and edit it? Sure, but not for a while. I want to let it sit and forget about it and look at it with new eyes months from now so I can be sure I can make it better when time comes to rewrite.

11, make illustrations for my fan fics. Now that You Monster is done, I want to go back and add pictures to it. I didn’t do any this year, but I did keep a list of scenes I wanted to draw, so I have plenty of ideas to do as warm up sketches next year~ I kinda want to stream them~

So, that was 11 goals, and I successfully fulfilled 4 of them! That’s! Not a very good ratio… QmQ So, goals for 2020. Some I’m gonna keep from this year, some I’m gonna drop and some I’m gonna add. In short I would like to,

1) Finish paying off that last student loan 2) Put more stuff on my redbubble 3) Illustrate my own fan fics 4) Sew at least one stuffed animal 5) Make an enamel pin 6) Read one new book a month 7) Write one page a day/Complete at least one new fan fic 8) Learn Python or C# for the game I want to make 9) Finish fully scripting Ghost Switch 10) Boost my patreon

Most of these I think are pretty self-explanitory, but I’ll go into detail just a bit because I’m on a roll and typing my thoughts helps me feel less alone in the middle of the night when you’re super tired and you know you should probably go to sleep, but the toddler in you is throwing a tantrum and doesn’t wanna go to sleep just yet, but you can’t fight the progression of time either way.

Number 1- I should be able to reach this goal by the end of March. End of June at the absolute latest. Once that goal is met, my secret new year’s resolution will be unlocked as well!

Number 2- I want to put more art of my OCs on redbubble. These OCs are tied to the game I want to make. There’s already some art of them up there, but I want at least one piece for each character.

Number 3- Mostly for You Monster. Embrace the cardinal rule of fan fic and apply it to fan art. If you want to read about see art about certain ideas, scenarios, or what-ifs, you gotta make it yourself.

Number 4- I have 3 potential ideas to sew. One is definitely leagues easier than the other two and will probably be chosen if/when I have the time and materials.

Number 5- This year I got really, REALLY into the idea of making enamel pins. Unfortunately it’s a pretty big investment (like, $350 to make 100 pins you might not even sell). If this happens, it’ll probably be towards the end of the year, and if I get enough interest. I’m currently torn between making an original enamel pin and one based off Undertale. We’ll just have to see where this goes.

Number 6- Back in 2018 when I paid off one of my many student loans, I rewarded myself by spending over 200 dollars in used books. All these books had a theme; they were focused on dragons because I have a problem. I have not yet read a single one of these books I have bought, and I would like to fix that. I have, like, 20 unread dragon books, and even if I only read 12 out of 20, I would consider that an amazing accomplishment and money well spent.

Number 7- I currently have about 8 different WIPs I could work on. (well, I don’t know if I can even call them wips. More like, a general idea and a title written down.) I want to build good writing habits, and if I can write just 200 words a day, hell, even 200 words a week and just one of my 8 stories done, I would consider this goal met.

Number 8- I’m torn between making my game in unity or ren’py. I know jack shit about both. Ren’py is more user friendly, but unity will allow me more customization. (Lol, can you guess what kind of game I want to make yet?)

Number 9- I really just want the full story to be done and written incase anything goes horribly terribly wrong in my life and I find myself unable to continue making ghost switch in comic form. Then at least I can finish the story by other means, you know?

Number 10- It always surprises me every month when I get that patreon email saying I got paid. Sure, I don’t even make double digits on it, but it still awes me enough to know that people out there like my work enough to throw me a tip. I can’t thank my patrons enough for supporting me and I hope to one day be in such a good place I can update my comic/song comics/writing frequently enough without need for goals or milestones. But until that magical day arrives, money is always a great incentive for anything, I suppose. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ALRIGHT. PART 2 OF 2: SHIT THAT HAPPENED TO ME IN 2019

Cheesus crust what a year. This year started off great! Back in late January Kingdom Hearts 3 FINALLY released, and let me tell you a little story. Back in the summer of 2006 I was a 13 year old middle schooler with no way of making money other than by doing house hold chores at a rate of 25 cents a task. A few weeks ago, I had a sleep over at a friend’s house and they let me play this weird game called “Kingdom Hearts” and god, I was instantly hooked on it. That summer, I did over 800 chores, enough to earn myself 200$ and buy myself a playstation 2 (just in time for the ps3 to come out, gg me) The only games I had for the ps2 were KH1, 2, Re:CoM and Okami, and I beat them all… except Okami. Miffed that the PS3 wouldn’t allow for backwards compatibility, little 13-year-old me made a promise. I looked myself in the mirror and said “I will not buy the next playstation console until KH3 comes out, AND BOY that was probably a good choice for me to make with my level of gaming. I’m even less of a casual gamer than the average casual gamer, but I have been waiting 13 years for this piece of closure, and I even told my friends and family that “the day Kingdom Hearts 3 comes out is the day I will buy a playstation 4”. My dad apparently thought this was the funniest shit, because he literally took the day off from work that Friday to drive me on base to get the game and console (he thought it would be less crowded than a regular walmart, I suppose). I paid $400 on a ps4 pro while he bought me the game. Again, I have an impecible sense of timing seeing as the PS5 is now right on the horrizion, but just like before, I’m not buying a new console until the next KH game is released. See you in 2045, sony~. While I was at the gamestop on base, I also picked up Okami HD and The Last Guardian. For all of February and even early March, I took my time playing through KH3. And…! It was the best disappointment I’ve ever played. After a month away from gaming, I started The Last Guardian and finished it in a couple weeks. I love trico and would die for him, but trying to get 100% completion on that game is udder insanity. Okami, HD, however… again after a month break after finishing TLG, I started replaying Okami. I think I had only managed to get about halfway through the game before I just… stopped playing it on my ps2 version. I am currently SO CLOSE to getting a 100% on the ps4 version. In fact, I’ve beaten the game. I only (techinically) need 2 more trophies to be done; 1st, escape the water dragon without being eaten, 2nd, I need to beat that dumb stupid race with Kai, in order to get the last bead on my rosary, as well as the top dog trophy. I hate her so much. I hate this race so much. It’s awful and bad.

Flash forward to December! Earlier this month I was at Barnes and Noble, buying myself a planner for 2020. I exit the store and notice that there’s a gamestop across the street. For shits and giggles I go inside to look at their game selection, and I find KH 1.5 and 2.5. Now, my PS2 died a few years back (it just won’t read my discs anymore, I don’t know why) and I haven’t been able to replay any of my other kingdom hearts games since. If you had seen me the day I finished kingdom hearts 3, after the ending credits rolled, you would have heard me say “Man…. I wish I could play kingdom hearts 2 again”. AND NOW I CAN, ALONG WITH BBS which I had never even played yet, but knew the story of. I’ve restarted playing kh1, and I was so happy to hear that familiar music when I booted the game up for the first time. While at the game stop, I also picked up Rime and Tearaway, two games that had looked interesting to me. At the time of writing, I’ve finished Rime and am 25% done with tearaway. Rime was…. An interesting experience. I learned about it through Jacksepticeye’s channel a couple years back and thought the art style was enticing. For a super casual gamer like me, I found the puzzles just the right level of challenging and exploring was a blast! The music gave me VERY strong Princes Mononoke vibes, but the overall story left something to be desired. Overall I had fun, and enjoyed completing this game to 100%. Now for tearaway. Can I just say this game is super fucking adorable? I know the original was on the ps vita and the gameplay there was arguably more diverse and imaginative, but this game is just so fucking cute I don’t care?? ALSO, this game’s sound track is ABSOLUTELY incredible and I’ve only heard the first fourth of it! Listen to The Orchards, Pig Riding, and Gibbet Hill Pilgrimage for a taste of their wonderful beats and fantastic use of string and woodwinds! God, I’m so excited to get some more games in 2020. I’m proud to say I currently own more ps4 games than I ever did with my ps2 (and now the majority AREN’T Kingdom Hearts titles!), and I’m still hoping to play Journey, The Witness, and Abzu before everything becomes ps5.

What else happened to me this year. Oh, I went to a doctor for, like, the first time in seven years. I also had my blood drawn for the first time ever, and the nurse said the most disturbing thing to me while she did it. Now, whenever I get shots, I refuse to look. I did that here. So she thought it would be appropriate to say to me “Can you feel your blood leaving your body?” Lady… You can clearly see I am uncomfortable with what is happening here. Why, of all the things you could say, did you choose to say that. Unfortunately, while my doctor is nice, she keeps wanting to run tests on me, that I just cannot afford with my current salary, and my monthly insurance is about to go up to 200$ a month, so I’ve cancelled my next appointment with them, and don’t plan to go back until it’s absolutely necessary. Capitalism is fun, guys. Preventative healthcare is for wusses.

I started going to a chiropractor on a monthly basis. Story time- I don’t know when it started, but sometime late last November I began to notice that I had a headache that just... wasn’t... going away? And each day it was starting to get a little worse. It made it hard for me to find a comfortable position to sleep, it made it hard for me to be in bright areas or move fast. So I said to myself “Okay, if this headache persist through the month of december, then something is proooobably wrong and I should go see someone about it. And hoo-boy were thing wrong with me. By the time this January rolled around, I couldn’t even stay on my feet for more than a few hours without it physically hurting to just BREATHE. So I started going to this chain called The Joint (A+ name, I know). THey aksed me “How are you doing?” I said “I’m in pain” and they said “We can help fix that!”. I’ve only been to a chiropractor once before in my life a few years back after my freshmen year of college because I began to notice my hips weren’t able to support me? LIke, I would lie on my back, and I couldn’t push my hips up when my feet were flat on the floor. I also couldn’t climb anything steep, because my legs just couldn’t push me up if my knee had to bend more than 90 degrees when I lifted my leg up. (Turned out both my hips were apparently out of place). This time only one of my hips were out of place (which they fixed. they said one of my legs was an inch “longer” than the other because I had been leaning all my weight on one leg when I stand). But two of my ribs were apparently “Stuck” which was why it was hurting for me to just breathe, and one of my shoulders was missaligned too, causing one of my trap muscles to constantly be streched, which was pulling on my skull, and causing the headache. Anyway, after they popped all my bones back into place, I still felt terrible, but by god, that night was the first time in weeks I was able to sleep without a migrane. A chiropractor can’t magically heal your arthritis, or fibro, but I definately think they have merit to keeping your posture good and helping your body with things like circulation. 10 outa 10, would recomend. It’s all the fun of getting your neck snapped without the dying!

Earlier this month I got together with two of my friends and we baked Christmas cookies. It was a lot of fun, as well as a great learning experience. A member of my family has a gluten allergy, so we used rice flour for most of the cookies. We learned this is a bad idea! The cookies will just fall apart! A few member’s in one of the friend’s family have nut allergies. Other friend and I knew this and were careful to avoid cookie recipes with nuts, bUT THEN COMPLETELY FORGOT THAT ALMOND MILK AND ALMOND EXTRACT COUNT AS NUT. IN FACT, ALMOND EXTRACT IS PURE CONCENTRATED NUT JUICE AND WE FELT SO BAD FOR ALMOST ACCIDENTALLY POISONING THE FAMILY.

Earlier this year me and these same friends took a field trip to Hobby Lobby and just dicked around the store for a couple of hours. It was super fun, 11 outa 10, would recommend, a great date idea for your artsy S.O.

Back in May I went to a wedding for the first time in my life. (well, not true, but the first one I could remember) we left at 5am, drove 5 hours to get there, hung out at a zoo and spent the night in a la quinta before the wedding day. I slept on the bathroom floor because my mom was snoring too loud in the main room and keeping me awake, and the rest of the day was just spent me trying to keep myself together because I was pissed off and tired.

Other than all of that, nothing really major happened to me this year. I guess one more thing I’ve tried to do this year is started the process of breaking certain internet addictions so I can use my free time for more personal projects. Seriously, I found myself watching way too much youtube and following blogs that didn’t even make me happy. I had a personal intervention with myself where I sat down and asked myself, “why do you watch these videos and youtubers? Why do you follow these blogs? Do you really enjoy their content? Do you really care? If you stopped watching/following them, would you even notice?” After critically thinking it over, I’ve found myself unfollowing several channels and blogs and suddenly I feel so much happier. I thought I would miss it, but I realized I didn’t really care if I saw their content or not. I wasn’t missing much. And now I feel like I have more time to draw, read and write. If you think you spend too much time consuming and not enough time creating, I suggest you try and de-clutter your internet habits as well. It’s done wonders to un-fuck my headspace.

And… well, that about sums up my year. How are your holidays going? Anything fun, exciting, dramatic happen to you this year? I hope your new year is warm and safe! Good night, everybody!

#new year's resolutions #year in review #long post #(seriiously this think is like 3k words)

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theuniversitychallengereview · 4 years

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UC 50.5 - Reading vs Birkbeck

Due to a surprise lockdown in Aberdeen, I found myself with a few days of Lake District holiday in which I would be unable to actually go on said holiday. So I, just like anyone else would do in my situation, tried to figure out how to maximise my productivity in my two days off. If I’d been away then I wouldn’t have felt the same need to get things done, but there’s something about sitting in a flat by myself that makes it seem less acceptable to do nothing.

Its a bit of a modern fixation, I think, this need to constantly be doing something of value lest the time be felt wasted, so with that in mind I decided to build a website for this blog. I got very excited by the idea of having a shiny new car on which to post my writing, but then I started doing research and couldn’t choose which website builder to use. There was too much choice and what if I made the wrong decision. People on podcasts never shut up about SquareSpace, but then there’s this one commenter who says its only good if you post loads of high quality pictures (and I don’t think screenshots of BBC iPlayer count in that category), and then I realised that there probably wouldn’t be much point in making a whole website since most people (confirmed by a Twitter poll) read this on their phones.

And besides, all of the website-builder-ranker lists have Tumblr as one of the best platforms for blogging anyway, so maybe I already did this research four years ago (I definitely did not do this research four years ago). So what’s the point of all this, yet another of my Macguffin introductions, given that I didn’t actually make a new website and you’re reading this on Tumblr as usual?

Well, since I didn’t actually make a new website, I had to make valuable use of the fact that I spent ages researching how to do it (because for some reason we only count research as useful when it leads to somewhere, rather than also being useful if it shows you that you don’t need to go anywhere, and that its pointless to view the value of something in whether or not it takes you to a final destination, because if we did that then we’d never be able to take enjoyment or satisfaction from anything. And I know thats all cheesy saccharine nonsense along the lines of ‘its all about the journey’, but there’s some real truth in the idea that you can’t live life as a series of A to Bs, with the goal always being to reach the B, because once you get there you never know what to do with yourself, until you’ve come up with another C to get yourself moving again) and that apparently means shoehorning it into a mammoth intro to this blog (achievement unlocked: brackets so long that the reader forgets they are brackets and has no idea whats going on when they close).

Also, I read the intro to one of my old blogs because there was a copy of it in my drafts, and it was so much better than anything I wrote yesterday, so I’m trying to compensate for the fact I’m spiralling about having lost any shred of the talent that I may or may not have used to had by just spewing out as many words of this ramble as possible, because as everyone knows, more is always better.

Anyway, let’s not bother with the rules; here’s your first starter for ten (thanks to user sothischickshe who helped me out with that semi-colon there, and who is now my go to semi-colon consultant).

Reading took on BIrkbeck in the fifth first round match last night, and boy oh boy was it a steamrolling. But we’ll get to that. First, Reading were making only their sixth appearance on the show, having never made it past the second round. Birkbeck meanwhile returned last year for their first appearance since winning the whole thing in 2003, but were dumped out by Edinburgh in the first round.

Back to the steamrolling. Birkbeck were first out of the blocks with Captain Williams taking Goethe. He shared the next three with Clarke and the Londoners were seventy-five up before you could say flattened. Reading picked up the picture round on double-animaled flags. Paxman kept saying things like the Blue Marlin Dexter and the Dodo Sinister, which sounds very mysterious until you realise that Dexter and Sinister just mean right and left. Bloody Latin.

Birkbeck would double their score before Reading would get involved again. At this point the only questions were whether Birkbeck would break 300 or Reading would claim a spot on the ignominious lowest-scoring losers leaderboard. It felt a bit like a few years ago when Man City were trouncing teams 5/6-0 every week and all of the commentators sort of ran out of things to say without repeating themselves. Birkbeck were properly brilliant, of course, but after a while you just started to feel sorry for Reading.

In the end neither of the aforementioned things happened. Birkbeck fell just short of the triple ton, while Reading squeaked out of the under-50s with the second to last Starter.

Final Score: Birkbeck 295 - 50 Reading

Not a close one, this, but Reading can take heart from the fact they took part in a high-scoring match. They didn’t scrape such a low score together against a bad team - there were a lot of questions answered correctly, it was just unfortunate for them that most were by Birkbeck.

This is the fourth match out of five to have a combined score of 345 or more, which is already two more than the whole of last year’s first round, so it looks like the quality is a bit higher this series (I don’t think the questions have been noticably easier)

Thanks for reading, and here’s my Patreon, where I’ll be doing retro-reviews of old series in the near future!

#university challenge #bbc2 #reading #birkbeck #london #paxman #quizzy mondays

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dantesilvadraws · 5 years

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Determined Ch. 2

Fifteen years ago Bakugou Katsuki left to become the hero he always wanted to be. Even if that meant leaving Kirishima Eijirou and their pup behind. Kirishima Katsumi grew up hating the hero Ground Zero for leaving and hurting his father. Now that Ground Zero has returned to his home city, Katsumi wants to hunt him down and avenge all the pain he caused his father, Eijirou.

Warning — OMEGAVERSE

If you want to support me please consider joining my Patreon. Patreon members are already on chapter six of this series and will be getting exclusive content for it that will not be available anywhere else. A one time donation is also very very very helpful!!! You can donate here at my Kofi. I am a published author, so please, if you like my fics purchase my novel. You can buy it in print or in digital format.

Chapter 1

Katsumi was too excited to sleep, he felt invincible and unstoppable. He laid in bed under his sheets, posting about getting accepted to UA on social media. However, as he scrolled through app after app, he kept seeing posts about Ground Zero.

“What a bitch.” he thought and frowned as he turned on his phone flash light.

Katsumi was having such a good evening, but he had to be reminded of that asshole every three seconds. He hated seeing the constant stream of news that everyone seemed to be so enthralled about it. Katsumi couldn’t understand why people liked him so much and he didn’t care to learn either. Quietly, he hopped out of bed and opened his closet.

Eijirou sat on the couch, the television hummed in the background speaking highly of a man who had become a ghost to Red Riot. In one hand he held a glass of bright red wine and the other scrolled through news site after news site on his phone.

For the first time in fifteen years he allowed himself to investigate what had become of his ex. He took a sip of wine and wondered if Bakugou would recognize him if they just so happened to cross each other’s paths at like the market or someplace. Eijirou didn’t think he’d changed that much in fifteen years. Yes, he wore his hair a bit longer than before, and he had a few new scars but other than that nothing much had changed.

Eijirou discovered that in those fifteen years, Bakugou had gotten himself two girlfriends and one boyfriend. All of his relationships ended, of course, and that made Eijirou smile. Bakugou was also a high earning hero, he had plenty of money and could probably open a hero agency of his own if he wanted. However, there was one particular villian that caused significant damage to Ground Zero.

It happened early in his career, and put him out of the game for seven months. It was during that time he met his first girlfriend, she was a nurse at the hospital he was at. After Bakugou healed up, all that remained was some irreversible damage to his right eye that left his vision a little wonky and some nerve damage in his left his hand.

That was the first and only devastating loss that Bakugou had suffered from. Of course he had a few losses here and there, but nothing that left permanent problems. In later interviews, Bakugou claimed it was from being new and inexperienced in the field.

It made sense.

There was so many fan sites dedicated to Ground Zero that it was almost sickening. Eijirou found himself rolling his eyes more than he’d ever had before. Not that he was jealous, but he knew Bakugou on a level these fans would never know him on and they lived in a world of innocence. Eijirou knew the type of person Bakugou could be, but maybe he changed. People do change, right?

After about two hours of catching up on fifteen years of drama and adventure, Eijirou decided to shut everything down. He went into the kitchen and began to rinse out his wine glass when he heard someone knocking at the door.

He cursed quietly to himself, he was fearful of who might be on the other side of that door. What if -- could it be? No, no he didn’t know where he lived unless he asked around but--

Holding his breath, Eijirou opened the door and was relieved to see Mina standing on the other side.

“Katsuki isn’t here with you, is he?” he asked, as he stuck his head out of the door frame to look left then right.

Mina laughed at his paranoia, and said “No, but that is what I came here to talk to you about, oh, and Izuku is here too!”

“He is?”

“Right here!” Izuku jogged up to the door, he was holding a kitten in his arms, “I found this little guy down the stairs.”

“I told you to leave it!” Mina said.

“I know but he’s all by himself and he was crying.” Izuku pressed his lips gently against the top of the little orange kitten’s head, then looked up at Kirishima and asked, “Do you have any water we can give it?”

“Sure.” Eijirou opened his door wider and allowed his friends in, along with their new feline companion.

Izuku and Mina sat on the couch while Eijirou placed a little bowl of water on the floor by the kitchen. He took the kitten and set it down near the bowl, and the little baby soon began to lick up the liquid.

Eijirou patted the kitten softly, before walking over to Izuku and Mina, “So, have you guys seen him? Have you seen Katsuki?”

“Yeah,” Izuku was the first to answer, he tried to hide his excitement but failed to do so, his smile gave it away, “He ate breakfast with Shoto and I.”

Eijirou took a seat on top of the coffee table and stared at Izuku, “What did he say?” he whispered.

“About 80 percent of the conversation was about you.” Izuku admitted.

“Me, huh?” Eijirou tried to suppress a blush from forming across his face, “So, what -- what did you talk about?”

“Your face is so red right now!” Mina laughed and pointed at him playfully, “Ei, don’t tell me, do you still have feelings for him?”

“I -- I’m not sure.”

Mina crossed her arms and glared, “Even after selfishly leaving you, you can’t say for sure if you have feelings for him or not?”

Eijirou looked down at the floor in between his feet, and said, “I, I hate to say this but I’ve always hoped that he’d come back and meet Katsumi.”

“Doesn’t Katsumi hate him?” Izuku questioned.

“Yeah, but…” Eijirou scratched at the back of his neck.

“Well, he wants to see you again.” Izuku said with a smile, “He said he wants to apologize to you and he was just a dumb kid back then. I didn’t tell him anything about Katsumi, I figured that was something you should tell him.”

Katsumi had always been a little bit of a rebel but never pushed the limits to the point of no return. If there was one thing he hated it was making his father upset. He loved Eijirou and he respected him. He really wanted vengeance on Grand Zero, does that fucking bitch even know how much pain he put Eijirou in?

Katsumi remembered the first time he learned of who his alpha father was. It was back when he was in elementary school and he had just arrived home from school one winter. They still lived at his grandparent’s house, and were sitting at a kotatsu table. Eijirou was reading a fitness magazine while Katusmi was working on a homework assignment that required him to make a family tree.

“Dad?”

“Yes?”

“The other kids have two parents, am I special?” Katsumi asked, “My friend, Naasu says it takes two people to make another person, did you make me on your own?”

Katsumi will never forget that look of pain that crossed his father’s face that day.

“Dad?”

“I didn’t make you on my own.” Eijirou admitted, he set the magazine aside, “You do have another parent.”

“Is he dead?”

Eijirou smiled, but it was forced, “No, he’s not.” he shook his head.

“Where is he?”

“He…”

“Don’t cry.” Katsumi grabbed some napkins sitting on the table and patted the tears off his father’s cheeks. “Was he mean?”

“He’s a great man, he just -- he made a choice and he didn’t pick us.”

“Who is he?”

“Ground Zero.”

Ever since that day, Katsumi knew what he had to do. No one is allowed to ever make his father cry. Not even if that person was his other father, and a powerful hero. Katsumi would do whatever he has too.

The hunt had begun.

It was unlikely that Ground Zero would be out around town this late at night but Katsumi was going to do his best to track down his whereabouts. So, what better place to begin than to go to the new hero agency?

Ignoring the business hour sign, Katsumi tried to pull open the door a few times but it was obviously locked. He then opened the mail chute to slip in a note addressed to Ground Zero. The note provided a place and time to where they were to meet and fight.

But before he could drop the letter, Ground Zero stepped out of the building.

Katsumi quickly shoved the note back into his pocket and glared at him. Bakugou returned the glare with the same red eyes. He was so intimidating that he could probably scare a normal kid shitless from just his eyes alone. But not Katsumi. Katsumi had something important he needed to do.

“You’re a fucking bitch and I’m going to kick your ass!” were the first words Katsumi ever spoke to Bakugou.

#bnha omegaverse #mha omegaverse #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #adult bakugou katsuki #alpha bakugou #omega kirishima #kirishima eijirou

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shions-heart · 5 years

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🖊

so i got this four months ago and i was supposed to talk about my ocs but by the time i got it i was exhausted and didn’t and then i kept forgetting about it but now i’m here and i’m going to talk about Caleb Greene because ya’ll need to know more about my son who i love very very much

((tw for child abuse and self-harm))

Caleb Greene is one of the protagonists of my original novel Mnemosyne (which you can read the first five chapters on my patreon for free via this post). He’s a little shit, but that’s mainly because he’s got a wall up 6 feet thick to protect himself. He’s Irish and Lakota/Sioux mixed (light brown skin, freckles, green eyes, and brown hair, shaggy and long at first before he cuts it into a mohawk fade) and grew up on a reservation in North Dakota in a foster home with a foster father and foster brother who both abused him (the father physically, the brother sexually). He ran away at the age of 12 and came across Faith Middleton, who was protesting a kill shelter all by her middle-school lonesome. When some boys tried to pick on her, he beat them up and stood with her until her mom came to get her and she invited him over for dinner and they were best friends ever since.

He’s 5′6 (malnutrition stunted his growth), lean and wiry, all sharp angles and intensity. Attractive in a scary way. Like he catches your eye and then it’s intimidating cuz it looks like he could devour you, with his crooked smirk/grin and sharp canines. However, his fashion sense is horrible. He purposefully dresses poorly for the cold (a form of self-harm) so he can be seen in ripped (not intentional, just old) jeans, a worn t-shirt that usually says something stupid like “got milk?”, a thread-bare zip-up hoodie and sneakers in sub-zero weather. This is pretty much his wardrobe all year-round. He works at a bakery called Life of Pie and uses his earnings mostly on books until Faith forces him to go to the thrift store to get actual clothes. Or he just raids the lost and found at school. He’s homeless for a long time without the others knowing, and when they do Faith has him move in with her and her mom. He also smokes, which Faith thinks is disgusting and tries to make him quit.

He’s incredibly loyal and fiercely protective. He’s got a big heart and feels everything so keenly, but because of his abuse he keeps his heart locked up tight and hates feeling vulnerable. He’ll brush off serious topics with jokes and self-deprecating humor, and often makes snide remarks. He’s got a sharp wit and an even sharper tongue and can hold a grudge like nobody’s business. He’s also extremely perceptive, able to pick up on people’s insecurities and weaknesses and often exploits them for his own benefit (in that effort to keep people at arms length and protect himself); unless he likes the person, then he’ll use his perception to know just what to say to make them feel better or know exactly the type of gift they want and somehow get it for them (probably by stealing lbr). He hates being touched except by those he trusts (Faith, and their friends Rae Branford and Jason Quincy). That he’s very serious about. Trust is another thing he’s serious about. Since he doesn’t trust easily, once he decides someone is trustworthy, if they break that trust it’s extremely difficult to get him to forgive them or trust them again.

speaking of Jason … my boy. my son. my poor child. Caleb is hopelessly in love with the guy and he kind of hates himself for it. Jason Quincy is rich. Filthy rich. His parents gave him a Corvette for his 16th birthday rich. Being a black family in a predominately white area means his family has a lot of pride and work hard on their image to maintain the upmost purity so nobody can say they don’t deserve their success. Because of this, his parents are unfortunately homophobic pieces of shit, and Caleb hates them. Absolutely loathes them. He wants Jason to come out and be proud of it, to be proud of them together (because he knows Jason likes him too), but he also understands the fear of being who you are in a cruel environment so while he’s frustrated by Jason’s unwillingness to stand up to his parents, he doesn’t try to push. Unless he’s in a bad mood. Then he tends to take it out on Jason (and Faith and Rae) and then himself as punishment for taking it out on them.

The thing about Jason is that he’s good. He’s a genuinely good, kind, compassionate, helpful, sweet guy who puts others first and will inconvenience himself in the process. Caleb hates that. He thinks Jason deserves better, that Jason should treat himself better. Which is why he hates himself for being in love with the guy, because Caleb sees himself as someone dirty and bad and broken and he doesn’t want to stain Jason with all that, but he also desperately wants to love and be loved so it’s a tragic push and pull with the two of them. Jason wants to love Caleb, but Caleb lashes out at him. Then Caleb wants Jason’s affection, but Jason is afraid of his parents’ wrath. They go around and around like this and it hurts but they can’t seem to break the toxic cycle because Caleb refuses to see himself as worthy of the love he so desperately wants, and Jason fears the consequences of letting himself love Caleb openly, even though he wants to.

This downward spiral of Caleb’s leads to him joining a gang and falling in with two of its members: Isaak Carver and his sadistic twin Jakob. Isaak, who is everything Caleb hates in himself (selfish, cruel, passive-aggressive, manipulative) wants to own and control Caleb, and Jakob, who enjoys causing others physical pain, uses Caleb as his own personal carving canvas. Caleb lets all this happen because he thinks he deserves it, despite Faith, Rae, and Jason insisting that he doesn’t and trying to convince him to break away from the twins and the gang

In my original draft for this novel, Jason dies in a car accident before he can tell Caleb he loves him. He finally stands up to his parents, but on his way to tell Caleb, he gets into a car accident (inadvertently caused by the Carver twins) and dies. Having hit the ultimate rock bottom, Caleb finally lets himself lean on Faith and Rae and leaves the twins and learns that the love Faith and Rae have for him can be enough (having been obsessed with getting Jason’s love for so long, he’d overlooked the love he already had (i.e. family and platonic love is just as good/strong)). But after thinking it over for a couple years I decided to not play into the “bury your gays” trope and I’m trying to think of a way to help them change the toxicity into something productive and fulfilling. Because they both deserve love and I want them to be happy in the end. (Also, fun fact: Jason is 6′ and has been described to have strong features and a god-like body so, do with that mental image with these two what you will.)

So yeah, that’s Caleb Greene, my tragic tragic boy. One of these days I’ll finish your story!

#long post #book: mneomsyne #faith was white originally but i made her latina/white (like me) in the rewrite #rae is trans and black (which i kept)#so they've got their own drama going on with that #Anonymous #talk at me!#basically at the core of this book is 4 young people learning to love themselves #through the help of the love they get from others #that type of story is v important to me #my ocs

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spademagician · 5 years

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Underverse S2 Poster Analysis

Alrighty, @jakei95 posted posters for Underverse Seasons 1 and 2 3 days ago, and let’s be honest, they’re EPIC. But Season 2 isn’t even out yet, but the poster sure gives us a lot of help figuring it out. So let’s get started on these theories, shall we?

WARNING! THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR BOTH UNDERTALE AND UNDERVERSE/XTALE! Download Undertale here, watch Underverse here, and read X-Tale here.

(These are not my art. They belong to Jakei.)

First thing I noticed was the upside-down fingerspelling. Turns out taking ASL classes is useful on the internet, because I managed to effortlessly translate the hands as ‘APOCALYPSE’. What does this mean? My only guess is (taken from the X-Tale Omega FLowey that we’ve only seen once) is that after Error annihilated the AUs, all of the characters either died or had to go SOMEWHERE. Or XGaster is pulling a Spider-Verse and is tossing X-Omega Flowey into UNDERTALE for laughs. Sike. He is pulling another one of his “experiments” most likely. Nearby is some purple glowing papers. In the UTAU fandom, papers often represent the different Alternate Universes, which, if I remember correctly, were all destroyed by Error at the end of episode 0.4. There are 10 pages, which means 10 AUs, or perhaps 10, or should I say...X timelines? If you have read the X-Tale comic, you know that there were ten timelines, each one revolving around a specific boss character from UNDERTALE. These papers may represent these timelines. But aside from that, there’s that purple SOUL, and the ominous face. I know that XGaster and X-Frisk both had half a purple SOUL, but XGaster’s was kept by Ink (until 0.4 when it was released). But it is not upside-down, like a monster’s SOUL is. It is the position of a human SOUL, meaning some human has taken control of the power to OVERWRITE, or there’s a new challenger in the ring entirely. Who knows? Jakei does. But I don’t, which is why this is called a theory.

Second was the hands themselves. They may look like XGaster’s at first but...OwO what’s this? They are NOT LINED (non-skeletal) and the have little hearts on the wrists. They still have XGaster’s famous X-holes in them though. Dafricc? I dunno. Just something to think about.

Third comes the background. Besides the Omega Flowey standing on Mt.Ebott, there is also Asriel’s Falling Star attack from the True Pacifist Final Boss in UNDERTALE. This is p confusing because we already see X-Tale Omega Flowey, and there can’t be Asriel and Omega Flowey at once, because they are parts of the same entity. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be another Asriel. Which bring me to the fourth and final topic...

The characters seen. In the middle of the action as usual is Frisk, the seventh human to fall into Mt.Ebott and the possessor of the DETERMINATION SOUL. They are seen trying to reach a purple star, which is weird, because they’re supposed to touch yellow stars. I am confusion! Help me on this guys!! Anyways, then there are the monsters on the bottom. Alphys, Undyne, Papyrus, Cross, Toriel, Asgore, Sans...wait, CROSS?! That’s right, Cross in in the middle of these monsters, staring up at either Frisk or Ebott. This means the Cross zoomed to the UNDERTALE universe at the end of 0.4, and is watching the Apocalypse go down with the OGs. Oh yeah, there are buttercup flowers whizzing by the boss monsters, a familiar locket on Frisk’s neck, and a red, glowing knife in their hands. Chara? Pure DETERMINATION? Who hecking knows, cuz I sure don’t!

But that’s all I could gather, sadly. Guess we’ll have to wait until 0.5 comes out to see if at least one of my theories is right. If you have your own ideas, make a theory post about it! Alright, I’m done, so see ya!

Follow Jakei at @jakei95 or @xtaleunderverse.

Support her at her Patreon here.

Don’t forget to use the links above to play UNDERTALE, watch UNDERVERSE, or read X-TALE!

#underverse #uvs #undertale #xtale #underverseS2 #jakei95

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mikotyzini · 6 years

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What Defines Us - Ch. 31

One of my favorite chapters - and it’s a long-ish one. Here’s a link.

Also, I’ll be out of town next week, so I don’t know when I’ll be able to post the next chapter. Hopefully, I’ll have an internet connection and can do it from my phone. For those on Patreon, I can schedule the post in advance so no worries there! (I know I can do that on Tumblr too, but not ff.net and I like to post coincidingly on both)

One - it wasn’t very fair to spring monumental decisions on Weiss with very little notice. History already proved that she was ill-equipped for rational thinking under a great deal of pressure, especially when Ruby was involved.

Two - well, the first reason should be good enough.

Had Blake and Yang seriously expected Weiss to tell Ruby about their history within a matter of days? What a ludicrous expectation to place upon her...when they knew full well how her base personality required far more time to analyze and plan out an appropriate course of action.

It was an unreasonable expectation. As such, of course she hadn’t been successful. It was a failing endeavor from the start.

It was nice that they put so much faith in her, but what they failed to understand was how difficult it would be for her to set foot on Beacon’s campus - let alone spend an entire day surrounded by old friends and familiar faces. The prospect of coming clean to Ruby at the same time was another level of emotional dilemma.

Could she spill the beans, so to speak? Maybe.

Did she want to?

That was the most problematic part of this entire predicament. She didn’t know what she wanted to do, and she couldn’t figure out an answer no matter how much time she devoted to weighing her options.

To tell Ruby - or to keep it a secret...at least for a little while longer.

She’d yet to make a decision, and the day of the Beacon Invite arrived. She’d let time slip away as she fell into the all-too-familiar habit of avoidance - trying to escape overwhelming uncertainty. With so very little time remaining, she’d declined Blake’s invitation to meet her team at their house to travel to the airship station together. Instead, she opted to focus on a series of small victories she set up to trick herself out the door.

Because she would go to Beacon - no matter how badly she wished to stay away. That was a promise she’d made to Ruby, and she was going to do everything within her power to fulfill it.

Out of bed, get dressed - two small victories.

Small breakfast, out the door - more tiny victories.

Into the waiting car, to the airship station - small, yet growing victories.

Arrive at the station, get out of the car, allow the driver to leave her behind - victories she should congratulate herself for if she wasn’t paralyzed by fear.

Honestly, she was surprised she’d made it this far. Beacon was so far off limits that when the word came up, she buried it underneath mounds and mounds of work. To her, Beacon symbolized everything she’d built with Ruby - the foundation of both their friendship and their relationship. It was at Beacon where her life truly began...and she didn't want to go back yet. She wanted to leave the past in peace.

But she’d promised. So...this morning it wasn’t Beacon she was heading towards. It was Ruby. Whatever came next -

“Weiss!!”

Turning towards the sound of her name, excitement tingled down Weiss’ spine when she caught sight of the source. Ruby was geared up in her combat attire - the boots, the skirt, the red cloak - with Crescent Rose hung on her back and Thorn adorning her hand. She looked prepared for battle - however big the fight might be. She looked dangerous and extremely capable.

She looked like a huntress.

It was a sight Weiss never thought she’d see again, yet here it was - racing over before crashing into her for a hug.

“You made it!” Ruby called out, holding Weiss at arm’s length while silver eyes twinkled brightly. The eager expression was enough to make Weiss temporarily forget her reservations.

“Of course I did. I promised, didn’t I?”

While Ruby grinned, Yang walked past and clapped one hand down on her sister’s shoulder.

“Come on, kids. Let’s get this show on the road!”

Watching the full huntress versions of Blake and Yang walk over the ramp and into the waiting ship, Weiss remembered the trepidation laying upon her mood ever since she woke up this morning. If it wasn’t for Ruby grabbing her hand, she might not have followed her teammates aboard at all.

But Ruby did grab Weiss’ hand and, whether she realized it or not, provided enough strength for Weiss to board the ship with her teammates. As she did so, she reminded herself that there would be no real enemies today - only simulations. No one would be in any physical danger. The only thing in danger was her relationship with Ruby, which seemed to have recently reached a new level of closeness.

“You wore your combat stuff too!” Ruby pointed out while picking a pair of seats in the row behind Blake and Yang. Pausing in the aisle so that Ruby could have the window seat, Weiss sat down and clutched her hands in her lap.

“I wanted to blend in,” she answered calmly, utilizing the excuse she’d come up with yesterday after spending hours deciding how she might broach the subject of her past affiliations with Beacon. If she was to fight today, wearing her combat outfit was essential. And Myrtenaster was stored in a locker, waiting to be called if needed.

That was a pretty big ‘if.’

“You look great!” Ruby replied, hopefully failing to notice the blush the compliment dusted across Weiss’ cheeks.

“You do too,” she managed to whisper in reply before glancing away and watching the doors close. Her pulse beat faster as her mind tried to wish herself back out the doors. It was too late - there’d be no turning back now, as the ramps drew away and a soft melody announced their imminent departure.

The next second the ship gave a small jolt as it detached from the landing pad, causing her to flinch in surprise. In no time, they were rising rapidly into the sky before blasting away from the station - destination: Beacon.

Ruby’s face was practically glued to the window as the ship zoomed into the air, remaining there until they’d ascended above the cloud cover and the city below was no longer visible.

“How far are we? Yang! How far are we?” she asked, standing up in order to look down at her sister in the row ahead.

“Not far, Ruby. Won’t take long at all.”

Plopping back into her seat, Ruby examined Thorn for a half second before turning her gaze elsewhere.

“Are you nervous?”

The answer to Weiss’ question was abundantly obvious - Ruby’s knee bounced nonstop while her right hand subconsciously played with the ring around her neck.

“A little, yeah…”

With a soft ‘hmm,’ Weiss hesitantly dropped one hand onto Ruby’s hopping knee. The gesture temporarily stopped the bouncing...until the other one started up.

“I don’t know what to expect!” Ruby continued, her hand still spinning and spinning her ring in anxiety. “Or who to expect. And I’ve never fought in front of anyone but you guys before and there’s gonna be a whole crowd of people plus it’ll be on TV and I really, really don’t want to make a fool of myself!”

Taking a deep breath, Ruby finally focused on Weiss.

“There’s just...a lot,” she surmised with a quick smile. “I think my mind might really explode this time.”

“You’re going to do great,” Weiss replied, squeezing Ruby’s knee in encouragement at the same time. They shared a smile before Ruby looked down at the ring in her hands, and her mouth curled into a slight frown.

“Do you think she’ll show?”

When bright, silver eyes found Weiss, they gleamed with unconcealed hope. The expression reinforced what Yang had said and what Weiss already knew - how could anyone possibly want to disappoint Ruby?

“I think she’d be stupid not to.”

The answer seemed to reassure Ruby, but her knee kept bouncing and her ring kept spinning. Weiss could only imagine what must be going through Ruby’s mind right now - between seeing Beacon for the ‘first time,’ potentially meeting her long-lost partner, competing against a group of full-fledged huntsmen and huntresses...as Ruby had so aptly put it - it was a lot.

But for every ounce Ruby was nervous, she was also clearly excited. As usual, she ran towards a challenge with a smile on her face and a hop in her step. She embraced adversity. No matter how big this moment may be, she’d rise to it - and then above it.

“Have you been to Beacon before?” Ruby suddenly asked, breaking the silence while turning away from the window.

“I - yes, but a long time ago,” Weiss fibbed, unprepared for the question. However, Ruby accepted the answer readily - bobbing her head before staring out the window and falling back into silence.

Weiss’ stomach jumped into her throat when the ship began its rapid descent, amplifying her pulse as they fell into the clouds. Reaching over, she clasped one of Ruby’s hands in her own - much more for her own support than for Ruby’s. Glancing at their joined hands, Ruby grinned and moved closer to the window as they dropped below the clouds - and she gasped when the ship was finally sailing through clear skies again.

There it was. Beacon.

When Blake stood and looked over the back of the seats at them, Weiss dropped Ruby’s hand and then immediately cursed herself for being so modest. Once upon a time, she hadn’t cared so much about what others thought, but today...it was as if she and Ruby were starting new - and that meant nerves and modesty were back full force.

“Are you ready?” Blake asked - although Weiss wasn’t sure if the question was directed more towards her or Ruby.

Giggling, Ruby leaned into Weiss’ shoulder.

“I’m super pumped!”

Speechless, Weiss responded to Blake’s inquisitive eyes with nothing more than a small nod.

Ready? No, she wasn’t. But it didn’t matter if she was ready or not - they were already there. In a matter of hours, Ruby would be fighting in the tournament...with or without Weiss.

The slight bump of the airship docking made her wince while her heart climbed higher into her throat. When the other passengers began standing up, she remained glued to her seat, her nerves shooting like livewires through her veins. It wasn’t until Ruby stood and tapped Weiss’ shoulder that she persuaded her limbs to carry her off the ship and towards the entry to Beacon’s grounds.

The atmosphere was filled with excitement as large groups of attendees emptied from a series of airships that had arrived nearly in unison. Undeterred by the crowds, Ruby raced ahead - shooting down to the bottom of the ramp before letting out another gasp.

“Wowww!!”

From here, the view of Beacon was quite awe-inspiring. The sparkling buildings, many recently rebuilt. The sprawling walkways, the towering trees, the green forest in the distance...and the people. Crowds and crowds of people walked or gathered around the edges of the paths. Most of them appeared to be spectators, but more than a few students milled about. And, standing out amongst the crowds, were one or two other huntsmen - easily identifiable by the weapons they were hauling around.

“I mean, I’ve seen pictures and stuff, but wow!” Ruby continued with an excited hop as they followed the flow of people away from the airship. “Look at this place!”

Reaching the first break - where the new arrivals began to disperse in all directions towards their ultimate destinations - Ruby raced a few paces ahead and spun in a slow circle, her lively eyes taking in all of the sights before she turned back to them and waved.

“Come on, guys!”

While Ruby raced ahead, pausing every few feet to take another good look around, Weiss watched from afar and willed her feet to carry her further. Feeling a warm presence by her side, she turned and found Yang standing beside her - lilac eyes following Ruby with a small smile on her lips.

“You’re gonna tell her today, right?” she asked quietly.

The question made Weiss swallow thickly while her heart continued to beat wildly in her chest. The ride here had done nothing to help her make a decision. If anything, it only reinforced that she didn’t possess the courage to broach the topic today.

“Right? Weiss?” Yang asked again after too much time elapsed, turning that purple gaze in Weiss’ direction. Swallowing again, Weiss nodded once and attempted a smile.

“I’m just...waiting for the right moment...”

Yang let out a gentle laugh, as if that was the response she’d expected.

“It’s Beacon, Weiss. I’m sure there’ll be plenty of ‘em,” she commented before walking ahead to join Ruby, who was again waving at them to hurry up. Taking Yang’s place by Weiss’ side, Blake remained behind for a second longer.

“Are you going to tell her?”

“Of co-” Halting the lie before it fully appeared, Weiss sighed and shook her head. “I can’t decide.”

Blake’s ears twitched in concern, but her eyes showed nothing.

“Do you want us to tell her for you?”

“Thank you, but it should come from me, shouldn’t it?”

“It should...but if you don’t feel like you can -”

“I can do it,” Weiss cut in resolutely before feeling the courage quickly fade away. “I just...need to decide if that’s the right thing to do.”

“You don’t have much time left to make up your mind…” Blake whispered before moving to rejoin Yang up ahead.

Only after briefly closing her eyes and sighing did Weiss move to follow, clasping her hands together to prevent them from openly shaking. The crowds weren’t helping her nerves. If anything, they were only amplifying her anxiety by their presence. Thankfully, it looked like the paths up ahead thinned out as everyone moved to the arena at their own pace. That’s where Ruby was already waiting for them, hopping from one foot to the other in excitement.

Weiss could do it - she could tell Ruby. If she wanted to.

If she wanted to, she could do it.

While making her way back to her team, she did her best to ignore the people surrounding her. In some instances they were far too close, stepping into her personal space or jostling her. At other times they were far away, but she could feel the looks - the second glances at her outfit as if trying to place her. And the whispers…Ruby, Ruby, RWBY, RWBY…

Outside of this place, when Ruby was in nothing but street clothes and absent a spectacularly eye-catching weapon, most people would fail to connect her with the legend she’d created. But here...at Beacon...at a competition for huntsmen…

“Is that -”

“Do you think -’

“Was that really Ruby Rose?”

Fortunately, those who noticed were content to keep their distance - gawking but not attempting to approach. Ruby probably wouldn’t have minded if they did, but the potential for them to ask about the entire team - including Weiss - could be catastrophic. Not that it had ever happened to them before, but there was a first time for everything...

“This place is huge!” Ruby was saying when Weiss caught up to them.

With every sentence Ruby spoke, she added a joyful hop at the end for emphasis. It was adorable and would’ve been thoroughly enjoyable if Weiss wasn’t entirely preoccupied with the large open space they were approaching.

“This is where the new students make their way into Beacon for the first time,” Yang announced, using grand gestures to wave towards the pillars while they passed beneath them. “Pretty cool, right?”

Watching Ruby intently, Weiss tried to read the reaction - or, more realistically, to see if there was any flicker of recognition in those wide, silver eyes.

“Really cool! And big!” Ruby answered, turning around and giving Weiss a grin she couldn’t return.

This was where new students made their way into Beacon for the first time. This was where they’d first met. As inauspicious as that meeting had been, it was a milestone in Weiss’ life. It was one of those moments she could point to and say - ‘Right there. That moment changed my life for the better.’

But it was nothing to Ruby.

“What do you think, Weiss?” Yang asked while all three of her teammates looked at her with varying degrees of expectation.

How was she supposed to respond to that question though? ‘Yes, this looks exactly like the place I met Ruby years ago?’

“It’s lovely,” was all she managed to mutter before walking on - voluntarily leaving that part of her past behind.

Because it was gone. She’d already known that, but somewhere she must’ve held onto the hope that Beacon had survived...if only in a glimmer of recognition. But Beacon hadn’t survived - just like Weiss hadn’t survived, or Blake, or any of the years of memories they’d shared together.

The absence was only another heartache to add to the pile.

“Think we can sneak into our old dorm room?” Yang asked after a passing moment of silence, throwing a wave towards a group of students who immediately began to whisper excitedly amongst themselves.

“Of course we can,” Blake replied. “The question is, why would we?”

“To mess with the freshies!”

Taking Yang’s hand, Blake shook her head and led them away from the rows of dorm buildings whose mere sight tore at Weiss’ composure. Inside that building - that one right there - was the first room she’d ever shared...and it had been one of the most surprisingly enjoyable experiences of her life. Staying up late studying for exams (or helping those on her team who’d failed to adequately prepare), watching scary movies all weekend when it rained, trying and failing to make their own soap...all of those memories were bundled up in that unassuming building.

Where they would stay.

“Which one was ours?” Ruby asked as they walked by, her eyes lingering a moment longer.

“That one right there,” Yang answered while pointing it out to Ruby, who merely nodded and then turned away. That was it.

Meanwhile, Weiss’ eyes flitted back to the building until it was out of sight, but not out of mind.

This was something like taking a walking tour through her most painful memories - hurting more and more with every subsequent building that was passed without a hint of recognition. It was as if they were acknowledging that the past didn’t exist anymore. Even though Weiss remembered it vividly, it was gone.

Unfortunately, it would get worse before it would get better - if it would get better at all. Next up was the dining hall, where she refused to allow her eyes to remain for too long. Food and Ruby would always be intertwined in her mind...

“That’s the dining hall. They’ve got some good food. And some not so good food,” Yang explained with a chuckle. “Oh, and there’s a classroom building.”

Pausing, Weiss looked up at the slanted roof and felt her heart clench.

That wasn’t just any classroom building. That was the building Ruby had climbed on top of to shout her feelings for Weiss - and practically the rest of Beacon - to hear. It had been one of the most utterly embarrassing yet greatest moments of her life rolled into one.

‘Ruby, get down here right now!’ she’d yelled at her partner in vain.

‘Not until you say you’ll go out with me!’

‘Sure! Fine! Whatever you want, just get down here!’

When Ruby had gleefully jumped down, to much applause, Weiss had pretended to be angry, but she’d secretly been...ecstatic. All of the feelings she’d been unable to express to Ruby had been returned tenfold. It only took Ruby’s courage and lack of social etiquette to finally bring them together.

Who would’ve thought that what Weiss needed was someone to love her so loudly...so unabashedly...that they’d literally shout it from the rooftops?

Feeling someone step beside her, she hastily wiped a tear from her eye.

“Weiss…” Blake whispered.

“I’m fine.” The response was so automatic, Weiss could only shake her head after. “I’ll be alright,” she corrected, shooting a worried glance towards Yang and Ruby. The last thing she wanted was for Ruby to wonder why a classroom building was worth so much emotion.

“We should probably head to the arena now,” Blake called out to the other two, giving Weiss’ shoulder a gentle squeeze. “We don’t want to be late.”

Yang looked their way before nodding and throwing on a smile for Ruby.

“Come on, Ruby. Time to show you the best part of the campus!”

Glancing at the buildings one more time, Ruby smiled at Weiss before happily following her sister away. Passing between several taller buildings and making it through a small square, they turned a corner and suddenly the arena came into view - towering in the distance down a long avenue that was crawling with people.

This was where all of the action was happening.

As they joined the fray, Blake remained by Weiss’ side until Ruby glanced over her shoulder and paused for them to catch up. Only then did Blake seamlessly move ahead to walk with Yang, sliding her hand into her partner’s to announce her presence and earning a grin in return.

“You doing ok?” Ruby asked, giving Weiss a concerned expression.

“Yes, why?”

“You seem kinda quiet.”

“It’s...all the people,” she answered, diverting her eyes from a group of rambunctious students who’d just pointed their way before talking amongst themselves. “I’m not a huge fan of crowds.”

Ruby immediately slid closer to Weiss, as if to provide a physical barrier preventing anyone else from getting too close.

“Gotcha. But you’re still having fun, right?”

“Of course.”

Satisfied with that answer, Ruby grabbed Weiss’ hand and led her through the groups of people. The arena towered over them as they neared the entrance, while the sounds of many voices mingled in the air to create one loud drone filled with anticipation and excitement.

A wide pathway led directly to the main entrance of the arena - a several-stories-tall, hundreds of feet wide, gaping opening with gates thrown open to accept the throng of spectators inside. But this wasn’t the entrance they would use. There were multiple smaller entrances located around the side of the arena for huntsmen and other staff. It was when Yang and Blake led them off of the main walkway towards one of these entrances that Ruby suddenly gasped and dropped Weiss’ hand.

“Oh my godddd - look at those!!” Ruby squealed, pointing out Fox and Yatsuhashi’s rather intimidating swords. Although...for as intimidating as the weapons were, the two members of Team CFVY looked far less dangerous toting along what had to be Coco’s fashionably-pink luggage.

“Do you think I can even hold that thing?” Ruby asked, gesturing to Yatsuhashi’s sword.

Pausing to see what Ruby was gushing about, Yang chuckled at her sister’s zealousness.

“Why don’t you go ask?” she suggested.

“Really??”

“Yeah. Introduce yourself and ask,” she said, giving Ruby an encouraging nudge forward. “I’m sure he’ll let you!”

Ruby’s hesitation lasted for only a second before she smiled and skipped over to Team CFVY on her own. Upon noticing her approach, the entire team stopped and listened Ruby to intently before Coco started laughing at whatever was said. For his part, Yatsuhashi didn’t hesitate in setting down Coco’s bags and removing the sword from his back before handing it over to Ruby. As soon as he released it, the weight dragged Ruby’s hands straight down and the tip clanked into the ground. Weiss smiled, and Yang chuckled while they watched Ruby strain to lift the weapon and hold it in something resembling a proper fighting stance. Thankfully, Ruby didn’t try to swing it - and gladly handed it back to the boy, who lifted it like a feather over his head to hang on his back.

It was impossible to hear from this distance and with this many people around, but Velvet said something next and pointed to Thorn, most likely asking about his purpose. It was the perfect question to ask, immediately sending Ruby into excited chatters about her newest accessory. She then offered Crescent Rose to the team, and Coco nodded for Yatsuhashi to take it.

With a nod, he accepted the scythe and drew it back before launching it through the air. It had already traveled at least fifty yards before it jarred to a stop and flew back for Ruby to easily jump and catch.

Ruby’s latest parlor trick made Weiss smile. It was as handy as it was unusual - and Team CFVY seemed to agree from their respectful nods. Velvet, of course, immediately asked to take a photo of Thorn, which Ruby graciously obliged. As the interaction wrapped up and Team CFVY prepared to continue their way to the arena, Coco patted Ruby on the back and Velvet sent a small wave their way.

With a huge grin on her face, Ruby bounded back to them.

“They’re super nice! And that sword was heavy. Did you see me try to hold it?” As Ruby imitated her struggles, Weiss smiled again - happy that Ruby had enjoyed re-meeting Team CFVY so much.

“They won last year, ya know,” Yang added while they walked on, succeeding in making Ruby’s jaw nearly drop to the ground.

“What?! No way! Really?!”

“Yup. All five rounds - time to spare. Helps with four people though.”

“But you can finish with three!” Ruby answered, sending a grin Weiss’ way. “I’ve seen it happen before.”

“Totally doable,” Yang responded. “It’s just hard to win with three.”

“I don’t care about winning!” Ruby quipped. “But I want to finish the rounds!”

Catching Ruby’s optimistic grin, Weiss couldn’t help but feel her spirits lifted by the fact that Ruby was already having such a great time. If nothing else good happened, Ruby’s happiness made coming here worth the trouble.

Mid-stride, Blake’s posture suddenly stiffened.

“Here comes trouble,” she muttered at the same moment Weiss noticed Cardin Winchester standing with his team up ahead. Unfortunately, the boy had noticed them - more specifically, Ruby - and was already striding over with a smirk on his lips.

“I got it,” Yang replied confidently, smiling while Cardin walked up to Ruby.

“Well well well, if it isn’t little miss - oomph!”

The boy doubled over before he could finish the sentence, his hands clamped over his stomach where Yang’s elbow had just landed with a painful thump. While he was still hunched over, Yang leaned down and whispered something into his ear - something that made Blake’s eyes widen in surprise. Nodding enthusiastically, he straightened slightly before hobbling off at a fast pace, never looking back.

Noticing Ruby’s bewildered expression at what just happened, Yang merely shrugged.

“He owes me money,” she explained before continuing on as if nothing had happened.

Violence was never the answer...but well-placed intimidation worked wonders on a bully like Cardin. As long as it kept him away from Ruby, Weiss was willing to endorse Yang’s methodology. Otherwise, there was no telling what he might say or do just to cause trouble.

As one of the side entrances loomed up ahead, Weiss picked out a crowd of students and several huntsmen gathered around Professor Oobleck - who seemed to be holding court of some sort, which wasn’t surprising given his popularity as one of Beacon’s best professors. He was the one who let students try to take down an Ursa in their first class - or allowed them into sections of the forest that were off limits. There likely wasn’t a single student who didn’t try to get on his good side, if only to be allowed the opportunity to test their skills against a foe that was potentially way too powerful.

To be a student again...blessed with a sense of invincibility and a good dose of naivety...

“Oh, hey!” Yang suddenly remarked while pointing towards Professor Oobleck. “Blake and I will check us in. You two wanna hang out here?”

When Ruby nodded, Yang winked at Weiss before leading Blake over to the crowd of students. Clearly, this was a pre-designed moment to give Weiss the opportunity to speak with Ruby in private...as if the wink hadn’t made that entirely obvious...

Shuffling her feet and glancing over, Weiss found Ruby’s eyes darting from one spot to another - trying to soak in as much of the atmosphere as possible. In particular, her attention was drawn to every weapon she found. Knowing Ruby’s mind, Weiss had to assume that a catalog of wants and wishes was being created with every sword and saber that passed them by.

“How do you like Beacon so far?” she finally asked, failing to think of a better question to spark a conversation.

“It’s great! Really big. I just wish I could remember what these places were.”

“But I thought you didn’t want to know your past…” Weiss replied, her brow furrowing in confusion.

“I don’t! But I do. It’s a really weird situation going on in my head right now.”

Regardless of whatever mental turmoil Ruby was experiencing right now, she grinned That had always been one of her strengths. No matter what the world decided to throw at her, she always found a reason to smile.

“It’ll be better once I’m fighting,” Ruby added, her gaze flitting from one person to the next. “Then I can focus on the fight and not…everything else...”

“You’ll be out there soon,” Weiss replied, although she wasn’t sure if her reply was reassuring or distressing. The closer they drew to the arena - and the walls were only a matter of feet away from them now - the closer they grew to revelation or disappointment.

After scanning several other faces, Ruby finally turned to Weiss with an embarrassed smile.

“I keep thinking I’ll recognize someone,” she admitted while reaching up to touch her necklace - the action all but saying who she was trying to find. “Kinda dumb, right?”

“No, Ruby…” Weiss immediately replied before struggling to find the words she wanted to say next.

That was a wish she’d made so many times...that Ruby would just remember - as if it was as easy as that. Like flipping on a light switch, all of those memories would return.

It was something she wished for, but knowing that Ruby sometimes felt the way only filled her with regret.

“That’s not dumb at all,” she continued, giving Ruby an encouraging smile. “I think that’s a pretty natural response after what you’ve been through.”

“Yeah...let’s hope everyone else is as understanding as you!” Ruby quipped before finding another smile that somehow put Weiss at ease even though it was Ruby in need of comfort. “Oh wow - look at that!”

Distracted by a neon blue crossbow, Ruby practically drooled as the weapon was carried past.

Grateful that Ruby had such a short memory when it came to difficult situations, Weiss watched the crossbow until she spotted Blake and Yang out of the corner of her eye. From the look of it, they were having a serious conversation - Blake speaking quickly, her ears slightly flattened while Yang listened intently. Yang’s brow was furrowed, but she was beginning to nod in agreement with whatever Blake was saying.

What were those two up to now?

“You’ll stay with me until we go in?” Ruby asked - the question so openly earnest and hopeful that it tugged strongly at Weiss’ heart.

“I’ll stay until you want me to go,” Weiss replied with a gentle smile.

Even though Ruby smiled back, she couldn’t know that that moment might be closer than either of them realized - that she might have reason to ask Weiss to leave and never come back. Until then...Weiss would stay by Ruby’s side.

Seeing Yang and Blake walking back to them, Weiss dropped Ruby’s gaze and turned to face the rest of their team.

“Turns out they need you to go over yourself,” Yang said while joining them. “Wanna run over there and get checked in?”

“Sure!” Ruby replied, racing to Blake’s side to head over to Professor Oobleck. When Weiss moved to follow, Yang stuck out an arm to stop her - allowing Blake and Ruby to move on without them.

“Hey, hold on a second,” Yang said, gently turning Weiss towards her and lowering her voice. “How’re you doing?”

Sighing, Weiss glanced at Ruby and Blake before turning back to Yang.

“I’ve been better.”

Nodding, Yang’s eyes also flitted to Ruby before fixing on Weiss.

“Listen, it was too much to ask you to come here and tell Ruby,” she said, her voice soft and full of understanding. “So don’t worry about it, ok? We can tell her later if you want.”

“But...what about her partner?” Weiss asked in surprise.

“I’ll make something up. She’ll be disappointed, but she’s survived worse.” Giving Weiss a hopeful smile, Yang patted her once on the shoulder. “We’d rather you didn’t have another aneurysm.”

Stunned by the change of events, which Weiss now knew must’ve been the topic of conversation she’d just witnessed, she had no idea how to respond. This took a tremendous amount of pressure off of her and meant that she wouldn’t be letting Yang down if she (most likely) failed to tell Ruby the truth. She hated the idea that Ruby would be disappointed, but this might be the breath of relief she needed to survive the day.

Trying to smile in acceptance, she nodded.

“Thank you…”

“Yang!”

Hearing Ruby’s voice, both of them turned in that direction at the same time - finding Ruby throwing her arms up in exasperation.

“What’re you talking about? They’re not even doing check-ins!”

“They aren’t??” Yang asked with nearly-genuine surprise. “Then who did Blake and I talk to??”

Quickly understanding that it had been a joke, Ruby pouted while Yang laughed.

“Ruby!!”

There wasn’t time to find the source of the voice before an orange missile slammed into Ruby and lifted her feet right off the ground. Weiss’ initial shock quickly dissipated into familiarity - which morphed into concern in a heartbeat.

Nora.

“Rubyyyy! I’m so happy to see youuuu!” Nora sang cheerfully, keeping Ruby’s arms pinned to her side while swinging her in the air like some prized doll. For her part, Ruby didn’t seem too concerned, but was dumbfounded by what was happening.

“Uh...hi?”

Dropping Ruby to the ground, Nora took a half step back. “Hi!” she said with a grand wave and giant smile. “Long time no see, silly goose! Look at you all up n’ attem - oh cool glove!!”

Nora - the epitome of unpredictable. Taking a slow step back, Weiss tried her best to disappear and not draw Nora’s attention lest the girl completely blow her cover. Thankfully, Nora’s focus was centered squarely upon Ruby while grabbing her hand to peer over Thorn.

“Ruby, this is Nora,” Blake explained, nodding to Nora before gesturing to the stoic boy only now catching up to them. “And this is her partner, Ren. They’re members of Team JNPR.”

When understanding showed in Ruby’s expression, it dawned on Weiss as well.

A stranger running up out of the blue - Ruby could’ve thought that Nora was her long lost partner. Thankfully, Blake cleared up that potential misunderstanding seamlessly.

“Are you competing today?” Ruby asked with a friendly grin. If she was disappointed, it was impossible to tell. Was she disappointed? If she was disappointed that Nora wasn’t her partner, what would she possibly think of Weiss?

“I wish,” Nora replied with a pout. “Pyrrha dragged Jaune off on some hunt somewhere, so we can’t fight. But we asked to be the hosts!”

“‘Asked,’ Nora?” Ren drawled dubiously.

“Fine! Begged! Whatever, they still agreed!” Nora shouted, adding a giggle at the end before suddenly frowning. “If only Pyrrha hadn’t agreed to that hunt!” she wailed. “We were gonna crush it this year!”

The disappointment was gone as soon as it appeared.

“You really don’t remember anything?” Nora asked instead, dropping Thorn in favor of looking through Ruby’s eyes and ears as if she might be able to see straight through Ruby’s brain.

“Some things,” Ruby answered, ducking her head out of the way when Nora tried to pull at one of her ears. “From a long time ago.”

“Then you don’t remember that time I threw a pie in your face?”

“Nora,” Ren gently scolded his partner.

“Why did you throw a pie in my face?” Ruby asked in confusion, but Nora just scratched her chin.

“Who said I threw a pie in your face? Hey, do you wanna eat a lot of olives??”

“Uh...sure?”

The response made Nora burst into uncontrollable, elated giggles.

“Alright, Nora, we’d better get going,” Ren said, taking her by both shoulders and steering her away. “We don’t want to be late.”

“Goodbye Ruby! And team!” Nora yelled back to them before disappearing inside the arena doors. Jaw still unhinged, Ruby stared at the door before giving Yang a look of incredulity.

“So...that’s Nora…” Yang said with a little chuckle. “But we should get going too - it’s gonna start soon!”

“And people say I have a lot of energy!” Ruby replied before bouncing over to Weiss’ side - taking Nora’s unique personality in stride.

Taking a deep breath, Weiss tried to smile at Ruby when she hooked one arm around Weiss’. But it couldn’t have been close to a true smile - not when this was it. This was the moment she’d been dreading ever since Yang told her about the fateful invitation Ruby intercepted in the mail.

Blake and Yang led the way towards the entrance being used by the other huntsmen, traveling a more narrow path that took them to a normal-sized door. Ruby’s head was on a swivel as they walked - looking at every huntsman she could find.

Soon they’d be in the arena waiting area. And after that...

When they walked through the open doorway, moving from the bright sunlight outside to a dim-by-comparison corridor, they almost immediately bumped into Professor Ozpin and Professor Goodwitch. The two leaders of the school were welcoming the huntsmen with nods of recognition and respect, but as soon as he saw Ruby, Professor Ozpin walked over with a warm smile.

“Miss Rose,” he said with a whimsical smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “It’s wonderful to see you again.”

“You too...Sir,” Ruby replied, dipping her head in respect. It was clear from her expression that she had no idea who he was, but knew enough to respond politely.

When Professor Ozpin turned towards her, Weiss’ breath caught in her throat. If he greeted her by name, Ruby would wonder how he knew Weiss when she hadn’t gone to school here. But he only smiled at her and made to move by them.

“I look forward to seeing what you’re capable of this time,” he added as he walked away. Professor Goodwitch gave the four of them a hint of a smile and a soft “Good luck,” before following the man towards the interior of the stadium - likely heading towards the stands where they’d watch the battles unfold.

Ruby watched after them carefully, as if willing her brain to give her back memories of the two. When nothing happened, she shook her head and smiled.

“He seems nice!” she surmised. “Has that whole ‘mysterious uncle’ vibe going on.”

“He’s pretty cool,” Yang replied, her relief at the interaction only briefly showing. “Professor Ozpin - he’s in charge here. And Professor Goodwitch - she’s not quite as ‘good’ as the name implies.”

Yang’s assessment made Weiss roll her eyes as they continued towards the bottom of the arena - where everyone would wait until they were called upon.

Professor Goodwitch was a great teacher and an avid disciplinarian. It was the last trait which led to more than a few encounters with Yang while they’d been in school. And who had Yang always dragged along for her nefarious plans?

The sisters had the best intentions when it came to pulling pranks, but Grimm help them they couldn’t master the art of plausible deniability. That’s where Weiss stepped in and...cleaned up the operation a bit. Less trouble meant less detention for her teammates, which meant they could train more and rise in the ranks amongst their class. It was a good enough cause for Weiss to get behind.

Voices drifted out of the room up ahead, where Weiss already knew the rest of the huntsmen were waiting. It was impossible to keep her hands from shaking while they walked towards the open doorway and turned to enter the room.

This was it - the Invite had officially arrived.

“Ok, kiddo...welcome back,” Yang said, holding Ruby’s shoulders and leading her into the room.

The waiting area was located in the bowels of the stadium - several long hallways away from the fighting platform that lifted combatants into the arena. The tournament had yet to begin, so the room was currently filled with huntsmen. Most were clustered with their teams discussing last-minute strategies or goals, but some of the more social were flitting from group-to-group saying hello and exchanging stories of hunts that had happened since the last time they’d all been together.

Weiss looked to her side when she heard a muffled squeal come from Ruby - whose eyes were huge and flitting in every direction. The anticipation and excitement in the air were nearly palpable, which Ruby was obviously feeding off of to the nth degree.

“Weiss -” Ruby whispered while her eyes refused to stop moving from one person to the next - or, more likely, from one weapon to the next. “This is amazing.”

“Yang!” someone suddenly called out before waving Yang over.

“Come on, Ruby,” Yang said, leading Ruby by one shoulder to the center of the room - where the rest of the team captains were gathering.

“I can’t believe they still draw straws,” Blake commented while she and Weiss watched each of the captains shake hands before pulling a single stick from Yang’s hand. Yang made sure to let Ruby pull first, although she was so star-struck at the moment it looked like she was confused by what Yang was asking her to do. A couple of the captains laughed good-naturedly at Ruby’s wonderment before choosing their own stick. Some groaned, some cheered, but the results and order were set by the time Yang and Ruby walked back to them.

Or, more accurately, Yang walked while Ruby nearly levitated off the ground.

“Third!” she announced, brandishing the small stick in her hand.

“That means we’ll get to watch teams after us!” Yang said before giving her sister a high five.

What they didn’t mention, but what Weiss immediately thought to herself, was that going third meant there wasn’t much time until they’d be called in.

“Come on, let’s sit down,” Yang added before leading them to a relatively quiet corner of the room. As they walked, Weiss kept her eyes trained on the ground and avoided eye contact with anyone she knew. She didn’t want anyone to approach her with Ruby around. Although it shouldn’t be too difficult for her to be seen as ‘unapproachable’ - she’d spent her entire pre-Beacon life as such.

“I’ve never seen so many huntsmen!!”

Ruby’s adoration was refreshing - even if it was a little misplaced. Sure, there were many amazing huntsmen here at the moment, but Ruby was better than most of them now - and she’d been better than all of them in her prime. From the healthy amount of interest she was garnering, no one had forgotten how good she was, but they were keeping a respectful distance. Everyone knew what had happened, of course. When one of Remnant’s most treasured huntresses falls, word spreads quickly in the aftermath…

When Weiss looked at Ruby - whose eyes still moved from one huntsman to the next - she felt a pang of guilt run through her chest when she noticed that Ruby was once again holding onto her ring. And she was still searching...because if her partner was going to show up, it would have to be any minute now.

A loudspeaker suddenly buzzed to life - calling for the first team and causing everyone else to let out loud whoops and claps while giving out high-fives to the first combatants. The team walked confidently out of the room towards the series of hallways that led into the belly of the arena. It wasn’t long after they’d left that a far-off crowd roared to life - the spectators giving a warm welcome to the first of many huntsmen who would be competing today.

With the Invite officially underway, the video screens placed around the room flickered to life and the remaining teams congregated around them to watch the feed of the events from up above.

The Invite wasn’t set up to be impossible - it was meant to be a spectacle of their capabilities. What set teams apart was time rather than the ability to move forward, something they’d always had a significant advantage at with Ruby around.

A total of eight minutes was given to complete five rounds, with each subsequent round more difficult than the last. Round five was always some colossal machine or Grimm that teams were usually left with only a handful of seconds to take down. There were short pauses between the rounds while the stages were set and replays were played for the crowd, but, beyond that, the clock ticked fast.

“Let’s go!” someone called out, earning a “Whoop!” from another huntsman in response before many of the voices faded away in favor of watching the screens.

Weiss couldn’t watch though. There were far more pressing matters that her mind was latched onto - like the fact that Ruby still hadn’t let go of her necklace.

The expectation had been removed - Weiss no longer had to tell Ruby - but it still felt like she had to. What had she been telling Ruby all day? Of course her partner would show up. She’d be an idiot not to.

Well...who was the idiot now?

“Making it through the rounds is important, but you also want to be impressive!” Yang said while Weiss avoided looking at any of the screens. “There’s a lot of people here and they want to see the coolest things we can do, so pull out all the stops - k, Blake?”

Blake rolled her eyes. “I’m not one for showboating.”

“Come on! You have to be a bit of an entertainer! People are watching!”

“That’s what I have you for.”

“But I’ve seen you do some insanely cool stuff! I only want everyone else to see a teeny, tiny bit of how amazing you are.”

When Yang smiled - that disarmingly genuine smile - Blake pursed her lips and half-heartedly tried to conceal how pleased the comments made her.

“No promises,” was all she said, but Yang grinned as if it was a big ‘yes.’

A resounding chorus of “oooooh”s swept through the room before a smattering of laughter and shakes of heads. From the reactions, someone must’ve just been eliminated by knockout. Essentially, if any team member’s aura was fully depleted or if they exited the arena boundaries, the team automatically lost. It was an embarrassing way to exit the tournament - it was far better to run out of time than to be defeated.

When the loudspeaker buzzed to life and called for the second team, the members were already ready and waiting by the door - heading out to test their skills as cheers sent them on their way. As they disappeared into the hall, Weiss felt the mood in the room relax now that the Invite was underway. They all knew the drill from here, minus the newly-graduated teams and Ruby.

When Weiss glanced over, she found that Ruby was still searching around the room while biting at her bottom lip. Reading the expression of uncertainty at the same moment Weiss did, Yang stood up.

“Hey Ruby, come here a second.”

When Ruby obediently stood too, Yang gave Weiss a small smile before wrapping one arm around Ruby’s shoulders and leading her off to the side for a private conversation. Unable to hear what they were saying, Weiss nonetheless watched and attempted to figure out how it was going from their postures.

Yang was being supportive and one hand never dropped from Ruby’s shoulder, while Ruby nodded every few seconds in understanding. When Yang stopped talking, Ruby said some brief words, smiled, and gave Yang a long hug before they came back. Unsure of how Ruby had received the news, Weiss shot a glance at Blake, trying to read her expression, but she wasn’t giving anything away.

“Since we don’t have any moves planned,” Yang began while Ruby quietly returned to Weiss’ side. “Let’s do this a la CRDL - kill as many things as possible on your own and ask for help if you need it.”

The game plan made Blake scoff.

“And they wonder why they never win…”

Weiss was too busy shooting glances at Ruby to join the conversation. Was Ruby upset? If she was, it was difficult to tell. How badly had she wanted her partner to show up? Would this ruin her time at the Invite?

Reaching up, Ruby briefly touched her necklace before catching Weiss’ eyes.

“Are you alright?” Weiss immediately asked, unable to bear not knowing any longer.

“Uh, yeah, I guess, but...could I talk to you for a second?” Ruby asked in return, offering a hand that Weiss gladly took before being gently led away from Yang and Blake’s prying eyes. The other huntsmen didn’t seem to notice them either - their eyes were glued to the video screens while watching the battles play out. Every once in a while laughs or gasps of admiration were added to the distant sound of cheering that seemed to echo throughout the building.

Weiss’ palms began sweating when she realized that this could be the moment. If she was going to tell Ruby, now would be the time. Forget whatever Yang had just told her - Weiss could tell Ruby the truth right now. She could look Ruby in the eye and say ‘I’m the one you’ve been looking for’ - potentially destroying everything they’d created in the process.

Before making any decision, she needed to listen to whatever Ruby wanted to say. Because there was clearly something Ruby wanted to say - made all the more apparent by the thoughtful expression she wore.

“Thank you for coming to watch,” she said with a smile that didn’t linger long.

“Of course, Ruby. I’m glad I could be here with you,” Weiss replied, feeling like a boot was pressing down on her lungs when she watched Ruby’s gaze sweep the room one more time before falling to the ground with a downcast air.

“Yang said she couldn’t make it...”

“Ruby -” Weiss began to say, but her voice cut off before more words could make their way into existence.

She was afraid. She didn’t know if she could tell Ruby the truth. What if it made Ruby hate her? What would be worse - for Ruby to not remember Weiss...or to hate her?

“It’s ok,” Ruby replied with a quick shrug. “I kinda figured it was short notice, but it’ll still be fun to fight in front of all these people!”

No matter what the world threw her way, Ruby always found a reason to smile…

Glancing over her shoulder at the other huntsmen, Ruby suddenly seemed far more fidgety than usual - and that was saying something. But when she turned back to Weiss, it was with a big smile that didn’t fit with the jitters.

“She didn’t show up, but you did. That means a lot to me, Weiss.”

Smiling weakly, Weiss tried to ignore the feeling of her heart painfully throbbing in her chest.

“Of course, Ruby,” she whispered. “Anything for you…”

The gratitude wasn’t deserved. What had she done to earn it? She’d come to Beacon, only to become a ghost when she was needed. She’d returned to Vale, only to hide behind anonymity.

How could she possibly go through with this? How could she let Ruby enter that arena without her?

“Team RWBY - please report to the arena lift. Team RWBY - up next.”

Staring at the nearest speaker, Weiss opened her mouth but found she had no words to say.

Time had run out for them, just like it had the first time. She wanted so badly to be that person for Ruby again - the one who’d always be there - only to fail and fail and fail to find the courage. Every choice she’d made since that fateful day in the forest had proven it over and over again - she was a coward when Ruby needed a hero.

“That’s us!” Ruby announced before rubbing her palms together nervously. “This is it. I can do this. I can be a huntress, right?”

Hopefully, Weiss’ smile was encouraging and didn’t betray the multiplying distress threatening to overwhelm her.

“Of course you can. You can do anything, Ruby.”

Pausing for a second, Ruby bit her lip before suddenly leaning forward and planting a soft kiss on Weiss’ cheek. The action had hardly registered in Weiss’ mind before Ruby rushed back to Blake and Yang - sending a wave over her shoulder as she went.

“Wish me luck! I’ll see you right after!”

Weiss stood rooted to the floor for several seconds, her cheeks burning while her heart struggled to find a steady rhythm.

Had Ruby just...that had been real, hadn’t it? Ruby had just...

The other huntsmen were particularly rowdy for Ruby, whooping and hollering while walking over to offer her high-fives by the exit - which she gladly whizzed around the room in a swirl of petals to collect. Walking past Weiss, Yang managed a meager thumbs up while Blake simply wore that concerned expression she had.

It hadn’t seemed real until this very moment, but as her teammates’ left her behind, reality began to sink in.

They were going to fight without her.

Knees weak, Weiss sat down on one of the benches and struggled to breathe as the raucous sendoff died down. No sooner had her teammates disappeared through the doorway could she feel eyes on her - their thoughts practically audible.

They all wanted to know the same answers - Why wasn’t she following? Why was she staying behind? Was it true then? Had she left her team? How could she quit on her team? A huntsman never quit on their team.

Abruptly standing, she raced towards the exit without another thought. Someone called her name, but she ignored whoever it was and kept running. And running, and running. Not even seeing the halls and corridors she sprinted through - just knowing that she needed to be anywhere but there.

It was only when she shoved through a door and found herself back in fresh air that she finally stopped - doubling over to put her hands on her knees while huffing out jagged breaths that felt like the beginnings of sobs. It hadn’t been a long run, but her chest was constricting in fear and panic - hampering her ability to breathe. It felt like something was trying to crush her, while drowning her in the realization that she’d failed yet again.

But Ruby had kissed her. On the cheek, but Ruby had kissed her. They were close to recapturing a piece of what they’d once had. It would only take time.

For what cause though? Any relationship they had now would be built on lies - lies that would be impossible to keep forever. One day, Ruby would find out the truth. One day, Ruby would learn that Weiss had stood idly by and let them walk forward without her.

Focus. She needed to focus on taking deep breaths. Steady breaths. One long inhale, hold it until her lungs burned - let it out in one long, shaky exhale.

One…

Another deep inhale. Exhale slowly.

Two...

Straightening up, she continued to take slow breaths while trying to figure out what to do next. Briefly closing her eyes, her hand immediately went to the ring Ruby had made for her - the smooth metal sending a tendril of love through her veins. It was a ‘just because’ gift. Just because Ruby was sweet and considerate and selfless unlike anyone else Weiss had ever met.

A breeze kicked up outside - cold enough to raise goosebumps along her arms while she struggled with her internal demons.

She didn’t want to lose Ruby.

She didn’t want to lose what they’d managed to rebuild - like a phoenix rising from the ashes of their past life.

She didn’t want to hurt Ruby be revealing the past, and the mistakes that had been made.

She.

She she she.

All of her reservations were based on what she wanted and what she didn’t want. What about what Ruby wanted? What about what Ruby needed?

Ruby had such an easy-going nature that her needs and desires were often pushed aside in favor of the more vocal. When they’d been together, it had incensed Weiss whenever that happened. She’d gone out of her way to make sure Ruby got whatever she wanted, but this time Weiss was the one actively avoiding Ruby’s wishes. Even Yang had given her a pass. Ruby would be disappointed, but as long as Weiss was alright…

Ruby would think her partner didn’t care about her. Ruby would think that someone she’d spent four years training with couldn’t be bothered to show up for a couple of hours on one day.

But Weiss would be fine.

The realization made her stomach turn.

When had she lost sight of what it meant to be selfless? When had Ruby’s wants become secondary to her own?

Ruby needed her now. Not the person she was today, but the person she’d once been. Ruby needed her partner to be here. For once, Weiss needed to put aside her doubts and do something for Ruby - something that scared the living daylights out of her. She appreciated Yang and Blake’s concern, but…

She wasn’t that broken.

Seconds later, her weapon locker crashed into the ground by her feet. Grabbing Myrtenaster, she turned and sprinted back the way she’d just come, bursting into the waiting room and racing through to the other side without acknowledging anyone there. Flying into the hallway beyond, she followed the arrows leading towards the platform underneath the arena floor.

Mistakes don’t define you. Your reactions to them do.

She’d made mistakes - more than she cared to count - and she’d run from them. But that wasn’t who she was. That wasn’t who she had to be. She could choose her own reaction - she could choose how she would be defined from here on out.

She wouldn’t live a lie. If Ruby wanted this piece of her past to come back, then it would come back. Weiss would come back.

Sliding around a corner, she found her team up ahead - already standing on the platform that would raise them into the arena. They were looking away from her, with Yang wrapping one arm around Ruby’s shoulders and holding Blake’s hand with her other.

You’re running to Ruby, Weiss reminded herself as a line of glyphs shot her down the hallway at breakneck speed.

Ruby needs you right now. Don’t think about anything else - Ruby needs you. All those times she needed you, and you weren’t there - that will never happen again. Because that’s not who you are. That’s not who you’re going to be.

Nora’s voice blared over the speakers, chattering away while Ren’s low drawl paced in between. The audience laughed at something they said - the rolling sound coming from right above their heads.

Ruby needed Weiss before, and she hadn’t been there. She wouldn’t let her partner down again. She would do anything for Ruby. Which meant she would do this.

A loud clunk echoed off the walls as the platform unlocked and began to rise. Springing off the last glyph, Weiss catapulted herself onto the edge behind her teammates - her chest rising and falling with deep breaths of apprehension as they were lifted towards the arena floor.

The crowd cheered louder - their team had just been announced - but the noise was a distant din compared to her heartbeat in her ears when her teammates noticed her presence and turned towards her. Spotlights suddenly hit them from above, but her eyes were flooded by silver.

“Weiss?”

#rwby #white rose #weiss schnee #ruby rose #what defines us

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fanfictionconnectionwordpress · 6 years

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Mystic Messenger Fanfiction | VanderwoodxOC Cerise - Tagged | Ch. 26 Reparations

***From angst to resolution...if things can be resolved. I have a certain love for the calm after the storm. With technical difficulties now taken care of, all of my accounts are up to date with current chapters and posting should be much easier! Woo! ~Let's Connect! FFC***

*Remember, this is a sequel to Vanderwood Backstory, and Cerise has a bio. You can support my writing on patreon and get access to my VIP Discord Server or other goodies like early chapter releases and hidden scenes. Tagged Chapter Directory*

As his feet hit the ground, the thought struck him that she probably didn't want to be found - not by him anyway. Pure panic flowed in his veins. Breathe. Idiot. Breathe. Vanderwood was forcing himself to move - a gloved hand closing around the ring in his pocket. She was leaving him. Did he even deserve to find her? He wanted to make sure he found her - to make sure she was safe, to tell her it wasn't her fault. Maybe, just maybe, he could convince her to come back home with him. Or maybe it was better this way. He shook his head. No, he was going to find her and set things right. Vanderwood knew he was being selfish, but he couldn't live without her anymore - not anything that could be called living.

***

Cerise had no idea where she was even going to go. First, she’d headed to the park - sitting on the swing and leaning her head against the chain as the seat swung gently back and forth. There wasn't any real way she could describe how she was feeling. Hurt was only a small piece of the very messy puzzle - both the physical and the emotional pain. Cerise knew that he hadn't meant to hurt her wrists like he had, but the fact of the matter remained that it had still happened. It shouldn't have happened.

This man used to kill people for a living. She'd seen him so easily break someone's wrist on a whim. Couldn't things have gone so much worse? He had been right that night on the stairs all those months ago. What was she compared to someone who wanted something from her? He had demonstrated twice now that she was powerless. Cerise shook her head and sighed - warm puffs of breath visible in the cool air. It was going to be dark sooner or later, and that meant it would get colder. She stood up and began walking towards the shopping district.

Cerise didn't exactly wear the most functional of winter clothes, and in her haste, she hadn't grabbed an actual jacket to boot. Still, at least her arms were covered with the light jacket she had already been wearing. Even that wasn't going to do much good for her if it got colder. Luckily for her, she had stashed a pair of gloves into the pockets of that particular jacket. At least some luck was on her side.

She walked and walked, admiring all the colorful lights and decorations of the various shops. Everything was so festive and warm. People were so cheerful and welcoming if she decided to walk in and take a look around. It almost made her forget about her own troubles. In another stroke of luck, she had actually had her wallet on her from when she had to pay the delivery boy the rest of the money for the cake. She found a squishy little keychain of a new character that was so ridiculous that it was kind of endearing. Pastelle the Prissy Poo - it was so silly that she managed to giggle upon seeing the softly colored, glittery, anthropomorphic cartoon character of the poo emoji.

As she walked around, she kept one hand in her pocket squishing on her new treasure - finding it somewhat relaxing. Cerise stopped walking as she came across a heavily decorated cafe. There were lights in the window, a toy train, a Christmas tree, and tinsel - the whole nine yards. It looked like something straight out of a dream, and she couldn't help but find herself inside at a table looking at the menu.

The inside was decorated similarly - the atmosphere warm and inviting. Christmas music played in the background, and there was even a simulated fireplace with stockings hung over it. It put a smile on her face. As crappy as she felt, this was the type of thing that could still make her smile. In no time, one of the wait staff was at her table to take her order. Cerise looked her over; the woman was dressed in the cutest Christmas themed uniform, and not to mention, she was super nice. "What'll it be, sugarplum~?"

Cerise realized that she was staring at the woman and laughed awkwardly. “I’ll take a gingerbread hot cocoa and a slice of your special Christmas cheesecake.” What she needed right now was something sweet she could enjoy - to help take her mind off things. Before she knew it, her order was in front of her - delivered with a smile by the sugarplum waitress. The taste of the hot cocoa was like heaven, and it definitely warmed her to her core. It almost helped numb the emotional turmoil. Cerise shook her head again, trying to chase the thoughts away - push them into the back of her mind. That wasn't important right now. What was important was this adorable cheesecake in front of her that had gumdrops, little candy holly, other various candies, and sprinkles on it. Man, it tasted like heaven.

She almost didn't notice the sudden rush around her. It looked like the sugarplum waitress and an older man were practically running around trying to keep up. The place was packed now. Cerise really felt bad for them; they were such nice people. A thought crossed her mind. She wasn't really doing anything - didn't have anywhere to go...maybe she could help?

Cerise got up and made her way to the older man who was frantically trying to decorate an order of some sort. "Excuse me? Hi...I was wondering if you needed some help?" The man looked up in surprise. There was a strange air about him but not in a bad way. It was more whimsical than anything. "Oh! Don't worry, you don't have to pay me or anything...I just noticed you guys were busy, and I don't have anything to do. I'd really like to help you!" She bowed, trying to show some respect. Sometimes she forgot the cultural nuances when she was in Korea - bowing wasn't something they really did in Paris, but it felt appropriate now.

The man looked her over, seemingly deliberating. "What a nice young lady~ Who am I to deny such a heartfelt request?" He smiled at her - his eyes twinkling under the lights above him despite the rush he was in. "I don't have any extra uniforms on hand right now, but there's an apron behind the counter. If you could take orders, you can leave the rest to me."

Honestly, Cerise had never worked a day in her life. She didn't know how to take orders, but she was going to do the best she could for these people who seemed so warm and joyful even under stressful circumstances. She found the apron in question and put it on - taking a pad of paper and a pen that was in close proximity. Cerise found out from Ms. Sugarplum which tables she hadn't gotten to yet and decided to start there. She was a quick learner; she would get this. It was a welcome distraction from the train-wreck that was her life. As hours passed, she found herself actually having fun and laughing along with the owner and his daughter as well as the other customers - who obviously appreciated her efforts a Hell of a lot more than other people had that day.

***

He'd made it to the shopping district, chestnut-brown eyes scanning the area for any sign of his Cerise. Vanderwood had realized that he couldn't call her fiancée right now - a sting going through his heart. Every worst-case scenario that existed was flitting through his mind. Panic wasn't just a feeling; it was a living breathing entity that swallowed him whole, and he’d found himself running throughout the streets of Korea - full out running, bumping into a few people and then doing something he'd sure as Hell never done.

"Have you seen her?" He looked like a madman pushing his phone at strangers. "She's really short, super short, absolutely beautiful. Please tell me you've seen her!" Every person he tried was more intent on running away from him than helping him. A 6ft tall, dangerous-looking maniac. A young man was taking off from him again when Vanderwood plopped himself onto a bench, putting his head in his hands and sobbing.

His heart was being wrenched from his chest - his very soul being torn in two, and then he dropped his hands - looking ahead through the blur of his tears…There she was. She looked happy - smiling and talking to customers. Why was she in an apron? Seemed like she'd managed to get a job in a matter of hours. Vanderwood felt his breathing still. She was fine. Cerise was just fine without him. Maybe it was better if he waited for her shift to be over, gave her phone back, said his piece, and walked away. Just tell her it wasn't her fault - then, let her live her happy life. It was too late for him, but it wasn't for her.

Cerise could be happy without him. At least she wasn't choosing drugs like his mother - just a better life without him in it. He was crying again. It was really surreal. People always seemed to think that men didn't cry - that crying was a feminine phenomenon, yet he was one of the most masculine guys on the planet. He snorted at himself - ever the cynical asshole. Always a cynical asshole. Vanderwood looked up to see her again - the smile on her face, and it was like a shard of glass had lodged itself in his chest. He couldn't sit and wait here; he couldn't. It hurt too much. People be damned. World be damned. God or whatever was out there be damned.

Vanderwood’s breath left his body in a rush, and then he was up and running again - into a café covered in Christmas decorations. Uncaring of the people around, he grabbed Cerise up into his arms and held her tightly as he buried his face in her hair. Was that the smartest choice when she was probably terrified of him now - wanted nothing to do with him? No, but he was too busy sobbing into her hair. There was a constant stream of, “I'm sorry,” leaving his lips between the sharp intakes of breath his sobs were causing.

She had barely noticed Vanderwood rush in due to talking to one of the few customers left in the café before she’d been swept up in his arms. It took a moment for her brain to process what was going on. Vanderwood was here in the café. How had he even found her? Right...former secret agent. Her body tensed up automatically, and her wrist suddenly felt like it was on fire - a not-so-gentle reminder of what had happened earlier.

Cerise wasn't sure how she was supposed to react. She wanted to cry; she wanted to be angry - to lash out at him, but that wouldn't make her any better than he had been. It was impossible to find the words to say as he sobbed into her hair - apologizing to her over and over. How was she supposed to react? Her chest felt tight, her heart hurt deeply, but she just didn't know what to do...What was happening right now? Was this even real...?

Her eyes followed him as he collapsed to his knees in front of her. By now people were staring. She was probably causing trouble for the owner. Cerise flashed the man an apologetic look - earning an understanding nod. All she wanted was to cry, to tell him that it was okay - to forgive him. That was what her heart was telling her. The words were in her mind. Even so, Cerise knew that he had a problem - knew that it ran deeper than she had imagined. Things could have gone much, much worse for her, and she wouldn't have been able to stop it. She considered herself an understanding person, but there was only so much she could take - only so much she could have tried to break a barrier that he didn't want to be broken.

Cerise’s voice was a soft murmur. "Let's...go over here." With little effort, she was able to urge him into a nearby booth where she sat opposite of him. Ms. Sugarplum quickly brought over some coffee and put a cup in front of each of them, leaving with a concerned smile. All Cerise could do was stare at the broken man in front of her as she absentmindedly rubbed at her wrists. He had moved along with her with seemingly no struggle at all, even. Seeing him weak and dejected just seemed so wrong. She could at least hear him out.

Vanderwood knew he looked like an idiot, and he was just causing problems for her again, too. He wasn't one to act out like this - certainly not for an audience, but too late now. What was most important was that he told her what had happened, that he explained to her the truth about why his birthday and Christmas were so painful for him, and why it wasn't her fault. Vanderwood sat hunched over in the booth - barely able to meet her eyes as he tore his gaze away from the table.

"When I turned six years old, my mother said she was coming for Christmas. I sat in front of the tree with Caleb for four hours before Caleb fell asleep in my lap and dad went to bed. I woke up the next morning, and she still wasn't there. Turns out she got so high that she forgot or just couldn't make it. Either way, she chose drugs over me on Christmas." He had to pause, taking a breath - feeling winded and his throat raw from the crying.

It was all bubbling out now - too fast to even notice the way she was rubbing at her wrist. "On my seventh birthday, I waited all day for my dad to remember. I thought he was kidding around, had some surprise for me...but nothing happened. Mom was supposed to come again, and I waited...I guess she forgot, too, because when the doorbell rang, it was dad's friends. I put Caleb to bed, and when I came back downstairs..." His voice broke, and he had to shove the rest of the words out like he was pulling a tooth without medication. "My birthday present was finding out what your dad shooting up heroine looks like."

Cerise was silent still as she listened to him - nursing on her cup of coffee. It was a lot to take in; there were a lot of walls coming down. It wasn't the ideal situation or place, but he was finally telling her why he had been so grumpy, so distant - colder than the air outside. Hearing everything just made her hurt more, although almost in another direction. He had been dealt such a bad hand - both him and his brother. It was really no wonder to her that he could be so cold and rough on the outside.

Vanderwood hung his head in shame again as the memory of the way she'd looked at him from beneath him after his snap came back - far more painful than even the childhood ones. "I was trying to shut those memories out - completely shutting myself down...when I...when I treated you like..." He simply couldn't say it; he just couldn't. Bloody Hell, what a fucking prissy ass wimp he was. "I told you to get away from me, because I didn't want to hurt you any further or go down that slippery slope of sex. You are so much more than that to me. You're the only truly beautiful thing I've had in my life for almost a decade. You didn't do anything wrong. In fact, you were doing everything right. Granted, I don't like being woken up, you almost lit the house on fire, and there were sparkles bloody everywhere, but you cared so much more than any other human being ever has - even my parents. You are quite literally the best thing that ever happened to me...I just couldn't handle it."

So many words, so much to say, Vanderwood just kept going, because if he stopped, it wasn't going to come again. He would just be walling up all over again, and nothing would be different. She needed to know everything - whether she was going or staying. Cerise needed to know. "I'm so much better since I met you, but I'm still a broken man, and I...forgot that I needed to watch myself. I forgot that I'm an addict. I've been doing so well that I've been laboring under the delusion that love is a miracle cure, but it isn't...It's the support that I need to reach being healthy, but as magical as it feels - it isn't the cure. I was stupid. I didn't pay attention, and I should have told you everything from the beginning. This...it's all my fault...and I can't ask you to forgive me, because I wouldn't deserve it. I just wanted to be happy, and I didn't want to ruin all the hard work you went through to make this day something other than the pain it's always been...so I didn't tell you...and I didn't tell you when it was getting to be too much...and I'm sorry, Cerise. I'm so sorry."

Cerise couldn’t quite come up with her own response yet - still trying to sus everything out for herself. It comforted her to know that he hadn't been telling her to leave because he had actually wanted her to, but because he recognized what was going on with himself and didn't want to put her through anything worse. He hadn't trusted himself; he was trying to protect her. She had also been living under the delusion that love was the cure for everything - that that alone could fix everything just like in the movies. Life didn't work that way. Life was a big, fat, bully full of harsh realities.

She was young and didn't have a lot of life experience. For all intents and purposes, she shouldn't get involved with him again. They should just go their own separate ways. Cerise was way too young and inexperienced to be what he needed her to be for him. Maybe he was too broken to be fixed. It was delusional of her to think she could turn around so many years of pain that ran much deeper than she had known.

Vanderwood couldn’t stand the silence - waiting for her to tell him what she wanted to do, that she couldn’t forgive him, just anything. He felt like a failure - like far more than a failure. It was getting to the point where the talking was just as painful as the silence. Reaching into his pocket, he removed her phone and lightly pushed it towards her on the table. "You'll...need this...if you go..." The ring came out next, but he left that in the palm of his gloved hand - the rose gold standing out against the harsh black leather. "You...probably don't want this...That's why you left it, right?"

Moment of truth, a doomed half-life without her or picking up the pieces. His eyes slowly met hers again - chestnut-brown to honey-gold as he closed his fingers around the ring. "Just tell me, and I'm gone. I won't so much as breathe your name." Although, because of how completely insane he was, he would probably follow her to the ends of the Earth - watching like some fucked up version of a guardian angel. If he had the energy, he would have snorted at himself. Bloody cynical asshole.

Her eyes locked with his - those chestnut-brown eyes that she loved so much. The look in his them was pained but full of so many other emotions. She couldn't pick them all out. He did care, and he was sincere. She could see it. Tears began to well up in her eyes again. Too bad she loved him way too much to let him go - to let him continue to suffer alone. There was no way she could bear being apart from him. They needed each other - as broken as he was and as inexperienced and young as she was. She could have handled this so much better, like the adult she was supposed to be. They both could have handled this situation better, but that was part of life, too.

"Marion..." She hadn't meant for his name to escape her lips, but it had, and now the tears were spilling over and running down her face as she began to sob. Cerise found herself moving out of her side of the booth and all but throwing herself into his arms - sobbing into his chest. She needed him; she would always need him. Obviously, neither of them was perfect, and they still had a lot to learn about each other and themselves. For better or for worse - that's what she was promising him when she had agreed to marry him. There were things she could have probably said = like apologizing for going too overboard and for running off instead of trying to calm down and understand. Sometimes she felt like she was still a kid. There was no doubt in her mind that she still had some growing up to do. All that she could get out was that she wanted him to stay - just like she had after that first kiss. "Stay...please stay."

He tensed as her tears began - his entire being in pain to the point that even breathing was a struggle. Vanderwood was fully expecting her to turn him away. That was what he deserved and what was best for her. His heart tore at the sound of her sobbing. Vanderwood held her tightly to him as she cried. She was asking him to stay…She wanted him to stay. He buried his face in her hair; it was all he could do to keep from starting to cry again himself. Damn, it was a good thing she hadn't cut it weeks before. Cynical asshole. He held her tighter.

Even with what he'd done, she wanted him to stay. Then, he would stay, but he would be damned if he didn't do a better job. "Let's do Christmas...the lights, the decorations, the tree...everything. I want to do everything with you." Words were just coming again, but at least this time it was a positive thing. "New memories...with the woman who loves me like no one else...If that's what you want, too." She was trying to calm herself down when he pulled back and cupped her face in his hand. He wanted to celebrate Christmas with her - the right way. Cerise had stopped full on sobbing, but she couldn't help the tears that were still coming down as he brushed them away with his thumb.

"I love you...I want this happy life with you. I promise this time...this time, I'll tell you what's going on in my head." Should he kiss her? He sure as Hell wanted to, and he didn't care whether people were watching. Fuck, he hadn't scanned the room even this entire time, but he was too busy staring into her eyes to be bothered. What a useless agent he would be right now. Good thing he wasn't one anymore - thanks to her. Better to wait...hear her answer first before he did anything.

All she had wanted was to understand him, to get him to talk to her and let her in. He had told her once that he would try, but it had still been hard for him. Now he was promising her. "Yes...I'd really like that." Cerise managed a small smile. She would do her best to try and not overwhelm him - maybe ask him how he felt before she went all out; she could at least do that for him. "I love you too, ma moitié..." Cerise had long ago forgotten all about the people in the room with them. It didn't matter. She'd make it up to the nice man and his daughter somehow, but for right now, she was just a little lost in his eyes. He very much so looked like he wanted to kiss her - which was fine by her, because that's what she wanted, too. Cerise closed the gap between them and pressed her lips against his.

Just like when they'd first started their relationship, she was the one to remove the space between them. Vanderwood held her to him as he kissed her back - nothing rough, but the kind of kiss that made it seem like the world had stopped spinning. Why did it feel like she was putting his heart and soul back together? That's exactly what she was doing. When the kiss ended, he pressed another to her forehead as she nuzzled into him. "Ma moitié..."

Now he finally scanned the room, and there were quite a few onlookers - each averting their gaze when his swept over them. Was he really that frightening after sobbing like a child in the middle of the place? Apparently, yeah. He shifted to open his hand - looking at the ring that had left a small indent in the leather of his gloves and showing it to her. "I'm going to keep this...for now...and I'll propose to you again...um if you'd like that." That was a cheesy thing to do, but it seemed fitting. Maybe this time he'd remember the right words in French. There was another part of him that wanted to whisk her away and say, ‘Marry me right now.’ But that must just have been from the rush of relief he was feeling.

She hadn’t cared to look around herself but turned to eye her ring as it sparkled in the light. He wanted to propose to her again; he was such a cheese-master, but she couldn't complain. Nodding, she gave a brief, “Mhm,” as confirmation. Vanderwood felt like he could finally breathe again. The world seemed more peaceful to him now - quiet. Every time he told her what was on his mind, it seemed like he was lighter - like living was easier, even if it hurt like Hell coming out. So...maybe he was on the right track.

He wasn't about to drop his guard like he had earlier. "Do you...want to come home now?" Could he trust himself in a bedroom with her...Yeah, but he wasn't going to do anything other than holding her - for tonight at least. Best to be on the safe side. Cerise let out a tired sigh of relief - feeling like all of the stress had washed off her rather suddenly. "Yeah. Please, let's do that." She was exhausted - both physically and mentally.

Cerise pulled on Marion’s hand as they were walking out, going to the old man and his daughter to thank them and apologize for the chaos she might have caused. Vanderwood made his own apologies to the owner and waitress. He was awkward and stiff about it, but it was the right thing to do - even if interpersonal stuff wasn't his forté. They assured that it was no problem and had even asked if they could call her if they ever needed the help. She was more than happy to give them her number. The old man sent them off with to-go boxes of something he had insisted on making for them. It looked to be a pasta of sorts from the glimpse she got before he closed the box. That was good, because she was starving, and she was sure that Marion had to be, too. He was probably way too tired himself to cook.

Vanderwood tucked the to-go boxes under one arm - wondering where he'd even put Cerise's dinner plate down from earlier before he went out the window. It was going to be freezing in the house. He wrapped his other arm around Cerise as they walked - in part because he needed the contact, but also to keep her warm. She never seemed to dress for the weather. It was surprising to see she had her gloves with her, but that had probably been sheer luck - knowing her.

Looking up at the stars, he snorted softly. "You know...where I lived in Britain, the ground would be covered in slush right now, but in all the time I've been in Korea, I've maybe seen it snow once. I kind of miss that." Once the floodgates were opened, apparently sharing got easier. "That sounds pretty...it didn't really snow in Paris. If it did, it never stuck." There was a small smile on her face as he shared just a small piece of his life with her...something normal and small, but just as important to her. Vanderwood looked down at her with a small smile in return.

He gave her shoulder a light squeeze before he let go as they reached her house, pausing before opening the door. There were thoughts burning on the tip of his tongue, and it was best to share them. "Thank you...for everything you did today. I'm sorry it became...the mess it became..." She'd done so much work, and he'd wanted to appreciate it all earlier but couldn't, because he was so busy trying to keep his feelings under wraps. Cerise shook her head in response. "I should have checked with you to see how much you could handle...You did warn me before that you wouldn't be in a good mood on your birthday. I should have been more sensitive." She looked to the ground, kicking her feet a little. "There are things we both could have done differently, you know?"

That was something he wasn’t going to argue. Still, he was impressed by her. He’d always known she was strong - always known she was maturing. Cerise had proved not only her strength to him today but her ability to grow, too. Even if he thought he didn’t deserve that she was doing so much for him. “You’re amazing; you know that?” She looked up, flashing him a little smile. "Yeah...amazingly cold." Cerise tried joking, poking at him a little. "Let's get inside where it's warmer?"

***

They’d chowed down on the food the café owner had made them, Cerise feeling slightly guilty as she saw Vanderwood putting away food that he’d made earlier. It was just like him to make food for the both of them even if they were fighting. As she looked in the bathroom mirror, she could see that her eyes were still a little red from crying. They would look perfectly bright and cute in the morning.

She threw on her pajamas - quickly brushing her teeth so she could get to bed faster. It wasn’t normal for her to forego her nightly routine, but she was just so exhausted. The bed looked so inviting. Sooner or later, he'd wander in and join her, so she decided to get on her phone to wait. The angle that she tried to hold it at was a little uncomfortable. It hadn't really bothered her before, but that's when she noticed that her wrists had bruised darkly from when he had grabbed her earlier.

It was all an accident. He hadn't meant to hurt her. Sure, she knew her wrists hurt a bit, but she didn't think they'd gotten bruised. She rubbed at the left one - which was the worst of the two and sighed. If he saw this...she really didn't want to make things worse than they had been. Cerise plugged her phone in and decided to lay on her stomach with her arms under the pillow. She didn't think she could hide it from him for forever, but at least he wouldn't have to deal with it that night. "Marion? Are you coming to bed?"

He'd finished up the dishes rather quickly - standing outside by the door to the bedroom as he took a moment to be by himself. Was he absolutely certain he wasn't going to behave like he had earlier today? Vanderwood heard her call for him, replying immediately. "Yeah, just a second." He felt fine...other than being exhausted, so yeah, he was fine. Vanderwood opened the door and laid his jacket on top of the dresser for now before grabbing his pajama pants from off the floor. He'd thrown them on the floor and not in the hamper - a testament to how freaked he’d been. The way she was positioned wasn’t lost on him - making him tilt his head at her. That was...a new one?

After ducking into the bathroom, he went through his usual routine in the exact same way he did every day. The repetition was comforting for his OCD - giving him some semblance of control after a day with virtually everything going wrong. Now that he was more right in the head, everything ended up neatly placed in the hamper like it was supposed to. He crawled into bed and reached for her to pull her against his chest like usual, but it seemed like she was a little reluctant to get out of her current position. Had he scared her that badly that she didn't want to sleep against his chest? It would make sense.

Vanderwood bit at his tongue for a moment as he relinquished his hold on her waist, moving to lay on his own side and staring at the ceiling before he remembered that he was supposed to say what was on his mind. "Are you afraid of me now?" She mumbled softly that she wasn’t, but he couldn't blame her if she was. Vanderwood had told her before that not watching his strength was a dangerous game, and he doubted he'd been watching it when he'd pinned her. Wait...his breath stilled, he rolled once more onto his side, and chestnut-brown eyes met honey-gold - pleading for an answer. "Did I hurt you?" The way she was laying her hands under the pillow in front of her - it was like she was hiding something. Guilt was already washing through him again - already knowing the answer. "Please...Cerise...show me..."

Cerise was kicking herself that she had tried to pull away from him. The man was too perceptive, and she should have been more careful to act normal if she was actually going to hide this from him. As he caught her eyes, asking if he had hurt her, it made her chest twist up into a knot. She had hoped that he wouldn't notice for at least that night; she should have just acted normally. It wasn't like she could just tell him 'no'. Not when he looked like this. Cerise felt like he probably already knew the answer to his own question anyways. Slowly, she turned over onto her side - averting her eyes as she held her hands out to him.

A sharp intake of breath was the only sound as he took her hands in his - his eyes taking in the dark bruising. Her left wrist was much worse, but that observation didn't make him feel any better. "Cerise..." He lightly ran his thumbs over the bruises before he bent his head to brush his lips over them. In his head, he was wondering what he could do to make it better - at least to make them not hurt so much. Vanderwood knew her pain tolerance, but he also knew her medication intolerance. Surely a numbing cream would go over fine. She couldn't get high from that.

He let go of her hands to dig for his kit under her bed - finding what he needed quickly. "This won't hurt...and it won't get you worked up either. It'll just numb any pain." Cerise nodded, trusting he knew what he was talking about. Even if it could affect her, she'd be asleep soon anyway. She still couldn't bring herself to look his way - not because she was scared of him or anything, but she didn't want to see his reactions to this. Cerise couldn't bring herself to look at the hurt in his eyes. This was something she knew he was going to beat himself up over.

At the moment, he wasn't touching on how guilty he was feeling - more worried about making sure he could help her feel better. Almost as soon as he had the cream on his fingers and was lightly brushing it over her bruising, though, there was a lump in his throat as his voice cracked. "I really hurt you..." Bloody Hell, he felt like shit. He'd bruised the love of his life. Fantastic. That was just...never again. He'd sworn never again with that first kiss, but this was a whole different ballpark. This...never again. Vanderwood would rather shoot himself in the foot.

"It's...it looks a lot worse than it feels, really." She felt like his birthday was memorable in all the wrong ways. They both definitely had a lot of things they needed to work on when it came to themselves and each other. Cerise knew that from now on, he would probably be extra careful when it came to his recovery. For her side, she would know that when he said he needed to be alone - it wasn't because he didn't want her around. This sort of thing would never happen again, and she knew it; she trusted him.

She still wasn't looking at him. Cerise had said she wasn't scared of him, but the way she was avoiding his gaze made him doubt that. "This won't happen again." His voice was a little harsh as he said it, and that just made him worry more. Vanderwood bit his tongue before he decided he had to know - slipping his fingers under her chin to tip it. "Please, Cerise...look at me and tell me you're not afraid of me. I want to be sure." Relationships were far more complicated than his life before.

Cerise let her eyes fall on his face at his urging - looking into his worried eyes. "I'm not afraid of you, Marion..." The cream he had put on her wrists did help the pain, but it wasn't very prominent in the first place. It only hurt if she tried to squeeze it or she was holding her hands in an awkward way. Cerise tried to give him a reassuring smile, but it probably came out all tired looking. She certainly felt tired, and her feet were killing her. All that running around and waitressing really took it out of her - not to mention the emotional parts of it all. "Tomorrow's a new day." Cerise cuddled back into the bed and towards him, so he could easily hold her if he wanted to. "So, let's get some rest, ya know?"

His eyes had searched hers, and she was telling the truth. "Okay...yeah." Once again, he pulled her hands to his lips - brushing feather light kisses over her wrists, so soft he wasn't even sure if she could feel it. "A new day with new memories - just for you and me." A little cheesiness to fall asleep with. Vanderwood pulled her close against his chest - taking the offered invitation and placing her where she belonged. "I love you, shortcake." He nuzzled into her hair, his voice coming up much smaller than usual - like it had a few times already that day. "Thank you...for not leaving me." He had some bloody major abandonment issues, but he'd be lying if he said he was surprised. Cerise barely heard him, lightly nodding before she completely conked out - dead to the world.

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