#this was supposed to post at noon but whatever that's weird | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

flychansan · 1 year

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Last year I tried co-writing a fic with KoboldAI, but it was a bit of a hassle so I gave up after the first one. 😅 It felt more like I was fighting against the AI instead of a collab. Then I forgot all about it until @seoulsborne123 posted this.

I'll let the result speak for itself.

My input is in bold.

Naru is being weird

>Mai tries not to fall asleep at her desk in the office in case Naru would come out and ask for tea. Naru had not come out of his room for three hours. She had been waiting, thinking he might want some company, but she didn't dare go into his room.

She is still here, sitting on a chair in the corner of the room, staring at the wall, when she hears someone knock on the door.

"Come in," she says.

Naru opens the door without saying anything.

> Mai frowned. He wouldn't knock on his own door. She wondered if Naru, her boss, was okay. His eyes were a bit glazed over.

Naru's face twists in surprise as he sees her standing there. "Oh... I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else."

He walks past her, heading towards the kitchenette. He stops suddenly and looks back at her. "I don't suppose you'd like some tea?"

Mai shakes her head. She doesn't really know what to say.

> What happened to Naru? What made him behave in this manner? It was HER job to serve tea, not his! And what's with mistaking for someone else? But what shocked her the most is that he actually said sorry.

Naru returns from the kitchenette holding two cups of tea. He places one cup on a small table next to the sofa and sits down.

"It's just that... well..."

He takes a sip of his tea and then continues, "... I've been feeling tired lately. My physical condition isn't good, and I haven't been getting enough sleep..."

> Mai blinks. It doesn't sound like he was messing around with her. She watches Naru drink his tea again and says: "So you're tired to the point of knocking on your own office door. Are you still reading academic journals? Writing a thesis? You need a break too sometimes, Naru."

Naru nods slowly. "Yes. I guess so."

He seems embarrassed by the subject matter of his research, but Mai doesn't care about it. She just wants to make sure that he's doing alright.

"You should get some rest," she says.

Naru smiles wanly. "Thanks for offering, but I'll be fine.

> Mai felt her cheeks flush. That's just strange. It almost seems as if he was possessed by someone. Naru turn his head to stare at the window, then gets up and presses his eyelids shut. He opens his eyes again and blinks.

"Why am I..." Naru looks at Mai again. The cold expression has returned. "Mai, what just happened? I was in my room. How did I get here?"

Mai's eyes widen. "Did something happen to you?"

Naru puts his hands on the sides of his head and rubs them. "No. No, nothing happened. I guess I just got carried away."

Mai frowns. "What do you mean?"

Naru stares at her blankly. "Nothing. It's nothing.

> "Oh come on!" Mai got up from her chair. "You knocked on your own door, offered to make tea for both us and... your personality has changed!"

Naru scowls. "That's not true."

Mai sighs. "Okay. If that's how you feel, then fine. But I think you're going through a rough time right now. So stop being so stubborn and come back to your senses. We're all worried about you."

Naru turns to look at her. "Worried about me?"

> "Yeah, even Lin said you were behaving oddly when I came in at noon."

Naru gives her a tight smile. "Lin is always full of useless advice. He thinks he knows everything."

Mai rolls her eyes. "Fine. Whatever you say."

Naru sighs. "Perhaps I have been neglecting my health. I can't deny that. But that doesn't mean I'm losing my mind."

Mai gulps.

> "I'm pretty sure you are losing your mind in some way. Shall I call Lin?"

"No!" Naru shouts. "Don't call him. Don't drag him into this."

Mai frowns. "But Naru, he's your legal guardian. And he cares about you."

Naru waves her off. "As if that matters anymore. As if anyone cares about me anymore."

Mai raises an eyebrow.

Naru stands up abruptly.

> You're not going anywhere, Mai thought. She ran over to Lin's office and knocked on his door. The tall Chinese man came out and asked what was wrong. She said, "Naru has officially lost it. He's talking nonsense and I don't know what to say to him. Please do something about it!"

Lin sighed. "Alright. I'll see what I can do."

He walked over to Naru, grabbed his shoulders and gave him a good shake.

"Lin! Stop it. I'm fine!"

> "You behaved strangely since this morning," Lin said. "I also overheard your conversation with Mai. I agree with her. Sit back down on the sofa and drink your tea."

Naru looked at him in confusion. "What's going on? Why are you treating me like this? I'm perfectly fine!"

Lin shook his head. "If you want to stay here, you'll listen to me. Now sit down."

Naru rolled his eyes and sat down.

Lin turned to Mai.

> "I believe Gene has possessed Naru," he said. Mai gasps. Naru is possessed by his dead twin brother? Why would Gene posses his brother? Lin continued to speak, "Gene is quite bad at impersonating Naru... That's why I know."

The more he spoke, the more Mai understood.

She knew that Gene had been trying to contact her.

She knew that Naru was acting strangely because of his possession.

And she knew that Naru's words were hollow.

Gene was controlling his body.

She knew that Naru wasn't himself anymore.

> "That's right," Naru's voice said. "I'm Gene. How have you been, Mai, Lin? I'm sorry for possessing Naru, by the way."

Mai stared at Naru in shock.

Naru smiled. "It's okay. I'm glad to see you."

Lin frowned. "I'm afraid you might have taken things a bit too far."

> "Well, I'll leave soon then," Gene said. "It's not fun pretending to be the Chief of Shibuya Psych Research."

"Wait!" Mai cried. "What are you saying? You've possessed Naru?!"

Naru glared at her. "Yes. I'm Gene. And I'm leaving now."

Gene closed his eyes, then opened them again.

"Ah... Mai, Lin."

Mai leaned in closely and asked, "Is it really you, Naru?"

"Are you back, Naru?" Lin said.

"Yes," Naru sighs. "Gene, that idiot."

> Mai let out a breath of relief. It seems like Naru was back to being himself.

"But I'm still not convinced that you're yourself," Lin said.

Naru nodded. "I understand. I'll try to prevent something like this happening next time."

"Next time?" Lin said. "There won't be a next time."

Both Mai and Naru look surprised.

> "Excuse me?" Mai said. "Why did you say that, Lin?"

"Because... well..." Lin hesitated. "I think Naru has been possessed by Gene for a long time."

Mai stares at the man.

"I don't understand."

> "I am merely suggesting that it's time for Gene to move on," Lin said, "In other words, it is for the best to exorcise Gene."

Naru inclined his head. "So that's what you meant..."

Mai frowned deeply.

> "You mean... you want to kill Naru?"

Lin nods slowly. "Yes. That is exactly what I mean."

Mai felt sick to her stomach.

Naru stood up suddenly. "I'm not going to let you do such a thing!"

Lin's face darkened. "We will do whatever we feel is necessary."

> "But that's just madness..." Mai's eyes glimmered in defiance. "Naru needs your protection! Didn't you promise his parents?"

Lin's eyes widened. "We promised them nothing. If they wanted me to protect their son, they should have made that clear when they entrusted him to me."

Mai inhaled sharply.

> "Lin, you're the one out of your mind! I can't believe this is even happening," Mai said. Her tears welled up. "This just has to be a dream. It can't be anything else. Someone, anyone, pinch me!"

Naru shook his head. "No, please don't make me go through this again."

Lin sighed. "Very well. But if you ever attempt to harm Naru again, I will kill you myself."

Mai gasped.

> "What?!" She turned to Naru. "Damn it, just pinch me! I want to wake up from this nightmare."

Naru's eyes widened.

"You'd rather die than give up?"

Mai gaped at him.

> "Why are you saying that? I don't wanna die. I want to WAKE up." She grew furious. "Did you forget how to understand Japanese?!"

Naru turned away from her. "Please stop shouting at me. I am trying to tell you that I don't want to die."

"Then why are you so stubborn about, Naru"

Mai couldn't take it anymore.

> "Fine, then I'll wake up by myself," she said, dropping herself onto the sofa and laying down on it. "Don't even think about bothering me."

Naru looked upset. "Mai..."

She didn't bother to turn around.

> Mai closed her eyes and willed herself to wake up from this nightmare.

Mai could hear voices.

"... I heard that someone knocked on her door last night."

"She must have been dreaming or some nonsense..."

> This was it. She was back in her own bed. Covered by her own back. She had returned to reality.

It was just a nightmare.

A nightmare that seemed so real.

She sat up and rubbed her eyes.

"Mai? Are you awake?"

"Huh?"

> Next to her was Masako who sat beside her. The girl smiled.

"It seems you woke up from a terrible nightmare," Masako said. "You were screaming just now."

Mai blushed. "Oh my God..."

Masako chuckled. "Don't worry. I know what it feels like. I also had nightmares once."

"Really?"

"Yes."

> "I see," Mai said. "This one was just terrible. I was in the office and... Naru and Lin had lost their minds. I didn't know what to do."

Masako nodded. "That was a very scary dream. I'm glad you got rid of it."

Mai smiled. "Thanks, Masako-chan. I'm glad it was just a dream."

> "Would you like something to drink? You must be thirsty."

Mai raised an eyebrow. "Um... sure. What would you recommend?"

"How about some tea?"

Mai nodded. "Tea sounds great."

"Good." Masako got up from the bed.

> After Masako left, Mai began to wonder. Why was Masako even in her room?

She knew that no one was supposed to enter without permission.

The only reason that she could come up with was that Masako had been summoned.

Mai frowned.

> She reached for her phone and scrolled through her missed messages. One was from Naru.

"Hey, Mai, I'm sorry to bother you but I need to talk to you. Can you meet me at the office today? I'll be waiting there. Thanks."

Mai stared at the message for a while before replying.

> She typed: "Sorry Naru, but I'm not feeling well. Maybe next week?"

Naru sent back a quick reply.

"Okay, I understand. Tell me if you change your mind."

Mai sighed.

She wasn't sure whether to be relieved or worried about Naru.

> Normally he didn't send such messages, but she decided to put it out of her mind. Masako returned with two cups of tea.

"Here you go."

"Thank you."

"Are you okay, Mai?"

Mai shrugged. "Just tired."

"Well, I'm going home now. See you tomorrow."

"Bye, Masako."

> In the end, Mai was left alone with two cups of tea to drink.

She sipped at the hot beverage slowly.

She felt numb.

She hadn't experienced something like this since she was a child.

She felt confused.

And yet, she couldn't help but feel grateful.

Because she knew that Naru was still alive.

He wasn't possessed by Gene at all.

And that meant that he was safe.

#ghost hunt #fanfiction #koboldai

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ohhmichelettoohh · 1 year

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It will soon be a year since my last orgasm with my partner. Technically, it’s well over a year, but ah well, I’m counting from jan 1st, easier that way.

I have noone to talk to, and no resource to keep friendship/s alive.

I don’t feel seen or heard, on the contrary, i feel invisible in the worst possible way.

I’m severely depressed, but ah well, killing myself or healing myself are both not an option, so yup, another excruciating year of existence it is. I have my good days, sure, but it feels tiring and bleak, and good stuff gets erased way easier. Noone will see it anyway, but i always post here with some weird hope that someone will see it and that it’ll magically fix my shit, which it won’t. So meh, talking to myself but online is all that it really is. I’m really sad though that only things i create myself are those posts of whining and misery. Being *that* mediocre, with no ideas and with no power of creation makes me feel even more invisible and bleak and useless and worthless. I would love to write crappy fics or draw ugly art or sing or something, but i just feel i have nothing inside, no creative spark, no actual ideas. So i managed to get burnt out without actually doing anything ever. I hate my life, i hate what’s become of me — no, hate’s too strong choice of a word. I feel disappointed while looking at it all. Is that all I’m really capable of? Ew. I wouldn’t wanna be friends with this guy either. I’m always too much and not enough at the same time, and i feel that my place in life is like 2012 tumblr when it was full of girls (of every gender) like me, whiny brats that wanted pity, and we even managed to get it somehow. Nowadays whatever i try to do? I get abt 5 likes in my best effort and that’s about it. Not that i would be happy if i got 25000 likes, I don’t want them i want compassion and advice and pity, to be honest. But I can’t even handle it, not really, so i just want to keep rolling around in my misery i suppose? Whatever. I’m a 30 yo failure and that’s probably not gonna change, I’ll stay sick and alone and sad until I’ll finally rot. I just hope I’ll manage to not be a complete disappointment to others, I guess.

#tw sui vent #tw vent #whining

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misschf-aisa · 3 days

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I’m trying to sleep and I’ll tell you the sleep is fighting me. Apparently I need to spill a little bit so my brain and heart can have space to sleep and refill. As before, I choose Tumblr because the post will disappear in the way it should but I still feel like someone somewhere maybe read it.

It’s a hospital thing. This hospital thing always begins with the cramped and crowded parking garage where the all too plentiful extended cab trucks stick out into what is supposed to be a two way street and pedestrians who are dazed by whatever trauma brought them to the hospital have a tendency to walk right in the middle of the lanes. I drive a Fiat, but sometimes in this garage even I have to reverse and cut the wheel sharply before my little car is safely between the lines of the parking space.

2023 I did this dozens of times. Countless times. Mom was in the hospital again, Dad wouldn’t leave her side. A few days, she got to go home, I took him to chemo, she still had the drainage tube connected to her colon but she was okay and he wasn’t losing his hair.

I finally get parked and walk into the elevator bank that’s just inside from the parking garage. It doesn’t matter what floor I’m parked on because there are only two floors that will get you to the patient rooms in the other tower. The 6th floor is also the floor all the babies are on. It’s the place I gave birth to my first child over 30 years ago. I prefer to go all the way down to the first floor and walk the long hallway past the information desk and gift shop and security to get to the elevators I need so I tan go up to the 9th floor where Dad is right now.

The hospital floors are terrazzo, which makes me think if one of my favorite house flipping shows that takes place in Florida. They’re always so excited to keep a good terrazzo floor.

There are 6 elevators, but it always takes forever for one to get to the first floor. Almost always I’m standing waiting with a bored hospital employee on their phone, or a nervous family trying to pretend they’re not nervous. Sometimes if it’s just two of us on the elevator they’ll tell me a story, like the woman who was so grateful she’d gotten her man here in time when she realized he was having a stroke. Everybody in the hospital elevators who isn’t an employee is super friendly. Most of the employees are too.

Someone invariably gets off in the 7th floor. That’s the ICU, of course. Last June I spent an entire week practically living on the 7th floor in a freezing room. I was in the padded bench so Dad could have the hospital recliner while Mom fought the confusion of having had a stroke when she woke up from surgery and she couldn’t talk or move her right side and there was a horrible tube in her nose that she used every ounce of cleverness and willpower to try to remove for the entire week Dad and I kept watch over her.

It was important for me to get there around noon because Dad’s chemo required that he eat well. I don’t know what he did in the hours when I went home at night, but I know he ate lunch and dinner. And chemo was going well.

When I get off of the elevator on the 9th floor - Dad’s in room 946 - I lose almost a full year. I’ve been up there twice now and both times it’s the same. The 9th floor is where they treat patients with strokes. Dad didn’t have a stroke, they don’t think, but they worry there’s something weird in his brain so the stroke floor is a good place for that. Mom had a stroke, though.

Dad and I carried the bags that had accumulated while he basically lived in her ICU room. She was transferred up to the 9th floor. We were talking about rehab and next steps and then I hugged my dad, told my mom good night, and went home happy and hopeful for the first time in over a week. It would be tough, she was still unable to talk or move her right side, but we’re pretty tough too so we’d get this handled. She wasn’t in the ICU anymore, and they’d bring hospital food to my dad now that he was staying with her on a real floor. I planned to stay home the next day and let my son sit with my dad.

Of course, the next day she died from complications from the surgery she’d been there for in the first place.

So now Dad is the one in the bed. His problems are super different, they’re certainly not as acute. But I walk those halls surrounded by ghosts from a year ago. The beeps and chatter from the nurse’s station, the way the hallways smell, the sounds of random television shows as you walk past room after room. The view of Swan Lake and downtown from the window in Dad’s room. It’s different, but it’s the same.

Thanks for letting me vent, I think I might just be able to fall asleep now that I’ve given it to you, whoever you are.

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unhinged-author-of-mes · 2 months

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An excuse to talk about MES

MES = Mary Etrymaly Series

This is a post with all basic information about MES, an original story by me. If you are interested in the story then this is the post for you (and if noone sees this then at least I get to talk about the story that has been living in my head rent free since 2018).

The story is about Mary Etrymaly (who would've thought) a girl who finds out she is a sorcerer and has to go to magic school. Her parents (especially mom) are unsupportive of the idea for... reasons.

The story is planned to be a seven book long series and I'm currently writing the first draft of the first book, which focuses on Mary's first year in magic school.

Some of the important characters in the series include:

Mary Etrymaly (you know, the MC)

Olivia Lycarteries (introduced in book 1, Mary's friend at Magic school)

Selena Sommet (mentioned in book 1, introduced in book 2, Mary's nemesis/rival/enemy, becomes a very important character later on, second main character)

Emma Ferister (introduced in book 1, becomes important later, Selena's close friend)

Martha Etrymaly (introduced in book 1, Mary's mom)

Violetta Wootyrie, aka Viola (introduced in book 1, Magic school principal)

Neti Lycarteries (introduced in book 1, Olivia's mom and a teacher at Magic school)

Dila [real name is a spoiler] (mentioned in book 1, actually appears in book 2, a seemingly crazy evil witch who might be plotting to kill Mary or something)

Cassandra [I haven't thought of a last name yet] (appears in book 5 but becomes very important to Mary)

There are other side characters, but these are the most important ones.

If any of these names seem weird or hard to pronounce that was my (child from Poland) attempt to create English sounding names. I haven't changed them because I've gotten very attached to them over the years. No even I don't know how they're supposed to be pronounced, do whatever you want with that.

I often call this story the "Chosen One gone wrong story" which is referencing the fact that I did some trope subversion stuff with the whole Chosen One thing. You see, the supposed Chosen One turns out to not be as saint as she's prophetised to be.

Also I once made an enormous mind map with all my important ideas for this story (unfortunately I don't have a photo of it and it also contains some spoilers for the later books). I wanted to mention it because that thing is huge.

I'm also planning to make separate posts about some characters (with drawings!!) so yeah. Expect more MES infodumping sometime soon.

#writing #original character #writers on tumblr #i'm writing a book #or at least trying to #oc: mary etrymaly #oc #my ocs

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kinetic-elaboration · 10 months

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June 16: Last Update About Me Feeling Bad!

I'm definitely doing better. I was supposed to leave work at 1:30 but I ended up leaving at 11:30 because I was afraid it was going to start thundering. We did get some storms, but not at the expected times, so like... Whatever. I have the leave time, I did what I had to at work, and I got home a little early, can't complain about that. I wanted to do my grocery shopping before I had time to start feeling sick or full of indigestion or even just tired. This week has been so fucking brutal, I need to be extra nice to myself. There were a surprisingly large number of people shopping at noon on Friday! Getting in my way, being annoying. Don't you have JOBS? Lol. But I found pretty much everything I wanted to find and got this weird smoothie thing that may be good or may be disgusting, and more berries, and some meds I don't even really need anymore. But I'll have them for next time!

I had an acai bowl for lunch and then took a nap, and for dinner some tomato soup and toast with butter, which actually tasted really good. That's a noticeable benchmark because my last attempts at toast went poorly.

Anyway, this weekend is 3 days long and I want to let it be a reset for me. I want to care about other things than just carefully monitoring my own innards. Get back to some kind of writing work. Get back to cleaning. Get back to writing posts that aren't just a careful record of my physical feelings.... because this is boring. I do know that. I'm bored. But I'm also feeling more normal, which is very good. This has been kind of a scary experience for me because I don't have indigestion type problems or stomach bugs very often so I haven't really known what I'm doing. But I do seem to be healing. And honestly even if you consider this as starting on Thursday, which is when I started feeling a little off, it's still only been about a week, which isn't so long all told.

#the year 2023 #2023: rl

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travelingtheusa · 2 years

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IDAHO

2022 Oct 3 (Mon) – We ran some errands today. Got fuel. Went grocery shopping. It is potato harvesting season. There are big trucks driving around loaded with potatoes. We drove around the silo area, looking at the overflowing trucks and piles of potatoes. We came across a Green Giant warehouse for their special potato operations, whatever that is.

2022 Oct 2 (Sun) – We went into town and had lunch at La Esperanza. It was the only Mexican restaurant in town. The food was good. The place was pretty full of Hispanic farm workers. While driving back to the campground, we saw potatoes on the ground. A loaded truck lost a few taters when it went around the curve. I jumped out and picked up 3. One turned out to be bad and I threw it away. I cooked the other two but they weren’t very good. I guess they must have been intended for livestock feed.

After lunch, we drove to the fish hatchery. They raise rainbow trout for release in the lakes and rivers of the area. They sterilize the fish because they are not natural to the area; they are considered an invasive species. Seems weird to raise and release them but not allow them to reproduce. When we were done walking around the hatchery, we tried to find the Snake River Overlook but never could. Either the sign was wrong or the overlook is no longer there. Who knows.

2022 Oct 1 (Sat) – What a delightful day! We drove over an hour to Blackfoot to go to the Potato Museum. We had to call 2 hours ahead to order baked potatoes. When we arrived at noon, we toured the museum. It covered everything from how the seeds got to North America, how the Indians sowed them, how they are planted and harvested, and where they are sold. They even had a VR display where you were driving the harvester that collected the potatoes from the ground. Bingham County, where the museum was, grows the most potatoes of any county in the United States. At the end of the museum tour, we sat in the café and enjoyed a baked potato. Paul got beef stroganoff topping on his and I just had butter. They were very good.

After lunch, we went to the Bingham County Museum. It turned out to be the former home of Mr. & Mrs. Brown, built in 1904. They lived there for 20 years. On a trip to California, Mr. Brown dropped dead. Mrs. Brown returned to Blackfoot, packed up everything, and went back home to Tennessee where her family was. The home stood abandoned for several years. Then the American Legion made its post there and owned the property for 40 years before building a new post elsewhere. The county bought the house and turned it into a museum. The house is furnished with old stuff from the early 1900s, all donated by residents of the town. Nothing is original to the home, although Mr. Brown owned a furniture store and several pieces of the furniture he sold are in the house. There were 3 floors. The foundation is made out of black lava rock. The place was stuffed full of items from the period.

The weather has been very cool the past few days. On the way back to the campground, it began to rain lightly. It has been overcast all day.

2022 Sep 30 (Fri) – We went out last night to try and spot the International Space Station (ISS) passing overhead. Paul has an app on his iPad that shows the location of the ISS. It was supposed to be passing right over our spot. It was partly cloudy and while we stumbled around in the dark, we did not spot the station. That was disappointing. When we tried to go out tonight, there were too many clouds in the sky. Oh, well.

We drove into Pocatello to tour Fort Hall. It turned out to be a replica built on the site. We had some trouble finding the entrance to the place which turned out to be through the Bannack County Museum. The replica was interesting. They also had an 1800s town in the park but you could see it was built specifically for the tourists; they were not original buildings. After the fort, we toured the museum. There was lots of information about the history of the county. It was interesting.

We left the museum in search of food. It was hard to find a restaurant. We finally landed at a bar and had bar food – a philly cheese steak and a taco salad. Afterward, we stopped at Camping World so Paul could pick up a part for the toilet. It has developed a leak and needs repair.

On the way back to the campground, we stopped at Fred Meyer to get groceries. I love that place! It is a combination of Albertson’s and WalMart. Paul was able to pick up some engine cleaner for the truck, I got some kitchen towels, and we picked up some groceries. Next door was the state liquor store where we restocked our liquor cabinet.

2022 Sep 29 (Thu) – We packed up and left Dillon, MT, at 9:05 a.m. It was an almost four hour drive to Willow Bay Resort & Marina in American Falls (near Pocatello). It’s a very nice campground but has two parts to it. One part is city owned and that area of campground has no limit on how long you stay there. We are on the federally owned land and you can only stay up to 14 days in this campground. Seems weird to have two campgrounds side by side as one.

We are on a reservoir. The water is very low. When we commented on it, we were told that the water levels go back up in the spring with the snow run off. That’s got to be a lot of run off! We spent the afternoon trying to settle in the campgrounds for the Alaska trip. Things are still up in the air while we wait for call backs. Ugh. One person dropped off the caravan wait list because he was annoyed we didn’t have the itinerary confirmed. I refused to give him the information because, (1) he is on the wait list and not confirmed to go on the caravan, and (2) we still have 4 campgrounds up in the air. I hope this guy doesn’t contaminate the rest of the caravan. I’ve seen a whole caravan go to pot because of someone who badmouthed the leaders.

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kokiseiko · 3 years

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Fleeting Touches and Unbreakable Bonds

Shouta Aizawa x Reader; Hizashi Yamada x Reader

Song Recommendation: All I Ask - Adele

(Y/N) – Your Name

(L/N) – Last Name

Word Count: 1.8k +

Fandom: My Hero Academia | Boku no Hero Academia

Pairing: Shouta Aizawa x Pro-Hero!Reader; Hizashi Yamada x Pro-Hero!Reader

Rating: SFW

Warnings: Angst, Bittersweet

Summary: Is it possible to love someone so much that you can’t let go even after death?

Note: This is a special request made by my lovely fellow Aizawa simp: @nire-chann.

Thank you for beta-reading this for me Ate Selene @yourgoddessselene | @saudade-mayari

The events that had happened at the start of this fic are a few months after Aizawa became a teacher at UA.

A rush of sudden adrenaline that wracks your body, heart pounding, ears ringing, your entire system shaking with emotions you can’t even pinpoint. Walking towards the white-lined road of the city, the rays of the noon sun spilling all over the bent light posts, the once smooth grey cement on the sidewalks now cracked, malfunctioning traffic lights blinking and crackling, the aftermath: debris of the earlier commotion.

It was an explosion, a burst of dust-filled smoke that pained the eyes of individuals who unfortunately had it opened, then a sickening crash of building facades, window splinters raining throughout the area, injuring civilians from which you’ve catered immediately. Quickly healing wounds and giving directions for immediate evacuation.

You were Frantic. Desperate. Searching throughout the wreckage even when your quirk wasn’t for such. Continuing to move through the rubbles of building you spot the shine of the once yellow gear now cracked, broken into three, not far from it was a mass of black, crimson spilling underneath him, a shine of a bloodied band adorning his right hand.

You knew that it was near impossible even with your quirk to stabilize him, yet you continue, hands glowing in hues of emerald as you move his blood-soaked charcoal locks.

---

He feels lighter every passing second, but your presence grounds him. There’s so much more to say, to feel, to do. He sighs internally, he looks at you with such intent, he wants to let you know, to speak to you, but how can he, when his throat feels restricted. Even lifting his hand to touch your tear-stained cheeks to help ease the furrow in your brows had him use too much energy.

There was so much more, but having to look at you with all the emotions he could muster in his two light-grey orbs are what he could only communicate with. He can’t speak anymore, but he wants to at least taste your lips one last time.

To at least feel your heat and the cool contrast of your wet cheeks.

He’s barely noticing the tingle of nerves, that strange warm sensation he used to feel whenever you used to tend to his wounds, his injuries. His eyes wrinkle slightly when he remembers your pout during a rant a few days ago, your plump lips moving and going on about him being reckless.

He’s doing it again, but it has been too long since he had let himself fall through a never-ending well of questions, of replays, flashbacks, images, doubts, concerns. This may be the last time he’ll ever let himself tumble throughout the dark abyss of just him and his thoughts.

Was he content? He doesn’t know.

He just simply wants to remember your smile, your tears. You.

You were his anchor back then. Back when he was crumbling into a mess of a wanna-be hero who had his friend die during Hero-Work Studies.

You pulled him up when he was too tired to even recognize and register the warmth feeling in his chest that was being overpowered with guilt, regret, and frustration.

He never really accommodated these positive feelings, thinking that they would just be swept away with a whoosh of wind, only to return with a hard blow of hatred, anger, and pain.

He doesn’t want to experience that again, to go through that momentary shock and be hit with the sad consciousness of reality.

His throaty whisper was heard above the ringing in your ears: “Thank you…” for loving me, he wants to add, for being with me… I’ve loved you, tears cascading his cheeks

“I’m sorry…” for not acknowledging these wonderful feelings, for taking so long to let you know that, looking to your also wet cheeks, eyes pooling with tears from frustration? Sadness? Pain? Maybe a mix of three he guessed, “… I love you.”

He feels the gradual easing of his muscles all throughout his body. The blood rushing throughout his veins were subliminally slowing. The wet pelts of your tears dropping down his features would be a mere afterthought if he wasn’t focusing so much on you, but alas, his own mind was keeping him from doing so.

Even within his last seconds, his mind kept him prisoner.

His mind where everything was being played. His head spinning with the rapid successions of memories he subconsciously held dear. The majority of the replays containing you, your comforting touch when he needed an anchor, your soft kisses during those casual dates back in his favorite café, the hitch of your breath when you momentarily stopped the cute cooing noises you made whenever you petted the cats as you trailed your eyes on his kneeling form, your whispered ‘yes’ when he finally popped the question “Marry me?”, your wobbly smile when you walked down the red-carpeted aisle, the crack of your voice as your eyes that were holding nothing but love and adoration staring right at him as you began to state your vows began to pool.

Smiling.

He never thought that in his last moments he would be smiling. You’ve made him do things he thought he’d never do in this short life of his. And for that, he’s thankful.

You are truly something else.

***

Breathing was hard. His every inhale didn’t even feel like air, it’s akin to something much more condense. Black was all that surrounds him: a pool of nothing but midnight skies. A weird sensation constantly falling down to a never-ending night is what grounds him to- what exactly.

Though his throat was constricted, a single sound not able to flutter out his lips, his thoughts seemed loud on this vast plain of nothingness.

Where was he?

How can he even breathe?

“You’re still bound.”

What?

“You need to let go.”

Looking around him to at least locate the voice’s body was futile. Was this in his head?

“No. You’re in the middle. Stuck.”

Middle?

“Your time’s done, but you’re still tied down… by your bonds. Let go.”

Realizing what this meant he answered the disembodied voice in his head, I can’t.

A chilling gust of an unknown wind made its way throughout his existence.

***

It can’t be. He knows it can’t happen. He died. How can he still be standing- oh.

He doesn’t know whatever the wind did to him, but he at least deduced that it returned him to you.

You who was now kneeling in the mix of wet gravel and grass whilst staring into the distance with streams still flowing down your puffed eyes, cheeks streaked with layers of endless tears that managed to drip down your wobbling chin, your neck covered in his scarf that had splats of dried hazel-vermillion.

How long was he falling back there?

Two new sounds of weeping.

He sees that the usual gravity-defying golden hair was now instead streaking down the shoulders of a black leather jacket-clad voice hero. Mic. A figure kneeling down beside your form, hugging your side, whose body shook with great intensity together with yours. Midnight.

He aches. Thorns felt like they were encasing him within.

For a moment he wants to hold you, to comfort you, placing his hand to your other shoulder, placing the loose strand of hair behind your ear, but you don’t seem to sense him.

***

It’s been a long month of just watching, of just seeing but not being able to do anything. He hates the unfairness of it all.

He tries. Convincing himself that his touches were felt, that his hugs were warming your numbness, that his kisses were making the sting dwindle little by little, that him laying by the other side of your bed while you sleep with a pillow covered in his old shirt lets you know that he’s still there, that he still loves you, that he still can’t won’t let go.

His touches on your shoulder, which were supposed to reassure you just in turn made you shiver and look confused, bewildered even.

He wants to be heard, to be felt, to exist, but his traces no longer lingered, only a mere susurrate, a short-lived touch in your still graying ambience.

He wants to hold you while you cry and let all of the frustrations out of that head of yours, where he knows that like him you’re stuck, in your own scribbles of granite thoughts, that you too were deprived of the other’s warmth, that you too felt like a shell stuck with all of this sand you called your chaos, your blurring mix of feelings.

And as weeks turns into fleeting months. Months of winter blooming into a spring of years, left on autumn, in auto-pilot, watching, always nearby to see you recover. Recover from the debris and aching splinters that his existence left behind, while he still remains crumbling, pieces of him falling.

“Thank you Hizashi… you grounded me when it all felt like a dream.”

He should’ve been the one doing what Hizashi is now. It should’ve been black instead of gold that you were nuzzling into. It should’ve been his deep baritone rather than the smooth and gentle voice Hizashi uses whenever he encourages, supports, and anchors you.

He should’ve been the one holding your hand whenever you sit in a creaky wooden bench in a nearby park to admire the sunset.

“I know that it’s impossible to reciprocate what I’m about to say, but I at least wanted to let you know-”

“I like you too, Zashi’.”

He should’ve been the one you’re tending, taking care of. Your tears of frustration and aura of concern that was once reserved for him was now for another blond.

“Zashi’ you should start being much more careful you know?”

“I promise I will- ow!”, your smiles at his friend’s idiotic antics just adds jealousy to his mix of resentment and longing.

He should’ve been the only one who sees your gaze of fondness swirling in your beautiful solemn orbs.

But he can’t. He can’t anymore.

And to that he goes back to that midnight swirl, that feeling of falling, to that voice inside his head that was constantly questioning him, encouraging him to release the rope that was still bruising his slowly crumbling heart that he’s put at the back of his mind, not yet wanting to face the reality of the other side, a world without your soft hands holding his cheeks, an existence without your love.

“Surrender Shouta…”

It all felt like déjà vu. Your pretty face blurred with the sheer veil. Soft smiles and salty droplets of tears. The gold-lined red carpet. The people present. It was all like back then, but instead of that classic black tuxedo and a black bow tie, it was a white suit and a navy blue tie.

You’re smiling… at him. Looking directly at him.

It was a whisper, a message just for him; words that helped him to finally let go, to accept, and to be patient.

“Shouta… I hope that you still remember that you will forever be a part of me. Until the next life Shouta Aizawa. Wait for me, we’ll start again; continue what we can’t finish.”

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I hope you all liked this piece. My requests are (finally) open.

#Shouta Aizawa #Aizawa #Shouta Aizawa Fanfic #Aizawa Fanfics #BNHA Fanfic #Shouta Aizawa x You #Shouta Aizawa x Reader #Hizashi Yamada #Yamada #Hizashi Yamada Fanfic #Yamada Fanfics #Hizashi Yamada x You #Hizashi Yamada x Reader #Eraserhead #Present Mic #Eraserhead x Reader #Present Mic x Reader

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robinofinashiro · 3 years

Text

prompt/note: i wanted to a break between the AoT posts so i wanted to post a prompt about the BNHA bois forgetting about your birthday and them attempting to make it up to you. / the req status should be opened soon if any of you want to start of thinking of reqs you want to send me. fandoms and rules are pinned to the top of my blog. also, for any other blog writers, isn’t the beta testing their doing super fucking annoying.

request status: CLOSED

pairing: bakugou katsuki, todoroki shouto, iida tenya

you were bit more dressed up more than usual today and bakugou noticed. he didn't say anything as he thought you were just getting more dolled up for the hell of it. he gave you a quick compliment and went on his way, stating that he had a few things to do with Kiri before the day ended

you got a bit down, feeling that maybe he had forgotten. you quickly dismissed that thought, realizing that maybe he was planning a birthday party for you and didn't want you finding out.

the rest of the day flew by, an excited feeling bubbling up inside you as you inched closer to the end of the day. you wondered by Bakugou was planning on doing for your birthday. you knew Bakugou wasn't good with planning such lovey dovey things but since it was your birthday, you figured he must've done something.

you went to Bakugou's room, knocking on the door softly as you heard a rough come in. you were about to say hello when you realized he was in training close, ready to go workout with Kiri.

"where are you going?" you asked, twiddling with your fingers. he didn't bother to even look back at you, "training with Kirishma," he murmured.

you sighed, "oh, I just thought you would be able to come out with me tonight," you tried to say. he shook his head no. "no, I already told you I was going to train with weird hair so stop asking!" he screamed, making you jump a bit.

Kirishima gave you a sympathetic look as you gave Bakugou one last look and walked out of his dorm.

you walked into the hallway, seeing Uraraka and Momo walking out of Momo's dorm with a small cake. they immediately saw your tear stained face and put the cake down.

"hey, what's wrong?" Momo asked. you sighed, trying to get out what you were saying but the sobs that racked your body wouldn't let you, "wait, are you trying to say that Bakugou forgot your birthday?" Uraraka asked.

you nodded, "I thought he was trying to throw me a surprise party but I walked in there, asking him if he wanted to do anything and he kicked me out saying that he was going to workout with Kirishima," upon you finishing your sentence, Bakugou and Kirishima walked out.

Uraraka gave Bakugou a death glare as Momo pulled you into her arms and walked you into your dorm. Bakugou paid no mind to them as Kirishima looked to him and sighed. "pretty crappy day for her, huh?" Kirishima asked, looking at your dorm room door. Bakugou shrugged, "she'll be fine later. she's probably mad about earlier," he said, not putting much mind on it.

Kiri gave him a look, making Bakugou confused, "I guess. just sucks she spent her birthday trapped in her room but whatever you said bro," Bakugou stood in place, wide eyed realizing that today was in fact your birthday. "

don't tell me you forgot." "FUCK."

Kirishima slammed his hands against his face, not wanting to see Bakugou's face. Bakugou felt his heart drop, feeling a huge sensation of guilt and sadness washing over him. "that's why everyone was surrounding her desk this morning," Kirishima nodded, shaking his head in disappointment, "I don't know dude, you better figure it out before it gets worse," he mentioned before walking away.

Bakugou walked into his room, slamming the door and laying his bed. he had no idea how he was going to even start to apologize to you but he knew he had to do it tonight.

he knew Kirishima had a point.

he hadn't been the most diligent in trying to be with you recently and he kept shoving and cancelling your dates last minute to train or get work done. Bakugou was the one who asked you out first and promised you he would try his hardest to make it work out and now you were crying on your birthday.

the night was coming in and he walked over to your door, quietly knocking on it. you didn't bother to open it, knowing it was Bakugou who was more than likely to be the one who was knocking.

you flipped to the other side of the bed and ignored the knock, figuring he would leave you alone if you didn't answer. Bakugou knew that you kept the spare key for your dorm room in the small pot by your door. he dug for it, panicking that maybe you had moved it but as he finally found it, he grabbed it and unlocked it.

“hey,” his rough voice said. you shut your eyes, pretending to be asleep so he could leave quicker. he went by your side of the bed, realizing that you had fallen asleep, “damn, I didn’t think you’d be in bed this early.”

he sighed, sitting on the edge of your bed.

“listen, I know you probably don’t care for what I have to say but you mean a lot to me, idiot. I know I fucked up, big time actually but I want to make it up to you. please? I thought maybe we could get dinner, let me treat you right and like I’m supposed too.”

Bakugou moved a piece of your hair out of the way and kissed your hair softly. a part of you wanted to continue to be upset at him but hearing his apology and what he wanted to do to make it up to you, you wanted to wake up.

“I guess I’ll be leaving before Aizawa kills us.”

you shuffled in place, pretending to wake up, making Bakugou turn his head around to look at you. “Suki?” you whispered, rubbing your eyes.

he made his way back to you, sitting on the edge of bed, “I’m sorry for what I did today,” he murmured, not even wanting to look at you in the eye, “I’ve been a dick, more than usual recently and none of it has been your fault. can I make it up to you?” he asked.

you stayed silent for a moment, “Suki, I understand that you’ve been a lot more busier than usual but that isn’t my fault. it really hurt that you forgot my birthday and it hurts even more that you’ve been putting me in second place,” you murmured, trying not to sound hurt.

Katsuki nodded.

“I know. I promise I’ll do better.”

he gave you a kiss on the cheek before getting up from the bed and getting ready to leave, “love you Suki’,” you said, finding a comfortable spot in bed again, “you better,” he laughed before leaving.

you were beyond livid. todoroki had been anticipating your birthday for weeks now. the two of you were planning on going out to dinner if Aizawa had given you both permission, which he gladly allowed but two days before the outing came and he wasn’t having a good day. insults were being said and now the two of you were angry to say the least.

you figured that maybe by Saturday, he would have forgotten about the argument and the date would still have happened but what you hoped for fell through and now it was noon on Saturday and you were in your room crying to Kaminari of all people.

he rubbed your back, trying to get you to calm down as he told you to try and forget about the argument. he knew the two of you liked each other a lot but he couldn’t help but side with you on this one so he suggested a plan!

he took Todoroki’s spot for the day and the two of you went out for your birthday. since no one else had gotten permission to leave for the day, only Kaminari was able to do this but in the backside of your mind, you knew Todoroki was going to be upset to say the least.

both you and Kaminari walked to the nearest train station and took the ride to the outskirts of the city and went to a small ramen shop to catch a late lunch/early dinner.

the only one who knew about you and Kaminari leaving was ironically enough, Bakugou. he had saw the two of you leaving the building, unenthusiastically asking where the two of you were going since you were leaving school premises.

“so, we still have a few hours before we’re due back to school,” Kaminari reminded you. you gave him the signal to give you a minute and pulled up the nearest arcade, which happened only to be a few blocks from the ramen shop and a bit closer the train station, “you in the mood to play arcade games?”

Todoroki walked down stairs to the kitchen, hoping that you were to see what kind of mood you were in. he wanted to apologize for getting angry at you and prepare himself for you dinner date in a few days.

“hey Todoroki!” Midoriya greeted, as happily as ever. he waved at the green haired boy as he sat down next to him and watched him scroll through his Snapchat story, “oh, ( your name ) isn’t on campus?” Midoriya asked him.

Todoroki gave him a confused look, “what do mean?” he asked back, a small bit of panic settling in the pit of his stomach. “oh, well, since it’s birthday, it looks like she went out with Kaminari,” he replied, showing Todoroki his snapchat.

you and Kaminari both had posted a few photos and videos from the day. the ramen the two of you had eaten and then a few videos from the arcade. you were playing Mario Kart, singing some really REALLY shitty karaoke, and eating some really bad junk food.

“is something wrong?” Midoriya asked. Todoroki ran his fingers through his hair, panic finally fully setting into his stomach, “I didn’t remember that today was her birthday,” he murmured, playing with his lip as Midoriya’s eyes widened, hearing what his friend was saying.

the two of you remained quiet, trying not to freak out.

“what do you mean forgot? I thought the two of you were both planning something out!” Midoriya exclaimed, “we were but then the two of us got into a pretty bad argument and haven’t talked since. I forgot that we were supposed to go out together today and I think she took Kaminari instead,” he explained.

Bakugou chuckled, shaking his head, “she sure did. I’m on Kaminari’s private Snapchat story and they seem to be getting really close,” he tossed his phone to Todoroki who watched the two of you dancing and singing together.

Kaminari was sitting pretty close to you, his arm was around your waist, a little too firm for Todoroki’s liking. Bakugou couldn’t help but laugh at his ‘friends’ reaction as he tried to keep his anger to a minimum as he continued to watch his story.

you were damn near cuddled up to his chest, laughing and giggling at whatever Denki was telling you and he HATED it. you never acted like that around him. you never laughed or giggled that way with him. never have you ever held yourself like that with him.

“well, did you get her anything at least? that should save your ass, at least a little bit,” Bakugou said. Todoroki stared at the floor, too scared to look at them when he replied no, “well then....don’t act surprised if she doesn’t take you back after this,” he added on.

“Kacchan!” “it’s true! you’re just mad I’m right. Kaminari might be an idiot but he can actually hold a conversation with a girl and be civil around them when he puts his one brain cell to use.”

Todoroki growled, remaining silent for the rest of the night as he stayed downstairs to wait for you. now that he was realizing it, the way you were being with Kaminari did correlate to what Bakugou was saying and although he didn’t want to admit to it, he knew Bakugou had a point.

the night crawled in as Todoroki was now alone in the living room. you were getting to the front of the building, Kaminari telling you some stupid joke that made you hysterically laugh as you walked into the living space. upon entering it, you saw Todoroki sitting there with shame and anger on his face.

you waved Kaminari good, telling him you’d text him later to thank him for hanging out with you. you stared at half-n-half, not saying a word, your face saying everything it needed too.

“where were you today?” “out with Kaminari.”

your short sentences made him realize you were still as angry as you were the day you argued with him. “I saw you getting pretty close with him,” Todoroki stated. you chuckled, not believing what he was telling you. “yup, that’s kind of what happens when your boyfriend was being a dick on your birthday,” and there it is, Todoroki thought.

“you could have reminded me about today.”

“REMINDED YOU ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY?”

your voice was at an all time high, not caring who heard. “you know what? this is useless. your playing the victim when in reality I should be! it’s my fucking birthday and you know what I got as a birthday gift? another argument from my fucking boyfriend and not even a measly happy birthday text.” you continued to yell.

“you know what?” Todoroki was suddenly nervous about you quick attiude change, “maybe what Kami said was true. maybe you need to weed out the dicks in your life until you get to the good people.” you said before walking away and not sparing Todoroki another glance.

this argument happened the day of your birthday, actually. he had forgotten your birthday and although you had told him a few days in advanced, you weren’t making a big deal of the day itself.

you just wanted to make a small cake, enough to feed you and Iida so when you asked him if he wanted to come to your dorm after dinner so you could eat the cake together and he outrightly denied, claiming he had a ton of training and homework to get done.

“seriously? it’ll just be thirty minutes!” “no! I told you, I have to train for exactly an hour and a half before I take a shower and do homework! you should have known that. I wonder why we’re even together with that dismissive attitude of yours.” “IT’S MY BIRTHDAY YOU DICK!”

he stared at you, your birthday had completely passed his mind and he felt so shitty as you dropped the cake on the floor, letting it splatter everywhere.

everyone who heard the conversation stared at each other, not wanting to say anything as they saw Iida process what he had told you. he never meant to insinuate that he wanted to break up with you but it came out like word vomit and you were gone.

he grabbed a mop and broom, slowly picking it up as he saw the disappointed faces of his friends. Iida knew he fucked up, way too badly this time and now you were crying on your birthday, practically broken hearted and angry at him.

Iida sighed, sitting at his desk and mourning silently. the time read 7:30 and he wanted to do nothing more than bang on your door and apologize like there was no tomorrow but he knew that idea could be thrown out the window as you weren’t even texting him back.

he saw the small gift you had given him on his birthday and felt a small wave tears hit his eyes. you did so much for him, going out of your way to bring him lunch on some days and other days, you offered to patch him up if you saw that he had gotten busted up during training.

Iida stood up, going to the door and running to the kitchen. he knew this could be the only thing he could do to even start making it up to you again. you loved the cookies that Tensei had made for him a few weeks ago when he dropped by to visit.

he called his brother, explaining the situation to him as he immediately got a mini lecture as a response. Tensei basically yelling at him for not treating you right and how guilty he should be feeling for not only forgetting your birthday but also making you cry today.

Iida got work as Tensei explained everything to make the cookies. he was lucky enough to have everything he needed to make the cookies, even going out of his way to remind himself to put small written notes on the cookies themselves when he finished.

within that time, you were laying in bed, thinking about everything that Iida told you. you tried not to think about it, putting it on the fact that maybe he was stressed and forgot and everything just came tumbling out of his mouth. regardless, you tried to sleep, only to be awoken by a frantic knock.

you growled, slipping on one of Iida’s sweaters and going to the door. to your surprise, it was Iida himself, holding a plate of cookies and words coming out of his mouth like vomit.

“I am so sorry. I meant nothing I said earlier and I apologize for acting extremely out of line. I never meant to insinuate that I wanted to break up with you and I never wanted to in the first place. please forgive me.”

you stared at him, lifting an eyebrow before rolling your eyes playfully, “the next time you decide to say something like that, we’re over and you’re not getting another chance after that,” you stated, taking a bite of the cookie and instantly letting out a moan of pleasure, “holy shit, are these Tensei’s cookies?” he nodded as you snatched the plate out of his hand.

“that sucks that you made me cry tonight because we could have shared them but since you are on thin ice, these are mine! see you tomorrow, Iida!” you giggled, shutting the door on his face. “see you tomorrow, love.” he replied, a smile on his face as he made his way back to his dorm room to finish up some homework.

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slafkovskys · 3 years

Text

somewhere along the lines / t. zegras

☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★

my masterlist!

title from it ain’t me by kygo ft selena gomez

you had missed bedford, that was not something that you could lie about. it was your hometown, where you’d grown up, had met almost every person that you knew. it would never be anaheim and that was a fact.

another thing about bedford, despite everyone saying that it was quiet and safe and cozy, there were almost no secrets. shortly after you had arrived back in town, word seemed to spread like wildfire when you’d come home just barely three months after you had fled to california, following after trevor.

now, five days later, your son was tucked away with your mother in your childhood home and your car was pulling into a spot beside trevor’s that he had decided to keep at his parent's house when he left for the season. you could see him inside, his back to you at a table in the corner with his head down, hat covering his likely unruly hair.

you almost pull away, hand reaching to shift your car from park to reverse, but you stop yourself. he deserved an explanation just as much as you deserved closure.

you grab your bag from the passenger seat and open the car door, planting your sneaker-clad feet on the ground. you cross your arms over your chest, the new york chill wrapping around you as you quickly make your way towards the entrance.

walking into the cafe, the man behind the counter smiles at you. you walk up with the same grin and order the same thing you used to when you were in high school. you pay and nod when he tells you that it would take a few minutes, grabbing the number he hands you. you turn and find trevor already staring.

you tuck your bottom lip under your teeth and take a deep breath before walking over. you sit your bag in the chair beside you and stick your number in the holder before sitting down, “hi trevor.”

“why did you do it?” his scratchy voice asks, immediately jumping to the point, “why did you leave me?”

it was earth-shattering. heart-stopping. enough to send a round of cold chills down your body.

you were staring at the test with an emotionless face while the single word was staring right back at you, pregnant. you were barely seventeen then, still so young and planning on starting college applications soon. there was so much that you didn’t know and you were much too young to be responsible for someone else, you thought.

you didn’t cry. you wanted to, but the tears just wouldn’t come. instead, you put the test back into its box and shove it back into the bag before walking out of the drug store and to your car. you could feel the eyes of the cashier following you. she was the same one who used to place your animal crackers in front of you when you were four and now, thirteen years later, she was watching the aftermath of the pregnancy test that she had just sold you.

it was still early, the sky was dark and the atmosphere was glum. as you drove yourself to school. you stopped for some breakfast, so you wouldn’t have been telling your mother a complete lie as to why you had to leave so early, before parking in the same spot that you had been since you first got your license.

the brown paper bag that held your food was almost taunting. fifteen minutes ago you would have killed for what was inside, but now your stomach was so twisted that you didn’t even want to look at it. you sat in your car taking sips of your water before you grab your backpack and the brown bag and trudge inside.

you were six weeks into your senior year at that point and things were great. everything was great, your grades, your friends, your life. nothing had needed changing right then.

you walked into your first class of four that you had every day. your usual spot was open and angela, your designated partner, already occupied the seat beside it. she smiles when she sees you and holds up a hand, signaling that she had something to tell you, “first, you would not believe what happened last night. and second, what’s in the bag?”

“it’s got bacon and egg on it, so you wouldn’t like it,” you shake your head as you pull out your chair. you set the bag alongside your backpack on the tabletop before dropping down in the seat. “what happened last night?”

“so-” she’s interrupted by a loud noise.

you both look towards the door and watch as griffin strolls through, a big smile on his face. he heads directly for you and gestures to the bag. you wave your hand, “you can have it.”

“sweet!” he says, taking the bag off your table and placing it on his which was directly beside your own. he had wasted no time in devouring the sandwich, eating so fast you weren’t even sure he had time to taste it. he looks back at you after reaching for his water, “do you have a pencil i can borrow? i’ll give it back.”

“no you won’t,” you shake your head and hand him your backpack, not feeling like rooting through for a pencil you knew you weren’t going to need because you were supposed to be doing essays today. you focus your attention back on angela, “i’m sorry. what were you saying?”

to you, the matter wasn’t that interesting. angela had been talking to some guy who went to syracuse and had said that he could get you into some party that weekend, but, to be honest, getting into a college party was dead last on your list of pressing matters.

the morning seemed to drag on forever and when it finally reached noon, you were rushing towards the doors so that you could make a phone call to your doctor’s office to schedule an appointment to confirm that you were indeed pregnant.

you were walking down the hallway when a call of your name stops you in your tracks. you turn and find griffin jogging towards you and he throws an arm around your shoulder, walking you towards the door, “what’s-”

“i, um, i saw the box in your bag when i grabbed a pencil this morning,” he says, lowering his voice so that no one would hear him. you stop in your tracks, but he keeps you moving, “no, don’t look weird. i’m not mad or anything. it’s really none of my business, but have you, like, confirmed it or whatever.”

“i’m going to when i leave here,” is all you can say. your heart was pounding so loudly you could hear it and you were almost positive that griffin could as well.

“ok. come over for dinner and we can talk about it. mom’s gonna make your favorite,” he stops in front of the door, the look on his face telling you that he would not be taking no for an answer. you swallow before nodding, “okay?”

“okay.”

you knew within a couple of hours after leaving griffin in the hallway that the test was correct, you were due to have a child soon. even as you stared at the paper with the test results, you still couldn’t find it in you to cry.

after dinner, spaghetti with homemade meatballs, griffin quickly rushed you to his bedroom, warding off ava who was trying to wrangle you into her bedroom to watch some movie that no one else wanted to watch. you take refuge on his bed, grabbing a pillow and shielding your stomach with it. griffin takes notice and he sighs, collapsing beside you, “so, we’re having a baby.”

“we are not. i’m having a baby,” you mumble in hopes that no one would hear the two of you, “i think. i don’t fucking know. i’ve got to tell the dad at some point-”

“you don’t have to act like i don’t know, y/n,” he looks up at the ceiling. you gulp and he grins, “i’m not oblivious. i know that you and trevor hooked up over the summer. is it his?”

your silence gives him his answer. it’s quiet for a few minutes before you speak up, “i didn’t mean to get pregnant. i swear.”

“i believe you, y/n. i’m not mad at you about hooking up with my brother or being pregnant. it’s weird, sure, but i’m not mad,” he assures and you nod, pulling at the sleeves of your shirt. “are you going to tell him?”

“i don’t even know if i’m going to-” you trail off and he nods in understanding. “i just- i want time to figure things out. that’s all i want right now. please don’t tell him or anyone. besides my doctor and the woman at the drug store, you’re the only person who knows.”

“this is not my secret to share.”

you honestly tried to tell him. you typed out the four short words that should have kickstarted the rest of your life: we need to talk, but you could never follow through with sending them. you would see his snapchat stories and instagram posts every now and then, having fun and living life in massachusetts while you were back in new york, pregnant with his child that he knew nothing about.

he was doing all right without you and you were getting along just fine without him.

as wrong as it was, it was easy to hide from him. he didn’t come home often and you had no reason to be in boston, so when he was around, you just made sure that you weren’t. your son was born in february while trevor was still at college. when he unexpectedly came home in march, it was even easier to keep it from him because you weren’t supposed to be going anywhere.

griffin had done well in keeping his promise. he only slipped and told one person, his mother, and you really couldn’t blame him. one simply did not keep a secret from julie zegras.

she wasn’t mad, just disappointed that you were trying to keep it a secret which you understood, and fell into the role of being a grandmother quite easily. after you had given birth with your mother by your side, she had come to meet her grandson. her finger rubbed over his cheek as she sat across from you.

“he looks just like him,” she muttered, “he’s going to know, y/n.”

and he did.

as much as you wanted to, there was absolutely no denying that landon was trevor’s son. griffin had thought the same thing when he saw him for the first time and gave you a look that told you as much, to which you responded with a whispered “please don’t.”

as the months continued to pass and summer quickly arrived in bedford, you still hadn’t uttered a word to trevor. he didn’t reach out to you and you worked overtime to avoid him. the more that landon grew, the easier it was beginning to be for those who didn’t already know to start to piece two and two together, which only increased the likelihood of trevor finding out significantly.

you had barely had time to put your car in park before julie was rushing out of the front door. she opens the door to the backseat and makes a pleased noise, “good. he’s awake.”

you open your door and watch as she gets the car seat out. you grab your bag and follow her inside, “he wanted to see his favorite person.”

“who? me?” griffin rounds the corner and walks into the kitchen just as julie sits the car seat on top of the counter. griffin waves his fingers at the baby, “hi buddy. did you miss me?”

landon makes a noise like he’s about to cry and you and julie share a look before bursting into laughter. julie undoes the clips and pulls him out, resting him on her hip as she fixes the little hair that he had atop his head, “don’t take it personally, griffin.”

“he cries every time he sees me. it’s a little hard not to,” he scoffs before looking at you, “guess what?”

“what? has using my child finally gotten you a date?” you tease, taking a seat at the island and crossing your arms over your chest.

“no. he’s got the potential to be an excellent wingman, but for some strange reason, seventeen-year-old girls don’t really like babies. you don’t count. you’re eighteen now and he’s your son. you have to like him,” he points an accusatory finger at you when you open your mouth to speak. you raise your hands in surrender, letting your eyes wander over to where julie was showing landon the magnets on the fridge. “anyway, we got landon a pool. minor issue though, louie kind of thinks that it’s for him because that’s what we had to tell trevor.”

“like a kiddie pool?” you ask and griffin clicks his tongue. you raise an eyebrow, sparing a glance towards your son when he squeals, “you know he’s not even five months old yet, right?”

“he can sit in it and splash around though. he loves doing that. i’ve bathed him before and it’s got to be his top three favorite activities along with eating and screaming at me,” griffin rolls his eyes and you smirk.

“i mean, he doesn’t have any of those swim diaper things-”

“and that’s exactly why we bought him some. don’t even try to argue with me right now, y/n. he is getting into the damn pool,” griffin argues and julie reaches over to smack him on the back of the head. “sorry, but you get my point.”

“i guess i do,” you stretch your arms before standing up. “let me go and change him.”

“i hid the diapers in the back of my closet,” you send griffin a questioning look. he shrugs, “i’m running out of places to hide baby things okay.”

you swallow thickly as a quietness takes over the room. you knew that you were asking a lot of them to keep such a big secret from their son and brother and that weighed heavily on you.

the silence is broken by landon who sputters and you grin as you take him from julie. you tickle his side and he giggles, “are you blowing bubbles, buddy? you’re so cool.”

he rests his head on your shoulder as you walk towards griffin’s room. his fingers curl in your shirt as he takes a deep breath. you find the diapers exactly where griffin had said they would be (along with what you were sure was going to be your birthday present and a few other questionable items) and lay landon down on griffin’s bed.

louie had slipped in behind you and had easily jumped on griffin’s bed as well, planting himself beside the four-month-old. his wet nose touches landon’s temple and he squeals in response. you push louie back gently, “careful, lou. i know he’s your person but you can’t be smelling him like that. it freaks him out.”

louie huffs but lays his head down regardless, watching you carefully. you take him out of his outfit and change his diaper for one of the swim ones. you blow a raspberry on his stomach and he grabs at your hair, “are you so excited to get in your pool?”

you heard some conversation coming from the kitchen and some footsteps heading towards where you were. you pick landon up, assuming that it was ava or griffin, and pat at louie’s head when he walks up to you. the door opens and you don’t turn around as you speak, “honestly griffin, if it’s any consolation, i think he dislikes louie as much as he dislikes you.”

when there’s no response, you turn around to find that it wasn’t griffin who was standing at the door. trevor’s eyes are almost blazing as he looks between you and landon, connecting the dots. you wrap your arm tighter around your son, “he’s not yours.”

“bullshit,” trevor booms and you look away. “if it’s not mine, whose is it then?”

“i-” you can’t even formulate a sentence and he scoffs.

“that’s what i thought,” he shakes his head and scoffs. you avoid his eyes, “when?”

“if we’re going to talk about this, can we please not do it in front of him,” you pull your son’s head into your shoulder, trying to shield him from the view of his father who was rightfully angry with you. “griffin was going to put him in the pool. let me take him out there and then you can go off on me.”

silently, he steps aside to let you walk back into the kitchen. julie and griffin are sharing the same nervous look as you round the corner. ava makes the unfortunate decision to come down the stairs at that point. “what’s going- uh-oh.”

“my god, is there anyone in this house that didn’t know besides me?” everyone’s silence gives him the answer to his question. “great, okay. the fucking dog knew before i did.”

“trevor-” julie starts and you shake your head.

you hand landon off to griffin who has a bottle of baby sunscreen in front of him. you rub at landon’s soft cheek as he looks at you curiously, knowing that your mood was off. you don’t look at griffin as you speak, “take pictures for me, yeah? he loves water.”

“of course,” griffin says before getting everyone to follow him outside. ava sends you a look and julie mouths an apology before the doors close and you’re left alone with trevor for — what you come to realize — is the first time in a year.

still not speaking to you, he starts up the stairs to his bedroom and you follow behind, shutting the door behind you. you stand there awkwardly, playing with your fingers as you look around. it hadn’t changed since the last time you had been in it, which was the night that you were almost certain you got pregnant.

he turns and looks at you, gesturing to his bed, “you can sit down. you’re not a stranger here.”

you know that it wasn’t meant to be a reference to what you two used to do, but your cheeks still burn as you sit on the edge of his bed. you look at him then, only to find him already staring at you. you shrug your shoulders, “what do you want to know?”

“it’s mine?” he asks again and you nod.

“he’s a boy, so please stop saying ‘it.’ call him landon if you want.”

“you always wanted a boy,” trevor mumbles and you couldn’t help but grin because it was true. ever since you were little you had said time and time again that you wanted at least one boy and even though he came earlier in your life than you had planned, you were grateful that he had. “when were you gonna tell me about him?”

“honestly, trev, never,” you say and he lets out a long breath. he takes a seat at his desk chair and rubs his hands over his face, “i thought that it was for the best-”

“keeping my son from me was what you thought was best?” he looks at you incredulously. “are you serious?”

“if you’re going to shout at me, i’m leaving. i understand that you’re upset and you have every right to be, but i’m not going to sit here and be yelled at,” you announce and he mumbles an apology under his breath. “be honest with me, trevor. are you ready to be a father right now? with everything going on in your life, are you ready for that responsibility at nineteen?”

he seems to think about it, “not really.”

“okay then. our problem is solved,” you shrug.

“y/n, i want my son to know me. he needs his dad.”

“you just said that you weren’t ready to be his dad, trevor. what’s the truth? because i’m not going to have you be in and out of his life whenever you pick and choose. that’s not good or stable for him. he’s four months old, what he needs is stability,” you never thought that at eighteen years old, you would be having a conversation about what was in the best interest of your child, but here you were.

“were you ready to be a mother at eighteen? no, but you got ready to be one. i can do it too if you’ll just let me,” he rolls his chair over in front of you and reaches for your hand. his hand was warm and so were his eyes as you looked into them, searching for any hint of untruthfulness.

you had known trevor and griffin since you were all babies, you in the middle age-wise given that trevor was a year older than you and griffin almost a year younger. you had grown up neighbors and while you had moved a few miles away, your friendship remained. you had grown closer with griffin rather than trevor because as he had gotten older and his talent showed more and more, he was gone more.

“do you want to meet him?” is your rebuttal and trevor wastes no time in nodding his head. he pushes himself away from you which allows you to stand and walk towards his door. “just be aware he doesn’t really care for strangers. he’s still warming up to griffin.”

he follows you down the stairs and out onto the back porch. julie and griffin are there along with louie who is staring curiously at landon. griffin looks at you and smirks, “he doesn’t understand why he’s having to share the pool.”

“he’s greedy,” you shake your head before squatting down beside your son. you grin at him as he splashed his hand in the water, “hi bubba. there’s someone i want you to meet.”

he makes a shrill noise as you pick him up. you accept a towel from julie to dry him off as you walk over to where trevor had taken a seat on the bench. you sit beside him, adjusting landon’s hat on his head, “landon, this is trevor. trevor, this is landon.”

“hi,” trevor says, the biggest grin that you had ever seen taking over his face. landon looks between you and trevor before flailing his arm around. trevor looks at you uncertainly, “could i hold him?”

“of course,” you grin. you carefully hand landon over, holding your breath for his reaction. trevor stands him up on his legs, bouncing him just slightly. landon starts to pout and you frown, “he’s-”

“hey landon,” trevor says quietly and landon tilts his head. his hand squeezes the bracelet on trevor’s wrist. he starts to move his legs and trevor looks at you confused.

“he likes you, i think. strangers don’t usually make it this far,” you shrug your shoulders.

“that’s good then,” he smiles. landon lurches forward and he’s quick to steady him. “he looks just like me.”

“you are his dad, trev,” you look at trevor to gauge his reaction. you can hear julie when she takes a deep breath griffin laugh, but you focus on trevor.

“yeah, i am,” trevor laughs. to your surprise, landon lays his head on trevor’s shoulder and trevor looks at you again, “i think he likes me.”

griffin doesn’t miss a beat before chiming in, “well that’s just not fucking fair. i’ve known him longer than you!”

the anaheim conversation wasn’t one that you could avoid. it’s not that you were trying to, of course, it’s just that in the two weeks since trevor had known about his son, he had been solely focused on learning him and letting landon get acclimated to him being around, which the five-month-old had done quickly.

“so,” trevor asks one day as landon lays on his chest, knocked out for his afternoon nap. you had warned trevor about letting landon fall asleep on him, but trevor didn’t seem to mind being glued to one place for a couple of hours. “what about college? where are you going?”

“nowhere yet,” you sigh, turning your attention away from the movie that was playing, “i’m taking some time off so that i can raise him. i know that if i started now, i wouldn’t be able to focus and give him the attention that he needs.”

“that’s responsible,” he makes a face.

“i had to grow up fast, trevor. it’s not just me that my decisions affect now. i have to make the decisions that i think are best for him in the long run,” you stare at your son curled on his father’s chest. his fingers gripped the fabric of trevor’s t-shirt as a pacifier bobbed between his lips.

“well, i’ve been thinking and i want to get your opinion on something,” he was nervous, you could tell. his hand rubs up landon’s back as he looks towards you, “i- well, i know that two weeks ago i didn’t even know that he existed, but now i can’t imagine not being with him.”

“well he’s your son trevor,” you curl your toes into his thigh under the blanket you were sharing, “that’s normal.”

“i know that, but i don’t want to be away from him. what i’m asking is, would you be willing to come to anaheim with me when i go? whenever that may be,” he chuckles as landon twitches in his sleep.

“you want him to go with you? trevor i can’t-”

“no, no,” trevor shakes his head, “i want him to come with me of course, but i want you to come, too. i want you both with me. we can be together, a family.”

“a family?” you repeat and he grins, confirming with a nod. “are you sure?”

“i’ve never been more sure of anything in my life, y/n. i want to have a life with you,” the hand that rested on landon’s back moves and reaches out towards you. you grab onto his hand and he squeezes, “what do you think?”

“i think that sounds amazing.”

and for a while it did.

both your mother and trevor’s were hesitant given how young you both were, but they slowly came to terms when they figured out neither of you were changing your minds.

you made it to anaheim a few weeks after trevor had and began to settle into the apartment he had gotten for the two of you. it was in a safe place and it had paths to take landon on walks which were at the top of the list that you had given him.

landon loved going down to the beach and letting the sand fall through his fingers. your heart swelled every time he would pick some up and look at you like it was the most amazing thing in the world, which to him it probably was.

your time was mostly spent with landon alone which you couldn’t be upset about because a major part of trevor’s job was to travel, but when he started spending his nights elsewhere when he wasn’t gone on a road trip, that’s when things started falling apart.

you didn’t want to be the partner who asked him where he going every time that he left out of the front door, but when you had to watch him get ready for the third night in a row, that’s when you spoke up, “where are you going?”

“out,” was his response. he pulls out a jacket from the closet and turned to look at you, “why?”

“because you’ve been home for four days and you’ve gone out every night, trevor,” you lean against the doorway as he slips on his shoes. “i shouldn’t have to ask you to stay home and see your son.”

“he’s asleep, y/n. he’s not even going to notice that i’m gone,” he shakes his head and you let him leave the bedroom before following him down the hall. “it’s not that big of a deal.”

“it is when you don’t come back until the morning and you leave before he wakes up. then you come back during his nap and only see him for a few hours before you’re gone again,” your eyes follow his fingers as they grab his keys from the hook. he pulls open the door and you utter the words that make your stomach twist, “i promise you, if you walk out of that door, i’m not going to be here when you get back.”

he gives you his attention then and you can tell by the look in his eyes that he was thinking about it, whether you were serious or not, but not a moment later does he shake his head and let the door close behind him, letting you know his decision.

you could hear his car door slam before he starts the engine, pulling out of the driveway to wherever the hell he would rather spend his time. you stand there frozen as your world crumbles around you. you feel the tears well up in your eyes and you wipe them away.

he wasn’t worth it.

you grab your phone, dialing your mother’s number and leaning against the couch for stability. she answers almost immediately and you feel bad because you still had not adjusted to the time difference between the east and west coasts, “can i come home for a little bit?”

“what happened?” you hear her rustling in the background.

“i’m just- i’m tired mom. i don’t want to be here anymore and i’m sure he doesn’t want us here either,” you leave out the major details, knowing what it would do to her. you really were not in the mood to hear her tell you that she was right.

“let me catch a flight out there and i’ll drive back with you, okay?”

“i need to leave now, mom. i don’t want to be here when he gets back,” you explain, and after much back and forth and though apprehensively, she agrees not to book a flight.

you don’t feel anything as you pack your bag, careful not to mess with trevor’s things. it’s when you walk into landon’s room and find him sleeping so peacefully, so unaware of what was happening in his little world that you let the tears fall down your face. you pack your car before you get him out of his crib, making sure to grab his favorite stuffed animal and blanket before closing the door behind you. you walk through the kitchen making sure that you had what you needed before walking out of the front door for the last time.

you didn’t leave a note, your key and a pacifier on the kitchen counter was the only goodbye that he would get from you.

you were thankful that landon was a heavy sleeper. he barely stirred as you buckled him into his car seat or shut the door. you put in your mother’s home address before putting your car in reverse.

you were almost to colorado when your phone started ringing, his name popping up at the top of your screen. you couldn’t block him until you stopped for breakfast, not reading any of the texts he had sent or listening to any of the voicemails he left.

landon laughs as you feed him a bite of pancake, throwing a crayon on the ground. you set your phone down and look at him with a smile, wondering how something so sweet could just make you forget everything wrong in your life.

you swallow, “why do you think that i left, trevor?”

“i don’t know, y/n. i’ve been asking myself that question for a week now and i can’t come up with an answer that makes sense. we were fine and then you were gone,” he looks confused and hurt, emotions that you had grown to know all too well. emotions that he himself had caused.

“you can’t be serious,” you shake your head, crossing your arms over your chest. “how long did you think i’d let it go on? or are you just that full of yourself that you didn’t even see what you were doing to us? what you were doing to your son?”

“i don’t understand-”

“when you found out about landon, you made a promise to me that you would be a father, that it would take some time, and i believed you. i left everything to follow you to anaheim when you asked me to so that we could be together as a family, but it was the worst mistake that i have ever made,” you go quiet as your coffee is sat in front of you. you don’t touch the sandwich. “you genuinely can’t think that i was going to stay with the way that you were behaving.

“you have a child, trevor. you can’t just come and go as you please. every decision that you make, it affects him even when it doesn’t seem like it. that was something that i had to learn quickly.

“i was eighteen when he was born. i missed out on my entire senior year and going to college with my friends to raise him and i didn’t complain, not once. you got to have a senior year. you got to go to college without having to worry about someone else. you were one-track-minded on playing hockey, but that should’ve changed the moment that you found out about landon. instead, you decide to fuck off with your friends to new hampshire instead of going to your son’s doctor’s appointment and you didn’t even tell me. i had to find out from your mom when you wouldn’t answer my phone calls, trevor,” you scoff, looking at the wall behind him, “i should’ve backed out then.”

“i’m twenty years old, y/n,” he looks at you like he was shocked at your admission. “i want to go out and have fun.”

“and you think that i don’t? you aren’t understanding, trevor. we have a child. he depends on us. we can’t just run around and be kids anymore, we have a gigantic responsibility. you don’t get to stop being a parent just because going out with your teammates is more fun. believe me, i would love to go out with my friends whenever i wanted to, but i can’t.”

“i have to establish myself-”

“was it worth losing your family?” you ask and he freezes. you raise an eyebrow, “was going out for drinks and to play video games with your teammates worth losing your family, trevor? i want to know.”

“what do you mean ‘losing my family’?”

“did you think that i was going to come back and pretend like nothing happened? that we could just go on with our lives?” he gives you a ‘duh’ look. “i know you. if i did come back, you would keep doing the same shit and we would keep fighting. it’s a vicious fucking cycle and that’s not the environment that i want my son to grow up in and you shouldn’t want that for him either.

“i promise that i’m not going to keep him from you, i would never do that. i know that you love him and he loves you too, but i think that it’s in his best interest that we don’t play pretend because that’s going to mess him up in the long run.”

“so that’s it then?” he asks.

“the only thing changing is that i’m not going to be there when you get home-”

he interrupts you with an annoyed look, “or that we’re together.”

“were we ever together? or were we just fuck buddies who put on a show for everyone?” you ask and he avoids your eyes. “deep down, you have to know that we’re no good for each other and this is for the best. i’m not trying to hurt you, but you’re not ready for this and that’s obvious.”

he watches you as you push your chair back and grab your things, “what do you want me to do then? if you’re staying here.”

you spare him a final glance as you shrug your shoulder, “trevor, what i want is for you to figure your shit out, but i’m just tired of waiting for you to do it. you wanted your freedom and i’m giving it to you. have fun, trev. be twenty. that’s what you’ve always wanted to do anyway and now you don’t have us to worry about anymore.”

though you weren’t even sure that he ever did.

#trevor zegras #trevor zegras imagine #nhl imagine #hockey imagine #anaheim ducks #my work

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thedreadvampy · 4 years

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A few notes for people coming in through my Mechanisms posts:

Morgan (who plays Ivy Alexandria) is my big brother (big as in age, he's shorter than me 😊). His pronouns are he/him but Ivy's are she/her afaik. Also APPARENTLY he reads my TUMBLR still so hi Morgan I'm Exposed

Kofi (Marius) is my partner. Further back on the blog he's also sometimes referred to as Mechsam (because my other partner's name is Sam). Sometimes he tag searches Marius or the Mechanisms on here, you have been warned. also things you say to me I may mention to him so like. Bear in mind. I'm also working with him on art for his upcoming solo albums The Wassailant and The Death Of Byron Von Raum so I HOLD FORBIDDEN MARIUS LORE which I Will Not Be Revealing.

Yes I know the person who played Nastya, but they've asked to remain relatively anonymous so I will generally refer to them as Nastya or the Artist Formerly Known as Nastya and use neutral pronouns. Because of their request for privacy I will generally steer clear of talking about them as a person except in passing.

While I consider the other Mechs friends to varying degrees, at time of writing I don't think I've seen them since DTTM and we haven't seen much of each other in the last few years. so I'm not like. a direct line to Jonny or Tim or whoever

Which being said I'm not a direct line to anyone. if you want to ask Kofi something, he's on Twitter and happy to be @ed directly.

which being said, don't be weird about it. Kofi is a performer but he's also a person and it's been discomforting for him the few times strangers have approached him asking about our relationship or referencing conversations and injokes he and I have had.

I worked with the Mechs for a good few years on official art for albums and publicity (I did paintings for Once, Ulysses and High Noon, and the poster and logo for DTTM - Bifrost official character art was @evelynhewett) and I've been into the band since 2011. However I was never on the Discord or very active in fandom beyond live events and chatting with a few people, so my knowledge of Old Fan Lore is potentially limited.

I also did Kofi's makeup and styling for DTTM, you're welcome

the mechanisms are all dorks it's weird they're like. Famous People now.

Serious note: there are some deadnames/names that have fallen out of use on this blog bc I've been on here for the whole 9 year Mechs history. It goes without saying: please be cool about this and don't run around saying SO AND SO'S NAME USED TO BE X, and if you could flag it to me if you think you've seen something you shouldn't, that would be useful, bc it's weird to have long-defunct deadnames pop up in my notifs.

If you were gonna ask, the weirdest thing about the explosion of Mechs fandom is how many of you have photos of my brother as your icon bc I'm used to him being on Tumblr (he's not any more) and I keep thinking you're him at first glance.

If you would like to know more about the Mechanisms the people rather than the Mechanisms the characters, I have compiled and anonymised some of my favourite anecdotes here and you can play a game called Which Mechanism Did This Ridiculous Thing. u can send me your guesses I will neither confirm not deny but I will enjoy it

I'm not bothered by ships but I don't engage in shipping content among crewmates because Those Are My Friends. I won't give you shipping hcs (because I don't have any) and I would prefer not to hear yours.

Nothing I say is canon. the only thing that's meaningfully canon is what's in the albums and fiction published by the band. Also my memory is crap so sometimes I do misunderstand or misremember things and it's not my story to tell.

Having said which: there is no hard and fast Mechanisms canon, according to the band, everything each member writes/says is canon to their character but not necessarily to everyone (which I suppose means in Jonny's universe there is no tube sun)

also I started the tube sun fight in 2014 by accident (I thought Tube Sun was the only obvious take given that the whole band agreed Fort Galfridian was a cylinder) and have not backed down since and now you're all my accomplices in bullying Jonny which 😘👌If you're confused about anything Tube Sun I will explain Tube Sun I have a Lot of explanatory drawings kicking around from the original discussion and more recent conversations

PLEASE do not tag posts I make about the band members out of character as “lore” or “forbidden mechanisms lore” or stuff like that. let’s be clear here. it is not lore it’s gossip. I’m telling anecdotes about my friends. on this blog we maintain a separation between the Mechanisms as characters and the Mechanisms as Actual Human People Who Exist. the space pirate crew of the aurora are fair game but the 9 people who started a band in college are actual people who I know and who are part of my life and it is weird and uncomfortable when people take the things I say about my friends and build them into like. headcanons or fan lore or basis for speculation about their lives or whatever. do what you want on your own time but please respect that it’s weird for me to have my anecdotes about Actual People and our Actual Lives treated as juicy fandom content.

Additional note about TMA because apparently I have to say this: Just because I have in the past been friends with Jonny (and there hasn't been much overlap between when we socialised with each other much and when he did TMA) DOES NOT MEAN I HAVE ANY PARTICULAR INSIGHT INTO TMA. I had nothing to do with any element of the production, nor did Morgan or Kofi, I have had a grand total of one (1) conversation with Jonny in like 2017 about the podcast which can be summed up as 'I listened to your podcast' 'cool I don't really want to talk about it'. I have no special or particular knowledge about TMA (other than that I know a handful of the actors involved through my Mechanisms social groups) and yet sometimes people hold me to the standard of some sort of authority/voice of God which is. wild. I Do Not Know Anything About The Magnus Archives Except That I Have Listened To The Podcast.

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warmau · 3 years

Text

Dragon!AU Yunho

*this post was commissioned | commission info | other ateez aus tw: mentions of violence, blood, death

you gently lift up his neck, removing both arrows with a quick pull and then leaning down to press your lips to the open wound his skin is on fire, the contact stings and you can’t help but think: what the hell am i doing?

seonghwa gives you a wary look as you sling your bow over your shoulder

“are you sure that’s all you will need?”

you nod and check to make sure what time it is on the clock behind seonghwa’s desk. the large wooden hour hand ticks right onto a golden seven.

perfect, i should be home by noon tomorrow if everything goes well

“it is a dragon, you understand one arrow isn’t going to-”

“one poisoned arrow.”

you slip a tiny bottle from your thigh pouch and shake it in front of him, the bright green liquid sloshes back and forth and you try to remember whats in it

jongho, who had concocted it at your request, had mentioned something about mushrooms? or maybe parsley?

you had not been paying attention.

“as the prince requested, bring back its head only.”

“sure sure - by the way, prince hong is paying me half now right?”

“prince hongjoong”

seonghwa corrects

“has agreed to pay you twenty-five percent now, the rest comes when the dragon is confirmed to be dead.”

you extend your palm, motioning for your commission fee

you know seonghwa, the ever uptight and too-good-to-be-dealing-with-mercenaries-like-you type accountant is almost seething at the thought of you getting your hands on the royalties gold

but hey, no one else had agreed to take up this dragon slaying business

and you were in need of paying off some debts

turns out the blacksmith from three villages over was still waiting on getting paid for the work he’d done for you a year ago

and he was stopping at nothing to get that money

(several scuffles with some of the cronies he’d sent after you in back alleys had proven enough of a warning)

dragon slaying it was

seonghwa studies you again as you take the gold and tuck it safely inside your shirt.

eyes averting politely when you do the buttons back up

he coughs into his hand, “are you leaving now?”

you wink, “yep - and ill be back tomorrow with the princes’ dragon.”

the trek through the woods isn’t as bad as you had imagined - it’s the transitional period between summer and fall

not too hot, not too cold

perfect weather to go pushing through thick bushes and hunting for magical beasts

you recall what little information you have on this “dragon”

apparently, it lives deep - deep within the forest. at least twenty miles past the secluded cabin homes already nestled in the depth of the woods

but twenty miles, a problem for others, is a breeze for you

you can enjoy the silence of nature

and if you get too bored - you can pull your bow out and practice your shot

the only other thing you know about the “dragon” is that its the only one left of its kind

hongjoong had said something about his father, and his fathers father, the royal bloodline - had made it a mission to drive dragons to extinction

“all they do is wreck havoc, i cant have one so close to my people.”

you snort

nobility, righteousness, blah blah blah - you would never understand why people thought things like that made them better than others

you pat the gold in your chest pocket

money, being rich - that was what made people better - in your opinion

the night comes slowly creeping in, just in time for you to cross a threshold of wild berries and fallen branches

and you smell it in the air

fire, or at least ash - which meant something living was nearby

and it for sure wasn’t people, and as far as you knew little forest bunnies couldn't burn things with their breath

you look up at the sky - you can see the shadow of the moon peeking out from behind the slowly shrinking sun

you pull an arrow out and test your stance - before continuing slowly through the greenery

the smell of ash gets stronger, stronger and stronger - till you silently pull back through a huddle of leaves and see a large pile of blackened logs at the base of a tree

your eyes narrow - dragons don’t build ........... fires.

they spout them from their mouth. but that looks manmade.

you hear footsteps, no sign of claws or thundering stomps, regular footsteps

and you see the outline of a human

it has to be a human, it has a broad back - with two hands and two long legs

what? hongjoong said humans don’t come out this far!

you try to see the face of the man, but he doesn’t turn your way - all you see is the expanse of his back - various scars of various sizes - or maybe some kind of vibrantly red rash sprouting down his skin

you panic

if there’s a person around, has someone already slew your dragon?

and if there’s a dragon around, are you going to have to get this person out of harms way?

you’re about to retreat - hurry back to the village and report to the prince that he has to be wrong about the dragons location

all he did was lead you astray to some weird, hermits home in the middle of the woods

when the person straightens up, you hear their grip tighten on the wood

fuck. they’ve sensed that im here.

you try again not to make a sound as you reach slowly for the arrow once again

but then the person turns and you freeze

their eyes, though shaped like a humans

are a flickered yellow, with the pupil slit like a lizards

and there is a distance between you two

but that pupil is fixated on you

without thinking twice anymore about it, your instincts kick in and you tumble backwards and break into the fastest sprint of your life

youve just walked over twenty miles over the expanse of almost eight hours and you should be completely weak

but your body knows that whatever that person, or thing, is

if it catches you - you will be done for

you hear the rustle of leaves, but you dont hear any sound of following footsteps - until you look up in the sky

and there it is

the shadow of a large animal against he now darkening sky

the moon shines down and reflects off of one of its large wings

isn’t that the dragon?!?! where did it come from?!?!?!

and just before it swoops down in, you manage to get your bow up and pointed at it - shooting the poisoned arrow directly into it

you hear a monstrous sound

you hope its a wail of pain as you dodge in between trees

if you can get yourself some distance from the thing, you can find a dark hole to hide in for the night and make your way back to the village at the first sight of the sun

and thankfully, after another twenty minutes of running, you think you’ve got that thing off your trail

you hit the ground with a hard thud, your legs going into a frenzied spasm under you as you grip the forest floor

where did the dragon come from? is it protecting that man?

a million questions swivel around in your mind, but you are so exhausted that you can barely think straight anymore

you manage to make it through the night, not sleeping a wink

just laying in the leaves and dirt and jumping at the sound of absolutely anything

you’re a mercenary known to have a fear of nothing

but when dragons and beastmen start chasing you

you think you’re allowed to be afraid of them

you get back to the village - and first things first - you bust into the palace ballroom

guards are chasing after you, but you get past those meatheads until you spot prince hongjoong at the throne

“YOU LIED TO ME!”

you yell - finger pointed at the prince - who raises an eyebrow

you feel something cold touch your neck and realize one of the guards has pointed a spear at you, which you just scoff at

“how so?”

“there are people living in the supposed ‘dragons lair’ - people the dragon is protecting!”

hongjoong lets out a bellowing laugh that nearly shakes the room

“are you making up stories to get out of our deal?”

“what? no! i saw it with my own eyes - there was a man and then there was-”

“seonghwa, retrieve the gold we gave this cowardly fraud.”

hongjoong waves his arm and seonghwa begins his long, graceful strides over to you

you duck from the spear at your neck and step backwards

“no - im keeping this money and im getting you your stupid dragon, but what am i supposed to do about the people? do you want me to kill them too?”

hongjoong snaps his fingers and seonghwa comes to a halt, the guards all lay down their weapons and hongjoong rises from his seat

he paces back and forth for a minute

before shaking his head

“no, i dont want them killed. i want them captured and brought here. if what you say is true, they might now the location of other dragons.”

he strokes his cheek and falls into thought again

“you should take a horse with you this time, to transport them when they’re captured. also, go to jongho and get more poison.”

you can tell that as seonghwa turns his head, he’s signaling something to the prince

probably about how this ordeal proves how untrustworthy you are and that you should be thrown into the dungeon now before screwing the prince over for sure

but the thing is, you are not a liar, you are a mercenary but you do your job to the best of your ability

usually that means apprehending thieves or rogues or sometimes its the opposite, participating in break-ins or scams

but when you promised to slay a dragon - you meant it

you just didn’t think you’d now have to be taking hostages too

and although the fear you’d felt the whole night was still felt in the aftermath

you were also coming to see this as an opportunity

“if you want hostages, alive hostages, you need to up my price.”

“no!”

seonghwa rejects, but hongjoong doesn’t bat an eyelash.

he names the new price and your fear dissipates as the number floats around your head

“and i dont have a horse, can you provide one?”

you’re hovering over jongho, as you usually do when you come to him for his ‘medicines’

he’s making another vial of that poison, and tying up some bags of herbs to help put the ‘beastman’ you need to capture to sleep

you keep tinkering with his things and he keeps hitting your hand away

“whats with the noble stead?”

he asks, tilting his head toward his open window, where the horse you’re borrowing from the royal guard is standing tied to a post on the nearby street

you shrug, “turns out people are living out in the woods.”

he puts his tools down and gives you a skeptical look

“along with the dragon? you know thats impossible - dragons eat people. did you see a corpse?”

you cross your arms

“sorry, why does no one believe me?!? i saw a man, and then i saw a dragon.”

“he’s probably the dragons lun-”

you shake your head, pulling one of your arrows out to play with as you wait for jongho to finish his work

“no. i think the person i saw might be being protected by the dragon. but it doesnt matter.”

you throw the arrow up, watching it do a flip as it lands perfectly back in your palm, “prince hong wants them brought back alive and he’s paying me-”

jongho stops listening, he drops the bag of poison and herbs in your hand and shoos you out

although you hate to admit it, because you know what you saw, you spend the ride back through the forest wondering too

maybe all the walking got to me? maybe it wasnt a man - maybe it was a forest spirit?

you don’t realize the hours passed until suddenly the horse refuses to go on and you have to hop off and take the rest of the trek on foot

part of you uneasy

animals can sense danger, that’s probably why it didn’t want to go on

but all you can remember is the money

and its getting a little darker - not pitch black - but just the perfect amount that it’ll help camouflage you between the trees

you smell the familiar scent of burnt wood

and this time, you completely silence your movements - up until you’re back in your original position from yesterday

you scope out the clearing - the fire is going - but the man you saw yesterday is nowhere in sight

your eyes stop though on the large body that you spot right curled near the flame

it’s not human, it’s scaly - huge - and you can see the bone structure of a cascading spiked spine

the dragon!

you almost make a sound of surprise, but you catch yourself before you make a stupid mistake

instead you move again - in silence - to a better angle

if you can hit the dragon in the neck with a poisoned arrow - you can probably subdue it enough to hit it again and make sure the poison takes its effect for sure

then you can go and look for that man

you slow your breathing, and your heart rate

any false movement and you know that animal is going to wake up.

you count down slow, and then take aim, just as your finger lets go

the dragons eyes snap open

but its too late, the arrow lodges itself into the flesh part of its neck and the dragon roars up to life

you take the moment of disorientation to your advantage, as you jump up from the leaves and take aim again - this time hitting the dragon right into its throat

you see it begin to sway, making sounds that shake the ground beneath you

it tries to swing one large claw towards you but before it does

it begins to shrink

smaller and smaller and smaller till its tail disappears, its wings retract, and the scaling hot red skin turns back into something else

you’re so horrified and astonished all in the same moment

that you cant dare to move from your place

as the mighty dragon turns itself back into a human man

the wings fold painfully into the skin of his back

cracking and making sounds that suddenly have you feeling nauseous

the person takes a step but falls down to their knees and flat back onto the ground

you bring your hand up to your mouth

and for a good minute just stare and try to process what happened

the dragon wasn’t protecting a human, this human is the dragon!

you suddenly replay last nights events and it all clicks into place

the yellow pupil slit eyes, the scarred up back, the inhuman speed

you see the two arrows that should have been lodged in the neck of a dragon

sticking from the side of this person neck and you realize that if you dont take them out soon

he’s going to die

so what? he’s the dragon he should die!

you reason, but then you can picture bringing back this person and seonghwa and prince accusing you of cheating them

no - i said id bring back a dragons head, not a dead person!

you settle yourself and take a few shaky steps toward the body

the poison, in that kind of dose, will kill him

the only thing you can do is get the poison out

but how? i dont have an antidote! jongho never made one-

you rack your brain, squatting down to examine the arrows and then remembering

jongho said the poison’s only effective when it directly enters the bloodstream - if someone drinks it but then spits it out they should be ok right?

it’s a gamble and you don’t like to put yourself at risk in any odds, but you need that stupid money

and you know you’re not going to get it unless you come riding back into town with a dragon, not whoever this person is

you brace yourself, you push the body over onto its back and throw your leg over the mans waist

you realize a tad bit late that he’s absolutely naked - but you’re too focused on the task at hand to feel any inkling of embarrassment

you gently lift up his neck, removing both arrows with a quick pull and then leaning down to press your lips to the open wound

his skin is on fire, the contact stings and you can’t help but think

what the hell am i doing?

you’ve done this twice before, with snake venom, but this is different

if you’re remembering wrong - this could kill you too

but you have to take the chance

so you close your eyes and pray

the aftertaste is gross and your stomach lurches a little when you spit what remains out of your mouth

you wipe at the corners with your sleeve and place your hands on either of his shoulder blades

you shake a little, muttering for him to wake up already

“come on, don’t die on me dragon boy”

you shake him again - groaning in desperation when he doesn’t show any signs of life

his face is still serene and still - handsome and strong - he almost looks too nice to just be the beast you saw before

you’re about to get off of him and start counting your days till the princes’ people come for your head

when suddenly something wraps around your hip and keeps you from moving

you look down and see his hand on the fabric of your tunic - you turn your gaze and are met with those yellow slit eyes - and

“oh my god im so sorry!”

before you can really comprehend what is happening, you are getting lifted up and off of him

the boy, coming to his full height is huge

which to say for someone mixed with dragon blood should not shock you as much as it does

plus he’s - he’s timid

with the way he puts distance between you two and then apologizes, a second time, for mistakenly thinking he attacked you

“i don’t usually hurt humans i-”

the misunderstanding kind of rubs you the wrong way, you had initially reached for your bow, assuming you’d have to defend yourself right away

but now you were just

“hey, you didn’t hurt me. i hurt you - look at your neck.”

he stops blubbering, bringing his fingers up to the small wound

“wh-you-”

“i shot you, yes. anyway i also made sure you didn’t die and if you are going to get mad about either of that then -”

you lift the bow up again, “i will not hesitate to shoot you again.”

a stoic silence coats the conversation and then you make the mistake of looking down

“oh fuck you’re naked!”

you turn around, stupid move for a mercenary in close contact with a target, but the dragon boy doesn’t budge

“wh- why did you shoot me?”

“i.....well i um.....i saw you! i know what you are, i thought you would attack me-”

“why are you out so far in the woods?”

“wow you ask a lot of questions, have you put anything on?”

“put anything- i don’t-”

a noise disrupts his sentence, a noise he can hear, but that you don’t

so you make the decision to face him again, eyes wavering above waist level, when you realize he’s looking around panicked

“are your friends here too?”

“my fri- what, no im here alone-”

you take a step forward and then something catches you by the neck and tightens

before you can bring your hands up to the rope, your head is yanked back and a large burly hand curls around your waist

“caught ya, you little thief!” the voice is mean and rough, recognizable as one of the goonies that angry blacksmith keeps sending after you

“let go! did you follow me here?”

another voice, more high-pitched and giggly answers- “duh, our boss heard about all the gold that uptight prince gave you and well i mean-”

you’re so busy trying to pry yourself out of the stronghold that you don’t catch the dragon boy disappear

not unril a looming shadow blocks the sunlight and everyone's eyes turn upward

just like you had seen on your first attempt to capture him, it is the large and intimidating outline of a dragon

wings clutched into its sides, but the winding neck and large jaw swooping down and nearly clipping the head off of the man holding you

you stumble forward when with a scream, he lets you go and shouts

“A DRAGON!?”

you duck and roll to get far away from everything going on, being mindful of the rope still around your neck that you tug off and slip into the bag secured to the side of your hip

when you have a safe distance, you turn around and see the dragon now closer than soaring above you in the sky

sweep its way down and right toward the blacksmith’s bounty hunters - for a moment you think you see it all happen in slow motion

the powerful body of the dragon, an almost golden yellow and green - slit eyes moving back and forth like a lizard on the prowl - talons sharp and huge and cutting through with so much precision

you think you don’t even see any blood

all you hear is the defeated thud of a body to the floor and then another agonizing scream before you

i should run for it, dragon or human or whatever that thing just-

the cracking you heard earlier, the twist of shifting bones and breaking lines of a monsters body turning back into a normal form fill and echo in the trees

you look up, still crouched half on the floor, to see the dragon gone

the boy turns, the flash of something brutish in his eyes before they go back to a soft, muted brown

“i dont hurt humans.”

he whispers, so low you almost don’t hear it

then he drops back to his knees - falling face forward

and you jump because - fuck is he dead? did i not get all the poison out?

you rush over, stopping from lifting up his head when you see the blood this time

not from any of his wounds, just coating his nails which must have ripped through-

you shake your head, carefully hovering down and closing your eyes

to your relief, he’s still breathing, but he’s definitely knocked out cold

you do not know where the strength comes from inside you to get this giant body dragged out of the deep field you were in and back toward where your horse is still tied up

part of you think you turned into a goddamn monster of some sort lugging his body with no abandon

until the horse gets one whiff of him and refuses to let his passed out being anywhere near it

you groan

“how the hell am i going to get you back to the prince?”

you mutter and finally let go of his hand, eyes averting from his figure as you slide down with your back against a tree

i wouldnt call what happened back there anything like ‘protecting me’ but it is weird that he just.........killed someone like that........and didn’t kill me, right?

you tug your knees up to your chin

and he said it twice - that he doesn’t hurt humans - but that can’t be right. afterall, that short prince has a whole historical fit about how dragons hurt people.

you hear something and immediately tense up

gaze shifting to the still passed out body of your “loot” and then back up toward where the sound is coming from

you assume that it must be more of the blacksmiths goonies, absolute idiots following you on this mission

but then you hear a voice and groan

“ah - there they are. i told you they were slacking on the job.”

you stand up, bruised knees and scowl on your face, to see seonghwa - sitting high on a white stallion with what seems like an unnecessary amount of men from the cavalry

“first of all, im not slacking. look right there - i got your dragon.”

seonghwa looks to where your finger is pointing, down at the body in the leaves

and you

you do not like the smirk that spreads across his face

hours ago you had witnessed a human being turn into a dragon, now, you were sitting shackled on the palace floor

explaining again that you had seen it, that you had witnessed first hand

how the body of the human now laying before the princes’ feet had become the animal he had sent you to hunt

but every time you say it - the princes’ court laughs at you - the worst of all is seonghwa

who toes the body of the dragon boy and shakes his head

“i dont know where you dug up this poor boy, but bringing a dead body instead of the head of the dragon as promise-”

“i told you the first time i came back, that there was a person there instead of a dragon but it turns out they’re the sa-”

hongjoong finally gets up and you know better than to keep talking

the giggling court also shuts up and through the silence you hear him walk down from his throne and then lean over the body

he stares for what seems like a long while before he snaps his fingers

“throw both of them in the dungeon.”

“THE DUNGEON?!? WHY I DID MY JO-”

seonghwa tilts his head and two guardsmen lift you up and off the floor

“I DID MY JOB I BROUGHT YOU A DRAGON-”

hongjoong opens his mouth into a wide smile, but nothing in his eyes screams happiness

“ALL I SEE IS A CORPOSE, AND HEY LITTLE MERCENARY-”

he moves toward you so fast that you nearly miss him - the guards lowering you back onto your knees

hongjoong’s gloved hand coming down to hold your cheek

“and hey little mercenary, if you are right and he is a dragon - then you two can share a cell and you can be his first welcoming meal, if you know what i mean.”

this he whispers, low and harsh into your ear

you want to say something - god you want to bite and snarl at this stupid prince - but you can’t

you’re frozen, being pulled back up off your feet and watching over the prince’s shoulder as the body of the dragon boy is hoisted up and you two are brought down and down and down

into the darkest depths of the palace

you’re thrown so hard against the cold floor that you almost blackout from the hit you take on your head

you don’t only because the dragon boys body is thrown in next and you have to move fast enough out of the way that he doesn’t fall directly ontop of you

with your cheek pressed to the floor you curl up into a ball

for the first time, in a very long time, you feel helpless

your whole life has been built on your own back, running around through danger and defiance and now you were here

with no freedom - alone - with a monster

you shut your eyes, the echo of the loud metal gate shutting behind you before your body

worn out from everything shuts down

when you wake up - you dont know how much time has passed, but you aren’t on the floor anymore

instead you are laying flat across the bench that sticks out from the side of the dungeon wall and your hand is resting on something hot - so hot you pull it away immediately only to look down and see the dragon boy

perched against the side of your bed

he’s been given some old rags to put on and when he turns his head at your sudden startle

you see a gigantic bruise on the side of his face

“what happened-”

“they told me to hurt you. i told them - i don’t hurt humans.”

you’re still too tired to peace apart what he means by who and what in the world he’s talking about altogether

instead you lay back down and groan

“ok so dragon boy-”

“yunho”

you open your eyes

“you have a name?”

“all humans have a name.”

“well you’re not exactly....wait” you sit back up and look at yunho this time more clearly

“wait i need you to clarify something for me.”

his eyes almost look as if they’ve lost their pupil - becoming just an empty void of darkness - but he nods slowly when you ask;

“are you - do you have a family? are you a person or just a -”

“they’ve been killed, my family. humans don’t like my type of human, dragonborn humans.”

he is still looking at you - in that almost soulless bleak way - you don’t get it

well you do, you are the reason both of you are in the mess theoretically, but still

“ok, well. i just had an amazing idea. how about you turn back into a big dragon and go take revenge on the prince im pretty sure his family is the one that well - you know - did whatever to your family.”

you wave your hand around like its nothing, but yunho doesn’t budge

he turns slowly away from you and shakes his head

“i cant hurt more humans.”

“um im pretty sure you hear that big blubbering idiot back in the forest.”

“that’s because-” yunho stops and you edge forward “that’s because what?”

but he gets up and moves across the dungeon to the opposite side

narrowing your eyes you get up and put your hands on your hips

“well if you don’t turn into a dragon and break us out of here, then yunho you are going to die in here with me. i dont think prince hongjoong is going to be gracing us with warm meals or nice beds anytime soon.”

yunho doesn’t move, doesn’t react or seem aware of your presence

you don’t understand it - “why can’t you then just turn into a dragon and break us out of here without hurting anyway. we can just esca-”

“i cant.”

“what do you mean ‘you can’t’ ive seen you turn into a dragon twice a-”

“im too weak, unless i eat soon i wont have the power to sustain my monster form.”

you heave a huge sigh, half of annoyance and half of defeat

just as you predicted, no meals or visitors come for the rest of the day

the silence between you and yunho just grows deeper until two whole days have past and you’re so weak from starving and dehydration that you cant even stand up anymore

all you can think about is how you are going to die soon

how all these years of survival and honing your craft as an archer was for absolutely nothing

to die in the dungeon of the palace

suddenly a sound comes from somewhere, footsteps growing closer.

you half dont believe it - you think your mind is conjuring it up and that maybe they’re deaths footsteps

the reaper here to take you when you hear a familiar scoff

“you haven’t eaten them yet dragon boy? i should have known - you really are nothing but some poor beggar they found in the streets.”

seonghwa?

something metal clatters to the floor

“here - eat this while they’re asleep. if anything, youve done nothing wrong. it’s that scoundrel's idiocy that got you into this mess.”

you wait till the footsteps start up again and then dim into the silence

gathering whatever is left in your joints, you force yourself to sit up and see what seonghwa brought

on the tray are three slices of bread - you look once at yunho before lunging at them like a rat on a piece of meat

it must take you under a second to devour them and then just as you finish you turn and see yunho staring at you

“first come first serve”

you turn and tell yourself the weird feeling in your stomach isnt guilt

plus.........this dragon boy.......isn’t he..............isn’t he going to just crack and eat you-

“i dont eat people.”

you jump, which is weird considering your body can barely bare its own weight

“wh-at?”

“i dont eat people. dragons dont eat people, so im not going to eat you like that man says i will.”

“right.........well.” yeah ok, so the feeling is guilt “what do you eat?”

“what humans eat.”

“ah - well, seonghwa mentioned wanting to keep you alive so im sure he’ll be back with more-”

yunho stands up, again the daunting nature of his giant stature almost catches you off guard and he slowly makes his way over to the now empty tray

there is nothing on it and he takes the plate the bread was on and smashes it

“what the hell-”

“i heard a rat last night, im going to kill it and eat it.” he picks up one of the shards and you gag but yunho doesn’t even flinch

he returns to his corner and you return to your bench

you want to lay down and just close your eyes, start either thinking of a plan of escape or again of how you’re going to die in here alone

when you cant help but ask again;

“so why do people think dragons want to eat them?”

the shard in yunho’s hand clatters and you want to scold yourself for being noisy - seriously, can’t you just lay here and succumb to this torture in peace?

but yunho speaks again

“because they dont understand us. they just want us to disappear and to make something disappear you kill it yourself or you make it so scared it hides away.”

“sorry but how are you, a dragon, going to be scared of some humans making up stories abou-”

you stop yourself before you finish because something in your memory blooms like an unwanted weed in a fake pottery of flowers

a memory from your own childhood

the taunting of the other kids around you, pointing fingers and telling you to go away, to force yourself into a corner, to leave them alone because you were a little different and a lot more poor

you wrap your hands around yourself

you dont have to as him why dragons would be scared of humans

humans are more terrifying than most other living things

yunho seems to sense the shift of the mood in the atmosphere

he clears his throat and continues

“so we did hide away, to keep ourselves safe but - sometimes hiding doesnt mean the people who hated you forget. so slowly, one by one, our kind were killed. and now im left alone.....probably going to be killed as well.”

for a long time you don’t say anything, you are sure yunho thinks you’ve fallen back into your weak sleep

but you can’t even close your eyes if you try, tears that you havent wept in years make a small river down the canyon of your face

“you didnt deserve that.”

you finally say, but you don’t know if you’re talking to him or to yourself

you and yunho fall into a routine.

you fake falling into a deep sleep from weakness and whatever scraps seonghwa brings for yunho you two end up sharing now

somehow you are sure seonghwa has caught on, its been a week and you arent dead which cant be possible unless youre eating and drinking something

but one time he mumbles that you are probably the one catching and eating rats

but it isnt just the scraps you and yunho share

the nights in the dungeon are inexplicably cold

to the point where your fingers almost lose sense from the numbness and it gets to a point where it is so bad that you have to ask yunho to come over to you

his skin is still so much hotter than yours -from the dragons blood you assume - and touching him feels better than freezing

the first night you ask him, he sits rigid at your side as you wrap your hands around his thick wrists

but gradually he lets you slip closer, or maybe you let yourself slip closer

till you are almost wrapped into the crook of his chest for complete warmth

neither of you talks much - you have no questions to follow up the slaughter of the dragonborns and yunho can understand that there is a pain similar to his living inside of you

instead it becomes an unwritten bond - and you start to toil over how you are the reason you will both

one way or another

die in here

if you had only paid that fucking blacksmith his money back, you wouldn’t have stooped so low as to bring this poor boy to the feet of that cruel prince

but yunho doesn’t seem to hold any kind of grudge against you

in fact, you think you hallucinate it, but every night you two get closer you think something of a vibrancy comes back to him

one time he had even muffled against your hair a question about your archery

which you just answered with a vague “for self defense” which he didn’t seem to all believe

and you had pulled back to see him almost surpassing a laugh - wanting to tell him off it had gotten caught in your throat

somehow even through the darkness you could see the the outline of his strong features

thinking back to when you’d hit him with that poisioned arrow

and he had laid there in front of you, completely naked - literally - with long eyelashes on soft cheeks and a strong line on his jaw dipping into a sturdy and toned neck

you couldn’t think that way though, those were useless as thoughts of escape where now

so you’d pretended to ignore them and tucked your head back into his chest

and finally, when you think the time is slowly coming

creeping up with the way seonghwa has reduced the scraps he gives and you can hear him sneering about how you have to just give in someday

you say it into yunho’s chest

“im sorry”

“for what?”

“for being the reason the last dragonborn has to die.”

you’re right - because before you two can peel away from each other the next morning - the dungeon cell is thrown open

and two guards pull you up and to your feet

yunho’s body hitting the floor resounds through your ears - it sounds just the same as when he feel after killing that goon who’d tried to kidnap you back in the forest

and when his body was thrown to the floor in front of hongjoong

it pierces your ears and muddies out whatever the guards are saying

execution? lying to the crown? you don’t care

you just reach your hand out to yunho - going blurry in your weak vision

“just go and accept your death!”

a guard shouts and you agree, you should go and you should accept your death

“just dont kill him”

you mumble, half stringing the words together

“just please dont kill him”

the guards laugh they ask you to beg again - was this beggar you claimed to be a dragon actually your lover all along?

you see yunho slowly get to his feet and you don’t care about what they’re saying

you don’t care that you’ve been living this principal life of loneliness for years

a monster of your own traumas creation

you try to reach out for yunho again

“just dont kill him”

and then, just as one of the guards reaches for your neck - the other holding you slightly up and off the ground

you think you see a flash of gold - mistaking it for the light that must come at the end of the tunnel

when in fact, along with the strike, you feel the hands holding you up drop

and before you know it, you are in a pile of two bodies and the sound of a resounding roar breaks you out of your stupor

you look up - eyes wide - and you see a dragon

but no, it’s not a dragon, it’s yunho - with his huge tinted wings and silted eyes but the chest and legs of his human form

“yunho?”

you ask as if you don’t believe it to be him, until he picks you up and pulls you into him

it’s the same burning chest you’ve been pressing into these nights - it is yunho - but why is he only semi transformed?

as if reading your mind he answers,

“only so much rats and crumbs can do.”

you have half the mind to laugh before you hear a stampede coming down the dungeon stairs

the noise must have caused the other guards to be alerted and you want to tell yunho that, but he just picks you up and charges ahead

“wh-what are you doing they-”

you want to say ‘they’ll kill us’ but then you see yunho - with absolute elegance pounce himself up and through the barrage of men

his wings soar him up to the stairs before a single hand can be laid on you two and he grips you a little tighter

the last remnants of his human form start to shift and change and just as he rounds the corner with you in his arms

you hear seonghwa and prince hongjoong - one or the other ordering that the dragon be shot on sight

you want to say something, but yunho completes his transformation and before you know it

he is breaking through the glass of one of the palace windows and you are being projected up and toward a blue sky that you haven’t seen in what feels like years

“ho-how did you transform fully?”

“you bit me.”

“what?”

“you bit me, when you sucked the poison out of my blood so you bonded me to you.”

you are about to ask what the hell that means when you realize, you are talking to yunho through his thoughts - he’s in dragon form so he can’t possibly be speaking

so you just exclaim, “how long have you knew - about this bond?!??”

he holds you closer and suddenly the smooth glide upward turns into a spin, avoiding the princes’ arrows which are parading into the sky now

you tuck your head into him, the hot skin now scaly and almost cold

“when you touched me the first night - when you asked me to hold you because you were freezing, it rejuvenated something in me.”

you try to wrap your mind around what is going on - dizzy from the reality and the flying and the - oh you almost look down and scream

“then every night, as we grew closer i could feel it coming back. i could feel my dragon blood boiling and there is only one thing that can do that to my kind.”

he beats his wings and you two fly higher and higher

into the untouchable stratosphere - not even winged horses and zeus’ arrows could reach here

“two things actually, either good healthy meals or the power of a dragons bond to the one they love.”

you swallow - eyes opening slightly as you still avoid looking down

“a-and how does a dragon bond to someone they love?”

you feel his body rattle - his dragon body - so you assume that to be a laugh

“we drink each others blood.”

before you know it, you and yunho are landing softly back deep in the forest somewhere

it’s far and unfamiliar and when yunho transforms back into a human he nearly collapses

you fall with him, holding his large shoulders in your hands and asking him again

“because i drank your blood? but you didn’t drink mine?”

he looks up - the yellow in his eyes receding into a warm brown

“it doesn’t matter, a part of me is inside you and it is reacting to me. if im with you, ill always be able to turn and protect you.”

you can’t believe it but you are feeling flustered - for the first time in your life, the strong mercenary you - is so close to embarrassment you might die

you lean down, half to hide your face and half to make the first move out of pride, as you press your lips to him

you feel a large hand push you in closer and you almost bite yunho’s poor lip in surprise

“sorry, sorry - its just you’re naked right, turning back into a human and all?”

he blinks

“yes, is that a problem?”

you shift a little away, making space between the two of you, even after all thats happened

“no just - um - well, where should we go now?”

“south?”

“no that’s where the blacksmith whose still after me lives.”

yunho tilts his head, “who?”

you smile and shake your head

“no one, no one - but um we should get you some clothes first.”

somewhere back in the palace, prince hongjoon turns to seonghwa

whose eyes are wide and shoulders shaking

“he was a dragon, that little theif wasn’t lying.” seonghwa swallows “my prince, what do you want to do?”

hongjoong turns, the crown flinging off his head as his bow and arrow fall to the ground

“what do you think. if i can hire a mercenary to go kill me a dragon, i can hire another to kill me a mercenary and a dragon in one - can’t i?”

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fayrinferno · 3 years

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Tagging is exhausting and so is Tumblr, yet I’m still here (and why)

So despite all the crap that has been going on now with Post+ and tumblr trying us again (they won’t stop until there’s noone left but the pornblogs, I guess), I still browse here, enjoy my parts of the community, and like a ton of posts... but very rarely get around actually posting... and when I do, I put like 100 reblogs in the queue, trying to tag stuff, which, ngl, exhausts me. I think I might change that habit I had ever since joining tumblr in... 2013, I think? Crazy.

So unless I have something to say, I’ll just try to hit reblog/queue instead of like. Without tags. I might add them later via the mass post editor. Might not. That’s the only way I can currently ensure some sort of regular activity and presence here, while being super busy and save the actual free time I have for something more creative/productive.

I’d like to stay in touch because I have not yet switched to other platforms as many did and if I was supposed to do my own original posts only, well, it would just be an occasional tumbleweed rolling around the desert. And I mean, once in two months occasional. Nobody cares about that. Well, nobody might care about this either, but felt like saying something to explain the change. This won’t concern my other blogs (that are neglected again, I’m aware), I’ll just try a little experiment here.

So why even continue trying with this hellsite? Well, I could start a twitter account, but tbh, I don’t see it as an alternative for my content and, at this point, I only see my own website as one. I want to continue with the fandom translation, writing, and art as well, and I don’t see myself posting that on twitter, I really don’t. This site had the perfect potential for fandom (plus fandom porn, let’s be honest... regular porn, too, but that’s beside the point). But it never continued to improve and develop as such. Instead, it just puts on parts of shitty supermarket costumes it can afford to try and impersonate some more successful and trendier websites that have long perfected them because, hello, they specialized on them and invested much more effort and resources than tumblr ever could.

Over the years, they tried to add parts of whatever social media site/app was in at the time (now it’s patreon I guess), but they couldn’t embrace what it really is, which is a fandom hellhole full of people nostalgic for livejournal or myspace. I’m not here to become an influencer or to make extra 5 bucks; I’m here because I have a handful of friends and mutuals here that I, huge surprise, don’t want to put behind paywall; because I can still html-edit my profile and pretend it’s a website and still fill my dash with such content as I like instead of being constantly monetized by consuming monetized vomit and weird psyop content attacking me from all sides in what is supposed to be my free time.

Anyway, tl;dr, less tags and more posts from now on.

#I mean the patreon wouldn't even be such a bad idea if you came with it first because you tried to do something original years ago #and if you thought it through including the legal and copyright implications #now it's just laughable but I guess if youtube can try that ridiculous stuff why can't this clown website right #anyway how did I get here?!?#tumblr meta #block of text #long post #about

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michaelmilligan · 3 years

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Destiel fix-it fic (post 15x19)

Okay so this is 1,8k of fix-it for that horrible shit we call an 'ending'. Yes, I am still not over the finale. No, I will not take criticism at this time. (I meant to work on a genderfluid Dean(na) fic which will likely have several parts, but this wouldn't leave my brain so here you go. No beta, just pure rage against the machine that churned out the finale.) (Also my first time adding a cut so if it doesn't work please tell me.)

Dean hadn't taken it well. Not that Sam could blame him. He himself was still struggling with everything that had happened. Chuck snapping everyone away, the fear and the desperation... But they won, and everyone was back. Well, everyone except Cas.

Dean had said “just us” and Sam had said the same and they had driven for a while and it had been good to be on the road, to finally be free. But at the end of the day, it wasn't just them, and that was good too. Great even. There were Jody and the girls. Eileen. Donna. Charlie and Stevie. Garth and his family. All these people they knew and loved, everyone they cared about. Everyone was safe. Everything was good.

Except for Cas.

It had taken a few days for it to really sink in for Sam that he was gone. After all, he hadn't been there when it had happened. Hell, Dean had never even really told him how it went down. But Dean's grief was undeniable, the way he drunk himself into oblivion, much like the last time they had lost Cas, when they had also lost their mom. Both losses had been temporary, but they hadn't known that at the time.

Now their mom was gone for good, up in Heaven and apparently happy. And Cas was gone too, probably in the Empty if he was dead. Sam missed him, of course he did. He was their best friend, the other father in their trio, however weird that sounded. Also Sam also missed Jack, not knowing if they would ever see him again, now that he was almighty and all that. But Sam handled it, he always handled it, and he had Eileen to keep him company, to hold him when he needed to cry.

Dean had noone, hadn't had anyone in years. Maybe he had never had anyone who would do that for him, and Sam was starting to worry about Dean's liver as well as his mental health. Not that any of them could be great in that department, but so far they had always been able to keep it together. Now Sam wasn't so sure.

As he walked into the kitchen, he half expected to find Dean slumped over, drooling onto the kitchen table with a half-full bottle of whiskey in his hand. Instead, the room was empty, no empty bottles in sight. Huh.

Sam set out in search for his brother, trying his room first but finding it just as empty. It took him several minutes before he ducked his head into the library, and finally saw Dean sitting at a table, several books open in front of him.

“Dean? What are you doing?”

Dean's shoulders tensed for a moment, but he didn't turn around.

“Research,” he said gruffly, sounding like he had woken up less than an hour ago.

“On what? You got a case?” Sam came into the room, looking over the books. He saw Enochian, an angel summoning spell, a dictionary... “What's this for?”

Dean pressed his lips into a thin line. “Cas,” he croaked out. “We've got to... there has to be a way.”

“Dean. I thought you said he was dead. You know we can't... There's no way to get him from the Empty.”

Dean gritted his teeth, looking like he was about to snap. “That dude almost got Lucifer out, but we can't get Cas back?” He sprang up, walking towards the nearest shelf just to stare at it.

“Dean. What even happened? How did... you never told me what happened,” Sam tried, hoping against hope that his brother wouldn't just clam up like every other goddamn time he tried to talk about something difficult.

“He... he just. Goddamnit, he said- He- he made a deal with the Empty and then-”

“Wait, what? The Empty was there? Why the hell would he make a-”

“No, I mean. Before. He made the deal to save Jack, back when... It agreed to take him instead of Jack, but only... only if... and he said...” Dean's shoulders were shaking as he leaned his forehead against the shelf. “He... he summoned it. The Empty. To take him away so it would take Billie too. And I... I couldn't do anything. There was... we had no weapons, nothing to fight the Empty, nothing to fight Billie and he...” Sam couldn't see his face, but he could hear the tears in his voice.

“Okay. Okay.” Sam let out a deep breath. It wasn't the first time one of them had sacrificed himself for the others. And like any other time, Dean couldn't let it go. Well, not that Sam had always been able to. “So you want to get him back. You think that's wise?”

Dean whirled to him, his eyes hard and full of tears. “What?”

“I'm just saying... Cas sacrificed himself to save you. And now you're going to endanger yourself to get him back, do you think that's really what he wants? And even if we had a way of getting to the Empty, who says that we're gonna be able to get Cas out, or that the Empty won't just snatch him again as soon as we're back on Earth?”

But Dean's face had completely shuttered closed. This was one of the times were no logical arguments would get through to him.

“I'll find a way,” he said, turning back to the shelf to sort through the books.

Sam sighed, and after watching his brother for a while, he left him to it, deciding to let him grieve in his own way.

It was about three days later when Sam heard a noise from the entrance. Frowning, he walked towards it, wondering if Dean had invited anyone. Eileen wasn't scheduled to come over, but maybe she had wanted to surprise him? He had told her not to come, didn't want her to see Dean like that, but then again when did she ever listen to him?

When he saw who was coming down the stairs from the entrance, Sam felt his eyes widen.

“Jack!”

The boy – God, whatever – smiled and raised his hand.

“Dean! Dean, Jack is here,” Sam called in the direction of the corrdor, then hurried over to him. He hesitated, not sure if you were supposed to hug the newly appointed God. But Jack was his son and he had missed him, so in the end he pulled him into a tight hug. Jack returned it, squeezing him and still smiling when they pulled apart.

Which was when Sam noticed the other figure coming down the stairs and he gasped. “Cas?” He looked at Jack, who just kept smiling, and Sam laughed and pulled Cas into a hug, too. Cas returned it, though a little more carefully than Jack, and his smile wasn't as bright. Maybe a little... shy? Embarrassed?

“Dean? Dean! It's- Dean, get your ass over here!” Sam called again, hardly believing their luck.

Dean jerked awake to a stiff neck and an aching back, hunched over on the library table, drool on a three-hundred year old book. He thought he'd heard Sam, calling for him, and he got up to walk out of the library in spite of his protesting body. “Sam?” he called as walked along the corridor, anxiety forming in his gut. What if something was wrong? What if they were under attack? What if the next big villain – whoever that might be after thee actual God – was here to get them? Or maybe just some regular monster, ready to tear them apart, taking them by surprise?

Dean pulled his gun and tread carefully, peering around each corner before rounding it. He heard voices from the entrance, and by the time he was almost at the door, he heard a laugh. It sounded like Sam... He still peeked around the door frame before getting in and saw Jack, just standing there, looking comfortable.

“Jack?” Dean made his way over to him quickly, not believing his eyes. “What are you- I thought you-”

“Dean!” Jack beamed at him and Dean couldn't not pull him into a hug.

“Hey, kiddo.”

“Hi.” Jack squeezed him tight.

When Dean looked towards Sam, he also saw... no. This wasn't possible, was it? Dean pulled back, eyes wide, just staring for a moment before he turned towards Jack. “You- how-”

“I know I said I'd be hands-off, but...” Jack shrugged, looking apologetic. “I didn't want to be.”

Dean let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding, his eyes going back to Cas. His eyes were prickling, and he suddenly noticed how Cas evaded his eyes, peering up at him from beneath his eyelashes almost shyly.

“Thank you,” Dean said to Jack, aware of the tremor in his voice, and then he rushed towards Cas.

“You goddamn- fucking moron,” he hissed as he wrapped him in the tightest hug he might have ever given anyone. “Stupid fucking dumbass.”

“Uh,” Cas made, sounding insecure. “Hello, Dean.”

Dean gripped him the shoulders when he pulled back, then put his hands on Cas' face. “You fucking- what does that even mean, huh? 'It's in the just saying it'. What the fuck. What the actual fuck!”

Cas squinted at him, opened his mouth, closed it again.

“You-” Dean cut himself off, running out of words, so he kissed Cas instead. It was a rough kiss, and long, and Cas seemed to have trouble keeping up, his hands coming up to claw at the flannel on Dean's back.

Dean was vaguely aware of a gasp behind him, but he was still laser-focused on Cas, glaring daggers at him.

“You maybe wanna re-think that?” He shoved him.

“Uh, I- I do?” Cas said, still looking terribly confused, and Dean couldn't help but kiss him again, just as roughly at first but getting softer over time until they were just breathing each other's air.

“You fucking asshole. You could have said something sooner! Before you got your ass dragged to the-” Dean stopped, feeling his face going through several emotions at once.

Cas squinted at him. “So could you.”

Dean stared at him, hearing Jack say “What's wrong, Sam?”, and yet he still couldn't have cared less.

“Goddamnit, you're right, we're both dumbasses.” When Cas opened his mouth, he added: “No, Cas, 'trusting' really doesn't cut it here.”

Cas huffed out a laugh – and wasn't that a sight for sore eyes. Dean kissed him again, hearing Jack in the background: “Wait, is this something new? I always thought they were just not very public about it.”

Dean grinned against Cas' lips, and Cas smiled back as Dean pulled him into another hug.

Meanwhile, Jack was still talking: “You know what, I think they need a minute. And I want to eat Crunch Cookie Crunch. Do you still have any?”

#Destiel #Supernatural fanfiction #Destiel fanfic #How do you even tag #Deancas #deancas fanfiction #Finale fix-it #After this Jack tells them that he doesn't want to be God #'I'm three Dean. Three! I'm not even legally allowed to drive yet'#And Dean goes 'You're also not allowed to drive because you legally don't exist... but yeah okay I get it'#They find a way for Jack to give up his God mojo to power Heaven directly #And Jack comes back home #They live happily ever after #Noone dies or fucks off into the sunset #The End #Except of course it's not an end it's just the beginning of the rest of their lives #Quiet domestic lives #Occasional hunts or helping younger/less experienced hunters #But all in all just two guys being gay married raising a son together with their brother and his wife #Eileen is awesome and teaches Jack all manner of dangerous shit #Claire and Eileen hang out and she becomes a cool aunt #Jack and Claire are siblings (TM)#Anyway this is already too many tags you get the gist

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asian-hero · 3 years

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Hey, Mr. Sunflower!

A/N: Hi I’m still reeling from bnha 290 spoilers but I did come here with a purpose so here’s the flower shop/tattoo shop idea I had

okay bye

Summary: Todoroki Shouto liked the comfort of his daily schedule. Nothing changed, and it was a fact that made him feel comfortable. However, when a new tattoo parlor opens up next to him, he finds his world turned upside down by the new neighbor and her big, dumb, grin.

Pairing: Florist!Todoroki/Tattoo Artist!Reader (fem reader)

Words: 9,128

Water the plants, create floral arrangements, interact with the customers, and close up for the day.

Shouto’s day could be boiled down to those four simple activities. Every day, he would wake up early in the morning to tend to his flowers, making sure to give each and every one of them the right amount of care. Then, he’d get ready to start the day, brush his teeth, get dressed, and, if he were lucky, have a quick breakfast before heading down the stairs and into his shop, where he’d open up and begin the workday. Most of his day would consist of dealing with old ladies coming in the morning to have a quick chat while browsing his selection, teenage girls coming in while not-so-secretly whispering about how “hot” he was, and late coming partners and first time dates who were desperately looking for something to impress their significant other. After the day was over, he’d simply clean up, lock up shop, and head back upstairs for the night, where he’d promptly pass out and then wake up the next morning, getting ready to repeat the entire process again. So, it was safe to say that Shouto developed a routine of sorts, one that was comfortable, one that made him feel in control.

Who knew that one heavily tattooed woman moving into the empty shop next door would wreck his whole routine?

It was a rather uneventful morning, nothing out of the ordinary as Shouto awoke in his bed. However, he couldn’t shake the slight feeling of impending doom that seemed to hang over his head. He didn’t let that disturb him, though, as he got out of bed, quickly getting ready so he could get a head start on the day. As he shut the door to his apartment, walking down the stairs to get ready for the day, he felt a content sigh slip from his lips.

Tuesday. Though an inconsequential day to most, it was one of Shouto’s favorites. Tuesday’s were the quietest days at the shop, with only a few regulars, like Midoriya who worked part time at the post office, and Bakugou, who owned the cafe not too far from his own shop, coming in to yell at him about some minor inconvenience that must of been his fault. While the day was uneventful, it really helped Shouto deal with the issues of running a business by yourself. When there were no customers to tend to, he could work on the dozens of bouquet orders he had, or he could rearrange the flowers in his shop to be at the most aesthetically pleasing angles, as to enhance the experience of his customers.

So, while Shouto was working on a bright bouquet of sunflowers, which, in all honesty, was too much yellow for him to look at, he didn’t expect someone to burst through the door with an equally atrocious bouquet in their arms, a confused expression on their face. When their eyes connected with his, their confusion blossomed into a wide smile, nearly blinding him as much as the sunflowers had.

Putting his arrangement aside, Shouto cleared his throat. “Welcome, is there anything I can help you with?”

He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but having a bunch of mismatched flowers being not-so-elegantly shoved in his face certainly wasn’t it.

“Hello! You must be Todoroki,” You spoke, your smile never leaving your face, “I’m (Y/L/N) (Y/N), your new neighbor!”

He continued to stare at you for a moment, his eyebrow raised as his face shifted from one of surprise to one void of amusement. When you noticed him eyeing the bouquet in your grip, you laughed, extending it towards the man once more, with one hand moving to rub the back of your neck awkwardly.

“Ah, I know that it’s a little weird to give a florist some flowers, especially since they’re from a grocery store and aren’t nearly as gorgeous as your own,” You started, eyes trailing off to look around at the shop, “But I wasn’t really sure what to get you, since I can’t really give out free tattoos,”

“Was there a reason to give me anything?” He asked bluntly, not making a move to take the flowers.

You pouted slightly, a sight that only served to confuse Shouto even more. “Well, I didn’t want to just come over empty-handed,”

He let out a small hum, acknowledging your words. After a few more moments of awkward silence, he gestured towards the door. “Well, was that all? Shouldn’t you be heading back to your shop?”

Though his words were a bit harsh, you didn’t let it deter you. Placing the bouquet onto the counter, you gave a small wave, your body moving on its own. “Well, it was nice meeting you, Mr. Sunflower! Feel free to do whatever with that bouquet, I won’t be offended if you toss it out! See you soon!”

As you left the store, you noticed a prominent blush on the man’s face, and you had to hold a hand over your mouth to keep in the giggles that threatened to fall from your lips. Though Shouto seemed to be a big, scary flower man, the pink tint that found its way to his cheeks made him look like an adorable toddler, and you promised yourself that you’d come back in soon. If not to see the man himself, then to at least see that blush one more time.

Once you were finally out of his sight, he let out an exasperated sigh. Of course, Shouto knew that someone had bought the shop next to him. Not only did the landlord inform him about the new tenant, but he also noticed the gigantic “sold” sign on the window while coming home one day. It was surprising just how fast the shop popped up, but to be fair, he wasn’t truly paying attention. He hadn’t expected that his new neighbor would drop in to say hello, especially with some grocery store bouquet. In fact, he expected that whoever bought the shop next to him would be just like his other neighbors: quiet and unassuming. However, with the interaction he just had with you, he figured that you would be trouble, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

The next time Shouto saw you was the very next day, when he was restocking the sunflowers, of all things.

It was around noon when he heard the soft chime of the front door, signaling a customer’s entrance. Putting on his “customer service” face, he looked over his shoulder, a tight smile on his face.

“Welcome, how can I—“ He paused, noticing your all black attire, a contrasting bright smile taking over your face, “Ah, it’s just you,”

You gave him a big wave, your entire body seemingly swaying side to side with the movement. Skipping over to where he was standing, you leaned forward a bit, trying to get a good look at his face. “Hey, Mr. Sunflower!”

“It’s Todoroki,” He blandly replied, not bothering to look at you as he continued to rearrange his flowers.

If his sharp words had any effect on you, you didn’t show it. Instead, your smile seemed to grow even larger as you peered over at the sunflowers in his hands, and Shouto hated it.

“Wow, these are beautiful,” You gushed, not missing the way his cheeks flushed at your compliment, “I mean, so are you, but I can certainly see why you’re so popular!”

He couldn’t understand why on earth you liked these flowers, they were atrocious in every single way possible. From the bright golden color and how large they were, all the way down to the symbolism. Though, he supposed that if you resembled any flower in his shop, you’d have to be the one Shouto detested the most.

Shoving the last of the sunflowers into the holder, he sighed, making his way towards the counter, “Don’t you have a shop to run?”

“Nope,” You said, obnoxiously popping the ‘p’ at the end, “I don’t have any appointments until three,”

When Shouto didn’t respond to you, you shifted your weight so that you were leaning against the counter, your elbows supporting your weight. Looking around the shop, you couldn’t stop the big smile that split your face as your eyes came across a familiar arrangement of neon colored flowers.

“I see you kept my house warming gift,” You teased, enjoying the way Shouto froze at your voice.

Glancing over his shoulder, he cursed inwardly at the sight of them. Eyes moving back towards the arrangement in front of him, he spoke, praying that you couldn’t hear the minuscule shake in his tone, “I’m waiting for someone to pick them up. It seems as though someone has the same horrible taste as you do,”

He wasn’t really sure if he was insulting himself when he said that.

“Ah, so my bouquet was useful?” You asked, that teasing glint never leaving your eyes.

He scoffed, but didn’t say anything more. For a while, the two of you just stood there in silence, with the occasional rustling of stems and petals being the only noise in the entire store. Your eyes would run along the entire store, but you had to admit, the man in front of you was your favorite sight. Even though he was cold and short with you, he hadn’t outright told you to leave this time, so that was progress. As your eyes trailed down from his face to his arms, you noticed just how broad he was, a fact that you missed yesterday, but was a pleasant sight for your eyes. It was clear as day that he worked out, and fairly often, if his figure had anything to say about it.

If you were going on what the stereotypes dictated, then the two of you should’ve swapped jobs long ago. He was an intimidating enough of a figure to fit into your shop, and your personality seemed to fit his shop more. However, you quite liked the fact that Shouto worked in a place like this, even though you hadn’t known him for long, you could see that he really cared about his shop, about the customers that came in. Though you’d never admit it, you remembered coming in around a year or so ago, significantly less tattooed up and more introverted than you were now. You remembered being smitten by the aloof and seemingly uncaring heterochromatic man, watching as he kindly helped out an elderly man pick out some flowers for his wife who was in the hospital. You remembered when he walked over to you, asking if you needed help, if there was a specific flower you wanted, and you stupidly said you wanted a bouquet of sunflowers, and soon enough, they became your favorite flower.

You wonder if he even remembered such an insignificant interaction.

While you were absorbed in your own little world, you didn’t notice Shouto finish the arrangement he was working on, pushing it to the side and giving you a weird stare. He knew you’d been staring at him, and, even if he didn’t like you, it still made him nervous. He didn’t like feeling nervous.

Deciding that he’d seen enough of you today, he gestured towards the door, “Well, I’m taking my lunch break now, please leave,”

You laughed, and that sound only made Shouto’s nerves sky rocket. “You don’t want to have lunch with me?”

“I could not think of anything else that I’d rather do less than that,”

You placed a hand to your heart, a small pout on your face that almost made Shouto take it back. However, at your poorly concealed giggles, he looked at you exasperatedly. Waving your hand, you gave him one last smile, “Alright, alright, I’ll get going. See you later, Mr. Sunflower,”

Your full blown laughter was the only thing that could be heard when Shouto had once again corrected you.

Taking in a deep breath, he briskly turned around, about to head back up to his apartment when he paused, the sight of your neon flowers catching his eye. Walking towards it, he found himself subconsciously stroking one of the petals, picturing the bright smile you gave him when you so confidently shoved them into his face. Biting the inside of his cheek, he carefully scooped up the vase in his arms before heading back up.

There was no reason to throw away perfectly good flowers, even if they were the ugliest thing he’d ever seen in his life.

After that interaction, Shouto found his normal daily schedule be disrupted by your presence. Every day, you’d somehow manage to find the time to walk into his shop, say hello, call him “Mr. Sunflower,” and then loiter around until he either asked you to leave, or the shop got too busy. On the busy days, he was grateful to be surrounded by customers so he wouldn’t have to talk to you one on one. Though he wasn’t entirely sure of the reason, you somehow always made his heart rate spike, and he didn’t like it. So, if the store was packed with customers, then he wouldn’t have to deal with you.

Today was one of those busy days, but rather than feeling relieved, Shouto only felt stress and anxiety.

Friday’s were usually the busiest days for Shouto, and his workload only grew larger at the prospect of prom nearing the corner. Not only did he have to work on the bouquet orders for his regular customers, but also on last minute corsage orders and walk-ins, all of which made Shouto’s stress levels spike to an already high average. So, when you walked in, in all of your smiley glory, he only felt his nerves shoot up.

The first thing that you thought of when you walked into the flower shop was how packed it was. Of course, you knew that he was a very popular florist, and his shop was usually busy, but this time it was almost unbearably packed. As you scanned the crowd, you made eye contact with the very stressed looking flower shop owner, and all ideas of teasing him and making his life harder left your brain, the only thing you wanted to do in that moment was to take away some of that stress.

Making your way through the crowd of people, you popped up by the register, clearing your throat to get his attention. Smiling sympathetically, you leaned in close, lowering your voice so only he could hear you, “Hey, Mr. Sunflower. Busy day?”

He didn’t even look up at you, too busy to stop what he was currently doing. “I’m busy at the moment, go find someone else to bother.”

When he didn’t even correct you, you knew just how stressed the man was. Before you could even offer your services, a rather shy looking girl came to the front, her hands shaking ever so slightly.

“Excuse me? I just had a quick question,”

You could hear the sharp intake of breath Shouto took, and before he could even look away from what he was doing, you smiled at the young lady, “What’s going on, honey?”

At the nickname the girl’s face flushed, and you had to hold back a giggle at the reaction. “Well, I know it’s too late to ask for a bouquet for tonight, but I got in a fight with my partner and I wanted to get her some flowers, I just don’t know what I should get,”

You hummed, tapping your lip as you cycled through your limited knowledge of flower meanings. As your eyes scanned the shop, you brightened up visibly once you found what you were looking for. Wrapping your arm around her shoulders, you ushered her through the crowd towards the tulips, giving Shouto a thumb’s up behind her back. Once you made it to the tulips, you picked out a few nice looking white tulips, carefully fluffing them out before handing it to her.

“I know they may seem unassuming, but white tulips are typically associated with apologies, so it may be good to start with these,” Patting her shoulder, you winked, “Of course, nothing’s better than a heartfelt apology, but I’m sure that these will help.”

The girl let out a noise of confirmation, whispering a quiet “thank you” before following you back to the register, where you hopped behind the counter to ring her up.

“How much are tulips?” You asked Shouto, leaning a bit to the side.

“A dollar a stem,” He mumbled, handing what had to have been his fifth bouquet of the hour to another customer, “Six for a dozen.”

Ringing up the girl, you quickly wrapped up the tulips in some white paper, carefully arranging them to appear fuller before bidding her a good bye, wishing her luck. You could tell that Shouto wanted to ask you something, but before he could even speak, another customer had called for your attention, and the two of you fell back into work mode.

After what had to have been at least two hours, the shop had finally died down, and you were finally able to let out a deep breath. Stretching your arms above your head and closing your eyes, you let out a low groan, happy to finally take a break.

Once you had finally reopened your eyes, you noticed Shouto staring at you with a blank expression. Tilting your head, you frowned. “What? Why’re you looking at me like that?”

“Why did you help me?”

“Ah, ever the blunt one,” You spoke, your trademark smile appearing on your lips, “Well, if you must know, you looked pretty stressed, and what kind of neighbor would I be if I let you suffer all alone?”

“One who minds her business,” He speaks, but you can tell there’s no malicious intent behind it.

Letting out a loud laugh, you smacked his arm, stifling your giggles as he rubbed his arm, “Hey! I did pretty good, okay? You could at least say ‘thanks, (Y/N).’”

He rolled his eyes, and you were fairly certain that he was ready to kick you out. So, moving to leave, you gave him a peace sign. However, before you you closed the door, you heard him call out to you.

As your eyes landed on him, Shouto felt his breath catch. “Thank you, (Y/L/N),”

Feeling your face split into a huge smile, you waved one last goodbye.

“Anytime, Sunflower.”

The first time that Shouto ever saw the inside of your shop was a few weeks after you helped him out. Of course, it wasn’t by choice. Midoriya had practically begged him to come along because he wanted to get his ears pierced but he had no one to come with him. When Shouto asked why he needed someone to come along with him, the green haired man said he was nervous and needed someone to be there for him. By that point, Shouto had already been convinced, and the very next day, he shut down his store early in preparation of Midoriya’s impending piercing appointment.

“So,” Shouto started, putting his keys back into his pocket, “Where are we going?”

Midoriya gave him a confused look, almost as if he didn’t quite understand the question. Pointing towards your tattoo shop, he rose his eyebrow. “Here?”

At that, Shouto felt his mood turn sour. Now of course, was he grateful for your help on Friday? Absolutely. In all honesty, he wasn’t sure what he would’ve done if you didn’t step in and help him. However, despite his slight gratitude towards you, it didn’t overpower the overwhelming feeling of anxiety that consumed him every time you were around. Whenever you waltzed your way into his shop, he could feel his throat close up, his hands start to get sweaty, and whenever he did speak to you, it always came out as short, slightly shaky answers, and he hated it.

Even so, he promised Midoriya that he’d be there for him. So, Shouto held his pride as he walked through the door to your shop, his eyes immediately landing on your figure, hunched over from laughing so hard at something your blonde haired friend had said. Though he wasn’t sure why, he didn’t like the way the other man looked at you. Once again, you made Shouto feel something he wasn’t used to.

At the sound of the door opening, your head immediately turned towards the front, a wide smile already on your face, and once you noticed who exactly was in your shop, you thought your face may as well split open.

“Don’t think I have you scheduled for an appointment, Mr. Sunflower,” You drawled, enjoying the way his face glowed with embarrassment, “Or did you just miss me?”

“It’s Todoroki,” He lamely responded, before clearing his throat, “And I’m not here for you,”

Shrugging your shoulders, you let out an obnoxious sigh. “A girl can dream,”

Looking over to the confused green haired man next to him, you gasped, clapping your hands together. “Ah! You must be Midoriya, my two o’ clock appointment!”

Before he could even get a word of confirmation out, you hopped from behind the counter, grabbing Midoriya’s hand and pulling him towards your piercing section. Placing your hands on his shoulders, you smiled at him through the mirror. “So, tell me all about what you want,”

It took longer than you expected to calm the poor boy’s nerves in order to get a coherent thought from him, but once he finally told you what he wanted, you asked Denki, your only employee at the moment, to go and grab the needles while you put your gloves on. Once everything was in place, you had to physically hold yourself back from audibly cooing at the sight of Midoriya grabbing onto Shouto’s hand, squeezing it while you pierced his earlobe.

After a few more seconds you moved backwards, placing your hands on your hips in pride. “We’re all done! They look great!”

As he moved to get a closer look in the mirror, you nudged Shouto with your elbow, a small smirk playing at your lips. “So, are you here for something, too?”

He rolled his eyes, shaking his head. “I’m not letting you near me with any sort of needle,”

“Hey!” You whined, smacking his arm lightly, “It’s not like I’m going to puncture a hole in you by accident or something!”

Before he could even get in another sarcastic comment, another voice beat him to the punch:

“Yeah? Tell that to the multiple scars on my arms!”

Both of you whipped your heads around, greeted by the sight of Denki sitting on top of the counter, his arms holding up his weight as he leaned back. Letting out another loud gasp, you took off one of your gloves, chucking it at him.

“Kaminari Denki I am your boss and I will be treated with respect!”

The man in question gave you a mock salute before moving to ring up Midoriya. Playfully shaking your head, you let out a few giggles at how ridiculous your friend was. When you looked back up, you noticed Shouto was still standing next to you, looking at you with another weird expression that you couldn’t quite place. It seemed to be some odd mixture of his natural blank stare, a hint of annoyance, and, if you were to guess, jealousy? Deciding that it’d be in your best interest to tease him, you took a step closer, a curious glint in your eye.

“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours, hm?”

He continued to stare you down, though it didn’t have nearly the same amount of annoyance as it usually did. When you noticed that he didn’t seem to be in the mood to banter with you, you reached for his arm, gripping it lightly. You didn’t even say anything about how he tensed beneath your touch, not wanting to annoy him.

“You doing okay, Mr. Sunflower?” You asked, tilting your head, “You’re not responding to my child-esque flirting with unbridled sarcasm and annoyance,”

Shouto turned his head to the side, focusing on anything but you, “Maybe I’m just tired of your constant talking,”

Pointing an accusatory finger at the man, you spoke, “Ah! You didn’t even try to correct me when I called you ‘Mr. Sunflower!’ Something’s clearly wrong,”

Once again, Shouto didn’t respond, but you noticed the flush that was slowly starting to creep from his neck. Deciding to take pity on the poor man, you took his hand in yours, trying not to think too much into it when he didn’t pull away, “Sorry, didn’t mean to be pushy, just wondering where my grumpy flower man is,”

He wasn’t sure why, but seeing your face fall ever so slightly stirred some emotion inside of him, and it wasn’t the usual spike of annoyance or flutter in his chest. No, it almost felt like, guilt? Before his brain could even think about his actions, he squeezed your hand lightly, finally looking you in the eye.

“Izuku wanted to grab lunch before I go back to the shop,” He started, suddenly feeling a wave of nervousness wash over him, “Are you busy?”

You blinked once. Then twice. Then three times just to be sure. Staring at the man in front of you, you wondered if he was somehow an imposter, and the real Todoroki Shouto was locked away somewhere. As your mind continued to reel from what just happened, Shouto began to grow even more anxious, pulling his hand away from yours and rubbing the back of his neck.

“Don’t worry about it, I was just trying to be ‘neighborly,’ or whatever you call it—“

“Hey you can’t take it back!” You interrupted, frowning as you stared at the hand that left yours, “This is the first time that you’ve been somewhat nice to me, there’s no way in hell I’m saying no! Denki can take over for a while,”

You called over your shoulder for the last part of that sentence, sticking your tongue out when the blonde haired idiot gave you a sly wink. Turning back towards your flower man, you linked your arm with his, tugging him towards the entrance, where Midoriya was giving him a teasing look. “C’mon, let’s go!”

Lunch with you turned out to be one of Shouto’s favorite moments.

After the first lunch together, the two of you found yourselves growing closer. Every day, you’d come into the shop around noon, laugh as he told you for the umpteenth time that no, his name was not “Mr. Sunflower,” and then you’d ask him to have lunch with you, an invitation that Shouto always accepted, though he’d make a fuss about it. Afterwards, you’d walk him back to his shop, hands intertwined as you swung them back and forth, and every time, he would let you.

It was such as strange concept to him, blatantly showing affection, as if no one else were watching. He wasn’t even sure why he let you hold his hand, why he didn’t complain when you linked arms with him. He also didn’t know why his heart would speed up every time you did that, or why he’d feel nervous whenever you gave him one of your trademark grins.

Though, perhaps the most troubling of them all, he didn’t mind that you made him nervous.

He found that out one day while you were hanging out in his shop, seated upon the counter while you watched him close up shop for the day. It was like any other day, with you loitering around as you please while he tried to get some last minute work done. However, it somehow felt, different. With all of the time that you two spent together, hanging out like this, in complete silence, it almost felt domestic.

As he continued to restock the more popular flowers, you admired how careful he was when handling the plants. It was amazing to you how, someone seemingly so “cold” and “uncaring” could be so kind and nurturing when it came to his shop. Whenever you’d pop in on busy days, you’d always be reminded of the fact that the aloof exterior was simply a mask, and you’d find yourself getting embarrassingly soft when he’d interact with the customers with such a kind smile. Though of course, you loved to tease him, in fact, it was probably one of your favorite hobbies, you also felt your feelings for the man grow overtime. As the months passed, and the two of you grew close, you often found yourself daydreaming about simple domestic things, like hugging him tightly, or pressing a kiss to his cheek. There were also times that you’d have, less than wholesome thoughts, and every time those thoughts were front and center, you’d become a flushed mess, doing your best to hold in your embarrassment.

Eventually, Shouto had turned around to start on the other side. Once he noticed your gaze, he furrowed his brow, stopping in his tracks.

“What are you looking at?”

Not wanting to be caught in your embarrassing train of thought, you said the first thing that came to mind, “What’s your favorite flower?”

“My favorite flower?”

You nodded, figuring that you may as well continue on this track rather than your not-so-savory one, “Yeah, I mean, you already know mine, but I’m curious to see what a florist’s favorite flower is?”

He let out a hum, a ghost of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Amaryllis’ are nice,” Gesturing towards the section of amaryllis, he continued, “They’re my mom’s favorite.”

You nodded your head, a teasing glint in your eye, “Who knew Mr. Sunflower was such a softie,”

“You know that’s not my name,”

You laughed, “I know, I know, it’s Todoroki—“

“It’s Shouto.”

Feeling your eyes widen, you watched as he continued on with his tasks, not even phased at the fact that he just gave you permission to call him his first name. Shaking yourself from your momentary shock, you spoke once more, hating the way your voice wobbled slightly.

“Oh? So you’re finally accepting my presence now?”

He simply shrugged his shoulders, but you could’ve sworn that you saw a grin tugging at his lips. “You’ve already squeezed your way into my life, so what’s the point of last names?”

With your heart beating out of your chest, and your face growing hot, you had to bite back a face splitting smile that threatened to take over. Hopping off of the counter, you made your way over to Shouto, finally deciding to act on your emotions. Quietly, you wrapped your arms around his torso, your face pressed against his back. At first, you felt him stiffen at the contact, and you almost pulled away, if it weren’t for the hand that snaked its way down to cover yours, giving it a gentle squeeze.

With a soft voice, one that was uncharacteristically quiet for you, you spoke:

“Well, good luck getting rid of me now,”

He scoffed, continuing to rearrange the roses in the holder. Mumbling something so quiet that you couldn’t really make it out.

“As if I ever wanted to,”

His feelings for you only grew after that moment. Every time that you’d walk into his shop, a bright smile on your face and that stupid nickname coming from your lips, his day would immediately brighten. Though at first you may have been an inconvenience to him, someone who wrecked his schedule without a second thought, now you were the one interaction that kept Shouto going. He always appreciated how sweet you were, how you forced him to take lunch breaks, even if he didn’t want to. Even when you came a few minutes after closing, when Shouto had locked the front door, seeing you repeatedly knock on the glass until he opened it for you did something to his heart.

So, on one night, when the store had been closed for just a moment, he wasn’t surprised to see you tapping on the glass door, a paper bag hanging off your arm.

“Couldn’t you have dropped off your groceries before you came in?” He asked, letting you walk in.

You didn’t respond immediately, opting to first put the bag down first before pointing an accusatory finger at the man. “You.”

He blinked, pointing to himself. “Me?”

You nodded, an angry little pout on your face, one that made him have to hold back his laughter, “When’s the last time you ate?”

“The last time I ate?”

Huffing, you took a step closer poking his chest with your index finger. “Quit repeating me! You didn’t come with me for lunch because you wanted to get some work done, and a little blonde haired porcupine told me that you haven’t moved from the counter all day,”

Shouto coughed, masking his laugh, “Katsuki’s going to hate that name,”

“You think I care about what he thinks?” You spoke, a small smile threatening to form, “Now c’mon, you can finish cleaning up later, we’re going upstairs and I’m going to make sure that you eat,”

Without even waiting for him, you turned on your heel, grabbing your bag and heading up the stairs. Shouto waited just a moment longer, watching as you disappeared from view. Though you two had eaten together many times before, this time, it felt different. Perhaps it was the fact that you were about to see his home, or the fact that it was dinner. Whatever it was, he was more nervous about eating now than he had been before.

Slowly, he followed you up to the stairs to his apartment, unlocking the door for you and shutting it closed. As you made your way to the kitchen, going on about something that happened at work, he couldn’t shake the feeling of how stupidly domestic all of this felt. It seemed almost normal, how lively the place felt when you were in it. He rather enjoyed the way you waltzed right into his home, as if it were the millionth time you’d walk through those doors. For the first time in a while, the place felt like home.

Looking over your shoulder, you found Shouto staring at you with a fond look in his eyes, so tender that it made your heart do flips and the butterflies in your stomach start to flutter. Cocking an eyebrow, you placed a hand on your hip.

“Aren’t you coming?”

Your voice had pulled him away from his thoughts, and a light pink flush grew on his cheeks. Heading towards the kitchen, he sighed, “Don’t count on me to be any help, though. I’m not the best in the kitchen,”

Setting down your bag, you hummed, pulling out the ingredients to make pasta. “How bad can you be? You’re still alive well into your twenties,”

“I live on instant soba.”

Slowly, you turned your head to look at the man, an unamused glint in your eye. When you saw no signs of him joking, you spoke up, “Okay, let me rephrase my previous statement: I have no idea how you’re still alive,”

He shrugged his shoulders, helping you pull out the rest of your groceries. “Spite,”

With that, you spent a majority of the time teaching him how to at least make a simple pasta recipe. While it wasn’t the healthiest thing up your sleeve, it was at least better than eating instant soba for a month straight. Once your dinner was finished, the two of you went to sit on the couch, where he promptly apologized for his lack of furniture.

“I don’t usually have people come over, so there was no need to have a dining table, or any other unnecessary furniture,” He said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“Figures. You seem like a homebody,”

The look he gave you nearly made you choke on your noodles.

The two of you continued to chat long into the night, and way after the two of you had finished your meals. You talked about anything and everything, from silly, light hearted topics like the newly turned adult who came into your shop the other day, looking to get an obnoxious tattoo, or when Shouto overheard some old lady talking about how she’d like to “jump his bones,” to the more deep topics, like his relationship with father, how he wanted him to take over his business, or how Denki was your only friend growing up, since you were often looked over, and that’s why he was your only employee at the moment.

“You know,” You spoke when the conversation seemed to die down, “When I first came in to introduce myself, it wasn’t my first time in your shop,”

“Really?”

You nodded, an embarrassed giggle coming from your lips. “Yeah, I came in about a year ago, just browsing around,” Slyly, you eyed him up, “You could say that I came for the flowers but stayed for the florist,”

He snorted, leaning back against the couch. “Stop,”

“What? Don’t pretend that you don’t enjoy my flirting,”

“I’m not pretending,”

Shoving his shoulder, you let out a loud laugh, enjoying the way his eyes crinkled at the side.

By the time that either of you checked the time, it was nearing midnight.

“Oh God,” You exclaimed, standing up from the couch and brushing off your thighs, “Sorry to keep you up so long, I should probably get going,”

Before you could even shuffle over to the door, a hand on your wrist stopped you. Looking back at Shouto, you gave him a questioning look.

“You should stay here,” He started, before hastily adding, “It’s late, and I don’t want you to walk by yourself. You could take my bed, I’ll sleep on the couch,”

You bit your lip, clearly thinking about your options. He smiled, squeezing your wrist gently, just enough for your attention to fall back on him. “I don’t mind, it’d make me feel better to know that you were safe,”

Not wanting to ruin the moment, you mindlessly nodded your head. As his hand let go of your wrist, you stepped closer, pressing a kiss to his cheek before you could even think twice about it. As you pulled away, you turned straight towards the bedroom, letting out a short “good night, sunflower” as you walked away.

Raising a hand to touch his cheek, he watched wordlessly as you disappeared. Feeling an embarrassingly large smile come onto his face, he covered his face with his hands. Peeking through his fingers, he let out a noise of content.

“Good night, (Y/N),”

After you spent the night, things only seemed to grow more flirtatious between the two of you. Your comments, while at first could be equated to a kindergartener’s version of flirting, had now become full blown pick up lines that would leave Shouto flustered. Even though he’d tell you how much he hated it, he secretly thrived off of the comments you made. Though, his favorite comments of yours were when you genuinely complimented him. Whether it be about how pretty you thought his bouquet looked, or how pretty he looked, you could always find a way to make him feel like a teenage boy.

Whenever you’d smile at him, or laugh at something he said, he would always feel his heart rate spike, and his face would start to mirror yours. He remembered the first time you saw him actually laugh, the way your face softened. Such a look of tenderness had both excited him and terrified him at the same time. If he were to be completely honest, every aspect of you terrified him. He was scared that one day, you’d realize how he’s not worth the trouble, how you could find someone much better than him. Both of these being ridiculous thoughts to him, seeing as how he hadn’t even confessed to you. At the same time, though, a selfish part of him wanted to hold onto you for as long as he could, and he refused to simply let you go.

However, sometimes things don’t go your way, and you end up pushing those who you care about the most, away.

Thursday. What should’ve been a rather uneventful day turned out to be Shouto’s living nightmare. First off, he’d received a phone call from his father, with the usual disappointed tone and questioning of when he was going to sell the shop and come to work for him, how this wasn’t how he raised him to be, all of the usual nonsense his father would spew. But, for some reason, those biting words seemed to have an effect on him today, and it had already sent Shouto down a negative path.

His time in the shop wasn’t much better either. At first, the day had been calm, with only a few customers coming in. However, just as soon as noon came around, when he’d usually close shop for a few hours to get lunch with you, a whole wave of annoying, demanding customers had come in. At first it was a group of obnoxious teenagers who thought it’d be fun to mess around in his store, which, in turn, had to have been the least annoying group he had. The next group was an entire bridal party who all had contrasting opinions on what flowers should be used, what colors, and even how they should be arranged, all of which gave Shouto a massive headache. By the time that the bridal party had left, it was already the busiest time of day for him, and he didn’t get to even stop for a breath until it was closing time.

As he was sweeping up, doing his best to contain all of the day’s pent up frustration, you walked in. You were a little saddened at the lack of reaction from the florist, but didn’t let it deter you as you walked over to where he was sweeping, moving to pull the man into a hug.

“Hey, Mr. Sunflower, you’ve been busy today,” You teased, eyebrows furrowing just slightly when he didn’t return your affectionate gesture, “I didn’t even get to see your gorgeous face the entire day,”

He didn’t respond to your flirting, only pulling himself away from your grasp and continuing to clean up. A small frown tugged at the corners of your lips, and you couldn’t help but worry about him. Walking alongside him, you refrained from touching him, but you leaned forward slightly, wanting to catch a glimpse of his face.

“Mr. Sunflower, are you doing alright?” You asked, and when you noticed that he tensed at your voice, you reached a hand out to him, “Shouto, what’s wrong—“

“You know, you can be really annoying,”

You froze in place, surprised by the sudden hostility. It had been quite a while since you’d last heard him speak to you like that. “Excuse me?”

He whipped his body around to face you, everything about his posture practically screaming with fury. “Normally when someone ignores a person, the other one gives up and leaves, but you don’t seem to get that. No, because even when I make it very obvious that I don’t want to talk to you, you seem to have the mindset of a stubborn child who won’t take no for an answer. I’ve told you multiple times that my name isn’t ‘Mr. Sunflower’ and I feel that you should’ve gotten the hint that I don’t like your company,”

Shouto wasn’t really sure what was coming out of his mouth, but at your shocked expression, he could tell that it wasn’t kind. Still, even though you were hurt by what he said, you stood your ground, crossing your arms.

“Shouto, why are you so upset? What happened?”

He let out a loud sigh, rolling his eyes. “Have you ever stopped to think that you’re what’s making my mood sour? I’ve been doing fairly well until you showed up,”

It was a lie, but for some reason, in his anger clouded mind, he wanted his words to hurt.

You didn’t seem upset, though, only unamused by his actions. “So you’re saying that all of this is because I just walked in here and said ‘hello?’”

“Well, I was doing fine without you,”

Your eyes darkened, and for the first time, Shouto saw your face shift from the usual happy-go-lucky persona into something more serious, more guarded. Before Shouto could even think to say anything else to make it worse, you took a step away from him, not wanting to deal with this any longer.

“Fine,” You spoke, no emotion in your voice, “If I bother you so much, then you don’t have to worry about that anymore. I’m not just going to stand here and be your verbal punching bag just because you had a bad day.”

With that, you turned on your heel, promptly exiting his shop and heading back to your apartment. As you left, a part of Shouto felt bad, really bad. He knew what he said was wrong, and he knew that he shouldn’t have taken it out on you. However, still reeling from his outburst, he didn’t bother trying to chase you down, nor did he listen to his conscience telling him to apologize. No, instead he continued to clean up, only stopping when the floor was entirely spotless and his arms and back ached from all of the movement.

Locking the front door, he stomped up the stairs, not bothering to change out of his clothes as he flopped onto his bed, willing himself to fall asleep and be done with the day. As he faded out of consciousness, the last thought on his mind was your shocked face when he hurled insult after insult at you, and he could feel his heart sink to his stomach.

The next morning, when he woke up in a significantly better mood, he hurriedly got ready for the day, messily pulling his clothes on while brushing his teeth. Once he felt that he looked somewhat presentable, he ran down the stairs to the shop, not even turning the “open” sign as he shoved his way through the door. Jogging over to your shop, he steeled his nerves as he opened the door, only to find himself face to face with Denki, whom, upon seeing Shouto’s familiar red and white head of hair, gave him an amused look.

“Anything I can help you with?” The blonde asked, his arms crossed against his chest.

“Where’s (Y/N)?”

Denki smiled once more, though upon closer inspection, there was no warmth behind it. “Why would I tell you that? After you so nicely told her to fuck off?”

Shouto winced at that. He knew that he’d been unnecessarily cruel, but he wanted to at least try and make things right. So, rather than coldly telling off your only employee, he bit his tongue.

“I know I messed up. I shouldn’t have been so rude,” He paused as the other man scoffed, muttering something under his breath, “But I’m not used to dealing with these feelings, and I want to apologize. It’s the least she deserves,”

Denki eyed him up for a while, a silent war brewing in his head. He knew that you told him to not be too rude to Shouto, that you understood that there was something bothering him, but that didn’t make his outburst any less inappropriate. He knew that you were too nice for your own good sometimes, and even though he wanted so desperately to yell at the man in front of him, he also knew from the look on Shouto’s face that he seemed genuinely remorseful. So, he sighed, pretending to inspect something on his nail.

“She’s not here,” He started, and, deciding to play with the man a little, he continued, “Try tomorrow,”

So, Shouto did just that. For a week straight, Shouto would come back to your shop, in hopes of talking to you, apologizing for what he said. But, every single day, he’d find out that you weren’t there, and Denki would tell him that he should try the next day. After the fourth day, he wondered if you were avoiding him, though he understood if you were. Though he wondered if he should just take the hint and leave you alone, since it seemed as though it were the case.

Nevertheless, Shouto still came in everyday, in hopes that he’d catch a glimpse of you, and, two weeks after your initial fight, he finally saw you.

It was towards the end of the day, when Shouto was just about to close when you noticed you pushing your front doors open, hoping to get some air circulation. Without thinking, Shouto quickly went to reach for whatever flowers were left for the day, not wanting to go empty-handed. Grabbing a few stems of sunflowers and a couple red tulips, he quickly made what had to have been one of the most bright, atrocious looking flower arrangements in his entire career, and ran out his door, only taking a pause before entering. Once he managed to gain enough courage, he walked through to your shop, immediately greeted with your laughing figure, and Denki’s eyes landing on him, and the scene almost felt nostalgic. At first, the other man’s eyes widened just a bit, shock apparent on his face. However, his face quickly morphed into one of amusement, slapping your back as he whispered something to you before heading towards the door, getting ready to leave.

“Hey, Denki! Am I just supposed to close up all by myself—“ You cut yourself off once you saw Shouto standing at the front, a nervous look on his face.

Moving out from the counter, you stood in front of the man in question. “Todoroki? What are you doing here?”

Trying to mask his surprise at the use of his last name, he instead thrusted the flowers in front of him, signaling for you to take them. “I’ve been wanting to apologize for a couple weeks, but every time I came in, you weren’t here,”

Cautiously, you took the flowers, stroking one of the petals. Looking back up at him, your brows furrowed, confusion written all over your face. “I’ve been back at home, didn’t Denki tell you?”

He stared at you for a moment, no emotions crossing his face as he planned a way to get back at the man. As soon as you sighed, he was pulled away from his thoughts, instead focusing on your expressions, trying to figure out what you were feeling.

“So,” You started, trying to brighten the mood, “I wasn’t good enough for the fresh flowers?”

That only seemed to make it worse, as Shouto’s face fell, his hands wringing together. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were here, but when I saw you outside I just wanted to talk to you as soon as I could, but I didn’t want to leave empty-handed, and I know you like—“

“Todoroki,” You interrupted, reaching a hand out to rest on his arm, before hesitating and pulling away, “I was just teasing. I didn’t mean to make you nervous,”

“Please don’t call me ‘Todoroki,’”

“Ah, sorry, I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to call you by your first name—“

“Call me ‘Mr. Sunflower,’ your ‘grumpy flower man,’ or any other ridiculous name you come up with,” He spoke, his own hands reaching out for your free one, “I’m sorry that I was so rude when you came in that day. I was having a bad day, and everything was just piling up, so I just took it out on you. It wasn’t fair, I know, and I should’ve just told you then that I wasn’t feeling okay.

I’ve just never really had anyone care about me like you, so when you kept pushing, asking me what was wrong, I didn’t like how it made me feel, so I wanted to push you away before anything could happen,”

Frowning, you squeezed his hand. Tugging him towards your counter, you gently set the flowers to the side before hopping up into a seated position, making yourself eye level with him. Softly squeezing his cheeks in-between your hands, you pulled his face closer to yours.

“How do I make you feel? Uncomfortable?”

When he shook his head, you hummed, about to pull away before his hands moved to grip yours, holding them against his face. “Annoyed?”

“Not typically,”

“Scared? Upset? I can’t read your mind—“

“Excited,” He spoke, his voice barely above a whisper, “Nervous, happy, I don’t know how to explain it. You make me feel both like I’m the most fortunate and unfortunate man in the world, and I don’t know what to do about it,”

You felt your breath catch, your heart rate begin to rise. Letting your hands fall from his face to rest on his shoulders, you gave him a kind smile, one, you hoped, showed him that you felt the exact same way.

“Well, should I be the first to confess, then?” You playfully sighed, sheepishly smiling when you noticed his face fall ever so slightly, “Sorry, I don’t think I’ve grown out of the kindergarten phase just yet.”

Pressing a kiss to his left cheek, just below his scar, you let yourself enjoy the way he tensed beneath you. Once you pulled away, you grinned. “I like you,”

“Really?” He asked lamely, and he reveled in your giggle that came next.

Nodding your head, you pulled him in closer, wrapping your arms around his neck. “Yeah, for some reason I’m really into emotionally stunted men. It’s truly my most toxic trait,”

At the deadpan look he gave you, you let out a cackle, slapping the back of his neck gently. “I’m kidding. My type is the secretly soft florist who works in the building next door. Know him?”

Scoffing, he playfully rolled his eyes, his arms wrapping around your waist. He enjoyed your little yelp as he pulled you in even closer, his hands rest dangerously close to your ass.

“Yeah? Well, let me tell you a secret,”

Pressing a kiss to your lips, he allowed himself to be overtaken by the very emotions he thought were troublesome. Pulling away, he realized that he quite liked the breathless look you gave him.

“I think he likes you too,”

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