#this work is making me physically sick

[icewindandboringhorror]

Some (late) holiday photos of the boye~!

#cats #holiday #OUGHH....... barely could even get these edited and posted... my mysterious sickness flare up has been sooo bad the past few #days.. I didn't even go to the usual obligatory family christmas I was supposed to attend (!!! health issue/medical mention in tags below) #My stomach issues basically put me in a constant state of uncontrollable shivering/body shaking + nausea + sometimes rapid heart #rate. and when it happens at night that makes it like.. nearly impossible to sleep when you're violently shaking + you can feel your heart #so strong + you keep having to run to the bathroom every 5 minute to cough and gag #and throw up and so on and so forth. etc. So I went like 40 hours without any sleep almost for christmas eve and all of christmas day #last night I finally got maybe 2 hours of sleep in between the nausea and shaking and stuff. and then today I was able to get a few #hours of sleep in the afternoon. Today I tried taking an anxiety mediciation a doctor gave me in case it was anxiety related (it's apparent #ly used to relax people and works in the moment. rather than like Anxiety Mediciation that you have to take for weeks to see any effect #because I think this isn't actually acting on your brain chemistry it's judt like..a mild sedative or something.) but all that did was make #me dizzy and sweaty lol. I;m glad I slept a little but I'm just still frustrated that I don't feel normal. I started having these #'episodes' (with the stomach issues + shaking + heartrate + nausea etc.) like at the end of october. And usually it will happen for like a #few hours at a time. or i'll lose sleep one day and then be fine the next. but this has been like nearly 3 days of feeling weird. so is #getting kind of annoying... It's funny too because I was so so productive like.. literally the few days before. I was feeling much better #and I was working on my game and blah blah. But then.. random issue flare up out of nowhere of course.. yaayy.... happy holidays to meee lo #I did at least see two random ducks outside of my window in the yard area for christmas. and havent seen them since. So it's like.. hrmm.. #pacing around my room nauseous and shakings and etc. but at least... hello.. two little ducks placed there just for me :3c #Now I get anxiety every night which I'm sure doesn't help/could exacerbate whatever underlying genuinely physical issues exist. But after #like 2 nights of 'I spend the night sleepless and incredibly uncomfortable just sitting in the dark sick' then bedtime is like.. dread... #I even was trying slapping myself in the face in desperation to see if somehow that could shock my body out of whatever the hell it was #doing lol.. up at 3am holding ice cubes in my hand and hitting myself in the head and crying from exhaustion and thowing up.. literally #ridiculous cartoon character feeling... AAANYWAY!!! At least I have baby boy pictures. and I have lots of doctors appointments so hopefully #whatever the issue is can be sorted out at some point. I don't know much about ibs but hopefully maybe something like that that I could pos #ibly take medication for and not something more seirous or anything. Maybe there's a food I'm secretly intolerant to or whatever. #And I did at least post a sims holday video actually timed for the holidays so that's something. I havent been productive really latrely #though obviously.. I can't even play games or small tasks when in that state since I'm just SO physically uncomfortable. Nausea and heart #stuff are THE hardest physical sensations to ignore.. BUT yeah... hoping I shall sleep at all tonight. hopeing to get like 3 productive #things done.. at some point... at least SOMETHING... lol..... *** *** ***

[fizzytoo]

"do you like it?" "darling, i love it."

#ts4 #ts4 gameplay #sims 4 gameplay #postcard legacy challenge #im gonna pass away #rua's vocabulary is full of pet names and words of adoration #adrien has some for him too. a few in spanish that make rua shiver. #he braided adrien's hair btw 😖 he loves to play with his hair #since adrien started growing his hair out he's caught rua a few times looking up long hairstyle tutorials 😭😭 #“my love come sit” he'll pat the couch enthusiastically “let me fix your hair” #and when he's done adrien would complement him and ask him where he learned it #rua would puff out his chest proudly and say “learn it? ive always known this” or “my angel i made it up for you” #and adrien lets him get away with it bc it's cute and harmless #rua's love languages are acts of service and physical touch #he's so sick i cant stand him #YOU SEE HOW THEYRE MATCHING LOWKEY!!!!!!! IM GONNA GO CRAZY #postcard: gen3 #queue #i switched a lot of feminine frame hairs to allow for masc frames and many of them worked #save for a bit of clipping around adrien’s back. i think the one he’s wearing now is the worst of it but it’s not too bad to bother me #i still haven’t figured out how to properly convert it in blender so this will have to do #sim: adrien herrera #sim: rua kamealoha

[isa-ah]

the way this fic builds the tension so gradually that you genuinely DONT EXPECT IT when it SNAPS on you oh my god. oh my god. "that careful character of terus was not returning." followed by "yesterday was thursday, isari." guess ill just. guess ill just jump off the fucking roof. guess ill jsut rip my shirt open and yell

#i wish i could explaint o my husband why this is making me like sick. physically ill #AGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #sorry i wouldnt normally even talk about reading a fic on here but its. very very long. im on i think chapter 32 of 47? #and theyre long chapters. im reading basically a wholeass book right now #multiple books even #and ive never read a fic structured like this in my life #normally if theyre going to make a character insufferable they have to work on rectifying it within a chapter or two #like an apology to the reader #no im 32 in and ritsu is the worst. the worst. hes literally becoming a bona fide villain. its insane #ive never read a fic like this before. jesus christ dude #im still reeling from. from the fact that they were both at the mall and that was hours of reading ago

[these-are-not-my-titties]

another Jean png for the PMV

#ive been working on it in ten hour stretches somehow #i don't even notice i just zone so hard in i can only stop if it makes me physically sick enough #but it's turning out absolutely bomb so i do not care #disco elysium fanart #jean vicquemare #disco elysium #art

[squarebracket-trickster]

Sorry guys, rant incoming. I considered deleting this but I put too much effort in.

"girlboss" "girl dinner" "girl math" "boy math" "gen z are making fun of us for wearing x" "here's how to dress like gen z:" "girlies" "girl's night" "boy's night" "me and the boys" "90s kid"

"I don't feel like an adult" "I'm 34 and I can tell you, I still don't feel like an adult either." "My parents seemed like real adults when they were my age." "I still feel like a teenager."

Maybe you'd feel more like an adult if you started calling yourself one. Maybe you'd feel more like an adult if you stopped trying to dress like a teenager. Maybe you should move your bed out from the wall and get a wallet. Maybe find a calendar app that works for you.

You are an adult. Even if you live with your parents. Even if you do part-time shift work at minimum wage. Even if you haven't graduated college. Even if you are single. These are adult things to do. Because you are doing them. And you are an adult. Start treating yourself like an adult. Fake it 'till you make it if you have to.

In other, writing-related, news:

That trend on TikTok of 20-40 something women authors (and writers yet to be published) promoting their books like,

"Omg! I can't believe I've sold X number of copies!! I never thought I would!" "Ahhhh imagine publishing your book and all your dreams come true and now you get to meet famous authors and work with big names in the industry!!" "Would you read a book where [proceeds to list a bunch of oversaturated tropes that tell me nothing about the actual plot]?"

It reeks of infantilization. If you didn't believe anyone would want to read your book, why should I? You made it on the NYT bestseller list! Stop acting like a mega-fan who got to meet a celebrity. You are their peer! "Would you read a book--" What if I wouldn't? Why does it matter to you what I think of your book? And for the love of god stop hiding behind tropes you know are already popular. "Here is my book: This is what it is about." Have some goddamn confidence.

It is fine to mention in passing "this idea was really far-fetched so I didn't know if it would appeal" or "I was struggling with self-esteem when I wrote this". It's fine to fan a little bit. It's fine to discuss the tropes in your book. But why are you building your brand as an author off of your inferiority complex? You are using your poor self-esteem as a marketing tactic to seem "humble" and "relatable" but it's coming across as unprofessional and desperate for reassurance. You are an adult. You are competent. The more you act like it the more you will believe it.

And of course, I haven't seen a man promote his book this way...

On another note, do any of the 20-40 something women writers who do "write with me" videos on TikTok actually enjoy writing or are they just doing it for the aesthetic?

They all have gorgeous minimalism writing spaces full of white and pink and a macbook beneath a window. Their makeup is done and they are conventionally pretty to start with. But their entire video is just them talking about how little progress they made, how many pages they deleted, how often they got distracted, how frustrated they are. And like, yeah. We all have those days. But what about the good lines you can't wait to share? The days when the words just flow? The cool stuff you learned while researching? Why don't you ever make videos about that?

Is this some other attempt to seem "relatable" by only talking about the "bad" side of writing? Because again, it's coming across as lacking confidence at best and, at worst, that you don't actually know how to write. And that is not the brand you want as an author.

Again, its always women. Why must women market their self-esteem issues in order to sell their art? Why must we be perpetually awestruck children (girlies, book girls) in over our heads?

#also why do I get the sense these women are selling a lifestyle more than they are actually promoting their own books? #I feel like someone more qualified than me could link this to modelling good christian gender roles #and cultural conformity or something #it isn't lost on me how much of this is about trying to seem humble #and how much validation is tied to protestant success and hard work ideas #is this where the indoctrination starts? #give us 'role models' as influencers #also Alex Aster of Lightlark fame is the WORST for this #her content makes me physically sick to watch #and again interesting that it is pretty widely agreed on at this point that she is an industry plant #interesting that the industry plant is leaning so heavy on the humility and infantilization of women tactics #as though appealing to protestant christians is a major concern of the industry #what's that about? is it just sales? or is it related to those evangelical groups trying get books banned? #how much influence does conservative christian america have within the trad pub industry? #maybe I am really reaching here idk #I don't have any sources #it's just speculation I am open to be proven wrong

[alphacrone]

this is your reminder that 99.9% of employers care more about money than you and even if they are kind and fair now they WILL at the end of the day put profits over your well being so absolutely do not sacrifice your life for them.

#and by life i mean time really #do your job to its exact description #do not make things too difficult for your fellow workers #you can even work hard if you want to #but do not undervalue your time or your mental and physical well being #this is a mistake i made in my first job #the stress of that job triggered my (undiagnosed) crohns so bad i was hospitalized twice #and my boss asked me to work from my hospital bed #while also not giving me sick time and not paying me well #in my previous post that coworker has been working there at least 15 years #never caused any problems went above and beyond #was a fucking backbone of the company #and is getting tossed out bc management is fucking moronic #they’ll be fine they’re so great they’ll get a much better job i’m certain #and previous management loved them SO much and did try to take really good care of them to keep them from leaving #but in the end stupid financial decisions will always come before employee we’ll begin #being #so never give too much of yourself to a job and always keep your resume updates #also don’t be afraid to leave nasty reviews on yelp or glassdoor and also maybe key your boss’ car

[idliketobeatree]

a gentle reminder to myself: slow down when you're met with someone else's creation. just because it's not in a museum, doesn't mean it's not worth your time. you can skim through your life all you want, you can jump over the annoying cracks and never look back, but when someone presents you (in the most literal meaning of this word – as a gift) with their art you should sit down and pay back with attention. people need creativity that is shared and appreciated, and it needs your focus and care to bloom properly. briefness kills both the idea and the community around it. so, slow down.

#idk how to tag this #art #writing #artists on tumblr #writers on tumblr #i refuse to use this website as another mindless scrolling machine when there are a hundred different ways to engage with people #and it's so sad we've allowed to separate the art from the artist. to the point where you put the creator on a pedestal #and their art on an unreachable wall #behind some kind of a glass covering. the word “content” makes me physically sick #when it should be: stories shared in warmth and laughter by a fireplace. arm in arm. sharing notes and comments like friends. #or. drawings seen by your friends in all stages of creation. bonus points if your sketching game is horrible and the initial colors suck #i can mourn the artists who's works i adore because i'll never get to tell them how much they mean to me #but i can tell the ones alive just how much they've impacted me and i think it counts. like. so much. #marcela talks

[kirby-the-gorb]

#kirby #transparent #daily kirby #my art #digital #hal laboratory #nintendo #welp! got real sick last night so I guess I've hit my physical limit again! #(I've been well past my emotional limit for Months) #but I found some more houses for us to look into so at least there's that #also in case you missed the announcement yes I turned on tipping and no you are not at all obligated <3 #just another option to make it easier if folks do wanna give me money for these silly little orbs #(my wife says we'll be totally fine money-wise but. yknow. doesn't hurt to do my own teeny tiny part.) #(since I'm way too sick to do any kind of regular work)

[fishingmaster69]

thankful to have a body but God why did it have to be this one

#do you have any idea how alienating it is to constantly be struggling to keep up with people doing basic things #and everyone just expects you to be able to do everything they can & MORE they ask of you #ive pushed myself over and over and over to the point of making myself physically SICK for days on end #doing more doesnt HELP it just makes me SICKER #but when i ask for grace its like i just need to try a little harder #do a little more #get used to moving again thatll fix it #i just havent done enough i never DO enough #even when i do the ABSOLUTE MOST I CAN AND BEYOND i just havent done ENOUGH #i LIKE being the helper i enjoy it but i have limits #and i have more limits than the average person #and it feels like nobody cares #theyll let me work myself to death if it means i get the favor done #zephy speaks #vent #oops sorry

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#had an interesting conversation with my sister the other day. odd i guess bc my sister is pretty smart #on paper shes smarter than me. or at least less dyslexic than me #but she didnt seem to kno what cancer is. i mean like how it works. i mean. cancer is a mistake. a confluence of unfortunate accidents #leading to unrestrained cellular growth. when it metastasizes. when it moves to other parts of the body. those same cells continue growing #if u have smooth muscle cancer and it moves to your kidney. you body is trying to grow more smooth muscle on your kidney #at least as i understand it. and she asked why it wants to kill you. it doesnt want anything. it just is. its not a thing of malicious #intent. its neutral. it grows. it takes up resources. it takes up space. and it grows and grows until the organ it grows on stops #functioning properly. like a parasite she said. but no. not like a parasite. it grows like an empty space. a mass of flesh. a constant #obstructive pressure. it grows like only a tumor can. i dunno. it didnt seem to connect with her that this thing didnt want to kill our mom #but it did anyway. and she felt weird about how long she lived after they took her off any support. but thats how cancer kills #it stops an organ from functioning and most of those r important so it only takes one. so her heart kept beating for 12 more hrs bc it was #meant to beat for 40 more years. but not much it could do without working kidneys and without working blood #but that's life. that's death. that's nature. its all nutral even if it feels horrible to the individual. #i dunno. i thought it was interesting. shes 25 and her mother had cancer for 10 years so id think shed kno more #we're at a weird phase now bc its been a week since she died and everything feels normal. we'll see what happens at the wake this week #its been interesting for sure bc she was sick for 10 years but my parents didnt prepare at all for her to die #so my dad is scrambling to put together the pieces shr left behind to make sure that all the bills r paid and whatnot. he had to guess her #computer password. she didnt tell us what she wanted us to have. she didnt tell us the importance of her jewelry and who it belonged to #before her. i dunno. we're seeing the outline of my mothers Pathology in what she left behind. both in the physical objects and in the #feelings she imparted. i dunno. its been weird #unrelated

[phopollo]

Stressing myself to the point ot nausea trying to decide what to work on every time I step back and take a little break from my commissions so my brain doesn't burn out

Like??

It's literally not that big a deal???

Why has my brain decided that this is what I'm going to stress over when I've got commissions it should be stressing over instead????

Especially since I suddenly have less than half the time to work on them than I dig before?????

#like fr #whats my body going to do? #make me puke if i draw Alfur or Frida from Hilda instead of robots kissing?? #im too scared of being sick and dont have the physical energy to clean up after myself to do that #so like #checkmate bitch #stop making me feel bad #is this actually just my body guilt tripping me for not continuing to work on comms #thats not cool mwn #no one will be happy if i burn out again

[lemongogo]

i need 2 get back into painting fish

#said in the ‘gary i need’ voice #or painting in general . i want 2 get into plein air #and go to like . arizona or smth and paint the landforms . soo red and orange and rocky and dusty and ❤️🫶 #the round brushstrokes on tht 1 would be so much fun~_~ #its such a tiresome medium though.like all the set up and cleanup and stuff #i refuse to learn abt oil precautions so i just stick to acrylic but even then it dries so fast and its like.mindgame trying to decide what #to focus on in the little time u have . and god forbid u paint on a layer too soon and u lift it off the canvas #HELLLLLLL. but the end result is always so worth it . like holding a physical piece.its 3d .its REALL #fish r so much fun to paint bc 1 u get to pay attn to their morphology but 2 they jave the best textures #im not averse to painting fur but i lovee . the interplay btwn light and fish skin. its so epic and awesome #the only other artist ik of in my family is my uncle & he METALWORKS!!! FISH !!! ITS SOOO FREAKIG COOL #i want to learn from him so bad . guh.GUAHHHHH. anyways i just think its funny that the two of us r fixated on recreating fish #crosses my arms . #okhh.. i also wnt to get into mosaics . god.GOAODDD #did i talk abt this 1 alr.. reread the b1p arc w the mosaic and fresco work and it makes me so sick why couldnt i go to art college and make #frescoes and mosaics .woe is me or whagever . no but its so tempting 2 just buy some tesserae and get 2 it .. #i saw a pigeon mesh mosaic n it like lit that fire under me . what we need js like one giant art collective #that magically provides all the supplies in the world for free and we hold hands and make art in 20 different disciplines 2000 different wys

[rockband2]

hashtag knotting.

#my stuff #local tour: wherewolf [he/him] #good old pencil + paper because i was sick of trying to get the poses and expressions right on ms paint!!! #i wish i had more to say about how his fukin monster dick works but everyone knows what a knot is so i dont really have anything to add lol #i WILL say that i get like. irrationally annoyed whenever i draw him being all close/affectionate with people #like that should be ME!!! I should be a big warm fluffy monster that my friends can snuggle with... #that stupid buckle gif. made me want to draw these lol. im normal. #ALSO more tail thoughts.. he definitely like. curls it around people hes cuddling... usually on purpose #but i imagine it probably also happens subconciously if hes near someone he cares about :] even if its just platonic. #hes a very physically affectionate guy <3 #and yes yeah he does purr. because i said so. big monsters that make rumbling noises are cool and cute thats just the way it is ^-^

[unicornofgt]

alright, i have come to the decision i am keeping this blog up as an archive and leaving the gt tumblr community for the foreseeable future.

when i made my post about chamomile-g-tea’s damaging treatment of my story, gtms, my goal was to acknowledge the situation so i could hopefully move forward and restore gtms/my blog as mine again, without her influence. and while i anticipated backlash, some of the responses were just...downright disturbing. lots of comments echoed a victim-blaming sentiment that i am responsible for the emotional and creative damage done to me by another person because ‘why didn’t you just say no or tell her to stop?’ not only does this ignore the several attempts i did make to express discomfort and set boundaries—which were not respected—but even if i didn’t manage to express a ‘no’, that doesn’t make what happened ok; it doesn’t erase the year of crippling pressure and guilt i lived with and still struggle to shake daily. realizing that so many people in this community think otherwise is just...disturbing. it’s disturbing. that’s the only word i can think to use.

the response to all this does not make me feel safe being here—that’s what this situation has unfortunately showed me: that the audience i hoped to allow to view my reclaiming process would also contain the same crowd who make me feel so unsafe—and why the fuck would i let those people see something as personal as that? why would i let them see anything? it’s made me understand i can’t continue to heal myself and my writing if i am posting it for other people, especially harmful people. and even though it turned out this way, i’m glad i gave it a shot; that i made that post as an effort to see if it was even possible or worth it to restore this space—even if the answer was no! absolutely fucking not!—because it saved me from even more time spent sharing my work with people who do not respect me as a person or a creator. i’m glad i tried, however much it sucked, because it allowed me to understand: it is not just one person in this community i feel unsafe with, but a solid percentage of the community at large that i just cannot healthily engage with, and no amount of blocking will fix that.

but of course this is not the only situation that showed me this community’s true colors—the dismissive or outright aggressive response to the calling out of racism in our tropes has also been deeply disturbing. to clarify, there is no problem in identifying with and finding comfort or catharsis in problematic tropes such as the pet trope, but there is a problem with using that comfort to make others feel unsafe and speak over people of color. and the solution to this trope problem is very simple—generally apply critical thinking skills to the media you enjoy, and tag your shit properly (dead dove, particularly when the giant owner/abuser doesn’t face consequences and/or if the abused/abuser fall in ‘love’—dead dove is not actually currently used in this community, that’s the problem). but rather than taking this as an opportunity to listen and improve, it was instead used as a chance to lash out at and make clear that poc are not welcome in this community and come secondary to the feelings of white creators and readers.

over the last few years, this community has fostered and been exposed for bigotry such as terfs, ableists, racists, etc, and especially in the current political era, this is no longer a community i want to share my work with or even just lurk in. and i know on the surface this community seems progressive, but take a better look and you’ll find members of the community doing and saying…questionable things, or keeping quiet and enabling their friends who do and say questionable things because they would rather be passive and polite than be genuinely kind and compassionate through active accountability.

of course this is the risk you take interacting with any person ever—but it’s especially taxing to look around at such a small, close knit community you know is riddled with these problems and wonder if the people making innocent posts are actually harmful; if they prioritize their comfort over the safety of marginalized people, if they even see you as a full person, and for me, personally—if they are willing to overlook consent to blame you for your trauma and defend the person who inflicted it. it’s taxing to explain basic basic concepts to strangers over and over in a place that prides itself on being a safe space, where people just have fun and mentally escape from irl hardships. it’s taxing to ride out shitty, hateful treatment when you are just simply one person (voluntarily providing free services btw) with only so much energy and fucks to give. it is not worth the strain it puts on you as a person, nor is it your responsibility to sit there and accept it, and i am not the only creator in this community who feels this way. we are fucking tired.

quite simply, this is not a community i feel comfortable participating in or sharing anything with. and that’s a shame, because there are wonderful, creative and caring people here who i have enjoyed sharing this space with, and maybe someday i’ll give this community another chance, but currently it’s just not worth the time of day. and i want to make it clear: my leaving is not simply because of just one person or just one situation—that i could handle—it is the community itself that is the root problem; that continues to be harmful, in multiple contexts—that is the reason why i and several other creators are leaving for greener pastures and more enjoyable communities—or just simply for a fucking moment’s worth of peace, because lord knows you won’t find it here.

#i considered making this post just ‘yea i feel unsafe here i’m leaving’ #but i did want to post a clear explanation for mutuals still here n the ppl who come across my blog in the future #instead of leaving it to speculation and guess work #so i wrote a fucking essay lmao #but there are more personal details i didn’t go into bc they’re distressing and some of y’all are straight awful<3 #however i will say you are not inside anyone else’s head if they say they feel unsafe it is not for you to question that #anyways privileges to myself and my writing are officially revoked #when i’m ready to share writing it’ll be with close friends in private #and maybe eventually on another site like ao3 but if that happens it won’t be for a while #and if i do post gtms there it will prolly be v different from the version here bc it’ll be the restored and improved version #i hate the version on this site<3 #for now i just need to get back into the swing of things bc rn it is. so hard to Think at all #i’ll also be doing things on my fandom account i am just leaving this community bc good lord #if you told me a month ago i’d be leaving this community i’d have been devastated but now? #having seen sm of this community’s true colors one after another? #i don’t give a fuck now #the only thing i feel is relief #the community i thought i was apart of does not exist and it made me physically sick to realize and experience that reality #for all its problems i did not think so MUCH of the gt community was this vile #i’ve run this blog for years and closing this chapter just brings me closure and peace #and to those of y’all who are alright n still here: good fucken luck lmfao wish y’all the best dealing w this shitshow #gt community #giant/tiny #gt #g/t #sfw g/t #gtms #gt mech suits

[pepprs]

genuinely so angry and scared im shaking. how many other times this week this month this year have i been exposed without knowing it. do people even tell each other anymore. it’s just so grim. it’s so fucking grim

#purrs #delete later #covid19 #i am fighting for my fucking life every day to stay safe and to keep the people around me some of whom are disabled / chronically ill / #immunocompromised / medically vulnerable safe. i am fucking fighting for my life. it’s already hard that i am usually one of two people in #any given room still wearing a mask let alone an n95 mask. hard and bad enough that we get looks for wearing masks and people think im crazy #for my life still being on hold and for my family still basically never going anywhere. ITS FUCKING WORSE that we are still very much in the #throes of all of it and we are in constant physical and quite frankly EXISTENTIAL danger not only of getting sick / becoming (more) #disabled / literally fucking dying but also returning to the absolute hell of lockdown which while important was psychologically damaging in #ways that are difficult to even articulate. like not only have we as a society decided to not give a shit about unpacking all of that and #healing from the trauma and assuming everyone went through the same thing when we very much did not and to just send everybody back to #school and work because 🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑capitalism🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑 but we have ALSO decided to pretend like the freakish unceasing danger just doesn’t exist #anymore and to get rid of every tool we had available to keep us safe or at minimum make people have to pay exorbitant amounts of money to #access them because 🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑capitalism🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑 !!!!!!! im TIRED. im so fucking tired of it. i am so fucking exhausted and angry and scared. and i #HAVE the luxury and privilege of being able to afford n95 masks and covid tests and to be able to work a job that i can do remotely if i #need to and to not be disabled or immunocompromised. what makes me fucking furious is we decided to throw all the people who don’t have #that access or privilege under the fucking bus and forget about them lol. but what do you expect from a country rotten to its core the way #it is lol. im fucking despondent. why are we living in an incinerator. #* the lockdown(s) werent just important they were necessary. and arguably we should have another one even though if we do i genuinely fear #for my mental health both during and afterwards and quite frankly before. im tired. i am grateful for the life i live which has resulted in #part from the different things that have happened because of the pandemic but i also so desperately wish this never happened and every day I #think about what life would be like if it hadn’t happened. the grief of it all is unspeakably big.

[fleapit]

do people realize that you're not "more" of a werewolf by identifying as a clinical lycanthrope as opposed to a therian. because im not sure they do.

#seeing everyone claiming to be a therian suddenly shift to #oh btw? im a clinical lycanthrope now #makes me really raise my hackles a bit #like as someone whos psychotic you are aware thats not how delusions work right? right? #you know that having phantom limbs doesnt make you have a physical shifting delusion right ???? #'but i can feel my ears/tail/muzzle' uh huh!! theyre phantom for a reason!!! #anyways why is it literally impossible to have discussions and the like on therianthropy now without clinical lycanthropy coming into it #it just feels like the new trend and im sick of it tbh #psychosis isnt some kind of canine badge of validity. #barking #therian shit #fleapits patented rants