#thisismypersonalhashtagforthingsiwrite

[only-one-hand-is-mine]

I feel annoyed.

Annoyed at your inevitable presence.

Annoyed at the melodic sound of your voice when you talk about the things you love.

Annoyed at the way you easily move the conversation your way. That magnetism that drives all our friends to you.

I'm annoyed at your way of making everything sound serious.

You annoy me.

The way you notice everything. Even little things. The way you ask as if you don't care, but months later, you still remember my favorite drink.

But above all. These butterflies annoy me. The ones fluttering in my stomach when you look at me.

So annoying.

#thisismypersonalhashtagforthingsiwrite #lefthand #spilled thoughts #manoizquierda #poem #my words #romance #prose #love #poets on tumblr

[sierrabthinksoutloud]

Letters to the boys who broke my heart - part 2

Querido Justin,

Tu fuiste uno de los mejores hombres que pasó por mi vida. Rápidamente pasaste de ser un extraño a ser mi mejor amigo, y de mi mejor amigo al amor más grande que he sentido. Puede que suene tonto, pero ya han pasado 8 años y yo sigo creyendo que es cierto.

Hablábamos en esa época en donde nuestro medio principal era MSN, y teniamos que rogar por dinero a nuestros papás para comprar saldo, pues antes no existía el internet en los teléfonos y dependíamos de los SMS.

Recuerdo lo poco que te miraba, y lo mucho que hablábamos de la próxima vez. Recuerdo esos sueños compartidos, canciones dedicadas y te quieros que se colaban en las conversaciones. Recuerdo no querer dormir para seguir hablando contigo.

Qué lindo suena todo cuando dejo fuera lo que al final nos separó. Fui una tonta, lo sé, pero ¿Qué podía hacer? ¡Tenía 15 años! Era una niña inmadura. Para mí, la edad importaba, y tu sos dos años menor. Mi corazón te amaba, pero mi cabeza no le permitía salir. Mi cerebro reclamaba que estaba loca, cómo podía querer tanto a un niño.

Pero así era.

Perdóname, por no ver más allá de eso. Porque ahora a tus 21 años, sigues siendo ese pequeño del que me enamoré, y al que alejé con excusas.

A pesar de eventualmente dejar de hablarnos, fuiste por varios años el otro lado de mi balanza; en donde colocaba a los nuevos hombres que entraban a mi vida, pero pocos se acercaron a tí.

Sé que nunca te lo dije, pero enserio te amé. Por años.

Y cuando tuviste novia, te amé un poquito más.

Amo tu forma de pensar y de ver el mundo. La manera en que analizas todo, la manera en que escribes. Amo la forma en que expresas y no tienes miedo de dar tu opinión y dar la cara por la verdad y la justicia.

Amo que a pesar de los años, todavía nos ponga nerviosos saludarnos. Que no sepamos quién debe acercarse primero, y que el contacto visual nos haga sonrojar; no digamos el contacto físico.

Creo que pueden pasar otros 8 años, y el sueño de lo que pudimos ser siempre vivirá en el horizonte de nuestras miradas.

Y si lo guardas en secreto, te confesaré, que si hoy me dijeras que me quieres, iría de nuevo a tí.

Cualquier dia que sea hoy.

Con amor,

Yo.

#stef writes #writer #writers of tumblr #escritura #escritos #poema #carta #carta de amor #amor #sueño #thisismypersonalhashtagforthingsiwrite

[only-one-hand-is-mine]

From time to time, somebody asks a question.

And I think

He could've answered that.

And I'm convinced he could.

But he's not here.

And it doesn't hurt anymore.

And I don't have the urge to mention it. To say I knew somebody once, who would've had that answer at the tip of their tongue.

Because that's who you are now.

Not mine.

Not the love of my life.

Not my friend.

Just someone who would've known.

Someone who I once knew.

-left

#thisismypersonalhashtagforthingsiwrite #spilled thoughts #lefthand #manoizquierda #poem #writer #love #writers #poets on tumblr #poetry

[only-one-hand-is-mine]

Estoy cansada de estar sola

Cansada de tener que despertarme cada mañana y obligarme a creer que es posible.

Estoy cansada de que la esperanza se pudra antes de que algo suceda y este rodeada de mosquitos que persiguen el dulce olor a algo que no fue. Nunca fui buena en tener que tirarla a la basura y limpiarme los restos que se quedan pegados en las paredes.

Estoy cansada de no ser suficiente. De no sentirme suficiente. Cansada de los tal vez en mi cabeza. Tal vez si voy más al gym. Tal vez si me maquillo diferente. Tal vez si escucho otro tipo de música. Tal vez si no uso tenis al salir, o si no tomo tanta cerveza, o si tomo más o si hablo menos o más o...

Estoy harta. Harta de que mi corazón siga siendo tan positivo. Harta de que me mire con esos ojitos que me derriten y me diga pero tal vez si.

No. Tal vez nada.

La respuesta es no.

La respuesta siempre es no y la esperanza siempre termina oxidada y con mosquitos. Muriendo con cada una de mis respiraciones.

#thisismypersonalhashtagforthingsiwrite #spilled thoughts #lefthand #poem #manoizquierda #writers #writer #poets on tumblr #love #poetry #poema #español #poetas #mini historia #cansada #relaciones #amor no existe #amor no correspondido

[only-one-hand-is-mine]

I won't say it. Not again.

I won't let my lips form the words, I won't acknowledge the butterflies. I'll deny any evidence and pretend it doesn't exist.

I'll make sure my heart knows it is not okay to fall so fast. So stupidly. So ignorantly.

I can't fall again until I see traces of butterflies in his eyes. Until I hear it from his lips.

-left

#thisismypersonalhashtagforthingsiwrite #lefthand #spilled thoughts #manoizquierda #poem #writers #writer #poets on tumblr #love #poetry

[only-one-hand-is-mine]

Say I don't like you

but I can't stop staring at

your lips. Wondering.

- left hand

#thisismypersonalhashtagforthingsiwrite #lefthand #spilled thoughts #manoizquierda #poem #writers #writer #poets on tumblr #love #poetry #haiku form

[only-one-hand-is-mine]

They called me cockroach.

I know I talked about this with my therapist. I know I'm supposed to be over it. I know it's been over twelve years.

But they called me cockroach.

I can't remember if I hated them before that or if my hatred was born of self-hate.

They called me cockroach, and school wasn't supposed to be that hard. Adults were not supposed to turn a blind eye. I was not supposed to depend so much on a thirteen-year-old girl whose friendship was more like a rocking boat.

They called me cockroach, and I wasn't supposed to burn my hair every morning so I would avoid other nicknames. Insults. I wasn't supposed to bleach and cut and starve and survive like a bunny in the jungle. Like a cockroach in a kitchen.

They called me names and washed their hands after talking to me. They did a daily search of my bag and stole my things. I let them.

They pulled my pants down and laughed at the size of my thighs, so I stopped going to gym class. I slipped to the library, ate hidden between pages, and innocently forgot my swimsuit. Somehow the only one with a sanction was me.

They made me run for everyone to see. They measured me and screamed the results like a football game. They gently shook their heads when I couldn't reach my toes standing up.

They made me hate myself to the point of making myself sick. The more they teased the worse I became. They taught me I wasn't worthy of love, so I pushed everyone else out. My weight became my armor.

And finally, I was safe. As safe as a Sea World killer whale. Bended fin and captivity tag.

I learned to put on a show and jump through hoops. I did what was asked and got rewarded for it.

Friends. Better nicknames.

I complained of the tank but I was safe there. No one could touch me. No one would hurt me.

And I stayed. Quietly still I stayed until I found you.

They called me cockroach. But you called me princess. You saw my scars and kissed them all. You paved my way out of that prison and into the open sea.

They called me fat, but you called me perfect. You heard my cry and stayed and asked me to tell you more. You went out of your way to make me happy. You made me happy.

You taught me to be happy with my own skin and once I did, everything fit better. Everything looked brighter.

Leaving me was a mistake because no one will ever love you like I did. No one will ever want to make you as happy as I wanted to.

Leaving me was the best you could do. Because I found myself in the pain, and I fixed myself in the sunlight.

#poem #romance #weight #bodyissues #lefthand #thisismypersonalhashtagforthingsiwrite #spokenword #spoken poetry #stories #short #writers #swritting #writing #poets on tumblr #love #poetry #spilled thoughts #manoizquierda #writerscommunity

[only-one-hand-is-mine]

Jamás se cruzo por mi cabeza que mi nombre pudiera doler.

Hasta que lo usaste en lugar de "mi amor".

- izquierda

#brokenheart #corazon roto #thisismypersonalhashtagforthingsiwrite #lefthand #spilled thoughts #manoizquierda #poem #writers #writer #poets on tumblr #love #poetry #poema #poemas en tumblr #poesia hablada #poesia

[only-one-hand-is-mine]

Tal vez el tiempo no está a nuestro favor.

Tal vez la vida de adulto es más difícil de lo que creíamos.

Tal vez ser libre de una cosa es realmente ser esclavo de otra.

O tal vez la vida quiere enseñarnos a vivir sin el otro. Quizá así será más fácil la distancia.

#thisismypersonalhashtagforthingsiwrite #lefthand #spilled thoughts #manoizquierda #poem #writers #writer #poets on tumblr #love #poetry #poeta #poema #distancia

[only-one-hand-is-mine]

It started out with a smile.

I didn't even noticed it until the fourth time it happened. He had just walked by, said hi to me, and left, when my friend asked me

"Why are you smiling?"

"Oh," I said. Surprised. "Nothing." And I turned my head down when I felt the smile come again.

The next time he said hi to me, I felt butterfly's wings tickling my stomach. Especially since his deep green eyes stared into mine for a second too long.

I spent the minutes together blissfully unaware of them and the minutes apart longing for the next moment I could stare into that hypnotic green again.

His laugh filled my ears and his accidental brushes against my arm left a current that I could feel for days and days.

His texts felt like a magic world, hidden from the eyes of the rest of them. Our own private Narnia was taking shape out of deep conversations and good night wishes.

And then.

He kissed me.

He closed his eyes and leaned into me. We were sitting in his parked car in front of my house. He was dropping me off after an afternoon at the mall with some friends. He offered to take me home.

I had both my hands resting in the middle of our seats and he undid his seat belt so he could reach out and brush my face with his though fingers.

The moment our lips met, the world around me collapsed and I knew nothing would ever be the same.

His lips tasted like beer and mine probably tasted of white wine. He moved with a rhythmic pace that melted my insides. The only sensation that was holding me in that moment was his nearly shaven beard brushing against my face. What a weird but hot feeling that was.

When he pulled away, I was gasping for air.

#thisismypersonalhashtagforthingsiwrite #spilled thoughts #manoizquierda #poets on tumblr #lefthand #poem #love #my words #romance

[only-one-hand-is-mine]

Some empties are not meant to be filled.

Some empties I feel are not meant to be mine.

Some of my empties are no longer empty.

But empties are empties and they're empty still.

#thisismypersonalhashtagforthingsiwrite #lefthand #spilled thoughts #manoizquierda #poem #poets on tumblr #love #my words #romance

[only-one-hand-is-mine]

I will never understand why he made me tell him,

if he already knew.

Part of me hoped his answer would match mine, and everything would be for good.

But it didn't.

I never understood why he wanted my confirmation for something so obvious in my eyes. In everyone's eyes.

It's a thought that everybody had before I did. A question that everybody asked even before the feelings were there.

It's the plot to every rom com made.

That's what we were.

Harry and Sally

Matt and Jenna

Tom and Hannah

Castle and Beckett

Lisbon and Patrick

Luke and Lorelai

But no. We weren't.

And I still don't understand why he made me say those words to him.

Ego, perhaps.

I should thank my younger self, really

For downplaying as a simple innocent crush, what in truth was a deeper, much more anchored feeling.

I only let him see the very tip of the iceberg.

That, and my cold heart.

For freezing over when I need it to.

#thisismypersonalhashtagforthingsiwrite #spilled thoughts #manoizquierda #poets on tumblr #love #poem #lefthand #my words #romance #prose

[only-one-hand-is-mine]

Miro las fotos y videos y pienso

Que bonito sería...

Pero solo a la gente bonita

Le pasan cosas bonitas.

Y yo...

No soy bonita.

-izquierda

#thisismypersonalhashtagforthingsiwrite #manoizquierda #lefthand #poem #spilled thoughts #poets on tumblr #romance #love #my words #prose

[only-one-hand-is-mine]

Is it wrong of me to like him just because he has your name?

Because if your name

Is the only thing yours I can have.

I'll take it.

- left

#thisismypersonalhashtagforthingsiwrite #lefthand #spilled thoughts #manoizquierda #poem #my words #romance #prose #love #poets on tumblr

[only-one-hand-is-mine]

That's the idiotic funny part about this.

That I actually thought it could happen.

When I knew it wasn't going to.

#thisismypersonalhashtagforthingsiwrite #spilled thoughts #manoizquierda #writers #writer #poets on tumblr #poem #lefthand #poetry #love

[only-one-hand-is-mine]

I can feel it.

The beginning of something.

The slow life of the caterpillars in my stomach.

Turning into butterflies.

#thisismypersonalhashtagforthingsiwrite #lefthand #spilled thoughts #manoizquierda #poem #writers #writer #poets on tumblr #love #poetry