#tho I think I will need therapy after trying to figure out how to draw this robe dlkjkj

[assortedvillainvault]

It's a bit of a random question, but I'm simply curious, how did you start falling in love with the Horned King/what's your origin story with him? Only if you want to share it of course^^ Feel free to also just generally gush or ramble about him!

(also btw I think it's awesome that we share him as an f/o now, I think subconsciously I already knew for a while that I'd fall for him eventually, it was just a matter of time he's just too gorgeous💕)

Ok this ask has given me the warm fuzzies for several weeks so thank you and I guess I should probably answer this now huh -

(also every time someone else pops up who f/o's him I'm Absolutely Delighted and am so glad I helped facilitate your decent into lich simpery)

I'll do IRL and self insert shenanigans, so IRL first:

- the first time I watched the black cauldron I'd be ...about 8 or 9?

- one thing you sincerely must understand about me is that I am, unapologetically, unequivocally, unexpectedly....a weenie.

- much as I adore the spooky and the strange, any film that veers into remotely scary territory, or horror in general, that shit scars me down to the cellular level.

- Power to everyone who can disengage/absorb that stuff healthily because I sure as fuck don't and doubt I ever will. Anyway.

- mum buys me the black cauldron and thinks nothing of it. It's Disney, right?

- anyway yeah uh suffice to say boy golly gee I'd never seen *that* many skeletons animated before. Think my little brother started crying at some point.

- but honestly, something about the films mad dichotomy of attempted cutesy fantasy with grim dark backdrop and off kilter humour enamoured me. And I found myself wanting *more* of the dark parts of the film.

- (still early the full cauldron born scenes were cut. So goddamn salty)

- the Horned King became a lynchpin of fascination, something about his eerie voice, his apathetic yet menacing mannerisms and his degraded appearance really drew me in. Esp his summoning and death scenes.

- I think I started drawing skeletons soon after and they're still the easiest thing for me to draw.

- over decade later when I was depressed as all fuck, I rewatched the film and found myself only really enjoying his scenes, in part because he was the only relatable villain to me at the time. (Eternally tired, quietly dramatic, quick to anger and dismissal. A smorgasbord of things to distract myself from feeling like I was actively decomposing too at the time. Brains are wild.)

- now I like to imagine quietly helping him get to a better place same as I've managed to do :) who needs therapy when you have imaginary lich time.

As for self insert funky times:

- rather than imagining myself in the dark ages, mostly because despite living in the UK my knowledge of that time period is just awful, I imagine a modern setting

- crucially tho the events of the film still happened exactly as shown.

- in this setting my s/I has moved to Wales and accidentally rediscovered the -broken- cauldron, and the remains of the castle. Time itself rusted the old thing and it cracked, letting HK's disheveled soul slip free.

- my S/I is an amateur ecologist, with interest in geology and paleontology and history. (So just me. Straight up me. I can't even pretend here) Once she figures out she's effectively haunted, HK's presence is akin to a field day.

- will she attempt to resurrect him properly? Eh who knows. Maybe. I'm a real fucking sucker for ghosts, esp partial possession or soul bonds.

- magic exists still in this setting, it's just mostly forgotten and thus dismissed. Of course my s/I has latent magic because of course, and I love the idea of HK teaching her as a pseudo bonding activity.

- love just watching HK be bamboozled and overwhelmed by the modern world too. Show this lich a toaster someone-

- very low stakes very chill, just two lonely fools trying to rebuild their 'lives' together. Probably the most weirdly cottage core of my selfships if I'm honest. With more dead things.

So yeah that's pretty much it! Thanks again for the lovely ask, and feel free to tag me in anything lich related 🥰

#thalassa responds #disney villains #the horned king #selfshipping shenanigans #not my first f/o but probably my most consistent!

[lovefrombegonia]

POTN Ramblings

CW: abuse, rape, childhood abuse, homophobia

POTN experts on Tumblr anyone? What is the tonic that Seungho needs to consume regularly, and then what is it for? I am guessing the "disease" they keep talking about is being attracted to men. But I was wondering if the tonic keeps causing delirious fits and insomnia.

Also, I am still not clear about what happened in Seungho's childhood. He was beaten, and forced to watch others have sex by his own father and Lord Song. But I think it's implied he was also molested. I can guess that but I think the servant Kim is the one who told Elder Yoon about Seungho kissing another boy, right?

He already looking unhinged even as a child tho but I am gonna say that's just Seungho's face 😭

Also, Kim was shocked to see how Seungho was beaten up after he was locked in the shed. Idk why Seungho was on a mat tho?? I guess it's implied he got the same punishment Nakyum almost got in the initial chapters when Seungho thought he ruined the painting. But I thought that kind of punishment was only for the low-born class.

I don't think Seungho'e father knows that he was actually molested by Lord Song or his minions, otherwise, he wouldn't work with Song later too. Elder Yoon only knows about the fucked up "conversion therapy" part.

Kim stayed with Seungho out of guilt but I can't blame him. He couldn't have known his single complain to Elder Yoon would result in so much torture for Seungho. And he did try to help Nakyum as much as he could from Seungho's rage and madness. I feel so bad for him.

Painter of the night is such a tragic saga of the cycle of abuse, manipulation, homophobia, classism, and obsession. I even hesitate to call what Seungho and Nakyum have as love. It started so bad....Nakyum has always been a strong character, even in the face of Seungho's abuse.

Even when he is trembling , scared shirtless, he will still call out Seungho's bullshit. He will defend In Hun when Seungho calls his poetry derivative. He defends his Noonas when Seungho calls them names. He even tried to protect dokjae or whatever that servant's name was that was working with the nameless jester. Most the things he did for Seungho, only to protect Jung In Hun. And when In Hun left him heartbroken, insultingly calling him a whore, Nakyum gave up fighting. Deciding to just stay as Seungho's boy toy. I am not a psychologist but this just screams STOCKHOLM SYNDROME, right? Even though in the end, so much genuine affection and care bloomed between them, you know, what Nakyum feels could be his own mind breaking and "falling in love" with Seungho to cope with the sexual and physical abuse.

Heena also points out the same. I am not saying Nakyum has NO desire towards Seungho, be it emotional or physical desires. From day 1, Nakyum did find Seungho at the very least physically attractive. He draws out of passion, almost driven by instinct, and he drew Seungho with a lot of detail. But the power dynamic is so dangerous here that until the last the moment when I saw that Seungho was ready to leave Nakyum with his Noonas in Kisaeng House, I wasn't sure if the "love" they have can even get enough fresh air to bloom, surrounded by so much miasma of Seungho's initial abuse towards Nakyum. Until that point, I wasn't sure if what Seungho feels is only obsession or is there love mixed in there too. All the gentleness, tenderness, protection and comfort Seungho gave Nakyum until that point, I found myself thinking: this could very well be coz he feels like he owns Nakyum right? But his willingness to leave Nakyum, even figuratively bowing in front of Heena to make sure Nakyum remains safe felt like something akin to selfless love.

And even then...even now....I hesitate to call it love. In a way, this is some-what of a gothic love story, I guess. Like Dracula and Mina. Seungho has lived most of his life wanting to torment and punish his father, his primary abuser. In the end, he bowed down to his father, promising to be under him, be his puppet, to do whatever it takes if it means Elder Yoon can rescue Nakyum from death row. When Seungho was bowing down to his father, it made me feel so angry LMAO I really hope Seungho actually slowly poisoned his dad. OMG my own daddy issues gonna go wild 😭 ok, ok...

And Seungho himself did realise along the way how he was becoming what he hated the most. How he was hurting Nakyum again and again. Once more, Kim plays a pivotal role, when he made Seungho realise what he was doing to Nakyum, showing him a mirror to his own actions. Heena, too, unknowingly made Seungho see how much pain and misfortune he has brought to the one he feels like he has fallen in love with. Nakyum too never hesitated in telling what he wants in their relationship. And that he will leave if Seungho starts being all demonic again. How interesting that the only ones who could actually force Yoon Seungho, a powerful noble, to see what a monster he has become were the so-called lower class people: a house servant, a low-born painter and a kisaeng.

I have read a lot of manga and manhwa with the typical "toxic yaoi" pipeline story but for some reason...this one. This one. It just...it has me a chokehold. Painter of the Night has left bruises in my heart. So odd, a story about obsessive love has me obsessed with it.

It is not often that I come across stories that feel like they are driven completely by a deep, hidden, raw emotion threatening to explode; a story of visceral obsession, so frightening, you feel it will suffocate you and you will welcome it.

#painter of the night #potn #trigger warning #abuse #cycle of abuse #child abuse #rape #saya rambles.

[zelkams-art]

happy hanguang-june!

#Lan Wangji #The Untamed #mdzs #Mo Dao Zu Shi #artists on tumblr #my art #IT'S HIS MONTH BABEY #thank you for your service sir #I kept seeing all those amazing pride edits and icons #so I had to join in the hanguang-june celebrations #tho I think I will need therapy after trying to figure out how to draw this robe dlkjkj

[prisonhannibal]

no worries if this isn't something you want to talk about but do you have any tips for someone who's trying therapy for the first time?? i've definitely struggled w mental illness my whole life but grew up in a family that doesn't believe in psychology and i want to see a therapist but i don't really know how it works or what you even do in therapy LOL

sorry I took a while to get to this ask i’ve been working 💖 I don’t mind questions about mental health or treatment, i’ve been very open about it so it’s fine!

I’m probably not the best person to ask about starting therapy because I first got put in therapy at 12 lolll but I did that for about 4 months and then started again at 16 and I’m still getting therapy (not super rich, just norwegian so I don’t pay for it) so I am a bit of a therapy review blog if I do say so myself. i’ve done CBT, DBT, trauma-focused CBT, EMDR, MBT, hospitalizations, and regular talk therapy, so that the kinda tips and mindset I could talk about depends a LOT on what kind of problems you’re getting help for + the type of therapy you are doing. this is what I can think of rn tho that probably applies to a lot of stuff

if you can switch therapists, don’t be scared to do that if it’s not working out! i’ve had great therapists (one who genuinely changed my life, I can’t describe how grateful I am for her she was like a relative to me) and absolutely horrible therapists, one bad experience doesn’t mean therapy isn’t for u!! just keep trying! it’s important to set boundaries and let them know if there’s problems in the therapy relationship too

be honest with your therapist, even if it’s about issues you have with the therapist. communication is important!

remember that therapy is something you DO. you can go and sit there for an hour every week, but if you don’t do the work and actually use the skills you learn, it’s not gonna help. believe me I did that for years and I thought that it was hopeless and that therapy wasn’t doing anything, but the reason it wasn’t working is that I just let a therapist talk at me for an hour instead of doing the work myself. therapists can’t do it for you, only help you do it for yourself

some coping skills sound stupid, but really help, so give them a couple of chances

sometimes it gets worse before it gets better (especially with trauma stuff!!!) so don’t give up when it gets hard, but communicate with your therapist about what way it’s hard, so you can figure out if it’s helping or hurting

you don’t have to talk about everything immediately. be honest, but don’t rush or overwhelm yourself, you have time

diagnoses aren’t the most important thing, but they can really help get the right sort of treatment. if a diagnosis doesn’t fit, don’t be scared to say so. if they evaluate you again they’ll either a. realize you have something else and hopefully change the treatment plan if needed, or b. find out that the diagnosis is correct. it’s fine either way, it’s always good to figure things out. personally I was misdiagnosed with BPD, so the therapy I got for like 2 years wasn’t helpful for me because it focused on relationships etc and I don’t have ANY of the relationship+identity problems people with BPD have, so it was kind of a waste of time for me. I literally just had mood swings, impulsivity and self destructive behaviors because I’m bipolar, so when I got diagnosed and treated for it I immediately got better

you don’t have to prove that you’re “sick enough”

sometimes you go in thinking you’re getting help for one thing, but end up having other things that need to be addressed too, just be open

if something is hurting you, please set boundaries. therapists and the mental health system aren’t flawless, and if something is harmful to you you are allowed to speak up about it and not just uncritically go along with whatever they say

it may take a lot of time. look at me lol. just don’t rush through it! it worked out for me in the end ❤️

that’s all I can think of rn! I hope it was helpful in some way. remember to take care of yourself, maybe a little bit extra right now because you’re probably going through a lot since you’re considering going to therapy, and also since you’re going to deal with some stuff that might be difficult. just be extra nice, treat yourself. sometimes it’s nice to eat some chocolate or draw or paint my nails after therapy sessions just because it can be intense sometimes. I wish you all the best hope it can help you with the healing you want and need 💖💖💖💖

[normalbirb]

Abstinence isnt sex ed and everyone needs to learn this shit, especially teenagers

Ive seen a lot of anger and blame being thrown on p*rn artists online lately for people growing up with warped views on sex, especially here on tumblr. "Think of the children" type of talk. So i guess i, a part time p*rn artist, is gonna have to have the talk with you that your parents and teachers apparently havent had with you yet.

Sex posetive ≠ have a lot of sex

Sex posetive = practice safe sex

So. What is safe sex?

Tw heavy and triggering language

Research std's before having sex. Learn about the dangers and what they can do to you. This is really important. Find out WHY protection is important. A std can lead to some really nasty shit.

If you cant say no, you are NOT ready for sex. Consent is SUPER important and a huge part of sex.

If you cant take a no, you are NOT ready for sex. Consent is SUPER important and a huge part of sex.

Theres nothing shameful about being a virgin. Especially if youre still a minor. Losing your virginity isnt a cool hip thing, sex is much deeper than that. Ive seen a lot of people talk about how they regret having sex as a minor and how that warped their view on it in a negative way. You are not an exeption to this. You are not unique.

You and your partner needs to be equals in bed. Even in bdsm. A dom isnt supposed to be an abuser, a dom is supposed to be just as much of a pleaser as the sub is. If a dom isnt listening to you, they arent a dom, they are abusing that label to get away with r*pe.

A minor and adult can NEVER be equal. As an adult i can confirm that all adults hold power over younger people. Age gaps are ok but ONLY if both parties are adults.

Research safe bdsm. Ex, choking isnt safe in general but it can be made safer (dont press your hands on the windpipe). Spanking needs to be done right or you can dislocate the hip. Use handcuffs made for bdsm. They are made to be able to open quickly if the user starts to panic.

Sex doesnt need to lead to penetration.

Aftercare is important and a good bonding thing. Foreplay is also important and can lessen discomfort.

Clean your sextoy after every use, preferable with sextoy cleaners. You can get an std from a dirty sextoy even if youre the only one using it.

Never use a broken sextoy.

Lube. Use it.

Clean your packer every day. Preferably with sextoy cleaner.

Wash under your foreskin and dont use soap in your vagina.

P*rn isnt realistic.

Having sex wont make you whole. That hole in your soul, it can only be patched together with therapy. Having sex to try to fill that void will leave you vunerable to being abused by people.

If you cant talk to your parents about sex in a healthy manner, you are NOT old enough for it.

If youre scared of going to a gynecologist and having your genetals checked, you are NOT ready for sex. Do some research on how a checkup is done.

DO NOT send nudes to strangers, ESPECIALLY NOT if youre a minor. This can fuck your entire life up. It can make you a target for harasment and even go as far as making you a victim of being kidnapped and sold to sex slavery. It may sound like a stretch but its a very real thing in this world.

Dont trust strangers online. Im a stranger online. You are a stranger online. Everyone are a stranger online. Research grooming tactics, learn what the red flags are. Them being nice to you isnt an exeption, being nice is a grooming tactic.

If you get sexually asaulted, do NOT wash the clothes. Save them for evidence. Your assaulters dna is a evidence against them in court. Talk to an adult and go to the police imideatly.

Even as a minor, dont draw p*rn of other minors. No matter your age you have still created ped*phile p*rn. Ofc as a minor you should prob not draw that stuff to begin with but i also cant stop you from it.

You do NOT need to sleep around to find out what your sexuality is. That is a shit advice. Theres no hurry for you to figure it out, it took me until 23 to figure that shit out. Hell, im still not 100% sure.

The internet isnt a safe space. It never has been and will never be. Its still important for you to do what you can to make it safer tho.

Even if someone is a p*rn artist, it does not mean you can talk to them however you want. Drawing p*rn isnt consent to being talked to in a sexual harrasing way.

You can still be groomed even as an adult.

Sex is supposed to be enjoyed by all parties. YOU need to make sure the other(s) are feeling just as good as you are. Dont be pushy. If someone says no that means no.

------

If anyone want to add something, feel free to.

#sex ed

[meetmeatthecoda]

I absolutely ♥️ADORE♥️ Scripted and would love to read your director’s commentary for it!

Oh, anon!! 😍 I'm SO THRILLED that you loved Scripted so much, that makes me so happy!! 🥰 Especially that you loved it enough to want to read my "director's commentary" (that phrase makes me laugh, you'd think I created a feature length film all by myself 🤣), so I think I'll skim through the fic - it's been a while since I re-read it - & make a bullet-point list of any special BTS info I can think of 😊 Anddd I'll also put it under a read more cause you know me, I never use one word when one hundred will do 😂

So, the fic itself was inspired by the ending of 5.08 where Liz wakes from her coma to Red reading to her in an armchair as he had been for the past 10 months, it's fine, I'm fine but she still has a ventilator in so she can't talk & instead has to write "how long?" on a piece of paper & her handwriting is super shake-y bc her muscles are so weak (I think Red even helps her hold the pen? It's clearly been a while since I re-watched the ep whoops but ugh, be still my heart.) For some reason, I just latched onto the idea of a mute Liz, really suffering with the implications of everything she went through (since her recovery was so glossed over in the show boo) & Red 1000% being there for her. Mostly, I just wanted to dive into the dynamic of Liz letting Red care for her the way he's always wanted to (without Tom & Agnes btw) to the point where their relationship is unhealthy in its reliance, but neither can see it bc Liz is blocking things out (& unknowingly falling in love with him) & Red is just so thrilled to be able to love & care for her (while already deeply in love with her obvi). So yeah, that was the kind of dynamic & closeness I wanted to explore between them & it was... really fun 😊

The idea of the coma providing the perspective Liz needed to see that Red has always had her best interests at heart & clearly loves her (in addition to the fact that he never left her side or gave up during those 10 months lol peak romance tbh) seemed very organic & logical to me.

I liked the idea of Red & Liz playing board games as a way to pass the time & get to know each other better. It's the kind of casual interaction we were never gifted with in the show & I think they're both competitive in the right circumstances, even if its playfully so.

I liked the idea of Liz being urged to learn ASL, as I'm deaf in one ear & would dearly love to learn it at some point.

The detail of Red sleeping on a cot close enough to Liz's hospital bed that they can hold hands in their sleep was a total guilty pleasure addition & I'm not sorry.

I loved the scene in the beginning where Red is talking to Dembe on the phone in the hallway & Liz is practicing her letters. She's purely doing it so Red doesn't worry & I loved the idea of her being apathetic to everything except Red's concerns, plus I added in the parenthetical of (Red sometimes squints at her k's.) bc I thought it represented that well, but also bc it was just cute af. I also added the little detail of him waving at her through the window at the last minute bc I thought the scene needed something else & once I pictured that, it was too adorable to leave out.

Red handling all the details of Liz's care & transportation without asking (bc he instinctively knew that's what Liz wanted) only to turn around & panic about excluding her seemed like a very RED thing to do & I like how it emphasizes his well-meaning intentions, respect for her preferences, & desire to see her happy, even if she did actually want to leave him lol as if.

I liked the visual of Liz stumbling into Red's arms as she stands from her hospital bed to leave with him (sets a precedent for later) & I also loved the visual of a pen in her ponytail & of course Red using it to flirt a little bc come on.

I remember struggling to write the car ride transition to the lake house. I usually get ideas & visions for specific scenes, moments, or bits of dialogue, so those kind of transition moments are hard for me sometimes. But I liked that I settled on Red helping to ground Liz through touch (again, sets a precedent for later).

Red & Liz playing hangman in the car with Red using the word "fedora" & drawing a suited hangman made me giggle.

I can see the lake house very clearly in my mind, complete with the willow tree, bench, & tiny house (included bc I desperately want a tiny house in real life) & I really enjoyed describing the interior & imagining the joy Red would get out of decorating it with Liz in mind.

Their first night in the house where Liz has her nightmare & Red comforts her - that was a scene I had in mind very early on & I love how it turned out, especially with Liz mouthing "stay with me" into Red's neck, that part gave me All The Feels™.

The "morning after" scene where Liz realizes on some level that she's too dependent on Red is an important moment in the fic & the off-hand detail that at least "she's not going around murdering people & calling it therapy" was a bit of shade to Ruin (which I don't think I ever saw bc I was kind of appalled with the idea lol) I think I posted Scripted after Ruin aired... if not, I guess I'm psychic?? LOL

The breakfast scene - & the fact that Red is preparing every breakfast food known to man bc he's nervous too - is near & dear to my heart. I think that's a pretty pivotal scene since they kind of reach an unspoken agreement & peace &... "things settle after that first breakfast."

I liked the teeny little parenthetical section that comes next as well, which acts as a sort of middle point for the fic.

The next large chunk of the fic was pure indulgence for me. I LOVED writing about all the different things they would do together when it was just the two of them, it was basically a collection of Lizzington headcanons & that's how I sketched them out LOL Here's some notes on them:

I came up with the jigsaw puzzle headcanon (that Liz is bored by them bc they're easy for her bc she's a trained psychologist & easily sees patterns in things) late in the editing process but loved it so much that I included it.

Liz's sandwich preference is actually mine LOL

The Monopoly banter was fun af to write bc I love that game.

The love notes Liz leaves around the house for Red is still an all-time favorite headcanon of mine.

I loved the idea of Red reading to Liz in a foreign language, holding the book only for looks, but not actually reading from it at all & instead professing his love for her. I think I've even used that headcanon in another fic LOL

Their movie nights were also something I was dying to include, especially since they include snacks & cuddles.

Their co-sleeping habits were also something I wanted to include & Liz's newly tactile nature is both a symptom of her dependence on Red & also a guilty pleasure thing for me bc we all wanted more of Red & Liz touching on screen, plus I felt obligated to explain through Red that it wasn't sexual in nature (though if I ever get around to writing part 2, that will change 😉)

Dembe being the one to observe & interfere in their situation was an early scene I imagined as well, that was always going to be the climax of the fic (or at least part 1). I so enjoyed writing about Red & Liz's relationship through his eyes bc he just loves them both & only wants to help them.

Another pivotal scene I imagined early on was Liz having a panic attack with Dembe when she discovers Red has left & that was super engaging to write, as well as the reunion between them which... I pretty much wrote the whole fic with the goal of getting to that lovely angst LOL

Red's resolve to finally urge Liz to speak was heart-breaking to write (so naturally I loved it lol what's wrong with me) & in particular the detail of them eating fruit for lunch before he broaches the topic with her & the parenthetical about it being "a sign from the cosmos that they are meant to be together just because they don't eat each other's favorite fruit" made my heart happy even tho it's stupid LOL & when Red asks her if she would ever try to speak again & she responds with a simple written "Why?" that was a huge moment that I loved the angst of, of course. As well as the absolutely gutting: "Lizzie, I miss your voice."

I liked that Liz needs some time to think & accept everything Red forces her to realize at the end, that was super important to me in the resolution of the fic/part 1 & I tried really hard to include both their mentalities there at the end.

The fact that Red hasn't had a drink since he started caring for Liz also made my shipping heart happy.

And - lastly - the fact that the only thing Liz actually says in the whole fic is Red's name? Yeah 🥲🥲🥲

Welp, there you go, anon, I'm not sure if that was interesting to you at all, but I certainly hope so!! I know that was a lot but... it's a long fic, my longest ever, so I figure it's warranted, right?? 😂 Anyway, thank you so much, both for the compliment of loving Scripted AND for wanting to read more about it, anon, you are so sweet!! 🥰 I hope you enjoyed this & much, much love to you, my friend!! ❤️

Fanfic Writers: Director's Cut

#The Blacklist #Lizzington #fanfic #Scripted #ask game #fanfic writers: director's cut #mine #ask #anon #thank you so much for this my friend!! #:D #i hope you enjoyed this #:) #much much love to you!! #<3

[kangaracha]

tell me about your ocs tho

you asked for this

so it’s been like, a while, since i really looked at my ocs outside of zombies, and also my work with the most proper ocs for zombies isn’t published yet, so i’m just going to do the three from other fandoms that i have big fics for and if you wanna hear about my little zombies ocs you can ask about em. okay. okay.

this is also really hard cause these characters go through so much change over the course of these fics, and i’m trying not to give away spoilers xD i will try. my best.

the OG. the one and only. the working-through-your-teenage-frustrations character. i love her.

IMOGEN HAYLOCK

mcu -  read sparrow

so the thing with imogen is that i wanted to do something different to the other oc fics I’d seen so far in this fandom. which is not to say those fics were bad or anything, i love them, i just want to be different. I was interested in writing a character that was like....not the perfect fit for the avengers, or the girl that got along with everyone, and then i saw TWS and related media (lookin at you, agents of shield), and i was like, ‘okay but if you were just hydra by name and working by shield values and principles all that time, and then suddenly you had to get up and kill your coworkers....’ and imogen Began.

i find her interesting for her wit and dry humour, her sarcasm and her big attitude - but also, her frustration with life, the deep-cut anger that she’s carrying with her like a rock, her struggle with self-worth and the way she presents herself to the world, and her complete average-ness in a place where everyone is exceptional. she’s nothing special - she’s just skating by, actually, she’s a high school dropout and on probation as a shield agent, and she’s really only off the streets because hydra value her as an object that might hold some valuable information related to a twenty year old cold case that doesn’t even have any relevance anymore in the grand scheme of things.

in sparrow, she finds something to relate to in clint barton - avenger, but also human disaster zone, making things up on the fly, most overlooked superhero of the century, completely regular guy with one unusual skill. she has to learn to be open to change and to want to be a good person, instead of an angry, ignorant person who will blindy follow whatever order she’s given and pick fights with anyone that disagrees with her. she also realises a lot of things that she should have realised sooner - that what’s left of her family is toxic as hell, that she’s been blindy following the forces of evil for years, that she doesn’t have to be an angry child from a broken home anymore, and that there’s a whole, scary world out there waiting for her and she can go and find anything she wants.

the rest of the trilogy, flicker and swift, follow her finding her way in the world, figuring out who she’s going to be and what she’s going to do, which is very relatable to me rn. it’s like therapy. flicker is also a great opportunity for me to have a crack at writing a romance as a side plot, and getting to let this character grow and realise her own self-worth and that yes, she can actually love and be loved in lots of different ways, is so satisfying. swift is just the icing on the cake, swift is her coming into her power, in her own way, it’s her looking back and realising that she’s changed her life and that she could do it after all, it’s a satisfying ending, i promise. i’m going to share it with you one day.

the slaughter of the lambs is kind of the sequel to the very first ac game that i always wanted and never got - except it’s not about altair because. i’m ~special~. the fic is set 20 years after the game, in the Levant, and is split into 4 parts spanning most of marwa’s lifetime, starting in 1211 AD and ending in 1257 AD and following her through the golden era of the assassin’s and the brotherhood’s downfall. it’s canon complaint, but runs like....canon adjacent. it’s its own story.

MARWA ABADI

assassin’s creed - read the slaughter of the lambs

marwa begins this story as a novice training in masyaf, the only female assassin in all of the levant. she’s raw and half-trained, never seen combat, her strength and ability put into doubt every day - but she’s talented too, and she works twice as hard as the boys, determined to prove everyone wrong. she’s tough and scrappy because she has to be to survive in the world she’s put herself in, and just a little too self-confident, which leads her to a downfall but also an important learning curve about wit and wisdom and loyalty, and the importance of striking a balance between free will and service to a cause. 

the rest of the story follows these themes on through the times of most upheaval in her life, as she struggles with following the creed and the beliefs of the assassin order and playing her role as a soldier for this cause, and with doubt and acting in accordance with her own personal morals and beliefs, which as time goes on and the assassin’s change, she finds do not always align. she has a strong sense of right and wrong and a strong character to back this up, and she strives throughout her life to become wise like her mentors were and to guide the world as best she can towards the right kind of future, as an assassin is supposed to. 

i wrote this character to explore the idea of being a servant to a higher order, to being faceless and lost to time and serving your cause knowing that, and how you find peace with giving your life over to that. especially coming from this day and age, when everything is recorded and everyone wants to be remembered for something, i found this interesting to explore. as marwa developed as a character, the other things came; her struggle with blind loyalty and festering doubt and the careful balance that she needs to strike between them, the folly of youth and the wisdom that she gains as she grows older, and the struggle of being a woman living in a male-dominated period of history and dedicating herself to a craft usually reserved for men. 

the first thing you need to understand about this fic, and this character, is that this is the therapy fic. this is me working through my own issues, but like also add +10 drama so that it’s interesting. and a romance plot, because i need the practise.

ANGIE SOMMARS

pokemon - read to go beyond your borders

angie’s story is mostly a sword/shield fic, though i borrowed some characters and stuff from diamond/pearl. the timelines are not canon. it’s set the year after the events of sw/sh, in galar. it follows angie through the gym challenge and her own personal conflicts, of which she has a laundry list. the fic finds her freshly arrived in galar from her home region in sinnoh, having run away from her responsibilities and the pressure of them at home looking for some kind of answer to her problems, or reassurance that she’s still good at what she does.

angie’s main conflict centres around her being the champion of the sinnoh league, a talented and experienced pokemon trainer sitting painfully exposed in the public eye. she struggles hugely with the reality of this position, and all the expectations that are put up to the person that holds it - she’s expected to be the strongest trainer in the region, to keep up a positive public image as the figurehead of the pokemon league, to be on the job most days of the year and ready for whatever it might throw at her. there’s always someone pushing her to be better, to present herself the way they think she should - and she’s used to being pushed and to being shaped, but there’s only so far you can bend a person before they will break.

angie is burnt out. she’s been in the public eye since she was five years old and competing in pokemon contests, and she’s far from the perfect princess of the league. her mistakes follow her around like a black cloud, creating controversy every time she reaches a new goal and drawing more and more bad press every time she messes something up. she doesn’t know what her own goals are anymore, and she doesn’t know where to go from the platform she’s found herself stranded on - she’s clinging to a position she’s too afraid to admit she doesn’t want anymore, and she’s scared to fall, or to break, or to look out to different horizons.

angie’s story explores the double-edged sword of fame and fortune, the satisfaction of being the best but also the scrutiny people place you under, the impact of ‘cancel culture’ on an individual, depression and anxiety and the endless circles of guilt in a toxic family environment...but also the hope of finding new horizons and finding the courage to take those first steps into the future that you want. it’s a coming of age kind of story, it’s young people finding their feet and new friends and new dreams and supporting each other through hard times. and it all ends well, which, to me, is the most important thing.

#original characters #ocs #mcu #pokemon swsh #assassins creed #zombiedadthoughts #zombiedadfics #imogen haylock #marwa abadi #angie sommars #sparrow #tgbyb #tsotl

[cloveroctobers]

CHELSEA ELLE HODGSON —

IG info/Bio: @/chelseaaahodecor | 109k followers | hi babes! welcome to my life lovelies, please get comfy with this Prosecco im serving thru this screen! xx here’s my site if you need some light in ur life: ichelseahdgsondesigns.com 🏝💕

24 (25) years

From Buckinghamshire, England

Comes from a wealthy family

her father’s side of the family founded, “Hodgson investments” their company is built off of financial services

Her papo (grandfather) was arrested on tax invasion & served some time for doing so

Her father, Alistair now manages the company but under a different name

Her mother’s side of the family comes from old money...something about horses?

Her mother, Connie holds many events and seems to make $ from them but Chelsea isn’t quite sure what the woman does or if it’s fully legal

The family is all about protecting their image & if you don’t cut it, there will be repercussions

Feels a little like dynasty (I’ve only seen 2-3 episodes & never finished but get the point?) , maybe that’s why Chelsea & her sister enjoy watching it so much

Parents forsure held courtship events or either went to courtship events with their children (even Albie) & found suitors in hopes of marrying their daughters off (& finding Albie a new wife, only on Mrs. Hodgson’s part— mr. Hodgson seems nicer/easy-going)

Has older twin sibs: Albie-Crispin & Dolly-Georgiana

Often referred to as “the triplet” in the press

Well-known in their city

They’re all called by their first & middle name in their family household even tho their parents do not have middle names

Has a love/hate relationship with albie, he is selfish & has proven to do anything to drag others down to make himself look better

He’s a lawyer & has been married to his wife for about 7 years

Mrs. Hodgson, Dolly, & Chelsea all agree they do not like her but Chelsea puts on a smile whenever her sister-in-law is around while Mrs. Hodgson makes it known that she dislikes the woman, she thinks she’s beneath her son since her family does not make nearly enough $ put together between her & Mr. Hodgson

Dolly has a bf who’s a dental hygentist that she’s been dating for about 3 years but they’re both cheating on each other, she doesn’t think she’ll ever be married

She’s in office management

Chelsea fell in love with interior decorating from the moment she played with doll houses. Her grandparents made sure to send her the biggest doll houses they could find every Christmas. She’s always been in love with rearranging and picking certain items and best putting them into a space that works

She shit at drawing (she’ll leave that to the Architects) but she knows her furniture & patterns quite well

Has asked a few architects out on dates, some she worked with or stumbled across, only one seemed like it could have truly worked...I imagine him to look a bit like Henry Cavill with light facial hair (told you I’m a sucker for it, & Chelsea probably can tolerate just a bit not too much)

Yet Chelsea always has a wondering eye, she gets curious quite often which makes you wonder, is she really ready for love? To fully commit? One day she will be

It’s a competitive field and when she’s ready to battle she will but there are moments when she gets let down & has to pick herself up again

Has ADHD, goes to therapy for it & hates taking her meds. She’d rather stick to therapy sessions since it’s always nice to talk to someone

When she was younger she probably stole a friend or two’s bf & would definitely get mad if they did it back to her but they somehow still end up being friends in the end? Yikes

Hung out with the popular kids, was always at the parties making sure everyone was having a good time. Filling up the cups, directing where furniture should be moved, where the kegs should go, how many people should be there, etc...She doesn’t seem like the stuck up type like her mother but she is privileged & doesn’t realize it as much

Was a cheerleader & ran track, quit track to commit full-time to cheerleading since that kept her in shape enough

Dated here & there, had one bf where they would scream at each other and wouldn’t allow the other to leave or would be upset that the other didn’t come after them...yeah one of those couples

Broke up with her goth bf because he didn’t tell her he wasn’t coming to school for about a week; he had the stomach flu

Canon: Took a computer course in high school & in uni & found out she was at the top of her class for typing the fastest, she now loves the sound of her short pink ombré nails on the keys

Canon: Wanted to be a show jumper due to her mother’s side of the family & their history with horses

Goes to the stables every now & then, there’s one horse there that she’s absolutely in love with & loves to ride. Her father always offered to buy it for her but it’s not a animal she wants to own

Canon: loves finger foods + will get full off them at events quickly. She also doesn’t mind the tiny portions of food at expensive ass restaurants, it’s just enough for her

Takes hair supplements. Probably had long hair growing up that she always kept up in a bun or ponytail but decided to start chopping her hair off & getting layers & highlights which damaged her hair

Approves of plastic surgery

Is part of the itty bitty titty community & got a lift for them

Gets lip fillers for her bottom lip but isn’t a fan of needles + overlines her top lip

loves going to the dermatologist, the spa for facials & whatever else she’s willing to try & finding new skincare to buy

Tans & loves tropical hot summers

Buys an overload of bikinis even in the winter

Hates the rain, it messes with her mood

Loves a good lipstick & lipgloss combo, nudes & pinks are her to go to’s

Fav color is pink

Got herself a guinea pig after the show & named her “bubbly” after her baby in the villa

I feel like she would eventually get a tiny dog too

Has her own flat, that��s quite far from all of her family. She loves her dysfunctional problematic family but Chelsea likes her space from them too

Since buckinghamshire’s culture is more of a Middle Ages style, Chelsea made sure her home wouldn’t hold much of that style inside. It needed to be lively! Her family home was filled with dark wood & she can’t stand that

She loves going to the markets tho. She always seems to leave with something & either finds herself not liking it months later and ends up selling whatever item caught her interest

Her family tends to pop in whenever they want, especially her mother

Canon: talks about cat cafe’s when she’s drunk, says its her version of the chocolate factory + she’s the dancing drunk

Always down for a girls night out, girls trip & girls sleepovers

Probably goes to bed early around 10pm or earlier m if she’s not out having the time of her life, which makes her regret her choices the next morning

All her closest friends back home are a group of girls

Hangs out with Priya, Marisol, & Hope from the villa whereas the rest she’ll mostly communicate with them through socials or gatherings

Will host gatherings & expect them ALL to show up

Is dramatic when things don’t go her way

Loses focus more than gets bored in relationships? She’ll find other things or people to occupy her time which she doesn’t realize can be hurtful to others

When she does realize she hurts someone, she immediately wants to fix it

Canon: Is a blabbermouth. Cannot hold a secret for shit, also cannot tell a lie. Her body language gives it away first if she doesn’t spill it

Retail therapy is the best therapy if she doesn’t have a office appointment

Any spice girl song will be her karaoke song, she is always baby spice

Loves her Prosecco (me too sis!) & keeps plenty bottles in her wine fridge. She originally wanted a space with a wine cellar but got creeped out at the thought since it’s just her & bubbly living in the home

Has high cell phone bills, the girl loves a good chat

Cannot cook no matter how hard she tries. She’s been to cooking classes with an ex, watched videos, order from those food delivery sites to prepare food & it just never turns out well

Will spend hours in furniture stores, she’s had to be escorted out pass closing hours by security guards before & manage to make friends out of them. They all know who she is in majority of the stores she enters

Throws a party every time her following goes up. There’s never not a reason to throw one

Was upset that Carl unfollowed her once and figured Hannah made him do it. Which wasn’t true, Hannah was sure of herself now & doesn’t feel the need to be jealous, the man could follow whoever he wanted—she knew he barely stayed on IG in the first place. He thought it was too shallow

So when Chelsea called him one night sobbing he was utterly confused, he didn’t understand why a follow meant so much

He reluctantly followed her back

Thrilled to know Elijah, Lucas, & Carl all keep up with her. Oh & the rest of the boys ofc!

Chats with Jakub! They also hang out. They’re a bit of a odd pairing but they get along well, he’s basically another big brother to her but she actually likes him—

Afraid of the dark, keeps fairy lights lit throughout the night in her bedroom, keeps scent infused night lights in her hallways

Believes in feng shui

I feel like her voice is soft like jennifer Tilly’s?

Idk what her sun sign is? Is she a sag far as daydreaming cause she does that. I KNOW she has Leo in her chart, she’s dramatic, warm, likes to be admired & appreciated. Sun sign I need help? Maybe she’s a Sagittarius sun? + Leo moon + libra rising

Has a collection of celeb gossip magazines that she keeps on a stand next to her pink velvet chair beside her bow window

I think she will be the first islander that gets pregnant tbh & it’s by an architect (the guy I mentioned/envisioned that’s been waiting on her to realize he can give her the love she needs or prove he can balance her out) or firefighter or someone “manly” she wouldn’t end up with a islander I don’t think

she has a girl & names her, “adore”

Canon: Still wants 5 kids but we’ll see how that goes & if it’ll change, it’s been a bit difficult not drinking Prosecco but she’s got a lovely baby out of it

Crushes? Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Alfred Enoch, Alex Pettyfer, Joe Cole, Gregg Sulkin, Frank Dillane, Charlie Rowe, & Hero Fiennes Tiffin

Can listen to anything that’s got a good beat. But we all know she’s a pop & folk genre lover. She listens to: Astrid S, Maty Noyes, Cher Lloyd, Bebe Rexha, Allie X, Poppy, POST MALONE, etc.

Anthem? Gabrielle Aplin — Until the sun comes up

#litg #litg2 #litg s2 #litg Chelsea #litg carl #litg headcanon #litg headcanons #litg au #50/50 like Chelsea lol #she’s sweet but there’s things that she’s done that makes me side eye her #wouldn’t keep her around my man if she’s single tbh lmao #litg3 #litg s3

[nouru-vi]

Headcanons for my AFK Arena gang buckle the f up

Disclaimer: I take canon lore/relationships and throw out what I don’t like thank you have a nice day

Starter pack: Estrilda, Mirael and Nemora

Nemora is sent by the Wilders to help out Ranhorn City and these three stick together going forward

Estrilda and Mirael are in idiot lesbians with each other. They constantly try to impress the other and Nemora is in the bg facepalming but she also ships them hard secretly

The gang is sent to hunt down Lucretia who is rampaging indiscriminately through the countryside and they manage to subdue and capture her. As they’re bringing her back to Ranhorn, Nemora keeps drawing info out of her through treating her kindly, and learns her story. Then they’re attacked by a large group of Maulers or sg, and Lucy demands that they unchain her if they want to live (lbr she has to be chained and not tied), adding that she also refuses to die tied up. Nemora chooses to trust her and she helps them make it out alive. Then they’re like “okay this Zaphrael dude sounds like a complete dick and we’ll help you confront him when we find him and also you can stay with us, we won’t bring you to Ranhorn to be imprisoned/executed. No more rampaging tho” and that’s how Lucy becomes the local goth mom

Silvina is sent to assassinate Estrilda, to finish off the job of destroying the Raynes, but when she sees her, memories come back to her from before her death, when she saw the young Estrilda as the girl she never got to be. She is like “fuck this I’m not doing this” and realises it’s time to stand up to Vedan’s exploitation of her and Isabella, if not for her own sake but her sister’s. She confronts Estrilda and pleads her to help remove Isabella from Vedan’s clutches. Her and the team go to do that and Isabella doesn’t really understand at first but when Vedan hurts Silvina she’s like “Back off. I made you what you are, don’t think I can’t unmake you just the same.” Now outclassed, Vedan is forced to let them go, and the sisters join the gang. Lucretia is immediately like “I’m your mom now”

Bonus: months later Vedan shows up to be like “Please forgive me. I never knew what I had until I lost it, I treated you two like crap even though you were the closest thing to family I had! Pls come back to me T_T” and although they don’t do that they agree to let him visit sometimes, so he becomes their weird weekend dad. Lucy watches him like a hawk every single time but he tries his best (I added this HC as an afterthought because the official comics with Vedan and the girls are just too fucking funny to be non-canon)

Wu Kong helps out the team on and off and Lucy hates him because he’s a FILTHY CELESTIAL while he’s just like, lady im am just leetl monky. I’m new to being a Celestial actually and don’t even know this Zaphirel or whatshisface. I’m just here to punch bad guys and have a good time. But he also annoys her for fun because he’s just like that

Lyca joins the team as a somewhat more competent co-leader to Mirael. To Nemora’s relief, because she’s the only other person so far who is not a mess or dumb or both. Silvina develops a mega gay crush on her because she’s the bouncy nerd prep to her emo jock goth. It probably takes a very long time for this to come to the surface because she is a Disgusting Graveborn and Lyca is a Beautiful and Ethereal Wilder, according to Silvina, that is. Her concerns turn out to be baseless, of course, and then they’re cute and gay, The End

Solise joins to swell the ranks of people who are both dumb and a mess. She’s powerful though and a great alchemist, and adorable and everyone else is sapphic so go figure

Flora also shows up often to help the group and Lucy is like HISS GRRR CELESTIAL HRRR GRRR at her too, while she’s just like, lady. It’s gonna be alright. You will find justice one day. Calm down. Here’s a flower bigger than your head. Have a nice day :) ~flies off on her gay little flower broom into the sunset gayly~

Certain groups catch wind of Lucretia travelling with the group and as a result, Cecilia is sent after them. Since Lucy is family by this point, they’re forced to fight and subdue Cecilia. She gets injured and they’re unwilling to leave her to her fate, so they bring her along as she recovers. For a long time, she keeps going on about heretics cavorting with Hypogean filth and whatnot, but what’s this? Lucy is around, and although Cecilia can’t see her, her voice is inexplicably pleasant to hear, and she’s just so nice to those two girls! But surely that is the insidious deception of a treacherous Hypogean, seeking to corrupt every innocent soul, right? Surely she is not a loving mother, nor a valiant woman who will do anything for the sake of justice? Right??? (yeah spoiler they end up in gays and the sisters now have two mothers and a dad. They deserve all the parents)

One day the gang stumbles upon Torne and they collectively adopt them immediately. They’re big and smad and in need of hugs and therapy so the group is happy to provide.

Nara joins from time to time, apparently because she just enjoys carnage, regardless of the target. She’s a gross and unhinged gremlin who’s somehow still hot, and her idea of humour is “bet I can kick a dead baby further than any of you”, but she’s pretty upbeat and more or less tolerated by the others. Things become awkward when the group finds out she used to be a crime boss and would-be slaver in life. She says something like “well, am I not allowed to make a new start?”, but she does have the decency to look embarrassed at least. Someone says “maybe she just wanted friends for once” and Nara throws them the most maybe so look of the century

There are some other heroes that I have yet to figure out how to work into the group dynamics and story, like Grezhul for example, as he’s one of my most used heroes now, or Oden, who has also become one of my faves. I do know Oden absolutely makes dad jokes, for a start.

That’s it so far, notice how all of these are wholesome and mostly gay? Yea that is how I roll. The AFK heroes have suffered enough in canon, only positive vibes around here and also I’m queer as shit bye

#afk arena #afk arena headcanons

[touchmycoat]

kinktober: day 5

Day 5: Subspace

I’m venturing into the realm of sub!Marco for the next few days

safeword!anon I hear you, and it’s something i’ve been thinking about and planning for and researching on for a while!! so far, this is the closest i’ve come: pre-scene emotional safewording lmfao (I’d really, really love to work out a full concept with actual safewording during a scene tho)

comeplay anon i hear you too i’mma take us there with the rest of this fic

part of the Second Chances verse

(first section is subtitled, “Ace and Sabo have clearly been to therapy, but make questionable decisions anyways”)

//

“Honestly I think he'd cry.”

Sabo blinked, slowly drawing his fingers out of the mess of den den mushi security wires and add-ons, etc., that he'd been absentmindedly working on throughout the conversation.

“In a good way?” he asked, dropping the glibness he tended to favor in discussions about Marco. For that, Ace was grateful. Not that he's ever bought Sabo's preferred facade of cool and crass, but it was still nice to see it fully falling away when it mattered.

“I don't know,” Ace replied earnestly. He too turned his full attention to Sabo, sensing the potential for seriousness simmering in the words between them. Whatever they decided today would have major impact on what happened with Marco, next time they were all together. “I mean, does he even like this stuff?”

“'Course he does.” Sabo sounded certain in the way he sounded when he wasn't. “It's been like, six months.”

“Well yeah, I know we're not forcing him or anything like that.” The words stuck uncomfortably to his throat, but Ace knew he had to get them out. He hadn't been sitting on this, at least not consciously—but he was only now beginning to realize, on this deceptively easy-going afternoon, catching up with Sabo, how much this had been unconsciously bothering him. “But going along with whatever we want? That's kind of his thing isn't it?”

“So you're saying,” Sabo's tone was like gathering storm clouds, while his body language went completely still and precise, like the alignment of a blade-edge, “that his ancient, crusty ass has been wanting vanilla fucking sex this entire time—”

“Okay, he's not a total pushover, I wouldn't go that far—”

“—but that he's probably been holding back and not telling us what he actually wants, out of some misguided idea of letting us explore ourselves or whatever? That sounds possible?”

Ace sat in confirming silence, frowning and letting his palms sink deeper into the bed. Sabo scowled, vicious and protective.

“Ace, your boyfriend's a bastard.”

“What, have you dumped him already?”

“I'll have killed him already. Next time you see him he'll be a decomposing corpse. Ace. Ace. If that's what he's really doing I can't be held responsible for what I'll do to his idiot ass—”

“You know how sometimes,” Ace said loudly, interrupting the tirade, “insecurities get the better of us?”

It was, in fact, something they've talked at length about. Ace could see Sabo visibly retrace his steps to anger, struggling to deflate.

“I mean, how did we even get here?” Ace was retracing the steps himself, trying to process all the sparking under his skin that's making him want to jump headfirst into the nearest bar fight. “We were only talking about the possibility of tying Marco up.”

“You had to get real with the crying thing,” Sabo grumbled. Ace idly kicked at him, boots thumping against his shins and leaving dust marks on his trouser legs. “Fine. Are we being irrational?”

Seriously considering the question, Ace could tell that Sabo read the answer on his face before he even had to say it.

“No,” Ace announced warily anyways. “I don't think we are.”

“We have to talk about it.” With him? Sabo wrinkled his nose. “I'd much rather just beat him up. You hold him, I punch.”

“Well hey,” Ace said, brightening up, “there's an idea.”

“You want to—” Marco was so surprised, he actually pushed Ace away to arm's length. That was probably a good sign, Ace thought. “Really?”

Sabo, draping himself all over Ace from behind the way he knew got Marco all kinds of riled up, grabbed hold of Marco's forearm. Hard. All three of them eyed the point of contact and its obvious part in the play.

“Is it so surprising?” Sabo asked, voice giving none of his underlying anxiety away. It made Ace uncomfortable, keeping something from Marco (particularly something as sensitive as this), but they had agreed this was the only way to truly see what Marco was doing. Besides, it didn't have to go too far. All Marco had to do was say no.

“From you? No yoi. But from you?” Marco turned back to Ace, not incredulous but still generally puzzled. Ace swallowed. “Ace? You really want this too?”

Ace could feel the weight of Sabo on him like reassurance, but he could also feel the warmth of Marco in front of him like... some call to morality, perhaps. It's not like Sabo was pressuring him to do things this way—in fact, this was Ace's idea to begin with. There was just an aura of deceit about this whole scheme, one that wasn't necessarily benign and harmless, that made Ace question his own starting judgment.

And yet, if Ace were to take the question at face value, the answer wouldn't fully be no. If Marco had asked, before this whole mess of insecurities cropped up, the answer still wouldn't have been no. Ace was curious, after all. Wasn't that the point of this whole endeavor, to explore and satisfy curiosities with trusted lovers?

(Wasn't that the shatterpoint of this issue, to be able to trust Marco in their exploration together? Instead, Marco had, unexpectedly, left them unmoored in quicksand, untethered on the high seas with their doubts about the nature of Marco's constant agreement to their requests.)

(No, Ace would go through with this. Anything, really, to get to the heart of this.)

“Yes,” Ace answered, and even Sabo reeled, just a bit, clearly having thought Ace would call the whole thing off. Marco wasn't quite frowning, but that wasn't the expression he typically reserved for Ace either. “I do. But if it's not something you want, Marco, we don't have to do it.”

Marco, clearly deliberating, looked between Sabo and Ace, searching for something that Ace couldn't figure out. Looked down at Sabo's hand.

“Tonight?”

Sabo shrugged, insouciance a total feint. “Why not?”

Say no. We know you don't want this. Just say no.

“Okay,” Marco answered with a shrug of his own, though one of the more wide-eyed variety. “If it's what you really want, that's fine by me yoi.”

Both Ace and Sabo must've done—something with their faces, because at once Marco's expression shifted, and he held out both hands in a placating gesture to pause. Sabo's fell away, leaving a red-rimmed white handprint behind.

“Or,” Marco said slowly, “you can tell me what this is really about, before we break out all the chains and whips yoi.”

“Marco—” When Ace started speaking in a rush of breath, Sabo straightened from his calculated drape, but left a squeeze the back of Ace's neck in clear support. Marco saw the gesture for what it was, and frowned. “We need to ask you something.”

Anything, yoi. That was what Marco's eyes said, but somehow, with great intuition, he said instead, “go ahead.”

“Why would you say yes?” The frustration manifested like kindling catching. Ace's hand moved in a gesture of corresponding feeling, and to his dismay, when he accidentally brushed against Marco, Marco pulled away. “We know you don't want this. How can you just agree to whatever we want to do?”

“Was this a test?” For a moment, Ace thought he saw a flash of anger in Marco's eyes, before they went blank. Maybe the squeeze to Ace's neck that time was a gesture of warning from Sabo, but Ace could hardly deflect now.

“Yes.”

Ah, it hadn't been anger, it had been hurt. Marco had never been overly invested in hiding away these sorts of feelings, and the hurt came across clearly now, as he drew his arms up to cross over his chest. Sabo insinuated a gesture like he wanted to reach out, but a quick warning glance from Marco left it unmanifested. It left Marco closed off, completely apart from them, and Ace instantly felt a wave of regret for not stopping this when he could've.

“And what exactly were you testing for?”

“We thought you might be agreeing to everything we want without actual thought to what you want,” Sabo stated bluntly. It was the bluntness born out of guilt though, the tone of confession before the guillotine came dropping down.

“And what,” Marco asked through gritted teeth, “gave you that idea?”

“Are you kidding?” Ace replied faintly. “It's all you do.”

The silence sat like dust motes in the air, present, but unmanageable. Left to float and irritate with no chance that Ace could catch it in a nervous palm. Sabo's hand too floated away, leaving the three of them islands unto themselves, distinct and disparate bodies occupying the same breathing space. Marco's breathing space, Marco's bedroom. Ace wondered if he and Sabo should get out, got more and more ready to bolt with each passing second.

Which made Ace's flinch all the more jarring when Marco suddenly dropped his arms with a sigh. He still looked guarded when he gestured with open palms at his bed.

“Look, can we sit?”

(cont’d)

#kinktober 2019 #marcoacesabo #kink negotiation #they're really doing their best #ALL of them #look marco you don't got the safest concept of boundaries #there's a paragraph in here that i kinda hate but i'll edit it later #when i'm finishing the whole fic #it's a necessary transition rn

[i7scenarios]

(1/?) Hello! Okay... whew. I’ll start by saying I had a really hard time typing this up and made an ordeal of it because I struggled to actually write anything positive about myself (which I think must be telling of my personality lol!). That being said, I’m really excited to see what you have to say. I apologise if it seems overly negative or if I didn’t give you much to work with despite how dang long this will be! ( I’m embarrassed about the length. I am SO sorry!) Okay here I go pfff 🙈

(2/?) I guess before I inevitably say anything heavy about my personality (pff) I will tell you about my hobbies. I don’t have many outside of playing i7 and watching anime to be honest (I’m probably super boring). I have a very obsessive personality and tend to spend long chunks of time with just a few hyperfixations and will be content with those same things occupying my time. (For example, I’ve been watching [Musical+Anime] Touken Ranbu for like... hours a day since June last year 🙈).

(3/?) I do love watching new anime as it airs though, especially because it’s something routine week to week and gives me something to look forward to or something I know will be there. Aside from that I do play a few video games (mainly animal crossing and harvest moon, but I also like persona 5, the BNHA game, and other rhythm games like hatsune miku). I love to sing very much, but I don’t think I’m good at all haha. I also love to create things when I have the energy or drive to do it.

(4/?) I’ve kinda lost motivation to do anything, but I used to loooove making AMVs and drawing and generally being artistic. At least now I still do artistic things like make funny/dramatic Instagram videos or occasional cosplay! I used to be an actress and dancer (though I was kicked out of hip hop because my movements were “too fluid” LOL so I stuck with ballet) and still enjoy dancing, but not... the professional way I used to lol.

(5/?) I had to quit because of compound injuries, and then I got real chubby haha. I think by now I must have lost all of my skill in both dance and theatre (I still very much have the theatrical and entertainment driven mindset, but I don’t think I could ever get on stage again.) I love to read as well... less books and more manga now though. I don’t often have energy to do it (I struggle really, really hard with executive dysfunction in both self care and hobbies ^^;)

(7/?) Tying in with that, I love to collect things! You know this probably because we’ve done box splits together before hehe, but I have a very treasured collection of goods that I recently got a glass case for. Decorating my home and displaying my figures (which I only this past year started collecting) or posters/straps/etc is something that really brings me joy, and I guess I do consider it a hobby. Does napping count because I’m also an expert napper! Hehe okay enough of hobbies I think.

(8/?) As for my personality.. I’m a very loyal person, although sometimes to a fault. I rely heavily on my intuition for everything, but mainly when it comes to people and determining the depth of relationships. I’m super contradictory to myself tho, so I will have no trouble cutting people from my life if I’ve decided I don’t need them anymore, but then I’ll have people that I allow to walk all over me or that I will allow to have a hold on me long after I’ve managed to get away from them.

(9/?) I know that I am a handful and people only have so much patience. I don’t want to force anyone to deal with me for very long. It really doesn’t matter how good someone is to me or how much they express unconditional love.. I can’t quite stop thinking that I’ll be abandoned sooner or later, and that affects every part of how I live. I struggle to allow myself to accept love and kindness because I don’t think I deserve it, and I don’t want to get used to it because it won’t last anyhow 😅

(10) All that being said, I guess I do crave affection and love... though I tend to be a bit of a tsundere about it. Okay I’m a massive tsundere unfortunately LOL I’ll just admit it. I’m afraid of it, but I’m a hopeless romantic at heart. I’m very soft and easily hurt even though I try to be tough... I’ve experienced a lot of various abuse at the hands of men and my mother throughout my entire life, and I try to say that I’m immune to things by now, but I’m not 🙈

(11) I’m very much a crybaby and I probably always will be. (No really. I cry at the drop of a hat!) But yeah.. because of all that stuff, I find it difficult to speak to men sometimes, and I have mild touch-aversion especially with men (this is probably why I find so much comfort in seiyuu and 2D boys, but this isn’t a therapy session lololol). I DO like physical affection like hugs, but I’m a little slow to get used to it I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Ironically though, I do get lonely very easily.

(12) I like to be alone, but I also get incredibly sad quickly when I’m alone. I’m introverted and picky about who I can spend extended physical time with. My only close friends live rather far away from me, but as long as I can text or be on the phone with them I’m okay! So...I CAN enjoy physical alone time as long as I can still be in contact with loved ones even when we can’t be in the same room (if all that makes sense. I’m rambling).

(13) I’ll try to get my bad traits out of the way quickly and end with a couple positive things about myself.. ah I’m sorry. Let’s see.. I’m very easily annoyed. I don’t know if it’s a side effect of my mental illness or if it’s just a negative trait I have, but I’ve been like that as long as I can remember. I’m very picky and particular about most things, and if I feel out of control in a situation I WANT to control, I tend to snap and lash out.

I pair you with .....

Momo!

Momo is very sensitive to your past trauma, even if you have a hard time being physical with someone, Momo’s upbeat personality and nature are like a warm hug itself. The fact you were injured and had to stop dancing is something Momo can relate to. He struggled really hard when he got injured and his career in soccer was over. You understanding that pain means a lot to him. He is totally cool with you being an anime/game fangirl. After all, after his loss with soccer, he found Re:vale to fill that void and became a massive fanboy himself ^^. He loves to sing with you, helping you with lessons like how Yuki helped him. After all he struggled a lot when he started as well ^^ Momo is extremely loyal and is always thinking about others over himself. You can trust him fully, and know that he isn't going to go anywhere. He will always show you the brightest smile when he sees your face

[that-latino-guy-blog]

Why I cried over my grades and why they don´t matter so much now.

 Hello, My name is Emanuel, I´m Latino so I am very sorry for my poor English, recently I started a year in my school that has me very stressed, I have to pick an specialty and basically figure my life out.

 The problem is

 I DON´T KNOW HOW. 

 Now, I consider myself an acceptable artist in drawing, the thing is, that is not going to led me anywhere, I would have to be touched by an angel to even think about having a career related to my drawings, so keeping my life safe, I decided I would just pick something that would help me later study the most boring thing I have ever known about. Being an English teacher, because, well, I kind of know how to speak English and I am still young, so I can make that happen, I can find a job, I can earn money, I can be independent, I can pay taxes, I can survive. ( ♩ ♪ ♫)

 Since I was young I didn’t know what to study, no, I didn’t want to study, I always thought I was going to be an artist, i was going to be in a band, i was going to write a book, etc. Obviously, all of that disappeared from my mind since the first time i put my foot in a classroom. It´s been almost two years since i haven’t draw, I try to pick up a pencil sometimes and doodle, but I can’t, I don’t have the same feeling I had before, I don’t enjoy as much as I used to, I can only think about the exams I have to study for, about getting my grades up, about studying this English thing for free cause i don’t have money to pat university, about getting into this specialty, about giving my mami and my siblings the life they deserve. I don’t have time to draw or sing or do whatever thing i want to do, what I can do tho, is study.

 So when I memorize every formula, and I pay attention during class, and I use all my free time to study to get a good grade, it is obvious that I would feel kinda bad when the grade is not enough, and it only makes my final grade worse, and my possibilities of a chance in this thing become smaller and smaller. 

 However, I take it out on crying when my mami gives me a hug before going to school, I cry at bed at night, I cry at the front of the class when no one has arrived yet, i cry in the bathroom of the school, I cry in front of my computer while trying to write and essay. 

 I cry over my grades because here, they define my future, they define who im going to be, what future I will give my mami, and that´s the worse thing, I want her to be happy, because she has suffered so much in her life and I feel with all my heart that she deserves the best things in the world, that is what makes me cry and punch my arms and stay up studying till one am in the morning just to normalize my grades and give her the promised things. 

 I am smart, just not at math, not at biology, not at chemistry, I have other things in my head, but my chance in this world is written in a white paper that will tell rich white men if I can do my job right or not. 

 So after all this, you can imagine how I felt when my mami looked me into the eyes with this sadness only she has and told me that she didn’t care about grades, that she wanted me with her, healthy and fine, that she was happy with me and only me, that after everything she didn’t want me to lose my head again. it made me realize, I don’t know how much time i have with her and I can´t spend my time studying all day for something that doesn’t matter to the only person that matters. I don’t think that grades define who I am, I think that after getting kicked out of school for self harming, after going to therapy, after dealing everyday with depression, after crying so much, after watching my mami so sad and worried that I was going to die, they don’t matter as much as they used to.

 What I want to tell you by writing this is, is that the school system is trying to turn you into another computer to compete another cycle, don’t let them, because I nearly gave up on everything I loved just to live miserably till I died of stress, look at what you have now, I know that I have my mami, and I need her, and she needs me, I hope you can find your own person to talk to and be safe around, together, we can change things, we can give every kid a new chance to choose based on what they really love doing.

#self experience #basically me trying to explain something in my very poor english #im very sorry #long post #long story #the school system is bad #school #school system #hope you could think about your own school experiences #writing

[snapsnapmyturtleback-blog]

Headcannons for the Group Therapy fic thing cuz it was requested like twice that I continue this so. I might do a fic later, no promises.

This also includes stuff already mentioned in the fic ‘Group Therapy’ which I wrote :D

I know someone else made some headcannons that i kind of base some of these on ? but i read a lot of headcannons so i dont exactly know which are based and what theyre based on. Sorry.

-Eddie has social anxiety and is a huge germaphobe

-He and Stan bond over cleaning things and how neat things should be.

-Eddie is very nurturing and will disregard his germaphobia if it means he can comfort someone

-also very badass ??? Eddie will use all of his first aid kit for his friends and he’ll punch people in the face if they mess with them

-Eddie is the only one that Stan will touch him bc Stan knows that this kid washes his hands more than Richie makes crude jokes and he basically bathes in hand sanitizer so he’s the cleanest

-Eddie is so good at handling emotional episodes and panic attacks that the others go through ?

-Like he’s internally freaking tf out but in the outside he’s so cool and collected that it’s hard to feel threatened around him

-has like friend crushes on everyone ? Like he only wants to date Richie but he loves he others so much that he hates being apart from them

-Stan has OCD and is obsessed with the number three.

-He prefers Stan over Stanley because Stan Uris is three syllables.

-Everything in his room is sorted in three; pants, shorts, and underwear. Polos, button ups, and t shirts. Etc.

-Everything he does is in sets of three and he’s constantly bullied bc of the panic attacks he’ll get during class or when he helps the teacher clean up and ends up sort everything in the classroom into threes.

-Stan’s dad took him birdwatching in an attempt to get Stan out of the house but at the same time keep him in a calm environment and he loved it so much so now they regularly go birdwatching for exactly three hours

-Stan goes to school two hours early so he can arrive at six and he is allowed to leave three minutes before everyone else so he doesn’t have to come in contact with people

-for the first week of school, they forced Stan to try and be like everyone else and it didn’t work ??

-like he doesn’t know what they expected but he couldn’t do anything bc if he wasn’t having a panic attack, he was compulsively tapping his desk or the wall in threes in an attempt to calm himself down

-Stan wakes up at five thirty am every morning

-he goes to bed at nine pm

-it’s like fucking clockwork and if he’s even a minute off, he’ll be hella upset and no one wants to see Stan upset

-Mike has insomnia and stays awake for days on end.

-He survives purely on coffee from the coffee shop located down the street from the school where the rest of the losers go to

-he’s really good at hiding the bags under his eyes by keeping his head tilted forward so the bags look like shadows and no one looks close enough to tell the difference.

-if it gets bad, he uses make up to cover up the bags under his eyes

-he loves talking to people so much ? Especially kids his age bc he isn’t really exposed to anything back at the farm

-he was actually the only one who was really excited to do the group activity

-Bev and Richie were okay with it bc they knew they’d see each other but Mike was excited !!

-new people to meet and talk to ??? Hell yes !

-he and Ben hang out pretty regularly at the library to find history books and discuss them

-they’ve gotten into some pretty awesome debates that would end abruptly bc they’d get really heated and the two boys would start laughing bc they can’t take each other seriously

-Mike likes to draw and he does it mostly when he can’t sleep

-One time Richie had spilled some water on a picture that Mike was drawing and Mike didn’t talk to Richie for a week and a half

-Ben had to convince him that Richie didn’t mean it and that Richie was probably sorry

-of course Eddie made Richie apologize

-it wasn’t very sincere bc Richie + an apology is just a mess

-but Mike accepted it and forgave him nonetheless

-Bill has mild depression and can see and hear a clown (Pennywise) talk about his brother

-no one else can see this thing so Bill feels like he’s tripping balls 90% of the time

-he can see Georgie too which is why he’s so adamant about finding him alive bc he can’t be seeing Georgie’s dead ghost ?? That’s not allowed ??

-Bills stutter had gotten so much worse after Georgie’s disappearance and at this point he just doesn’t talk in public

-Bev steals money from her father for cigs and weed that she buys from Richie because he charges her a lot less then most of the dealers she’s encountered

-she has like three outfits that she wears but that’s it. Don’t even try to buy her clothes bc she just won’t accept it.

-she smokes her sadness and fear away. That’s how she copes and it’s really not a good habit but she doesn’t really care

-Beverly and Richie smoke up on the rooftops during gym class and sometimes whenever Richie needs a break during whatever class bc the boy gets very overwhelmed very easily ??

-Bev is the only person who can tell when he’s getting overwhelmed and since they had every class except for Spanish and geography, she’ll always pull him aside and go for a smoke whenever he looks tense.

-Beverly is such a fucking babe ? Like she does literally nothing and she’s so pretty ? But she hates compliments with a passion.

-only Richie can compliment her without getting slapped

-I’m living for the Bev and Richie friendship tbh they’re like siblings and will die for each other.

-one time Henry Bowers was hitting on Bev and wouldn’t leave her alone and Richie fucking decked him

-Richie left with a black eye, busted lip, some cuts, and some burn marks (curtsy to Patrick) but it was fucking worth it

-Bev is like 10/10 great at making deals. Patrick and her are actually acquaintances bc Bev gives him new lighters when his run out of fuel from terrorizing people and his weed goes missing all the time so she give him some of hers so he’ll leave her alone

-Ben is so fucking soft ?? I love him so much

-he is literally the embodiment of a book, flower, and warm aesthetic

-Ben cares about people so much ? Like he will fuss about his friends eating but then he will forget (or sometimes purposely) to eat

-he’ll be so into writing poetry for someone cough Bev cough that he’ll just not do his homework or remind himself to stay hydrated

-but what’s weird is that when he reads, he’ll be brought back down. Like the self image problems and the forgetfulness temporarily go away

-he’ll be reading a history book that he borrowed from Mike and suddenly he’ll remember that he hadn’t eaten all day and he’ll ask his mom for something to snack on as he reads

-or maybe he’ll be reading a book for school and then he’ll think “shit when was the last time I had some water ?”

-And he spends most of his free time in the library reading or writing so he knows the librarian personally and uses her first name

-he even has his own little place to go with a mini fridge so he has something to eat whenever it hits him that he needs to do shit to s u r v i v e

-Richie doesn’t even want to go to therapy but it’s helping him so he just deals with it

-Eddie and Bev being there is also a plus

-Richie is broke asf so he basically makes Bev pay for his sessions in exchange for weed

-He steals the weed from Patrick and whenever the school decides to have drug dogs come, he just slips that shit right back into Patrick’s locker

-Richie really likes Eddie ?? And he sees Stan as like a little brother that’s easy to annoy

-he’s indifferent towards Ben and Mike bc like he doesn’t interact with them very much but when he does, they’re okay

-Bill is a fifty fifty. Sometimes Richie respects him bc the dudes brother is dead and here he is getting help that’s pretty fucking cool but other times it’s like shit does this kid ever take less then ten minutes to say something ?? And who tf does he think he is telling Richie what he can and cannot say

-Richie has little to no sexual experience so everything he jokes about is purely based off of what he’s read online

-the little experience that Richie does have is making out with Bev while they’re high

-Richie is always the second to arrive (Stans first, he arrives three hours early) and he’s always the last to leave with Eddie.

-he does the same with school, even if he does skip a lot

-he’s really fucking smart tho so skipping class never fucks with his grades

-he tries to stay out for as long as possible bc the boy doesn’t like staying home alone or with his drunk mom

-he has some anger issues

-he and Bev have a thing where every night they go out and break shit

-he really cares about these idiots in his group therapy

-like he could get extremely annoyed with them sometimes but he will fight for them

-Stan was once trapped in a locker by the Bowers gang and Richie was the one who found him

-Stan was freaking out bc he was in an unsanitary locker and he was supposed to have left two hours ago

-Richie calmed him down and took him home

-now Stan allows both Richie and Eddie to touch him

-Stan is basically Reddie’s son at this point

-Richie steals everyone’s clothes all the time and he just walks into they’re house, except for Bev.

-Knocking is not a concept to this kid and it pisses everyone off

-Richie once walked in on Bev and Ben making out in Bens room. He simply smiled and said “wow the new kids on the block poster must be a real turn on for this sex fest, eh ?” and left

-Richie now has a burn mark on his collarbone from Bevs cigarette

-Richie has to take like three different medications and when they were trying to figure out the dosage, it was a rough couple of weeks

-basically these kids are all fucking messed but we love them anyways

#therapy group fic #tylers au #headcannons #reddie #benverly #but just a little bit #i love my children #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #stan uris #ocd!stan #mike hanlon #ben hanscom #beverly marsh #bill denbrough #the losers club #it 2017

[isamariejones-blog]

( hey demons it’s ya boi ( or girl idc at this point the gender of the day? cheetos )  jinx and i’m here with my one of my fave ocs isabella jones!! i hope everyone is doing well and pls like this if you’d like to plot and i’ll come bother u! )

is that ( isabella 'isa' jones )? i think i saw the ( thirty-one ) year old ( cis-female ) ( candy store manager & owner ) in the town square earlier. the ( deborah ann woll ) lookalike could be described as ( kind ), but also be considered ( overthinking ). i heard someone in town say ( she ) was the town’s ( heart of gold ), but only time can tell if that’s true or not !

AESTHETIC: always having a deck of cards & candies in her pockets & purses, sugar, curiosity, rain, worn hardback books, broken paper back spines, courage that doesn’t roar, learning to abandon masquerades but having trouble not telling white lies, a fire crackling, exploding when you least expect it, hiking trails. fighting through the fear, recovering one day at a time, forcefully finding peace & screaming off a mountain top. PINTEREST: [ x ]

triggers: eating disorder tw ( i will specifically label it ), illness tw, death tw, drinking tw, drugs tw

quick points before her bio!!!

don’t call her bella, bells, you can use isabella but that’s usually if you know her, she’ll usually introduce her name as isa. Edgelord obviously™

Tired Mom Friend

comes from a wealthy af family that owns a small string of candy stores around the US. one in chicago, one in san francisco  and one in new york!!

if u ever hear this lady raise her voice LMK!!! or run cause she is v soft spoken

she wants to travel the world and climb everywhere and honestly wants to backpack through europe all that eat pray love shit and !!! has not

loves nature tho! a hoe for nature

probs an annoying white person who’ll suggest u try yoga for something wild but SHE MEANS WELL she just likes yoga

*NSYNC VOICE* BI BI BI ( BI BI )

just a heads up – i have extensive experience and have done research w/ eating disorders, and im not here to glamorize it, use it as a plot device etc. still, i will tag it so it doesn’t trigger anyone else!!!

BIOGRAPHY ( it’s long sorry ):

Born on the cusp of winter and spring, March 21,1986, was a day her parents, Michael and Amelia Jones, cherished. They were two highly respected FBI Agents who had been trying for the longest time to conceive children — their  window of opportunity was running out. It was their only way they could think of keeping their marriage together, especially after the war. Both had been through a great deal, including losing two of their previous children ( due to backlash from various enemies they’d made on the job )  and found themselves irreparably changed — but scared of being alone. In turn, they clung to each other and decided to build a new life — starting by restarting a family. Her mother who was almost too old and weathered to have children, went to doctor after healer, trying everything she could to have a child. Finally, their miracle of miracles, Isabella Marié Jones was born.

They spoiled their daughter rotten and made sure she was educated in absolutely anything and everything from a young age. Her mother, Amelia, was harder on her daughter than her father was. Especially when it came to food and appearance. She wanted her daughter to be the epitome of perfection but not only that, to grow up a strong woman. Amelia felt by being tough on her daughter, this would cultivate a strong exterior. While this did happen, Isabella was also utterly miserable. Instead of playing games with the other children in their new Chicago suburb, Isabella was learning languages like Spanish, French, German, and just injected with all kinds of knowledge she didn’t really want at the time. Happy was what she wanted, and happiness to her was in the form of being free, especially from these expectations — but going outside to play would do.  Isabella never got the chance and eventually gave up trying to fight her parents, and ultimately instead started trying to please them.

Still, the absence of the children they should have had, weighed heavily on Isabella’s shoulders. Late at night when they thought their prized daughter was asleep, her parents would bicker and cry about how much they missed their other children. Amelia and Michael blamed each other — and all this made Isabella want to do was make them happy even if it meant sacrificing her own happiness. The only truly happy childhood memories Isabella could draw around her childhood revolved around food — which was a great coincidence seeing as her uncle owned a self made business, 'Jonesin' For Sugar' Candy Shop . She was always completely entranced when she went in, and Andrew and Arabella Jones always gave her the parental love she desperately needed and was lacking. Once her mother saw her love sweets she nicknamed her daughter  “Belly”, in an attempt to maybe get her to lay off the candies. It didn’t really work, so her mother’s primping and comments became frequent.

Isabella tried to be what they wanted and it never seemed to be enough even when Isabella became the perfect daughter they wanted her to be. Involved on sports teams, community outreach, perfect grades. Still, to them, Isabella felt just average at best especially when at her preppy private school she never seemed to be the top of her class or the president of their student government. She was always either second best or fell further behind. The girl was under such pressure, one day she just snapped and yelled at her parents, telling them what she thought. Her parents then started to fight, and blaming each other.  In turn, Isabella once again felt she had to make them happy. The cycle continued.

[ !!!! eating disorder tw !!!! ] It was in the beginning of her Junior year that Isabella fully started to feel her parents pressure. Food became a comfort, and she’d often sneak to her uncle and aunts shop to binge on sweets whenever she was nervous or anxious about something. Then, because she felt guilty for eating so much, she’d force herself to throw it up. This became a coping mechanism, and it gave her a sense of calm until it just became something she couldn’t stop. Bulimia was something all her own, something her parents didn’t control. Something she was good at. [ eating disorder tw end ]

[  eating disorder mentions, drugs mention ] At the start and for a long time after that, Isabella’s life became a blur. She maintained her grades, but starting hanging around the wrong side of Chicago -- getting into drugs, drinking, promiscuous sex and even drug dealing for a thrill. After she graduated, her parents practically forced her into her first stint at a treatment center but left when she realized it would interfere with her classes at Northwestern if she stayed any longer. Isabella ended up taking a lot of shifts at her uncle’s store, Jonesin’, and when her uncle fell ill — they trusted her to take care of the store. Since her aunt was always taking care of her husband, they gave complete ownership to Isabella — who felt completely bound to it. Her and her eating disorder were in a hellish like equilibrium as she graduated with a generic degree in Business. To try to cope further with it, she went back into the cycle she fell into during high school ( though, she never really stopped ) -- excessive drinking, meaningless sex, drugs occasionally ( it wasn’t AS bad as high school, she tried to convince herself ) on nights because being in her head was too much to handle. She clung to it, it was her, an escape but knew after a while that those were horrible behaviors to have as well as a disease that ate away at her. Self awareness came slow, but it did, finally come. 

The years she was supposed to use finding herself and discovering who she was have been used to help with Jonesin’ and fuel her disorder. At age 29, she finally looked into treatment and luckily her parents supported her financially but barely emotionally, but it was enough. Isa didn’t know much about what she wanted to do with her life, but she knew it wasn’t destroying herself. Finally, with a residential treatment center in Colorado and Isa opening up to and getting support from some friends – she got better. She became more open. She fought for herself and her sanity and has been in recovery for over two years, healthier than she’s been before.  [  eating disorder mentions end ]

Her parents helped run the family candy store that her aunt and uncle were too ill to do, and as the years went by it gained traction. They opened two more stores, but as Isa raved about how amazing Colorado was -- they figured opening a store in a small town atmosphere would be a risk they were willing to take as well as a good business opportunity without as much competition like Ghiradelli and such. They figured it would also be good to have Isa there, to run the store, overlook it and since she feels indebted to her parents as well as chained to Jonesin’ she agreed -- though she did love Colorado too. She moved there about a year ago after completing intensive outpatient in the city. 

You’ll more than likely see Isabella walking around with a bright smile, walking around, talking with her customers, getting to know each in every one of them. Isa is very caring, extremely kind, but also very nice which sometimes make people think she’s a pushover which she’s really not ( anymore ). She does like to please people, something she’s still not managed to shake off as time has gone by and what really tethers her to Jonesin’ but she’s trying to make the best of it. Being very soft spoken, it’s been really hard for Isa to stand up for herself as well, something she’s working on. She still goes to therapy because even though she’s been behavior free for a couple years, she still wasn’t completely recovered or healed from what years of self destruction did to her. Isa has a quiet fire and she’s doing everything she can to fight & think for herself. 

negative traits: overthinking, guarded, distant, defensive, overly logical

positive traits: maternal, kind, witty/has a sense of humor, intelligent

#goldenintro #( trying to find the power in me | about & musings. ) #im TRYING #i gotta go for a bit but ill be back

[whale-shark-queen]

You mentioned fucked up weird AUs in your one post? I'm interested. Tell me about your favourite one(s)!!

AAAaaaah thank you so much!!

Uhhhhhhh heck most of them involve N turning into some horrible Thing because he’s the Estranged Outsider with a Connection to the Bad Guys Even If It’s Not Willingly (yknow like how Eren from snk is a titan shifter or Rin from blue exorcist is part demon) and all of them involve vuvuzelashipping (Nxall the Nuvema lot) I don’t really have a single favourite but I’ll summarize the ones I like most (also note that some of them are good dad Ghetsis/Dadsis aus because u gotta balance out the angst somehow plus dadsis aus are Cool)

Under the cut because I literally can’t summarise for shit and I’m sure no one wants to scroll past 3 pages worth of this (mobile users I apologise since the app is SHIT and refuses to even acknowledge these) 

Also here’s a bit of an index so u can skip to ones that sound interesting instead of going through them all but first u should ask nationalharmonica about her aus bc I love all of hers and they’re awesome and need more love and she also helped with alot of these aus too!! ESPECIALLY the Dragonflower au which I won’t include here because I think she has it on her blog somewhere already.  If ur wondering why I haven’t posted any of these it’s because a) i have neither the skill, time or patience to draw up proper references for all of the characters involved and b) I’m always worried theyll seem too Out There for some people but here we go au masterpost i guess, if anyone reading would like more info feel free to ask!!!

Bacterial Contamination inspired au aka bacterial pestileNce

BotW au

Ib au

PMMM au (the longest one)

Plasma/Aether swapover, N wins+UB monochromeshipping au

Simple fNaf dadsis au

sister locatioN dicksis au (yes I have two for that because I only found out about the secret springtrap cutscene at the end of SL that changes everything the other day)

Nombie (dadsis) au

isolatioN au- Au based on the song Bacterial Contamination.  N goes to the snobbiest most pretentious school you can imagine only because his ex mafia boss dad wants the best for him.  N hides the fact he’s being relentlessly bullied until a teacher phones Ghetsis up asking why N is in such a state whenever he comes into school (BC bruises and cuts and looking roughed up in general).  N goes to therapy and gets meds but surprise they’re an experimental drug and he’s a bug boy now

- BotW au where Touya is Link, Cheren as Revali, Bianca is Mipha and Touko is Zelda.  Ghetsis (who is kinda like Demise if he hung around to make sure his curse worked) is the king of a neighboring region who’s a bit of a warmongering asshole but his son N is friends with princess Touko and her…ahem, associates, which is the only reason Touko’s dad stays civil with him at all.  He uses this to his advantage and infects N with the Malice and reveals his plan to take over Unova, knowing fine well that N would run away to Touko for help.  The truth is he’d set up N to be a ticking time bomb and eventually he becomes the Calamity.  After the whole ~100 year coma and releasing the divine beasts~ thing Touya only remembers who N is after killing him but dw there’s a blood moon just as Touko is sealing the Malice away and N’s freed spirit is brought back to become a friendly giant fluffy spider boy just because I said so

- Ib au with N as Mary (obv Ghetsis is Guertena) except instead of going crazy and trying to kill everyone and being burned up and dying himself the toutous make him sit in the frame while they drag it out of the portal to the real world: problem solved.  I have all this stuff about the others being able to step into his frame but he can’t leave unless someone else draws him so he can possess the drawing but I won’t go into it here BC this post is gonna be long enough already

-Okay I have two madoka aus because possibilities for N are Ndless but I’ve only really developed the dicksis version whereas I only have a witch design for a possible dadsis version so here’s the dicksis one.  The first: Ghetsis is kinda like Walpurgisnacht and N was originally a familiar that represented Ghetsis’ interest being only in things that directly oppose him who was becoming powerful enough to become a witch of his own.  Not wanting him to have even a fraction of power himself Ghetsis transformed him into a human shape, gave him sentience and intelligence and as close to a pure heart as possible so he would be easier to manipulate and led him to believe that magical girls/boys hunt down innocent witches for fun and have witches trapped in their soul gems and tasks N with stealing people’s soul gems to ‘free the witch inside’.  The problem is that the alteration gave N the mindset of ‘innocents who aren’t involved must be protected at all costs’ rather than Ghetsis’ mindset of ‘don’t give a fuck about anyone unless they’re a problem’.  N is also sent to integrate into human society so that he can find magical peepos easier so he ends up coincidentally going to school with the Nuvema kiddos.  He ends up becoming friends with them until he finds out Cheren and Bianca are magicas (I’m just gonna call them that for simplicity) but even though the toutous arent magicas they still support them which is all very upsetting and conflicting for N but he tries his best to protect the witches and steal more soul gems until the others eventually call him out on it and prove to him that the shit Ghetsis told him is bull.  When he goes to confront him about it it’s too late, Ghetsis has absorbed enough witches to become a Walpurgisnacht-like entity, and finally allows N to become a witch.  I’ll link the drawings I’ve done of him but basically his labyrinth would be like a puppet theater and even tho hes the witch he’d have this fuckin giant messed up ghetsis-lookin puppet master familiar who pulls at his strings and coordinates his attacks.  There’d be an audience of masked figures that look like all the magicas he’s caused the deaths of, tiny animals with scissors to represent his wish for freedom and also his fear of his ‘father’ since they never actually get to cut the strings holding him up, and figures that look a heck of a lot like the nuvema kiddos watching in a balcony.  This is all tied into a theory I came up with that almost all the witches are able to be saved since yknow how Homura had that figure of Madoka locked away and Madoka was able to bring her back, and how Sayaka had the violin guy and Charlotte had that doll that probably represents her dead mother? My guess is that if the people those figures represent are brought to the witch and reach out to them the magical girl inside would be able to be freed.  But yeah since N was never really a human the Nuvema kiddos can only really save a fraction of his conscious and he ends up like Bebe.  They all beat the shit out of Ghetsis and everyone lives happily ever after with their pocket witch bf

- the au where 1) plasma and aether are sort of swapped around and 2) N beats the toutous in the final battle.  This is actually based on nationalharmonica’s courtesaN au which is awesome BTW (but it doesn’t involve actual courtesans or N being a courtesan at all but its Sarah’s au so if you’re interested you should totally ask her about it).  Ghetsis keeps Touko and Touya prisoner and just to rub it in their faces blackmails Cheren and Bianca into joining and doing sciency experiment shit which ends up with Touko and Touya becoming UB fusions/hybrids themselves; Touya with Kartana and Touko with Celesteela.  Ofc in the later stages they are able to destroy their place of confinement and escape with Cheren and Bianca to find N who becomes understandably fucked off and upset that his friends have been put through all this shit but begs them not  to kill Ghetsis so he can ask what’s going on.  When he does Ghetsis stabs him with a syringe full of UB fusion shit because he knows fine well hes gonna die he just wanted a final ‘fuck you’ before he is killed by both fire and paper cuts.  Surprise! It’s a Guzzlord.  N becomes a big squishy boy. I’ve done drawings of N in human Guzzlord fusion/hybrid form but I’ve been afraid of posting it but uh if anyones interested i will

- Simplified fNaf dadsis au - basically N and the Nuvema kiddos are the ones that were killed and stuffed in the animatronics, Ghetsis owns the place but risks going bankrupt pouring money into helping find the culprit and also his son and his friends when they’ve been stuck in the one restaurant he kept open to stay afloat.  Nate is the new nightguard and they decide to fuck with him to get rid of some of the boredom of being alone together in the one building for like…30 years or so.  In the end they fess up and make Nate pizza as an apology and they’re chill again

- sister locatioN dicksis au - I already summarised a thing i wrote of it in response to an anon but I’ll include here too.  Once again Ghetsis owns all the shit with the animatronics.  Anthea and Concordia get killed by one of them when they were young so years later Ghetsis sends N down to ‘free’ them (surprise he only wanted to get rid of N) but since their spirits have been fused into one hideous amalgamation of animatronics they’ve gone a bit loopy and want to leave.  The whole scooping room thing ensues and they accidentally turn their brother into a zombie

- Nombie au bc Z is a sideways N heheh I ahven’t thought up much of the background for it but it involves Plasma being a pharmaceutical company that is sort of accidentally being the cause of it.  N gets separated from his dad who ends up being the leader of a large group of people in a little town sort of thing they were able to reclaim but is Sad bc he thinks his son is dead which ends up being half true bc surprise N is half immune and ends up being a conscious zombie boy who wears a curtain as a cloak so he doesnt immediately frighten people bc he got his eye shot out by hillbilies, his face scratched up, his throat bitten out and his heart impaled on a pole (hes a freak without a human heart geddit) zombie apocalypse stuff happens

- isolatioN au - basically spawned from the thought of ’what if N was kept even more hidden away/locked up/never even left at all’.  Plasma is instead secretly in the Pokemon poaching/hunting/selling business but are disguised as…well you already know about Plasma.  The nuvema kiddos had varying levels of rough childhood and were desperate for money so they all joined up; the toutous as night guards and the dualrival s as researchers.  Hidden deep in the facility is a certain tree haired manchild who has been kept in a cage for pretty much his entire life.  Ghetsis does a mother gothel and makes out its to keep him safe and brings him Pokemon to ask about where they live and what other kinds of Pokemon live there so that Ghetsis can release them safely back into the wild go hunt for more Pokemon in the area if there’s anything good there

There’s a few more that I have but I won’t include them because im worried it’d be a waste of time if no one takes interest in any of these but uh thanks for asking and reading if you did!!!

#n harmonia #natural harmonia gropius #ghetsis #trainer bianca #cheren #trainer touko #trainer touya #someone is gonna give me hell for putting this shit in the tags i just know it #honestly im terrified of posting this because i cant write or draw for shit #the only thing im vaguely good at is coming up with ideas for things #but here we go

[itsjayyyy]

January 16, 2019 4:51 pm

So on last thursday after that update, I met up with heather for the first time since October. We met up at starbucks, but neither of us bought a drink. She already knew about my moving out because she saw me posting about it on snapchat. I told her all about how my new roommates don’t really talk to me (or do the dishes, or pay rent on time...) and also how my parents didn’t let me have my own bed (she was really shocked at that, which i didn’t understand like girl ive been homeless because of my parents no shit they won’t let me take a bed they bought themselves). I also told her about the whole rose situation, and ofc anna. I thought it was funny how when i told her about the whole “surgery on a porcupine” she was like “how is that possible? you mean she did surgery on those things that fall off of trees?”

After hanging with her, I went home since I had like 5 hours until my next class. rose kept messaging me like “hey are you ready to meet up?” “i can see you’re home now” etc. I didn’t answer, and honestly i was annoyed that she used my location as a weapon, so i left my phone at home when i went to class. Which was kinda annoying tbh, i felt so disconnected without it. (just got sidetracked, but i think when i get my student refund i’m gonna buy an ipod nano 1st gen, which was the first mp3 player i ever had. prob gonna fill it with the 3 vocaloid cd’s i found). After class i went to get a smoothie, then drove home. rose was waiting outside my door for me to get home, and she started going on about “omg i was so worried you weren’t answering my texts etc” we get into my apartment, and i just kinda unloaded onto her (again). just told her how it’s not even just the whole mom situation, but all of them had piled so much hate onto me since i was a kid that i’m incapable of loving myself, and it only frustrates me when they say “don’t see yourself negatively!” it’s like someone breaking your arm and then saying “just use your hand to grab x” without acknowledging that your arm was broken by them. she starts crying (as she always does tbh), then we go to get sushi. 

friday i only had one class (psychology) so i chilled at home most of the day. can’t really remember what i did lol. oh wait i think i hung out with rose, to make up for not hanging out on thursday. yea we chilled at my apartment for a bit, then went to the west side to scoop up peter and get hooter’s. and then i complained about how i started feeling sick, and then called in saturday. i told myself that i would get ahead on my homework and clean my room, but i spent most of the day chilling. the gray cat that hangs around my apartment walked by my window, so i opened it and pet her. She climbed into my room, and i spent a good 3 hours just playing with her. I texted the owner asking if she was pregnant or not (bc she really looked like she was about to give birth) but he texted back saying it was a boy, and neutered. apparently he’s just super cuddly. 

i called in sunday too, since it’s like i already lost an attendance point and i didn’t feel like going to work. i actually was productive that day, like i did laundry and cleaned my room. still getting the depressive episode out of my system, though, so i wasn’t running at full capacity. 

on monday, i checked anna’s twitter (btw after i soft blocked her i felt that she was still looking at my profile tho, like our tweets would mirror each other in mood a lot), and she tweeted “omg i think my crush is flirting with me” so rip my chances with her. and yea i know it wasn’t about me bc outside of class i heard her talking about how they were talking thru snapchat. :c

i really can’t wait until fall when i get transferred to the downtown campus, though. as i was walking up to msb, i saw someone sitting directly next to the entrance. and you can probably guess who it was. I really thought “new semester, new schedule, no more stalker savon waiting outside my classes” but i guess i was wrong. as i sat in the hall waiting for my class to start, I had a minor anxiety attack that i tried to cover up by talking to my classmates and professor about high school funding. luckily in that conversation, i learned that msb has two side exits, so now i have different paths to take. (honestly this whole time i’ve gone here, i thought the “handicap accessible” sign in front of the side entrance was trying to say that wheelchairs should go down the stairs, but my classmate pointed out that it was supposed to say “handicap accessible, up this path to the right,” not directly forward. I took the side stairs after class and basically ran to the garage in case he was following. At home i still had an assignment for comp, which was “visit a place on campus that you’ve never been to before and draw it in a 4-panel comic” (this class is all about multimodal writing) which, by the way, is really only possible for freshmen. as a spohomore, there isn’t a single place on campus that i haven’t been to. except for that side stairwell. so i drew my experiences taking a new staircase as an exit. let me make this journal entry multimodal by adding my comic:

anyways, that comic was apparently way overdrawn, when all of my classmates did simple stick figures at memory mall. kinda felt like wednesday addams wearing a long black dress at summer camp. it was nice tho, gave me a way to express all of my feelings about the whole thing (since i had nobody to talk to). it was like art therapy.

tuesday we had a quiz at the end of calc. i know hindsight’s 20/20, but seriously how the fuck did i fail this class it’s so damn simple. I finished the quiz in a literal 30 seconds and then sat there because i didn’t want to be the first person to finish. all of my classmates looked really deep in thought too, so i started to wonder if i was maybe not doing it right. but then the professor walked by and saw i wasn’t doing anything, so i was like “is this all that we have to do (setting up an integral but not even solving it)” and he was like yea, ur good. surreal.

then i went home and chilled until my evening class, then after that drove to peter’s bc we were gonna hang. so rose remembered that i was coming over, but peter forgot; while peter remembered they invited paul over, but rose forgot. i know that they’re kinda close with paul and all but tbh i don’t really know him that well, and it feels awkward hanging with him. when i told rose that, she was like “but you guys have hung out together, remember that time you got blackout drunk and slept on his bed, i felt like that was a real bonding moment for yall” um no i actually didn’t remember that, probably because i was BLACKOUT DRUNK. anyways i told all of them about anna (since peter and paul didn’t hear the story), then we smoked a little and played comer. We all won a round except for peter lol. then we watched an episode of marie kondo’s show (i wanted them to see how she lowkey looks like a robot), and then i headed home. i got home at like midnight tho, and since we had a sub today in calc, i figured i could skip it. so today i woke up around 10, got on campus at 2 since i was gonna hang with heather (but her boss didn’t let her have a break since she only worked 5 hours so we’re gonna meet tomorrow instead), went to psychology (and we finished the chapter early so no class friday!!!), and since then i’ve been in the library writing this.

here’s my plan for surviving this semester: i’m gonna act like this is fuckin birdbox, but extreme version. he wants to get a reaction out of me, and he’s not gonna. from now on, any time that i’m outside of a building (and even most times that i’m indoors but not in class) I’m going to have headphones in, and look down at the ground (not like directly at my feet, but like looking forward but at the ground ahead of me) or at my phone. that way if he finds me, he still can’t get a reaction bc i’m visibly distracted in the only two senses that he can reach me through. i don’t think he would go as far as to try to touch me, so i should be safe.

i hate that i feel like i’m always on the defensive at my own damn college. i hate feeling like i can’t even walk around freely without being followed. but hopefully i just need to make it to fall, hopefully ucf doesn’t delay the opening of the downtown campus, hopefully i transfer in a few months and can *really* put this all behind me. then it’s all smooth sailing, just gonna go through my final two years at uni, then graduate, get a job in CPS for a few years, then go back to school for my master’s. from there become a licensed clinical social worker, so that i can maybe work for cps but in a hospital setting where i get paid more, buy a house, have a family. get out of orlando. (but i kinda like orlando...)

anyways it’s 6 o clock now, so in about 15 minutes i’m gonna leave the library, use the guidelines i wrote above, use the side entrance, and get to class.