#tho I'm a calm person

[antiloquist]

Playing Lethal Company with randos when you're 20+

#lethal company #lethal company memes #i feel like i'm babysitting half the time #i know they're just kids and want to have fun tho so i'm still nice #i don't engage on like a personal level i just give gentle direction #like 'hey i think i saw some scrap at the entrance; can you please go back and check for me to be sure?' #or like 'be careful buddy i saw everyone else get got by a turret - let me know if you want me to teleport you back' #'let me do quota math for you guys - can you please grab the walkies from the dropship?' #i'm happy to be the mission control back at the ship because i know they have the most fun out there- #-when they're grabbing stuff and smacking monsters #(also i'm a coward and dogshit at combat so i play to my strengths) #and i'll happily answer questions bc my autistic ass loves to teach people new things #and wouldn't you know it? a lot of would-be trolls calm down when you're calm and nice #kill em with kindness as they say #yes i am a tag rambler here but i like to talk

[soldier-poet-king]

Moral purity OCD ever send u into a spiral so bad at work u nearly miss lunch and don't do ur literal job

Instead u spend literally hours reading critical book reviews and working yourself up because oh god oh no someone said something was problematic about a book/show/etc that you love deeply and now ur brain is convinced ur a terrible bad demon person? For consuming the Problematic Content? Even tho in your saner moments you realize this is stupid and the internet has NO capacity for nuance and SURELY there's a middle ground between "I said this was problematic (without basis) and youre morally impure for enjoying it" and "there's is no such thing as privilege or racism or appropriation" SURELY

I also have to stop letting my flight or fight send me into obsessive spirals it's like. Who tf cares if this internet person with poorly formed opinions thinks [thing you love] is problematic! 1) they're probably not correct, but formed out of bad faith internet discourse 2) even if they are correct, problematic isn't contagious and you aren't morally impure for reading smthn supposedly problematic 3) your OCD is morphing a genuine concern about cultural and racial issues into self flagellation because ur white, the same way it takes minor tenents of Christianity and spins them into ways for you to punish and/or damn yourself. 4) disagreement doesn't need to be conflict or mean your bad and wrong. The internet has no nuance and treast disagreement as moral impurity. You were raised in a dysfunctional family where you still live and were trained to see the slightest disagreement or tone of voice as a danger so that is also making the obsessions and fear worse. It's a brain disease.

But also WHAT IF???

Tldr My specific neuroses feed on and magnify the internets lack of nuance or ability to think critically making me convinced I'm a terrible bad person for believing in my ideals and my heart and duty and Goodness, and this leads to a existential pessimism spiral where everything is meaningless and I have no purpose but ALSO I have to punish myself and go to great lengths to prove I'm not A Bad Person because nothing is worse than being a Bad Person (defined by what metrics? Oh that would be too easy, it changes every OCD episode)

#franposting #anyway. today has been bad #im making coffee #yes caffeine but I'm so strung up #that Cafeeine wont hurt more and hot drink sensation tricks the brain into calm #yes this was about hote #yes this Literally came out of Nowhere my brain is the fuckin WORST #im slightly more tired and sun deprived than usual so i guess its time to obsess #and fulfill my moral purity compulsions or else im a bad person with undefined but very bad consequences #and also maybe ppl i love will die and everyone will hate me #i DID get to that review of hote tho. and like goodreads sucks for many reasons #incl bad algorithm and amazon #but i liked review writing. maybe ill do more of it #it was nice not being constrained by the insta word limit #i got nervous about GR reviews before bc comments and what if ppl get mad #(see. my inability to not panic at disagreement and need to be a ppl pleasrr) #but also. fuck that. the internet is lakcing nuance and ppl are dumb #AND ALSO. i know im right (mostly)! #i hold my opinions bc i believe in them so ofc i should be allowed to endorse them! even over silly books!!! #and im allowed to be idealistic and loving and a supporter of the common and ordinary good #that doesnt make me evil

[foxgloveinspace]

saw your tags on my post and i hope you find that ‘spark’ to really go feral over sleep token again! they’re so much fun to be batshit crazy over, there’s just so much going on and they all seem like such genuine dudes i can’t get enough

that post was sparked by seeing a video of vessel sobbing through the end of ascensionism and like i was so done for after that. like physically shaking so i figured i needed a break for a bit 😂

also i think that altar sounds like an awesome idea! as soon as i move my dresser into my new place i’m setting up an altar on it

1). i am trying so hard to get it back, for real for real. I lit the candle I associate with them this morning, and thinking about the *altar thing has helped a bit.

2). share a link👀?? if you still know the video?? even if you don't know the video still, maybe send some others?? I would like to be a menace over them lol.

3). * I am now going to info dump to you about my sleep token altar a bit. Cause I am thinking too much about it lmao.

(readmore cause this got long and something... 'tragic' happened.)

(a little.. background, I am currently irl in the closet for everything including witchy stuff lmao) So far my idea for stuff on it includes: a small back prism, a small whale statue, a small apple pendant (each to represent the three albums). A bottle of oils (the little one I made, but also maybe something like the prayer oil we talked about). The candle I associate with them. I'm kicking around getting the incense holder if it comes back in stock on their website. bones/teeth (wolf, I'm thinking wolf). I'm thinking it'll be a little place on my main/working/creative altar. I might also try to find a tarot deck that i associate with them, I think that would be fun. something else I have been thinking about, but it would be so freaking expensive to do, is making a rosary with the 'offical' -

shit.... fuck shit fuck. I think I just spoiled myself on accident cause of google. I didn't see much but i think an old pic of vessel came up, but fuck google man. I went to google the official scythe pendant and google change sycthe (yes misspelled like that) to members for some reason, I am so confused and actually mad. Ok. I think I have forced my brain to forget. worst google fuck up ever.

ok, so ... trying to move on... I want to make a rosary with the official scythe pendant, some tahitain pearls and some black amber beads. I think that would be so pretty, and nice to hold and maybe wear. ( i know traditionally you don't wear them, but like.... I am making one to a band/fictional god lmao, it's not traditional at all.) but that would be very pricy for a piece of jewelry and I would probably never wear it cause of that haha. it would be like 400$ to be able to get the supplies.

#grumping ahead about the thing that happened in the end of this no spoilers i wouldn't do that to you. #I think I know one first name now. I am pissed. fuck google. I probably know what Vessel looks like fuck.... no spoilers but personally? #i am correct he's pretty. #I have never been so anger at google in my whole life?? why did it do that??? it took the top search from scythe to MEMBERS///// #I have never been more angry about being right about someone being pretty in my whole life fucking fuck. #ok I'll stop complaining it had to happen eventually but i'm pissy now *grump*. #I think.... I've already blocked it from my mind already... I think I know IV's first name tho?? or III's. Poo. I know it was down the list #so it wasn't Vessel's name. ugh. That was so upsetting and especially after the stress of the afternoon. Ugh. #our oven is borked and is putting out co2. so we have no oven for christmas oof. i was gonna make cinnamon rollsssss man. I'm sad. oh well. #I have calmed down by the time I am posting this. but dang I'm very upsetty spaghetti about that. honestly more upset about this then the #oven haha.

[jittyjames]

hi. sorry for ghosting for like two weeks. just thought i was dying for a moment no biggie. i turned twenty and my body/mental health was like NOPE. it's been a rough one but i'm back now (with new meds and a heart monitor lol i hate my life)

BUT i did get a lot of work done in the midst of all that mess, would you like me to post three works at once or spread them out instead? ill have to post them when im back home which will prob be tomorrow night but all i have to do is edit and post so!!!

(also sorry for the spam im about to do. my ask box is full and all of you lovely people have made wonderful art and fics)

#hamilton fanfiction #also all the stress that has caused me to have this can SUCK MY NONEXISTANT DICKKKK #anyway i've missed you beloveds #meds make me feel very tired and weird tho #i think these fics make sense tho?? mayhaps i only wrote fever-dream esque stuff #also my cardio dr is fron the west indies VERY hamilton coded of him #i love how all of my doctors stress that i need to calm my ass down and i'm too high strung all the time #like y'all have you met my traumatized ass??? i never calm down #i honestly do feel so bad that i left for so long without an explanation tho i hope no one took it personally :(((

[astrxealis]

fun story i got the dlc of 'a date with death' at school LMFAO ..... i have cash but not gcash (it's a filipino thing) so i was talking w my friend in class who also played the game (and she calls me a nerd /pos a lot lol) and i was like i want the dlc but i have no gcash... and she was like ok i'll give you gcash..... enabler ....... but also she wants me to tell her abt it so. ^_^ ecks dee

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #super duper fun day at school again! wow. idk. love my friends. #i am severely cramming on my yearbook stuff tho haha... oops..... #hope you all had a wonderful day too !!! :3 <3 #currently insane btw uh sm is going on (/pos & /neg) but i am. calm rn i think. yeah. #also finally played omori again ^__^ and i've been playingg ddlc myself for the first time despite knowing it since middle school/release #and i had fun being silly w my classmates and friends who know me well by now for the little hyper 'tism thing i am #...and today my two friends in class have said i seem autistic. or maybe also adhd. #!!!!! which is a Lot coming from them like i've said b4 bcs one is literally going into psych and was tested as a young kid #and the other i learned today has been asked often by diagnosed friends if they have adhd #and my diagnosed friend (hi bestie if you see this) thinks i'm adhd w a bit of the tism. so...!!!! #actually the more i realize how diff i am from the normal person the more i start to truly wonder again. hm. #also i'm writing a ton... but like in my notebook :3 gna write in gdocs some more + for school & self-indulgent & content !!!!! yay #gna do more game dev and design too and read. aaahhh and exercise and take care of myself and sleep better..... #will take care of myself!!! will do my best!!! and make it a habit!!! i am happy rn can you tell

[yeonban]

I love how from the get-go Soma said "don't bother" to Seiroku's attempt at implying he knows what it's like to be in their position bc neither of them are buying That one, yet he didn't have a single issue with Seiroku pouring him sake. He even raised his cup to make it easier for Seiroku to fill it

#muse: date soma. #Soma was so nice about it too? Just politely stopped Seiroku from wasting his breath from saying things no one will believe anyway #And it's obvious he didn't mean 'don't bother' in any other sense bc he willingly raised his cup for the sake. so it's ONLY @ the charade #This was such a cute detail... his soft spot for Seiroku rears its head once more #Also the fact that he trusts Seiroku to not poison him??? when clearly Seiroku /could've/ bc only he really knew what was in that sake #I might write a meta on this from the SSCU (Soma/Sei Cinematic Universe) perspective once I'm freer #bc this part makes most sense w my and Britt's dynamic in mind.... atp Ohtaka might just be yoinking it from us AHDASDSJS #LIKE I'm sat here trying to find a reason why Soma would ever accept to drink from an enemy he just met. #Tsubasa I can understand bc from the looks of it she's in the same boat as Tatsuomi/Naotora w the illusions from the ideal worlds #but Soma is just fine so What reason did he have to get all buddy buddy with Seiroku on a first meeting. /as enemies/ #canonly Soma has no way of telling if it was Seiroku or another dog who attacked the Date either so again. WHY be this trusting of him #Not complaining tho. I'm definitely amused (/pos) by this development; SO true Ohtaka <3 #What's funnier is that Tatsuomi didn't even manage to realize Soma's being 🏳️‍🌈 bc Soma tore into him way too fast for that #Ngl I loved this part bc it shows just how polite Soma is at the end of the day if the person hasn't pissed him off #Tatsuomi Naotora and Tsubasa were the feral ones whereas Soma and Shishikado were Calm

[mrsmarlasinger]

About to eat toilet paper 👍

#by which i mean i'm about to bomb a kavalactone cap and some kratom #the trick is to do no more than 2.5g per ply‚ ball it up really small (but not so small the paper rips)‚ #stay calm and relax your throat so you don't gag‚ put the bomb way at the back of your tongue‚ and drink it down super fast w/lots of water #it WILL get stuck but you have to just stay calm for a second‚ then swallow it real quick w/o thinking so you don't gag and choke 👍 #kratom btw is a thing i only do 1–2x a month AND YET i have somehow built up a tolerance #used to be I couldn't even do 2g of red or i'd just conk out so fucking hard it felt awful #now i'm bombing 3.6g of red plus 600mg of green plus 250mg of kava extract @ ≥30% kavalactones #i DO expect to get extremely faded tho #personal #kratom #drugs #drugs tw #drugs cw #tw drugs #cw drugs #drug tw #drug cw

[bigbrainbiology]

So I watched This Video on youtube, and now magical girls own my ass once again <3

Started out with space buns that evolved into roses inside glass bubbles on her head XD

#original art #my art #inspired by ginjaninjaowo's new vid #go check them out they're awesome #I saw their design for princess tutu and was like aight I NEED to draw me a ballet themed magi girl like RIGHT NOW #personal ramble now: #fun fact I drew the sketch of this whilst having a minor what the french call 'panique attaque' #bc one of my assessment grades got released and I wasn't too confident on how it went #It took me 30 mins to calm down and just read my grade #but turns out all is Fine and Good #fun fact number 2 I'm working on the next assessment for that uni module too so that wasn't heartstopping at ALL #*that being the grade change notification #fun fact number 3 this assessment is basically the knowledge from my yr3 Hons project so we should be all gucci #I *will* be stressing over the grade tho anyway #went from not being able to breathe right to shaking and full on sobbing bc the grade was ok #so yeah that's how my Masters degree is going rn ^v^ #technically I'm a postgrad even though I've never graduated w/ a bachelors bc ✨integrated masters✨ #help me I just want to graduate

[scarletcomet]

lil vent in tags. self harm tw.

#i had a dream about self harm last night #wonder what that says about me and my mental state🤔 #im 179 days clean #that dream was kinda triggering wtf is wrong me #i've had the urge a lot lately tbh but i haven't done it largely because i want to get the little 6 month medal on the calm harm app #6 months is like 182.5 days so i guess that means i'll get it in 3-4 days #kinda nervous that i'll relapse after that tho #the next medal after 6 months is 1 year and i doubt i'm ever going to get that #i haven't gone 1 year without self harm since i started when i was 14 (i'm almost 21 now) #tw self harm #personal

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

#i've had a hell of a weekend (and friday) #i was really proud of how calm I seemed to be even tho i was full of anxiety and horribleness #i was so proud... #today a website i needed crashed and I fucking LOST IT #full sobbing hyperventilating and pulling my hair... my head is killing me now (: #i feel like i'm gonna throw up.. #is this normal? lol no it's not #can i do something about it? idk it doesn't feel like it.... #i need to see a therapist... ona day... #angel talks #personal

[girlbossdean]

yeah

#she's just like me for real #am not having a good time right now in case that wasn't obvious from this dramatic vague post indicating a slight breakdown #i'm feeling very ✌🏻😗✌🏻 but like with tears in my eyes #ANYWAY everything is so much and so hard right now and things keep happening they do and they do and they do #i did get a referral to a therapist today tho so my chances of getting an appointment are low but not nonexistent #sorry for being dramatic on tumblr dot com as if it's my fault i'm literally a scorpio #i'll calm down once the urge to sleep wins against the fucking pain of having a body that's just as dramatic as my personality #until then this is my diary #i have an actual diary btw but that doesn't hit the same as oversharing on the internet #personal #girlblogging

[titenoute]

Hello, I'd like to assume that you're a pretty calm person irl.

False

(True/False game)

#I can be calm when I'm focusing on something but else ? #nnooot rly no #You are not the first person to think so tho #this is a vibe that I give online without rly meaning to

[pallideinanis]

please god help i can’t stop laughing

[What Pokemon type are you?]

You represent the WATER type!

The Water type is all about mutability. You flow through life like a gentle stream; turning and rolling with events with ease, never breaking under pressure. This strength, however, may come from apathy, Water-type. It is important to be present in one's situation, in order to retain some control. Even water follows its own currents, after all. You are a very calming person to be around, full of ease and relaxation. Others can feel your easygoing persona radiate outwards when you're with them, making you a great person to take a load off with. However, when you are finished relaxing, perhaps you may find your focus can be razor-sharp. It's up to you, Water-type, to bring out your hidden potential.

#of course i was like psychic or dark pls #but when he got water i was pleasantly surprised and tbh it's true #i'm satisfied with this answer for this BRAT #but then i read this result #'a very calming person to be around' #'full of ease and relaxation' #'easygoing persona' #[...] 'making you a great person to take a load off with' #The Void tempts mysteries and craves answers... || DASH GAMES #i really like that apathy remark tho #the beginning of this is v good

[vicsdeangelis]

I agree it’s nice to be able to vent about things here, your blog feels like such a safe space to share opinions that aren’t necessarily positive. I love them a lot and I always feel bad criticising them because I don’t want to come off as a ‘hater’ and don’t ever want to just tear them down, but you’re so right that just because we care about them doesn’t mean we have to agree with and support every little thing they do. It’s probably worse honestly to ignore frustrations and keep them to ourselves because then they just grow, and airing them like this definitely makes me feel a lot calmer about stuff too.

oh, i definitely know i thing or two about letting resentment fester, so yeah, it's a lot better to air your grievances, even if it's on anon, to get the weight off your chest. i'm glad i can provide this space for people who need it

#ask #and like. you're welcome to come into my inbox and disagree with me as well #just don't be like that person who was like let them enjoy this and you don't control them 🙄 #like cool fam i had absolutely no idea i wasn't playing the sims with måneskin you really opened my eyes there buddy #i say this because the breakdown i mentioned i had there were some people there who were disagreeing with me #and tho i can't remember how i responded to them ( #(if i was a dick i'm really sorry) #talking stuff out through different perspectives also helped me calm down

[mrsmarlasinger]

I swear to GOD, I'm such a freak because lately, my dreams have had a new drug theme every night. First it was acid, then it was whippets, and last night was shrooms. Realistically, the only one of those I'd be able to try anytime soon would be whippets. Why am I LIKE THIS

#istg i only drink or get high like *maybe* twice a week max but my brain is all drugs all the time #and it's very cringe because i'm barely even a Drug User i've only intentionally tried like sevenish substances #and i've BARELY committed any crimes #i do realize that i've only been drinking/''doing drugs'' for just over a year and am a baby exmo #so it stands to reason the novelty has my little probably-adhd brain in a chokehold. but jesus christ. it's in my dreams. #calm down girl. at least until you have access to something actually cool 🥴 #cough medicine is NOT COOL. that's some cringe shit (even tho i love it) #i was on the wikipedia page for hard drugs the other day and it couldn't decide whether to classify dxm as a hard or soft drug #it's a soft dirty otc dissociative for 14-year-olds and also me. it's not heroin babe #personal #drugs #drugs tw #drugs cw #tw drugs #cw drugs #drug #drug tw #drug cw #(don't do drugs if you're 14 btw)

[dravidious]

Funny lines that no one was around to appreciate #1: "The game still needs some mechanical meat to sink its teeth into, if you'll pardon the vore metaphor. The metavore, if you will."

#original #i love talking to myself #explaining things to no one #sometimes i'll apologize for saying the wrong thing or being unclear #to myself #about my own thoughts #anyway working on a card game that exists as an excuse for me to make vore cards in a suitable environment #and other kinky cards too #i've already made and scrapped an entire core mechanic because i realized that even though it aligned with the idea for the game #it wasn't what i personally wanted to be making cards for #specifically it was an intensity meter/counter #which fits most kink scenes but i like my stuff calm and soft and gentle and not intense #so i removed the intensity mechanic but then the game was too empty and straightforward #thus the need for more mechanical meat #i'm starting on a simple mood mechanic as a thing for cards to interact with #doing it tomorrow tho because it's getting late for me goodnight