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ticklinglady · 11 months

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The Guild's actions during the story are so insane, when you think about them properly, you know? When I first read the arc with them, this moment hasn't really occurred to me, as I was too busy going nuts over finally seeing the names of the familiar writers, but now when I think of that... I am not sure, I comprehend how they managed to achieve such a ferocious reputation. I have already made a little post about how extremely dysfunctional the DOA members are, but at least those guys have a plan, which actually makes sense more or less, even despite the gang using cheatcodes/the Book. The same cannot be said of the Guild however archghhjkn. Like, what the hell were these guys even doing??? XD

So here are just some moments, which weirded me out the most

At first I'd like to address the entire story with everyone's favorite tsundere, Lucy Maud Montgomery. Her introduction leaves quuuuite an impression in the best way and nothing makes me happier than the fact, that she gets a chance to find happiness in the following chapters and actually becomes a reoccurring character! HOWEVER, her entire involvement with the Guild is super odd... I still can't wrap my head around her getting fired. She is a girl with a hella powerful ability, who got taken to the Guild from a terrible, terrible orphanage in order to fight for them in the war for the Book, so not only is she very strong, but she's also immensely dependant on the organisation and wouldn't do anything outside of its interests. Yet Lucy is also put under extreme pressure. As she herself puts it, the Guild doesn't tolerate failures and will kick her out the moment she screws something up.

Later we see that this is exactly what happens, when she messes up her first mission. Fitzgerald himself confirms that, since she failed and revealed her ability to the enemies, she's no longer useful, so now a powerful esper, like Lucy works for free as a... laundress?

EXCUSE ME??? WHEN HAVE THE GUILD MEMBERS EVER DONE ANYTHING, BUT FAIL AND REVEAL THEIR ABILITIES?

Let's be real, these dudes were successful like only once or twice...

This fact not only makes Fitzgerald look like an idiot for wasting such a talented and useful worker, because of one mistake, but also as one hell of a hypocrite, cause he is more than fine with everyone else fucking up. And in case of Lovecraft and Steinbeck: fucking up twice. To add to the oddity, we later learn, that Louisa genuinely cares for Lucy and despite her social anxiety actually stood up for her during the entire story, but even that wasn't enough to change Fitzgerald's mind on the issue, though Louisa is one of the few people, whose opinion he respects. Honestly, this is such a waste of a truly useful subordinate. And speaking of which....

The Guild has never even tried to implement Edgar Allan Poe during the war...

This man is actually rather op when you think of it. He can capture and neutralise literally any ability user in Yokohama (besides Dazai, Mori and Ranpo ofc) just by throwing a book at them. Seriously, as we see with Chuuya, they don't even have to read it, they just need to see the pages. Plus the book can be actually sent via email!!! So why has there been an absolute zero amount of strategies with the use of this ability??? They could actually try to catch Atsushi by sending him such email containing any of Poe's mystery stories and then safely carry him back to their base. And it doesn't have to be just Atsushi, it could be literally any of their enemies. Non-combatant, like Ranpo could use this pretty damn well to his advantage and it doesn't take a genius to understand the potential of the "Black Cat in Rue Morgue". But nooooo, it seems like everyone has just forgotten of Poe!!! (Tho to be honest, I can actually see this situation in a funny extra awfgbfggfjj. Not the main story however) The agency would never even learn of his existence, if he didn't personally decide to try to fuck Ranpo's life up. Like, what does Poe even do in the Guild? He's the master architect and, according to him, the third ranking man in the organization, but we never see him be of any use, so Idk. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Lucy at least got to do something, unlike this poor man.

Then there's the entire drama with the Guild's decision to destroy Yokohama. Where do I even begin...

First of all, Fitzgerald has no way of knowing that Atsushi is going to come to Moby-Dick to fight him. Poor guy is the Guild's primary goal and has already gotten himself captured once, so it would have been safe to assume that the ADA decided to hide him somewhere and not send him on any dangerous missions for the time being. That basically means Fitzgerald could have burned down not just Yokohama, but also the only person, who could actually help him find his precious Book.

But if we're to ignore this, let's also go with Wikipedia then~

"Yokohama is the second-largest city in Japan by population and the most populous municipality of Japan. It is the capital city and the most populous city in Kanagawa Prefecture, with a 2020 population of 3.8 million. It lies on Tokyo Bay, south of Tokyo, in the Kantō region of the main island of Honshu. Yokohama is also the major economic, cultural, and commercial hub of the Greater Tokyo Area along the Keihin Industrial Zone."

..........................

Good luck making up for the destruction of THIS, Fitzgerald 🖕

And if this in itself wasn't bad enough, most people, including me, tend to forget that all Guild members are actually big shots in the American government, which I think is very sad. Because first of all, can you imagine any of the Guild members actually working as politicians?!! The sheer idea makes me hysterical avshbgj. Like, just consider Lovecraft working as a senator or something. This eldritch horror of a man leaves the ocean once in three years at best LMAO. Second of all, I have a feeling, that the destruction of Yokohama at the hands of influential politicians from a foreign country would have resulted in an international conflict or two~ Like as if random deranged rich Americans arriving in Japan, wreaking havoc over there and destroying the second largest city in the country wasn't bad enough, these Americans just HAD to be super influential businessmen and politicians. Louisa, my dear, I understand that it wasn't your intention, but it's as close to a declaration of war as it can get, you know? Fitzgerald may be ready to do anything to resurrect his dead daughter, but I'm not sure, that the execution of himself and the rest of the Guild at the hands of the Hunting Dogs is something he'd like.

(And here's another funny thing that stems from them being politicians 🤭 As @originalartblog wittily pointed out, Fitzgerald wasting all his money fighting sskk has probably resulted in a market crash and recession over in the USA)

I also have some other questions in regards to this entire plan, such as why did they have to waste Moby-Dick just to destroy Yokohama? Yes, it works in the short term, but in the long term they loose a super powerful fortress with the stealth mode and as the practice shows, you better have a safe base, unless you want another lemon freak to blow it all up. I mean, you could just ask Lovecraft to destroy everything for free. Or, if the device is the only way to stop the giant whale from crashing, why didn't Fitzgerald just take it to a far away bunker or something and waited things out there without the need to spend millions of dollars just to survive the explosion? (And it would have been extremely funny, if during the fight with sskk he just threw the device overboard) But I think I have already rambled for long enough already atxhghbgv XD

The Guild is an even bigger mess than the DOA and I think that's glorious 🙌

#the guys stole mafia's building once just to show off and nobody has ever brought it up again #if that's not a true definition of hilarious I don’t know what is 🤭#bsd fitzgerald #bsd lucy #bsd louisa #bsd poe #bsd lovecraft #bsd guild #bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bsd meta #sort of #bsd francis #bsd spoilers #ticklinglady talks

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traumxrei-archive · 1 year

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【 these battles we live through 】

prompt #5: It’s time to fight an overblotted person and if he don’t tell them now, he might not live to tell them later (ft. riddle rosehearts, trey clover, leona kingscholar)

gn! prefect (you/yours), drabbles, word count: 1.4k

a/n: wooo overblots !! tbh i wanted to make these longer to impress a sense of danger, but it was already plenty long after i checked it with the word counter...so rip.... i hope that you can still enjoy tho <333

Riddle Rosehearts

Riddle was absolutely furious. Not only was he furious at Leona for suddenly overblotting, he was also mad at himself. He cursed as he cast another healing spell, the blood that stained his glove making his own heartbeat thunder in his ears. How incompetent was he to see you get injured in front of his eyes?

"Riddle, I'm...I'm fine." He bit his lips at your words. You were fine. Objectively it was a deep gash to your arm. But Riddle couldn't help but feel like...

"Like I almost lost you," He pressed his forehead against your shoulder. Leona was still rampaging, his efforts now focused on Ruggie and the others rather than him.

"You didn't lose me," You said softly, holding onto his hand. "I'm right here, Riddle." Not even five minutes into the fight, and you had gotten injured. The gravity of the situation weighed on Riddle's shoulders heavily.

"I want you to leave this place," Riddle mumured, his grip on your hand tightening. "I don't think I could bear it if you got hurt again."

"It's a fight," You reasoned. "Everyone's gonna get a bit battered."

"But if I lose you, I..." Riddle tasted ash against his tongue as he swallowed. Maybe he would never get the chance. Maybe this fight would rob him of what he held the most dear. Maybe he would never be able to convey what he really felt.

"Prefect," Riddle said slowly, holding your gaze for a moment too long. "I know it is improper to do this in such a setting, but...I care for you. Deeply. And I wanted to...inform you in case anything happened."

"Then promise me," There was something resolute in your tone. "Promise me that you won't die here, and that you'll confess to me properly after all this over."

"Demanding as always," Riddle chuckled, and he could feel a faint warmth tickling his heart, even in this dire situation. "I promise. I will return to you."

This was a battlefield. Riddle was more than sure of that now. He flexed his soiled glove, pinpointing one of Leona's blindspots before releasing an attack spell. Leona simply roared in outrage, not at all fazed by his attack.

But Riddle had to try. He had to try and succeed. And what better motivation did he have than returning to your arms unscathed?

Trey Clover

Never in Trey's life would he have imagined that he would be caught up in, not one, but two overblots in his lifetime. He was under the impression that such ocassions were rare, but....

"Watch out!" A student shouted as the overblot beast raised its tail into the air, smashing through the trees like they were toothpicks.

He pressed himself against the foliage, watching as the beast passed by silently. And it was exactly then where he found you, crouching in one of the bushes. Relief flooded his chest as he checked you for any injuries.

"Thank Sevens you're safe," Trey said, pulling you into his arms. It was no secret how much he cared for you. It was to the point that Cater and the first year duo had an ongoing bet on who would confess first. But...

You smiled weakly, "I'm glad you're here."

His heart thumped almost painfully in his chest as he turned his head towards the direction of the overblot, "I have to help them."

"You don't have to," You pleaded, your hands mercilessly gripping his shirt. "You'll get hurt if you fight."

"The longer he stays rampant, the more time he has to hurt you, sweetheart," Trey pressed his forehead against yours. "You know....even if I didn't ever say it, you know how I feel about you."

"No, if you say it like that then—"

"I love you," Trey chuckled, though it sounded hollow and afraid. "And I'm deathly scared of dying. But more than that, I'm scared of losing you."

There were tears in your eyes now, "That just sounds like a final goodbye."

"It's not a goodbye," Trey said, gently wiping at your cheeks. "I just want you to know. It's bad timing, I know. I just...we can talk more after this is over, I—"

You leaned forward, wrapping him in an embrace so tight he almost didn't want to let go, "If you're going, then you're better try your best to come back unhurt."

"I'll try my best for you," Trey reluctantly let you go, grabbing his magical pen. "I will be back. Soon."

"Soon," You echoed as he ran off into the clearing, facing the overblotted person unafraid. There were already a few students attacking the beast, and he made sure to yell out his instructions.

Yet all Trey could think about was you. He would return, he vowed then, he would return unhurt, and he would finally be able to tell you all the words that he had been keeping inside his heart.

Leona Kingscholar

Azul overblotting was not a part of the plan. Leona dodged as anothe tentacle came to swipe at him, hauling another bystander behind a coral structure.

Then again maybe he should've been expecting it. An overblot was something he was all too familiar with. And Azul did lose everything that he had built up all of his life. He gritted his teeth as he launched back into action, shooting more spells towards the octo-bastard.

Leona just hoped that you would stay out of the fight for once; that the Leech twins would keep you occupied enough that you wouldn't get caught up in this battle.

But it seemed that there was no God smiling down at Leona today. Instead, here you were grabbing at his arm and tugging him behind a coral structure.

"Why are you here?" Leona hissed, hastily throwing up a barrier to shield you both from the surrounding chaos. "You're gonna end up getting yourself killed."

"Like you're one to talk!" You fired back, bringing your hand up to his head. "Did you even notice that you were bleeding?"

He released a harsh breath, "It's just a scratch. But I need you to get out of here."

"Why would I leave?" Your brow furrowed. "I can't just abandon you here."

"You don't have any magic to protect yourself."

"I won't do anything reckless—"

"Staying in this battle is the definition of reckless," Leona gripped at your arms. "How long will you hold on to your stubbornness?"

"Leona-senpai, I am not abandoning you here." The words felt like needles stabbing Leona right where it hurt.

"Please," The words were laced with emotions that Leona was unequipped to voice. "I can't see you get hurt." Your gaze softened, and for once he thought that you might listen. For once, he thought, that maybe he could keep you safe.

"Then I'll keep hiding," You said quietly, your hand now holding onto his wrist. "You'll be able to protect me. You're Leona Kingscholar, right?"

And Leona was foolish to think that his words could do anything about your bullheaded loyalty to your friends, and as an extension, to him.

"Hah," Leona leveled you with a glare. "What an unlucky thing, for me to be stuck harboring feelings for such a stubborn herbivore." He stabilized the barrier when one of Azul's tentacles thumped against it. He didn't have much time before the barrier fully collapsed.

Your eyes widened, "Did you just...?"

"You can hear the rest of it after the battle," Leona muttered, wiping at the dust caking your cheek. "That is if you don't get any major injury. Otherwise you'll have to wait even longer to hear it."

"Wait, Leona-senpai—"

"I'm casting a radius shield. You step out of it and I'm sending you out of here," Magic sang under his finger tips as he wove together the spell, and he watched as you nodded. "Good. Now shout if you see any openings, I'm not expecting you to stand around doing nothing."

"I wasn't planning on being a sitting duck," You huffed, though you stepped closer to him as he aimed another attack spell at Azul.

He should've been more nervous, considering he was facing an overblot; something he had no experience with prior. But he felt strangely calm, especially when he saw you right next to him as he fought. Maybe after all this was over...

Leona gripped his magic pen tighter. He just had to— no, he had to make sure that this was going to be over soon.

ty for reading these slightly hurt/comfort scenarios !! i hope that you enjoyed >:D if you did, go check out the rest of the 600 follower drabbles OR my masterlist ^^

#/trau writes #riddle rosehearts #trey clover #leona kingscholar #riddle rosehearts x reader #leona kingscholar x reader #trey clover x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #twisted wonderland #no there's no leona favoritism wdym #shhhhhhh #shhhhhhhhhhhh #also trey clover....my brain be exploding over him

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vrisrezis · 11 months

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Hii! I loove your Rocket fics if you have time I have a request:

I would love to see a very nervous crushing Rocket that just refuses to accept his feelings for y/n (female) and does anything he can to avoid showing too much interest (with the result that for all the guardians its kinda obvious that he likes her even tho shes the only one that don’t actually get it, cliché)

Rocket has done everything he possibly could. Any lie he could come up with, any excuse, any reason not to see you. He had kept up with this for so long today. Now, the issue was that he did this… all the time. The two of you were friends at one point in time, and while that still proved to be the case, he was noticeably more distant. You had assumed maybe you had done something to upset him, but you weren’t exactly sure how to go about dealing with the issue at hand, you couldn’t possibly think of anything you could’ve done to him. You were always a kind individual, especially to rocket, knowing his temper and how easy it was to get on his bad side. Plus, it certainly helped that you liked him in the romantic sense. You had never told anybody about these feelings, apparently. As your conversation with gamora today proved that.

Gamora was somebody you knew you could ask for advice, as she was the only true sensible one here. And when it came to you, she never judged you. Maybe it was because you weren’t as weird as you thought yourself to be, especially in comparison to the shit quill and drax ask her for, but still.

“Wait… so you mean to tell me you’ve had feelings for rocket this whole time?” she said in surprise, and you let out a sigh of relief. “Yes! Thank god you haven’t noticed… good…” “what do you mean, good?!” she asked, absolutely flabbergasted. “What!?” you said, unsure yourself. “I-it’s just! I don’t want him to know that I like him!!”

She lets out a groan. One of those groans she lets out when she’s done with the guardians shit, namely rocket, quill and drax.

“Why wouldn’t you want him to know that? Don’t you want something out of your relationship? Something more?” and to that you shrug, “I mean sure! But what if he doesn’t like me back? I’m pretty sure he’s mad at me! That’s what I wanted to talk to you about!” you explain, and to that gamora looks even more confused. “What do you mean? Rocket doesn’t hate you?”

“But he keeps avoiding me!”

And to that, gamora takes a minute to answer back before saying upon her own realization, “oh.”

“Oh? What oh?! What are you oh’ing at?!”

“I’m just oh’ing at the fact that I just realized you’re just as much of a moron as the other guardians.”

Meanwhile, rocket had figured he’d done a good job at keeping his feelings towards you a secret. However, quill proved to him on this very night, he was very wrong.

“So… y/n, huh?” quill says with a big old grin on his face, which only gets wider as rocket yells in surprise, dropping his wrench and quickly turning around. “What?!” rocket asks, clearly surprised.

“You heard me. So, when you gonna tell them?” he asks, getting straight to the point. At this, rocket groans. “How did you know?” he asks, not even bothering to hide it. This shocks the Terran for a moment, but what shocks him even more was his question. “What do you mean? Anyone with a pair of eyes can tell you like them. Way to make it so obvious even mantis can tell without needing to touch you.” he says with a laugh, and rocket suddenly feels extremely embarrassed.

“Listen, if it makes you feel any better they haven’t caught on, like at all.”

And upon those words, his ears perk up a little.

“However,” Peter lifts a finger, “because they don’t know, I’m pretty sure they think you hate them.” he shrugs before whispering, “might wanna fox that”

Rocket groans, putting his face in his hands. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” “Not kidding you dude, I have nothing to gain from lying, honestly your blatant pining is painful for all of us to watch. Just tell them already so I no longer have to suffer.”

“How the hell am I even supposed to-” rocket cuts himself off, groaning once again. “This suuuccks!!” “Tell me about it man, how do you think I felt when I realized I fell in love with a hot girl like gamora.” “Oh shut up quill.”

#rocket the raccoon x reader #rocket x reader #mcu x y/n #mcu x you #mcu x reader #marvel x you #marvel x y/n #marvel x reader #rocket racoon x reader #rocket raccoon x reader

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akajustmerry · 6 months

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What's an obscure piece of media you wish more people knew about?

hi! I'm honestly so bad at judging what's obscure and what's not. In high school, I genuinely thought my music taste was alternative because I was the only person in my group of friends who listened to the Jonas Brothers. so idk if this is obscure media but it's media I love that I wish I could talk to people more about:

Some Girls (2012-14) - this sitcom series about 4 high school besties who live around the same housing estate was EVERYTHING to me. think Derry Girls/Sex Education but in the early 2010s with working class poc. I still quote this show at least once a week and miss it dearly even tho it ended exactly as it should!!

While The Men Are Away (2023-?) - lesbian period drama comedy about a bunch of Australian lesbians on the WW2 homefront in regional Australia. Beautifully horny show that also has STUNNING representation of immigrant and Indigenous experiences of the time.

Clarice (2020) - silence of the lambs sequel series that follows Clarice Sterling on a case 2 years after her encounter with Hannibal Lector. so sad this was cancelled but it's still a great season of tv!

The Underground Railroad (2021) - limited series on Amazon Prime about the Underground Railroad. Tw for literally everything, BUT it's directed by Moonlight director Barry Jenkins and his hands down some of the most beautiful TV I've ever seen.

The Silent Sea (2020) - limited series on Netflix about some astronauts sent to a mining station on the moon where something has infected all the crew.

The OA (2016-18) - difficult to describe this show but it's everything to me. theeeeee show about multiverses. Ahead of its time, gone too soon 💔

But 2 genuinely obscure pieces of media I think people should watch, especially rn, are Salt of this Sea (a film about a Palestinian-American woman heisting an Israeli bank to get her grandfather's money back) and the 2019 sci-fi short film In Vitro about an elderly Palestinian woman in an underground bunker trying to pass on why she's here to another Palestinian woman but neither can remember.

#anon

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itspkuwu · 1 year

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💛🌼Daisy Appreciation Post🌼💛

Alright. I’ve had it.

Now, it’s not Bowser x Luigi that’s the problem for me. Even tho I don’t ship it at all. Its the fact that ever since that so call paring exploded on to the internet, Daisy has pretty much been kicked to the curb and even hated by some people. And I won’t have it. I simply will NOT have it! 😤

People say that Princess Peach turned into a complete girl boss in the Mario movie and really enjoyed it. Well, that EXACTLY how Daisy is in the games! We’re basically just seeing Daisy’s personality within a different princess.

I know she’s only in the competition games and not really games with a story line (besides for her debut game of course) But I think that was done to get the point across that Daisy is an absolute tomboy who won’t let anybody put her down. Although I would LOVE to see her in a storyline game. MAKE IT HAPPEN NINTENDO. And with the other princesses, she DOES have a purpose. Think of it like the human body. Peach is the heart Rosalina is the brain And Daisy is the muscle.

And speaking of Peach, in the games, Daisy is clearly better at running her kingdom since Bowser hardly ever attacks there. That, or Bowser is just into blonde girls. Now, I’m not hating on any Bowser x Luigi fans. However, this is specifically a post not just to support Daisy, But also for Luigi x Daisy shippers… so uh…

Also notice how Luigi and Daisy are a little more touchy feely while Peach seems to be kinda resistant towards Mario?

Y’know. Just saying. Here’s more proof of them being a cute couple, but in video form. (not mine)

youtube

Again, this isn’t a hate post. I’m just gushing over a ship a like. Bowser x Luigi fans have a right to gush, and me, a Daisy x Luigi fan, also have that right.

And in case you’re wondering, the reason I don’t ship Bowser and Luigi is because of the moments they have WITH context.

When the trailer dropped, we had little to no context about what was going on.

But when the movie released and showed us what was actually happening… Bowser is clearly only doing the mustache twirl thing to intimidate Luigi.

Not to mention that Bowser attempts to sacrifice Luigi in Peach’s honor.

And uh… I don’t remember Bowser writing a tear jerker piano piece dedicated to the green plumber.

It’s all about the context people.

Conclusion: Princess Daisy doesn’t suck. Luigi x Daisy still has potential. And Daisy hate is very unnecessary to me. If you love Daisy too, share this post! 💛🌼 Also, she’s in smash.

SMASH ISN’T JUST FOR ANYBODY YKNOW. EVEN IF THEY’RE AN EHCO.

I mean, unless you’re Piranha Plant, but that’s another story :/

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jo-gakky · 9 months

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ONE PIECE AU LORE! (or smth) (I know no-one asked for this but ANYWAY! i wanna do a little silly and expand on my little one piece AU :) ) ((Also note : Any designs depicted here are just examples, and are not what the characters exactly look like in this au)) Hi there! just here to expand upon my one piece "god" AU (which is more like a sun and moon au but regardless-) basically in this universe, different one piece characters are assigned a sun, moon or star (not a specific star, just a star-) and basically are the "incarnations" of their assigned aspect. For example : Buggy is assigned the earths moon, specifically (not all character have specific assigned suns/moons, at least for now. Only Buggy and the Reader have an assigned sun and moon) (oh yeah in case the tags weren't clear on the first post, this is an self indulgent au i made so ofc there's a reader insert- if that's not your thing, that's alright, just letting you know-) and all of Buggy's crew are assigned to the starts surrounding the earth (i am no astrologist, my brain is too small for that, so dont be surprised if this is all very basic and/or wrong-) To name some characters that are sun gods in this au : -Luffy -Shanks -Eustass Kidd -Doflamingo -Garp -Ace -Roger to name a few- As for some moon gods in this au : -Law -Corazon -Big mom -Dragon -Rayleigh -Hawkins to name a few (if you wanna know what a specific character would be assigned, feel free to ask!) Also! in situations, a star can become a sun! To name an example of characters that are on that path in this au are: -Coby -Sabo This can also happen but instead the star becomes a moon! Some characters going though this in this au are : -Katakuri -Yamato ((Comets will also become a thing that characters can be, but i need to settle the lore for that first-)) All gods have a more,,, monstrous?? humanoid?? cooler??! form? idk how to explain it- Also, all sun gods have white hair, HOWEVER! the inside or their hair can be a different color! like for example with Shanks :

His hair is mainly white, but has a under-layer?? that is red- Moon gods can just have whatever hair they want- Tho for moon gods, a body part always becomes blue or gets a blue gradient (Fx Buggy's nose became blue. Something like that-) Stars usually have a white streak if they work with a sun god :

And stars working with a moon god have inversed eyes :

Also there is no beef between suns and moons specifically. If two characters have beef its just bc they hate each others guts or whatever- All moons/suns/stars have personal meeting spaces and rooms, but they are not exclusive and anyone can go anywhere- I'll world build a bit as i go, but here is a little bit of what i have so far. ((also if you have any questions, i'd love to hear them! it'll make me very silly <33))

#one piece #one piece au #one piece au lore #one piece god au #sun moon au??#god this au needs a name #reader #x reader #buggy x reader #buggy the clown x reader #self indulgent #help #idk what im doing #i hope you guys will enjoy this as much as i am wfwf

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consistencynevermether · 6 months

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Astarion x Wizard! Tav reader

A/N: part 3 of my Astarion with different Tav classes. its magic time baby

summary- 1.1k words, SFW, gn reader

Astarion x Wizard! Tav

Neeeeerd

No seriously, that's Astarions reaction to you being a wizard. You choose to base your entire life around studying? You two are basically like oil and water in a lot of ways.

Ok but in all seriousness, Astarion does admire your dedication to your craft. He sees how much work you put into learning new spells and is genuinely excited when you get it right

It doesn’t mean he’s gonna stop making fun of you though. You're telling him you belong to a SCHOOL of magic??? Need for Academic validation much? Oh and please, if you're gonna wear wizard robes try to make them a little stylish, or he’ll come for your sense of fashion too.

Actually, I bet he’d help you spice up your outfits a little. A thigh slit here, a tasteful gold embroidery there, your not completely beyond hope

Dw tho, you can absolutely get him back. Oh, you need some magical assistance? Maybe help figuring out how a magical item works? Uh oh, looks like the rouge needs the wizard's help after all dontcha astarion?

It’s definitely the highlight of your day when he has to ask for help. Unfortunately, it goes both ways. His speed and skills have definitely saved your ass in battle before

Honestly, it’s giving annoyances to lovers. Plus I’m convinced at least 40% of Astarions love language is sass and knife cat energy.

He enjoys the banter definitely, but it’s never meant to cut too deep. He’s good at reading people, so say you're having trouble learning this one spell and you're starting to get frustrated. He can definitely tell and knows not to make jokes about your magic today. He can’t exactly help, because this man is NOT magically inclined. But he’ll pull you away from the spell scroll long enough for you to take a deep breath and have a break. It helps in its own way because now you can come back to it with a more calm mindset.

You can’t tell me this man isn’t laughing (a little manically) when you cast fireball. I mean come on that’s one of the most entertaining things he’s seen in 200 years let him have some fun

But also-

He secretly finds your powers very cool. I mean there’s something beautiful about magic at its core, he can’t help but be just a little entranced. And you’ve definitely used magic to show off to him just a lil (make a rose out of magic blue light or somethin he’ll scoff but find it endearing)

Honestly, I imagine you two are a slight hoarder couple. I mean you need to have all these ingredients for spells on you, and Astarions a rouge he definitely has like at least 5 knives on him at all times. Also the magic items. You both love to hoard those, just in case they’re useful

If you actually do have some sort of wizard's tower, layer, study, or something Astarion wants to see it

He’ll make a joking excuse as to why he wants to see your lair. And he’s DEFINITELY gonna grab a random cloak in there and do a bad wizard impersonation

BUT-

The real reason he wants to see it is because it’s an integral part of you. It’s basically your home, where you store everything you find valuable, where the pantry is always stocked with the food you like, and where the bed has the exact number of pillows you want it to have. Astarion wants to know these things about you.

I imagine after you finally defeat the mindflayers and everyone goes off to find their own way (or maybe you all stick together and keep adventuring while also occasionally having individual adventures, who am I to break up your found family) you immediately take Astarion to your tower and start working on methods to help him walk in the sun. magic sunscreen? Enchanted daylight ring? Charmed circlet? You've got options and you're not afraid to use them. Anything to make it so that Astarion doesn’t have to live his life in darkness anymore. You jest and say it would be a true tragedy if you couldn't see his beautiful silver hair kissed by the sunrise, but in reality, you were immediately tearing through every tome you owned looking for a solution. After all, who wouldn't do anything for the man that held their heart?

Ok now imagine. You and Astarion just completed a mission, saving some people in the grove with Halsin. And you already had received a message from Wyll and Karlach asking for assistance smoking out a group of assasins that had settled in Baldurs gate. But gods you were so tired. It was nearly midnight when you both decided to crash at your liar instead of heading straight to the location Wyll had given you. You were both covered in mud, twigs, and other “gifts of nature” as Astarion had described them in a voice mocking Halsins. You were so tired your eyelids stung, and everything was hazy. You both more or less stumbled into your study, already half asleep.

Of course, you had become a bit more coherent when you realized that there was only one bed. And two of you. Now this might seem a bit ridiculous to care about things like that considering how close the two of you are and how much you have been through and done together, but now hear me out. This man has spent the last 200 years either not having a bed or being forced to share one. You had both decided he needed some time to just be able to have his own space to sleep, after all, you had all of your lifetime together, and you wanted him to be comfortable, so whenever he had come to your study, he slept on the couch. You had wanted to get him a cot or something of his own at the place, buuut it had kinda slipped your mind entirely. And the couch he slept on was currently covered in about 50 books stacked across the couch, another thing you had forgotten about. Whoops.

You and Astarion both looked at the pile of books on the couch and then at each other. You felt like you were about to pass out where you stood and he didn't look much better. There was an instant understanding between the both of you, that understanding being “fuck it” as you both collapse onto your bed, neither taking off your filthy armor and robes, simply passing out on the spot.

You awoke to a certain vampires face buried in the crook of your neck, trying to block out the sun now shining in his eyes. Eventually, you both dragged yourself out of the small bed and cleaned yourselves up before heading off to Wyll's location, but after this situation you both unspokenly began to sleep in the same bed alot more often.

#astarion fic #astarion x mc #astarion x tav #astarion x you #baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate 3 astarion #astarion romance #astarion x reader #baldurs gate astarion #bg3 astarion

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transmascissues · 8 months

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hey, sorry idk if its ok for me to ask for advice here, but im really lost and dont know where else to go.

i might be starting testosterone really soon, (via informed consent) but i keep flipping back and forth on whether or not i'm sure i want it. some days i think, "yes 100% im a man i want T right now" and thinking abt the effects of T makes me euphoric. other days i think, "wait AM i sure tho? what if it turns out i hate it actually" and thinking abt the effects of T on those days makes me anxious and ambivalent.

i think it might be just a fear of change, but i'm not sure, and i'm worried about making a decision i'll regret forever. it doesnt help i keep seeing ppl say things like "you need to be 100% sure you want hrt before u start because going back and forth puts a huge strain on the body" etc, but i dont know if i ever will be 100% sure.

what do you make of this? do i really need to be 100% sure? am i rushing in too fast? or is this just anxiety talking?

i spent years agonizing over if i was really sure that i wanted to start t, and you know what it taught me?

no one is ever 100% sure about anything. it’s an impossible task. that’s just not how people work — you’re always going to find more things to be anxious or unsure about when you think about it because it’s an unknown thing and it’s completely natural to be at least a little unsure of unknown things.

and most of the time, nobody expects you to be 100% sure about big decisions because we all know it’s an unfair expectation. nobody told me i couldn’t go to college because i wasn’t 100% sure where i wanted to go. nobody tells you to never drive anywhere because you’re not 100% sure that the car won’t crash. accepting risk is a part of life. trusting ourselves to make the best decisions we can — and trusting ourselves to be able to handle whatever happens next — is an unavoidable part of life.

the only reason we’re held to that impossible standard of 100% certainty when it comes to medically transitioning is because people are transphobic and they want us to second guess ourselves and put off hormones or surgery out of fear. if everyone waited until they were 100% sure, no one would ever transition, and that’s exactly what they want.

i look at it like this: hormones are like any other medication. you take them because you decide they have a good shot at making your life better even though there’s also a chance they might be ineffective, have bad side effects, or even make things worse in the end. we accept that risk every time we take a medication because we weigh the options and decide the good that could come of them is worth that risk. imagine if doctors only offered medical care to people when they were 100% sure it would work and not have any side effects — they would never do anything at all!

i can’t tell you if hrt is right for you. i can’t tell you if the risk is worth it for you. what i can tell you is that, when i was unsure about what to do, there were two things that made me decide it was worth the risk:

the first is that i knew i wanted to give myself a chance. the idea of going on hormones only to get more dysphoria from it sounded terrifying, but the reality was that i was already living with dysphoria! and the idea of just accepting that because i was afraid to try the thing that could make it better was even more terrifying. at the end of the day, i decided it was better to choose the option that could make things better than it was to just spend the rest of my life wondering if it would’ve helped. the worst case scenario in both choices is dysphoria, so i figured, why not pick the option where the best case scenario is euphoria? i know dysphoria is something i can live with because i’ve been doing it for years, so i felt that i could trust myself to be able to deal with that outcome if it came. i knew it was possible that i would regret it and wish i had never started t, but i also knew i would regret it even more if i went my whole life never having given myself a chance at something better than the dysphoria i already live with. i figured, if i have to take a risk, why not take the one that excites me instead of the one i would just be taking out of fear?

the second is that hormones are fucking slow. there can be some changes that happen fast but for the most part, the changes on t take time to happen fully, and if i wanted even more time i knew i could take a lower dose to slow things down further. it’s not like you just wake up one day with a totally different body — it’s a process, and if at any point in that process you realize you don’t like what’s happening, you can stop! you’re completely in control; the second it starts to feel like it’s making something worse instead of better, you can decide to stop taking it. even with the changes that came quickest for me, i had time to assess as they started happening, and it would’ve been as simple as putting down the syringe and never using it again if i decided i didn’t want those changes to continue.

(and the people who say you can’t start and stop because of the strain on your body are exaggerating — i had to start and stop multiple times because i was having allergic reactions to all of the serums we tried, and i was totally fine. that was never even a concern my nurse brought up to me. i’m sure it’s not ideal to do that constantly, but i don’t think it’s a big thing you have to worry about.)

again, i can’t tell you if starting t is the right move for you. all of this is just how i made that decision for myself; i can’t make yours for you. what i can tell you is that you are more than capable of making a thoughtful and informed decision without being 100% sure. certainty is not a requirement.

and frankly, anyone who tells you they were 100% sure when they made that decision is either lying about it because they feel like they should’ve been totally certain, or they were in a position to make the decision so quickly that it didn’t leave time to mull things over and find things to be unsure of.

which leads me to my final point: if you’re thinking about it this hard and trying to be this meticulous about making the right decision, you’re absolutely not rushing into it. whatever decision you make, you’ve clearly put a lot of thought into it and that’s all anyone can ask of you.

this is your decision, not anyone else’s, and already you have everything you need to make the best decision you possibly can. trust yourself to choose wisely, and trust yourself to be able to handle whatever your choice brings. you got this.

#this ended up much longer than i intended but i have a lot to say about it bc i was in the same place a couple years ago #ask answered #trans men #transmascs #hrt #testosterone

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bellarkeselection · 2 years

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can i request for spencer reid where reader is touch repulssd (she hates physical touch) but someone comments on it and she tries to change, she cuddles spencer more and holds his hand even tho it makes her uncomfortable, spencer realises and angst(if you can figure out where to put it) and fluff with happy ending

(also im so sorry i just realised it was four instead of three sorry:((( xx)

His Touch Is Home

Exiting my last college class of the day my phone vibrates in my pocket so I opened it seeing a text from my boyfriend Spencer. "So have you kissed him yet. How was he?" My best friend Brooklyn asked in a teasing tone throwing her arm over my shoulder making me stiffen at the physical contact. I sucked in a breath still picturing my ex beating me still. Every time someone would touch me I flashed back to that moment. "No we actually haven't even held hands...like ever." Brooke jumped back throwing her hands up in shock. "Wait so you've been dating him for two months and you've never touched him. Does Jacob still have that big of a hold on you. He's gone Y/n. You need to try and move on...you'll feel better." Nodding my head I knew she was right that I should give Spencer a chance and force myself to take the leap again.

Kicking his apartment door closed with my foot I kick my boots off seeing him sitting on the couch reading a book like he almost always done unless his job keeps him overnight somewhere. He lifted his head up seeing me with a smile starting to close the book but I plopped down scooting over up against him until I lay my head down on his chest sucking in a breath. "Y/n, what are you doing exactly?" His brown eyes locked onto mine listening to my shacky breath while I death grip his shirt in my hands. "Brooke said I should try getting closer to you...physically. So I thought cuddling to start. Could you read to me to take my mind off it please?" He slowly nodded opening his book to the next page keeping his eyes on me more than the book itself. He was the one to find me with my boyfriend who was stalking me that turned out to be the case he was working on. Closing my eyes I sighed finding comfort in his voice but when his hand fell to playing with my hair accidentally I heard my ex boyfriend's voice in my ear. "You're mine. I own you and if you try and run you'll regret it!" He said that the night he snatched me by my hair before Spencer found me.

"Y/n, Y/n hey its me. I'm here. You're not with Jacob." Spencer lifted my head up so I was looking him in the eye concern in his gaze. He slowly moved his thumbs wiping away some tears seeing that I had started crying without realizing it. I released my grip on his FBI sweatshirt wrapping my arms around myself jumping away from him sniffing tears out. "Spencer I'm sorry. I wish that I could just melt into your touch like I did his before he started hitting me but...forget it just break up with me. I'm not good enough!" Spencer slowly reaches over resting his hand over mine scooting closer on the couch but not touching anymore then that. "There's no way I am breaking up with you, Y/n. You remember when I told you I was freaked out by germs well I've been getting better about that. You will get through this and I'll wait for as long as you need." I sniffed with a small smile laying my head on his arm where he intertwined our hands together hoping that I will get through this. "Thank you for understanding Spence...you're my home. I feel safe with you by my side." He whispered kissing the crown of my head. "Same here, baby."

Comments really appreciated ❤️

#spencer reid #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid fluff #mathew gray gubler #criminal minds oneshot #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds x reader #requests open #ask box is open for anything #comments really appreciated

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lewkwoodnco · 1 month

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and I hope it gets to you on some Pacific wind - Lockwood x Reader

will you love me like you loved me in the January rain? will you love me like you loved me and I'll never ask for more.

and I never minded being on my own, then something broke in me and I wanted to go home to be where you are but even closer to you, you seem so very far and now I'm reaching out with every note I sing and I hope it gets to you on some Pacific wind wraps itself around you and whispers in your ear tells you that I miss you and I wish that you were here

I didn't choose this town. I dream of getting out. There's just one who could make me stay...all my days.

MASTERLIST | TAGLIST part 1: I Can See You

a/n: WOOOO almost a month since my last fic (tl;dr got terribly sick, got my a level results, scholarship apps, trying to decide what I wanted to do with my life until I remembered, oh, right, I hate doing that, so now its back to fic writing) anywaysss watched miss peregrines home for peculiar children while i was sick and omg. the end credits song??? deCEASED. anyways heres a fic inspired by that song which you should definitely listen to and i definitely wont cry if you dont cbnjvfkjva bye going to get chocolate cakee

warnings/tropes: reader (unexpectedly) missing lockwood desperately after moving away, pining for someone w every fiber of your being, handling grief (NO major character death tho), angst, no happy ending :/// but some snippets of humour!

word count: 6.3k! (my longest fic yet!)

"You won't believe what they're doing at Fittes."

She slid into a seat at Portland Row's kitchen table, oblivious to the fact that she had just stolen George's seat. George glared at Lockwood for a minute, who looked appropriately sympathetic yet slightly distracted, before picking another seat.

"Hi Y/N, how nice to see you. Again. For the third time this week. Please, make yourself at home."

"Oh, Georgie, you're so sweet." She was too distraught to pick up on George's sarcastic tone or his eye roll, though Lockwood spared him an apologetic glance. She slammed a letter onto the table, upsetting the salt and pepper shakers, which Lockwood started curiously scanning. "Unlike my daft supervisors."

There was always a flurry of activity whenever she visited Portland Row. She somehow always had so much to say, and she had to say it within the first five minutes of her being there. That usually meant Portland Row's own activities would come to a brief halt, but her news was more often than not too entertaining to incite many grievances from the inhabitants.

After their joint case involving Winkman, Lucy and George had felt the air shift between them, in a way they couldn't quite put their finger on. Something had obviously happened, especially since she had started stopping by Portland Row. They'd exchange a few obligatory insults, share the highlights of their week, and somehow not bite each other's faces off. Over time, the insults faded into the background, but they still threw in the occasional jab when things started seeming too friendly. Why they were still pretending to get into tiffs when Lockwood had slipped her a spare key was completely lost on George and Lucy.

One unfortunate consequence was they became stuck in this weird limbo. Neither friends nor enemies, but something more rather than in between. And yet, some part of them always hesitated, and so they remained as the two singular, lonely entities they had always been. That wasn't to say they didn't have it in their hearts to feel appropriately outraged for the other when the circumstances called for it.

"Layoffs?”

"Layoffs!"

"What the hell are they laying you off for?"

"Exactly! Never mind that my team has the lowest mortality rate, or that we've never caused destruction worth any more than 500 pounds - no offence, Lockwood."

"Er, yes. At least they're giving you a decent severance package."

Apparently, that wasn't the right thing to say, and this time the egg cups went down as well.

"Overrated ass agency with fuck ass headquarters in the middle of London that I never wanted to spend the rest of my career at anyway, fuck Fittes bitch fucking Rotwell's wannabe-“

"What about Kipps?"

Her face twisted and the others braced for impact a third time. "If they don't put his head on the chopping block, I will-"

After a few cups of tea and a few more rounds of nonsensically excessive swearing, she had finally gotten her disappointment under control.

"Maybe a little rapier practice will take your mind off things?"

She pulled a face. "But my shoulder's so tired."

"Your shoulder's been tired for three weeks now. If your break goes on any longer you'll forget everything I've taught you about grips."

"Aw. Oh no."

"Yes, yes, you're very funny."

"What a tragedy."

"You could at least try to pretend like you care."

"I care! I so care. Of course I care. I've got the hottest instructor this side of the Thames."

"Only on this side of the Thames?"

"Yeah, 'cause he's also a dork ass loser who wears confetti-coloured socks."

Still, she joined him in the basement for a little bit of practice, just to refresh her memory. After that, they tried to venture into some basic lunges, which was where things started going downhill again.

"It's no use." She drove her rapier into the stand and started pulling her wrist brace off, despite Lockwood's deflating encouragement. She sat propped up against the wall, frustratedly combing through her sticky hair. "I'm hopeless at this. Maybe Fittes did know what they were doing when they laid me off."

Lockwood sighed. He put away his own rapier and joined her on the floor. "You're not the only employee they've dismissed. You just got...unlucky."

"Now I feel worse."

"My point is, things will start looking up once you move on." He fiddled with her wrist brace. hesitating. "You do know what to do next, don't you?"

She sighed. "I'll start sending out applications tomorrow. There's this agency in Canterbury I've worked with before. Maybe they'll consider having me full-time."

If she notices Lockwood being mildly taken aback, she doesn't remark on it. He manages some strangled response of approval, and their rapier practice session ends there. It's too late for her to return home by then, so they wash up and get ready for bed. It's clear the day has taken a sizeable chunk out of her when she almost immediately falls half-asleep. Lockwood worries over their conversation in the basement. He glances at her relaxed face. Yeah, she was probably still awake.

"Y/N. Y/N."

"Mm."

"You awake?"

"Mhm."

"I just wanted to tell you that...I was perfectly serious that time. When I said you could come work for me. In case you were wondering. Y/N?"

She doesn't respond, and after a few minutes, her breathing evens out again. He isn't sure if she's heard her, and is even less sure why she's doing everything in her power to stay away from Lockwood & Co.

One cold, January morning, she had been at the Archives with Lockwood & Co. where they were doing some research on their latest joint case. By the time that January morning had turned into a chilly January afternoon, George was telling Lockwood off for leaving one of the maps behind at Portland Row. Naturally, Lockwood was sent to fetch the missing materials, who, not-so-naturally, enlisted her help.

As reluctant as she may have appeared to join Lockwood on this errand, she rested her buzzing head against the soothing, cold glass of the cab gratefully. She had been a little distracted all morning; working at a slower pace, fiddling with the large volumes disinterestedly, staring off into space. She was simultaneously irritated and relieved that Lockwood had noticed. She stared out at the foggy streets of London with her own foggy eyes, trying to make sense of the day.

She had decided to wait on their front porch while Lockwood nipped in to get the papers. While waiting, a sharp rap on their tin awning startled her. Peering up at the sky, she watched the first raindrops of that January shower land in Portland Row's garden. Soon enough, it started to pour generously. The delicate, almost curious winter daffodils drooped their heads under the violent force that was the rain coming down in sheets. In the grey of the clouds and the streets, their yellow petals made her dream of something half-happy.

Tentatively, she walked down the path and stepped into the garden. And then another step. And then another. She was frolicking in the rain for the first time in her life, and there was no one around to stop her.

She felt the rain pause, and turned to see Lockwood holding an umbrella over the two of them. She wrapped her fingers around his on the handle and, with a bit of difficulty, closed the umbrella over their heads. It was only a matter of seconds before the heavy raindrops started weighing his coat down and flattening his otherwise perfectly coiffed hair. She watched the hues of curiosity and amusement shift in his eyes, all of them tinged with the mauve of love. She watched him love her wholly, unabashedly, asking for nothing.

She felt sorry for ruining Lockwood's nice clothes only for a moment, before throwing her arms around his neck, clutching him a little stronger than what was strictly necessary. Papers forgotten, rain soaken, daffodils smitten…she never wanted it to end.

And that was when her life started to fall apart. Being laid off by Fittes had drastically changed their dynamic, and hardly for the better. It was no longer banter from one agent to another - it was one agent and the bad habit he had picked up over the months, one he didn't seem too keen on kicking anytime soon. She didn't ask to stay, and he didn't ask her to leave. And so she spent the rest of her days of unemployment at Portland Row, helping out however she could, filling out and mailing her applications.

Which brought her to her next problem - letters of recommendation.

She was sitting at the kitchen table, reading through the advertisements in the newspaper while nervously shredding its bottom corner. She didn't even look up when Lockwood placed her mug of tea in front of her. He shifted it right on top of the ad she was picking apart.

"Oh. Thanks."

"How's the job search going?"

"Not good." She sighed. "A lot of them require a letter of recommendation."

He slid into the seat next to hers, resting his chin on the back of the chair. "I'll write you a letter of recommendation."

"From my previous employer."

"So? Go over to Fittes and ask for one."

"I don't know," she said, disintegrating the final scraps of newspaper. "Seems a little awkward to go back there after they laid me off."

Lockwood took a look at his watch. "I've got a client meeting at 2, so we should leave after breakfast."

He was already climbing out of his chair and talking to George about the stove misbehaving again by the time her brain caught up. "Hang on, we?"

Lockwood seemed to very conveniently not hear her. "Y/N, if you're not going to drink your tea, we should leave now."

She crammed the last of her toast into her mouth while shrugging her coat on, and joined him outside where he was counting out some coins in his hand.

"Should be just enough for the two of us."

"Just enough for what?"

"The bus. Lovely day, isn't it?"

The trip to Fittes was one of the worst she'd had in her life. She almost felt ashamed for getting laid off and was driving herself crazy obsessing over it. Halfway through she felt a warmth settle over her hand, and glanced down to see Lockwood's palm covering her own. He was looking out the window as if nothing had even happened, and she was looking at him. She couldn't quite tear her eyes away from the sight.

When they reached, she went up to the customer service counter while Lockwood hung back. He looked around the first-floor lobby languidly, watching everyone hurry about their da- hang on, was that Barnes coming out of a conference room?

Lockwood smiled at him while Barnes averted his gaze and started walking out a little faster. Yes, that was most definitely Barnes. He started walking towards him and was just about to call out when he was interrupted by a slightly heated voice coming from the customer service counter.

"What do you mean you don't offer letters of recommendation?!"

A few days after they were almost-but-not-really kicked out of the Fittes headquarters, she and Lockwood were in the library reshelving some books a little before lunchtime. George and Lucy were in the kitchen, so for a while all that could be heard was the smooth sounds of books being pulled off and being put onto the shelves. Lockwood glanced at her and cleared his throat, forcefully injecting a certain nonchalance into his voice.

"I was talking to Barnes the other day."

"Hmm?"

"I think I managed to convince him that we're a big enough agency now to need health insurance."

"Health insurance? Well, don't tell George, or he'll fling himself off the roof at the first chance."

Lockwood stifled a laugh, turning it into a cough though his voice was still comically strained. "Don't go giving him any ideas, now."

They continued rearranging the books in silence until he steeled himself enough to pick up the conversation again.

"So, what I wanted to say was...if you wanted to join Lockwood & Co... you wouldn't have to worry about your mother. Not anymore."

She paused her shelving and frowned at him. "Why do you want me to join Lockwood & Co. so badly?"

"I think you'd be...a valuable member of our team."

So close, yet so far from the few words she wanted to hear. Please join us, Y/N. Forget about all these other agencies. I'd miss you more than I could bear if you left. Go on. Say it.

"Is that all?"

"I...I suppose."

She turned back to their task, disappointed. "I've been wanting to leave London for a while now. To get out, explore...see what's out there."

He stilled for a moment, before bowing his head regretfully. "I see."

Ask me to stay. Please.

They were sitting cross-legged in the garden on Lockwood's coat, the winter daffodils now resting their tired heads on their knees. She squinted up at the sky, now that the rain had come down to a light drizzle.

"My mum never let me go out in the rain." She smiled bitterly at him. "The rest of my friends would go out into the street in their...raincoats...wellingtons...and I'd watch them from the kitchen window. She always said I'd fall sick. And I'd always think...how terrible would it really be if I did?"

She stared at the ground and tried very hard not to cry. "I was a kid. I just...I just wanted a bit of fun." She pressed a shaky hand to her eyes, then dragged it up to her forehead. "And now, all I want..."

The silence filled in for the words she didn't say.

"I never thought I'd miss that."

She glanced at his face anxiously, trying to gauge his reaction. In a way, she mused, Lockwood, and whatever this was, was not all that dissimilar from the rain. It was some wish for a sickness for a fleeting moment of peace. A fleeting moment of being wanted.

He blinked away the raindrops weighing on his eyelashes. "You won't have to. She'll be alright."

"How do you know?"

He stared at a limp daffodil, whose head was being cradled by the bend of his knee, and sighed. "I don't. But some things you just have to...believe."

"I'm sick of believing."

"Then I'll believe for you."

She never knew what it was like to have someone hold onto faith when she couldn't. To have someone hold her up when her knees were buckling under her, to do what she wasn't strong enough to do herself. She cleared her throat, suddenly embarrassed.

"You don't have to do that."

"Someone's got to do it. I'll do it for you."

It was around this point that Lockwood suddenly started getting a lot busier. He somehow never had the time to stay in the same room as her for longer than a minute, and any short passing conversations they shared felt stunted. Other than a cursory smile when they passed each other in the hallways, Lockwood seemed further to her than ever, with his cool demeanour that was somehow forever occupied with matters greater and more important than her.

After a few days of struggling with her applications on her own, Lucy suggested that she pay a visit to DEPRAC for a letter of recommendation. Thankfully, her request for the letter was successful, but her joy was short-lived, barely lasting the bus ride home.

She watched the hopelessly in love couples on the bus whisper to each other, hold hands or even just enjoy each other's company in silence. There was a guy with his hair styled in an unnervingly familiar way. It triggered a sick image of Lockwood sitting on this very bus, next to a girl with lazily attractive eyes and hair prettier than hers could ever be. It made her feel nauseous.

When she returned to Portland Row, she walked around the seemingly empty house, perplexed, until she finally found the three of them pouring over a large book in the library. Lockwood was fiddling with the shirt sleeves folded at his elbows and was the first to glance up as she gently pushed the door open.

"Hey," she smiled at them faintly, avoiding Lockwood's gaze, trying to keep the worry gnawing at her synapses at bay. She stepped inside,

leaning over the huge book, tracing the letters with her eyes interestedly.

"Is that the -"

Lockwood slammed the book shut, cutting her off and sending Lucy into a coughing fit over the dust it released.

"Y/N! Find your way to DEPRAC alright?"

It was a heavy book, she kept repeating to herself, of course it was going to take quite an effort to close it. However, from the way his forearms flexed aggressively as he stuffed the book back into its cloth cover, she wasn't entirely convinced.

"...yes. I took the bus."

"Lovely weather we're having, isn't it?" The three of them exchanged a look while Lockwood firmly tucked the book in. The grey skies peeking through the curtains looked hardly lovely. George finally caved, glaring at Lockwood.

"We were just finalising our plan for next week's case."

"I used to draw up mission plans for my team at Fittes. Maybe I could -"

"I think we're fine." Lockwood crossed his arms, his expression unnaturally surly and his jaw set in a way that gave her a sinking feeling. George threw the book at him, who only barely managed to catch it at the last second.

"Told you we should have waited for her."

Unfortunately, matters refused to ease up over the next week. And so she somehow learned to live without him. One morning, she decided to get an early start to the day since she was going to be accompanying Lucy to the DEPRAC headquarters to submit some company paperwork. She paused at the foot of the stairs when she heard a bit of a ruckus in the kitchen, followed by some soft swearing. She crept towards the kitchen to see Lockwood scrambling to gather up an upturned first aid kit while a dark red patch swelled on his socks, still in the same attire as when he left for a solo case the previous evening.

He looked at her furiously, trying to hide his injured ankle behind the kitchen table. He seemed to become further incensed by her helping to set the first aid kit right. "Leave it. I can do it on my own."

"I'm only trying to help! Don't look at me like that, you got yourself hurt in the first place."

He spoke emphatically through gritted teeth. "I don't need your help."

"Lockwood, your sock is nearly soaked through with blood. So shut up."

Maybe the blood loss was starting to catch up to him, but for once, Lockwood did as he was told. He certainly wasn't happy about it, but he allowed her to peel back his sock and wince at the sight of the wound. As she cleaned and dressed the injury, she couldn't help but be reminded of old times when they would snap at each other, her more than him, whenever they were within ten feet of the other. It was almost nostalgic but slightly worrying to be back to square one.

When he could hold himself back no longer, he pried the bandage roll out of her hands with an unexpected gentleness, shakily winding it messily around his ankle. When he was done, she put it away with the first aid kit, and when she returned, his nose was buried in the day's paper, once again as distant as an island.

Soon after that, George and Lucy joined them for breakfast, and George almost immediately picked up on

"Lucy, George won't leave me alone!"

"Lockwood's a pent-up git that never says what he feels!"

Lucy gave them a sidelong glance. "...right. Y/N, ready to -?"

Eyes watering, she chugged the last of her tea and clambered out of her chair, but Lockwood beat her to it. He folded the newspaper sharply, and straightened from his seat, albeit a tad unsteadily.

"No need. I'll come with you, Luce." She and Lucy exchanged a glance, and she slowly sunk back down into her seat. Lucy took in the ectoplasm on his trainers, his slightly charred shirt and the purple under his eyes.

"Are you sure? You look a little...tired."

"I've been out all night. One more trip isn't going to kill me." He patted Lucy firmly on the shoulder, his grip looking a little painful as he swayed imperceptibly, voice trailing off as he started shuffling towards the door.

His limp was unmistakable now, but the three of them knew better than to question him when he was in a mood like this, with his uneven voice and rough words dangerously close to becoming slurred. "Come now," he was saying, "let's not bother Y/N with Lockwood & Co. matters." His shifty eyes finally settled on her for the first time that morning, but she didn't like the brooding spite behind them. "Not when she has all these important applications to fill out."

The silence that followed prickled uncomfortably. Lucy scoffed and stepped out, Lockwood following her determinedly. There was some muffled argument in the hallway, then the sound of the front door opening and closing, and then silence once more. She stared at the dregs of her tea stonily, hating the way her face burned with shame. When she finally looked up, George had left, but there was a sympathy jammy dodger within reach.

It was getting dangerously close to half an hour in the rain, yet still the heavens beat down on them ruthlessly. They had retired to the front steps just outside the awning, now almost completely drenched. She shuffled her feet nervously, trying to scrounge up some warmth, while the rain flowed down Lockwood's nose freely. He was staring at the rich dark earth at his feet, like he had forgotten where he was, his coat long forgotten. She stood up and jabbed him between the shoulder blades sharply, making him snap his head up.

"It's getting cold. I'm going inside." Lockwood blinked, raindrops decorating an eyelash or two, and nodded after a moment. She sighed impatiently.

"Don't you want to come inside too?"

"...I'm not cold."

"No, but you'll fall sick if you stay out any longer."

He rubbed his face wearily, his back muscles shifting mechanically under his translucent shirt. "I'll be alright."

She bristled instinctively. The raindrops somehow got even louder as they pelted the tin awning. "I'm serious, Lockwood."

"So am I."

"Then come inside before you catch something awful."

"I'll come inside when I want to."

The torrential downpour continued unabated, viciously attacking their home's exterior. The rapping of the raindrops against the tin rung in her ears like anger.

"Why must you be so stubborn?"

He finally looked up to meet her eyes, his own filled with a despair she had rarely seen. "I want to be alone."

It was the night of the big case that Lockwood & Co. had been preparing for for a week now, but two of its three members had come down with the most awful stomach bug she had seen. Apparently, there was something off with Arif's doughnuts that day, and now Lucy and George were down with food poisoning. She was in her room, listening to Lockwood wear down the floorboards outside her room with all his pacing. Finally, he stopped in front of her door, and after a moment, gave a short knock.

"Come in."

He opened the door to reveal a fully decked-out Lockwood extensively decorated with flares and lavender. She raised her eyebrows.

"Wow. That is...wow."

"George and Lucy are down with food poisoning," he began impatiently, "and I could really use an extra pair of eyes." He softened his stance at the critical look in her eye, taking on a more apologetic demeanour. "...please."

"But I don't even know how to use a rapier."

"Not much room for one, anyway. It's a two-room cottage."

She toyed with the idea of saying no. The idea of watching the hope in his eyes flicker out, of watching him go do the job...alone...without anyone's help...without anyone to help him if he got injured, or worse-

"Fine. I'll meet you downstairs in two minutes."

The cab was waiting for them by the time she was hurrying down the stairs, and she flipped through the summarised research report on the way there. She winced at the circled deduction that the Visitor was likely a Fetch, which Lockwood picked up on.

"Is something wrong?"

"...no." With some difficulty, she tore her eyes away from the report and closed the file. In all her years of experience, Fetches were the one Visitor that she still struggled with. It didn't help that her encounters with them had been few and far between. She glanced at Lockwood, who was staring out the window coolly as if barely nonplussed by the anticipation of coming face-to-face with one of the most dangerous Visitor types.

The taxi driver was quite a bit intimidated by Lockwood's superfluous attire, and so refused to go any further than the foot of the hill at the top of which the cottage was located. As they lugged their equipment up the hill, she felt her frustration towards Lockwood swell and swell until it finally reached a breaking point. She dropped the duffel bag she was carrying with a clatter, making Lockwood stop and turn around to face her.

"What's wrong?"

"Why have you been so off lately?"

His features hardened and his jaw set like it had so many times before. "It's nothing."

"It's not nothing. Obviously."

He stared at her hard, before dropping his own duffel bag. The tension over the past two weeks had clearly come to a head and it was happening right there on the hill in near-darkness. "I thought we were a team."

"We are."

"Well, it sure as hell doesn't feel like it."

"I just want to be independent."

"No, you don’t. You want to be alone."

“That's not true!” She hesitated. "That's not fair." At that moment, she felt so terribly small and insignificant, in a way she hadn't felt since having a particularly cruel supervisor in her first year of being an agent. Her eyes prickled unpleasantly, and she was suddenly engulfed with memories about that January shower. Oh, no, she thought. He was never going to hold her like that again.

She shook her head as if trying to shake some sense into herself. "I don't...I don't want to be a burden. I can do this on my own."

"You want to do this on your own."

"How could you possibly think that?"

“All I see is someone too scared to stick their neck out for something real for once in their life."

“What's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't think you know what you're running from!"

She looked around in despair as if searching for some way to make him understand. "I'm not running from anything."

He stepped closer to her, and it was all she could manage to not burst into tears with his face twisted something ugly with hurt.

"You're running from me."

I'm not, she wants to say, but the words get caught in her throat. The silence rings out harshly between the two of them until Lockwood picks up his bag and resumes the trek uphill. After a moment or two, she follows him.

When they reach inside, they go through the motions of setting up their chains and investigating the areas of the Visitor's appearance, the way they've done hundreds of times before. Eventually, they split up and pace their corresponding rooms, the malaise growing stronger in the air by the minute.

After an hour or so, she felt it. A prickling in the hairs at the back of her neck. Waves of nausea washed over her and she felt paralysed by fear. She knew that when she turned, she'd be faced with something too terrible to comprehend. But she's too weak to brave seeing something so terrible, and so she doesn't turn. At that moment, she unravelled, and covered her eyes with her hands like a child, gasping with sobs that she struggled to suppress.

Suddenly, the cold breathing down her neck was replaced by intense heat as the hiss of a flare eating through a Visitor filled her ears. She felt rough hands desperately clutching her wrists and peeked through her fingers to meet Lockwood's panic-stricken gaze. Panic-stricken over her. His eyes shifted to the Visitor behind her and lobbed another flare at it in the nick of time.

She started creeping along the walls, running her hands over every nook and cranny until she came across a picture frame radiating strong feelings of anxiety. She scrambled for the iron still folded in her pocket and threw it over the frame. The Visitor instantly evaporated, leaving Lockwood staring at the corner it had just been occupying with a haunted look in his eyes. When he had regained proper control of his senses, he turned to her.

"I didn't know-"

"I thought I'd be able to manage it, okay?" She avoided his gaze. "I'm sorry. Can we just go h- go back now?"

The ride back was somehow even quieter than the ride there, both of them burdened by thoughts that would clearly never see the light of day. He paused at the hat stand near the front door while she shrugged her coat off.

"Y/N-"

"I think I'll go to bed now. Goodnight, Lockwood."

She cut past him brusquely, heading straight for her room, though it would be many hours before the buzzing in her head quieted enough for her to fall asleep. As she got undressed, her mind drifted back to when Lockwood was standing right in front of her, holding her wrists with a long-forgotten gentleness, and the close shave with the Fetch. Too close of a shave. Tonight could never happen again. She had to make sure of it.

Over the next few days, their relationship returned to being suspiciously amicable. Perhaps it wasn't as glaringly obvious to the others with the distraction of their stomach bug, but George's squint at her when she handed him a glass of water was enough to see that he was onto them.

She had been in the basement polishing their iron chains when Lockwood knocked on the door. She put the chains down for a moment as he pulled out a minimalistic envelope.

"This just came for you in the mail."

It had the address of one of the agencies she had applied to written on it. She nervously ripped it open and started scanning the contents before she remembered where she was. She looked at Lockwood, who had a cool expression of polite curiosity.

"So? Did you get it?"

"They want me to start next week." Lockwood's lips curved into a half-smile, and it was the first smile he'd given her in weeks that reached his eyes.

"That's...that's amazing. You deserve it. That is, if you're going to accept it."

"It's a rather decent offer. Think it would be quite a shame to pass it up. Don't you?"

He gave a slight pause. "Of course. Yes."

"...but?"

He shook his head and gave a short laugh. "It's...it's silly." He was staring at a patch of grease on the floor which he was very focused on rubbing out with his shoe. "I've known you for...for as long as Lockwood & Co.'s been around." He looked up from the floor to meet her gaze, his eyes open and honest.

"I don't know if I can do this without you."

She looks into his flighty brown eyes and drinks in as much as she can of him. Next week, she'll be in a different town, at a new job, meeting new people until he becomes just a distant memory, some dream she had once upon a time, and she'd be freed from her shackles of longing. But now, in his eyes she sees the two of them spinning round and round, forever together in a January shower in some universe.

"I should start packing."

Her goodbyes were fairly uneventful. They exchanged promises to write, to keep in touch. Lucy and George waved her off from their front door. Lockwood didn't come down from his room. Now she was in her new home, miles away from any feelings that may have tethered her from Portland Row, and all that was left to do was sit and wait and try to forget.

Except. Except.

Here she was, lying on her bed with an all too familiar weight on her chest. Those feelings she had promised to bury with the winter daffodils were here - travelled miles to plague her mind with restless thoughts of which nothing could ever come. How was it that all this distance only made her crave Lockwood even more? He stained her mind and hung from her lips like a broken promise, like an unheard prayer. It was there when she woke up, it was there when she went to sleep, it laid next to her and embraced her like a lover till she couldn't breathe.

Three months later, she still hasn't moved on and has almost entirely given up on any hope for sleep. She replays her memories of him like a tired VCR, and every night the image grows fainter and fainter. What, exactly, did his voice sound like? Did he have dimples? He had a scar on his collarbone, she was fairly sure. But how did he get it? She waits for the sky to light up for those few short hours after her work for the day, but be it day or night, the sadness remains.

For years she had been so strong, so tough, so ready to do anything and to do it alone. Too independent to even work properly with his agency. But after meeting Lockwood, it all felt like a farce, like she had just been pretending and hoping and closing her eyes through as many horrors as she could handle until she finally reached her breaking point. Something had snapped in her soul - some ill-gotten desire to fasten herself to him from the moment she had kissed him after Winkman's. To have him be her home.

Even so, she still had a job to do, so she carried these feelings around with her. There was this one particular case where her team was tasked by the city council to clear out an old, abandoned mansion of any Visitors. She had been creeping through the third floor when she saw him standing there, in the shard of moonlight peeking through the rafters. Lockwood was standing mere feet in front of her, sleeves rolled up to his elbows without his coat, whole and uninjured.

"Lockwood!" She closed the distance between them. "What are you doing here?"

He turned to face her, smiling mildly as if she had done nothing more than greet her. Y/N, he was saying. His voice reverberated differently than what she was used to, but she put it down to the weird acoustics of the mansion.

Why did you leave me?

"...what?"

Why did you go away? You've made me sick with worry.

"I...I have?"

Day in, day out, you're all I think about.

"No...no, that can't be right. That's me, not you."

Are you sure? Think harder. What do you remember about me?

"I don't know, I don't know. Why are you doing this, Lockwood?" Something was very, very wrong. What was he of all people doing here, and why weren't his lips moving when he talked?

How can you be so in love with me if you can't even remember me?

I do! I do remember you! Please don't say I don't.

Why'd you leave me, Y/N?

"Wha...what? I didn't - no - I didn't mean to leave you-"

I wanted you to stay.

"Then you should have TOLD ME!"

But I did tell you.

It still hadn't fully clicked in her brain, but she gleaned enough to tell that this wasn't Lockwood. Some obscene bastardisation of him, perhaps, but nothing of any real substance. She walked back a few steps, keeping her eyes trained on him, and against her better judgement threw a flare at him. It hit the centre of his chest, which began to fizzle up and corrode away at the figment until there was nothing left but the dying embers reflected in her misty eyes. He had looked...so solid. So real. Real enough for her to believe. Oh god, how badly she wanted to believe.

That night, she had barely pulled off much of her excess gear before slumping into bed, which she did not leave for the next three days. Obviously, that hadn't been Lockwood, it was a Fetch. But it only had her memories to work off of. What was it that had happened that made her feel like he had told her to stay? She drove herself mad picking apart every interaction she had had with him since she was 13. What did she miss? Where was the mistake?

Maybe she was just hoping for a mistake.

I miss you. I wish you were here - not miles away in London, here, beside me. I wish it was you lodged in my chest instead of this acrid longing. I'm the one who can't do this without you. Please come back to me. I'm so tired of being strong. Please come save me. I need you here. I wish you were here. I wish you were here. I wish you were here.

TAGLIST: @mitskiswift99 @dangelnleif @elenianag080 @snoopyluver20 @ell0ra-br3kk3r @avdiobliss @ahead-fullofdreams @neewtmas @mischivana @houseoftwistedspirits

P.S. until I changed my mind at the very last minute this WAS going to have a happy ending I wrote it out and everything but then deleted and Grammarly won't let me ctrl z my way out of this :(((

#lockwood and co #lockwood and co netflix #lockwood netflix #anthony lockwood #anthony lockwood x lucy carlyle #anthony lockwood imagine #anthony lockwood angst #anthony lockwood x reader #florence and the machine #wish that you were here

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