So I need to rant incoherently about Norse Mythology. It happens.
My biggest pet peeve about Norse Mythology in modern media?
Yes, it’s great they included Thor and Loki and Valkries and all that but they missed out so much that, honestly? Could have mad it soooooo much funnier/better/more sense.
Like how Thor once had Mjolnir stolen by frost giants, dressed up as Freya (without shaving or anything, just a dress and veil) with Loki as his hand maiden, got in and beat the giants’ asses to kingdom come. It could have been a moment of bonding, or a neat little detail mentioned in passing, y'know, just something.
Also, Loki’s kids.
Goodness, I could do a whole post on the main four, but I’m gonna condense it for everyone’s sanity. Or try to. I’ll probably fail.
You all know Hel/Hela? She’s actually Loki’s kid, the goddess of the dead and half corpse. Depending on what you read, either her face is split between gorgeous maiden and horrifying corpse or her legs are rotting goat legs. She’s the second youngest of all of Loki’s monster kids and the only girl. I read an amazing book from her POV, which I can’t remember the name of. It really fucking annoys me that they made her Thor and Loki’s sister because not only could you have added angst and comedy it just makes more SENSE.
And Fenrir/Fenris. He’s bound by Magic chains TM made with cat footsteps and ladies beards by dwarves. He also bit off Tyr’s (the god of war) hand. His hand. It’s just such a crucial part of mythology, and I known there’s already been “Thor: Ragnarok” but still.
Now we have our eldest creature. Jormungand. A huge. World-spiralling. Serpent. He resides in the Earth’s oceans. Wrapping around it like earpod wires. Thor and Jormumgand HATE each other. Thor and a giant went fishing, Thor caught Jormungand, couldn’t lift him.
THOR CAN LIFT MJOLNIR BUT COULDN’T LIFT A MOTHER-FUCKIN’ SNAKE
This says tons about how important he is. Once Thor finally (after pretty much drinking all of Midgard’s ale) lifts him. The giant severs the line in fear because Jormungand is going to bring about Ragnarok. Thor will kill Jormungand and Jormungand will kill Thor. Lemme just make that clearer.
JORMUNGAND IS GOING TO KILL THOR
K I L L H I M
That’s a big Fucking deal.
Even if Marvel doesn’t do that, couldn’t they reference how there is a huge snake in the ocean?
Perhaps the wackiest kid of all, Sliepner. An eight-legged horse ridden by Odin that can run at beyond incredible speeds. The strangest thing about him is his context.
Basically, after the war with the Vanir Asgard was not looking to good. The worst thing destroyed was the outer wall. It had been completely decimated. Frost giants were attacking and Asgard was at an all time low. Until this big, blue man comes along and says “Hey, I can build your wall if you want?”.
Odin is really happy but still suspicious, so he asks what he wants for payment. The blue man says that if he can’t build the wall within a certain amount of time (usually a year) then there will be no payment. However, if he builds the wall in time, he gets Freya/Freja the goddess of love (who, interestingly, rides a cat chariot. But anyway) to marry him.
Freya obviously doesn’t like that. But it’s gotta be impossible to build a whole big-ass wall in just a year, so Odin agrees.
Blue dude, in six months, gets ¾ of the wall done, no shit, no fuss. And Loki being Loki, goes:
“Hey, what if we spy on him and find out what he’s doing?”
And Odin just goes “Yeah dude”. Because Freya is
P I S S E D
And will not leave him alone.
So Loki goes and spies on blue man and discovers that blue man had a super strong, super fast stallion that can carry a shit-ton of bricks to build the wall in twice the time. Loki goes back and tells everyone, tells them he has a plan. He disappears for a few months, blue dude loses his horse because it falls in love with a cute mare, can’t finish the wall in time and loses. Then Loki comes skipping back with a newborn stallion, gives the horse to Odin who discovers that he goes R E A L L Y fast. And that’s the end of it.
This is a strange story because one, Loki fucked a horse and gave birth to a horse. Which is just soooooooooooo…I mean I can’t even explain it other than magic. And two, it’s just as funny as Loki stabbing Thor whenever.
Yeah I think I’m done now. Sorry for the long post, but my brother has become obsessed with Marvel and I got annoyed and hey, what else is Tumblr for? I love Marvel but I love Norse Mythology more and I get really pissed when it isn’t followed. However I love the concept of Loki being Thor’s brother, so that’s cool. Again, sorry for the long post. Have a good day.