#those are jokes it's supposed to be funny

[mall0ww]

Bsf! Simon " Ghost " Riley X Fem! Reader

CW's in order : petnames (?), implied self-h*rm (1st), suggestive/suggestive jokes (1st, 2nd), implied suicidal thoughts (3rd), minor injuries (3rd)

Just some HC's as blurbs, not proofread

- - -

" (L/N). "

His voice was stern. Even more so than his usual gruff voice. Instead it sounded more like what you'd imagine his voice to sound on the field.

It made your body tense immediately.

You did stop in your tracks, yet you didn't turn around to face him.

" Why 're you walkin' like tha'? "

" Walking like what? "

Was the answer you chose to give, feigning innocence. Inoccence that couldn't fool him because you both knew that he knew.

It made his frown deepen even more.

" On the chair. Pants off. "

Instead of taking him serious, because that was such a sensitive topic, you decided to joke around with that a bit. As usual. Which he didn't like one bit.

But you still wiggled your eyebrows.

" Sounds like you want to- "

Before you could finish that sentence though, Ghost spoke once more, interrupting you.

" Y'know damn well that's not what I mean. I'm just tryin' to take care of you here. "

With a low sigh, he shook his head.

" Now sit. I'll get the bandages. And I swear, if you're still standing here when I'm back... "

- - -

" Bet you wouldn't even be able to make me come "

It was almost funny just how smoothly those words slipped from your tongue and how confident you sounded while saying it, even though it was accompanied by that sweet little chuckle of yours.

That was when Ghost raised one of his eyebrows and grinned smugly beneath his balaclava. And even though you couldn't see it on his lips, you could see it in his eyes.

" Wha' makes you so sure, sweetie? "

You just shrugged lightly in response. Yet the playful grin on your lips remained.

" Not even my ex partners could do that, so.. "

And so, he rolled his eyes.

" Y'shouldn't compare me with those scums. "

A pause, before he added more to that statement.

" If y'don't believe me, I can show you, y'know? "

- - -

" You know, I'd give my life if it'd keep you alive. "

It was a weird admission from your side. Almost like some kind of confession just how much he means to you.

" I know, it doesn't sound like much, coming from me of all people. When I'd take my own life as well, just because some silly things. But I wanted to say, that I'd always throw myself in danger or whatever, if it means that I can keep you safe. "

Ghost did look kind of confused at your admission.

After all it was kind of obvious what lengths you would go just for him, with you laying here in your bed, various bruises because of a fight you had with some dumbass that talked badly about your best friend here.

" You're stupid. "

While his voice did sound as gruff as usual, his hand, that was intertwined with yours, was gentle. You could feel the callouses of his thumb as it softly brushed over the back of your hand.

" I'm the one who is supposed to protect you. "

#ghost cod #simon ghost x you #simon ghost x reader #simon ghost riley #ghost x you #cod x reader #ghost x reader #cod mw x reader

[braimin]

I just realized that Sanji accidentally got the whole crew addicted to nicotine through second hand smoking. Like, during WCI everyone was So Anxious, obviously because Sanji was gone, but also because the are literally addicted to Sanji's presence (the nicotine, the smell of food, his cologne, everything about him)

Them accidentally getting a nicotine addiction is actually so funny✨

I bet when Chopper heard everyone's complaints about how they felt after Sanji left he was like 'uh oh'. Usopp complains about how he's so anxious he's stress eating and Zoro is suddenly soo aggressive with everyone and can't fall asleep, the whole crew feels like they're going to starve to death without him, their nerves are all completely fried and after a bit Chopper puts the pieces together and is like 'Damn, that bitch gave us all an addiction.'

It also got me thinking about poor Zoro.. You know those girls that joke about putting nicotine patches on their partners after sex ? That's what Sanji has basically done to him. Because after every encounter they have Sanji lights a cigarette and blows the first hit in his face to be a dick. Neither of them ever thought about the long term consequences, Zoro just thinks it's hot and Sanji thinks it's funny.

One of the main reasons Zoro didn't go to WCI with Luffy is because he was the one with the worst withdraw symptoms. Like the trip to Zou from Dressrosa was already really shitty because he was having trouble. But then they find out Sanji's gone and everything and Zoro is like 'Yeah, I'm gonna have to sit this one out.' Because they were already pushing it letting Luffy go on what is supposed to be a stealth mission, bringing Zoro when he's like a second away from going apeshit over Sanji withdraws would be a terrible idea.

#one piece #sanji #zosan #when they get Sanji back the crew has to sit in the galley all day for a few days #because they all missed the cigarette smell #they make him chain smoke so they can get their fix lol #not that he minds #he also thinks it's funny as shit that Zoro has the worst addiction out of all of them #he's like 'aww the poor marimo can't live without me' #and Zoro is so mad he's screamin at him like 'you! you did this to me!'

[scorpiosleeps]

Liminal Spaces - 141

((For this to make even a little bit of sense, please go read the wonderful brainchild of the talented @notspiders - I've linked the post at the bottom, you can't miss it! All credit goes to them ♥))

Part 1 - The Woods

There's only ever been one rule - You're supposed to stay up in the watchtower when he isn't with you (a rare occurrence as he seems to hate being away even for a moment) and you'd think there'd be some pull, some inclination to explore and see things for yourself... but not really? (Not anymore). 

Sometimes there's a nagging, irritating feeling in the back of your head, it tells you to do silly things, dangerous things - like putting on your hiking boots, getting some essentials together... and running away. 

But that's silly. (And you shiver when you think about going out into the woods on your own.) 

It's cozy up in the watchtower, always the perfect temperature inside, always a drink fitting the weather set out waiting for you, a snack prepared in advance if you get peckish, a blanket or some fuzzy socks if it's chilly or a pair of sunglasses and a hat if the sunbeams are persistent.  

Your biggest weakness however - several piles of books by the bed. You.. don't really remember how long you've been here, but you've read so many books one would think you should have managed to make a dent in the stacks by now - but no. 

And it's not like you're complaining, not at all, every single book you've picked up thus far has scratched just the right itch for that day. (But it's weird, isn't it?) 

And you couldn't have asked for a better companion, he doesn't crowd you when you want to be alone (though he's never far from sight). If you want to spend the day reading away, he'll simply take the four-wheeler (that only ever works for him) and go on a provision run, it's kinda funny how those trips are always on days when you have no desire to leave the watchtower (right?). Or he'll go hunting - disappearing in to the woods without gear or weapons of any kind and yet always bringing back game slung over his strong, broad back.  

It's not that he refuses to take you with him (not at all, he loves your company!) it's just that when you go with him, the two of you always seem to get distracted and end up doing something completely different then what you set out to do. Like rock-climbing! Or he'll teach you how to throw axes, or tie a snare - always willing to please you, quick to laugh and even quicker with a joke. 

Some days, instead of being boisterous and smiling, blue eyes glittering with mischief, he will go quiet, contemplative and go sit out by the railing and watch the horizon. - And you've found yourself thinking, on more than one occasion that it's as if he is actively trying not to look at you. His fingers wrapped around the old rusty metal, knuckles white and taut. You learned quickly that he was best left alone on days like that. (So things don't get out of hand). 

He always keeps you safe though, even from yourself. Because as good as you have it here, sometimes you have bad days too and you get confused. You don't like yourself very much on those days, on those days you don't like your companion very much either, or at all in fact.  

The important thing is - He keeps you safe and even if you sulk and pout afterwards (his words, not yours), if you refuse to get out of bed and spend days simply laying curled up under covers and blankets staring out over the vast (never ending) stretch of forest surrounding you... he always takes care of you.  

You scream and shout and cry, accuse him of horrible things, of scary things.. and on really bad days he has to restrain you, take hold of your smacking hands and scratching nails and push you down in bed under his solid body. Holding you still while he coos and whispers sweet nothings in your ear (always with that warm highland tone) until you've calmed down, until you can breath again. When your head finally stops hurting, finally stops feeling like it's going to tear in two. 

And you can't fault him if his touch lingers, if he's reluctant to let you go. To release your body from under his much bigger one. And him grinding up against your core, slotting your body perfectly against his.. that's just to keep you from hurting yourself (Even if it short circuits your brain). So what if his eyes go a little crazed and stares at inappropriate places on your body - anyone can get cabin fever! 

He'll nail up an old bedsheet and set up the projector so you can watch movies together, or he'll pick up the book you've started on and read aloud - picking up right where you left off. 

And soon enough the bad mood will pass, it will slip away and you're back to enjoying yourself in the quiet of the watchtower, feeling at peace once more. 

More often than not he'll do voices for the characters, bring them to life with exaggerated accents and gesticulations, all to make you smile. Or he'll go completely off script and put on his own little show, just for your amusement, it never fails to leave you in stitches. 

He'll tempt you and entice you with delicious smelling foods, stacks of pancakes with butter and maple syrup, rich flavourful stews that leave you both groaning and unbuttoning your pants. Or he'll pull a pint of your favourite ice-cream out of the icebox, when you could have sworn, you'd run out days ago (Gaz only knows where he got it from).  

His big, steady arm wrapped around your shoulders, his nose pressed down at the top of your head, breathing you in, calming him down and stirring him up in equal measure. (Unbeknownst to you.) 

You're right where you should be, where you belong.

With him. 

#call of duty #cod mw2 #cod mw3 #cod mwii #cod mwiii #soap cod #john soap mactavish #soap x reader #task force 141 #cod 141 #cod headcanons #liminal spaces #watchtower #the woods #liminal spaces part one #sleepywrites

[a-dumb-sarcastic-bisexual]

More headcanons about Anakin and Ahsoka being menaces to the general public

I feel like both Anakin and Ahsoka react to being sick in similar ways and by reacting in similar ways I mean they do everything in their power to ignore the fact that they’re sick 

Which is funny because they both get annoyed when the other refuses to accept that they’re sick Ahsoka will take any hint that Anakin gives her that his condition is failing and runs with it 

Man could breathe different way and she’s like “Master it sounds like you’re sick maybe you should lay down and let me take over” to which Anakin refuses 

Ahsoka’s just as bad because Anakin tries his best to take care of her without letting her know he’s onto her 

But of course she’s not stupid and can tell when he’s being more of a helicopter sibling than normal and calls him on it 

God forbid they get sick at the same time because they just spend the whole time trying to take care of each other 

And god forbid they get sick at the same time when Obi-Wan is around cause then they just turn into whiny children 

Like no seriously it’s like a switch goes off in their brains that renders them into beings incapable of fixing their blankets 

Obi-Wan obliges because what dad would stop taking care of their kid depending on the age 

Honestly my brain kinda leaned into Ahsoka’s chaotic younger sister energy with this one 

But I love the idea that she will just sneak attack Anakin and Obi-Wan 

Most of her “sneak attacks” go something like this: Anakin walking down the hall minding his business when Ahsoka drops down from the ceiling 

But before she can land on him he sidesteps and grabs her by the collar before she can hit the floor which results in Ahsoka moaning and groaning that she “Almost got him that time” and Anakin grumbles back that the only thing that “almost got her” was a black eye

He does have to admit that her random seak attacks have made her better at climbing 

Sometimes she’ll walk up behind Obi-Wan and try to cover his eyes but most of the time all she gets is his shoulders 

Most of the time it doesn’t even slow the man down he just keeps walking while asking her about her day and how classes are going 

But as she gets older she’s able to mask her presence better and manages to sneak up on the men once or twice  

Obi wan is always willing to admit defeat and congratulates her on her well earned victory 

Anakin blames it on his age and that’s the only time that Ahsoka will ever hear him admit to being “old” (he’s 30) 

It’s an ongoing joke that you shouldn’t separate Ahsoka and Anakin some say you risk a limb if you try others say you’re risking your life what most don’t mention is how you’re risking your sanity 

Because they become the most annoying motherfuckers when they’re apart 

Ahsoka acts like they’ve been separated for 10 years and will tell stories like she’s reminiscing about the good old times but most of the time the people she tells the stories to were present for the events so it goes something like this:

“Hey Rex do you remember when me and Anakin threw someone into that lake those were the days” “Yes I do remember that commander because I was that person and it was a week ago”

In his defense that’s the fifth story she told him in the past hour and here was there for all of them

Anakin’s just as bad but for a different reason because all he does is overthink

Like don’t get me wrong he keeps up the “cool guy” personality before she leaves but the second she’s gone he’ll sprinkle little questions into normal conversations like “Do you think she packed warm enough?” “Do they have enough emergency rations?”  “Did anyone make sure that ship was up to code before they left?”

He made sure she packed for every single weather possible, he packed enough rations for two weeks even tho they were supposed to be gone for two days, and he checked the ship before they left 

Sometimes Anakin or Ahsoka will just walk into each other's room and hang out they don't do much they kinda just sit down and talk 

Sometimes they have a silent but mutual understanding to leave the room and go bother Obi-Wan in his 

I love the idea that Obi-Wan and Anakin are victims of Ahsoka’s undying fascination with human hair she loves when their hair is long and encourages them to grow it out longer so she has more to work with 

She all but falls to her knees when she sees how long Padme’s hair is and she’s the creator of some of Padme’s funkier hairstyles (both Anakin and Padme make a small note to force Ahsoka to do their future kid's hair)

She’s also weirded out by facial hair so every single time Obi-Wan shaves or Anakin tries to grow a beard they’re treated like a different person entirely 

It took them a while to figure out why but once they did they lost their minds laughing (and also made silent vows not to do it again cause it freaked her out)

People often say it’s like Ahsoka and Anakin can read each other's minds without using the force 

Some people find it hard to believe but it’s pretty easy to tell when people are having conversations through their bond and when two people are having a conversation just with looks

It’s not an uncommon sight for them to shoot each other looks after someone says something a little bold and for both of them to be laughing by the end of it 

It’s just as common for them to get into little arguments and finish it in complete and total silence before one of them finally gives in with a huff 

It’s kinda freaky but they don’t seem to notice and everyone around them is too used to it to care

#star wars #the clone wars #star wars clone wars #star wars headcanons #ahsoka tano #anakin skywalker #obi wan kenobi #padmé amidala #captain rex #ahsoka and anakin #snips and skyguy #disaster siblings #they put poor obi wan through the ringer #that man needs a vacation from them #his blood pressure has been through the roof since they met #rex always suffers when they're separated #so does Padme but she's a better sport about it #this show has taken over my brain #and my google docs #like someone free me

[queenlucythevaliant]

Okay, here we go. Rating literary allusions in Taylor Swift songs:

The Outside: "I tried to take the road less traveled by /but nothing seems to work the first few times/am I right?"--Starting off pretty well! She tried to take the road less traveled by, but it didn't make any difference. 8/10

Love Story: Whole song allusion to Romeo and Juliet-- All those 2008 jokes about Taylor not having read R&J weren't funny then and they aren't funny now. It's a fun, satisfying subversion. However, I am going to dock points for the fact that Romeo and Juliet aren't a prince and princess, just rich. 7/10

Love Story: "You were Romeo/I was a scarlet letter"--Is the Juliet character in "Love Story" being publicly shamed? Did she do something scandalous? There are zero other lines in this song to suggest that she did, and a fair amount of evidence that she didn't. This allusion confuses rather than clarifies and tbh this is the one people should've made fun of in 2008. 2/10

New Romantics: "We show off our different scarlet letters/ trust me, mine is better" --Hooray! She figured out what the book is about! This is a beautifully executed allusion, where "scarlet letters" represents a mark of something shameful which, in a fun subversion, is being shown off with pride. Fits the song really well. Most improved award, 11/10

Getaway Car: "It was the best of times, the worst of crimes" (A Tale of Two Cities) -- Goes in the category of "fun wordplay, but doesn't really mean anything deeper" 5/10

This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things: "Feeling so Gatsby for that whole year" --This is a perfectly serviceable allusion, but not a super interesting one. Sub "Gatsby" out with "nostalgic" and the song wouldn't change at all. She could've done a lot more with the reference, given the subject matter of the song. 6/10

cardigan: "I knew you/tried to change the ending/Peter losing Wendy" -- This works! You get a sense of Betty losing her innocence and choosing to leave James and of it being inevitable somehow. Plus, it imbues the song with a lovely fairy tale quality. 10/10

illicit affairs: "take the road less traveled by/tell yourself you can always stop" -- To take the road less traveled by is to do something risky, unpopular, or unfamiliar, not just to take a route through town where you won't run into people. Not totally egregious, but the regression from Debut is disappointing. 4/10

invisible string: "and isn't it just so pretty to think/ that all along there was some/ invisible string tying you to me."(The Sun Also Rises)--Ugggggh. Okay, so "Isn't it pretty to think so?" is this sad, tired, ironic note in The Sun Also Rises. Brett tells Jake, "We could have had a damned good time together" and Jake says "Isn't it pretty to think so?" because their whole situationship was never going to work. It's not a positive thing; it's pure, bitter Lost Generation irony. Completely out-of-place in a song about how two people we're supposed to believe will actually work as a couple. This one drives me nuts, and I don't even like Hemingway. 0/10

happiness: "I hope she'll be a beautiful fool/ who takes my spot next to you" (Gatsby)--Saying this about an ex's future SO is so... off. Like, the reason why Daisy hopes her daughter will be a beautiful fool is because it's easy. The two situations have nothing to do with one another, and not in an interesting way. 1/10

The Albatross: whole song allusion to "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner," but most notably "She's the albatross/ she is here to destroy you"--The albatross in the Rime is a good omen. The Mariner shoots is for no reason, and the albatross's death is the ostensible source of bad fortune. I wrote a whole separate post on this here. That said, culturally "albatross=bad omen" is common enough, so whatever. 3/10

I Hate It Here: "I will go to secret gardens in my mind/ people need a key to get to/ the only one is mine" -- I like this one a lot. Exactly the right vibe for the song, trying to escape something miserable by going somewhere pleasant. The key is a nice touch. Poor Archibald. 10/10

The Prophecy: "I got cursed like Eve got bitten" --No Taylor, that's not what happened. Famously, Eve was the biter in that situation. 0/10

Cassandra: whole song allusion -- correct me if I'm wrong (I haven't actually read the Illiad), but my understanding is that Cassandra died fairly far into the Trojan war, and not by burning. 4/10

#this probably isn't exhausive lol #but it's what i've got off the top of my head #this was weirdly cathartic to write #you guys know i adore taylor swift but literary allusions have always been my biggest nitpick with her #i would just like to send her to an English class or gently help her out or something idk #tay tay #i'm aware that i'm not addressing Peter off ttpd but that song is such a nothingburger that i really can't be bothered #pontifications and creations #literature makes us more human

[maxcuntstappen]

Landoscar, exes to lovers

"Is this a fucking joke?" Lando spits out, way too loud for the setting he finds himself in.

Always quick to meet him where he's at, Oscar replies, dry as ever, "Well, if it is, it's not a very funny one, is it?"

Lando's eyes narrow, a burning irritation as well as a familiar yet unwanted itch of adoration in his throat.

He feels frozen, watching the used-to-be love of his life dressed to the nines, sitting at the dinner table where Lando was supposed to meet his blind date.

It's stupid to think back on it, how excited Lando was for tonight. It's been a while since he's been out to a romantic dinner and he was genuinely looking forward to this.

And it's fucking annoying how perfect everything is. The bouquet of carnations on the table wrapped in white and yellow tissue, the soft music playing in the background in a foreign language so Lando cannot get distracted by it, the candle light giving the illusion of privacy even while being surrounded by other tables with other couples.

Everything is quite nice. Besides fucking Oscar Piastri being at the other side.

"Are you just gonna stand there?" Oscar asks, making Lando realise that he truly is just standing there.

To be fair, what the fuck is he supposed to do? Sit down and have a lovely, romantic night with the guy who broke his heart?

Fuck no.

"Fuck no. I am leaving," Lando says.

Oscar sighs, his shoulders sinking down a bit, "Okay."

Lando turns around and walks out, trying not to think about how he wished Oscar had asked for him to stay.

--

Oscar didn't have particularly high hopes for his night.

He's a realist. He's well aware that his run of terrible date nights aren't going to come to a sudden halt on a blind date set up by fucking Logan Sargeant out of all people.

But he didn't think it would go as badly as this.

This being his ex-boyfriend showing up, hair curly as ever and face prettier than Oscar's mind could ever conjure up.

He's going to fucking murder Logan.

But those are his future plans.

For now, he asks for a bottle of red from the waitress, signs the cheque for it, ignores her curious yet pitying stare, and fucking walks out of that stupidly perfect restaurant.

Oscar takes a sip of the wine as he waits for his Uber to show.

"Dude, just taking a fucking cab. Don't be such a wannabe show-off," Logan had said to him when Oscar had complained about not having any of his transport of his in Monaco.

Fucking dickhead.

He knew Oscar was meeting Lando and he still made life difficult for him.

Oscar's going to run Logan's car into the wall. Road or F1, it doesn't matter. Logan's body is going to be finding a new home.

Oscar's made his way half-way through the bottle of wine, phone clutched in hand loading and searching and locating, when an obnoxiously bright McLaren pulls up in front of him.

The driver side's door opens, a familiar head of curls on an all too-familiar body popping out.

"D'ya need a ride?" Lando asks, sounding like each word causes him physical distress to let out.

Oscar should say no, should laugh in Lando's face and tell him to fuck off, should be mean and avoidant, really lay it on thick that Lando really fucking hurt him, walking away the way he did last time. And then again tonight.

He really should.

And yet, all he does is nod, stepping off the pavement and into the car.

--

"What do you have there?" Lando asks, eyeing the bottle of wine Oscar is so carefully cradling in his arms.

"Wine," Oscar says, about to offer some to Lando before glancing at the steering wheel and thinking better off of it.

He needs to make it home safe to be able to put Logan into the wall.

It's so...strange. How awkward and painful the silence feels, how the air is heavy and thick, stale and unmoving.

Yet the scent of Lando's car is familiar, so is the feel of the leather underneath him, the playlist playing in the background definitely one he's heard before.

It makes sense, Oscar's cologne mixing with Lando's.

It makes sense and it's devastating.

It's too much, all the conflicting emotions, getting to Oscar and making him open his big, stupid mouth to ask some big, stupid questions.

"So, a blind date, huh?" Oscar asks, "Didn't think you were that kind of guy."

Lando's eyes narrow and Oscar already knows that something nasty is going to follow. Lando is still so easy for him to read.

"I was just asking, Lan, it wasn't a dig or anything," Oscar jumps in, saving himself and Lando from the vitriol of the words that were sure to follow.

Lando glances at him, a lot surprised and a little bit... fond.

Yes. Fond.

Unfortunately, while Oscar can read Lando's expressions, he cannot read his mind.

So he really has no idea what he's said that makes Lando soften up, makes him ease his fingers around the steering wheel, his shoulders falling away from his ears, relief apparent in every part of him.

"I don't know," Lando replies, "Thought I'd try something different."

There's more to it, Oscar knows, but he's not privy to that kind of information anymore. So he bites down on the urge to ask.

He hums, "Yeah. Me too," he pauses, wondering if he should just let the conversation die down, let this crazy night come to an end in silence as Lando drops him to the Hilton Lando knows Oscar stays at when he's in Monaco.

But while he cannot get more from Lando, it doesn't meet he cannot give more.

And he wants to. Give, that is.

Even after everything, he would always want to give give give when it comes to Lando.

"It's been hard," Oscar begins, swallowing, forcing the nerves down his throat, "to go on dates that actually..." mean something, can hold a light to what ours were like, don't make me want to run and call you and tell you we got this all wrong but we can always get it right, "enjoyable."

Oscar watches as Lando glances at him from the corner of his eye. He watches Lando bite down hard on his bottom lip. Watches the bob of his throat and the twitch of his nose.

Lando has always been so beautiful, so pretty and handsome. A perfect mix of harsh lines and soft corners. A flawless design.

To be in close proximity to him after so long of being apart, Oscar feels overwhelmed by all of him. Feels like he needs to cover his eyes with his hands and peek through his fingers, ensure that he is only taking in a little of Lando's beauty at a time, savour it bit by bit while making sure he doesn't lose his mind over the curl hanging over Lando's right eye.

--

It shouldn't surprise him. Oscar's admission.

It really shouldn't.

Oscar had always been braver one between them, always more comfortable with being vulnerable, being open.

It's one of the things Lando loves about him.

Loved.

Loved about him.

Well.

Loves, he guesses, if the clenching of his heart is anything to go by.

"Yeah," Lando chokes out, his voice cracking and causing him to flush, "It's been the same for me."

The silence envelopes them again, and it's not as tense as before, but it's not where Lando wants them to be at either.

"It's not the same," Lando admits, pretending to glance at the right side mirror to catch a glimpse of Oscar's face, "You know..."

He cannot say 'as it was with you'. He cannot.

It would ruin him.

"Not the same as?"

Fuck Oscar for always being so good at pulling the softness out of Lando, at making him want to open up and show him parts that he would normally try to not even think of.

"As it was with us," Lando says, voice so low it's nearly a whisper.

He knows Oscar hears it anyway, can see the instant reaction of the tightening of the arms around his precious wine bottle, the shifting and moving of his body to slightly turn to face Lando.

Lando wonders whether Oscar notices he's doing it, opening up his body to Lando. Whether it was a conscious choice, or a habit, or maybe an uncontrolled but called-for reaction.

"It really isn't," Oscar says.

The air in the car is heavy, but not in the way it was when they left the restaurant. This one is more electric, more charged, just a pinprick needed to make it all rain down.

Lando wants to shove at it as hard as he can.

The next exit leads to the Hilton.

Lando drives pass it, and the spark goes off.

#THIS IS NOT A BLURB #IM SORRY #IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SMALL #IM BAD AT FICLETS APPARENTLY #BUT I WILL LEARN #PROMISE #landoscar #lav's ficlets

[comradekatara]

Postwar: any particularly amusing situation where Katara becomes even more indignant than usual

okay i know it’s cartoon physics and the cartoon violence is very funny and it’s an iconic scene from an iconic episode and "a girl has her ways" is one of the funniest lines katara ever says, but sometimes i do think about katara somehow running into those two boys she froze to a wall in gaoling for the crime of being kind of rude to aang. when they approach her, based on countless past experiences, she’s expecting them to ask her for either help with a problem or an autograph, but instead they’re like “you’re that crazy girl who froze us to a wall!!! you know we had to wait all day for the ice to thaw, only for us to fall flat on our faces from a considerable height, unable to move or to protect our faces from getting damaged because our limbs were completely frozen?? we got frostbite, pneumonia, concussions, and permanent brain damage from you!! we shattered our teeth and some of our fingers nearly fell off!! you activated chronic autoimmune conditions and shortened both our lifespans considerably!! what do you have to say for yourself after causing us unimaginable pain and ruining both our lives??” and katara just scoffs and goes “well! you deserved it for saying ‘nunya business’ to aang.” and they’re like “okay, but did we???? did we really????” and she’s like “uhhhh….. i was being a #girlboss???” and eventually she offers them free healing sessions and financial compensation but she really digs her heels in at first, claiming that she was just having a hot girl summer and that she shouldn’t be held accountable for her actions as a fourteen year old and that she can’t be a bad person because she’s ontologically Good!!!! and when they’re like “are you sure you’re not pure evil??” it triggers a crisis of identity that lasts a full month. but eventually she just forgets about it and goes back to being the Goodest person who ever lived.

#the-wright #asks #katara #i do want to be clear because apparently no one can tell #this is a JOKE #i recognize that cartoon violence does not actually cause lasting autoimmune damage #HOWEVER #i think it’s very funny to extrapolate #from this moment of gratuitous violence against some kids who definitely didn’t deserve it #if katara would ever have a reckoning #or any sort of identity crisis #it would be confronting THAT moment #kids using their bending to cause gratuitous harm to other kids is one of the most classic atla jokes #but sometimes i am just sitting there thinking. ouch! that’s gotta hurt! #like when katara and toph basically drown those mean girls in ba sing se #we’re not supposed to take it seriously but they either killed those girls or sent them to the ER #so i do think abt that sometimes .

[gralunaisland]

The jealous j*v*a gag was never funny but girl really got jealous over a CAT and Gray dancing for fun with his child teammate. Do people really find this endearing? funny? She makes every interaction Gray has into something gross. Don't get me wrong it isn't funny when she does it with Lucy either (this is an extremely toxic relationship and I don't like to see it portrayed as cute or funny), but her acting like he's into Frosch or Wendy disgusts me (idk if it makes sense haha)

juvia Believes in the Worst of Gray, and she Couldn't Care Less

Oh, you make perfect sense to me, Anon, and you make such a good, damning point against juvia.

I love how you phrase it because it's just so accurate:

"she makes every interaction Gray has into something gross".

The fact that in juvia's mind, Gray could be a p*dophile or someone who practices b*stiality, is just beyond disturbing, for multiple reasons.

A, if she really thinks Gray is capable of those things, and still "loves" him, then what does that make her? Someone who supports those things too. Jail. Jail right now.

B, despite thinking those things about Gray, there's no acknowledgement from juvia that that's so very wrong, there's just, as you say, jealousy. Instead of putrid disgust, juvia feels jealous over a child and a cat. That's revolting, immoral, and just downright pathetic.

C, it just shows how juvia does not know Gray at all, what his values are, whom he loves, what kind of a person he is. And nor does she care. And yet this is the woman we're supposed to want to be with him. Right. That checks out.

D, what's more, Gray can do no wrong in her eyes (clearly), so if Gray likes Wendy or Frosch, guess what, it's not Gray who's the problem here- it's the child and the animal. They're her love rivals, they're whom she must conquer in a battle of love. The two who would be victims to Gray if this deluded insanity juvia believed about him was true are the very ones juvia points her gnarled finger at and declares war on. (Hypothetical) Victim-blaming/abuse at its finest.

You're right, Anon, that this jealous gag isn't funny even when inflicted on women of Gray's age and species. It's just uncomfortable, cringe, toxic, malicious, and sad. But it's infinitely more despicable when juvia's delusions and fantasies paint such a horrid picture of Gray and those around him, where his morals are misrepresented, his reputation tarnished, where such evil, perverse things are presented as if we're supposed to laugh at it.

This point doesn't get talked about enough (by myself included), but it truly is one of the most damning pieces of evidence of why juvia is a loathsome, detestable human being, and why she should never be with Gray.

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me, Anon! This is truly a very important point to be made, and I am very grateful to you that this could be addressed very carefully on my blog.

#sorry im so heated in this post #just the fact that we're supposed to act like THOSE delusions on top of all juvia's other ones are funny #it makes me feel ill #those things are not to be joked about or praised like it is by mashima #anti gruvia #anti juvia #anti juvia lockser #askgraluna #anti juvia loxar #fairy tail #ask #defend gray fullbuster #gray fullbuster #anti gray x juvia

[yamthenokia]

for the arknighters you ever get so enamored by a really rare ship nobody else thought about but works so well you're haunted by it for days on end until you can't handle it anymore

#arknights #for those wondering #its dorothy x highmore #it literally started from a screenshot of the two of them in a factory #and then two of my friends brought up how oddly well these two base skills work together #and then it spiralled from there #and now im haunted by dorothighmore #it was supposed to be a FUNNY JOKE #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[seventh-district]

was about to lowkey pat myself on the back for having the most liked playlist for Big Red (YuuriVoice) on Spotify but. after further searching i believe it may be the only Big Red (YuuriVoice) playlist on Spotify 😭

#Seven.txt #yuurivoice #music stuff #rp audio stuff #(might as well go ahead and make a tag for it with how much i've been posting abt it lately) #what is a win when there is no competition #(that is a Joke i do not consider playlist making to be a competition. i am Truly Shocked that anyone likes any of my playlists) #like my music taste is awful! i made those playlists to please my own taste why r u guys even here #*looks at my Dark Mode Alphonse playlist with 150+ likes* WHO ARE ALL YOU PEOPLE #but like. that is so funny to me #am i just not finding the other Big Red playlists or am i the only person insane enough abt him to make a playlist #where's that 'if x has 1 million fans meme' #If Big Red has 1 fan‚ that one is me #and the 42 ppl that liked the playlist lmao #If Big Red has 43 fans- #okay i'm done joking around #i'm supposed to be drafting up a fic for a completely different character to post rn but i'm fucking around on Spotify instead. whoops #like sorry but the Big Red audio on Patreon yesterday hit me in the heart and got the brainworms wiggling again #me when a character i love cries for the first time: YESSS YESYESYES GIVE ME THE EMOTION GIVE ME THE VULNERABILITY OPEN UP TO ME I LOVE YOU

[britneyshakespeare]

throughout the series of drake and josh it pretty consistently implies that josh nichols is a christian (josh peck is jewish) and in the finale of the series helen (played by yvette nicole brown, not jewish[?]) is portrayed as a practicing jew

#i dont have a problem w either of those things necessarily i just find it interesting #if i had to guess. drake and josh was a mainstream that didnt wanna touch on religion generally #but josh was kind of a dork and usually when josh's religious beliefs are implied it is in dorkish ways #such as praying and thanking the lord after he has his first kiss. #but since dan schneider is jewish perhaps he wanted to make helen have a jewish wedding in the finale? #not that there needs to be a reason. but u do notice occasional jewish-related jokes in d&j but none of them are what you could call #offensive. in good faith that is. 'eric is a pacifist' 'i thought he was jewish?' like come on #text post #i have been rewatching drake and josh recently and i have had so many thoughts #im almost done. i just have left that stupid dance episode that they premiered last for the stupid reason #of a special dance-themed premiere night in fall 2007. they premiered the third episode of icarly and a new zoey 101 on the same night #which i think is so stupid. they should've aired really big shrimp last. it messed w my understanding of the series at the time lol #i remember not really knowing that the show was ENDING. like i knew icarly was starting & miranda was doing that #i thought really big shrimp was like just another special like go hollywood. #and then like two days later they premiered the helicopter episode for some reason #and i was like why is drake not famous in this. he just had a number 1 song in a superbowl commercial #and then a month later the dance one. which. if anything is satisfying about that as a final episode it's just that #that unnamed girl from the blues brothers episode who is obsessed w drake shows up again and congratulates them #and the very final line of the series is 'who is she?' because. because really who IS she? #that's a funny enough throwback to wrap things up with i suppose #drake and josh wasn't a highly serialized show so i can see how they could air those after the intended finale and act like it didn't matte #but i have to tell you it did fuck with my brain a bit at the time. lol. i still think of those episodes as having 'happened' after #and on paramount plus those episodes are still placed after really big shrimp. the injustice #but thats kinda messy. what a weird way to end such an influential and popular sitcom #season 4 had a few lowpoints while still also having some VERY solid episodes. #idk. ill have to continue my series review another time im getting way too longwinded here #helen dubois is jewish

[cerealmonster15]

theres a funny scene in portfest between Jamil and Azul (and vil) + the several times that Azul and riddle see each other as rivals + im p sure they menion that scarabia and octavinelle r academic rivals / riddle is stern about heartslabyuls grades, which all lead me 2 believe these guys end up studying 2gether accidently on purpose

#Can't wait til Halloween 2 which is probably next year #So many good Azul and riddle scenes lol #twisted wonderland #azul ashengrotto #riddle rosehearts #jamil viper #The mortifying ideal of putting my own stupid niche jokes that make ME laugh on the Tumblr #And then tagging it... scary..... #But I do it anyway. 2 desensitize me #Cereal tries to draw #Anyway. I think about Azul and the red themed boys he's kinda obsessed w/a lot lol #Jamil and riddleni want to be friends so bad lol they seem 2 more or less have a mutual respect usually #And both are immediately sour face mode when octavinelle is mentioned #And Azul is like yeah I'm gonna go hang out with those guys hehehehe #Pulls out my web chart of heartslabyul + scalability + Jamil connections djfjvjvjggjbjbn #Plagued by blorbos. #This is why everyone thinks Azul is my fave. MY FAVES ARE THE RED BOYS.!!!! #Azul is so funny tho I can't even deny that 😔 #OK. I really should be asleep bye lol #scalability???? i didn’t notice that autocorrect. that was supposed 2 say octavinelle 😒

[moonscape]

forgot how much it sucks buying my dad christmas presents

#so many gift options are like jokes poking fun at the recipient and it's not supposed to be serious at all #but when i was an infant my mom made a very innocuous comment about my dad losing hair and he literally refused to see me for like 6 months #idk if he even paid child support during that time. might have to ask my mom about it #but it's so stupid like i get if you were insecure about it but maybe communicate that in a healthy manner to my mom and not take it out #on your fucking 6 yr old child #it's like funny in comparison to my step dad because i got him one of those ''world's best farter i mean father'' shirts and he literally #wears that thing to his work

[fellhellion]

peter and miguel being sort of like. trauma bonded makes me insane. dude with whom you experienced the fallout from the worst mistake of his entire life and that experience leading to you cutting his lashing out more slack than you probably should, because god if grief hasn't also been your anchor before and you don't know how to help him. guy who just being around helps you calm down back into emotional equilibrium, and with whom you're close enough with to be unbothered by jokes about the stakes of what your mission, even if you'll gripe and groan about how immature he is.

#i get its a joke and im not annoyed or judgemental. but as funny as the ITS LUST reason is for joking about why those two characters get #along the way they do when they're so different but man. i am insane person about it. its the grief. theyre tied together in the grief. #peter was a father when he saw miguel's life shatter because he wanted to be a part of a family again. he was THERE. #miguel catches mayday in the practiced way youre supposed to hold babies... #hes super chill being climbed all over by mayday and is laser attuned to making sure shes safe #tunes talks spiderverse

[rotisseries]

so um. how was the raven king. and your thoughts on andrew all of them now please

UNFORTUNATELY I ENJOYED IT VERY MUCH. AND ALSO NOT AT ALL BUT I READ IT WITHIN A 24 HR PERIOD. SO. AND ANDREW I AM SO CRAZY FUCKING INSANE ABOUT HIM I FEEL THE NEED TO WHACK EVERY CHARACTER IN AFTG THAT IMPLIES HE'S JUST HEARTLESS AND CRUEL WHAT THE FUCKKK

#also immediately after sending you those asks with my commentary highlights i read the entirety of the king's men #and this ask is being answered fresh off that #anyway i mock you for andrew shaping your blorbo type but what does it say about me that i didn't even have to read aftg at a critical age #to get attached to him. like my blorbo type was already molded to allow him a seat at the table lmao #anyway. to make the speed with which i read these books mildly less embarassing #i'm gonna say that it IS because i had nothing better to do #my dad doesn't want me on any tech while we're here in the mountain murder shack #and if you see me posting i am NOT SUPPOSED TO BE!! and am hiding my tumblr mutual addiction and withdrawal symptoms #so. what's a bitch to do but read aftg #i WILL be fighting for my life to get you my tkm notes btw #i am just on my laptop rn and can't take pictures like i've been doing #ANSWER ALL MY ASKS BTW. TFC CHAPTERS 3-4 COMMENTARY IS STILL HAUNTING ME. I HAD FUNNY JOKES!!! #ask #hella1975 #hi hella!🔪

[ultravioart]

????

So I'm trying to write out some ideas for Dominion au scenes and I guess I'm questioning what kind of humor fits Dominator? She's definitely comically evil + mean spirited so there is dark humor galore (Plus with kid cosmic using death as a punchline, lmafo it makes for some dark opportunity),

but if.... sighes, If the writers really were trying to go for the "she doesn't belong in the show" anime-op-badass "sexy bully"(<<<gags I hate this approach i hate sexy bully) archetype, I have to wonder if she's conscious of herself in situations or not. In Q&A they say she loves riot grrl but she's also fine with using a guy persona to "mess with people"?? Mess with them how? Make them double take and awkwardly scramble to treat her differently? Or make them not judge her as a (gender) but as a badass foe first and foremost regardless, and being a woman is just the cherry on top? I have to wonder if her love for the riot grrl genre includes the fundamental girl empowerment (proud to be a girl), or the "don't judge me just because I am a girl! I belong here too!" aspect. Is her perspective that she is proud to be a badass woman, or does she feel she's a badass who happens to be woman therefore women must be great? She seems to use whatever tools she has at her disposal, but also has a comedic self care routine of fluffy towels and pink guest bathrooms. So she's all out evil villain, but also has sensitivities and seemingly personal boundaries with "me-time" which doesn't read entirely as the all out off the wall destroyer, but a quirky lethal evil conqueror. It matters because like, would she be a "sexy" bully that has personal boundaries over her body, or is it all in, make the others squirm and yelp? Is she vulgar and unhinged? or does she have some kind of pride that would prevent her from "degrading" her self in her view by flirting with people she sees as losers? We have characters that have a sense of pride or a sense of boundary, which can make for good kind spirited humor too, but if Dominator really doesn't belong, it's hard to discern just how far her actions would go. basically it's one of the two: A) she embodies the "intensely evil little girl" all grown up into a fearsome villainess, playing godzilla with living toys. This is within the same vein to Hater's "spoiled brat emo prince" all grown up into a manchild rockstar tyrant personality. This means she would have some personal boundaries and sense of pride, meaning she would toy with others (flirting, teasing) but not be intensely vulgar. Fits the setting of WoY pretty well, though? Is... being pretty and mean enough to be a sexy bully archetype? Ugh Man, I hate this trope lmao. It feels gross. B) She embodies the "evil no matter what" and just happens to be a woman. she relishes in bullying others and making them squirm, wanting to destroy everything in her path. She's super unhinged and even self-destructive if not careful. No sense of sympathy for others, she just. wants. to. destroy. those puny little faces. (Cute aggression over 9,000!) And it's bleak! Yeah! ...and, lonely. Woops. This means she would be very vulgar, and not care what people think about her or her body because of course she's already perfect, she's HER. This to me reads as more so the sexy bully archetype, but ignores some semblance of her softer sides like her "...friend?" moments with Sylvia or her funny reactions to things like "what? Ew--no." which imply personal boundaries. I'm writing a whole damn essay about this because I don't want to make her too vulgar if it's ooc. But... it's seriously hard to understand what the hell the writers even meant by "sexy bully" because is that just a hot mean girl? Or a get under your skin and twist the knife just "to break your heart and watch you cry" kinda thing??? HOW FAR DOES IT GO, idk idk. Frankly I wish canon Dominator was not fanservice sultry and only sporadically "maniac pixie nightmare girl" like the VA's videos implied, because that stuff was hysterically fitting for WoY. Unhinged and unfitting of the WoY universe, but in a light goofy turning instantly heavy and dark humored way.

#dominion au #woy #this is not pg due to the weird archetype mentioned #at the same time it's funny to play with expectations so like? is dominator dedicated to the bit??? #would she do completely unhinged things just for a laugh or is there a limit to the meaness? #i can definitely see dom rubbing it in hater's face that peepers is her minion now #but how far would she go to mess with hater? #she's on a vengeance streak so would she dig the knife deep as possible or would she think it beneath her to stick to a bit just to torture #lord hater? Idk this is hard to figure out lmao #i don't want to make a woy character too vulgar if its too ooc #bc even wander making those jokes in the big day did not sit right with me #felt awkward and more like writters placing the joke than wander being in on it #bc wander is pretty smart so his awkward phrasing is on purpose and good humor #but when it gets MUCH too suggestive its just. odd. doesn't feel like it fits his character. #it feels ooc and out of place for woy #but dominator is supposed to be “out of place” for woy so???? augh lmao #help........... sobs