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ecotone99 · 4 years

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[RO] Levi’s Dream

Levi woke up to problems. He’d had a dream so vivid, it felt more real than some of his recent memories. In the dream, he’d watched his father die. He could barely resituate himself in his bedroom as he blinked awake, facing his wall of lacrosse gear, his keyboard, the letter he kept starting and restarting for his girlfriend Stella’s birthday. His room felt foreign all of a sudden, even though this was his second school year in the same off campus apartment.

He’d heard the accident described to him in such explicit detail over the last few months that, at times, he’d felt as though he could see it. But that paled in comparison to now having visually experienced the sudden splattering of blood and audibly processing the distinct searing of flesh. It didn’t help that his dad had looked just like him. Levi’s same towering 6’3, he came off smaller because of his wiry frame, the opposite of Levi’s soft bulk. He had the same warm chestnut eyes and tousled wavy hair past his shoulders. Levi thought he had completed the grieving process. He knew it hadn’t been particularly intense, but he chalked it up to he and his father not being particularly close. As he awoke that morning, though, he felt emptier and more sorrowful than he had as they’d lowered the casket at the funeral.

His phone buzzed with a text from Stella. He ignored it. Unusual for him. He wasn’t up to putting on a brave face for anyone right now. He’d be with her for their lunch date in a few hours, anyways. Something else about the dream was nagging at him, distracting him, but he didn’t allow himself to linger on it long enough to put the pieces together. He disliked few things more than feeling out of control, and the sharp emotions were poised to snatch his autonomy away at any moment if he didn’t pull himself together. One of his greatest shortcomings, which he still childishly viewed as a strength, was his tendency to repress difficult feelings. What he saw as “getting over it” was actually “failing to deal with it.” But he had a full day ahead of him, so in the heat of the moment, this felt like the only suitable choice.

As he lay in bed, he couldn’t help but picture the jolt of fear his father probably experienced as he’d seen the tornado approaching. The helplessness he’d felt when the ATV wouldn’t start. Levi felt his pulse begin hammering, so stumbled out of bed and forced himself to pick out clothes and brush his teeth and step out the door into the brisk early-morning breeze of the seaside. The Montana boy would never get used to the scent of New England, no matter how long it took him to get his degree. Usually, if he woke up early, he’d take the extra time to walk down to the beach and feed seagulls or buy a cheap breakfast from one of the vendors on the pier. Today though, just walking the two blocks up to campus felt like treading quicksand.

Even with the creepiest nightmares, Levi would usually shake them off by the time he’d walked to class. But today, it was as though his body was back on earth, but his insides were left in his sleep. Two more texts buzzed from Stella. He took a quick glance, to be sure she was alright, but they were benign. He caught “How’d you sleep?” Out of the corner of his eye and laughed at how serious that question had since become. Something about the dream stuck in his head, eating away at him. He knew Stella was a wonderful support in the past, but that had been for little things like failed papers, or good things like winning awards. He wasn’t sure their relationship was ready for the strain of a serious personal crisis. Besides, it was unfair of him to ask that of Stella. He’d been raised to believe that girlfriends have problem and boyfriends solve them, never the other way around. Men solve their own problems.

Meanwhile, Stella was getting irritated. An easy going spirit by nature, Stella was only fragile around those who made her feel deeply in the course of normal life. Levi’s soul spoke to hers in a native language no other had before. She knew Levi knew how badly she preferred “Can’t talk now, text me tomorrow” or even just a simple “busy” rather than unexplained silence.

She hated this macho front he tried to put on at times when communication was especially paramount, and had a distinct feeling that’s what was delaying him this morning. But he had more than enough redeeming qualities for her to look past this tendency, for now, in thanks more to infatuation than pragmatism. She put the annoyance out of her head by selecting what outfit she might wear to her lunch with him. She tossed her shoulder-length blonde hair back as she caught her own pearly blue eyes in the mirror. Her curves were accented by artfully placed freckles, and her ghostly pale skin complimented any color combination she experimented with, which had to be upwards of a dozen by this point. Their schedules didn’t often allow for formal “date” dates, so today was a big deal for her. It had been for Levi, too, until this morning.

Levi tried to think of what to do or who to call as he paced around, unable to move on from the dream. His phone buzzed again. He needed to get Stella off his back. “Something came up. Might not make it today.” He pounded out hurriedly. Across campus, in the sixth sundress she was trying on for a second time, Stella read the message. “Something’s off with him.” She thought, as she reconciled that her catwalk was a futile effort and she’d need to get on with her morning.

Levi thumbed through his contacts, looking for a listening ear, as he tried to shake the echoes from his head. His little brother getting to the door before he could. The ranger with a stone-cold face, unflinching as he was battered by the storm. “Is your mother home, boys?” Levi had been so confused. His mom had never even gotten a speeding ticket. What did the rangers want with her? She’d appeared before he could call her over. “Who is it Kyle, I don’t want you answering the door without me or Levi—oh, hello. Helen. Can I help you?” She’d cut herself off as she saw the ranger, and her demeanor changed entirely as she took in his expression. “You’d better come in.” She added, holding the door with her broad, inviting frame. She and Levi shared the same round face, given to similarly kind expressions. “Kyle, Levi, go upstairs.” She’d instructed. But even as little Kyle obediently toddled off, Levi would not consider leaving his mother alone with some man. When his stepfather wasn’t home, she was his to protect. Hell, she was his to protect no matter who else was home.

“You know what, let me just call my husband.” Helen had started as she showed the ranger to a chair. “When’s the last time you spoke with your husband, Ma’m?” The ranger had asked, declining to sit. “About ten minutes ago? He just went out with my middle son to do some yard work; he’ll only be a minute.” The ranger tried to hide his puzzled expression as he pulled out a sheet of paper. Levi saw the words “coroner’s report” printed at the top. He knew what it meant, but he also knew it had nothing to do with his family, his life, his world. “Is Calvin Roy Hudson of kin to you, Ma’m?” The ranger asked, a touch of uncertainty to his voice as he sized up Levi, likely trying to guess his age. Levi had never shaken his pre-pubescent demeanor, even now at nearly 20 years old. Levi’s mother’s tone shifted once more, from alarmed to melancholy. She knew whatever this was, things were never good when it came to Roy and the law. “He’s my first husband,” Helen said, squeezing Levi’s hand. “And my son’s father.” The ranger had steeled himself up, Levi could tell the ranger must not have given a notification of this sort before. “I regret to inform you that we’ve discovered the body of Calvin Roy Hudson on an unincorporated property at the outskirts of Croak.”

Levi paged back to his task as he saw Brandon Whitecliff’s name pop up in his phone contacts. He and Brandon went way back. Brandon might be more brawn than brains, but he was as jocular as he was jockish, and would at least act as though he understood. Maybe he could even help Levi figure out what it was about the dream that he couldn’t move past. Levi shot him a message and luckily Brandon was free and able to come right over. A text buzzed in from Stella. “So should I make other plans or what?” He just wanted her to go away. The more he’d come to care about Stella, the more stressful it was to interact with her in the middle of dealing with other things. The more he valued her perception of him, the harder it was to maintain. Stella was the best girlfriend he’d ever had, and he loved having her around for the big moments in his life. At such a low point, though, she would only be an additional element to manage. He’d have to pick and choose his words so as not to disrupt the image he’d so carefully constructed of himself in her eyes. He was tired just thinking about it.

Brandon hadn’t been far and met Levi at a café next to his place. “What’s going on man?” Levi tried to explain the dream without going into explicit detail. He had never discussed the specifics of the accident with anyone but Stella. “There’s something about it that feels, I don’t know. Off. Like I’m missing something. Something important. There’s unfinished business, you know? I never got to say goodbye or anything but… This feels separate from that.” Levi concluded after recounting everything. His friend nodded. “That’s tough man. I have to be upfront with you, I’ve never dealt with anything like that. But I feel for you.” Brandon said, taking an obnoxiously loud sip of his syrupy blue energy drink. “You know, something similar happened to me once. My dog died. It’s not like we didn’t have some warning, we knew he was sick, but still when it happened it really fucked me up for a while, so—” Levi stopped listening. They’d come here to talk about his problem, and now somehow the greatest tragedy of his young adult life had been parlayed into a sounding board for Brandon’s dead dog story? Levi had lost dogs too, he could confirm, it paled in comparison to the unexpected death of a parent. Even if the relationship had been complicated.

Meanwhile, Brandon continued rambling on, projecting over the classic rock the café blasted way too loud for mostly a residential area. “What we did was put his collar up on the mantel. It was nice, you know. Kind of grounding for all of us. Anytime I thought I heard him coming down the hall or thought I saw him I could look at the collar hanging there and remember that, hey, it was a great time having him around, but now he’s dead and we’ve got to move on.” Brandon tried to land his energy drink bottle in the trashcan and missed by a mile. Levi considered asking him if he planned to go pick it up, but he couldn’t muster the will. “You know what else helped me get over it was we got a new dog.” Brandon continued. “Your mom remarried, so your stepdad, Matt, he’s kind of like your new dog, you know. Pick up where you left off with your old dog, dad rather, with Matt.” Levi could not audibly express how deeply offensive and shatteringly hurtful what Brandon had just suggested was. But he knew, deep down beneath the layers of anger and disgust he was feeling towards his friend, that Brandon had the best of intentions.

Back at her apartment, Stella could not shake the sense that something was wrong. Usually very wrapped up in herself, Levi was one of the only people Stella always thought of first, before her own needs. It wasn’t like Levi to leave her hanging for hours at a time when she was waiting on him. The last time he’d done it was before he’d confided his fear of the dark to her, and had been too nervous to walk over past sunset, but unsure of how to explain. It was because she realized something was going on that she stopped texting him. She innately understood that either he didn’t think she could help, or he wasn’t in a position to respond right then, because otherwise he’d reach out. She tried to think about what might be the matter. She knew Levi was getting back a few important essays this week, but he wasn’t just a straight A student, he was breaking university records. No way he performed so poorly he was ducking social contact. What else could it be, though? She knew the anniversary of his father’s death was coming up, but he seemed to have really put that all behind him this semester. Even right around the time it happened he had been upfront with people about what left him sidelined. She kept checking her phone every few minutes as she pondered the possibilities. He’d always been her rock. While she didn’t want anything to be the matter, she did look forward to an opportunity to return the favor.

Levi had gotten rid of Brandon as quickly as he could without letting on how unhelpful he’d been and went back up to the apartment. The images of the dream flashed through his head, he couldn’t replace or override them no matter how hard he tried. After a couple minutes more of scrolling through his contact, he threw in the towel and decided to call his mom. He dialed her and, thankfully, she picked up on the third ring. “Levi, honey! How’s school?” Helen’s cheerful voice chirped into her receiver.

Just the sound of her voice brought him back to that day. “Levi, honey, maybe you should go upstairs and check on your brother.” She’d said, trying to disguise the crack in her voice as a throat clear. He’d replied with his eyes that he wasn’t moving a muscle. The ranger looked at Helen for permission to continue in his presence and she nodded in acquiescence. “He was out in his ATV when the tornado approached. Evidently, he was unable to restart the vehicle to return to his home, and as the twister came within close proximity, he grabbed onto the nearest grounded object to keep from being swept up into the funnel. Well, Ma’m, the nearest grounded object was a high voltage power line. In the commotion, he may have mistaken it for a telephone pole, or he may have decided it was worth taking his chances. We can’t know for sure.”

Levi could no longer tell whether his mother was holding his hand to support him, or so he could support her. She was shaking. “How… Why… Why was he down that far? There’s nothing behind the trailers but forest and those damned power lines.” “We believe he was hunting. He was found in an orange visibility vest with a rifle nearby.” The ranger had explained, embarrassedly consulting the report for the full details. Levi had had to resist asking “Is this your first time doing this?” Both because he knew he’d have been overcome by his anger if he tried to speak, and that the ranger had just handed his mother an evidence bag that had made her heave a deep sob. Roy had died wearing his wedding ring. Levi could see it gleaming on his corpse as his body was thrown back in the dream.

“Levi, you there?” His mom called into the phone. He could hear her knocking the handset against the kitchen counter like they sometimes did when the landline faltered. He realized how painful it was for his mother to revisit the fateful day. How hard she’d had to work to hold down her job and her second marriage as she coped through the loss. How much she was sacrificing to put Levi in the college he was calling her from. “Nothing Mama. Can you put Matt on?” Levi asked, thinking his stepfather wasn’t quiet the warm refuge his mother was, but could be the next best thing. As he considered it, however, he remembered a conversation he had overheard after the first time he’d woken his mother up in the middle of the night upset about the loss of his father.

“I’m just saying, it grates on me.” Matt had growled to Helen from the not so secret confines of their bedroom walls. “It grates on you that Levi misses his dad?” She’d replied in disbelief. “No, that! That that you just did there. Roy wasn’t Levi’s dad. I am. I fed him and clothed him and I’m putting him through school. But forget that, any man can do those things. I sat up helping him with his calculus homework even though I couldn’t pass the eighth grade. I taught him to throw a ball and talk to girls and act right around adults. I took off work when he was sick. I stayed awake with him for three full days before he had to get his tonsils out. I disciplined him even when he hated me for it and I loved him even when he didn’t love me back. Where was Roy throughout all this? He was drunk by himself in a trailer while his boy was growing up carrying the weight of abandonment just five miles down the road. Now I have to listen to Levi mourn the death of his father while I’m still right here living and breathing? Don’t tell me it’s natural Helen. None of this is.” Levi had never gone to Matt with his feelings of grief again. In fact, he hadn’t much talked about the loss at all after that.

“Matt’s working but I can go and fetch him. Is everything ok?” Levi hesitated, staring into the phone. “Yah Mom, just checking in on everyone.” He bluffed as he pulled the phone away from his ear so she wouldn’t hear him sniffle. He underestimated how well a mother knows her son. “Levi? What’s going on?” Helen asked sincerely as she stepped into the hall where it was quieter. “Nothing, but I’ve got to go now, ok?” Helen searched for the right words to get him to open up. If she could change one thing about her son’s upbringing, she would’ve done anything she could think of to coax some of this stoicism out of him. But he was practically a grown man now, and she knew it was too late. “Ok, but Levi, whatever it is, you’ll get through it. Ok? You can get through anything. You’ll be ok, whatever it is.” “Thanks Mama.” Levi replied as he disconnected the call. He could feel his chest tightening. He was beginning to realize what stood out to him about the dream, and he didn’t want to anymore. He wasn’t ready. He forced it down as he whipped out his student ID and found the number for counseling services etched in with the other standard emergency contacts on the back.

Before he knew it he was in a moss green office with dreary mass produced art on every wall. A grad student, trying way too hard to be upbeat, offered him a vigorous handshake. “Hiiiiii Levi, I’m Delilah, your peer counselor for today’s session. Could you tell me a little bit about what’s brought you in today?” All of a sudden the part of Levi that had been begging to unload his confusion, and share the dream with someone who could help him parse through it and find some answers, was struck dumb. He pivoted at the last second. “I’ve had a really off day today.” Levi said, choosing the easy path out. “Everyone has those days. Is there anything in particular on your mind?” Levi couldn’t hold the dam back from bursting much longer. “Well, there’s just been some stuff going on with memories of my dad.” “Are you close with your dad?” Delilah asked, feigning interest and leaning in far too close.

“No.” Levi said almost as quickly as he felt badly about it. “I mean… It’s complicated. I was always closer to my stepdad, you know. So, yah. Complicated.” “Why do you think you’re closer to your stepdad?” Delilah replied, ignoring his obvious hesitance. Levi couldn’t tell if she came back with a new question so fast because she was just moving through some sort of counseling formula, or if she genuinely cared. “A lot of reasons, I guess. My stepdad lives with us. He was more of a father to me.” “Does your biological dad not live close?” “No, he lived close, he lived like ten minutes away by car.” Levi replied, oblivious to how contradictory this was. “Did ya’ll not have a car, or…?” Levi thought for a minute, doing some internal risk-reward calculations as to the benefit of bearing his soul to this stranger. “He was a drunk. Things were alright for a while, early on. After my mom got with Matt, my stepdad, my biological dad Roy kind of withdrew. Lost his job. Lost his house. He was a rough guy. A hands-on kind of guy. But it’s complicated, because he meant well.” Levi said, forgetting what the question had been.

“So, he’s rough, but he means well. Could you give me an example?” Delilah asked, taking out a pad and pen. “I guess a for instance is one of the first times I visited him after he lost his house. He was in a really bad place, he moved into a trailer, he was really ashamed of how he was turning out. He took it out on the people around him. But he still tried, you know? He still tried to make visits fun and hide all that from me. So this was maybe the second or third time I was visiting and he’d gotten so wasted the night before that he was still knocked out that morning. So I went out to explore around the trailer park. I went behind the trailers and found these tall poles and I was playing around them.”

Levi wrung his hands and looked down into the shallow beige carpet. It figures this would be the story on his mind considering the dream, but it gave him pause to even talk about the power lines even on his good days. “Turns out they were high voltage power lines. The place was unincorporated, so the city had never gotten around to fencing them off. My dad woke up, saw I was missing, and when he found me over there near those things he showed up at my side quicker than I could blink. He kneeled down to my level, looked me straight in the eye, and slapped me in the face so hard I felt it reverberate across my whole tiny jaw. And at that point, I still had no clue what I’d done to get into trouble. So that’s the hands-on part, you know. But he said, ‘Did that hurt boy?’ and I nodded yes, because it did, but also ‘cause you’d have to be pretty thick to say your punishment didn’t hurt. And he said ‘No it didn’t. Not compared to what you would’ve felt if you touched those poles you was playing near.’ And I asked him ‘It would really hurt that bad?’ ‘Cause I’d touched a lot of poles in my life, hell I’d grabbed a few electric cattle fences on dares, and none of that had hurt as bad as my cheek did right then. He said ‘It would’ve sent more volts through your system than prisoners get in the electric chair. And that’s if it didn’t kill you first. You promise me you’re never coming back here. I don’t even go around here if I can help it. Anywhere near those poles is too dangerous. Got it?’ So I’d promised him I’d never go near it again.” Levi explained, nervously picking the cuticles off his nails, wondering whether or not Delilah was listening as closely as she attempted to signal she was.

“Is it moments like those where he used violence to get his point across that’s got you feeling blue today?” She asked, resting her head on her chin. “No. I’ve just been thinking a lot about his death and—” “He died?!” Delilah balked. It was then that Levi gave up on counseling. He’d been hesitant to visitin the first place. People back home don’t visit head shrinkers unless a court orders them too. Realizing he’d have to solve this on his own, he kept turning the story over in his mind, desperate for someone who could empathize after the disappointment of getting nothing in response to his vulnerability. He felt this childhood memory must carry more relevance to the dream than just the locale of the power lines. That’s when it hit him.

He felt his chest tighten and the blood drain from his head as he wobbled to a standing position. “Levi? We’ve still got plenty of time left in our session—” Delilah said as he made his way for the door. “I’m sorry Ma’m, I just…” Levi trailed off as the weight of what he was coming to realize hit him. “It’s ok Levi. If you decide you want to talk some more just dial counseling services any time. And remember, you will get through this.”

Levi sprinted to his apartment, though every step felt like the slowest he’d ever taken. He threw the door open and slammed it shut behind him, not even bothering to kick his shoes off as he threw himself face first on the bed and screamed as loud as he could. He beat his fists against the mattress, frustration only growing with the unsatisfying rebound of the soft padding. He tried to rip his pillow in half, to no avail. He could feel his pulse skyrocketing again. He was hot and frantic and what was that sound? That sound was irritating the very last cool and collected fibers of his being. He realized it was his phone vibrating. Stella was calling him. He wanted to throw his phone against the wall as hard as he could, but in that moment, he had never felt as alone. He had nowhere left to turn, and as his world came crashing in around him, he wanted nothing more than the sweet, safe, forgiving embrace of the voice waiting on the other end of the phone. He no longer cared what she thought of him, or what his role as the man of the relationship might be, or how she would handle it, or whether she’d ever trust him to keep her safe again after such an unchecked display of raw emotion. He answered the call. “It… It was suicide.” Levi cried, collapsing into a shrieking, sobbing, sheet-tangled heap.

He let the phone fall somewhere near his face as he fought for breath amidst the untamable torrent of tears. He didn’t even hear Stella say “I’m walking over” or notice her let herself in with the spare key. He just felt the indentation as she sat on the side of the bed and reached over to sweep some strands of his sweat drenched hair out of his eyes. He choked and sputtered as his anguish was too much for his own respiratory system to manage. Stella rubbed his back as he forced out the words, “It wasn’t an accident. It wasn’t an accident.” Over and over. “What makes you think that?” Stella asked, rubbing his back, trying to help him steady his breathing. “I realized… when I was little… I walked down to those power lines. It took me five minutes. It took him even less. I’ll never forget, because I wasn’t supposed to be down there, and it wasn’t even three minutes from when I first saw him to when we were eye to eye. If the ATV didn’t start, he could’ve run home. He could’ve run inside. He knew those lines were dangerous. He warned me they’d kill me. He hit me so I’d never touch them. He said he didn’t ever go down there so I shouldn’t either.”

Stella considered what her place was here. She decided blindly agreeing with him would not be the thing that helped him to heal. They had to address every component of this to keep it from following them into the future, no matter how hard it was in the moment. He couldn’t be left with any ‘what if’s’. “Maybe the tornado was so close he knew he wouldn’t be able to make it back?” She offered, carefully. “The ranger told us he’d gone down there to hunt. He’d never hunted near the trailers in his life. It wasn’t deer season, and that’s about the only thing he ever hunted. Besides, there was a tornado warning. Who puts on orange and goes hunting outdoors in the middle of a tornado warning? He was an idiot, but he wasn’t stupid. He wanted it to look like an accident.”

“Are you sure?” Was all Stella could manage to say as she took in the shock of this news and despaired at what it must be doing to her prince charming. “He must have brought that rifle in case the electric shock didn’t kill him. He wanted to make it look like an accident if he could. But one way or another, he was going to die. He probably wore orange to keep up the hunting story, but primarily so they’d find his body in that back field no one ever went past. So there wouldn’t be a missing persons search. So we wouldn’t have to wonder as long, suffering with our hopes up.” Stella had to admit that from what she’d heard about Roy, if he were going to kill himself, this is the sort of way he’d try and do it.

Levi turned to face her. “He was wearing his wedding ring Stella. I’d never seen him wear it once since my mom kicked his ass to the curb. Not one time. He must have known she was the only one around to make the identification and wanted to be sure she had it. So she wouldn’t forget…” He broke down again. “Stella, why did he do that? Why didn’t I see any signs? He could still be here.” Levi let himself be wrapped around Stella. With her reassuring hands and quiet voice, he remembered all the reasons he loved having her in the good times and wondered why he didn’t think those traits would carry over to the bad times as well. Then he remembered. He tried to bite back his tears and fix himself up. “Thanks for coming. I’m cool now.” He said, so abruptly and unconvincingly that Stella had to stifle a laugh.

“What just changed?” Stella asked, almost in a whisper. “What do you mean?” Levi asked, summoning every remaining ounce of strength to not break back into sobs as he spoke, to not beg her to stay. “You just made a conscious choice to shut me out.” Stella said, non-judgmentally, matter of factly. “This isn’t your responsibility.” Levi said, in a pleading, defeated voice. “I’m supposed to be strong for you.” He said, with palpable shame. “Levi!” Stella gasped in disbelief. “You don’t have to be strong for me. How would I ever be totally honest with you if I knew it would never be reciprocated? Besides, there is nothing stronger than confronting the things that hurt.” Levi resigned himself to weeping silently, as he had no retort for that. Stella sunk to his side and planted a light kiss on the same cheek his father had tried to smack some sense into over a decade ago – unknowingly giving away his eventual plot – as Levi would never again forget the short distance from the power lines to the trailer again.

From there, Stella did what she could to help Levi weather this psychological storm. She asked questions rather than proffering answers. She did twice as much listening as speaking. If she could have funneled every last drop of Levi’s pain into her own soul instead, she would have. She listened to his answers to “How does this change what you felt about his death?” and “What do you think would be helpful for people who love you to do while you process this?” Until long after dark, when she could sense his agony had been temporarily numbed by exhaustion. She got a cold washcloth to soothe his puffy eyes and laid next to him, hand in hand. They drifted in the silence for a few minutes, their minds anything but quiet. Stella stared up at the ceiling when she was moved to say one last thing before Levi slipped back into his dreams. “I know you’re not ok. But I promise, eventually, we will find a way to live with this.”

Levi didn’t respond, because he was too overcome with relief to think of what to say. For the first time since he awoke, he did not feel alone. He had been unaware of how asphyxiating it was in the wake of his larger concerns. In a response born out of months of observing Levi’s subtle facial cues, body language, and use of subtext, Stella understood. “I’m not going anywhere, Levi. No matter how bad things get.” She whispered as she snuggled up closer to him.

It was in that moment that, thrown into the cavernous swirl of revelations Levi was taking on, he came to know what it meant to have a partner for the very first time. He didn’t notice it then, but that night marked the start of a lifetime of his striving to be as reliable and present a partner as he had found in Stella. Neither would ever be alone again. Even as he lived a nightmare, Stella was a dream come true.

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