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#thought i had rb this already…
transtemic · 3 months ago
had a weird day and im pretty sure i was dissociating during lunch break right before my art lesson but then we started painting and i was reminded of why i love art because it really grounded me a lot :]
#do not rb#i havent been able to make art in my free time for so long that i forget why i love it sometimes#depression and executive dysfunction makes it rlly hard so im rlly happy to have ap arts#bc i only rlly function at school w a set schedule etc#n e ways. i said im pretty sure i dissociated bc i havent rlly felt like that before? at least not that i can recall#but i was already kind of having one of those long anxiety attacks or was at least feeling like shit the whole morning#and at some point i just felt rlly distant from myself ig??? like i wasnt rlly there and i just stared off into space a bunch#it mightve been a mixture of feeling exhausted and caffeine crash and the aforementioned lowkey anxiety attack#but the closest i can describe it as is dissociation so thats what we're rolling with#i wish i wouldve talked to my counselor but i felt rlly out of it and didnt wanna talk abt it#either way i think i know what triggered me and some of the things that are making me off-kilter so ill work on those#but the self destructive mood was big today. was too out of it to do anything abt it tho so im safe and havent relapsed but the thoughts#were rlly strong. like if i was dissociating those were poking thru the mist the strongest#seriously considered starting smoking multiple times today lol like almost bought cigs/bummed some off of my friend#like ive only ever had some cigs w her but thought abt getting into the habit yknow#im still pretty out of it ngl. i need sleep and therapy and also could rlly use a burger rn lol#but yeah. im safe tho so dont worry :) idek if anyone ever reads this#but if ur that one person that likes my rant posts. im not sure if even you read everything lol but i see you and ily <3#ícaro rants#ask to tag
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chuckhansen · 4 months ago
i was thinking about how much guilt terrence carries with him after the whole tunnel escape goes fifty shades of wrong. one of his biggest flaws is that he ALWAYS tries to do the right thing, and while it’s a very noble way to be, in the long run he almost always oversteps or bites off more than he can chew and it’s the ppl he was trying to help that inevitably suffer.
however, he’ll probably never realize that he saved more lives that night than he ‘ended’. regardless of whether or not he showed up like some savior leading ppl to a new and better life or not that group was ALWAYS going to die. the DCM were getting to the very end of their rope playing nice with ezra and if he wasn’t going to integrate with them and give them rainbow bay willingly, then their war dictated they take it by force.
nobody in RB was a soldier, they were simple ppl doing what they could to cultivate a life for themselves and survive whatever threats the new world threw at them. the DCM would have completely decimated them bc who ISN’T going to fight against someone trying to take their home?
the tunnel incident actually had very minimal casualties, richie’s father (dennis) and several others … most were captured by the DCM and either taken to diamond lake for training or directly to wizard island to have their fate determined by the general. so, terrence actually gave a lot of those people a second chance in the long run.
#oc: terrence#sorry i was just working out the kinks regarding that whole mess#RB had a rat problem 😒#this was probably before the colonel went on his little cleansing spree so his thoughts were more preoccupied#with the idea that if this tunnel was left unchecked#it meant that more freaks were able to get through and with them ‘losing the war’ against them#ANOTHER horde was the last thing they needed#he convinces levi (terry’s brother who has NO idea he’s even still alive let alone … at RB)#to order the tunnel collapse#but the colonel is wack bc he could have done it at ANY point#but decided to wait until the little snitch radioed and said they were on the move#he does mobilize UNTIL then bc he sees it as a two birds one stone deal#he destroys the tunnel AND he gets the inhabitants of RB out in the open#leaving that settlement wide open which is what he had been waiting for#it’s a wholeass mess tbh and everybody gets separated BUT most are still alive#which is like … good … but they’re also kinda like … i’d rather die than be stuck with them#the snitch really thought they would be welcomed with open arms but boo boo the fool bitch!#hallie had already shown the colonel that she was untrustworthy by going against her OWN group in the first place#he might be out there but he’s not dumb so he sends her ass to the work camp 🤣#now i have to think … about levi and terry’s reunion and the fact that terry is now#back in his ‘i have nothing to lose’ headspace bc he thinks regina is dead 😔
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zarovich · 8 months ago
i really do feel like a disappointment a lot. my health is so bad recently that i stopped taking my meds for a month and a half and ive only been back on them for a week. and i have now started taking 3 of them out of like... 10 total. i havent taken them in 3 days tho. im too afraid to take them, let alone all of them. bc of my health i end up getting sick a lot and cant keep anything down. ffs, i ended up in the er 3 times and almost had to go last night but i was unable to. im just scared and i feel bad for being this way. idk if it would be too much to ask for words of encouragement, hell, i feel guilty for even asking
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rodriguezs · 8 months ago
hey, can i ask where you got your header?
hey!! sure it’s from here 💞
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