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pinkysfaultorbrainsfault · 4 years

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animaniacs - season 1 episode 38 - spellbound

episode summary: inexplicably stuck in camelot times, brain tries to get the ingredience for a magic spell that allows the caster to take over the world. this episode has no relation to the other camelot episode and i don't... know why.

the rundown: we begin our episode with the assertion that this is England in 1194. at this point in history, everyone from fire emblem 16 has grown up and is gay married, but we're not focusing on them right now. we're going to camelot and asking about their round table.

lol.

anyway after we see this creepy spider do whatever he's doing, we meet... merlin, i guess.

my dude??? he looks different. did you go on queer eye, merlin? whatever. he technically doesn't say he's merlin, so... maybe he's the other guy? the older guy? who's like merlin's dad?

this fucker. is he in the original king arthur? idk man i only watch cartoons. anyway he is casting a spell and it is very important. important enough to require components from yoko ono, apparently. like she hasn't suffered on this show enough.

but who do we have here?

"mouse" as my flatmate elegantly put it when he walked past the tv room to get a water. but even better than mouse??? mouse in SHORTS. MOUSE IN SHORTS MOUSE IN SHORTS??? MOUSE IN SHORTS. MOUSE IN SHORTS LOOK AT HIS LITTLE LEGYS MOUSE IN SHORTS MOUSE IN. SHORTS MOUSE IN SHORTS. MOUSE IN SHORTS.

YES.

pinky is not wearing shorts, which is incredibly disappointing. he's wearing some sort of sleeveless shirt dress tunic thing in an awful colour that someone like kanye west or justin bieber probably sells on their merch store for like a thousand dollars. he got the yeezy fit, damn. despite the designer status of his clothes, his bedroom eyes still do not convince me.

"i wish i was a windowsill so i could be--! ah. um."

"an imbecile?"

"ah! haha good rhyme, brain!" the bop of the century. kanye west sells the "windowsill" remix in vinyl on his online store for an additional fifty dollars.

after naming a few more celebrities ("I win, you win, edwin newman") the cauldron explodes in a puff of green smoke! and we get!

a pie. “lo!” he cries. “i’ve made a nice pie.”

hm. pinky is impressed. brain is uh. i think he mentally checked out? whatever he's doing i cannot stop fucking laughing at it. i actually had to put this post on pause for longer than anticipated because brain’s stupid face got to me. i’m so sorry. i started writing this at like 11pm gmt on the 11th and it just didn’t get to y’all in time because of brain’s stupid fucking face.

i’m sorry. brain is less impressed and declares it a “waste of magic”, and that he “would never squander such mystical powers over mere pastry.”

“poit. but what if you were eating dinner and you forgot dessert?”

“maybe then.”

but there is trouble afoot! Old Man Merlin has realised that king arthur will want some of his pie, and decides he’d better eat it in the dungeon so that doesn’t happen.

brain takes this opportunity to look through Old Man Merlin’s big book of spells. he “will use merlin’s magic to take control of the world” and then we get another nice closeup of his funny little face.

i don’t know why animaniacs was so keen on doing this? does it happen this much in the reboot? it feels like every episode we stare brain down to assert dominance.

“oh, no, no. where will you find a magic spell for that?”

“in the table of contents, pinky.”

“oh, well, very good.”

(the table of contents also contains a spell to “win at blackjack”, next to the taking over the world spell. brain considers this, for a moment, and then decides now is probably not the time.)

so good thing they have all the components for the magic spell, eh? including the Half Eaten Gingerbread Cookie That’s Been Left On The Counter All Night.

hmm.

oh, wait, no they don’t. turns out they’re fresh out of red dragon toenails, so brain’s solution to this problem is just to... go and get more, which is obviously a thing people do. they have to cross the enchanted forest to do that. it has witches and stuff. pinky rightfully points out that that is a lot of danger to overcome, and brain gets his stealing-the-minivan vibes back and nicks Old Man Merlin’s magic wand. he only knows one spell, but that won’t stop him.

the first obstacle they have to cross is the gingerbread house owned by... witch hazel from looney tunes. she’s a lot less annoying here than in bugs bunny lost in time, and informs brain that she is “waiting for pudgy german children.” instead of taking her suggestion to “get outta here”, brain magics her ass.

charlie sheen, ben vereen, shrink to the size of a lima bean.

they do get their ass handed to them by aforementioned pudgy german children, but then the german children decide that the mice have syphillis and yeet them in the general direction of slappy squirrel, who is here now.

she starts an argument with the goodfeathers, who are also here now, and brain takes it as their cue to leave.

but never mind all that! good thing there’s a handy bridge over this stream!

unfortunately, the bridge likes to spawn Giant Purple Hands That Kidnap Goats, so brain concludes they should cross said bridge using Stealth. unfortunately pinky drops the wand on the source of the Giant Purple Hands, and it is... relatively unhappy.

so brain pulls out the old “ charlie sheen, ben vereen, shrink to the size of a lima bean” again.

i did definitely think the troll was going to kick him in the crotch. i was very much sure of this, actually. instead it yeets him into rita and runt and fucks off.

“for goodness sake boxy” i hear you cry, “aren’t they at the dragon yet! this review has lasted a good twenty years of scrolling down my dashboard!” and i hear you, and you’re right, but the first thing you need to understand is; pinky has spent this whole episode singing. that little guitar he has? he has spent the whole episode replicating windowsill. “we’re in the woods so dark and stinky, to conquer the world, go brain and--” and then he forgets his name and brain has to remind him that it’s pinky. or remind him of his own name, or suggest like, steam to rhyme with stream. that is the running gag of this episode, and it is very important, at this stage, that you know that. pinky has not, as of yet, stopped singing and playing the lute.

so even though they make it to the dragon pretty mucn unscathed (aside from brain getting sat on by a giant, but i won’t go into that unless y’all specifically want details) pinky just has to have his little song in order to keep the dragon asleep.

and then brain yells at him for forgetting the word “sandman”, which breaks the toenail off completely,

and also wakes up the dragon, which can’t be good. it’s not happy! it was growing its’ nails out for paris fashion week.

brain tries his best to rectify this situation.

“charlie sheen, ben vereen--!”

charlie sheen and ben vereen are dead. i’m sorry to have to tell you. they shrunk down so much they got stuck in the quantum zone from antman and the wasp. someone should probably do something about that.

anyway the mice decide to hightail it back to Old Man Merlin’s.

conclusion:

spoilies: they do make it back in one piece. i won’t detail the whole chase scene because it’s just a bunch of running, because the post is long enough already, and also because tumblr has eaten it three fucking times and i could basically type all this in my sleep now. the things i do for y’all. donate to the wavemaiden.

so pinky shoves all the ingredients into the pot, while brain finds The Take Over The World Spell. the dragon is harassing them this whole time, which feels unfair.

“listen carefully, pinky. i need to recite this spell exactly, and once i start i cannot stop. so i need you to be extra quiet, okay?”

“sure thing, brain.”

this lasts for approximately five minutes.

“brain’s the boss! he’ll rule with ease!”

“mystical powers, your might unfurled, grant that i become--”

“he’s the one! the big, erm. banana?”

“cheese!” yells brain, who has given up entirely by this point. “it rhymes with ease! big! cheese!”

hm.

“are you alright, brain?”

“i feel. odd.”

this is an interesting development.

so brain is cheese now! cool. i guess they have to wait for merlin to get back from Pie Heaven and turn him back, somehow? with his spare wand or whatever. this is definitely pinky’s fault, because brain did ask him to stay quiet for a bit surprisingly nicely (in brain terms) and he... did not. and now brain is a cheese.

on the other hand, this would probably work again if they tried it again, once merlin goes back to pick up some more toenails.

brain: 2 pinky: 3 outside influence: 5

“can i get you anything, brain? some medicine? a cracker?”

“were i not a large cheese, i would make you pay for that remark.”

#patb #animaniacs #pinky and the brain #a!#tumblr has now eaten this four times.#this time i saved the html though.#anyway sorry this took so long the heatwave is making everyone tired xnx

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elsaclack · 5 years

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hi em how are you? i've been dying to get your opinion on the lover album, if you have the time/interest :)

hi i’m good!!! i’m real good my mom’s doctor gave us really good news yesterday so i’m cruising on good vibes rn and yeah i’m great!!!

literally i have been DYING to unload my thoughts on lover since 3 seconds after it came out omg????? i had a deeply intense discussion with my roommate last night about each song on the album and what it specifically means to us so like this is Peak Talking Opportunity For Me which as a messy hoe i honestly love

i’m putting it under the cut though bc i do not want to be Obnoxious

okay first and foremost, i forgot that you existed? DEEPLY iconic. my roommate doesn’t like this one as much as some of the others on the album but it’s def top 3 for me. like, everything about it is so perfect - the message the song sends is one of hope for people who are kind of hopelessly tangled up in drama at the moment (i.e. don’t worry, soon enough you’re going to wake up one day and forget that all of those people even exist (which is HELLA true)) but like!!! even the music she wrote with the song kind of supports the message!! my roommate’s biggest complaint with that song is that she feels like the music needs to Build and Go Places more than it does, but like........god the whole point of the song is that it’s written to a person taylor’s indifferent toward, shouldn’t the music seem a little indifferent too?? like yes there’s joy and it does build and it does move but if it DID get super dramatic it would actually contradict the message of the song so like??? it’s??? perfect??? and i have scream-singed it in my car a million times already thank u for asking

i’ll be honest, cruel summer doesn’t do as much for me as some of the other songs on the album,,,,,i mean i like it and i can DEF sing along to it and the line “i love you ain’t that the worst thing you’ve ever heard” is such a mood. it’s the first song on the album that i was like oh she probably started writing that (or at least getting the idea to write it) the summer every angry mob in america was calling for her head bc like there’s definitely a sense of self-deprecation/preservation in some of the lyrics. idk it strikes me as a song about how terrifying vulnerability is especially in the face of such public and global hatred directed toward you

LOVER. lover. lllllllover oh my god i love lover which i was not prepared to do since that word seriously bums me out 100% of the time but it’s so sweet??? so sweet and honest and like. what i thought love was when i was a kid?? just finding that other person and being like “oh, you’re like....you’re IT” and like HA wouldn’t it be grand to be in love?? also the brIDGE??? THE BRIDGE!!!!! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN WILL YOU PLEASE STAND!!! WITH EVERY GUITAR STRING SCAR ON MY HAND!!! I TAKE THIS MAGNETIC FORCE OF A MAN TO BE MY LOVERRRRRR!!!! MY HEART’S BEEN BORROWED AND YOUR’S HAS BEEN BLUE!!! ALL’S WELL THAT ENDS WELL TO END UP WITH YOU!!! SWEAR TO BE OVER-DRAMATIC A N D T R U E TO MY LOVERRRRR!!!! and oh man i wanna be in love anyways moving on

the man honestly took me a few tries to like but i definitely have a healthy amount of respect for it now. like idk it felt a little out of place at first given that this whole album is supposed to be about love and that song is,,,,,,not (at first glance) but the more i listen to it the more i realize that it sort of is in a way? like she’s been painted as this serial dater since day one when in reality her dating history isn’t really that sordid?? just extremely public. and in listening to the lyrics it sort of dawned on me that her frustration with the way society treats women stems from that reputation (ha) that was forced on her and the way that reputation colored every other interaction she’s ever had with popular culture. like every microinteraction i’ve heard about involving her has been overwhelmingly positive but then you look at media as a whole and they make her out to be this entirely different person and part of u has to wonder if it would even be an issue if you took all the same behaviors, dating history, microinteractions etc. and applied them to an equally famous man. and the answer is no it would not be an issue

the archer made me cry the first time i heard it and it still kind of strikes me at my core a lot if i don’t distract myself with other things while it’s on? like sitting down and actually listening to the words is. tough bc i relate to it a lot and not in the fun scream-sing in the car way that i relate to i forgot that you existed. that song actually makes me really uncomfortable with who i am bc like god!!!!! i have been the archer!!!! i have been the prey!!!! i don’t understand why people have left me and i REALLY don’t understand why people stay!!!!! in all seriousness though it goes back to that struggling with vulnerability thing - by being vulnerable you’re opening up the scariest, rawest parts of yourself to other people and risking being rejected for those scary raw parts. it’s a song about struggling between building those walls up to protect yourself or risking getting hurt for the sake of love - and lucky for her she seems to have found someone who has seen the scary raw stuff in her life and has decided that he wants to stay

i think he knows is the song both me and my roommate bump in our cars whenever we go places together because it’s SO FUN i don’t even know what else to say other than i cry laughing every time my roommate tries to sing “lyrical smile indigo eyes hand on my thigh we can follow the sparks i’ll drive” bc it’s SUCH a tongue-twister for her it’s fhaldskfhadslfkj FUNNY

miss americana & the heartbreak prince is another one that i was kind of so-so about at first but the more i listen to it the more i love it?? it’s so Dramatique in the best way like it makes me feel like i’m watching a movie preview about a dystopian high school in slow motion and honestly i LOVE it

my roommate’s favorite song on the whole album is paper rings and i love it too honestly it’s another one we bump in the car bc it’s SUPER fun to sing with other people lmfao she described it as “the song you hear in a preview for a romcom set in new york city” and i was like YEAH THAT’S ACCURATE but what’s really funny is that?? that’s probably?? exactly?? what it is?? anyways

i’m kind of...meh...about cornelia street yikes i’ve read people talking about how good it is and i’m trying to like it but it’s just,,,,i mean it’s not bad not by any stretch of the imagination but personally i like other songs on the album more hfaldskfjs

death by a thousand cuts!!!!!! that’s my roommate’s other favorite song lmao!!! again the more i listen to it the more i like it but i def like others on the album more at this point

i had london boy stuck in my head all day yesterday it’s so funny god i know a lot of people who live in and around london have some issues with it which is FINE i won’t pretend like i know anything about it but i think it’s cute LMAO

i can’t listen to soon you’ll get better without legit ugly crying (like we’re talking full on sobbing) just because of everything going on with my own mom right now so maybe in a year or two when things have cleared a little for her i might be able to listen to it again but rn i’ve only listened to it all the way through once

honestly i don’t really like false god that much and i can’t really identify why it’s just,,,,fhasdlfk

you need to calm down is just a straight up bop that i sing in the shower a lot and i know it was controversial esp after the music video came out but like. on a base level the song is just fun

afterglow is one of my other top three on the album,,,,,,,,bc again,,,,,,,,,,relatable,,,,,,,like realizing that she’s safe with this person after kind of instinctively flying off the handle,,,,,,,god. idk i’ve heard a lot of apology songs in the past but this one kind of strikes me bc like,,,,idk she takes full responsibility for it rather than trying to justify it with the conditions that beat that kind of behavior into her over the last few years. she’s taking responsibility for her actions, she’s apologizing, she’s asking him to stay, and at the same time she’s pointing out that she’s human and will probably make similar mistakes in the future and idk that’s just reassuring? bc i’m also human and i also make really big dumb mistakes that hurt other people in the name of self-preservation and i can only hope that someday i’ll meet someone who will stick around anyways

me! is a bop as well it’s massively overplayed at this point and i kind of skip it when i’m listening by myself but my roommate and i scream-sing that one too LMFAO

it’s nice to have a friend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this really is what i thought love would be when i was in like 3rd grade and just becoming aware of it as a concept!!!!!!!! there was a little boy who lived next door and we were best friends growing up and there was never any romantic aspect to our friendship (that i am aware of) but we used to play outside together all the time and it was sweet and simple and secure and that’s the way that song makes me feel!!! also i read that every single instrument/vocal performance on that song (outside of taylor herself) was done by a children’s music group which just adds to the childlike sweetness of the song and gah it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside

daylight,,,,,,,,,,,,,that’s my number 1 y’all i freaking LOVE daylight holy HELL i can’t wait to make my other roommate play/sing it with me at our house show next month??? god it’s just. it’s so indicative of where she’s been, the hell she’s been through both internally- and externally-imposed, and how it makes this moment she now gets to have with the person she loves that much sweeter?? i don’t know i feel like my heart is going to explode every time i hear it and i’m not even remotely close to being in love so i can’t imagine how much deeper it’ll hit if/when i ever do fall in love again and

god i just

i really like lover as an album a WHOLE lot

#em answers #lover #taylor swift

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pagesoflauren · 6 years

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A Thousand Years (vampire!Jack x reader AU) - Part 10

Part 9 Masterlist

Jack and Y/N drive to her parents’ house as the sun sets on her last day of finals. The backseat is stocked with presents for all of Y/N’s relatives that he doesn’t know, with suitcases for the next two weeks in the trunk. They had given Ash and Garrett a key to the house to check on Socks and fill his food bowl for him. “Just don’t move in,” Jack said.“You have a fluffy, sassy black cat,” Ash replied, “I make no promises.”

They arrive a little before midnight, two days before Christmas.

“Oh thank you for letting us send the presents to your house,” Y/N’s mum gushes, “the little ones have been snooping about trying to find them. They’ll be thrilled when they’re finally under the tree.”

Her parents help them unload the car before pulling Y/N aside while Jack carries their suitcases upstairs. “When you tell everyone about Jack, please do it delicately.” “What do you mean?” “There’s just…I don’t know exactly what everyone’s opinions on vampires are. Some people might be open, but I’m not so sure about your nan and aunties.” “But papa fought with them in the war, Jack was a spitfire pilot like him.” “Darling, I know, but…you have to understand there’s still a stigma about them.” “Well, maybe you can tell them? Kinda hint at it and if they don’t catch on then I can tell them? He hunted last week so he’s not hungry. And-and he doesn’t hunt people, just the ones who are really violent and attack others. He’s not gonna hurt anyone, especially the kids. They’ll love him, I’m sure.”

Y/N’s sudden worry catches her mum’s attention, who works diligently to calm her. “No, darling I know. He’s a lovely man and he just adores you so much. I’m sure they’ll come around, like your father.” “Has he, though?” Her mum stammers out her response, “Well, sort of. Just give it time.” “How much? It’s been over a year.” “He just worries about you.” “And you don’t?” “I do, but not on the same level as him. I think after you told us about Jack’s friend he’s just worried you’ll do the same. Leave and never come back.” “Mum, I’m sticking around whether you want me to or not. Trust me. And I’m not going anywhere that you can’t get to me or I can’t come home easily.”

They laugh together, her mum pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Alright darling, best get some sleep. The next few days are going to be a little hectic.”

Y/N goes upstairs and finds Jack waiting in the doorway of her bedroom, leaning against the frame. “Hey,” she says as she approaches him. “You think they’ll like me?” “Of course, they just need to get to know you. And you have to show them how wonderful you are,” she says, pressing kisses to his cheek, “I’m sure you can do that.”

“Let’s bring some light into this house, why are all your curtains drawn?” Y/N’s Aunt Sharon asks the next morning as she arrives. Her mother hurries to shut the curtain again, clamping it shut with a binder clip.

“We can’t have too much light in here for the next few days,” she hushes to the room, catching everyone’s attention. “Why ever not?” “Y/N’s new boyfriend…he’s a bit…um…” “Oh, has he got light sensitivity in his eyes?” Aunt Clara asks, almost ironically. Her name does mean “light,” after all.

“Yes, a bit.” “Oh, that’s not a problem, a little sunlight won’t kill him.” “I’m not too sure about that, loves,” her mother says, “I’d rather be on the safe side.”

She continues shutting and clipping the curtains together, limiting the sunlight drastically and turning on the lights.

“This is quite strange,” Y/N’s nan states. “Just, something to get used to, don’t worry,” her father brushes it off, waving his hand in the air as if to wipe away the idea form everyone’s mind. “Now, shall we get started on breakfast?”

By the time Y/N wakes up, Jack is pacing the floor, hearing the sounds of her family downstairs. She sits up and grabs his hand, pulling him to sit on the bed. “Everything’s gonna be okay, I promise.” “You sure we can’t just go home and celebrate on our own?” “Yes, because the sun’s up. Don’t need you dying on me now.” “I can’t just stay up here?” “Mum’s already told them all about you. I’m sure my cousins really want to meet you, too.” “Well, maybe we can—“ “No. Come on. Come have breakfast with me. We don’t even have to sit in the kitchen, we can sit on the couch like we’re at home.” He inhales deeply before nodding. “Okay.”

As they come down the stairs, Jack smiles to himself at the fact that Y/N’s mum had clipped the curtains shut. Before he can thank her, a group of younger…humans…are running towards them calling her name.

“Y/N!!!” they all chorus. “Hi guys!” she says, running the rest of the way down the stairs and getting engulfed in a group hug.

Jack watches lovingly, remembering his dream about her before he feels someone pull at his pant leg. He looks down and sees a little boy, probably the age of four holding his arms up. He has bright green eyes that vaguely remind him of Socks and he smiles as he picks him up to settle him on his hip. “Good morning,” he greets the child. “Hello. I’m Adrian.” “Nice to meet you, Adrian. I’m Jack.” “Hi Jack. You’re cold,” he observes, pressing his hands into various places, testing his temperature. “You’re cold all over. Did auntie Y/N take all the blankets last night and that’s why you’re cold?” “No,” he laughs, “Just naturally this way.”

Suddenly there’s a cacophony of older women and men swarming them and Y/N’s introducing everyone to Jack.

“Aunt Sharon her husband Dominic, Aunt Clara and her wife Helen, Aunt Toni and her husband Henry, that’s my nan, and there’s Aunt Julia and her husband Benjamin. And that’s my older cousin Jenny and her husband Sam.” She begins introducing her cousins, bopping each of them on the heads to point them out, “This is Timmy, Tracy, Gavin, Henry Jr., Veronica, Mars, you’re carrying Adrian, that’s Emma and her sister Evie and their brother Walter.”

It’s a blur of names and shaking hands, but Jack’s sure he’s got the names down. “Come get some tea, young man, your hands are freezing,” Uncle Dominic says. “Oh, Jack doesn’t drink tea,” Y/N says. “Coffee?”

She shakes her head, walking over to the counter to make herself a plate and her relatives close in on him more. “Wait, Y/N, where are you going, don’t leave me!” he shouts quietly. He’s about to follow her when he feels a hand on his bicep. “Well, you must be eating something,” Aunt Sharon asks as she squeezes his bicep, “You’re in shape!” “Oh, that’s just…genes and stuff,” he says waving his hand, still balancing Adrian in his arms. “You’re such a lovely young man,” Y/N’s nan says. “Oh thank you, but only half of that statement is true,” he laughs.

He suddenly sees gears turning in their heads and Y/N’s back at his side.

“He is lovely, thought isn’t he?” “Adrian, come to mummy, darling,” Jenny says with some urgency, holding her arms out for her son. He shakes his head, tightening his arms around Jack’s neck. “Go on, Adrian, your mum wants you,” Jack says, gently prying his arms loose and handing him to his mother. She takes her child quickly, holding him so that she can shield him with her body.

“Are you a vampire?” Timmy practically blurts out.

There’s a moment of tense silence, and Jack does something he never thought he’d be able to do. He looks at his mother for all intents and purposes, Y/N’s mum, and asks for a signal of what to do.

She makes a motion that looks like a shrug.

“I am, yeah,” Jack says, Y/N weaving her fingers through his. “My teacher is a vampire too!” Timmy says, “That’s why I know!” “No he isn’t, Timothy,” Aunt Clara rushes, “He was just a vampire for Halloween.” “But he’s cold all the time too. And he tells us about when he was a teenager, he fought in the-the-the um, the war in America! He was a red coat.”

There’s more silence and the discomfort is extremely tangible.

“Well, we’re going to eat in the living room, don’t want the food getting cold,” Y/N says, pulling Jack toward the living room. “It was lovely meeting you all,” Jack stammers out before following her to sit on the couch.

The crowd of Y/N’s relatives disperses to sit down again at the dining table, Y/N’s cousins peeking into the living room before coming in and staring at Jack.

“How old are you?” Henry Jr. asks.

Y/N nudges him, telling him it’s okay.

“I’m 167.”

They explode in shouts of astonishment and excitement.

“You’re older than sliced bread!” Gavin shouts. “And Walt Disney!” Walter says, proud that he knows so much about the man he’s named after. “Can you turn into a bat?” Emma asks, staring up at Jack with wide eyes. “Do you hang upside when you sleep?” Evie asks. “No, I don’t really sleep and I don’t turn into a bat. But that’d be cool though.”

“Vy don’t yew sound like zis?” Gavin asks, putting on a bad Romanian accent. “Because I’m Scottish,” Jack laughs, “I’ve never even been to Romania.”

Suddenly Adrian runs in and hops into Jack’s lap. “Are you really a vampire?”

“Yeah, I am,” he smiles.

Without any other word, Adrian puts his hands on Jack’s face before prying his mouth open and looking in. Jack opens his mouth despite the discomfort of having little fingers in it and hears Y/N choke on a piece of pancake as she giggles.

“Where are your fangs?” he asks, tilting his head to try and find the pointed teeth.

Jack moves his head back so that the little boy’s fingers can slide out of his mouth, “Do you wanna see them?” “Yeah, yeah!” they all shout. “Okay, okay,” Jack laughs, “Don’t touch them okay?” “Okay,” Adrian smiles, clapping his hands in anticipation.

Jack opens his mouth and feels his fangs protrude as they all cheer in excitement. He retracts them before closing his mouth. “How strong are you?” Walter asks. “I don’t know, exactly.” “Carry me, carry me!” Adrian cheers. Jack gets up and obliges, before Emma’s pushing his arm up and telling him to extend it. She jumps up and hangs on his arm like a monkey bar and her other cousins follow suit, climbing up and hanging onto Jack in anyway he can. There’s the exception of Mars, the next one after Y/N, though he’s younger than her by eight years. He stares at Jack intently, squinting his eyes suspiciously at him. “Yes?” “Your name’s Jack.” “Mhmm.” “Like Jack the Ripper.”

If they were in a sitcom, there would be the sound of a record scratching, cutting off the happy music playing in the background and the sound of the studio audience laughing.

“Uh, no, mate, m’not a serial killer. You think I’d be hanging around your cousin and letting all these kids hang off me if I was?” “Maybe so.” “Mars is really into crime and stuff,” Y/N explains, “he wants to be a police officer when he grows up, don’t you?” “Yep. You’re all clear for now, mister,” he says to Jack. “Thank you, officer,” Jack laughs, setting all the kids on the floor and sitting down to hang out with them.

Y/N gets up to bring her plate to the sink, getting intercepted by her concerned relatives. “You left him with the children?” they ask, astonished. “They’re fine,” she says casually, “he won’t hurt them. They’re actually quite fascinated with him.” “Isn’t that what they do, though?” her nan says in an accusing tone, “They use their charm to get into people’s heads and draw them in and then they just take them away?” “No, he’s not like that at all!” “He’s got a hold on you, doesn’t he?” “No, it’s not like that. He wouldn’t hurt anyone. He hunts animals.”

There’s silence.

“Go look at see,” she points towards the doorway to the living room. They eye her suspiciously before Aunt Sharon goes to peek around the wall. She relaxes visibly before turning back. “What’s going on?” “They’re just playing and he’s telling them stories.” “He’s such a wonderful person, I promise. He fought in the Great War and World War II. He was a spitfire pilot, like Papa.”

There’s more silence and Y/N thinks she might’ve gotten through to them.

“You watch out for the children, okay?” they say, “You don’t let him hurt them.” “I won’t. Please, please give him a chance, he’s so sweet.”

There’s a sign of resignation in their eyes and they appear to concede.

“Just make sure you’re being safe, dear,” Aunt Helen says. Y/N had a special place in her heart ever since she was a little girl.

“People can be mean, Aunt Helen,” she had said, “but you’re nice. You’re just trying to love Aunt Clara. You’re not doing anything wrong.”

“I will, Aunt Helen. He loves me and I love him.”

They all kiss her cheeks and forehead, reminding her they’re just worried because they love her and she can’t help that she feels a little thankful that they care so much. When she returns, Jack is telling them about Socks and his naughty habits, stopping to smile at her when he sees her walk in.

There’s a moment between them, suddenly broken by Evie’s outburst of “Do you love each other?” “No, they don’t Evie, only mommies and daddies can love each other,” Walter says. “Or mommies and mommies!” Timmy says, reminding them of his parents. “Yeah!” Walter agrees. “But they look at each other like mommy and daddy do,” Evie explains to Walter.

As they continue to banter, Y/N sits next to Jack, who’s bouncing little Adrian in his lap. “How’s it going?” “I think I got their approval,” Jack says proudly. “Good. The older folk are working at it.” “If they’re the older folk then I must be ancient.” “You are, though.” “Oi!”

The rest of the day was spent cooking, Jack helping in the kitchen where he could, proudly sharing his newfound cooking expertise with all the aunties while Y/N played video games with her cousins in the basement and the uncles watched football in the living room. Occasionally, Y/N would come in and grab snacks for the kids and Jack would quickly steal a kiss from her, earning coos from the aunts and a smile from Y/N’s mum.

After dinner, everyone gathered in the living room to open one present, Y/N picking her present from Aunt Clara and Aunt Helen as Jack settled behind her, extending his legs so she could sit between them. Her mum walked over and handed him an envelope with his name written on it.

“Here, darling,” she smiled, “Y/N told us you’ve yet to use your music app on your phone, so we figured we’d help you get started.”

He tears the envelope and opens the card, catching the iTunes gift card that slides out before reading the card.

We are so happy to have you as part of our family. May this be the first Christmas of many.

It was simple, but somehow it gave him all the reassurance he needed.

Y/N had jumped up at the excitement of unwrapping a designer bag, running over to hug her aunts. Jack got up to thank Y/N’s parents, hugging each of them tightly and kissing her mum on the cheek.

“Thank you,” he says, “I’m so grateful that you guys have accepted me into your family.” “Of course,” her father says, eyes drifting towards his daughter who’s modeling the bag in her pajamas, “She loves you very much.” “I want to say that I know, but I think she loves me more than I could ever imagine. And I feel just the same.” “If you ever want to marry her,” he says casually, “you have my approval.”

Jack looks at him, astonishment slapped all across his face.

“Are you serious?” “Yes. Hopefully that doesn’t scare you away,” he laughs, “I just imagine that…you two will be together for a long time and if marriage ever comes up you know you’ve got my blessing.”

Jack smiles, trying really hard to not let his emotions get the best of him, and thanks him.

When they go upstairs as everyone’s setting up their air mattresses and beddings, Y/N asks him what he and her parents were talking about.

“Oh I just thanked them for the iTunes, told them I’d use it to buy some Beatles music and stuff.” “Seems like you’re getting along well with everyone, especially when you were helping in the kitchen. Are they coming around?” “A little. I still can sense a bit of discomfort but it’s nice to know that your mum is getting me involved in everything.”

“I’m glad, too.”

They exchange kisses before Y/N snuggles up to him in bed and falls asleep. Jack gets up and opens the curtains, watching the snowfall as the moonlight filters in through the window. He remembers Christmases with his parents, opening presents and drinking hot cocoa while sitting by the fireplace. He remembers playing in the snow with Thomas, snowball fights and kissing pretty girls in the cheek as they stood under the mistletoe before running away. He doesn’t think about them much, but around this time of year when everyone is with their families, he can’t help but miss his own parents, wishing so badly that they hadn’t turned him away.

His thoughts are interrupted when Y/N stirs, in bed, her teeth chattering agains the cold. He closes the curtains before lying next to her and bringing her into him, pulling another blanket over her to shield her from the cold air. He presses a series of kisses to her forehead, her father’s words echoing in his mind. I just imagine that you two will be together for a long time.

He thinks about his dream again, having Y/N at his side forever. He shelves the idea again, knowing that Y/N might change her mind one day and decide to be with a mortal. As much as he’d understand why she would make a decision like that, he really hopes she doesn’t.

The next morning, Jack hears rattling at the door before it opens and Adrian runs in, jumping on the bed.

“It’s Christmas, it’s Christmas, it’s Christmas!” he cheers, shaking Y/N awake. “Oh, gosh, Adrian, okay, okay,” she laughs, “I’m awake, we’ll be down in a bit.” “Come on, Uncle Jack, come on!” he says tugging his arm. “Go, go, I’ll catch up,” she says, pushing him towards the edge of the bed to follow the little boy.

Jack’s mind is in a frenzy. He wants to tell Adrian to wait for Y/N, but his thought are muddled by the fact that he called him uncle. He’s able to come down the stairs, grabbing Adrian and scoop him into his arms before he slips on the last step and carries him into the living room.

Jenny’s eyes light up with concern for her son when she first sees them together, but relaxes when Jack sets him down with his other cousins to play with the race car track that Gavin got from his parents. Y/N finally comes down and she’s swarmed with everyone wanting to give her presents since she’s the last of the cousins to do so. She unwraps sweaters, gift cards and makeup bags before Jack hands her a slender box with her name written in curly handwriting.

“This one’s from me,” he says. “Did you write this?” she says, pointing to the penmanship written in black marker. “I did. Told you I had some of the best handwriting in Oxton.” “I stand corrected. Here,” she says handing him her own box as well. Their first Christmas they spent together, they had just cuddled and watched movies all day as the snow fell outside, not exchanging gifts. This Christmas they had made it a point to give gifts to each other, keeping them secret and stashing them in places around the house where they know the other wouldn’t find it.

“Open yours first,” Jack says. “Can’t we open it together?” “No, I wanna see your reaction.” “Okay,” she laughs, tearing into the gift wrap and tossing it aside. “Jack please tell me you didn’t get me a diamond necklace. “I didn’t,” he says, shaking his head.

She opens the box to find a Victorian folding fan, delicately taking it out of the box and slowly opening it. Lace lined the top of it and a floral design was spread across the pleated section.

“It’s from around my time,” he explains, “If I was courting you and you wanted to communicate with me, you would’ve used a bunch of different movements and ways of fanning yourself to do so.”

“Well right now, I’m gonna use it to actually fan myself because it’s hot here,” she says, fanning herself quickly. He suddenly becomes sheepish, catching her attention. “What?” she laughs. “Well, in Scotland that means ‘kiss me.’” “In that case,” she giggles, turning more towards him and fanning herself even faster. Jack leans in and pecks her on the lips, before drawing away bashfully. She laughs now, folding the fan again and kissing his cheek. “I love it. Thank you.” “M’glad, lass.”

“Okay, now open yours,” she says.

He undoes the twine bow and begins slowly tearing the paper away, revealing a small book. It’s leather and his initials are carved into the cover. “What’s this now?” he asks. “Open it,” she says, her cheeks glowing with a slight pink tint.

He pulls the cover open, resting his fingers on the page so that he can look at it.

It’s him.

It’s a picture of him at the stove, with a bar of text that says “Get you a man that can cook.”

“How did,” he starts, his question dying in his throat as he turns the page.

It’s a picture of him sitting on her bed in her dorm, smaller this time, along with a couple screenshots from her phone.

GUYS GUYS LAST NIGHT I WENT TO THE BAR AND THE BARTENDER WAS SO HOT HE WALKED ME BACK TO MY DORM AND LEFT ME HIS JACKET BECAUSE IT WAS COLD GIRL YOU BETTER GET THAT ASS WHAT WAS HIS NAME? WHAT DID HE LOOK LIKE?? HIS NAME IS JACK AND HE’S SO FREAKING TALL AND BLONDE AND HE HAS BLUE EYES AND HE’S SCOTTISH AND HE LEFT YOU HIS JACKET? GIRL HE WANTS YOU YOU HAVE TO SEE HIM AGAIN I WANT TO. I’M GONNA GIVE HIM HIS JACKET WHAT ELSE SHOULD I SAY JUST BE LIKE “Hey this is really nice, where’d you get it?” Just make conversation with him. THEN FUCK HIM.

Jack laughs when he reads that conversation before looking over at Y/N and seeing her laughing with him.

The next picture is of him reclining on the couch, Socks on his chest as he looks in the direction of the TV.

He’s smiling, feeling tears build up in his eyes.

The next page is another couple of screenshots and a picture of him folding laundry.

Y’all he’s a vampire, how did I not realize. damn WHAT! Okay but if you think about it that kinda makes sense? Like, working in a bar late at night when the sun isn’t out, living in one of the cloudiest places in the entire world? That’s true. Should I still go for it though? did you talk to him today? give him his jacket? I did. I kissed him too. Y/N FJI;RHGROIEF;VHIG;AIH OH MY GOD YOU DID STOP EVERYTHING I KNOW I KNOW I COULDN’T HELP IT THOUGH, HE’S SO PRETTY AND HE WAS GONNA LEAVE BUT I DIDN’T WANT HIM TO SO I JUST WENT FOR IT HE KISSED ME TOO THOUGH HE DID!!! Y/N YOU KISSED A VAMPIRE I DID HOLY SHIT NOW WHAT THOUGH HE’S TAKING ME OUT TOMORROW. WHERE? WHERE? We’re going to a restaurant lmao he’s just gonna pay for my food. Bruh he totally wants you HE WANTS TO TAP IT Y/N!!!

They laugh again and Jack turns to the next page, seeing a picture of him painting the house. There’s another of him napping, the camera close to his face, and he cries. “What, what is it?” Y/N asks, everyone’s attention turning to him. “I just,” he starts, his voice full of emotion as he looks at the picture, “I haven’t seen myself in years. I’ve forgotten what I look like.”

Y/N laughs, wiping his tears with the sleeve of her sweater and kissing his cheek. “How’d you even do this?” “You show up on iPhone cameras, love,” she explains, still laughing. “I can’t believe this,” he says, “I never-I never thought I’d see pictures of myself again, I’ve only had ideas and vague memories.”

He continues flipping through the pictures, finding one of him scolding Socks, then fist bumping him even though he still looks rather annoyed, laughing through his tears. There’s one of him driving, his mouth open as he sings, and another of him scowling at the TV, probably watching Jeremy Kyle. He stops suddenly, looking at a photo of him and Y/N. They’re at the club from Halloween, in their costumes, him laughing as Y/N kisses his cheek. He figures Ash or Garrett must’ve taken it, but he’s still overcome with emotion. He has a picture of himself with her.

He cries even more, Y/N rubbing his back and laughing as she tries to calm him down. “We can have pictures together,” he says. “We can,” she confirms, nodding her head. “And we can have videos too? Videos of us together?” “Mhmm. Here,” she says, grabbing her phone and opening snapchat. She activates the selfie camera, holding it up to her face before leaning over to bring Jack into the picture. His eyes and nose are a little red from his tears and he almost starts crying again at the sight of himself. “Hey, stop crying,” she laughs, kissing his cheek. Jack looks beyond the phone and finds everyone watching him, their eyes soft after witnessing the scene unfold before them. Y/N snaps the picture then, his eyes looking away from the camera and her lips pressed against his cheek as she looks for a Christmas frame to add onto it before sending it to her story. “Can you teach me how to do that?” he asks. “Snapchat?” He nods, wiping his nose with his sleeve. “Of course, darling. And you can take all the pictures you want.”

#Jack Lowden

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