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cleo-fox · 4 months

Text

Unraveled

Summary: It was all fun and games until Loki started wearing that goddamn sweater.

Pairing: Loki x Female Reader

Warnings: Smut, 18+, Minors DNI, dirty talk, praise kink, teasing, orgasm delay, sex, vaginal fingering, godly refractory periods, kitchen sex, semi public sex, Loki in a sweater.

A/N: My explanation for this one is that I saw too many pictures of Tom Hiddleston in a sweater and it gave me thoughts.

Being an Avenger has made you pretty good at rolling with the punches. After your third or fourth encounter with some alien/wizard/android bullshit, your perspective is fundamentally altered and real life seems manageable in a way that it didn’t before. You have to call your insurance company to dispute a claim? Big deal, you’ve negotiated with terrorists; you can handle Garth from Member Services.

The thing is, having that kind of perspective means that the things that do get to you can rattle you a lot more than they should. Natasha had warned you about that, but you were riding high on the thrill of successfully conquering Blue Cross Blue Shield and you kind of got to thinking she was exaggerating.

And then the seasons started to turn and Loki started wearing that goddamn sweater.

You can recognize when someone is out of your league. When you first moved into the Tower, it had been relatively easy for you to assign Loki to that category: he was a god. He’d been featured in last month’s GQ. You were mortal and your most recent press had been a TMZ story featuring unflattering paparazzi photos of you leaving a bodega in your pajamas at seven o’clock in the morning, a bagel halfway into your mouth. You were clearly not the same.

Up until the sweater, you’d managed to keep your cool around Loki and keep your attraction confined to daydreams and the occasional surreptitious lustful glance. Hell, you’d even had the nerve to be proud of yourself for keeping your shit together in front of him.

The sweater lays waste to all of that.

On the surface, it doesn’t seem like a sweater that is capable of completely destroying your carefully constructed composure. It’s a fairly standard crew neck in a deep green so dark it almost looks black at a first glance. But on Loki it just…does things to you. The fabric is well fitted, clinging to his biceps, pulling taut across his chest, emphasizing the line of his pectorals. It somehow accentuates how muscular he is while also still making him look lean and lithe.

The first time he wears it, you find your eyes just trail to him of their own volition, like an incredibly horny moth to the flame. It’s a day of catching yourself staring, panicking, pretending that you were actually looking at something else, and then repeating the process five minutes later when your gaze inevitably wandered again. It almost would have been funny if it didn’t put your blood pressure into the stratosphere.

To make matters worse, at the end of that day’s debriefing, he rises from his chair and raises his arms to the ceiling in a long stretch. The hem of the sweater creeps up, exposing the firm, flat muscles of his stomach, lightly dusted with a trail of hair that meanders in a tantalizing path down to his belt buckle.

You promptly choke on your own spit. Clint claps you hard on the back and asks if you’re okay, which is a question you don’t know how to answer (ultimately, you stick to a thumbs up and mumble something about dust getting caught in your throat). Loki is too preoccupied complaining about the entire concept of office furniture to notice. Or at least you’re pretty sure he doesn’t notice.

You might have been okay if that had been the only incident, but the sweater makes a repeat appearance on Friday. The following Tuesday features the deadly combination of the sweater with a pair of tight, dark wash jeans that nearly send you into cardiac arrest. Your fantasies suddenly become much more frequent and detailed.

You are not really sure what to do about this—it’s not like you can talk to anyone about it, nor can you ask him to stop wearing it without prompting some very uncomfortable questions. The idea that you’ll get used to it is laughable.

You look at your calendar and note that spring is six months away. At least.

Fucking hell.

It’s a Saturday afternoon and in a strange quirk of scheduling, almost everyone is out of town for a mission or a personal obligation, leaving the Tower unusually quiet. As much as you enjoy the daily clatter and chaos that comes with living here, you find a lot of comfort in these moments of quiet, however infrequent they may be.

You intended to make yourself a late afternoon snack. That was the plan, anyway. But as you’re standing at the kitchen counter and cutting up the fruit you just washed, you realize that you’re not entirely alone. From this vantage point, you can see Loki lounging on the couch in the next room and reading.

He’s wearing the sweater. Of course he’s wearing the sweater. And the so-tight-they-should-be-illegal dark wash jeans.

Goddammit.

You have the sense to set the knife down at least. The last thing you need is a trip to the hospital because you got too distracted by your hot colleague while handling a knife.

You let your gaze travel along the firm muscles of his chest. It’s just a sweater. It shouldn’t look this good. It shouldn’t prompt these kinds of thoughts. And yet…

He shifts on the couch and the hem of the sweater creeps up. His hand drops to his belt buckle. It’s entirely appropriate, but the way his long, long fingers are splayed against his stomach makes your mind drop straight to the gutter and wonder what they’d look like wrapped around his rock hard co—

“You know, it’s rude to stare.”

His voice comes from behind you and adrenaline surges through you like an electric shock. The Loki on the couch looks up at you and smirks before disappearing in a shimmer of green.

You wonder if it’s possible to die of embarrassment and a heart attack all at the same time. It certainly feels like you’re about to.

You take a deep breath and try to collect yourself, which feels largely futile. Come on, get it together. You’ve negotiated with terrorists and insurance companies. Shake it off.

You slowly turn around, cheeks burning. Loki is standing right behind you, arms folded across his chest. You swallow.

“I um. I was—I was just…” Words escape you as your brain fires in every direction except a helpful one.

“You were just what?” His expression is intense, but you’re not sure that he’s angry.

“Spacing out,” you say, trying to infuse your voice with confidence that you absolutely do not feel.

He places his hands on the counter behind you, intentionally caging you in with his body. You are overwhelmed by the scent of him—a masculine, wintery musk that makes you want to bury your face against his chest.

“Try again,” he says. His voice is deep enough to rattle your bones.

You swallow. Everything you could possibly say seems wildly inadequate.

Loki has never been one to be at a loss for words, though, and after a moment of terrified silence from you, he continues speaking.

“I’ve noticed something curious over these past few weeks,” he says. “When I wear this sweater, you can’t seem to take your eyes off of me.”

Your heart is pounding. Fucking hell. Have you really been that obvious?

“Now why is that?” he asks, his voice a low purr.

You briefly consider trying to lie again, but the piercing green of his eyes instantly makes you rethink it. “I um…” You swallow hard. “It’s just…it suits you. You…you look good.”

He raises an eyebrow. “I look good?”

You nod.

“Interesting.” His lips twitch in a slight smirk as he looks you up and down. “And how does that make you feel?”

Your heart thuds in your chest, your stomach contorting with a strange combination of fear and desire. You’re still humiliated, but the sound of his voice and the dark intensity of his gaze is intoxicating and incredibly arousing.

“I don’t—I don’t know how to answer that question.”

“Oh, I think you do.” There’s a rawness in his voice that makes your cunt clench.

You shake your head, eyes wide. You’re pretty sure he’s not really mad, but you also don't know where this is going. Surely he’s not making a pass at you…right?

“How does it make you feel to see me in this sweater?” he continues, his voice a low whisper. He pauses for a moment and when you don’t answer, he continues. “Does it…arouse you, perhaps?”

Holy fuck.

This can’t be happening.

You try to think of something clever or sexy, but the bluntness of the question and the fire in his eyes kills whatever remaining brain cells you have left. Mutely, you nod.

There’s that smirk again as he licks his lips. “Are you wet right now?”

Your cheeks burn. You give the tiniest nod possible.

“Hmm.” His hand alights on the button of your jeans. “I believe you Midgardians have a saying that is appropriate here: trust, but verify.” He slips the button free and your heart pounds like a war drum in your chest.

You cannot believe this is happening.

“You haven’t been entirely truthful in this conversation.” His palm presses flat against your stomach, the tips of his fingers slipping under the waistband of your underwear. “So I’m afraid I’m going to have to see for myself.”

His hand is achingly slow, creeping lower and lower. He watches you intently as his hand cups your sex, seemingly cataloging the way your breath hitches and all the little shivers that run through you.

His middle finger finally slides between your folds and you can’t help but moan.

“Oh, you did lie to me,” he growls, his index finger joining his middle, both sliding up to circle your clit. “You’re not wet, you’re soaked.”

Your legs are already starting to tremble and you grab on to his shoulders to try and steady yourself. The fabric of the sweater is softer than a cloud against your hands.

“Sopping wet,” he continues, trapping your right leg between his thighs and the counter, the heavy weight of his erection pressing eagerly against your hip. “And this is all for me?”

Wordlessly, you nod. There’s no point in denying it—and you don’t think he wants you to, either.

“What am I going to do about this?” he muses. His index and middle fingers lightly circle your clit again and you whimper.

“Don’t stop,” you gasp. “Please don’t stop.”

“Don’t stop?” he says. His tone is one of light curiosity, like you’re just chatting casually about the weather. “But if I continue, you’re almost certainly going to come.”

“Yes,” you gasp. “Please.”

“Oh, you want me to make you come?” You can hear the smirk in his voice. “Right here in the middle of the kitchen?”

You nod.

“Anyone could walk in, though,” he purrs. “Anyone could come in and see me with my fingers buried in your dripping cunt. What would they think if they saw you so utterly debauched and at my mercy, begging for me to make you come?”

“Don’t care…” you gasp. How are you already so close?

He raises an eyebrow. “You don’t care what they’d think if they saw us like this?”

You shake your head.

“Oh, you must be desperate.” He adjusts his hand, his thumb taking up the rhythm on your clit while his index finger sinks into your slick channel, making you gasp.

“Loki, please—”

“Begging already,” he says, not letting up in his rhythm. “Has it been a long time, sweetheart? When did you last feel this good?”

It’s not a question you can answer. You don’t know that anyone ever has made you feel like this. You moan, your hips bucking hard against his hand.

“Poor thing,” he tuts. “You’re clearly desperate for it. What kinds of filthy thoughts have you had about me?” he purrs. “I’ve seen you staring, I’ve heard your breath hitch. Have you touched yourself while thinking of me?”

You manage a nod and his smile turns feral. “When was the last time?”

“Last…last night,” you gasp.

“How many times did you come?”

“F-Four.”

“Filthy girl.” His free hand slides up to cradle the back of your head, his fingers tangling in your hair as he tips your head back. “Next time, all you have to do is ask.”

His mouth covers yours, his tongue pushing past your lips as he slides a second finger into you. You moan into his mouth as the pressure in your hips increases.

“Oh yes, let me hear all of those pretty noises,” he murmurs. “Are you going to let me fuck you against the counter after I make you come?”

You nod, whimpering.

“Good girl,” he purrs. “I think you need to be fucked properly and hard. Is that what you need?”

“Yes,” you gasp.

“Mmm, that’s what I thought. This cunt is just too wet and needy for any other treatment.” He draws back to look at you more fully, giving you a lazy, hungry smile. “You’re about to lose it all over my fingers, aren’t you?”

Your orgasm is cresting, the tingling pressure in your hips becoming unbearable. You nod, lost for words.

With one more smirk, he curls his fingers inside of you. “Come for me, pretty girl, let me see you.”

Your cunt spasms around his thrusting fingers and your whole body shudders as your orgasm overtakes you, your head tipping back as you cry out.

“Oh, that’s it,” he murmurs, “there’s my good girl.”

A shiver runs through you at his words, your hips still moving against his hand, trying to draw out every last ripple of pleasure.

He kisses you as you come down from your high, and you take the opportunity to run your hands over his chest and tentatively feel the hard planes of muscle that you’ve been staring at these last few weeks. But after a few moments, he takes your hand and guides it to his cock.

His preference for leather pants or those sinfully tight dark wash jeans made you suspect that the size of his ego might actually be proportionate to the size of his cock and your initial assessment seems to confirm that theory. You rub your fingers over the denim that covers his thick shaft, feeling yourself grow even wetter at the low groan he makes in the back of his throat.

“Take my cock out.” His voice is so deep and his eyes are so smoldering, it feels like the command goes straight to your cunt. You are practically trembling with anticipation as your shaking hands make quick work of the button, buckle, and zipper.

You can’t help but suck in a breath when his cock comes into view. He’s long and deliciously thick—big enough to be a little intimidating, but not overwhelmingly so.

He guides your hand to wrap around his shaft. He barely fits in your hand. “Look at what you’ve done to me,” he says, his voice raspy as he guides your hand to stroke his cock. “Feel how hard I am for you, feel how much I want you.”

His cock practically pulses with need, the tip slick with pre-come and you grasp him more firmly, your cunt pulsing as he gives a deeply satisfying groan.

You stroke him from base to tip, squeezing lightly. He groans again. “They told me to stay away from you, you know,” he says.

You aren’t so far gone that you can let this information slip by. “What? Who?”

“Stark. Rogers. Romanoff. My brother.” He reaches behind you and shoves the fruit and cutting board into the side, the knife clattering into the sink. “They saw how I looked at you,” he says. “They saw that I wanted you. They told me you were too good for me. Too sweet.”

You feel your jeans and underwear melt away in a shimmer of green and he lifts you easily onto the counter.

His eyes flash with desire. “I wonder what they’d say if they knew you’d let me fuck you raw in the middle of the kitchen?”

For a brief moment, frustration almost wins out over your lust. “We could have done this sooner?”

His gaze turns serious. “Darling, we could have done this the moment we met, but I’m told a handshake is more appropriate.”

You take a breath, about to embark on a rant about the individuals he’d named and how they hadn’t even asked, they’d just assumed, but Loki puts a hand up against your mouth.

“Don’t make me wait any longer,” he says. There’s a sincerity and a need in his gaze that you’ve never seen before and it’s enough to calm your anger for just a moment.

“Okay,” you say, wrapping your legs around his waist and angling your hips toward his, “but clear your schedule because I’m gonna need you to fuck me a lot to make up for all that time.”

His grin is feral as he pushes into you.

You shiver at the blunt stretch of his cock, your hands gripping his broad shoulders. He indulges in a low groan as his hips press flush against yours.

“If I’d known they were keeping me from this tight cunt, I would’ve done something sooner,” he rasps. “You feel absolutely perfect.”

“Please,” you breathe, “I need—please.”

His hips snap hard against yours and you moan, your head tipping back.

His eyes glitter as he pulls you close, pressing his mouth against your ear. “The next time I have you, I will be sweet and soft.”

“And this time?” you ask, though you think you already know the answer.

“This time—” His mouth presses against the curve of your neck, teeth scraping just this side of too hard against the tender skin. “—I’m going to utterly ruin you.”

His pace is fast and rough—the word possessive comes to mind. You twist the luxurious fabric of his sweater in your hands as his cock hits that sweet, aching spot inside of you, pressing against your sensitive cunt in a way that makes your muscles spasm and clench around him. You moan, a shiver rolling through you as you inch closer to release.

“I’m…fuck, I’m getting close,” you gasp.

His pace abruptly slows and his grin is wide and his eyes are dancing with mirth when he raises his head from your shoulder.

“That was unnecessary,” you say with a scowl.

“Oh, I just want to savor you for a little longer, my love,” he purrs as he settles into an easy and slow pace that still makes your toes curl. “You’re going to take me right over the edge with you and I’ve waited so terribly long to have you.”

“I feel like you’re probably omitting the fact that you like being a tease,” you say.

He grins again, increasing his pace ever so slightly. “Both things can be true.”

He does this a few times—taking up a wicked pace that almost sends you hurtling over the edge, only to slow at the last possible moment, silencing your whimpering protests with a deep and slow kiss that is good enough to make you forgive him until a few minutes later when he does it all over again.

You hold out for as long as you can, but eventually, the ache in your hips overwhelms you.

“Loki,” you breathe when his pace again begins to increase. “Please don’t stop.”

“Don’t stop?” he rasps, somehow finding the concentration to raise an eyebrow. “You’re quite sure?”

You nod.

“You want to come all over my cock?”

Speech is slightly beyond you at this point, but you manage to gasp a desperate plea as you hurtle into the final plateau, right before the fall.

Loki regards you with that same playful look as he fucks you. You wait, unsure of what he’s going to do, your body desperately crying out for your release.

His lips curl into a smile. “Come for me, sweet thing.”

At the sound of his voice, every one of your muscles is tensing and releasing, the slick walls of your cunt clamping down hard on the thick girth of his cock as you shudder and moan.

The remnants of Loki’s composure are fraying, his eyes closed and his jaw slack as he chases his own end. His brow furrows and he throws his head back, letting out a low groan as he comes and you think it might be the best sound you’ve ever heard.

You sag against him as you both come down from your respective highs, his heart beating hard under the soft fabric of his sweater. He reaches for your face, tilting your head back so he can kiss you, impossibly slow and soft.

You’re in the middle of the kitchen. You understand this. In a wholly rational world, you would be quick to hop off the counter, quick to try and negotiate the return of your jeans from whatever pocket dimension he’s sent them to.

Instead, you find yourself wanting to stay in this moment, with his arms wrapped around you, his cock still pulsing inside you as he kisses you breathless.

You count to ten, then twenty. At forty, you draw back slightly, only to have him pull you back into the kiss.

It’s somewhere after one hundred when he trails his lips to your neck and you manage to say what you intended: “We should probably…” you trail off as he sucks at your pulse point, sending a shiver down your spine.

“We should probably what?” he murmurs against your neck, before tracing a lazy figure eight with the tip of his tongue.

It takes you a moment to find that sentence. “Get dressed and such.”

You feel the sharp press of his smile against your skin. “I think not.”

Before you can open your mouth to say anything, the kitchen is fading in a shimmer of green to an unfamiliar bedroom and the two of you tumble into a bed draped in green silk.

“I’d like to stay like this for a while,” he says, a smile playing at his lips as he slowly rolls his hips against you, somehow still impossibly hard. “In fact, I think I need to have you again.”

“I can live with that,” you say. You tug at the fabric of his sweater. “But this is going to have to go.”

His gaze is smoldering and his bare skin is suddenly pressed against yours as the sweater and the rest of your clothes disappear in that familiar shimmer of green.

“Will you like me as much without it?” he asks, rolling his hips against you.

You drag your fingernails up along the firm muscles of his back. “I think I’ll manage.”

“Good,” he says, leaning in to kiss you, “because as I understand it, we have quite a lot of time to make up for.”

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theragethatisdesire · 10 months

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fic-d here, please, i desperately need the smut abc for plug eren because i am OBSESSED with him.

and i also need to know exactly what kind of clothes he wears, for … unrelated reasons.

hiiiii mooty moot <3 can i just say i'm thrilled you asked this. fair warning for anyone about to open below the cut, this is going to be an absolute MONSTER of a post. and i'm going to love every second of writing it lol.

okay first, the outfits. plug!eren is very like, stoner/streetwear type. LOVES layers, lots of hoodies and flannels and jackets, always wearing Vans, really favors a graphic t-shirt (thrasher, anime tees, has a really impressive collection of vintage band t-shirts and limited-edition supreme drops) i shall attach some reference photos:

idk if this is even the right vibe, but just very casual, whatever-works type of clothes. owns like, two button downs vs his 1001 sweatshirts lol.

and now...onto the nasty stuff LOL enjoy lovebug

PLUG!EREN nsfw headcanons under the cut <3

A. Aftercare

plug!eren is 25, yes, but he's also kind of just a boy at heart lol. it takes him awhile to understand the whole concept of aftercare and just laying and spending time together after sex because he bounces back fast, and is already jumping up to cook dinner or get both of you ready to go to a kickback or something like, two minutes after. once you explain the concept to him, he develops a complex for awhile that he "hasn't been treating you well", and goes really overboard LOL but eventually it evens out. becomes a big fan of snuggling afterwards but would never admit it.

B. Body part

eren was a thin kid growing up, and he's super proud of all the work he's put in to change his body over the years. especially proud of his back, it's his favorite muscle group to work and the one he tracks the progress of the most for sure.

on you, plug!eren is an asssss man. like, he's the king of ass men. constantly running up behind you to land a light smack, grabbing it, holds it while you're cuddling etc. also loves your hips? like, he loves when you ride him specifically so that he can hold on tight and grab at the fat around your hips. i cannot overstate how much he loves it.

C. Cum

plug!eren def has a face-painting thing. he loves to cum in you, and it takes him a few hook-ups to tentatively throw out there that he'd love to cum on your face, but after you let him do it the once, it's over. wants to cum on your pretty face and take pictures of you all covered in him every time you fuck.

D. Dirty secret

being an engineering/architect student, eren's not bad with a pencil and paper. loves to sketch the human body as much as he loves thinking up random building designs. not going to elaborate much here bc spoilers....

E. Experience

LMAO plug!eren is absolutely ran through, so yes, he knows what he's doing.

F. Favorite position

for eren, it's a toss-up between doggy or letting you ride him, both of which stem from his thing for your hips and your ass. i think he would say riding him solely because you usually cum harder that way and eren loves watching you cum, but if it's winning out over doggy, it's only by like, an infinitesimal amount.

G. Goofy

it takes him awhile, but once eren's comfortable, he can be such a goofball during the act. like, will giggle with you when you bump your head on the headboard, full-blown belly laughing when he tries to shove you up against the wall and knocks a few picture frames down. once, one of the legs under his bed broke and you both laughed so hard about it that you couldn't even finish the act. absolutely had a photoshoot of both of you pulling ridiculous poses right beside the now-broken bed.

H. Hair

eren's not like, full-blown bush or anything, but i don't see him doing much more than just trimming. he's terrified of nicking his balls or something if he fully shaves LOL.

on you, eren would never tell you what to do with your body (again, ran through enough to know that's a big no-no when it comes to women), but i think he secretly loves when you're completely bare because he's really into watching how you take him. it gives him an unobstructed view, whether he's eating you out, fingering you, or fucking you, he loves to be able to see every bit of you.

I. Intimacy

plug!eren struggles with being intimate, and while he craves it, he hides it under constant rough sex. after you've been together for awhile though, you have a huge, blowout, nearly-break-up fight, and when he fucks you that night, he's slow and sweet and definitely not tearing up, whispering little i love yous into your skin while he rolls his hips against you. making love is definitely in him, it just takes him awhile to get up to that point.

J. Jack off

24/7. no question. this man's sex drive is unbelievable and honestly? sometimes you're too sore or just not in the mood, really. my favorite thing about plug!eren is that when you just can't go another round, he'll have you sit up all pretty and naked for him and just jack off staring at you, making you talk to him and tell you how good he made you feel. lovesick little baby.

K. Kinks

huge pleasure dom. "can't cum again" is not in eren's vocabulary- he knows you can and he knows he can make you, so what's the harm in one more? not sure if this counts as a kink, but eren's obsessed with the way you smell. not just like, your arousal, but your perfume, that little scent that everyone has that just smells like them really gets him going. every time he stays at your house he can't keep his hands off of you, loves to steal little things like a pair of panties or a dirty shirt just to have at his place for when he misses you. could get down with a daddy kink if you were into it. i struggle to think of the word for this, but he's just nasty. his favorite kind of sex is freaky, nasty, flat-out disgusting sex with cum everywhere and the sheets ruined. big marking kink, loves to leave bruises and hickeys all over you as well.

L. Location

plug!eren is very possessive, what's his is his, so not really into the public sex thing, but will take you absolutely anywhere he knows no one could catch you and get a glimpse of what's just for him. really into sex in the kitchen for some reason?? shower sex too, god that is his favorite, just having you soaking wet and pinned up against the shower wall. up against a wall in general, actually. again, he's worked really hard to get all these muscles, and it definitely gets him off how easily he can just scoop you up and fuck you in his arms. might be an ego thing but hey, who are you to complain?

M. Motivation

anything that reminds him you're his. like, if he catches a glimpse of his hickeys on your neck under your makeup? you're going home from dinner early. you're walking around in one of his tshirts? he's bending you over the counter and you're not taking that shirt off for a second. eren's also a very detail-oriented person, so if he tells you he really likes red lipstick for example, and you wear it the next day, he knows it's for him and for some reason the thought of you choosing something to wear that you know will turn him on makes him feral. you're his pretty little thing, and he loves when you show off a little for him. LOVES lingerie. like, the complicated, full-set bells and whistles of garter sets and stockings and the whole thing. embarrassed at first because he can't figure out how to take any of it off of you, but when you just smile at him shyly and pull your panties to the side, he debates leaving you there to go buy an engagement ring LOL.

N. No

surprisingly, anal. eren's very well-endowed and a girl he was seeing for awhile talked him into anal, and even though they prepared well, she was still in too much pain to really enjoy it and it scarred him a little bit. he likes to hurt you within reason, but that's crossing a line for him, so no more than a finger or two and even then, only if you really want it.

O. Oral

LOVES GIVING HEAD. like, could die happy between your legs, it's his favorite part of sex type of loves giving head. has to beg you for it, but his favorite is when you ride his face. also loves receiving. really big into pulling out when he's getting close and having you finish him with your mouth. also loves eating you out after he's cum in you, then spitting both of your cum into your mouth. again, he's a nasty nasty man and i love him.

P. Pace

eren fucks fast and hard, especially once you've gotten used to his size. he has to ease you into it at first, he's not a total asshole, but once you've gotten adjusted, it's all gas no brakes with him. all those hours in the gym really pay off when he can have you bent over for what feels like an endless amount of time, crying and wailing under him.

Q. Quickie

weirdly, LOVES a quickie. totally gets off watching you limp off to work/class after he bent you over the bathroom counter in the middle of you doing your makeup just to make your legs a little extra-shaky for the day. you're both busy, what can he say? absolutely pulls your panties up with his cum in you and tells you to keep it in there for him.

R. Risk

eren's down for whatever you're down for. he's already fleshed out most of his kinks and fantasies at this point, other than a few things he really needs a committed partner for. it really turns him on when you take the initiative to shyly ask if you can try something, and when you come over one day tentatively holding out a pair of handcuffs? oh he's done for. the one thing he doesn't love is being submissive. he'll let you have your fun, choke him a little, ride him, etc., but he really isn't into being a full-on sub and being made to beg. i think that would be his other really hard no, come to think of it.

S. Stamina

eren is, again, ran through, so he's got some stamina. usually can last at least half an hour, sometimes he can even put himself off longer. he loves to try to go multiple rounds, but honestly, he wears himself out LOL. that doesn't mean you're off the hook though. eren might not be able to get it up, but he's got a mouth and some talented fingers and he loves to make you cum over and over just for his own entertainment.

T. Toys

toys are friends, not enemies! eren specifically loves your vibrator, it's small and easy to use in multiple different positions. his absolute favorite is to have you on top of him, fully seated and grinding against his hips, while he holds your vib to your clit. no chance of him getting enough friction to bust early, and he can make you cum at least two or three times like that until you're in tears and begging him to actually fuck you. yeah, that's his fav.

U. Unfair

eren's not so much of an intentional tease (bc he will accidentally work himself up too much and have to leave the bar early lol), but he's just so unintentionally pretty he doesn't have to try. i mean come on, he's beautiful and he's naturally so charismatic and flirty that he can tease without trying. and when you both get home and you're all riled up and pulling his clothes off, it's so entertaining to him. he loves when you tell him how pretty he is, how he got you all turned on just doing nothing but being himself.

V. Volume

plug!eren is a big dirty talker, but he's actually pretty vocal on top of that, too. loves to moan and groan and tell you exactly how good you feel, whether that's with a noise or his words. he's the loudest when you give him head, it just feels so good and he can't help but ramble on and on about how good you are to him. his "tell" that he's about to cum is when he starts rambling, words slurring together and it just seems like he can't shut up.

W. Wild card

eren loves when you're a little drunk, lowest of keys. not so drunk he's taking advantage of you, but when you let the responsible, professor mask slip and just really let yourself go and have fun, it drives him crazy. he loves seeing you happy, and in an honestly almost-perverted way, he loves seeing you go absolutely crazy with your friends. it just makes him so hard to see you uninhibited and dancing in the middle of the club like you own the place, all eyes on you.

X. X-ray

i think this was pretty well covered in the fic but.....yeah it's big. like, a solid eight inches, girthy, veiny, pornstar dick. eren's blessed and he knows it and uses it to his advantage. your favorite game together is to see how much of him you can get down your throat and eren's obnoxiously cheering you on like a coach. "you're almost halfway babe, have you been practicing on bananas or something?" "shut up eren! i'm trying to concentrate!"

Y. Yearning

okay i feel like it's basically canon that eren's ready to go at all times, no matter what, and plug!eren is not exempt from that. on top of this, though, he's really turned on by...idk, mundane things? like when you stretch with your arms over your head and he can see the outline of your breasts through your shirt, the curve of your neck, when you stick a pen through the bun on top of your head. like, the silliest things turn him on, only adding to his super high sex drive.

Z. Zzzz

eren's usually still bouncing off the walls right after, loves pillow talking and staying up late and discussing any topic he can think of under the sun. he's very restless as a person, so it takes him awhile to go to sleep, especially plug!eren. you usually fall asleep first. always has to go rip the bong a few times or he's just got 0 chance of knocking out, but he always sleeps better when you're snuggled up to him <3

#omg this is a MONSTER of a post i am so sorry to all #if you made it this far congratulations #i award u a gold star #THANK U FOR REQUESTING PLUG EREN FIC I LOVE YOU #much ado universe #much ado uni #eren #eren x reader #eren x reader headcanons

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thewaltcrew · 9 months

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Imagineer Rolly Crump (February 27, 1930 – March 12, 2023) in "Disneyland's 10th Anniversary" from the anthology series Walt Disney's Wonderful World of Color, aired January 3, 1965

Roland "Rolly" Crump started his career at Disney as an animator in his 20s. The man who ran the animation department at the time of Crump's hiring reportedly told him years later that "what you showed us was the worst portfolio of anyone ever hired in animation."

His first three years as at WED Enterprises provided little interaction with Walt.

Crump: All I did was absorb. I watched how everyone reacted to Walt, and the strengths and the weaknesses of the different guys. I studied Walt Disney and what it was like to work with him, but I wasn't participating until after three years. That's when I started talking. I learned that if you show something to Walt, it has to be something he hasn't seen before.

He called the period working with Walt "the happiest time of my life."

Crump: It was a great job. You were thrilled to do what you were doing. I was, anyway.

Rolly Crump's strange, bold, chaotic, and graphic style stands out strongly among his Imagineering peers. With his distinct touch, Crump was able to create some of the most visually memorable iconography for Disneyland, including the façade of It's a Small World (based on Mary Blair's styling) and the tiki god and goddess statues in the Enchanted Tiki Room.

Always a man who was protective of artist identity and integrity, he would often refer to rides by their primary visionary. The Haunted Mansion was Yale Gracey's ride, It's a Small World was Mary Blair's.

Crump: I was given the job of kind of supervising It's a Small World. I knew it was only going to work if everything looked like Mary Blair. As far as I was concerned, this is a Mary Blair ride.

And had the Museum of the Weird been built, it would've been Rolly Crump's.

It started out with Crump creating drawings and concepts for the Haunted Mansion. All the strange objects he describes in the "10th Anniversary" episode are all ideas and visuals he came up with. His peers told him his ideas would be "too weird" for Walt but after a presentation to the boss, Crump found Walt sitting in his office chair the next morning.

Crump: The first thing he said to me was, "You son of a bitch. All that stuff you showed me yesterday? I couldn't sleep."

Crump: The next day, what happened was Walt came in and said, "OK, we're going to do a Museum of the Weird, that's where we're going to use all that funny stuff you showed me yesterday." All he had to do was go home and spend some time with himself and he'd come up with everything. He was a delight to work with... You never felt like you worked for Walt. You felt like you worked with Walt because that's the way he made you feel. He encouraged your creativity. He was part of the magic. He was part of everything we did.

Unfortunately, the project died with Walt. After his unexpected passing, the project was dropped.

Crump: Management didn't like it. Walt passed, and he took the museum with him. No one else wanted to fool with it.

But the Museum of the Weird lives on. Marvel created a comic book based on the attraction called Seekers of the Weird. The fortune teller character Crump designed, Madame Zarkov, is referenced in Big Thunder Mountain Railroad and was written into the the elaborate Easter egg SEA (the Society of Explorers and Adventurers, a fictional secret society incorporated in many Disney attractions to tie their lore). And the window on Main Street USA that honors Crump for his work features three of his most famous pieces: the Tower of the Four Winds from It's a Small World (built for the 1964 World's Fair and unfortunately torn down because it was too big to move to Disneyland), Maui from the Enchanted Tiki Room, and the coffin clock.

video source [x] photo sources [x][x] research source [x][x][x]

#rolly crump #disneyedit #walt disney #imagineer #my gif #my edit #q #the chicago tribune article i linked is locked for subscribers only unfortunately #i'm not a subscriber to the chicago tribune #but for some reason i was able to view it temporarily #no idea how #i also had never heard of SEA until reading that sfgate article!

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bxyfriendz · 2 months

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the first mini album from B♡YFRIENDZ, released in FEBRUARY 2024 under INFINITE STAGE ENTERTAINMENT. the album illustrated a shift in sound for the boy group, moving away from their purely sweet image and into something more edgy. the album was received extremely positively, and despite later controversies would signal a positive future for the group.

⸻ PHYSICAL ALBUMS !

REGULAR

standard music disc, photo book (43 pages), graphic novel (20 pages), one random photocard (1/10), large folded poster, PLAYER SELECT character cards (set of 5).

RANDOM PLAYER

limited member album cover, character music disc, photo book (43 pages), graphic novel (20 pages), two random photocards (2/10), large folded poster, small folded member poster, member photobook (20 pages), PLAYER SELECT character cards (set of 5).

ULTIMATE

limited album cover, limited music disc, photo book (60 pages), graphic novel (20 pages), two random photocards (2/10), large folded poster, small folded member poster, PLAYER SELECT character cards (5 cards), random character keychain (1/5), random polaroid (1/14).

⸻ TRACKLIST !

01. network

02. open your eyes

03. thrill ride

04. game boy

05. glitch mode

06. item

07. hero

08. punch

09. superhuman

⸻ STYLING !

⸻ ERA NOTES !

this era involved a lot of LORE, something ISE had not ventured into to this degree before. the album was accompanied by a 20-page GRAPHIC NOVEL exploring the storyline of this album. aside from the regular album release, PLAYER SELECT gave fans the option to buy a RANDOM MEMBER ALBUM, a move that caused a lot of online trading and reselling of the albums. this album version included a LIMITED ALBUM COVER of one of the members, as well as one small folded poster of the same member. many fans ADORED the new concept, praising ISEs new creative direction. this appreciation was also shown in ALBUM SALES, with many fans admitting online that they purchased several copies of the album. fans agreed that this album was JACKSON and ACEs time to shine, with both members showing off incredible vocal skills and beautiful visuals during the promotional period and in the music videos. during this era the ASIA TOUR was announced, starting in the gocheok sky dome in seoul on march 12th, with tour dates scheduled across asia until mid-august 2024. soon after the release of the album leader JACKSON and member MILES found themselves in several scandals, with JACKSONs past debut with boy group NIGHTVISION being brought up, and MILES being exposed for alleged abusive behavior towards other idols. these scandals began overshadowing the release during the second week of promotion, causing the PROMOTIONAL PERIOD to be cut short by several weeks. shortly after the end of the promotional period, MILES was officially removed from the group. some netizens praised ISE for taking swift action, while others claimed that ISE should have protected him like they protected HONEY from LIMIT/LESS during her bullying scandal.

⸻ PHOTOCARDS !

#fictional idol community #fictional kpop community #*boyfriendz: discography #*era: player select

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rockifresa · 3 months

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English interview

Hayden Christensen Reflects On The Star Wars Prequels: ‘Those Movies Have Held Up Well’ – Exclusive

Talk about pressure. There are few villains in cinema as iconic as Darth Vader – recognisable from the briefest glimpse of his distinctive helmet, or the merest mechanical hiss of his respirator. So when Hayden Christensen signed on to play Anakin Skywalker in the Star Wars prequels, he took on a formidable task: presenting the man behind the mask. Across Episode II – Attack Of The Clones and Episode III – Revenge Of The Sith, Christensen showed us how exactly how the galaxy’s brightest hope turned from the light and plunged into total darkness – and through that time, his own Star Wars experience was a mix of light and dark too. After weathering years of criticism, he’s now been wholeheartedly embraced by the fandom.

Speaking to Empire in a major new interview – and original photo shoot – for our 25th anniversary celebration of the prequel trilogy, Christensen opened up on his time in the galaxy far, far away. “It’s been a remarkable experience. And just a very heartwarming one,” he tells Empire. “The journey that I’ve been on with Star Wars over the last 20 plus years... it’s been a wild ride, and where we’re at now is really meaningful to me.” While the backlash against the prequels was difficult to take, he’s pleased to see how beloved all three films are today. “I think that those movies have held up well over time,” he says. “It feels like vindication for the work that we did. Everyone that worked on those movies thought that we were part of something special. We all wanted to do our very best work, and we cared a lot about it. And so to see the response from the fans now, it’s very cool.”

That response includes excitement from younger fans – who are always thrilled to meet the man who… well, murdered all the Jedi younglings in Revenge Of The Sith. “There was a lot of talk about us doing that scene, and I love that George did it. It was a bold move. And it’s shocking,” the actor says. “Kids seem to forget about that scene when they meet me! There’s not any fear or intimidation. They’re just excited to meet Anakin.”

Having ridden out the stormy reception to the prequels – and returned to the Star Wars galaxy in recent years for appearances in Obi-Wan Kenobi and Ahsoka – Christensen reflected on the advice that he would give to his younger self before stepping into Attack Of The Clones. “Even though I was a bit overwhelmed, I was also a confident young man, and I wanted to make my mark. But I guess if I were to have some advice for me during that general time in my life, it would be: ‘Patience’,” he decides. “Because my journey with the character and with Star Wars has at times been a bumpy one... but I’m in a good place with it now. And so that’s why I say patience.” In 2024, there’s undoubtedly balance to the Force.

Read Empire’s full Hayden Christensen interview – and see more images from the shoot – in the Star Wars prequels 25th anniversary issue. Also inside the magazine, we speak to Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman, Liam Neeson, Ian McDiarmid, Samuel L. Jackson, Brian Blessed, and more about starring in the films; we revisit iconic sequences with producer Rick McCallum, stunt co-ordinator Nick Gillard, and concept designer Iain McCaig, breaking down the Podrace, the Geonosis arena battle, and the Mustafar duel; we get a closer look at rarely-seen concept art from across the trilogy; we speak to designer Ellen Lee Moon on the story behind her legendary Phantom Menace poster, and much, much more. It’s the ultimate look back at the trilogy that changed everything.

#hayden christensen

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thecameronchronicles · 1 year

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Haunted House

TW: Semi-public sex. Language.

SUMMARY: Your secret relationship with Topper walks a dangerous line as he chooses to show his affection for you in a more public place beneath the guise of the annual Haunted House.

WORD COUNT:

*Original Concept*

Haunted House

The fact you were in a secret relationship with Topper was solely to protect you. The way his friends would compare you to Sarah would be a weight he didn’t want you to have to bear. And even if you craved the sweet moments like being able to hold his hand in public or share photos on social media of just how happy he made you, there was a thrill in being together beneath the cover of darkness. Something exhilarating to be seen and even more exciting in knowing that these moments were never exactly planned. Lust took over for reason on more than one occasion. And tonight would prove no different.

His mother, Cynthia, had convinced him to work the annual haunted house as a means for ‘charity work’ as well as an excuse to keep him at arm’s length as she was rarely one to show any form of true maternal instinct. But because of this, you were set to meet him after it closed as it had been a week and a half since your last interaction, a desperation beneath the eager pep in your step as you would be sandwiched between your friends while they led the way through the decorated shed set up on the beach.

But through ghouls and zombies, werewolves and vampires, even a mental patient strapped to a chair, you wouldn’t find him beneath any of the cheap makeup already ruined by sweat. Instead, you feigned amusement in the jumpscares before being left behind as you became trapped by one of the actors you had recognized as having been Kelce. Committing to his psychotic aesthetic, you offered a smile before moving forward, a sudden force taking you into a darkened corner kept just out of view from the parade of patrons having paid for this thrill, as you would find this one for free.

“Do you have any idea how much I’ve missed you?” He asked, lips captivating yours as his hands were eagerly hooked at your hips.

“I think I can feel how much…” You teased, chuckling as he would scoff.

“You laughing at me, baby?” Your skin chilled whenever he’d call you anything-even something as simple as your name. But to know this pet name belonged to you had set your heart at an unsteady pace, as he pinned you harder into the wall.

“Did you miss ME?” Before you could answer, his fingers were beneath the skirt of your own costume, as you fisted the shirt of his zombie aesthetic.

“Oh you did, didn’t you baby? You need me real badly, don’t you?”

“So bad…” You breathed slowly, as he would pull you against him, his body tensing to the way your grip wrapped around his biceps.

“Topper-”

“I love when you say my name, especially when my fingers get to know how it affects you….

“But somebody could hear-”

“They’ll just think your screams are from someone else…all while we both know I’m the only one making you scream, ain’t that right, baby?” You nodded.

“So then do it baby…scream for me…” His arm rose and fell in the small space between you, the sight euphoric to the length your eyes were able to remain open before the pleasure of his touch became too much. Your body trembled at the way his thumb came to your clit and his middle and pointer finger curved inside of you, your clitoral hood and its sensitive nerves within were forced to rock into him as he nodded in endorsement.

“That’s it, ride my hand…feel good for me…I’ve missed those little purrs you make-Just for me…” You wrapped your grip around his wrist, feeling him quicken as he knew this to be your silent warning of being close, a need for more but a desperation for him to continue.

“That’s okay, baby…I want you to-”

“I don’t want it to stop-”

“It’s alright…Come for me…okay? Let me feel it two fucking meters from where anyone can see us…” He licked his lips. “Actually….” Your leg was suddenly hiked over his hip, your panites pulled to the side, before he was suddenly inside of you.

“Top!”

“Too fucking long-” He grunted into your shoulder. His hands were quick to assess your chest, squeezing lightly at your breasts but aggressively at your hips as he would pull you into him.

“Shit-” He groaned into your neck, a hand wrapped in your hair to pull you to face him, before his speed increased, your second leg taken around his waist in such a way that he was able to lift you with the support of the wall at your back. With eyes rolled into the back of your head and his praise grunted into your skin, you found a quick release as he was swift to follow. Depth and speed in perfect synchronicity left you both in a temporary tremble before you were set back down to your feet.

“Ten minutes, my truck-I’m taking my time with you next time.” You nodded, feeling him pull you in for one final kiss, before returning to his shift. You returned your own costume to an attempt at normalcy before joining your friends at the exit, their eyes looking to you with wonder.

“There you are-must have really got you good, huh?” Sarah asked as you slowly nodded.

“Definitely…”

And this was the final reason your relationship was a secret. You were best friend’s with his ex, Sarah. The idea of how Topper had been embedded between your legs in such depth and frequency would only hurt her. And even if she had been unfair to him with her relationship with John B and even if he had a right to move on just as she did, you also knew nobody would understand how you lusted for Topper. And tonight, under the guise of masks and costumes, you didn’t have to worry about hiding.

At least for tonight…

Taglist: @hopebaker @iovdrew @penny4yourthoughts @magnificantmermaid @pickingviolets @lovedetlost @trikigirl271 @maybankslover @slut4starkey @slvtherinseeker @obxiskewl @obxxrxfes @bluesongbird @slut-era @ailee-celeste @rafesbae

#topper thornton x reader #topper thornton smut #topper thornton fanfiction #topperthornton #topper thornton #austin north

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tbzhub · 7 months

Note

top 5 favorite music videos + top 5 changmin looks 💕

top 5 favorite music videos:

view - shinee

thrill ride - the boyz

angel or devil - txt

anti-fragile - le sserafim

not shy - itzy

runner ups:

giddy up - the boyz, puzzle moon - gwsn, next level - aespa, can i get your number - shinee, bad alive - wayv

top 5 changmin looks: (this is in ranking order and I feel very passionate about this omg)

reveal mv - would I be even be a deobi if I didn’t bring this up?

chase concept photos - self explanatory

rtk quasi una fantasia performance - gives me ohshc vibes

no air mv - that outfit with the black tie lives in my brain tent free

sweet mv - is everyone wearing the same exact thing? yes but on him with his hair all fluffy it’s just… ashdjansjfj

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lgcdowoon · 1 year

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YEAR END 2022 : tz season’s greetings ft. @lgcdaeho

when dowoon started his journey through the fog (he started calling it that to himself and himself alone and thought it was fun) he didn’t realize how much waiting was involved. car rides to a shoot, to wait for hair and makeup, to wait for his turn, to lots of photos, to wait for the other members to be done, to go on on another car ride to another shoot or schedule, where he’ll inevitably have to wait more. now, when it was time to go--because there had been so much waiting--he had to make sure he was on and perfect. there were staff working endless hours making sure everything was set up for him.

but it hadn’t gotten boring yet! the promotions for thunderous were coming to a close. with it, dowoon was (slowly) becoming a seasoned idol with experience to prove it. though, he still had an a level of amazement at it all. the lights, cameras, ACTION, it was thrilling really. and all so...foreign. most of his training was spent in the same practice room, doing the same thing over and over. now? everything was new and fresh. no time to get comfortable, he had to go go go!

this was his first time doing a season’s greeting and he liked the concept for himself. coming out of hair and makeup, styled in nicely pressed suit and neutral colored tie, he saw daeho waiting on the side lines, likely waiting to be called for individual shoots like dowoon was. as he walked up to the other, he said excitedly, “nice suit hyung!” dowoon like their concept so far, thought his image and style went right along with it. he thought daeho fit it even better, but he had noticed the older seemed to fit just about every concept he tried. dowoon hoped he could be like that. “isn’t our concept cool? pretty chic and vintage.”

#file under : thread #lgc:yearend2022 #lgcdaeho #file under : 23 seasons greeting

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farchanter · 1 year

Photo

Glass Onion

Now it's a party!

(photo from Netflix)

Tech billionaire Miles Bron has sent a cryptic message to a group of friends he calls "The Disruptors": a politician, the head engineer at his company, a fashion model, an alt-right Twitch personality, and his former business partner. Bron has invited them all to join him on his private Greek island, mysteriously accompanied by world-famous detective Benoit Blanc. There, they are told, they will solve a murder. Stranger, the murder is Bron's own.

Knives Out was an surprise delight. Combining an all-star cast with writer, director, and lover of mystery stories Rian Johnson, it reignited a love of mystery movies not seen in I don't even know how long. When it was announced that Johnson would make two more Benoit Blanc mysteries for Netflix, it was expected, exciting, and also a little worrisome. Could Johnson catch lightning in a bottle twice? Knives Out is a machine both well-built and compelling, a clockwork of a movie. How likely was it, really, that something could be made as intricate but also different?

I needn't have worried.

Knives Out and Glass Onion are like two Beatles albums: both unmistakably by the same artist, but very different from each other and yet both compelling. We can see what Johnson considers to be the DNA of a Blanc mystery, but Glass Onion is its own thrill ride. At times obvious, at times complex, you'll think you'll know the answer multiple times throughout the movie only to have cold water thrown on your theories. It comes out on Netflix next month, but it also has a special theatrical release this week: howver you want to see it, do yourself a favor and do so.

Knives Out had some strong political undertones, and one thing I wondered since was the extent to which that was a deliberate choice— or, rather, the extent to which those undertones were part of Knives Out rather than Johnson's concept of a Blanc story in general. Here in Glass Onion those themes are, if anything, more pronounced. The progressive politics are not the story, but they are a vital part of the mystery. By luck or foresight, Glass Onion has dropped into our laps perfectly timed with societal critique of the tech billionaire genius.

Johnson has said that he will make Benoit Blanc movies until Daniel Craig blocks his phone number. I hope so, because I would gleefully spend my money and time watching these Rube Goldberg machines spring into action for years to come.

#completion list #rian johnson #daniel craig #knives out #glass onion #benoit blanc #movies #todo #review #mystery

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taha-autoinsight-hub · 3 months

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Unwrapping Excellence: The 2025 Dodge Charger Revival 🚗💨

Hey Tumblr fam! 🌟 We've got a front-row seat to the automotive revolution, and trust us, it's a showstopper. Dodge just spilled the beans on the 2025 Charger, and we're taking you along for the ride on our blog [YourBlogURL].

📸 Visual Feast Prepare for a visual feast as we dissect the Charger's design. From the illuminated Fratzog logo to the Daytona SRT-inspired "R-Wing," this beauty pays homage to the classics. Dive into the stunning photos on our blog.

🔌 Power Play It's not just about looks - the 2025 Charger is breaking barriers with an electric powertrain. Think Daytona SRT concept on steroids. And that's not all – whispers of a gas-powered beast are making rounds. Get the full scoop on our blog.

🚀 Experience the Thrill This is not your average car reveal; it's a journey into the future of muscle cars. The 2025 Charger is set to redefine the thrill of the ride. Strap in, and let's explore together.

🌐 Join the Ride on Our Blog Ready to rev your engines? Head over to our blog

for an immersive experience. Exclusive insights, captivating visuals, and all the details you need. Don't miss out! 🏁✨ #DodgeCharger #MuscleCarRevival #AutomotiveInnovation #TumblrJourney

#cars #hypercars #carlovers #supercars #muscle car #dodge charger #dodge #electric cars #hybrid #carculture #tumblrreads #world

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sheviolentlyher · 5 months

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👋 Knock knock baby, it’s me. Your favorite mind fucking whore. 🧠 ⛓️

I’m in a mood void. An anxious yet exhilarated movement moves through my manic mind. I’m really getting a hold of this whole thinking ability.

What can we do to practice thinking? I say, writing. I love coming here and putting my mind to the test. What do I have to say when I am alone and life seems uneventful, yet peaceful? I want to know too. So here we are.

I did a lot of thought while tending to my house chores. My favorite thing to do. But when it seems my mind is tending to think ten steps ahead of me I get distracted and overwhelmed. I had to do a double take today to get myself straight.

I don’t know how I feel about the term “over thinking.” I guess it would depends on if it is creative or deconstructive. Destruction is a form of creation. So the artist in me says it doesn’t exist. But then sometimes I hear the worry in my daughters voice and I find myself telling her not to over think it. Well, maybe now I’m over thinking it. 😂👀

Thinking is sitting back and observing yourself with logic. Of course you may feel lost because you have never been this version of yourself. I don’t think I’ve ever got this lost in myself. Ever. I am totally digging me right now.

Four years ago I decided to take a big step into the world of social media. Boy did I learn so much about myself and this superficial social world. It has done something to my brain the real world could never do. At first it was thrilling, but then it became almost nauseating. Like a rollercoaster ride on the same continuous loop. At first you’re having so much fun but eventually you become sick. Sick with a world that only consists of videos and photos of reality.

Was I missing the entire point of this world? I just couldn’t grasp what it really meant to be “social” on social media. I still don’t. I have been focusing more on grasping earthly connections. I do not care if the whole world never saw me. I do not care if the world never sees me. I see me. I get to be me.

Writing satisfies me almost instantaneously. The invisible weight that falls from my mind is what keeps me coming back. I do not feel the need to be validated here, or anywhere for that matter. The fact that I am alive and creating and thinking is plenty valid.

I got lost in the cyber woods but I was never afraid, only curious. At what point does curiosity turn against us? I felt just like Alice, lost and alone in some wonderland with things I’ve never encounter before. There was fucking content everywhere!!! Mega mind tripping honestly.

What if social media is one big psychological journey? Couldn’t it be? I mean think about it. It’s has become such a “dual life” to others. How? Why? Am I seeing this correctly? Well, there is no correct here. We are here, with you void.

I’m not sure if I found anything truly fascinating other than the human behavior displayed. What it does to the psyche and how it completely rips it to shreds and immediately begins to rebuild itself. It was fucking wild to be apart of.

I think it consumed me a bit. It was so intrusive in my life that now I think being away is some sort of new age rebellion. Millennials are so close from giving it up completely, I’m convinced. They have this sort of pre-social media mind that lures them back into the real world right before the portal closes forever. There is still time to get out. I’m confident in my decision to leave. Mark my words though, just in case. 👀😂

It’s like I woke up from some extremely twisted concept I had on reality. It really does now all feel like a dream. I can only compare this feeling to the same feeling I get when I felt like I was actually in my dream while dreaming. Do you know what I’m talking about? It was so real that you woke up scared, not from the dream but because you believed you experienced this dream. 💭

Call me a psychopath and I’m down on my back like the hyena in the Lion King when the other say Mufasa’s name three times. I am something more rare, so rare that there is no word yet invented to describe me.

So yeah that’s what I’m thinking. Nothing major or deep. 👀 I never knew the shallow end of the ocean because I think I was always the tide. Pulling you in deeper and deeper, before you know it, you’re either sinking or swimming in between the coagulated, goo- webbed, folds of my bubble gum membrane. 🧠

I like wearing clothes that tell people “I don’t give a fuck” right when they see me. lol why am i talking about this? This is so left turn material. I was just thinking about brains and thinking- oh yeah- and how anything can trigger a persons inner monologue.

I get pleasure out of making people’s inner monologue speak to them. THEY ARE THINKING and I love that about them. Good. Use your brain. Use me. Think. Think. Think. It’s way healthier than you think. I prefer giving people indirect motivation. Either way, if you hate me, or if you love me, I’m always going to be inspiring you into something more concrete in your ideology. Maybe I have answered questions you’ve hung onto for years. Or maybe I can teach you the many meanings of the word “monster”. Whatever the case, I like to call this process the spark. Hopefully it helps people light fires within themselves, and maybe they feel a little bit warmer. Whether it be hate or love.

I really think I have sparked things up on my neighborhood street. Don’t tell anyone my evil plan to get inside their minds. 👀 *rubs hands together* Nah, I’ll be good, I promise. I’m tired of running away from myself. I’m tired of shaming my dark psychology, it’s not even that dark 👀. Especially when we are all knee fucking deep in a negative head space due to the over saturation of true crime, death, paranormal and horror.

What’s with all the mongering? Especially of fear, beauty, sex, medicine, fast food and war. Now I would look at my boys with a tilted head, and say “now boys I know you are smart enough to know————THAT WE ARE SMARTER THAN THAT. THAT WE ARE MADE FOR MORE THAN THIS.”

Am I? Am I the problem? 👀😂 you’re gonna look at me and tell me that I’m wrong?

Grow up.

-x

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lifeinavillage · 8 months

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Village Life

Before I go into explaining our village life, let me just tell you that, by the look of it, this is going to be one fairly disjointed tale. I have tried before to arrange everything in chronological timeline, and it didn’t work. I’d spend days trying to find, for example, if trying to get a photo of recently destroyed Mostar bridge, a UNESCO heritage monument, was before or after that day when we were trapped for the afternoon between two downtown buildings by a sniper. I’d obsess over getting everything in the right chronological order. I’d waste time, lose the thread and finally give up. I never asked myself did it really matter what happened first, as long as I told both stories to the best of my recollection?

These days I’m reading Did I Ever Tell You This?, a memoir by Sam Neill, the actor of Jurassic Park fame (and many other famous movies), and it’s a charming melee of anecdotes and memories captured as they popped into his head, in no particular order. It’s a fun read and such a liberating concept. Of course, I thought, why didn’t I think of this?, and decided that’s the exact kind of a mess that will work for my story. I’m no Frank McCourt, after all. Nor am I under any illusion this will ever be published anywhere other than this blog. So, I’m afraid, you’re up for a wild ride down my memory lane, which is more like a memory-roller-coaster than the lane.

Now, you may wonder why I chose this title for the blog. Well, because it’s true. My whole life I lived in cities. I grew up in Zagreb, the capital of Croatia and at the time the second biggest city in Yugoslavia. In the late 1990s I moved to Canada, to Calgary, the city of approximately the same size as Zagreb, but with definitely more laid back, prairies feel to it. Soon after I ended up in Toronto, which with surrounding area has population larger than the whole of Croatia, and stayed there until we decided to cross the Pond again, back to Croatia. And now, I’m in a place with official population of 990 — make that 992 now, with the two of us. Even here, we are in a subdivision of a subdivision, on the slope of a hill at the very edge of a nature park. In winter months I don’t think there’s more than a hundred people living on our side of the hill. So, yeah, I think living in a village is an accurate title.

Most of the year the area is peaceful and quiet. I’m more likely to run into a deer, or a hare, even a wild boar and a jackal, then another human. But, in the summer, it quickly becomes overcrowded with beachgoers, thrill-seekers, hikers, cyclists, wild campers and visitors of all kind. At the time I’m writing this, mid August, the place is teeming with tourists. You can’t throw a stick, as they say, without poking a foreigner in the butt. Our village, Volme, sits on a tongue of land between two bays on the upper Adriatic Sea. Plenty of beaches. Plenty of people who like beaches. I’m not crazy about the crowds, but I’m learning to tolerate them. Especially since we’re renting holiday apartments to those same tourists. Friends often tell us how much they envy our life by the sea, but frankly, summers are so busy with our guests, cleaning the apartments, welcoming ones and saying goodbye to the others, that we barely have time to go near the sea shore. Come September, though, everything changes. With the start of the new school year, everyone vanishes from here and again it’s only us, the boars, deer, rabbits… The sea is usually still warm enough for long, leisurely swims, and the beaches are empty. We endure high heat and high crowds of the summer months thinking of September.

As you can guess, our village isn’t of the rural kind, although there are vegetable fields and olive orchards around. The houses, even with the richest imagination, can’t be called farmhouses. They are villas, built for those couple of summer months when they can be let out to tourists. Most have pools and yards where olive and fruit trees are grown for the shade and decor rather than harvest. Our house sits on a large-ish yard, but we decided against building a pool. With the closest beach only 5 minutes away, it seems like a waste. Besides, even though we also take advantage of the tourism, we primarily want to have a calm, relaxing and happy space for ourselves. Happy home is the foundation for happy life.

How we ended up here

Only a few years ago this way of living would be an idea so foreign, it might as well have been fiction. Meg, my wife, and I both had steady jobs in Toronto and spent our workdays either at work or commuting to and from it through always unyielding and chaotic Toronto traffic. I was a multimedia producer in a Canadian national newspaper, and Meg was a graphic designer for a large law firm. Nice, cushy jobs with decent paychecks. One day the media corporation which owned the newspaper I worked at, as well as dozens of other newspapers across Canada, decided to cut costs by creating a single editing centre for all its newspapers. Person by person, my former department was dissolved. I was among the early layoffs. Meg kept her job while I went back to freelancing, producing online video for clients. It worked so well, we didn’t really feel financial hit from my loss of a full-time job.

We lived in a house we bought brand new ten years earlier. It was our first house and as such will always have a special place in our hearts. Our mortgage was half paid off and the plan was to keep going until the retirement, when we’ll sell it, downsize to a smaller house, or a flat, and use the leftover money to travel and do things we like. The only chink in that plan was time — I needed about 16 years to retirement, Meg quite a few more. One day during lunch we daydreamed about buying a house somewhere by the sea. Originally, we really wanted to move to Italy, but neither of us spoke the language, and their tax laws for foreigners seemed a bit draconian, or at least unclear. Then I said why not Croatia? I still held the citizenship, spoke the language and had family there. Also, Croatian coast is far prettier than Italian. You don’t believe me? Come over in August, and you won’t be able to move around from all the Italians crowding the coast. If their coast was superior, why would they all spend their vacations on our shores?

Over the said lunch I went through the calculations how much money we’d need to buy something in Croatia. It would be impossible without selling the house in Canada. Then Meg looked at me and said “Why wait 16 more years? Why not do it now?”

I must have looked like a swallowed a golf ball, because she had to repeat it a few times until it finally sunk in. That simple sentence is how we got here, my friend.

In the ten years since we bought it, our house tripled in value. We sold it and the car and almost everything else. We had enough money to buy a place in Croatia for us, with apartments to rent. Since we’re still too young to draw the pension from Canada, our savings and tourism are our means for survival.

When everything was finalized, we hosted a series of dinners with close friends, to tell them we’re moving. All of them, every single one, were very supportive, but also very envious. Sunil, our next-door neighbor and very dear friend, summed it up like this: “You guys are living everyone’s dream. You dared to break the shackles of working 9-5 jobs, paying mortgages, plowing through life and waiting for retirement. You have enough courage to take control of your own lives. We all wish we could do the same, but everyone is stuck in their lives for one reason or another (he and wife want to put their son through college). So, now you have an obligation to make it good and have a happy life, so we can all live it through you!”

Well, Sunil, and other friends, we are living a happy life, and all of you are welcome to visit.

One quick post-note to all this, a parting “wisdom”, if you will, is this: everyone can do what we did! Everyone can break out of the mold the society put us in and shape their own story. Both, Meg and I strongly believe this. The hardest part is making the definite decision, uttering that first sentence Meg said over that fateful lunch. Once the decision is made, you will find the way to make it happen. Because, there always is a way! Especially if you have someone like Meg, to work as a team, to lift you up when you’re feeling down and to give you a reason to keep going. Good things happen to those who try!

#memoir #life in a village #writing #writer #writeblr

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