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#tighty whities thursday
fvcking-savage · 1 year
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I think you're really hot 😳
Who is thissss? 😳😳
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11x13kyle · 5 months
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kyle: i came out to my parents when they discovered gay porn on my computer while i was at tolkien’s house choreographing a hip hop dance. and i got a call from—
kenny: seems like a hat on a hat, i don’t know…
kyle: well, right! which is why i was shocked because i thought they already knew. but i got a call while i was like mid-shoulder brush from my mother being like “where are you?” and i was like “MMI’m at tOLkien’s house!” and she was like “You Need To Come Home Now.” and i went home—
kenny: they confronted you about this???
butters: well it’s PORN—
kyle: about finding porn on the family computer???
kenny: how old were you??
butters: 16? no?
kyle: like……15, 14…..
stan: well, yeah.
kenny: i guess so.
kyle: i can’t believe i’m telling this story……
cartman: give us alllll the details
kyle: i went home after choreo—we finished the dance, he drove me home in his infinity suv, and—
kenny: bougie.
butters: whaaaat????
kyle: and i walk into the house, it is pitch black, and i just see the backlit shadow of my mother in the corner of the kitchen just like…..she brings me down, and rather than just like having like a nice “let’s talk about this” she starts like bringing up, opening up all the websites
all: oooooh…..
kyle: and i don’t know what to DO, and i’m just going “EW! WHAT is that?! THAT’S disgusting!” meanwhile i’m like “yeah, tuesday, yeah wednesday, thursday i didn’t do anything, but friday—”
cartman: so dramatic
kenny: where was—
kyle: and then my dad comes down in like his tighty whities and he’s like “kyle, if it’s yours, just tell us.” and then—
stan: IF it’s yours?????
kyle: they found—well hold on. hold on. they found like this weird fax like a document that nobody recognized and i was like “wEll, OBVIOUSLY someone’s hacked into our computer!” and they BELIEVED ME.
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blehcupidd · 9 months
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One in the Same
Chapter Two
Wilbur Soot x f!reader
Summary: You and your streamer friend react to thirst traps, but on of them sticks out
Warnings: angst, fluff, cursing, no use of y/n, correct british terminology (I am british), grammar and spelling mistakes (I'm dyslexic), Gnomeo and Juliet vibes, incorrect music terminology, other peoples music used for readers band, battle of the bands au
A/N: ty for the likes a reblogs last chapter <3 also this chapter is based off of this stream/video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dwv4tWbzkSE&t=54s 
just realised it’s 12:30 am and i realised i didn’t add this to the series master list sorry i posted it yesterday afternoon
Series Master list
Previous Chapter
Next chapter
A week or so later, ‘Cupid Records’ had replied to your submission for your band to perform in their battle of the bands. A simple text to the other band members got the creativity flowing. ‘we’re in!!!’.
For the remainder of the week, you didn't have practice. This left you to your own devices. Not having very many friends outside of your band, but this didn't apply online.
You didn't have your own following, you had an Instagram account with ten followers on private. Granted, not a good idea if you wanted your band to gain popularity. Your reasoning was the band's Instagram had more of a following. Sending a quick text to your internet famous friend, saying that you were bored, he replied with a ‘wanna come over and join my stream?’. Who were you, a bored individual on a Thursday afternoon, to refuse a fun offer?
Arriving on your friend's doorstep, you can already hear the shouting from inside. After knocking you can hear him utter a ‘one-second chat.’. Opening the door he is met with a bright smile on your face, accompanied by a cold pink glow of it. “James!” in return your brown-haired friend said your name in the same tone.
Walking into the camera, you could see all of James’ viewers wondering what was happening. “Chat, as you may see, we have a guest. Not only does she not know what we will be doing today, but she is also joining in!” Chat erupted into happiness whilst your face went into confusion. You cautiously sit down in the provided chair, “I need to do the intro, so we will all find out together what we are doing.”
“I asked my audience to send over the worst thirst traps they've seen recently,” you couldn't keep the surprised look off of your face, making chat and James laugh as he continued the intro. “And they didn’t disappoint, I am horrified. However, I am more horrified by the fact that you are not subscribed. I want a million subscribers. Do it now!” He then motioned towards you, “This is also our special guest today, and we will be tormenting her as a team. Now let's get right into the cringe.”
The first video was a duet of an older man with a younger boy, “That's you in like three years.” You pointed to the more unattractive guy in the video. This just caused James to look at you in shock, slowly morphing into realisation.
“You’re not wrong.”
You started reading out the title card of the next thirst trap, “Some of the finest animated men in my opinion. Im excited.”
“Okay, dude.” James sighed, leaning back in his chair as Flynn Rider came onto the screen. You then looked at James with a smug look, as if you were saying ‘See,’. “I get it.” He gave in.
As that video went on there were some agreements and disagreements, leading the two of you onto the next video. That being a built guy in a pool, in his underwear. This gained a shocked look from you and a disgusted one from James. “Not the tighty whities bro!”
“No one should wear tighty whities anywhere, especially a pool.” Your statement sounded as if it was a question. Which it was, debating on whether you would still be friends with James after this.
The next video was one of James and your other friend WillNE.
‘Where’s your head at at’ James said in the video, then showing a clip of Will about to laugh, then cutting back to James. 
“This right here,” James showcased his hairline in the video. “Is a problem.”
“That's why I said that bald guy was you.”
‘I got bitches on my dick every day.’ Started playing to a video of someone dressed as Red Guy from Dont Hug Me, Im Scared on a pole, doing some impressive moves.
The next video caught your attention, ‘All I see is red, ah’ started playing ‘She said fuck me like I'm famous, I said ok.’ Whilst Slow Down was playing, you couldn't help but laugh and poke fun at James, talking about his song ‘Slow Down’. “I've seen these so much!”
“Your smile says you like them.”
Tuning into the video at hand, you saw an edit of a taller man, looking angsty. This was probably the first video that you liked, the song choice obviously. The handsome guy on the screen also played a key into that. Your internal gawking was also external, making James and Chat tease you.
“I know him, so…” Your face flushed, not able to blame it on the cold weather anymore, and your eyes widened.
“Is he gonna watch this?”
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themultifandomgal · 2 years
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Sweet Pea- Moms Last Musical
"Ok YN, Sweet Pea let's try this again and this time don't look like your going to kill each other" Kevin shouts from his little desk in front of the stage. Today is our first day of rehearsal for the musical Heathers. I'm super excited to play Veronica, but Sweet Pea is playing JD. Whooo. Sweet Pea and I used to date, that is until we broke up and he started to date.. excuse me be friends with benefits with Josie "let's start from, Veronica what are you doing in my room. And action!"
" Veronica, what are you doing in my room" Sweet Pea sits up from the makeshift bed
"Sorry, but I really had to wake you. See, I decided I must ride you 'til I break you. 'Cause Heather says I gots to go. You're my last meal on death row. Shut your mouth and lose them tighty-whities"
"No! No no no" Kevin shouts
"What now?" I huff
"Where's the chemistry between you both?"
"Ask him" I look at Sweet Pea getting up
"Me? your the one who broke up with me for no reason"
"And your the one who jumped beds quicker than you can say Southside Serpents"
"That's enough. If this is going to work then you two need to get on. If you don't work this out Veronica and Archie will replace you both, got it" I scoff at Kevin
"Veronica and Archie seriously?"
"For the next week you two are going to do tasks I'll set for. I'll have the tasks ready for you by this evening. Go and cool off, both of you" Sweet Pea and I walk off stage "let's have the Heathers sing candy store. For now we will pretend Veronica is there" Kevin sounds defeated
"I guess I'll see you later then" I say to Pea walking out of the auditorium.
"What does it say?" I ask Sweet Pea while leaning on my locker
"Go bowling together"
"How did you get to school this morning?"
"My dad dropped me off"
"Guess we're taking my bike then"
"Great" we walk out of school and head to Sweet Pea's bike. He hands me his helmet, I take it off him and put it on getting on the back off his bike.
We arrive at the bowling ally and head inside. We get sorted and for a while we play in silence
"This was our last date before we spilt up" Pea says as I pick up a ball
"I know. We ordered fries and a shake, of course not as good as Pops"
"Didn't you get food poisoning?" Pea smiles at me making me chuckle
"Oh god yeah. 48 hours of throwing up"
"My trailer smelt awful for days" we stop laughing realising that's when I broke up with Pea
"What happened YN? we were so good"
"So good that when I told you I needed space and some time alone you got into bed with Josie?"
"I was angry"
"So you carried on? I don't understand why you did that"
"And I don't understand why you broke up with me"
"You know what. Let's go" I put the ball down and walk out of the bowling alley.
Over the next few days Kevin has been making us relive our dates. They've been rather awkward. Tonight is Thursday and we are currently reliving our first ever date, a meal at Pops. We are eating our exact same meal, Kevin has kinda freaked me out how well he knows all of this
"YN talk to me"
"About what?"
"Why we broke up"
"Why do you keep pushing this?"
"Because I haven't had a reason for our break up in 4 months"
"Exactly it's been 4 months so why do you need to know"
"Because I never got over you" Pea raised his voice at me
"Then why did you sleep with Josie? look we're going round in circles here" I sigh putting my head in my hands holding back tears
"Ok" Pea breaths out "I never slept with Josie" I frown looking at him confused "we were going to, I wanted to do anything to get over you, but I couldn't do it. We kissed but it didn't feel right"
"So you lied? how does she feel about that?"
"She was in on it. She wanted to get Reggie to notice her and I wanted to get you jealous so you'd take me back. It was stupid and I shouldn't have done it especially because now I realise it only makes you hate me more. What did I do?"
"I never hated you Pea" I let the tears fall from my eyes "you didn't do anything wrong when we were dating"
"Then why?" Pea now has tears in his eyes. I wipe my face and take a deep breath
"My mom is sick. She hasn't got long left, a few months at the most. I just couldn't cope when I found out. That's why I shut you out, why I needed space. The only reason I'm doing this musical is because dad is going to film it for mom so she can watch me perform one last time. She's come to every other musical and this will be the first one she won't see in person"
"Why didn't you tell me? does anyone else know?" I shake my head
"No no one. I didn't want pity"
"So what was the plan? you were going to just ignore it? what about when she passes? what were you going to do then?"
"I don't know Pea, I just wanted to feel normal until then" Pea takes my hands in his
"Whether we're together or not. I'm not letting you go through this alone”
1 month later
"... slap me, pull my hair. Touch me there and there and there. And no more talking. Love this dead girl walking. Love this dead girl walking"
"Wait, wait"
"Love this dead girl"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah
“Yeah" mom pauses the video and look at me and Sweet Pea
"As much as I'm proud of you, I didn't need to see that" mom and I chuckle before she starts coughing. I grab her a cup and pour some water in it. I help her drink some water "stop looking at me like that. Let's finish watching your show"
I close the lid after we take our bows
"I wish you could have been there mom"
"So do I sweetheart. Now what's going on with you two, I haven't seen Sweet Pea in months and you haven't spoken about him"
"We split up" I say looking down at my hands
"Because I'm sick?" I look back at my mom "do you both still, what's it you kids say these days? oh I don’t know, do you still have the hots for each other” Sweet Pea and I look at each other then back at my mom “let me be proof that you need to live your life like every day will be your last…”
“Mom”
“No YN listen. Whatever’s happened between you two you need to figure it out, because I’ll haunt your sorry asses if you don’t try and make what you have work. Sweet Pea, come here” Pea moves towards mom “my daughter is stubborn, takes after her dad. But if you love her, you do what you can to keep her”
“I will” Sweet Pea takes my hand in his, and I don’t let go. Maybe I was a fool for breaking up with him and going through this alone, but now he’s back. Whether it stays platonic or grows in to more. At least I have him now. That’s all that matters.
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jogetschatty · 2 years
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I Am An Ironman (IM Chattanooga Race Recap)
Well, y'all - Ironman Chattanooga surpassed my wildest hopes and dreams.
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I'm honestly still in disbelief. Not just that I accomplished this dream, but about the day I had on Sunday. When I crossed the finish line, I couldn't stop saying "I had the perfect day." I never went to that dark place everyone talks about. There was never a moment I questioned my ability to finish.
Monday brought perhaps an even bigger surprise, but I'll save that as an incentive to make it through this very long post (Hint: it involves a big island).
Anyway, let's start from the beginning.
We arrived in Chattanooga late Thursday night with two bikes, a car full of gear and a whole lot of race nerves. Thankfully, we had a lot to do over the next couple days to distract us. After chatting with other athletes over breakfast in the hotel lobby (we stayed at the Hampton Inn downtown, just blocks from transition), we set out for a shakeout ride. We decided to drive the full bike course and ride a short stretch of it. It worked out perfectly that by parking at the Cedar Grove Community Center, riding down to see the sharp turn onto Hog Jowl first hand and heading back we got a 30 minute shakeout ride. I was nervous that the roads were pretty rough until you crossed into Georgia, but otherwise it was a beautiful course!
Next we headed to Ironman Village to check in. It really gets real when they put that bracelet on your list and assign you your race number (as an odd number loving gal, I had a good feeling when I was assigned 1155!). I also started to feel the pressure - I knew if I didn't finish the race, I'd never want to look at all the great swag! Next we headed to Cashew for a quick vegan lunch, drove the run course (oh man, those hills looked even harder than I'd imagined!) and rested up before the undie run.
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The Undie Run is a longtime Ironman tradition, meant to shake out the muscles and ease the nerves - and I have to say, it worked! About 50 of us gathered in undies of all sorts - from lingerie to tighty whities, costumes and beyond - to be a bit silly and run through town with our tushies hanging out. We ran about four miles, and after a week of tapering - it felt great! By the time we were done, our support crew was in town! We enjoyed dinner at Proof Bar & Incubator and settled in for an early night. I slept remarkably well!
By morning, the race day forecast had shifted quite a bit. Instead of showers in the afternoon, it was calling for rain throughout the entire bike ride. I was already nervous about the 116 mile ride, and this really spiked my anxiety - I'm scared to bike in hard rain, and was worried about being cold. But we set about our day, starting with a practice swim at the Chickamauga Dam (one lap in a wetsuit, one in a swim skin since we weren't sure whether it would be wetsuit legal). From there, we packed up our gear bags and checked our bikes into transition (in the wrong spot! thankfully an amazing volunteer moved them and reached out to let us know). I found someone to put my hair into battle braids a la the great Lucy Charles, and made sure my nails matched my bike (#priorities)!
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We took a bit of downtime before heading to the parents' Airbnb for a very early dinner (we landed on these BBQ tofu bowls!) and were in bed by 8pm. Again, I slept remarkably well until about 3am! At 4am I checked my phone - wetsuit legal! Our alarm went off at 4:30am, and I was remarkably calm (despite a forecast that now called for "gusty winds and small hail") as we set about our race morning routine. We ate breakfast (an English muffin with sunflower butter, jelly, half a banana and a mini blueberry muffin, plus a bottle with electrolytes). We got dressed, had a good poop (this is important!), packed our morning clothes bag, and were making our way to transition by 5:15. From there, things were a bit hectic as we had to circle a few times from bike to bike gear bag to run gear bag, but we'd left ourselves plenty of time and with nothing else to do, we were on the bus to swim start shortly after 6am. When I saw Kipchoge had broken the marathon world record in Berlin, I took it as a good omen - it was going to be a great day to race!
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/\ Swim start!
We had almost TOO much time at swim start, and the nerves started to creep back in! We chatted with other athletes in the porta potty line, ate some gel blocks, drank water, brushed our teeth and finally it was time to line up. We checked in our morning clothes bags, said goodbye to our phones and self seeded in the 1:10-1:20 swim time (faster than I usually swim, but what I anticipated with the current). When Courtney said he was going to stay with me and get in the water, I let out a sigh of relief.
Finally it was 7:30. The anthem was sang, the cannon went off and we made our way toward the water. I told Courtney I loved him, to "be safe, race smart and have fun," gave him a kiss and said I'd see him at the finish line - and we jumped in the water.
From there, my nerves vanished. You couldn't wipe the smile off my face the rest of the day (seriously, people kept commenting on it!)
The 2.4 mile Swim: The water felt perfect. My stroke felt natural. I was calm and doing what I came here to do. I kept thinking to myself, "this swim is beautiful!" I felt like I was all over the river, but I had plenty of room and when I need to, took a few seconds to get out of the way of other swimmers and find my own path. I couldn't really tell how fast the current was moving, but soon I could see the bridges - and after swimming under the third, I could see the final buoy marking the swim out. I couldn't believe it when I looked down at my watch and say 56:10 minutes!
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T1: Volunteers helped us up the stairs, and at swim exit I saw my brother in law Nate followed shortly by my father in law Mike! I put my hands up and waved, and ran on to where the strippers helped remove my wetsuit, got handed my bike bag and ran into the changing tent. It all felt like a blur! Since it felt pretty warm, I'd decided not to put on the throwaway long sleeve shirt I brought along, so I just dried my feet, put on my cycling shoes and helmet, applied chamois butter and sunscreen, shoved my wetsuit and goggles in the bag, took a puff of my inhaler, ate half my Maurten bar and grabbed my bike. 8:11 minutes.
The 116 mile Bike: This was hands down the part I was most nervous about. It was far and away the longest part of the day, the only section of the race I'd never done the full distance of before, and the part of the day that felt like SO much could go wrong (bike crashes, mechanicals, getting hit by a car). But I didn't take time to think about that - I just hopped on my bike and went. I was a little bit concerned when I looked down and saw my heart rate was at 141, but we were going up a slight incline and I knew I had a ton of adrenaline pumping from running out of the water and then running with my bike. I took deep breaths and calmed myself down.
I took the road out of town easy, to warm up and also because it's by far the roughest part of the course with potholes and train tracks and everything in between. There was an audible cheer around mile 5 when we crossed over from Tennessee to Georgia and the road quality immediately improved! It had started to rain, but it wasn't coming down very hard and I could see sunshine ahead. At that point I looked down and realized I was moving upwards of 20 mph, way faster than planned, but it felt effortless with the wind at our backs so I figured it would balance out once we hit the hills.
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Before I knew it, I was at the start of the loop! I hit mile 16 and thought to myself "just a century left, you've done that before! The course was pretty crowded at this point, and it was hard to maintain 6 feet and also keep up speed. Since I had a full bottle of Maurten's 320 I was sipping on, and water in my aero bottle, I skipped the first aid station.
At some point around mile 20 it started to rain pretty hard. I said silently to myself, "you're okay, you've done this before, just keep biking, you're okay." And that's when I realized I actually really was okay. I biked cautiously and defensively and taking it easy on my descents. I saw quite a few cyclists crash into each other when one person slowed going up hill, so I kept my distance. I was soaking wet, but just above the line of uncomfortably cold. The rain subsided, and I actually found myself passing a lot of riders.
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By aid station two, I'd finished my bottle. It was situated on the way up a hill, which made stopping annoying, but I decided it was still my safest bet. I pulled to the side and yelled for water, filled up my bottle with Untapped Mapleaid lemon tea, and had a little snack. While I was doing that, I saw two unsuccessful bottle hand offs and actually had to yell to warn a rider of a bottle, and stopped a teenage volunteer from running out RIGHT in front of a cyclist to get it, which definitely validated my decision to stop for a minute or two rather than get caught up in that chaos.
Soon I was taking the sharp turn onto Hog Jowl Rd. no problem, and heading to Chickamauga. Just as I'd started to get dry, it started raining on us again - but the road on the back side of the loop is a smooth, gorgeous descent. I realized, somewhat surprised, that I was actually enjoying the ride! I stopped again around mile 50, at special needs, and gobbled down an Uncrustable, took a gulp of the electrolyte drink I'd put on ice in case it was hot and poured the rest into my aero bottle. I realized I'd taken *no* salt pills, so I also popped one of those. On the way out I had a quick snafu where the lid to my aero bottle flew off and I had to turn around and get it, but I knew it would be worth it with 60+ miles left to go.
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/\ Probably laughing because it was only after thinking a cyclist was peeing on my that I realized *everyone* had a stream of water shooting out from behind their bike.
On the steep, wet descent out of Chickamauga I saw the scariest thing I saw all day. Out of the corner of my eye, something bright in the ditch caught my eye, which I soon realized was a bike. It took my brain a second to register that there was someone lying next to it, unconscious. I briefly considered trying to turn back, but realized I'd very likely cause a bike pile-up with many cyclists coming around a corner and down a hill behind me, so I yelled to the first spectators I saw to please call medical right away - and realized they were already doing so. I realized I was shaking both at what I'd seen and whether I'd done the right thing, but I felt better when very soon after I saw the ambulance on the way.
I expected I'd be seeing my family soon, at the turnaround, and sure enough - there was my mom yelling and pumping her arms in the air! I gave them a big smile and thumbs up because I had a feeling they might be worried how I was holding up in the pouring rain and I wanted them to know I was actually doing okay. Then I was onto my second loop!
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I will say, on the second loop there were hills I didn't remember - probably because they hadn't felt like hills the first time around! But despite being pruney from being wet for 5+ hours, I was still feeling good (though laughing at the thought I still had to do a marathon) and keeping in mind what a fellow triathlete told me a few weeks ago - if you feel any emotions on the bike - tired, hungry, angry, sad - eat or drink something. I also have to say - from spectators to volunteers to other riders, I got SO many call outs for my unicorn helmet, and it really kept my morale high! On my second loop, folks recognized me and were even yelling, "the unicorn is back!"
It wasn't until around mile 100 that I really started wanting off the bike - and honestly, it wasn't because I was tired or uncomfortable (miraculously, my shoulder and neck gave me no trouble - despite a lot of pain in training), but because I'd come so far feeling so GOOD and really wanted to get off the bike without any issues - I'd seen SO many mechanicals along the way, and didn't want to be one of them! As I turned back onto the highway toward home, the sun had come out and I realized I had a dull headache so I made a point to get some electrolytes in my body right away (I actually gnawed on a package of watermelon Nuun, because I couldn't get it in my water bottle), and immediately the headache started to subside.
As I made the final trip into town, I realized I was approaching my family's Airbnb and soon saw them in the front yard - including my brother who had flown in to surprise me! What a boost to get me through that final stretch home (when you hit 112 that would be the end of a regular Ironman, it hits you!) Soon I was rolling back into transition. I couldn't believe it - I made it through the bike and it was only 3:30pm, and when I signed up this race, I was genuinely nervous about making the 6:10pm bike cut off. Total time, 6:37:56.
Nutrition: 2 Maurten bars, 1 Uncrustable, 1 bottle Maurten 320, 2 Maurten gels (1 caffeinated, 1 uncaffeinated), 1 chocolate cherry caffeinated Clif gel, 1 Untapped waffle, 1 pack Untapped Mapleaid lemon tea, part of a bottle of Body Armor electrolyte drink and a few gel blocks, 3 salt pills, 4 mostly preventative painkillers.
T2: It was with huge joy and relief when I handed my bike to the catcher, but I was surprised that I actually didn't have the "and I never want to see you again, bike!" feeling that I'd had on some long rides. From there, I a volunteer handed me my run bag and I headed into the changing tent. Another AMAZING volunteer proceeded to unpack my bag, get me sunscreen, and help me when I was dropping things all over the place. This is also where I saw the most BADASS thing of the day - a fellow athlete BREAST PUMPING between the bike and run. Women are fucking magical beasts. I said goodbye to my unicorn helmet, popped on my cap and bib belt, took another puff on the inhaler and took a quick stop in the porta john - despite the rain, I'd had a really hard time peeing on the bike! 7:20 minutes
The 26.2 Run: I set out on the run feeling strong. It was hot, but I felt good and still had my legs. I was feeling pretty confident at this point about my prospects of finishing, with more than 8 hours to complete the marathon. I headed up the hill to the highway, where the first 4 miles of the course is in pretty much direct sunlight. Everyone was telling me I looked strong, and I felt it too.
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I stuck with my plan to walk the aid stations. My primary concern at this point was keeping my body temperature low and maintain a heartrate under 140. When I hit the first aid station, I put ice down the front and back of my kit and on my head, splashed cold water on my face and drank some Gatorade Endurance and water. This would be my routine at pretty much every aid station until the sun went down! I was surprised that the miles were kind of just ticking away, and even with my stops I was maintaining a 10 minute mile or below.
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The turn onto the Riverwalk - the only portion of the course I'd not seen - brought some relief from the sun. I was a little bit farty from everything that had gone into my body, but I still felt good. I walked the steep hill up Battery Place and was excited to see my family soon. Sure enough, there they were as I turned onto Veterans Bridge! I gave them all huge hugs, and let them I was sticking with my plan to walk the hills and aid stations, so they wouldn't worry if my next splits were slower.
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And with that, I was off to Big Bad Barton and the dreaded hills on the backside of the course! To be honest, at this point I was kind of excited that they'd give me an excuse to walk.
Now let me tell you - people DREAD Barton. It's .4 four miles long, and you have to run it four times (two each direction) - but it's actually sort of fun, because it's a giant party. There's an aid station about halfway up it on the way out, and since my heart rate was low and I felt good, I decided to run to that and walk the rest of the way. I did the same on the hill by the golf course, took a quick and not very productive porta potty break around mile 11, and headed back toward the pedestrian bridge. As you cross it, you can hear people being called into the finish line. Throughout the bike and run, every time I saw the mile marker for the second loop while on the first, I'd been thinking to myself "you'll be SO happy to see that next time!" - but never more than here. And I knew my moment was coming.
At the halfway point, I stopped at special needs for a quick bite of pickle and grabbed my socks and a waffle in hopes I could hand it off to a family member (guys, Feetures are expensive!) But when I dropped them less than a mile later, I sacrificed another $18 to the triathlon gods. I was headed back out to the lonely, exposed highway stretch - and I remembered what my mom told me that morning: even if you're lonely out there, remember I'm with you. And I thought about her proud face and arms in the air when I'd seen her last.
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People were still telling me I looked strong, but around mile 15 I started to feel a little light headed. My heart rate was still nice and low, so I had a feeling it was the start of a salt bonk. I decided to play it cautious. I'd had a great day so far, and by that point, I had all the time in the world - something like 6 hours to finish a half marathon. I sure as hell wasn't going to risk passing out and being taken off the course. So I walked a little bit, doubled up on my salt pills (I'd only taken 5 all day, at that point), and because I knew my stomach couldn't handle pretzels or chips - I put them in my mouth, sucked on them and spit them out (gross, I know, but it works!) By the time I was turning back onto the Riverwalk the day was cooling off and the shade offered even more respite. I didn't feel 100% back to normal, but it was getting better not worse, so I continued mostly running with a few extra walk breaks, using mile markers and minute markers to motivate myself.
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/\ Still all smiles on the second loop, around mile 19.
I was excited to see my brother again at the bottom of the Battery Place. hill! We walked up it together as I grabbed some nutrition, and he told me I looked happier than anyone else he saw on the course. I told him I felt good, and it was true. By that point, I had absolutely no doubt I had another 10k in me. I gave him a big hug, told him I'd see him at the finish line, and headed back toward Barton.
At the aid station on Barton I had my first taste of liquid gold! I squealed when someone handed me the infamous chicken broth - offered at Ironman after dusk. I took a couple sips to test it out on the stomach and dang, that hit the spot. I definitely walked more of the second loop, though I was making a concerted effort to break a 5 hour marathon. Honestly, could I have pushed harder on the run? Absolutely! But it was much more fun to save some energy to dance to the music on Barton (it's a straight up party after dark! Though alas, no one heeded my request to play Hungry Eyes!), get my booty whipped by the sexy costumed ladies in the Girl Zone, thank and joke around with the volunteers at the aid stations and give out high fives left and right. And I wouldn't trade that experience for a few minutes off my time.
Before I knew it, I was back on the bridge and I could hear Tony on the microphone. Rounding that corner was incredibly emotional, as everyone had changed their tune from "you can do it" to "you did it!" and I knew that I had. The tunnel is long in Chattanooga, and try as I might to take it in, it went by way too fast! I did get to see and wave to my family, and had the wherewithal to back pedal so I wouldn't cross the finish line with the jerk from a relay team who sprinted past me at the last second (seriously dude, I hope I'm in all your photos).
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/\ Serious glare right there.
As I crossed the finish line, I heard the words I've been waiting to hear since I signed up in May (and really, for much, much longer than that): "Johanna Elsemore, you are an Ironman. 4:48:33
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Finish Line: I came through the finish line, and there was Courtney, face glowing with pride as he put my medal around my neck (he signed up on the spot to volunteer to give out medals (smart man right there!) I told him I'd had an absolutely perfect day, and he told me I'd crushed it. It was only then that I thought to ask what my time was - and I was flabbergasted when he told me I'd handily beat 13 hours, coming in with a final time of 12:38:08.
Going into the race, I had said that if everything went perfectly, I'd come in between 13-13.5 hours. I expected at time closer to 14 hours. I completed an Ironman in far less than double the time for my 70.3 in May, which really shows how much training I put in over the summer.
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/\ THE BEST support crew!
After getting our bikes and gear bags back to the hotel, changing clothes, seeing off the family and getting Courtney stable (he was in pretty rough shape) we headed back to the finish line. It was the finish line of Ironman Maryland last year that inspired me to sign up for this. There truly is no party like an Ironman finish line party. And in true Courtney and Jo fashion, we closed down the bar - staying to welcome every last finisher home.
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Quick selfie with Tony, who I thanked for being the only one ever to pronounce my name right at a major life moment (wrong at my graduation, wrong at my wedding), and for calling me home for my first Ironman.
I have so much gratitude. For the support of friends and family throughout training and in the lead up and aftermath of this race. For my family who came all the way to Chattanooga to watch me achieve this dream - they literally always show up. For my health, and the fact that I could even get to the start line. And most of all for my amazing partner, who trained with me even when it wasn't his preferred pace or distance, and hands down believed in me at least three times as much as I did.
I also have so much pride. I'm proud of how well I know my body, to be able to pace myself and finish with a strong time for a first timer, but also finish with a smile and the energy to keep on dancing. I'm proud of the discipline and hard work it took to get here, but perhaps more so of how I managed to maintain balance in my life - to continue to show up for birthdays and weddings and dinners, travel, and never stop playing as hard as I worked.
Now, the even bigger surprise I mentioned.
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I'M GOING TO FUCKING KONA! I'm still in disbelief.
I swore before the race, after the race, the morning after the race morning that I was one and done. But then we went to the awards breakfast and roll down… and my 25th place finish was enough to qualify me for one of the Women in Tri slots (Chattanooga was allotted 100 extra this year, with 16 going to my age group - and 6 people didn't show up to take it - so I got the last slot for my age group).
Moral of the story, in life and in Ironman, you gotta show up to get the prize. This wasn’t even close to being on my radar when I signed up. I just wanted to finish happy and healthy. So, while usually I’m a woman of my word… you don’t turn down Kona. For an athlete of my caliber, this is the opportunity of a lifetime.
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wordscanburn · 3 months
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❝        i'm not looking ! ❞ she snips back as she very obviously continues to glare at the offender. really , there was nothing surprising about her i g n o r i n g an order to be subtle after being told a of someone's undesirable actions. what never failed to be surprising to peyton was when anyone, friends, family, partners, miscalculated to such a degree that they'd tell her someone wronged them even minisculely and expected her to just keep a level head. that wasn't something she'd ever been known for, and it wasn't something she was ashamed of. so why change?
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blue eyes n a r r o w slightly at the person again before shifting her gaze back to dinah and bringing her glass of wine to her lips. ❝       really bold of of a man who can't avoid skid marks in his tightie whities to say something like that,       ❞ she says, bothering to be facetious as she takes a sip of her wine and glances back over to him again. there was a part of her that wanted to do nothing more than confront him herself, but even to her that seemed a little bold for a thursday night.
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@dinhlnce liked for a starter ♡
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whiteundieslover22 · 2 years
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Always wearing these under my army uniform, I wonder if anybody ever notices😬👌
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wedgie-stories · 2 years
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It was a Thursday and Charlie was going just finishing up an assignment before his next class. Unfortunately for him it was P.E. his least favorite class. The bell rang he got up snd left when to his locker put up his books. As he closed his locker and walked off he bumped into Jason. He apologized but Jason wasn’t having it telling him to pay better attention. Charlie told Jason to screw off. After their little disagreement in the hall way made them lose track of time. Charlie hurried to the locker room. Jason hurried to his locker. Charlie was relieved that he wasn’t going to have to hide in the locker room to change since everyone was already out in the gym. He stripped off his shirt and pants. One thing Charlie forgot was he wasn’t the only one late to class. As Charlie is just standing there in nothing but his Calvin Klein tighty whities, he heard laughing behind him. He recognized that voice from mins ago in the hallway it was Jason. He walked over to Charlie and said well I guess it’s a little revenge for you running into me. Charlie pleaded it was accident. His pleas fell on deaf ears. Jason spun Charlie around and pushed him against the locker and grabbed the back of his brief and started to yank up. Charlie let out a yelp as the fabric started to get thinner and thinner. Jason then grabbed both sides of Charlie’s briefs and pulled as hard as he could and kept pulling until Charlie’s briefs were over his shoulders. He was now trapped in a shoulder wedgie. Jason then pushed Charlie into his locker. He reached into Charlie’s bag pulling out another pair of briefs identical to the ones he just wedgied. He put them over Charlie’s head so all he could see was white. He shut the locker and put a piece of paper on it saying if you want to see a nerd in his natural habitat open this locker. Charlie was not looking forward to the end of P.E. https://www.instagram.com/wedgie_stories/p/CYqkbOZOz15/?utm_medium=tumblr
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failedintsave · 3 years
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Kloktober Day 18: formal event or laundry day
Weekly Ritual
In Pickles' experience, Wednesdays were the ideal laundry days. Too early in the week and all the machines were taken up by the nine-to-fivers, preparing themselves for their dismal, predictable lives, one load of collared shirts and khakis at a time. If you waited til Thursday or Friday you had to compete with the weekenders, frantically trying to spray-n-wash last Saturday's stains out of their clubwear and strategically ripped designer jeans.
But at noon on a Wednesday there was almost never another soul in sight at Spin Doctors Laundromat, no one to hog all the good dryers or buy out all the name brand detergent or give him dirty looks for walking around in his tighty whities with a brown bagged forty in hand. No, midday, mid-week it was a chlorine scented temple of peace and quiet. His very own Fortress of Solitude.
"Euughh it hot as balls out here, when ams you going to fix de air-coldenings in dis cars? I not builts for life in dis godsforsaken swamp lands."
Or it would have been, had their primadonna lead guitarist not intruded on his pilgrimage and tagged along with his own hamper full of achromatic garments in need of washing. Unable to carry his loaded basket and his guitar down from the apartment at the same time, Skwisgaar had resorted to other methods of busying his anxious hands, chain-smoking and rolling a quarter across the backs of his knuckles for the entire car ride.
"You gaht four hundred bucks to spare fer alluv deh work this thing needs? I'll gladly take donations." Pickles slammed the station wagon into park, twisting the keys out of the ignition and yanking the emergency brake. "Don't you and Nat'an usually go have his ma do yer laundry for ya?"
"She aments washings it for us." Skwisgaar groused as he flicked the butt of his cigarette through the open window and got out of the car. "We just use dere machines."
"Right, sure. So why aintcha doin' that?"
The lanky Swede stretched his impossibly long arms overhead, fingertips practically grazing the upper reaches of the atmosphere like a living sculpture of Atlas holding up the heavens. "Nat'an acks-ki-dentsallies lefts his dumbbells in his laundry basket and washed dems. So now dey needs a new washers I guess."
Gathering his hair into a messy bunch atop his head, he gave it a deft twist, thick golden waves supporting the bun without need for an elastic. Fine wisps drifted free to frame his face as he looked at Pickles over the top of the vehicle. This guy… even on laundry day in borrowed sweats he was out here looking like some kinda Scandinavian runway model. Pickles frowned sourly and brushed a tangle of ginger dreads over his shoulder, opening the rear seat to retrieve his rolling hamper. The plastic wheels made a grinding noise, catching every crack and pebble as he dragged it behind him, hauling it up over the cement wheelstop.
"Hope 'ee didn't try an' dry em too."
"Noes, but dey won'ts has a replacements til de weekend and I ams all out of clothes now." Skwisgaar followed him across the parking lot, scuffing his shower slides against the pavement rather than lifting his feet. "So it ams dis or sit around nakeds for de next few days."
"As opposed to any other week?"
"Huehuehuehhue."
The interior of the building was cooler than the blacktop with its shimmering heat mirages, but only marginally. Like every coin laundry business Pickles had ever utilized, this one was a time capsule of 70s interior design. The front-loading machines running down either wall were the same ugly harvest gold color of the appliances in his parents' kitchen growing up, topped by faux wood paneling sweating in the humidity. Dingy off-white tile covered the floor, divided down the middle by a back to back row of moulded bench seating. A single oscillating fan bolted to the ceiling stirred the air from the far corner, a muted tv mounted opposite, running the game show channel. Below the tv, the attendant's window was vacant, a sign reading 'Back in 15' propped up against an empty Fruitopia bottle. Pickles had never seen anyone behind the counter.
"A'right park it here, how much change you got?" He dragged his hamper to a space between two machines, opening each hatch and beginning to divide his lights and darks.
Skwisgaar held up two spindly fingers, the quarter he'd been fidgeting with in the car wedged between them.
"Dats it?"
"Euughh…" he patted down the thighs of his pilfered sweatpants, though it was clear they lacked pockets. Where did he get those from anyway? The bottom cuff didn't quite reach his ankles but the rest of the pant practically swallowed him. He should look ridiculous but somehow it just read bohemian. Pickles scratched at the hem of his own threadbare shirt, wondering if he could still rock a crop. Not exactly a death metal look, but did that really matter?
"Killin' me, dood..." Pickles fished out his wallet, withdrawing his last five and passing it over to the blonde. "Go get change from da machine, luckily I don't gaht alotta whites so we can prob'ly share dat load."
Skwisgaar dropped his basket unceremoniously in front of the designated 'lights' washer and wandered off towards the change machine. By the time he'd returned, Pickles had stripped down to his underwear and added his jeans and tank to the load.
"And you gave me craps abouts beingk nakeds? Ams dat allowed here?" He held out a fistful of quarters, waiting while Pickles shook powdered detergent out of the carton and into the drum.
"Whet, you some kinda narc?" Accepting the coins, Pickles fed the first machine and cranked the dial to start.
"Nope." With a smirk, Skwisgaar pulled his own shirt over his head and tossed it in with Pickles' whites, leaning down to grab a handful from his basket.
Pickles had assumed Skwisgaar's laundry probably didn't require sorting when he'd closed the hatch on the first machine, but a scrap of color in the hamper caught his eye.
"Ope, sahrry, missed one." He tugged it free, well-worn baby blue cotton soft between his fingers. Pickles blinked dumbly at the tee for a moment before a wicked grin tugged the corners of his mouth. "Oh you gahtta be shittin' me."
"Hm?" Skwisgaar turned from where he'd been cramming white denim into the open machine, his eyes widening in horror as Pickles turned the shirt around and held it up to his own torso, the dandelion yellow letters emblazoned across the chest facing outward.
"'Dancing Queen'?" He snickered, biting his lip against a surge of glee. The crimson flush rising on Skwisgaar's face only added to his amusement.
"Dat aments mine."
Pickles' eyes crinkled. "Feels pretty broken in."
A pale hand flashed forward like a bolt of lightning, snatching the shirt away and balling it up before pitching it forcefully through the open door of the washer. Skwisgaar slapped it shut, not waiting to add the rest of his basket or detergent.
"It probably Toki's from de salutation armies, I's always cleanings up after his sloppy frets work now I guess he ezpecktings me to cleans up de rest of him messes too." Skwisgaar's normally indolent pout twisted into a scowl, daring Pickles to disagree.
"Okey, okey, whatever you say, Fernando."
The Swede crossed his arms over piano key ribs, gaze shifting to avoid Pickles' eyes. The drummer chuckled and shook his head, prying the hatch open again to dump the last of Skwisgaar's basket inside along with some soap.
"How's de kid doin' anyway?" He shut the machine again and fed it half their remaining quarters. Hopefully they could get everything into one of the bigger dryers for a cycle. "Seems like he's settled in, but I still can't understand a fuckin' word he's sayin'. Worse den you were."
"Euughh, he ams a pains in mine backsides. Nevors prackstice, always followingk me likes de stray kitty cats wif dat dumb dildoes smile on him face. Bad enoughs I gots to share a rooms wif him, but I barely gets a second to takes a piss alone!"
"Got yerself a live-in fanclub, sounds like." Dragging his emptied hamper towards the bench, Pickles reached into the bottom and tore open the thin cardboard box he'd stashed there. "Ya mean ya don't love havin' yer ass kissed day'n night?"
"Dere ams such t'ing as too much of a good times." The blonde huffed. "Just needs a seconds to breathe sometimes wifout trippingks over him or hasing to answer his millions billions questions. Cans I use you walkmans, Skwisgaar? When ams we gonna be famous, Skwisgaar? Får jag sova i din säng inatt, Skwisgaar?" Gangly arms were thrown up in exasperation.
He didn't follow that last part, but the sentiment was something Pickles could understand. Constant close-quarters, whether it was a cramped apartment or tour bus full of bandmates and groupies, could get taxing. And he considered himself to be a lot less high-strung than the lead guitarist.
"Yep, gahtta carve out some time fer yerself once in a while. Maybe walk down ta the park and lookit swahns. Or have a beer while washin' yer clothes."
The can he pulled from his hamper was room temperature, the seal cracking as he lifted the tab. Skwisgaar watched him curiously as he extended the drink, offering.
"Well go ahn, take it."
Sandals shuffling across the tile, Skwisgaar accepted the beer with a sheepish look. "I, euughh, didn'ts means to takes away you's quiet times, Pickle."
"Ehh, that's a'right. Now it counts as social drinkin', 'stead of alcoholism, right?" Pickles retrieved a second beer and opened it, sipping the foam that bubbled up.
"Das a good points."
The blonde dropped into the seat next to him and kicked his long legs out, crossing them at the ankle as he leaned back and watched their laundry spin through the glass portholes. Pickles took another slug off his beer and mirrored Skwisgaar's lazy posture. They didn't speak except to pass a second can over once the first round was emptied.
It wasn't quite the level of solitude he looked forward to each week, but Pickles found he didn't mind the company so much after all.
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Follow My Lead | Tom Hiddleston x OFC | Chapter 4 | I don’t think you are supposed to giggle at Tolstoy.
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A/N: This will update every Thursday.  There are 13 chapters.  There are all sorts of kinds of D/s relationships.  This is the one I choose to write this time.  
MASTERLIST HERE
Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x OFC (Vivian Swann)
Summary: Tom and Vivian have both been unlucky in love, searching for something outside of the bounds of a typical relationship.  When the two of them connect via a dating app, Tom is introduced to the idea of being submissive to Vivian.  Which is the one thing he never knew he needed.  Under the firm hand of Vivian, Tom learns what it means to submit and Vivian learns what it means to be in a loving dominant relationship.  But not everyone seems to understand what they have and the best intentions can destroy the strongest relationship.
Warnings for story: Dominant/submissive relationship (sub!Tom), lots of smut including but not limited to: vaginal sex, oral sex (male and female receiving), edging, denial, teasing, use of restraints, spanking, multiple orgasm, anal play, use of toys.
Tag Lists Are Open!  Let me know if you want to be added.  Thank you for reading!
-
Tom slept like a rock that night. The best night’s sleep in a long time. He dreamed of Vivian, kneeling on his chest, kissing him, teasing him, biting him. And he woke that morning with his cock hard and leaking. He stroked himself as he thought about Vivian. But not in the way he usually did. Instead of fantasizing of her touching him, sucking his cock, jerking him off, Tom closed his eyes and imagined his lips on Vivian’s folds and clit. Her hands in his hair tugging his head where she wants it. Vivian moaning in response to his touch, his tongue. As her pleasure increases, Tom’s motions in real life increased. Tom came with a soft gasp, spurting along his torso. He panted, trying to catch his breath. Once he regained his composure, he headed to the shower to clean himself up and go for a jog.
-
Vivian rapped her nails on the desk in her flat. Her email open on the screen. She was drafting the proposed protocols for Saturday to Tom, and she contemplated on how far to push him. So far, Tom exceeded all Vivian’s expectations. Which worried her. In the past, all men have been eager to please, at first. But once the shiny new wore off, and the men realized the relationship wasn’t about her fulfilling their fantasies of kinky sex and it was about surrendering to her authority, they ran. Sometimes without further word. It wasn’t the incompatibility that bothered Vivian, but the coldness in which they communicated it. As though she was without feeling or emotion. This caused her to assign the reading at the beginning, to move more cautiously. And she wasn’t sure if her heart could handle a rejection from Tom.
With a sigh, she typed out to Tom:
This is a date for the sole purpose of kissing. No food, no drink, no chitchat, no reading, no hanging out.
In short: Kissing, petting, stroking and all the things come along with that- yes. Talking, sex, orgasms- no.
Here is a list of what may happen, not what will happen. If anything bothers you or off limits, let me know.
- Kissing, obviously. Let me know of any spots that are off limits.
- Shirt off
- Pants off (underwear on)
-Nudity (you, not me)
- Kneeling
- Blindfold
- Light bondage (cuffs- both wrists and ankles, tied to the bed)
- Biting
-Bruises on your body (both in places normally covered by clothing and places it would be visible such as the neck)
- All over body touching (let me know of body parts off limits)
- All over body licking (same as above)
- Roles reversed (you touching/licking me)
- Hands around your throat (gentle not choking)
- Hair pulling
- Fingers in your mouth (not gagging)
- Body-slapping
- Pinching
And I think I covered everything. Wear a button-down (I like when you undo the top few buttons) and jeans or slacks. Send me a photo of what your current underwear options are. I will send you your address that morning. I expect you at 7.
Vivian
She smiled as she re-read the email. She buzzed with anticipation at the possibilities of Saturday night. Vivian was certain she would cuff and restrain Tom, and not just because he had the tendency to squirm underneath her. She suspected it would push a button and was eager to test her theory. She hit click and headed off to work.
-
Tom was eating breakfast, having finished his morning run when his phone dinged with a new email from Vivian. He read through her email and swallowed hard. The list was extensive. He re-read before finishing up breakfast and heading upstairs and digging through his underwear drawer. Tom had three options laid out on the bed. He snapped a photo of them laid out on the bed. He examined the photo, unhappy.
“Might as well.” he commented to himself as he stripped down and pulled on the first pair, navy boxers.
Tom stood in front of the full-length mirror in the closet and snapped a photo. He hated to admit he may have flexed a bit in the photo. He repeated the process with the white underwear briefs, and the black Calvin Klein boxer briefs. Pleased with the photos, Tom typed back to Vivian.
Wow, that is quite the comprehensive list. I appreciate the thoroughness and the bullet points. I am not scheduled for any meetings until Wednesday, so any marks will have faded by then. My feet are ticklish. Probably shouldn’t tell you that. ;) And I would rather not have my armpits or the inside of my ears licked. Otherwise, I am game for whatever you want.
I have attached photos of the underwear, per your request. And if there is anything else I can do to be of service, please let me know, ma’am.
Your sunshine boy,
Tom
He attached the photos and sent the email and then returned to dressing for the day, flopping on the bed to return the last two books on his list before starting his essay.
-
Vivian was pleased Tom modeled the underwear rather than just lay them out of the bed. She probably would have directed him to model them. She wrinkled her nose at the first pic and flicking through the rest.
Black boxer briefs. Burn or throw away the tighty whities. If I find a pair in your home, I will punish you. Let’s change our night time call to 9:00 p.m. from now on. I hate keeping you up so late.
She placed the phone down on her desk. It buzzed almost immediately.
Consider them burned. 9 p.m. works for me, although I don’t mind waiting up if it means I get to hear your voice. :) I shall wait with bated breath until Saturday.
-
The rest of the day seemed to fly by for both of them and before long, Tom was settled into bed with both his books of collected poetry and Anna Karenina. He called on time and Vivian asked for him to read more of Tolstoy. He started doing voices of the characters, in particular an exaggerated Russian accent for Levin and Vronsky.
“I don’t think you are supposed to giggle at Tolstoy.” Vivian commented after one particularly dramatic passage.
“I’m a full service entertainer. Comedy, drama, action, romance.” Tom teased back.
“What about erotica?” she teased right back, her voice low.
Tom paused. “For you? Without question.” She could hear the hesitation, fear, and excitement in his voice. She hoped it would remain.
Vivian sighed. “I think it is enough reading for tonight. I want you to get a good night’s rest for tomorrow.”
“Yes ma’am.” he responded.
“Goodnight, Tom, my sunshine.”
“Goodnight, Vivian.”
They ended the call, and both drifted off to sleep.
-
Vivian attended her weekly blowout appointment, not realizing Tom spent the day as a bundle of nerves. He ran ten miles hoping to burn off excess energy. It didn’t work. The only thing he did was finish the last of the books from Vivian’s list. The fastest ever read through anything in some time. He was too distracted to write his essay, thought swirling in his brain. Tom wants it to be perfect. He wants everything to be perfect for Vivian.
Tom must have tried on at least six different shirts, each discarded on the bed as unsuitable. He settles on a soft, well worn light blue shirt. One of his favorites. The collar is fraying at the corners, which is why he doesn’t wear out as much anymore, favoring instead newer but less comfortable shirts. He grabbed a pair of jeans only to notice a hole on the inside of the thigh and discarded them also on the bed, grabbing a different pair. Tom left the top two buttons undone, a calculated air of casual. A quick dab of cologne and then he waited, not wanting to arrive too early.
-
After her morning errands, Vivian ate a light lunch and set about preparing her flat for Tom. She made up the bed with fresh linens and double checked the restraint points on the posts. She hadn’t decided on a leg position, so Vivian placed straps on all the corners as well as the point in the middle. Vivian opened the nightstand and retrieved the cuffs, adjusting them and placing them prominently in the foyer on a table. Cuffing Tom would be among the first things she did that night. In addition, she laid out a blindfold on the nightstand and put a bottle of water there too. After bathing, she slipped into a simple silk tank and striped shorts. She wore the same wedges as before. Vivian enjoyed looking Tom in the eye while standing and kissing. A quick dab of perfume behind the ears and settled on the couch, watching some TV waiting for Tom.
He knocked on her door, ten minutes early. Acceptably early without fear of being so early that he disturbed preparations.
“I couldn’t wait any longer.” Tom commented.
Vivian giggled. His eagerness was endearing. “I’ll allow it. Come in.”
“Yes, ma’am.” He stepped into her flat, looking around in wonder. Vivian grabbed him by the chin and kissed him hard.
“Do you still remember your word, sunshine?”
“Yes.” Tom is already breathing hard. “Sushi.”
She smiled and slid her hand down around Tom’s neck. His Adam’s apple moving underneath her palm. His eyes widened in fear. Vivian kissed him again. He leaned forward when she stepped back. She walked around him, fingers tracing the planes of his body, his broad shoulders, defined pecs and abs. Vivian gave his ass a playful swat. Tom yelped and staggered forward.
“Such a nice ass, sunshine.” She growled in his ear, grabbing it with her nails.
“Thank you, ma’am.” his voice shook. He wasn’t used to being manhandled, and his cock appreciated the rough touch.
“Shirt and pants off.” She stepped back to watch him undressed.
Tom’s cheeks blushed. He had been nearly nude in a room of strangers before, but under Vivian’s glare, he never felt so exposed. Tom tugged his shirt over his head, not bothering to undo the buttons this time. He folded the shirt, placing it on the nearby table while he slipped his shoes and socks off, and slipping his jeans down his lean legs. Vivian licked her lips at Tom in his underwear. While the man appeared fit clothed, he was something carved from marble without the clothes. He flashed a lopsided smile as he placed his jeans on top of his shirt and folding his hands in front of him, obscuring his crotch.
“God, you are beautiful.” Vivian hissed as she stepped forward to kiss him again. Tom hummed back at the praise, his body growing warm. She nipped at his lower lip, nibbling rather than biting, sending shocks through his body. “Wrists, please.”
Vivian moved to the table. Tom’s arms shot out. She grabbed the leather cuffs and put them on. Tom jerked back his arms.
“What are those?” His brows furrowed.
“Cuffs. Wrists.” Her tone sharp. Tom hesitated, his mouth opening to protest. “Sunshine, wrists.” she snapped.
“Yes, ma’am.” He reluctantly held out his wrists. She tightened the cuffs, making sure they wouldn’t chafe.
Tom twisted his wrists back and forth, testing out the weight and listening to the rings thudding against the thick leather. Vivian kissed him again, hands sliding down his torso. His cock jumped. She grabbed the back of his neck and led him towards the bedroom. Tom gulped at the blindfold and straps.
“Ah…” he started before being cut off by Vivian’s lips on his neck. “Oh!” he moaned. She laved and sucked hard, removing her lips with a pop, satisfied at the dark mark already formed.
“On the bed, sunshine. On your back.” Tom scrambled onto the bed, lying flat on his back. As Vivian slipped the cuffs on Tom’s ankles, he jerked back. She raised an eyebrow.
“Sorry, ma’am.”
“Good boy.”
She slipped her shoes off and then hooked his ankle cuffs to the straps in the middle of the bed. As Vivian strolled to the head of the bed, she ran a nail up Tom’s leg. He jerked against the restraints. She grabbed his arm and clipped it onto the strap before crawling onto the bed, reaching over to clip in the other side, her breasts grazing Tom’s body. His hips bucked.
“So squirmy, sunshine. Best I did tie you up.” Vivian straddled his chest, pushing him into the mattress. “I can’t let you get away just yet.” She pressed against his lips softly, earning a sigh. Her teeth worried his lower lip.
“Ow.” he mock protested.
Nevertheless, Vivian let go of his lip and trailed down his neck. She licked the bruise from earlier before moving down to his collarbone. Vivian sucked and nipped, leaving the twin to the neck’s bruise there. She smiled at her handiwork. Tom struggled against the restraints.
“They have held stronger men than you, sunshine.” Vivian dragged her nails down his sides, leaving faint lines. As she settled by his hips, Tom’s cock pressed against her. Tom huffed and puffed as she kissed his Adonis belt, scraping her teeth along his skin from time to time. Her hands stroked along his thighs and he flexed under her touch.
She slid off of Tom’s body, and he whined at the lack of contact. Vivian rolled back on top of Tom, lying along his full body like a blanket. Tom sighed at the weight and contact. She pressed her cheek to his chest, listening to his heart race. She snaked a hand to the back of his head and jerked his head sideways before kissing him. Tom met her lips with hunger and he whimpered each time she pulled away, only to tug him towards her again. He strained against the restraints, desperate to touch her, to pull her tight against him and rut against her. His tongue slipped into her mouth, needy, exploring every inch. He moaned as Vivian’s grip tightened on his hair, hurting, but he wanted more.
Vivian could sense Tom coming close to overheating, making a mess and complicating the hell out of this. His cock strained, hard and weeping. She pulled away, holding his lower lip between her teeth as long as possible, stretching it.
“Ow.” Tom muttered.
Vivian slid down to press against Tom’s side. She cupped her cheek before gently kissing behind Tom’s ear. Tom moaned softly from the back of his throat. Her fingers twisted into his hair and she massaged his scalp. Tom’s shoulders relaxed and his hands loosened from the fists. As she scratched and petted him, he leaned into her touch, his breath slowing to a deep and even pace. He closed his eyes, enjoying the soft touch.
“You are so beautiful, my sunshine.” She cooed at him. Her other finger tracing his jaw and cheekbone. “So pretty.” She kissed his cheek and stroked his chest.
“Thank you, ma’am.” His voice breathy and floaty.
Vivian reached over and unhooked Tom’s wrist. She turned and unhooked his other wrist. Tom didn’t move. She stood to unhook his ankles.
“Legs up, please.” Tom lifted his legs into the air. Vivian undid the cuffs, rubbing the skin and massaging it. She kissed the top of his feet and Tom giggled and squirmed. “You weren���t joking about being ticklish.”
“No, ma’am.” He slowly floated back to reality.
“Sit up, please.” Tom rocked up, his hair a rumpled mess, and held out his wrists. Vivian smoothed out his hair and held the back of his neck while she kissed his cheek and lips a few more times. She released him and unbuckled the wrist cuffs, rubbing his wrists and kissing each one and placed them on the nightstand and grabbed the water bottle, handing it to Tom.
“Thank you.” He opened the bottle and took a large swig. Vivian smoothed his hair back one more time.
“Let’s go get dressed, sunshine.” He sighed, taking another swig of water before standing. Vivian slipped her wedges back on and walked beside Tom, rubbing his neck the entire time. “I was a bit rough on you. Are you okay?”
“Yes, ma’am.” His voice quiet while he grabbed his jeans and tugged them on before pulling on his shirt, tucking it and zipping up.
“How did it feel? I imagine you are used to being treated with kid gloves.”
Tom pulled on his socks and shoes, working on finding the right words.
“I don’t quite know how it felt.” Tom replied, a hint of a smile at the corners of his mouth. “But I know I didn’t want it to stop. I didn’t mind the pain. I wanted to touch you and make you feel as good as you made me feel.”
Vivian smiled and pulled him into a hug, squeezing him tight. “Sunshine, I feel good. I received great pleasure at teasing you.” She kissed him. “With my mouth. And watching you squirm and hearing you purr.” She petted the back of his head. “But I appreciate your desire to please me physically. And you will when the time comes.”
Tom stared at her with his endless blue eyes. “When will that be, ma’am?”
“When you’re ready, Sunshine.” She kissed his cheek. “You still haven’t finished your homework first.”
Tom’s hands fidgeted, twisting in front of him. “I finished all the books. I plan on starting the essay tomorrow.” He stared at the floor. “I want it to be perfect.”
“As long as it is from your heart it will be, my sunshine boy.” She grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “I don’t ask for perfection, just effort.”
Tom nodded and squeezed her hand back. “Yes, ma’am.”
She walked him to the door, kissing him one more time. “Call me in the morning when you wake up.”
Tom nodded. “Thank you for tonight.”
“You are welcome. The pleasure was mine.”
Tom smiled and kissed Vivian’s cheek and headed out. She clicked the door shut and set about cleaning up the place. Tom came home and ate a sandwich before turning in early that evening, his brain still fuzzy.
-
As requested, Tom called in the morning, still in bed, to check in with Vivian. It pleased her that outside of the marks on his neck and collarbone, Tom was no worse for wear. Tom left out the part of the dreams he had or the fact he woke up with a raging hard on which Tom took care of in the shower, skipping his run for thirty minutes on his long neglected rowing machine.
Tom lazed about for most of the morning, having something akin to a hangover without the benefit of being drunk beforehand. As he sat down at this computer to start his essay for Vivian, there was a knock on the door. He groaned as he trudged to see who would dare disturb his lazy Sunday.
A smiling Benedict greeted him at the door. When he saw Tom in workout gear, he frowned.
“You’re not dressed!” he complained.
“For what?” Tom blinked back at him. He didn’t recall making plans.
“Lunch!” Benedict stepped in the foyer. “We made plans weeks ago. I’ll wait for you to change.”
Tom was ready to protest, but Ben crossed his arms and it was clear he wasn’t leaving without Tom. With a huff, Tom discarded his clothes into the bedroom which now had a small pile of discarded and dirty clothes, and grabbed an old gray v neck t-shirt and a pair of jeans. Shoving his feet into a pair of boots, Tom stomped back to Ben, pushing past him.
“Let’s go.” Tom grumbled.
Tom’s mood improved once he ordered some food and got half a pint into his system. Benedict stared at him, squinting.
“What?” Tom asked, still irritated.
“What is that on your neck?” He pointed at Tom’s neck. Tom twisted it, and then Ben spied the second mark on his collarbone. “And your chest? Were you attacked?”
Tom touched his collarbone and remembered. He blushed. “It’s nothing. Forget it.” He gulped down the other half of his pint and stood. “Let me go get another round.”
Benedict held out his arm to stop Tom. “It’s like you were bitten by someth… Oh… OH!” The lightbulb went off. “Things going well with Vivian?”
Tom rolled his eyes. “Yes.” He sidestepped Ben’s arm and grabbed another pint before returning to the table.
“Care to share?” He prodded.
“No.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. Moving on.” Tom grew more homicidal by the second.
Benedict clapped his hands together. “Remember how Sophie wrangled me into serving on the children’s hospital charity board?”
“Yes.” Tom saw the Cheshire Cat grin on Ben’s face. “No. No! I went last year and got cornered by that old lady who kept calling me ‘Henry’.”
“It was endearing.”
“It was ridiculous.”
“There’s an open bar.”
“Hard pass.”
“I have two tickets. You can bring Vivian.”
Tom stared at his friend. “I am not introducing you to Vivian.”
“Why not?”
“Because I like her and I’m afraid you will scare her off.”
Benedict scoffed. “I have never…” He clutched his chest in dramatic fashion. “… never scared anyone off.”
“Alice, Catherine, Eva…” Tom counted off on his fingers. “… I can go on.”
“None of them met my high standards. Please come.” he begged. “Sophie will kill me if you don’t come.”
“The thought of your death is tempting.”
The waiter set the food down.
“Tom…” Benedict dropped all pretense. “… please come. I promise I will be on my best behavior.”
Tom’s head dropped. “Give me the details. I will check with Vivian tonight when I call her.”
Benedict’s lips pursed. “Really? I can’t wait to meet her. Especially someone who leaves marks like that on you. Sounds like she is yours for the taking.”
“Yeah.” Tom mumbled as he took a bite of his food.
-
Tom called her at 9 p.m. like always.
“Sunshine, how was your Sunday?” she asked.
“Speaking of that…” Tom started, and she noticed the nerves in his voice. “What are you doing next Friday evening?”
She thought about it for a moment. “I believe I’m free. Do you have any ideas?”
Tom exhaled sharply. “I’ve been invited to a charity event by Benedict and I have two tickets, and I was wondering if you would like to come with me.” He blurted it all out in one big run-on sentence.
Vivian paused before laughing. “Wow, you were really nervous about that, weren’t you?”
“Yes, ma’am. Everything is still so new and I don’t… I don’t want to mess this up.”
“You are just the sweetest, sunshine. You know that right? Beautiful and sweet. Yes, I will go with you.”
Tom beamed. “How would everything work?”
“Like any date would. We go, we drink, we dance and mingle.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“I know, darling. We can set some rules that work for both of us. okay?”
“Okay.”
“Now, read to me please.”
Tom grabbed the book.
-
Tom and Vivian agreed he would pick out three outfit options, but Vivian would come over ahead of time and make the final choice. They would not use pet names and instead would do what is natural. Tom asked that she still rub the back of his neck.
“It calms me down.” he commented.
“Of course, sunshine. I like when you are calm. You are more attentive that way.”
It was now the day of the event and Vivian sat on Tom’s bed, noticing the clutter. Tom was modeling the second outfit.
“I don’t like the tie. Let’s see the last one.”
Tom undid the tie and shirt and grabbed the last option. It was a double-breasted blue pinstripe suit with a blue shirt and navy tie. He did a little spin.
“That one.” Vivian stood and straightened his tie and petted his neck before squeezing his ass. “Your ass looks amazing in those trousers.”
Tom blushed again. “Thank you, ma’am.”
She kissed his cheek, wiping away her gloss. “Remember, no names, now let’s go.”
-
Tom was more at ease with Vivian by his side. Her reassuring touch at the back of his neck or even his shoulder grounded him. Not to mention, she dazzled everyone she met. Now for the big test.
“Benedict, Sophie, meet Vivian Swann. Vivian meet Benedict Cumberbatch, notorious troublemaker, and his queen of a wife, Sophie Hunter.”
Vivian shook each of their hands, holding tight to Tom’s but leaning in for a kiss on the cheek by Ben. Tom tightened his grip. She suppressed a giggle.
“Charmed. Thank you so much for inviting me. I have been looking into getting the firm involved in more charity work and the children’s ward is an enticing option.”
“Firm?” Sophie questioned.
“Watkins, Price, and Forbes. I work in their corporate law division.”
Benedict let loose a low whistle.
“Tom, you didn’t tell me you were dating a pit bull.” Sophie commented. “Impressive.”
Vivian smiled. “I prefer the term ‘velvet hammer’ but pit bull works. “
“How did you and Tom meet?” Ben interjected.
Tom paled, but Vivian didn’t miss a beat.
“The Bloomsbury Club. We bonded over a shared loved for Macallan 18-year-old aged whisky.”
Tom cleared his throat. “Right. Why don’t we take a seat?” He gestured at their reserved table.
“Your feet must be killing you in those shoes, Vivian. After having kids, I just can’t stand wearing them, but if I want to see eye to eye with this one.” She gestured at Benedict.
“Guilty.” He shrugged. “Although not as tall as the Frost Giant over there.”
Tom paused as he pulled out Vivian’s chair for her.
“I don’t mind the heels.” Vivian responded. “It is all what you get used to. Besides, I enjoy towering over people.” she giggled.
“Champagne?” the waiter offered.
“No, it makes her sneeze.” Tom commented.
“Get me a glass of white wine, please?” Vivian gazed up at him.
Tom smiled down and kissed her cheek. “Yes, of course, darling.”
“Sophie?”
Benedict and Sophie blinked at the two of them.
“Uh… yes a white wine sounds fantastic. Thank you, Tom.”
Tom nodded and headed off to the bar. Sophie elbowed Benedict in the ribs. He shuffled to his feet.
“Tom, let me help you with that!” He called after his friend.
Sophie waited until both men were out of earshot.
“How did you… I don’t want to know. You’re not like Tom’s other girlfriends, Miss Vivian Swann.”
She smiled. “I’m not sure if that is a compliment or an insult. So I will say thank you.”
“Definitely a compliment. There is something different about Tom when he is around you. He seems…”
“… happy?”
“Yes, but the word is content.” Sophie added. “Content, at peace. After that last nasty breakup, the man could use a little peace and quiet.”
“Hopefully not too quiet.” Vivian smirked.
“Are you two gossiping about us?” Benedict teased.
“I was just telling Vivian how happy and content our dear Thomas looks with her.” Sophie quipped.
Tom blushed as Vivian smiled and reached out to rub his neck. “I am. Thank you for noticing Sophie.”
-
The evening wound down. Tom for once enjoyed the event. Vivian won over Benedict and Sophie, so much so that Sophie invited her to go shopping tomorrow afternoon while she wrangled Benedict and Tom in tearing down a shed in Ben’s yard.
“Leave them to grunt work while we shop.”
“I would love to.” Vivian sipped at her wine.
The two couples said goodbye while waiting for the valet. Benedict hugged Vivian tight and kissed her cheek. While Sophie and her exchanged numbers. Benedict pulled Tom to the side.
“There’s something different about you, man.”
“I don’t know what you are talking about. I’m still me.” He shrugged his shoulders.
“No,” Ben folded his hands in front of his face. “there is definitely a change. And I think it has something to do with that enchanting woman over there, who I am sure is being tortured with baby pictures by my wife.”
“Perhaps.” Tom replied cryptically.
“Don’t fuck it up man. You will never find another girl…”
“Woman.” he corrected his friend.
“… Woman like her. You deserved a little happiness.”
“Tom?” Vivian placed her hand on his back. “The car’s here.”
“Of course. Ben.” He shook his friend’s hand and then hugged Sophie before opening the door for Vivian and then getting in and driving off.
-
“I’m going to head home.” Vivian stated when they got back to Tom’s home.
“Okay. I had a lot of fun tonight. It wasn’t nearly as dreadful with you there.”
“Your friends are a delight. They really do want the best for you, sunshine.”
Tom smiled at the name. “Yes, ma’am.” He fell back into the old pattern.
She grabbed the back of his head and tugged him into a kiss. Tom wrapped his arms around her and did his best to hold her tight. She pulled away, and he whined.
“I’m ready to take this to the next step, Vivian. I want to please you.” His hands ghosted over his shoulders. “In all ways.”
She smiled. “Send me the essay and we will talk. How about lunch tomorrow?”
“I will send it as soon as I step inside. I could cook you lunch here.”
“I would like that, sunshine.” She kissed him one more time. “Sleep well.”
“Yes, ma’am. You too.”
She smiled and walked to her car to head home. Tom stepped inside and rushed to his computer. He did a quick spell check on the essay he had been tweaking over the last week and clicked send.
“There.”
Vivian laughed as her phone beeped before she even left Tom’s driveway, knowing it was Tom’s homework.
“So eager. I like that.”
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domesticsns · 4 years
Note
Some hot NSFW?
 (Warning: NSFW-Explicit/ God forgive me for I have sinned/ )
Sasuke has been working nights for a while on the high profiled case with Tobirama. So it is pretty hard working the night because when Sasuke gets home, Naruto had to go to work and when Naruto gets home Sasuke has to go to work and sometimes they even miss each other completely or barley have an hour or two to talk. 
Now the first week it was fine, it wasn’t going to last forever. They both knew that, they’re not useless on their own. But after it dragged on to a second week and then a third and now it is almost a month. Things were getting lonely.  
So as Sasuke made his way home just when Naruto was about to leave to teach his morning classes.
“Welcome home,” Naruto says as he walked up to his husband, kissing him on his lips before holding his face in his hands, his thumbs stroking Sasuke’s cheekbones. Sasuke looked paler than usual, but Naruto wasn’t sure if it was because he hadn’t seen the son in a while or if he was exhausted. 
“You’re leaving already?” Sasuke asked looking disappointed. “I thought your first class was at ten on wednesdays.” 
“Yes, but it is also thursday. And I start at eight on thursdays.” Naruto placed another soft kiss at Sasuke’s face that was ever so slightly pouting. 
“How long before you don’t have to work nights anymore?” Naruto asked, lowering his arms and wrapping them around Sasuke’s waist. 
“I don’t know. I hope just a few more weeks.” Sasuke wrapped his arms around Naruto and pulled him in for a hug. 
“I miss you, idiot...” He whispers in Naruto’s ear.
“Oh has the night shift finally broken down Mr Tough Guy.” Naruto teased, “Mr. I don’t need anyone, I am a loner, I am an ave-” 
Sasuke wrapped his hand over Naruto’s mouth, pushing him up against the wall. 
“Don’t push it,” Sasuke said as he looked into Naruto’s eyes. His beautiful blue eyes that brought the sky and ocean to shame. How he had missed just staring at them and getting lost inside of them. 
There was something rather pathetic about the whole ordeal. Having been with Naruto for over ten years and still missing being around him so much. Sasuke was starting to get afraid of how much the man meant to him. Enough to make him feel like shit to not hear about his day, or role his eyes at a lame joke, to just hold him in his arms and kiss his cheek. It drove him nuts and he felt weak to admit it. If it was one thing he couldn’t stand it was people revoling their lives around their significant others and yet here he was ready to just quit everything just to be able to hug the man in front of him and see him more that a couple of hours. 
Sasuke lowered his hand from Naruto’s mouth and leaned in, resting his head on his spouse’s shoulder, his arm weakly wrapped around Naruto, pulling him closer. 
“Aaha..Babe..Maybe not...” Naruto sounded flustered and it wasn’t a secret why. Sasuke could feel exactly why. The reason was poking him as he didn’t let go. 
“Really, from a hug?” Sasuke teased Naruto. 
“Hey shut up bastard, it just that I love you. I can’t help that!” Naruto’s loud voice almost sounded like shouting in Sasuke’s ear, but it was something he has gotten used to. Naruto was always so loud. 
“I can help that,” Sasuke lowered his hand towards Naruto’s crotchi, cupping his erection as he let his tongue slide over the shell of Naruto’s ear. 
“W-what..Really? Here? now?” Naruto breathe hitched when his husband suddenly kneeled down and looked up at him. Sasuke’s hands were undoing Naruto’s belt. 
“Only if you want to?” He says, obviously knowing the answer to it. He unbuttoned Naruto’s pants, unzipped it and pulled it down. He arched a brow, looking up at Naruto. 
“Really?” He said indicating to the orange briefs with the fishcake pattern on it. “I thought I threw those out.” 
“But you didn’t.” Naruto said with a cute smile on his face, “Come on. Naruto...Naruto. ” Naruto pointed at the pattorn. 
“This is so not sexy,” Sasuke noted, pulling them down. 
“You rather have me wear those tighty whities?” Naruto joked. 
“I rather have you wear nothing at all.” Sasuke look up as he let his hand stroke Naruto’s hard one, getting a soft moan from his husband. He was very sensitive and he could feel the dick already throbbing his hand. It wouldn’t take much to have Naruto cum, he must have been pretty touch-starved down there since he barely got to see his husband. 
Three weeks was a pretty long time for someone who had the sex drive of a teenager. The longest Naruto had ever been without was five months, but that was just to see how long it took for Sasuke to crave sex and he ended up not even getting the answer because he just couldn’t take it anymore. 
Sasuke licked up the shaft towards the tip, before taking it in his mouth. He licked over it a couple of times before sucking it softly, hearing his husband’s soft moans. Naruto ran his hand over Sasuke’s hair, pushing his bangs away to see his face. The view alone made Naruto’s cock twitch. 
Sasuke moved his head, taking in more of Naruto’s cock. He left his hand around the shaft while his other moved down towards the balls, cupping them and massaging them softly. He hear his husband getting louder in his moans already. It was as he expected, it didn’t take much to get him to cum. 
Wanting to at least give a satisfying orgasme. Sasuke switched to licking and sucking for a bit to tease Naruto before obliging to his pleads of release and bobbing his head over Naruto’s cock. 
“Fuck...Sasuke! Keep going!” He could hear Naruto moan, nearing his orgasme. His hand that was first stroking Sasuke’s hair had now a tight grip around the back, pulling it slightly. His eyes locked with Sasuke and by that mere sight he came faster than expected, taking Naruto by surprise, not giving him much time to at least warn his husband as he came hard. He could see his cum dropping ff Sasuke’s chin and mouth. Some was in his mouth, while the rest got on the lower half of his face. He looked at his sticky fingers before looking up at Naruto. 
Naruto’s cheeks heated up not sure what part he was feeling more embarrassed about. Cumming so quickly and unexpected or cuming on Sasuke’s face leaving him with an image he was going to cherish for a while before the next sexy act replaced it. 
It wasn’t the first time he came inside Sasuke’s mouth, it would probably not be the last time either. But usually he was in more control of his body and there was way better communication. 
“I’m so sorry...” Naruto looked at his husband swallow before wiping the cum off his face with his sleeve. He looked up, some was still on his chin. There was a small grin as Sasuke whispers: “That kind of turned me on.” 
Naruto’s face turned a shade of red darker and at that very moment he wanted to do nothing more than to pin his husband against the wall and fuck. But he was already running late for his class, he was supposed to leave ten minutes ago. He pulled his briefs and pants up, closing them before he squatted down in front of Sasuke, wiping the little but of cum off his chin before kissing him deeply, tasting himself in Sasuke’s mouth. 
“I gotta go, babe.” Naruto said in a low voice.
“Okay...” Sasuke said, looking away. He clearly did not like the thought of Naruto leaving, but unfortunately being an adult meant having a job and a job came with responsibilities. 
“When will you come home?” Sasuke asked. 
“Five.” Naruto said, “Don’t be pouting-” 
“I am not pouting!” Sasuke folded his arms, turning his entire head away from Naruto now. 
“Fine, you’re not pouting.” Naruto says kissing Sasuke’s forehead getting a soft expression out of Sasuke’s face.
“I love you.”  Naruto said hearing a soft, “I love you too..” back from Sasuke.
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rjzimmerman · 6 years
Link
In light of the recently released UN IPCC Sixth Assessment Report, the republicans are exhibiting strange anatomical characteristics. They have no heart, the neurons in their brains are clearly misfiring, those who are men are walking around with overly large-sized tighty whities because they think they have big testicles, they are most likely going blind because they cannot read the IPCC Report, and their hearing is diminished because they don’t hear others talking about the warning signs in that Report. As a consequence, I think all of them should be removed from office, because they clearly are either interplanetary aliens, therefore potentially enemies of the state, or they are in the advanced stages of some communicable disease.
Excerpt:
A group of Republican senators are highlighting concerns that a provision under a key Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) water rule makes it too easy to block fossil fuel projects.
In a Thursday letter lead by Sen. John Barrasso (Wyo.), the five Republicans asked EPA Administrator Andrew Wheeler to send new guidance regarding a statute in the Clean Water Act, which they fear has been used in the past to restrict the development of natural gas pipelines.
“In the last few years, a troubling trend directed at fossil energy projects has arisen. A select number of states have hijacked Section 401 to delay or block the development of natural gas pipelines and a coal export terminal. While the focus of these abuses today is fossil energy, the approach could be used to target any type of project that is disfavored politically,” GOP Sens. Barrasso, James Inhofe (Okla.), Shelley Moore Capito (W.Va.), Mike Enzi (Wyo.), and Steve Daines (Mont.) wrote in the letter.
Section 401 mandates that any industry that is applying for a federal permit to allow them to put discharges into a water system must also obtain a certification from the state in which the discharge is coming from to ensure they are complying with water quality standards. The rule can affect chemical plants, power plants or other fossil fuel drilling activities that could lead to pollution of a water source.
The lawmakers said the current statute is being used to “fight” fossil fuel projects rather than protect water quality. They did not offer examples of projects that might have been unfairly struck down under the provision.
An EPA spokesperson said the agency is reviewing the lawmakers’ letter and is currently reviewing options on how best to provide more nationwide consistency and regulatory certainty for permit applicants and stakeholders under the Clean Water Act.
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aion-rsa · 2 years
Text
The Peacemaker Opening Credits Are a Masterpiece
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Peacemaker, the HBO Max series spun off from James Gunn’s DC film The Suicide Squad, asks one very important question right from the top.
“Do ya really wanna, do ya really wanna taste it?”
Well…do ya?!?!? Following a funny cold open that picks up right after the events of The Suicide Squad and finds John Cena’s titular antihero convalescing in and then absconding from a hospital, Peacemaker launches into one of the most unabashedly fun opening credits sequences on television in years.
The credits take place in what appears to be an abandoned ‘90s mall photo studio – a sparse set featuring only neon laser coloring. As the notes of Norwegian glam metal band Wig Wam’s song “Do You Wanna Taste It” blare, Peacemaker and the rest of the show’s characters perform a simply choreographed group dance number, all with blank expressions on their faces. 
Peacemaker, the show, is good … maybe great. But its opening credits sequence? A masterpiece. One could be forgiven for impatiently waiting to get to the song and dance number after each episode of Peacemaker begins, the first three of which premiered Thursday, Jan. 13 on HBO Max. The secret to the credits’ success comes down to a very simple pop culture premise: folks just love singin’ and dancin’…particularly in situations that wouldn’t normally call for it.
 A catchy song certainly doesn’t hurt either. “Do You Wanna Taste It” is in keeping with Peacemaker’s ‘80s hair metal aesthetic, though the song doesn’t come from the ‘80s. When speaking with critics about the show during last summer’s Television Critics Association press tour, Gunn revealed that a lot of the show’s songs come from more modern times. 
“It’s a lot of eighties hair metal but it’s also a lot of modern like sleaze rock and hair metal that comes out of Europe and a lot of really great bands that people don’t know about,” Gunn said. “I love that stuff, but there’s also a lot of really bad hair metal, so it was fun finding the really good stuff to inject the series with its flavor, which we keep throughout the whole first season.”
Wig Wam’s song certainly falls under the “good stuff” category that Gunn was referring to. Wig Wam hails from Halden, Norway and was founded by its four members in 2001. They are considered one of Norway’s most popular live acts (with a group of fans known as Wig Wamaniancs) and even represented the country in the 2005 Eurovision Song Contest. “Do You Wanna Taste It” is from the group’s 2010 album Non Stop Rock’n Roll. The band released a video for the song as well and its YouTube upload comment section is currently inundated with commenters revealing they discovered it via a Peacemaker teaser, which also featured the tune. 
“Do You Wanna Taste It” is just one half of Peacemaker’s opening credits’ unpretentious brilliance, however. The other half belongs to the group of actors who trusted that the least cool sounding thing ever on paper would somehow translate to pure joy onscreen. As choreographed by Charissa-Lee Barton, the actors’ expressionless dance moves in essentially a laser tag arena perfectly complement the absurdity on display.
“I remember there was a moment where (James Gunn) was like, ‘Danielle, stop moving your face so much,’ because I was doing the most,” actress Danielle Brooks told critics. 
Though Peacemaker still has five episodes to go in its first season, it’s already established itself as a rarity on streaming television as a series that goes the extra mile for its opening credits. And according to its star, there is still more dancing to come. 
cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });
“I’ve learned two things about James Gunn through our relationship,” Cena told critics. “One: he’s obsessed with my tighty-whities. And, two: he always wants to make me dance.”
New episodes of Peacemaker premiere Thursdays on HBO Max.
The post The Peacemaker Opening Credits Are a Masterpiece appeared first on Den of Geek.
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zoebechtle-blog · 6 years
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Unlikely Chapter 12
“You know what my favorite thing about your face is?” Random thoughts from Zoe. Niall turned his eyes from the football match on the TV (against my own will, he had turned me into a Derby Rams fan). It was late on a Saturday night. Willie and Hannah were out of town and Deo had been relocated for the weekend. We hadn’t seen much of one another over the last week - he was finishing things for his upcoming charity golf tournament and gala, and sliding into the studio to write as often as he could. He claimed he'd had a stroke of inspiration lately and wanted to get back to making music. I was busy finishing up work on a big research project with a few other therapists, and hadn’t been home before 9:00 anytime recently. As of next week, his schedule was the most insane thing I’ve ever seen for an unemployed musician (as I liked to remind him): golf tournaments, fundraisers, charity games, concerts and festivals, and an extended trip to the U.S. to write and record more. Therefore, we had sequestered ourselves in his house and were having a grownup sleepover. Last night I’d insisted we make a fort out of cushions to eat pizza in - once I’d convinced him it was an amazing idea, he’d gone in with full gusto, choosing blankets that were sturdy. He fancied himself a fort engineer by the end, and was a little pissed when we knocked it down after the dinner during more active pursuits that resulted in an impressive patch of rug burn on my back. We took a long bath, with bubbles that I’d smuggled in, and I’d dozed off with my back resting on his chest, at ease with pretty much everything. He turned on some late 90s dance music this afternoon and we danced around like idiots, then tried (unsuccessfully) doing the tango (I have two left feet). I was trying to convince him to let me braid his hair, but he wasn’t there yet. It’d been the best 30 hours ever, and I was kind of buzzed off my love of him. Well, and the bottle of wine I’d been sipping on.
“What’s that, baby?” He took a long drink of his beer and I watched him swallow, enthralled. “Z?”
“Huh?”
He started laughing. “You have the attention span of a mouse. What’s your favorite thing about my face?”
“Oh yeah!” I was sitting on his left side on the ginormous sectional sofa in his living room, my feet across his lap. I scooted my butt closer until I was almost sitting on him, and turned his chin so he was facing forward and I had a perfect profile shot. “This. This is my favorite.”
“You’re poking my cheek!”
“No! I’m poking your eye dimple. It’s the cutest thing ever.”
“I don’t even know what you’re talking about - don’t have a dimple on my eye.”
“Right under, not ON your eye.” I rolled my eyes for emphasis. “Here.” I grabbed my phone from behind me and pulled up a picture of him I’d taken that morning. He was sitting on his countertop in his tightie whities, laughing at my impressions of various Food Network chefs while I made French toast. He looked so utterly perfect, laughing so hard he ended up getting the hiccups when I discussed Wonder Bread and Egg Beaters as Sandra Lee, his hair falling over his brow and fingers grasping the overhang of the counter. Who knew the members of One Direction loved cooking shows? I’d promptly walked over the kissed the living hell out of him after I snapped the pic. Such opportunities could not be wasted. “See? It’s a little dimple and it only shows when you’re genuinely smiling. Everytime I see it I want to buy a house and retire there because it’s the most perfect place on Earth.” Okay, maybe I’d had closer to a bottle and a half of wine. He looked at me with wide, adoring eyes, and caught my lips with his own.
“Know what my favorite part of your face is?”
“I’m guessing my lips because, blah blah, sucking you off,” I gave him a cheeky grin, expecting the usual male answer.
“You underestimate me, Zoe,” he replied, wrinkling his forehead and pushing his pretty lips out into a tiny pout. He actually looked a little hurt.
“I’m sorry, boo.” I traced his chin dimple with my thumb, pacifying him. “What’s your favorite part?”
He kissed my brow bone. “This. Can tell everythin’ you’re thinkin’ by your forehead and brows. You can’t hide a thing. Explains why you can’t play poker for shit.”
“I’m not THAT bad.”
“Babe, Nick took forty quid off you in one hand.”
“He cheats.”
“Sure he does.” He’d pulled me back against the cushions with him and I cuddled up to his side. “Love you. Bad poker face and all. Best thing that ever happened to me.”
I felt my emotions bubble up as they always did when he said something like this. “Love you more.”
“Impossible.”
“So possible.”
“Nope.”
“Shut up, shamrock.” In order to ensure his silence, I climbed over his lap and kissed him stupid. He upped the ante by slipping my t-shirt over my head, and I won by pushing his shorts down and sliding down on his cock.
His stylist, Ellie, and her favorite tailor showed up Sunday early afternoon to fit Niall for his fundraiser suit one last time. He was leaving soon for a golf tournament in Northern Ireland so all final preps needed to be now. I adored Ellie-she’d helped me find a dress (not even a dress, a fabulous creation of nature that was the most perfect item of clothing I’d ever had on my body) for the upcoming Horan Rose event. And to Niall’s chagrin, I’d paid for it myself despite his requests otherwise and whines to the stylist. I would be there not only in girlfriend capacity, but also representing the clinic and its autism research efforts. Luckily, my boss was coming as well, as Niall’s guest, so he could field all the tricky questions. An administrator I am not. When I’d shown Hannah pictures of the miracle dress, she’d been shocked.
“It’s pink.”
“‘tis.”
“You don’t wear pink. Ever.”
“I like pink!”
“I know, but 90% of your wardrobe is black! And it’s light pink at that!”
“Because pastels make me look dead. But this looks good.” I showed her the next pic in the roll of me modeling for Ellie.
“Holy shit.”
“Right?”
Hannah sat back, obviously proud of herself, “Love looks good on you, Zoe Jane.”
I threw a shoe at her, intentionally missing. She wasn’t wrong.
I laid on the bed while Niall pranced around in his underwear. His good mood was infectious, and Sam the tailor was having none of it.  The older gentleman who had twice whacked him on the back of the thigh for screwing around. He’d earned my adoration quickly.
“Zoe, will you look at these ties?” Ellie had plopped down next to me, holding up a large box. “I can’t decide which one.”
“Lord, she’ll put me in a bow tie, don’t let her choose, El!” I stuck my tongue out at Niall as I sorted. Damnit. He was right. I loved bow ties. They looked dapper.
“How about this one?” I held up a navy one for Ellie’s inspection.
“The peaches? You think?”
“Yup. In honor of his little peach bum.” He shook said bum at us, earning another smack from Sam. Too cute for words.
I was nervous about the fundraiser. Besides it being my first official event as Niall’s date, I was also going to meet the whole Horan clan - he was flying a boatload of people over from Ireland for the party. In negotiations with him and Kim, I’d gotten out arriving with him and doing the red carpet thing (the mere idea gave me hives). He wasn’t aware that I wasn’t going to be “arriving” at all - at my request, Kim was going to arrange for me to come in the back door of the facility. I knew I’d be photographed at some point or another, but I wanted to avoid it as much as possible. I agreed that I’d sit at his table and be on his arm instead of eating with Willie and Hannah nearby or my boss and his wife in the back of the room. He knew I was terrified of the attention, and tried to talk me down as much as possible.
“I know it’s a lot, babe.” We were FaceTiming as he got ready to head off to a rugby match with Rory.
“No, it’s fine. I just don’t want people paying attention to something that isn’t a the reason for the night,” I tried to explain. I started playing with my bracelet, twirling it around my fingers.
“Put the bracelet down, ya liar.”
“What?”
“Get on me about my nervous hands, and ya do the same damn thing.” He pulled his shirt over his head. “Kate is next to Justin, so why wouldn’t ya be with me?”
“Um, because she’s his wife.”
“Is that all it takes then?  Ok? Wanna get married? Let’s go.” Wha? I knew my mouth was gaping.
“No! I mean...no, shut up.”
He knew he had me and smirked. “Just gotta say the word.”
I rolled my eyes. “They’ve known one another more than three months. They weren’t outed on the The Daily News and Sun out partying. Twice. The fangirls of the world don’t hate Kate. I don’t want to cause problems for you.”
“Z, are ya ever gonna realize that I don’t give a fuck? Yeah, I try to keep as much of me life private as I can, but I’m not going to hide ya. Ever. And I’ll protect you.” By this point he was pointing his finger at his laptop in a rant.
“God you’re a pain in the ass.”
“Likewise, pretty girl. I gotta go, car is here. Love you.”
“I love you, too, Nialler.”
Niall got home late Thursday night, and the Irish contingent starting arriving by the planeload Friday afternoon. I’d stayed late at work to get ahead since I’d be off Monday and Tuesday for the golf tournament and the inevitable aftermath-I’d been training my liver for this weekend since I was sixteen. After work I’d planned on going home, leaving Niall to his own devices with his guests. But in true Niall fashion he had his dad text me that he expected to see me when he landed. The little bastard had pulled out the Bobby Horan card.   When I finally left, a black Range Rover beeped at me from the curb and Basil waved.  I let out a sigh and muttered to myself.  “So much for taking the tube like a normal goddamn human being.”
“What are you doing here?”
“Picking you up, obviously.”
“He really doesn’t know how to take no for answer, does he?” I buckled into the passenger seat as Bas tossed my bag in the back.
I wasn’t one hundred percent on board with this uncomfortable hour drive and silently shook my fist at my boyfriend. I was still trying to figure out where I stood with Bas. While I was sure he didn’t hate me, my relationship with Niall and what it meant for his security (and heart) were still unknown. We both routinely got some nastygrams, and lately he’d been getting his phone hacked on the regular and spammed by little shits. I was anxious and had skipped lunch today because my stomach was going nuts with nerves. I was facing an entire long weekend filled with people who loved Niall and were going to be watching me. I didn’t work well under pressure. So I filled the car with awkward conversation until Bas’s eyes basically begged me to shut up. Rightfully silently chastised, I leaned my seat back and closed my eyes until we arrived home (shit, did I just refer to Niall’s house as home?). I didn’t even get my buckle undone when the door was opened.
“Ni, Jes-,” Oh. This was not my blonde bombshell. The older man with rosy cheeks beamed at me.
“Zoe! Aw, love, it’s a pleasure!” The legend himself, Bobby Horan, pulled me out of the car and into a gigantic bear hug. Unlike when I met Harry, however, I didn’t mind. I may have squealed a little bit.
“Back off, old man!” Niall elbowed his dad. “I haven’t seen my girl all week.”
“Whose fault is that, youngster?” Bobby gave me a grin, and I squeezed him again.
My quick confidence shot from Bobby quickly diminished when I walked into a house full of strangers. I knew it was coming but still was not prepared. Before I could blink, I’d met Eoghan, Bressie (hello...I was never going to be able to make eye contact with him), Bobby’s girlfriend Aoife, another Niall, and various other guys whose names I was going to spend the whole weekend trying to remember. I was passed from person to person - the Irish were huggers. Sensing my discomfort, Deo slid a Jameson in my hand. I mouthed a thank you to him and downed it only to have it replaced by a beer. After being appropriately introduced, I excused myself to go to the bedroom and change. And have a minor panic attack in the bathroom.
“Babe?” Shit, I’d been gone for almost half an hour.
“In here.”
“Decent?”
“Totally depends on your definition. But no, I’m not pooping.”
His head poked through the door, giving me a look. “Hiding, huh?”
It was useless, he’d figured out my M.O. “There are just so many of them. And they all love you. If you haven’t noticed, I tend to make an ass out of myself when I’m nervous.”
“I know. Still waiting for those strokes you promised me.”
“I hate you.”
“C’mere.” He pulled me up to him, wrapping his arms around my middle. “I missed ya. Didn’t even get a proper kiss. My da’ cock blocked me.”
“I’m assuming not for the first time.”
“You have no idea.” He’d finally worked a smile out of me and gave me a warm, gentle kiss that I felt down to my toes. The beer he’d been enjoying was obvious, but there was a slight mint to his taste as always. “Missed you, pretty girl.”
“I missed you, too.” I rested my head on his collarbone as an someone beat on the window in the closet, causing us to both jump a foot.
“Quit molesting the lady, Horan, and get your ass out here!”
“Fuck you, Eoghan!” he shouted back. “Hey,” he whispered, pulling my attention up to him. “Everyone out there is so excited to get to know you. You’re all I’ve talked about for months. Babe, they love you already. I promise.”
The Irish could party, let the record reflect. Aoife, Hannah, and I ventured out late Sunday morning for manicures and to get last minute supplies, including buy a new tie for Eoghan, who had insisted his could double as a headband the night before, requiring me to cut him out of it. None of Niall’s ties matched the intricate pattern of his suit, he claimed (Niall was positive he just wanted me to feel the fabric) and I’d been tasked. Once I’d gotten over my initial shyness, I realized why every one of these people were special to Ni. It made me feel even closer to him, and pondered introducing him to my family eventually (then promptly took a shot to chase that crazy idea away). The only stone left unturned was Maura. She and her husband were meeting us at the event. Willie and Deo privately had told me that she’d guilted Niall into the invitation - something she routinely did when there was something she was interested in. In the time we’d known one another I had never witnessed her interacting with him in any way. I had developed an attitude about her, and he was aware of it. I didn’t know Niall as a small child, but the idea of willingly leaving him was foreign to me. I didn’t know her side of the story, it was true. But even how she treated him now pissed me off. Plus, I’d bore witness to the affects of her abandonment, and that made me pull out my momma bear tendencies.
Over the last two months I’d observed Niall pour over details with planners and Justin, his co-host. He’d really put his heart and soul into it, and I was full of pride. So proud that I’d risked my perfect hairdo (okay, so it was Hannah and her masterful use of a flat iron and bobby pins) to give him a blowjob in the closet before he’d left. Right against his perfectly organized hat collection, near the mirror so he could watch in full detail as I swallowed him whole wearing nothing but a strapless bra (ouch) and lace boyshorts.
“Christ, if that’s the reaction I get for helpin’ people I’m gonna sign over my whole bank account.” I’d just nuzzled my cheek against his thigh and cleaned him off with a satisfied sigh. Then I  did something so positively dirty that when my rational brain returned I couldn’t believe it. I dipped my finger in a tiny trickle of come on his thigh, and, eyes locked with his, and dabbed it behind my ears like perfume. Then licked my finger.
“So I have a little bit of you with me all night.” I loved philanthropic men, what could I say? He hauled me to my feet and was about to maul me when his phone rang. “That’s your car.”
“Fuuuuuck. I’m going to think of that all night.”
“I know. That’s why I did it.” I kissed his lips pertly and rubbed his nose with mine. “Go, I’ll see you in a bit. I’ll be the one falling down in heels.”
“Don’t worry,” he turned to grin at me as he picked up his suit jacket, “I’ll catch ya.”
The ballroom at the private golf club was madness. Ellie and I had ridden from the house together, and were both bouncing with excitement. Swanky events weren’t my thing, but I knew the night promised to be amazing. We had shuffled in through the kitchen, and observed Jamie Freakin’ Oliver yelling out directions. El didn’t give me time to adequately fan girl. Probably for the best. I’m sure I would have ended up stealing a carrot. We spotted Bressie and Eoghan and huddled with them. My inner matchmaker decided that Ellie and the single Bressie would be adorable, and I made a mental note to mention that to Niall later. He was still working the green carpet, and would be for a while. I’d spied him outside of the ballroom doors and felt giddy inside - he looked amazing (god, Ellie was good at her job) and in his element.
We sipped Horan Shamrock Spritz cocktails and the obvious jokes about Niall being in our mouths were shared. I privately gloated knowing he was more than just in my mouth. Eoghan eventually made a face, “Of course she’d show up to this - rich and famous folks.” We all turned in unison and Bres groaned. I recognized the tiny (seriously, I’m short - I would tower over her) woman as Maura. Not wanting to be obvious and being a huge fan of avoidance, I excused myself to go to the charity section and spend some time mingling and discussing the clinic with guests, most of whom had no idea that I was anything other than a practitioner attending the event. My feet ached by the time dinner was announced, the royal blue shoes that matched some of the gem detail on the top of my cocktail dress not being designed for long term wear. I mentally patted myself on the back for tossing a pair of flip flops into my bag.
“Excuse me, excuse me,” a familiar Irish voice interrupted my conversation with an older couple about vaccines (for the nine millionth time in my career). Niall put his arm around my waist, “I need to steal this one to meet a few people. Have you all seen the silent auction tables? We’ve got some great prizes. Glenn,” he patted the man’s elbow, “there’s a package to play with Rors this fall. It’s got your name written all over it.” Like that he slid me a way.
“I owe you. So hard.”
“Your eyes were screamin’. I know when my girl needs help.” He kissed my cheek as we navigated the crowd, being stopped by every other person for Niall to chat. “You smell fuckin’ amazin’.” We raised our eyebrows at one another.
“Musk.”
“You’re going to kill me, woman.”
We were interrupted by a high pitched, loud voice, “There’s my baby boy!” I knew I couldn’t avoid her all night.
“Mam, I was lookin’ for ya. Wanted to introduce you to Zoe, my girlfriend. Zo, this is my mam, Maura, and step dad, Chris.” I could see Maura eyeing me up and down, and I felt everything from my hair to my toes being judged. I slapped on a huge smile and reminded myself that he loved her despite the shenanigans she’d caused, so I owed it to him to try.
I extended my hand, “It’s lovely to finally meet you.”
“You, too, dear. I didn’t know you had a young lady, Niall.”
He cleared his throat. “Yeah, for a couple of months.” The tension was thick and I was uncomfortable.
“Did the two of you have a nice trip?” It was lame, but it was something. We stood and talked awkwardly (Niall had his arms crossed over his chest with his hands tucked, a sure sign he was uncomfortable) until dinner was announced. We were all at the same table, but luckily were joined by Bobby and Aoife as well, and Deo and Martin. Willie, Hannah, Eoghan, Bressie, and other friends were behind us, and at the next table were Justin and Kate (whom I had grown to quickly adore) and their family members. There were plenty of people to chat with so I could avoid direct conversation with Maura, who, to be fair, didn’t seem all that interested in talking to me. Luckily, the wine was flowing.
Shortly after dessert was served, some big shot came over and Niall introduced us all. As they left to start the speeches, the gentleman complimented Bobby and Maura on raising such a fine young man. Having sat back and watched her bask in Niall’s glory all night (and watching his jaw tense and him clench his fist when she did), including claiming him auditioning for XFactor was her idea (it wasn’t, and any fan with internet access knew that) and how she always knew he’d be special, my irritation grew, I couldn’t control myself. The cat was out to play.
“Yes, Bobby, he’s right,” I reached over and grabbed “the father-in-law” (as he’d dubbed himself the night before)’s hand, giving it a squeeze. “You really did a fabulous job with that one. Thank you.” I knew Maura caught what I’d done, and frankly I didn’t care. She glared at me and I gave her the eye right back. Deo watched us in amusement.
“Zoe, would you like to go to the powder room with me?” She was throwing down a challenge, and emboldened by liquid courage, I took it.
“Certainly.” Aoife looked at me with wide eyes, and stood to come along. I waved my hand at her, and she grabbed it. She had my back.
“Aoife, I think this needs to be a talk between Niall’s mother and his fling,” Maura said, giving her a withering look. Oh fuck no. Those were fighting words. I pushed my chair in with a little more force than I’d intended, and the table shook. She might be little, but I had rage and a little country in me. I would take her on for insulting me, her ex-husband’s girlfriend, and abandoning her sons. With pleasure.
“Well, let’s go have this talk, shall we?” I turned on my heel and walked off to the private toilets, not looking back to see if she’d follow me. I knew she would. And I knew whatever I said would be turned around to make her the victim. We all knew women like her. I leaned against the toilet wall and waited.
“Listen, missy,” she’d barely cleared the door. Normally I hated confrontation, but this was different. This was standing up for Niall. “I don’t know who you think you are, but I am his mother and you will not undermine me. I am just as responsible for his success as his father!” She was feisty, I’ll give her that. “You don’t know anything about me and how dare you embarrass me in front of these people. You’re just a slag using him for his money and connections.” I just let her rant. Also, project much?
My voice was much more calm than I’d anticipated. “You’re right, Maura, I don’t know you. I don’t know what you went through when you abandoned your sons, but I’ve seen first hand the damage it’s caused. I’ve had to deal with the complex Niall has about women leaving him, and it almost ruined our relationship before it started. Forgive me if I underestimate your contribution to his life beyond birthing him.”
“You have some nerve!” The door opened and Aoife and Hannah walked in just in time to hear her shriek at me.
“I do. You’re right. But, I’m not ‘some fling’. If you were an active part of his life, you’d know that. Everyone else from Ireland knew. I love your son. Desperately. And I apologize,” that hurt to even say (sorry not sorry), “if you feel that I haven’t adequately respected you. But please quit taking credit for something you had very little to do with. Niall is the amazing person he is in spite of you, not because.” My peace being said, I brushed past her and walk out of the bathroom, my hands shaking and went straight to the bar.
The night proceeded on, but I felt uneasy. It probably wasn’t my place to tell his mother off, even though she richly deserved it. Especially on a night like this. I tried to put it out of my mind, but I couldn’t. My stomach rebelled against me and I was anxious as hell. I’d seen her approach Niall afterwards and the two of them venture outside, their heads bent towards one another. Shit. Before I could check with him, however, the performances started.
Hannah had shared the highlights (greatly exaggerating, as to be expected) with the boys, and Eoghan had declared me his hero. Bressie jokingly offered to pay my tab for the evening. Bobby very obviously called me daughter multiple times in her earshot. At least some people were on my side.
“Hidin’ so I can’t have a dance with ya?” I’d be standing at the bar, sipping another Horan cocktail, and his hands rubbed my hips. He dipped his mouth close to my ear and whispered, “Gotta be careful kissing your neck tonight. Not big on the taste of myself.” I laughed and turned around, wrapping my arms around his neck.
“Hi, bugaboo.”
“Hi.” He kissed my nose. “Heard you’re causing trouble.” My stomach dropped and my face flamed even more. I bit my lip, hard.
“Sorry, I ran of-”
“Don’t apologize,” he stared at me. “No one has ever called Maura on her bullshit before. No one ever stood up for me like that.”
I exhaled, the weight of the world lifting off my shoulders. I pulled on a little piece of hair on his neck. “I could have picked a better venue, though.”
“Probably. But this is twice you’ve proven you’re a fucking bad ass in public.” He kissed me and lead me onto the dance floor as “Fix You” by Coldplay blasted. Appropriate.
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42ndand5th · 7 years
Text
baby: i...i...iiiii
mother: oh my god, dad come over, I think he’s about to say his first word! 
baby: iiiiiiiii-
mother: you can do it!
baby: I came out to my parents when they discovered gay porn on my computer while I was at my friend Nicole's house choreographing a hip-hop dance. I was shocked because I thought they already knew, but I got a call when I was, like, mid-shoulder brush from my mother being like, "Where are you?" and I was like "I'm at Nicole's house!" and she was like, "You need to come home now," and I went home. I can't believe I'm telling this story. Anyway, I went home after we finished the dance. She drove me home in her Infiniti SUV and I walked into the house, and it's pitch black, and I just see the, like, backlit shadow of my mother in the corner of the kitchen just like... She brings me down, and rather than having a nice “let's talk about this” she starts, like, bringing up - she starts like opening up all the websites - and I don't know what to do and I'm like "Ewww! What is that?! That's disgusting!" Meanwhile I'm like, yeah Tuesday, yeah Wednesday - Thursday I didn't do anything, but Friday. And like my dad comes downstairs in his tighty whities and is like, "Bran, if it's yours just tell us." Well hold on, hold on. They found this, like, weird fax, like a document nobody recognized, and I was like, “Well, obviously someone hacked into our computer!" And they believed me.
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