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frightgothcar · 3 years

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Is it okay to ask for advice? Is it normal that I like .. when I see a character I feel their gender? like if I see a cute girl I’ll be like “I feel so much like a girl rn she/her are the best pronouns I’m so cute” but then I could easily turn around and see a boy and go “me I feel so he/they rn I feel like a boy and I’m happy abt it” like what does this mean... I’m rlly confused bc I feel like my pronouns and feeling on my gender change so much.. like I will feel really wlw at one time then mlm at the next and I want to embrace both but it won’t make sense to people... am I not rlly trans? obviously this isn’t the only reason I think I’m trans I’m just saying that this is rlly confusing me idk if anyone else experiences this.. it’s like I want to be all of these genders at once .. I feel like a different person! it doesn’t make any sense .. what is happening? it’s like I don’t have a solid grasp on my identity it just changes with these characters and I make these characters into my identity unconsciously and I can’t help it?? idk if that makes sense I will use a character as an icon and I’m like .. this is gender ... this is me... and it’s not that I relate to the characters at all I really feel different a different person and that it’s always changing so idk who I am?

Ofc you can ask for advice! Needless to say, gender is a complicated beast, but it isn't this whole concrete thing folks make it out to be.

To make that more clear, even in the trans community people tend to think of gender in boxes. Male, female, even if they're accepting of nonbinary people, it's just more familiar to add a third box rather than changing your perspective on gender as a whole. But, it really is more of a spectrum, and sometimes you might move around on that spectrum.

Personally I'm not nonbinary, or genderfluid in any sense, so I can't speak from experience here and I can't say that this speaks to everyone's, or even anyone's experiences, but from my understanding what you're describing sounds like genderfluid (or bigender, or a whole plethora of nonbinary identities). Our understanding of gender paints it as though it's some concrete thing, you sign up for something and you stick with it your whole life, and for some people that's right, but it isn't bad for your identity to grow and change as you do.

Relating to fictional characters was a really huge step for me early in my questioning days and early on. In order to understand myself and my identity I found it easier to go through a conduit, a lot of people do. It's normal to do that, it's healthy to use fiction to work through things, to try things out.

But all that aside, what you're going through is just plain questioning. It's normal, and you're gonna be just fine, you aren't "faking" anything you aren't "lying" to anyone, you're exploring your gender and it's confusing, as gender often is. The trick is to do whatever makes you feel most comfortable. You like she/her pronouns today, awesome, we'll use she/her! He/they right now? Easy peasy, let me correct myself real quick. Changing the words to how you identify does not invalidate you as trans. Who you are isn't really changing, how you understand yourself is, and that's a beautiful thing!

What will make this better for you is time, which I know is a really frustrating answer but bear with me here. It's normal to not understand your identity, especially as a teenager (I'm assuming cuz you're following me you're a teenager?? sorry if you're not lol), gender or otherwise. Try out different things! Don't be afraid to switch labels if one doesn't fit or stops fitting. You'll figure it out, you will!!

What you need to be a real trans person is to identify as trans, as in identify as a gender different from your gender assigned at birth. My advice is to take off everything. Don't think of yourself as cis or trans or your agab or a comfort character, try and think about just plain you. How do you feel outside of all that? Getting a better grasp on that will help you with your gender, it certainly helped me :)

And remember that no matter where you end up, if you decide you're nonbinary, bigender, agender, genderfluid, binary trans, or even cis, your experiences are valid. Maybe you're into doing gender more as a costume or performance, like when people do drag. Try it out!

Right now you are figuring out who you are. Don't sweat it, it will come to you over time. Nothing you're feeling or doing is abnormal or weird or bad, you're just growing, and you'll come out the other side better for it.

I hope this all makes sense, it's late and I'm tired and ramble-y and I'm not sure this all makes sense, I just want you to know anon, it's gonna be okay. Seriously, you're gonna be fine, the distress you're feeling now will go away, you just need time and whatnot. Feel free to send in another ask or dm me or whatever you need to do if you've got anything else to ask or to talk about, I'll do my best! Also in the morning I'll rb this post with the @s of some enby, genderfluid, just people who are much more well spoken and knowledgeable in this than I am so you can get some other perspectives and shit.

just wantecd to get this posted asap so again, sorry if this isnt clear or anything, i'll be happy to clarify however you need. i hope you have a good night/day/afternoon/evening whatever timezone youre in. im gonna go to bed now but i /should/ be back on early tomorrow morning. no real gurantee tho sorry haha. but i will answer your asks as soon as i can i prommy

#asks #anon #gender

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suhyunfmd-blog · 5 years

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hello everyone ( good morning, afternoon or night depending on your timezone, i have to wake up really early tomorrow because of college so this post will be queued, i hope it posts at the right time lmfao ) . my name is chloe ( 18 years old, college student & she/her. english is not my first language so if you see any typos or weird sentences that’s why ) and this is my baby kang suhyun, 1/5 of fuse, just trying her best despite being hated a lot. i thought i’d have time to make a plots page but no ( i had time but got lazy, i’m sorry. exposed. ) so below i’ll leave a few basic connections and a little tl;dr?? on suhyun since it’s easier for most people especially if you’re using your phone. please give her a lot of love ♡

[ her profile ; her biography ]

tw: mentions of death, eating disorder (if you see a [ * ], it means that those topics and mentioned there, please skip if you don’t feel comfortable reading, even tho i don’t give any triggering details. a second [ * ] means that what is written afterwards doesn’t mention anything related to those topics)

basic things: she was born on january 31st, 1999 in seoul, south korea. has a younger brother, her father is the ceo of a hospital and her stepmother is a housewife.

[ * ] her mother died after giving birth to suhyun. her father doesn’t have a super close relationship with suhyun because of that, seeing suhyun reminds him of her mother so yea. [ * ] always gave suhyun everything she wanted as a way of making up for the lack of attention. suhyun didn’t turn into a cold sad bitch because her stepmother always took care of her and gave her tons of love. tried really hard to be the perfect girl, was on the top of her class and always did what her parents wanted but her father likes her brother more lmfao

just like her father found his escape in his job, suhyun found an escape on music and kpop groups. started taking dance classes and would spend her days in dance studios. dad was quite dissapointed in suhyun’s dream but she wasn’t going to take a no as an answer, like always. auditioned for bc in 2011 but got rejected. auditioned for happy ent. mid 2011 and left the company late 2011 since they weren’t thinking of debuting any ggs soon. auditioned for gold star media in 2012, saw impulse and origin debut and thought that maybe they’d be like her old company and wouldn’t debut any gg soon. fuse happened.. but she wasn’t part of it. was about to leave the company until she heard some rumours about adding a new member to fuse, she ended up getting called and was informed that she’d be the new maknae - it was something along the lines of wanting the group to look younger and fresh so they needed someone her age

i’m pretty sure most of u are aware of the amount of hate yerim got once she was added into red velvet so i guess you can imagine what suhyun went through. [ * ] she fell into a really bad place, lost a lot of weight because of the stress she was under ( her relationship with food was really bad, she’s currently recovering from her eating disorder but it’s not easy ), [ * ] her personality changed so much she went from being a super stubborn ready to fight girl to being shy, scared and reserved. suhyun really had to find help in order to change her mindset (slightly) and that’s when the whole fake extra personality on camera started

so basically: she wanted to deleted the whole victim image she had, she didn’t want to be the one who ruined fuse or the shy kid around, she wanted the spotlight and the love the other members had so she started to act all bright and extra on variety shows, people thought she was over the whole negative feedback bUT GUESS WHAT that’s a lie. while she’s better now and all that jazz, suhyun is not as energetic as she shows - she’s quite easy to befriend, she loves attention and feeling loved but deep down she’s been hurt so many times and is still seen as the bitch in the eyes of the ot4 stans. her smiles might not be real at times but she’s caring and is truly there for everyone even tho she can’t be nice to herself lol ( she hates expressing her feelings, just a ps ).

as for the connections ( really basic ones )

the whole best friends thing. i don’t think i need to add anything to this

crushes. males or females, suhyun is into both

ex s.o from trainee days. must be around her age, ‘98-’00, i’ll open it to any company

current love interest. same requirements as the ex s.o

even tho i don’t see suhyun having enemies i think that would be fun to try

a muse that is like her mom and was with her during hard time. cute.

and idk more, i’ll be more than happy to read everyone’s plot pages and help fill all the wanted connections so feel free to send me something!

#┋ &. ooc #i tried really hard not to write a lot of stuff but once i start i just can't stop #i'm v sorry lmfao

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