#tired of fighting my own brain

[musashi]

"keto is a lie and a scam" its literally a fucking medical diet i will fucking kill you

#wordy wendy #keto literally existed primarily as a medical diet for epileptics because of the BRAIN BENEFITS it had #schizophrenics also make use of it for this exact reason #and i love it because of the way it makes me feel. my brainfog and depression. GONE #it has countless medical benefits it is not a fucking scam who tf is making money off it! #thats not what a scam is! #i am so sick of this shit #its awesome to fight diet culture and fatphobia but you cannot just make stuff up because you dont like #someone else's life choices!!! #i am so tired of these bitches ignoring medical benefits of dieting and fixing what you eat #under the guise of 'well all diets exist for weight loss so all diets are fatphobic <3' #BITCH I DONT EVEN OWN A SCALE!!!!!!!!!! #I LITERALLY DONT EVEN KNOW MY WEIGHT #but i have maintained my carb intake low as fuck for the last SIX YEARS #because it MAKES ME HAPPY

[soldier-poet-king]

I need to go thrifting and overhaul my wardrobe I need to go thrifting and overhaul my wardrobe sososo bad

#the duality of fran #yes im whining and being vain at work #but like. im just. burdened with guilt abt clothes for various reasons #and i would rlly feel better about life and myself if i dressed the way i wanted #i miss being close to things! i want to pop into thrift stores on a whim and find perfect pieces and be me #im tired of making do with things given to me that i feel obligated to make use of. or that dont sit right #or that are hyperfeminine and never my style anyway #where are the earth toned masc clothes for short broad hipped round tummy people #i did round 1 of a purge this weekend. if im still feeling antsy ill do round 2 tonight #problem is i always feel guilty and end ip keeping shit i know i wont wear #i have to. kondo it. in the sense of. does this spark joy #at least for my clothes. its the only way to fight the brain guilt #no i do NOT want this sundress in fact if it were up to me i wouldnt own more than 1 summer and 1 winter dress #that's it!! where are my fuckin pants and button ups

[plague-of-insomnia]

i feel so gross now

i loved anders and his storyline in da2

but knowing now how the writer was using his character and how it perpetuates misinformation and stigma against bipolar disorder makes me wish i had never found out tbh

like i feel genuinely unclean

sigh at least ER did bipolar characters justice by showing how difficult the disease can be for both sides— not just the ones who aren’t struggling with the disease

#not kuro #don’t mind me #i’m just really tired of how bipolar people are treated both irl and in the media #i bet most of you wouldn’t survive one day in a mixed episode #i had my last one for 4 whole months of 24/7 nothing but fighting my own fucking brain #while i wait for drugs to work and hopefully calm things down m #so ugh

[khalesci]

I will never accept any ending in which dany has to die "for the good of the world", whether it's being treated like a rabid dog in the show (gross) or if she has to somehow sacrifice or martyr herself to stop the Others or whatever, idc I hate that. Like I've heard it said before and I completely agree that there's something Weird and Icky about the idea that Daenerys *has* to die to be a hero but no one ever says that about any of the other main characters? Like I think about the subset of people (*cough*cis white men*cough*) in the fandom who *insist* that Stannis is really [redacted] somehow and they never say that he should sacrifice himself for the sake of the world. When the hero is a man, it's a "subversion" for them to die for the sake of tragedy, but when it's a woman, suddenly she HAS to die because "it's expected" and "the natural conclusion to her arc" like WHAT???? get the fuck out of here

#♛ ooc. ⊱ ❝ 𝘖𝘩 𝘯𝘰 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘪. ❞ #I'm not wording this the best rn bc Brain Soup but like?? do you see where I'm coming from here???? #you're telling me the girl that has had to struggle and fight her entire life just to live should really die at the end???? nah #I hate it. I don't care. take the r.eddit and t.iktok university literature degrees elsewhere. #I'm tired of this grandpa !! #if george actually does this shit I'll ignore it. I will stay in my own delulu land and remain there and never touch canon again. #we're never getting that last book anyway though lmfao

[da-proti-toku-grem]

.

#so now BESIDES the cold that i catched yesterday #it turns out that i also have a fever #cool cool yeah it's totally fine #i'm tired of this shit :/ #istg i ALWAYS get sick on my exam weeks #(my mom told me last year that maybe it's my own body's way to fight stress #which idk if it's possible but if it is i hate it :/) #but like #i'm already so stressed and the fact that i'm sick makes me so tired and i can't concentrate on what i'm trying to study #and like i can't rest properly because i have to study but i can't study properly because i'm sick #which is making me EVEN MORE stressed and at this point i want to pull my hair out and cry my eyes out #but i'm too tired to even do that #i hate that i'm starting to feel just like how i felt during the last school year #and i really don't want to go back then #and i also feel like i'm overreacting all the time but i just can't help it #my brain won't shut up and study without thinking that i'm doing everything wrong #which at the same time distracts me from studying and then makes me feel even worse because i'm losing my time #just.... ughhhhhhh 😫 #ranting #maca speaks #sorry if you've read all of this #don't feel pressured to reply or anything #it's just this is kind of my safe space so i come here when i need to get something off my chest

[revvywevvy]

looks @ my mutuals

looks @ my modern au

......... one of us! one of us! one of us! one of us!!

#cell screams #//'us' I say as if im not the only person involved in this au rn LOL #//ever since I mentioned the idea of my girlfriend making an insert for the au my brains buzzing bc having my frens there too. #//and their f/os as well would be. so fun #//esp @ my soulca mutuals *staring directly at 2 specific mutuals u know who u are. u & ur f/os would prolly look SOOOO good in a modern au #//just. imagine it at least. esp since one of those said f/os is also in te/kk/en which is. basically just the modern au. #//oh but this is also directed at all my other mutuals too teehee #//slow turn. staring directly @ my other mutual beloveds. pls. #//like ik im tired as hell and was literally doing the nod earlier too and should be asleep but I cant help it!!!!!! #//im imagining my beloved moots and their f/os in the au!!! it'd be so fun having us all there like ooo what would everyones motivations be #//what would they do would they be casual bystanders? would they be in on the hunt for the ancient swords whether for good or evil?? #//would they be somewhere in the middle? or in their own separate area just doing their own thing???? the possibilities r endless #//modern f/os medieval f/os f/os from any time period im imagining it so much #// f/os from any fandom idc!!!!! im imagining my moots and their f/os and wondering what they'd be like in this au so much im gonna. #//explodes #//ive had a very long habit of imagining literally any character and what theyd be like in a fighting game if they arent already in one. #//this au is fueling my bullshit so much LOOL #//i should. probably try and sleep soon since im def nodding off a little. but daydream world has me goin crazy

[radiotorn]

this upcomoing new year i would love to startlearning how to make models in blender :)

#im actally setting goals for myself this year and already telling myself its ok if i dont complete evrything bc theres always next year #but i learn at least 1 new hobby is on there and id looovee to make models of my own ocs #that would be the dream....i could make them dance ! #i also never got around to making bracelets this year so i think ill try to do that this upcoming year... #i also wanna learn to skateboard but my balance is so bad so that might take longer #but....i wanna do things........or actually #its moreso like i wanna fight against my brain telling me to Not do anything #bc lately its been 'do x tired' or 'dont do x and still be tired' so......... !!! #but yeah......... i hope for good things next year..... #ow.txt

[muiromem]

Current emotion on this not-so-fine evening:

#fucking exhausted and for what #my back hurts #my brain hurts #i had a little cry #tired of my family fighting and arguing #tired of everything going wrong #and everyone being miserable #tired of having to always choose between bad or worse #tired of always having to settle for what little we can scrape by #really REALLY tired of my mom #acting like she can't stand the idea #of me or my siblings having ANY say in the house we buy #literally telling us it doesn't matter because #“well you wan't to move out eventually dont you?!?” #uh newsflash no I DON'T #I have zero future prospects I have no friends no help no romantic prospects #who am I supposed to fucking move out WITH #even if I HAD a job (I don't yet) I couldn't afford anywhere on my own #but OH SURE she's OBSESSED with planning Room And Space #for if my brother randomly has to move back in #but she's practically saying that my opinion on where I LIVE doesn't matter #MY BROTHER ALREADY MADE HIS CHOICE!!! #HE MOVED ACROSS THE FUCKING CONTINENT!!! #so you'll refuse to consider anything that DOESN'T have room for him #but if I have an Opinion or Concerns it doesn't fucking matter #how fucking insane and biased is that???? #how does she think that makes me fucking feel??? #i hate this I hate this I HATE this

[b0nelessdoodles]

i am obsessed with two shitty little goblins with a complicated relationship and backstory 👏👏👏👏

#dungeons and dragons #dnd #dnd characters #dnd goblin #hes my shitty little backstory npc that i only learned was part of tics backstory in more recent times and i love him #if anyone cares to read the tags cause thats where i infodump to not clock actual post lemme keep it short #rip is a piece of tic that was literally ripped out of him when he was a child to make room for a piece of a god #something happened to rip and along the way and uh yeah the guy is nuts #kinda obsessed with either getting his own god piece #or going back to tic and maybe taking over cause he is tired of being the way he is #tic hates him but also cant help but feel a connection and hes not having a great time about it tbh #this is too complicated for his little goblin brain to comprehend #hes a bit of a mess rn about it #im having a great time with it tho hehehe #these are all in the order that they happened in #we got tic and rips first encounter where tic stabbed him through time it was great #we got the ending to the rip fight where tic fireballed them both #we got the aftermath of that whole thing #and the newest thing being tics new fear of spiders for reasons

[pepprs]

my dad might have fucking covid. about to jump off a bridge

#purrs #he was unmasked in my future room with the contractors yesterday and one of them woke up sick this morning and stayed in bed all day and now #my dad is feeling sick and my mom isn’t even better yet and i just saw so many people (WHO ARE VULNERABLE / HAVE VULNERABLE FAMILY MEMBERS) #in the last couple of days and now i might have exposed them. i am about to LOSE my shit. i need all respiratory diseases to die immediately #i am TIRED of living in constant fear. and i am FURIOUS at my dad for not wearing a mask. #like do you people NOT FUCKING GET IT. You may be cavalier. you may say you don’t care if you get it you can fight it off. BUT YOU INTERACT #WITH OTHER PEOPLE. who may not WANT to get sick. Who may not be able to DURVIVE getting sick. WHAT IS SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND. if you see #someone wearing a mask they are doing that FOR A REASON!!!! TO PROTECT THEMSELVES!!!!! TO PROTECT THEIR LOVED ONES!!!!! so fucking WEAR ONE #OUT OF COURTESY! USE YOUR FUCKING BRAIN! i don’t care if they’re hard to breathe in. I don’t care if they’re uncomfortable. I don’t care if #it’s your own house and you’re not used to it. SUCK IT UP. you can be uncomfortable for five minutes. you KNOW how anxious we all are about #getting covid and you DIRECTLY endanger us and now i might have put other people in danger. and i didn’t even choose it I didn’t do anything #wrong. FUCK COVID. fuck this collective punishment nightmare. I am SO TIRED of living in constant fear because OTHER PEOPLE want to pretend #it’s over. it fucking ISNT. there are things I care about. there are people I care about. and if you were a decent fucking human being you #would understand that and MASK UP. not everyone gets to be so glib about it. it’s hard enough being seen as fucking insane and still taking #damage from having basicaly 0 social life because im too afraid to go anywhere or do anything it’s harder when people around me who i can’t #help but interact with exhibit that they do not actually care about how it is improtant to me that i do not get sick or get my loved ones #sick ESPECIALLY when it is my loved one himself who KNOWS how scared shitless we all are. it fucking hurts so bad. fuck covid. FUCK covid. #delete later #like. despair. i can wear my n95 mask all i want but i am still fucking HELPLESS when people around me don’t. despair. DESPAIR.

[flutterby5]

.

#some days are so hard like I am very not okay a lot of the time these days but rn I’m actually okayish so I can’t put it into words #but like basically I’ve been have trouble sleeping recently and it’s only gotten worse…to the point where I’ve been waking up every single #night and it’s so hard to get my brain to be sleepy again and go back to sleep #and it’s ruining my life like being exhausted makes life sososo hard I’m miserable and everyone around me is laughing and lighthearted and #I just wallow in my own misery…like when I’m okay I’m okay but when I’m not I question everything #I should really just quit my job and focus on dealing with this chronic insomnia I have now but I’ve been trying different things and #nothing has stuck..part of me probably isn’t trying hard enough but how can I with a full time #job and the need to feed myself and chores and getting my mind of everything and trying to workout more like?? #that’s why I need to quit but I am hesistant to move home like I don’t have to but still then I wouldn’t need to pay for rent yknow but I #I also kind of don’t want to move home bc it’s quite nice not to and for covid reasons bc I’m like the only one I know that still cares #about covid lmaooo but like there are definitely pros too like I’m glad I still have the option tbh #but I wish I could just sleep and didn’t have to fight my own brain every single night why can’t I just be normal like I know no one is #normal but also why does everyone else do such a good job hiding it while I just feel like I’m just bringing the mood down by struggling so #much..like also my dept so small rn and I actually do lie my coworkers they really already take a lot of weight comparatively and are #reliable that I feel bad idkkkk why can’t I just sleep like seriously. wtaf is wrong with me #random thoughts don’t mind me #I’m so fucking tired

[chloe-brennan]

just gonna vent in the tags lol (there is a mention of suicidal thoughts tho so if you do read the tags, be warned)

#my friends kinda suck rn lol #and to start this off i’ll say that while i understand that we all have busy lives etc it hurts that none of my friends could take #even just an hour to listen to me talk/vent when i needed someone #all i needed was for someone to listen to me and be there for me but you’re telling me no one could take a tiny chunk of their day? :( #I’ve been struggling really bad and i needed support but no one would talk to me for more than 2 minutes #or if they did listen to me they invalidated how i felt or weren’t actually hearing what i was saying #i even disclosed to 2 friends that i didn’t wanna be here anymore and that I was tired of fighting my own brain and i just got ignored #and obvs i can’t tell anyone what to do or how to react but like… i’ve just told you i don’t wanna be on this earth anymore #and you ignore that??? like idk if it’s just me but if someone said that to me i wouldn’t ignore it #like what if my attempt on my life was successful??? the reactions would have been different #the sad thing is that i still don’t want to be here but i also just want someone to listen to me bc i’m not being heard it makes me feel #like it’d be better if I just weren’t around #shannon rambles

[ashtrayfloors]

Uggghhhh

#not me writing a whole post in the tags #again #i just... #my brain is fucking fried cuz i got like maybe three hours of sleep last night #and then my mom starts texting me this afternoon about a fight she and my dad were having #and then it turned into her talking about how she’s old and friendless with a grumpy husband #and that would be one thing #you know everyone needs to vent #but when i try to send her nice responses #like i love you #and i’m sorry you’re going through that #it then turns into #it doesn’t feel like anyone loves me! #no one would miss me if i disappeared! #except maybe the dog! #and like jfc mom #and i couldn’t even say #look i’m not in a good headspace to deal with this right now cuz i’m tired and dealingwith my own shit #because then she’d accuse me of trying to make her feel guilty or some shit #and idk it’s just hard for me to sympathize with her anymore because of shit like that #and also whenever i’ve ever tried to talk to her about my own shit #she’s always just brushed it off and told me how easy i have it and how i’ve never suffered like she has blah blah blah #anyway i stayed calm so as not to piss her off more #and a few hours later she texted to apologize for dumping all that on me #but then immediately started asking what we should all do for memorial day #and it’s just like god why do we have to do anything? it’s fucking memorial day. #it’s not like some big family holiday #ugggggggggggh

[mrcusarmstrong]

x

#god i am so tired of just. constantly having to fight my own brain #is it too much to ask to just exist sometimes #without constantly trying to reach a standard that is simply impossible achieve in the first place #and that even if it were not would just make place for the next one #like a destination that moves further n further away the closer u get #i want so many things n it sometimes feel like im trapped behind glass with no way to get them just that its all #constructed by my own brain #which i KNOW and yet. and yet #k speaks

[bunn-iiii]

my fatigue so bad that my bad just doesn't function well

#imagine going to school with your brain working at 100% or even 90% couldn't be me #my brain is so tired trying to fight it's own body parts that its working at 80% at the very highest