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#tired of fighting my own brain
columbusswift · a month ago
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etventus · a year ago
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dysmorphia days
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albatris · 13 days ago
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so none of it is particularly funny in tone in the story but it can't....... not be just a LITTLE funny when I lay it down in outline form bc it's just like
every time nat thinks he's getting kind of used to vampirism someone springs some bullshit "oh and another thing you should probably know" on him
and like. sure. it's the kind of situation that requires a bit of...... pacing. when it comes to learning all the details. because nat was struggling enough with "hey you're a vampire now" without all the Horrible Extra Details
but still it's just
nat gets vaguely accustomed to drinking blood and keeping his hunger under control and then quinn is like "yeah so this bottled blood on its own isn't really going to sustain you, it's just going to tide you over for a bit, you're gonna need to kill and feed on live human prey sometimes"
then once nat has several crises about that and has vaguely settled back down into being like "ok this is fucked but maybe I'll be alright" they all get jumped by Garbled Leo who's just a weird mindless gross oozing mountain of claws and mouths who tries to absorb them. and nat is like "what the FUCK was that thing" and eventually quinn is like "yeah that's what happens to vampires when they die. yes that includes you. your corpse will do that"
then he's finally like "ok that's everything right" and quinn is like "yeah that's basically all the weird vampire stuff, no more surprises I don't think"
then like a scene later alex is like "hey! nat! I didn't explain to you about the whole giant vampire hivemind situation yet did I?"
and nat is just like :)))))))
#a rental car takes a left down rake street and disappears #but also tbf later on nat gets the satisfaction of being the one to share previously unknown Fucked Up Vampire Facts with his friends #due to his dumb OP wired-straight-into-the-heart-of-the-garble connection he has access to Knowledge that just kind of #is there in his brain occasionally #like Did You Know I Can Digest My Own Organs If I Want #Did You Know Riley Has Four Lungs And Three Are Functional And This Is Pretty Standard Vampire Bullshit #Fun Fact Vampire Stomachs Do Not Actually Digest Blood Like They Digest Food The Vampire's Blood Just Seeps In And Digests #The Other Blood Itself #It Doesn't Even Have To Be In The Stomach Like If You Injected Your Blood Into #My Arm I Would Just Digest It #As In If We Threw My Blood And Your Blood Into A Fight My Blood Would Win #My Blood Is Fucking Shredded And Your Weak Shitty Blood Should Go To The Gym More #Also We Should Pit Mine And Alex's Blood Against Each Other In A Fight In The Sink And Take Bets That Sounds Fun #alex explains the garble and is like ''yeah if you meet other vampires they'll probably talk about this at some point'' #''no one is like. SUPER sure it's real its kind of like believing in bigfoot haha'' #while nat is just sitting there so fucking tired just like #oh so that's what that thing is. yeah that's absolutely real and i can feel it everywhere all the time and boy is it Screaming #alex was not Intending to spring another horrible weird fact on nat alex just wanted to introduce him to some #funky vampire facts and get him vaguely in the loop re: some terms he might hear other vampires use #and wasnt expecting nat to just be like. oh. so that thing that wont fucking leave me alone has a name huh #tbf the garble is not a Fact at this point the garble is a funky lil vampire urban legend #riley does not believe in the garble #alex absolutely believes in the garble but not in an ''i have definitive proof'' way #quinn highly doubts the garble exists #also yeah quinn helps nat out with live prey n is basically just like #hey whatever strikes your fancy i can pull some strings and acquire for you :) most vampires lean towards the more unsavoury types :) #(quinn knows many many many unsavoury types and has pissed off even more) #and i definitely won't sneak the occasional associate who's not pulling their weight or backstabbing traitor into the mix :) #don't you worry about that :) #this arrangement does not last particularly long lmao
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australet789 · 6 months ago
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#man im so tired i dont want to fight #the whole tumblr post + talk is tiring me #i just had a discussion with my sister about capitalism and work abuse #I DONT WANT TO SEE MORE OF IT ON MY TUMBLR FEED OK #and my brain going into this deep whole is making me feel bad about my art #because i see everyone saying WE HAVE PATREON WE HAVE KOFI #and i get nothing there #whic derails into me thinking how much my art sucks #and since this is the only thing i can profit for now #since i dont have the stupid title of my stupid career because of covid #I CANT WORK EXCEPT FOR THIS #AND NO ONE GIVS A FUCK #and i hate I HATE HOW THE NOTES ARE MAKING M ANXIOUS #I DIDNT USE TO CARE I DONT WANT TO CARE #BUT IM CARING AND I HATE IT CAUSE I DONT WANT TO FORCE OR GUILTRIP PEOPLE #but seeing my shitposts getting more notes than my own art FUCKING SUCKS #seeing people with bad takes doing better monetary with art who has been assholes #and im not perfect i know i have made my mistakes i have a bad temperament #but i have been trying to be nice #i have been trying to do the right thing #what else should i do #i guess in the end it wont matter i would never be good enough #and again I DONT WANT TO CARE I WANT TO DO MY THINGS AGAIN I WANT TO FEEL HAPPY #I DONT WANT TO FEEL AFRAID OR ANXIOUS OR SOUND BORDERLINE DSPERATE WHEN THERE ARE OTHERS WHO NEED IT MOST #i hate this i hate fandom i hate social media i just #i just want to feel good again with what i do and feel that it matters #i want to have fun again with miraculous and not feelign that is a competition between who makes the next best comic #or the fastest fanart #i just want to feel good again #delete later
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mountain-man-cumeth · 10 months ago
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Harry Potter and the Unbearable Sexual Tension Between Me and a Drawing Made By an Artist Who’s Talent I Envy
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heartshattering · 5 months ago
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Hope I sleep :( it's been tough lately.
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murobrown · 5 months ago
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yennefersz · 6 months ago
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*
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sockori · a year ago
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sasori stans. or anybody really. i gotta ask. what’s your favorite part(s) in the entire sasori vs. sakura and chiyo fight
#sasori #ill tell you mine #i can make a dumb answer like 'the horrible animation when he pops that coil out' but i need to be honest here #its not even the actual fighting- i favored the dialogue mostly #my favorite part is basically the entire exchange at the end of the fight- the part after sasori gets fatally wounded until his death #because before then you didn't necessarily hear a whole lot about sasori. at least personally. #the most we got was 'art is eternal beauty'- human puppets- he makes poisons- puppet puppets puppets blah blah blah #despite seeing his real face and the parent puppets it was still in the dark for the most part #but then suddenly. the fatal wound. everything's gone quiet. both parties are tired. sasori and chiyo become face to face for a moment #sasori starts revealing things through his teeth. no empathy towards his own kin. how many people he's killed. lacking emotions #the horrific philosophy of his 'incomplete puppet' body. even inviting them to join in alongside him. #as hes saying all these heartless things sakuras like 'how can #you be so cruel?!' and chiyo just says 'its ok sakura.... this is the sand village's fault..... we did this to him....' #and it just.... smacks you right across the face. #then you got the flashbacks... and your whole prospective on this weird puppet guy gets thrown out the window... a masterpiece #'OH. art is eternal beauty because... and the... he... and... holy fuck' #(brain explosion- immediately followed by depression) #a beautifully tragic sequence of events... the mans death still ruins me every single time #but uuhhhhhhhh what did yall like
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totouchthelight · 10 months ago
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Seems like I deleted a post about deleting a post because it still said Too Much. I get so tired of my own brain sometimes. I get why this had to go but sometimes it seems random what gets to go and what doesn't because I leave a lot of things up that feel shameful too.
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reputation · a year ago
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me questioning my true intentions on wanting help convincing myself that I actually don’t need help and that I’m just being selfish and then my out of the box thinking brain then tells me to stop feeling sorry for myself and that that ITSELF is selfish... the clownery
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istherewifiinhell · 9 months ago
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I’m drawing a circle and I’m dumping that last post I rb, gargoyles Macbeth, and Genshin zhongli into it cause something about the tired immortal arch fucking gets to me
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swinging-from-my-cable · 6 months ago
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stormyykat · 11 months ago
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bing bing
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zemheri-x · 8 months ago
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batfam-chaos · a year ago
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#holy text post batman! #i wish i would stop see-sawing between feeling okay for a few hours and then feeling absolutely awful the rest of the time #this is the third straight day of feeling like utter shit #i know it's Trauma Brain stuff but holy shit #it feels like everything is on fire and it's so hard to do anything because my brain is so bad #i'm just so TIRED #i'm tired of having to constantly fight my brain and of feeling horrible all the time #i keep telling myself to keep fighting and im going to keep doing it #but fighting your brain 24/7 really takes a toll #i just want to feel okay again #i want to be able to have a Normal Bad Day because i stubbed my toe or something #and not because it feels like my brain is trying to eat me alive #i keep reminding myself that this is my brain trying to keep me alive #it's doing its best #in some ways this is easier than my depressive episodes because at least my brain isnt actively stealing all of my serotonin #but also it's so hard to do things because im literally being attacked by my brain #MY OWN BRAIN... IN MY OWN HOUSE........ THE AUDACITY #im so mad because im going to grad school!!!!! im supposed to be happy!!!!!!! i've worked so hard to get here #but now i'm getting fucking pulverized by my own brain #also i'm worried because i dont have any responsibilities rn bc research and classes havent even started but im still getting triggered #whats it going to be like once i have to do things?????? #the way i'm living rn is so unsustainable because it's exhausting #i just want to be okay
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cyndaquill · a year ago
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I'm in so much pain it's not even funny anymore
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anyu-blue · a year ago
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"This is our 'get along' pillow in that if it's not there with mama (or auntie, respectively) too we will fight and one of us will no longer be in the room, but upstairs cold and all by our lonesome."
I love these two dearly and I'm so sad they never learned to get along. I also know if I don't photograph the evidence of them sharing a bed (even with a deliberately placed pillow between them so Kizzy cannot see the Whisper) no one will believe me 😂
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diamondseaside · a year ago
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bangcakes · a year ago
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im hoping that all of these anxious habits popping up in the last week or so are just pms bc i truly like. can't take it anymore fjdjmdmdmdmd
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