i am slowly moving forward to a point of no return i am just so tired of living. being alive is a chore i cannot do
Maybe I’m just meant to be alone
No porque publique cosas sexuales o de mis gustos de ese tipo significa que quiero tener platicas sexuales o quiero nudes, este es mi espacio, mi lugar seguro, donde puedo poner y rebloguear lo que yo quiera, hay que entender eso.
Und immer wieder steigen die Tränen in die Augen. Du würdest so gerne einfach zusammenbrechen, alles los lassen und deine Trauer, Wut und Angst frei lassen. Aber du kannst nicht denn der Teufel ist da, still und leise aber immer bereit für einen Angriff. Du musst dich schützen also durchhalten. Stark sein. Der Teufel ist unberechenbar und du weißt er kann dein Leben gefährden. Alle Ängste verstecken, aufs Wesentliche konzentrieren und funktionieren. Warten auf den Moment in dem der Teufel kurz geht und dann durchatmen.
Kämpfen! Aufgeben ist keine Option!
"I'm tired, can’t think of anything and want only to lay my face in your lap, feel your hand on my head and remain like that through all eternity."
-Franz Kafka, Letters to Milena.
© Artwork by Hans Adolf Bühler.
You wake up
You go to work
You work hard
You get home
You try to eat something because you haven’t yet today
You stare are the ceiling or the wall for hours
You can’t cry because your emotions have shut off by now
If you’re lucky you eventually fall asleep
You wake up no sooner than you have to
You go to work and start again
All this just so you can
Pay rent on time
Buy enough food to keep you alive
Buy your prescriptions to keep you alive
Put money into savings for a future you don’t even want
I don’t want to be here
It’s been such a long journey and it’s not getting better
My hope is thinner than ever
It’s getting harder and harder to pretend I’m fine
Auf einen Schlag ist alles wieder da: die schlimmen Gedanken, die Suizidalität, der Schneidedruck, die Depressivität, die bleierne Müdigkeit, der Selbsthass, die Verzweiflung, die Angst, die Sinnlosigkeit, die Unerträglichkeit,...
I am so sad tonight 😞
The sadness never stops
Someone make me feel better please 💔
I just want one night where I'm not crying myself to sleep wondering what the fuck is so wrong with me
What do you do when you don't know what you're doing with your life, and you feel lost, feel like you've reached a dead end... I'm tired and I feel like people are judging me because I'm in my late 20s and haven't achieved what others in my age have achieved (marriage, stable career, etc...) My heart hurts everyday and I feel like a disappointment to myself and to those who are around me. I. AM. TIRED...
I love reading.
I love the way it makes me feel. The way I get lost in the pages, in the words that seem to create a new world around me, in the feeling that I stop being myself and finally I'm someone else worth living. Because books for me it's a way to feel. Yo actually feel. Deeply, without being afraid, marking my very soul to the point the are part of me in a way, the shaped and changed my existence, bringing me into new families and friends and loved ones. Because no matter the end the feeling of being loved is there.
For me reading a book is a holy experience.
When I first hold the book in my hands I want to just sit there and stare a few seconds felling the way my heart beats faster and I can't stop smiling and the anticipation is eating me alive. Just sit there and smell the pages, the way the ink smell, the contrast of the black letter on the white paper.
The I open it and it's like a whole new world. I'm no longer in my existence, but I'm living a different life, a few of them. I have loved ones and I have enemies and I fight for what I believe it's right or causing destruction in my path because I had enough, I'm both the villain and the hero, I'm the good and the bad, I'm more than I'll ever be as myself. I feel the pain, I feel the joy, I laugh at the jokes and the sarcastic comments, I die of embarrassment, I crie and I smile, and I fall in love I judge everyone around me and I can't stop until I know the end.
And then I'm back. Back at my very existence I hate, but how can you hate something when each part of it belongs to something you love so much? When I finish reading is like a subdrop. It's like the world is crashing down on me. It's like a reminder that none of it was real, but yet for me it was. The pain and the joy it was real. It make me feel.
I love reading. It never disappoints me. It keeps my soul company. In a way a human never did, because they never tried. Reading hurts me and puts me back together. It's heals a hurting soul and protects a loved one.
I really love reading. Even when no one else understands it. I do. It's mine. It's make me want to live, to explore, to love, to be.
Understand that even an "understanding heart" gets tired of understanding and never being understood.
Im not fine, im not doing better, I’m not happy, I’m not okay, I don’t wanna live, I don’t want to do anything. And I keep waiting for someone to figure that out, but they don’t, as long as I’m talking, cracking jokes, and faking a laugh or two they believe me, but I’m not happy…I hate myself so much..I hate being alive…and It’s all a lie…