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justauthoring · 5 months

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the bond - chapter fourteen.

*bond: a relationship between people or groups based on shared feelings, interests, or experiences.

word count: 5909

based off of: 3x08, 3x09, & 3x10

a/n: ummm so kenny? pt. 2?

tag list: @ernyaeger - @luvelyxp - @urfictional - @decaffeinatedtealover - @ange-lica-3 - @midzuumi - @leiriswhore - @urfictional - @frasheliza - @echothy - @usernamehere91 - @happygirl5798 - @dwarfnip - @hegdus - @cheoriemoawa - @snapdragon-atelier - @fckwritersblock let me know if you’d like to be added!

You stare at the collapsing cavern in front of you, back pressing into the wall behind you because of the force of wind being smacked in your direction. It feels like it’s slapping you, forcing you back as your eyes shift across the cavern, trying to find some sort of escape room.

You can’t see anything.

Not anything that’ll help you escape at least.

To your side, Historia presses against you, and you let out a huff of frustration at the situation.

“We need to figure out something,” you cry, staring at the pieces of falling debris; “or else we’re gonna get crushed under the rumble.”

No one says anything because there are no solutions–not any viable ones at least. No one says anything because they can’t argue against your words either. You might’ve been able to rescue Eren and Historia, but that still didn’t help with the actual escaping part now that Rod Reiss had transformed and there was still the threat of Kenny’s men.

Kenny…

Had he made it out okay?

Did you care?

You weren’t sure.

A sob pulls you from your thoughts, brows furrowing as you glance down at Eren who’s slumped against the wall, noticing the tears streaming down his face.

“I’m sorry, everyone,” he sobs pathetically, hands left hanging by his sides uselessly. “I’ve been nothing but useless… ever since the very beginning, I was never the hope of humanity…”

No one says anything. A second later, something catches Eren’s eyes.

“Armor?”

“What’s this?” Jean speaks up, your eyes flickering to him as he smirks down at Eren. “Think you’re some tragic hero? When have you ever accomplished anything by your strength alone?”

Connie is quick to follow his lead; “what a weakling,” he jests, “we’ve been through worse than this.”

“Far worse,” you pipe up, pulling Eren’s gaze on you as you meet his, smiling down at him. “I’d say, at least.”

“Not that I wanna get used to it!” Sasha adds and you let out a light laugh at that.

“Still,” Connie mumbles, glancing ahead; “it’s going to suck trying to navigate through all that.”

Following the direction of his gaze, you scoff; “you’re telling me.”

“I’ll take Eren,” Mikasa calls from over your shoulder.

Jean then leans towards Historia, frowning; “we can’t go nice and slow for you, so hold on for your life.”

A moment later, she’s nodding.

“It’s useless,” Eren mumbles, staring at you like you’ve all gone insane. “We can’t escape.”

“So do nothing?” Historia argues, glaring down at him. “You wanna sit here and hold hands til we’re crushed or burned to death? Because we’re enemies of humanity?”

Eren’s eyes widen.

“You know,” Levi speaks up, voice low. “I hate doing this to you every time, but… Eren. you’ve gotta make the choice.”

You’re not sure what it means, but it seems to be enough for Eren. The look of surprise on his face fades as his gaze hardens and determination floods his gaze. With a blink of the eye, he’s standing up, grabbing the armor vial you’d brought with you and lunging forward, right in the direction of Rod Reiss.

“Eren!” Mikasa cries, reaching out for him but he’s already too far gone.

In the next second there’s a bright light that blinds you, your hands falling in front of your gaze as you lean back, trying to squint through. As the fog fades and lessens, you see it–it’s the Attack Titan! And not some frail or broken version of Eren’s Titan, he’s completely transformed and there’s that hardening stuff that had swarmed you all seconds ago coming out of him, spreading around the entirety of the cavern in long vines.

“What the…”

“Everyone!” Levi bellows, “get underneath Eren!”

No one hesitates, and moving so you’re directly standing underneath Eren, you watch as the vines he sends out protects you from the pieces of debris falling around you all. It creates a wall, and as the entire chapel breaks and falls apart over top of you, none of you get hit.

Trying to peer through the smoke surrounding you, your eyes widen.

“Guys!” You scream, pointing ahead of yourself, “Eren! He’s hardening too!”

Your eyes meet Mikasa and with a gasp, she lunges forward, Jean following her as they’re the two closest. They use their ODM gear to reach his nape, using the handles of their blades to break him out.

Once he’s completely out, Jean and Mikasa help lower him down.

“This is what I call hardening,” Levi calls, staring at the hardened Attack Titan Eren had left behind, completely intact. “Even after cutting you away, the Titan hasn’t disappeared. Pretty impressive, yeah?”

Eren just stares, as if in disbelief himself, before he blinks; “oh, yeah! Right before I turned into a Titan, I drank that “Armor” bottle…”

“Yeah,” Levi nods, stepping towards him. “You couldn’t do it at all before now, but you used the hardening power. And saved all of us. In the blink of an eye, you devised and built all this. Yeah, the construction looks shoddy, but… I bet that’s how the walls were made, too. In other words…”

Your eyes widen, shoulders tensing.

“It’s possible for us to plug that hole in Wall Maria now.”

You could… you could go back home…

“A lot of enemies and allies have died on the way,” Levi explains, “and getting this far hasn’t been pretty. But for as ugly as it’s been, look at the position we’re in now.”

Biting your lip, you glance up, eyes widening when you see Jean’s eyes on you. It’s like he’d been watching you the entire time, gauging your reaction and it makes your heart flutter at the action – he’d been the only one you’d really expressed just how much plugging that hole in Maria meant. How much going back meant to you.

And even in the midst of everything, it seemed you’d been his first thought.

Your lips part, but then–

“Captain!”

You turn at the sound of Sasha’s voice, watching as Connie and Sasha make their way back down the rope they’d used to climb out.

“We’ve secured an exit!” Sasha explains, landing on her feet before turning to make her way over to you all, Connie behind her.

“Armin’s okay.” Connie assures, “Hange and Moblit too.”

“Well done,” Levi nods back at them.

“Eren,” Sasha calls, racing towards him.

“You okay?” Eren asks in return, leaning in the direction of her.

All of sudden, Sasha falls to her knees in front of Eren, pressing her forehead to the floor; “we’re all safe, thanks to you!” You smile at that, shaking your head at her antics.

“But to be perfectly honest, when you ran off prancing while crying like a baby… I thought we were doomed!”

Shaking your head, you step forward.

“Sasha,” you call out, frowning lightly.

“‘It’s over, over!’” She continues, simply ignoring you, “‘Get it together, nincompoop! Quit bawling like a snotty-nosed brat!’ is what I thought.”

Levi steps towards her, “hey,” he calls, “let’s go. We’re going after that big-ass Titan.”

Despite yours and everyone else attempts to argue in favour, Historia readily accepts her role as Queen. She’s thankful for you all standing up for her, but she knows what is expected of her and she understands the consequences if she denies it.

All she has is one last condition–that she be allowed to fight alongside you all as a Scout one last time.

So, here you are, preparing for the battle that Commander Erwin has set up, fighting alongside your comrades and those you’ve grown to care for as a family with the hopes that the gamble is a success.

If it isn’t, then hundreds of innocent lives will be lost.

Splashing some water on your face, you try to stay focused, ignoring the millions of thoughts running through your mind.

“Y/N.”

Brows furrowing, you straighten out, head turning to the left and frowning when you see Jean facing you.

You’d been grouped off with him, Sasha, and Connie, with Levi leading your section, so it isn’t really a surprise he’s here. What is a surprise is that he wants to talk to you… the two of you have been steadily avoiding each other, despite being in close contact, since you’d confessed your feelings for him. You didn’t blame him; you’d avoided him just as much as he had and honestly, you weren’t ever sure if things would go back to the way they were.

You doubted it. Even if the two of you managed to settle things, your heart would still hurt every time you looked at him. It wasn’t his fault, that you knew. If anything, it was your fault for letting your emotions get the better of you even if you’d known how wrong it would’ve been if you did so.

In all honesty, this was all your fault. Your fault for being stupid, for being emotional, for letting yourself think that something like a relationship was possible in the world you lived in. It wasn’t just the Titans, it was your life–who you were. You’d grown up alone, you had no friends… it was a miracle you’d managed to make the comrades you had in the past few years.

And you’d ruined one of the most important ones because of your feelings.

Meeting his gaze, you swallow thickly; “yes?”

“I…” His lips part to say more, eyes wide and a light flush across his cheeks, but even as he stands there, no words manage to escape him.

Letting your hands fall, you sigh. It was unfair of you to punish him when he’d done nothing wrong – if he didn’t like you in that way, that was just a fact you’d have to come to understand. “It’s okay, Jean,” you whisper, ignoring the way your heart twists painfully in your chest. “I understand.”

He blinks, shocked because he hadn’t said anything, shaking his head; “but–”

“I shouldn’t have let my feelings get in the way, anyways,” you explain, shaking your head as you step towards him. “It was silly and unprofessional of me. I’m sorry I put you in such a tight spot in the first place.”

“Y/N–”

A loud thud echoes, shaking the ground beneath you and your head turns in the direction of Rod Reiss’ Titan, noting that he’s shortening the distance.

Turning back to Jean, you smile lightly though it doesn’t meet your eyes; “we should get ready.”

And with that you walk past him, moving towards Levi, Connie and Sasha who are standing a few feet away from you. You don't notice Jean’s gaze follow your own, a deep frown on his lips as he curses himself mentally.

Why couldn’t he just say it?

Eren is successful. You feel the heat of the blast as he sends the explosives directly into Rod Reiss’ mouth, sending his body in chunks into multiple different directions.

Commander Erwin’s order comes seconds later; ‘find the nape and kill it’ and without hesitation, everyone jumps into action, making their way towards Rod Reiss’ body, slicing through the pieces of his body that fly before you.

The desperation bleeds in, trying to find his nape. You hear Jean call out towards Connie in frustration, and your eyes meet Sasha’s briefly as you both slice through the chunks that come soaring towards you with no luck.

And then a flash of blond zooms past you, and before you know it, an explosion echoes, Historia having successfully sliced through the nape of her father–effectively killing him.

She’d… she’d done it.

“Hold on… you’re seriously doing it, Historia?”

“Yeah, I am.”

Raising a brow, you glance at Historia.

“Mikasa was just joking,” Eren argues, the desperation bleeding into his tone as he walks beside the girl, trying to get her to listen to reason. “Right, Mikasa?” His gaze shifts to Mikasa who, as usual, is walking next to him, confident that she’ll give reason.

“After you smack him, tell him this… ‘I dare you to hit me back’.”

But of course, Mikasa has always had a personal vendetta against the Captain since the moment he beat up Eren when he was on trial – so, as you expected, she doesn’t listen to reason. Or help Historia to either.

“Damn you…!” Eren curses.

Poking through the space between Jean and Historia, you set your hand on Historia, squeezing it reassuringly; “I personally think this is a wonderful idea,” you grin, despite yourself. It wasn’t often you all got to have a bit of fun and especially recently. Sure, it could end horribly but you doubted Levi would act the way Eren was so afraid he would – if there was one thing you’ve come to learn about the Captain is his grumpy personality was nothing more than just a front. Besides… “Eren’s just afraid of the Captain,” you eyes, eyes shifting as you stick your tongue out at him.

Eren just stares wide-eyed back at you; “aren’t you?!” Then, turning back to Historia, he shakes his head. “If it’s not a real grudge, just forget about it.”

“If I can’t do this, how can I call myself Queen?”

Nodding to yourself, you find you like Historia’s reasoning.

“Hell yeah, Historia,” Jean cheers from beside you, and you send a quick glance his way before averting your gaze. “That’s the spirit!”

Historia lets out a gasp, eyes falling ahead of her, and you follow her gaze, eyes widening when you see it’s Levi himself. He walks forward when he notices the group of you, moving to stand in front of you, and slowly, Historia steps forward, shoulders tensing as nervous gasps leave her lips. You wait in bated breath, now not so sure with the man standing directly in front of you.

How would Levi actually respond?

After a moment longer, Historia suddenly lets out a cry, racing forward and swinging her arm back before punching Levi directly in his arm. In retrospect, the punch doesn’t look all that painful, still, your chest tightens with worry as Sasha and Connie grab onto you in panic and you all watch, waiting to see Levi’s reaction.

“How’d you like that?!” Historia cries, giggling maniacally, “I’m the Queen! If you got a problem–”

But then, Levi does the unthinkable,

He laughs.

A short, simple chuckle.

Still–

Then, slowly, he raises his head, a soft smile on his lips; “thank you… all of you.”

Eyes widening, you feel yourself relaxed, an ease watching over you as you register the sincerity in his gaze, drifting across all of you. You’re unable to stop the smile that curls onto your lips in response, a sense of pride at being able to not only succeed but make Levi proud as well.

You’re just about to make your way towards Sasha and Mikasa when he calls out for you.

“Y/N.”

And your brows furrowed in confusion, Levi being the last one you expected to call for you. You pause, trying to think if you’d done something that he would want to speak to you about but nothing comes to mind–it surely can’t be because of what had happened in the Chapel, could it? He hadn’t seemed all that frustrated with you after the incident….

A quick glance at Levi’s face and he doesn’t seem mad–so, no, it can’t be that.

Swallowing back the nerves flooding through you, you step towards him, tilting your head in confusion at him; “Captain?”

“Do you have a minute?” He asks, glancing past you, and you follow his gaze, noticing the way Sasha is frowning at you, eyes dancing with wonder, a hard look from Mikasa who’s standing next to her at Levi. You just shake your head at them briefly, before turning back to Levi.

“Yes, Captain,” you assure, clasping your hands behind your back as you meet his gaze. “Is… is everything alright?”

He sighs at that, only further concerning you as he shifts, inhaling sharply before he finally speaks. “Right after the battle with Rod Reiss’ Titan, a Scout informed me that they’d found a sighting of Kenny Ackerman just south of where the Chapel had been. He’d been the sole survivor of his friends, the rest of them all having been crushed under the rubble.”

Lips parting, you stare back at him.

Why was he…–

“Turns out Kenny Ackerman is my uncle.”

Blinking, your eyes widen.

You weren’t expecting that, to put it bluntly–then again, you weren’t expecting any of this.

Levi stares back at you, letting his eyes drift across you before he continues; “my full name is Levi Ackerman.”

It’s shocking to say the least.

But what shocks you more is the fact that Levi is telling you.

You’re just a cadet on his team. One of the many brats he’d been forced to deal with over the past few weeks and although Levi was hard around the edges, you knew he cared about you all in his own way–but that’s just it. He cared about you all, and it wasn’t like you’d grown particularly close to your Captain in any meaning of the word so why had he pulled you aside to tell you this himself?

Something so personal to him?

“With all due respect, Captain, why… Why are you telling me this?”

He pauses, and you feel your chest tighten in worry at what was wrong. Why was he being so… elusive like this?

Reaching into his jacket, he pulls out a slip of paper, before extending it towards you.

You stare at it for a moment, gaze flickering from him to the letter before slowly taking it. He nods at you the second you pause before unfolding it and still as confused as you were two minutes ago, you slowly unfold the paper. It’s old, worn around the edges and the paper has stained yellow and feels as if it might rip if you weren’t anything but gentle with it. Yet, it’s in perfect condition otherwise, as if the letter had been carefully protected over years.

And when you open it, disbelief floods you.

It’s your mothers writing.

You’d recognize it anywhere.

When you were a little girl, she used to help you with your own penmanship and you used to study her writing for hours.

Before you can gather the courage to read it, your eyes meet Levi’s. He’s watching you, carefully, and all he does is gesture at you to read it, staying completely silent.

So, ignoring the racing of your heart and the way your hands shake, you let your eyes drift across the words written on the page.

Kenny.

If you’re reading this, that means you came back.

I tried to wait for a month, but I had to move on. Being in this house felt too painful, reminding me constantly of the day you walked out the door on me and left our child.

I’ve only left this letter so that if you ever did return, you’d know that I tried for you but you never tried for me. For our child. And that I hate you with my entire being.

I never want to see you again.

And I never want your daughter to see what coward her father is.

So, if this letter finds you, never search for me.

Never search for Y/N.

Our child will never know your name, she’ll never know her father and she will inherit my name, not the Ackerman name. She will never know of your existence.

And if I ever see you, I'll kill you myself.

Johanna.

You retrace the words once more, a lump forming at the back of your throat as a sick feeling washes over you, swallowing you whole.

Kenny… was your father.

The feeling that had nagged at the back of your mind, that had filled you with dread and hope all at the same time… it was because it was true.

Kenny Ackerman was your father.

Your father who’d left your mother all alone.

Your mother who had hated him so much she’d never talked about him, never told you the truth and never wanted him to come searching for you?

Is this why? Because he’d left her all alone… because he’d abandoned her–abandoned you…

Had Kenny never gone looking for you because of this?

Or was it because he truly didn’t care for you?

To just leave your mother like that, he must’ve not–

“Y/N.”

You’d forgotten Levi was even there. It’s starting to feel like you can’t breathe as the truth comes crashing onto your shoulders. The sick feeling in your stomach is ever present and your vision is closing in on you as your fingers grip onto the letter tightly, risking ripping it but in your confused mind, you don’t even think of it.

This is… this is horrible. This can’t be true–any of it… all of that, the years spent thinking about your father, dreaming of the day you’d meet him, of imagining what he looked like, sounded like and he was the man who’d captured your friends, tried to kill them… was the man who’d abandoned your pregnant, alone and scared mother.

It comes like a startling realization, barely noticing how you’re gasping for air. You can't breathe–

“Y/N!”

Blinking, you stare back at Levi. Everything zones in on him as he frowns down at you.

“This was it, right? In the wagon? Under the Chapel? You’d thought…” His words trail, like he’s not sure what to say. “You’d thought Kenny might be your father?”

A shaky exhale leaves you. “My mother… before she died… she told me to find my father. She’d said his name but never finished, all she’d gotten out was Ken before she’d… died.” Feeling your eyes water, you do everything in your power to hold back your tears, feeling like you might puke. “When I heard the name, I thought I was crazy but I couldn’t get rid of this feeling in the back of my mind… and then, when you’d mentioned having a moment where you felt like power had surged through you–all I could think was I’d had a moment like that.”

Levi just continues to frown down at you.

“But this?” You cry, unable to stop the way your voice pitches as you gesture to the letter. “He… he just left her! He abandoned my mom and me!”

Levi shakes his head; “he did the same to me.”

You freeze, turning to Levi.

“When I was a boy in the Underground. One day, he just… left.”

It hadn’t even processed to you yet. If Kenny was Levi’s uncle then…

Clenching your fists, you huff; “where is he? I want… I want to talk to him.”

You move to walk forward, but Levi stops you with a hand to your shoulder. When you meet his gaze, he looks solemn; “he’s dead, Y/N.”

He’s… what?

“He wanted me to give you that letter. Said he’s kept it since the day he found it.” Levi explains, “I won't tell you how to feel. You can hate him or you can forgive him. That choice is up to you. But he wanted you to know he was sorry.”

If you had reached him in the Chapel, would he have still apologized to you?

If he wasn’t dying in front of Levi, would he have still felt apologetic for everything?

This was too much. It hurt too much.

Everything–fuck, it hurt.

“Captain,” you whisper, staring at your feet as you blink back the tears. “If Kenny’s your uncle, then…–”

“Yes,” he cuts in before you can finish, and you flinch at his tone, “our relationship stays the same, Y/N. I am still your Captain.”

You try to ignore the way his words sting, tug painfully at your heart. You don’t know why you would’ve expected any differently. This is who Levi was. You didn’t have to know him that well to understand that. His role as a Scout always comes first. He was your Captain and you were a cadet on his squad. Just because… just because–

Nodding, you fight back the words you truly want to say. “I understand, Captain.”

You move to walk off, but Levi’s hand catches your wrist.

Lips parting, you turn to meet his eyes.

“Our relationship stays the same, yes,” he nods, and disbelief floods you as his face shifts to a look of discomfort, as if not sure how to say his next words. There’s regret in his eyes, like he hadn’t meant the words he’d said earlier and his grip on your wrist loosens as his expression softens. “But… you are family, and I know neither of us have very much of that left. So, if you need anything, you… just need to ask.”

Did he–

“That is all.”

His hand leaves your own and before you can say anything, he’s turning, walking off.

You watch his back, watching him grow further and further, as a small smile curls onto your lips, despite everything, his words process in your mind.

Family…

You couldn’t believe it.

You’d lost your mother, you’d never get to talk to your father but… but you had family. You had someone…

You had Levi.

A knock on your door catches your attention.

Peeling your eyes from the letter that hasn’t left your hands since Levi gave it to you, you glance at your shut door, before slowly letting the letter fall to the bed, standing up.

When you open the door, Jean is standing on the other side of it.

You blink; “Jean.”

He stares back at you, but you quickly notice the look of determination in his gaze. He has his shoulders squared and his hands are clenched by his sides and he’s making his way inside the room before you can even say anything more, let alone him saying anything back in return. The action stuns you and confuses you, and you momentarily wonder if it’s everyone’s goal to confuse you today as you slowly shut the door behind you, turning to face Jean.

You raise a brow; “is… everything okay?”

He spins to face you, and your head jeers back at the quickness of his movement.

“I have something to tell you!” He declares, voice pitching.

You stare back at him for a moment, before nodding. “Me too actually.”

And it’s true. You hadn’t said anything to anyone since Levi had told you, even though Sasha and Mikasa had tried to ask what had happened. It wasn’t that you hadn’t wanted to tell them, but you were still processing the information yourself and needed time. It was one thing to find out who your father was, and another to realize that he’d left your mother and had abandoned you and that you’d never get to ask him about it–about why–because he was dead.

And there was nothing you could do to change that.

But you wanted someone to confide in and even if Levi had said you could come to him, you knew it couldn’t be about this. He’d already done enough telling you the truth in the first place and you still weren’t sure how to navigate this newfound relationship you shared with him.

It was more a matter of who you could confide in.

And despite everything, the answer had come easily.

Jean.

Even if he didn’t return your feelings, even if he didn’t like you like you did–you still felt most comfortable with him. You still found warmth and solace with him by your side and you didn’t want to lose that. As much as you’d felt embarrassed, it had been painful and uncomfortable feeling distant from him for the last while.

And that wasn’t something you wanted to continue.

You wanted to tell him, because you knew he’d help make you feel better and that it would show him that despite what had happened, you still trusted him.

Jean blinks at your words, before slowly nodding and then, there’s an echo of silence, before both of you just blurt it out.

“I’m in love with you!”

“Kenny Ackerman is my father.”

Woah–

Had he…

Eyes widening, you stare back at Jean, a similar expression on his face staring back at you, except his cheeks are bright red with the flush of his confession.

And silence follows, a minute, and then another, and then finally you say something but all you can manage is; “oh.”

He cringes, curling into himself, as his eyes lower and then his eyes catch the letter on your bed and it’s like your words finally register in him.

“Wait,” he calls, shaking his head, “Kenny’s your father?”

“Uh, yeah,” you nod, slowly. “Captain Levi just told me a little bit ago–”

“Captain did?”

“Well, yeah, turns out he’s actually my… family, I guess? Because Kenny’s his uncle and I’m pretty sure I’m not supposed to say that to you so do not tell anyone that! Especially Connie or Sasha because I think he’ll actually kill me if he found out and–wait! Did you just say you love me?”

Your ramble ends with you breathless, and Jean’s cheek burns red as the attention turns back to him.

“Yeah,” he says quietly, “I… I wanted to tell you before, when we were fighting Rod Reiss’ Titan but then you just kind of…”

Cut him off is what you’d done.

Because you thought he was just trying to apologize for hurting your feelings and you’d been too embarrassed to have to face pity like that so you’d brushed it off.

He’d been trying to tell you he loved you?

What–

“But when I… you ran off, so I thought–”

Jean steps towards you, “I… I hadn't meant to… not really.” Rubbing the back of his nape, Jean glances at his feet, thoroughly embarrassed. “I was feeling like a coward because Armin had to kill someone for me when I couldn’t and I was worried because you’d gotten hurt and I don’t know… I panicked.”

You look off to the right, unable to stop the pout from forming on your lips; “I thought… Well, I thought it was because you were still in love with Mikasa.”

“What?”

You blink, turning back to Jean, not having expected the bellow that left his lips. His eyes are wide as he stares back at you, like you’re crazy and he’s crossing the distance over to you until he’s right in front of you. “No, no… I… I’ve liked you for a while but I felt like I didn’t deserve you because… well, because I’m a coward.”

You can’t help it. You reach out for him, grabbing his arms as you shake your head up at him. “That is not true,” you argue without hesitation, voice pleading with desperation for him to believe your words. “You’re… you’re one of the bravest men I’ve ever met. Sure, I thought you were a jerk when I first met you but then… you just kept changing and growing and when you chose the Scouts over a quiet life in the Military Police my entire view of you changed. You make me feel safe and warm and protected even if I can take care of myself. You’ve helped me and comforted me more times than I can count and… you were the first one I wanted to tell about my father, Jean. No one else.”

Staring back at you, Jean’s lips part; “Y/N…”

“You’re more than just brave,” you finish, “you’re an amazing leader.”

He stares back at you, your words hanging in the air and then, slowly, his hand raises, and you freeze when his hand falls on your cheek, cupping it.

“I really do love you.” His admission is breathless, as if dazed as he stares down at you, drunk at the sight and feeling of you.

It makes your heart flutter.

Licking your lips, you stare up at him; “I… I love you too, Jean.”

He smiles, and his eyes flicker down to your lips before back on your eyes, and you just stare back at him, waiting. Then, after a moment, he leans forward, pressing his lips against your own. His lips are warm against yours, and your eyes fall shut as he pulls you closer, feeling your back straighten at his touch on you.

He’s pulling back in the next second, still nervous, the kiss short but sweet as you smile up at him, cheeks flushed.

And then, Jean blinks. “We really gotta talk about Kenny being your father though,” he cuts in, frowning down at you. “Are you okay?”

Swallowing thickly, you lean into him; “he wanted me to have that letter… it was a letter my mom had written him after he left her, telling him to never come looking for me or her… Captain Levi said he was sorry,” glancing at the letter, you frown. “But I can’t help but wonder if he’d still feel that way if he’d lived.”

Jean lets go of you, moving to grab the letter. He sends a look your way, asking for permission, but you just nod, letting him read it. You watch him do so, seeing the shock that floods his gaze before he finishes, glancing back at you.

“She… she seemed really hurt.”

You nod, making your way over to him; “I wish she would’ve told me the truth.”

Jean hands you the letter; “she probably thought she was protecting you.”

“I know,” you agree, letting your fingers brush against the letter. “Still. I’ll… I'll never get to ask him myself.”

You feel your eyes water again, unable to hold them back as you stare back at Jean. He reacts without hesitation, pulling you into him as his arms wrap around you, and you sink into the hug, burying your face into the crook of his neck.

Jean holds you close, never letting you go, and it helps.

Even just a little.

The door is open when Kenny returns.

And everything is completely silent.

As he pushes the door open slowly, he isn’t surprised to see it completely empty without a single trace of Johanna anywhere.

Frowning, Kenny lets his eyes drift across the barren house, before his eyes fall on a letter laid on the table.

Making his way over, he takes the letter, slowly unfolding it, eyes drifting across the words scrawled across the page.

The second he’s finished, he stares at it a moment longer, before folding it and sliding it into the inner pocket of his jacket, standing there a moment longer before making his way back out of the house.

Kenny doesn’t know it but…

It’s two days after Johanna had left.

And he’d been too late.

It’s that moment that returns to his mind seconds before his death, that barren, empty house and that letter he’d held for sixteen years straight–never once opening it again but never once daring to throw it away.

And as he lets his eyes fall shut, ignoring the stunned look on his nephew's face, he lets himself think of you for the first time in sixteen years. He’d only gotten a glimpse of you, but he lets that float through his mind, before the image of Johanna appears in his mind just as he feels himself slipping away.It would’ve been nice, he thinks, to have been able to talk to you at least once.

#aot #aot x reader #attack on titan #attack on titan x reader #shingeki no kyojin #jean kirstein #jean kirstein x reader #jean kirschtein x reader #jean x reader #jean angst #jean fluff #levi ackerman #eren jaeger

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