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mysisters-bike · 7 months

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Dylan Klebold and Zack Heckler's Complicated Relationship

An exploration on Dylan and Zack's dynamic. Super long post, tl;dr at end.

According to Sue, Nate Dykeman came first. Sue described Nate as “effusive” and “happy to talk a mile a minute about everything under sun.” In essence, he personality-opposite of Dylan. The two met in junior-high and stayed active together by often playing outside. They enjoyed cooking together and trying new recipes. Nate always lent the Klebolds a helping hand with regular household chores.

Next, came Zack. Like Nate, Zack was also gregarious and often hosted a number of fun activities at his house. Zack helped Dylan stoke his interest in technology by introducing him to sound production for school plays.

Dylan’s inner circle consisted of outgoing and excitable young men. They were the perfect match to get Dylan out there.

Not much is known about Dylan’s early friendships with Nate and Zack, but Dylan grew extremely close to Zack as the years wore on. The two fell into a nightly routine of calling each other on the phone nearly every night, by Zack’s own account. Dylan and Zack enjoyed playing the video game Quake together late at night. Up until Sophomore year, Zack also joined Eric and Dylan on their neighborhood “missions” and admitted to throwing firecrackers at houses with them.

Sue described Zack’s home to be the epicenter of “zany” activities, from pool parties to barbecues. Dylan and Eric spent a large amount of time with Zack, and it’s believed that Dylan confided deeply in Zack about his inner turmoil.

Zack was, however, the first in the friend group to get a girlfriend: Devon Adams. While Devon would come to grow very close to Dylan, Dylan resented her for dating Zack. In a July 1997 journal entry, Dylan wrote about being jealous that Zack had someone he could admit his suicidal feelings to and had felt that Zack and Devon had used him as a stepping stone to their own happiness (page 7).

At the same time, Dylan was also feeling "betrayed" by a girl he thought he loved -- or, rather, a girl he liked and was too shy to admit feelings his feelings to. Zack's ability to succeed romantically was a fucking nightmare for Dylan. In a previous post I made, I briefly mentioned that even Eric was finding mild dating success, which drove Dylan to the brink. In his adolescent mind, this convinced him that he would never find true love and that he might as well just give up. We see a lot of suicidal ideation during this time period.

More than anything, Dylan craved to feel understood. He felt an imbalance when his closest friend turned his attention elsewhere. At this time, the boys wouldn’t have been older than 15 or 16 years of age. It would be shocking for Dylan to be emotionally mature enough at that age to understand that people can divide their time into multiple relationships. Truthfully, these feelings of jealousy are very normal for a teenager to have. Dylan was jealous that Zack found a person he trusted enough to confide emotionally dark thoughts too – such as suicide, as Dylan indicated.

What Dylan did not understand, however, was that Zack had confided in Dylan the same as he did with Devon. How would Dylan know that Zack admitted suicidal urges to Devon without being close to him?

It's really important to remember that teenagers/adolescents have not yet quite moved out of the egocentrism phase of their emotional development. That happens very slowly throughout adolescence as our brain doesn't even complete development into our mid-twenties. To Dylan, his world really was crushed by Zack.

Dylan obsessed over Zack to the point that he expressed enjoyment in murdering Zack’s partner.

What then? What would his plan be? To have Zack all to himself and finally be in control of that relationship?

Social rejection facilitates a somatosensory response in the brain that also becomes active during physical pain (Kross, Berman, Mischel, Smith, and Wager, 2011). Experiencing this social “loss” at 15/16 would have been difficult to manage without the proper emotional intervention or coping skills. As we know, Dylan had the ability to mask his emotions; outwardly, Dylan displayed himself as a regularly socialized teenaged boy. Inwardly, his thoughts were much darker, cruel, and depressing.

Even as early as November in 1997 was Dylan fretting about losing Eric:

All people i ever might have loved have abandoned me, my parents piss me off & hate me...want me to have fuckin ambition!! How can I when I get screwed & destroyed by everything??!!!! I have no money, no happiness, no friends...Eric will be getting farther away soon...I'll have less than nothing…

This entry regarding Eric occurred after Eric began dating Sasha Jacobs, whom Dylan had very briefly dated before him. Fearing Eric would turn away from him the same as Zack did, Dylan lamented about losing yet another friend to a new relationship (that would not last).

However, Dylan’s internal anger and resentment did not turn him away from continuing to be friends with Zack. In fact, they continued to stay close throughout the rest of Dylan’s life. Zack would even join Dylan at his senior photo session to help him loosen up, at the suggestion of the photographer.

Zack would introduce Dylan to the sound board for theater class and school plays.

Every night, around 10PM, Dylan and Zack would call each other on the phone and play video games together. They maintained this routine up until the day before Dylan’s death. Dylan joined a group with Zack for prom just 3 days prior to the shootings.

Brooks claimed in his book that he, Dylan, and Zack got into drinking alcohol and smoking during their freshman and sophomore years. Dylan would quickly earn the nickname “Vodka” based on his affinity for the drink. Dylan would go on to stylize this nickname as VoDkA online. Zack would go by “Kibbz,” a nickname originally given to him as “Kibble,” which was earned by always bringing snacks to school. This too would become Zack’s screen name.

In October of 1997, Dylan, Eric, and Zack were caught together hacking into the school district’s servers and stealing locker combinations. Eric and Dylan were both teaching assistants to Mr. Long; while the name is redacted in the report, it’s likely Zach was too. If it was not Zach, it may have been another student, Chris Tabaldo as advised in Yoshi Carroll’s witness statement.

Regardless, Zach was involved in stealing the locker combinations. According to Mr. Long, a note was left in a student’s locker that read: If you bother my girlfriend again, I’m going to kill you. This note was clearly left by Zach.

Students also reported missing items from their lockers during this time; one of the missing items was a camera. When the three boys were found out, they were suspended from school for 3 days. This was met with extreme distaste by the Harris family who reportedly told Mr. Long that he trusted Eric too much (Kass, 2014).

After this incident, Zach testified that he began to distance himself from Eric. He also, however, quietly distanced himself from Dylan too. Behind Dylan’s back, Zach began confiding in Yoshi Carroll and urged Yoshi to replace Dylan on the sound crew. After Dylan’s death, Zach also expressed to police that he didn’t think Dylan was smart enough to pursue a career or schooling in computer technology.

Adolescents who view their friendships as more supportive have fewer issues with mental health and feel less loneliness (Lightfoot, Cole, and Cole, 2018). If the balance between intimacy and autonomy in the friendship is skewed too far towards intimacy without autonomy, those friendships can become toxic and one friend may be more susceptible to peer pressure in their dynamic.

It has been proven that boys crave close, intimate relationships with their friends of the same gender identity. However, the fear of intimacy being too close to seeming homosexual certainly damages their affinity for closeness as they grow older (Lightfoot, Cole, and Cole, 2018). Teenage boys in these predicaments echoed the same sentiment: they feel lonely and depressed without someone their age and gender-identity to confide in (Way, 2013).

The boys’ suspension from school and Zack putting distance between himself and Eric coincides with a deadly timeline: Dylan and Eric began growing extremely close in the fall of 1997. By the time they died in 1999, nobody was close to them except each other.

Dylan’s closeness with Zack was paramount in a number of developmental areas. It has been observed that teenagers who had close best friends that were also able to talk through their interpersonal conflicts also had healthier approaches to solving moral dilemmas (McDonald, Malti, Killen, and Rubin, 2014). Perhaps Dylan trusted Zack, and Zack trusted Dylan, but Dylan was fearful to confront how he felt about his new dynamic with Zack. Therefore, leaving interpersonal conflict unsolved. Zack was willing to go behind Dylan’s back to Yoshi Carroll about operating the sound board instead of talking to Dylan about his dissatisfaction with Dylan and his abilities.

Therefore, if the two of them were unwilling to resolve their interpersonal conflict (Even if this conflict was below the surface and not outwardly apparent), they would not have prepared themselves for solving greater moral dilemmas as individuals.

In the end, Zack could not save Dylan. His growing distance in his relationship with Dylan only pushed him closer to Eric and closer to his demise.

On an interesting side note, I have always been interested in the body language between Zack and Dylan in the video in the auditorium. Zack actively walks away from Dylan and almost acts aloof around him, during a time in which Dylan still trusted and cared for Zack deeply. Watch it yourself and see if you can pick out the parts I'm talking about.

TL;DR (Which I understand, I am ripping all of this from a case study I wrote a while ago that is hundreds of pages):

Zack and Dylan were very close until Zack started dating Devon, which Dylan perceived as a betrayal; without realizing that Zack still confided and trusted in Dylan as much as he did Devon

Zack, Eric, and Dylan got in trouble their junior year for hacking into school servers and breaking into lockers. Zack was threatening Devon's ex-boyfriend

Behind Dylan's back, Zack began to distance himself and tried to convince Yoshi Carroll, a fellow student, to take Dylan's place doing sound for drama

Dylan trusted Zack and, in the end, their friendship collapsed because neither of them were capable of discussing their "beef." Adolescent boys require relationships in which they can lean on each other and socialize properly; without it, boys have a harder time being emotionally intimate and expressing their emotions

#dylan klebold #columbine #true crime #eric harris #true crime community #psychology

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n3mulass · 4 years

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when FOALS said

and Art School Girlfriend said

I felt a sense of calm

#i'm unable to let go of anyone i've ever interacted with and made a connection #in most cases i never got closure from them #i'm just gonna die with a bunch of past lovers or almost lovers in me and they'll never know #tl;dr i deeply crave romantic love #foals into the surf #art school girlfriend come back to me

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powerbottomblake · 4 years

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Bumbleby/Beauty and the Beast parallels masterpost

So by this point it goes without saying that bumbleby is heavily based on beauty and the beast. Volume 6 made it extremely explicit with the Adam fight, but the parallels extend well beyond it.

This masterpost is basically a list of all bumbleby/batb parallels that were woven into Blake and Yang’s story as individuals and together. Undercut because it’s long.

1. Eyes as windows to the soul...no really

Corny section title aside, one of the parallels that I haven’t seen being talked abt as much is how eyes/looking each other in the eye and recognizing the other/seeing the truth laid out there is a recurring and focal theme for both BatB and the bees.

In BatB one of the first things Belle gets a glimpse of before Beast fully reveals himself is his eyes:

And afterwards, when she sneaks into the west wing, not knowing those were his quarters, she finds a torn portrait of him pre-curse:

And we get this significant pause where Belle has this moment of almost recognition. You can tell she’s trying to place why what’s left of the portrait, a.k.a the eyes depicted there, already feel familiar to her:

After the curse is lifted and the Beast transforms back into a human, Belle doesn’t immediately trust that this is indeed him. That is, until she sees his eyes:

We get a pause and a whole close-up because this is a significant beat in the story. Belle knows this is her person because the truth of him is laid out in his eyes and that’s what seals the deal.

The bees have the same thing going on. There are two major instances, which are also incidentally major narrative beats in general and moments in their relationship in particular, of them looking each other in the eye and just. seeing each other, knowing the truth and essence of each other.

The first is the aftermath of the Mercury fight where Blake recognizes that Yang isn’t another Adam waiting to happen:

I’ve talked about this here a bit but this is essentially the moment that seals Blake’s faith in Yang once and for all. And it takes Yang looking her in the eye, laying out the truth before her and letting her choose to believe her.

The second instance is this:

Which, I don’t know for you but it looks a whole lot like this:

And it’s after Blake, completely undertaken by the wave of conflicting emotions born out of being forced into killing her lifelong abuser, still feels the pull of his abuse and is absolutely terrified of having Yang take his final words to heart. She’s desperate to have Yang believe her - and Yang, being the emotionally intelligent individual she is, spots it right away and immediately reassures her that she does. Of course she does, Yang knows her, she knows Blake, and no amount of truth twisting and manipulation can change that.

Yang takes the time to pull back and look her in the eyes; it’s this “I see you, I know you” moment that effectively signals the end of the Adam chapter in their story as well as the mending of their relationship.

I really like how the Adam subplot, as it ties in with the development of the bumbleby relationship, is bookended by these two instances of the bees literally seeing each other eye to eye and mirroring each other: Blake sees and believes Yang about the Mercury fight, Yang sees and believes Blake is the person she herself had started to believe she wasn’t because of Adam.

I also really love how this whole coding of eyes=truth comes in clear contrast to Adam always hiding his eyes and how it was made blatantly indicative of how he’s been deceiving people around him and hiding his true identity (“you’re hiding more than your eyes” in Nevermore is really just the icing on top; they couldn’t have made the symbolism more obvious if they tried). Blake never got to know him, the real him; the moment he takes off the blindfold is when he finally sheds the last of the façade that started crumbling post V3. That’s when everyone, the audience included, gets to see him with utmost clarity.

2. Thematic parallel

This ties in with the thematic parallel between bumbleby and batb as romances at large; boiled down to their bare bones, both these love stories are about two individuals who, at first glance, are diametrically opposed, but deep down are more of kindred spirits than they’d first believed.

Both Belle and Yang assert that they crave adventure:

But that’s not what they want, what they really want.

Both Belle and Yang want someone to see them; really see and accept them for who they are.

Beast and Blake want someone that’ll see beyond what they are and see who they are and love them for it.

Beast and Yang both want someone who’ll finally stay after taking in everything that they are.

When you dissect BatB, it’s really about two deeply lonely individuals, isolated because of how different they are from the rest, who crave one genuine connection and find it in each other.

And when you boil it down, bumbleby is about two deeply wounded, lonely girls finally being seen for who they are and fitting together.

Deep down it really is about this:

3. Narrative beats

Beyond general themes, batb and bumbleby share a good number of narrative beats that really nicely parallel each other, sometimes even visually to a T:

- Beast/Yang sinks in despondency after Belle/Blake leaves:

- Belle/Blake leaves to reunite with her family and gets unsolicited but not unneeded help:

Both Chip and Sun surreptitiously follow Belle and Blake respectively (Sun sneaking into the ship after he followed Blake mirrors Chip sneaking into her bag as Belle leaves, Belle literally calls Chip a stowaway when he reveals himself). Both are well-meaning but have… creative ways of helping but their help still proves vital.

Also both ask THE question (and have mistaken assumptions about its actual answer):

I think my favorite thing about the roles Sun and Blake play in each other’s respective fairy tales/myths is that they’re deeply platonic/familial bonds. Sun is the Chip to Blake’s Belle, who grow to be basically family to each other during Belle’s stay in the castle, and Blake is the Tang Sanzang to Sun’s...Sun Wukong, who are portrayed to have a mentor/disciple relationship. They were always meant to be a friendship in the same way bumbleby has always been a romance.

- Gaston/Adam comes up with a ploy to hurt Belle/Blake’s family when she comes back to get to her:

- The Fight:

I think multiple people have pointed out all the visual parallels between the bumbleby vs Adam fight and the final Beast vs Gaston confrontation (you can find one most extensive video of it here courtesy of @dumbgaypower). It’s incredible how every beat of both fights match other.

Still a parallel masterpost wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t point out a few:

Gaston/Adam getting impatient with the Beast/Yang’s lack of aggressivity which is so in line with the toxic masculinity he’s meant to embody:

Adam/Gaston kicking down Yang/Beast and her keeping an eye/being aware of Blake/Belle’s presence:

And this bad boy right here:

TL;DR: the bees are based on the most romantically focused fairytale; they match said fairytale beat for beat; they were always meant to be a love story; they’re gay and in love and crwby personally gave me my rights.

#rwby #bumbleby #rwby meta #my meta #this was supposed to be out before v7 but eeeeeh #this post is really just an excuse for me to go apeshit with my extensive knowledge of the batb movie #that's my favorite disney movie and y'all WILL know #also hope v7 gives me the ball parallel I crave so we can truly have every single iconic batb scene paralleled

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nothinggold13 · 5 years

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Beautiful vs Beloved: An Essay on Lucy Pevensie

Okay, folks, today I'm going to talk about Lucy in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, because this is another one of those topics that keeps coming up in posts that have evidently missed the point.

Whether you’re more involved with the book or the movie, one of Lucy’s most prominent struggles in this story is wishing she was more beautiful. In the movie this point is pushed harder, as from the very beginning we see her mimicking another girl & studying her own reflection in the mirror. In the book, this is more subtle until the actual scene with the Magician’s book, but we do read in the first chapter that Susan is considered “the pretty one of the family,” and we can consider that as part of the lead up to that later scene.

Because of this struggle, I sometimes see posts like, “Why would Lucy wonder if she’s going to be pretty when she grows up, when she already saw herself grown up in the Golden Age?” or “Why does she care so much about being pretty when she’s already so awesome?” Well, I’m here to answer those questions.

The fact of the matter is that this struggle is actually not as simple as it appears, but the really cool thing is that we actually get to witness Lucy’s growth in two different ways because of this. Let’s start with the root of Lucy’s struggle:

First of all, haven’t most of us struggled with our self-esteem? I’ll be the first to admit that I have been there, and I have definitely thought I wasn’t pretty enough. And the weird thing is I’ve been working hard at maintaining my self-esteem, and most days it’s pretty good. There are times I love the way I look - and yet, I can still hit those days where I think, “Why do I look like this?” and “I wish I looked like her,” and “If I was prettier, maybe he would’ve liked me back.” Self-esteem is not that simple to conquer. I can love myself one day, and hate myself the next, and it is not at all unrealistic for our Valiant, beloved Queen Lucy to feel like she’s not good enough in one way or another. Especially when her sister is considered “the pretty one,” which is something that would weigh on a young girl heavily.

However, as much as I think that bothers Lucy, the root of her problem is something else entirely. Like I said a moment ago; Lucy was the “valiant, beloved queen.” Why isn’t it good enough for a 10-year-old Lucy (or 15, if we’re going by the movie,) to know exactly what she’ll look like when she’s older? Because her appearance isn’t what was important in Narnia, and England doesn’t see her the same way. In Narnia she was a queen. They called her The Valiant, and they loved her, and they saw her. Princes were vying for her affections, because as a Queen her virtues and beauty were easily noticed. Life was different, and she was different, and the world was different, and what made her so special in Narnia was no longer clear in England.

This is one of the few ways we actually see Lucy struggle with adapting to life in England. Her desire to be beautiful doesn’t stem from simply not thinking herself pretty, but rather, wanting to be more liked; more admired; more desired; more wanted; more beloved. In the movie this is shown in a more romantic sense, as we see her practicing flirting, while in the book it’s more general, (although there is still mention of being romantically pursued, though I’ll talk about that more later.) People don’t flock to her in England like they did in Narnia. Though I could be wrong, I think many of us share that image of the golden Queen Lucy; bright and friendly and loved by all her people. And don’t get me wrong, I think Lucy made friends easily enough in England, too. But she didn’t attract people as easily or immediately as she did in Narnia. In England, she was very much an ordinary little girl.

As such, I believe Lucy’s actual struggle in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader is not that she wants to be pretty, but that she wants to be beloved once again, and in her eyes the most obvious way to do that would be to be beautiful enough to be noticed.

There are some differences between the movie adaptation and the original book version of the scene “The Magician’s Book.” Specifically, in the movie Lucy wishes to be beautiful “like Susan,” and as such, the spell grants her that desire by making her literally Susan. However in the book the spell Lucy comes across is not one to make her “the beauty [she’s] always wanted to be,” but rather, “to make [her] beautiful [...] beyond the lot of mortals.” The images, in turn, don’t make her look like Susan, but rather make her more beautiful than Susan - so beautiful that the “beauty of the family” looks plain in comparison.

It is also in this scene where the romantic angle of book!Lucy is shown. While Lucy is 10 at the time, I think it may be possible that the image she sees inside the book is of herself but older, at least in the scenes set in Narnia, as she is “throned on high at a great tournament” as “all the Kings of the world [...] fought for her favour.” I’m not certain why 10-year-old Lucy would be so interested in Kings fighting for her hand, but if what she sees in those moments is herself grown up again, then perhaps it’s because she is remembering how it felt to be an adult who was pursued, but never as strongly as her sister. (This may seem foolish of her, and indeed it would be. And to be fair, I’m only guessing at this bit. But despite everything, I know I have also had low-self-esteem days where negative attention sounded better than no attention whatsoever. A Lucy who is feeling down on herself and unwanted might very well be attracted to a scenario where she is fought for so desperately.) However, it is also in this scene where we see that it is not only romantic affection Lucy craves. Upon moving on from that spell, she comes to one which will let her know what her friends really think of her. And unlike the first spell, she actually says this one.

Lucy wants, or even craves positive attention & affection. All she wants is to be as loved as she was in Narnia, but she is so odd in England and even her own friends seemingly turn against her. But she thinks if only she could be more, she might be noticed again. If she were more beautiful, maybe they’d all want to be her friend. If she were more beautiful, maybe boys would notice her again. If she were more beautiful, maybe the adults would respect her more. If she were more beautiful...

It’s interesting to note that the very next thing that happens in this scene is that she reads the spell “for the refreshment of the spirit.” After that, Lucy finds the spell to make hidden things visible, and Aslan appears. In this moment the narrator says, “then her face lit up till, for a moment [...] she looked almost as beautiful as the other Lucy in the picture.” While he never speaks to her about being tempted by the beauty spell, he does mention the eavesdropping, and informs her that she has misjudged her friend, and that she truly loves Lucy. These three things begin the cure. First she is given refreshment from her anger and bitterness. Second she meets Aslan, and in that moment, though she doesn’t know it, she is as beautiful as she wanted to be. And third she is given assurance that she is not unwanted or unloved in England, even though she often feels it.

Now I’ll move on to the evidence of this growth.

The first piece of evidence is in regards to the beauty side of Lucy’s struggle. Remember that the spell Lucy wants to say, the one she’s so tempted by, would have made her beautiful “beyond the lot of mortals.” Then later in the same book, the characters meet a lady which may very well fit that description already. When they first see Ramandu’s Daughter (or Lilliandil, if we go by the film,) she is described as being so beautiful that “when they looked at her they thought they had never before known what beauty meant.” But Lucy - who has been in Susan’s shadow the entire story, even while Susan was not there - and who has been clinging to some ideal of beauty she can never be - and who just wants to be beautiful, and wanted, and loved again - does not meet this girl with envy. Lilliandil is everything Lucy has wanted to be; beautiful and respected and desired. But Lucy is not bothered. She doesn’t envy this girl. After everything, Lucy is no longer thinking about that at all. And that’s beautiful.

The second piece of evidence of her growth goes back to the root of the problem. My interpretation of Lucy’s struggle stated that the reason she wanted to be beautiful is because she wanted to be as loved as she was in Narnia. This shows that she holds on quite tightly to her identity in Narnia. She loves Narnia, and she loves being Queen Lucy, and for a long time we believe that that’s what she wants most. Indeed, she has made that her identity. But finally, at the end of the book, we see her place her identity back where it truly belongs: in Aslan. “It isn’t Narnia, you know. It’s you,” she sobs. In the final chapter, Lucy is no longer clinging to the life she once had and the person she once was. She’s clinging to Aslan. And now, for the first time, she is ready and able to take the lessons she learned in Narnia and apply them to her life in England. The Valiant Queen will always be a part of her, but she is no longer fighting to be her; she’s building Lucy Pevensie, now. And what Lucy Pevensie needs most - in fact, the only thing she truly needs - is Aslan.

I’m not very good at summaries, but if you’re hoping for a tl;dr, I’ll say this: Lucy’s problem isn’t rooted in beauty, its rooted in her desire to be beloved once again. And the good news is she learns from it, and grows because of it, and is able to find who she is truly meant to be. Also I love Lucy and I’m so proud of her. And finally, I never put this much thought into this before today, but it has sparked a deeper love for The Voyage of the Dawn Treader within me, and I think Lucy’s journey is deeply underrated.

#lucy pevensie #the voyage of the dawn treader #narnia #the chronicles of narnia

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fyrapartnersearch · 4 years

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hey pardner, why the long face?

howdy, howdy friends! hope you're doing well in these scary times <3 shock and surprise, i am looking for a couple of writing partners c: i am 26, she/her, cst, and i work fulltime as well as go to school part-time, so while i cannot promise rapidfire posts, i am becoming better about daily posts! as long as they're relatively short, sweet, and to the point. so, limits/fun factoids about my style/"tl;dr are we compatible?" first: + when reaching out to me, please tell me your limits and any plot/character ideas! + addendum: i will not respond to messages that don't contain any information about you, your limits, and what you're looking to write or what characters you'd like to use! it doesn't need to be completely fleshed out, thanks in advance <3 + i'm adaptable and laidback! however, i do not write pedophilia, rape/sexual assault, incest, abusive relationships, romantic large age gaps, nor master x slave. + i will not write with minors either, strongly preferred that you are 21+ + quality is far more valuable than quantity regarding length. i prefer shorter nowadays! those tasty, 1-3 para potato chip rps, so to speak c: + third person only, please +i do like long-term! + i admittedly have a preference for m// lately, so i will likely turn some other pairings down depending on what i am currently already writing! + i prefer writing middle-aged to older farts! i wholeheartedly welcome the same! + note: i love writing with pretty boy archetypes!! but i have plenty with my current threads, bring me yer more grizzled and rough and tough boys! the two characters i have in mind are too old and boring to keep up with pretty, lithe youngins! + i love ooc chatter! i'd prefer it if you did too, but it's absolutely okay if you're just interested in writing! it is not a dealbreaker + if you're not feeling it or if life happens, that's okay. you are free to either tell me you want a change, drop altogether, or even ghost me! [cravings] + constantly changing! i have a couple of silly nuggets rolling around. mostly fluff with sprinkled angst. + post apocalypse slice of life is also great. with plenty of humor to spare. + something deeply silly about a witch and their familiar + anything with werewolves and their human beloved very concerned about the recent furniture chewing phase, and wow is frontline expensive for a 400lb beast. + something a bit more rocky, but an old fashioned western physician falling for an outlaw/ sheriff/ rancher, etc. bonus points for post-apoc and western themed. please, i got the perfect ole grizzled doc for this c: [modern] + i love modern, but i am not really looking too intensely for it right now c: i am happy writing about firefighters and lawyers, scientists, military readjusting to civilian life, boring divorced dads who find lifelong love with other divorced dads, fluffy slice-of-life, etc. [(somewhat) historic] + btw, i am not a history buff - so be prepared for anachronisms galore! c: which might mean plumbing and dental care centuries before it was introduced. + noire crime! old grizzled detectives and their partners in crime trying to figure out these gosh dang murders. dang killers, bringing down everyone's vibes. + a detective moving to a podunk old town, with a ~mysterious past~. however, there isn't any mysterious past, the locals just humor the guy and i have a soft spot for the detective falling for the sheriff while constantly heckling him for assistance. + western! please, just... anything western. i love cowboys, ranches, train robberies, just... i will maybe propose if you let me indulge this. [fantasy & monsters] + i am also happy to write fantasy! + fantasy can genuinely be blended into anything, into modern, sci-fi, post apocalyptic, etc. + i am also happy with pure, vanilla, cheesy fantasy - with kings, queens, beautiful warhorses and kingdoms by the sea, and conventionally attractive people with healthy teeth and... far less dysentery. + i am happy to write sci-fi into fantasy - hunters/mercenaries with eyes that can hologram maps and prey, platinum horses made of gaskets and titanium joints who breathe steam, a kingdom in the sky, anything! [... guilty pleasures] + i love the cheesy and humorous things to temper the chaos. love, love, love writing that domestic, usually peaceful, sweet life of two happy people who have been together for ages or just met in their golden years after struggle and just... working for their happy endings. + though i am not usually interested in cheesy, obnoxious tropes... i have a soft spot for two grumpy, gruff guys falling for each other c: [miscellaneous] + this is hardly an exhaustive list of ideas or themes that interest me! if you have something in mind that you do not see, or anything at all, please do let me know! i love brainstorming and hearing ideas c: what characters do i have in mind? plenty! craving two in particular, but i have plenty more in mind if the following two don't catch your interest: + one is svelte, aloof, posh, thoughtful. the very characterization of something like... a sleek, abyssinian cat playing the cello. intriguing, a little odd, an intimidating, coded villain - but really, just socially awkward, and a sweetheart. + the other is beefy, grumpy, and also... a goof at the core. the archetype of an ornery grandpa with the warmest heart and a distinguished grey streak in his hair. both are middle-aged men and adaptable to anything from old-fashioned fantasy, to modern, to sci-fi, to fantasy-modern hybrids, to post apocalyptic. they can be rogues, kings, survivors, lawyers, detectives, chefs, scientists, neighbors, loyal right-hands, anything from protectors and anchors to the village/office boob. i am preferring to write the former gentleman, but i am up to write either, or someone completely different! i am also happy to elaborate upon contact if you are interested! fortunately, each one is more complex than several adjectives and a stereotypical archetype. i'd also love to hear the characters you have in mind! are you interested? well, neat-o! dm me at howdy^3#6518 on discord or email me at [email protected] (however, i do not write over email. this is only so if you don't feel comfortable sharing discord names until after first contact c: )

#independent roleplay #oc rp #multiple paragraph #para #semipara #oneline #long term #messenger #submission

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hulahoopingholt · 5 years

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do you think rebecca truly fell for greg in s1? r*thaniels are saying she just used the next close opportunity to escape to the idea of love after she tried to forget about josh

Okay I wrote up this whole thing that had no small amount of shade but then I looked back and realized there was a better response, and that is:

“Okay, and?”

So what if Rebecca jumped to the next close opportunity to get away from Josh? Does the fact she started a relationship with Greg potentially not with the purest of intentions mean she’s incapable of developing genuine romantic feelings for him? Couldn’t, perhaps, the situation be a lot more nuanced than that, and perhaps the reason she went to Greg in S1 was, yes, because she was realizing what she had with Josh was toxic and she wanted something different, and remembered back to their failed date at the taco festival, and how they joked and danced and laughed and, yes, had some shit come up, but were able to work through it, and thought maybe that would be the kind of thing she was craving? Hell, maybe she just wanted three straight days of passionate sex and word games with someone she enjoyed being with. What’s wrong with that? Does that mean that’s all there is and all there will ever be? That how you enter a relationship is how you’ll leave it? That there’s no chance for it to grow and evolve, especially when it’s with someone you already have a complicated history with?

Yeah, no.

Frankly, I don’t care what r*thaniel stans think, period, but I think what you mentioned especially is a pretty weak argument because it paints a rather simplistic picture of how people and how relationships work, and I’m not about that.

But to answer your question...yes, I do think Rebecca developed genuine romantic feelings for Greg in S1, and the show does deliberately draw attention to the fact that her feelings for him are very different than what she feels for Josh. Josh is a love trill, champagne bubbles, what happy feels like. She also has fun with Greg, of course, but her feelings for him are more grounded. They’re based in experiences. Sometimes that gets messy and complicated, but they’re real. And especially at that point in the series, I don’t think Rebecca fully understands those feelings, or is prepared to face them or dig into what they really mean, but there is definitely something there.

I just think sometimes we tend to overthink these things. Maybe in S1 it wasn’t a deep, mature, profound love yet. It definitely had unhealthy elements. They both clearly had issues they needed to work on individually before they could even begin to work on themselves as a couple. But they care about each other deeply, enjoy each other’s company, are physically attracted to each other, and have fantastic chemistry. Those.........are honestly the main ingredients to falling in love with someone. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I guess the tl;dr of this is just that I disagree fundamentally with the premise that you have to be “perfectly” in love to be truly in love. The fact that Rebecca had some messiness with Greg doesn’t invalidate her emotions. We all watched the show. We all saw the way she looked at him. We all heard “Oh My God, I Think I Like You.” We all heard the way her voice cracked when she said his name at her wedding to Josh.

To paraphrase another one of my favorite shows... it was love to her.

And honestly, that’s all that matters.

#and yes I do recognize this argument can also be applied to any of Rebecca's relationships #and frankly #I don't care at this point #I have aged 400 fandom years since this show ended #I am still 5000% not a fan of Rebecca w Nathaniel for a number of reasons #but if that's your thing #whatever - you do you - my blacklist works great #but as a whole I detest ridiculous fandom arguments #and I do think it was very clear Rebecca's relationship w Greg #was deliberately shown to be on a different - more grounded level #based on real emotions #and people can split hairs all they want about whether it was ~really~ love #but like #if it looks like a duck and it walks like a duck #they're gonna get married on a hillside surrounded by ducks #¯\_(ツ)_/¯#okay think I'm officially out of tracked tags now #Crazy Ex Girlfriend #Rebecca Bunch #Greg Serrano #Greg x Rebecca #CXGF meta #Anonymous

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elexuscal · 5 years

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I find myself so perpetuallly... frustrated by the discussion regarding Good Omen’s and the queer representation. From both side of the debates.

Like, on one hand, as someone ace, I am always craving more asexual rep. While not being aromantic either, I also value that representation that focuses on deeply intimate friendships, or what could be called queer platonic relationships. And as a writer and biologist who just gets deeply frustrated by how people generally always project human sexual and gender norms onto non-human (or non-biological) beings, I appreciate a lot of the subtly on these issues in the Good Omens show.

So for this, I get pretty cheesed at people saying that on screen and/or implied sex is the only way to show meaningful queer relationships. I also get frustrated by people even saying romantic relationships with on-screen kisses. That’s a great way to deligitimise aro/ace’s experiences.

So, yeah. In that sense, I really loved the Crowely/Aziraphale relationship depicted in the show, and the last scene with the nightengale... mm, made me feel warm and tingly.

THAT SAID

Hey, I also get the other side! Anathema/Newt got a sex scene, while Shadwell and Madame Tracey got to move in together! Wouldn’t it be nice to get something that explicit?!

And the explicitness wouldn’t even be fore me as a queer person. I know how to pick up on subtext; most of us do. It used to be all we could get. It’s more for the straight audience, you know? The ones who still are on the fence about queer stuff, or generally oblivious to it.

I’ve sat with my parents as the most queer, UST-laden scenes have played out in things like The 100 or The Favourite, only for them to be completely sucker punched when two ladies to start making out. There’s no way folks like them are gonna be reading Crowley and Az as queer.

So even though i wouldn’t personally call Good Omens queer-baiting, I also understand why some people are! And I respect their perspective! They’re folks who have been burned before, who are tired, who want something better! That’s all fair.

And then there’s the question of Authorial Intent.

I like me some Death of the Author; I honestly have a lot of respect for Gaiman embracing it here. At the same time, I also think knowing an artist’s perspectives and backgrounds can be valuable for reading a work. (Which is what everything comes down to- there’s rarely one single interpretation of a piece, but many!)

I’ve seen a lot of people saying Neil Gaiman’s written plenty of great queer characters before, so he can’t be criticised for any failings here.... Eh, I don’t buy that argument. I’ve made plenty of great cakes before. I’m still capable of making a bad cake. And if I sold that cake to folks, and some of those people didn’t like it, well- they’re free to say so. If they give some advice on how to make it better in future, I’m free to take it. Even if I don’t, other bakers might.

Plus, some folks have pointed out that Gaiman’s writing of other queer characters have been... less than ideal. Honestly, I’m not super familiar with Gaiman’s work outside GO (I’ve read some Sandman, some Marvel 1602, read American Gods, watched Coraline), so I’m really can’t comment much here. From a brief piece of research, I did find some pretty gross transphobic stuff here. I suppose I’d just generally encourage folks to do research, consider things in context, and don’t put anybody on a pedestal.

I’ve also seen some similar stuff about Terry Pratchett. And yeah, Pratchett wrote some very powerful stuff that can be read with a queer lens, like the women dwarves of Discworld and all of Monstrous Regiment (both of which I hold dear to my heart). At the same time, explicitly queer characters were pretty sparse in his novels, and a number of his books made some pretty gross jokes about ‘mannish’ women that hurt both cis and trans women.

And listen! I still like both of their writing! Love it, in fact! But that doesn’t mean I’m going to ignore the flaws in their works!

Nothing gained by rushing to Gaiman’s defense here, acting like he can’t be criticised. He’s a world famous, highly successful author. He can take critique. Some people have legitimate frustrations with how this queer stuff was handled. Let them air their frustrations. Even if Gaiman doesn’t see them, or respond to them, some other creator might- and we might get better queer representation elsewhere.

---

TL;DR-

- There’s some aspects of Crowley and Azriphale’s depiction that deeply resonates with queer viewers, especially the ace and aro communities.

- There are other aspects that felt too subtle or handwashy for some.

- Both perspectives are valid. We can discuss both sides without being cruel or dismissive of each other.

#good omens #queer baiting #queer representation #asexuality #aromanticism #please can we have some nuance here folks?#there aren't two binaries of 'perfect representation' and 'completely homophobic'#it's possible for GO to be in the middle

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goron-king-darunia · 5 years

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Annon-Guy: Thank you for your words and opinions. Which leads me to ask a curious thing? How come you and Kage think Richter is gay for Emil and Aster? Was it shown in Richter and Aster's Novel. Also, did Marta spread rumors about Alice in Alice's novel on purpose or was that an indirect thing of her end? Because it looks like Alice bullies Marta quite a bit. I think it's messed up to kill Marta just because she used to be weak and for being overdependant originally on Emil/Ratatosk and Brute.

It’s subtext, mostly. In Onshuu no Richter and the main game (I haven’t read the novels because I can’t read Japanese) Richter has, at the very least, a REALLY strong bond with Aster and seems very fond of Emil in the same respects. It’s possible to interpret this affection as brotherly love or platonic friendship, but the fact that he considers Rilena his friend and is not that close to her (he couldn’t even tell her Aster was murdered, only that Aster was killed) suggests that his relationship with Rilena is closer to what constitutes friendship by his metric and his relationship to Aster is different from that. He reveres Aster, taking what he said about courage to heart and using it as a motto. He has been shown blushing on very few occasions and those occasions are ONLY around Emil in the game and Aster in the manga. He’s shyer around Emil and very hesitant to get angry with him but is quick to snap at Aster but then instantly forgive him, suggesting that he wishes he had been kinder and more patient with Aster when he was alive, EVEN THOUGH he was already very kind and patient. Richter is also shown crying ONLY ONCE and it’s in the manga when Aster dies. Men, in general, cry less than women for two reasons. Firstly, they are socialized to cry less because tears aren’t considered masculine. Secondly, men have lower levels of prolactin, a hormone found in emotional tears (as opposed to reflexive tears like to keep your eyes moist and flush out dust or foreign material.) This is why it takes a lot more for men to cry. Richter keeps his emotions pretty well hidden so for him to cry visible tears suggests Aster’s death was, effectively, the worst thing we ever see happen to him. He doesn’t even cry when he realizes he’s responsible for the deaths of many in Palmacosta, even though he’s clearly upset about it. So he isn’t crying because someone died or that he feels responsible. He’s crying because he cared DEEPLY for Aster and he thinks Aster didn’t deserve to die. He also mentions in the game that “Aster was also innocent” as a way to justify the fact that he intends to take Marta’s life despite the fact that she’s not his real target. Clearly he thinks VERY positively about Aster. And we see him display the same amount of affection toward Emil. I think the love he showed for Aster was romantic, based on the fact that he, Aster, and Rilena were supposed to be mutual friends, but when Aster dies, Richter doesn’t go to her for support, doesn’t reciprocate Aqua’s obvious affections, and DOESN’T give up on trying to get Aster back, even when his plans go awry and even when he concludes Aster would be UPSET with him for doing everything he did to try to bring him back to life. And because I see this as a sign of romantic love, the affection he shows for Emil seems to be similar enough that I think it was also romantic. TL;DR, I think, based on the interactions in the game, we can see how Richter behaves with people he considers friends (Rilena/Aqua) and conclude that the affection shown to Emil and Aster is at least different from the affection he gives friends, and I have reason to believe that the fact that he blushes around both boys and cried over Aster’s death is enough to demonstrate that the love was romantic in nature. THAT BEING SAID. Mithos was shown to do nearly the exact same things for his sister, so the love Richter had for Aster (and by extension, Emil) could very well be BROTHERLY as opposed to romantic. Curiously, if we look at deleted dialogue for the final battle with Richter, there are lines specific to an impossible scenario where you could have Genis or Raine in your party where he expresses that while he’d rather not fight other half-elves, it won’t stop him from fighting them to ensure he can fulfill his contract with the Demons to revive Aster. This is, again, more evidence that Richter cares for Aster more than he cares for the wellbeing of others like him, and also suggests that Richter ascribes to a form of tribalism where he values his connection with other half-elves, even ones he considers enemies. He just doesn’t value that connection more than Aster. Which I think speaks a lot to where his priorities lie. As someone who was a virtual prisoner at Sybak, he came to value a human more than people who suffered with him and supported him while he was at probably his lowest point in life. Aster takes precedence over everything else in his life. This is also shown in Tales of The Rays as Aster is outright said to be Richter’s ‘most important person.’ Richter values Aster and his safety over basically EVERYTHING ELSE in the world. So whether you interpret the love as fraternal, platonic, or romantic, it’s very clear that THE LOVE IS THERE. I just happen to interpret it as romantic because I feel like, considering the choices Richter has in potential romantic partners, the fact that he chooses Aster above Aqua who would do ANYTHING for him says a lot about what he thinks of Aster. And the potential for that to eventually extend to Emil is VERY clear in the context of the game and Manga. As for Alice and Marta, as I said, I haven’t really read the novels, but I think Marta didn’t actually think about the consequences of spreading those rumors. She doesn’t seem like she would do it maliciously, but I don’t necessarily think it was accidental either. She probably thought she was doing the right thing, but I’d need a bit more context to say definitively. I also think Alice’s bullying of Marta is definitely unreasonable because I think any form of bullying is expressly for power and I think pursuit of social power just to have it is pretty crappy. That being said, it’s in line with her character. She desires power over all others because she was treated cruelly as a child. With power comes control, and with control comes the potential to acquire more power. And when you have enough of that power, you can determine what outcomes you get in certain situations. You can manipulate people to do what you want. And that’s what Alice craves. Because as an orphan she had no choice in anything that happened to her. And that can screw you over massively. And it did. And she became completely unreasonable. Because what she experienced as a kid was also unreasonable, and she can’t envision a world that works in a way contrary to what she experienced as a kid. So when she grew up in unreasonably cruel circumstances, she became just as unreasonably cruel once she was able to grab the smallest ounce of power for herself. Much like Flowey from Undertale, Alice lives in a world where (according to her) everyone lives by the maxim “kill or be killed”, “bully or be bullied” She treats others cruelly because in her mind, if she didn’t, they would treat her cruelly the first chance they got. Which probably makes Marta particularly alarming to her because Marta’s probably one of very few people who would be capable of forgiving Alice for these sorts of things, and that’s a threat to Alice’s worldview. People aren’t just nice for no reason when you think like Alice. Hope that all makes sense. XD I tend to really just brain-barf all over when I get really into these things.

#DotNW #headcanons #Anonymous #ask GKD

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belovas-vest · 5 years

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an analysis of chloe beale:

+ family background

+ internalized homophobia

+ minor family headcanons

I’m here to discuss the longtime headcanon that many of us have had: that Chloe Beale comes from a loving family; sometimes with and sometimes without siblings. However, I’m here to knock that lovely, fluffy headcanon out of your hands and serve you some good ol’ angst on a glistening silver platter.

For many that I’ve spoken with and from the fanfictions I’ve read over the years, I’ve commonly seen Chloe Beale’s family represented as a loving and welcoming family, opposite of Beca’s dysfunctional and toxic one. Many of us also have a certain distaste for the way Chloe is portrayed in the second installment. Many of us see someone who had been a beaming light in contrast to our protagonist, get chopped down into replacing another lead character (Aubrey) for dramatics and possible laughter. We also have a dislike towards the idea of Chloe being a complete and utter mess in front of someone in the third film because it feels so out of character for her.

However I firmly believe this isn’t the case. In fact, I think it’s more likely that Chloe too comes from a dysfunctional and toxic family, perhaps even more damaging than Beca’s (depending on your own personal headcanons). I believe that the reactions and behavior in these films that followed the first simply shed a little light on our beloved character.

I’m mostly going to be drawing examples from the second movie as well as parts of the third, as lot of us have been vocal about our dislike towards Chloe’s outbursts and seemingly out of character reactions. Below is an in depth explanation as to why her reactions in this extensions to the first movie might not be so far fetched and why the above comment regarding Chloe’s family is more likely than not.

“This [the Bellas] has been my family for 7 years.”

This is something spewed from Chloe’s mouth with fear and frustration towards Beca, who is so ready to move away from the Bellas and college life. It feels a little dramatic, it feels like Chloe should just move on already, and begin her life after college as so many of us do after we graduate.

However, this isn’t the case for Chloe. She’s clinging onto something that feels her family; something I suspect she wouldn’t otherwise do if she came from a nurturing home filled with love and acceptance. This idea that she has that she has to fail in order to be a Bella, to be part of a family, and to call a place home just comes from the fact that she’s longed for such a thing. Again, something someone wouldn’t do if they came from a place that provided such things beforehand.

It explains Chloe’s intensity in the second film, explains her lashing out. She feels the only family she has is going to slip through her fingers in a matter of months (or whatever time is left). She’s desperate to hold onto anything, to hold on to any piece of something that feels just a little like family. She attaches so intensely to anything and anyone, specifically the Bellas (and arguably Beca, regardless whether those feelings are romantic or not). Not to mention, why ever move on when all you’ve known is home and school? Where school is a safety net and an escape from whatever trouble looms over at home and anything else feels daunting or terrifying, because school has sort of turned into this place associated with family.

“And without the Bellas then my life will have had no... meaning!”

A quote that, personally, made my chest constrict. What a dreadful thought for Chloe to have, what kind of life had Chloe been living until the Bellas? There’s something to unpack here, something that comes from feelings of uselessness that makes me want to wrap Chloe into a blanket and protect her.

It’s other comments from her that also make me question Chloe’s family and the place she comes from.

“This group is my life.”

“I’ve intentionally failed Russian Lit three times so I could be a Bella.”

Considering Chloe has been able to attend college for 7 years, I’m going to lean towards a more emotional disconnection within and from her parents rather than a physical disconnect or abuse. A type of family that’s love is filled with expectations and conditions, filled with secrets behind closed doors, and a “control your emotions” type of growing up. At the same time, the type of family where Chloe’s the last child to go to college, the least cared about because her parents already have successful children and there’s bound to be a fluke (potentially causing feelings of inadequacy and uselessness). This gives Chloe to ability to continue to attend college for so long.

I think there’s a lot of superficial things going on in the family. Her mom perhaps finding romance with someone else while her father is away on business (which is frequent) and Chloe seeing it. Being told to keep the affair quiet or else and watching her father continue to be loyal towards someone Chloe’s not entirely sure deserves it. Superficial expectations like keeping a proper image of oneself and being sure appease others because, perhaps, that is what a woman is to do in her family.

(But that’s just my personal opinion and you’re free to feel and headcanon whatever you’d like. This is just for explanation sake and my own personal thoughts.)

Which, could very well explain Chloe’s attraction to someone like Aubrey, who becomes (what we assume) her best friend throughout the years. Someone like Aubrey is familiar with rules, attention to detail, traditional habits, and “if you fail, give up, and never try again” type. It explains her tolerance for what many of us would never tolerate from someone we consider our best friend (or anyone at all).

It also explains her attraction Beca (again, romantic or platonic). She’s drawn towards someone who’s a little jaded by the world, a little closed off just like her family, and stubborn in her ways, regardless if they’re healthy habits or not (just like Aubrey). Beca feels familiar to her family, but not so much so that Chloe fears her or feels the need to run the other direction. She sees a person who is unafraid to speak her mind, to do whatever she wants, and to feel whatever she pleases without worrying about other people. Chloe admires those things so intensely and so freely. And Chloe doesn’t want Beca to feel the loneliness she has felt for so long and so deeply, she wants Beca to feel listened to and accepted, especially within this family Chloe is trying to build (specifically in the first movie). She doesn’t want Beca to shut the world out like, perhaps, her own family.

In return, Beca makes her feel confident and safe. Beca that helps her find a family that she refuses to leave for 3 years, because without Beca, the Bellas might not have continued to be together after Chloe’s first senior year. Beca helps Chloe find safety in a new family, something she’s been craving for so long. Together they have these wonderful, amazing girls who create a house that’s filled with love and acceptance, a place where life is found in every corner of the house. A stark contrast to what Chloe grew up with.

“You know, one of my biggest regrets is that I didn’t do enough experimenting in college.”

And it’s Beca who shatters that safety into pieces when Chloe whispers those words and feelings she’s probably been so afraid to admit.

How could a Beale ever stray from ‘tradition’ and the American Dream? In a family that holds certain expectations, Chloe might never have actually been with anyone but men. It might have always been “men or hit the road” kind of thing and without having anyone to fall back on - and perhaps still holding love and respect for her parents because that’s just the kind of person she is (again, family is everything to Chloe) - she’s too afraid to stray from what’s expected.

But one could admit such questions and desires if surrounded by people such as the Bellas, those who offer such a safe landing. One could admit those feelings to an especially trusted person with others around to fall back on if the worst possible outcome comes true. And so Chloe does. She admits those feelings and Beca waves it off.

Being brought up the way she had, where your own personal feelings come second to the image you need to show the world, it’s easier for her to swallow whatever personal emotion she has in reaction to Beca’s “you’re so weird.” It’s easy to just smile and say “thanks.” When the reality of the situation is she’s been dealing with this internalized fear and possible self-hate.

“I just love, love.”

A scene which has many of us irritated had been the interaction between Chicago and Chloe. Chloe, who had been so confident in the shower scene (although, arguably she had the upper hand over Beca, but that’s another conversation to be had), now standing in front of a man, being a complete and total ‘fool’. Arguably, it could very well be said that through her own growth, and very much thanks to Beca, Chloe has been able to move on from being confident about her body, to being confident about her thoughts and feelings. Beca had been almost like a guiding light for Chloe in that sense; showing her that she too could say what she wants without worrying about others expectations. Again, having that safety net that is the Bellas makes Chloe feel a little more free to do and act how she feels.

TL;DR Chloe’s family isn’t loving or nurturing, it’s filled with expectations and demands to hold up an image. It explains her intense need to be a part of Bellas and stick around for so long instead of moving on with her life as well as her attraction to people like Aubrey and Beca.

#chloe beale #pitch perfect #bechloe #u: pitch perfect #mine: writing #long post #character analysis

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tastes-like-ciel · 5 years

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Yusaku/Ryoken + lover

!! Lovers! ouo

Yusaku + lover

Yusaku is a very reserved, quiet person. He’s not the type to hug others or let himself be hugged unless it’s either by surprise or from someone he’s very, very close to. Physical touch is something I think Yusaku doesn’t really care for and I mean this in the general sense of someone entering his personal space. I don’t think it’s because he doesn’t want it. I think he does actually! But his childhood trauma really ruined his perception of the world and made him overly wary of others to the point he didn’t want to try getting close to anyone.

Touching another person, whether platonically or otherwise, is an intimate gesture. It implies closeness and that’s something Yusaku has been heavily avoiding since before we ever met him. He doesn’t want to be close to people and has even said as much. I don’t think it’s necessarily because he dislikes people, but really because he’s afraid of letting someone into his heart–allowing himself to trust and feel–only to be hurt all over again. He doesn’t want to have his trust broken and doesn’t want to suffer any more than he already is. It goes into a bit of what I suspect happened when Ryoken brought Yusaku home to play together and I can go into more detail on that in another post, if someone would like, but for a short version, Yusaku trusted that the adult in his new friend’s life wouldn’t hurt him and was rewarded with six months of torture for it in exchange. Yusaku doesn’t want to let others into his heart because of that experience.

But he’s changed over the course of the series. He’s more open to people now. He’s even called people his friends and that’s a really big deal! It’s a sign he’s really healing and the point I’d like to make with all this is really just to explain why I view Yusaku as having an aversion to touch. For the tl;dr version, it’s just that. He has an aversion to touch and closeness with other people because of his trauma. Relationships are hard for him and a romantic one would be even more so.

However, for Yusaku to be able to call himself someone’s lover, that person would be very, very, oh so incredibly special to him! That’s a level of trust and closeness beyond anything he could ever imagine and for him to be able to say “yes, this is my lover” would imply that he trusts in this person completely and with his whole mind, heart, and body. Yusaku, as someone’s lover, would be fiercely loyal and eager to be by their side, but as his emotions are so stunted and his experience so nonexistent, he’d be hesitant–even shy–in his advances until he knew what the other person liked and what did and did not feel okay. I can see him secretly trying to research dating and the like for ideas on how lovers should act and generally messing up a lot, but his lover wouldn’t mind and even find all his attempts endearing. They’d know he was trying and then leave Yusaku confused when all his failed attempts still ended up giving him the same results as succeeding would have.

Now sexually (and I won’t go into this too deeply), I peg him as ace or demi. Either one, I think, is a good match and makes sense for his character.

Ryoken + lover

Like Yusaku, Ryoken is fairly reserved. You never really know what he’s thinking and unless he himself decides to tell you or make his opinion on something known, you never will know his thoughts. Unlike Yusaku, however, Ryoken gives away a lot of his emotions through his facial expressions and probably doesn’t even realize it. He’s got a good poker face, but he’s nowhere near Yusaku’s level and while he’s not an open book, there’s still little facial ticks and faint traces of things on his face that he can’t quite hide. Ryoken is used to communicating with others very frequently. His Knights, the mole he has in SOL, etc. He’s well-versed in being a people person, whether it’s an act or not. He’s sociable, to an extent. He has to be in order to lead the Hanoi. So his personal bubble is much smaller than Yusaku’s. He doesn’t mind closeness.

In fact, he probably craves it.

Contrary to Yusaku, touch, in the general sense, is something I think Ryoken is absolutely starved for. It’s clear in all the flashbacks we’ve seen and the information we have about him that he was very lonely as a child. He didn’t have a mother, he didn��t have any friends, and his father neglected him quite harshly (and then later was going to let Ryoken kill himself and take the fall for all of Hanoi’s deeds). Ryoken had Kyoko and Aso, it seems, but considering they were Dr. Kogami’s assistants, they likely didn’t spend that much time with Ryoken either. Ryoken effectively had no one and the one friend he made and brought home to play with was stolen from him and then tortured by his own father. By all accounts, he shouldn’t still care for his father the way he does, but that’s a topic for another time (and one I will happily go into, if anyone likes).

Tl;dr, Ryoken is touch/attention-starved from previous neglect.

So, Ryoken, as someone’s lover, would be amazingly wonderful! To have someone’s complete and total trust, all their love and attention, and all the intimate touches that come with it would overwhelm him with happiness. He’d do absolutely anything and everything short of giving his lover the moon and the stars–and oh would he if he could!–and would just generally make them feel loved and wanted and oh so very important. I can see him being a bit clingy and being unable to keep his hands off his lover, even just something soft and sweet like brushing fingers against his lover’s hand or pressing quick kisses into their hair. He’d be very devoted to them and in turn, would his lover be to he. His lover would give him all the attention and touch he craves and both would have a pretty nice life together overall.

Sexually, I think a lot of things can fit Ryoken. He’s open to any possibility, I think, so perhaps pan or maybe even demi for him as well?

And finally, for something more datestorm-specific (although lbr, everything I said about them before applies to them as a couple haha), they’d just be a pair of fluff heads. Fluff heads that challenge each other and tease and have petty fights that don’t last long, but just a pair of fluff heads. That’s literally the best way I can describe these hacker nerd babies.

#headcanon prompts #Datastormshipping #Fujiki Yusaku #Kogami Ryoken #Sery writes a thing #Anonymous #sorry this took so long btw #also sorry for the rambling i am feverish and a little concerned this all came out as nonsense #long post #marshmallow gun boi

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mysisters-bike · 7 months

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Dylan Klebold and Zack Heckler's Complicated Relationship

An exploration on Dylan and Zack's dynamic. Super long post, tl;dr at end.

Dylan’s inner circle consisted of outgoing and excitable young men. They were the perfect match to get Dylan out there.

What Dylan did not understand, however, was that Zack had confided in Dylan the same as he did with Devon. How would Dylan know that Zack admitted suicidal urges to Devon without being close to him?

Dylan obsessed over Zack to the point that he expressed enjoyment in murdering Zack’s partner.