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loxxxlay · 4 years

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I thought that side eye the grandmaster gave Loki was because he was waiting for someone to say how young he looked. But neither Thor or Loki took the hint. Seen as before he said "anywhere else I'd be a million years old but here on Saakar..."

Listen friend lmao, you have been mislead by the secret cover that taika Waititi created in order to pass this scene of scandulous dick sucking implication to a heteronormative, pg-13 audience. On a surface watch, yours will be the conclusion that many fans (and more importantly) movie critics and Kevin Feigi might draw. But on a deeper level of watching, the truth is revealed. But it’s not too late for you, my humble anon! I can bring you up to speed.

First of all, one must note that the Grandmaster did not look at thor when he said this. He looked specifically at Loki. If he was waiting for them to take the hint and say he looked young, why not look at both of them? If simply a narcissistic urge, the compliment would be just as good from either Odinson? Why single out Loki?

In my opinion, this targeted hint already sexually charges the exchange. Loki being singled out to give a compliment that’s related to how young (i.e. “hot”) the Grandmaster looks? Yeah. that’s the Grandmaster’s idea of flirting.

Not even to mention that erotic slow blink he gives Loki specifically.

Second of all, if you look closely at the gif, you’ll see that thor and loki have very different reactions.

thor looks confused. If one were to speculate, he may even look a little… in denial that this is even happening. but generally he looks confused. if it was so simple as you claimed, i feel like thor, lovely little social charmer that he is, would be able to catch the hint, even if he’s not feeling generous enough to act upon it. thus, he would look angry/annoyed. but no. he remains confused the whole time - and he looks to loki, not the grandmaster, to answer his confusion. this implies there’s more going on beyond the surface that he just can’t figure out. (or maybe doesn’t want to figure out. lmao, which would be fair considering it involves his brother sucking dick.)

loki, on the other hand, does not look confused At All. On a surface viewing, one may (mistakenly) assume that his expression meres thor’s as one of confusion because of the quick succession of facial shots. But taken on its own, Loki’s expression very much does not mirror thor’s. No, this supposed thirsty cockslut is not confused at all.

In fact his face goes through a VASt variety of expressions that we will have to look at individually in order to surmise his true reaction.

(Note: You’ll have to excuse my low quality screenshots because it is hard to find a screencap service that captures each emotion since they happen so fucking fast >.>)

#1: Does this look like confusion? Hell no! this is the face of a man whose brain is about 15 seconds behind the conversation and who just heard something that shrieks at his synapses to HURRY tHE FUCK UP like “oh my god is this really happening? Did I really just understand what was said? Am I even real right now like what just happened?” Our boy is fucking so dizzy that he’s all dulled and half-surprised like he’s waiting for his mouth to start working.

#2: His brain has finally caught up and oh boy is he SHOCKED. He is just like “oh FUCK this IS really happening, i DID really understand what was just said, i AM real and oh FUCK oh NO”. this is the face of shock. of borderline horror. like oh my god thor is standing right there and you be fucking flirting with me right in front of him, but luckily, on the plus side,

#3: his mouth has started working again. whether or not he chooses to use it, he has the capacity for higher thought and speech now. and with this newfound ability, does he look confused? does he look annoyed? HELL NO. He looks like he’s sweating up his shirt. He looks like a man of FEAR. he wants to start babbling, start explaining himself because thor CANNOt know the truth. he’s all like, “what is thor thinking of me? has he figured it out? what can I say to defend myself?” that cute little eyebrow scrunch of sadness conveys the homerotic dubcon tension mmmm, and oh boy he DOES NOt WANt tO BE HERE, he DOES NOt WANt tHOR tO BE HERE, he wants fucking OUt of this mind game the Cock Master is playing with him, which leads us to….

#4: finally we reach the final stage of grief: acceptance. Our boy is resigned here. this is the face of a man who has just realized the Grandmaster has set him up in this situation deliberately to watch as he squirms. this is the face of a man how is pressing his lips together to avoid babbling excuses about his dick sucking situation. this is the face of a man who knows he is powerless and utterly at the Grandmaster’s whim. and wow is he mightily (but quietly) resentful ;)

tldr; yes of course the grandmaster wanted somebody to com4liment his youthful looks. it’s just that he wanted the somebody to be Loki and he wanted it to be Loki so that he could be like “HAHAHA WE’RE FUCKING AND YOU DON’t WANt YOUR BROtHER tO KNOW AND I CAUGHt YOU MMMHMMMMHMMMM~~~~~ YOU ARE MINE AND YOU ARE HELPLESS”

third of all, what do you think this is if not, “you are my trophy concubine and you are not allowed to say no to me” homoerotic tension lmao:

fourth and finally, like and i genuinely apologize if you were just trying to have a fun conversation with me :(

please and thank you lol, and i hope you can enjoy my two ted talks now

#frostmaster #loki #grandmaster #lox replies #anon #cw dubcon

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wanna-b-poet31 · 5 years

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A (expect a part 5) 4-Part Good Omens Meta Part 4: Crowley’s 5 Harmful Coping Skills + 1 That Heals

So Expect a part 5 maybe tomorrow maybe the next day, and perhaps a part 6. Honestly, the Ineffable Duo has a lot of trauma and abuse issues that deserve more time and energy than my metas, but I hope this helps unpack some??? of their experiences and helps explain their recovery journies. Obligatory apology for somehow turning into a Good Omens blog overnight

So what you missed on these outrageously long metas

Part 1 TLDR: Crowley’s love for Aziraphale helps heal him from the abuses of Heaven

Part 2 TLDR: Aziraphale’s love helps Crowley cope with his trauma and their no-strings-attached relationship enables him to begin healthier healing processes despite the abuses of Heaven and Hell.

Part 3 TLDR: Aziraphale’s abuse doesn’t allow him to cope with the fact his bosses and his instincts are telling him to do 2 very different things. He manages to cope but only by using denial and repression...which is hella unhealthy. It is only when he finally puts down his defenses and being honest with himself that he is not in a good place in Heaven, but he is in a good place with Crowley, that he can start working toward recovery.

The Road So Far:

So Where Aziraphale is badly abused and Traumatized by Heaven and the fear of falling, Crowley lived it, he fell, he lost his sense of self, and he struggles with isolation. In short, it’s much, much worse. While I’ll be arguing his coping mechanisms are not AS toxic as Aziraphale’s (which, let’s be honest that’s a low bar considering how deep in denial Aziraphale is), he still doesn’t cope with his loss in a healthy manner.

This being said, Crowley IS further along his recovery path than Aziraphale, it is their relationship with the angel that allows him to finally come to terms with his issues and start forming healthy strategies for overcoming, or coping with, his considerable loss.

CROWLEY (please someone >Aziraphale< give him a hug)

So whereas Aziraphale is drinking some top-shelf quality Repression and Denial, Crowley is not allowed such a luxury. Unlike his angel who will not/ cannot touch his trauma with a 10 and a half meter pole, Crowley is intimately aware that he is fallen, and that that kind of loss (abandonment) does not heal easily.

First, he is shown to believe that he is responsible for all of the bad things that have happened in the world. For example, he takes responsibility for things “humans beat him to”. but we can see (in the book at least) that many of the horrific terrors (like the Spanish Inquisition) caused him so much pain he drank for a week. Also, he frequently says things to the effect of “I am bad” (i.e. I’m not nice), “I am undeserving of love” (i.e. I’m unforgivable), and “no one can be trusted (i.e. the trees have ears).

Ultimately, this trauma manifests in low self-esteem for the demon, and enforces his reckless, and often destructive, behavior. All of this negative perspective stems from losing supposedly unconditional love, and Hell’s expectations for him as an “evil” demon.

You can see some of this at work when Aziraphale says “I hope you are forgiven” and Crowley responds “I’m unforgivable”. As noted in Part 2, this interaction demonstrates Crowley’s low approximation of himself. Worse, it also indicates that he has internalized the idea that he, by mere providence of his being a demon, is unworthy of love, forgiveness, and unconditional care. Since Heaven tossed him out, and his genius is unappreciated in Hell, he is isolated from the rest of the divine creatures for his humanity, as he is isolated from humanity by his divinity. He does not see himself as worth forgiveness, attention, or any “positive” emotion.

Because his self-esteem has been thoroughly broken by God, he fails to properly assign blame. Meaning, when he should be pointing to the key abuser (in this case God) as the reason for his abandonment, he instead blames himself and other demons for falling.

Let me reiterate again, Crowley is not at fault for being cast out. It was God who, in her abusive “wisdom” chose to cast him out and banish him from his home. In reality, he didn’t “saunter vaguely downwards” or “hung around the wrong crowd” or “simply asked questions”, he was tossed out. Each of his “reasons” for being a demon is not an act of reclaiming his identity. He is not saying “I left because you are an abusive power hungry parent and this needs to stop”. Instead, he’s saying “I’m looking for a reason to justify why I was abandoned”. Each of his responses places the blame on him for his lack of etherial-ness do not directly address the cast-outer as the one at fault.

Consequently, he constantly has outbursts of anger (see: screaming at plants), guilt (see: apologizing to Aziraphale for “whatever I said, I didn’t mean it, Look at me I’m apologizing, now get into the car”), and shame (see: his response whenever he talks about falling, because it’s not pride or joy, but fear and sadness producing shame). He also has a significant about of fear that he won’t be successful, that the earth will end, and that motivates his desires to Run. The. Fuck. Away.

Although I can not and will not diagnose Crowley with PTSD, according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America Crowley demonstrates many worrisome behaviors that come with untreated or poorly treated trauma, causing negative effects to recovery from abuse.

By and large, Crowley responds to the trauma of falling not by denying and avoiding, but by internalizing all of the negative stereotypes placed onto him. Where many of the other demons revel in their designation, truly trying to kill and undo humanity, Crowley doesn’t do that. Instead, he finds other, unhealthy outlets for his trauma.

This is also followed emphasized by his aggressive behavior and irritability towards practically everyone, sentient or not (his plants count). Along with his reckless and often self-destructive behavior (like speeding, drinking, yelling, saving Aziraphale, and running away to Alpha Centauri).

Like Speeding:

While Crowley’s Bentley is practically his child, and he does love it, he drives recklessly in it. There is something to be said about the miracles he presumably places around it to avoid disaster, Aziraphale’s correct in pointing out that it is, without a doubt, DANGEROUS behavior.

We see 3 different instances where Crowley is straight out a reckless driver. First, while delivering the anti-christ he is so consumed with his fear for the end of the world that he almost crashes into oncoming traffic. Second, he HITS Anathema on her bike (which under normal circumstances could have resulted in his, Aziraphale’s or Anathema’s death). Third, he drives THROUGH hellfire, and across the English countryside with a car on fire. Yes, I know that he survives because “damn it he’d started in the Bentley, he’d end in the Bentley”. But, as we see with Hathur, the fire is normally deadly (inconveniently discorporated-ly) even to Demons. His desperation is noted, but also dangerous and reckless.

Each of these reckless instances is in direct response to traumatic triggers. Namely: the fall, rejection, and death.

Almost hit by a semi-truck? It is likely that the end of the world, the end of humanity, and the celestial war to follow is reminiscent of the first rebellion. I mean, the first war that would have resulted in Crowley’s fall. Being tasked with delivering the very thing what will make the “end times” realized is a hard reminder of the “beginning times”.

Actually hitting a girl on a bike? He’s talking to Aziraphale about love and as someone who has been rejected (several times at this point) by the said angel, and we can tell based on the 1970′s rejection, that it’s not a healed wound. His relationship with Aziraphale is one of the healthiest in the whole series, as well as, I wager, the most healing ones. But, it doesn’t work if/when Crowley is afraid of rejection or reminded of the 7(ish) times he’d been rejected previously.

Your car’s on fire? What’s the “perfect” response to being stuck on the M25 while something that could “kill” you surrounds all of London? Why not drive right through it? No! We, the audience, can tell that’s a terrible idea, but, because Crowley’s self-preservation skills are 0 and Hathur just threatened to kill him (and alluded to the death of Aziraphale again which, we will be getting to) it’s the only response to the threat he can figure out. It is only by a miracle (perhaps many) that he doesn’t die in the car fire.

Like Drinking

Although both Aziraphale and Crowley indulge in drinking, with an assumed frequency, Crowley uses it as a coping mechanism when faced with his traumatic triggers. He drinks because it’s the end of the world and needs to not be rejected by Aziraphale. He drinks because he’s scared about what the end of the world means and having nowhere to go. He drinks because Harthur mentions his fall. He drinks because Aziraphale’s bookshop burned down and likely died.

Yes, you could say that because he’s demonic, and alcohol doesn’t have the “same” impact on him as it might someone else, he uses it as a crutch to process a lot of his fears and trauma. And, regardless of the effect, getting drunk/drinking heavily is not a healthy coping mechanism. We can see this fantastically displayed when he has hit rock bottom and his only support system (all of 1 angel, Aziraphale) up and dies on him. He has no other place to process his trauma except at the bottom of a whiskey bottle. This is not healthy and does not allow him to process the grief and retraumatization he’s experiencing with the loss of his best friend. It is only Aziraphale who can pull Crowley out of the stupor he’s in, because Aziraphale is the only reliable thing in Crowley’s life, and even he comes with a few triggers.

Like Yelling

Although I like to think he doesn’t actually destroy his plants for “disappointing him. We can’t know that. We can only know that, with little prompting, he can and does fly off the handle and yell, scream, and yell abuse at his plants. Now, while it sorta seems like his plants are semi-sentient, in general, this coping mechanism isn’t the worst. However, it too does not get at the root of his problem, being cast out of Eden. He needs to address the elephant in the room which is, that he, in this scenario, is taking his anger out on plants which did nothing wrong JUST LIKE God treated him. It can be therapeutic, to enact and confront the issues he's’ dealing with, but without the confrontation part, reenacting his cast-out moment only serves to reinforce that he, not God, is at fault for his fall. Which is decidedly unhealthy.

Like Saving his angel

I love in Episode 3 we see just how head over heels in love Crowley is for Aziraphale. However, this often comes at >surprise surprise< great personal pain or danger. He cannot walk on consecrated ground without causing himself a great personal injury. However, he can’t stand the death of Aziraphale more. It is clear that when faced with the loss of his one friend/lover/partner, he would walk 500 miles of consecrated ground, and then walk 500 more just to be the one to see Aziraphale happy at his door.

Normally, Demons are specifically unable to enter holy sites, or else be burned or otherwise injured. Despite this! He does into the church anyway for no other reason than to save Aziraphale.

Now, I love this. This moment makes me happy and we get to see Aziraphale also recognize how in love Crowley is with him. BUT doing so is reckless and dangerous, and there was a non-zero chance he may have been harmed in a similar manner to Holy Water. Continuously placing himself in these kinds of dangerous places (like in the 1970′s) is destructive and could even constitute a form of self-harm. Aziraphale certainly thinks so (at least the dangerous part) when he tries to talk Crowley out of the heist. Azi goes out of his way to ensure Crowley won’t go into a church and harm himself again and knows only giving him Holy water will ensure there won’t be another (maybe) self-harm repeat.

Like Running Away

Crowley doesn’t avoid things like Aziraphale does. But, he does, as a last-ditch effort, use it as his only tool for coping with the prospective loss of Aziraphale from his life. But like with yelling at his plants, it doesn’t cope with the trauma of loss, or rejection, or death. It only puts off the stress and distracts from the events he needs to focus on. He, at this moment, NEEDS to focus on the end of the world, no matter how painful it is. He needs to focus and get Aziraphale out of the pit of denial and repression. He needs to be on his own side, creating a plan to save humanity. But he wants so badly to run away, and live, happily ever after with Aziraphale. Unfortunately, he can’t without working through some of his underlying issues first.

Plus The Like One Healthy Coping Mechanism

Which brings me to my whole reason for this meta. A brief look at the one healthy coping mechanism he has developed in his life. It is only his relationship with Aziraphale that Crowley can healthily begin his recovery journey. He works so damn hard for his relationship with Aziraphale, and using it to confront his fears and triggers is a healthy approach to an otherwise traumatic life.

Aziraphale is his support system. He is the person he relies on the most to be honest, true, loving, and appreciative of humanity. Together, they both work to lift each other up, validate their concerns and worries, and ensure that they can focus and tackle the underlying trauma they otherwise can’t cope with.

When Cowley does not have a support system (read: Aziraphale) he is unable to channel his trauma into a productive way (see part 2 for more details). Moreover, each of his other coping mechanisms does not deal with his significant trust issues which results from the fall. God certainly doesn’t love him, the angels don’t trust him, and many of the demons think he’s “gone native”. But Aziraphale? Aziraphale trusts and loves him like an equal. He talks to him with more care and reverence than anyone else who has ever existed. Together, the two of them work as equals, trying to make sure the world breaks even.

Which makes his frequent rejections and repressed feeling for Crowley all the more painful. It’s also not that Aziraphale means to hurt Crowley, but where he is in his recovery journey, he simply doesn’t have enough tools to confront his heavenly abuse. And, to be fair, for the most part, Crowley is understanding and patient. Crowley is more than willing to find the speed he needs to go to make Aziraphale comfortable so they can be on the same page.

Crowley already sees the writing on the wall. He knows that he needs someone to love, and that’s his best friend. He knows that through developing healthy, consistent communication and telling the truth (being vulnerable to that rejection and not isolating himself) is he able to begin overcoming the memory of his fall. However, they both need to see the that they’re their own side for it to go from “a celestial security blanket” to “a healthy and healing relationship”. To get through their trauma, they need both of them are on board and seeing each other as equals. And Crowley knows that.

The shift to 100% “healthy coping system” is most easily seen at the end of the series where, after being tortured (I see you, Gabriel, you abusive asshole). While he knows the hellfire won’t kill him, there’s still a trauma inherent in knowing his <lover> would not have. Moreover, there’s trauma inherent in not getting a trial from the supposed “good guys”. While Crowley takes glee in scaring the angels, it’s not an easy space to be in. However, once both Aziraphale-as-Crowley and Crowley-as-Aziraphale make it back to the park, they are able to cope with their joint traumatic experiences together. No secrets. No lies. No “my side won’t like it”. Just the two of them, working through their issues together.

TLDR: The 5 harmful coping mechanism of Anthony J. Crowley, and the 1 that helps him (so long as they’re both aware they’re in this together).

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.

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