Listening to the season 2 finale....I can’t get over how broken Jon sounds.  He’s struggling to get the words out, struggling to breathe, voice thick like he’s fighting back tears or struggling not to cry.  He cared SO MUCH about Sasha, cares so much for the rest of the assistants.

This is one of the most revealing moments for Jon in the whole series, because he fully expects to die, and has a chance to record what he thinks are his last words.  And they’re all for how much he cares about the others and wants to spare them:

Jon:  I just hope this tape works the same, that my voice remains intact. Even if I’m gone, even if it wears a face that people think is mine, p-pulls me apart, becomes me--  Listen!  It is not me!  Whoever hears this: it is not me.

He’s facing the prospect of being erased from the minds of everyone who ever knew him, just like Sasha was erased from his, and he just thinks: how can my face be used to hurt people?  How can I be used to hurt the people I want to protect?

Jon:  I’m sorry.  Martin, Tim… Sasha.  I’m so sorry . I should have-- I didn’t-- I’m sorry.  God, I’m so sorry.   

...

Jon:  Please forgive me.  If you’re still alive-- if-- if you hear this!  Get as far away from the Magnus Institute--

In what he thinks are his last moments, all his thoughts are only for Tim and Martin.  He apologizes over and over for failing to protect them, and his last words would have been to tell them to run away and be safe.  He comes back to face blame for trapping them, just another spooky monster boss, but he would have done anything for them to be free and safe.

It all gets swallowed up by the chaos and Leitner twist and “no Jon don’t break the table!” but it’s one of my favorite and most treasured Jon moments in the series.

Some thoughts on Jon throughout the seasons!

(ID: Five drawings of Jon from the Magnus Archives. In the first he’s standing with stiff posture and crossed arms. He's wearing a button up shirt, a tie, and a vest. In the second he’s walking, holding a tape recording and a folder, looking over his shoulder. He’s wearing a button up shirt, and has several bandages on his arm and face. In the third he’s sitting on the floor, surrounded by papers. He’s holding a paper in one hand and a cigarette in the other. He’s wearing a tee shirt, and has bandages wrapped around his neck and right hand. In the fourth he’s standing with a hunched posture, cradling a cup of tea. He’s wearing a sweater, and his hair is longer. In the fifth he’s in a confrontational stance, his hair blowing in the wind. He’s wearing a flannel and carrying a backpack. End ID)

Just heard Annie, vocal editor for the magnus archives, say she intentionally picked the lines from Alex that made Martin sound the meanest to Jon during the "gouge your eyes out and elope" scene, and OW that hurts

Me: Yeah I’ve been really into the podcast space lately-

Someone: Oh! Do you have any recs? 

Me, about to unleash a 50 page mental power point on Why You Should Listen To The Magnus Archives on this unwitting victim: Glad you asked 

Oh to give off Tim Stoker energry...anyway, 3/4 of the S1 archives team done

tma au where Jon is loved and cherished

Spider Wife........ I Love U

ID: ( Two drawings of Anabelle Cane from The Magnus Archives. She is a slender black woman, with a short curly bleach blonde undercut and a large scar running along her hair parting and down across her left eyebrow.

The first image is from the hips up. She is wearing a purple pinstripe blouse with short puffy sleeves and red cuffs and front detailing, a black corset with suspenders, a black skirt, a large bow around her neck, white gloves with ruffled cuffs and a large spider earring. She has six arms, with one hand holding a red rotary phone by her hip, one holding the reciever up to her ear, one twirling the phone cord, and the rest spread around her. The background is a white web against a grey background, with simple brightly coloured spiders hanging from various sections.

The second image is full body. She is wearing a 50s style dress with a halter neck and a white web design on the skirt, a red scarf tied around her head, thigh high black stockings, and gold hoop earrings. She is kneeling with one leg up with one arm resting on it, the other arm folded towards her neck. Most of her colouring is in greyscale, but her eyes, earrings, scarf and dress inside are in colour. The background is a bright red, with purple outlines of four simple spider legs coming from behind her back. Text underneath Annabelle reads "Cause I know the Black Widow eats its mate" (Lyrics from Fear and Delight by The Correspondents)) End ID

Jon deserves a childhood cat. That is all

Anon, you’re absolutely right. There was a brown tabby that Jon would leave tuna out for, though his grandmother scolded him for wasting ‘perfectly good food.’ He bestowed her the nickname ‘the Duchess’ and would read aloud to her on his porch as she purred away in his lap. When he thought he could get away with it, he would sneak her into the house on particularly cold days. His grandmother pretended not to notice, although her petulant meows and cries for food along with Jon’s desperate shushing could be heard from the other room. As long as it kept him out of trouble and put that rare smile on his face, she would let it slide.

xoxo

gossip eye  👀

"I was written by a man"

"I was written by a woman"

Well *I* was written by Rusty Quill, I am licenced under a creative commons non attribution sharealike 4.0 International license today's episode was written and performed by Jonathan Sims and directed by Alexander J N

I drew more Peter for @p1nkwitch ‘s fantasy lonelyeyes au. I can’t stop thinking about it also I wanted to take a shot at his foggy tattoos.

Me: I really don’t see Jon and Martin as ever having kids, I just don’t think they’d want that and/or consider themselves fit to be parents 

Anybody ever: *draws or writes about Jon and Martin having kids* 

Me: 

I started thinking about Jon Sims and I got so sad, man has so much trauma and never gets a break and never gets support and everyone blames him for everything, he doesn't deserve any of this🥺

I thought only elias’ voice was that sexy but in mag 160 when jon read his statement with the same evil intent i realized perhaps the sexy wasn’t coincidentally evil, but the evil made it sexy all along

POV: you just interrupted the archivist

I think I know what was going on with John's "Don't touch me!" in episode 187. I don't think it's precisely a trauma reaction, at least not one borne of his long, sad history of being physically hurt.

So we know the fearpocalypse feels good to John, right? However much he wishes it didn't?

He's said as much, and we see it slip out from time in time. His admiring awe in the Mortal Garden. His little edge of glee when he gets to confront one of the other avatars. (This isn't only a John thing, of course. This isn't John secretly having a sadistic personality. Jordan Kennedy goes through John's journey in miniature when John changes him into an avatar. To be an avatar is for others' pain to be your pleasure, no matter what kind of person you are.)

We don't have a concept of "sick (morally corrupt) pain" to parallel "sick pleasure." You don't like pain, you'd have avoided it if you could have, you're not responsible for it, no further soul-searching necessary. It hurts because it hurts.*

If I take a header down the stairs and bang myself up, I'll feel physically horrible, and I might feel stupid and clumsy and embarrassed, but I won't have to wonder whether the way I feel proves I'm evil.

If I see someone else take a fall and a laugh bursts out of me before I can stop myself? Before the thought of whether or not they're seriously hurt even registers? That's something that might make me look inward. I think everyone has the occasional momentary slip like that, and is able to breeze past it as not particularly meaningful. But if you were in a state of continuous pleasure due to others' suffering? That'd be confusing, disturbing, disgusting. That's not something that can be disavowed.

We see how Helen reacts. She can't get rid of the pleasure, so she gets rid of the parts of herself that are confused, disturbed, and disgusted by what she feels and does. That's not trivial; imo, the two Helens share nothing substantial at all. When season 5 Helen judges human Helen for being a Tory, it's kind of funny: human Helen probably didn't have the insight to know she was wrong, but if she had, she would have cared.

John holds onto guilt and misery because it means holding onto himself. It dulls the pleasure. Why not relax and just feel good? Because it'd be letting go of what makes him himself. A John who revels in others' suffering isn't John. He'd just be a guy who has the same scars, happens to like rum raisin, and says "good lord!"

To sum it up, I think John reacts with fury because being touched by a suffering person feels so good it threatens his grip on who he is.

*Yeah, I know pain can be a lot more complicated than that. I'd say "read 'pain' as a stimulus you want to stop," but by that definition, pleasure that causes enough moral distress *is* pain, and then I'd have to restructure my whole essay.

Do you genuinely think Helen is a better character than Michael or are you just a lesbian?

BRO???

dont even ask me my hand did this on its own  buy me a ko-fi!

Personally my headcanon is that Jon slowly transforms into an old testament angel, and no one really knows how to bring it up, so instead they just go "wow you look tired" and pray to god he'll look in the mirror

tma. will this get past the censors? well, he is showing a bit of log. love the last pic though....

Annabelle cane my detested (affectionate)

(Edit: tumblr nerfed the quality I'm so fucking mad rn)