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belit0 · 3 years

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Wax Daddy

Rating: E

Pairing: [Senju Tobirama / Fem Reader]

TW: Wax Kink, Roughness, Dominance, Degradation.

"Tobi? You're back early... Is everything okay?"

"I want you in our room, now."

It's not natural to see Tobirama Senju arriving early from work. There are more lonely nights than there are nights with his company. It's painfully common to feel his side of the bed cold when it gets dark, since being Hokage is something he carries with as much passion as his relationship with you.

Yes, sometimes you wish he would stay with you, give you more than he usually offers, but that doesn't seem to be within his limits. Neither are you selfish enough to demand that he change for you, and you achieved a strange balance in the relationship, managing to be happy in the few moments shared.

Many thought that marrying Tobirama after knowing him for only 3 months was hasty, excessive, unintelligent. But in the time you spent with him, the shared connection between the two of you was undeniable, something in which you quickly found yourself comfortable. So when the man proposed to you, you didn't even hesitate, it was impossible to say no.

From the beginning you were aware of his addiction to work, but you always found it an admirable quality in him. Today, however, you were beginning to wonder what you were missing when the Senju was absent for whole nights locked up in his office.

Of course you had shared intimacy with him, but you had the feeling that your man was hiding more secrets than he liked to carry.

Blind to the events that were going to unfold in front of you, tonight Tobirama arrives home strangely early and with a different face. Being a man who is characterized by his temperance, calmness and calculation, he was alien to you when you faced him with his eyes unsettled and his body tense.

Sitting on the couch with a book in your hands, you were startled by the noise of the front door. It could not have been anyone else but Tobirama, yet the situation was peculiar. As you turned your head and saw him enter, you heard his voice, in a tone in which he had never spoken to you before.

" I want you in our room, now."

"...Are you all right...?"

"Do you trust me [Y/N]?"

"With my life, Tobi, but..."

"Then don't ask and obey."

Intimidated by your husband's distinctive attitude, you follow his command, and go where he tells you. When you enter the room, you are followed by him, who closes the door firmly behind his body.

You stand in the middle of the room, waiting for Tobirama's next words to become more normal than the previous ones. However, this is just the beginning.

"Sit down."

The Senju turns his back on you and proceeds to open one of his drawers in the wardrobe. Without being able to see his expression or what he does, you sit on the bed as he asks.

After a few seconds, your man pulls out a large red candle and a lighter. He turns towards you and walks in your direction. Staring at you, he lights the candle, without running his eyes off yours. Once lit, he throws the lighter across the room.

" Strip ".

"... What? Tobi... I..."

"You said you trusted me."

"Yes, but this-"

"Don't piss me off. Strip."

Perplexed by this new attitude of the Senju, you do nothing but obey. The severity in his tone of voice sends fire into your abdomen, and makes an electric stream run through your chest.

Under Tobirama's fierce and hungry gaze, you take off your shirt, and remove your bra. When you go to remove your trousers, his voice stops you.

" Hold it. Lie down."

Obedient, you comply.

"I won't have you wearing a bra under my roof. These... - he kneels on the bed, in one hand he holds the candle, with the other hand he massages one of your breasts - are mine, and I will have them when I want to, is that clear?

"Tobi..."

"If you don't call me daddy from now on, you're going to have a rough time."

In front of your surprised face, he pinches your nipple with unnecessary force, making you shiver and let out a little scream.

"Is that clear?

"Yes, daddy."

"Good girl."

Without warning, he straddles you.

The candle, which has been lit for a few minutes, now accumulates liquid wax on its top. By leaning it over your chest, the Senju drops the hot contents onto your body, making you scream in pain and surprise.

"NO PLEASE!"

"You are under my rules. If I don't ask, you don't talk. If I don't want it, you don't scream. If you do it without my consent, I will punish you. Understand?

" Yes da-addy..."

"Breathe. Don't scream, or you'll suck my cock till it's dry."

To hear him talk so dirty, a wave of heat comes straight down to the damp cradle between your legs. Suddenly, the pain of the wax became something tempting, something you wanted to feel in you. Having Tobirama's possessive look over your body while making the liquid across your breasts is something you never thought you'd enjoy this way.

When he leans the candle over you again, you take a deep breath and hold it. Your body contracts under the impact of the fluid, but you manage not to let out any screams or moans. The Senju spreads the contents of the candle across your belly, along your abdomen, your navel, the mounds of your breasts, and paying special attention to your nipples.

This is the area where you feel the sting of the wax the most.

"What a good girl... look at you... all marked for me. Tell me how much you want my dick."

" A lot daddy, I need it, please."

Your man hovers over you and proceeds to bite your neck. Leaving various bruises in the area, he dismounts from your body, and gets rid of your trousers and underwear.

Kneeling between your legs, still with all his clothes on, he continues his game.

Bend the candle over your thighs, near the cradle of your warmth, and leave a red waxy trail up to your knee. A whimper escapes your mouth at the lack of preparation.

"Did I say you could complain?"

"No Tobi."

"And you also forgot what to call me... what a disobedient little whore, I think you need to learn some respect for authority [Y/N]."

With that said, Tobirama blows out the candle, and takes off his clothes. An extraordinarily erect limb appears in front of you.

"Come here and suck it, you slut."

Your man's new words only motivate you, and you feel hungry to please him. Surrendering everything to him, you position yourself in front of him, and introduce his member in your mouth. You plan to use the slow pace that usually works with him in bed, but the Senju has other plans.

When you run your tongue over the head of his shaft to prepare it, Tobirama looks impatient, and grabs your hair with both hands. Pushing your head ferociously, he forces you to swallow its entire length at once, causing his member to touch the end of your throat in an unexpected way. When you find yourself gagging on it, this only seems to motivate him even more.

The fact that your teeth brush against his sensitive skin gives him more pleasure, and makes him move your head up and down with vigour over his length. When your hands are directed over his arms because you are on the verge of vomiting, your man allows you to separate from his member. Breathing desperately, threads of drool connect you to his body, and Tobirama is even more motivated to take you in when he notices the tears in your eyes.

"What a beautiful little girl... tell me how much you need me inside you and maybe I'll have the decency to give it to you.

"A-A lot..."

That said, the Senju doesn't waste time, putting you on your stomach and opening your legs. Positioning himself at your entrance, he enters with a single thrust, using your saliva and moisture as sufficient lubrication to slip inside you. His pace over your body is overwhelming.

Holding your form with one hand on your waist and the other on the back of your neck. His grip is suffocating and probably leaves bruises, but at this point you don't care because the level of pleasure his length generates inside you is too much to think about otherwise.

At some point, his hands disappear from your body, and he places his elbows at the side of your head. Biting your earlobe, he accelerates his violent pace even more, and hits your inside until he almost reaches your cervix.

"Be a good girl and ask for it, tell me how much you want my cum.

"Give it to me, Daddy, please.

"Say it, ask for it [Y/N] ask for it."

"Please Daddy just come inside me."

Feeling your walls milking him makes him lose his mind, your voice suffocated by pleasure and the sheets push him to the limit, he comes inside you and collapses on you.

Tonight, you discovered the secrets that your man kept inside himself.

#senju tobirama #tobirama x reader #tobirama senju #tobirama senju x reader #naruto x reader #naruto shippuden #naruto imagines #tobirama scenario #tobirama imagines #tobirama #x reader

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ssaltbending · 3 years

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Ok, guys, hear me out: Zuko is a Capricorn, Katara is a Cancer —and here’s why (it would be so poetic).

Part 1: Zuko

TW: explicit mentions of child abuse.

I know this statement might seem weird and out of place, but in the last couple weeks I’ve been digging a lot into astrology and, in order not to forget my roots, I thoroughly felt the need to combine both of my most recent obsessions in one post, given that this headcanon hasn’t been able to leave my mind ever since I came up with it: if we applied astrology to the Avatar world, I’m sure Cancer and Capricorn would be Katara and Zuko’s signs, respectively. And I don’t say this in a superficial way, just by looking at zodiac memes and associating Katara with the crybabies Cancers are portrayed as or saying Zuko is a Capricorn buzzkill as people who know astrology on a surface level would assume they are —those are some of the most common stereotypes about the signs. No, I’m saying that they embody those signs on an archetypal leve: in the way their stories, especially Zuko’s, resemble the myths that originate the zodiac signs and their respective traits.

Therefore, without further ado, let me explain.

The Capricorn archetype: the sins of the father...

As any casual astrology enthusiast may probably know, the sign of Capricorn is connected to qualities such as perseverance, integrity, resilience and ambition, typically treated as the CEO or boss of the zodiac. However, the sign itself has a richer and much more complex story as we look at the deities it is associated with as well as the planet that rules it: Saturn, linked to the Roman god of the same name and the greek gods Cronus, Zeus, Hestia and Pan. Some astrologers choose Cronus as Capricorn’s patron god and others prefer his children, but that can be explained very easily.

The myth goes like this: Cronus, a giant and father of what we would know as some of the main greek gods (Hestia, Demeter, Hades, Poseidon, Hera and Zeus), was actually the son of Uranos, who he subverted thanks to the advice of his mother Gaia to use an agricultural tool to kill him. But as time went by and Cronus had started having children with his partner, Rhea, the fear of his descendants becoming stronger than him and doing the same thing he had done to his father took over him, which led to his decision of swallowing them all whole. He started with Hestia all the way back to Zeus, whom he couldn’t swallow right after he was born, unlike his other children, because this time Rhea had hid him in the island of Crete to protect him from his father. To deceive him, Rhea then covered a rock in cloth to make it resemble a baby for Cronus to eat it, thinking that it was a newborn Zeus.

Time passed and Zeus grew stronger until he was ready to confront his father and save his siblings from his womb, and when he finally did it, he managed to force Cronus into disgorge them one by one, in the reverse order they had been swallowed —which left Hestia as the last sibling to be disgorged.

After that, Zeus was left with a prophecy, where he would also be possibly overthrown by a son of his. And after Métis, the woman he was told would bear said child, gave birth he swallowed the newborn whole just like Cronus had done with his brothers and sisters. The child in question, however, started giving him headaches as it grew older and bigger inside of him and would become the goddess we know as Athena. What Zeus did with her was the repetition of a cycle perpetuated by his forefathers, a cycle of abuse and trauma that seems inescapable. What this part of the duality of the Capricorn archetype shows one of the ways in which those ideas of tradition and legacy can be carried on (a very negative one, to be honest), but that’s not the only way they can manifest, which gives the archetype this… almost cinematic quality, in my opinion. (And if we take this into account, I might headcanon Azula as a Capricorn rising due not only to the archetypal coincidences but the overall mastermind outlook she has and how much of a natural, domineering and calculating leader she is, but that’s besides the point.)

Now, let’s talk about the other side of the archetype, which gives it this incredible dual quality: Hestia’s path. Unlike her brother Zeus, Hestia was the one who not only had been devoured by her father, but she had spent the most time inside him as well. This is often associated with the emotional isolation many Capricorns experience in their youth, the lack of warmth and love by one of their parents, along with the desire not to become the abusive parent they were exposed to. Hestia is the other side of the story, the unspoken leader of the Olympians, the one who broke the toxic cycle running in her family for generations, vowing to become an eternal virgin and protector of the earth. Besides, Hestia means “hearth”: the inner fire, the one that is never allowed to go out.

(art by @elisebrave)

That is the soul of the Capricorn archetype: the crossroads of destiny, the moment when the child decides whether to become like their parents, or forge their own path like Hestia did. Do you guys see what I see now? Are the similarities clear enough?

As my dear friend @persephobeee points out in her Capricorn essay (a crucial source for this one): “The Capricorn archetype is a cycle of stuck parents putting stress on their children at such a young age so then their kid ends up making money in retaliation, but then treat their kids the same as well due to the lack of warmth and freedom they had in their own childhood. The intense pressure put onto them as a child [then] leads to isolation and depression. It’s a cycle. ‘I don’t want to be my parent, but also… how they have ruined me’. The chain can continue with Zeus (projecting sorrows and nightmares onto their own children) or it could break with Hestia (the path of love, light and protection).”

This is why Capricorn’s planetary ruler, Saturn, is also associated with ideas found in this myth: restriction, limitation, order, boundaries, leadership, responsibility… pretty much dad vibes, to be honest. Do you guys see what I see or do I have to dig deeper?

“But isn’t zuko a firebender?? Why would he be an earth sign??”, you may ask.

The way that I might be making headcanons about the Gaang’s western zodiac signs isn’t gonna be based on which element they bend, because that would be quite reductive and restrictive for me as an astrology junkie, but their similarities to each sign’s archetype and overall characteristics. And yes, I do see Zuko as an earth sun, but that wouldn’t be his only sign, there is also the moon and the rising sign, which also have an important impact on the individual. In my opinion, Zuko’s personality embodies the qualities of fire signs as well: competitiveness, drive, passion, impulsiveness and loyalty. But to me those qualities are better shown in his character through his moon sign: an Aries moon, to be specific. See those anger outbursts? The “I don’t need any [fucking] calming tea!!”? The “you never think these things through”? Aries moon behavior, right there. But I’m not going to focus on moon signs right now. Let’s get back to the behavior I am the most well-versed at: Capricorn behavior.

So, the sign of Capricorn is also a cardinal sign, a leader, since they are the ones that begin each season. In the Northern Hemisphere, Capricorn season starts right on the winter solstice, and the opposite happens in the South. However, since all the astrology lore comes from the North thanks to the Greeks, Babylonians and more, the seasonal connections are related to the seasons there. As a consequence, Capricorn is the cardinal sign that brings the coldest, darkest season of the year: winter. And incorporating that into Zuko’s character would be incredibly fitting, in my opinion, because of some stuff I’ve read here on Tumblr saying that making him being born during the coldest time of the year would make it a terrible omen for a firebender, worse in this case due to him being born into the royal family, symbols of the power and “supremacy” of the Fire Nation. The fact that he would be born in winter, if we follow this reasoning, would have made him seem as a disappointment to his father ever since birth.

… or maybe I’m just cruel, guys.

Moreover, I think Zuko embodies many of the Capricorn qualities in the way he carries himself (because no, not all Capricorns are confident managers with the world in our hands) and how hard he has to work to earn everything he gets. A key part of what this sign represents is “the path of hardships the goat has to overcome in order to reach the top of the mountain”, which along with the myth I have described before, could easily be applied to Zuko. It describes values of endurance, hard work, discipline and drive in order to achieve your goals, something that can be seen in Zuko all throughout the series, but changes its focus as the seasons go by. Besides, uhm… have you guys seen “The Day of Black Sun, Part 2”? That is literally the positive outcome of the Capricorn myth made into animation: the confrontation between an abusive father figure and his abused child who has decided to part ways with him in order to become a better person.

On another note, I think it is important to highlight how the Capricorn in Zuko could be seen based on how the rest of the Gaang treats him as well when he changes sides and he’s accepted into the group. How?, you may be wondering: as a father figure, but in a positive way. In many scenes it can be noticed how he naturally takes a position of leadership within the group as well as he takes care of the younger members such as Aang and Toph but, especially in Aang’s case, tries to ground them and teach them. As examples, take the following: Zuko reminding Aang that soon he will have to face the fact that he might have to kill Ozai, him trying to get everyone to train when the comet is about to arrive; how when Aang gets lost, it is him the one people look to in order to lead the group, etc.

Another thing that is well-known in Capricorns is our resilience and perseverance and, honestly: do I even need to explain that? When it comes to the guy who would get his ass beaten again and again and again for one season straight in order to get what he wanted which would also give him the approval of his father, what he craved most? It screams earth sign behavior to me, but with a heavy saturnian influence due to Zuko’s background which, to me, can be quite an interesting reflection of the Saturn/Cronus myth with his children. Said tenacity could also be exacerbated by the willpower and energy brought by the possibility of him having a fire moon, I don’t know, think about it. I stick to that headcanon.

That perseverance can also be seen when it comes to Zuko’s firebending, given how much he’s always trying to improve his skills. Although it could be argued that in reality he’s doing so due to the expectations put on him to be a proficient bender just like his sister in order to be accepted by his father, and his constant training to the point of exhaustion is just a manifestation of that toxic behavior. I am sorry to tell you, but that’s textbook Capricorn behavior, associated with the symbolism of the hardworking goat in general: working the hardest in order to get what you want is always on-brand when it comes to important Capricorn placements, and in my opinion Zuko is no exception.

Final thoughts.

Anyway, what I think would be most relevant is what I mentioned before about the Capricorn archetype and how it could tie in nicely to Zuko’s character arc with him as a representation of Hestia, who could grow out of the abuse she experienced and got a chance not to make her father’s mistakes and break that horrendous cycle she had been a victim of. I would go into this more deeply, but I think it has been enough for now. However, I’ll be back soon with a part two, talking about my water queen Katara. What do you think about this headcanon? Do you agree? If not, why?

Thanks for coming to my weird-ass TedTalk at 1am. I needed to vent and I haven’t been able to put the computer down since 9pm, I literally only stopped to eat, lol.

See you soon,

a Capricorn sun.

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mirrinbelde-shitposts · 3 years

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I think you’re mercury is in Capricorn?

It's *you're, but indeed I have a Capricorn Mercury.

Welcome to your reading. Please remember to send feedback.

First impressions when looking at your chart: even distribution of planets; lots of aspects; a grand trine

SUN IN LIBRA

The Sun has its fall in Libra. This is, therefore, the most difficult position for the Sun, theoretically speaking. Concretely, you may find it hard to know and express yourself or you may have trouble developing healthy self-esteem. You may achieve self-discovery through socializing and relationships, particularly romantic ones. Your indecisive personality may hinder your journey of self-knowledge, so beware of this. You have a big need for harmony in life and in relationships, but your partner should balance you, so a person who can take initiative and make decisions is ideal, someone who is dynamic and has a taste for adventure. You are quite sociable and loved by everyone. Venus lends you grace, elegance, good taste and a high sense of diplomacy, fairness and justice.

SUN IN THE 11TH HOUSE

Here, the Sun is in the house of Aquarius. Libra does well here, because the two signs share some traits: humanitarianism, great importance of friendships, fondness of socialization. With the Sun placed here, I think that your group of friends is absolutely crucial to you: you can blend in well and you're very much accepted and liked by them. You can lead without being dominating, which makes people naturally bend to your desires. The Libra and Aquarius mix make me think that you would do well as an activist, a spokesperson for an NPO or a civil rights lawyer. The discovery of your identity may be acquired whilst in one of these groups or associations. You place great importance on your social life and you work together in a team. However, you should take care not to become too much like those around you.

MOON IN SCORPIO

Once again, you have a planet in Fall. Scorpio is a sign known for its intensity, whilst the Moon is a sensitive, delicate luminary. This position probably means that your emotional life is intense and dramatic. Your relationships are quite deep when it comes to the bond, but they are also complex and you may struggle to maintain them. Nothing is ever good enough, you are always unsatisified. You can mess with other people's emotions, be it on purpose or not. This may be due to your high intuitiveness and ability to discern others' thoughts and secrets. I'd say people cannot be indifferent to you. You may attract a lot of bad wishes, but some desperately want to be you or be with you. You probably take a lot of time to trust someone, but when that happens, you become a deeply loyal and caring partner, revealing you inner fragility and insecurity. However, you strong façade can probably keep most people away. Changing your nature may be quite difficult, but an unexpected loss may cause you to rethink your approach to life.

MOON IN THE 1ST HOUSE

You embody some of the Moon's traits, for example, your highly accurate intuitiveness regarding other people's feelings. Also, a bit like Cancer Moon, you may become "infected" by the feelings of those around you. With the Moon placed here, you may feel more comfortable showing your emotions, which very much contrasts with your Scorpio Moon. This is even more so because your Moon conjuncts the Ascendant. The relationship with your mother could be extremely important to you, for the good or for the bad. This placement also gives you an almost motherly quality: you can be quite good at perceiving when and how people need emotional support.

MERCURY IN SCORPIO

In this sign, Mercury behaves in a controlled, secretive way. You may be very cautious with your words, preferring to listen and to think, rather than to speak. You are graced with a natural curiosity toward the secret and the hidden things. You may enjoy delving on the concealed intentions and thoughts of others. Being a fixed sign, you may fiercely defend your opinions, as well as have a hard time seeing the world though a different lens. I think this may be a good placement for someone who works with the human mind: a physcologist or a detective. Your mind is restless, always looking for answers as to how things happen. However, you can give off reserved and secretive vibes, which may not be the most welcoming. Nevertheless, your ability to discern what other people struggle to see may be a huge advantage for you.

MERCURY IN THE 12TH HOUSE

This is the most karmic house. Mercury placed here may cause difficulty in bridging your thoughts and your feelings. Nevertheless, as I mentioned in the section about Scorpio Mercury, you enjoy mental gifts that are out of the reach of most people. Your inner world is very important to you; a refuge, even. You often delve deep into the subconscious mind, attempting to find explanations for what happens in the real world. In your case, since it makes a lot of sqares and oppositions, this need of yours may cause you to get obsessed, paranoic, even, so be careful not to let the influence of the powerful 12th house overtake your mind. This placement may lead to thoughts that, in turn, cause problems. It is your mission in this lifetime to learn from past lives and use this energy to better know yourself and the world around you.

VENUS IN VIRGO

Venus falls in the sign of Virgo (3 planets Fall in your chart, are you ok?). Here, Venus is given the tools of Mercury, which differ so very much from her own. For one, you are way too logical and analytical in your relationships. Your emotions aren't felt that much; you prefer to rationalize them, perhaps because you don't know how to deal with them in the first place. You probably prefer platonic relationships over romantic ones, because the latter require those feelings of which you have little understanding, whilst the former can rely upon solely on the mind, your speciality. You are intelligent, determined, put together and goal-oriented. Acts of service is probably the way to win you. Nevetheless, you don't fall for just anyone. You have to think a lot before entering a relationship, weighing all the pros and cons. However, when you do commit, you are are quite loyal and cute with your partner.

VENUS IN THE 9TH HOUSE

This placement is one of the indicators of having a foreign spouse or someone from a different cultural background; perhaps you will meet them abroad. This is because of your desire to connect to people in your travels. You also wish for a relationship that will broaden your horizons and will bring lots of adventures. Additionally, your relationships may affect how you see the world. You have a thirst for adventure. This is also a good position for teachers because it allows them to connect their love (Venus) to their teachings (9H).

MARS IN SAGITTARIUS

Mars in this sign makes for a highly adventurous, spontaneous, fun-loving individual. You have that reckless optimism that defines Sagittarius so well. With Mars here, you act in a blunt way and you are not afraid to take risks. This placement also aids with that search for the truth that I mentioned in the two Mercury sections. Sagittarius is also quite concerned with the higher mysteries, so Mars here goes well with your Mercury. You may also take action through your ideals; Jupiter, which rules Sagittarius, is also an idealist planet. Morals are quite important to you. Also, like the other Fire Mars, this is an auspicious placement for people who do sports competitively.

MARS IN THE 2ND HOUSE

Here, Mars is tied in with the themes of Taurus. Since Taurus is a fixed sign, I'd say that you are very good at getting what you want because you are quite determined and perseverant. You may have a strong will to acquire material things that bring you comfort and security. In that sense, you may wish to have a high-paying job that allows you to buy the things that allow you to have that comfortable lifestyle. However, you may spend your money too generously, so beware of that. You are brave and dynamic, qualities that help you to achieve what you want.

JUPITER IN TAURUS

Jupiter here emphasizes the importance that your values and desires have to you: harmony, comfort, security are of utmost importance. Like I mentioned, if you feel safe, you will appreciate all of these things in life. Jupiter also grants you a high need for love and affection, which, if provided, will be more than enough to make you happy. However, if you do not feel that security, you may become possessive, be it with people or with material things. Also, you may lead a lifestyle too focused on your earthly possessions. Lastly, you may also be anxious about the future; you want to know what’s in store for you.

JUPITER IN THE 5TH HOUSE

This placement expands your creative abilities. As a means to find yourself (Libra Sun), you may make use of the arts to express your identity. This is a lighter placement, that may give you that fun-loving, extroverted, childlike outlook on life. Once again, a placement that favours sports. It may also be a good one to have in order to better bond with children. Take care not to get too vain, because, with Jupiter in the house of Leo, you may feel compelled to be the best at everything you do, to be the star. You probably have lots of hobbies and may like to be a little risky with them; perhaps gambling or something along those lines, something challenging.

SATURN IN TAURUS

Your insecurities are tied to your possessions. This placement is not a good one in terms of managing money; you could’ve had problems in this area in a past life. Your self-esteem is too connected to what you belong, instead of what you are. You are too attached, so you also fear losing those things you love. You’re also too afraid to change, perhaps because you are not one to take risks, preferring to choose what you know. You shouldn’t think this way. Change is a natural part of life, one you must accept. Your self-growth is achieved through the connection to your heart. Learn to feel, instead of owning. Learn how to connect to people.

SATURN IN THE 6TH HOUSE

You can feel responsible for other people, especially your coworkers, even if you struggle getting along with them. There’s a need to serve, to be of use to others; you may find it hard to relax. You are quite organized, so you’d do well to make use of it. You could also be the type to help others in the way to their goals. However, you should also understand that, sometimes, you should just let go and go with the flow. Not everything in life is about hard work, routines or responsibilities. Find something that excites you; try some meditation. There may also be some health issues, perhaps you had them in your childhood. ⬛

#astrology #game ask #my stuff

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gloves94 · 4 years

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Sunburn [Prince Zuko] 5

Warnings: None Rating: PG-13 Pairings: Zuko/OC Summary: “You have everything you’ve ever wanted.” “No.” He said softly. “Not everything…” His golden eyes looked at her with a melting intensity she had never witnessed before. “I guess not.” She responded with glassy eyes as tears welled up threatening to break the dam of her eyes.

My fanfiction: M A S T E R L I S T

"Admiral Zhao is not allowing ships in or out of this area." A soldier from Commander Zhao's fleet had stepped into Team Zuko's. He had basically barged in an demanded that the prince hand over all information in regards of the Avatar. And here Iroh the ever optimistic thought they were here for a game of Pai Sho.

"I've got nothing to report to Zhao," Zuko stated coldly as he looked at the floor and then glared at the soldiers that stood before him. "Now off my ship!" He roared casting Tsai to jump slightly as he pointed them out.

'Who is this Zhao?'

Tsai knew that it wasn't hard to get under Zuko's skin, but there was something about this man that seemed to really irritate him. Or maybe it was the fact they had been sailing northeast without a single sighting in the past couple of days. Not knowing much about the war or its generals or commanders she remained clueless to his man's identity, but would he would he have to crawl over her dead body if she was just going to let somebody take her destiny of bringing peace to the Fire Nation world. Approaching the table she read over a wanted poster that some of the soldiers were looking at.

"It says here that the Avatar can create tornadoes and run faster than the wind," one of the soldiers read aloud in awe. "Pretty amazing!" Another said.

Tsai blinked twice taken aback when an image of a boy no older than twelve which was painted on the poster. He was just a child, a bald child with eager eyes and a tattooed arrow pointing down the middle of his forehead. "But he's just a child," she gaped in surprise. All this time she had been imagining a very old man. But if he was a child- why on Earth hadn't Zuko been able to capture him?

She didn't know much about air benders. No one did, after all they had been extinct for the past one hundred years. Part of her wished the ship had a library where she could research information about the Avatar, but wait maybe there was something she could do...

"Tsai, care to join us for a game of Pai Sho? I think they are getting better," Iroh called. "I'll pass for now. I have to write to my family," it wasn't a complete lie. "Good luck gentleman," she smiled sweetly at the men making some of them swoon.

Xxx

'Brother,

I hope you are well. I know I have been gone less than a week. I hope you don't miss me too much. I also wish I could tell you where I am, but it is hard to pin point. We are presently sailing northwest hot on the Avatar's trail. Can you believe it?

Iroh has been a most gracious host. I enjoy spending time with him, he really reminds me of grandpa, and the prince well- tell mother not to get too excited, but he does have some redeeming qualities (and a terrible temper as well).

Mecha, I need to ask you yet another favor. Please send me all information you might have on air benders or air bending. Turns out the Avatar is only a child! A slippery one that is if he's had Prince Zuko chasing him all over the world with no success.

Lots of love to the family,

- Your Sister Tsai'

Tsai came down from the commander tower after having sent out a fire hawk home to her brother. Coming down she encountered a fire show of the prince angrily kicking and punching bold strokes of dangerous fire in all directions. He even appeared to be radiating anger.

"Hey, you O.K.?" She found herself asking once again. She put her hands on her waist as she eyed him carefully barely dodging a fire blast which headed in her direction. Part of her suspected that had not been an accident. He wore a maroon training tunic that showed off his toned arms.

"Perfectly fine," he grumbled. Obviously not pleased. "Is it because of that man Zhao?" She pressed on. "We can't give up yet! We can still find the Avatar before him," she said in a determined tone. "We?"He scoffed incredulously.

As far as he knew Tsai brought nothing to table except for maybe tea and Pai Sho. She nodded holding a fist to her chest a determined glint in her honey brown eyes. "I know we can do it!"

"She's right Prince Zuko," Iroh suddenly appeared. "I was becoming worried when you hadn't ordered your men in the past hour."

"How? With Zhao's resources, it's just a matter of time before he captures the Avatar," he stated upset. He turned and lowered his voice into almost a whisper, "My honor, my throne, my country... I'm about to lose them all." A somber gust of wind passed by.

Seeing him like this. Seeing anybody like this broke the girl's mushy heart. She looked at him sadly.

"But you have something Zhao doesn't have!" She said animatedly.

Both Iroh and Zuko turned to look at her with expecting eyes. "Something worth fighting for!"

His fists clenched at his sides in fury. "That's absolutely useless!" He roared in frustration. She flinched a little at his tone. I mean she was only trying to help...

"Prince Zuko, a word from Zhao's men. Apparently the Admiral has the Avatar on his compound grounds."

Tsai closed her eyes not wanting to witness the volcano that was about to explode in front of her. 'Talk about bad timing.' Her hair was whipped wildly by several heat waves.

Shutting her eyes even tighter she set her mind to it, she was determined to do something about this. If Zhao had the Avatar that meant that the odds of her having a chance at achieving her grandfather's dream would be destroyed.

Xxx

It was already the evening. Zuko braced himself for the battle that he would encounter tonight. He put his twin blades on his back and shed his princely identity becoming a Blue Spirit of the night. He was ready to sneak out when a gentle knock made him freeze on the spot.

"H-Hey," a voice said softly.

It was Tsai.

"I'm really sorry about today. Just know I'm going to try my best to help out more from now on. I understand if you're still upset. Well, have a good night then." He hadn't realized that he had been holding his breath all of this time. He slowly released it when he heard her foot steps trail off.

Meanwhile Tsai tip toed around the ship until she reached the deck where some of the soldier's were currently lounging keeping their night guard.

"Gentleman," she coed in a soft voice.

Their jaws dropped at the sight. One wolf whistled inappropriately. They were basically salivating at the sight of the lady before them. Her eyes were coated with cleverly applied dark make up, more than she usually wore. Perfect for an evening look. Her lips were rogue and her features had been professionally contoured. Crimson hair cascaded down her back in full waves. "Anybody feel like taking me ashore?" She popped her hip to the side dramatically batting her eyelashes.

A few moments later Tsai was ashore standing outside the gates of the Pohuai Stronghold She noted the way it was heavily armed and had no trouble batting her eyelashes getting inside. One of the few advantages of war was that these men hadn't seen a woman in ages.

xxx

"Tell me, how does it feel to be the only airbender left?" Zhao taunted the Avatar as he rounded him in a chamber. "Do you miss your people?" He pressed on leaning maliciously close towards the boy.

Taking in a massive breath the Avatar blew the man hard against the metal door making him lose his balance and ungracefully fall on his face. "Blow all the wind you want. Your situation is futile. There is no escaping this fortress and nobodyis coming to rescue you." He scowled.

"Admiral Zhao," a soldier suddenly entered the chamber. "You better come quick Sir." he urged, "Y-You've got an important guest," he adjusted his helmet his face slightly turning scarlet.

Zhao raised an eyebrow with intrigue. He had not been expecting anybody. Could it have been that Fire Lord Ozai had sent a personal gift to him? He ran a hand through his hair combing it down in a narcissistic matter.

Xxx

Tsai had been brought to a waiting room which wasn't nearly as elegant as the one in her home. She sat comfortably with a relaxed expression on her features, her poise and feet had been placed in a strategic way which she knew highlighted her best features. (She had also stuffed her bra with two apples although she would never confess that to anyone). She wore a flattering emerald green kimono dress that fit her in all the right places a jade butterfly clip held half of her hair up elegantly.

"I wasn't expecting any company tonight." A man whom Tsai assumed to be Admiral Zhao walked in. He air of arrogance seemed to follow him. He was a middle-aged military man with dark gray hair and sharp sideburns that made his features appear more angular. A smug smirk twisted on his lips. "Ms. Haru of Hu Xin," his eyes scanned her body tracing every curve and inch of her visible skin.

"I had heard tales of the man, the myth, the legend-"

Tsai almost threw up in her mouth. She could not believe she had just said that. It was official she had been reading way too many cheesy plays. As disgusting as this was, she had a plan, and a part to play if she wanted to succeed. She rose to her feet slightly draping one of the sleeves down to display a bare shoulder. "Had to come see it myself. Meet the infamous Admiral Zhao." She spoke as she rounded him. His eyes followed her, enjoying every minute of having his ego stroked. "Congrats on the promotion," she spoke lowly in an attempt to sound both older and more mature. How old was he anyways?

"How old are you Haru?" He said with an edge of suspicion raising up an eyebrow. "Didn't your mother ever tell you it was rude to ask a lady for her age?" She let out a throaty chuckle as she flirted. "I'm almost twenty," she lied with skill tossing him back a look.

Tsai lied through her teeth the entire night. She had managed to convince a high ranking military officer, an admiral, that she was around town visiting her cousin and upon hearing the news that the now 'famed' admiral was in town, well she just had to visit. It was such an absurd lie and Zhao appeared to be such an ego maniac that he totally ate it up. The two were currently sitting on one of the sofa seats. Both were drinking some wine that the admiral had been reserving for a special occasion. With every minute that passed he inched closer and closer to her wanting more than just hand holding or gentle strokes. Tsai's ruse was beginning to collapse. She had to get out of here and fast. She chuckled nervously as the man stroked her waist and slowly inched his hand lower and lower. He was also leaning in closer-

"Ah-I'm-Um.. I need to use the restroom!" She declared jumping to her feet. The Admiral collapsed on the sofa and turned to look at her with an elbow propped holding his head up. "Don't be long," he purred.

Knowing him he probably found his intimidation to be 'endearing' or something twisted amongst those lines.

The girl tiptoed out in to the hallway and let out a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding once she was out of his sight. Great- now she had to find the Avatar. If she was Zhao were would he keep the Avatar? Probably close by, tall in this tower. She rushed up the stairs running as fast as she could. She really had no time to waste.

Xxx

The Blue Spirit had successfully infiltrated Zhao's compound base. He snuck in floor by floor until he reached the top of the tower. However, he was surprised when he did not encounter any soldiers. Only evidence of a conflict. Abandoned helmets rolled down the empty hallways. Marks of conflicts, stains of blood and slashes had scarred the walls of the military compound.

There was also water in the floor and a wooden bucket which had been smashed to bits and pieces.

'Just- what happened here?' Zuko thought to himself. His eyes narrowed in suspicion. Somebody had beat him to it. There was somebody else here.

xxx

Aang heard what sounded like punched being thrown followed by painful screams. He brazed himself and kept his eyes focused on the steel door that was across from him. It was then that the door opened and a beautiful woman walked in. She exhaled sharply quickly running her hands through her wavy red colored hair combing it back into place. His jaw dropped as she ran towards him. Her emerald dressing robes fluttering behind as she did.

"There's no time," she stood before him and upon closeness Aang realized she was only a teenager. One in a very poor disguise. "Who are y-" He began to ask. "No time," she hissed glaring and pulled an apple from the inside of her robe slamming it against his open mouth silencing him. She appeared to be picking at the locks with the back of her hair pin. It was then that the door behind the two was once again shut.

xxx

Both Aang and Tsai couldn't believe what they were seeing an individual wearing black with a Blue Spirit theater mask entered the room. Aang bit the apple hard the fruit collapsing on the floor as he swallowed almost choking on the piece of apple.

Xxx

Zuko blinked twice, shook to his core. He was thankful for the mask for it hid his expression of shock and disbelief. Was he hallucinating?

'How had- there was no way- but- it had to be.'

Pulling out his twin blades be began an elaborate display of mastery over the blades. The Avatar let out a loud scream. The lady wearing the emerald dress kimono stood before him pushing him behind, shielding him with her body.

"Shh!!" She hissed as the Avatar screeched for his life. The masked individual came closer and evenly sliced the Avatar's hand restrains. Aang felt his arms drop as the blood rush back to them. The Avatar and his lovely savior looked at the masked individual in shock.

Xxx

Zuko stood mere inches away from her. Now he was more certain than ever. It was most definitely her. It was Tsai and she appeared to be wearing some type of disguise. Regardless, she looked-

He shook his head. He snapped back to reality realizing that both his uncle's royal guest and the Avatar were starring at him with their eyes the size of golf balls. He lowered his weapons also freeing the Avatar's feet. Tsai and Aang exchanged a look as Zuko walked towards the door. "What's going on?"

The red-headed beauty slowly walked over to the Blue Spirit. Her light brown eyes were focused on him. Friend or foe? She measured her opponent. There was something familiar about his stance, about his posture, something that she couldn't put her finger on.

It was impossible. Zuko remained in shock. Not a single hair out of place, her clothes remained impeccable with no signs of struggle. He looked at her hands both resting at her sides without a weapon.

Also- how on Earth had she even gotten of the ship?

"I think he's here to save you," she spoke after making a decision. Sticking a hand into her dress she pulled out an apple from her chest, her expression serious. "Listen here," She reached for the spirit's dark shirt and fisted it pulling the mask close to her face. She paused for a moment attempting to catch a glimpse of any notable feature underneath the mask. "I have important things to do, places to be-" she hissed out. Her grip becoming tighter.

Zuko had never seen her like this, had never seen her eyes hold such darkness in them.

"I'm entrusting you with the Avatar Blue Spirit and I've got news for you. If anything happens to him. If there is a scratch on his bald head, a broken limb, if any harm comes to him-" Her hand trembled slightly before the apple she had been holding in her hand was crushed into a juice mash just with her grip strength. The message was loud and clear. "Got that?" She finished menacingly before letting go pushing the masked individual slightly.

"Wait!" Aang called out. "Who are you?!"

It was too late. She was gone.

xxxxx

FIRST https://gloves94.tumblr.com/post/621142853126602752/sunburn-prince-zuko-1

NEXT https://gloves94.tumblr.com/post/621233046237184000/sunburn-prince-zuko-6

PREV https://gloves94.tumblr.com/post/621143805670948864/sunburn-prince-zuko-4

CHAPTER MASTERLIST

#prince zuko #prince Zuko fanfic #prince Zuko x oc #zuko #oc #Zuko x oc #Zuko x reader #avatar fanfic #atla #avatar #katara #sokka #fluff #fanfic #fanfiction #avatar fanfiction #wattpad

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iwriteaboutkpopsometimes · 3 years

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Hyunjin "Play With Fire (Feat. Yacht Money)" (원곡 : Sam Tinnesz) | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER] ~A Love Letter~

I talk about why I love this video so much and deliver an excruciatingly detailed play by play of it, but why read a two thousand word, five page essay on a three minute video when you can just go watch the aforementioned three minute video? Forget me spending hours writing this, why are you here, seriously, it would take you significantly less time to watch the actual video. Regardless, enjoy my attempt to refrain from saying the same three things, “he's so cool”, “I love him”, and “this is so good”, in exchange for a more, hopefully, academically professional sound.

Watching him perform never fails to put me in a trance, it’s incredibly captivating how precise and sharp while simultaneously lively and energy-filled his movements are. This video feels reminiscent of enjoying a movie I’ve seen countless times, memorized every line of dialogue from, and genuinely think of every part as the best it has to offer. I greatly missed seeing him dance and having this as his grand welcome back into the spotlight is nothing less of a gift. Every second leaves my heart pounding and as excited as the last, as he continuously tops himself the longer I watch. I feel that revisiting the video is the least I can do, for giving it only one view doesn’t feel morally acceptable if I intend to truly appreciate it for that art that it is. Dramatic of me? Perhaps, but I can’t help but perceive it as more than just this one video that was uploaded onto their YouTube channel. It isn’t just about all of the work he and others put into the making of this particular video, his choreography for the song was a result of years upon years of practice and learning different techniques. A performance this good doesn’t only involve technical skill though, but also skill in regards to one’s inner mind. To have confidence in one’s self, to hit every move powerfully, to know what you’re doing and be unapologetic about it, that is skill. Sure, the performer is at the focus of any performance, but don’t forget that it’s also about the audience, it is after all for the enjoyment of the viewer. If the audience senses your doubt and insecurity and uncertainty, it will make your stage that much less enjoyable. Whatever you feel, they can feel too. When I watch him, I don’t feel any of that. In fact, I feel the exact opposite, I feel inspired, motivated, confident, excited to advance in my own endeavors. The emotion that this video evokes from me goes beyond anything Stray Kids or K-Pop or even dance itself, it makes me want to be a better person, be kinder to myself and work harder. That might sound like a lot for one video to do for someone, but it’s the truth. All of the details, even down to the individual frames, it all works together to create the most gratifying viewing experience. At the time of writing this, the video has just hit five million views and has over one million likes, only a mere three days after its initial upload.

The first shot of his footsteps alone, as he goes to stand in front of the mirror, I already feel this sense of importance coming from him, delicate, yet powerful. The setting, cold and empty, yet inviting, it makes room for him and gives him just enough light to be seen, for he doesn’t need all that much help to surely shine. The credits that pop up use a dark shade of pink-red for it’s background color and white text that acknowledges the same deep red imagery and text associated with the material of the original work. His outfit is neat and pristine with some sparkle, resembling one a prince would seem fit. He stares at his reflection, holding a sheer white ribbon in his mouth, gathers a section of hair behind his head and proceeds to tie it with said ribbon. The music starts as he finishes tying and lets his arms fall down at his sides. The over the shoulder shot looking into the mirror, shows that his expression is neutral, almost calm. This can most certainly be described as “the calm before the storm”, except the storm itself is antonymous to a tragedy, because when the singing starts, it’s as if his performance persona was turned on by a switch, a charismatic possession that took place in a matter of seconds that sends chills down your spine in the best way. His previously neutral, calm-like expression and gently resting arms are quickly replaced by the sudden placement of his right hand around his neck and a look that resembles more of a vengeful, hesitant, and somehow playful one. Similar to what I’d imagine a villain would look like right before being bested during an epic fight sequence at the climax of a film. It’s satisfying to see him popping to the beat’s rhythm, his arms, wrists, and head smoothly illustrating the flow of the words, his focus and the secure angles he’s able to form before even fully utilizing his lower body. On the line “Got secrets I can’t tell”, he delicately places his pointer finger in between his teeth, as he turns back to meet the camera with his eyes, the shot now semi-closely focusing on both Hyunjin and his reflection as opposed to just one or the other. He extends his right arm, his hand forming a fist, and the camera movement making it as if I’ve been punched and sent flying. He stumbles to the middle of the room, does an opening gesture with his arms, like a proud baker showing off their completed wedding cake, along with a dramatic spin incorporating his thin, white, flowy cape. Reaching the pre-chorus, we get to see the room more clearly, like the stone pillars and the contrast of the small, warm lights on the walls to the grand grayness radiating from the large window that makes him appear as a near silhouette. There’s a certain holiness about him spending a count with his head down and arms out, much like the Crucifixion of Christ, before showcasing more of a demonic energy when he faces the window with his body, but bends backward and looks to the camera upside down. He rips off the cape, tosses it behind him, to his right. This could symbolize a transformation, an abandonment of a particularly purer image of oneself, a liberation. The music picks up, and the manner in which he dances is like a visual representation of one’s inner turmoil combined with an agenda to seduce those watching, wanting to dance for himself while taking us along for the ride. Now that the first minute of the video is out of the way, let’s continue.

The music fades into the background and the video takes on a sudden widescreen and grayscale appearance as he falls back on his right hand, flings his left hand over to his right shoulder, as though he’s been shot, and is being supported by his knees. He leans forward, places his right hand on the ground in front of him, uses his left hand to push his right knee over to achieve ideal balance, setting up his body roll. He extends his right leg back, getting close to the ground, and there’s something quite feral, yet intimate about the way he traces the length of his arm with his face and left hand. It looks like he’s taking out his frustrations through his moves while never sacrificing the detailed quality of the performance as a whole. It reminds me of how it’s more than common for artists to use their pain in their art, whether it be a point of well-intentioned expression with a specific purpose or simply an outlet for them to channel into. Hyunjin is the definition of aggressive elegance. The fullscreen, colorful display and music entirely return when he spins and lands on the ground in a Spider- Man esc pose, the room a lot warmer than even before the stylistic grayscale section. There’s hints of red, acting as a match that’s set to illuminate and ignite the puddle of gasoline that is him and his performance, that replaces the once colder, icy blue that previously enveloped his silhouette. He bounces to the beat showing off his proud, devilish smile that, instead of striking fear, makes me feel proud, as I’m essentially rooting for the villain in the movie. If the transition to the grayscale widescreen was him getting shot, then the transition back to fullscreen color is him emerging from his grave, an awakening. His shirt is no longer neatly tucked into his pants, but rather, hanging very loosely and mostly unbuttoned. He covers his face with his left hand, pulling it down for just a second before revealing his expression that has swiftly reverted to a roughly indifferent one. The inner conflict has greatly subsided, and focuses on the hesitant-free embracing of his newly discovered self, one of immense confidence and sex-appeal. Although, something about the flow of how he averts his gaze, looking to the left and not the lense, while pointing and doing body rolls at the camera, covers his eyes with crossed arms, and then allows for his hair to cover his eyes as well, makes me feel like he doesn’t want the viewer to know he is still at least a little bit shy. He quickly makes you forget though, because the next and final minute exaggerates everything he’s shown us up until this point, taking it to a whole new, spectacular level.

The bridge of the song creates a slower, softer atmosphere, which is beautifully interpreted with how Hyunjin carries himself during this part. Bigger gestures that blend into each other seamlessly, centering on really taking up the space he’s in. He gently and precisely lowers his body to the floor, collecting a white rose between his teeth. As soon as he returns to his upright stature, the setting changes dramatically. His hair now completely down, he’s under a spotlight in an otherwise pitch black and foggy room. There’s blue and red light reflecting off of his white top and his skin as he dances. This part feels more humane compared to the rest, with more of an obvious balance between sharp, impactful moves and tender, compassionate ones. He draws attention to his shoulders, brings his hands and feet close to his body, and showcases his red lit back. I particularly enjoy when he flicks his wrists and twists his ankles to the right in unison on the second syllable of “unstoppable”. For the “legendary animal” part of that line, his arms create a cage-like structure by doing a climbing motion and carrying it over all the way to the left. A cage in which he destroys the walls and breaks out of, shown by him punching downward on beat. From holding the rose in his mouth to holding it in his hand, he brings it over his head to his left shoulder, and raises his heels. He carries the rose down and around his left arm, his left arm momentarily resting at his waist, his right arm extended downward, he raises his heels again. His whole body lowers as a rigid wave starts at his up flicked wrists and subsequently elbows and shoulders. This collection of gestures results in petals falling off of the rose. He then inevitably throws it into the void, out of the reach of the lovely spotlight. I see this spotlight dance as a danse macabre, or dance of death. The white ribbon, white shirt, and white rose all coming together to illustrate this innocent and pure quality to him, that through this dance, he finalizes the renouncement of. He is more than ready to embrace a new and different side of him, but especially to get rid of the older and repetitive side that felt restrictive more than anything. The spotlight dance ends with Hyunjin looking directly into the camera, tracing his right hand down his chest and to his side, and the camera backing away. The last chorus of the song brings us back to the oh so familiar main room, Hyunjin’s hair back to being tied up, the lighting is the same, but there’s something that stands out. His shirt is on the verge of being completely unbuttoned and that allows for something alluringly shiny to be fully in view compared to before. The video comes full circle with Hyunjin’s hand around his neck, he stands in the hallway, and walks away a new man as the screen fades to black.

As I wrap up this essay on Hyunjin’s “Play With Fire (Feat. Yacht Money)”, original song by Sam Tinnesz, Stray Kids: SKZ-PLAYER, the video has reached six million views, a million more than when I first started writing this, and I feel proud to have spent a day simply pouring my heart and mind out on this wordy display of my appreciation. Don’t be fooled though, for my necessary research, I guess you could call it, for this project may no longer be so necessary, I shall continue to watch and applaud the masterpiece and experience that is this video for my own personal enjoyment, much like how this whole piece was written for my own personal enjoyment. It was an interesting challenge to properly voice not only the contents of the video but also my thoughts and feelings on it. Hyunjin is a highly valued dancer, member of Stray Kids, and person and five pages isn’t ever going to be enough to fully explain the respect and admiration I feel for him and his various projects. I think he’s really cool, I experience all sorts of fiery euphoria watching him dance, his rap and singing alike are addictive as hell, and he’s pretty, haha. I missed him a lot while he was inactive, and I’m so happy to have him back and doing great things as per usual. I’m excited to see what he and the rest of the group have left to show us this year. I advise you to watch the video if you haven’t, but somehow ended up reading an essay on it first, and if you’ve already seen it, watch it again, yeah. I’ll leave you with lovely thoughts and lovely vibes and I hope you too can appreciate the work he’s put into the video, as well as my work on this essay. Thank you for taking the time to read my love letter, essentially, and bye for now ^ ^

#straykids #stay #hyunjin #skzplayer #lovestay #kpop

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sinceileftyoublog · 3 years

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Gretchen Lieberum Interview: Eerie Nostalgia

BY JORDAN MAINZER

Singer-songwriter Gretchen Lieberum wanted to make an album of standards while totally subverting your preconception of what that sounded like. With This May Only Be A Dream, which came out Friday, she succeeds, in both capturing the magic of old recordings and performance styles while talking full advantage of the time-bending quality of modern production. In BAFTA-winning composer Keefus Ciancia, Lieberum picked the perfect partner. After singing over piano, she sent what were basically demos to Ciancia, who removed the piano, deconstructing and reconstructing the songs to then be rerecorded with session musicians. The result shares the ambition of something like Julia Holter’s version of “Hello Stranger” but over a whole album. Album opener “Come Rain or Come Shine”, which has been recorded by Ray Charles, Billie Holliday, and Chet Baker, combines lurking, fluttering woodwinds with reverb-laden vocals and chaotic orchestration. On “Blue Skies”, a song that you expect to build up with drums, strings, and chorus, like in a climax scene in a Hollywood epic, the strings cut in and out, toying with your perception. While there are some songs that sound familiar, like the Fiona Apple-esque percussive clatter of “Angel Eyes” or the solemn, quiet closer “While We’re Young”, the back-and-forth between subtlety and Technicolor orchestration keeps you on your toes.

A couple months ago, I spoke with Lieberum from her home in L.A. and Ciancia from his in France about how the album was constructed, their approach to recording, and how they would describe the music. Read our conversation below, edited for length and clarity.

Since I Left You: So this seriously just started with you singing over piano, Gretchen?

Gretchen Lieberum: I have a friend who has a studio in his house. I wanted to do an album of standards for years and years. It’s just an idea I’ve had I couldn’t let go of. I wanted to do an album of these songs but interpreted in an unusual way, not acoustic bass, drums, piano, and that’s it. I’ve known Keefus for years, and he was the only guy I wanted for the job. So I waited years and years, and finally, the timing was right to start working on it. I’d just record vocals with my friend Peter at his studio playing piano, which is great because I do much better in low pressure situations. If I’m in a big fancy studio, I’m like, “Oh god, how much is this costing?” It’s hard for me to be emotional and in the moment. I was just able to go to my friend’s house and record any song that popped into my head or I was feeling. I would send them to Keefus, and he would pick his faves. I think I recorded maybe 25 songs in all, and we ended up with 10.

Keefus Ciancia: The most important part is what Gretchen said--the comfort zone that Gretchen was in where she could get to the feel and heart of the song, comfortably with Peter. He’s an amazing piano player, and they had such a good rhythm that everything I was getting made it so that it was just real. It felt right. That was always fun to be able to open these and also have total separation, pick out Peter’s stuff and start reimagining things, erasing the chords. Gretchen was on fire! She was knocking them out. A lot of great pieces I’ve never heard, too, which I really enjoyed. Maybe that was good for me, too, to not know those standards as well so I wasn’t trapped in the chords. Maybe my lameness of being a hack--I wanted to be a jazz player but I couldn’t do it! [laughs]

GL: That’s what’s so great. I didn’t want a jazz guy to produce it. That’s what ended up happening--he would choose his own chords underneath the melodies that were really interesting and cool.

SILY: Did you know he was gonna remove the piano?

GL: Oh yeah. I know Keefus’s aesthetic and how he works, so I was like, “I’m gonna send you this, have fun, go to town.” I sent him literally zero notes and never knew what I was gonna get back. There’d be a song that’s a stark ballad that would come back with a full orchestra, some of the tempo sped up, some of it slowed down. Different lines chopped up into different places. Quite a few times, I’d take the song and rerecord the vocal to go with what Keefus did, to emotionally match what he created. Sometimes not--the song “Come Rain or Come Shine” was one take I did at Peter’s house and didn’t change at all.

SILY: How did you whittle down from the initial list of 25 songs for this record?

GL: This project was so much about emotion and love and love of these songs. What songs I loved singing and what was inspiring me. I grew up in a house where jazz was constantly playing. My father wasn’t a musician but a huge fan. It was a big part of my life growing up. I was in the jazz band as a singer in high school. These are songs I’ve known my whole life. There were some that I tried that I didn’t feel that I didn’t send to Keefus.

There are a few that aren’t jazz standards, too. We do a Beach Boys song, which is also a song that I love.

SILY: They’re standards nonetheless, independent of genre.

GL: Yes.

SILY: What made you want to release “Come Rain or Come Shine” as the first single and open with it?

GL: It’s just one of my favorites. One of the ones I’m most proud of. It’s indicative of the project as a whole. It’s a standard I approach traditionally from how I’m singing it, but there are these surreal flourishes around it. Also, I mean, what an intro, that [screams] “Ahhh!”

KC: I agree.

SILY: What was the process of getting the session musicians in after Keefus worked on the songs?

KC: Basically, it was kind of known all the way through that once we got these bodies we’d get some more breath and air on it to get more of the quality Gretchen and I love from old 50′s recordings but also taking it somewhere new. That studio is now closed--Vox Studios--such an amazing place that was perfect for that record. It was the first commercial studio in Hollywood through Paramount.

GL: It was the longest continuously running studio in the world, I read.

KC: Someone will move in, I’m sure. Woody [Jackson], who owns it, there was no rebuilding the rooms because they sounded so good from how they were built in the 40′s. The room is amazing, and his engineer Michael Harris is incredible. He was the first one to get his ears on this stuff besides Gretchen and I. To be able to put it in a room, listen through a different system, warm things up for his outboard gear. We had some of our favorite musicians. It wasn’t a ton of folks, but the dream scenario where we had 5 days and a rolling, “Get moving”. The next day, Gretchen sings, then some more people come in.

GL: Jay Bellerose is so damn good. So tasty. He just goes in and does his thing.

KC: His heart breathes all the old jazz but he’s also someone who likes to keep pushing things. I think that was the trick with us--we always want to hear something new. Of course, there are some things that sound great that you should do again, but we all listen to music so much you just want something new. Sometimes, you have to make it yourself.

SILY: The album does sound new even though it has older reference points, both the songs themselves and aesthetically. A lot of older jazz tunes with woodwinds and fluttery strings have something eerie and disorienting about them. Thinking about a track like “Blue Skies”, when the sound cuts in and out. That’s not something you hear on traditional “standards” records. To what extent were you trying to achieve that eerie nostalgia?

GL: I think “eerie nostalgia”’s just our M.O., you know? [laughs]

KC: I like that, eerie nostalgia.

GL: I don’t even think we try.

SILY: “For All We Know” starts out with quiet plucks of string but ends up a swinging jazz tune, the moment on here that’s the most “traditional.”

GL: Even on that one, it’s funny because our friend David Ralicke, who plays the horns on everything--he’s incredible and has such great taste. But this one, I was like “Keefus, I don’t know.” Keefus was like, “It’s gotta get big. It’s gotta be a party at the end, an explosion!” Ralicke, he sent a bunch of horns. When he sent them in, they were very bright and intense, and I was like, “Oh god, this is a little weird!” Keefus was like, “Don’t worry, I’m gonna make it weird and demented.” It is traditional, but something about the way it’s mixed or the added affects give it that eeriness, which I love.

One thing Keefus often did that was really surprising to me was there were songs I sent as straight ballads, like this one. If you listen to the lyrics, the first half is like, “Who knows what’s gonna happen? Life is so uncertain.” But then it’s like, “Who cares? Tomorrow may never come.” And it’s a celebration. It’s one of my favorite songs now after being most uncertain about it at first. Keefus, you sent me Frank Sinatra, Jr. singing “Black Knight” [as a reference]. It starts as a ballad and explodes, an emotional outburst.

SILY: Is there any other specific track on here you think is a standout?

KC: Each one is such a little episode, that even that was tricky to put in order for the record. It almost would have been interesting to go old school and release 45s, make each one of them a single and B-side. When you hear “Wild Is The Wind”, on my radio, I would make that a single. It’s totally different than the others. It’s not this powerhouse. But if I bought it as a single, I would think it’s a really beautiful single. Same with “Who Knows Where The Time Goes”. That’s on Keefus & Gretchen radio. [laughs]

GL: “Who Knows Where The Time Goes” was the very first song Keefus did. It was the only vocal recorded at my house, with a different friend in my dining room, with a little laptop mic set up. We used that vocal. It’s a pretty special one, and genre-defying. “Wild Is The Wind” fits comfortably in the jazz section. Or not--I don’t know. It’s a weird question. One of the things I hate more than anything is when I’m uploading my music and it asks you to pick a category. I don’t know. I hate picking a category. Nothing feels quite right, and it feels like a mixture of all of these things.

KC: Gretchen is a huge jazz fan listening for a long time, but jazz records strayed from her and my tastes as it went along. Jazz records went on a different road and started getting not such a punk rock vibe. It was a classy thing, not so underground. That was one thing we were talking about when finishing the record. We think it should be heard by all age groups and invite them to learn these pieces because they might not have the chance to learn them as often. To pick a genre can really be dangerous for all artists because there are a ton of artists that like a ton of different music and can make a ton of different music and change their records as they go. That was big, too: approaching this apart from being a jazz record and bringing in new listeners. Gretchen and I don’t know exaxctly how this works with the tagging on Spotify, but if you put “jazz” on it, does that mean other people will never listen to it?

GL: I don’t think it is a jazz album. It’s an album of standards, but I wouldn’t call it a jazz album.

KC: I like to call it torched songs instead of torch songs.

SILY: What was the overall approach to the sequencing?

GL: I really pulled my hair out. I was crying myself to sleep at night. It was hard. One thing we ended up doing, which was Keefus’s idea, was he felt like the A-side of the record leaned themselves more to samples and surreal electronic elements. Keefus was like, “Once you get sucked into the album, the vibe is very complementary, and you can take people anywhere.” So after the first 4-5 songs, “Wild is the Wind” comes, which is a stripped down ballad. From then, you’re just on the ride.

SILY: What was the inspiration behind the album title?

GL: I had this idea of taking a line from one of the songs as the album title. I went through all the songs and went through some of my favorite lines. At one point, I thought I was gonna call it “How Blue The Sky” which is from the last song, “While We’re Young.” But then I thought “This May Only Be A Dream” felt really good with the dreaminess of this music and the somewhat surreal journey it takes you on. One thing I’m really proud of about the record is it takes you on an emotional journey from start to finish. I know the kids don’t listen to albums anymore. Peter was one of the people I sent it to, and he said, “I feel like I watched a film listening to this album.” That felt right.

SILY: What’s the story behind the cover art?

GL: Keefus’s daughter Raven [Violet Ciancia-Vincent] is a really talented visual video artist. She’s the one that directed the video for “Come Rain or Come Shine.” We made a video for the song “Don’t Explain”, and that’s just a still from the video. She layers things like a collage, so there’s a video of me with fireworks on top of it. When I was trying to come up with something to make the cover, I took a bunch of stills from the video, and that one jumped out at me, especially with the title, This May Only Be A Dream. I just thought it really worked beautifully together. The font, to me, is a throwback to the Blue Note covers. I know a lot of people do Blue Note covers, so I wanted to do a little nod to it without fully going there.

SILY: Are you planning on doing any shows?

GL: When we do end up playing live again--Keefus, I should probably talk to you about what the hell you think I should do--but some of it would be laptop-tracked songs with live bass or drums on top of it. That’s possible, right, Keefus?

KC: I would dream of a full-on 10-to-12 piece orchestra. For a special show in Los Angeles, and when everything explodes, a special show in New York and Paris. I think you could get the right band, and it’s all completely playable.

GL: Maybe a keyboard player adding samples.

KC: Do you play, Jordan? Gretchen’s looking for band members.

SILY: I don’t.

GL: Show me ya stuff, kid! [laughs]

SILY: What else is next for you?

GL: My husband [filmmaker Jacob Aaron Estes] ended up doing an alternate video for “Don’t Explain” that we’re gonna release that I’m pretty excited about. The other thing that I do--which is a totally other universe--is my Prince cover band with Maya Rudolph. I hope we start playing again. That would be great. I am glad, though, that I had so much time to focus on my own music. As much as I love doing Princess, it’s not totally me. I want to really focus on this for a while.

KC: I’m doing Pringles commericals. [laughs] I’ve been working on a bunch of shows and some records and a new soundtrack for a show [Made For Love]. I’ve made a lot of music during the last year and a half. There’s some fun stuff coming up. I’ll start a new Unloved record when our band is allowed to fly over here.

SILY: Anything you’ve been listening to, watching, or reading that’s caught your attention?

GL: My mind just went utterly blank. [laughs] Utterly. I’ve been reading a lot of weird dystopian future stuff to distract my anxiety about the dystopian future stuff we’re dealing with in real life. Reading it calms my nerves.

KC: I watched the Bee Gees documentary [How Can You Mend a Broken Heart] the other night on HBO. I thought it was beautiful. They just touch those places, when you hear those voices.

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werevulvi · 4 years

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Not the anon you replied to but I think the nonbinary argument falls apart for me because no one can be truly sexless nor a hermaphrodite person so this idea that they "should" be is like someone feeling they should be a minotaur or a fairy. It's so disconnected and almost entitled to bend reality that it grates on me, especially when its combined with some flavor of "but it's not a mental illness!".Even from a health pov there is no viable HRT that makes u both. And no gonads+no HRT = bad

Well, that's alright. I might just not see it from the same perspective as you. I don't really view nonbinary as one specific thing, but rather as on a greyscale kinda between male and female. It is not saying that mixing male and female traits on the same body in various ways necessarily "makes" a new gender, or truly sexless. The "gender" is merely personal interpretation.

I still battle this with myself, so it's difficult to talk about, but since I'm the only nonbinary person who's brain I know well enough to speak of... I guess I'll try.

First off though, usually the point with nonbinary isn't to be a specific "third" sex, sexless or to be some mythological hermaphodite. Humans cannot become truly sexless or be both sexes for real, but at the same time females cannot become males or vice versa either. So is it pointless to transition (with hormones and surgery) at all then?

Because at the end of the day, we're all just bio males and bio females, regardless how we feel about it, and regardless if we transition or not. That's what the reality is. But wanting to look different and putting a gendered meaning into that difference, isn't necessarily wrong, bad or illogical to me.

Like I have a teddy tiger which I sometimes refer to as simply "my tiger" even though she's not a real tiger. Because the toy resembles a tiger, and was made to resemble a tiger, it's logical enough to call her a tiger, even though it might sometimes be important to specify that it's made of fabric. Likewise, a nonbinary person might just be a female who looks partially male and partially female, due to hormones and surgery, like myself. To then say that me looking both male and female and liking it "makes" me nonbinary is no more untrue than saying that the soft toy "is" a tiger.

Because I resemble a mix of both sexes, just like the soft toy resembles a tiger. I cannot produce both sperm and eggs so I am not of both sexes for real; and my tiger cannot roar nor scratch, and is not a living creature, thus it is not a real tiger. Often times we call things not only what they are, but also what they resemble. Especially when it comes to art and other creations, but really all sorts of things. Like comparing someone's red hair to fire, or calling my balcony during hot summer days a sauna, even though red hair is not actual flames and my balcony is not an actual sauna. Why? Because it help with communication. Parables are important to describe things or to make a point. I even made another parable to describe a parable, to prove a point with a parable, just now.

Granted that most nonbinary (and binary) trans people do not view themselves as a parable to the gender of the sex they consider themselves to be, but I do.

So, consider the fact that transition doesn't actually change the person's sex, only polishes the surface to either look like the opposite sex, and/or some ambiguous variant of both/neither sex, but it can still make that person feel better about themselves. Is it then pointless for them to do things that make them feel better and find ways to lead a more functional life, regardless of how redundant it might seem to you? Because to me, the point of transitioning is not to become something else (whether that be male, female, sexless or a hermaphrodite), but to reduce dysphoria to improve over all life quality for the dysphoric person. And yes, dysphoria is a mental illness. I wouldn't wanna argue against that. I view my dysphoria as the defect, not my sex. And no, transitioning doesn't help every dysphoric person, but I think it's pretty clear that it helps for some. So then there's just not that much of a difference between... say, transitioning with T and top surgery to live as a self-perceived man - and transitioning with only T to live as a self-perceived half man-half woman. Because neither of those two examples can truly become anything other than a female anyway, so why does it matter? It might not matter to you, but it probably matters to them.

Also, I don't think anyone "should" be of the other sex or some other variant either. I just think people can do whatever they want with their own bodies if it makes them happy, and call themselves whatever they want if they feel that's useful for them somehow.

Both males and females, as well as intersex conditions that look ambiguous exist. Fairies and minotaurs do not. Even if they might be loosely based on bulls and fireflies. I could literally fool people to believe that I'm both male and female by simply saying some stupid shit like "I was born with both a dick and a pussy" because a lot of people have heard that can be a thing, even though they would know it's rare, they likely know it's humanly possible in some way. Getting people to believe I'm a fairy or minotaur would probably be a lot harder, unless they’re 5 years old.

How much or what kind of dysphoria somehow has doesn't really matter, I think. Dysphoria is dysphoria. And yeah, I would at least be willing to possibly extend that non-dysphoric people who seem genuinely more satisfied with themselves post-transition. Because then so what, good for them.

But yeah, I know even I have an easier time accepting certain types of nonbinary more than other types. Someone wanting no genitals, I would personally find very concerning, but someone wanting both a dick and pussy, I wouldn't be nearly as worried about. Someone wanting physical changes that can realistically be acquired through hormones, surgery, etc, would not be as concerning for me as someone wanting... say for example a big beard but not a deeper voice, and start dabbling with testosterone anyway.

You're right that there is no hormone that makes you "both" but it's possible to look androgynous in various ways with the hormones available. Sure, I may pass as male, have a beard and flat chest, but I also have a curvy figure and a pussy. To me, that's kind of a way to look like "both" sexes at once. Not evenly, and not like a hermaphrodite stereotype, but it is a combination of male and female sex characteristics that together makes me look kinda half and half. How I "achieved" that was simply by first going through female puberty (naturally) and then taking testosterone (on standard, "full" dose) for a significant amount of time, and get a mastectomy. Totally doable. Although my personal results depend highly on my genetic as well, of course. For other variants of androgyny, some manage to achieve that with low dose hormones, or going off the hormones after a shorter time on them. Some also go on and off hormones (not sure how healthy that is though.) Not everyone gets their intended results, but I have seen many variants that have looked good to me. I’m not advocating for getting one’s gonads removed and then not take any sort of hrt, or doing hrt without a knowledgable doctor’s supervision.

So really all I can say is I'm generally okay-ish with the concept of nonbinary, but some aspects/variants of it does concern me, make me uncomfortable, make me roll my eyes, or even viscerally upset me. I'm still quicker to critisise nb than I am to defend it, however... I do both critisise and defend it.

Whether I want to admit it or not, I'm practically nonbinary myself, even though I scoff at the concept and can name a hundred things wrong with it. I don't wanna label myself that, though. I hate it.

Let me put it this way: In an ideal world I'd just exist as myself like this, take my testosterone just because I like it (and not because I'm x, y or z gender), dress however I want (without it being questioned to mean I wanna be x, y or z gender), and be openly proud about my bio sex being female (without people telling me they don't believe it), without having to label myself anything at all. Alternatively, I'd also be fine with carrying a label which doesn't exclude ANY of those things I like being/doing with my body, style, name, etc.

But thing is I don't live in an ideal world. I live in Sweden. And in Sweden, we call freaks like me nonbinary. Because women don't wanna take testosterone to look like bearded men in dresses, and (trans) men don't love being female. Only nonbinary people do. So I’m only really nonbinary because I don’t fit any other label, and well, most people I know/come across dislike it too.

At the end of the day my body is just me and I just am like this. It doesn't actually "mean" anything, other than that I had dysphoria and acted on it. I love being female and I love being transitioned. Thus, I feel like I am in some highly abstract and vague sense "a little bit of both" sexes, and I don't think that's a particularly strange conclusion to come to, given my situation. I don't mean it literally. It's just how I relate to my body, and it's how the world relates to me. Sure, far from everyone “reads” me as nonbinary, but the sheer number of people who have told me I should identify that way... is flabbergasting, seriously. It’s like 20+ people who told me that, unprompted. Both people I’ve known, and strangers.

So, as I'm reluctantly trying to slap the uncomfortable nonbinary label on my own ass... perhaps I "shouldn't" invalidate my own kind, while I'm at it. However, the only thing I'd kindly ask of others to "validate" about me is my humanity, and to respect my bodily autonomy. If others think of me as a man or woman, both or neither, I truly do not care. But would I ever truly advocate for the nonbinary community? No, I don't think so. For the most part it’s regressive and goes against my values. I'd rather have gender be done away with, because ultimately I think that's a much better goal... even though it’s a pipedream. We can all dream, right?

So I mean... I'm probably not the best person to come to for some solid argument in support of nonbinary.

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lindsaylouus · 4 years

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8 Maids a-Milking 🐄🐄🐄 (BTS - Jungkook)

A/N: Finally back on these, it’s been a hot minute, but let’s see what Christmas with Jungkook would entail!

It was Christmas Eve Eve. That makes sense, right? The 23rd of December was always reserved for you and Jungkook.

Two years ago, he’d surprised you with a short trip to Norway. You could finally see some snow at Christmas time, instead of grey clouds and rain. Last year, you went to Busan’s Christmas Tree Festival. You’ll never forget that beaming smile on his face; not only from being in his city, but from getting to share it with you.

This year would be no exception. You’d talked about where you’d both like to go and what you’d like to do, but you had both been so busy. The whole year seemed to have flashed before your eyes. You both had the best of intentions to organise something for your little Christmas tradition, but plans had yet to materialise.

After long days at work though, all you both wanted to do was chill.

You felt like you’d both had the same conversation a million times on those evenings, usually going a little like this:

‘Y/N, we need to plan something for before Christmas!’ Jungkook would suddenly remember, controller in hand, game suddenly paused, and a wide-eyed expression on his face.

Whilst lying spread out on the same sofa, legs over Jungkook’s lap and head hanging over the arm rest you’d look up from your phone.

‘Oh yeah! I can’t believe that’s the date already! We’ll definitely plan something. In fact, let me look now.’ You’d return to your phone with the absolute intention of getting trip inspiration.

However, five minutes later, you’d be adding to your endless ASOS wishlist and Jungkook would go back to beating the bad guys.

It was already December 19th, and you were heading back home from another tough day at work. You’d come to the conclusion that maybe a trip wouldn’t be on the cards this year. It was a sad thought, but so long as the two of you could see another Christmas through together, that’d be enough.

You turned the corner, key in hand, when you saw it.

What the heck is this?!

You stood there, mouth open, staring at the mini machine that was now parked in your driveway. You literally had to take a moment to make sure you’d remembered where you lived.

Nope, it was the right house.

At that moment, Jungkook swung open the front door and bounded up to you, like an excited little bunny.

‘Y/N! Look at that!!!’ He gestured toward the new vehicle outside your house.

‘I am, Jungkook...’ You were still a little dumbstruck, ‘umm, what exactly is it doing here? And where’s our car?’

‘Ah come on, Y/N, you know what a camper van looks like! And don’t worry, Jin has the car.’ His smile was unfading.

‘Wait, what? Camper.. Jin has the car?’ This jigsaw was not fitting together in your head at all.

‘Yeah, it took a little bargaining, but that’s OK. We just have to cook for him for the rest of the year, which is only another twelve days. Oh, and I have to let him win whenever we play games, which is totally not gonna hap..’

‘Jungkook!?’ You interrupted his little narrative.

You knew immediately that you’d been left out of yet another one of Jungkook’s Master Plans.

‘Here, let me explain...’ Jungkook took your bag, hurled it over his shoulder and gently taking your hand, led you inside the house.

After settling in your usual spots on the sofa, your boyfriend finally filled you in on some key information, and things were beginning to make some sense.

‘I just didn’t want us to miss out on spending some actual quality time together,’ Jungkook had explained, ‘we’ve been so busy and distracted, that even when we’re together, it’s felt like we’re apart.’ As sad as that was, it was true.

You curled your feet underneath you, and huddled into Jungkook’s side. He draped an arm over you and rested his head on yours.

‘No, I get it babe, I really do,’ you responded, ‘I just, never thought of camping, I guess.’

You had to admit, you were sceptical. Unlike your other half, you weren’t massively adventurous and despite how much you loved the outdoors, you’d only ever been camping once with your family.

It hadn’t been your favourite experience, and Jungkook knew this. He could clearly read your doubtful expression.

‘Don’t worry Y/N. That’s why I rented the van! No tents, no bugs and no cows to harass you.’ He couldn’t help but wink as he said this.

You weren’t impressed.

‘You still find that funny, don’t you?’ You sulked, but remained by his side, too comfy to move.

‘Anyone would find that story funny, Y/N, like seriously, anyone. But it’ll be an adventure, plus, I’ll be there to protect you from any rouge farm animals.’ He looked down and at you and bounced his eyebrows up and down.

You elbowed him gently in the ribs, but then preceded to tickle him.

‘Ah! Y/N.. st..stop!’ He forced words out between giggles.

‘I’m glad you find my childhood trauma so funny, Jeon Jungkook!’ You swung a leg round to clamber on top of him.

‘I’m s..sorry, I surrender!’ Jungkook flailed his arms trying to catch your hands in his, before you both almost fell off the sofa.

The ‘traumatic’ incident wasn’t exactly the worst thing you’d ever experienced, but it wasn’t the best either.

When you were little, your family went on a short camping trip. All was fine and dandy, until the second night, when a small gap was left in the zip up window of yours and your sister’s section of the tent.

You were suddenly awoken by, what you thought, was a terrifying beast breathing right in your face. You remembered being paralysed by fear, especially when the creature let out an almighty sneeze before retreating.

After further investigation by your parents, it turned out that it was just a rouge, and clearly curious, cow that had stuck its head through the zip opening.

Funny now, but when you were six, terrifying.

You’d had a weird feeling about camping ever since. Safe to say, you’d never humoured the idea since. And now Jungkook’s grand pre-Christmas plan was to do just that.

But were you going to turn him down? Of course not.

The 23rd rolled by and you both threw a couple days belongings into the van and set off for your ‘adventure’. Apparently Jungkook had found a site to park the van, where you could enjoy some of the countryside, before the hectic festivities began at home.

You cruised down roads and around bends heading to your destination. But you had to admit, even the drive there was so much fun. You blasted some Girl’s Day and had your own private karaoke session all the way there.

Now and then you’d just look at him. Smiling, relaxed and energetic, the same Jungkook you’ve loved for over two years. Despite the daily stresses of life that can make people drift apart, Christmas seemed to be the time of year in particular, that you both fell for each other all over again.

He caught you looking at him, whilst watching the road, he took your hand and kissed it, ‘I love you too.’

Dusk was gradually taking over the sky. A pastel painting of orange, yellow and pink.

You hopped out of the van and took a deep breath in. Maybe Jungkook was right about this. The air was so clean, you instantly felt happier.

Your boyfriend’s cooking skills were on point, as he set up a little fire to cook ramen for dinner, and not forgetting, marshmallows for dessert.

You couldn’t help but play Christmas songs on your phone as you both sat in fold out chairs, holding hands and watching the sun set.

Both of you talked more that evening, than you had the entire month. It was so refreshing to speak about things that you wanted to achieve in the new year, both together and independently.

Jungkook wasn’t always one to talk so openly about things that worried or burdened him. He was always more of a ‘suffer in silence’ kind of guy.

As his smooth voice echoed around you, you listened to his words, feeling unbelievable gratitude that he found solace in sharing things with you.

You had your head turned toward him, and you soon felt sleep take over uncontrollably, work and the travel had finally caught up with you. Your hand remained in Jungkook’s, where you wanted it to stay forever.

‘You’ve had such an impact on my life, you know?’ Jungkook began as he let his head fall back, he stared at the stars. ‘I never thought that I’d meet someone who I’d feel like this about. It’s kind of scary, right? But, in an amazing way. Like, I’m not afraid of the future, if you’re going to be there. I’m just afraid of messing up..’

He turned to you, to see your peaceful, sleepy self slumped in your chair.

He chuckled to himself, stroked your hand with his thumb and stared at the stars some more.

After a few moments he got up, and set the bed in the van for the night.

Maybe it was the slight noise he made, clambering around with sheets and pillows, maybe it was the music that continued to play through your phone, or maybe he was just in his own little world. Whatever the reason, he failed to hear the steps of something approaching your sleeping form.

You stirred, stretched and opened your heavy eyes ever so slowly..

‘AHHHHHHHH!!!’ You screamed, as you fell back in your chair, crashing to the ground.

Jungkook gambolled out the back of the van, to see you on the floor, ‘Y/N, what happen...’

As he looked up, he didn’t know whether to laugh or think that this was some elaborate prank.

A cow had appeared, what seemed, out of nowhere and had scared the living daylights out of you.

‘Seriouisly!!?? Seriously? Is this for real!?’ You shouted, still on the floor. Jungkook snapped out of his thoughts and helped you up. ‘What did I ever do to you, huh?’ You pointed at the cow, feeling like that six year old girl all over again.

Your tirade continued, ‘I don’t even eat beef, and you still harass me! Ugh, I literally cannot believe this.’

Jungkook, still not quite believing himself, that he was watching his girlfriend have a one sided argument with a cow, wanted to diffuse the situation.

He dramatically shielded you, putting himself in front of you, fists up, ‘Hey! Stop bugging my girlfriend, or you’ll have me to answer to! You got it?!’

Jungkook began to jump around, jabbing the air with his fists, making whooshing noises as he did so.

You burst out laughing, his humour making you realise how ridiculous this whole situation was. The cow, clearly unimpressed with the two of you, walked back off from wherever it’d come from.

After the whole ordeal, you were so ready for bed. Jungkook had set everything up to be as comfortable as possible. As you both snuggled up under a thick blanket, he began giggling uncontrollably.

‘Jungkook, really?’ You asked.

‘Y/N, you literally fell out of your chair,’ his giggling continued. It was too infectious, and you ended up joining in.

‘Think if we tell Jin this story, we won’t have to keep cooking for him?’ That just made him laugh even more.

‘Do you think it was the same cow?’ Jungkook asked.

‘I have no idea. I mean, it’d be a pretty old cow if it was. Probably wouldn’t be as stealthy as that one, it came out of nowhere!’

Once you’d calmed down and sleep began to softly consume the both of you, Jungkook murmured, ‘why did someone pull a cow’s udder?’

‘Huh?’ You really loved how random this dude was.

‘Who thought, let me see what this does?’ His eyes were closed, but his question was most likely serious.

‘Well, who ever they were, you should thank them. Because of them, we have banana milk.’ He smiled in response, but you could see how he was drifting further and further into slumber.

‘Jungkook,’ you whispered.

He moaned quietly with the last bit of energy he had.

‘I just wanted to let you know, that you couldn’t mess this relationship up, even if you tried. Even despite all the cow jokes I’m going to hear from you now,’ you chuckled softly to yourself, tracing his temple with your fingers.

He pulled you closer to him under the blanket and kissed you. There you both slept peacefully for the rest of the night, holding each other.

And not a cow in sight.

#bts #bts fanfic #bts fluff #bts fic #BTS jungkook #jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook fluff #jungkook fanfic #bts imagines #jungkook imagine #bts jungkook fluff #Kpop Christmas #12 Days of Ficmas

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dearlazerbunny · 6 years

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By Any Other Name; Ch. 6

Pairings: Kylo x Reader

Genre/Ratings: Highschool AU; M (eventually)

Words: 1500

Summary: Your new lab partner proves to be nothing short of an asshole- or is he? The more of Kylo that’s revealed, the more you can’t help but think you might be falling for him just a little…

Requested Tags: @foxface9000

Click HERE for Chapter 7.

A few days later, you were due once again at Kylo’s house to put the finishing touches on your project. It had turned out quite nicely, if you did say so yourself- the results perfectly replicated those you had achieved in class, making it a sure-fire A. Knock on wood. You never knew with Tarkin, sometimes.

You were fully prepared to walk to your partner’s house, like the responsible girl you were, but there was a problem.

It was raining outside.

Not just regular rain, but a torrential downpour, accented by streaks of lightning shooting across the sky and thunder clapping so loudly over your ears you had to resist the urge to cover them with your hands like you did when you were five.

You hated thunderstorms. Despite being almost a grown-ass adult, something about them made you wince every time thunder boomed across the sky. The fear was so bad you had to take an extra anxiety pill every time one rolled around, which luckily wasn’t often. But this one was a doozie, and the meds didn’t seem to be helping- your heart was pounding, palms sweaty, and the thought of running to his house in the downpour made you want to break down and cry.

You were sitting on a couch in the school lobby, trying to see if the rain would let up, absolutely trying not to cry. You didn’t want to make him wait too long though- you were expected after rehearsal, and gods know you hated to be late. But you didn’t have his number to tell him you were waylaid, and you definitely didn’t want him thinking you were ditching him-

Another crack of lightning lights up the dark sky and you nearly jump out of your chair, muscles wound tight as a spring. Great. You were going to be stuck here until your parents got off work and could drive you home.

“Y/N?” You turn, and speak of the devil, Kylo comes jogging up beside you. Miracle of miracles. “What are you still doing here? I thought rehearsal ended at five today.”

“It did. I’m just- waiting to see if the rain will die down.” You swallow and try to smile. “Why are you here so late?”

“I was getting help in another class.” He runs a hand through his hair, pushing the curls back behind his ears, and you can’t help but watch for a second. “Well, as long as we’re here, might as well walk together.”

“In this weather..?” Your voice definitely squeaks a bit as you say it, and you clear your throat to try and hide it.

“Yeah, unless you’re secretly the wicked witch- and honestly I wouldn’t be surprised, but whatever- you won’t melt. Come on.”

He starts out the door and you stand, hands locked securely on the straps of your backpack. You take a deep breath- and stop about five feet short of the door, eyes wide at the pounding rain outside.

Kylo- already soaking wet- jogs back in. “What gives? Come on! It’s just a little water.”

By now your fear has gotten the best of you and you shake your head, staring at the storm. “N- no, I can’t Kylo, I’m sorry.”

He studies your face carefully, and a hint of recognition passes across his own. “You’re scared of thunderstorms.”

“What? No! I just-” lightning crackles, followed by the loudest crash you’ve ever heard in your life, and you jump out of your skin so far your bag and all its contents end up sprawled on the floor. “Shit, I-” you bend over and start picking up the piles of notebooks, feeling tears prick at your eyes.

To your surprise, you feel a hand brush over yours, and you look up to see Kylo squatting beside you, helping straighten everything back into piles. “Here.” He hands you a stack casually, like you aren’t nearly crying over a freaking thunderstorm.

“Th- thanks.” You both stand, and he looks at you for a moment.

“You know, there’s nothing wrong with that. Being afraid of them, I mean.”

“Yeah, right.” You laugh a little bitterly. “Being afraid of thunder is for little kids. It makes me feel like I’m a toddler.”

“There’s no shame in it.” His voice has taken on a tender quality, like he’s trying to talk you down. It’s a lovely contrast from the harsh outside, and you find yourself latching onto it. “If it helps, I’ve never liked them either. I’m just too stubborn to let them stop me.”

“Imagine my surprise, Kylo Ren being stubborn.”

“Come on, you can make it. My house is right around the corner.”

“No, I-”

“Yes, you can,” he says firmly. “I’ll be with you the whole time. Look-” he holds out one hand, and you stare at it for a moment before you realize he intends for you to take it. Hold his hand. “I’ll be right there with you, okay”

Tentatively, you put your hand in his, and he instantly tightens his grip so you can’t let go. “We’re gonna do this together, okay?” You nod. “I’m opening the door now. One, two, three-”

He opens it just a crack, letting you get used to the assault of noise, before opening it a bit wider. And a bit wider. Soon you’re standing in front of the open doorway, feeling the mist of the rain on your face.

“Ready?” Unconsciously, you squeeze Kylo’s hand and feel a little embarrassed about it, but to your pleasant surprise he squeezes back with no judgement on his face. “Just think of it like a swim. But with clothes on. And not in a pool.” That makes you crack a smile- a small one, but still. A smile.

And then all at once, he pulls you into the rain. Shrieking, you both run across the parking lot, getting absolutely drenched in the process. Just think of it like swimming. Just think of it like swimming. You keep repeating it to yourself as lightning crashes over your head. A few tears escape down your cheek, and you’re glad you’re both too wet for Kylo to notice. But, miraculously- you’re also smiling. Kylo looks like he’s practically dancing through the storm, almost enjoying it. He looks back at you with this crazy grin on his face and you have to grin back, momentarily forgetting about the raging Mother Nature.

“Oh my gosh, look at the two of you!” Suddenly Leia is there, ushering the two of you into the house, and the front door closes between you and the outside world.

You come to your senses enough to study Kylo’s appearance. His clothes are so soaked they’re hanging off of him like wet laundry, and his hair is streaming water- and you’re sure you don’t look much better. “Ben, get the both of you upstairs and dry off. Why didn’t you call me? I could have come picked you up!”

You gape at Kylo, facial expression saying why didn’t we just do that?!? But he just winks at you. “Come on, princess. My bathroom has clean towels.”

He leads you up the stairs, and you finally notice the most important detail of all- your hands are still locked together, fingers intertwined like Kylo is sharing his strength with you. And it worked, for all you knew. Reluctantly, you let go, but not before giving another little squeeze of appreciation.

“Here.” He tosses a towel at you and you gratefully catch it, rubbing it through your hair to stop the dripping.

“You look like you drowned,” you giggle as he attempts to blot his shirt into some semblance of dry.

“But I didn’t! You didn’t!” He’s smiling at you, a real, proud, bright smile, and for some reason you want him to keep looking at you like that all the damn time. “You did it!”

Slowly, a small smile spreads across your face. “I guess I did, didn’t I?”

“Hell yeah you did! You showed it who’s boss!”

You laugh, doing a small happy dance in the puddle of water where you stand. “I did it, I did it!” Kylo laughs too, and holds out his hand to spin you in a circle. You oblige, wet hair flinging water in all directions, but that just makes the two of you laugh harder. When you finally get yourselves together, you’re standing incredibly close in his small bathroom, but neither of you seem to mind. “Thank you,” you whisper, looking down at the floor, suddenly embarrassed.

He lifts a hand and puts a finger under your chin, raising it up so you have to look at him. “No problem,” he whispers back. And despite being damp and cold and still a little scared out of your mind, you wished the moment would last just a little longer.

#star wars #Star Wars fanfic #star wars angst #star wars fluff #reader insert #kylo ren #kylo ren x reader #kylo ren x you

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theproofinthisong · 4 years

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review of heartbreak weather

coming back for a review of nialler’s album :D

heartbreak weather: love the catchy melody which contrast really well with the sad lyrics. that song got a really california sound, i can see myself driving (even if i don’t have a license yet lmao) to the west coast with this song in the background. it’s very poppy with all thos beats and accents that are very sunny and beautiful. niall’s voice in it is liquid honey as always, the lyrics are lovely, my only issue with it is that it’s a bit too generic for my taste. it’s niall’s so it’s always great but it’s not the song where he got the most innovative and creative out of the whole album. other than that, i’m into it.

black and white: easily on my top 3. the lyrics are STUNNING, they’re so raw and pull at your heartstrings right away. heartbreaking ballads are really niall’s forte, he CRUSHES them always. you can feel the ache, the sadness, the anger, the frustration. niall got amazing control of his voice, but i absolutely cherish those moments where he get a bit loose and you can hear those beautiful moments of vulnerability. also it’s UNCANNY how easily he can switch from headvoice to chest voice to falsetto in a matter of seconds in this. he’s such a polished vocalist i’m?? ALSO THE LOW TONE??? OH MY GOD!!! niall is so good at conveying the feeling of nostalagia, like he made me nostalgic of a time, place and relationship i didn’t even experience myself and that’s quite magical when it happens. a fave for sure.

dear patience: what i love about this song is those instants where he is almost on the verge of a crack and he NEVER does. once again, it takes great control to be able to achieve that. the chorus really stays in your head after the listening and i love the belting. the lyrics are simple and a tad repetive but it’s working. it’s not my favorite because it does sound like other stuff he did but i’m enjoying it still.

bend the rules: his diction in this song is PURE FIRE. i love when he does that because it creates an impact and a resonance that would be less powerful without it. it’s a wonderfully produced ballad with that californian road trip vibe AGAIN (so into that) and all around a great track. also the chorus is AMAZING. i love the instrumental, i’m very fond of the lyrics (i’m not saying you’re lying but you’re leaving out the truth/and i’m not saying that you’re guilty cause i don’t have any proof are the HIGHLIGHT), i think it captures really well the mixed feelings you can have after a break up. a SONG.

small talk: downright the one i listened to the most. A FUCKING BOP. slow hands’ big sister and temporary fix’s cousin. he said horny rights. niall always kills it when it comes to sexual songs, they’re always so suave and full of sultry. i mean this song truly makes me want to bang him against a table. sorry. the instrumental reminds me of on the loose, i don’t know if it was done on purpose, but if it is, it’s super clever. very sexy and catchy as hell, and it makes me wanna dance until the end of the nght, which are...the best kind of songs. he did that.

nice to meet ya: second SEXY song of the album and what a great choice it was to pick it as a first single, because it’s one fucking beast. it’s such a cool song, makes me feel so confident and grown. also the frenchie i am LOST HER MIND to the j’adore la mer part. i don’t know what i love most about this song: the mmmm part opening and ending the track?? the low intonation on the “everytime i turn around you disappear” and “i like the way you talk” thing ?? the very OLD ROCK belting on let me treat you to a drink line? the french bit? the part where he sings with an echo that reminded me so much of the beatles? can’t pick, it’s too good. as lewis capaldi said, THAT IS SMUT.

put a little love on me: basically, this song, black and white, flicker, too much to ask and this town makes the holy quintet of heartbreak. i love to torture myself so when this one came out, i spent my time replaying it until my heart was all dried out from too much suffering. again, THE ACHE. i’m so fucking sad. listening to this and wrong direction by hailee back to back truly hurt my soul. niall excells at those heartfelt, bare, piano accompanied tracks, and that’s eternal law. i wanna die. and at the same time, this song makes me wanna live because it’s just too beautiful. and heartbreaking. and terribly honest. please gimme rest.

arms of a stranger: a bit of a country vibe (slightly) and i’m a SUCKER for this. the chorus is out there breaking hearts left and right. the lyrics are killing me, boy is too young and pure to feel helpless like that. but the fact that he can channel the heartbreak and transform it into art is really admirable. first listening i wasn’t BOOM THIS SONG IS MY FAVE but it’s defintely growing on me.

everywhere: the way he sings the first lines is too cute. after i’m a little more mixed because this song sounds just like others in the album. it’s not very distinctive, whether it’s instrumental or vocals. the lyrics make it good still, and it’s niall so it’s always good but probably my least fave out of heartbreak weather. the final belting is nice though.

cross you mind: the opening (purely instrumental) is so catchy and full of memories i don’t how to explain it?? and then when he sings in that whispery tone, please...too lovely. except for the chorus which is a bit too generic for my taste, i love everything, the bridges, the verses...it’s all very american but in the best kind of way. the king of diction is back, i WOULD DIE for that precision on the genie in a bottle line. with a more original chorus, this would have easily slid higher on my top. also very dancy and full of life which i enjoy always. and the oh oh oh too short part is my thing mister. and the outro too. king.

new angel: oh hell yeah guitar riffs. this song is very summery and warm and it tricks you into thinking that it’s the happiest song of the album with the fancy beats when it’s fact it’s just like no more sad songs which means...super sad and about trying to forget the love of your life with someone else. made me real sad so i’m not thanking you funky irish bitch. anyway. the chorus is iconique and i can appreciate the cleverness of the whole thing even if i’m mad.

no judgement: the direction of this song is very surprising and not like anything niall ever put out, he’s coming out of his comfort zone and i love it. i want him to explore different genres because i’m sure he’ll nail them all. the instrumental and the vocals are the epitome of cool. it’s quite special and a tiny bubble of joy, which is amazing because the whole album is full of heartbreak (hence the title...i’m so funny). cute af.

san francisco: just like everywhere, my issue with it is that it’s too similar to other songs. i don’t want to sound like i find it bad, i don’t, the vocals, melody and lyrics are on point but i just expect more than that with niall. he’s such an audacious and taking risks person i want it to show in his music. and though this song is nice, it’s a bit unsurprising for my taste.

still: the first part sounds SO MUCH like that one george ezra song that made me vibe back in 2013. love the throwback. the part where his voice go lower and the song more slow reminded of fool’s gold which is GREAT. it’s my favorite part of the song. i also love the chorus which brought me back to the 1D days, it was very 1D and that’s a huge compliment in my book friends. it’s a great ending track and a treat to listen.

concluding this, i’m gonna say the first half of the album is a KILLER. all of my fave songs from the album are in here and they’re just pure GOLD. the following others are interesting but a little less impressive but that’s purely personal. all around it’s bloody well-rounded album and honestly putting out 14 songs of that quality is something to be celebrated. great job nialler.

#heartbreak weather #my posts

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belerencodex · 6 years

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The Elemental Planes

Arrush: Plane of Fire

The elemental plane of fire, Arrush, is a heavenly body just slightly smaller in size than Beleren itself. This slight difference in scale is made up for in the blazing firmament that envelops the sky, a brass ring of mind-bending proportion encircles the plane, the solar portal set into it like a jewel in a crown, rotating once across the passing of a year. This band of brass acts as a barrier between two rippling curtains of fire, across the northern sky the blazing light burns pale blue, across the southern sky it burns bright gold. The planet below bakes under this perpetual firestorm and as flames belch and ripple off of them they create clouds of burning ash and embers that roar over the landscape below, a landscape of lakes of molten gold and seas of lava. The plane is pockmarked with volcanos that erupt frequently. Earthquakes plague the plane, ripping deep fissures that bubble up molten metals from the core of the plane and clouds of poisonous gas. Of the elemental planes, Arrush is the closest in terms of proximity across the Astral Plane to Beleren, it burns brightly in the night sky shifting as it tilts and twirls from gold to blue light and back, meandering in a looping pattern in its orbit.

Kaletphai & the Brass Bazaar

Stable portals to the planes other than Azfealar and the Feywild are rare in the history of Beleren. Dragons in particular do not easily allow their existence, but in the modern age of the Material Plane there is one large and notable exception. In the heart of the capital city of Kulvin, Bayuz, there is a huge gate in the middle of a wide square. The gate is made of huge blocks of polished black lava rocks, the bubbles and ripples across it’s uneven surface have been filled in and smoothed out with brass through magic and alchemy. In the face of each stone, set into the surface are large squares of carnelian and glimmering opal intaglios. Inset in this door are a pair of immense brass doors covered in reliefs showing images of legendary Efreeti warriors and sultans encrusted with rubies. This is the Kaletphai Gate, through this portal is an identical gate constructed in Arrush. This gate lies the heart of a parallel city of the name Kaletphai. The gate is only active in the summertime, but on the first day of summer it swings open and a procession of merchants of the exotic races of Arrush parade through the streets of Bayuz. Kaletphai is a city of Efreeti nobles and Azer merchants ruling over a broad swatch of Ifrit, Azer, fiendish, even fire dragon slaves. The elites of this city of immense palaces of glittering steel and bronze and sweltering tenements of seamless stone and iron fences and gates is the cultural hub of Arrush, while many more Efreeti live beyond its obsidian walls in their own estates, travelers from across the planes come to Kaletphai to trade all manner of goods in the infamous Brass Bazaar where anything from an angel’s soul to relics of long dead giant kingdoms can be found there.

The Crawling Fortresses of the Azer

The proud and orderly Azer live in extremely disciplined societies of rigid caste systems, members of higher castes have total ownership of those of the lower levels, creating a broad division in society between the slave castes and the ruling castes. At the highest levels of the slave castes are the Janissaries, warriors bred and raised from birth to fight and die for their masters. At the bottom are the Sullies. Most of the Azer live in titanic mechanical cities that crawl across the plane on hundreds of spider-like legs, rolling treads, or in rare cases sail across the lava seas with the aid of ships with tungsten plated propellers and hulls. The Sullies are the lowest level workers of Azer society, often among their ranks are prisoners of war in the frequent skirmishes between different Azer clans, dishonored masters, and criminals, and those born to Sullied parents. They work in the fast moving and dangerous gears that drive the engines and locomotion of their mobile bastions, stoking furnaces, repairing mechanisms without ceasing operations, climbing up chimneys to scrub out soot buildup, and handling waste disposal and recycling in the city. In the ranks of the masters, the Goldbloods form the ranks of the merchants, the lowest level of masters, they do not actually create or produce anything that Azer society respects or requires, trade with other races is often seen as a grudging necessity, something of an embarrassment to a clan to admit they need things they can’t make themselves. At the highest ranks of the Azer’s master castes are the Steelbloods, this master-crafter caste value invention, engineering, and order above all else. Steelbloods are required to learn their bloodline’s craft and prestige is tied largely to the quality of their inventions and the products created by the slaves in their factories. The Azer weren’t always this way, millennial ago they were conquered by the Efreeti and for generations they endured harsh treatment at the hands of the genies, after finally achieving their own independent societies they turned on each other though, those Azer who had risen to wealth and power didn’t free their slave brethren, instead creating a social system that told them that they owed their labor the the clan and to the glory of their race.

The Furnace Hills of Zilektak

Deceptively the highlands hills of Zilektak seem almost like a place in the Material Plane, the soft sides of sandy-soiled ridges and the broad, flat valley basins they surround are covered over in brown grasses, on Beleren one might expect this to be grasses withered in the dry heat of summer, the Ktaki Grass though goes through it’s entire life cycle looking like the hem of brittle tindergrasses one would find bordering blasted deserts. In the life cycle of this grass it’s only water comes in the form of short bursts of steam and mist from geysers that dot the landscape, all it takes is a single rain though and Ktaki grass will burst to life, growing quickly in brittle, dry clumps with fluffy seed pods clinging to the tallest strands. Wild winds carrying embers from distant places and lightning strikes from the fast-moving ash clouds overhead spark fires that burn Ktaki grass as fast as it grows, creating a constantly shifting tapestry of flaming lines, charred and blackened fields of burnt grass, and fresh blooms of dry, tan grasses under clouds of water vapor. This land of constant upheaval is a peculiar wonder of Arrush as well as being the stomping grounds of the marauding hordes of the vicious Salamander race, serpentine bodied humanoids who lay broods of eggs pools of magma in the volcanic mountains that overlook Zilektak. Salamanders are hateful and warlike, sometimes taking contracts to serve other races, sometimes launching campaigns against other natives of the plane or against members of their own race. There is no record of them ever invading Beleren but some suggest this is simply because nothing written down would be left after it.

Rizvadi and the Rebel Seven

At the heart of the lava sea that covers much of the surface of Arrush lies an immense structure of seamlessly shaped metal. A citadel of gleaming tungsten with walls hundreds of feet tall, tall spires of metal that seems shaped as if by the hand of a blacksmith of unimaginable size. At the highest point at the center of the citadel the tallest tower reaches upward to the roof of the plane, a staircase on the top most level rises up into the open air reaching high enough that one could step through it to cross through the solar portal when it spins into place once per circuit. This is the impenetrable fortress known as Rizvadi, home of the Suriyan insurrection known as the Rebel Seven. In one of his many journeys, the Prophet Suriyan came to Arrush and found audience with the ancestors of those ifrit who had converted to the new faith. Few denizens of the plane were willing to listen to the doctrine of peace and coexistence with the other planes. But there were those with whom it struck a chord. Four Efreeti nobles whose lineages had fought valiantly for the Suriyan cause converte. Suriyan showed the principles of his egalitarian class system to the Azer, at each fortress he visited the Steelbloods gnashed their teeth and cursed him as a radical bringing disorder and discontent but among the oppressed there were those who felt the call of a better life. Eventually four heroes of the slave castes of the Azer led exoduses from their fortresses, for many years this collection of anarchists and heretics wandered as hunted, reviled nomads wandering the far reaches of Arrush. But eventually they found salvation in friendship, Suriyan practicioners from Ovsk and Tannishai crossed through the solar portal, Djinni monks and wizards defended the lesser members of the Suriyan heresy of Arrush and ferried them to safety in the tungsten citadel conjured into being by the metalcraft magics of the Shaitan. The Rebel Seven and their kith and kin have held this mighty fortress ever since against countless assaults by their many enemies. Among their ranks are many legendary warriors and masters of martial arts who great heroes of Rijan have taken epic journeys to train with.

The Oridao Desert

Across much of the southern hemisphere of Arrush is a nearly empty desertscape. It was in the deepest depths of this vast sea of dunes that the first Suriyan heretics hid from their pursuers. The sands of Oridao are a mixture of glass silica and powdery ash dotted with pumice stones. Fire cyclones spin across the vast emptiness of this desert realm leaving long scars of glittering glass and smouldering ash in their wake. By curious chance the two sands of Oridao don’t mix naturally, the winds may pick up and blow some amoung across the surface but underneath the dunes and sandstone bluffs are striped in pale yellow and black ripples that become clearly visible flying overhead. Phoenixes, one of the few pure souled creatures of the plane make their nests out of shaped glass here and became a great symbol of hope for the wandering Suriyans in their time of peril. Other than that little else lives out there except mindless golems of sand and desert glass and mephits. Some say there is a city lost beneath the sands, a city of clockwork automatons of brass, mechanical beings that slew their creators and began to create their own society. For a time they ruled the plane from their desert citadel, crafting the great ring that now holds the solar portal in stable orbit. It’s said that before that it had spun and weaved wildly across the sky, sometimes crashing into the plane’s surface and fracturing the already fragile tectonic planes to create even greater waves of chaos. It’s not known what exactly caused the downfall of these ancient automatons but legend says simply one day the desert swallowed them up, pulling their wondrous city deep beneath the surface, lost for eternity. Stories of treasure maps and sightings of metallic towers stretching up out of the sands have haunted the planes for millennia, tempting demons, angels, and mortals alike to their ultimate demise

#beleren #pathfinder #d&d #worldbuilding

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engineerbabuinc · 4 years

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A Detailed Guide to CSS Transitions and Animations

Every one of us gets awestruck when we look at the exquisitely designed websites of tech biggies, like Apple or Microsoft, or of automobile companies like Tesla or Mercedes. The X-factor that makes these websites stands out, is oftentimes the appealing animations and effects that make us look again and again. So, how do they make the websites so amazingly interactive? Ever gaped about how the animations on these websites actually work? Do you wish to design a similarly elegant and interactive website for your business too? If yes, then look no further. Read along as this is a detailed excerpt covering the basics of CSS transitions and CSS animations that could immensely help you in achieving the same for your business website. If you have just ventured into the domain of front-end development, or are looking to expand your understanding about the same, then continue reading this blog, because by the end of it you'll get a comprehensive understanding of CSS. CSS or Cascading Style Sheets is the pretty part of web-applications you get to notice. While CSS styles the web application, HTML or Hypertext Markup Language structures it. Animations play a critical role in improving the experience of users as they assist in providing improved visual feedback and helps in making interactions with the website striking. CSS 3 has an abundance of in-built properties that substantially help in animating elements, and that too across all the major browsers. But - With great power, comes greater responsibility. Animations need to be used wisely, or you could end up creating a page that is more distracting than interactive. The entire purpose of animations is to serve as an aid, rather than a hindrance while using web applications. According to a Google report, almost 50% of the overall web traffic comes through mobile devices. Hence, any business needs to create mobile-friendly animations. It is also imperative to have a basic understanding of CSS (preferably CSS 3), HTML and somewhat of jQuery. jQuery is a Javascript library that assists developers in playing with elements of the website. The technical jargon for this is - DOM manipulation. As your target audience might vary, it is possible that you might be using more than one kind of web browsers (Mozilla Firefox, Google Chrome, Safari, Opera, Internet Explorer), and thus need to cater to all of them. You can also check for the browser support for animations here. CSS animations have 3 significant aspects to it:

Transforms

Transitions

Keyframes

PART A: TRANSFORMS

Transforms helps to change your web elements in all kinds of wonderful ways - from moving the element to re-sizing it, from rotating the element to tilting it. And the best part - You can alter anything and everything without changing the document flow. There are four significant aspects of transforms:

Translate

Scale

Rotate

Skew Let’s dig a little deeper, shall we?

1. Translate

Translate changes the coordinates of the element. It is used to change the appearance of the component on a 2D plane. Translate means to simply move the element from one position to another on the webpage. You can translate an object on X-axis, Y-axis or both.

Moves the element on the X-axis

Syntax: transform: translateX(200px); or transform: translateX(-200px);

Moves the element on the Y-axis

Syntax: transform: translateY(200px); or transform: translateY(-200px);

Using shorthand

Syntax: transform: translate(x-axis, y-axis)

Example: transform: translate(200px, 200px);

Alert!

transform: translate(200px); [will only translate the element along the X-axis]

2. Scale

One can play with the size of the image, along with both the axis – X and Y. Scaling distorts the shape of the element and can degrade the quality of the element. A number greater than 1 will increase the size and a decimal less than 1 will decrease the size.

Scaling along the X-axis - transform: scaleX(3);

Scaling along the Y-axis - transform: scaleY(0.5);

Using the shorthand - for scaling along X and Y axis together -

transform: scale(3 , 0.5); or transform: scale(0.5);

3. Rotate

You can rotate the element either clockwise or counter-clockwise. The unit of measurement used is degrees. A positive value will rotate the element clockwise, and vice versa for the negative element. This rotation would also happen along X, Y and Z axis.

Understanding the rotation in CSS animations is one of the trickiest parts, and thus a lot of people fails to utilize the real potential of this feature.

Along X-axis Imagine a marshmallow getting roasted while being rotated on a bonfire. You have to visualize the elements to turn into the page along with the X-axis, and that’s what rotation will look like on X-axis. We won’t see the 3D rotation, all we would be able to see is the height of the element changing.

Syntax: transform: rotateX(45deg);

Along Y-axis Imagine a dancer on a pole. The elements will be rotating into the page along Y-axis. All you would notice is the width of the component getting changed.

Syntax: transform: rotateY(45deg);

Along Z-axis This is the best possible orientation that you would work with while using rotation, as you can see the element actually rotating. One can also modify the clockwise and counter-clockwise movement with positive and negative rotation values respectively. For this, try imagining an arrow going into the page and the element rotating with respect to that arrow.

transform: rotateZ(45deg) – clockwise rotation

transform: rotateZ(-45deg) – counterclockwise rotation

4. Skew

Skewing an element means tilting the component. It has both positive and negative values, and like rotation, it is measured in degrees (deg) too. Positive X value bends the element to the left, and vice versa for the negative X. Likewise, a positive Y value dips the element downwards, and vice versa. By default, if X or Y aren't stated in the transform, it will shift the element with respect to the X-axis.

Along X-axis

transform: skewX(45deg) or skew(45deg);

Along Y-axis

transform: skewY(80deg);

5. Combining transforms

One can also apply multiple transforms into a single transform statement. The order does matter (sometimes) as the second transform will apply on the first transform and the third will apply on the result of the first two transforms.

transform: translateX(200px) rotateX(45deg) scaleY(1.5) skewX(45deg);

All of these transforms will take effect on some user events like hover, click, focus, active, etc. To see the magic in action, you can add the transforms in these events.

.element-to-animate{

display: block

}

.element-to-animate:hover{

transform: translateX(200px) rotateX(45deg) scaleY(1.5) skewX(45deg);

}

PART B: TRANSITIONS

If you got a chance to go over the code above, you might have noticed a jerk during the state change on hover; that’s precisely what transitions are for. CSS Transitions help in making the animation fluid. One can control the CSS transitions with the help of the following properties:

transition-property

transition-duration

transition-timing-function

transition-delay

1. transition-property

These are the CSS properties that one can use transitions on. This ranges from playing with margins and paddings to background and borders. You can either apply a transition to a specific feature or to a complete list. A comprehensive list of all the properties that come under this purview can be found here. Applying transition property to a specific CSS property

transition-property: background-color;

Applying a transition to the entire list of CSS properties

transition-property: all;

2. transition-duration

The time duration for which the animation will be in play. This can easily be measured in seconds (s) or milliseconds (ms). It is advisable to use seconds as it makes them easily readable - even your fellow developers at the office won’t get annoyed by you!

transition-duration: 0.5s;

3. transition-timing-function

Who doesn’t like SPEED! Speed is something that can make or break the user experience with your animation; therefore it is advisable to control it. The way you can accomplish it is by using transition-timing-function. Pupils at CSS 3 team were kind enough to provide us with some in-built values for speed, like ease, ease-in, ease-in-out And in case, you wish to possess total command over the speed - Use Bezier Curves.

transition-timing-function: ease;

transition-timing-function: cubic-bezier(0.25, 0.1, 0.25, 1);

4. transition-delay

This helps in creating a pause between the event getting fired that starts the animation and the actual start of the animation. Simply put, transition-delay - delays the animation. It is measured in seconds (s) or milliseconds (ms).

transition-delay: 0.5s;

Shorthand:

transition: (property) (duration) (transition-timing-function) (transition-delay);

The order for the two time-oriented functions, i.e. duration and transition-delay matter - So stay alert!

Using Transforms and CSS Transitions Together

STATE 1: NORMAL

.element-to-animate display: block; transition: transform 1s ease 0.2s, background 1s; }

STATE 2: HOVER

.element-to-animate:hover{ background: black; transform: translateX(200px); }

For transitioning between STATE 1 and STATE 2, one can apply the transition to all the properties separately with individual timings, or if you wish to apply CSS transitions on all properties in STATE 2, then:

transition: all 1s ease 0.2s;

PART C: KEYFRAMES

The keyframes help in changing the animation from one to another at certain times. One can play with keyframes in two ways:

From – To approach

Percentage Approach

1. From – To Approach

In this approach, there are only 2 states during the animation - start state and end state. Syntax:

@keyframes animation_name {

from { }

to { }

}

To animate an element (e.g., a Car) to move horizontally from its initial position:

@keyframes drive{

from {

transform: translateX(-200);

}

to {

transform: translateX(1000px);

}

.car{

animation-name: drive;

animation-duration: 3s;

animation-fill-mode: forwards;

animation-delay: 2s;

animation-iteration-count: infinite;

animation-timing-function: ease-in;

animation-direction: normal;

}

2. Percentage Approach

We cannot use from-to in @keyframes as there is more than 1 state now. The percentage approach breaks down the animation into various intermediate states including a start and end state. The start state is indicated by 0%, and the end state is indicated by 100%. There can be as many intermediate states you want, but it is advised to keep the segregation of states uniform throughout. Example: 0% - 25% - 50% - 75% - 100%

@keyframes jump{

0% { transform: translateY(-50px) }

50% { transform: translateY(-100px) }

100% { transform: translateY(-50px) }

}

• Animation shorthand

One can also use this concise format to write the animations: animation: (animation-name) (animation-duration) (animation-fill-mode) (animation-timing-function) (animation-iteration-count) (animation-direction) (animation-delay); Note: The animation-delay will always come AFTER animation-duration. Apart from them - time-oriented functions and the order of other properties in shorthand doesn’t matter. Example:

.car{

animation-name: drive;

animation-duration: 3s;

animation-fill-mode: forwards;

animation-delay: 2s;

animation-iteration-count: infinite;

animation-timing-function: ease-in;

animation-direction: normal;

}

Can be re-written as:

.car{

animation: drive 3s ease-in infinite normal 2s;

}

We now have two animations – drive and jump, which we wish to add on the “car” element. We can do this through a single line code by using, “Chaining Animations.”

• What is Chaining Animations?

Playing with multiple animations is a breeze with CSS. Comma separation technique can be used to chain the animation and run one animation after the other. For example,

.car{

animation: drive 3s ease-in infinite normal 2s, jump 2s ease 4 alternate reverse;

}

Classifications of Animation Properties:

·Which Animation to use? animation-name: Name of the animation which is indicated by the keyword after @keyframes

·What to do when the animation ends? animation-fill-mode: Tells what to do with the element being animated outside the animation window.

·If you wish to repeat the animation “n” number of times, use, animation-iteration-count: It helps to repeat the animation. It can either have a number value or if you want the animation to play continuously, then use “infinite.”

·If you wish to reverse the direction of the animation, use, animation-direction: You don’t need to write a separate animation all together just to reverse the animation. You can apply this to play with the current animation, and it’s direction.

In From – To Approach:

reverse: to - from

alternate: from-to -> to-from -> from-to

alternate-reverse: to-from -> from-to -> to-from

In Percentage Approach

reverse: 100% - 0%

alternate: 0% - 100% -> 100% - 0% -> 0% - 100%

alternate-reverse: 100% - 0% ->0% - 100% ->100% - 0%

· Like SPEED? Control it using, animation-timing-function helps to control the speed with which the animation starts, behaves and ends. There are some in-built values like ease, ease-in and you can write your own using the cubic-bezier(n,n,n,n). Play with it here.

· Do you procrastinate? CSS animations can too! Using animation-delay will start the animation a few seconds/milliseconds after the event gets fired.

Wrapping Up It could be a bit complicated to get used to CSS jargon at first. But once you get used you'll realize that CSS Animations and CSS Transitions are simply marvelous.

Thanks for reading. We hope this article helped you. If it did, please give it a thumbs-up and feel free to drop your comments in case you have any queries. You can talk to us right now or visit our website for more details. Also, if you have exciting uses of CSS transitions or CSS animations that you’d like to share, we'd love to hear from you.

#CSS transitions #how to use CSS animations #how to use CSS

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sharecreators-blog · 5 years

Text

Fifteen Inspirational Quotes

When we are feeling unmotivated or down, sometimes reading articles or watching inspirational quotes can help us get back into the groove of working. Implement this healthy exercise into your weekly routine, hang some of these quotes up in your room, or write them down. Use them to your advantage, so you can continue to be a successful creative. Here we go!

1. “Creativity takes courage” - Henri Matisse

The first thing that you should know or consider when you are going to work in the creative field for a living is that working in this field takes guts. Nothing is guaranteed in this industry, and there is never a guaranteed secure salary, no matter where you go or what you do. With that being said, it is entirely up to you to pave your own path in the artistic industry. Lots of courage is needed if you are going to be an entrepreneur, and essentially a working artist in the modern world is an entrepreneur.

ShareCreators

Artwork By Rex Cat

2. “Every artist was first an amateur” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

We all have to start somewhere. When you want to do something, you can either say to yourself, “one day” OR “day one.” It is important to remember where your roots come from.

3. “Work hard! In the end, passion and hard work beats out natural talent.” - Pete Docter

Passion is perhaps the most essential quality to have when it comes to anything you want to do in your career. Discipline is the character trait that gets you places, more than talent or inspiration or any sort of personal connections. With discipline and passion, nearly anything can be done. But one cannot work without the other. You must have both when you want to work in the creative field especially, but this goes for any sort of industry. When you look at successful artists, these are the two most prominent traits that they encompass. This is exactly what Pete Docter is telling us. He is a prime example of a hard-working and passionate man.

4. “Actually, I don’t really draw that well. It’s just that I don’t stop trying as quickly. I keep at it.” - Milt Kahl

People who stop trying quickly and take “no” for an answer are the kind of people that will not get ahead in life… Quitting is not something that strong and dedicated people do. We all obviously know that Milt Kahl is a renowned and incredible artist and animator. In this quote, he gives us a lesson of persistence. With persistence and practice, your skills are guaranteed to improve.

ShareCreators

Artwork By Bodgan Rezunenko

5. “The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.” - Walt Disney

Even if you do not feel like getting out of bed every day, strong people find motivation and meaning to do so. Things can only get done when you “quit talking and begin doing,” as Walt Disney tells us here in his quote. Laziness is your worst enemy, and so are excuses.

6. “Artists who seek perfection in everything are those who cannot attain it in anything.” - Gustave Flaubert

If I crew When it comes to having to “build your empire” of art, you must build it one piece at a time, working on one thing at a time, and focusing on quality. If you try to focus on too many things at once, you are going to end up with random results that are not going to be of quality. You will not be able to use these things to your advantage. Those artists who seek perfection while trying to do too much at once are the type that cannot get anything done. In order to see results, you must focus your attention on one thing at a time, in order for that one thing to turn out satisfactory. Then, once you get that one thing done, you can move on to the other.

7. “Ate from the heart, nearly everything works: if from the head, almost nothing.” - Marc Chagall

Something that your mother probably always told you growing up was to “follow your gut” and to an extent, she was correct. The best pieces of art come from the heart, from an artist who has great passion for what they do. Great pieces such as the Sistine Chapel were not made by someone who was only half-invested into their work.

8. “A lot of indie developers who became ‘Overnight Successes’ were working at it for ten years.” - Dan Adelman

You cannot expect everything to come to you on a silver platter. No one is going to hand you what you want. Everyone who has built their empire from the ground up did not do it in one sitting. They did not do it in one day. They have put in tireless hours that no one else sees except themselves and the people that work with them.

9. “The enemy of art is the absence of limitations.” - Orson Welles

Art can be anything that you want it to be. Art is best made when you are bending the rules. When you are creating things that have never been seen before. If you aren’t doing this, what is the point? You are just a copy machine. Make original art.

10. “Commitment is the enemy of resistance, for it is the serious promise to press on, to get up, no matter how many times you are knocked down.” - David McNally

Commitment and discipline go hand in hand. Allow your failures to be your greatest teachers. Do not let one small thing get you down. If you allow your doubts to fill your headspace, you will not have time to be productive!

11. “Quality is the best business plan.” - John Lasseter

You can NEVER go wrong with choosing quality. Quality is seen by human instinct: it is undeniable and you cannot hide it in any way. If you put work into something, it is unmistakable and has a deeper element that is incomprehensible.

12. “I can’t give you a sure-fire formula for success, but I can give you a formula for failure: try to please everybody all the time.” - Herbert Bayard Swope

Not everyone is going to be your fan or your supporter. Not everyone is going to like your art, no matter how much time you put in it. Art is subjective for this reason. You are a product: you are putting out a product and you are putting out a speciality, and when you cater to your targeted customers, you are going to achieve greater success.

13. “Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.” - Scott Adams

The best successes come from the heels of failures. Allowing yourself to fail is your greatest teacher. Beautiful art is both aesthetically pleasing and emotionally moving.

14. “The comfort zone is the great enemy to creativity; moving beyond it necessitates intuition, which in turn configures new perspectives and conquers fears.” - Dan Stevens

Leave your comfort zone as often as possible, so that your comfort zone expands! This is how you grow. This is how you gain more experiences in life. This is how you become a better person in both your career life and your personal life. Push yourself every day, in the littlest ways, and you will see positive results.

15. “Creativity is an act of defiance.” - Twyla Tharp

Not now does not mean not ever. There are better things in store for you.

Take these many quotes and remind yourself how to think when you find yourself in a slump or artists block. These renowned artists are famous for a reason, and it is because they lived their lives having the same mental attitude that quotes like these emit. Allow yourself to be uncomfortable this week, and push yourself to practice most especially when you don’t feel like it, because that is when it counts most.

#Freelance #Graphic Designer #Illustrator #Game #Design

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suchawonderfullife · 7 years

Text

1. The silver lining..

For those who know me personally, you may be wondering why I’ve called this blog “such a wonderful life”? Well, “Wonderful Life” by Hurts is a song of significance to me. The lyrics start with:

“On a bridge across the Severn on a Saturday night, Susie meets the man of her dreams. He says that he got in trouble and if she doesn’t mind He doesn’t want the company But there’s something in the air They share a look in silence and everything is understood Susie grabs her man and puts a grip on his hand as the rain puts a tear in his eye. She says Don’t let go Never give up, it’s such a wonderful life Don’t let go Never give up, it’s such a wonderful life”

It’s about a man about to commit suicide, when he is stopped by a woman, she grabs his hand and assures him it will all be okay. The lyrics continue with her seeing his pain, they fall in love and he starts to believe her words. She saves him.

I used to listen to this song through my sickest and darkest days. This song still evokes strong emotion when I listen to it, I think because of the memory of how sick I was when I needed to hear these words the most. I remember countless nights in my early 20′s, feeling such immense loneliness and emotional suffering. It would be 2am or some ridiculous time, my insomnia in fine form and I’d just spent another day (like hundreds before that) home alone, too sick to watch tv, talk to anybody or do anything relatively normal. My level of pain and suffering was incomprehensible and honestly, I’m astonished I survived it. I used to meditate lying down, for hours on end just to try and alleviate some of my symptoms, then I’d lie on the couch listening to classical music as that’s all my body could cope with. If I wasn’t on the couch listening to music, I was in bed in complete silence and darkness, just breathing, hoping to fall asleep (but unable to) and waiting for another day to pass. So at 2-3-4am, when the magnitude of my isolation was felt the most, tears streaming down my face and all I could think about was falling asleep and hoping to never wake up, this song spoke to the deepest part of my soul. The part of me that knew life was worth fighting for and that I needed to try and hold on a little longer. You can listen to the song here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TB1x67Do5U

I have to tell you how glad I am that I did hold on. I survived years of suffering that I would not wish on my worst enemy. When you have no hope outside of that fire that burns within you, when doctors tell you you’re too sick to be treated and they don’t know how to help you, that you may never get better, the majority of your friends abandon you from lack of understanding and judgement and there is nothing in your day that brings you joy, distraction or relief. When you’re isolated beyond comprehension and left feeling like a worthless burden to those selfless enough to stick around and love and care for you regardless. I’m glad my multiple suicide attempts through those times were never successful. I’m glad the universe has kept me here. Now I have hope and the possibility of returning to a life where feeling joy, having the ability to participate in society and achieving my goals, will outweigh my level of suffering. I may even feel somewhat “normal”- now that’s a dream i’ve had for almost a decade.

In just over a month’s time, I will be travelling to the Hansa Center in Wichita Kansas for life-saving treatment for Late Stage Nuerological Lyme Disease and many other conditions this illness has graced me with. This trip has been a year in the making. Over 8 years of trialling endless treatments, a multitude of tests, dozens of doctors, anecdotal evidence from friends and fellow sufferers on their own journey and lastly a years research solely on this clinic and why this is my best shot at helping my body fight such a devastating disease. A disease that has robbed 12 years of my life, taken away my dreams and life plans, has control of all my organs (including my brain), nervous system and tissues, causes dozens (even hundreds) of debilitating symptoms and has actually made me grateful to be the person I am today.

I don’t want this blog to simply be about me harping on about how sick I am/was, treatments and other sad or challenging things. To me it’s about finding hope and positivity in whatever your circumstances and learning to be grateful for the lessons through things you cannot change or do not have control over. I want this blog to change the way you see the world, to inspire you to never give up, to fight for what you want and to face whatever it is that’s holding you back.

There is always something positive to come from any experience. A silver lining if you will. So here is mine: In my 2 years of “remission” (ages 18-20), though I didn’t know it was remission at the time, I was a very different person to who I am now. I was still kind-hearted, thoughtful, loving and a decent human being (in my opinion). But I was superficial and possibly too driven. I prided myself on how hard I could work and how much I could achieve. Rest or down-time was not something I cared for. I studied full-time and worked 2-3 jobs. Working less than 20 hours a week was not acceptable to me. I would head out with friends on weekends for big nights out, I was extroverted (still am) and very likeable. I found it easy to get along with anybody and make new friends. My looks were very important, as a personal trainer, exercise was my life and I loved being known as a “gym junkie.”

I valued myself on how I looked, men finding me attractive, my achievements and status of profession and how likeable I was to others. Basically, I sought value within myself through superficial and tangible parts of my life (as most of us do). So when I became ill, I lost everything that gave me a sense of purpose and made me who I was. A year into being diagnosed as chronically ill (age 21) and I became severely depressed, even suicidal, partly due to my ongoing isolation and grieving the loss of everything I once had. It took me a long time to learn how to re-build my self-worth from nothing. But I did it.

I slowly learnt the value of being grounded, the importance of genuine connection and meaningful relationships over going out and being liked by whomever I may meet. Now I’d rather have quality time with one good friend, than head out with 10 friends where the conversation is potentially shallow. I’ve learnt how to value myself despite my looks (I haven’t been able to exercise in 8 years and putting makeup on is only possible on really “well” days), despite being unable to work or whatever profession I may have in the future and despite being unable to contribute or participate in society like people expect. Those are the things society TELLS us are important, but if you take them all away, you’re left with nothing. Imagine losing all that shapes you as “you,” becoming a lifeless shell of your former self, how would you get through that and rebuild who you are?

So what’s important to me now above all else, is my integrity, morals and how I treat others. I’m a good person, I know this and that’s what matters. I also learnt how to say no. How to set boundaries and make sure that I take care of myself first and foremost and others second. I used to bend over backwards for people, but when I put people’s well-being before my own, it was usually for them to like me, to keep the peace, or out of fear they would abandon me if I didn’t help. So my intentions (although from a good place) were actually not genuine. I’ve learnt how to be true to myself and only say yes to things that serve me or things I am capable of doing whilst maintaining my own physical and emotional health. “You can’t pour from an empty cup,” remember that. I also learnt through counselling that you do yourself a disservice every time you step outside yourself and your core values, to simply please someone else. You become inauthentic and are essentially hurting yourself.

I’m still extroverted, but I’ve learnt how to be alone and embrace simply doing nothing. At 18 I couldn’t even sit through a yoga class, I thought it was “stupid” to waste time breathing deeply and relaxing. I used to get anxiety if it was a Saturday night and I wasn’t out doing something. I hated being on my own with nothing to do. However now, I actually enjoy time alone, doing nice things for myself like having a bath, cooking a healthy meal, going for a walk, sitting in a cafe drinking a coffee just watching people, spending a whole day on the couch binge-watching whatever show I am obsessed with at the time and more. It’s OK to do nothing and this took years for me to accept. But don’t get this confused with severe isolation when you are bedridden. That is when I wanted to die and being that sick, for that long with very limited social contact is beyond challenging and heart-breaking. I am very fortunate to not be THAT sick right now and to have the (although limited) freedom of making some choices on my better days.

Moreover, I learnt that my circumstances and life need no explanation. I don’t owe anybody anything. I used to justify and explain myself out of fear of judgement. The looks I get when I park in a disabled spot, or get pushed around the shops in a wheelchair, yet would hop out of it to look at something. Feeling unwell at an event and needing to go lie down or leave and not knowing how to tell someone, cancelling plans or suddenly becoming too unwell to speak, move or tolerate a normal sound or smell. It’s exhausting to feel the need to constantly justify your circumstances to people. So I don’t and I don’t care if people don’t “get it.” They’re not people I need in my life.

I’m also more than happy to put people in their place who feel the need to comment on my circumstances to which they know nothing about. Such as the social injustice warriors fighting for the rights of the disabled and their parking spots. I acknowledge their comment by telling them to go look at the VALID sticker on the dashboard that is registered to me. Ignorance is bliss and good for them, but I certainly won’t be a sitting duck to morons who think their opinion actually matters. I know people sick like myself who would benefit greatly from a disabled sticker, yet are too scared to get one because they may get nasty comments from onlookers as they are not in a wheelchair, of prehistoric age or missing a limb. This may mean the difference between them able to go to the shops or leave their house, something many take for granted. A friend once said (towards people like that) “It must be nice to have such a privileged opinion on disability when you are in full health.”

My point is, my view of the world and what I thought was important was guided by what society was telling me. Working hard, always being busy, looking good, putting others first and caring what people think. Being so sick from Lyme Disease gave me the time and necessity to build myself back up from nothing and to be able to think for myself. I don’t buy into superficial connections, fakeness, striving for things that will help my social status, people liking me, or doing something because “it’s what you do” or “society says,” because life is too short. What an absolute waste of time and energy that is.

I’m am empath and I’ve been fortunate enough to find the ability to listen to what my soul really needs in order to be authentic. I have honestly found my true self through all my heartache and I may not ever have had the chance to do that, if I didn’t get sick. You’ll see that I am unapologetically honest about who I am, my life, my desires, interests and dreams. I own who I am and what I want because I am at my happiest when I am true to myself. I don’t believe in filtering my life to ease others discomfort. If you’re uncomfortable, that’s not my problem and I gravitate only towards those who “get me” and embrace all that I am. I can’t tell you how elating that feels. I’ve lost friends because of who I am and choices I’ve made, as they were judgemental and couldn’t see past their own social conditioning and bubble of reality. Don’t get me wrong, that hurts, but they don’t deserve me in their life if that’s their mindset towards someone simply being who they are. This is an outlook people in their 40′s or 50′s start to tap into, when they get tired of living their life how they think they’re supposed to and they just want to be happy. I found this in my 20′s and what a beautiful gift that is.

If you meet me or have met me, I hope you feel that my energy is genuine, that I have depth, an ability to listen with intent to understand and not simply reply and that I honestly care for people. I have an outlook of positivity, I’m a solutions person and I always find a silver lining.

How did I get there though? Through my chronic illness journey I have studied Buddhism, found the benefits of Reiki, healing crystals, meditation, detoxing, mindfulness techniques, sought counselling for deep-seeded emotional traumas, read many self help books and more. I got to a point where my physical suffering was so severe and I had nothing to alleviate it, that I decided I needn't suffer more with emotional or mental pain. If I could at least control my mind and learn how to be happy or at peace through my suffering, then maybe I would either get through it, or at least die with some peace. Your mind and the way you view things has such immense power. This kind of growth didn’t only help me “find myself”, but I learnt that it is paramount to long-term recovery. My recovery didn’t start until AFTER I tapped into all these things.

So I need to express to sufferers out there, that you will NEVER get better if you do not deal with your “shit”, work on yourself and learn how to find peace through your suffering. We all carry trauma and if you’re sick, then it is a part of your chronic illness story. Don’t try to simply fix the physical. I’ve heard this from multiple practitioners and health experts as well, so it’s not just my anecdotal evidence or personal belief. The Hansa Center focus on emotional healing and (from my understanding) adhere to this same belief.

Thanks for reading. Next I will discuss the journey that led me to choosing Hansa and why I did. Make sure you hit “follow” for future updates.

Love xx

#lyme #lyme disease #chronic lyme #chronic illness #spoonie #hansa center #hansa #lyme treatment

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witchwarsrp-blog · 7 years

Photo

HALE INSTITUTE FILE: BASICS

NAME: Stella Montgomery AGE, YEAR: 23 Years Old, Fifth Year SCHEDULE: Schedule D MENTOR: Professor Shawn Edwards HOMETOWN: Brisbane, Australia PRIMARY FACE CLAIM: Phoebe Tonkin BACK UP FACE CLAIMS: Keirsey Clemons, Emma Watson

HALE INSTITUTE FILE: POWERS

POWER: Pyrokinesis

The ability to create and control fire with the will of one’s mind. More advanced Pyrokinetics can achieve almost any effect with fire. In it’s most simple form, it is the ability to set fire to or cause an object to spontaneously combust, often through a focused look or stare, though some have been known to channel the power through their hands with the emotional trigger of anger. In more advanced forms, a Pyrokinetic can create fireballs in the palm of their hand to use in combat. Stella is able to use her ability with concentrated anger, causing flames to combust. If there is already existing fire, Stella can manipulate it to move at her will. She can create small fireballs, though this requires extreme focus and channeling her anger. Stella has to focus on using her abilities, otherwise the fire can quickly spread and get out of control. The more frantic or unfocused she gets, the less control she will have over the fire that she has created or manipulated to bend to her will in some form.

HALE INSTITUTE FILE: HISTORY

BACKSTORY:

Growing up, it was always just Stella and her mom. Her mother never mentioned her father, and quickly changed the subject whenever a young Stella asked about him, so eventually she stopped asking. That didn’t stop her from wondering, and making up stories about her father being a doctor or a lawyer or some other fancy career man whenever classmates asked. She always did have an active imagination. As she grew older, she just accepted the fact that her mom probably didn’t know who her dad was, and she was too embarrassed to tell her daughter that she was the product of a one night stand when she was sixteen. Stella didn’t mind, not really. She didn’t need a dad, but it would have been nice to have one around sometimes. Her mother was her best friend. They weren’t a perfect little family by any means, but they were happy in their little two bedroom house in Brisbane, Australia. Being a high school dropout herself, Liv Montgomery wasn’t much help when it came to little Stella’s homework. That didn’t stop her daughter from being a little genius in her own right. She was always the top of her class, and while Stella was always learning from her mother, Liv was learning from her too. It was like they were raising and taking care of each other. Stella’s grandparents didn’t agree with the way Liv was raising their granddaughter. In fact, Caroline Montgomery didn’t agree with anything her daughter did, and Henry Montgomery was a neutral party that could never say no to his wife. Stella learned to fake a smile and go along with whatever her grandparents said, but at the end of the day, she would always be on team Liv. That was until she got into a heated argument with her mother, with whom she tended to fight with like they were sisters rather than mother and daugher, and accidentally increased a candle’s flame and set the curtains on fire. Unfortunately, the family abilities had skipped a generation. Her mother had no power of her own, but Caroline did. Her mother had been hoping it would skip Stella too, her grandmother couldn’t have been more thrilled. That meant that thirteen year old Stella had to start spending quality time with Grandma Montgomery to train every week. It wasn’t an ideal situation, but honestly the woman wasn’t as bad as her mother made her out to be. Stella learned to control her power and grew closer to her grandmother, who told her all about the Hale Institute. Her mother didn’t want her to go, but after a long, carefully crafted speech and puppy dog eyes, she was able to wear her down. At the institute, she’s able to learn more about her power and being a witch in general, something she’s eager to learn about. She spends far too much time curled up in a chair reading about magic, but she’s started to branch out and be more social as the years passed.

#rp #bio rp #magic rp #lsrp #roleplay #ch: open #ch: stella montgomery #ch: female #ch: fifth year #ch:

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