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#to be a dilf you need to be a dad
riality-check · 7 months
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The eagerly awaited part 2 of the DILF!Steve concert saga is here!! Part 1, in case you missed it.
"You're not going."
"Come on! I haven't thrown up in an hour!"
"The drive to the venue is an hour and a half."
"Steve-"
"And if you throw up in my car-"
"Oh my God-"
"I'll kill you."
Steve doesn't need to see Dustin's eye roll in order to feel the full force of it through the phone.
"I'll just kill you. You'll have a headstone within the week that says Here Lies Dustin Henderson: Rightfully Murdered for Puking in Steve Harrington's Car," he continues as he packs Capri-Suns into the cooler for the car ride.
He doesn't remember ever being that thirsty as a kid, but if Anna wants strawberry kiwi, Anna gets strawberry kiwi. It helps that it's Steve's favorite flavor, too.
"I'd need a big ass headstone to fit all of that," Dustin snaps.
"Your big-ass ego would demand no less, shithead," Steve shoots back.
"Swear jar, Daddy!" Anna calls from her room, across the house because while she doesn't listen to Steve when he's right in front of her, she can hear him break the swear jar rule from halfway across the world.
He zips up the cooler, fishes a quarter out of his pocket, and throws it into the half-full soup can next to the stove.
(A quarter doesn't mean much, but Anna doesn't know that. The day Steve teaches that kid about inflation is the day his pockets become permanently empty.)
"Did she just swear jar you?" Dustin asks from over the phone.
"You baited me into it."
"I did no such thing."
Steve rolls his eyes. "You're not coming, though, are you?"
Dustin sighs, and, for all his teasing, Steve does genuinely feel bad. "I still feel like if I breathe wrong, I'll hurl, so, no. I don't think I'll manage the car ride, nevermind the actual show."
"Sorry dude."
"Don't be. Some dickhead will live stream the whole thing on Instagram, anyway. I'll live vicariously through them."
Steve snorts and picks up the cooler. He got Anna dressed beforehand, so it's just a matter of getting her to stop playing with whatever toy she dug up - Play-Doh has been the fixation of the week - in her room so they can go.
"Besides," Dustin continues, and Steve hates where this is going. "Anna loved the show, and you've got a reason-"
"Nope," Steve says, knocking on Anna's door. "Don't finish that sentence."
"All I'm saying-"
"I know what you're gong to say, which means you know my answer. I don't date."
Anna opens her door. From the little Steve can see inside, there are at least three containers of Play-Doh open and strewn across the floor. He thinks her Barbies are involved in it somehow.
"Time to go," Steve says, and he thinks, Please don't let there be Play-Doh in the Barbie hair.
"Five more minutes," Anna tries.
"Nope. Clean up and roll out."
"Hi, Anna," Dustin says through the phone.
"Uncle Dusty!" Anna shrieks, and she starts jumping up and down. "Are you comin', too?"
Dustin sighs, and Steve can't tell if it's at the nickname or if he's still cursing the universe. "No, but you and your dad have a great time, okay?"
"Can you, can you tell Daddy I should get five more minutes?"
Steve raises his eyebrows at her. Anna, to her credit, ignores him wonderfully.
"If you clean up," Dustin says, because he's actually Steve's favorite person right now, "you get to do more headbanging at the concert."
Anna gasps like Steve didn't already tell her that earlier today, and she gets to work on putting her toys away. Steve helps, of course, and he finds that there is, in fact, Play-Doh in two of her Barbies' hair.
Fun. They're going to turn into Buzzcut Barbies when Anna goes to sleep because he can already tell that they are the furthest thing from salvageable.
But that doesn't matter right now. What matters is getting Anna in the car, deploying the first two of many strawberry kiwi Capri Suns from the cooler, and making the drive to the venue, which Steve does with minimal road rage and accompanied by the Disney radio station.
Success by all metrics, really.
Dinner might as well be now, so Steve shells out a truly disgusting amount of money for overpriced chicken nuggets and fries at the venue. Anna will only eat half her portion but say she's hungry later, but that's what the snacks and water Steve smuggled in via his jacket are for.
They get to their seats, dinner finished up, just as the lights go down for the first opener. Steve looks to his left, half-expecting Eddie and his friends to be there before remembering that they won't be.
He tries not to feel too disappointed. He fails miserably.
The seat next to him, however, isn't empty. There's a note taped to the back of it, one addressed to Steve and Miss Anna, so Steve feels alright taking and opening it.
At the top, there's a messily scrawled phone number. Underneath, it says:
Here's my number. Probably a bad idea to call with all the noise. Texting works, though you should do that after the show. I'll be a little busy until then.
-Eddie
Steve puts the note in his pocket, puts Anna's ear defenders on, puts his own earplugs in, and looks at the stage, where-
Hang on.
He squints at the stage, where four guys have started playing a song that, frankly, sounds too much like literally all the music Steve listened to yesterday for him to care about all that much. The drummer is pretty small, with wild, curly hair. The bassist looks familiar. The lead singer, who is very talented but not to Steve's personal taste, also looks familiar. And the guitarist-
No way. No way in hell.
It's a total coincidence. Lots of guys have long, curly hair and heavy jewelry and big eyes and are wearing formal wear, for some reason, and catch Steve's eye, and-
"Thank you for such a great welcome!" the guitarist says, and his smile totally isn't doing anything to Steve, thanks very much.
Anna stops moving, where she's standing next to Steve, and climbs up into his lap to get a better look at the stage. She looks out, then back at Steve, then out, then back at Steve, making a face as confused as Steve feels.
Some days, he thinks he ended up with a clone, not a kid.
"I'll get off the mic in a second. I only do the talking because Jeff," the guitarist points at the lead singer, who ducks his head, "is really shy."
Jeff. That name is definitely relevant, but Steve is a permanent resident of denial.
"We fought about what song we were going to include next in our set list, so much so that we didn't decide until yesterday and had to consult a tiebreaker."
Okay, maybe Steve is a less permanent resident of denial than he thought.
"So, thank you to Miss Anna, who did great at headbanging for her first time-"
Anna whips around so fast, her forehead nearly collides with Steve's jaw.
"And to Steve, who's a big fan of American Psycho."
At the song name, the crowd loses their minds, and if Anna wasn't sitting right in front of him, Steve would join them.
Because what the fuck is happening right now?
His question isn't answered. In fact, about five more questions pop up in its stead when, during the bridge of the song, Jeff puts on a clear rain jacket and picks up a prop axe.
Please, God, don't let this traumatize my kid, Steve thinks.
Anna, thankfully, doesn't get scared. When Jeff brings the axe down, again and again, Steve's weirdo daughter fucking smiles. And giggles. It's kind of cute, actually.
When the song ends, she turns back to Steve.
"That's Eddie onstage," Steve says, and saying it, somehow, makes it real.
"I thought so!" Anna says, and she turns back to watch the show. Steve puts an arm around her waist so she doesn't fall off his lap when she bangs her head to the music.
The rest of the songs, in Steve's opinion, are better than the opening song. They're more melodic, which Steve can definitely get behind, and each of them has a gimmick onstage, all based off of various horror movies. It's ridiculous, but also really, really cool.
And Eddie, onstage, because it is the same guy who flirted with him and was so sweet to Anna yesterday, is really, really hot.
Steve has never had a thing for guitarists before. He's never had a thing for musicians before. Hell, until a year ago, he didn't realize he had a thing for men.
Eddie is. Uh. Yeah. Really doing it for him.
Steve doesn't know whether it's his enthusiasm, or the way he moves, or seeing his hair tied up, or the fucking dress pants and suspenders, or just his hands, but he does know he has to get himself in check because this is an all ages show and he's here with his daughter.
He already knows he can't add these songs to his grading playlist, not when they're accompanied by visuals of Eddie playing his guitar.
Sweet Jesus.
"Alright, that's our set!" Eddie says. "Thanks, y'all, for sticking around for us, and let's give it up for the next act!"
The crowd, including Anna and Steve, cheer as they exit and the lights go up.
Steve fishes his phone out of his pocket, fully intending to add Eddie's number to his contacts, and is greeted by not one, not two, but sixteen missed calls from Dustin Henderson.
Naturally, Steve calls him back. "Who died?"
"What the fuck?" Dustin yells, and Steve just puts the phone on speaker to save the rest of his hearing. "Did Eddie fucking Munson just personally thank you from the stage?"
"Swear jar, Uncle Dusty!" Anna says.
"Sorry," Dustin says. "But Steve. Answers. Now."
"How do you even-"
"Instagram live. Is Eddie the guy you were telling me about yesterday?"
Steve takes his phone off speaker. Prior experience tells him that this conversation has a less than zero chance of staying PG, nevermind PG-13.
"Yeah," Steve says. "He is."
"The one who flirted with you, and you forgot to ask for his number."
"Well, I have it now."
"What?" Dustin shrieks, and Steve is incredibly thankful that he didn't take his earplugs out.
"He left me his number on the seat."
"Text him."
"I was going to, until I saw that you called me sixteen times."
"Jesus Christ, Eddie Munson was flirting with you."
Steve rolls his eyes and hands a pack of gummy bears to Anna when she taps his arm. "He could have just been nice. I don't even know if he's into guys."
"Have you looked at him?"
"Wow, Dustybuns, I didn't know you were homophobic."
"I think it's the complete opposite of homophobic to try to get you laid."
"Hanging up!" Steve shouts because a part of him will never see Dustin as any older than thirteen, and no thirteen year old should ever say that.
"Text-"
Steve hangs up the call. "Can I have a gummy bear?"
"No," Anna says, mouth full, in her seat, legs swinging.
"I bought them."
She shrugs. "You gave them to me. Mine now."
Steve stares. She stares right back.
He sighs and opens a new pack of gummy bears.
With his mouth full of sweet Haribo corpses, Steve takes out the note and adds Eddie to his contacts. Before he can overthink it, he sends him a message:
I guess I don't have to ask you what you do for a living. Just so we're even on that front, I'm a teacher, and Anna's full time job is preschool.
He tucks his phone back into his pocket and focuses on making this a good experience for Anna, who somehow wormed her way into a conversation with the intimidating-looking couple sitting next to her.
Because it's totally not like a literal rockstar is going to text him back. Right?
Part 3!!
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neimlise · 1 year
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Captain Price and his two gremlins of a child teammates.
Gaz: What time is it?
(Y/n): I don’t know; pass me that saxophone and we’ll find out
(Y/n): *Plays sax loudly and extremely out of tune*
Price: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE SAXOPHONE AT TWO IN THE MORNING
(Y/n), to Gaz: It’s two in the morning
Price: Please bring home PURIFIED water with NO minerals added for taste
(Y/n): We got spring water
Price: NO.
Gaz: with EXTRA minerals
(Y/n): it's like licking a stalagmite
Price: DON'T COME HOME.
Gaz: Mmmmm cave water
Gaz: What if I press the brake and gas at the same time?
(Y/n): The car takes a screenshot.
Price: For the last time, get the fuck out.
Store Worker: Would Mr. Price please come to the front desk?
Price, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem?
*Store Worker points to (Y/n) and Gaz*
Store Worker: I believe they belong to you?
(Y/n) and Gaz, simultaneously: We got lost :(
Price: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me-
(Y/n): Here’s a fun Christmas idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it.
Price: (Y/n) no.
Gaz: Mistlefoe.
Price: Please stop encouraging them.
Gaz: Hey Captain,
Price: Yes?
Gaz: Can a person breathe inside a washing machine while it’s on?
Price:
Price, stressing out: Where’s (Y/n)?
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molt3ngold · 9 days
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steakout-05 · 4 months
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OK SO THE TRAILER FOR THE NEW GARF MOVIE CAME OUT (and of course youtube didnt tell me about it until now) AND!!! ITS SO CUTE!!!!!! so here's me yelling and screaming and fanboying about how much i love how this movie looks so far :D
ok first off, BABY GARF!!! HE IS A TINY BALL!!! LITTOL GUY!!!! :D
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he's so miniscule! so microscopic! an atom! he's tiny!!! but he's just living in a box who would abandon such a little guy :( (his dad probably. yeah he's in this movie and i hope Garfield's mum is also in here because she appeared in a classic Garfield special and she's so lovely)
after this scene we see our first look at Jon (my beloved) eating alone at an Italian restaurant, and like, this means so much to me. look at these shots:
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i'm not sure if they're in order or not but like. look at the way he watches the family! he has a look of bittersweet love and sadness in his eyes and i'm just,,, 🥺 he just wants to be a dad.... i love how Jon has always kinda been portrayed as a father figure to his pets, in classic shows and specials he calls Garf and Odie his boys, in Garfield Gets Real he calls them his kids and now here, he wants to be a father so bad i'm going to burst into tears i love this man
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the garf appears!! the littol baby has arrived!! the tiny little miniscule microscopic molecule atom of a cat has approached the window!!!
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the way Jon puts his finger to the window, the way he cuddles baby Garf with so much tender loving care and adoration..... he's so sweet i love him!! how can people hate this man?? look at him!!! look this sweet and loving father figure in the eyes and tell him you hate him. you cannot. he's too pure for this world
also i haven't mentioned this yet, but it's commonly accepted in the Garfield fandom that Garfield was born in a pizza shop and then was transferred to a pet shop where Jon then adopted Garfield in 1978, but to be honest, i didn't really like the pet shop part of that backstory. the pizza place part was great but i dunno, Jon just going to a pet shop and buying Garfield isn't as heartfelt to me. this backstory though? i LOVE. two lonely creatures meeting each other and forming a family is so adorable and sweet, especially for modern Garfield. i feel like we need less cynicism in modern Garfield and more stuff like this i love it so much,,, also this movie looks fucking beautiful holy shit
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i really like this part because like, Garfield didn't develop his bizarrely huge diet over time. dude was BORN with it. and like look at that look on Jon's face, he looks like he hasn't even finished processing what just happened yet and is just staring into the mist wondering what and how and why that happened. beautiful. also that second image is really funny to me it should have a silly ominous text post caption on it
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also this shot, i didn't notice it the first time but holy shit the look of absolute HORROR on Jon's face!! he is witnessing the TRUE extent of Garfield's powers and he is NOT ready for it man i love this shot so much
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okok so what i REALLY LOVE about this specific shot is that it reminds me of a classic Garfield strip where Jon is attempting to give Garfield a bath!! here's the strip it reminds me of:
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Jon doesn't actually wear anything but like. the fact that he has to go through so much preparation to give Garfield a bath so he doesn't claw him up in the movie, it just has to be a reference to this strip it's gotta be man i'm betting money on it. also hiii Lyman :)
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this scene is so fucking pretty!!! look at the warm colours! it feels so homely and it's exactly how i feel reading my dad's old Garfield comic books! all the warm bright colours and gentle lighting, all the freshly baked lasagna that i really wanna eat because it's so delicious looking.... how can people say that Jon doesn't feed Garfield when he is RIGHT THERE grating extra cheese for him because he knows Garfield likes extra everything in his lasagna. such a sweet adorable man :') i'd like to see ihatejonarbuckle make a good rebuttal to THIS
there's some other neat little references in this movie too, like the Stuck On You plushies made by Dakin being referenced with Garfield smacking into a car after his dad throws him out of a train,
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and a reference to the giant Garfield balloon at a Macy's Thanksgiving parade that makes me think that 'Garfield' the comic is canon in this movie, it's created by Jon (cause y'know he's supposed to be a cartoonist) and it's based off his own stories with Garfield and it is now an international phenomenon like in our world. neat!
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the question is though, does Garfield know he's a worldwide sensation or does he have absolutely no idea? it'd be funny if it was the latter option honestly cause he'd be extremely confused yet flattered as to why there's a random giant balloon dedicated to him in the city
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so the big dude on the left is Garfield's dad, but also, this reminds me of this other Garfield comic where Garfield meets his former self from 1978 and they proceed to eat all the food in the fridge together. thought that was cool :D
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(it'd be really funny if this was Garfield's dad and he was messing with Garfield by telling him they are one in the same haha)
oh yeah and here's the two of them eating everything in Jon's fridge from the movie:
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see what i mean? there's a similarity there and i think it's really funny. also Jon's probably thinking "wtf there's two of them now???" like Garfield got so fat that he just split into two cats or something lol
so! does it look like a good movie? abso-fucking-lutely yes!!! i am SO excited to go see this one! i think this is the best Garfield media we've gotten in YEARS! i love the colours and the shots, i love the slight modern redesign they gave Jon, Odie looks a little weird but he's still super fun and adorable, and while i do find it odd that the Garfield balloon looks more like Garfield than he does, i do like how expressive the characters' eyes are and it's miles better than the previous 3D Garfs we got! i really wanna see this movie and boy am i going to be RAVING about it for WEEKS this blog will be FILLED with Garfield for the next few weeks when this goes digital!! super jazzed to see it!!
and with that, here's one more comparison that i think is extremely funny:
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brovotics-art · 7 months
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EYYYYYYYY MORE ART
ft. Cole, Jax/Holts dad.... this is a scene from a recent @nixotinix fic....... its v good, I love bullying him for snippits and him blackmailing me for art and stuffed animals so i can get a few more paras
Heres the link yall should READ IT https://archiveofourown.org/works/49586467/chapters/125150323
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antaripirate · 1 year
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SO WATERSTONES FUCKING UPDATED THE SYNOPSIS
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ryuto12 · 1 year
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Vomit Boy Has GROWN
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shifuto · 8 months
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mischeva · 3 months
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Throws this into a pit of nothing. Never to be seen again……. Unless 👀
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monpalace · 7 months
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i sound absolutely unhinged talking about shit from 2017 but if i could telepathically share the thoughts i'm having you would all get it
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fireandspiceland · 10 months
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A thought has occurrd to me
if alfred is the milf hunter
Does that make amelia the dilf hunter
It does. You got it!
*puts gold star sticker on your forehead*
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lolli-says-stuff · 24 days
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Sooooo this fic awakened something in me.
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unxpctedlygreat · 1 year
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this one's for the gustave lovers
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padfootastic · 2 years
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i keep thinking of prongsfoot grandparents.
james is overjoyed to hold a baby in his arms again. he tries to get harry to leave the kids with him as often as possible, to the point that harry’s like ‘dad, can we borrow our child for a sec pls? just to remind them who gave birth here’ and james just has this huge pout and a put-upon sigh like ‘yeah fine, i guess’
and sirius is like the extremely overindulgent grandfather (he’s still called papa in this universe btw. james is gramps) who’ll buy out entire stores if his grandkid so much as thought out about it. harry’s just like ‘seriously? u did not have to rent out an entire theme park for my five year old. she won’t even remember this.’ ‘sirius i don’t want them to grow up as spoilt brats’ and he’s just like ‘chill. u turned out fine’
and because they’re like, super young, right? u have the classic trope of j&s in public, someone going ‘oh your kids are so cute!’ and them going haha no while lilylu screams ‘gramps!’ in the bg.
(also o k listen. prongsfoot as silver fox babes???) (harry already knows the pain of having people around him fantasise about his extremely hot dads but now his kids have to go through round 2 of their friends doing the same w their grandfathers)
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i-wanna-b-yours · 1 year
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so many of you don't even know what a dilf is
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magnus is hot in a scrunkly way. when people first see him, their first thought is "why does he look like that." but not altogether in a bad way. the confusion makes it better.
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