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#to come up with something im completely happy with
hannieehaee · 10 hours
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Hiii i love your writing sm that is always look forward to anything you write . Pls remember to take care of yourself .
Imagine chan having a younger s/o , doting on her , taking care of her protecting her 😭😭😭😭 it would be so cute
them having a younger s/o
content: small age gap between reader and member, established relationship, etc.
wc: 1056
a/n: thank u hehe u take care too!! <3 also i wrote this assuming the age gap is nothing too crazy!! just something like 3-5 year difference for hyung line and 2-3 year difference for maknae line c:
masterlist
seungcheol -
he was MADE to dote on and care for a younger s/o. his credit card would literally be your own. his home would be yours. would treat you akin to kkuma in the sense that he'd coo at you incessantly any time he was away from you for more than a few hours and would love dressing you up in cute outfits to match his own (in a low-key, fashionable way, of course). he'd adore a younger s/o because he'd feel like he could really provide for you with both his wealth and wisdom.
jeonghan -
being the one of the elders of the group and having a younger sister, he's literally been trained for a younger s/o. im completely convinced he'd adoooore a younger s/o that he could dote on and baby in every possible instance. he'd use his preschool teacher voice on you all the time and coo at you so much that you'd literally have to beg him to stop. at some point he'd start doing it just to annoy you lmao.
joshua -
tbh i feel like he would be kinda indifferent about you being younger than him, but would still acknowledge it at times. would coo at you and baby you in exaggerated manners to tease you over being younger than him. but! this would just be a veiled way for him to take care of you.
jun -
how is he supposed to baby you when he's the embodiment of baby himself? however, the creator of the aegyo cat set would still manage to coo at you and attack you with constant aegyo to show his affections towards you. all in all, though, i think he would be a lil indifferent about you being younger than him. maybe it'd inspire a little extra protectiveness from him, making him always keep you close to him in public spaces and use his massive shoulders to shield you from crowds or any danger.
soonyoung -
he'd baby you at times but for the most part would be pretty indifferent about being older than you. however! he would let his childish/immature side come out more often while around you, reasoning that you brought out his more youthful side. would probably match your energy at all times. he'd 100% use the 'im older than you' card to try and win arguments/disputes (it wouldnt work).
wonwoo -
absolutely endeared by you!!! have you seen the way he looks at chan? if you were around chan's age, he'd give you the chan treatment but a thousand times over. would cackle at any joke you made, always keep his adoring gaze on you, bring you snacks even when you didnt ask for them, make space for you on his lap whenever he played games or watched movies. you'd be his baby.
jihoon -
he'd try to hold back for a while, but he'd eventually break and feel an instinctive need to take care of you in a way he would a younger member. even if you were a very independent and self-reliant person, he would still take care of you in his own low-key way. would make sure you always had all your meals, make space for you in his studio and provide you entertainment so you could accompany him in there in the long hours of the night. he'd feel a special type of love for you knowing he could dote on you so freely.
seokmin -
he'd be obsessed with you!!!! would baby you constantly and take care of you in every way imaginable. youd also kinda activate his cuteness aggression without him realizing. he'd wanna be the one and only man to protect you and become a rock for you to rely on. would feel happy and proud to be a person you trusted and someone you could look to whenever you needed.
mingyu -
yet another member who would go insane over being older than you and use it as an excuse to baby you at any given opportunity. would treat you like loyalty and would act as if it was a crime if you ever did mundane stuff on your own instead of allowing him to do it for you. walking to the other side of the room? why when he can just piggy back you there!! packing your own lunch in the morning? nope! he's cooking you a whole meal!
minghao -
ive always felt like he'd go for someone younger just for the traditional aspect of it (idk i have no basis for this belief lmao just a hunch). he'd enjoy playing the role of the dependable boyfriend with a younger s/o to provide for and dote on. it'd just bring him a special type of satisfaction to know that you could look to him as a reliable source of comfort. would be the ideal boyfriend and take care of all your expenses and all your emotional needs.
seungkwan -
he'd be so damn overbearing in the way he took care of you im ngl. would keep tabs on your meals to make sure you had all your meals every day, would push vitamins on you, and just have huge concern for your health overall. he'd also feel insane cuteness aggression for you at the most random times, becoming overly affectionate and expressing how cute he thought you were (even if your age gap was teeny tiny).
vernon -
gives me the vibe that he wouldnt really care if you were older or younger. however, seeing the way he dotes on his little sister and gets along with her, i think he'd be similar with a younger s/o. wouldnt really bring up your age difference much but would still use it as the butt of jokes or use it as an excuse to take care of you at times in which he just felt a little extra affectionate towards you.
chan -
as the youngest, he'd love the idea of him being able to baby someone for once (ik he has a younger brother ok). would use the 'im older than you' line to death and be so fucking annoying about it. however, he would also feel satisfied knowing he was a dependable figure in your life who could take care of you in the same ways his members always took care of him.
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kingprinceleo · 1 day
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What happens at a vampire ceremony :0 Do they do normal wedding stuff with a vampire twist or is it something completely different?
its not fully fleshed out yet but it's a mix! Obviously there's food and guests, but the actual ceremony part itself is the most major change, bc vampires (in theory) live forEver, committing yourself to someone is a way bigger deal to them. In sol u are HIGHLY encouraged to spend years and years dating around and finding the right person/people, if you want to bond to someone at all, most people are happy in their relationships without bonding
The bonding itself is probably some kind of dramatic blood exchange fhfhf, throw some fire in there as well and it is magically connecting them together! I usually describe it like Bluetooth syncing rjrjfjfjfj
I'm not entirely sure on what bonding does in full but I know for sure it gives the partners a warning if the other almost dies, but im still trying to come up with other weird quirks of it dfghjdfg !!
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please pardon the sketch is ugo </3 i also think this is my only sonic thats receptive to marriage as a concept bc he grew up contained in the island, just more conditioned to partake in that stuff. like he wouldnt care either way if he ever got married or not but the idea doesnt drive him away, as long as he could keep being the same old free spirit
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masterof-blabber · 3 days
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Dragons Rising S2P2 predictions because I can keep them to myself no longer 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️
Ok this is going to be mostly Arin/Sora centric because HOOOO BOY do I sense trouble in the air for these two
First of all, Arin is DEFINITELY going to find out about Sora helping him out with the object spinjitzu thing and I think he’s going to be really really hurt. They spent so much time this season building up his feelings of insecurity and finding this out is going to bring them back in a HUGE way.
Another thing the writers spent a long time building up was Arin’s innate goodness/kindness/naivety. Call me crazy but I think he’s going to learn shatterspin in part 2 - the one thing that literally requires destroying the goodness in your soul. I don’t think he’ll use it much but I think he will learn it and be irreversibly changed
I can envision the lead-up to it so vividly and I think finding out what Sora did is going to be the tipping point. I think the rough timeline would go something like this:
Things are going well-ish. Arin’s confidence is restored and he’s back to training with a new enthusiasm. I don’t think he’ll master object spinjitzu at this point but he’ll be seeing more success and feeling better about himself
Something will happen - my guess some sort of pivotal battle where they’re relying on Arin’s object spinjitzu to save the day and it won’t work and Sora will have to come clean.
Arin - betrayed and insecure - lashes out towards Sora, and then towards Lloyd and the others when they try to comfort/calm him down. He says he needs some time to himself and runs off somewhere
While he’s alone, he’s approached by some force of evil (maybe Ras, or Ras’ master, or someone different entirely) and they use his insecurity to convince him that the ninja are holding him back - think like his conversation with Ras in part 1 - and because he’s feeling so awful about it he’ll agree to join them
Training under this new person, they’ll encourage him to work with all this insecurity and build up a ton of anger towards the ninja - especially Sora and Lloyd - and I think they’ll get him to use that to learn shatterspin
Also pretty sure Sora will learn spinjitzu & rising dragon in p2. Thematically this makes a lot of sense as Sora has been very intertwined with dragons since her introduction (she literally NAMED herself after one), and her element is all about creating new things and pushing the limits of what she can do.
Meanwhile Arin doesn’t have an element (as far as we’re aware, and I really hope it stays that way), and a parts his design speak to oni imagery - the horns especially. I don’t think it’s far-fetched so assume that under the right circumstances he may turn to destruction
Creation and Destruction never ever show up without each other in ninjago. They are completely linked and a recurring theme in the show and I think this will become WAY more evident as dragons rising progresses
Other small things:
Someone will find Jay, probably. (Hopefully!!!!) I’m hopeful for an angsty arc but in all honesty it seems like it’ll resolve quite quickly once they do find him. Tbh im happy either way I just miss my wife
Cole/Geo won’t become explicitly canon but they will continue being delightfully queercoded
I think Wyldfyre and Nya are both going to struggle without Kai,, he’s sort of been a father figure to both of them and knowing he’s stuck somewhere he might never escape from is gonna be really hard on them (esp for Nya who’s already sort of lost one of the most important people in her life)
More Wu info??? (Hoping for this! Hes present in at least one of the new sets (dragon stone shrine, linked below) so im hopeful we’ll find out what happened that silly old guy
PIXAL return???? (I’m begging on my hands and knees)
Arin Sora and Wyldfyre will meet Fritz and Spitz idk I just think that would be cute
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xueyidweams · 3 days
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Aventurine x Trans!Male Reader
AO3 Version
A/N: I’m not completely back but i got my period and im horny and i wanted to write something self indulgent. not proofread!
You looked up from the magazine you were reading when you heard the click of your door opening and heard a familiar sigh. “I’m home.” He said, his voice tired and low. You got up slowly from your bed, taking a shawl to drape across your shoulders, you smiled when you saw the familiar sight of your overworked boyfriend. “Hey lovely, you seem happy.” You giggled as he groaned and snaked his arms across your body and buried his head on the junction between your shoulder and neck, “I’m so tired. The clients this time were so…” He groaned and hugged you tighter, as if to replenish some energy.
You smiled softly as you played with his hair, getting some of his bangs off of his face as he looked up at you with a pout. “Hmm… you’re looking at me like you want something.” You teased with a sly smile and he captured your lips in a kiss. It was lazy but full of want, after such overwhelming days you were the only remedy that could relieve him. You gasped into the kiss as his hands went to your thighs and squeezed. “Hmm.. wait—“ you started to protest but got cut short when he sucked on your neck, his hands still kneading your thighs. He finally took his mouth off you, “come here.” You did as you were told and he led you to the bed, all the while you both were on each other, trying to get any piece of clothing. 
Once his shirt was off and he gripped your shawl, you stopped him. “Turn around, lovely.” He did as he was told and you used the thin shawl to neatly tie his wrists together. He whined as you pushed him to his knees, sat on the edge of the bed. “Too bad the blindfold isn’t near…” you faux complained as you grabbed him from his hair and pulled. Him looking at you like a dog that’s waiting for his owner to give the ‘okay’ to eat a treat was cute, even though you wanted to tease him a bit longer you decided against it. 
“Go ahead, you want it don’t you?” At his nod you giggled softly and it derailed into a soft moan as his mouth latched onto your clit, his tongue running up and down slowly, as if to savour your taste. Your hand on his hair gripped him tighter, your fingers pulling his face flush against your cunt as he moans into it, making you shiver. His tongue laps at your cunt like a starved dog, whining when you moan his name and push his head even deeper. 
“Fuck… Aven, I’m so close—“ You whine as he pulls back a little, “cum on my tongue, I want to swallow it.” you whimpered as his tongue went to your hole to your clit, sucking on it and whining into your cunt when your hips snap up, your legs loosely wrapped around his neck as he finally thrusts his tongue into your cunt. Fucking you on his tongue, his dick straining against his boxers as your moans get louder, it’s always so easy to push him to the edge when he eats you out. Your taste and the way you moan his name so prettily is just too much for his poor hard-on right now. Your fingers grip his hair so hard he can feel his scalp burn but he doesn’t stop his tongue, desperate to feel you cum around it and swallow everything you give him. With a final roll of your hips and a loud whine of his name, you cum and tighten around his tongue. He moans softly as his tongue laps up every drop of it, helping you ride out your high.
You wait until your breathing is even and your eyes refocus, your boyfriend resting his head on the inside of your thigh. His lips wet and a darker colour now, makes you want to kiss him. You do just that, you pat the space beside you as he awkwardly climbs back onto the bed, making you smile softly. You take his face between your hands and give him a deep kiss, your tongue going inside of his mouth and tasting your own cum which makes you shiver as his knee goes between your leg and rubs. “Babyy, I deserve a reward, no?” He looks at you with a pout and you chuckle, “Yes, you do.” You untie his wrists and flip him on his back, his little squeak not escaping your ears. “So strong darling.” He giggles as you take his wrists with one hand and tie them up above his head, “So mean, I wanna touch…” You shake your head as you plant your hand on his abdomen. 
“Be good and I’ll let you cum inside, pup.” You smile as his protests die down, his hips struggling to stay still. “Now…” Your hand goes to the zipper of his pants, your fingers teasing the hem of his boxers, “let’s get you out of these, hm?” you let out a satisfied hum as you free his dick and hear him suck in a breath. “Already dripping with pre cum, so cute.” You tease as he whines, “you know why… stop teasing. Please.” You decide to take mercy on him and finally line up your hole and with the help of his tongue earlier, his dick goes in with no problem. You both moan in satisfaction, you only wait for a few seconds to hear more of his cute breathy whimpers. “So deep, fuck—“ his voice goes up to a loud whine as you snap your hips up and down.
You fall into a fast rhythm, his whines and your moans mixing together as your cunt swallows his dick whole, not even leaving an inch. Your hands go to his neck, fingers lightly squeezing as you suck in a breath, plant your knees on either side of his body and fuck your cunt on his dick— using it like a toy. He lets out the loudest whine of your name you’ve ever heard as he closes his eyes and lets his hips snap up in a desperate attempt to cum quicker. His breathing becomes sharper, your cunt is squeezing him so tight and you’re going so fast and fuck— he wants to cum so bad. 
You’re breathless as you relax your fingers and pull him into a kiss by his nape, somehow his dick goes even further inside when you angle yourself just right and he cries out as you suck on his tongue. His fingers are twitching as you slow your movements, he whimpers in complaint, you pay no mind and untie his wrists. “Please, I wanna cum so bad baby please let me—“ you cut him off with another kiss as his hands go to your ass, gripping it and digging his nails into it as you moan. You flip both of you around, making him whine when his dick is pulled out. 
“Be a good boy and fuck me. Now.” He groans and dips his head to capture your lips in a deep kiss, he pulls himself back as he lines his throbbing dick into your cunt and thrusts deep inside. He whines and grips your hips, fucking you so hard and fast you feel your insides burn. He hooks his arms around your knees and presses you into a mating press, both of you moan loudly as he goes even deeper. “I’m gonna fuck my cum into you, just once isn’t enough please, please let me— ah fuck!” he cuts himself off as he feels you tighten around him, your orgasm seconds away, “cum inside Aven, inside—“ He groans and buries his dick in you again and again, feeling you cum around his dick pushes him to the edge as he cums inside you as well. Both of you whining each other's names.
Except, he doesn’t stop. You groan and look at him as he bends you a little bit more into the mating press, planting his knees on either side of your ass as he starts thrusting again. Making you a babbling mess as he kisses your forehead, “I said—“ he buries his dick inside in so deep that you thought it was humanly impossible, “I want to fuck my cum into you.” You could only moan as he he did just that, his cum still coating your insides as he fucks you with a brutal pace, his cum spilling out and coating his dick. He pulls back a little and twists his thumb on your clit, making you grip the sheets and arch your back. “Aven— too much!” you cry out as he finally stills and cums inside again with a groan, overstimulation making him cum faster. 
You both take a breather as you bask in the afterglow and he pulls out slowly, making you both groan. “What would I do without you?” He says softly as he gets up to get a wet towel and clean you gently, “I’m sorry if it got too rough, darling.” You smile tiredly, “Oh shut up, you know we both like it that way anyways.” he giggles as he cleans himself up as well and hops into the bed, cages you in his arms and you put your head on his chest to listen to his heartbeat. He starts talking about his day then as he plays with your hair, giving you occasional kisses because, ‘you just look so cute!”
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woodenfawn · 9 months
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what a romantic outing, i suppose. it's just me, my contracted human companion, the girl he's fallen in love with, and her father
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maskedchip · 1 year
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i think i need a break from art, but not in the sense that im burnt out more like i want to improve and while drawing a lot helps it’s probably good to take a step back and just. observe things. idk how to explain. i think my eye for improvement has sped up though, so now i start to hate things i made even a month ago oughhh ;_; 
it’s probably why im trying to step away from twt, bc i always appreciate the support and people are REALLY nice i just cant help but feel im still not good.... i think my art lacks a lot of technical skill... ahah... imposter syndrome never leaves. i did learn to love art again and not give two shits about what im making bc its for me but !!! i still don't like having a lot of eyes on me...anyways im still on the journey to learn anatomy and i have greatly improved so im proud of that!
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taegularities · 11 months
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hope you're all liking the epilogue and that you enjoyed the whole series in general. thank you for giving it so much love and support. can't wait to share more 🤍
#i'll be completely honest#you guys n the love you give are the reason why i'm still here#bc there are days and weeks when i.... don'tenjoytumblranymore#it's not bc of interaction or anything bc my god you guys talk to me so much ily :(#but tumblr has changed... the bts fandom has changed. the dash is literally EMPTY#it feels so different from when i joined back early 2021... everyone was so happy and loud back then#and so enthusiastic about writing too... like i still fkn love writing all i write#but the level of excitement about writing has changed.. it's why i try to take it slower these days#my god i used to have a schedule lmao could never today 💀#but yeah idk... sometimes im like... this isn't fun anymore and maybe it's time to give up#but that's exactly when y'all come thru and say something SUPER SWEET and i'm like.. wait ykw#i love this space.. it's still comfort and warmth#so yeah thank you for giving me hope and keeping me here you mean so much to me#the platform changes and sucks sometimes but you guys remain here and are as fucking kind as ever and#make this little community irreplaceable#i love you#and yeah. i just needed to get this off my chest bc it has been on my mind for rlly long#especially since those community labels butchered and changed interaction :/ like i just know the c&f family could've been#a lot bigger if not for the label on pt1.. could've really been one of the biggest stories around here but lol it is what it is !! the love#is overwhelming as it is so thank you <3#okay that's way too long pls ignore me bye#tdl???
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my brain is so full of stress it might explode. but ill do my best to keep putting out my best and stay kind to myself and others. but man, is it hard
#i wish i had something for myself rn#but i come home so exhausted i cant even focus on art#everything has been burning me so thin#i keep talking down my own art now. i keep refunding clients. i honestly want to give up on everything#people tell me i do a good job but i dont see it. i dont see an artist whos worth anything right now.#i dont know if thats a phrase#i have a early morning shift tomorrow and i cant fall asleep#i want to just rest but im so restless#i dont want to put pressure on anyone besides myself bc i feel like a huge burden#if i do so#everyone else should be having a good time#so i feel like a bummer to take up their emotional space and time#i appreciate the kindness people have shown me recently#i know i work hard. but im still so broken over everything#i just havent felt like an artist since it happend#he left a bigger scar on my ego than i thought it would#and every time i voice it i feel someone is out to end me for it#but at the same time i feel completely unnoticed and unheard#i dont expect anyone to see me as me#i just feel this lump in my throat now. this weight on my hand#they say kind things but im so hurt inside i dont see it as truth right now. i dont see anything worth admiring#they say such sweet things and i want to accept them so bad because my heart needs it#but i cant help but feel the words die as they reach my ears. im just too hurt i cant see it#i cant see the truth in my work all i see is someone else's desire in their commission#as long as they are happy. as long as they are satisfied#thats all that matters#i dont feel important enough to be apart of the process anymore#i dont feel worthy as a person or artist#i just feel less than nothing and that no one will care
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fourteenthz · 8 months
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*appearing covered in blood* It's done, chief. Astarion is hugged and kissed this time.
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#GIRLIES IM GONNA BE REAL TO U... I'm gonna throw up#also going to talk to him after is a mistake bc him sayinh “gods you're beautiful” really is... u knows...#going insane abt him and my wife btw.... they are the pretties couple alive if anyone cares.#the screenshot with their hands.... man LOVE ME some delicate elf hands vs tiefling's one.#i was pointing at the scream like !!! THEM !! THEM.#i almost missed the drow girl but oh my god if she didn't pissed me off faster than anyone else#im SOOOO insanely happy they did that romance scene come from that interaction#idk if it's possible to achieve any other way but it did me but insane in the head i tell u#HE DESERVES... SL MUCH.... PUCHING THE AIR.#it makes me SO SCARED how sometimes he talks abt power like I'm not sure if I'm leading this exactly to the right end#he acts silly abt it BUT STILL..... it makes me terrified bc I WILL restart is that man makes something stupid i SWEAR#i love that they don't agree in everything tho.... that it doesn’t scale in somethjng weird and thag the things they do agree#are like.... so important to both of them.... I CARE THEM SO MUCJ U DONT GET UT#me going 😐 after he said it wasn't her choice to decide the fate of the ritual vs 😳 after theh kissed#btw guys... can u believe that... now they can kiss anytime............ idiots.... i adore them if anyone cares#on a completely unrelated note: i thought I got the halsin hype before but man i get it GET IT now#that quest protecting the portal for him is SO DAMN COOL#everythinh abt act 2 has been insanely cool but man that quest JESUS CHRIST#the way he ACT after it too i just love everything abt him character ....help#I'm taking him everywhere i can now#kelly plays bg3#kelly says#dl
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wasteland-lover · 2 months
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been having dreams of a certain yt boy as of late
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monstrsball · 11 months
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ok. so. i have some suga rarepair fic recs i'm going to post in a little bit for suga day and i ALSO may have spent like all day yesterday writing something that i kind of want to post? if anyone would be interested i suppose. but i'm also really nervous about sharing my writing?? so like. idk. pondering.
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otacringe · 10 months
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so normal about flapjack s1 e17 (lying)
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todayisafridaynight · 10 months
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That's exactly the point of comparison I was getting at. I'm so glad you expanded on it! There is SO much to Chew On with Mine and Kiryu--they were the subject of one of my first analyses (specifically in that I think there is more nuance to his view of Kiryu than jealousy, and even when isolating it down to the jealousy, there's more nuance to what he's jealous of than what many think). But you know, that was on Twitter in 2019, and it'd be fun to revisit without the character limit holding me back and with added context from what RGGO has put out since then.
AND... SPEAKING OF JO'S UPBRINGING... good lord the comic you posted Destroyed Me for what it is. The way he doesn't really know what to do (particularly because if he was crying that hard at that age, non-zero chance his father was the one who made him cry)... his lack of human experience... compounded with probably not knowing what's appropriate when it comes to interacting with "someone else's kid"... AND ALSO MASATO BEING TOO YOUNG FOR ANYTHING LESS THAN BEING COMFORTED SUCCESSFULLY TO MATTER... ouuughghghgh
i'd absolutely LOVE to read a revised version of what you have to say regarding mine and kiryu ! though i might have an idea on what you mean when expanding on the depths of mine's jealousy, i'd definitely be down to see exactly what you have to say and more! ♪(´▽`)
OH AND THANK YOU im glad you got 1000% what i was putting down with that one (❁´◡`❁) ! its a short and simple thing, but it does encapsulate the things that make me Incredibly Emo.. (´▽` ;;;;;)
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#delete later#i keep having panic attacks and need to think of something else so here's my essay on mr magoriums wonder emporium#vs my brain#the first thing you gotta understand is that im autistic and have always felt like im not supposed to be here.#i used to talk to the moon all the time and always felt like i belonged up there with her more than i ever did in the world#the second thing you gotta understand is that i didnt hage friends for a large part of my childhood and instead found solace in reading#and making things that made me happy and felt right abd good#fhe third thing you gotta understand is ive got mad daddy issues#and the fourth is that although i thought myself very smart as a kid i was also constantly certain that i was an idiot who was#trickong everyone and that i wouldn't go anywhere#so in comes this film. one main character is a young boy who cant make any friends. who has specific interests and who makes things#one main character is a woman who was a prodigy until she ran out of hope and energy#one main character is a man who is completely seperated from what makes him happy and the wirld around him#and the last main character is a kind old man who supports them all whilst always knowimg and being at peace qith the fact#that he was different abd wasn't meant to stay#i still dont know which character i identified more with as a child. i think its probably all of them at obe point or another#but the major one was mr magorium himself. bc he made his world so it fit him. and was not ashamed of any of it.#he was completely at peace with the fact that he was different that very few pelple understood him that he was noticeably weird#and he was loved for it.#and then he died. abd not to be a downer but my childhood was filled with obsessions about how i was going to die#how much it would hurt how much blood there'd be. i think this was the first film i saw where it was so simple. it was just his time#obviously the way i thought about death was never healthy bc after those obsessions came the suicidal ideation#but this film presented it in such a neutral matter of fact way. its just a fact of life. it doesnt matter hoe prepared you are#its always hard it always hurts but it must happen anyway. after my grandma died i didnt have yhe ability at the time to process it#but this film helped. abd now when i try to make ky thoughts about death more neutral and not fear or hope based#i think about this movie. and i think about all the joy it presented in living abd accepting yourself in all your oddness#and it makes me feel a little bit sad that a place like that doesnt exist. but it also majes me a little bit happy and a little bit hopeful
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wollfling · 2 years
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fellwhite · 2 years
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It's happening
Im self sabotaging again, as I've done all my life
This is a vent, you have been warned
#all happiness i had from the date has completely died out#I don't know what happened nor what to feel#up to yesterday she was messaging me for simple things with a couple pet names and just being lovely#yet today when we finally see each other again? colder than the fucking stone she's never been this cruel before#im totally willing to be with her in the good and the bad...but it's hard to do when anything you do gets completely rejected or ignored#i knew that this was a possibility of course but with how perfect everything was i don't understand i truly don't#im confused and on the verge of crying but I've been holding it back the whole day...the better the thing the worse the consecuence i guess#thank fucking god im no longer suicidal (i mean depression is always there but i can fight it now) because this would've surely left a scar#I just don't understand anything... why is this even happening where did i go wrong and how can i even fix it#thing is: although I'll definitely end up blaming myself i do know it's also something on her end#atleast in these moments of sanity i don't feel that guilty yet but I'll be dying in these following times#...guess this does confirm that it's not a simple crush but actual love right? because I've never felt this hurt before#like i don't give up and I don't plan to because with her i have experienced some of the happiest moments of my entire life#i know it's worth it... but i don't know how much more i can keep taking before crumbling apart#ah. this is why refused to let myself fall for someone again until a long time but that attempt was poorly executed#again though. what I've lived with her will stay on my mind and... if it comes to the worst I'll atleast treasure the memories i could keep#anyways ill end this here. i needed some venting because everything is aching right now but this does help even if just a little#vent
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