#to feel like ive done even a little bit

[hollowedskin]

Genuinely hating the fact that people have to look really closely at art to see whether it's AI or not and like, zooming in and pointing out the little bits that don't match.

Because like, it's really fucking hard for me to calm down on obsessive details and trying to make everything perfect and make sense, to make sure that every lock of hair has an invisible follow line.

I get so bogged down in details that I ruin my art and the only thing that's been able to save me so far is to repeat to myself that no one fucking cares if this doesn't match up perfectly. But they do now. Everyone cares. We are zooming in on artworks and pointing out things that could have just been overlooked as human error.

Machine generated art means I feel like I'm not allowed to have human error any more. I have to be pixel perfect. I can't just vibe. I can't even imply.

And I think about that and become too exhausted to even start.

#there is no point to this #theres nothing i think we can even do #the cat is out of the bag and we now live in an era of computer generated art #yes this is about the mtg ai art scandal #the zoom in just makes me feel like we have reached the death of digital art #a little bit of nonsense stutter texture on a dial #and a bit of somethign that doesnt line up in the background #stuff that ive specifically stopped myself from fixing in my own art in the past #in order to try and break free of toxic perfectionism #im just so tired #this isnt a defence of mtg #this is just me being so done #i dont think ive done a single digital painting since the ai stuff began #and i havent pposted any of my traditional media #personal

[hella1975]

so it turns out it was actually never that serious

#the exam literally went fine what the fuck just happened i feel like i just hallucinated that #like im not one of those people that go 'omg i did soooo badly :(' just to come out with top grades if i say it's going to shit #then it's becuase i genuinely wholeheartedly believe it #and my headspace before this exam was the worst it's been in MONTHS like i havent felt that bad for an exam since first year #and i sat down opened the paper and. remembered everything. like i literally just Knew the answers #im not saying ive passed bc am i fuck about to jinx it and i was still riding mainly blind bc i have NO idea where that knowledge came from #but at the very least there was a 35 marker that i KNOW i aced like i could picture the exact lecture slides it wanted me to discuss #and i had all of them memorised so at the very least ive got like. 30 marks. which is enough for me to pass the module #bc this exam is only weighted 75% and with my marks from the other 25% i only needed like 20 marks to pass this exam #which... makes it even more embarrassing that i failed it the first time but whatever!!!! #oh my god im so glad that's done im so happy IM FREE #just been in the kitchen dancing around to my little tunes and texting my friends <3 #im meeting up with one of them when she gets off work at 5 and we're going for drinks #so ive got until then to nap and chill and then ill go to the shop and get us some food and wine #and she's gonna come here for a bit & then we'll go. like actually look at me. im having people over at MY HOUSE im going out to buy us WIN #im literally a functioning adult living independently who IS she a misty memory #alas i do only have £23 in my account so this is gonna be such a slay seeing how i make that stretch for a night out #i acc could budget for england when it comes to alcohol i think like the way i manage to have a good funky time with MINIMAL funds #is downright impressive. it's a skill idc what you say #hella goes to uni

[coldvampire]

anyway as soon as i pry myself off this couch im gonna share some screenshots of bg3 protags on my sideblog. just gotta like. reach the desk first.

#all i can think about is the shelves im gonna get installed here over the next little bit fdghj #yall dont understand its so hard to keep things clean and brain friendly when you just dont have anywhere to put stuff. #hellish #& then i get overwhelmed and turn into a massive bitch when i try to get it under control fdgh #instead its been like. 2 straight days of dopamine i fucking swear?? my body probably definitely wouldnt let me do this for a living #(my hip is screamingggg dfghgjj) but actually if i could & if i could work in a team then yeah. ykw i enjoy it. #organization go brrrrrrr #i dont think she was expecting me to work that fast either but ive been like a feral animal. skittering over clutter. #finding Spots for Things #okay i lied the flood was actually beneficial in one way to me specifically. #estranged father just forgot a Bunch of tool sets here & ive claimed them now fdghjk #that nail gun is MINE #she suggested i look out for an actual tool chest/bench thing (ykw the ones with wheels and stuff) for everything and i havent been that #excited for anything in months fdgh tools are expensive alright. too bad he took the table saw. #i dont talk much abt my Masc Hobbies as i call them lmao no real reason to but hoooboy i love to Build Things #give me that ikea desk ill have it done in an hour or less every time #maybe trade school is still on the horizon for me gfhj always wanted to Weld Stuff i think id be good at it #as much as i fuckin loathe yard maintenance i was a real garage sooooo bad its not even funny #shame i wasnt just inherently expected to know car stuff tm i feel like i would have loved it too #scarrier to learn on your own later in life especially with a lease vehicle but ill get there eventually #anyway yeah bg3! new mods. new ocs #have not done much with them yet but they Exist and theyre pretty

[ouchhq]

>:(

#i need to vent a little im sorry pls ignore this if u are bothered by my thoughts #SH tw !!!!!! #this morning i was supposed to have my weekly therapy session but i had to cancel bc my mom got covid and obviously stayed home from work #and i do online therapy and i didnt feel comfortable doing it with my mom around but i really needed to do it tbh #and then my professor replied to my email with all of the things ive been working on since august and didnt say anything about the material #he just asked to call me on the phone tomorrow and i started to spiral…. like Spiral with a capital s #even now thinking about it my stomach sinks bc i have this feeling that his feedback is going to be negative and i just know my #barely existent self esteem is going to break and idk what im gonna do with myself then #this afternoon while i was spiraling all i wanted to do was /hurt/ myself. i kept thinking that i wasnt good enough and i had done a #horrible job.. so bad that he couldnt even tell me by email but needed to do it on the phone and i felt like throwing up and i couldnt get #/​that/ thought out of my head and i could only cry #and all of this not even actually knowing what my professors feed back is going to be because this is just all in my head #but i was talking to my school friends and they were like oh its gonna be fine even if he doesnt like it u can still put the project in ur #portfolio hes not even our professor anymore and so on #and i kept saying that i knew that but i just could not handle that sort of feedback and rejection mentally #i was telling them that i knew i would crumble if i got real negative feedback and i was terrified of that and they just couldnt get it and #idk it made me feel really lonely #im a bit calmer now but i feel so depressed #i am really anticipating something that will hurt really bad

[silouvertongues]

a little crochet heart tic tac toe 🫶🏼

#i think this is like the first proper crochet thing ive ever made #ive made like little bits and pieces when i was yonger #this is SO messy but i literally dont even wanna look at it anymore it took wayyy too much time #the grid was the worst thing ive ever had to make btw there wdre zero tutorials bc i kinda free handed the rest but the grid was so Hard #anyway its done👍🏼 i feel like i didnt finish the hearts off properly and theyre gonna unravel bc i simply forgot how to finish it #no one say anything about how messy and wonky it is i Will cry #crochet

[moveslikekeithrichards]

my latest project [which i started years ago & am now getting back to] is writing out dreams ive had as [very] short stories, which is good for me bc i kinda lack the imagination to create a compelling plot on my own & the stamina to write anything longer, but it also means i have to Remember Dreams

#tiddytaco #i have a few drafts so far #from dreams where i could remember the whole thing & they had a story coherent enough to write down #theres some others that dont necessarily have a story to them that i might try to turn Into a little something #i shared my latest attempt in the chat & nobody was interested so i prob wont do that again #lest i convince myself it isnt worth doing at all #but i prob will ask my dad to look at them at some point bc hes a writer & an english teacher #i do think its a worthwhile project & id like to do enough for it to be A Thing #even if nothing comes of it once its done #ive always wanted to write something Complete #not like a whole singular story i dont think i could do that #but this feels doable. like a bunch of Very Short Stories compiled together #& maybe the more i do it the more ill be able to flesh out the dreams i only remember a tiny bit from into their own thing #& who knows maybe with this as practice i could come up with a story of my own one day. probably not but who knows

[sanguith]

i'm glad i decided to try out a ketosis diet again (aka changing my metabolism to basically only use ketone bodies made from fatty acids for energy by reducing carb intake to max 20g/day) for a few weeks because it was a neat experiment but i'm also glad I decided to stop because now i get to enjoy life's greatest fucking simplest yet finest delicacy: mashed potatoes/sweet potatoes with melted butter and salt. i cannot understand how i could live without that. just. vegetables. keto has opened my eyes to new ways to cook foods and experiment with ingredients but i don't think i can live without carbs. i doubt that the majority of people could. also have you any idea how much good simple near-zero effort food there is out there like holy gosh darn in heaven. i don't have to spend hours cooking something to have a nice meal

#food mention #diets #actually anything carb with butter and salt. how can it be so good. call me a lazy goob but i once just microwaved corn and butter #added salt. and it was the most delicious fuckin thing ive ever eaten #i've done low-carb in the past and tried keto a few times and always it felt so great after the keto flu disappeared after a few days #but this time the keto flu did not go away. i felt so weak and awful but at the same time i had less brain fog. and never felt hungry. #but it was werid. i think it might have been because i've been kinda high carb for the last few years and the change was so strong & sudden #also electrolyte imbalances can happen on keto if you're not careful. it's complex. #anyway it got me to eat a bit healthier like (almost) completely avoiding processed foods and unnaturally high sugary stuff #which i just want to generally avoid for personal health reasons which is a whole can of worms but i just dont want to overindulge #sure i can eat an entire bag of candies or chips in an evening if i feel like it but I *feel* my body just being like “nooo” and sure enoug #the next morning i do feel a little bit extra like shit #and another thing: i think i benefit from abrupt diet changes now and then. it feels natural in a way. ye olde scavenger hunter genetics #ya know. our nomadic ancestors would probably have to do that a lot when things weren't year-round available #sometimes only meat for months on end in cold seasons/areas #sometimes basically only plants and nuts roots and seeds and stuff #it's actually remarkable how human metabolism can adapt so much depending on what's available to eat #sometimes fasting for days when food was just nowhere to be found. #i'm not saying “stress your metabolic system it's good for you'” (it probably isnt) just idk. mixing it up a bit at least works for me #btw disclaimer i HATE the whole thing about diet-pressuring and some people claiming that certain diets will solve everything #it doesn't solve all health problems magically. ”"”superfoods“”“ are not a 100% faultless scientifically proven thing. #shit like ''the paleo diet is the number one key to optimal health without medications!!'' no. shut. #on the other hand i do believe diets can help a bit like a nudge. it's just one factor out of many that affects how we feel #ANYWAY conclusion: eat what you want. do what feels right for you. find your own ways to make the food you eat help your health a bit #or don't! be yourself! love yourself! #the chosen method is gonna be different for everybody #but from now on im gonna try and eat as close to natural unprocessed foods as I can in this day and age. it feels right for me somehow. #i think *my* preferred method/diet whatever is to mainly eat natural unprocessed foods and to mix it up a bit now and then with change #for that sweet ''METABOLIC ADAPTATION'' perk that feels good for me #(why did this post become so long. nobody cares. anyway i don't care if nobody cares. i care. *I* care!!! wooopp)

[drewsaturday]

a big block i have in creating fanworks these days really is not having the time, but honestly. i know that it's kind of just an escapist distraction taking my energy away from things that will actually improve my life in the long-run? and i try to justify it because it makes me happy and we all need hobbies :)

but like... i do not think it actually does make me happy at this point lol. most of the things i get ideas to make aren't things i really want to these days, just things i know will give me a tiny hit when 2 people maybe reblog it. and i think i can get more joy out of just playing a real life instrument or sketching an original character for myself instead of as a performative thing for strangers in my phone who have lost the knowledge that you're supposed to interact with things you like because fandom creators r not content factories.

#txt #i do have a legit drive to make Some fanworks but... never enough of a drive to make my home there i guess? #i don't get enough ideas to really justify investing myself TOO hardcore bc i know it won't be long term or it won't have a personal pay-of #of me getting to have my own little fanon universe of creations (unless i've already done this in the past and i can continue that easily) #especially since... fandom culture has changed so much i feel like most things i get into don't have an engaged interactive fandom #because shows dropping their entire season immediately etc #i'm not really going to get much out of making things and developing enough of an understanding of a show to make those things well #and if i do then literally no one is going to interact with them anyway #so it feels pointless when i see fanworks primarily as a community thing and there are no communities lol #so that's... kind of another reason the escapism part is looming over me SO hard #because at this point i'm not even getting community out of it i'm literally only getting the escapism #and that just feels dull #anyway like i said some solutions to this are to just... continue with shows ive already put time into #because then making things is a bit easier than for something new #or get into things i hear about from friends so i'm able to connect with people about it on that level #i'm just peacing out from the content creation grind tm #esp bc it just makes for devastating comparison of my stuff to other people's #when those people can keep up with it and post fics and edits as soon as a season drops or for more popular things

[volfoss]

Done with the worst parts of sanding :)

#if the remaining bits look uneven. its on purpose. i havent sanded the right yet. i want to kind of sit with him for a bit before shaping #the smaller bits further :) #the color difference is also pretty bad 😥 i didn't realize how yellowed the body was until i got to work so... i will have to do SOMETHING #to cover that. or just embrace it idk :) the character is a robot thats used 2 be high tech and is now sort of falling apart so im not super #bothered ig with like... any of the resin color differences bc i can just say its faded from use/storage or whatever do #*so. its all ok :) the only other time ive done something like this is my little top surgery on another doll (he was brand new so had no #yellowing rly) so im like... not super bothered i think :) pretty happy w it being my second big dremel project lol. definitely have a lot #of plans w him so im happy to be feeling well enough to work on him today :) #bjd posting #twist rambles #idr what his name even is... makes me sound like a bad doll owner but when i do remember ill toss these posts in his tag :)

[jongace]

k-exols getting what they want (jongdae gone) but also getting their worst nightmare (fan favourite baekhyun gone) 🫢

#sorry but..i like how cbx are sticking together #exo #tbh ive said for years that i’m okay with sm cutting down on jd’s activites so that he can be with his family #but now it feels a bit sad bc idk if i trust him to be enterprising enough to keep his career going by himself #(like he’s always been the member thay does the LEAST to promote himself.. even ksoo does more) #but his passion is singing and what agency would pass on someone of his caliber? #also if they really are pulling a JYJ and intend to keep going as a group somewhere else… 🤔 #in any case i do feel sad for exo as a group theyre pretty done now i guess #i mean they have been doing less and less bc of enlistments and such anyway but this little anniversary event gave us false hope #chatter

[nabaath-areng]

I was planning to build new desktop this fall, but seeing that the winter half year practically chains me to bed making me incapable of sitting up I took some of my savings to get a laptop so I can have it in bed for drawing, writing etc at least. And so I'll save back up the coming months and build it once spring arrives instead (hopefully component prices has gone down then too)

All that to say I can only eat my hands as I catch glimpses of dawntrail news after having been ffxiv-less since july last year. my abstinence is out the roof

#that being said i am admittedly a little bit nervous about returning now that its been so long #i played without break from 2014 til 2020 and then its been on an off between 2020 and 2022 #and then since then i havent had the means to play #like on one hand i dont dare looking too much into ffxiv happenings cause my abstinence grows worse #and on the other i worry that ill feel weird coming back #because returning from past breaks have felt weird #which admittedly might be because i dont allow myself to take my time and enjoy things but rather rush to catch up #but whenever i can play im just gonna take all effort possible to not rush and potentially even do things on my own #rather than feel stressed by not slowing down others #im glad for the increased single player options tbh #at the same time the break has done me good cause i feel like im further away from making those mistakes #and having a lot to catch up with before being up to date might be good for me #finding hobbies outside ffxiv has done me good too #my relationship to it wasnt the healthiest as it was my sole lifeline during horrific and traumatic years #but now ive been able to play tons of other games again and read books and draw more and write more than ever #and done more irl things again even finishing one type of education #so honestly? i think itll be fine #i dont have to feel bad over my relationship with the game evolving into a different form #i still love it immensely and its had a profound impact on my life as a whole #both in terms of friends and creativity and also significant other #anyway that got longer and rantier and more personal than i first intended #peace signs and sparkles

[quasieli]

I'd be 1000x less stressed about packing up for Monday's move if my father hadn't said 1 (one) stupid thing thing to me three days ago

#Eli Speaks #he said im packing too much #bruh ive thrown out prob half my shit #meanwhile he's got like 10 boxes #my dude tf am i supposed to do??? #it increasingly is feeling like he truly doesnt want me there #like i dont wanna be going go fl either but this is where we're at so stop reminding me you hadnt planned for me to be there #even tho it was always a good possibility #im just #really stressed yall #im like 80% done packing #but this last little bit is agonizing

[iloveyouitisruiningmylife]

you know it's bad when you hit the 30 tag limit

#like shut up i wasn't done #i feel so unbearably hurt and betrayed like how can i be SO. unimportant to him so less of a priority that he's literally organising his #desk instead of talking to me taking five mins to talk to an agent book a ticket in tatkal #i told him i had to be back by 20 even before coming here on like 5th #and ive been reminding hin this everyday since after diwali #still he just. doesn't care? #and im his daughter? am i his daughter? does it even mean anything????? #ive never felt more alienated from my family than today #isn't it sad i don't even expect anything from mom all she does is tries to lighten the mood by making jokes #im so sick of her even the sight of her her voice makes me want to shout at her #i don't do it ofc but still #everyone is so selfish she's so selfish too she's always complaining about how i don't love her how i don't give her a chance #but that she'll stay away from all important thinhs that actually matter to me like what's the point of having a mother then??? i have my #siblings to listen to me i have my friends you i need u to be an adult and fucking help me in real terms #nvmind that path is just hopeless #anyway in tired of my small fucking life and my same small fucking problems and my own fucking self #everything would be okay if i just studied a little bit harder #idk ive been practicing saying it out loud that i can't study more than tui and after seven times i can say it out loud now #without crying or my voice watering #so hopefully it will go well #tho in my experience i never actually get to sya the stuff i practice to say to him because he dominates the convo so early so fast im #left speechless and shocked and on the verge of tears AGAUN #it's fine im calm now #but after crying headache ugh i did not miss u at all going back to storing all breakdowns in a bottle

[lichenbite]

anyone else ever experienced the puppy blues bc this is slowly killing me

#its not even anything shes done shes like a little angel dog and is SO clever shes already picked up all her basic training #but i think its the sudden responsibility of having essentially a baby. like her little life is entirely my responsibility #she isnt on the nhs bc shes a dog and even though ive got pet insurance im by no means a high earner im SCARED man!!!! what if she gets sic #ive got a vet appointment tmrw to check her over and i am going to cry to the vet i just know it #i feel like a kid again who cant hold anything down #one of my coworkers shoved their head under my desk earlier to pet her while she was sleeping #and i nearly bit her i was so angry. like come ON!! i just got her settled and youre riling her!!!!

[florida3exclamationpoints]

.

#i said i was gonna see how today goes and decided about resigning then #well its 2:30. im just gonna do it #like. omg. the manager asked me how i felt about hoe it was goi g snd i was just like..... idk #he said 'a little improvement is better than nothing so just try 😀' BRO?????? #that's what ive been doing for A MONTH is trying and improving a little bit and you're telling me he cant even tell?????? #bc!!!! he thinks i just dont wanna do it ajd anxiety is an excuse ive said this the whole time!!!!!!!!! #but fr. before this its been 'talk to EVERYONE' now he says a little is ok but he doesn't think ive even done that. #nice :) #also someone came in wearing an eras shirt and i wanted to say smth to her about it but my anxiety was too high already #so. if this is gonna be what every shift feels like i cant keep doing it #and if i come back after vacation im just gonna be prolonging the anxiety bc im still gonna have to quit at some point #i still need to look for a new job #might as well get it over with now ig #my stomach hurts :) #she was a baker girl

[termagax]

i cant post the full of these until tommorow but bweeeeeee isnt he so cuteness

#did this comic relatively fast for me and i like about 50% of it #which. its getting posted tommorow morning so yknow itll have to do #experiencing one of those 'idk how to draw this without it looking bad' 'guess itll just have to look bad :sunglasses:' moments #BUT i think these expressions are cute and theyre more in line with what i want to be doing in general anyways? pushing it in a #direction i feel like ive struggled with before. i like cartoon overbites though i think theyre so adorable. maybe this is just what growin #up on the simpsons does to a motherfucker. anyways #my boyfie. baby style #trying to decide in my head how old i actually want him to be in some of theseeeee #because iirc. again im not going to check. the new official timeline puts him at being 20 #but the way I had the timeline before in my MIND. he wouldve been a little older. not so much but like. 26-28 yk. #and fish wouldve been closer to 20-22 #which idk i think its a little bit different of a dynamic to have 28-20 instead of two 20 year olds. so it would change things #but also i just idk i dont think him being that young works with how they talk about him pre-wasteland in. any of the official stuff #its just because he has terminal old man disease i think but like. idk i feel like even 28 is too young but thats like as far as i feel goo #squishing the junkertown timeline down to #and even then i think. that it breaks ? something else? #ive never done the maths but i think it breaks junkrat. because hes supposed to have been born in like. a more or less fully formed #junkertown? and with jq in charge for like. half of his life. #this part of the timeline doesnt work anyways #it barely works with the official read #theres not really a good way to have my cake (older boyfriend) and it eat too (everything else makes sense in my mind) #🐟