#to force people to acknowledge them. but the truth is that i made my needs small and quiet because people refused to see them

[thisdreamplace]

for those who struggle

i recently got sent an anon message about frustrations surrounding the law, and how non-dualism hasn't made it any easier for them, but actually just more frustrating to the point where they're officially walking away from everything and wanting to just go back to live as they knew it before any of this.

the truth is that, oversimplification runs rampant in this community. as well as, hiding behind the realities of how difficult it all can be, because people are afraid of affirming that it's difficult or identifying with difficulty... but when we hide from this experience and try to come off as if it doesn't affect us, while simultaneously trying to give out advice, there tends to be more damage than good happening. the oversimplifying isn't the fault of anyone, as the truth is most of this is simple. but in actually living it, it tends to not be simple at all. the ego will fight till the very end to keep things the way they are, even when they hurt us. and that is worth being honest about.

when it comes to non-identification and indifference, this is not meant to be used to as yet another way to pretend something isn't happening or push down your feelings or gaslight yourself. i see these posts like, "just ignore the 3d and don't identify with it and you would have already have what you wanted" ..... this doesn't actually really help anyone, unless you're a person who strives on that kind of mentality. but i think a lot of people need a little more gentleness and realness, otherwise this journey wouldn't have been so difficult and painful. we'd all just get it overnight, but clearly, this community stays extremely active for a reason. because the million ways its already been explained still leaves so many confused and frustrated.

indifference is a daily practice, and it is NOT one that includes pretending something doesn't exist in exchange for getting what you want. it is actually, the extreme opposite. it's by acknowledging what's there... and allowing that to be what it is. the non-identification comes in from how you choose to see YOURSELF in relation to whatever that thing is. "this is painful, this sucks, i hate it... but that doesn't mean tomorrow won't be better for me. it doesn't mean my life is doomed..." etc etc etc. it's this very small flip within yourself, that actually leads to results. not trying to force yourself into believing you aren't even who you are when you've identified as yourself this entire life. remember that god's name is I AM, and literally nothing else.

and doing something to get something else is just... not it. it's time for you to truly want to feel better, regardless of anything else. that's why so much of this starts to get trickier than it needs to be.

non-identification is literally as simple as realizing... you are bound to no past, and you have the opportunity of every future you can possibly imagine. why ? because non-identification is literally just non-attachment. when you're not attached to this idea of who you were, of the struggles you used to face, you're able to allow in different experiences. and y'all... this as simple as being able to say to yourself, "i am allowed to experience something new" and don't let your fear of the unknown stop you from experiencing something new.

here's where it doesn't feel so simple though. how can you just stop identifying with this whole human self when the traumas of the past keep coming back to haunt you ? thats the thing. you don't just stop identifying with it. you let this be a process, a non-linear path to liberation. slowly, but surely, if you keep at it everyday, even when you feel you're only going backwards... one day you will realize how much more free you are. how much more easier it is to move into a new beautiful story for yourself, one that isn't contiminated by your past. but let today be today ! and whatever may come, let it come.

this is why just focusing on yourself is so helpful because if you're simply doing the best you can for yourself and your feeling state, the daily dramas are no longer your ruler.

the gag is that, the more you just do these small daily practices of sitting with yourself, choosing to not engage in the stories you used to identify with in the past, and allow new experiences to come to you... the more easy it gets, the more the truth of yourself begins to show itself on its own. you have to realize that the days are going to keep passing by anyway... so stop counting them, and just commit to yourself.

i also want to quickly note that so many seem to leave out the fact that behind all of this, within the pure nothingness that is also everything. behind our human identifications and all the things we have experienced in our lives, there is unconditional love. and when we actually begin to stop identifying so deeply with who we thought we are, we are lead right back to unconditional love. love in its purest form. so, use love as your guide when things get too difficult. it's the truest thing to who you really are.

you have to let allow yourself to experience the beautiful, despite how strange it may feel. because it's going to feel strange if you've never really experienced it before, and the ego is going to fight because even when it's good, the unknown is still strange and scary. and you never have to be perfect at this to get to experience the things you want, believe it or not. i know that i still have a long way to go on this journey, there may be much more time before i ever get to fully experience the promise in full, but that hasn't stopped me from experiencing the desires of my heart on a daily basis. that's because i used these simple things, these small little flips in how i chose to see life. even if the anxiety never went away, or it was a more difficult day full of tears... this is way more possible for you than you realize. if only you're willing to allow your life to be different than it's always been. just that small allowance, opens up all the doors.

xo dream 🕊

#nonduality #nondualism #law of assumption

[robitherat]

Thinking about the fact that most of Tims character arch is based around him actually dealing with the things from his past

Like a major part of tims character is his denial of the things that happened to him-- his repression of memories, chalking things up to hallucinations, suffering in silence, brushing off any concern from those around him ("Tim what's that?" "Just some medicine I need to take" "Are you sick, do you need to go home?" "No I'm fine.") The fact that he never mentioned his medical history or his time at the hospital to Jay until he was basically forced to.

And what was it that finally made him tell Jay about the hospital? The operator directly attacking him and making him relive scenes from his past. It wasn't until he was forced to realize what was at stake, forced to essentially confront the danger he was in by bottling up his past, that he willingly (at least somewhat) shared that information with someone. I do like to think that maybe Tim opened up to Brian in college, but as far as cannon evidence, we only really see Tim willingly talking to Jay about it. Brian knew, sure, but it's just as easy to assume he found that after the fact-- that he caught Tim in the lie, rather than Tim telling him outright.

And Tim really isn't a great liar, either. Like I know we talk about Jay being a little bit of an idiot (rightfully so) but Tim's main course of lying is. The most obvious deflection in the world. When Jay mentions the tape in his house, Tim's response is to immediately deflect ("I'm a little more worried about my house right now.") which would be a smaller thing if Tim wasn't intimately aware of how important it was to find and watch any tapes they possibly could. Tim's only method to coping with things that happen to him and the people around him is through denial, even in times when it would be infinitely more beneficial to acknowledge the issue at hand.

What's even more interesting to me is that Tim is seemingly the only character that makes any genuine progress in fighting against the operator. But that comes with the caveat that Tim is only able to do so when he actually confronts the operator, and by association, the issues of his past.

The only way he and Jay are able to make amends and move on is by Tim telling Jay about the hospital, which was only spurred on by Tim being forced to relive his trauma. Right after Tim tells Jay to stay out his life, he (by force of tta) has a relapse and ends up paired with Jay anyways. The only way he's able to get Jay and himself away from Alex's house in one piece is by literally physically standing up to the operator. In the fight against Alex, the whole time he's being ported around, he is monologuing about his past-- he's finally acknowledging the things that happened to him, that they weren't his fault, that they affect other people, and that violence isn't the answer to dealing with them-- that isolating yourself and denying the truth of what's happening isn't the answer.

And of course this is all tied back to the metaphor of mental illness: the fact that you cannot deny the things that have happened to you if you have any hope of moving on from them. you can't lash out or harm others because of your trauma if you have any hope of moving past it. The reason Jay, Brian, and ultimately Alex all died is because they were incapable of facing their issues head on; they all turned to anger, isolation, violence, and otherwise feeding into what the operator wanted, or alternatively, feeding into the misery spiral of their mental illness, rather than finding healthy coping mechanisms to heal from and move on from it.

God I need to write a full analysis essay about him OKAY I'm ending it here these aren't all my thoughts this doesn't make sense but I'm ending it here thank you for watching goodbye

#robi rambles #marble hornets #tim wright #jay merrick #mh spoilers #i love him i love tim i love him #i hope creepy swes this creepy this ones for you i hope you like my tim meta ^-^

[kanansdume]

It's so weird seeing people make the claim that Obi-Wan like... genuinely sees Anakin and Vader as two different people and claiming that Ahsoka and Obi-Wan are reacting to him in the same way.

Set aside the Kenobi show for a second and just look at the OT and it's pretty clear that when he's separating Anakin and Vader that he's doing so for LUKE'S sake, not his own. HE knows Anakin and Vader are the same person, you can see him improvising how to discuss this with Luke without giving that away AS IT HAPPENS. But he knows Luke does deserve to know about Anakin if he wants to, and he knows that Luke both deserves and needs to know the truth about Darth Vader and the part Obi-Wan played in it if Luke is going to start training now. But he also knows Luke ISN'T READY to hear that his father is a monstrous Sith Lord who betrayed everybody. And he's right. Luke isn't ready. He's not ready three years later, either. Luke MANAGES, but he wasn't truly ready to hear the truth on Bespin any more than he was on Tatooine.

And once he and Luke discuss the truth on Dagobah, there's absolutely no attempt to actually discuss Anakin and Vader as two separate people. He defends the lie with the "from a certain point of view" line, sure, but that's mostly him just saying "nothing I said was actually a lie, just a modified truth." He's being a little facetious here, too. But it's not him attempting to genuinely convince Luke that Anakin and Vader ARE two separate people.

And unlike Ahsoka, who appears to be legitimately deciding to just pretend Darth Vader never existed and Anakin never did anything wrong in his life ever, Obi-Wan DOES recognize it. That's the whole POINT of discussing Darth Vader with Luke, too. That's the whole point of admitting that Vader was OBI-WAN'S student when he absolutely did not have to tell Luke that at all. He knows exactly what Anakin's done and is perfectly capable of actually acknowledging it both to himself and out loud, to the point of being able to recognize his own part in the story too, he's just protecting Luke from that realization for the time being. Because Obi-Wan, of all people, knows how hard it can be to come to terms with what Anakin chose to become, and is sparing Luke from having to go through that until it's either absolutely necessary or until Luke's had more time to prepare for how to react to it.

But Ahsoka NEVER recognizes what Anakin's done. She doesn't discuss BOTH of them, she doesn't call "Vader" a traitor at any point. She never uses Vader to talk to Sabine about the choices she's making, or talks about her feelings about Vader's betrayal of the Jedi. She ONLY discusses Anakin and how great Anakin was. There's never any REAL acknowledgment, either internally or externally, that she knows what Anakin's done and become. Aside from the flickers in the vision, which could've been Anakin trying to FORCE her to acknowledge it if we interpret it as it actually being Anakin himself rather than just Ahsoka's fears made manifest. There's nothing like "He might've made choices I didn't agree with later, but he was a good master when I knew him" to show that she CAN see both sides of it. NOTHING. Even if she USED to acknowledge it before, perhaps, she's choosing not to anymore. She's choosing to act like Vader just never happened because she can't cope if she does. She HAS to only acknowledge Anakin as she knew him and act like Anakin just died a Jedi and never did anything wrong ever in his life or she'll SHATTER.

That's NOT what Obi-Wan's doing, at all.

Even if we take the Kenobi show into account, Obi-Wan's choice to say "My friend is truly dead" is out of acknowledgment of Anakin's own statements. It's pretty CLEARLY metaphorical, it's Obi-Wan recognizing that Anakin is beyond saving, that Anakin is making a choice to be THIS and nothing Obi-Wan can say or do will change that. He's choosing to grieve the person he loved rather than clinging to this idea that Anakin might change. Anakin's made his choice and all Obi-Wan can do now is move on and let him go. But he DOES know it's Anakin, he DOES acknowledge that it's Anakin. He can't do anything else, he's literally staring at Anakin's face as he says it. That line is him telling Anakin that he's washing his hands of him from now on. It's a "Fine, if you want to pretend that Anakin is dead, I'll let you, but that means I'm done with you now and you can't manipulate me through that relationship anymore."

One of these is a healthy way to handle the situation and the other is uh. Not. I'll let you take your guess as to which is which.

#star wars #ahsoka tano #obi-wan kenobi #luke skywalker #ahsoka critical #ahsoka tano critical #ahsoka show #ahsoka spoilers #kenobi show

[laineystein]

We aren’t okay. We are not okay. Even after the rescue of 2 hostages BH this is a reminder that there’s still so much to be done.

During my class today, one of my students asked what you do when you know someone is dying and there’s nothing you to can to save them. They know the protocol but they were more asking about the emotional state, how — especially in emergency situations where this is often more than one patient — you’re expected to care for one person then immediately move to the next without letting the heartbreak of losing someone distract you. And it spiraled from there. They had so many questions that they’d never been able to ask before and we didn’t at all get anything from the planned curriculum done but we were able to really explore a side of emergency medicine that isn’t talked about enough; about how so much of what we do in administering care during crisis is to completely forget our own humanity for the sake of another’s. And that’s tough for some new students to even fathom.

I teach this course with a friend who was driving an MDA ambulance on October 7th. We both have seen horrible things before October 7th and we’ve both seen horrendous things since. And these students wanted to hear about it. They wanted to understand the world they were getting in to. They needed information beyond what I or my colleagues can provide them in a classroom. And it was necessary. Not just for students of emergency medicine but for us as a people to talk about these things and be honest about what we’ve gone through and how it has shaped us. I don’t think we’re doing enough of it. October 7th happened and all of us hit the ground running, filling roles that made us all feel like we were in control again: soldier, volunteer, etc. But we haven’t really had time to process and the longer we go ignoring the hard truths and emotional scarring, the longer this will all take to heal.

I am so proud of my students for pushing and asking the questions that matter. And for still wanting to get into emergency medicine even when it can be mentally unforgiving. There are the traumas we witness and then the everlasting trauma where our positions force us to ignore what we’ve witnessed and act as if none of it had an impact or affected us in a negative way. It’s a field where every emergency situation you’ve ever attended to shapes your current emergency situation and yet you have to forget and push aside those situations because if we thought about them in depth, we’d never be able to function as healthcare workers.

So it was a lot. But even outside of healthcare I think that Israelis need to talk about what we’ve seen and how this is impacting us. We need more support groups and more open and honest dialogues. It’s not enough to tell people that it’s okay not to be okay. We have to show them by giving them chances to not just acknowledge those feelings but explore them. I know the conversations we had in my class today will help my students immensely - just as much, if not more, than our planned curriculum. Now we need that same attitude in every facet of life, with every Israeli and Jew that has been touched by what happened on October 7th and everything that has happened since.

We are not okay. So what are we going to do about it?

#lainey things #let a girl kvetch #but also kvell a bit #⚔️🇮🇱

[yuza-fantasies]

Afraid of You: Mezo Shoji

Pairing: Mezo Shoji x Shy GN Reader

Word Count: 1035

Summary: You have a crush on Shoji, but you're too scared to approach him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shoji had always harbored a deep-seated belief that his appearance would scare people away. From a young age, he experienced the uncomfortable stares and judgmental looks from others due to his facial features. In fact, he once unintentionally made a girl cry simply because of how his face looked. It was this incident that led him to adopt the habit of wearing a mask, a protective shield to conceal his perceived flaws.

You and Shoji had developed a strong bond as good friends, spending a significant amount of time together. When you finally mustered the courage to confide in your best friend, Ashido, about your secret affection for Shoji, she immediately became determined to bring you two together. Despite Ashido's enthusiasm and encouragement, you found yourself paralyzed with fear and unable to approach Shoji. Consequently, you resorted to avoiding him altogether.

"Why are you avoiding him?" Ashido inquired during one of your study sessions in her dorm room.

"I just can't bring myself to talk to him," you replied dejectedly. "Every time I try, the words fail me. It's easier to stay away."

"You need to tell him," Ashido exclaimed passionately, closing her textbook to focus on the matter at hand. She embarked on a heartfelt lecture about the importance of communication and the necessity of confessing your feelings to Shoji. However, your mind was consumed by the overwhelming fear of rejection that would surely accompany such a confession.

Unbeknownst to you, Shoji had begun to worry about your sudden avoidance. Although he outwardly displayed a calm demeanor, deep down, he feared that you had distanced yourself from him due to his dissimilar appearance. The truth was, he felt an affectionate fondness for you, and he had longed to express his feelings. But with you actively avoiding him, his attempts remained fruitless.

"Perhaps they have found out my feelings for them and this is their way of rejecting me," Shoji contemplated, his thoughts echoing through the silence of his room. "Or perhaps they're simply afraid of me." He gazed at the ceiling, deliberating whether he should reveal his true face to you and whether you would accept him as he truly was.

The following day, as you walked to class, Shoji mustered the courage to call out your name. However, you chose to ignore him, unable to confront the torrent of emotions that would flood over you if you were to face him directly. Yet, as you moved forward, a firm grip clasped your wrist, forcing you to acknowledge Shoji's presence.

"Y/N, why are you avoiding me?" he asked with genuine concern evident in his eyes. You attempted to respond, but anxiety silenced your voice, rendering you speechless.

"Is it because... of my appearance? Are you afraid of how I look?" Shoji inquired hesitantly, his voice laced with vulnerability. "If being around me makes you uncomfortable, then I will respect your decision and leave you alone."

"N-no, it's not like that," you stammered, gently pulling his hand away from your wrist. "I... I'm sorry, Shoji. Can we talk later, please?"

With those words, you turned and walked away, leaving Shoji standing there, his voice calling out to you, pleading for an explanation. The tears that had welled up in your eyes finally spilled over, your emotions too overwhelming to contain.

"I'm sorry, Shoji, but I simply cannot find the words to speak," you confessed silently. "It's not that I am afraid of you, but rather, I am afraid to open myself up to you."

After school, Shoji sent you a text message, expressing his desire to speak with you in person if you felt comfortable doing so. Uncertain about how to respond, you sought Ashido's guidance.

"What should I say, Mina?" you asked your pink-haired friend, seeking solace and advice. "I want to meet him, but I am consumed by fear."

"You have to talk to him," she insisted, her voice brimming with encouragement. "He wants to have a conversation with you, and this may be your chance. Go and talk to him!"

With a sigh, you mustered your courage and replied, agreeing to meet Shoji on the school roof in ten minutes. Determined to confront your fears, you embarked on a journey to the rooftop, where Shoji awaited your arrival. Step by step, you approached him, your heart pounding in your chest.

"Y/N, you haven't answered my question from before," Shoji said softly, his eyes searching for answers. "Are you afraid of me?"

Meeting his gaze, you sensed the genuine hurt in his eyes—the vulnerability he rarely displayed. This was the first time you had witnessed Shoji in such a state. His eyes spoke volumes, reflecting his concern and the emotions he had kept hidden for so long.

"It's okay if you're scared," Shoji continued, taking a deep breath. "But I want you to know something—I like you. More than just a friend. These past few days, I've been struggling to tell you, but you've been avoiding me. Please, tell me why. Why are you avoiding me?"

Stunned, you absorbed his words. All this time, your feelings had been reciprocated? As you peered into Shoji's eyes, you gathered the strength to respond, "Shoji, I'm not afraid of you. I'm terrified to speak because... because I like you too, Shoji! More than just a friend."

"Y-Y/N, you can talk to me anytime," Shoji reassured, his voice filled with tenderness. "I'm sorry if I made you feel this way, but will you be my significant other?"

"Of course, Shoji!" you replied, unable to contain your joy. You embraced him tightly, feeling the warmth of his tentacles enveloping you.

"There's one more thing I need you to know," Shoji murmured, his voice tinged with vulnerability. Slowly, he lowered his mask, unveiling his true face to you. "I have worn this mask for a long time, fearing that my appearance might cause someone sadness. It's alright if you change your mind after seeing me like this."

"Shoji, I could never judge you based on your appearance," you responded, tears of gratitude welling in your eyes. "Thank you for showing me what lies beneath the mask. I love you, Shoji."

"I love you too, Y/N."

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Repost from my wattpad.

#mha #my hero academia #bnha #boku no hero academia #mezo shoji #mezo shoji x reader #mha x reader #bnha x reader

[gffa]

I saw your post defending the way Jedi adopt the children/accept them into their culture, and I absolutely loved it! It was so well-informed, and you are right: It is all there in the original content!

I find it very ironic that many people spew these lies about the Jedi when that’s exactly what the Empire did. Iirc, this argument of Jedi being “kidnappers” was actually fueled by Emperor Palpatine and the Empire in their campaign against the Jedi. They wanted to discredit them and make the people turn against them so that they could erase them all more easily. So I find it very ironic that these lies are now being upheld by some people as the truth. (Really, have people forgotten the Empire was created bases on the Nazi’s and their own racist strategies?)

You are not inmune to the Empire’s propaganda.

Please correct me if I’m wrong. I’m not as good at pulling examples and proof from all the SW content as you are.

Hi! Thank you for the very sweet ask! Navigating stuff in fandom like this can be difficult at times, because there has to be room for compassion and tolerance for disagreement, like it's fine if people disagree with my views, I'm not your mom, I'm not telling you want to do or say, especially since this is fiction, these are made up space stories. But there also has to be room to understand that sometimes our commentary on fictional stories are echoes of reflection of real world attitudes--we can't just go around spewing racist, sexist, homophobic commentary and be like, "It's just fiction, you can't get upset!" There's no easy line for any of this, no single hard set in stone rule for when it's truly just fiction and when it's an echo of a real world attitude, especially in Star Wars, which often draws influence from a lot of non-Western sources and traditional Western sources. (My general rule of thumb is: I think it's fair to criticize those things through the influences they have, but if your criticism is then ended with, "So that's why we shouldn't have or acknowledge any Buddhism/Black people/queer people/women in Star Wars!" then fuck right on off with that.) And I also understand a lot of the anti-Jedi attitudes (or at least what I've personally experienced of them) because I've talked a bunch of times about how I started out as pretty Jedi-critical myself! I did the whole, "They had grown stagnant and refused to evolve with the galaxy, so they needed to be wiped out." thing because nobody had framed it explicitly as what it was: a genocide. It wasn't until a friend and I were talking and they mentioned that lens of it that it just sort of crashed down on me, oh, that's literally what it was and genocide is never justifiable. I did the whole, "The Jedi failed Anakin and taught him to repress his emotions." thing as well, because I saw it all over the place in fandom and just automatically folded it into my view, until I went back and actually watched Lucas' movies and Lucas' animation (first six movies + first six seasons of TCW) and read his interviews, which blew me onto my ass when I saw Obi-Wan being supportive of Anakin, when I saw Anakin not listening to the advice he was given, when I saw that Jedi were expressing emotion all over the place, when I saw they were respecting other Force traditions in the galaxy. I can't speak to why so many people think badly of the Jedi, there's probably a thousand reasons and I'm only vaguely aware of like half of them, but I do think that it's often unpopular to promote the idea of emotional regulation already being achieved, instead of something to be struggled with. I think we're all primed by a lot of mainstream media saying that an explosion of anger is what will save the day. I think there's so much anger in the world today that we're all angry and being told to let go of it feels really insulting at times. (But, as someone who has lost years of my life when I was younger to anger, I gotta say, I am so much better off having let go of as much of that shit as I can. It was poison in my veins, carrying that anger around. I lost so many friendships and opportunities and just time to being miserably mad about stuff.)

I'm getting off topic of the kidnapping aspect about the Jedi, but a lot of it starts to swirl together in what I've experienced (especially people who try to put this stuff on my posts--thankfully, that's died down/I block the people who won't respect boundaries) and so I kind of bounce from one aspect of it to another.

I do think it's good to talk about these things--both from "it's fun to analyze the content of the story on a meta level" perspective and "here's how this echoes into and from the real world" perspective, like I enjoy saying, okay, here's what's actually said in the movies/TCW, but also I think talking about how the Jedi are Buddhist influenced is important because that means they're going to have values that are meant to be reflected in that and Western fandom has a really big problem of being derisive about non-Western influences or automatically saying they're wrong. (I come from anime/manga fandoms, let me tell you, it's a big problem.)

And, yeah, in a way where it's really awful, but I think one of the most well-done things Disney's Star Wars has done is that it's really focused on showing that the Empire was a fascist one and the propaganda they used about the Jedi are ones that are super relevant to the conversation.

#lumi.txt #star wars #jedi order

[utilitycaster]

In the most recent CR episode I found it really interesting (and really concerning) that it Laudna's truth about wanting Bells Hells to ripcord out of saving the world came hot on the heels of Imogen's truth about not wanting to save the gods

Idk it could just be me, but it seemed like her truth was just another attempt to placate Imogen's moral confusion, while simultaneously pushing those things back onto the whole group

All it makes me think of is the fanon and 4SD discussions about Imogen and Laudna retiring to a farm and living happily ever after. What are either of their reasons for remaining with Bells Hells at this point, if their truths are that they don't want to save the world?

See, that actually seemed fine to me! Fearne had earlier admitted she felt they were ill-equipped for the job and likely to fail, so it's not just them who feel it, and honestly I think that Laudna's confession was one of the more valid ones that I hope get unpacked. Fjord and Jester made a very similar admission to each in both episode 72 and episode 118 of Campaign 2, of "hey, wouldn't it be nice if we just ran away somewhere quiet and never had to deal with this again" and I think that having that admission and then finding a way forward anyway is a really great moment. I didn't write at length about how Orym's "but we have to work together and do this" has also been a really big factor in the party's dysfunction because I covered a lot of that in my discussion of how he handles his own grief well and the grief and pain of others very badly, but honestly it's good that Fearne and Laudna are getting to "we don't have to do this, this was always thrust upon us because an old guy brought us to a cool orc who hired us to look into some stuff and in the process found out that the comparatively small-time political crook was tangentially involved in a a vast cosmic death cult conspiracy that several of our parents are also involved with."

My issue with Imogen is that she literally said two episodes ago she's never prayed and now she's claiming the gods never listened to her, as well as that her reasoning is the horrifyingly self-absorbed "they don't love her", but I actually think it's fine if this party does not wish to save the gods on the grounds of "we feel underqualified and overwhelmed and like we've been at the mercy of many (mortal) masters with no time to pursue our own interests." And I think that Laudna didn't force this specific thing on the rest of the party; she said they could all ripcord, but didn't say who should do it or who felt that way or force them into agreement.

I've talked about the campaign's earlier pacing at length and I don't want to revisit it at length because it evened out, but more so than any other party, Bells Hells has rarely had self-directed adventures. That's a big reason why they're such a mess; they didn't need to develop the tools to come to consensus because Eshteross or Ryn or Keyleth would give them tasks, so we never actually have delved particularly deeply into what most of the party members want to be doing, which is why we're here with this group that's mostly stuck together because they've had jobs to do. I think acknowledging that is an important step, because the task at hand (scouting on Ruidus) is in my opinion within their abilities, but they've been pushed and pushed and have finally reached a point where they can't just keep going. (This by the way is the underlying premise of this post; this is the fundamental reality of Bells Hells as a party. If you like that the most then hell yeah, but a lot of people who claim to love C3 are blaming the entire plot of the campaign for why the party is a mess which is like, so you like the premises of these characters and dislike the vast majority of the actual story in which they exist, and you really just want the story of Campaign 1 or Campaign 2 but Ashton is there.)

With that said though, I do agree that's kind of at the core of Imogen and Laudna. They're so insular, and that's been claimed as a feature, not a bug, for much of the fanon of that relationship. Like, I think Laudna is valid for this specific statement, but unlike Fjord and Jester, who had established in through the course of the campaign both deep ties to each of the rest of the Mighty Nein and a profound sense of responsibility in general, I find myself wondering why Imogen and Laudna don't go off and live in a cottage together and leave the rest of the party to handle this. I mean, Imogen is also impossibly tied up in the fate of Ruidus, but she dithers about the approach so much I wonder why she doesn't decide that perhaps she should stay out of it altogether and retire to that cottage with Laudna until it's all over.

Personally, my thought is that Imogen does in fact secretly like being the special Ruidusborn Exaltant On The Other Side, especially since she's realized her mother wasn't that (as she had hoped). I agree with the fairly common opinion that Imogen and Ashton are in many ways extremely similar people, but whereas Ashton just got a very brutal wake up call of "your parents did fuck up and you're not built different and your desperate attempt to be something special could have hurt everyone" Imogen is still out here going full Javert on everyone's personal thoughts. So I suspect she won't ripcord out in the end, and therefore Laudna won't. But I do think it's valid for Laudna to bring up, and indeed, one of the many things that would make great progress in fixing this party dynamic would be Laudna independently expressing her own needs some more instead of being Imogen's Yes-Woman or projecting her own desires onto other people as I suspect she's doing with Fearne and the shard.

#answered #Anonymous #maintagging bc i think this covers a lot of the nuances that were out of scope for two bigger past posts #critical role

[jmdbjk]

The Truth Untold

I think when you are normally an optimistic, positive personality, it is more difficult to deal with negativity, especially when it originates within one's self. Speaking from my own experience, optimism sometimes feels like a force field that keeps most negativity out. But sometimes the force field fails when the negativity is coming from within.

It seems this was the case with Jimin back when he had all these feelings a few years ago.

These emotions that originated within himself affected him so much that he needed to expel them from his mind. So he expressed them through music. He gave us his very personal album filled with his own hidden feelings that he'd kept to himself. This album was so personal to him. It was his own cathartic exercise in rebuilding his optimistic force field.

We all know how difficult it is to express our own deeply felt emotions to those around us. Many of us internalize and go on. But Jimin pulled these things out of himself, crafted these thoughts into lyrics, wrote and recorded songs, and let these songs about his emotions out into the world. He showed the world his raw self.

How many of us can even attempt to speak one sentence about something deeply personal that we've kept to ourselves without fear of being ridiculed or humiliated?

So if you ever have confided something very personal to someone and all you got back was "this is how you fix it, you should have done this or you should have done that and you are being over sensitive, why are you like that..." do you see how that sounds? It is dismissive.

Those of you who are right this second as you are reading this, you are thinking "but he deserves everything, he deserved more promotion, he deserved more cake, he deserves it all, he was sabotaged, he didn't get what he deserved."

Yes, he deserves it all but the way you all go about saying those things is selfish. You are selfish. You are saying to Jimin that he made a mistake, that he was shortsighted, that he wasn't smart enough or assertive enough or that he allowed himself to be controlled by whatever big bad guy you've latched onto to justify your selfishness.

You were dismissive.

Try to remember, there are ways for us to shower Jimin with praise and love that do not involve tearing down him, tearing down his company, tearing down other fans and the other members.

When I say "tearing down" that's exactly what I mean. Jimin chose how to give us this intimate part of himself and some people told him that how he chose to give it to us wasn't the right way, it wasn't good enough, not enough promotions, just not enough to get what he deserved. He went about it the wrong way.

Jimin is a slow processor of his own emotions and of things going on around him so it has taken him some time to allow his inner over-analyzer to process everything. We've known he's an over-analyzer so it takes time for him to process all of it.

This is what this Truth Untold letter is about. He basically admits he is slow to process everything.

He admits when the #1 Billboard achievement happened, he did not understand the importance of it at the time and now that he's had time to process everything, he feels pressed to thank us now.

He apologizes for taking so long to acknowledge and thank us for loving him and showing so much appreciation for his first album which was so personal to him.

He feels our love. But he for sure saw your selfishness.

We will learn more about it all when his documentary drops next week and I feel like it will hit even harder how difficult this whole process was for him.

Just be grateful like he is.

#he deserves to feel like he did good #he didn't deserve the extra negativity that followed his album's release #jimin #jimin face #i was tempted to screen cap some of the video #those of you who are saying all of this is a knee jerk reaction to what you think you were entitled to receive #go fuck yourself.

[dream-this-nightmare-over]

John Shelby imagine

For all my John girlies!

hi @shelundeadxxxx :))))

As always, you can find this and many more imagines in my book of imagines

How many times have you thought to yourself if only I talked less, none of this would happen. If I learnt how to keep my mouth shut, everyone would move on in their ignorance and I wouldn't have to go through ordeal all too well known and expected of being scolded reprimanded shushed for speaking my mind. Peace is fractured ice in winter that permanently teases coming of spring if you are brave enough to break through. But there is always someone waiting on surface with hammer and axe to push you back under.

It's not the truth that scares. Aftermath is foreseeable agony. No weather check needs to announce emergency alarm for storm that is hurling once unleashed. To fight injustice with scarred armor is to walk through downpour in tattered raincoat and wonder later how you caught cold.

Y/n slept counted hours filled notebooks with filthy words in flowery handwriting. There were no books here but old photo albums coughing dust and history is best to leave unbothered. In house of screaming people, even ghosts hide grateful they have somewhere to escape. Our ghosts are ashamed of ourselves. Thought brought small smiles to y/p face. John didn't believe in ghosts. He would tease you till you were both rolling on the floor, him trickling you then nuzzling his face in your neck and cuddling in tight warm embrace till it was time to part. He knew how much you needed someone to just hold you tight to feel presence of another heart close to yours to calm you down and convince yours it's alive and loved and acknowledged. You would wrap yourself in his hug and he would watch you silently as you gave yourself to calm you only ever felt when you were together, calm washing over your heart leaving demons stranded cut off for time being. but john is brave; he does what he wants and he never gets caught.

All your bravery ever brought you is running away crying yourself to sleep telling yourself to breath soothing your heart that everything will be okay. No one ever listened to you. They treated your words like child's blabbering, like you haven't went through shit to see the truth But john saw you. 'I will marry you whenever you say you are ready' And you would thousand times already if there weren't your mother's tears flowing in your memory and father's helplessness to take back words make them unsaid.

Her relationship with John and Shelby fam had nothing to do with fact that she was being held as prisoner in her grandmother's home. It was the words she spoke, the bravery to talk back. Psycho granny who cant deal with world changing, people leaving, so she inserts herself in narrative as tyrannic matriarch when irl she is nothing but nuisance. Except when she locks you up, and leaves you to starve hoping it will teach you some respect and love. Funny how people believe you can force someone to respect you. Respect is earned. As for love, most elusive force of universe, yet there are still people out there who demand it like it's another thing you can trade on market. Suppose you can. But not the real kind.

John was one person who came into y/n's life and made breathing and loving seem like easiest things in world. They were best of pals, he never asked of her anything, but to be happy. When she was sad, he would go out of his way to make her laugh again, for he knew storms are here to pass and making it to the other side is always easier with friend by your side.

His adoration with y/n was evident to everyone, besotted from head to toe, if needed he would burn down every fucker and whole world that dared spill tears down y/n's cheeks. It was his girl. No one was allowed to mess with what is most prescious to Shelbys.

Y/n tried the door knob. Ran y/p fingers between door and frame gripping on surface testing to pull it open, scratching y/p nails down the wall then running back under covers before someone came and saw what y/p has done.

Time passed no one came. It seemed the world forgot about just another child who thought too much. Did Shelby's really didn't notice their friend missing?

Sun went up and went down, marking fourth day that y/n grandma locked y/p away for having opinion. guess that's how world works. It breaks your heart and takes your dreams and stomps out your hope and then sneers in your face asking why you didnt fight harder.

y/n was exhausted and defeated. Curled on carpet y/p could feel life seeping out as y/p whole body went in hibernation state. After seventh day, Only the mind was alive. Drenched in sweat, dizzy from hunger, whole world was dancing in peripheral but no one reached out a hand. She passed out from hunger several times, not bothering anymore to get back on her feet or drag her limp exhausted body on bed.

She was drifting through motions, not sure anymore what is real and what not. john was there aparation stepping from behind curtains, galaxy of freckles spinning on celling above her, his laugh seeping from memories all around her, his soft gaze those familiar blues telling her everything will be alright just like he always did when they would roll on floor his nonchalance and deep care hiding under soft touch as he caresses her face his sunrays reaching for soul underneath battered skin. As the passing clouds snuffed out the sunlight, casting whole room in sudden darkness, his blues would get stern and serious, gangster who knows what's the price to pay for every indulgence, he would tell her to hold on just a little longer. But her tortured mind on brink of collapsing would let go and drift in darkness, falling and watching blue lights of home on surface getting smaller and on the end eventually closing up, hope dangerously tethering just out of reach as darkness closed around her.

He will come, he promised. He will notice my absence, I am more than my silence.

She went out thinking back to days they spent sneaking out of crowded Garrison to make snowmen and have snowball fights in winter of their youth. John's smile flushed cheeks, his arms around her shoulders will she ever feel home again?

Next time she woke up, it was with bang.

It was early morning, dawn has barely risen when doors splintered in parts as someone force opened them.

Too weak to jolt, vibrations glided off y/p frame, just a lump of clothes on floor.

John comes in, impatience and worry all over his face, on his heels are his brothers checking for possible threats and surprises hiding in plain sight. But there was nothing there but one body on the carpet, wrapped in itself, peering at them through glassy stare.

John is wild with furry on the way there, collecting the gang ready for fight. Arthur and Tommy knew there was no stopping him, and when they heard how dire situation really was, they were ready in no time to take arms and end it for good. y/n was family, and attack on one is attack on all.

For her, John becomes softball. He marches into room kneeling down beside her body. Checking the pulls, he takes y/n in his arms laying her on settee. Gently touching her cheek relief flooding his features as your eyes open and find his.

'what made you take so long?' y/n tries weakly, always the one ready to crack the joke in every misfortune.

he pulls her in hug as answer. Restless, on verge of breaking, he gathers her in his arms, smell of lemon and tobacco envelopes her senses 'oh y/n, my dearest y/n'

she pulls back and he takes good look at her, cursing for ever letting her out of his sight. He turns around giving Tommy and Arthur a sign to go on with the plan.

'i am getting you out and burning this whole shithole down. "

Through haze y/n watch herself reaching towards his cheek half believing her hand will pass through another ghost of dearest face.

John takes her hand from his face and planta hard kiss on her palm.

"john, thoughts of you made me survive in this room"

There was warmth where cold stale breath of hallucination hanged and was being slowly dispersed as familiar blues stirred her heart back to life.

'i am so sorry for letting this happen. I should have been there. You are always on my mind, little one. i got held back, and - gosh- y/n, you mean too much to me to ever let anyone come close to you again' And they are both lost in embrace of thousand promises that no time or adversaries will stand a chance against bond stretching between them.

John wraps you in his coat, protective arm around you, smirk and toothpick in corner of his mouth as you descend the stairs and are joined by Tommy who is lighting his cigarette. 'Brother," he says handing John the match.

Tommy ushers you out on driveway where you wait for john to catch up. Arthur smiles fatherly, dusting his sleeves. 'No worries, mfs will pay for this.' Tommy shots him look that said 'don't ruin the surprise' fixing John's now yours coat then cradling your head to his chest in embrace. 'You alright, love?' he asks. You nod eating apple your first meal in a while, that Arthur produced from inside his coat, and he takes it as cue not to push it any further.

'I got it under control' You manage to make out through clattering teeth once John comes back. He pulls you closer planting a kiss on side of your head. 'I know you did, darling. I just brought logistics for final touch'

At that moment bomb blasts behind you, taking apart in explosion of embers that house of misery. It shakes the ground but john tucks you safely beside him as you all walk away together through smoke of new beginnings.

one foot in front of other, board the train and live out rest of your lives never leaving each other side.

#john shelby #john shelby x reader #john shelby imagine #john shelby one shot #peaky blinders x reader #peaky blinders x y/n #peaky blinders #tommy shelby #arthur shelby #peaky blinders imagine #john shelby fanfic #imagine #one shot #fanfic

[tsams-confessions]

I would love to participate more and share my opinions on characters of the show and how many themes and topics can have so many complex ramifications. I love how a lot of the characters are built in a way that applying a human point of view to their issues is not entirely possible but also humanity cannot be separated from them either. Their nature as robots, and how they experience trauma, and events that would be impossible for humans due to physical limitation (like how coding can force someone to do something against their will) make for such an interesting story to analyze!

But the truth is this fandom has made me very wary about doing such a thing. :(

I feel like things would be a lot more chill if people reblogged what they liked, ignored what they don't, and just all around were more civil about character interpretations. I've seen a lot of people being enraged and attacking others, or making vague posts that target whole groups within the fandom and it's actually very sad. Clearly people care a lot about these characters, which is wonderful, but putting them above real people and getting nasty to said people in consequence is something that needs to stop.

I understand getting frustrated or tired of seeing certain takes because you feel they are not taking into account this or that thing shown about the character, especially if it's a fave or comfort one. I've felt that too! But posts that are unnecessarily aggressive (and examples of the phrases I'll give are no quotes of anything as I haven't looked at the tag in more than half a year, more like vague examples of what has crossed my dash now and again for months now) that have phrases like "hey can we stop treating x character like blank?", "the fandom needs to acknowledge (subjective opinion) already", "people don't want to understand this about this character", "oh yeah everyone loves x but hates y I wonder why" . Or even posts that are downright poisonous towards the people that work on the show. I myself have my criticisms, but I don't want to see such intense hate about it.

This is a silly show in the internet. One I love with all my heart, and that has some seriously good moments, but I feel like taking a step back, remembering that this is a youtube fanfic role-play about fnaf characters that is so far removed from the base material that it became a whacky charming series to follow, would greatly help diminish the amount of discourse that has been growing for long. People interpreting a character differently from you is not illegal. It's not a moral failing. What you see in a character as a positive might be a horrible negative for someone else. This is shaped by your experience as a human being and other people will have different experiences that make them look at something completely differently than you. This is a good thing! It can lead to nice conversations that make you realize something you didn't take into account! But it's not your duty or your right to change their mind. The moment it starts turning into an argument it's best to step away. Admit you two simply don't take the same message or interpretation as the other person from the same scene and walk away. Be nice. Be kind. Fandom is meant to be fun. You can hold fictional characters close to your heart. Just don't go hurting someone real for the sake of defending someone fictional.

.

#sun and moon show #the sun and moon show #tsams #sams #tsams confession #< block this if you dont want to see these #mod 1blood

[icallhimjoey]

To Have And To Scold

♥ ♥  Joseph Quinn x Fem!Reader

Summary: Your best friends are getting married, and who else can they ask to be their best man and maid of honour but you and Joe? It's just that... you don't really get along all that well, do you? At least, that's what you think.

CW / disclaimer: sort of enemies to sort of lovers (very vague, im sorry, but you'll see), slow burn, language, drinking, rpf, fem!reader

Author’s note: here's part 4, i hope it brings you at least some answers! (if not, i know part 5 definitely will!) (and also remember there'll be 5 more parts after that!)

Wordcount: 2.8K

part one - part two - part three - part four - part five - part six - part seven - part eight - part nine - part ten - epilogue

It wasn't insanely cold at all, but it felt nice to hug your coat tighter to your body, arms folded over and shoulders hunched up, as you made your way down the street.

You weren't crying, but knew you would the second you'd get home. Kind of wanted to now, not that you knew exactly why, but you'd definitely watch something sad if the tears wouldn't come on their own accord.

Maybe the thought of Joe fucking hating you would be enough. Because that kind of was it, wasn't it? Joe only was mildly friendly sometimes because you were friends with his best friend's fiancé. That was it. No other reason. Just had to be nice because you and Mark were a weird package-deal he now had to deal with just because he was friends with Poppy.

Well... tough.

Jesus, you were all over the place. Thoughts going from, why does he hate me? to, so what if he does?

Just as you turned a corner, you heard someone run up behind you. There were people about all over, so footsteps nearing didn't necessarily mean they had anything to do with you. But then before you knew it, someone fell into step next to you.

Joe.

Stubborn as you were, you just kept walking and didn't acknowledge him. Didn't say anything, and then, in some sort of weird power play, neither did he.

Silence.

Arms crossed. Shoulders high. Eyes down at your feet. Left, right. Left, right. Left, right.

With every step it became more and more annoying that he was just... there. That he followed you. That he was now walking with you, and that he wasn't fucking saying anything.

Not that you wanted to talk.

You kind of wanted him to leave.

But you could rise above it. Try to be the bigger person. Keyword being try.

You came up to an intersection and you knew that Joe needed to take a left to make it to his place. Instead, Joe took a right and kept up the pace next to you.

"What are you doing?" you refused to look at him still.

"Walking you home,"

It made you grunt under your breath a little, so annoyed by the fact that Joe followed the code of chivalry just so he could tell Mark and Poppy that he'd done the right thing. This wasn't a genuine thing. Joe didn't care about your safety more than he did his own standing with his friends.

"You don't need to, I'm fine on my own, thanks," and you sped up, but Joe followed suit and you secretly debated stopping all together to see if he would too.

"I know you will be," Joe said, voice sort of flat, void of any emotion towards you at all. "But you do understand that Mark would skin me alive if I didn't at least make sure you got home all right,"

How the fuck did him admitting to walking you home for his own sake rather than yours make him suddenly feel more sincere?

It's because honesty was still honesty, even if you didn't like the truth. It softened you a little despite everything, just, a little flicker of, at least you're not lying to me.

But you buried your kinder feelings quickly, shook them off and forced your thoughts elsewhere. There were enough other people about, enough hustle and bustle happening all around you for you to divide attention. There was plenty to look at, plenty to listen to and plenty to think of.

Walking beside Joe without sharing any words only really became weird when the streets became quieter and emptier as you got closer to your flat.

It was silent for a while, just the sound of your in-sync footsteps following you. You realised you were growing more and more annoyed at the sight of your old jeans and ratty trainers next to Joe's pressed trousers and shiny loafers.

So pretentious, you thought.

It's just his style, you thought immediately after, berating yourself for thinking mean shit all the time. Just because Joe didn't like you - potentially hated you - didn't mean you had to think mean shit of him in return. You could be the adult here. The grown-up who was above all of this dumb teenage behaviour.

"I'm sorry," Joe suddenly said, "I shouldn't have said–"

"That's okay," you lied, not needing his apology.

Joe accepted your interruption, and another silence took over.

Rise above, you thought to yourself. Rise above all of it.

When you had to wait at a crossing, you suddenly sighed, loudly.

"I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have snapped the way–"

"That's okay," Joe said, copying your earlier interjection and you were scared to look up at him in case he was smiling.

You weren't going to accept it quite as easily though.

"It's just," you inhaled a sharp breath, "I don't know, I made a shitty comment and I regret it and I'm sure you've heard it a million times before, because I have too, and," you winced in true regret.

"What do you mean?"

Cool. Joe was going to make you repeat yourself. Rub salt into that wound. Sure. Why the fuck not?

"Do people not constantly ask you if you're dating Poppy?"

"Only everyone," Joe said, and you could hear his smile as he said it. You still refused to look. "Especially, my mum," Joe then added, and you couldn't help the burst of laughter that escaped you.

You quickly reeled it all back in though. Cleared your throat. Kept your smile to yourself, and your eyes down where they had been for most of your walk.

You assumed Joe would elaborate, but it stayed quiet next to you.

Awkward and familiarly distant, exactly like you knew Joe to be.

Suddenly, Joe jogged a few steps ahead as you walked past a pub, and you saw him reach for the door - not to the pub, but to the place next to the pub. You slowed to a halt.

"Gelato?"

Joe couldn't just say ice cream like a normal person, could he?

"My treat," Joe waited patiently, the door to the ice cream place held open by one hand, whilst the other resided in one of his pockets. It was past 10 by now, but there were still people inside getting their sugary fix of Italian desert and you were about to say no, until you stomach growled.

You'd barely had any food tonight, and even though it wasn't exactly the type of weather to indulge in a cold treat, you actually really craved something sweet. Looking at all the bright colours of frozen goodness behind the glass only confirmed that for you.

You gave an exaggerated sigh, playing now, and said "Fine," through an eye roll. As if saying yes to ice cream was a favour you were doing Joe, and not the solution you needed to sober up a little.

The smallest of smiles appeared on Joe's face, head tipping down as you walked past him, stepping inside, before he followed you.

Five minutes later, you were sat at a small table, both with little tubs of beautiful ice cream and little plastic colourful spoons, shoveling straciatella and pistachio goodness into your gobs.

You were practically groaning over how good it was.

"How's yours?" you asked when Joe didn't seem half as into it as you were.

Ever silent, ever cumbersome.

"Oh, s'good," he said before he went in for another bite, and you had to really resist the urge to reach over and go for a spoonful from his portion.

It was like Joe read your mind, because, before you had even really finished your thought, he nonchalantly slid his tub of ice cream across the table.

You just looked at it for a moment as he still held it in his hands, and then tapped it against the surface, signaling for you to dig in.

Interesting.

You took a small spoonful, and Joe was right. That was good. Yours was better though.

Were you the type of people to share ice cream together?

No. Far from it, actually.

But did you?

"Mine's better,"

Yes, you did.

You copied Joe, sliding your tub over to his side of the table for him to have a taste of yours.

Joe took a far larger glob of ice cream from you than you'd taken from him, but you didn't say anything. He'd paid, and you had just claimed that yours was better, so you let it slide.

Joe narrowed his eyes up at the ceiling and worked the taste of your choice of ice cream into his mouth before swallowing and concluding, "Yea, that's good too."

Not agreeing, not disagreeing, but a secret third nonthreatening thing: light diplomacy. It kind of made you chuckle at how safe Joe was being. Earlier you'd been full force trying to ruffle each other's feathers all over. Now, it was careful words, and silence.

You decided to take advantage.

"I feel bad,"

Joe's eyes shot up to look at you.

"I shouldn't have said anything about the picture of you and Poppy," and you kind of meant it.

"I don't know why I brought it up. It was stupid, you can do whatever you want in your own house, it's - it's not fair of me to assume anything, and,"

Joe was about to say something, so you upped your volume to make sure he'd let you finish.

"And, I want to say sorry, I can be... I don't know, vengeful and unforgiving if I don't use my brain, so, I'm sorry. Forget I said anything about it."

Joe listened, and then looked at his last few bites of ice cream before he chuckled.

Laughed.

For a moment you thought he was laughing at you, and you could feel your defenses itch. You were absolutely ready to fall right back into snarky comments and glares.

But then Joe squeezed his eyes shut, scrunched up his nose and said,

"It's unbelievable how much you and Poppy are alike,"

You eyed him somewhat suspiciously.

"Honestly, it's remarkable. Might as well be the same person."

You'd heard Mark say this time and time again, but you were curious what similarities Joe could see. He barely knew you, after all.

"Alike how?"

"Well, for starters," Joe made big eyes and inhaled a deep breath. "Vengeful and unforgiving? Tick," Joe said as he pretended to tick an item off an imaginary list. "Apologising for it? Tick,"

You huffed a laugh, and saw Joe smile too.

"No, I'm joking," Joe continued, "But sometimes she... tonight Poppy got drunk just because she..." Joe paused, and you thought you could sense a little hesitation. "She forgot to use her brain and got a little vengeful and a little unforgiving," Joe finished, keeping things vague and unclear.

"Was it about Mark?" you pried.

Joe just smiled at you.

"She worries too much,"

You mimicked ticking that off whatever imaginary list Joe'd been writing on, because you fucking worried about everything all of the time. Joe huffed a laugh at it, and another short silence fell where you finished your ice cream and then watched Joe finish his.

"I know Poppy gets jealous sometimes," you confessed. "It's truly unnecessary, because I would never, ever. Never. With Mark, I mean," and you visibly shuddered at the thought. "Absolutely not," you weren't sure if you needed Joe to know, or if you hoped that he'd tell Poppy that you said that.

"It's not that," Joe said, which kind of threw you for a loop. "That's not what she worries about,"

And like you weren't in the middle of a somewhat civilized conversation, especially considering it was the two of you doing the talking, Joe collected your empty tubs and spoons and got up, ready to leave. He dumped the rubbish into a bin near the front, and then kindly held open the door for you again as you headed out.

Outside, you carried on the walk over to your flat, but this time, it was a lot more leisurely than before. Slower steps. Hands in your pockets instead of crossed over your chest. Shoulders relaxed. The air not quite as... hostile as before.

You looked at Joe and wondered if you were going to have to ask him what he meant earlier. You could practically see him think. Go over what to reveal to you, and what not to. For Poppy's privacy, you were sure.

Giving him a minute seemed to do the trick, because suddenly, he spoke.

"She worries that you know Mark better than she does... that you mean more to him than she ever will,"

Silly, you thought. Didn't say it.

"She's always like, am I still only second best to him?"

"Oh my God," you didn't want to sound like you thought that was the dumbest thing you'd ever heard, but that just slipped right out.

"No, I know," Joe smiled, immediately agreeing. "Trust me, I know,"

"Second best?" you repeated. "Does she really think that?"

Joe just sort of nodded.

"But we're not... we're not even in the same rankings. I might top the scales when it comes to all of his friends, but, Poppy is... she should hear how he can go on about her. It get's a little gross, sometimes. She really doesn't need to worry,"

Was this why Poppy had so intensely told you that you were important to her at the bar? Had Poppy and Joe talked, and had she shared all of her vengeful and unforgiving thoughts before using her brain and apologising? Was telling you she loved you with your face squished in her hands her way of apologising to you?

"Can you tell her for me? I'll do it myself too, but I imagine it'll stick more when you tell her,"

You rounded the corner into your street.

"I will. It's not... it's not always like that, though," Joe said.

"Oh, no, of course," you got it.

Everyone had their moments, didn't they?

"But can you blame her?" Joe suddenly said, and you turned your head to look at him. Joe had his eyes aimed at the pavement.

"What are you implying?" you asked cautiously.

"Well," Joe started, and if you weren't mistaken, you could see his jaw clench a little. Was that annoyance?

Was Joe annoyed with you?

For fucking what?

You'd been right before. There was definitely some sort of real hatred within Joe that was all specifically curated for you.

Great. Just, so great.

You immediately grew defensive, felt it bubble up in your gut, but tried to keep it there until you knew for sure it was needed.

"Mark's very protective," Joe said pointedly, immediately making you frown.

You wanted to argue, and tried to think of things to prove him wrong, but your mind faltered and words got stuck in your throat. All you could come up with were memories of your earlier teens where Mark's protectiveness was exactly what had made you become friends.

"Guess so," you mumbled quietly, sort of deflated, not really wanting to get into it.

Besides, you'd reached your flat, so rounding of your conversation was smarter than delving into a whole other conversation you would then need to have by your front door. Oh man, even just thinking of rounding off a stuttery conversation with awkward goodbyes made you cringe.

"But you're right," Joe said loudly as you pulled your keys from your pocket.

"The framed photo is a little weird, given that I cropped the two of you out,"

You stilled entirely and just looked at him. Looked to see if you could find a hint of humour. Anything to indicate he wasn't being serious. You came up blank.

"I'll see about replacing it,"

You just sort of blinked at him.

He didn't need to actually go and replace it, what the fuck.

You were a loss for words, completely unable to think of the right words to say, so you just stood there and said nothing until it became weird.

"Good night," Joe then said with a small smile as he nodded his head down at you before turning on his heel and walking back the way you'd come. A few steps out he looked over his shoulder, lips pressed into a tight smile and he waved.

Motherfucker waved at you with wiggling fingers and a kind face and Jesus fucking Christ.

It was dead silent in your street, and you really had to force yourself not to watch Joe walk away, not to listen to Joe walk away, until he was out completely out of sight.

Inside, you pulled your phone out and opened your text thread with Mark. You had one really important question to ask him, and it couldn't wait 'til morning.

"hey, quick q, why the fuck don't Joe and I get plus ones to your wedding?"

---

The Taglisted: 

@ghostinthebackofyourhead @dirtyeddietini @jasminearondottir @josephquinned @cancankiki @sidthedollface2 @dylanmunson @munsonsgirl71 @thefemininemystiquee @alana4610 @emmamooney @thatonefan-girl @paola-carter @figmentofquinn @haylaansmi @thewondernanazombie @munsonmunster @kellysimagines @mybffjoe @chaoticgood-munson @sherrylyn628 @bdpst-massacre @05secondsofsexgods @lovelyblueness @adoreyouusugar @nadixq @prozacandnicotine @munsonswhore86 @alwayslindie @breddiemunson @eddie-joe-munson @ali-in-w0nderland @pepperstories @phyllosilicate-s @thebellenouvelle @luvrsbian @joesquinns @choke-me-joey @alizztor @jnnyrd @did-it-work @capricornrisingsstuff @quinnsbower @frogers @kennedy-brooke @daleyeahson @eddielives1986 @harringtonfan4 @sadbitchfangirl

(taglist currently full, sorry)

#Joe Quinn #Joseph Quinn #Joe Quinn x You #Joseph Quinn x You #Joe Quinn x Reader #Joseph Quinn x Reader #Joe Quinn Fanfic #Joe Quinn fanfiction #Joseph Quinn Fanfic #Joseph Quinn Fanfiction #rpf #icallhimjoey #To Have And To Scold #part 4 #joe quinn x y/n #joseph quinn x y/n

[bokettochild]

For the febuwhump prompts, how about Mask and Captain Link with either hostage situation or "you weren't supposed to be there"?

Since the whole "hostage situation" got requested by someone else as well, I ended up going for the other option!

And hey, we're a month late, but I'm working two jobs so I think it should be fine LOL

Anyways, here, have some Captain Link freaking out about Mask's safety!

Rating: Teen

Word count: 1,610 (Mask cuts my word counts in half LOL)

Summary: Caught in a battle with the tides against them, Captain Link elects to use some slightly less than honorable methods to down their monster enemies. Mask isn't told about the plan though, but maybe he should have been...

-

  War isn’t pretty.  Sacrifices are something that often must be made, most commonly in the forms of life, of soldiers, but sometimes at a cost to the land, to cities, to integrity and honor. Winning isn’t easy, and it’s rare an enemy will play by the rules, so there’s rarely any point in doing so yourself either. That doesn’t make Link feel any better about his decision, but it’s the truth. He can’t play fair against demons if he wants to win. 

  “The bombs are placed sir.” A soldier announces, throwing a quick salute, one that he nods to acknowledge. 

  Behind him, the battle still rages, but Impa had demanded he fall back long enough to at least have his own wounds bound before charging back into the fray. In that time, he’s laid some quick plans, and while the idea of causing the very ground to collapse beneath the feet of the enemy camp isn’t something he’s proud of, he has high expectations that it will turn the tides in their favor. 

  That’s what matters, in the long run. Stopping the enemy, no matter how, and getting his own people out of here alive. Even so, he doesn’t like it. He’d hate to have such a tactic used on his people, and he knows the hylian army would call it dirty and lowdown of the enemy to do the same. Still, the odds are far from in their favor, and he’s got to level the playing field somehow. Leveling the actual field of battle by collapsing the ground beneath their camp, behind their defenses, is the best chance he’s got. 

  “Set to blast?” 

  “Five minutes, sir.” 

  He wishes he had a clock on him, or some sort of watch or other time keeping device, but he doesn’t, and he can’t. He’s got enough gear to mind, and the ever-present tick of a clock would only serve to drive him mad in the long run. 

  He waves off the thought and turns his attention back to the battle, although one part of his mind stays focused on the field medic binding his wounds. Potions are running low, and until they can stop long enough to acquire ore from Ravio, they need to save what they have for the more serious injuries, or those near death. Using a potion on himself when he’s only been stabbed a couple times is pointless. Still, he doesn’t trust medics as a rule, so letting them work without waiting for the inevitable “mistake” won’t stand. 

  He only breathes freely when the medic leaves, and he’s free to reach for the Master Sword again and return to battle. Even then though, his breathing isn’t as steady as he’s like, what with the bruised ribs and all. 

  “Countdown?” He asks his lieutenant. 

  “Two minutes.” 

  They have only a little longer to wait until the ground collapses, and his own people are too far ack to be affected, still tackling the front lines of the enemy, not the archers and far larger beasts that throw heavy clods of earth and explosives down amid them. 

  Two minutes. Then the assault will stop, and his people can sweep in and finish this mission. Two minutes and the monsters they’re fighting won’t have backup or cover fire to aid them, and the hylian forces can overtake at long last.  

  He scans the field briefly. He’s not heading back in, not yet. The men don’t know the cliffs will be going down, and they’ll need direction when they do. They’ll need instruction, and he’ll be the one to provide it when that happens, coming back down amid them to offer guidance and direction. First though, he needs to ensure that all goes as intended, and be prepared on the chance that it doesn’t for one reason or another. 

  “One minute sir.” His lieutenant pants. They’re both tired, they've been fighting for hours without rest and all of them are flagging.  

  “Hold in there, lieutenant,” he tries to assure. “We’ll have them.” A charming smile, one Impa had made sure was trained into him, weas ready to unleash, was something to settle and strengthen and give hope, a confident look and glitter of the eyes, seems to settle the man at his side. 

  “Aye, captain.” A weak attempt at a smile answers his own bright one. “We- sir!” Dark eyes widen in horror as they fix behind him on the enemy, and Link turns through force of habit to catch sight of the foe, the change of the tides, the danger that no doubt lies behind him. “Mask!” 

  It takes a second, but then he sees it. A little flicker of yellow against the sea of silver and red. A little kitsune mask bobbing at the hip of a child who’s charging, alone, blade charged with magic and felling monsters with ease born of experience, uphill. Uphill into the blast zone. Uphill towards the camp and leading some of their soldiers, although the men are harder pressed to follow his lead in slipping through the enemy lines, no matter how hard they try. Uphill into where only seconds remain before bombs take out the land and level the camp, leaving nothing but rubble behind. 

  His feet are moving before his mind has time to catch up to him, a shout on his lips and panic making his heart race. 

  “Sir!” His lieutenant’s voice raises, but the rest in lost in the sounds of a blast that has a rumble filling the air around them, screams of the enemy rising beside the sounds of tumbling earth, crumbling and cracking rock, and flames that last only as long as the explosion before being smothered with the falling rubble. 

  A gust of smoke and cloud of dirt arises, blowing back against them, blinding all, even the enemy, temporarily and giving his men time to strike out blindly at where their foes last were even while the beasts startle and pause with sight lost. “Press forwards! Hold the line!” He manages to shout, gathering his own wits enough to supply commands to his men, commands that echo back as officers repeat the orders to their men, a chorus that echos even as he moves with them. 

  There’s no trace of yellow up ahead, not in the rubble of what’s left, but he moves along anyways. He strikes the fallen foes that still sow signs of life, be it in flailing limbs or shrieking from piglike snouts. Blood paints the path he takes, but his gaze searches for bright and sunny yellow, something innocent and warm against the battlefield around them.  

  Cries, shouts, screams and the clashing of blades fills his ears, drowns out any shout he calls out into the rubble, but the tide of the battle is changing he can hear his men’s voices rising, hear the hope as they push their way past, felling their foe now that bombs and arrows don’t rain down from overhead upon them to make them fall back again and again. His mind isn’t on their victory though. There's a part of him, a part that knows he must remain focused, set, poised, ready, aware; something that tracks where they stand and how they fare, but another part searches. 

  The monsters fall in waves. The beasts within the rubble give their final cries as his blade ends their miserable lives. His men begin to shout their victory as the sounds of blades clashing dims, fades entirely, but their captain does not celebrate beside them. 

  He is searching. With the enemy felled he can drop his sword, drop to his knees to push aside rubble, dirt, stone, anything that’s left of the tumbled apart camp. 

  Proxi whizzes about; searching, calling. His voice rises beside hers. “Mask! Kid, come on!” 

  There’s no returning call. 

 “Please!” 

  Behind him, there’s murmuring. Shouts fade, feet fall. There’s a rush of booted steps and then hands are helping to lift away the rubble. Voices of every sort rise to call out, their cries all the same. “Mask! Where are you, kid?” Searching for a flicker of yellow, a head of yellow hair or a familiar smiling mask. Searching for a smirking face, a little troublemaker. 

  The fairies dart, the men sift, the cries of all sound over the field in the absence of a monster’s squeals. The joy of victory fades as they look for a single soul caught in the winning blow. Caught where he was never meant to be, at the worst of times for him to have slipped loose from amidst them. 

  It feels like forever, the moving of ruble, the sifting, the calling. Each second is torture, heart pounding fit to burst in his throat as he tears through the remains of the enemy camp. Not here, not there. Not amid the monsters but not far away. He’s frantic, pushing aside burdens that, in his right mind, he’d ever dare attempt to move alone. The singing of pain through his frame, through every muscle and bone, is ignored as he tears through, searching, searching, searching- 

  “Captain Link!” 

  Yellow, paint chipped and steaked with dirt and blood. Yellow matted and filthy strands, the face beneath just as stained. He doesn’t care though. He’s gathering up the tiny form in his arms and holding, clinging, fingers searching for a pulse even as his own reaches speeds he didn’t know possible. 

  The faint little beat beneath his fingertips is enough to have a sob escaping past the heart in his throat. 

  His kid is alive. He’s alive, he’s going to be okay. Link clings tightly, holding the boy close. He’s alive. Thank Hylia, he’s alive. 

#war of eras #asks and answers #linked universe #linkeduniverse #febuwhump #febuwhump 2024 #lu warriors #lu time #lu mask #happy ending because I've done enough bad ones for this challenge :) #ketto writes

[astarionancuninswife]

symphony (bard!tav x astarion)

My first official fic for BG3 and this was a fun one to start with!! The song that came on shuffle was Cody Fry's I Hear A Symphony - Live From Ocean Way Nashville. The first thing I thought of was a bard playing it, so that's what I went for. Kinda short, but a little drabble never hurt anyone.

Like I said, this is my first BG3 fic and therefore my first Astarion fic. I've privately written him recently, but this is my first public release of my interpretation of him, so I'm sure there's some discrepancies in his characterization. That being said, I'm always open to hearing constructive criticism, just be gentle with me.

Please enjoy!

word count: 840

warnings: N/A unless sweet sweet fluff is something you're wishing to avoid... or if you don't like real life songs being used in fantasy settings lol

ao3 | guidelines for requests | masterlist

It was just like any other night at the camp, a strange mix of people forced into companionship by unlikely circumstances minding their own business. Shadowheart sitting in thought at her tent, Wyll making conversation with Karlach about their adventures of the day, and so on. Tav is sure the others are doing interesting things as well to wind down for the night, but she isn't too concerned about them. Instead, she sits by the fire, pretending to simply be staring off into space as she strums her lyre idly, but in truth, she's watching a certain vampire across the way. He's reading a book like he often does. She's not sure of what the contents are, she's not interested in it anyway. 

She stops her hand for a moment and starts thinking of the song she had composed a few nights before and just hadn't been brave enough to share until now. It was rare for the bard to be nervous; her pieces usually were just silly little ditties made up on the spot about something funny that happened while out with a small party of her companions. Those didn't warrant a fear of criticism. 

This, however, was different, it's fully written and memorized. It's special, it's a song with a specific muse. And she's not quite sure how this muse will react when he hears this pseudo-confession.

After some thought, she softly begins to sing with her eyes closed, "I used to hear a simple song, that was until you came along," she takes a breath to steady her shaky voice, "Now in its place is something new, I hear it when I look at you," she finally opens her eyes with the last word, immediately meeting Astarion's through the flames of the fire. She can't quite read his face, but when can she ever? He's pretty good at keeping his thoughts tucked away from any detection when he wants unless she uses the tadpole connection to enter his mind. She would never though; she understands the need for privacy and consent with everyone, but especially with him.

So, instead, she begins strumming her lyre and continues her song:

With simple songs, I wanted more, Perfection is so quick to bore, You are more beautiful by far, Our flaws are who we really are,

It was then she saw recognition on his face, a smile threatening to grace his lips. He was holding back, but she was fine with that. The corner of her lips become upturned as well, she's more than happy to smile for the both of them at the moment. She stands up, finding her usual confidence again at his acknowledgment. And all at once, in her mind and in this moment, it is just her and him alone in the camp. No one else exists to her.

I used to hear a simple song, That was until you came along. You took my broken melody, And now I hear a symphony.

She does a few vocalizations to fill the gap between the last stanza and the outro, all the while never taking her eyes off the pale elf who has given up on keeping his lips from forming a smile on his face. 

And now I hear a symphony.

She strums a few more notes before ending the song, standing there by the fire with a stupid lovesick grin. She watches as he walks over to her while clapping a few times, "What a beautiful melody," he compliments, "I wonder who could have inspired such a poem."

Tav laughs at his theatrics, rolling her eyes as her cheeks heat up, "A mystery," if he was going to tease her, she'd play the game as well.

"Well, whoever they are, they must certainly be quite special to you."

"He is," she says, her voice filled with nothing but honesty, "I hope I'm even a fraction as special to him…" she trails off, looking at him softly before becoming self-conscious of her implications and looking away.

Astarion is quiet; it takes him a moment to realize how vulnerable she's being in the moment, how honest and open. A soft smile takes form on his lips again before leaning to kiss her forehead, "More than just a fraction, darling, much more," he says gently, just loud enough for her to hear.

After a few seconds of blissfully staring at each other in silence, clapping can be heard from another spot in the camp, followed by Shadowheart quietly scolding Karlach for ruining the bard and rogue's sweet moment. Which is then followed by the others all figuring out who won the bet of how long it would take for one of the two to confess having actual feelings for one another and who would be the one to make the first real move. (Lae'zel won both, plus a bonus prediction of how Tav would confess, though it wasn't much of a surprise considering she carried an instrument around like it's a necessity in life she can't live without.)

#astarion ancunin #astarion ancunin fic #astarion fic #astarion x reader #astarion x tav #astarion x female reader #astarion x female tav #astarion fluff #baldur's gate 3 astarion #baldur's gate astarion #bg3 astarion #baldur's gate #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #baldur's gate fic #baldur's gate 3 fic #bg3 fic #songfic #mine #I still don't know how to properly tag fic posts lol

[nayatarot777]

*Spirit The Bounty Hunter* What Karma Do Your Spirit Guides Hand Out To Your Enemies? 🤺🧿🚑

*photos from pinterest

if you’d like a private reading, check out my pinned post :)

• pile one •

who are your enemies?

a lot of your enemies are extremely immature, and i feel like the conflict that they cause is through being passive aggressive or petty in some way. they don’t think before they speak and they also try to cover up the way that they truly feel about things, while showing how they actually feel about something in a very roundabout way. a lot of your enemies have higher levels of narcissistic traits. maybe they’re even diagnosed with a personality disorder or a mental illness that narcissistic behaviour can be a symptom of, for a small number of you - or they would be if they actually self reflected and realised that they think and behave far from normally 🙃. i feel like the karma for a lot of these people is actually you. the universe made you guys cross paths because you were the one who was supposed to shatter their illusion of themselves. these people could continuously be surrounded by people who praise them or condone them. “yes men”, i’m hearing. i’m seeing that you guys are the types to call people out on their shit. because why shouldn’t you when they’re negatively affecting you and/or other people with their bullshit that you shouldn’t have to put up with? and they try to punish you for that. i feel like they’re usually met with a side to you that they haven’t seen before though, and that intimidates them to a very high degree. they don’t expect the switch up in personality or behaviour from you.

their karma for their bs

these enemies’ karma is that they experience major endings in life. usually in an extremely painful way - mentally painful most of all. a lot of them face a betrayal that they never saw coming. betrayal from people who they could have chosen or prioritised over you. it’s impossible for them to get out of this tower moment unless they face the truth like they need to and unless they choose to make a complete change in their life. that’s why so many of them are plagued with this karma for such a long time. because they refuse to acknowledge that they’ve manipulated the truth enough, causing nothing but harm and the continuation of bad behaviour. I’m hearing that for a lot of them they’re actually forced into starting life as they know it completely over in terms of what they think, what they value, what they say, etc. But this is like literal torture to them. They could feel oppressed after fucking with you. It’s like your guides are wrapping strong binds around their crown chakra, throat chakra, and root chakra specifically. The breaking of their family’s generational curses are significant in the ending of this karma too, as an aspect of shadow work. The realisation that they can’t “win” whatever conflict they’re in with you also forces them to realise that they’re having to “flee” or avoid this situation in some type of way, doing a lot of damage to their ego. i heard that they realise that they’re not untouchable.

• pile two •

who are your enemies?

your enemies could be people who are really disillusioned by money and the material world. i’m seeing someone having tunnel vision when it comes to making money and gaining materialism, to the point where they’re actually extremely lonely. they see the physical world as the most important aspect of life and they could even use people for some type of physical gain. these people could also prioritise their external image and/or appearance to cover up their internal, emotional, and mental issues. they could also be quite naive and gullible when it comes to new relationships and friendships. i feel like these people could also put others on a pedestal for some reason. they’re also very judgemental - especially of what others look like as well as other people’s relationships and connections (which is so fucking ironic because their’s is always a damn mess 😂). they focus more energy into creating judgement about others instead of making judgements on who THEY truly are. these people project all the time. they ignore the truth and reality of what’s presented to them if it’s not a truth that they like. i’m picking up on a lot of emotional manipulation from these people.

their karma for their bs

their karma always begins with people losing interest in them. i’m seeing someone competing for attention but all of their efforts being futile. someone else who’s much more respected and cared for comes along and knocks these people off of their “throne” and their high horse. i’m hearing “permanent damage to reputation”. i feel like things that they keep hidden or even a secret eventually come out, and they have to answer to many different people for their actions. maybe even give out many apologies. i’m seeing them being overwhelmed with judgement from others funnily enough. and i’m also hearing “societal judgement”. i’m picking up on community shame. you know how people used to throw tomatoes and shit at someone who was shamed in public, centuries ago? 😂 they’re forced to realise that they had people fucked up with the way that they judged and treated people before. i feel like a lot of these people are exposed for being hypocrites too. they feel defeated by the end of all of this and there’s nothing that they can do about it. especially from all of the connections that they permanently lose - particularly with authority figures or people who just have a high status. their reputation is thoroughly ruined. they shouldn’t have fucked with you, pile 2 👀.

• pile three •

who are your enemies?

hi, pile three! your enemies are those who made you feel as though you weren’t a priority for them. they didn’t value you as much as they did other people because you were different to them. this could be in terms of something to do with your identity (gender, age, race, sexuality, etc.). so this could have been someone who you had a different gender, race, nationality, religion, or sexuality to. discriminatory beliefs held on their part could have played a part in any behaviours of devaluation from this person. overall, they just didn’t value you as much as they did other people in their life. or as much as they did themselves in a situation. you ended up protecting yourself because these people were blocking your blessings in many ways. they could have been draining energetically, and i’m feeling like they were always looking for you to bring balance to their life whenever they needed it. giving very much user energy. you stopped letting them use you though and they got angry and upset like the energy vampires they are 😂. these people also cling onto their egos as a way to avoid having to hear and acknowledge the truth about themselves. they try to control things too much. these people don’t like internally changing and becoming self aware because they don’t like admitting that they’re wrong for doing something. they have very fragile egos and can’t handle anything that brings them out of their comfort zone. they could feel chronic shame and low self esteem which they use their egos to cover up. these people are extremely emotionally immature and emotionally dysregulated, considering the extents that they’ll go to to not admit “defeat” (in their minds).

their karma for their bs

their karma is that they eventually reach a point in their lives where people don’t show them love as much as they did before. if you resonate with the message above about having them use you for balance in their lives, the lack of balance that ensues after you leave their lives really affects their other relationships and connections with people. they feel neglected from care and nurture. they also feel like they’re restricted in expressing how they feel to others too, perhaps because they surround themselves with much more surface level friendships and connections, unlike whatever type of connection that they had with you - yet they still prioritised these people over you like fucking dummies. i’m seeing them wanting to send a message to you but knowing that they’d face rejection. they could even start facing rejection from everyone else because them trying to replace you as their emotional nurturer or free therapist by forcing emotional offloading onto the same people that they chose over you never works out well for them. serves them right. they’re forced to be more dedicated to logic than emotions, and as a result of this, their pent up emotions come out in the form of harsh communication. they don’t think before they speak with the people around them anymore because they’re forced to hold onto their own emotional burdens now. this comes out in passive aggressive communication for them. maybe this is why people stop giving them as much love as before. they’re forced to learn self control and i’m hearing “more respect”. maybe they used their feelings about things as an excuse to disrespect people in the past, but they’re forced to actually focus on self accountability and self responsibility now. they’re forced to control how they speak to people and how they treat people. also to focus on making connections with others much more balanced. and i feel like these people don’t like balance. they like to take and not give much in return.

• pile four •

who are your enemies?

your enemies are people who seem to be reserved with most of what they actually think about you, but i feel like these are people who are surprised at your ability to still recognise what they actually think of you or what they have planned. they could have dealt with “foot in mouth” syndrome and accidentally exposed themselves when they didn’t mean to. they fear you and what you know - specifically what you know that you don’t speak of. probably about them. they feel caught up in a bind with something. they’re very cowardly and they could have tried to actively flee a situation and escape from having to answer for something. i’m also hearing that they could also be an opportunist. these are the types of people to not like you but still stick around for the opportunities or benefits that you bring. whatever they tried to get away with, you saw it clearly and they ran from the consequences (or tried to). they tried to gain control over whatever situation they felt exposed in. i’m even seeing that they tried to control your growth in some way, or whatever you were doing in life in an unsuspecting, sneaky, sabotaging way. they’re people in daily life who struggle to keep themselves balanced and in control of their basic responsibilities.

their karma for their bs

i’m hearing “capped”. their stability and comfort is capped in some way. they have to slow down with whatever they’re trying to build or attain in their own lives which leaves them feeling extremely behind in life. i’m also hearing that they’re weighed down by other people’s expectations - particularly by their family. perhaps their father or a masculine/bossy/father figure in their lives. they’re forced to settle for building something with someone who they’re not entirely happy with. they’re forced to commit to something that they feel holds them back and slows them down in life. and i’m even hearing “faking happiness”. it’s like they have to wear a mask and cover up every aspect of their genuine self for the sake of a partnership with someone else that they’re having to invest into something with. and i’m hearing that they “get in over their heads” with something or someone. idk if this is some type of contract, or living situation, or relationship that they find themselves in - but they don’t even feel mature or ready enough for this situation. they want their freedom with something but they feel like they’re having to live their lives more maturely than they’re ready for because of their rash decisions.

#divination #pick a card #psychic readings #spirituality #pick a photo #pick a picture #tarot #pac #tarot reading #pac reading #collective reading #intuitive #daily tarot #astrology #astrology placements #astro posts #tarot witch #tarot cards #intuition #tarotcommunity

[fromriches-tosin]

Okay, buckle up, we're gonna talk Jean and Floch (and Eren) ((and Reijean again because getting emotional about them is like my second job now – seriously, I’m putting as much Reijean into this as possible, it’s not a joke)).

But mostly Jean and Floch, yeah.

As I’ve said before, Jean Kirschtein is a masterpiece of a character and I’ll most probably never shut up about him, the way he is written, developed and, just in general, Jean is the man, okay? As one of Isayama’s favorites, he is allowed to evolve in many delicious ways. He is also allowed to have some nice, eye-opening moments.

One of them is connected to Floch. Because Floch is very similar to Jean and yet exists to be his polar opposite in the areas that matter the most. He is, in a way, an extreme and radicalized version of Jean, if you will. And I think Jean knows that. Not only knows, but perhaps even wonders, whether Floch is what Jean himself could have become (to some extent) if Marco hadn’t died, if he had gone along with his initial plan and joined the MPs, and if he had been a tad more obsessive.

At the beginning of the story Jean does his best to come off as a self-obsessed coward and a jerk who never intends to step a foot outside of the Walls or use his honed skills to help humanity. He is lazy and focused on one goal only – staying safe in the Interior. However, the moment the Titans appear in Trost, is the moment we learn Jean is in fact not a simple coward – and far from it. Dropping the façade, he reveals himself to be one of the most dependable people around and, just like Marco prophesized, a natural born leader at heart. His friend’s death is of course the final straw, leading to his eventual involvement with the Scout Regiment instead of the Military Police. And it’s not just a spur-of-the-moment kind of thing for him. He’s not inspired by some higher force (or Eren). He makes a conscious decision to sacrifice whatever comfortable, easy life he could have, to stay true to himself and to do what he believes to be right. Sure, guilt and self-loathing are involved, but once Jean makes up his mind, everything is settled. He won’t back down from the challenge.

Needless to say, Jean’s not as OP as Levi or a genius strategist like Armin – even though he’s a Shadis-approved master of the ODM gear and smart in his own right. He’s definitely not as driven and intense as Eren. He's pragmatic and doesn’t intend to just throw his life away. Basically, compared to the main characters, he is just some guy who knows what fear and despair taste like, who allows himself to consider choosing the easy way out, acknowledges it and then – pushes forward to do what needs to be done. That’s why he is a good leader – he’s not a superhero, but a fellow human being who’s scared and yet fights on. And don’t get me wrong, he can still be a dramatic asshole, eager to antagonize others (Eren) and definitely not someone flawless. But that’s what makes him so relatable.

Jean facing his own humanity is probably one of the most reoccurring motifs in the series. He is aware of his shortcomings. He knows when to rely on others rather than let his ambition rule him and endanger those he’s supposed to lead (like when he takes command of the operation in Shiganshina at Armin’s request, but counts on him to come up with the final plan). He is also very well aware of the sacrifices that need to be made in their line of work. That’s why he’s able to face the harsh truth and take a step forward. But he’s far from okay.

One of my favorite moments to illustrate that is during the battle with the Armored Titan in Shiganshina, when the gang thinks they actually managed to kill Reiner. Jean is trying to be in charge and keep everyone in line while, well, crying himself. We’re the ones who killed him.

Enter Floch.

A self-proclaimed and pretty much self-obsessed coward who doesn’t want to fight the Titans, but does face them when the time comes. At the beginning he’s pretty carefree and very ignorant about what fighting the Titans actually entails. Whether we can consider him brave for his engagement in the Battle of Shiganshina, or whether we should see him as simply pressured into following the herd into the arms of death is up for discussion, but the fact is he does listen to Erwin and fulfill his duty when ordered to.

His strong and very twisted sense of devotion starts to shine through the moment he has a near-death experience and when Erwin’s life is on the line as well. He mostly loses his mind right there and then. As a result, where Jean’s devoted and still open to discussion, Floch’s obsessed (also traumatized beyond belief, I’ll give him that, but Jean sure isn’t any less traumatized at that stage). He doesn’t want to listen to anyone’s arguments. He’s fixated on one goal and he’s not letting go – therefore, inspiring another devil to raise (more on that later).

Just like Jean, he’s very blunt – not afraid to tell Armin he should have been the one to die in Erwin’s place or tell Hitch that Marlo regretted going to the battlefield right before his death. Whereas Jean’s bluntness can be seen (not always, but usually) as coming from a good place, Floch is a herald of very brutal and controversial truth – of what he obsessively believes to be the truth – that won’t change anything, but will hurt those around him. Jean, especially post-Trost, is not one to hurt others just for the sake of hurting them. Floch doesn’t really have that kind of filter.

Floch eventually becomes a leader too, as he starts gathering the Yeagerists, but at the same time remains a blind follower of whatever he believes in. His behavior is more akin to that of a cult leader — in stark contrast to Jean’s leadership and his constant questioning of whether what he does is right.

Then there is some very obvious physical resemblance, especially in the anime.

So, a similar story, similar character traits, similar looks even, but a completely different outcome?

Why?

Because of compassion. And because Isayama likes Jean a lot, so he gives him juicy (and very meaningful) storylines even if at first they seem to be of secondary importance.

Whereas Floch appears to lack compassion in general, Jean has it in abundance. We see it well when he interacts with Gabi or when he tries to find justification for Eren’s terrifying behavior, but both these moments are pretty fresh in our memory, so let’s go back in time and use another Reiner/Jean moment as an example (because I’m a f*cking sap, alright).

After the battle with Reiner in Shiganshina, and while being treated for the injuries Reiner himself has dealt to him, Jean overhears him talk about Ymir’s letter to Krista.

Well, I never interpreted Jean’s desperate suggestion to steal Reiner’s Titan power just as his sudden need to propel Hange’s research or to gain them an upper hand over their enemies. Sure, this is the argument he uses to persuade Hange of all people, because it’s Hange who has just lost their entire squad (beloved Moblit included) to the Colossal Titan. It’s obvious that at this specific moment Hange will not respond well to Jean’s begging for Reiner’s life. But they do respond to a logical argument that corresponds with their mission.

If you disagree with that interpretation, think about it this way: one of the most important things about Jean’s character is that he’s very good at reading the situation and understanding other people’s struggles. That’s exactly what Marco saw in him from the very beginning.

(because you care, baby, because you care just oh-so much)

Jean can no longer keep up the façade – he could devise the attack plan and attempt to kill Reiner in cold blood when there was no other choice. But, once Reiner is left broken on the ground, still loyal enough to protect Ymir’s letter, and even has balls to ask them to deliver it to Krista… Well, that’s what breaks Jean’s resolve. Because Reiner is no longer just an enemy. He is, once again, an old comrade and a friend.

So, Jean tries to delay the inevitable. Does he hope Reiner will start talking? Does he think it might be possible to take away one’s full Titan power without taking away their life? Or maybe he’s simply not ready to see Reiner beheaded again? Anyway, he cares more than he thought he would.

(Well, me and Jean have that in common, apparently – we’re both f*cking saps for Reiner)

Enter Eren.

(please forgive me for using that pretty much unrelated panel, it’s just… so evil and cool)

Okay, Jean and Eren’s dynamic is one of my favorites in the series. Jean has zero tolerance to Eren’s idealistic bullshit and keeps calling him out on it both fairly and unfairly throughout the story. He is not phased in the least when he meets the freshly shifted Eren after the Battle of Trost. He doesn’t pull any punches as he explains what exactly is expected of him. In a way, he helps Eren see the situation through the eyes of a mere mortal.

Eren seems relieved when Jean doesn’t treat him any differently and still intends to be a real pain in the ass. He’s not like Armin who’ll offer him wise words and gentle encouragement. Not like Mikasa, who will protect him with brute force. Jean is, again, just some guy who doesn’t like beating around the bush and treating Eren like something fragile. Sure, he’ll risk his life for him and, sure, he can be protective of him in other ways (even going as far as to try to stop Connie from telling the others about Eren’s reaction to the news of Sasha’s death). But first and foremost, Eren can count on his honesty – Jean helps him stay grounded.

Eren, unfortunately, witnesses Floch’s devil rant in Shiganshina from up close. That’s why he turns to him for help later on. He knows Floch will get behind his radical reasoning and even the most brutal of ideas. Floch wants the devil to be reborn, after all. And that’s exactly what he gets.

But hey, before Eren and Floch join forces, they are pretty much at odds, aren’t they? They even get into a fight, and who has to break it up then? Ah, yes, Jean. The one who tries to beat the shit out of Eren more times than we can count (and vice versa), and who has to be forcefully separated from him even by Levi himself.

It is pretty symbolic, Jean suddenly not being the one in a fight with Eren, but instead the one trying to break it up. A telling shift in the narrative.

And isn’t it ironic that once Eren consciously descends into madness, he chooses Floch as his trusted ally? Floch, who resembles Jean in many ways, but who will also follow him blindly into hell itself? Eren knows Jean won’t agree with his plan. And he surely cannot have Mikasa or Armin at his side. So, perhaps, he finds comfort in turning to the person who reminds him of one of his old friends. His bastardized version, for sure. But still, somewhat familiar.

Maybe it’s just my interpretation, but the way Isayama draws Jean, and the way Jean looks at Floch in many of the panels make it look like he recognizes how similar they are. There’s terror in his eyes, but there is also some kind of familiarity. Because if there is an ocean between them, they are standing on two opposite, yet very similar shores.

Once the inevitable happens, Floch’s absolutely certain he’s dying for the right cause, doing the right thing. And it’s scary. I mean, you can dislike (or like) the guy all you want, I sure can appreciate a good villain (but wouldn't want to meet him in real life).

Jean fantasizes briefly about letting Eren do his thing. Because that would be the easiest way out. The least painful. Because he’s tired and hurting. When Floch offers him the option to just stop fighting, Jean wants to accept it. But he can't. Because in contrast to Floch, Jean listens to others (Hange, Marco), is aware of the consequences of his actions and, in a conversation with Reiner, is able to acknowledge his not so heroic role in the war. They are the same, after all — killers who took lives of innocent people to protect those close to them. To do the so called “right thing”. Thus, Jean has no right to judge Reiner, but rather an obligation to honor those who died, trying to win back their freedom. And he has to honor them by not allowing the world to be destroyed.

Floch isn't graced with a moment of self-reflection and dies a fanatic, an extreme example of what a man can achieve when he gives in to his darkest desires. Jean is on the other side of the spectrum, remaining the symbol of flawed, yet prevailing humanity — of what it means to have a heart. After all, what for Jean started with Marco's death, ended with him forgiving and saving Reiner.

#jean kirstein #jean kirschtein #floch forster #reiner braun #reijean #attack on titan spoilers #shingeki no kyojin spoilers #eren yaeger #eren jaeger #Reiner x Jean #veecanons

[saintgoths]

ᴀQᴜᴀᴍᴀʀɪɴᴇ

POSSESSIVE!JOEL X SIREN!READER - AQUAMARINE.

[PART THREE TO THE SIREN AND THE LORELEI].

WORD COUNT - 4,223.

RATING 18+ [breast sucking, riding and heavy angst].

SUMMARY - watching someone fall out of love for you when they find out what you actually are.

if you want to join a the last of us discord/joel miller discord here you go! 𓆩♡𓆪

this seems like it needs another chapter...but i'll see if this chapter goes well. comments, likes and reblogs would be appreciated! oh and i think november by two lanes is the perfect song to listen to while reading this.

It had been at least three months since you had moved into Jackson, and there had been multiple times Joel had suggested for you to move in with him now that you two were together, but all times he had offered you to live with him, you had denied it.

It was known that you two were together, Joel was always found around you, if he wasn’t in patrol, or in his studio, or playing the guitar or with Ellie, he had followed you like a lost puppy. Joel wasn’t frustrated that you had denied his offer numerous of times, but he had wondered why you were so against it.

Though, there had been moments when you would stay over his home, and cook for him and Ellie, they had appreciated your chef skills, still, there would be times when you’d leave Jackson for almost a week without telling them anything, but you’d come back with all sorts of fishes for people to eat or have for pets. Thus, your random disappearances would be forgiven when you’d return with extra food that’ll last Jackson months.

Currently, Joel had been waiting for you downstairs, you had been staying with him for almost two weeks and almost for those two weeks you hadn’t disappeared, but you just had to break the record of you not randomly vanishing and left again.  

Whenever you left, you had always told Maria or Tommy that you were going to fish, you never informed Joel and Ellie, and they had felt uncomfortable by being left in the dark. Every time you’d leave, Joel would wait for you upstairs in his bedroom, howbeit, this Saturday night, you had rebounded to his home and entered in, you had assumed that Joel would be in his room, yet, you were wrong.

His appearance had surprised you but you had remained calm, you had peeled your jacket off your skin, as you had assumed Joel was on task to question you, and you stood correct. “Where do you go?” Joel had asked, and you were smart enough to know he was talking about where you go to fish but you had decided to answer it differently.

“I go fishing,” you lightly replied, you had dragged your coat to one of the hooks near the door and you had felt his eyes track your every move.

“You know that’s not what I asked,” Joel muttered, he had seemed tired but he was nervous and worried when you were gone, he couldn’t let it go. “Why do you never tell me when you’re about to leave?” He desperately questioned, in truth, he was anxious about her leaving one night and never coming back.

“Do I have to?” You had acknowledged with another inquiry; your lips had stretched against your face as you readied yourself to joke about the situation. “Are you turning into a helicopter boyfriend?” You annoyingly teased, while dating Joel you had realised that the man was very possessive and protective, and thanks to the under-water ability of yours, it was stronger than normal.

Joel remained quiet, but his eyes had told you that he’d rather have you tell him than erratically disappearing. “How comes you never ask me to come along? Where do you even get the tools to fish?”

You had but smiled to his inquiry and kissed him on the cheek, “I’ve always had them I just stash them in my home.”

Unsatisfied by your answer, he had looked down to his fingers, he couldn’t force you to answer him but the lack of information had made him insecure, what if you were visiting someone during your trips? Making love to them? Finding them better than him?

“Get ready for bed, I’m going to take a shower,” you gently directed, without another word, Joel had returned to his bedroom, silently gruff and crabbed due to your constant leaving him in the opaque room of secrets.

You had quickly taken a cold shower to wash of your tense muscle and fishy smell thanks to the sea-animals you catch. After you had showered, you had slipped on a short night dress you had bought from one of the attire makers in the town, it was aquamarine blue and it had complimented your skin well.

You had returned to Joel, a big and flirtatious smile stamped all over your face while Joel’s face lightened up from the sulky attitude to the aroused circumstance. You had walked through the door frame and crawled on top of the bed and hiked his lap, he was shirtless, his chest slightly hairy, but just the way you like it, you had gently brushed your fingers against his chest ere you had gingerly pressed your lips against his. While his hands had found way underneath your night gown and to your buttocks, he had felt that you had worn no underwear; moved, he had helped you pull off your night gown and immediately catered to your breast.

He sucked, and flicked his tongue against your nipple, his soft skills had motivated you to moan in desperation of him inside you, you had gracelessly pulled down his lower clothing, your chin had rested against the top of his short strands of hair, in the time you had moved yourself against him, his cock had easily found way inside you, the girth of his length appetising while the both of you had released relieved moans, the coating of your warmth and the size of his shaft in coincide.

In sync you had both rolled your hips together, the length of your arms had surrounded his shoulders during the time that his large hands had guided you to bounce against him, his hands were groped into your buttocks as he was lost into the erotic lust you had swiftly given to him. During the time he had aided the pleasure and bucked his hips upwards he had easily forgotten the upset and confused state he was previously in.

You had moaned his name an abundant of times while your back had slowly leaned towards the rear, your hips without mind convulsed forwards as you tried to catch and relief your orgasm, your mind capricious and lewd as you had felt your eyes spiral backwards and your climax reach its peak, but hungry for his apex, Joel had hugged your body closer to his as he fleshly screwed your cunt. Eager to cum, he had aggressively stroked his cock in your pussy ere releasing his load deep down your cunt.

Tired, he hauled his cock out of you and helped you lay down beside him. With his muscled arm beneath your head, he took in a deep breath and released airy chuckle. “I’m growing old,” he dryly joked, you had known that he was sometimes insecure about his age but you hadn’t cared about it, comfortable you had snuggled against him with a huge smile on your face.

You two didn’t have much of an age difference, but you had looked young and had been mistaken for an age way younger than your actual age numerous of times. “It’s okay Joel, you still fuck good,” you joked and he had pressed his lips against your forehead.

“Get to sleep.”

“Where were you?”

You’d have to be stupid to assume Ellie wouldn’t have been just as curious as Joel about your previous whereabouts, Ellie was in your life as much as Joel was and Ellie was curious about the world. Curious about everyone around her and could get quite clingy.

“I went fishing, it takes long for me to get the fishes, but I always get the job done,” the two of you had walked down Jackson, you thought hanging around Ellie was the least thing you could do since you consistently disappear without a word.

“I wanna go fishing with you,” Ellie whined while she had tagged along and followed you down the town path like the annoying kid she is, well, the annoying kid you seemed to dearly care for.

She had a father-daughter dynamic with Joel, and with you in Ellie’s life, well, Ellie hadn’t really perceived you as a “maternal” figure, but there was slightly mother and daughter bond the two of you had shared, she spoke to you about things she wouldn’t speak with Joel because she found it awkward to speak to him about it, even though he has been open to speaking about numerous things with her. “Maybe,” you easily shrugged, your hasty reaction had brought a pout on her face but Ellie had quickly moved on from the situation and began speaking about a movie she had wanted to watch because Cat continuously spoke about it.

“Pirates of the Caribbean of Stranger Tides,” Ellie drawled out, she had pressed her index finger against her chin with a curious look on her face, she had seemed totally interested in the movie even if it wasn’t the type of movie she’d watch.

“Really? Pirates of the Caribbean? I didn’t expect that to be the type of movie you’d watch,” you commented, you hadn’t really watched much of those movies but you knew it didn’t necessarily include the things Ellie liked, Ellie liked superhero moves, like Marvel or DC, or the weird corny movies Joel likes.

“Yeah, I know but I just wanna try something new, maybe I’ll like it,” she shrugged, her cheeks had then blazed with redness as you had jokingly nudged her and teased Ellie about her care for Cat. “What’s the movie about anyways?”

“It’s a movie about the discovery of mermaids…or sirens, whatever and true love,” embarrassed, Ellie’s voice had quickly trailed off, her green eyes had avoided the stare of yours and you couldn’t help but place your hand on her shoulder and bring her in.

Your smile was big, you had liked the idea Ellie had someone to distract her from her sadness and loneliness she’d often talk about when she was with you. “That’s definitely not the type of movie you’d watch.”

You had ignored the big pang you had grasped in your chest when she had mentioned the discovery of sirens. It wasn’t like Ellie and Joel were going to make any connections of the discovery sirens to you; as Ellie had comically pushed you away from her, Joel had swiftly made his way towards the both of you, he had seemed happier compared to yesterday and you had hoped the sex you two shared yesterday was the reason.

The moment he arrived to his destination, he had kissed your cheek as a symbol of hello and you had giddily scrunched your nose in response while Ellie had humorously gagged in the background. Before Joel could say anything, you were approached by one of the townswomen, Bella, she was a daughter of one of the butchers in Jackson and was deeply appreciative that you had added fishes to the cuisine.

“[Y/N]!” She brightly called out, Bella was a beautiful woman, she had a similar hair colour to Ellie’s but hers was quite darker and a pair of brown eyes, she had this signature red lipstick she was known for along with her wide smile, “your fishing is incredible, I’m so curious on how you gather so much of a variety.”

You had gleamed, your smile awkward but with your enchanting aura, it had covered the uncomfortable state you were in. “You should start doing group fishing, it’ll be safer,” Bella kindly commented, she had seemed like she had wanted the best for you, and the last thing Jackson needed was their best fisher getting hurt and attacked by Infected.

Joel had chuckled as he placed his arm against your shoulder, “she’s quite the lone-wolf when it comes to fishing.”

“I wanna learn how to fish,” Ellie pleaded, her voice was high and desperate, and it had hurt to avoid her case. It’s not like you would turn into half fish when your skin touched the water, you in truth knew how to control it. On the other hand, what had made it troubling to bring Ellie or any other people to accompany you was the technique you used to get the fishes.

“It’s impressive because you were able to catch deep sea fishes like the Alfonsino and Mirror Dory,” Bella frantically explained, tensely impressed by your experience and ability. “How were you able to catch them?” All at once, you had felt the entire world drop onto your shoulders, mutually, Ellie and Joel had looked at you, along with Bella, they had expected an answer. You had grown to be annoyed of Bella’s presence, but it wasn’t like she knew what you were and had wanted to expose you, this was just a person who was directly curious to how you were able to catch these deep-sea creatures.

You had gracelessly smiled; your body was arthritic as you had attempted to think of an answer. “I was lucky.”

“Jolly Sailor Bold,” Ellie expressly repeated as she had stuck her eyes onto the screen that had loudly played the movie Cat had given to her. Ellie had sat between you and Joel and had selfishly held the bowl of popcorn to herself, you weren’t really a fan of popcorn so you didn’t really care she had munched most of it, howbeit, the one who was chiefly annoyed was Joel who had a hard time sticking his hand into the bowl.

Apart from the popcorn, Ellie had continuously commented about the Sirens who surrounded the boat the pirates were in, spoke about how they were pretty but scary at the same time. “The Sirens remind me of you, [Y/N], especially the singing, but yours is nicer.”

“She definitely sings like one, don’t she?” Joel smiled while he had glanced at you and observed the awkward smile that had stretched against your face, you did not know how much more you had to awkwardly smile, but if it helped you to keep hiding your identity, you would smile even more.

You had forced yourself to giggle, with your arms crossed you looked back at Joel with a knowing look. “Are you trying to imply if I’m a mermaid?”

“Siren,” Ellie teasingly corrected.

As you pushed yourself to laugh, you carefully shook your head. “No, I’m not a Siren,” you cautiously reassured ere you returned your sight to the screen, you had felt Joel’s long gaze leave you a couple seconds later, he seemed unsatisfied, as if he had wanted you to say something else, disclose yourself and explain your inhuman characteristics, but there was no way Joel discerned that you were a Siren, he couldn’t have known.

It had been a month, and once again you had left Jackson without telling Joel or Ellie, it had been three days since you had disappeared and Joel had taken the initiative to follow you himself. Perhaps his eagerness would’ve been less ardent if the weather wasn’t as stormy as it was today. The weather was terrible with all the rain, thunder and lightning, before he left Jackson, he had Tommy attempt to calm him and have him stay until the weather had calmed down, even if Tommy was just as worried as Joel, riding out in this storm wasn’t the best idea, but he had to remember that whenever Joel made up his mind, it was hard to change it.

It had taken him hours for him to arrive to where you were, it was the singing that had caused him to stand correct that he finally made it to the correct fishing area, he was confused, not muddled because of the singing, mainly because of the amount of variety of fishes that had quickly swam towards the melody.

He had seen you catch them with a net and dive for more, without any equipment to provide you with aid, you had done it naturally, nevertheless, that was not even the ultimate surprising problem, what took Joel into a state of numbness was the long black tail that had seemed to be connected to the lower side of your waist, it was black with blue shades, beautiful but scary. Though, no matter how stunning your tail was, it had scared him and it took a lot for Joel to be scared.

Joel had gotten off his horse then tied his horse, Old Beardy away before he had dragged himself to follow you; you had sensed that there was someone else with you which had commenced you to swim behind a large body of rocks and change yourself back to your human form. You had hastily put on some of your clothes that had included a black bikini underwear and a short-sleeved top that coloured matched your lower clothing.

Shoeless, you had moved your feet against the sand to view who must’ve been in your area. “Joel?” You quickly breathed, surprised, your arms were crossed against your stomach, you had felt your heart attempt to jump out of your chest, “What are you doing here?” You briskly questioned, your eyebrows were furrowed and skin and clothes damp from the continuous fall of rain, but you hadn’t cared, Joel was here.

He was silent, his mind muddled during the time he tried to piece everything together, you had moved yourself closer to him but he had skimpily moved away from you. “Why were you following me?” You curiously asked, you had been fishing and coming back to Jackson with no injury long enough for anyone to not be worried, but once again, this was Joel, he was protective and would do anything to know that his loved ones were safe.

“The storm,” he barely replied, “I was worried so I came to look for you.” Not too long after his response, thunder had cried out with a breath of lightning not too far, the both of you had barely flinched, the strain between the two of you was far too forceful for it to be distracted by anything else.

“No storm isn’t going to stop me from getting more fish,” you dryly joked.

“I can see that,” he stiffly replied.

You had forced yourself to smile to his bare response. “It was romantic of you to come after me,” you comically said, “we should go back home,” you then gently instructed, optimistic to go back home with your lover, you took another step towards him but he took a step back, this step larger than the last one. You had furrowed your eyebrows; you were in hopes he hadn’t seen anything but today was an unlucky day for you.

“What are you?”

As a consequence, there was the question you had dreaded to hear from him. You had then hugged your body, in a faux confused state, you had blinked a numerous number of times and stiffly laughed. “What do you mean?”

He had blankly stared at you and had wondered how many times have you lied to him and acted dumb to questions he asked before. “There’s a lot of things about you that doesn’t make any sense, one of it you having a tail.”

You laughed at him as your arms weakly dropped to your sides. “I don’t have a tail. Maybe you’ve caught the fever that’s going around Jackson, maybe that mermaid movie influenced your mind too.”

“This isn’t the time to be joking,” Joel rudely replied.

You had easily shrugged, evasive to his questions, “help me carry the fish back to Jackson,” you had then turned your back towards him and began to make your way to your net.

“Don’t avoid this,” he called out as he followed you to where you had stored the fish. “It all makes sense, your strangeness, you leaving without telling me or even Ellie. My unnatural feelings for you, and you have these habits that are inhuman.” You weakly scoffed at his listing, this was one of the last ways you had wanted yourself to be exposed, it was undesirable, but of course Joel was the man who always wanted to know everything. “With the way people easily get mesmerised by you to the point it can get dangerous.”

“Maybe I’m just that beautiful,” you humorously replied, you had turned to look at Joel who displayed a tired and deadpan look in response. “Come on, in this weather you can get sick.”

Desperate and hopeless to prove a point, Joel clenched his fists, he hadn’t moved his feet but watched you attempt to leave but once you noticed he wouldn’t move until he got something out of you, you had rebounded to face him. “There’s just something unnatural about you.”

“Maybe it’s because you don’t trust me,”

Now, it was your turn to be tired, you had been fishing the entire day with no rest, whenever it was stormy, it was easier for you to get fish, but that had meant more work to do. “How can we have this relationship if you don’t trust me, Joel?”

“It’s because you don’t trust me!”

Exhausted and angry, Joel dropped his shoulders, irritated that she had always found humour in everything, or whenever he’d make a good point, she would always make him the problem. His voice was loud, and had mirrored the boisterous thunder that paraded in the sky, his loud response had shocked you into silence, you had finally realised how serious he was, he wasn’t just a curious partner who had wanted to know the secrets of his girlfriend. Your blinds were lifted and you were confronted with the paranoid and suspicious partner who had thought that his partner might’ve been cheating on him.

“You never tell me anything, when you’re leaving to fish, or the random moments you leave and return to your home without saying anything to me. I can tell when someone’s hiding something from me,” he sighed without hope, he had thought maybe it wasn’t the best idea to chase you in this weather, he could feel himself get ill, but there was you, you had barely worn anything and it seemed like the weather hadn’t impacted you at all.

You had remained calm even if you had wanted to bawl your eyes out and you weren’t going to cry because he was angry at you, but it was because what you were about to do now, would change the way he would feel about you for the best or for the worst.

Furthermore, you had changed, without your tail, but you had slowly revealed your inhuman state, your skin had faded into a lighter shade and your pupils had clenched into slits, gills in your cheeks had ripped open and your hands became webbed, your teeth were sharp and your hair had dropped into a longer length. You were beautiful but you were not human.

“Christ!” Joel called out, frightened he had taken a step back, he did not want to see this, see this beast that had been his lover. She had tried to speak and reach out to him, but he had hastily and harshly waved his hands forward, signalled that he had wanted her away from him. His heart was beating fast as he tried all quiet methods to calm himself down. “So, that’s how you were able to catch the fish?”

He had felt crazy, he had felt himself spinning into a turmoil of insanity and he wanted it to all go away, but it couldn’t, someone he used to make love to, the woman he had thought to be his forever partner, was an ungodly creature, one that he couldn’t understand and one he couldn’t bring himself to face. His eyes had avoided you and it hurt you. “You bewitched me,” he stuttered, and the moment he had brought himself to face you, his eyes snapped open in rage, “you spelled me!”

You had hopelessly taken a step closer to him, sadly content that he hadn’t moved away from you, but that was the least of your problems. “No, it was true love! It was all real! Everything I feel for you is true and what you feel for me is true as well!”

“No,” he shook his head, he had pointed his finger towards you, with a look of disgust, this Joel that had stood in front of you, had felt so unfamiliar, but you had to imagine what he must’ve felt. “I want you away from me.”

“We need to get back to Jackson.”

There it was again, pretending like nothing happened, it had caused him to glare at you, annoyed from your avoidant behaviour, he had moved away from you. “I need to get back to Jackson,” he bluntly corrected.

“Do you want me to leave Jackson?” You inquired, hopeful that he’d want you to stay.

Yet, he was silent, but not for long, he had eventually rebounded his gaze towards you, his look no longer the warm and kind gaze he’d usually have for you, this time, he had looked betrayed but bitter. “Do whatever you want just never be in my presence,” he dryly replied ere he unwrapped Old Beardy from where the horse was previously roped to and left you alone in the beach to dismally drown in your own pity.

songs that fit this song ⬎

⟶ two lanes - november.

⟶ nelly furtado ft timbaland - say it right.

what do you think of this chapter? before i was actually planning to make them watch the movie aquamarine hence the title lol

if you want to join a the last of us discord/joel miller discord here you go! 𓆩♡𓆪

masterlist

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#joel miller x reader #joel miller imagine #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x siren!xreader #angst #smut #ellie williams #the last of us #the last of us x reader #the last of us two #tlou #tlou2 #joel x reader