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hakasims · 3 years

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The Most Important Review of Every Single Marwan Kenzari Film

If you’ve seen this one about Luca, you know the drill.

Now, Marwan’s brand is a little less defined than Luca’s but I managed to find similar tropes in a lot of his films. Also, rather than copy myself and give you a redundant Marwanmeter, I decided instead to recommend which Luca character best pairs with each Marwan character for your crossover pleasure. Let’s see if we ship the same things! Some of them are crack. You’re welcome.

(all gifs again by the awesomely amazing @weardes who did not ask to be my gif factory but life’s a bitch)

Het zusje van Katia (2008)

Will you miss him if you blink? Kinda. They talk about him a lot but his actual screen time is like 43.7 seconds. Also can I just say... he’s supposed to be from Italy?? The boy says literally one (1) Italian word, and you’ll never guess what it is. (Obviously, it’s “bella” like there’s a chance he could’ve said anything else.)

Is he hot? Painfully hot.

Is he naked? There’s this one scene where he’s wearing the sluttiest pair of speedos I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

Does his hair look great? Actually, yes. Perfect hair, perfect beard, he looks amazing.

Does he fuck? Yes, a lot - off screen, including an M/M/F threesome he presumably, probably, most definitely initiated.

Best paired with? From what I’ve gathered, this hoe ain’t loyal, so the best course of action is to find him a Luca that would benefit from a one night stand with no strings attached and wouldn’t fall in love with him. The obvious choice here is Valerio from Slam - Tutto per una ragazza. They meet, they fuck, then Giac makes his 4-hour drive back to Pisa, and they don’t see each other again until the next time he’s in Rome. Everybody’s happy, especially the two sluts in question.

De laatste dagen van Emma Blank (2009)

Will you miss him if you blink? Yes, absolutely.

Is he hot? Very.

Is he naked? Almost constantly.

Does his hair look great? He’s got those cute short curls, he looks so good.

Does he fuck? That’s literally why he’s there: to fuck and to die.

Best paired with? Man, I wish I had something to work with here. The only thing we know about him besides his sexual prowess is his affinity for white suits and toy helicopters. And as far as I know, those might be the exact things Fabrizio from Nina finds hot in guys. So like, why not?

Loft (2010)

Will you miss him if you blink? He’s the fifth most important character.

Is he hot? Yeah, sure.

Is he naked? There’s a scene where he’s wearing underwear and a tank top but it somehow makes him look like a kindergartener.

Does his hair look great? It looks quite nice.

Does he fuck? Yes, though I wish he didn’t.

Best paired with? Tom is a very violent person and a drug addict. He does messed up stuff to his sexual partners I’d rather he didn’t do to any of Luca’s characters. Feel free to use him for your sadistic fantasies or as a villain or whatever.

Rabat (2011)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s one of the three leads.

Is he hot? Oh yes! And cute!

Is he naked? He’s at the beach wearing nothing but boxer shorts.

Does his hair look great? He’s got this extreme undercut thing that would look ridiculous on anyone less pretty, so like no, he doesn’t have great hair, but also like it’s Marwan, you know what I mean?

Does he fuck? Before he embarks on a road trip with his friends, he has an offscreen threesome with two girls he picked up at a wedding. Slut.

Best paired with? Gabriele from Waves. They’re both sweet guys who could meet in some Tunisian port and decide to sail the Mediterranean Sea together.

Black Out (2012)

Will you miss him if you blink? Not unless your blinking is very deliberate.

Is he hot? Not really. He’s a dirty cop with a shitty moustache and oral fixation.

Is he naked? No, but I wish he was: his clothes are awful. Marwan is 29 in this movie and he looks 50!

Does his hair look great? Nope. They took Marwan’s usual short hair and made it not work somehow.

Does he fuck? No.

Best paired with? The one thing Luca’s characters all have in common is that none of them come off as bootlickers. All of them are either too soft for such a relationship or wouldn’t waste their spit on a cop.

Wolf (2013)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s the protagonist.

Is he hot? *gestures wildly at the gif*

Is he naked? He’s got quite a few shirtless scenes.

Does his hair look great? It’s nothing special but suits his character well.

Does he fuck? Oh yes.

Best paired with? Hear me out. I know that some people ship him with Fabio, but in my opinion that pair, while hot, doesn’t work. Here’s my pitch: Cesare from Non essere cattivo. The drug connection is still there, but in this case Majid’s problem-solving skills won’t fall on deaf ears. Cesare needs a daddy, ok? Majid can be a daddy when he needs to, especially when he has a soft boyfriend to care for. And Majid needs soft, not psycho.

Hartenstraat (2014)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s the protagonist once again.

Is he hot? Painfully.

Is he naked? There’s that iconic scene where he’s wearing nothing but black boxer briefs and boots while carrying a tray...

Does his hair look great? He’s got Joe-like curls and looks like what every male romantic lead should aspire to look like and then cry because they all fail.

Does he fuck? There’s one very unfortunate sex scene played for laughs. I’m pretty sure he’ll need therapy afterwards. I certainly do.

Best paired with? Paolo from Il padre d’Italia. Paolo deserves the best boyfriend, and who’s better than Daan, an extremely hot man who cooks? They both have daughters, so they can talk about that, I guess, and Paolo can finally have a family. Honestly, this is so wholesome I just made myself cry.

Lucia de B. (2014)

Will you miss him if you blink? For sure.

Is he hot? He’s a cop. Again. But he looks good.

Is he naked? Fully dressed, but man are his clothes ugly. Is that a cop thing?

Does his hair look great? He has slightly longer curls, which is fine and the best thing about this character.

Does he fuck? ACAB. (I know this doesn’t answer the question, I just wanted to make it clear.)

Best paired with? See my bootlicker comment from earlier. While Detective *checks notes* Ron Leeflang isn’t explicitly corrupt, he’s obviously a dick, so the best I can do here is recommend any Luca character that has ever been in trouble with the law for any fics about power imbalance you want to write but aren’t comfortable with a nice Marwan playing the villain.

Bloedlink (2014)

Will you miss him if you blink? Oh no, he’s there the entire time.

Is he hot? In a weird way, yes.

Is he naked? So, so, so naked. Like, leave nothing to the imagination naked.

Does his hair look great? I’d say that little rat tail is the exact opposite of great.

Does he fuck? Probably more than is good for him. I should also add that he’s canonically queer in this.

Best paired with? Rico is a pathetic loser in need of someone who’s got his life together and has a lot of experience dealing with fuckups. Enter Loris from Il mondo fino in fondo. He has a stable job and a savior complex, and with his little bro gaying it up in Chile and not needing him anymore, all he wants right now is someone to fix. I should be a fucking matchmaker in real life, for real.

Pak van mijn hart (2014)

Will you miss him if you blink? Undoubtedly.

Is he hot? No. The whole point of his character is to be the lesser choice compared to a guy who looks like a completely ordinary bland white dude...

Is he naked? ...so of course he isn’t naked! What, are they gonna take this poor woman, show her Marwan Kenzari’s post-Wolf body and expect her to choose her deeply mediocre ex? Please! They’re gonna dress him in the dorkiest clothes possible...

Does his hair look great? ...and make him wear the most awful wig that was clearly run over by a truck.

Does he fuck? No. As you can observe, they tried really hard to make him unfuckable, but honestly, he seems like a perfectly nice guy.

Best paired with? You know what? Mattia from La solitudine dei numeri primi is in desperate need of some sweetness and normalcy. I’m sure Richard will treat him with kindness and respect.

Collide (2016)

Will you miss him if you blink? He’s the fifth most important character. Out of five.

Is he hot? Very hot.

Is he naked? Not for a second! What’s up with American movies where people aren’t just casually walking around naked without any plot necessity???

Does his hair look great? His curls are so cute you guys! Look at them!

Does he fuck? Not explicitly.

Best paired with? Fabio from Lo chiamavano Jeeg Robot. Again, the drug connection is there, but Matthias is soft enough not to butt heads with Fabio and, by the end of the movie, rich enough to satisfy his cravings for good living and fame. Also look at how good their color coordination is with those dark wine red clothes! Sometimes planets just align, okay?

Ben-Hur (2016)

Will you miss him if you blink? Yes, especially if you aren’t watching the background.

Is he hot? Your usual Marwan hot.

Is he naked? No.

Does his hair look great? His typical short curls with a twist. I think the forehead area is supposed to invoke the Caesar cut? I don’t know. It looks fine when not hidden under that dumb helmet.

Does he fuck? No.

Best paired with? A better script and a much better director. (Seriously, what is this blocking?)

The Promise (2016)

Will you miss him if you blink? He’s there a decent amount in the first half of the movie and then almost completely disappears in the second half.

Is he hot? Very much, yes.

Is he naked? Unfortunately, no.

Does his hair look great? He’s got short curls again, but this time they’re fashionably styled, it’s magnificent.

Does he fuck? Oh yeah! And there’s no way he isn’t bi or pan in this. No way.

Best paired with? Roberta from L’ultimo terrestre. Listen, Emre Ogan may be a slut but he’s a gentleman, okay? He’d treat Roberta right and he’s got daddy’s cash to spare on hundreds of gorgeous white dresses for her.

The Mummy (2017)

Will you miss him if you blink? He’s there, but barely.

Is he hot? Dangerously hot.

Is he naked? Not once! Instead we get a naked Tom Cruise literally no one asked for.

Does his hair look great? It’s your basic professional short hairdo.

Does he fuck? No.

Best paired with? Malik is a member of an organization tracking and destroying various monsters and historical artefacts related to them. Guido from Tutti i santi giorni speaks four languages, including Latin, and is a literature and ancient history nerd which makes him a valuable asset. Malik can fight and protect; Guido is bumbling and in need of saving. Guys, this writes itself.

What Happened to Monday (2017)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, especially not in the third act.

Is he hot? He’s okay.

Is he naked? Very naked.

Does his hair look great? They shouldn’t have greased his curls back. He looks like another victim of Fabio Cannizzaro’s stylist. Also I wish he’d either shaved or finished growing out that beard.

Does he fuck? He fucks and he fucks good. He’ll go down on you, he’ll deflower you slowly and gently, he’ll choke you if you want him to, he’ll spoon you all night, he’ll give you emotional support, he’ll murder people for you - he’s down for whatever.

Best paired with? There’s one Luca character who needs a lot of sex and even more emotional support. Alright, most of them do, but I’m thinking of Ettore from Lasciate andare. He needs it, okay? Good dicking, good spooning, a good ear, a fine piece of ass to cry into - you get the gist. Most importantly: someone who’d love him for who he is and with whom he could relax and be himself. (Also, I see you, people comparing him to Fabio. Shame on you for sleeping on this soft boy and judging him based on his appearance.)

Murder on the Orient Express (2017)

Will you miss him if you blink? He’s kinda always present, being very French.

Is he hot? Very hot.

Is he naked? No, but I’m willing to forgive that because he looks so good in his conductor uniform.

Does his hair look great? He never takes off his hat.

Does he fuck? No.

Best paired with? Mickey Miranda. They’re both murderers morally dubious characters who would look hot together. What else do you need? (Again, I see you, people who want Pierre for Roberta because he’s a “nice guy”, and I know for a fact you didn’t watch the movie. Spoilers, I guess.)

The Angel (2018)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s the protagonist.

Is he hot? Oh yes.

Is he naked? Not once, but you won’t regret it because he’s wearing excellently stylish 1970s clothes.

Does his hair look great? It looks fantastic. The sideburns (not yet seen here) are a good touch.

Does he fuck? He can definitely get it, but he’s loyal to his wife.

Best paired with? As the most aesthetically coherent and fashionably hot pair in this post, Ashraf and Primo are a no-brainer. Can you imagine Primo calling him “Angel” in different contexts? When he’s being intimidating, not realizing how palpable the sexual tension between them is, and later not even hiding his arousal? Sometimes things just work because they’re hot. That’s all, folks.

Aladdin (2019)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s the main villain.

Is he hot? It’s not like he went viral for being the “hot Jafar” or anything.

Is he naked? No! Fucking thanks a lot, Disney.

Does his hair look great? He has a buzz cut under that turban but he looks good in the turban, so that’s something.

Does he fuck? It’s a Disney movie, so he doesn’t fuck - explicitly or otherwise - but he still comes off as a thirsty bitch.

Best paired with? Jafar ends the movie as a genie who’s obligated to grant his master three wishes but is enough of a petty bitch to exploit the hell out of the “gray area” and screw them over Wishmaster style. My unconventional pair for him is Lui from Ricordi? So many scenarios with distorted memories and magic-induced mindfuck. So many possibilities for awesome and messed up crossover gifsets! Don’t say I never give you guys anything.

Instinct (2019)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s very prominent.

Is he hot? I hate myself for finding him hot but I do.

Is he naked? He’s playing basketball shirtless in one scene, shaking his sweaty boobs everywhere.

Does his hair look great? His weird mohawk-like thing is honestly terrible, but if anything can make it work, it’s Marwan’s bone structure.

Does he fuck? Um, I’m pleading the Fifth on this one for the sake of good taste.

Best paired with? Prison. A very lonely, Luca-less prison.

The Old Guard (2020)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, unless blinking in your case means sleeping through the gloriousness that is the first ever canonically gay couple in an American action film.

Is he hot? Painfully.

Is he naked? Shirtless in one scene.

Does his hair look great? Soft curls courtesy of Luca Marinelli’s tireless lobbying.

Does he fuck? Not on screen, but you can just tell by the way he looks at his husband and reads impromptu poetry right to his face. And everybody knows nothing kindles the fires of passion quite like murdering homophobes together.

Best paired with? If you have to ask, you’re clearly reading this by mistake. In which case, kudos for finishing such a long and confusing post, now go watch The Old Guard and cry at the beauty that is The Immortal Marriage.

#marwan kenzari #luca marinelli #the old guard #and other movies #i'm lazy #immortal husbands #and their parallel versions i guess #crossover ships galore

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ererokii · 3 years

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call out your name || L. Ackerman

➳ Levi Ackerman x Fem Reader

Word Count: 8381 Warnings: major character death, cussing, fluff, blood, violence, nightmares, some spoilers i think note: This is heavily unedited! this was something that has been sitting in my drafts for ages, and i rlly wanted to post it so here it is!

synopsis: No one’s left and there is no one to go on. All I know that my life is gone. I’m crying, missing my lover. And I got no power, on my side forever.

When she brings me coffee, her smile, I wish I could be with her. Till my last day.

Black Tea was his favorite.

The foul stench of the liquid always made you feel displeased. It left a bitter taste on the tip of your tongue, and you never once took a sip of it. You always prepared it for him. But you liked making it for him. In exchange to see a softer side, a side of a broken man. You would jump on that opportunity many times if you could.

The greetings from the members of your squad and other cadets never failed to make you smile. Being a squad leader meant that your comrades always respected one another, including you. It always warmed the aching part of your heart, it made you feel whole once again. The aroma of the tea always made you feel at home. When you stared down at the brown substance in the tea cup, it always gave you a feeling of nostalgia.

“Where did you learn how to make this?”

“I made this myself. Why do you ask?”

That exchange was all it took for him to be convinced by your tea making skills for some reason. From then on, he never took tea from anyone else but yourself, or he made it. No exceptions. Dear god, he would never take it from Hanji. Who knows what they could have put in there.

His office always smelled dull, but it didn’t smell bad. No one expected anything different from the Captain. All the books were neatly stacked upon each other, nothing was out of the ordinary. When you’ve returned the next day with his desired drink, it was always the same as the day before, and the next. He was neat, and you liked that.

When the cup was placed softly on his desk, he would look up from his papers and gaze into your eyes. His sharp silvery eyes had a glint, a look you couldn’t quite piece it together. He still had that stoic look on his face, but his eyes would soften up slightly. If you blinked, you have never noticed it. A hum of satisfaction rumbled in the depth of his chest as his fingers gripped the rim on the cup, bringing it to his mouth. His lips would part as he took a sip of the drink, closing his eyes as the warmth ran down his throat and into the pits of his stomach, relishing in the after taste it gave him.

“It tastes good.”

“Well I don’t make mediocre Black Tea, Levi.”

A gentle smile curved at your lips as you stared at the Captain, who continued to drink the brown substance. Moments like this, where it was just you and the short man, reminded how lucky you were to live to see another day, rather a special someone. Life in this hell was sacred by all means. Any day the walls could come crashing down and that would be the end of humanity. More so yourself along with the rest of the Scouts. It was like counting your days on a calendar when an Expedition was approaching. It was important to say goodbye and whisper an I love you, like it would be your last. No one knew.

And that was the scary part.

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

I said I gave all my love to you.

Levi had horrible nightmares. On average, he got 2-3 hours of sleep, every night. Maybe he could get a good solid four hours, but never above that. The amount of times he saw his comrades die in his dreams, was almost too much for him. From Isabel and Farlan, to the death of his squad. Too many people died in front of him. Many people he cared about.

The bed that brought most comfort to others, did the exact opposite for Levi. He dreaded going to sleep for the most part. Instead of it soothing his troubles and reassuring that he was alive and safe, it gave him the memories that he hated most. Their cries always rang in his ears as he tried closing his eyes for a night's rest. The position he slept in was never good enough. Nothing was ever good enough for his slumber. If he could hate anything other than Titans, it would be his dreams.

“Levi! Help me Levi!’ your pleading cries called out for him as you thrusted an arm in the air, desperate to latch onto anything. Your legs have been bruised by the grip of the humanoid creatures. Your breathing has gotten worse as your ribs began to crack at the tightening hold. “Please Levi!”

The captain couldn’t move. The blades in his hands were nothing. They seemed weightless, like paper. His orbs focused on your struggling body as you begged for mercy. His mouth was parted as small puffs of air left his mouth. His hands shook as he watched the titan bring you closer to its mouth.

It was like in slow motion. Your blades that you were skilled with, your weapons, fell right out of your hands and landed on the comfort of the ground. The cracking of the metal could be heard from the ground as your maneuvering gear snapped in half, the pieces falling from your body and landing with clangs. Your legs continued to kick at the ginormous hand that kept you captive. The titan stared down at you with its beady eyes and creepy like smile.

“Levi help me! Please! Save me!” You screamed as you stared down at the man with terror. This wasn’t the look you always wore. You had the look of a confident soldier. A soldier who was ready to risk their life for the cause. But now, all hope was lost as your eyes were welled up with your tears, your mouth continuing to move on its own, but no sound was coming out.

“I can’t move,” he whispered, his fingers clenching around nothing. He looked down at his hands and let out an audible noise of terror. Replacing the blades, was blood. Specifically, your blood. The blood dripped down from the inside of his jacket to his palm, the droplets falling from his fingertips.

Your screaming had stopped as he looked up. The titan was gone. The only thing there was your body, that seemed to be laying on the ground in a weird position.

As if now he could move, he stumbled towards you and fell on his knees, staring down at you with despair. He lowered his head to your chest and tried catching a heartbeat.

…

“You can’t be dead..” he trailed off and straightened himself up, his eyes piercing into your own lifeless ones. You couldn’t have died. No, it was impossible. You couldn’t leave him behind like Isabel and Farlan have. Like his mother did. You had to stay with him.

He watched as a blood puddle formed underneath your head. The source of the oozing red was coming from the side of your frontal region. You must have hit it hard on the way down. He brought a shaky hand to touch it and retracted his hand upon feeling that it was dry and cracked.

“Levi..why did you let me die..?” you meekly asked, looking forward up at the sky. Your chest had stopped moving up and down as the blood stain by your mouth began to dry up. Your lips began to chap up and crack. It looked like you’ve gone cold to the touch. You could have been a popsicle.

“What?” he asked quietly, his teeth chewing on the inside of his cheek. “What do you mean?”

“You let me die, Levi. Now you’re all alone,” you repeated, turning your head to face him. “Why Levi? I thought you loved me? I loved you...” your voice was hoarse from the trauma on your throat from your ear splitting screams. You were no longer gasping for air, but instead frozen like a statue.

He couldn’t answer you. The moments where he swore to protect you no matter what, he failed. He failed as a Captain, as a friend, a comrade, and a lover. He failed.

“Levi..”

“Levi!”

His eyes snapped open as he sat up quick, gasping for air. His eyes frantically scanned the shadowy room. The moon provided the only source of light, peeking through the curtains by his window. His chest heaved up and down as his nimble fingers clenched around his bed sheets. A sheer cover of sweat formed at the base of his neck and his forehead. His throat felt parched as he struggled to gain air, feeling winded from his night terror.

The panting never stopped from him. Your hand found home on his shoulder, squeezing the clothed muscle. “Levi..”

He stopped letting air out for a moment, slowly turning his head to the side. A shape in the darkness was made by his eyes. His silvery slits squinted just enough to tell it was you in this shadowy room. He could make out the whites of your eyes, as the light hit on your face perfectly, illuminating your visage.

“..You’re alive,” he whispered, the feeling of your blood running down his arm from his dream, was still there. The thick substance felt heavy on his limb. Your confused expression was enough for him to realize that he wasn’t making sense.

“Of course I’m alive..why wouldn’t I be alive?” you questioned, running a hand through his hair, slicking it back with the sweat that he was drenched with. You could care less about the glistening liquid that was on your hands now.

His tongue peeked out of the cavern and licked his lower lip in anticipation. What exactly was Levi anticipating? There was nothing bad happening outside of this room, outside of headquarters. The ache in his beating heart was too much for him to handle.

“It felt so real,” he started, immovable as if he was too afraid to move. “I could smell the blood..it was so close to me that I could taste it upon the tip of my tongue,” he brought a hand up to his mouth and wiped any sweat that made it to his upper lip. “The metallic taste is too familiar to me, regardless it being a Titan’s blood or a human’s blood.”

“Levi, I’m afraid I’m not understanding. What happened?”

It wasn’t out of the ordinary that you saw Levi in such a shaken up state. The man was broken and was bound to be torn to pieces by the time he was on his deathbed. The wounded soldier always suffered before letting out their last breath.

“It got you. Those filthy bastards held you in their clutches. And I watched, pathetically as you begged and called out my name. I couldn’t move. You screamed, and cried. Then suddenly you stopped--,” he paused and looked over at you, noticing the look of shock on your face. “-- And you were dead on the floor. The titan was gone. I went to your body and your heart wasn’t beating. You begged me for an answer on why I didn’t save you,” he stopped abruptly and balled his hand into a fist, letting out a grunt.

“I let you die.”

The words that you were ready to speak, died in the back of your throat as you listened to his atrocious dream. Instead, a lump was put in place as you tried swallowing it. Your mouth had gone wilted as you wracked for anything to come out. A peep, a sigh, a cry. Anything, at this rate, Levi would think he’s all alone. And you knew he wasn’t alone.

“Levi,” you started carefully, thinking about the ways it could go wrong, depending on what you would say. “I know you would never let me die, or any of your comrades in that matter, unless we are ordered to die. You care about your soldiers, as well as the soldiers caring about their superiors. That wasn’t the real you. You’ve been through so much trauma already..your mind just wants to add unrealistic situations to mess with you.”

“I’m not dying anytime soon, Levi. I can promise you that.”

“That’s what Isabel said before her head was completely removed from her body,” he replied, remembering the death of his two close friends from the underground.

Isabel Magnolia and Farlan Church.

Both infamous criminals in the underground district of Wall Sina. Isabel joined the group of thugs later on and the three became known by many merchants and poor families. Not too long the group was caught by Erwin Smith, and forced to join the Survey Corps or surrender themselves to the Military Police. The first choice was the best option as they were soldiers the next day. Less to say, their first expedition was horrible. But the outside world was beautiful.

Beautiful isn’t always meant to stay that way.

Her face was rolled across the field. The thick red substance spewed out from her body. Her once green sparkling eyes were lifeless and dull. His eyes were widened in fear. His body was sliced in half as his lower half was in the titan’s mouth, chewing, savoring the taste of the human body in its disgusting chops.

Levi could still remember the rush of adrenaline as he took on the beast by himself. Blood was splattered as his arms were numb by the end of the fight. His blades were dull and useless as his gas needed to be replenished. Thankfully, his horse was there to aid him in his retreatment.

“Well Levi, we’re given better training now than before,” you stated and forced him to look at you. “I’m not going anywhere okay? I promise. I’m not leaving you, ever. You won’t be alone again, I swear to you.”

His eyes searched frantically for a lie spoken within your eyes. Certainly you had to be joking. No one could ever make those types of promises with death knocking at their door. How could you talk about something so easily and not know the future? What game were you playing?

The rapid beat of his heart seemed to steady as he hung his head, shutting his eyes shut as a small breath of air ejected from his mouth. One measly statement wouldn’t cover the fact that he had let you die, reality or dream. Humanity’s Strongest, let one of the most important people in his life down. Not just down, he failed, he let you die.

And there was no way he would let that become a reality.

“I promise to you,” he started and made eye contact with you. “I will always be there to protect you. Even if it causes my own life. You will see the outside world. With, or without me.”

Knowing that you couldn’t persuade Levi when he got serious, a gentle smile and nod was all you can do. “Okay Levi. I believe you.

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

We dreamt a new house, some place to be at peace.

An expedition was coming up soon. It had the same underlying goal, to retake the land that was stolen from them by the creatures. The newest recruits would need to be trained by the captain himself.

You liked to help Levi with the recruits. It was funny to see them cower in their boots as he yelled at them to do things properly, especially when cleaning. With a new set of able soldiers, you were able to pick who you wanted.

It wasn’t mostly about height, or how muscular they were. You liked looking at their reports from their cadet years. How well they worked with others, in a serious setting. How was their combat skills? Omnidirectional maneuvering techniques? Being the top of the class didn’t mean anything if you weren’t able to defend yourself out there or give up your life. In boot camp, you were sheltered. In the Scouts, it was life or death.

“Like this!” you grunted and placed a hand on Levi’s shoulder as you wrapped your leg around his, slamming him into the ground. There was barely an audible noise from the dark haired male as his back collided with the harsh earth underneath him.

Currently, the both of you were in charge of refreshing their memory with hand to hand combat training. It was easy to say, most cadets already forgot how to defend themselves on the ground, which made your job more difficult than ever. Using Levi as an example was not a picture you were thinking when you’ve awoken this morning in his bed.

“Not bad,’ Levi muttered and got off of the floor, immediately wiping the dirt off of his body. “Disgusting..now it’s my turn,” he said and didn’t give a second thought, heading straight for you.

You moved to the side and held your arms up in front of your face, protecting yourself at all costs. Just because you were the special one in Levi’s life, doesn’t mean he’ll go easy on you. No, during any sort of training, you're his foe, the one he’s trying to protect himself from.

The cadets gathered around in awe, enjoying the sight of their captain and potential squad leader in a fight, for their sack of learning. Two of the most strongest in all the regime, were head to head. Pretty exciting for teenagers if they do say so themselves.

Levi was quick on his feet, he was agile, and he never made a sound as he was going to attack. His foot was lifted from the air and aimed for your feet, in hopes that he could knock you down. In mind, you knew that this was Levi’s first move. Everyone expected him to go high, but no, he always went low.

You retracted backwards and let out a huff. “Always going low, huh Levi?”

“You say that now when you’ll be on the bottom,” he replied and waited for your first offensive attack. You never attacked first. You were more of a defensive fighter. You would rather get to know someone’s skill by watching them the whole time, plus the more they hit, the more they got tired.

Levi knew that, you were a surprise. Your offensive attack wasn’t the best. It was usually a measly kick to the head, but he always knew it. You would stutter-step before lifting your leg up. In that mere second, that’s all that it took for someone to attack.

Deciding not to wait any longer, he rushed you. Your eyes widened as you stumbled faintly. That was all it took. Levi wrapped an arm around your torso and his other pinning your arm to your back. He leaned forward and let gravity take its course as he slammed you to the ground. A loud grunt left your lips as your chest collided with the terrain. It really hurt, with your boobs hitting first, and plus the weight of Levi wasn’t helping at all.

“L-Levi!”

“What?” he answered, unemotionally as he got off of you. “You messed up and I took advantage of it. It’s not my fault you stumbled.” He’s not the type to sugarcoat anything. He knows that your lack of awareness is what needs to be fixed.

You groaned as you rolled onto your back, opening your eyes. You were met with the delicate blue sky. The clouds moved effortlessly in the heavens. The fluffs of white hid the overbearing sun. The harsh rays beat down upon you, causing you to lift an arm to shield your orbs from the harmful light. Birds in the sky cried out as they flew with their powerful wings that made them free.

You always wanted to be a bird when you were a child. The thought of growing the most beautiful set of wings was deemed impossible by adults around you. Many elders said how childish you sounded. At a young age, you were told about the harsh realities of this world. Dreams for children were no match for the hell on earth.

You insisted on writing these ideas in a book. Your grandmother seemed to be your only supporter on this. She told you, that if you believed in it, and wrote it down, then the three goddesses, Maria, Rose, and Sina, would grant you this ability. Maybe the founder, Ymir Fritz would visit you in your dreams and let you transform into a bird like creature.

A small laugh left your mouth along with a sigh of stupidity and happiness. You still had hopes and dreams of that. Your childish antics never evaporated as you got older. The small child inside of you begged to come out, wanting to spread her wings in order to see the world freely.

“Are you okay down there?” Levi poked his head in your line of sight, his eyebrows furrowed inward.

“Levi do you think one day I’ll grow wings and fly?” you asked suddenly, a dazed look across your features as you stared directly past him. Lazily, you lifted an arm up and spread your fingers out towards the sky, as if you were reaching for something beyond your ability. “It’s beautiful…”

“What are you talking about? Did you even sleep last night? Are you sick?” Levi questioned as he grabbed your arm, forcing you to sit upward as he crouched to your level. He pressed the back of his head against your forehead and retracted it upon touch. “Well you don’t have a fever..so that’s good. Now do you mind telling me just what in the hell you’re talking about becoming a fucking bird?”

“I’ve been having weird dreams,” you started off softly, with a voice as quiet as a mouse moving, if he wasn’t paying attention, he wouldn’t have heard you.

“Weird dreams like what?” he replied and glanced over his shoulder, noticing that the cadets scurried away to where Hanji was instead, finding interest in the new weapon she was given. He turned back around and gave you his undivided attention, a flash of rare concern popping up in his eyes. It wasn’t normal for you to ask questions like this, usually the younger ones would ask silly inquiries like this.

“I think the three goddesses visit me in my sleep. It’s like..unreal. It seems like the afterlife. They always greet me with the same smile on their face and welcome me with open arms. One of them, I can’t remember who, always tells me that I’m free from the curse of Ymir and I don’t understand what they mean by that. Is this a sign that..it’s going to happen soon? Am I going to die soon, Levi? Or am I just being ansty because we have an expedition soon?”

Most of the time, Levi knew what to say, whether it was good or bad. Always. He knew. But unfortunately, now was not the time. He stared down at you with slightly widened eyes. His pupils dilated in size upon hearing the details.

“Course you’re not going to die soon, why could you possibly think of something so horrendous as that?” he cradled your face in his rough hands, forcing you to look up at him from your sitting position. “I told you, you aren’t dying on my watch.”

“Think about it Levi..you can’t make promises like that. I can die, you can die. Fuck, we both can die! This world is beautiful one minute then the next it’ll eat you alive because it’s so cruel! What if my dreams are trying to tell me something?! What if--” you paused and licked your chapped lips before continuing, “-- I am going to die..?”

“Don’t be stupid!” he suddenly yelled, raising his voice. His hands moved from your face to your shoulders. His fingers dug into your body, making indents in your brown jacket. “You aren’t going to die, Y/N! How many times do I have to tell you to get it through your fucking skull?!”

His shoulders heaved up and down as he puffed out breaths of air through his parted lips. His orbs found home in yours as he stared directly, trying to find anything. He noticed the look of shock evident in your visage, feeling your shoulders relax underneath his rugged palms.

No matter how many times Levi could reassure you, it was difficult to put your faith into his words. The voice in the back of your head always reminded you that you did your job well, that you were free. What did that even mean?

“I’m… I’m sorry, Levi,” you averted your gaze to anywhere but him. You felt shameful. You weren’t exactly sure as to why that feeling overtook your body, but you knew that you deserved it.

He paused for a moment before speaking up once more, “You’re scaring me, you know that? You know I’ll always be there to protect you. I won’t let you have the same faith of my fallen ones. I’m willing to sacrifice my own life for you.”

You knew he was right. He meant what he said. He would lay his life on the ground for you. You shouldn’t doubt his words. Your lip quivered at his statement as a silent tear trailed down your face. Many years in the Survey Corp taught you that you had to have confidence in order to survive. Without that, you couldn’t trust your ability to fight against the man eating monsters.

When you first joined the Scouts, you were far from confident. You were always ashamed that others over topped you in ranks, kill count and overall attitude. You were timid and an outcast at first. Hiding in your safety net was your best friend at the time.

Many of your comrades forced you to overcome your fear of failing, but you would never budge. Majority of the time, you tried impersonating others. Maybe if you were loud and bright like Hanji, others would notice you. Or if you were loyal and caring like Moblit, maybe others would trust you as they trust others. It wasn’t that they didn’t trust you, they weren’t sure if you trusted them.

“What if I’m not strong enough out there?”

“Tch. Are we really having this conversation again, Y/N? Erwin didn’t just pick you out for no reason. He saw potential in you. He saw a natural born leader and molded you into someone you are today. I don’t think he’s stupid to pick someone random and make them a squad leader. You were made to be a squad leader for a reason, don’t forget it.”

Levi’s words made your heart ache, yet flutter. You knew damn well why you were chosen to be a squad leader in the Survey Corps. Your bravery that you showed to others, to your commander was enough for him. You chose to display your dedication to saving humanity through actions, which was the best for you to succeed. A woman of few words, happened to be one of the most fierce, dedicated and courageous soldiers the Scouts has ever seen.

Of course that was four ago when you were appointed as a leader. Now you were outgoing and confident in your abilities. You didn’t have a care in the world when you were on that field. It was just you, and the open land that you dangerously fought for. You didn’t have the most solo kills, but you were a team player. You ranked number 1 in kill assists, something everyone should be ranked as. Everyone needed to collaborate with their team to succeed.

A small breath of air slipped passed your lips as you looked into his silvery iries. “I’m sorry. I doubt myself a lot, don’t I?”

He nodded in agreement as he curled his hand behind your head, bringing you close as his forehead pressed against yours. His hair tickled your frontal region as he closed his eyes. “To be frank, you do. And it’s fine. We’re all human at the end of the day. Don’t let blind it from your goal, okay?” He asked and fluttered his eyes open, gazing into yours. “I love you..and I promise you.”

Without saying a word, you brought your hand and curled it behind his head, playing with the hairs on the nape of his neck. He pulled away from your forehead and instead, placed his lips there and lingered them on your skin.

“I know Levi..I love you too.”

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

We don’t know what is wrong tonight, nobody got no place to hide.

Puffs of air escaped your lips as your fingers clenched the black reigns of your horse. You swung your arm out horizontally, yelling out commands for your squad to follow. The clopping of the war horses rang through your ears as you ran through the forest. The adrenaline and fear kicked in right away when the gates of Wall Maria opened. Your heart beat steadily increased with each step you took in the deserted land.

Before the expedition, Levi pulled you aside prior to the departure. In stables is where you stood, giving your final affections to one another from peeping eyes. Staying in his strong arms reminded you that you had to come back safe, as well as him. This was a common thing between the both of you. You held each other accountable for staying alive. Flimsy promises were exchanged between the two of you.

His lips pressed against the back of your hand, mumbling a few words that leave tingles on your supple skin. Your lips pressed against the side of his cheek, repeating the same words back to him as you embraced him one last time. No one ever approached when they saw their Captain and Squad Leader in an intimate moment, one that might be their very last. Everyone understood the situation at hand. The two lovers were just trying to make it back for each other, and for everyone else.

As you readied on your war horse, you caught the glance of Levi’s wandering eyes. His squad was more up ahead than yours. The Levi Squad was always placed up front to be in the center ranks, the best of the best. Your squad was mostly used for Titan Signaling, nevertheless, more important than the whole formation. His head moved slightly, as he nodded your way. In return, you repeated his ministrations as you looked forward, awaiting the commands from Erwin, who was at the head of the formation.

“You and Captain Levi are really cute together! When are you guys getting married?”

Your eyes widened as you whipped your head to the side, meeting the cheeky smile of a cadet, who was put in your squad. “What did you say?!”

“I said when are--”

“N-No I heard you!” your voice pitched as embarrassment flowed through your veins. The only people that ever commented on your relationship with Levi was Hanji, Petra and Erwin. Occasionally Oluo would, but that was when he was feeling bold.

Her snickers from beside you caused the rest of your squad to laugh at their now flustered leader. Before getting a chance to speak, Commander Erwin’s words cut through the air like a knife.

“This is the 54th Scout Recon mission! Our objective is to take back our land that was rightfully stolen from us! My soldiers! Dedicate your hearts!”

A warrior like cry pierced the atmosphere as every soldier raised a single blade in the air, as if calling an early victory. The gate arose from its natural position as the commander ran through first on his horse. Soon, the whole regime followed his every move.

And that’s how you ended up here. Your wandering eyes checked the clear sky for any colorful signals that could pop up anywhere. Your job, as the signaling, was to warn any nearby squads for any titans, especially abnormals. As well as warning, you were to take out any creatures that started going in the direction of the center.

“We are to meet with the Levi Squad once we see the blue smoke signal! By then, the Hanji Squad will take over our position!” You shouted over your shoulder, receiving nods and a few “Yes Ma’am!”

“Why haven’t we gotten the smoke signal yet?” you muttered and wiped the sweat away from your forehead as your squad continued to advance forward. “We relayed many signals to the defense squads..why haven’t they relayed ours yet..” you trailed off.

A green smoke signal caught your attention, your back straightening and reaching into the brown pouch on the side of your horse. You pulled out a smoke signal gun and loaded it, lifting your arm into the air as your finger pulled the trigger. Green smoke shot out and emitted from the small weapon, alerting the squads as they relayed the message.

“Two 15 meter abnormals coming from the back! Should we engage in combat, Squad Leader?!”

“Yes!” you yelled, pulling your blades out from their confinements. “I’ll engage with you! The rest of you, pay close attention for any signals!”

You slowed down your horse as you tugged on the reins, hearing the cry of the horse as it changed its course, going to the back. Two titans ran with their arms flailing wildly. How long have they been following?

A hook shot out of your gear and pierced through the thick skin of the monster. Your body thrusted forward as you swung around from behind in the air. You raised both arms up and brought them down on its nape, letting out a grunt at the contact. The grey blades cut the roughness perfectly, the titan immediately falling upon being struck.

Your head lifted up when you saw the other titan was on the ground too.

“Ah, good job Nessa,” you smiled tiredly as the shot of a gun caught your attention.

Blue smoke shot through the air.

The Levi Squad.

“Perfectly timing Levi, as always,” you whispered and spoke soft words to your horse, as it returned back to you.

The trip to the location of the signal was peaceful, which was surprising. Normally as you ventured deeper into the formation, titans would have been spotted by now. Just where were they?

And why haven’t they showed up yet?

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

I’m standing alone, no way. Calling out your name.

The sky got grey. A messenger from the upper ranks came down and told you that a detour must be taken. The message came directly from the Captain himself, Levi. Many titans swarmed the vicinity and he deemed that it wasn’t safe for you.

“Safe my fucking ass. I throw my life on the line and this is the appreciation I get?!” you yelled angrily as you disobeyed the messenger’s orders.

“Wait Squad Leader!” the messenger yelled with a groan as she tried her best to persuade you. “Captain Levi said it wasn’t safe for you to go! There are just too many of them for you to slip right in!”

“Well, you or myself will tell Levi too bad. And it is going to be me,” you spat, venom dripping from your mouth with the words that slipped passed your lips. You were nowhere near upset at the soldier, you were upset with your encourager, who told you that you were capable of anything.

Levi Ackerman didn’t trust your abilities.

You grited your teeth as you kept your head down, your horse sprinting faster than ever, leaving your squad behind. You were acting on impulse now, you weren’t level headed anymore. You couldn’t think about the situation at hand. Angry thoughts were flowing in and out of your brain at a speed you didn’t know you could think at.

You understood that Titans were surrounding the area, but not continuing the plan could mess up the whole formation, let alone the expedition. This would cost more casualties than it should.

A droplet of water landed upon your head as you craned your neck back, looking up at the thick grey blanket that shielded the earth from the sun. Clear liquids fell from the clouds and landed on your supple flesh. Rain began to flood over the earth as a groan of annoyance rumbled from your throat. You pulled your hood over your head as you finally entered the forest, where the center ranks are at.

Where Levi was at.

Your horse followed the dirt trail as you eyed the ground beneath you. Countless removed limbs from the deceased were tossed around like toys. The once dried up blood was becoming wet once more from the rainfall. Headless bodies were sprawled on the floor, some in rather weird positions, or some in peaceful layouts as they said their final goodbyes to the world.

“She lost her brother a month ago,” you whispered breathlessly as you passed by a young soldier, a female who was laying down by the river. Blood was smeared across her face. Her brother was a part of your squad, and like you said, he was eaten by the titans.

“Y/N, what are you doing here?!”

Your head snapped in the direction of a familiar voice. Your eyes trained ahead on a small figure, resting on a tree branch as the titan they had just fought, fell to the ground.

Levi panted softly as he wiped the blood off of his face with the back of his head. The steam began to emit as the redness began to fade away. Seeing you here was a total shock for him. Hadn’t you received his orders?

“You’re going to get yourself killed!”

“I’m fine Levi!” you yelled as you zipped up to a tree across from him. Multiple titans were running this way, but Squad Levi was handling it. Miche was nowhere to be seen, he was usually the nose of the team, the spotter of the Survey Corps. “Why don’t you trust me?!”

“I do trust you!”

“Then why wouldn’t you let me come?!”

Levi opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. His eyes flickered between your eyes and body language. Your hands were shaking, the blades in your hands weren’t steady as they normally were.

The look in your eyes was far from normal. They had an animalistic glint to them. He noticed the way your jaw tensed up as you awaited his answer.

This wasn’t looking good.

The words you told Levi, two weeks prior to the mission, was all he could think about. The information that you stated about your dreams and nonsense about dying was enough to shake him up inside. He was definitely concerned and wanted to keep you as safe as possible.

Speaking with Commander Erwin on this topic was downright useless. The blond did not change his plans, even though he felt pity for the short captain. He couldn’t switch up the formation and risk everyone's life for one person. It was positioned that way for one reason only; to take back their freedom.

How did this happen?

Why did it happen?

How could you be standing there perfectly fine, and now chaos ensues?

How.

It was too fast, faster than Levi could ever expect. A large abnormal, no signals from the squads up ahead even warned the two of you. The titan ran forward and dove across, reaching a hand and snatched you with its hand. A terrified scream rang throughout the area as the sounds of birds crying from above flew away.

A bird that you envied.

With its creepy smile and beady eyes, the titan stood up slowly and stared down at you with a look that only a predator would give its prey. The vice like grip around your body began to slowly tighten with each millisecond. A cry of pain slipped past your precious lips as an audible crack was heard, the sound of your ribs breaking under your skin.

Your small arms raised up the blades as you tried slashing at the heated and bruised skin. Anything would be better. Just something.

“Levi help me! Please! Save me!” You screamed as you stared at the man with terror. This wasn’t the look you always wore. You had the look of a confident soldier. A soldier who was ready to risk their life for the cause.

It’s happening.

Why wasn’t he moving?

His worst nightmare was happening right in front of his eyes. His dreams that were past memories, the most terrifying dream of them all, was becoming reality. And there was nothing he could do.

His feet moved on their own as he jumped off of the branch, his hooks piercing the gruesome beast. His blades were ready as he neared the creature.

Time seemed to be too slow.

The sharp disgusting teeth of the Titan dug into your side, biting a chunk off. Your blades fell out of your hands and landed on the floor. Your nails dug into the skin as you cried for mercy, begging Levi to hurry up, begging him to do anything.

The weapons of his struck the nape, perfectly slicing it off with a scream. The titan’s eyes rolled back into its head before falling to its knees. The game of the monster loosen its grip on you, your frail and bleeding body falling out of its hand and landing on the floor like a rag doll.

Harsh pants of air slipped past his quivering lips as he watched the red from inside of your body, pour out. There was no chance in saving you. You were a goner.

“Levi..why did you let me die..?” you meekly asked, looking forward up at the sky.

His eyes widened when he looked down at you, falling to his knees. You didn’t say that, his mind was playing tricks on him. His dream was slowly making its way into his subconscious and making him think that it was real.

“You let me die, Levi. Now you’re all alone,” you repeated, turning your head to face him. “Why Levi? I thought you loved me? I loved you...”

“I do love you,” he pleaded as he grabbed your fragile hand. “Why would you think otherwise?!”

“W-What?” You choked out, spitting up blood. Your eyes were getting heavier by the second, but you fought against the urge to close them. “I don’t think otherwise, Levi..I know you love me.”

He was losing himself. He began to panic as the warmth of the blood began to puddle underneath you and seep into the grass. His hair began to stick to his forehead from the rain. The droplets of water landed on your face as it began to rain harder. A smile overtook your face as you looked over at him. “Levi..”

“Thank you, Levi.”

“No no don’t say that!” he yelled suddenly as he hung his head, gripping onto your hand and bringing it closer to his face. The body heat you produced was slowly slipping away, the cliff called life, you held on for a few seconds longer, giving anything to get back on top of it. Instead, it was getting harder and harder to stay aboard.

“You’re going to survive dammit! That’s an order, do you hear me?! Survive!”

“Do you remember how I dreamt about being a bird?” you asked softly, your vision getting blurry as every second passed. “I think..I could become one now..”

“No you won’t become a bird because you’re going to survive! Remember our tea shop? You told me you would open one with me.”

A weak laugh passed your lips as you stared up at the grey sky before averting your gaze to Levi’s terrified look. “Cheer up...yeah?”

“How am I supposed to cheer up when you’re dying?” he asked, his voice cracking as he rubbed his cheek against the back of your hand. “You’re leaving me like everyone else has..like my mom, Isabel, Farlan..and now you.”

“You’re a fool if you think I’ll ever leave you,” you coughed harshly, the blood splattering on his once white cravat. “Here, always.” you shaikly raised a finger and poked at his chest, where his heart would be. “We’ll all be watching you L-Levi..”

“Y/N..”

“I love you, Levi. Make sure to name a drink after me..”

A shaky breath escaped his lips when your pupils enlarged, and a dull look grew in your orbs. Your chest stopped moving up and down shaikly as he heard your last breath, and your last words being his name. You left with a smile. Your lips were curled in a heartbreaking smile, the last tears fell from your eyes as your eyelashes stayed damp from the rain. The blood never stopped, only seemed to come out faster. A lineage of blood trailed from the corner of your mouth, running down the side of your face. Your hair damp and soaked up with blood, the baby strands clinging onto your forehead. There was a scar by your eye, you must have accidentally caught yourself with your blades.

The lump in his throat began to get bigger as he sniffled letting his head fall backwards as he let out an ear shattering scream of agony. His hands gripped the brown straps of his uniform as his throat vibrated from the trauma it was currently going through. The blood your body has shed, was now on his hands. Figuratively and literally. The lineage felt slippery between his cold fingers. It felt foregin.

Kuchel Ackerman, his mother who had left him behind in this world to let him fend for himself. The first person who showed him love and kindness, said goodbye in the sweetest way that he would never forget.

Isabel Magnolia and Farlan Church, his first and only close friends at the time. The trio of criminals living their life carefree underground before the Scouts came and had no choice but to join the regime. Turning his back to them for a second, got them killed. If only he were there faster, they would have been here.

Y/N Y/LN. His lover. The one that was there to support him through day and night. The one who reassured him that nothing would ever happen to the pair. The one he day dreamed about spending his days with. The one who went out of their way to do things for him, big or small. The one who loved him.

The one who called out his name.

Was now joining the three most important people that were in his life. Those that swore to be there no matter what.

His eyes fluttered open as he stared up at the sky. The rain had stopped as the clouds began to fade away. The harsh light of the sun peeked out from its restraints, the soft yellow lighting up the field. His tears began to dry up as the sun illuminated light, downwards to where he had been sitting and the dead body beside him.

The noise of a bird tweeting caught his attention as he moved his head, staring to the side. Not far from where he was at, a blue bird was sitting on a branch. It ruffled its feathers as it made eye contact with him, tilting its head to the side before flapping its wings and flying away.

“You damn brat..a fucking bird,” he whispered and stared down at your body. He shaikly reached over and pressed his palm against your eyes, silently shutting your eyes, leaving you at rest.

He let out a shaky sigh and stared down at his lap. His white pants had become a dark red. He felt sick to his stomach as a silent tear traced down his pale face.

“I let you die.. I’m sorry Y/N. I failed you,” he whispered and fell forward, on his hands and knees as he squeezed his eyes shut, opening his mouth for open sobs to release. He could no longer conceal the pain he felt inside. His head shook as the liquid of tears emerged from his eyes, the droplets falling and hitting the ground.

No matter how many times he could come to terms with your death, it would never subside the pain of not being enough, not being strong enough to save you.

Your words before leaving this earth rang in his head, playing like a song or the words of a preacher. The shaky tone outline with gentleness was more overwhelming than he could ever imagine. Your smile kept taunting his mind when he completely shut off the world with his eyes.

How could you have been okay with leaving?

“Why did you leave me?” he questioned softly, his shoulders becoming heavy with grief and despair. “Why couldn’t you have called my name faster..? Why didn’t I hear it fast enough..?”

“Levi..you didn’t let me die..”

The words you last spoken would forever pierce his heart, in a horrible but bittersweet way. The short man that was full of determination and ambition, was beaten to the pulp by the monsters that took away his life, that took away his power. Levi Ackerman, would never be the same as he was when he first met you. Weakness and tears were not for display.

The traumatized soldier cried for his lover, hours upon hours on end. His cries would be heard at night, for everyone to hear how vulnerable their heroic Captain was.

I’m crying. Missing my lover, I don’t have the power on my side forever. Oh, where is my lover? And I have no power, I’m standing alone. No way, Calling Out Your Name.

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

taglist: @sleepysnk @jaegerbomb20 @reddriot @kkiimmberly @kingtamakimurder @tamasoft @byougen @spike-this-ass @crimsonbows-and-arrows @thicmitten @eremiie @basket-flower-chick (message me to be added!)

#levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #aot #snk #aot x reader #snk x reader #attack on titan x reader #shingeki no kyojin x reader #aot imagines #snk imagines #attack on titan imagines #shingeki no kyojin imagines #levi imagines #levi ackerman imagines

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justcourttee · 4 years

Text

And They Were Roommates-Pt 16

Marinette couldn’t figure out where she wanted to start. There was so much she wanted to ask him about, so much she wanted to talk to him about. She wasn’t sure how much time she would have once they arrived at the coffee shop and she wasn’t sure she had the strength to begin the conversation after they were done.

“Marinette, what are you thinking about?”

His voice was so soft, so caring. It made her heart ache at the fact that it all could be an act. She let out a small sigh, dreading the conversation.

“A lot of things actually, for starters, what does being soulmates mean to you?”

Silence crept it’s way into the air, striking Marinette’s heart through its core.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked, I just know we haven’t had a chance to talk about it and -”

“No, no, no, please don’t apologize, your question just took me by surprise. You’re right, we haven’t had a chance to talk.” He paused, trying to choose his next words as carefully as possible.

“I think it means someone to spend the rest of your life with, someone who is not your exact match, but that compliments you in the areas that you may lack in life. I believe they should be romantic, but there is no reason why it couldn’t be platonic. A soulmate is a support system.”

Marinette bit her tongue, trying to hold back her retort. He answered her question and avoided it all at once.

“But what does that mean for us?”

Her eyes glanced over at his reddening cheeks as he tried to stutter out a response.

“I mean- I would uh- we could uh- I mean I would like to be romantic- or uh- try to be.”

“I would like that very much.”

He breathed out a sigh of relief, a smile slightly stretching across his face. A comfortable silence filled the car, but it was only momentarily. Her light heart grew heavy as she dove head first into the question that had been eating at her for the past few hours.

“Damian, do you know how I get my powers?”

“Sure, your miraculous, your earrings. They’re a gateway for small Gods to share their powers with mortals.”

Marinette sucked in a sharp breath, trying to shake the uneasiness she felt at his answer.

“Damian I,” she began level, gathering a stray piece of hair with her finger, absentmindedly twirling it. “I never told you that. How do you know so much about my miraculous?”

She watched his face carefully, looking for any indication of shock or slip that would confirm her worst fears, but he remained stoic, a slight frown replacing his smile.

“I grew up in the League of Assassins, as I’m sure you already knew. It was my mother’s goal to destroy your Order of Guardians and burn all but one box of Miraculous. Her and Grandfather believed they could use the jewelry to bring their own kind of order to Earth.”

He paused for a moment, letting her take in the information, only continuing when he felt she was ready.

“Of course, I was raised to assassinate any Guardians I came across, but that all changed on my tenth birthday. It was too dangerous in the League and my mother needed someone to dishevel my father’s work so that she could manipulate him into doing her bidding. So she dropped me off at his doorstep to raise. It ended up being her downfall. For once in my life, I had a family. It was rough at first, but as time passed on, I made meaningful connections.”

He paused to take a deep breath, his face looking pained as he continued.

“Then I died. When I was brought back to life, I was given a second chance, only to have my father die. Grayson raised me and cared for me more than my own father had when he was alive. When he was brought back to life, I no longer yearned for his approval. It was around that time that my mother and grandfather were killed.”

Marinette opened her mouth to apologize, the nausea and guilt eating her up, but Damian simply shook his head.

“Don’t even think about apologizing. It was a fair question. I imagine you are worried for the safety of your tiny Gods. Well, I can honestly tell you that I had no idea who you were until Tim outed you and I have no intention of misusing the Miraculous for any purpose or family matter. It is my word.”

The nausea slowly sank in her stomach, but the guilt still sat in her tightening chest. God, how could she think her soulmate would steal the Miracle Box? They sat in silence for the rest of the drive, Damian only speaking as he placed the car in park outside the shop.

“Marinette,” he placed his hand on her arm, causing the girl to turn her attention from the window to the warmth coursing through her. “I know all this is new, but I promise, I will never knowingly place you in danger or make myself a danger to you. If you ever feel like I am, please just let me know.”

She simply nodded as she reached to open her door, trying to hide the tears brimming in her eyes. Stepping out into the cold air, she quickly reached up to brush them away before making her way around the car to link her arm with his. He didn’t say anything, something she was grateful for as the two of them walked linked into the coffee shop. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

“You are an imbecile who cannot read a clock is what you are.”

Marinette sighed as she took another sip from her hot chocolate, watching as Tim and Damian laid into each other over his brothers being ten minutes late. Dick and Stephanie were still deciding while Jason stood off to the side, waiting on the poor barista who was trying to offer them everything she could.

“Well Mr. Get Out Of My House, if you would’ve just let us settle this earlier, I wouldn’t have been woken at 1:30 in the morning to be dragged to a coffee house that sells mediocre beans! I mean seriously, where are the Costa Rican beans?”

If it was any other time, Marinette might’ve agreed, but she was too tired and too agitated to deal with him disrespecting her late night spot.

“Tim? Drop it. Either drink your coffee or give it to me.”

Her eyes must’ve screamed murder seeing as he begrudgingly sank into the couch, sipping his coffee in peace. She gently reached up and tugged Damian’s arm until he sat as well, the three of them in a tense silence as they waited for the others.

After another long ten minutes, Jason finally sank into the couch beside her, throwing an arm over the back of the couch, shaking his head.

“Princess, next time you want to hang late at night, can it at least be at a raging party? I’m going to fall asleep any minute now just from the vibe in here.”

“You should blame Tim, he didn’t strike me as the party type for a debrief.”

Jason chuckled as Tim’s frown deepened, only slightening when Stephanie took a seat beside him.

“Okay girly, we’re all here. So like, what’s the deal?”

Marinette sighed, setting her mug on the table in front of them, sparing a glance over her shoulder to ensure that the barista had returned to her position in the back of the store with her headphones.

“Tim, you wanted to know what made me so special that I would catch Lex Luthor’s attention, well, it was my design. I’m working on my business degree to start my own fashion empire, but I needed a sponsorship. He’s been following my work since I first came out when I was 16, focusing more on my college designs over the past two years. He wanted to sponsor me.”

“It’s Lex Luthor! He didn’t want you because of your designs!”

Stephanie slammed her elbow into Tim’s side as Jason and Damian shot him killer looks.

“What?! You all know it!”

Marinette let out a defeated sigh, raising her hands up in defeat.

“You’re partially right Tim. He wanted to sponsor me and in turn have me spy on your family. Not just business wise; no, he made it clear he knows something is going on between you all. I played dumb, let him tell me about your involvement with the Justice League, perhaps just as a beneficiary, but he couldn’t be sure. He wants to cut you off at your knees, but he needs proof first.”

Tim pressed his lips into a thin line, almost looking pained as he refrained from making another comment.

“Anyways, I told him I would consider his offer, after all, he showed me pretty ‘compelling’ evidence that I was just Damian’s holiday accessory.”

It was Damian’s turn to press his lips into a thin line, but his eyes told everyone how he felt about the comment.

“He gave me an untraceable phone that I dropped in the nearest trash can at the Gala and before you get hot headed Tim, I did it so that he couldn’t track me meeting up with you all or track me to my apartment. There are too many risks to go into business with a known villain.”

“But you don’t understand Marinette! We could’ve been feeding him information! You could’ve gone undercover as a double agent!” Stephanie tried to pull him back down, but he was too heated as he loomed over the table at the girl.

Damian stood, his hands curling into fists at his side, but a gentle touch from Marinette stopped him. Calmly she stood, crossing her arms as she strained to keep her face neutral.

“Tell me Tim. When you heroes sent Artemis undercover to work with Black Manta, how well did that end?”

A chill atmosphere crept in as all five faces around her fell, all recounting the tragedy of Wally West. Marinette nodded as she stood a little taller, her cool eyes never wavering.

“And tell me Tim, Why are you so willing to risk my life? The life of my friends? My whole future career? Why were you so willing to out my secret identity to not just Damian, but your entire family?”

Tim opened his mouth, but she refused to let him get a word out.

“No, I don’t want your excuses. If you hacked my profile in the JLE, then you know that I came here for a new start. The world is in a balance at the moment. Equal wars and tragedy to equal good and heroes. I wasn’t supposed to don the suit unless it was an emergency or injustice. But none of that matters, huh?”

“Princess, I’m sure Tim didn’t mean-” Jason was silenced by a small hand in his face, Marinette never averting her stare.

“I’m sure he did. Tell me Tim, you did your research before you showed up at my door. You knew who I was and what I was capable of. So Timothy Jackson Drake, can you look me in my eyes and tell me that you had no idea that my parents died three days before you arrived?”

Four sets of eyes turned expectantly at Tim, waiting for his denial. Marinette narrowed her eyes at his gaping mouth as he tried to find the right way to say it, but his words failed him.

“Tim, tell me you didn’t.” Dick leaned forward in his chair, his hand landing softy in Tim’s knee.

“Yeah, Tim. Tell him.” Tears slipped down her face, the warmth as the fell matched the rage she felt inside.

After a moment of silence, Tim finally nodded, sinking further into his chair.

“I was hoping you would understand, but I see that was too much to hope. It was necessary for the mission, you were necessary for the mission. I knew you wouldn’t turn us down, the only thing I wasn’t counting on was your relationship with Damian.”

Jason and Stephanie both stood abruptly. In silence, they gathered their things and walked out the shop. Tim’s eyes followed their every movement, even as they pulled away on Jason’s motorcycle.

“I do understand Tim. You felt it was necessary. The difference is, I would’ve never put anyone in that position, no matter the mission. That’s where you overestimated.”

Marinette reached down to gather her now cold drink. Wordlessly, Damian stood and together, they exited the coffee shop, neither looking back.

The car ride was silent, but it was neither tense or awkward. No. There was finally an understanding between the two, an understanding to what the past month had been leading up to.

As Damian pulled into the parking lot of the apartment complex, Marinette finally spoke.

“I’m leaving in a couple hours with Chloe and Adrien to go to New York and then Paris to bury my parents.”

Damian nodded, slipping the keys into his coat pocket before reaching over to gather her hand.

“What time should I have my bags packed?”

She gently pulled her hand out of his grasp, her eyes sliding to look out the window at the night sky.

“I can’t ask you to come, you’ll miss Christmas with your family.”

“Trust me, right now, you’re the only family that matters.”

She nodded absentmindedly, pushing the door open to feel the cold air rush in, burning her cheeks. It was nice though. A reminder that she wasn’t completely numb. A reminder that she could still feel the small things.

Damian met her at the side door, offering his hand to help her out of the car. After a moment, she finally accepted, allowing him to pull her up. And just like that, her arm wrapped around his waist, his draped over her shoulders, the two made their way up to their apartment to salvage any sleep before they began the long trip in the morning.

Tag List:

@damianette-is-life @ladybug-182 @fusser90 @thestressmademedoit @dast218 @thezestywalru @jardimazul-blog @olynix @dorkus-minimus @xahriia @kris-pines04 @urbanpineapplefarmer @moonlightstar64 @itsmeevie01 @little-lady-bird @alexandriamw @lozzybowe @emmdaenovice @loysydark @toodaloo-kangaroo @jessigurl-design @aegyobutpsycho2 @stark-morgoona @tis-i-beanbandit @rebecarojas07 @abrx2002 @ash-amg @loveswifi @heaven428 @dreamykitty25 @marinettepotterandplagg @smolplantmum @clumsy-owl-4178 @books-and-left-behind-journals @joejoejodee @iloontjeboontje @maybemanymuffins @zalladane @mysupporthyperfixations @tomandjerrydatingsim @naimena @redeemingmygloryintopurgatory @thornalchemist23 @goddessofthewestwind @thehufflepuffranger-blog @aestheticnpoetic @more-or-less-human-i-guess @parish-vita @kitsunebell @catthhay @kking13 @thequeenofpotatoeunicornss @sapphirewilliams5095 @bigpicklebananatree @lozzybowe @jabalem @k-poplunardreams

#daminette #maribat #roommates

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blossom-hwa · 3 years

Note

3racha cafe au ps? bc the one w the dancers was so funny

KASJDHG I’M GLAD YOU FOUND MY MEDIOCRE ATTEMPTS AT HUMOR FUNNY ANON <3 <3 ANYWAY I LIVE FOR 3RACHA BEING IDIOTS SO THANK YOU FOR SENDING THIS IN, I HOPE YOU LAUGH AT IT!!!!

3-year anniversary drabble game: send me an NCT/WAYV/Stray Kids/The Boyz member + a prompt (check out the post for ideas) and I’ll write a drabble for you!

I’M SO SORRY I HIT POST ON ACCIDENT WHEN I WASN’T DONE SO I HAD TO PRIVATE THIS SO I COULD FINISH IT HHHHHH

Title: Cafe Shenanigans

Pairing: no pairings, just 3racha being dumb

Triggers: a lot of cursing, suicidal jokes (purely jokes, if you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, please do not read this - it’s along the lines of like ‘pls kill me now’ but yeah)

quick clarification:

better than tony: chan

chingban: changbin

gremlin: jisung

better than tony: changbin what have I told you about swearing in front of customers

chingban: not to do it

better than tony: then why did I hear you say shit when you knocked your head against the counter

gremlin: HOW DID CHANGBIN KNOCK HIS HEAD AGAINST THE OUCNTER EVEN HE’S NOT /THAT/ SHORT

chingban: I don’t exist for anything but pain

chingban: when will I stop being clowned for no reason

chingban: also I stooped down to get more syrup okay I wasn’t standing when I fucking hit my head

better than tony: you will stop being clowned when you learn the meaning of professionalism

gremlin: didn’t you lock yourself in the bathroom one time to send cat memes to minho

better than tony: THAT’S BESIDE THE POINT

chingban: pls let it go chan the guy just laughed okay

chingban: no harm done

chingban: well my dignity is in pieces

gremlin: can’t break something that never existed

chingban: watch me pour hot coffee down your throat while you scream in pain tiny sucker

gremlin: who’s calling me tiny

better than tony: kids please

chingban: ONE FUCKING CENTIMETER

better than tony: I'm the manager and they still won’t listen to me

better than tony: I'm giving up on life

gremlin: we’re right here you know

better than tony: did I say something wrong?

chingban: ooooo breaking out the punctuation

chingban: he’s serious today

better than tony: I'm always serious

gremlin: your cat memes say otherwise

better than tony: WILL YOU LET THAT GO

gremlin: if another bitch asks for a complicated-ass order, fucking soy latte with no foam or whatever the fuck

gremlin: I'm going to slit my throat in front of the cameras

gremlin: and my ghost will haunt this fucking cafe for the rest of time

chingban: aren’t there better things to do after you’re dead

chingban: like

better than tony: rejoice in the fact that you are no longer alive?

chingban: ^^

gremlin: no I just want to make sure I'm a pain in your asses even beyond the grave

chingban: a little bitch even in death, I see

gremlin: you got me !

better than tony: why do you have an extra space between your last word and the exclamation mark

gremlin: extra chaos

better than tony: as if your existence wasn’t chaotic enough already

chingban: just a suggestion

chingban: if you want to haunt us beyond the grave

chingban: team up with that little dude ji changmin across the mall at build a bear

gremlin: omg yes thank you for this lovely piece of advice

better than tony: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

better than tony: N O

better than tony: CHANGBIN WHY WOULD YOU GIVE HIM IDEAS

chingban: I need entertainment

chingban: and you getting scared shitless is entertainment

chingban: additionally if I'm the one providing the advice by the transitive property I'm not the one who gets pranked

gremlin: <3

better than tony: I should honestly fire both of you

better than tony: all you do is text at work

better than tony: swear in front of customers

better than tony: and leAVE HAIRPINS IN THE FUCKING SINK

gremlin: I APOLOGIZED FOR THAT

chingban: felix says minho threatens to fire him and hyunjin at least once every shift

better than tony: I should do the same

gremlin: nah you’re too soft for that

chingban: ^^

better than tony: I want to argue but I can’t and I hate it

gremlin: <3

chingban: <3

better than tony: maybe I'll be the one who slits his throat in front of the cameras

gremlin: no you won’t you’re too soft to haunt us beyond the grave

better than tony: you’re right I won’t haunt you

better than tony: I'll just enjoy being dead and not fucking alive and having to deal with you

chingban: ngl that sounds like a pretty sweet deal

gremlin: but haunting

chingban: no

gremlin: :(

better than tony: changbin look you’ve made him sad

chingban: I-

chingban: YOU STARTED IT

better than tony: <3

chingban: breaking news chan has the capacity for evil and I don’t like it

gremlin: in my defense I was left alone

better than tony: that doesn’t explAIN THE FUCKING FIRE IN THE R E F R I G E R A TO R

better than tony: HOW DO YOU EVEN SET FIRE TO A FUCKING REFRIGERATOR

chingban: I honestly wonder why chan hasn’t fired us yet

chingban: mostly jisung but also me

better than tony: A R E F R I G E R A T O R

gremlin: chan

gremlin: listen

gremlin: was this worse than ‘wow’

better than tony: ....

chingban: nothing could be worse than wow

chingban: his gc name is proof

better than tony: FUCK

gremlin: okay cool thank you for agreeing

gremlin: now

gremlin is typing...

chingban: the fuck are you typing

chingban: a whole ass essay??

gremlin: if setting a fire in a refrigerator is still a less horrible mess than wow was, that means that chan can no longer yell at me for setting a fire in a refrigerator because he was one of the main contributors to the mess that wow was, meaning because he contributed to a bigger mess than the refrigerator fire, he is unable to yell at me because to do so would be hypocrisy because he committed a worse crime than I did

chingban: did that... did that really just fucking make sense

chingban: quick chan use your lawyering skills to find some loophole in this there’s no way jisung can be making sense

gremlin: okay fuck you

better than tony: your argument is invalid because you also contributed to wow

chingban: ROASTED

gremlin: fuck I really thought I had chan beat there for a moment

chingban: fat chance

better than tony: OKAY AS PUNISHMENT

better than tony: NO MORE TEXTING GET BACK TO WORK

gremlin: yes papi

better than tony: oh my god I hate it here

gremlin: question

gremlin: if cookie monster entered the cafe and pointed a gun at me and told me to give him all of the cookies in the display case and the oven

gremlin: what should I do

better than tony: I

better than tony: I don’t even know how to respond to this

chingban: give him the cookies wtf

chingban: where’s your sense of self-preservation

gremlin: flew away the first time I jumped out of a two-story window to avoid becoming ‘it’ in a game of tag in third grade

better than tony: that

better than tony: that explains so much

chingban: I feel like I should be surprised but I'm really not

chingban: that’s the most jisung thing I've ever heard of

gremlin: <3

gremlin: but back to my question

gremlin: what should I do

chingban: I literally said to give him the fucking cookies

better than tony: I agree with changbin

gremlin: but what if he gets greedy and asks for the cheesecake too

gremlin: and it’s my day to take home the leftover cake

better than tony: would you die for cheesecake???????????

gremlin: without a moment’s hesitation

chingban: the amount of brain cells I lost throughout this conversation

chingban: unfathomable

better than tony: I'm quitting my job

gremlin: no pls don’t who else will changbin and I bother during breaks

chingban: you say that kind of bullshit about cookie monster and cheesecake and then you go and say ‘changbin and I’ instead of ‘me and changbin’ like normal people?????????

gremlin: look you may have had a crusty ass English teacher but my English teacher was LIT and I'll have you know I would take a bullet for her

gremlin: the least I can do use proper grammar when it comes to common mistakes

gremlin: mistakes that plebs like you make

better than tony: this conversation has gone off the rails

chingban: a train wreck

gremlin: more like 15 train wrecks mashed into one

better than tony: just. pls get back to work

gremlin: not unless you promise not to fire yourself

better than tony: it’s?? not?? possible?? for?? me?? to?? fire?? myself??

chingban: he means quit

better than tony: oh

chingban: I speak fluent jisung

better than tony: pls shut up

better than tony: fine I promise

better than tony: please get back to work

better than tony: preferably without burning any refrigerators

gremlin: no promises

better than tony: I'll take what I can get

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fuck-customers · 4 years

Note

not a fuck anyone, really. but im 18. part time. working full time 40 hour weeks. because 3 of my coworkers are out w/ covid. im going to either die from exhaustion or a caffeine overdose w/ how many monsters im gonna have to chug to get thru the days

Oh, sweet child. This is only the beginning. I’m not going to sugar coat anything because that would be lying to you. This is the reality you will have to live with as an adult from now on unless you get out of customer service. When I was 18 I told myself that I just needed to keep trying harder and that I was just lazy. Without too many details, that is bullshit. Don’t fall for that. You’re not lazy, this is just how it is. You are being over worked from the get go.Don’t let them tell you otherwise. Chin up, don’t try to prove yourself too much because they will think you can do much more than you can, and just. Do. YOU. Everyone just starting out. I’m talking to you right now. Do not think you have to prove yourself in your job. You can always work your hardest and they will always find someone else because it’s cheaper if you keep working harder where you are. Be mediocre but still GREAT within your job set. Maybe not CEO type, but maybe manager type within time. Retail is fucking hard work. It is NOT easy. Adults that have work in offices will lie to you that it’s easy. It’s not.If you can afford an education to escape customer service, then great! But if you can’t, then you need to know the tricks of the trade. I know you’re suffering now. If you know you definitely have a way out through education then don’t worry about it. But otherwise heed these words. Keep your head down but work hard. I’m sure at 18 you don’t plan on a career in customer service. It could look good on your resume, though. Keep that in mind(eat the fuck out of some bitches because this pandemic would look good as hell on your resume if worded right). Shit, most of my work experience is basically janitorial. I’d be more than happy to show everyone my resume. I’ve had people contact me within 24 hours of applying before. But right now I’m applying for disability because of my mental health.... Unfortunately it’s gotten too bad that I sometimes can’t wake up reliably in the morning just to clean a toilet because I’m having a flashback. :( But my resume is still something that is annoyingly attractive that I still get calls. It really just depends on how you spin your words. They don’t know how bad off I am. I’ve even told many people I’m not interested any longer.

Well, shit I think I went off track.... But perhaps it was a track you may have needed to hear. You’re young. You’re still applying to new paths in life. Whatever path in life you apply to remember to spin your words creatively. If you want to see an example for future applications or resumes then I can post mine. I’m not ashamed to post mine. I practically threw mine together for janitorial work and can’t get companies in my area to leave me alone so there must be something there to mimic.

Ahh fuck i’m feeling like im talking to much and i’m just going to shut up and post now before I change my mind. I feel like maybe I have some good ideas in here but maybe i’m being a massive pain in the ass too. but hopefully helpful. -Abby

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invisiblerambler · 2 years

Text

Is there a word for when you want to harshly and desperately lash out at people who are supposed to be helping you? Because secretly I kind of just want to accept being miserable if it means I don't have to put my heart outside of my body anymore. Like I will slowly die here but it is the lowest possible effort thing I can do. I don't know how to say I don't want help anymore. I just want to suffer because I know suffering well. Suffering is a good friend and it's like an old coat. The absolutely unbearable tension between the gnawing ambition and the desperate bottomless exhaustion of fighting off trauma and burnout for all of your preteen and adolescent years is completely soul-crushing. Some days, seemingly most days I've lost the want to get better. Not to even d*e but to just let mediocrity envelope me completely. To forget anything I ever wanted. Making it out is overrated. Living in your hometown and letting your internalized homophobia and mental illness kill you slowly over a period of 30 years is in. I don't want to help myself anymore. I don't want to rescue myself. I want to live in the steady but completely innocuous peril. Accepting your fate is underrated. Accepting what you have is what you get is underrated. I support anyone who wants better but I've decided I'm out of that business for myself. Hell on earth has waged a war with me and I've decided that instead of staying and fighting or walking away I'm giving into whatever it wants for me. I no longer have the capacity to hope or change or want more. That has been wrung out of me along with my delusions about how I've been running on fumes for nearly 10 years now. I thought I was getting better, secretly I was just putting off everything until I could actually deal with it. And then I didn't get to so now instead I get to sit in everything constantly for 20 months and have no way of coping healthily. I'm under no delusions that it's going to get better if I leave. In fact I know that the first six months will probably be harder than the previous six years. Except if I never leave I never have to cauterize the wound because it stays open. I never have to let it heal because it stays unhealed.

I don't know what the point of any of this was. Except to say all the shitty things I can't say to people who love me to people on the internet instead.

I'm so glad for their help but I'm also so tired. Sometimes I want them to let me give up. But they don't and sometimes i'm glad and sometimes I want to scream and cry and say every single immature thought I've ever had.

Above all. I want life to not be an active fight. For one thing to come to me without feeling like I've pried it from the mouth of the universe with my arms torn to shreds.

I don't know what higher power I believe in, if any at all. Separating myself from an Evangelical framework makes me want to throw the baby out with the bathwater because it all feels too similar. In the traumatized parts of my brain it all feels too much like blaming me for angering something I can't see. The planning of it all cruel in it's design. These days something about the chaos and randomness of it all appeals to me. Nothing is on purpose everything is random. It makes the cruelty easier to swallow. So I'll sit and swallow my own cruelty keep it from spewing on those that love me for a little longer.

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fantasyoverreality98 · 3 years

Text

this is just a jumble of thoughts written during another breakdown.

trigger warnings for mentions of suicide and overall negativity.

---

it’s funny that i’ve spent nearly half my life torn between holding on just a little longer and giving up completely. this feeling has lingered around for ten years, never going away, no matter how hard i try to get rid of it.

there will be periods where i can go days, weeks, months, without feeling the emptiness or the sadness creeping in, but it always returns. it is the only thing i am certain of in this lifetime. that feeling will never go away.

for so long, i’ve tried to deny its existence, tried to be happy, tried to ignore the sense that i do not belong and that no one could ever genuinely care about me, because how could they?

really, it’s a bit sad how much i think i don’t deserve love.

how could someone so terrible have anyone who cares about them? how could they care when it always feels like i am the last person someone thinks of, the one who is the second thought, who is lucky to get a second glance because of how utterly despicable i am.

and i know this sounds like a sob story. in all honesty, it kinda is.

poor me. poor kyrene. she cries over stupid shit and hurts inside because she’s lonely.

don’t think i’m not aware of how worthless i am and how miniscule my problems are compared to other people in the world. you think that after twenty-two years of life i would have realized that i mean nothing to anyone, and yet i still hope.

the thoughts are crippling. any kinds of relationships i’ve ever had have been annihilated because of the fear i have that someone might actually care.

never let them get too close. show them the cracks in the armour and then run away and slam the gates down again. reveal glimpses of the loneliness, but never enough that it would seriously worry them. never reveal the plans you made to the people in your life because they’ll either tell you not to feel that way or never leave you alone. don't mention the thoughts of that bridge and just how many times it's crossed your mind.

don’t tell them you’re suicidal, they’ll call you selfish and try to assure you with empty words.

don’t go too long without talking to them, otherwise they’ll block you.

never show your true self, because she is a horrible human being.

i just want to be loved. for once in my life, i want to feel like the one who matters, the one who comes first and who makes that person feel loved in return.

but i know that that is where my being a horrible person comes into full play.

because i don't believe anyone actually cares about me, i have a hard time showing that i care about them. i feel like such a shit person, not knowing how to comfort people or convince them i care or actually voicing that i do care and feeling like their response means they either don't believe me or that they don't care as much as i do.

but it's probably me who doesn't care as much, and i absolutely despise myself because of that.

people have told me they love me, they have done nice things for me, they have tried to help me when the waves were crashing all around, and i have never believed it. there always has to be an ulterior motive. there’s no way someone would just love me, not when i’m so fucked up and struggle to accept compliments or tell other people that i actually do care in fear that they will either leave or take advantage of that.

who the fuck would ever see anything good about me? honestly? who sees this fucked up person, the one who’s good for absolutely nothing, and decides that they want to befriend her?

i hate myself so fucking much, it’s not even funny.

the fact that i continue to exist when people i loved, who were loved so, so much are dead, while i just waste space, is a travesty.

and i can’t even kill myself because it would be even more selfish to put my family through that for a third time in less than ten years.

sometimes i wish i just wouldn’t wake up. maybe i don’t want to die necessarily, but i do want to stop existing. i want proof that people don’t care about me, that my friends don’t give a shit about me and that i mean nothing to them, and yet when i get that confirmation i cry about it because i’m never happy.

it is so frustrating it is to live like this. my mind is playing a constant game that i never asked to be a part of and yet i cannot escape it.

writing used to be the way i felt a little useful but let’s be real here no one gives a fuck about my writing and the one person who seemed to is gone so what’s the point?

seriously, what’s the point?

no one actually believes i have the potential to become a published author and make a living off it. i don’t even believe that anymore after realizing just how mediocre i really am compared to every other writer.

i think i clowned myself the most by allowing myself to think anyone cared about my writing. who the fuck would care about some random person on the internet who loves writing? who gives a shit about some story about how it saved a sixteen-year-old from the grief of losing a family member to the very thing she’d spent her entire teenage years contemplating? none of that matters. this is all over the place and i’ll probably regret posting it but it has to get out so these feelings escape this mind and stop making everything worse.

why do i even exist? and maybe people don’t need a purpose, but i feel like my being around just makes the world a worse place. but then you’ll tell me that it’s silly to even think that anyone actually cares enough to hate me or give me a second thought. so i guess there’s no way to win anyway.

it must be exhausting to care about me. to love me. to hear me say that i feel like no one cares or loves me. to go days without hearing from me because i’m off having a meltdown thinking that no one would care if i came back anyway. and i realize that i’m contradicting myself by adding this acknowledgment of people loving and caring about me, but when did this mind ever make sense anyway?

because i do know that people care. out of the dozens of family, friends, and acquaintances, someone must care and love me. but it’s hard to believe it when your thoughts are always being an asshole. i’m such an asshole. it’s disgusting.

i wish i could be the positive person, the one who lights up the room, who draws people in because of the loving energy i give off. for a long time i’ve pretended to be that person, but it’s become too much to keep up the act.

so there you have it. i’m not the happy, loving, caring person i try so hard to be. underneath that façade is a darkness that grows with every passing year, killing me from the inside out. i’m sick. that’s the truth. maybe not in an obvious way, in a way that someone could look at me and know it, but it’s still there.

and i don’t think it will ever go away.

this is the way it’s going to be until the day i finally die. so i guess this feeling of being a shit person and like an outsider is all i’ll ever have to look forward to. oh joy.

#suicide tw #negativity tw #most of it is belong the line but just in case #my writing #if you see this no you didn't #i just needed to vent publicly because i'm too dramatic #i need to take a really long nap now #i'm fine by the way if someone actually does get concerned seeing this #writing is my therapy #the feeling will pass...eventually...and then come back...and then pass again #it's an endless cycle #i'll come back when i'm not being gross and having feelings

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purplesurveys · 3 years

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1220

The person you had the strongest feelings for dies, do you care? I imagine so, yeah. I’d check up on her family and help in any way I can, if it’s still welcomed.

Is there something you’re happy about at the moment? I share this all the time in surveys at this point but I’m just really giddy that it’s a Friday evening hehe. Also, I’m seeing Angela, Hans, and (finally!!!) Reena later! We’ll be going to UP to shoot some photos since Angela and Reena are graduating this year and we wanna take pictures with the sunflowers in the campus before they die out. I also never got to take sunflower photos when I graduated last year, so it will be my chance to do so as well.

Do you want someone dead? Wow, no.

Do you ever wonder what your ex is up to? It almost never crosses my mind, honestly.

Have you ever fed or taken care of a stray animal? I’ve fed many of them before, yup.

What is something you tend to worry about? Pending deliverables at work, especially ones that are out of my control.

What is something you do that is unhealthy? Be in front of a screen as soon as I’m awake until the second I turn in.

What is something you do that is good for you? I’m no longer afraid to prioritize myself when necessary.

What last caused you to force a smile? Ooh I’m not sure. I haven’t had to do that in a while, which is a good thing. What was the last video game you played? Was it fun? Probably Mario Kart on the Switch, but it’s been a WHIIIIIIIIIIIIIILE. Yeah it’s one of my favorite series for a reason.

What is something not many people know about you? The fact that I’m obsessed with anything classic Hollywood and I’m a big Audrey Hepburn fan. The topic never gets brought up so I don’t really get the chance to say anything about that interest of mine.

What word describes your basic style? Casual, laidback. I’m more than happy with just a simple t-shirt and denim jeans these days and I think I’m over my jumpsuit/romper phase haha.

Have you ever been told you were going to Hell? It was referred to/threatened to me, but not directly with these words.

Have you ever wanted to kill yourself? It was a regular occurrence before.

If yes, what convinced you not to go through with it? I think overall I was just scared of fucking it up and fucking up my brain for life as a consequence. Also I knew no one was going to take care of Kimi as well as I do, and I would never leave him behind.

Have you ever rejected a guy, only to have him push the issue by asking “why?” and insisting that you just need to get to know him better? Nope.

Is there something that you believe everyone should do and you can’t believe that some people don’t do it (e.g., recycle or go to the dentist regularly)? It’s definitely an Asian thing but it will sometimes hurt my chest when I see people wear shoes in their homes.

Regarding the last good choice (healthy choice, kind choice, selfless choice, etc.) you made, what was your real motivation behind it? I wanted to be kind to myself and finally let go of what had been keeping me from starting to be happy and pleased with where I am and have.

What is something that you have had to practice at to get the hang of it? If you can’t think of anything, that’s okay, what’s something you are currently practicing at and trying to master? This is such a shallow answer lol but I’ve recently gotten into this rhythm game called Rhythm Hive that I found impossible to master at first, but after weeks of practicing I now breeze through all the songs at their hardest level.

Have you ever gone to the store to buy something, like a video game, when it came out at midnight? I haven’t done that, but I’ve watched a movie premiere at midnight - for both times the Breaking Dawn movies came out.

Regarding the last novel you read, was there a romance included? If so, was it central to the plot? Yes and yes.

Have you ever done relaxation meditations or listened to relaxation guides or positive-thinking/healing recordings? Nope, they don’t really work on me. I have my own outlets that help me relax.

Do you have any interests that are also often shared by children? Coloring is one. Also animated movies; I never grew out of those.

Is there something that could be a solitary activity but you really only like to do it with other people (e.g., watching movies, playing video games, etc.)? Definitely eating out. I’ve done it a couple of times before by myself and it does feel nice, but I also always can’t help but think it would be a lot more fun and that I would be much happier if I was sharing the experience with someone else.

Are you satisfied with the interior design or decoration in your home? Or do you think it needs a total home makeover? Ugh god I need to rearrange and upgrade my room STAT. My K-Pop merch are starting to pile up but they’re all currently in just lazy heaps scattered around in my room since I don’t have any shelves or anything to properly display them on.

Is there something that you’d like to own but you can’t find it anywhere? If not, can you a remember a time when you wanted something? Did you ever end up finding it or did you eventually stop wanting it? This is always me with BTS merch...

Who makes you smile the most? My friends.

What piercings do you want/have? Just one on each earlobe. I’m not looking to have any more.

What's your favorite website? Twitter.

Do you own a fish tank with fish? We never had one, no.

Do you like the movie 300? I’ve never seen it and will probably never have plans to. It’s not my cup of tea.

Do you pop your knuckles? When I feel stressed or when my knuckles feel strained, yes.

Do you have Photoshop? Nope, I have no use for it.

Do you use tinypic or photobucket? Way back in the day. I’m not even sure if those websites still exist.

What’s your favourite song from the 1980s? Heaven Is A Place On Earth.

How about the 1990s? I’m not sure I have one.

Have you won anything recently? Yeah we played this online game over Google Meets with my co-workers just this afternoon, before clocking out. My team won twice.

How often do you make Excel tables? What for? Oh everyday. I work on a handful of sheets every single day at work, but I also like making spreadsheets for personal use haha. Right now the one I’m currently super invested in is my tracker for all the merch I’ve been buying so I can keep note of my pending payments and which ones I should already be asking for updates on.

What was the last baby animal you saw in the wild? Not sure, I’m barely outdoors.

Are you always available or online? Yup.

Do you have dietary restrictions? Or do you just eat what you like? No allergies or restrictions.

Do you prefer gold, silver or steel jewelry? Or no jewelry at all? Silver.

Have you been binge-watching any shows lately? If so, what? Not really. I’ve stopped watching Hwarang for now, but I do have plans to come back to it someday. I guess I just haven’t been in a K-drama binge-watching mood lately.

If you dye your hair, do you do it yourself or go to a salon? I’ve never had my hair dyed.

If you have any, do you like your in-laws? I don’t have any. < Same.

Would it bother you, if your partner had cut contact with their parents? It depends on the story behind it, but mostly no. How close they are with their family isn’t a priority matter for me.

Have you ever wondered whether you were adopted? All the time, especially as a teenager who wasn’t getting any emotional support at home.

What’s the best physical feeling in the entire universe? When you work on something and expect mediocre results and feedback, but it ends up getting praised instead and you feel all the hard work pay off.

Have you ever grown a berry bush? Nope.

Have you done something new to your hair recently? It’s been untouched since the very start of the pandemic. My sister actually suggested that since I had it cut right when the pandemic started, I should wait out till the end of it and see how long it’ll reach. It sounded intriguing enough so now I’m indefinitely growing it out hahaha.

Do you have bad anxiety? If so, do you take any kind of medication for it? I’m sure I have it, I’ve just never been diagnosed before.

One thing you’ve experienced that you thought you never would have? Managing to get over a rough breakup quicker than I ever expected to.

What was the last thing someone said to you that kept repeating over & over in your head? It was when I was leaving Angela’s house yesterday and an “I love you” to her parents rolled out of my tongue so naturally I almost didn’t notice it; and when they said it back in a heartbeat. It’s when I realized that her parents are really like my second parents and that her house is a second home at this point. My heart was filled the entire drive home.

How often do you have late nights out? Never because we still have a curfew.

If you could, would you work from home? Do you think that would make you more or less productive? I don’t have a choice; it’s the set-up we’re required to live in. I’m pretty productive here at home but then again I don’t have a point of comparison considering I got my first job already in the midst of the pandemic.

If you had the ability to change the weather, what would you change it to right now? I would like to bring snow to the Philippines.

Is there something that you really need to do, but can’t seem to get motivated to do it? Upgrade my room and invest in shelves and other home decor/interior design stuff that would make the space more comfy and homey. Right now it just looks like a warehouse with my merch piled up in scattered places.

Most disturbing movie you have ever seen? Eraserhead or I’m Thinking of Ending Things.

Has a life goal or dream ever come true for you yet? If yes, what is it? If no, do you think you’ll achieve it? I have multiple life goals - some of them I’ve achieved, like getting into my dream university and simply getting employed, and some of them I’m still working my way towards, like getting a promotion. Yeah I feel like I’ll achieve my goals someday. I don’t like losing LOL so when I want something I usually put it above everything else.

Have you ever had food poisoning? Yup.

What are you listening to? Blue & Grey by BTS.

Do you think there will be a WWIII? I find it inevitable at some point down humanity's future. People are too hateful for it not to eventually. < Yeah, let’s go with this too.

Has anyone ever asked you if you were emo? No.

Has someone ever liked you that you never thought would? Yes. Tbh I never expect anyone to like me so I’ve always been surprised when I hear about someone who does.

In all honesty, can a person be too nice? Yes, especially if they’re starting to be taken advantage of.

Has one of your friend’s boyfriends ever tried to cheat on them with you? No.

Is mental abuse really as bad as physical abuse? Any abuse is bad. :/

Do you shop at Sephora for make-up? Nope.

Zelda: Twilight Princess or Ocarina of Time? Twilight Princess only because I grew up with it and never got to play Ocarina of Time.

Do you own a rosary? I did - I went to Catholic school. But I lost mine all the time because I didn’t really care for them lol I always had to buy new ones at the school bookstore.

If you were homeless, how would you cope? I don’t know.

#survey #surveys

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rebel-in-white · 3 years

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The Perfect Ending for Dean and Sam? - Supernatural 15x20

As I read reviews about the Supernatural series, nothing disturbs me more than reading things like the title of this essay, “This was the Perfect Ending for Sam and Dean.” It’s disturbing because as fans of this 15-year show, we are accepting mediocrity. Far from being a perfect ending, this was one of the worst television show endings that I have ever seen because the characters weren’t allowed to change and grow.

When I watched the Supernatural series finale, I was struck by the realization that this could have easily been the finale of season 1. In season 1, we were dealing with Dean’s feelings of being second best, Sam wanting a “normal” life, Dean choosing the dangerous world of hunting, and the value of saving the innocent despite the dangers. In episode 15x20, the episode implies that we are still dealing with the same themes from episode 1, even though SO many events have passed, and Sam and Dean dealt with their own issues in varying ways. Dean’s death during a mundane hunt harks back to season 1’s warnings and omens about the dangerous life of a hunter. Meanwhile in season 15, the Winchesters are fighting God and survived that battle. Sam’s “happy” ending harks back to his desire to be with Jessica and find a happy, “apple pie” (normal) life. Meanwhile in season 15, Sam has lost everything… again. He lost his adopted son, his good friend, his mother for the second time, his surrogate father, his girlfriend (what happened to Eileen?), and his brother. Also, let’s not forget that Adam died and was a Winchester. Season 15 does not agree with, and contradicts, its final episode.

Everything that has happened after season 1 and right before the series finale doesn’t matter. That is the message the series finale communicated with fans. Some fans might be alright with this message because it’s such a long series, too much has happened, but there are many fans who have avidly watched these characters grow and change. They themselves have grown and changed with these characters! Watching the finale felt like a slap in the face, a surreal dream, because the writers and the show-runner shut the door on any type of meaningful change that has occurred throughout the series. Throughout the years, Sam and Dean were able to create meaningful connections outside of their partnership, noticeably with Jack and Cas. Both were only mentioned. That merits repeating again. Castiel, who had become a fan favorite in the series, only gets a few mentions. Dean, the one with whom he shares a profound bond, shrugs off his death and continues enjoying his pie. Like the last 12 years of developing that friendship, emphasizing their bond, and teasing fans with their deep connection meant nothing. Because ultimately, the show sent a clear message to its viewers: it doesn’t matter what these characters have gone through, it doesn’t matter the people who have come and enriched their lives, but what matters is where they started. The journey, and the accompanying life experiences, don’t matter.

I read a really hurtful review about the series finale that implied that Sam could only be happy on Earth because his brother had died. He was no longer his brother’s keeper, so now he could have everything he wanted- a family and normalcy. That was the Sam of season 1 - before his brother died for him, before he died for his brother, before his demon blood addiction, before he saved the world numerous times, before he adopted a half angel kid into his family, before meeting his Mom again. All of those experiences profoundly change a person. His idea of normal and happiness changed, became vastly different. The show hinted at this when we saw the names carved on the table in episode 15x19. Sam stopped running away from hunting, his duties, struggled with his destiny, and fought for his freedom and seemed content with what he had. The show even implied a budding romance with a fellow hunter, Eileen. Sam from season 1 would have turned away from all this because it interfered with his desire to be normal. However, this was shoved at Sam in the most confusing, contrived, and sickening manner. After Dean dies during the series finale, Sam mopes for a bit, then he goes on a hunt, and reverts back to Sam of season 1 with ease. He gets everything he’d wanted- an unnamed, unseen wife and a child who he names Dean. If Sam from episode 15x19, 15x18, from any episode after season 1, saw this ending for himself, he would have run away screaming. He wouldn’t be able to accept it. Why? Because that’s not what he wanted for himself anymore. He wanted to be with his loved ones, which included Dean plus his extended family.

If Sam’s ending was problematic, Dean’s is inconceivable. This is a character who has struggled with so many issues and low self-esteem and has gone through so many ups and downs that to see him die, impaled on a nail by clowns, devastated and confused many fans. I actually laughed out loud when he died because it was so ridiculous. It hurt to see a beloved character treated like trash, then proceed to accept his death with arms wide open. Where was Dean’s desire to live? This is the man who survived hell, saved the world several times, sacrificed himself for Sam, and had to fight daily to survive. And I don’t mean in a I’m-a-hunter-and-life-is-dangerous way, but in a real, this-world-is-fucked-up-and-I-can’t-do-it anymore way.

That was what always attracted me to Dean. His fight to survive in a world that didn’t make sense to him, and his ability to cling to life despite feeling too broken and inadequate. For many of the fans, they resonated with that and admired him for his grit and his humanity. In the series finale, Dean gives up. He accepts death, accepts this strange looking heaven, even though he was weirded out by heaven when he first encountered it. He rides around in his car- alone and waiting for Sam. That’s what Dean boils down to- alone and living for Sam. The show sends a message that Dean doesn’t deserve anything else. Despite everything he’s done throughout the 15 years of this series, Dean can’t escape his destiny to die on a mundane hunt. The same death that had been foreshadowed in season 1. With only his brother with him to see him go. Dean fought so hard to be free from Chuck’s stories and from his own demons that to see him reduced to drinking beer and riding around in the Impala felt like he’s regressed 15 years. And some fans think he deserved this? What has Dean done to you?

Dean had potential to show growth and to show true change and progress through a possible relationship with Castiel, but the show metaphorically gave its queer fans, their allies, and narrowed minded viewers a big middle finger. Yes, even people who hated the idea of Destiel, you should be angry. Instead of the show stretching your thinking and challenging you to accept something different and progressive, the show decided to pat you on the head and feed you some metaphorical shit. Please don’t eat it. Throughout the show, there had been signs that Dean and Castiel shared a profound bond that extended into a romantic subtext. It started with the angel’s entrance and charisma, and Dean’s acceptance of him into his life (very rare for Dean to form lasting relationships), and it ended with a confirmed love confession. Now, imagine that you’ve been hoping for years that all these hints, looks, and jokes would go somewhere. That maybe someone will validate your views and make you feel like you’ve brought progressive change to television. Well, that’s what it felt like to be a Destiel fan after episode 15x18. Destiel became half canon! Castiel declared his romantic feelings to Dean, which Misha Collins confirmed to be of a homosexual nature, but he knew that he couldn’t have what he wanted. He died to save a shell-shocked Dean Winchester. Not only did the show kill Castiel, but they sent him to hell (granted, he didn’t stay long), and they sent Dean Winchester, the man who stayed “straight,” to heaven.

This was problematic in many ways. One, the message is homophobic, heinous, but subtle. If you’re gay or queer, you are thrown away, never to be seen again because your feelings will upset the masses. It’s what happened to Castiel, a confirmed queer character. When episode 15x20 finished and Dean hadn’t even mentioned Castiel out of his own freewill, I was upset. Here comes the second problem. This show had used queer-baiting for the past 12 years or so to keep its numbers up and to keep itself on the air. It used queer-baiting to a most hurtful and insidious way to attract viewers to the series finale. Then, they shut it down after teasing something that several, enthusiastic fans had wanted for years. Why open this pandora box if you aren’t going to do anything with it? What is the point? Leading people to create false assumptions, playing with people’s emotions in a negative way, reinforcing negative heteronomative stereotypes- this is what the show has accomplished. This is its legacy.

I wrote this essay to free myself from this show. After this, I am not a Supernatural fan anymore. This show has left a bad taste in my mouth, and I want nothing to do with it or anyone associated with it. I urge you to free yourselves as well and also to not accept this mediocrity that Supernatural gave us. Stop other shows and networks from manipulating and leading on its fans. Stop them from ignoring years of growth in order to feed you the same story and keep you mediocre and small. I know the pandemic of 2020 made things difficult, but that’s no excuse to create the subpar work the Supernatural writers/show-runner/staff did. With just a little bit of creativity and intelligence, they could have produced something great, no matter the obstacles. I used to believe in that.

Supernatural, thank you for the years of enjoyment, but I never want to see you again.

#supernatural #supernatural series finale #supernatural series #dean winchester #sam winchester #cw spn #carry on #supernatural 15x20 #15x20 carry on #essay

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mrsmess · 3 years

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Faves and fails of SPN (season 15, finally):

Favorite episodes (in chronological order):

15:4 Atomic Monsters - Demon!Sam flashbacks! Dean in a beard! Some old fashioned banter! Meatman! Beaverdale! Love how Sam starts arguing w the parents in the parking lot - Me too, Sam, me too. Loving the self-aware monster. I know Becky is problematique™, but I dig her, so, all kinds of fuck Chuck. He must die, and when he does this is the episode I’ll think about.

15:6 Golden Time - Badass protection spells. Dean in a robe and a hot dog pyjamas. Cas going by Clarence. Jogging Sam. Eileen! God I ship her and Sam, and I’d like to take this opportunity to remind you that I don’t ship him w anyone. Liking this ep a lot, every little side plot. Nice. And Eileen is back and I know it won’t last but like, that was awesome.

15:10 The Heroes’ Journey - Pretty neat intro. Monster on monster violence to the sound of Clair the Lune. Oh, and excellent casting of Garth’s kids. Regular people trouble... Awesome! Brilliant! This is the kind of meta storylines this show should deal in, exclusively. Oh my Garth! Explosives! Why isn’t every episode like this?

15:11 The Gamblers - Oh, is this another lucky coin episode? In that case yes please! More inconsequential bullshit kindly! Loving Sam staying in touch w Eileen. Hey guys, remember when you did the gambling thing w your years? And the rabbit’s foot? Good times. Will this be an equally good time? I hope so. A god! Excellent. ”Lady, I’m Tolstoy.” Yeah ya are, and i’m dead. The guys and Fortuna bashing god. And I'm equally delighted and distraught over the lore that god created man, man imagined gods and god decided to create the other gods to play into man’s ideas, or as a distraction.

15:13 Destiny’s Child - Omg the intro! Savage garden! I’m dead. Jack w the sandwich, why is that so funny? Cas is a gem this episode! ”’Sexually intimate’?” Lol. That’s what you get for trying to speak plainly, Cas! Hunter Corp. I’m dead, again. Keep the different Deans and Sams coming! I’m digging this! Why would they send ‘em to Rio? They could be your buffy-bots!

15:14 Last Holiday - Weird people popping up in the hq is awesome. And Dean’s immediate instinct to yell for Sam reminds me of me calling mr mess for everything! ”Shouldnt you be in the woods? Nymfing?” Monster radar? Oh, oh this is excellent. So mrs Butters is capable of murder when home and family are threatened, good for her. They better not kill her. I can accept them returning her to the wild. Yes! Did I call it or did I call it? Good Supernatural, good boy! And Dean making a cake for Jack! My heart.

Fail episodes (in chronological order):

15:2 Raising Hell - Rowena! Instant win. Ketch. Instant lose. Ketch undressing Rowena with his eyes = rating plummeting. Jeez. A bit dangerous even joking about the GoT finale, don’t you think? Rowena and Ketch full on flirting... this is hell, I'm being punished.

15:3 The Rupture - Don’t call him god! His name is Sucky-Chucky. The shock of Cas! “You’ve been playing us the whole time!” This is how it works Cas, where have you been? They're always solving problems like Jason Mendoza. In-Dean-angry-voice: “Anytime I had a problem and I threw a Molotov cocktail, boom! Right away, I had a different problem.” Rowena! And Sam! No!

15:5 Proverbs 17:3 - Listen, spn, it’s your last season and if you like just wanna stop writing and casting women completely rn i won't stop you or hold it against you (also why are these ladies identical?). We’ve had a terrible run but lets just let bygones be bygones.

15:8 Our father, who aren’t in heaven - Gosh, having Eileen in the show is painful, I’m just constantly expecting a piano to fall on her head. *Ugh* Sucky-yucky-Chucky. But hey, at least everybody else looks better alongside him. Case and point: I never rly cared that much for Donatello, but it’s great to see him, and Michael’s back, sure is nice to see him too.

15:9 The trap - Ugh. Main plot shit and Sucky-yucky-fucking-Chucky. Fail. Although the flashforward to jan 6th 2021 was a hoot (but probably not meant like one, huh?) Dean’s monologue in purgatory though... gosh. This show would be nothing w/o Jensen Ackles. Omg the kiss! Nice. However, the show at this point has lost the ability to offer any sort of pleasure. Because like Sam, we know which way this will go. They used to have some hedonism working for the characters but now they don’t even have that.

15:20 Carry on - You know what? I’m not gonna make this post longer than it already is talking about the last episode of Supernatural, that has been done better by people w real grievances w the show. The kindest thing you can say about the finale is that it just as well could’ve been jammed into a few extra minutes added to the previous episode.

Mediocre mentions:

Drag me away (from you) - what is this ugly cell interface? The opposite of product placement. Yay! Retro episode! And they got the same actor to play Dean, neato! Dean admitting he had a hard time handling hunting, that always gets me. Woah! That scream effect without reverb was kinda startling. And the camera zooming in on the little porcelain clown even though Sam is nowhere n- oh shit. This was an interesting episode

Inherit the earth - Goooood I hate Chucky. Barefoot Sam is okay though. Digging this soundtrack too. Very un-Supernatural. Nice to meet ya Betty, but I wouldn’t pull up a chair if I were you. Always a fan of the shiteating grin. Jack, stripping god of his power, that’s so hot. And again: kudos to the soundtrack! The Youngbloods and then Jackson freakin’ Browne! And you know, it’s clichéd and kinda vacant, but also kinda nice. I’m cool with the story ending like this. Why did they have to do another one? Supernatural has never known when to quit, and this is the very real backside of this.

Honorable mentions:

I don’t know who this Ardat chick is but killing Ketch puts her instantly in my win column.

Winchester-dumb, new household term.

”Feels like were taking a big, probably stupid risk. Feels good.” That made me feel good too.

I’m vastly enjoying this dark-art hippie couple in Unity and Jack’s interaction w them.

Cas launching straight into his dramatic I-will-not-let-you-end-your-own-life-speech when Sam casually mentions he’d like to talk to death in Unity, that angel has seen some things, and he has learned.

Those are some pretty pretty death effects on Jack in Despair/The Truth.

Obviously Misha Collins

Things that makes you go hmm:

Which of the clowns is this supposed to be in Back and to the Future? Because the one from season 2 was a monster, right? So he would’ve gone to purgatory. You know what? I’m not an expert. I try to not pay too much attention ’cause it makes me funny in the head. But just, y’know, a general objection.

Here’s my deal w death as a looming threat in this show: it holds no weight. And even if it did it has been painted as the ultimate relief, unless you go to hell, these characters know for a fact that there’s a potentially blissful afterlife, so their attitude towards death should be, what? More pragmatic, I think. And it’s partly why Ackles is wasted on this show; That man can deliver a death monologue like it’s nobody’s business, too bad all those words have been rendered meaningless after 15 seasons of this shit!

Summing up:

So, I did not go into or leave this season happy, I knew how it would end and I was sad for everyone the show screwed over (more than it already had). Which really meant that I always had to force myself to watch another episode, knowing what was coming. But I had to see it through. I did, so I’ll give myself a pat on the back and get to work on my own personal selection of episodes that will henceforth represent spn to me. A selection I’ll enjoy all the way through. All in all I think the most frustrating thing about the show is how it insists on taking itself so freakin’ seriously. It has always done horror *and* humor best and this whole heaven and hell aspect has never sat right w me, and in any case they should’ve leaned more on “supernatural” narrative tropes (if you will) getting out of their plot problems, gambled some more and thought a bit more outside genre conventions *especially* in their main arcs, they opened up so many opportunities that they never even used. They could’ve been more like Buffy, or Doctor Who. That said, I’ll always get that spn-itch, and when I do, I’ll be happy to have seen all the episodes so I’ll know which ones to avoid.

#supernatural #spn meta #favorite episodes #no this is not a supernatural blog #random fandom #no longer a rewatch #done w season 15 #and finally free

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2bstudioblog · 3 years

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Konami’s wheels are turning... slowly

Lot’s of interesting news heading to our heads this Monday from what I heard from Yong Yea’s video about Konami wanting to outsource their IP’s to 3rd parties.

Obviously, Akira Yamaoka has kinda given away a strong hint that he’s working on a project with Bloober which in this case would be the long awaited SH remake or the direction they had with PT before it got cancelled. Akira Yamaoka also decided that (too late) he wanted to amend the article from his interview and release it later down the line. It’s very unusual that these news happen, but we all know Yamaoka is most famous for his music in Silent Hill.

Which brings me to a funny story about my own involvement of a Silent Hill game. I mentioned this on a podcast that I was part of 2 Konami-owned IP’s that went into another direction and killing off their franchises which have been like dead bodies in a morgue for the last 7 years.

I got the request to write industrial-metal music for a Silent Hill (of course at this time I only knew the IP and their most famous version of the game has been Silent Hill 2.) game. First I was of course very excited to be part of the series, but I jumped to early until I found out it was a Pachinko-machine (A japanese style pinball-game mixed with a touch-screen and a one-armed bandit and a slot-machine in one.), and my heart sank a little. I think I produced 4-5 cues for the machine, but I’m glad that nobody will be able to hear my “mediocre” masterpieces because all you would hear are metal-balls falling into a tray. But the thing about this machine, it had taken cut-scenes from Silent Hill 2, upscaled or even re-mastered/remade the graphics which would have looked great if it was its own game. But it was the same thing they’ve done with all their other IPs when those transfer over to this kind of entertainment. All what was left of it, Jim Sterling turned the game into a Meme and all I can hear is the -”HIT THE LEVER!” and the effects overpowering the music behind it. But I’m glad it didn’t go further then that. Technically here, Silent Hill(s) died with the arrival of the pachinko-slot machine and the series have tried to re-establish itself ever since.

Another game I was a part of was a Castlevania (Dracula in Japan) themed Pachinko-slot machine, with the revolutionary phrase “Erotic Violence” in it’s PR material and video-commercial. I mean, they took the music production part of this machine very seriously because I wasn’t aware of the “EV” part. I just thought it would be a machine praising the history of Castlevania. I was assigned to re-write and re-orchestrate a few songs from Neo-classical Metal music into more Progressive Metal style, and I was super-proud of this one because they had the sheet-music already available for me. All I had to do was re-arrange some parts for a string-quartet (1 cello, 2 violins and 1 viola) and I believe it was engineered and recorded by famed engineer Kenji Nakai who was under and working with famed engineer Mr Bruce Swedien (Michael Jackson, Quincy Jones).

From that moment me and Mr. Nakai stroke a friendship because he has a passion for Progressive Metal and he asked me if I could send more songs his way. From this we both have been incredibly busy on both of our ends, but I hope we can be able to work on something in the future. I have a feeling that might be soon.

So a long story short, Konami spent a lot of money for recording, they approved everything and we were done. But when it turned out to be a pachinko-machine and not a world-wide videogame release, I just had to facepalm myself, asking the question why they keep doing so many poor decisions. Why leaving all those fans out in the cold and really start making Castlevania mean something. This void of “lots of fancy things, but no substance” started right here...

Konami are turning their wheels a little bit too late and too slow until now. After they got rid of Hideo Kojima (Who I believe was thinking of the international-market rather than the domestic one), Konami had only one thing on their minds: Making money quick and domestically. No more wasted time on translations, straight for the gambling crowd. No need to write interesting stories. No need to introduce kids to this adult material. They wanted to earn it back as fast as possible. But we all see their decisions put them on the map as a “black-company”, who mistreat their staff, shaming them out in the office for overstaying their lunch-breaks. Moving staff from one business to another, from a programmer to a Konami-fitness Center-staff, or as a toilet-cleaner at a Konami-owned pachinko-slot gambling hall. The management of the company has been horrendous for the full-time employee. I’m glad I was not part of these later projects and only wrote stuff for them for Pro Evolution Soccer series from 2009-2012. (My work on 2010-2012 was unfortunately un-credited work. :(

Metal Gear Solid V - The Phantom Pain In My Ass

When the playable teaser called Metal Gear Solid - Ground Zeroes, came out on the PS3 and later on the PS4, it was an introduction for the new graphics engine designed by Hideo Kojima’s team, simply called The FOX-Engine. Basically this “game” was more of a demo rather than a full-product. But it looked great and with a fantastic score by Akihiro Honda, Ludvig Forssell and Harry Gregson-Williams, it had everything going for it to become something really awesome. It became a standard approach from Hideo Kojima now to produce “Playable Teasers” to show a great concept while offering a 3-4 hour short campaign, showing off the engine’s graphical capabilities.

Still, the story was under progress and I knew early on that Hideo Kojima really didn’t want to do it after he always felt that Metal Gear Solid 4 was final. But here is the curse of the die-hard fans, and I’m sorry to say it. No matter how many Iron Man movies Marvel crams out, at the 3rd movie, I started to feel “This does not feel like Iron Man anymore”. But that’s what the fans wanted and is a standard in the movie industry. Always produce a trilogy. Indiana Jones has always been the 3 movies from 1981-1989. The 4th one doesn’t really need to be called Indiana Jones at all. It was there I felt, just like with Metal Gear Solid V, they were beating a DEAD RACE HORSE.

I can’t deny the talents on display for Metal Gear Solid - Ground Zeroes. It laid down some really cool foundations for the gameplay, but I still believe the better game-series for stealth was beaten by the likes of Splinter Cell and most recently Thief. Stealth in MGS has always felt a little bit childish and I only really enjoyed MGS 1, MGS 2, tried to play MGS 3 (still have it one my Vita!) and will try to finish it. MGS 3 has felt like the TRUE Zeroes experience, with the inception of the story and lore behind the cloning of Big Boss. MGS 4 finally brought it all to a great finale and I felt, there is NOTHING more to tell. MGS 1, 2 and 4 is the Trilogy, MGS 3 serves as the Prequel and I see nothing wrong with that.

Mission - Erase Kojima’s Legacy

The making of MGS V - The Phantom Pain is kinda true to it’s title. Can you feel the nostalgia? Or are we just imagining the sensation of a Metal Gear Solid game past it’s prime? The missing link? The missing limb? And with the worlds biggest cop-out of everything that had to do with story was completely missing.

Each mission is playing out every time the same, with an intro to a TV-show, giving away massive spoilers to who would appear in the mission, you do your thing (not so much of story, just a “go-here, do that approach, sneak back out, head to pick-up) rinse and repeat. I wonder how much of this was Kojima’s fault? I don’t think he was up to it. I’m sure he fought for more story but the big heads didn’t want to listen to what makes a MGS game a MGS game. The new management had now already played the hand to disown the man who put Konami on the map for games since the mid 80s.

The game is no longer marketed like before. The tagline “A Hideo Kojima Game” no longer exists and will never be part of Konami’s mission of erasing the person who gave them their fame and the recognition that a game carrying the name Konami was a brand of quality for any gamer out there. Me myself, personally only played PES because of the stellar animations, but its recently since 2012, I stopped playing the series. FIFA had already cheapened itself, PES likewise. Updating the graphics, but the same old animations have been recycled back to the PES3 days. Maybe there’s been an update in the collision engine, but otherwise everything stayed the same, with the huge amount of data collected from previous years of motion-capture, why do it all over when its all about the brand recognition? Saving money on processes wherever possible. Simple Math. And here it is. MGS V is not a MGS game.

We already knew it was going to be a massive budget behind the game of MGS V. But what can Konami do to save money on MGS V? They already have the Fox Engine running from Ground Zeroes. The assets for “Snake” (I’ll let you know why I put quotation-marks around it) and standard models will extend somewhat. Oh, yes, let’s save money on a character that doesn’t speak (Quiet), over-sexualize the character to start a fan-base of people who just dig character design, animated a sexy “shower” routine for the character for boys to go nuts over. What about voice? Let’s not really try to sync the voices to the mouths. Let’s have the guy from “24″ record his performances onto tape-logs. Kiefer Sutherland would have been a good “Snake”, but I understand now that you are not “SNAKE”. The game explains pretty soon at the end that you are just a Medic and all the tapes you’ve been listening to is the original Big Boss. You never where the character of Snake. Even though this all could have been handled better, Konami wanted to save money wherever possible. We also knew David Hayter was not asked or put forward to return as “The Voice of Snake”. But in this case I start to wonder myself, David Hayter might have dodged the biggest bullet in the most expensive, commercial and very controversial game of all time once Konami decided to kill everything that built up their reputation.

Even during production Kojima managed to start working on PT. The game Konami “silenced” after it was released on the PS-store. Guillermo Del Toro and his friendship with Hideo Kojima’s dream-game was put on ice. All because Kojima was about to get frozen out of the company that was according to Konami “Wasting too much bloody money”. I might get blacklisted for saying this, but once the new management started to mess with the other IPs for just domestic/gambling market, that’s where everything went sideways. Konami wasn’t treating their heritage with respect.

It took them 7 years to realize their mistake! And now, for those who wants to be part of 3rd party developers who would get a crack at a new Castlevania, a new Metal Gear Solid (remake I hope), Konami has realized that the only way they will survive (Yeah, Metal Gear Solid Survive killed them HARD) is to let other’s take over. Maybe my dream of scoring a Metal Gear Solid game would be somewhat more possible now rather than working in the confined space of limitations posed by the higher ups at Konami. Let 3rd party developers breathe life into the IPs because I know there are smarter ways to tell a story and I would gladly like to see the return of David Hayter in the seat, without having to deal with the blank-face approach that he was faced with every time he had to audition for Snake in MGS 2, 3 and 4! David Hayter is a fantastic writer, actor and voice-actor. He has the chops and I think we are all ready for either a re-make or a better follow up to MGS 2 and the time between that one and MGS 4.

#Metal Gear Solid V #the phantom pain #Konami #Hideo Kojima #Akira Yamaoka #Yong Yea #Castlevania #Pachinko #Silent Hill #PT #Ground Zeroes #harry gregson williams #ludvig forssell #3rd Party #Bloober team #remake #Metal Gear Solid Remake

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dreamcatcherfication · 4 years

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And Way Down We Go

Here is another mediocre Broadway Verse fic. I’m starting to think my Broadway fics have one plot point and it’s falling from heights, but that’s not important. Anyway, @theatergirl06 requested a while ago that we have some of Kat saving one of the other queens, and I know how much she loves KatAnna, so here’s some of that. This could be read platonically or romantically, I didn’t really have one or the other in mind while writing. Sorry for any spelling/grammatical errors, I use an app opposite of grammarly that creates mistakes instead of fixing them.

Writing Masterpost

If you want to send a request or a prompt, my inbox is always open! I publish a story at 8:00 AM PST everyday, so I’m always in need of new ideas (now featuring random asks). If you want to be tagged in my works, just let me know and I’ll be sure to tag you!

Prompts | More Prompts | The Trifecta of Prompts | Random Asks

Trigger Warnings: Heights?

When Anna invited Kat out for a rock climb, the girl thought she meant in an indoor gym where there would be a foam pit waiting beneath them in case they fell. Alas, that is not what Anna meant, and now Kat was stuck out in the middle of a canyon with Anna and the minimal amount of safety measures to help them. Already Anna had her climbing gear on, tying her rope around the stake she set at the top of the cliff. “Anna, I don’t know if this is a good idea.” Kat mumbled, peeking over the cliff. It was a long drop down, and she had never seen Anna or her rappelling skills to feel confident about the excursion.

Watching Kat as she tied her knot, Anna furrowed her eyebrows. “Why? Kat, we’ve got plenty of safety gear, we’ll be fine.”

Still unsure, Kat stepped away from the edge of the cliff. “I don’t know. It’s really far down, and what if one of us slips?”

“I’ll tell you what,” Anna stood up, finished with her knot tying, “If you’re not comfortable, you don’t have to go down. You can stay up here and be my spotter, make sure I don’t get into any trouble, eh?”

Pursing her lips, Kat nodded. “If you promise to be safe -”

“I’m always safe mein Schatz, you don’t need to worry about me,” Anna assured her. With that, Anna put her feet on the edge of the cliff and pushed off, starting her journey down to the bottom of the ravine. Nervously watching her, Kat couldn’t help but bite her tongue in worry. Anna was skilled and could take care of herself, but there was still the nagging in the back of Kat’s mind that something could go wrong at any moment.

On the other hand, Anna wasn’t the least bit concerned. She had rappelled this cliff multiple times before and knew it practically like the back of her hand. All her gear was properly secured, so there was no way anything could put her in danger. Carefully putting her foot on a protruding rock, Anna cursed when the rock slipped away. “Shit!” she yelled as her body slid down the side of the cliff and landed on a small ledge.

“Anna!” Kat called from the top of the cliff. “Anna are you okay?”

“I’m fine Kat,” Anna responded, dusting herself off. She wasn’t much further down, but she had completely lost her rhythm. There weren’t many ledges nearby that she could hoist herself onto, so Anna’s only option was to climb back up using her rope. Testing the rope, Anna pulled down harshly to make sure it could hold her weight. She frowned when the rope felt loose as she yanked on it. Her confusion was answered when the rope came falling down from the top of the cliff, no longer attached to the stake. Anna groaned, “Kat?”

Kat was lying flat on the ground, her head over the edge so she could better see Anna. “Are you hurt Anna? Do you need me to come get you?”

“No!” Anna immediately shouted up. She knew how terrified Kat had been of rappelling in the first place, so Anna wasn’t going to make the girl come down to get her. She could figure this out on her own, Anna reasoned. “My rope came undone, but it’s not a big deal. I’m gonna climb back up, okay?”

“What?” Kat shouted incredulously. “Without your rope, Anna, you could fall and die!”

Waving off the concern, Anna looked for anything she could possibly use as a handhold. “I rarely use the rope Kat, it’ll be fine.”

“I’m coming to get you,” Kat stated forcefully from the top of the cliff. Her head disappeared as the rustling of gear came from above Anna.

“Kat, you don’t have to do that,” Anna tried to assure the girl. Grabbing onto the first handhold she found, Anna started to lift herself up the side of the cliff. “Look, I can get up there just fine. You shouldn’t come down if you don’t have experience.”

There was no response from Kat’s end, just the continued rustle of gear being moved. Shaking her head, Anna attempted to dislodge the sweat that was running down her forehead. It was a hot day already, not to mention the current exertion she was putting into her muscles in order to hold her body weight. Sure, Anna wasn’t the biggest person (the only queen shorter than her was Anne, but they didn’t talk about that), but she wasn’t used to supporting her weight without the rope taking a bit of the slack.

Pushing away any thoughts except for absolute focus on her current predicament, Anna continued climbing. She moved slowly, slower than she had ever before, but she was prioritizing safety over speed. One foot on that ledge, a hand on that rock, reach a little higher…

Anna gasped in surprise as the ledge her hand was on crumbled beneath her grip. Her weight disbalanced, Anna’s body went tumbling backwards, slipping off the side of the cliff. Squeezing her eyes shut, Anna awaited any sort of impact of the ground against her body.

Instead, all she felt was a warm hand around her wrist. Opening her eyes and looking up, Anna smiled at her savior, Kat. As for Kat, she had a much more worried look on her face. The girl seemed absolutely baffled with how to properly rappel, but her feet were braced against the wall, one hand holding the rope taught, the other encircling Anna’s wrist. “Hello there savior,” Anna said, attempting to cover up the adrenaline that had just flooded her body.

Barely even acknowledging the joke, Kat attempted to lift Anna but failed. Her arms were far weaker than Anna’s, seeing as she generally ended up missing workouts by getting sucked into video game competitions with Bo. “Get on my back and I can pull us up,” Kat instructed.

Raising an eyebrow, Anna complained, “You know, just because you’re taller than me does not mean that I’m going to let you give me a piggyback ride -”

“Well then you better get comfortable hanging over the side of a cliff because I can’t climb while holding you.” There was a pause where they both looked at each other before Kat added, “Or I could drop you and climb up myself.”

“Someone’s feeling cheeky today,” Anna said, but she gave in. Pulling herself up on Kat’s back, Anna had to hide her embarrassment at being carried like a little kid. She was glad they were in the middle of nowhere and no one but herself and Kat were around to witness it.

Once Kat was sure Anna was holding on tight, she started to pull herself up the cliff. Instead of rock climbing like Anna would, Kat used the rope to pull herself up, practically walking sideways up the cliff face. Her muscles burned and ached, a clear sign of how unfit she was, but Kat ignored it, pushing herself in order to get to the top. After an agonizing climb, Kat heaved herself and Anna over the edge and collapsed onto the ground.

Getting off of Kat, Anna stumbled to the side, her sense of direction askew after holding on to the other queen while she climbed. Kat rolled over so that she was facing the sky, and then let out a loud groan of pain. “My muscles are gonna be sore for weeks,” she grumbled, moaning in frustration. “This is all your fault Anna.”

Instead, Anna was staring at Kat with a budding look of pride. “You saved me.”

“Uh, yeah, I did,” Kat shot back. “And you better repay me for it-”

“No, Kat,” Anna cut her off. “You saved me.”

Still, Kat didn’t seem to get what Anna was saying. “So?”

Moving over to Kat’s prone form, the German queen leaned over her. “You specifically told me you did not want to go down the side of the cliff. But when you thought I was in trouble -”

“You were in trouble.”

Anna grunted in embarrassment. “When I was in trouble, you didn’t hesitate to come and save me. I remember a time when you would’ve been too scared to do that. You would call Jane or Parr for help. But you didn’t even hesitate to save me.”

Realization dawned in Kat’s eyes as a smile grew on her face. “It’s not a big deal,” she mumbled, but secretly her heart filled with pride. Kat always felt like she was the weak link, the queen who couldn’t help herself, much less any of the others. Anna knew how important strength was to Kat, and both of them knew how monumental something like helping Anna was to her. “I mean, anyone would’ve had to save you with how badly you tied that knot.”

“Hey!” Anna guffawed, “I’ve tied hundreds of knots.”

“Then maybe I should come with you more often if they all come apart as quickly as that one.”

Shooting Kat a childish glare, Anna huffed. “How do I know you didn’t tamper with it just so you could save me and be a hero?”

Ignoring the question, Kat said, “You think I’m a hero? Wow, I can’t wait to tell Bo that I’m your hero -”

“That is not what I’m implying now, Katherine,” Anna made sure to cut her friend off. The two of them dissolved into laughter, the adrenaline draining from their bodies. “Well,” Anna sighed, laying down next to Kat on the ground. “That was an experience.”

Laughing, Kat shook her head as she watched the clouds float by. “We are never doing this again.”

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