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golden-cherry · 7 months

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deal - cl16 (17/?)

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x Reader

Series Summary: Your whole life has gone to shit. Your boyfriend broke up with you, you just lost your job and the Monegasque, who suddenly stands in your doorway, claims that it’s his apartment.

Chapter Summary: That's definitely not the goodbye you wanted.

Warnings: angst, jealousy, swear words

Word Count: 3.3k

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A/N: sorry for this shitty chapter and sorry for keeping you waiting! feedback is appreciated! love ya.

It's not long before Charles falls asleep next to you.

You hear his soft breathing, the way the bedspread rustles as he slides his arm under the pillow and bends his right knee. Apparently he's lying on his stomach, snuggled tightly in the warmth of the bed you'll share for the second and last time.

That Charles has grown so close to your heart in exactly three days is something you would never have thought was possible in your life.

After Raphael cheated on you and your friends let you down, you vowed to take better care of yourself and your heart and never let anyone into your life so easily again. You resigned yourself to the fact that you would spend the next time alone until you could put your trust in someone again. And that had been perfectly fine with you, as long as it had kept further pain at bay.

But the brunette Monegasque, without making any particular effort, has walked into your life as if God personally had opened the gates for him, and has taken up residence with you as if he were a virus that is taking you over completely.

You turn away from him, but you can still feel the warmth of his body through the many layers of fabric that lie between you.

The fact that he will spend the next few days in Italy is a good start to building the wall that will keep your heart from great harm. It will create some distance between you, buy you more time in which to figure out your feelings. And if it really comes down to you feeling more than simple friendship for your roommate, you'll still have plenty of time to think of some way to handle the situation.

You're about to press your face into your pillow so it can stop the whirlwind of thoughts in your head when your cell phone lights up.

Lando: Did you know that the Eiffel Tower is about six inches taller in the summer than in the winter?

Confused, but grinning, you glance at the screen. It's the middle of the night - why is he sending you such a strange message at this late hour?

You cast a glance over your shoulder to make sure Charles is actually asleep before releasing the key lock, lowering your phone's brightness to its lowest setting, and starting to type.

You: Didn't know that. Why is that?

The "seen" with the little checkmark appears directly under your sent message, and a few moments later the typical three dots that appear when a reply is composed flash.

Lando: Due to thermal expansion, meaning the iron heats up, the particles gain kinetic energy and take up more space.

You have to smile, even suppress a giggle.

You: You googled that for sure.

Lando: You got me. I didn't know the best way to start a conversation.

You: I'd say the middle of the night is generally not a good time to start a conversation. What if I had already been asleep?

Lando: Then you would have woken up confused for sure and blocked me right after the message.

You: Then you're lucky I'm still awake.

Lando: I'm definitely lucky.

Behind you, Charles moves a little, but doesn't seem to wake up. You feel him scoot a tiny bit closer to you, as if he realizes you're still awake.

Lando: Have you ever been to Paris?

You: Unfortunately not. I'd like to go there sometime, though. And you?

Lando: I've been there before. Maybe we can go there together? Then I can show you the most beautiful places.

You have to grin. Straightforward guy he is.

You: Do you really think I would just travel to Paris with a semi stranger?

Lando: You're right about that. But that can easily be changed. You and me, tomorrow, dinner at 8?

You feel Charles rest his hand on your bedspread. It's like he subconsciously realizes you're about to go out with one of his friends. He exhales deeply, but doesn't move any further.

You: That was very smooth, Mr. Norris.

Lando: So is that a yes?

Without giving it much thought, you answer the Brit with a "Yes, I'd love to," whereupon he responds with a "Great. I'll get back to you tomorrow. Don't stay up too late and sleep well" back. You press the key lock on your phone and put it back next to your pillow.

Time you do have. Charles isn't around, and you don't have a job to go to every day, so your days are as free as the beach in winter. And for sure it will do you good to spend time with someone other than the Monegasque. Lando is nice and friendly and funny. And since the two of you don't live together, and the level at which you're getting to know each other is much more superficial than the one Charles and you are on right now, you shouldn't be in danger of taking him to your heart as quickly as your roommate.

Who by now has moved so close to you that you can feel his warm breath on the back of your neck. It's steady, coming in waves and brushing your skin like a warm summer breeze. For sure he is sleeping well, maybe even having a nice dream. He doesn't even know yet that it's the last time he'll sleep next to you.

You close your eyes, almost press your eyelids together and force yourself to fall asleep. With the ulterior motive that the person who is dearest to you right now is exactly the one with whom you will soon have to keep the most distance.

Something rustles.

The sound is close, but not so close that it could find its origin right next to your ear. It also sounds muffled, as if there is a thick piece of soft cotton between the sound and your eardrum, so you can't really hear what exactly is making that sound.

You press your face a little deeper into the pillow.

The rustling becomes louder.

Tired and with your eyes closed, you pull the blanket higher to your chin to cling to sleep. And for a brief moment it works, your mind slips back into a gentle slumber - until you hear a loud, unmistakable rumble.

Annoyed and above all confused, you open your eyes. Your cell phone reads 6:15 a.m. Who's making that kind of noise at this hour?

You sit up abruptly, as if you've been electrocuted, and the covers fall into your lap. Charles.

For sure he is packing up the last things before he wants to wake you up. To say goodbye to you. You're surprised you didn't hear his alarm clock. For sure he only rang it once briefly before your roommate turned it off so it wouldn't wake you up. Very kind and considerate.

You swing your legs over the side of the bed and slip into fuzzy socks so your feet don't freeze. As you tie your hair so it doesn't look like you've touched an electrical socket, you hear keys jingle.

Charles wouldn't leave without saying goodbye to you, would he?

Hesitantly, you go to the door of the room and open it slowly to make sure he's still there. And indeed, he hasn't left the apartment yet.

But he has shouldered his travel bag, his feet are in shoes, and the apartment door is open, as if he is about to take the first step out. When he hears you, he turns around.

Confused and still slightly sleepy, you stand in the doorway. You point your finger at the large bag. "Were you going to leave without saying goodbye?" you ask him, rubbing the heels of your hands over your eyes. Damn, it's definitely too early to be awake.

Your roommate steps unsteadily from one foot to the other. "I didn't mean to wake you." In his free hand, he holds his key.

You screw up your face. "But you wanted to say goodbye." You cross your arms in front of your chest. "You said you'd set an alarm so you could get up on time and we could say goodbye properly."

The situation is strange. You're standing in the doorway to the room where Charles shared a bed with you, as he stands on the threshold that separates this apartment from the rest of the world. It feels like he's trying to escape from what's happening inside these four walls. Like he can't wait to leave and leave you here.

He doesn't even want to say goodbye to you.

"I know, but-" he begins, but doesn't seem to know how to finish the sentence, which is why he just falls silent. His gaze wanders from your face to the room behind you before he lowers it to his shoes. He swallows once before looking at you again. "Can we talk about this another time?" he asks quietly. "I have to go."

What happened in the last few hours you were asleep? Did you do something to make him want to run away from here? To want to flee from you? The way he's standing there, he seems like he can't wait to finally leave the apartment. As if he had to quickly put as many kilometers as possible between you.

The fact that he doesn't want to talk to you about it unsettles you more than you'd like to admit.

When you were with Raphael, there were many arguments, after which you both went to bed without clearing up the situation or talking things out. That oppressive, stomach-churning feeling was so devastating and caused such nausea in you that you told yourself that you will never again let an argument or difficult situation just stand.

You don't want to go to bed angry. And you don't want anyone to go to bed angry and mad at you either.

"Did I do something?" you ask, letting your arms, which were crossed just a moment ago, fall to your sides. As a sign that you're ready to face whatever may follow. "Talk to me, please, Charles."

Of course, neither of you would go to sleep now. But the very thought that you won't see each other again for another four days, and thus parting, leaves a bitter taste on your tongue. Which you naturally want to get rid of as quickly as possible.

Demonstratively, he glances at his wristwatch. "I don't have time. Let's talk about it another time."

"It's 6:25. I thought you didn't have to leave until 7?"

He clenches his teeth. "I want to drive now." He's visibly tense, his hand almost tightening around the key. Charles doesn't want to drive. He wants to run. From you. And you don't know why.

Somewhere inside you, a small crack is opening up, uncomfortable, pressing on the pit of your stomach. Your discomfort worsens with each passing moment.

"What have I done?" you try again to get him to talk. You cross the room until you're standing in front of him. "Whatever it was - I'm sorry. I don't know what it is that I could have done that upset you so much. But I don't want you to leave now and be mad at me when we won't see each other again for another four days. Let's talk about it. Please."

It's almost pathetic how desperate you sound. Your voice trembles like it's going to break at any moment, and you can feel tears gathering in your eyes. You try to blink them away.

There have been countless situations like this with Raphael. It was always you who wanted to solve an argument. The one who tried harder. Who sacrificed more. And it has brought nothing.

Even though you two have only known each other for a few days, this argument is much worse. Because you don't know what you have done, and therefore you can't change anything. You can't find a solution here.

Charles doesn't seem to care that you are on the verge of crying. His gaze is hard and cold as he looks down at you. He looks at you as if you were a stranger just standing in his apartment.

As you reach out to him, he takes the last step over the threshold. The small crack inside you grows larger, now seems to have reached your heart, forming a great chasm. The wall that has been built so far has been of no use. It is completely useless.

"If you really want to talk to someone, why don't you talk to Lando?" His tone is icy and his gaze sprays venom.

Lando?

Charles seems to have picked up on your confused look. Annoyed, he rolls his eyes, which stings you further. "Now don't act like that. He texted me in the middle of the night asking what culinary cuisine you prefer for your dinner tonight." He raises an eyebrow. "And here I thought you'd already had an extensive conversation about it. What was it again? Canned soup and BigMac?"

Your discomfort gives way to an even more rotten feeling. Anger spreads through you like a wildfire you can't stop it. How dare he?

"What are you trying to say?" you ask calmly, even though everything is burning inside you. Charles interfering in this matter when he has no right to do so makes your anger spill over, but you know better than to take it out on him directly. You pull yourself together. Even though you'd like to strangle him, you don't want you two to fight.

"Come on, Y/N." His smile is spiteful and ugly - even though he's the most beautiful man on the planet. "We both know he's just trying to fuck you. So what's the point of dinner? It's just a waste of money."

Excuse me?

"What do you mean?"

He seems to think for a moment, as if he were struggling with himself to say the next words. "After all, what Raphael did to you doesn't seem to bother you much if you're going to date someone new right away. And you said yourself yesterday that you weren't going to meet anyone on this couch." He extends his free arm and waves it in a semicircle in front of him. "Let's do it, then. Monaco is full of rich men. Then you don't exactly have to hook up with one who's my friend."

Never in your entire life have you wanted to smack someone so badly as Charles at this moment.

He knows what Raphael did to you. And he also knows why your ex cheated on you. The fact that he now assumes that you would just jump into bed with Lando like that upsets you so much that you're at a loss for words.

You don't recognize him. The Charles who lets you stay with him for free, who makes you laugh, and who is so close to you at times that you have to consider how to protect your heart, has dropped off the face of the earth.

Opposite you is a mean and ruthless man you can't get away from fast enough. His words hit you harder than any blow could, and the tears in your eyes no longer originate in discomfort, but in pure rage.

You don't care what you did to make him act this way. You don't care what exactly happened between you that caused this argument to degenerate like this. And you don't care if you go to bed tonight mad at him.

This argument is different than the one over his phone call with Raphael or the one at dinner with his friends. It's too close, too personal, and for Charles to think of you that way, after everything you've told him about yourself, chokes your throat and makes your heart shatter into a thousand pieces.

"You can have the apartment," you say emotionlessly. Your fire is extinguished, your anger is suffocated. The only thing left is a dull feeling of grief.

How could you think Charles would be any different? That he would actually be a friend to you? You even showed him your favorite place. That wasn't even twelve hours ago.

"When you come back, I'll be gone." Your gaze is fixed on Charles, letting him know how serious you are. Something flashes in his eyes, but whatever it is - you don't care. "I hate you."

Without waiting for an answer, you close the apartment door. As you turn around, you feel like an intruder in your own home.

Which, theoretically, isn't even your home. It's Charles' home, it's his apartment. He's just been nice and let you stay with him. And he didn't do that because he saw a friend in you, but because he felt sorry for you, as you must now realize.

Did this "good deed" make him feel better? Did he let you stay here to prove to himself what a good guy he is after everything with Annika? Is he really that selfish?

Who exactly is Charles Leclerc?

You would like to leave the apartment immediately, because there is nothing that doesn't make you remember Charles. The couch reminds you of the evening when you drank wine and watched Cars. The kitchen table is where you eat pain au chocolat and croissants. The bathroom is where you grin at each other in the mirror as you brush your teeth. Charles is everywhere.

He's especially in the dark bedroom, too, when you return to lie down in bed. His sheets are still where you found them when you woke up, and his smell is all over the room, making it hard for you to breathe.

Pulling your own blanket up to your chin, you lie there staring at the ceiling, racking your brain as to where exactly you took a wrong turn. But for the life of you, you can't think of anything.

You turn on your side and take a deep breath. Charles' smell hits your nose and only now, surrounded by darkness and silence, do you allow yourself to cry. Tears roll down your skin and one sob after another escapes your sore throat, which feels as if it has been laced shut. Your body shakes like it's electrified and somewhere inside you think your heart has stopped beating.

The person you trusted the most has let you down. Your closest friend has dropped you without explaining himself to you.

But that's not what hurts so indescribably.

It hurts so much because it's Charles. The Charles you saw as your best friend after only a few days. The Charles who didn't judge you.

You slide to the other side of the bed and slip under Charles' covers so that you are now completely enveloped in his smell. You feel so close to him, even though he's so far away, and even though the warmth feels like a hug, you feel lonely. You cling to that hug that isn't a hug, because that's the closest thing you have left of him.

Tomorrow you would look for another apartment, maybe even move away from Monaco. And then you would pack your things and leave, just like you promised Charles. And you wouldn't break that promise - that deal, the way he broke his.

Not long ago, you didn't want to share the bed with him anymore, braced yourself for it to be the last time you'd be this close. You wanted to build the wall that would protect, should protect your heart.

But it's no use building a wall when your heart hasn't been yours for a while.

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#charles leclerc #charles leclerc smut #charles leclerc prompt #charles leclerc blurb #charles leclerc imagine #carlos sainz jr #charles leclerc fanfiction #charles leclerc fanfic #charles leclerc x you #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc x female reader #charles leclerc one shot #charles leclerc headcanon #lando norris #Charles Leclerc fluff #Charles Leclerc angst

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ghostofskywalker · 6 months

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After The Mission

Bucky Barnes/Fem!Reader

Fictober Day 20 of 31

Words: 1,041

Summary: You didn't know how much longer you could deal with your growing attraction to Bucky Barnes, and it certainly doesn't help that the two of you had been assigned a mission that included black tie attire.

Bucky Barnes Masterlist

For once, everything seemed to go to plan. The plans were successful, the bad guy was caught, and no one else could do you any harm. There was just one little problem, and that was the rising tension between you and your mission partner.

You knew Bucky Barnes was handsome, most people did at this point. But you had also only seem him in tactical gear and the casual clothes he wore around the compound, so to walk into the living room and see him in a full suit was truly something else. You would like to think that you saw his breath hitch slightly when he first laid eyes on you (and the very expensive designer dress you were wearing), but you didn’t want to get ahead of yourself.

This was a rare assignment, mainly because you didn’t actually have to do any fighting. Your entire job was to keep an eye on one specific patron at this fancy restaurant, and alert the rest of the team when he started to move, and that’s what you did. It almost felt like you were actually just out for a nice dinner with Bucky, and you were certainly not complaining.

But now, as you were setting foot back in the compound, something felt different between you. Before tonight you might have suggested that you meet back in the living room and have a pajama and ice cream movie marathon, but right now that seemed completely impossible. Not because you had argued or anything of that nature, but because things just felt different between you and him after this dinner.

Just as you decided that it was probably time to take this dress off and get ready for bed, you heard a knock at your door. You immediately walked over and opened it, thinking it was probably Natasha on the other side, stopping by to let you know how the rest of the team did when they apprehended the target and if there was anything else that needed to be done in the coming days.

You certainly weren’t expecting Bucky to be standing on the other side. “Hey,” he said. “I just wanted to check in with you.” He had also not yet shed his fancy evening attire, and the fact that his tie was currently undone around his neck was only making him more attractive. Seriously, why did he have to be so attractive? Was he trying to kill you?

“Oh,” was your response, not quite sure what to make of the interaction at this point. “Did Steve send something out to the team that I missed?”

“Not in an official sense,” he said, and your expression changed to one of confusion. “You seemed like something was bothering you on the way home, so I wanted to make sure everything was okay.”

“Thank you for checking on me,” you said. “I don’t think anything was wrong, I’m sorry if I made you feel that way.” That wasn’t the whole truth and you knew it, but the reality was that you were acting differing because of the ridiculously crazy thoughts running through your head at that moment, all of which involved you and Bucky in much less clothing and several rather compromising positions.

“Are you sure?” he said. “I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“I promise I’m not mad at you,” you said, a small smile crossing your face. “That is absolutely not the reason I was acting like that on the way home.”

You had really hoped that he would just let the conversation go after that and allow you to get ready for bed (and pine for him in peace), but of course that was not what happened. “So there is something,” he said, closing the door behind him as he stepped further into your room. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” you said, trying to think of an excuse to get out of this conversation. “Don’t worry.”

“But I am worried,” was his response, and it was accompanied by a look that almost made your heart melt right then and there. “Why won’t you tell me what’s wrong?”

“Because it’s about you,” you said, and immediately regretted it.

“What? I thought you just-”

Since you would rather he be disgusted by your attraction to him than angry at himself for doing something wrong (which he absolutely hadn’t done), you decided to just tell him the truth. “Because I like you,” you said softly. “And I know that it’s probably a stupid little crush and I’ll get over it, but I saw you in that suit tonight and I’m pretty sure my brain forgot how thoughts work.” You watched as your words sank in, waiting for the inevitable rejection that would break your heart for a few weeks before you would be able to recover.

But much to your surprise, that rejection never came.

Instead, Bucky’s hands found their way to your waist, and he gently pulled you closer to him. Your lips met immediately, and it didn’t really matter who kissed who, because both of you were pouring so much passion into the kiss that you genuinely wondered if you would faint when you pulled apart.

Thankfully, your legs continued to work (even if they did wobble a little), and unfortunately you did have to break for air. “I really hope that it isn’t a little crush,” he said, his eyes searching yours with an expression of pure happiness. “Because seeing you walk out in that dress made me feel pretty much the same way.”

“Really?” This had to be some kind of dream, it was simply too good to be true.

“Really.” He leaned in and placed another soft kiss on your lips. “And I really don’t want this night to end.”

Your breath hitched. “Me neither,” you breathed, voice barely above a whisper.

His lips began to travel down to your neck, and you had to fight hard not to make any embarrassing noises. You could hear the sound of someone’s phone ringing beyond your lovesick haze, and you knew that he had probably heard it too, but neither of you were going to pay attention to it.

Right now, you were just enjoying this perfect moment.

- the end -

i no longer have a taglist! if you're interested in being notified when i post, you can follow my library blog @ghostofskywalker-library and turn on notifications!

#ghostofskywalker.fictober #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fluff #marvel x reader

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4dkellysworld · 9 months

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When suffering happens

When unpleasant things happen in life, in an effort to understand it and find peace, we (our egos) often either try to find reason and understand why something happened/is so or immediately jump to conclusions and label it, often linking it to our identity like "oh it's because I am _____" or "it's because I did/thought/felt _____ which caused this, I shouldn't have done that!" or "This always happens to me ugh!!!" yet I find this habit ends up causing more harm than good and it is this self-identification that then ends up causing further spiralling and a pattern of similar events later in the future.

M: Detach yourself from all that makes your mind restless. Renounce all that disturbs its peace. If you want peace, deserve it. Q: Surely everybody deserves peace. M: Those only deserve it, who don't disturb it. Q: In what way do I disturb peace? M: By being a slave to your desires and fears. Q: Even when they are justified? M: Emotional reactions, born of ignorance or inadvertence, are never justified. Seek a clear mind and a clean heart. All you need is to keep quietly alert, enquiring into the real nature of yourself. This is the only way to peace. Chapter 8: The Self Stands Beyond Mind - I Am That, Nisargadatta Maharaj

Leave poor Vanessa alone and stop assigning her the responsibility and accountability of everything that the dream shows. The entire dream is all an expression of the Infinite Being, not hers (the ego) which she is just one more creation of. And it doesn't have to be your (the Self's/I AM's) dream anymore when you stop identifying with it.

This is why it's so important to let go of our ego, to let go of the unpleasant thoughts with indifference, reject any claim over them and detach any association with your I AM (the Self's identity) rather than intellectuallise what happened with the mind. You can cut it off and break the cycle right there.

Understanding this was truly the turning point that launched me into earnest and honest study of 4dbarbie's teachings and by extension, Lester Levenson and Nisargadatta Maharaj's teachings. I was just so sick of going through the same shit, being stuck in the trenches and going nowhere. At some point you're going to get so fed up that you just want to give it all up and not care about anything anymore.

The thing about nothing though is that it's the only thing that can take the shape of everything. 1

Isn't it so much more freeing to just say "fuck it all, it doesn't make sense and I don't care to think about it anymore. This isn't mine", let it go and move on?

Imagine you see a random couple out in public fighting about all their relationship problems openly. What goes through your head when that happens? For me, I go "phew yikes, I'm glad that's not me. Not my circus, not my monkeys. Not my problem", feel a sense of relief and gratefulness that it's not my burden to bear and move on with my day.

When nonsensical or unpleasant things happen in your life, treat it the same way you do when nonsensical or unpleasant things happen in your sleeping dreams for they are both I AM's imaginary creations. Just let it go, detach it from Self and move on - no matter what happens, it is not yours.

Important distinction: I am not saying to physically ignore your body and ego's needs, do what needs to be done but you (the Self) do not have to identify with it, you do not have to claim it as yours. You know it's not you and you are just observing everything, unaffected.

"When the mind is quiet, we come to know ourselves as the pure witness. We withdraw from the experience and its experiencer and stand apart in pure awareness, which is between and beyond the two. The personality, based on self-identification, on imagining oneself to be something: 'I am this, I am that', continues, but only as a part of the objective world. Its identification with the witness snaps." Chapter 6: Meditation - I Am That, Nisargadatta Maharaj

Stop trying to find reason as you are only further sustaining its reality by doing that.

"By resisting evil, you merely strengthen it." Chapter 72: What is Pure, Unalloyed, Unattached is Real - I Am That, Nisargadatta Maharaj "You may try to trace how a thing happens, but you cannot find out why a thing is as it is. A thing is as it is, because the universe is as it is". Chapter 4: Real World is Beyond The Mind - I Am That, Nisargadatta Maharaj

Just let it go. Letting go is what gives ultimate peace and freedom.

Not yours, remember? Repeat. Not yours. You won't lose your mind, you'll only lose your misery. See this world and the body as not real first. What is true is only what I AM is identified with, right now this body which is not in that TV show (your desired reality). Correct this first by letting go of thinking it's you 2

Just let go of the ego, that’s how simple it is.

#writings #non duality #non dualism

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the-rad1o-demon · 6 months

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Please share, and donate if you can!!

$375 is way too low right now to be of any use in stopping KOSA, so the more you share, the better, and it's also great if you're able to also donate (only if you're able to do so without worsening whatever monetary and/or safety situation you're in)!!

This bill affects all of us. Both children and adults of the following: the LGBTQ+ community, Black communities, Latinx communities, Native American communities, Asian communities.

It will affect ex-Jehovah's Witnesses, and younger folks still trapped. Same thing for ex-Catholics and children/teens still trapped in the Catholic Church. Same thing for Mormons.

This bill affects everyone, okay? There is no beating around the bush. It has been stated time and again by literal lawmakers that this bill is a censorship bill. Senator Blackburn, co-author of the KOSA bill, said herself it would be used to "protect children from the transgender."

So please help keep the fight going. Because the more of us contribute, the bigger chance we have of winning.

And don't fall for that "oh, what I do won't matter much, other people will do it" line of thought.

Even if you think other people will help: please help anyway. We are running out of time, and when one person falls into this line of thinking, so does everyone else, and then nothing happens. So if you can, please help anyway, because we need all we can get. It's all hands on deck at this point.

So far, chances of KOSA being enacted is 31% according to the site linked below.

We need to get it down to zero. 31% is way too big still.

Also, here's a petition you can sign!! If you can't donate, signing will also be a big help (I also recommend signing even if you do donate).

You can also call your senators' offices!!

(Correct call script document in post this time as opposed to comment section, ha!)

The call scripts linked below were originally for Congressional representatives, but now that the bill is in committee consideration by Senate Commerce, you should call your Senators instead and you can use the scripts for them. Also, when calling your Democrat senators, make sure to add that Senator Blackburn explicitly stated in interview that it would be used to "protect children from the transgender." I think it's pretty clear that this is not meant to protect children. It's just going to harm children further, especially trans children.

(Article below with a video of the interview embedded.)

Please help keep the fight going. If we let up for even a second, the bill might get passed and the fucking conservatives will win this round. Yeah, we can still fight after, but it's going to be so much harder with how much damage KOSA is going to do to social media sites and our ability to communicate online.

We need to stop KOSA now, if we want the best chance at protecting our freedom on the Internet.

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nonpracticinghumanbeing · 7 months

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Revenge is the safe space is such a ridiculous take that I have to get it out of my system or I will go insane.

Revenge is a ship whose captain is utterly useless. He gets the ship beached because he forgets someone should be steering it. He loses the hostages AND gets himself caught by the natives who only let him go because they realize he poses no threat (which is super telling given their history with white colonizers). In the Republic he immediately gets himself in trouble with Jackie and it's only Blackbeard's reputation that saves him. He walks straight into Geraldo's trap and almost gets killed, only to be rescued by Edward again. He is too much into Ed and too fucking polite to question Jack's motives until it's way too late, thus putting all of his crew in harm's way.

Revenge is a ship whose captain inspires zero confidence in his crew. They all know he's terrible at being a pirate and they keep saying he will probably get them all killed. He admits he has no idea what to do, which can't be great for the crew's morale - and on a ship the crew's willingness to carry out orders without hesitation may be a matter of life and death. He fucking treats his whims and fancies as more important than the crew's well-being and gets annoyed when the Swede gets scurvy after wasting all their oranges on a cake. And he doesn't even see it was his mistake.

And it's not even like the crew get space to be themselves in return either. Stede is great at talking about how they can be themselves on the Revenge, but in reality, they either get scolded when they don't do what he would like them to do or he doesn't notice their feelings at all because he's too preoccupied with his own bullshit. He tells them to enjoy their vacation however they like and then immediately scolds Wee John and the Swede for rough and tumbling because it's not how he would like them to behave. He doesn't notice Lucius is upset after being locked by Jim because he's too annoyed at not having his scribe to take down his musings. He doesn't notice how upset Jim is about their trip to St. Augustine because he's too excited about treasure hunting with Edward.

So let me ask: who exactly is safe on the Revenge? For all his terrible management style, Izzy would at least make sure the ship was stocked properly and had all stations manned at all times. I would 100% prefer Izzy to be my captain than Stede because Izzy would at least keep me as safe as it's possible for a pirate to be - and all he really wanted in return was discipline which is the most basic thing on a properly run ship.

So yeah, Izzy needs to change and learn to be more accepting, but Stede needs to learn EVERYTHING, from being a sailor to fucking noticing his crew's mood.

On a more personal note: I'm truly perplexed how many people think safe space simply means a space where one can talk about their feelings without being judged. It is that, sure, but that is step two. Step one is making sure the space is safe from the outsiders. It's taking up arms and carving this place out in a hostile world and then standing one's ground and defending it. Izzy stopped on step one and refuses to go any further. But Stede would like to have step two without ever taking step one and that’s not how the world works.

#ofmd #our flag means death #our flag means gay #izzy hands #ofmd meta #stede bonnet

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cornchrunchie · 6 months

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Okay, at this point, I'm not even sure what to think of my own theories anymore and if this makes any sense AT ALL but WHAT IF

What if Aziraphale not only was very aware of how much the words “I forgive you” after the kiss would hurt Crowley but WANTED his words to hurt Crowley – to make it easier for both of them to leave.

Let me elaborate. Gifs inclusive!

I was just listening to the song “Hot Mess” by dodie and one part of the chorus especially struck me:

Make it ugly, put on a show Hack it that I hate you so that I can let go

Essentially, it’s about how the narrative voice of the song is trying to hate their partner in order to let them go. The idea behind this is that if the breakup is worse than it needs to be – i.e. if one person is being tricked into hating the other person – it’s easier for them to stop loving them.

What if Aziraphale is doing this to his relationship with Crowley?

We know (thanks to Rob Wilkins) that, after the kiss, Aziraphale is trying to comprehend what's happening and that he wants Crowley to do it again.

But he doesn't say any of that.

In this 10-second-long eternity after the kiss, Aziraphale is clearly struggling for words. He is not even looking at Crowley but focused on an undefined point in front of him as if he can't bear to meet his gaze just yet. He is completely overwhelmed.

When he dares to look up, he takes one deep breath. Of course, we can only speculate what is going through his mind. For the sake of this meta, I'm going to propose the theory that at this moment, Aziraphale realizes how hopeless their situation actually is.

Their love for each other is undeniable. Both of them said that they wanted to be together, even if they used different words to describe their desire. But while Crowley wants to fight their battle against Armageddon from the outside, Aziraphale wants to change Heaven's system from the inside. And behind these approaches lie such deep-rooted beliefs about, well, everything, that they pose an obstacle they can't overcome. Not yet. Not through running off together. Not even if their love is 6000 years deep. It's the epitome of tragedy, really.

Aziraphale knows this. He knows that in this situation, this will only hurt more the further they go. So he takes a deep breath. And he decides to do the excruciating thing neither of them wants to do but that needs to be done:

He ends it.

Aziraphale knows about the harmfulness of his words – these specific words of all the things he could have said or done. Even as he is saying them, he looks as if it physically hurts him to do so. His eyes seem to be full of pain, maybe even regret. But how else will he convince Crowley to do what he can't, how else will he make him let go?

When Crowley leaves, Aziraphale doesn't attempt to stop him again. No matter how plainly this breaks his heart, no matter how he's barely holding himself together. He lets him go.

In German, there is a saying that could literally be translated to: It's better to have an end with terror than to have terror without an end (Besser ein Ende mit Schrecken als ein Schrecken ohne Ende). I think it fits this particular reading of the scene quite well. In Aziraphale's mind, their relationship would result in such agony that they would hurt even more. By ending their relationship before it has even begun, he is trying to protect both of them – making the pain great but definite instead of ongoing.

Does that sound plausible to anyone?

I myself am still quite unsure how to feel about this interpretation of Aziraphale's reaction, so I would love to hear some thoughts on it! <3

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lokisprettygirl · 4 months

Text

Close Ties (Daemon Targaryen x Female Reader) (Modern AU) (Non canon) (18+)

Read Chapter 14 // Series Masterlist

Chapter 15

Summary : Your relationship with Daemon changes.

Warning: 18+ dad's best friend trope, canon (we don't know her..don't like don't read), feeling of hopelessness, uncle Daemon kink (you don't have to squint), familial uncle niece sort of relationship but he's not really her uncle, there will be more smut later, masturbation, significant age gap but reader is in her mid twenties, mention of infidelity, miscarriage , divorce, smoking and alcohol drinking, physical violence implied

A burning rage stirred within you as your eyes met hers, the last thing you wanted to do was smile at her. How dare she enter your home after all the pain and hurt she had caused not just to Daemon but your family as well?

“Y/n how are you?” Her screechy voice made you wince so you just crossed your arms and glared at Daemon but he was just staring at her. You couldn't really figure out what he was thinking.

“Get out of my house Stella” you said to her and just walked past her to go upstairs, swear to god if he was planning to get back to her you'd never ever even look at him again.

“Her house? The audacity is strange, her father owns it, does she not remember?” Stella chuckled as she turned to Daemon and she was about to hug him again but he put his hand out in front of her to stop her. He was too stunned with her presence to do anything about it when she hugged him the last time and you saw that and he figured you were going to take it the wrong way.

“Did he call you here?” He asked her with a clenched jaw and scowl evident on his face, your father had been making all the wrong decisions since he was diagnosed so he didn't put this behavior past him.

“No ..I came because I missed you dae” she gave him her typical sweet smile and it only infuriated him further.

“Don't call me that” he grabbed her arm and dragged her towards the door “Get out and don't come back.. I don't want you to come back here ever again”

He said to her with anger in his voice so she pulled her arms out of his grasp and glared at him.

“What the fuck is wrong with you Daemon, i know our marriage fell apart but you're acting as if we haven't spent 13 good years together” she told him nonchalantly and he could only let out a chuckle because he was so frustrated.

“Good years? Are you fucking kidding me? Or maybe they were good for you because you got to fuck every other guy out there”

Her eyes teared up as he said that.

“You know that's not true..it happened just a few times and it only happened when there was a trouble in our marriage” he chuckled again as she said that,

“And cheating on our marriage was the sure shot way to fix that right?”

“Daemon–”

“Get the fuck out…you heard her right, this is her home and she doesn't want you here..I don't want you here and now that everyone knows the truth about you and him.. nobody wants to see your face”

“What do you mean they know?’ There was a look of shock on her face as she heard that. Daemon had sworn to never reveal what his best friend and his wife had done to him and your mother but now that the truth was out in the open he had nothing to fear or be afraid of.

“Get the fucking hell out of here before I call the security”

He warned her one more time, she was his ex wife and as much as he despised her she was still his ex wife, someone he considered family once and he didn't want to harm her in any ways.

As you stepped into your room you threw your bag at the bed and your heels flung into the corner of the room, you had never felt so angry the way you did in that moment. She was the reason your family was ruined all those years ago, if it wasn't for Daemon protecting your mother from the truth perhaps your parents would have been divorced by now, sure your father was equally responsible for this but you couldn't even bring yourself to be upset with him.

Everytime you looked at him he just seemed worse and your heart broke for him more and more everyday. You just wanted him to get better even though it didn't seem feasible.

You wanted to go check on Daemon but you felt resentment towards him as well, she hugged him and he didn't pull her away from him and he was staring at her, didn't even look at you when you spoke, what if he'd fall for her again and they would get married again? What if he'd decide to just move on and they give their broken marriage another chance?

You felt your heart shattering in tiny little pieces as you thought of the possibility.

That night as you looked at Daemon you didn't say a word because in anger you'd have only misspoken, your relationship wasn't anything like before, sure he was there for you every time you needed him but you felt that bond breaking slowly everyday.

As the next few days passed there was an itch in you that wanted to find out more about Daemon and Stella because you knew she was still in London and Daemon wasn't at home most of the evenings. Was he seeing her? Perhaps they were going on dates with each other to reconcile?

When you asked Rhaneyra about it she had no clue about their current situation so she asked Daemon about Stella but he refused to talk about her.

Two weeks later as your dad's birthday arrived he threw a party for himself but it wasn't lavish like all those years before, he just invited people he was close with, that included his brother and his family and some of his close friends over the years.

As you saw Daemon in his simple black tee and blue jeans you just wanted to hold him and feel his touch in return, his hair had gotten slightly longer since he had arrived, not that long but long enough to indicate he hadn't cut it in a while.

Sometimes you looked at him and wondered if you gave up on him too easily? Perhaps you could have made your father see why he was so perfect for you and why you'd never ever be able to move on from him but you didn't even try, you just gave up because your father was sick. He had never asked anything from you in all your life so when he asked you for that one thing that would keep him at peace you just wanted to give it to him but that didn't mean that you wanted to give up Daemon, you never wanted to let him go..

“Just kiss and make up already” you heard Rhaenyra's voice and snapped out of your daydreaming, as she hugged you, your eyes welled up, in all of these ordeal you were glad to have a friend like her, you didn't know how you'd have survived this situation without her support.

“You know I can't and now I'm afraid he's seeing her again”

She turned around to look at him suspiciously as you said that, when his eyes met with her he gave her a small smile but he didn't even look at you, he hardly ever looked at you outside of work these days.

As the guests began to leave, and you saw Stella approach with a box of presents, you felt your blood boil immediately. You saw your mother greeting her like an old friend, as if she didn't know that Stella had betrayed her by sleeping with her husband, almost breaking up their marriage. The fact that your mother could still be so friendly with Stella despite knowing the truth hurt you more than words could express.

When your dad opened his mouth and told everyone to bury the hatches and burn the bridge you just wanted to scream at him, sick or not you felt really frustrated and upset by his behavior.

You looked at Daemon to gauge his reactions towards her and you saw that he had turned around to leave for his room and your father gestured to Stella to go talk to him.

Did he think you had moved on from him and it was barely an infatuation on your part? Why was he doing this to you knowing how you felt for him and worst of all how could he invite her here after everything that had transpired amongst all of them?

Or maybe Daemon knew about it and maybe your doubts were right regarding him and Stella wanting to reconcile.

“Are you guys insane?” You asked your parents as it was just you and them now after she had left to go see him upstairs.

“Be mindful of your words sweetheart” your mum glared at you so you glared back at her in response

“She fucked him do you not remember that or you're suffering from amnesia?” You asked her and she just sighed in response and ignored your worries altogether. She was just doing everything your father asked her to do.

“It's time for your meds honey” she told your dad so he nodded and they both made their way to their bedroom. Your eyes welled up at their dismissive behavior towards you, were you overreacting or they were just not reacting as they should. She didn't come here on her own, your father must have invited her right? You understood his need to make everything right but this wasn't the way.

He didn't expect his best friend to get back together with his cheating ex wife right?

As you passed by Daemon’s room you heard their faint voices and you wanted to just ignore the situation and go to your room to sleep the pain away but you couldn't, you won't watch him ruin his life this way, not again, you were just a child the last time he got married but you won't let him make the same mistake twice..

You built up the courage and knocked on his door, it took him a few seconds to open but as he looked at you he was slightly taken aback, he wasn't expecting to see you on his door.

“Can we talk…please” you looked him right in the eye so he nodded and closed the door behind him

“Not here” he grabbed your arm and your breath hitched at the sudden touch, god you really missed him with every fiber of your being.

He took you to the next room and as you both entered he let go of your hand and maintained a distance from you,

“Are you alright?” He asked you and you had no idea what to tell him because you surely weren't alright.

“Yeah I'm just…what's going on..i mean with Stella”

You looked at him once before you couldn't take the heat of his gaze and looked down, he could see your fingers fiddling with each other. He never wanted your relationship with him to change, perhaps if you both had not taken that romantic turn things would have been different between you two but then did he regret taking one step closer to you and crossing that line he never should have crossed? No he didn't really regret that, it didn't last but it was beautiful. He loved his life when you belonged to him, he loved the way you used to love him.

When he didn't say anything you just felt even worse, you couldn't even talk to him in private without it turning weird between you two, silence became uncomfortable between you two and that's when you knew things had changed for the worse and you'd probably not get the old Daemon back..

“I should..go..I'm sorry I wasted your time” your eyes welled with tears as you walked past him but you didn't make it far as he had grabbed your arm and pulled you closer to him.

As the tears rolled down you felt him cupping your cheeks and wiping your tears with his thumbs..

“You never waste my time, I'm sorry i have been distant but it's necessary”

His voice was soft as a feather as he spoke and it only hurt you further, you felt as if you were losing him more and more everyday, sooner or later he'd move on and find someone else. The thought of finding him again and him being yours and then allowing him to slip so easily from you was something you'd always regret “Stop crying pixie” he mumbled as he pressed his forehead down on yours, his arms wrapped around your waist.

“i miss you…I miss you so much” as your broken words spilled his eyes teared up too, he had been trying to abide by the wishes your father had imposed on you two but watching you like this was heartbreaking, all he wanted to do was scoop you up in his arms and show you how much he had missed you as well.

“I miss you too darling, but I'm right here”

You took a step back as he said that, sure he was right there, he was close, very close but he was unreachable now. You couldn't get back to treating him the way you used to before.

“You're not…I'm losing you everyday and I can feel it” you mumbled with a trembling voice and he quickly wiped his tears before you'd see them. “Please promise me that no matter what happens you won't get back with her, promise me” you pleaded him as you grabbed his hand in yours, even if he wasn't meant to be yours he deserved someone who'd love him the way he deserved to be loved. He didn't deserve a woman like Stella in his life, he never did.

You looked at him with a hopeful eyes so he smiled between his tears

“You are worried about that huh?” He asked you softly as he grabbed onto your little fingers and brushed it with the back of his thumb, the touch ignited a fire within you. The farther you stayed from him the more you feared losing his attraction and affection towards you but moments like this made you believe that he was still into you as much as you were into him

“You didn't promise..i want you to promise”

You looked up at him so he chuckled, it was nice to see him smile even if it was from mere amusement of the situation.

“I wasn't planning to but if it would help make you feel better then i promise that I'd never ever get back to her”

“Really? So there were..no dates or anything?”

“Jesus no..who gave you that load of bollocks”

“Nobody..i was just.. worried” you mumbled meekly and all he wanted to do was to lean in and kiss you but he controlled himself,

“Got nothing to worry of, my heart still belongs to the prettiest girl I know”

His words made your heart flutter but then the fear kicked in. How long would he feel that way? Someday he'd move on in his life and perhaps you would too. The future where he was just your dad's best friend that you also worked with scared you, you feared losing the bond you shared with him.

“And mine belongs to the sweetest man I know and that man deserves the best in the world..so remember that” you hugged him for a moment and then you left before you'd do something stupid and betray the promise you had given to your dad. The last thing you wanted was to hurt him and stress him more in his condition.

The next day you were called into your dad's home office and he told you that you'd have to go to NYC for a presentation, the thing was that you weren't supposed to take Daemon with you and you had to deal with the presentation on your own which you didn't feel equipped for. You felt Daemon's eyes on you as you stepped out of his office to go prepare for this presentation, even Daemon didn't agree with your dad's decision, you were still learning and you already had plenty of responsibilities on your shoulders, he saw firsthand how anxious you got before every board meeting but at least he was there to calm you down,

“Don't you think you're being overly tough on her..she's not ready for this” Daemon told his old friend and only received an exaggerated sigh in response for a while

“I'm only preparing her for the world that is not going to pamper her or be kind to her, she needs a bit of awakening” he said to Daemon calmly,

“And whose fault is that? She has been sheltered all her life and suddenly you want her to do everything at once. Just stop for a second and think about her mental health–” your father stood up in anger and interrupted him mid sentence as he was surely offended by the accusation.

“Do you have a child of your own Daemon?” He asked Daemon a rhetorical question which he knew was asked just to put him down. “Don't teach me how I'm supposed to take care of my daughter. I know what I'm doing, i learned to be who I am when responsibilities weighed on me, she'd learn too, she's not a child”

Daemon's jaw clenched as he said that but he didn't respond because he didn't want to argue with him.

“Perhaps you'd give her the tough loving she requires when you'd stop lusting after my daughter and would start to see her as your own kin”

Her dad walked out after he said that and if it wasn't for you perhaps Daemon wouldn't have tolerated such a behavior. When he came back he was met with his old friend but of course since his disease had progressed and after learning the truth of your relationship with him your father had gotten extremely paranoid and he was always scared of dying any moment which made him snap at every person around him, people who were trying to take care of him were taking the brunt of it.

Next day he received a message from you and his heart rendered for you, he wished he was there to calm your nerves but it wasn't possible.

As promised Daemon was in your ears, not saying anything to distract you but offering words of affirmation every time you lost your confidence in the conference room.

It was indeed daunting being amongst the bunch of middle aged men who looked down upon you because you had suddenly taken over your father merely because he was sick. They came prepared to undermine your authority and your ideas but you did your best.

As soon as the presentation ended you made your way to the bathroom, hurled your guts out and then you cried for what felt like hours. There was this sickly feeling in your chest that made you believe that you had just put the company through a multi million loss because you didn't think your pitch was that strong. When you went home your fear was proven right because your father was really upset and disappointed with you and you felt like an absolute failure.

Especially because he had never treated you this way before, he was always so supportive even when you failed and now when you needed that support the most in your life he had shunned you out.

Not just that but he also wanted you to move back to your own place so you won't be around Daemon anymore.

When Daemon didn't see you step down for dinner he began to worry more and more about you, he was angry, pissed off at the way your father was choosing to do this with you..

He knocked on his office and he found your dad just drinking all alone which he shouldn't have been doing at such hours.

“Don't do this to her, don't be so harsh with her because you're trying to push her away from you”

Your father looked at him but there was a blank look on his face.

“I'm not pushing her away”

“I know what you're doing alright..we have been friends for years. Don't think you'll get away with lying and pretending for long” Daemon told him sternly and earned a sigh in response.

“She needs this, when the world will be cruel to her I want her to stand her ground and not crumble under the pressure” Daemon groaned as your father said that, he was at the end of his wits with him now. It wasn't you that needed toughness, it was your father instead.

“She'll learn that on her own time the way you did. What you're doing with her now is only breaking her confidence. She learned your ugly truth and in the same breath she found out that she was losing one of her parents, you made her break her own heart and then you put her on a pedestal, not to forget the stunt you pulled by inviting Stella knowing too well that it would bother her and now you want her to go live all alone with no one around her to support her?” He raised his voice and he could tell that his words were affecting your father,

“These are the memories you want to leave behind with her? Do you really think your death would hurt her less if you're a jerk to her? No it would only hurt her more because when you're gone she'd spend lifetime thinking about how she wasn't a capable daughter and how she wasn't able to make you proud you fucking arse”

Daemon walked out of his office after that because he didn't even want to look at him at the moment, he knew he'd start to feel pity for him and won't be able to say anything after that. He wished your father didn't have to leave so soon and he was cured miraculously but the treatment he was getting done was only borrowing him more time and after the upbringing your parents had given you he didn't want your father to ruin it all before his death, he didn't want him to take your innocence away from you.

As you heard a knock on your door you wiped your tears and got off the bed to open the door, it was Daemon on the other side and as soon as he saw your swollen red face he immediately stepped closer to you pulled you in his arms to hug you. He closed the door behind him even though deep down he didn't care what your parents would think about this now. He was done with their judgment for now when he knew you needed someone to tell you how proud he was of you.

You sobbed and sobbed until the tears went dry and headache began to set in. You didn't want to hurt your father but he was hurting you and you didn't think you'd be able to take more..

“i knew I'd fuck up…im not made for this” as he heard your broken sobs his eyes welled up as well, he wanted to protect you and he was going to do that whether your parents liked it or not.

“Shhhh puppy you did great, I was there, I heard you, you did nothing wrong, every experience is going to teach you something, it's not all gains in business, you lose at time and that's okay, your father failed plenty of times and he was much older than you when he did”

You looked up at him as he wiped your tears and cooed gently in your ears, as his sweet words infiltrated your ears you were finally able to register the close proximity you were sharing with him at the moment.

“It's okay to fail?”

“It's better to fail than not to try at all. And you tried my sweet girl..I'm so proud of you for that” You cupped his cheeks and leaned up to kiss his cheeks one by one before you kissed his forehead, his words were exactly what you needed at the moment, then you pulled away from him because you knew you'd kiss him if you'd continue to stay close to him and you had promised your dad to not do so.

“Ummmm i haven't showered in two days” he chuckled as you said that.

“Better get to that then and I need you to go downstairs for dinner after that alright?” He told you firmly so you nodded.

“Thank you..i love you” his brows furrowed as you mumbled that as if it was the most natural thing for you to say to him.

“I love you ..don't forget..no matter how distant I seem I'd always love you”

Things changed between you two once again that night, he was distant still but closer to you. He'd hold your hand when he found you shivering due to anxiety, he'd hug you everytime you panicked, he made jokes with you like before and he even flirted with you at times.

Your relationship that had changed for worse was starting to change for better this time, you had lost him as a lover but you didn't want to lose him as your man, as your family, whatever that meant. You needed him close and you needed him as yours, and he was there for you, he was willing to be there for you selflessly even though you barely gave him anything in return.

Weeks later Rhaenyra invited you to a family get together she held for her birthday, Daemon was there too of course and he looked sexier than ever, all black attire made him look devastatingly handsome and it was just your bad luck that you weren't able to get a taste of his sweetness.

That didn't last though, as the drinks went around between you two you got bolder and bolder and you didn't know why but he didn't resist your advances either, well not really, perhaps he was starving for your touch as well.

You knew both of you would regret it in the wake of daylight but that night you needed him in every possible way and you were going to get him.

👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

Taglist

@serving-targaryen-realness @annoyingsweetsstranger @anukulee @mcufan72 @insertsomethingsillyhereple-blog @silentf @ajthefujoshi @stupidthoughtsinwriting @ammo23 @shuichiakainx @daddylokisqueen @ipostwhtifeel @anehkael @madlyinlovewmattmurd0ck @dixie-elocin @urmomsgirlfriend1

@sweatyroadcowboyjudge

#daemon targaryen #daemon targaryen x female reader #daemon x reader fluff #daemon x reader smut #daemon x reader angst #age gap relationship #non canon au #modern daemon targaryen

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stupid-sloot-headcanons · 6 months

Note

I've just been going through your jason thoughts and a sudden thought occurred to me... I genuinely think that jason is one of the yanderes that if darling used the word rape to describe what he's done to them that he would absolutely break down

Yeah he would have to mentally confront that he did in fact do that, and it doesn't matter how he wants to justify it or explain it. Like even if you focus on your Darling's pleasure, a no is a no. And he's used to harming people, he's used to ignoring what others want (I'm sure the people of Gotham didn't want their home turned into a warzone of tanks and fear gas, I'm sure Barbara didn't want to be kidnapped, etc). But it makes him sick to confront the horrible shit he did specifically to Darling of all people.

Like if you point that out, at first he'll try to explain why he did it and that he didn't hurt them. But that crumbles pretty quick as he reflects on it and he develops a panic attack. Like for the first time since becoming the Knight, he has to confront something terrible that he's done to the one person he promised himself he would protect.

He'll refuse to do anything sexual with them after that and suddenly becomes hyperaware of whenever they're uncomfortable with physical contact. He still won't let them leave, but he won't force himself on them ever again. The instant he hears a "no", he pulls away like you just burned him. And he refuses to do anything if he has the cowl on, only whenever he's able to be Jason and really listen to you. And he's constantly asking if it's okay for him to do this or that, or if you want him to stop.

It doesn't make what he did any better, but he doesn't want to do that ever again. And it leads to an extra bit of self-hatred, where he gets frustrated, he wants to be with you, and then hates himself for wanting to do that when he knows he traumatized you the last time he did. To him it's just further proof that the Joker really did break him and warp him into a monster.

#tw: noncon #.dc #.jason todd #.arkhamverse #.arkham knight #yandere dc #yandere jason todd #yandere arkhamverse #yandere arkham knight #.myshit #thots

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clownery-and-fuckery · 2 months

Text

Comfort !!!! soft PheeTech is my favourite thing to write, can't wait for her to beat up Hemlock and save Tech <33

No spoilers, just my own theories <3

"Well that can't be comfortable."

He jumps, looking over to the doorway. Phee is leaning on the doorframe, shooting him a disapproving look. She's in her nightwear, hair ruffled from sleep. Sleep she still should be getting. Sleep that avoids him like the plague.

"Come on, sweetheart," She says softly. "Time for bed."

She urges him, begs him, but he won't. Can't. He draws up further, arms tucking his knees to his chest as he lowers his chin into the dip between his tightly coiled limbs. He watches her wearily, cautious.

Her heart breaks for him. She walks over slowly, hands stretched to show him that they're not holding anything. Not moving to harm, just to hold.

He allows her to come closer, until he can feel her warmth as her hands slowly card through his hair. She notices the sheen of sweat on his face, the glaze in his eyes. The fear is palpable. She's sure the eldest can taste it from wherever he's sleeping tonight. If he's sleeping at all.

"Nightmare?" She asks in a whisper.

He twitches, jerkily as he takes a shuttering breath. She hums, hands gentle as they brush over his shaking shoulders, finding his trembling hands to clasp. They shake harder in her grip, and his brows furrow, darting between her and their joined hands. Waiting, anticipating.

Her heart clenches again. "I'm not going to hurt you." She promises softly. "You're not there anymore, love. You're home."

He watches her with blank eyes. His hands don't stop shaking.

She's seen this before. She saw the state of the sniper's hands, the quake as he picked up his rifle. The only information he ever disclosed was resistance wasn't easy. The cost of his hands was a sacrifice he wished he hadn't had to make.

Irreversible damage. That's what it was.

It made her blood boil, and her eyes soften. She presses a feather-light kiss to his scarred knuckles. She ignores the reflexive flinch.

She meets his gaze, and finds recognition. He grounds himself with her lips, gentle and loving as she presses another kiss to his hands. The tremors don't stop, but they lessen. That's all she needs.

"Hi," She greets with a smile, relived to find him present. She waits till he nods in acknowledgement to ask. "What're you doing out here so late?"

Her whisper brings another shaky breath, a hitch that catches them both off guard. His mouth opens, but no sound follows. She nods in understanding.

"Can't or won't?" She asks in a hush. "Tap my hand, please."

One jutted tap hit her hand softly. Can't. She nods again, pressing another kiss to his fingers.

"Alright," She says, standing slowly, methodically. His eyes widen for a fraction of a second, until she leans close again. "It's alright, let's get you comfy, okay?" Her voice is low, inviting. There is no pressure in her stance.

He watches her and nods. She raises him to his feet, hearing creak of uncooperative limbs, feels the tension in him as he hisses, voice breaking as pain shoots through him.

"I've got you," She assures. "Lean on me, I won't let you fall."

And she doesn't. They walk through the house, the waves from the sea of Pabu filling the silence. She can feel him relaxing the further into the house they go. She talks the whole way, hushed encouragement easing the shake in his knees.

The low lights of the lanterns outside light the way, barely illumating the space enough for them to see. Phee knows the way, she's walked this path many times before. The company doesn't make the journey any different.

She leads him into the room, eases him under the covers. She doesn't let him go for a second.

"Now," She sighs once they finally sink into the mattress. "Isn't that better?"

He hums, curling into her. Their legs intertwine, his face turns to burrow into the crook of her neck, like he belongs there. Like he's always belong there. Maybe he has.

She cards her hand through his hair, the other trailing down to pick up his hands, to press more soft kisses to the calloused skin. "Love," She says quietly, waiting for him to hum again. "Why didn't you wake me up?"

He stilled. His trigger finger twitched harshly, snapping like he still held a blaster. Phee barely reacted beyond a small glance towards it.

It took a long moment for him to answer. "I–" His voice is hoarse, eyes misty as he avoids eye contact. "I forgot."

"Forgot?" She echoes, rubbing soothing circles into his back. "Forgot what?"

His voice breaks. "I forgot where I was."

Phee has the decency to hide her reaction, pulling him closer and pressing a firmer kiss to his head. "Oh, sweetheart.."

She doesn't know what else to say. He continues, speaking into her.

"It was too dark to tell–" He breaks off again, coiling up to the point that Phee can feel him as he pulls in on himself. "–it was cold. I couldn't tell."

Phee nods, taking a deep breath as she hugs him closer. She can feel how tense he is against her, hands shaking as his trigger finger pulls against nothing. Reflexive, preventive.

"You're on Pabu," She reminds carefully, rubbing into his shoulder, knowing where the knots are before he has to ask.

She feels them loosen beneath her hands, feels him sagging against her with a breath of relief. "You're with your brothers. With me. You're safe."

He's putty in her hands in seconds, sighing contently as she works through the kinks in his shoulder with startling proficiency. "You're never going back to that place. It's gone. He's gone."

He stills at the mention of the doctor. Phee pushes forward, reworking where the tension returned. "You survived," She continues, bringing her hands to cup his cheeks, wiping at his eyes before pressing their foreheads together.

"I promise you, everything is alright now." She whispers against him, breath fanning his face as she readjusts, tugging the blankets up around them.

"It's time to sleep," She says, watching him absentmindedly rub his eyes, yawning as he struggles to hold his heavy eyes open. She smiles gently.

He will never admit to the whine that leaves him when she dims the lights again. "I know," She coos, all smiles as she hugs him closer. "But you're tired, love. It's time to rest."

He opens his mouth to complain, but all that leaves him is a yawn before he settles, tucked up against her. He's asleep in moments, snoring away as his cold nose presses against her neck.

She feels something inside her relax, knowing that it's over. That he's here, that they were all here. That they were never leaving again. She presses another kiss to his forehead, mindful not to wake him.

"Goodnight, Brown Eyes," She whispers, drifting off herself. She would have to tell Hunter, she could already see the blinker of Tech's comm. But he could wait. They all could afford to wait.

They had all the time in the world, now.

#i want Phee to beat Hemlock up with a mallet #sw the bad batch #tbb tech #phee genoa #the bad batch #tech x phee

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plutowrites · 3 months

Text

love is strange

✧ pairing : Armin Arlert x Nurse!Reader (gn)

✧contains: angst, mentions of violence, canonverse (takes place between s3 and s4), Armin in love

✧summary: y/n urges Armin to confront Eren and seek vengeance for her best friend, harmed during one of the Attack Titan's village onslaught. Unknown to everyone, Eren has orchestrated this entire situation to force Armin to view him as the monster he wants to be seen as, believing that if the request of his demise came from the person he cherishes the most, Armin would not be able to refuse.

✧important note: this fic is a reimagining of Shakespeare's "Much Ado About Nothing" (Act 4, Scene 1 to be more specific, the conversation between Beatrice and Benedick). I saw the quote "I want to eat his heart in the marketplace" and the wheels tuned so fast in my head i couldn't keep up! Let me know your thoughts mwahh<3

You're not sure when Armin entered the room, but his voice doesn't startle you as he asks from behind, “Have you been crying all this time?”

You knew he would find you.

Standing up from the edge of the hospital bed you stopped attempting to clean 10 minutes ago, you glance at the dirty sheets, riddled with dirt and other stains beneath you. Your focus remains solely on your friend a few floors above, in her own room, making you indifferent to the mess or the fact that your job entails cleaning it. “I have. I haven't been able to stop."

“I wish you wouldn’t cry…” Armin rubs the back of his neck, his expression weighed down with guilt, which only serves to annoy you further.

“My tears have nothing to do with you,” you retort coldly, making no effort to veil your anger.

“I will say this: Your friend did not deserve what happened today.”

Throwing your hands up in exasperation, you snap, “Argh! I would give anything and everything to the person who could make this right!” The thought that Eren can cause such destruction without a second thought, oblivious to the precious lives and the essence that imbues your village with its beauty and heart, pains you. Your closest friend now injured; a disregarded casualty of his rampage.

“Is there anything I can do?”

“No, not you.” You're certain that Armin grasps your insinuation. What you desire is Eren's head, something he can't deliver.

His incapacity to fulfill your wish isn't a question of ability—you're well aware he's the Colossal Titan, a secret he confided in you after a close bond formed while you nursed him back to health following a particularly brutal mission. You know his hesitance stems from his unwavering loyalty to his friend, a loyalty that now clashes with yours.

As you're wiping the tears you've wept, Armin confesses, “I don’t love anything in this world more than I love you. Isn’t that strange?”

You can't help but smile at his choice of words, “Is loving me the strange part?”

His eyes widen at you, “No, no, I mean loving anyone in times like these is. Amidst all this turmoil and uncertainty…”

You feel a pang in your chest. He’s right. This isn’t a time for any sort of romance, but still, a mix of tenderness and vulnerability lingers between you in the dimly lit hospital room. So, you admit without truly admitting, “What’s really strange is how I feel about you… don't consider this any sort of confession, though. If you mention it, I’ll simply deny it.”

Armin offers you a soft look, taking your hands gently in his. “You love me. I wasn't sure before, but now I know.”

You roll your eyes but don't withdraw your hands from his hold, “So, you think you know my heart? Be careful, I might make you eat those words.”

He meets your eyes unabashedly, “I love you so openly and without caution, everyone knows it. I just need you to know it.”

“God forgive me—”

His brows knit together slightly, “Forgive you for what?”

“For almost admitting I loved you before you so rudely interrupted,” you smile the tiniest bit.

“If you’re going to say it, I need to hear you really say it. Fully, without reservation.”

You sigh, trying to hide your vulnerability with feigned annoyance, “You have my whole heart, Armin. No part of me resists loving you.”

He closes his eyes momentarily, as if to fully absorb your words, then speaks slowly, “Ask anything of me, and I’ll do it. Anything to ease the pain you’re feeling.”

His eyes remain shut. Without hesitation, you demand, “Kill him. Kill Eren.”

A short breath of laughter escapes Armin at the request, which enrages you. You're tempted to grab him by the shoulders and shake him, to make him understand what he must do.

“I’m sorry, sincerely and truly, but you ask for the one thing I don’t think I could ever do. Eren is… He's...It’s not simple. I—”

You cut him off, “Then you’ve made your choice. You've destroyed whatever was between us.” You wave a hand in his face, dismissing him.

It was a mistake to think Armin could be the hero in this story. No matter how deeply you love someone, you cannot transform them into something they're simply not.

He doesn’t take your cue to leave. “Wait, my love,” he pleads.

“I am not your love. Enough.”

“Please—”

“If you won't leave then I will, Armin.”

“Then, before you go, can we make amends? Can we agree to be friends at least?”

Your laugh is cold, “You offer friendship now? You wish to be friends yet refuse to confront my enemy? Is that your idea of friendship?”

“Has Eren become your enemy?” he asks with a voice barely above a whisper, his words dripping with hurt.

“He has become all of ours!” you cry out, despair gripping you, “If only I had the power of a shifter! Consumed by pure hatred and rage, that boy... Oh, if I possessed your titan, Armin— I would eat his heart in the marketplace.”

“Listen to me.”

“She lies alone in a hospital bed as we speak!”

“Please, listen…”

“She’s the epitome of innocence and kindness. If she dies... I can’t even begin to imagine—”

Armin grabs your shoulders to hold you in place before saying, “She will survive, but please, I need you to hear me out.”

“If I were a soldier, I’d confront him myself… or if there were someone in the corps, anyone with a shred of honor, willing to seek vengeance for her, for all of us,” you shriek, your head in your hands in frustration and desperation. “It seems like courage and duty are foreign concepts to you all. The very essence of being a soldier, of bravery, has been lost. If someone as vile as him is left to roam free, then what does that make you? I will tell you: Cowards, all of you!”

“I love you,” is all he replies with after moments filled with only the sounds of you catching your breath.

“Proving your love for me would mean much more."

“Do you genuinely believe Eren is responsible for what happened?” Armin inquires, unable to meet your gaze. You know he’s aware of his friend's involvement. Who else could wreak such havoc in mere minutes? Who else is capable of such heartless acts against their own? You didn't need to witness the events that transpired this morning to know the answer.

You lift his chin forcefully, your eyes burning into his, “As certain as I am of anything.”

He nods once, solemnly, lowering your hand from his face, “That settles it then—I’ll do it. I promise he’ll pay for what he’s done," Armin presses a tender kiss to your cheek. "Go comfort your friend."

#armin arlert #armin x reader #armin arlert x reader #aot x reader #aot fanfiction #aot angst #armin x y/n #armin x you

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lunar-eclipse-literature · 8 months

Note

Could I ask for headcanons of all 9 mercs finding their S/O outside of the battlefield injured? If you don't want to do all of them, just pick your favs :D

ALL MERCS x READER

SCOUT

He was running around the outskirts of the battlefield looking for a good flank route when he saw you.

Dude he was TERRIFIED? His heart practically sank when he saw it.

As used to blood and gore he was, the fear lied mainly in the fact that you were off the battlements. You can't respawn out here.

He INSTANTLY scoops you up and calls for Medic until his lungs go out.

Yeah, yeah, Medic Ignores Scout joke here, but seriously though. Scout would NOT let Medic ignore him in this situation. The man would kick Medic in the dick to get his attention onto the situation.

Once you're okay and the battle's over, he's absolutely clung to you for the rest of the night.

"Don't you EVER scare me like that again, damnit. I'm not losin' you to those Blue scumbags."

SOLDIER

He doesn't let much scare him, but damnit, this caught him off guard.

He has to knock his helmet up to make sure he's seeing this right

But hearing your voice weakly call out to him, it made him freak out INSTANTLY

"Hey hey! Don't you DARE die on me, Y/N! We don't do that around here!"

He tries to keep acting serious, and you'd believe it if you didn't see the tears welling under his helmet as he carries you.

He carries you straight to the Medic, screaming bloody murder the whole time.

"LISTEN UP, NURSE! WE'VE GOT WOUNDED, SO MOVE YOUR ASS AND-"

"I know, herr soldier, I'm dealing with it now!"

"Oh."

He gets so scared for you that it completely tunnel visions him. He might even go down himself trying to get you back to base, but at least you'll respawn now...

PYRO

At first it doesn't click for him. Pyrovision's a bitch, you know! It's hard for him to focus on the real world sometimes...

Once she hears you crying, and begging for her though... She wakes right up.

Oh god oh god oh god. No, not this, not now.

Pyro's an emotional person. They immediately freak out, drop their flamethrower, and rush to your side.

They try to reassure you that you'll be okay, but it all gets muffled out. Regardless, he scoops you right up and brings you to the edge of the battlefield where you'll be able to respawn.

Once you're there though, he just holds onto you. He clings tightly to you and refuses to let go.

This time Medic has to find you. Pyro's too caught up in keeping you away from any potential further harm that he was scared of calling for Medic, thinking an enemy might show up and finish the job.

Once you're healed though, you gotta reassure him a shitton. He's hiding out in base with you for a while.

"Please, don't leave me..." Now if only you could hear those words...

DEMOMAN

This man is definitely drunk when this happens. He's stumbling around when he catches sight of you.

His brain is fogged by the alcohol, but he knows what a dying person looks like, and he DEFINITELY knows what you look like.

"Ohhh sshhhit-!" He slurs, stumbling to your side and running a stressed hand into his hair.

As you reach out for him to beg he stays with you, he takes your hand and wraps his other arm around you.

He's not letting you die out here damnit.

He stumbles and trips over himself a lot, but he stays damn upright the whole time as to not drop you and bring you back to base.

Once you're in the safety of the base, he calls for Medic to come help you out.

And once you're healed, he takes your hand.

"We can head back out whene'er yer ready... 'ntil then, I gotcha."

HEAVY

BIG PROTECTIVE RUSSIAN MAN.

He sees you and instantly freaks out. Luckily Medic's been pocketing him so he's there too to help you!

"Doktor! Stop healing Heavy, heal Y/N now!" He commands as his arms wrap around you to hold you comfortingly until you're feeling better.

Those big bear paws are so gentle with you, able to hold the weight of your limp body without issue. He places gentle kisses on your head as the medigun seals your wounds.

"Y/N will be okay... Heavy is here." He whispers to you as you finally come to enough to be able to support your own weight.

You bring your hand up to his face, a silent gesture to show you're alright and you appreciate him, and he smiles.

"Y/N does not have to return to battle if they do not want to. Heavy must keep fighting though."

He carries you all the way back to base, and does have to leave, but once the battle ends he's right by your side holding onto you.

ENGINEER

Oh boy does he panic!

"Doll! Sugar, speak to me!" He rushes to your side and quickly drops a dispenser down. He doesn't bother to help it build itself, though. He's focused on you.

The second he's assured you're alive and conscious, he's instantly at it with questions.

"What happened? Who hurt you? How'd you get out here!?"

It's all too fuzzy, all you know is that a member of the Blu team attacked you, and you crawled to safety. You have no idea where you are..

"We're outside the respawn range, hun. You could'a-.. If I hadn't found you, you'd have-"

You have to cut him off from continuing to panic.

"Hey.. It's.. It's okay. You found me. I'm.. Gonna be okay.."

Finally that damn dispenser is up, and that healing beam thing is an instant relief.

You guys sit out of bounds for a while. You're regaining the energy to return the battlefield, and he's recovering from that goddamned heart attack.

MEDIC

He doesn't even touch the Medigun.

When he finds you, he has the temptation to insta heal you, but he's kinda weird. And crazy. He much prefers the intimacy of patching you up manually first.

He whispers reassurances and praise as he cleans and bandages your wounds.

He asks who did this to you with the hidden rage of a man who will massacre the enemy team later.

When all is said and done, and you're patched up, he gives you a huff of the medigun beam to begin the healing process and kill the pain faster.

"Oh, liebling.. I'm so sorry I wasn't with you... I'm so glad I found you..."

For the rest of the battle, you're pocketed. He's at your side constantly healing you up, only stopping to give the others pick-me-ups.

You're his top priority for the next month AT LEAST, though.

SNIPER

Well, he WAS looking for a sneaky sniping point... Seems the universe had other plans though...

When he found you, his heart sank. He slowly approached, nervous that this could be some kind of spy trick.. But no. Seeing the look in your eyes makes it painfully obvious.

He sits by you and helps you sit up. He assesses your wounds and starts patching them up as much as he can.

Once he's done, he helps you to your feet and takes you to his sniping post, and points to the crowd of people below.

"Who did this to ya, Y/N?" He asks, and you instantly know what he plans to do.

You answer his question though, it's gonna bother him for a long time if you don't.

He looks through his scope, and with a single pull of the trigger he's killed the person who left you there.

"There. Job's done. Let's get ya to the doc, kay?" He said completely bluntly.

He's mad about the whole thing for the rest of the day, but he softens up once you're in bed together and he can just hold you and see for himself that it's okay now.

SPY

Oh. Hell. No.

He's instantly pissed beyond comprehension. NOBODY does this to the love of his life and gets away with it.

In the moment though, he's the sweetest you'd ever seen him be.

He gently patches you up, he covers you in soft kisses and he's so gentle with you, you wondered how this is even the same man worthy of brutal kills on the battlefield.

He sweet-talks you in french the whole time. You don't understand a word of it, but it's all so gentle-sounding. Little do you know he's talking about how he's going to destroy whoever did this to you.

He finally does ask you, though. "Who left you like this, mon amour?"

"I.. Can't remember well. I think it was their soldier.."

"Leave the rest to me, chéri."

Using his cloak watch, he slowly sneaks you back to the base, and cleans you up the rest of the way at the restock cabinet, and just as quickly as he brought you there, he's gone.

That night, he tells you that he made sure that soldier was given direct hell for what he did to you.

#tf2 #scout tf2 #soldier tf2 #pyro tf2 #demoman tf2 #heavy tf2 #engineer tf2 #medic tf2 #sniper tf2 #spy tf2 #tf2 headcanons #headcanons #x reader

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lunexrin · 9 months

Text

"As our souls fade."

Dazai Osamu. (post-mafia.)

TW: mentions of suicide and self harm.

It started years ago; when you selflessly took care of him ever since he was in the mafia, making sure that no vein in him was injected by any weird chemicals, that his neck wasn't hung on some rope, that his heart was beating well, and that he wasn't chugging down bleach like it was water.

It can't be helped. He felt that it was wrong to leave his wrists untouched as the earth spins, as the sun disappears and the moon shows, and as the blue skies fade to the darkness of the night. He felt that it was wrong to stop looking up about chemicals that could potentially make his heartbeat stop.

Even so, he notices changes about himself. How he hesitated before pouring arsenic down his throat, how he thought it over and over before putting a brand new rope in his shopping cart, and how his fingers shake before drawing the metal of the razor closer to make contact with his scarred skin.

Torn between disappointing you and his willingness to end his life, he tried his best to stay further from the things you tried to keep him away. But the latter got to the best of him, and his habits continued.

And he would've never thought there'll be a day where he was happily skipping to the rooftop to indulge himself in the possibilities where he could finally die-- but he saw you.

You were standing horrifyingly still on the edge of the rooftop with one foot dangling in the air, and your body slowly limped forward..

No.

No no no no.

A familiar bandaged grip made its way to your wrist, pulling you back just in time. You fell back into his arms, and you both stumbled back onto the hard concrete of the rooftop floor.

He would never be angry at you. He couldn't. But now? He found himself bruising your wrist with his grip, yelling at you on the top of his lungs as the crystal liquid runs down his face.

It's hypocritical, he knows. But he couldn't give a damn about it. He doesn't care how barbaric he is being to himself-- to insult his pride in such a way. Scolding you for doing the same thing that he does daily? Yeah. That's what's happening.

That was when he realized how cruel he has been to you all these years; how he was oblivious to how you felt every time he had done an attempt. And that was when he realized that he didn't want you to be anywhere but his side, and how his heartbeat matters to you just how much yours matters to him.

Your poor souls just stayed there, bawling your eyes out in front of one another. The orange skies disappeared, replaced by a much darker tone.

That night was oddly peaceful, even after a storm rampaged in you. The moon glowed brighter than usual, and the stars shone such a hopeful glint from them.

"I'll be your lifeline," you spoke as you rest your head upon his beating heart. The long fingers that brought the feeling of home slid under your shirt, resting well on your ribcage.

"And i'll try to make us hold on as long as we can, darling." You felt the slight vibration going through his chest that was beneath your head as he spoke. His fingers moved freely under the layers of your garments, and you could've swear he's trying to cast a love spell on you with that.

"As long as that heart beats for me, and you." He shifted you so he could hold your gaze with his, your skin feeling the texture of the gauze that was wrapped around his hand as he caressed your face lovingly.

"As long as eternity exists," the softness of his sultry tone is making your heart flutter, its pace beating faster.

"And as our souls fade."

#bsd dazai #bsd fic #bsd x reader #bsd x you #bsd x y/n #bungou stray dogs #dazai osamu #osamu dazai #dazai oneshot #bungou stray dogs dazai #dazai x you #dazai x reader #dazai x y/n #light angst

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cosmicjoke · 4 months

Note

as much as I hate to think about this...

do you think that Kenny ever gave Levi beatings? Levi's 'pain is the best discipline' line makes me think so and Kenny isn't above hurting children either

Hi there,

I think it's almost a guarantee that Kenny beat Levi, yes.

As awful as that is to think about, when one really looks at the way Kenny treats Levi, particularly how willingly and earnestly he tried to kill him during their encounter in the Uprising arc, and as you also point out, Levi's comment about pain being "the best discipline", it's almost inconceivable to me that Kenny didn't beat Levi, likely, in his mind, as a means of teaching him how to fight and survive. Levi's comment alone should be enough to confirm it, really. Where would he have learned such a thing, if not from the very man who taught him how to fight? That Levi sees it as a form of discipline shows that he himself was put through pain as a means of teaching him said discipline, and Levi's only ever had one teacher that we know about.

Further, Kenny's assault of Levi during the Uprising arc comes across to me as almost a test. He tries to kill Levi, really and truly, and doesn't hold back in that regard, almost as if he's trying to see just how fiercely and effectively Levi can fight back against such an assault. And it is a brutal assault, at that. I'm sure in Kenny's mind, if Levi wasn't able to properly defend himself, and ended up dead as a result, that would have just been the way it was meant to be. It would have, in Kenny's mind, been Levi's fault for not being strong enough to live.

One can easily extrapolate from this that Kenny wasn't opposed to physically harming Levi in order to, literally and figuratively, beat into him the skills he needed in order to survive in a harsh environment like the Underground. And how does one teach another person how to fight, and not just fight, but kill, other than through physical demonstration? Actually engaging in hand to hand combat. But we have to remember, Levi was truly just a little boy during those years. He was a very young child, probably no older than 5-10 years old, based on his appearance. He wouldn't have had any chance of putting up any kind of real fight against a man like Kenny, or any man at all, at that point.

Kenny later talks about how "that midget" is his pride and joy, and of course, he's referring to Levi's fighting prowess. He takes pride in the fact that Levi became so adept at fighting and killing.

Kenny was a violent man. He was a true killer, someone who genuinely enjoyed killing, and killing children wasn't beyond him at all. He was going to kill Historia before Rod stopped him, and displayed no hesitation in the act. So it's hardly a stretch to think that Kenny would have employed physical discipline as a means of teaching and controlling Levi for the years he had him.

We also can easily assume that Kenny purposefully and deliberately exposed Levi to dangerous encounters in the Underground as a means of, again, testing him to see if he was ready to be on his own. When Kenny finally did abandon Levi, it was in the midst of Levi fighting a grown man, seemingly to the death. Levi was beat up in that scene, with a scuffed up face and bloodied nose. It clearly wasn't just a one-sided fight. And Kenny was standing in the gathered crowd, just watching it unfold. He clearly didn't have any issue with other people beating Levi up, so it stands to reason that Kenny himself wouldn't have had any issue putting his own hands on Levi in the same way.

I know people like to think of Kenny in a positive light, and to credit him with giving Levi a second chance at life and giving him the skills he needed to survive. But the truth is, Kenny was a bad, bad person, and he abused Levi. Even if one were to dismiss the almost certainty that he beat Levi, he abused him by exposing him to so much violence and death as a child, by teaching him how to kill at all, by putting him into situations in which Levi's life was threatened, by verbally abusing him, calling him names, and finally, by abandoning him. He wasn't some dotting, loving father-figure to Levi.

So, yeah, I'm almost 100% sure Kenny used to beat Levi, as a means of teaching him and disciplining him. His violence toward Levi later on is all but a confirmation. You combine that with Levi's own words about pain and discipline, and his own violence as a means of disciplining his subordinates, mainly Eren, and it becomes pretty clear that Levi was raised in just that sort of thing. Only with Kenny, of course, one has to assume he took it to the extreme, and didn't just beat Levi, but gave him severe beatings. Kenny would probably view a severe beating as going easy on Levi, honestly, if he also thought trying to kill him, and exposing him to situations in which he could be killed, was fair game for testing Levi's skills.

#Levi Ackerman #Kenny Ackerman #attack on titan #shingkei no kyojin

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