#to me every character is treated w such dignity

[qtboni]

#.QTBONI‘S — RULES & MASTERLIST !

the curated collection of my written works, organized by fandom and characters. these stories feature mature adult themes and content, and every character depicted in the works is written as an 18+ individual.

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SERIES

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FICS

⋆៹ SIMON RILEY ᵎᵎ

love language ꒰ despite his difficulty in expressing his emotions, he still finds ways to show his love for you ꒱

melting into your arms ꒰ him melting into your arms after a rough day at work ꒱

shattered hopes ꒰ he lashes out on you and was very dismissive over your efforts for him ꒱

rebuilding hopes ꒰ after an argument with you, he feels a deep sense of remorse for the pain he caused ꒱

loved imperfections ꒰ he reassures your insecurities with loving words ꒱

sweet dreams, my love ꒰ he woke up to you sleeping far away from him in the bed so he pulls you back to him ꒱

a lil' vampire you are ꒰ you bite him with your canine teeth and he gets feral for it ꒱

wild cowboy ꒰ he indulges you in your pretty lil fantasies of him being a cowboy ꒱

shying away ꒰ he encourages and guides you on what he wants to do to you ꒱

atrapada ꒰ kidnapped and tortured in front of him, he has to endure all of it until he gets his hands on your captor ꒱

⋆៹ KÖNIG ᵎᵎ

rest well, mein liebe ꒰ he lets you rest on his shoulder, and him also resting on top of your head ꒱

love in the emergency room ꒰ you were brought into the emergency room and he was your emergency contact ꒱

bloodstained love ꒰ yandere slasher au, he comes home to you after killing someone and asks you if you're proud of him ꒱

⋆៹ CAPTAIN PRICE ᵎᵎ

cocoa kisses ꒰ he craves warmth and safety, which he finds whenever he comes to you, the person he loves ꒱

what'd u call me? ꒰ fatherfigure au, where you accidentally calls him dad ꒱

⋆៹ VARIOUS ᵎᵎ

hug me close ꒰ having cold hands for cuddles ꒱

our journey begins ꒰ their reaction to the news of your pregnancy ꒱

💬 | hi bb !! i love sharing my thoughts and hearing from you . so , please feel free to reblog and engage with my content as much as you like ! ur interactions are always appreciated . thank you <3 alsk please read the rules thoroughly b4 you interact or send in a reqs . extra note , my prev username was @tsunagi | person in pfp is not me , it is @/yuprntae on ig .

˒ ៸៸𓂃 RULES ! 彡 ·˚

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© qtboni | 2023: please do not use my works without my permission . do not plagiarize , repost , or translate any of my writings as well as my theme . thank you .

#ily all #(⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠) — [bonnie’s navi] #👾 — [bonnie’s wk] #💌 — [bonnie’s convos] #(⁠ʃ⁠ƪ⁠＾⁠3⁠＾) — [bonnie’s favs] #call of duty

[azlrse]

➳ bittersweet act (a mammon x gn!human!reader oneshot)

cw: angst (w/ a bit of fluff), implied slut-shaming (the use of the w word), ooc characters (?), replaced!mc & student council president!mc au.

a/n: finally!! after months of writing block, I am back at writing woohoo!! this piece of mine is stuck within the drafts for months and this is badly written since I haven't write something for so long omlll 😭✋

"Hey demon," a voice called for Mammon from above. "Can you deliver these important papers to president (m/c)? I got my hands full lately and I might be in delay if I gave them the project proposal and the financial plans super late this afternoon." David came down from the ladder of the tall bookshelf and handed the second born demon two heavy folders that contains such papers that is considered as confidential. "Hey! Don't call me 'demon' and the name's Mammon! Ya hear me? I have a name!" The secretary of the human student council just rolled his eyes sarcastically. "Yeah yeah, whatever 'demon'. Just do the job and go, you're gonna give me a headache here sheesh." He replied as he uses two fingers to hold the bridge of his nose in annoyance as he walks away to sort out some documents within the office.

And it looks like not only (m/c) didn't like him, aside from his brothers who received dirty and disappointing looks from the humans they have surrounded themselves. Knowing that these exchanged students from RAD treated their president so poorly that they dug their own grave to begin with. While getting lost into his thoughts, Mammon had a hard time opening the door of the office entrance since both of his hands are occupied by the huge folders, forgetting that he's a demon to begin with and uses his magic to open the door at ease.

The long walk towards your office is grueling for the prince of greed as he felt eyes surrounding him within the halls of the school. Every whisper, every snicker and every glance of the humans he came across felt like every inch of his dignity has stripped away from his body. Not even his eyes met theirs and keeping it glued straight forwardly.

"Is this one of the demons that's an exchange student here? I thought demons are hideous to look at."

"I heard that this demon ditched our president just to be with the side piece of a human, disgusting."

"If we look at him and his co-exchange students, we might be cursed or given bad luck to our studies." "Yeah, I don't want that either"

"Do you know that one exchange student here is a whore?" "No way hahahaha"

The avatar of greed felt like his self-esteem has crumbled everytime he heard those whispers from the students, feeling like he's on your shoes when you were still a student back at RAD, being replaced at home and purposely being ignored and relentlessly bullied to the oblivion to the point that you just wanna go home to the human world. For once, Mammon felt anger, especially to that one whisper that's targeted to his dear younger brother but on the other hand, he felt sadness and upset at the same time. He knows that Mammon truly deserved to be on your shoes for once, being helpless in a world full of demons.

His thoughts are interrupted once again when he saw the sign that indicates your office. Mammon felt really nervous, even if he's seen you face to face multiple occasions in his time as an exchange student. He stood by your office door, folders by both hands as he hesitantly knocks your office door.

No answer.

He knocked once again and silence surrounded him. "Pres (m/c)?" He called out. "I got the papers here, mind if I come in and help you sort these papers out?" Still, there is no answer. Questionably, he tried twisting the knob and to his shock, it's unlocked. Mammon cautiously went inside of the air conditioned room and went to look for you. "(m/c)?" He called for you again, placing the documents on the coffee table that's just beside the sofa and saw you, passed out on the sofa, sleeping peacefully. The place is dark to begin with, only a shimmer of light coming from your desk as messy papers and important files are scattered around the table. He reminds you of his overworked brother back in the Devildom as he sighs contentedly while looking at you in awe.

Your sleeping face reminds him to the time where the two of you cuddled after dinner and doing your assignments (while nagging him to finish his). He still remembered those times where you comforted him in his sleep whenever he had nightmares and reassured him that you are not gonna die or loosing his beloved siblings. He misses those times if he's honest. Reminiscing the times that you're just the sweetest and most caring human he has met in his entire life and felt a twinge of guilt as he remembered him pushing you away for another human he caught an eye on. Your cries, your wails of pain and pleas of help were ignored by him and his brothers just to appease another human who has disdain for you.

Mammon knows that he and his brother's does not deserve such forgiveness but he believes that one day, you'll acknowledge their efforts and welcoming them back into your cold and estranged heart.

He moves a stray hair on your face just to take a look on you for the last time before he leaves, admiring your beauty since the first time he saw you as an exchange student in RAD, remembering your confused and scared expression when you first arrived at the Devildom. Mammon placed a small kiss on your forehead and whispers that he still loves you (he didn't confessed his feelings to you sooner, sadly), implying that his romantic feelings for you will never change, even if you refuse to acknowledge his presence outside of school purposes. With a final, solemn look on his face, he closed the door of your office and walks back towards the students council room to do some paper work once again, meeting up with Levi and Asmo along the way whole ranting about their experiences as an exchange student in the human world.

Little did Mammon knew, you are awake the entire time. Getting up from your sleeping position and feeling the ache from your neck from a lack of support you get from a pillow, you placed a hand on your forehead and smiled sadly from this bittersweet act from the demon you once had a huge crush on.

You may not know it but Mammon is willing to wait for you to be his once again.

Do not republish, edit, or repost to other websites.

Reblogs and likes are appreciated! 💕

#student council president!mc #obey me x reader #mammon x reader #mammon angst #obey me replaced mc au #replaced mc au #obey me x mc #obey me one master to rule them all #obey me fic #obey me angst #obey me shall we date #obey me mammon #obey me fanfic #obey me x gn!reader #obey me x gn!mc

[embossross]

hi ross! hope you’ve been doing well <3 I’ve finally had the chance to sit down and send in an ask for fhmth! you’ve been spoiling us w the updates recently! I’ll try to keep this short because I don’t wanna be annoying lol but I’m sorry in advance.

I remember being really excited to read the new chapter because you mentioned it was gonna be in hanma’s pov, and- omg. It did not disappoint AT ALL. Blew my mind when I first read the surfing part and then everything else made perfect sense, like now that I think of it - a person like him would be perfect for surfing. I bet writing it from his pov was hard, trying to pick at his brain would be so annoying lol but you really did so well with this one! The waves were hanma’s best opponent. ‘Doctor’s unconventional treatment style entails lots of screaming, but she really lets you in all the way, deep as you can go,’ god I laughed out loud when I read that line 😭. The banter and dialogue is always so fun to read between them, it’s like they’re playing an endless game of tug of war heh. You really did his character SO well in this, everything about him made perfect sense. Especially the whole murder conversation. I really love the reader because she picks apart his character and analyzes him to the point where he gets frustrated with her sbxskajsnk we love a girlboss. He is so horny this chapter oh mygodsjsksnk. I really liked how we got to peak into how old toman was like, and how hanma talked about the past but was also careful w what he says lol. Every time they bring up Haitani I literally get anxious because im excited to see how it’s all gonna go down. And- god. The smut. The DDLG makes me have heart eyes and the way he speaks to her like he’s taking care of her?? *slams hands down on table* literally makes me look away from the screen cause I’m blushing like an idiot! If I speak anymore about the smut I could get blocked so I won’t LMAO. But … you do it so so good every time it blows my mind. She *finally* spoke out (+ i wonder where this desire will get her 👀) and I bet hanma feels like a king right now lol. ‘’Imagines a world where every last piece of you has been stripped, examined, and discarded.’’ - ‘’no more dignity, no more independence. You can stay by his side, until he bores of you, and only then will you realize how much you gave up for a taste of him.’’ So cruel but so like him! I wonder if he’d change the way he treats her now that he’s gotten what he wants. Ahh I think that’s all? Im sorry if this got too long, sometimes I do feel like I’m just fangirling and not saying anything insightful lol you can tell me to shut up aisbhsb - but I loved It so much!!! thanks again! - jay <3

thank you i am so happy to read you fangirling in my ask box!

hanma was such a bitch to write this chapter, i swear, so i am so so glad you liked his pov. the lines you quoted were added during editing, and i think they really make the chapter tbh, make it hanma we're dealing with, and not just a nice, normal, horny guy.

the surfing idea was lowkey inspired by the movie point break, and i love the way everyone's receiving it! i was really looking forward to this one :)

i don't know how to talk about my own smut without blocking myself lol, so i'll just say that i'm glad it's meeting your expectations!!

#i always love reading your thoughts #thanks so much jay #asks

[liesoverthec]

I think the reason OG 911 works so well for me is that everything, always, is about love.

Too many shows nowadays I feel are written on - “what can we do to these characters that is interesting or exciting?” Whereas to me, OG comes from a place of saying, “okay, what do these characters love? What can we write to showcase that, to get something compelling out of that love?”

And the writers use so many types of love - how the characters love their jobs, the way they love their spouses, their love for their children, their love of feeling useful, their love for their team, their love of making a difference.

And then out of that, comes everything else. The way the characters care about each other, their kindness, their fears, their respect for each other, their joy and the way they share their failures together. When they fight, it’s because they love each other and it’s really hard to love other people sometimes. And then they always make up, because, surprise, they love each other.

And I think it gives 911 this genuine feeling that I find is missing from so many other shows. Because love is built into the very bones of the show, not a single person on the show ever forgets it. And they actively feed into that love. It’s so obvious to me how much the actors love their characters, how much the directors care about every little detail of their episodes, how much the set crew loves being at work, how the writers show love by switching the focus of episodes around to give everyone attention, and how they make sure that everyone gets a story and season-long development.

Sure, the show stumbles and makes mistakes, but I think that overall - that amount of love that is built into OG from its very core is something so valuable, and I’m just appreciating it extra today.

#911 fox #fire fam #sappy meta about og 911 #I have so many thoughts on this I’m sappy #I think that’s why the montages and the voiceovers work so well and are so impactful #Bc from other shows it would probably be unbearably sappy or ring false #but 911 backs up what they say w actions #to me every character is treated w such dignity #there’s no constant snipping or bullying that is brushed off as comedy #and they write everyone’s stories in such a way that you’re rooting for them! #when they fight each other #which is SO RARE #you can honestly understand both sides of it #I think the few episodes where they’ve stumbled #eg breaking point #they’re strayed away from that love and gotten more into #what would be a fun plot?? #I’m trying so hard to articulate this and I’m not sure I’ll ever get there #but this is the gist of it to me

[todoscript]

coming home and finding out you fell asleep with lingerie on

characters: bakugou katsuki. todoroki shouto. genre: smut. warnings: 18+. very heaty moments. katsuki and shouto have no restraint. author’s note: This came out of nowhere, but I had an urge to write some spicy stuff so this is what happened. I was going to add Izuku too, but these things became longer than I thought they would (sorry baby). I’ll probably post his version of this with another character in the future though! The actual steamy stuff is written underneath the bulletpoints & read more! ;-)

bakugou katsuki

isn’t surprised to see you passed out on the couch with a small blanket over you, being that he arrived back at your shared apartment late at night due to another full day of hero work

cue his expression softening to those secret endearing eyes of his he never shows in front of you as he watches you for much longer than necessary, breathing in and out evenly in your sleep 

but hey, can you blame him? you’re pretty damn cute when you’re so sound asleep like that—word by word thoughts going through his head right now

he knows you can’t stay here for long though. it gets pretty chilly in the living room and he doesn’t want you to catch something, considering how flimsy the blanket is that’s covering you. the material barely reaches to your ankles.

“Babe. Hey, babe. I’m home, c’mon let’s sleep on the bed,” he says low in his gruff voice, running a hand up your arm that’s clad in the blanket.

shakes you a bit to stir you awake so you can both walk to the bed together, but you don’t budge the first couple of times, only humming in your sleep

so he takes it upon himself to carry you to your room and properly get you to bed

however, when he moves the thin blanket off of you, that look of surprise slowly envelops his face when he sees inches of bare skin unveiled the more he pulls the sheet down

- - - - -

You’re practically naked aside from the sheer, wine red lace that only covers your most intimate parts, and even that isn’t enough to keep Katsuki’s eyes from wandering and his thoughts from wandering further.

With the blanket drawn off you, there isn’t a barrier to keep the cold from nipping at your skin—a sensation that agitates you awake as you stretch out your sleepiness on the couch. You’re still unaware of the lecherous eyes that stare at every angle you offer them. Spreading your body out like that, where the fabric clings to you, accentuating all your curves right in front of him? You may seem half-asleep, but there has to be a vixen at work inside that mind of yours. There’s no way you can’t be aware of what you’re doing to him. 

It’s not until you rub away some of your drowsiness that you finally perceive the blonde kneeling before the couch. The surprise at discovering his attentive, red eyes glaring at you startles you to attention. You fix your hair, moving the strands out of your face and cleaning off the invisible marks of drool that might have abided your lips.

“Oh, welcome home, Katsuki,” you manage to greet, but Katsuki does not return your welcome. Instead, you feel his large calloused palm run up the length of your legs, and you realize the situation you’re in—how you decided to surprise him that night, wearing a new matching set of dark red lingerie, only to end up dozing off on the couch waiting for him. Though it seems it wasn’t all for naught. With the carnal expression he gives you in your most vulnerable state, he’s more than surprised alright. He’s absolutely thrilled.

Katsuki’s hands explore across your skin, mapping through every expanse despite being more than familiar with the territory. But in actuality, he’s paying all his attention to the lace—the fabric seeming so flimsy, so obscenely indecent on that figure of yours, yet at the same time, equally exquisite. You don’t wear lingerie often, but when you do, it always spurs something to tighten down in his pants, seeing you like this.

His hand trails up the material, tracing the texture before slowly inching his fingers beneath the waistband. “Mm, babe, were you planning something? Looking all sexy, wearing this—” he snaps the elastic against your bare skin, stinging any sleepiness lingering in you away as you wince at the sensation, “skimpy thing while I was gone? You must be desperate to get fucked, right?”

Even if you want to answer, he doesn’t let you. Any words desiring to leave stay trapped in your throat when Katsuki suddenly leans in to fervently capture your lips.

Despite the usual rampant pace of his actions, you soon adjust into his air of lust like it’s second nature. Your tongue mingles against his through each succession of your lips locking together, your hands twining into his ash blonde hair. Katsuki gets to work at removing his shirt with one hand, but remains mindful at busying the other by palming at the lace, gathering your flesh in his grasp before the other joins in on the ministrations.

He finally makes his way onto the couch with you, towering over your body and revels in the noises sounding past those pretty lips when his fingers find your center. All the sensations pile in your body, making you tremble in waves. The wetness already seeping through your delicate panties becomes slicker at his touch.

“Barely even did anything and you’re already this fucking wet? You really do want to get fucked don’tcha?”

“God, yes, please Katsuki. Please fuck me, I want you to fuck me so bad,” you whimper, not sugarcoating your words. You need him right now. Need him so much you’re willing to beg for him without restraint, dropping every ounce of your dignity if it meant he’d pound into you and relieve you of that ache building in your lower-half. It’s to the point where just the sound of his belt unbuckling around his pants is enough to delight and send tingles of anticipation to your cunt.

“Oh, don’t worry, babe. Waiting on me all this time? I’ll make sure you’re taken care of. All. Fucking. Night. Long.” The tone his timbre descends toward incites a whine past your lips, and he smirks at the desperate sound.

“But on one condition.”

“W-What?” You’re quick to reply—anything to lessen the delay and continue the heat of your passion. However, you’re hesitant at what this condition might entail, especially when Katsuki’s grin widens further. His hands do not relent in pulling and pressing against you through the red material of your lingerie.

“I get to fuck you in this thing.”

todoroki shouto

grumbling on his way home because of how late it is and how long you must have been waiting for him

his old man just had to drone on and on at him when the former pro hero visited his agency that night

because of that, he enters your shared space where the silence and dimness of the apartment are what welcome him

he wishes you were the one that would greet him instead, arms open for him as you ask about his day

but he’s more than aware you fell asleep waiting for him all this time

especially when he strides into his bedroom and beholds you laying on your large bed with a fluffy robe wrapped and tied around your body. your eyes are closed in slumber and you’re curled up atop the sheets

you look so precious to him, he can’t stop an adoring smile from finding his lips

he slightly nudges you. when you slowly rouse awake, your small, dozy movements add to his endearment for you that spurs his lips to your forehead while you adjust to your surroundings

“Love, I’m sorry I kept you waiting. Let’s get to bed.”

you hum a pitched “alright” in reply that comes out in a whine while you rub your eyes, saying you should get changed then

he sits on the edge of the bed, watching you saunter to the bathroom as you untie the sash of your robe along the way

just before your figure disappears inside however, he catches your skin, decorated in intricate black lace when you let the fluffy material fall below your shoulders

- - - - -

Shouto can’t help the look on his face while he unknowingly ogles you, eyes growing lidded with every peek of your body shown through the sizable crack of the door. He almost releases a groan when the long robe obscuring him from the rest of you finally piles in a heap on the floor and catches the full appearance of your body covered in the enticing black set.

The way it enhances your curves and brings out the beauty of your skin tone is beyond sinful in his eyes. He’s wondering how something so dainty can incite such a hardened reaction from him so quickly, and why he can’t seem to tear his gaze away at your mussed form still ridden with bits of sleep. You must be a succubus, right? Because how can you look so innocent, yet so tempting at the same time?

His attention on you leads to him lifting off the bed and striding to the bathroom, still trained on your figure with only lascivious thoughts running through his mind. He wants to touch you, squeeze you, feel the elaborate, lacy texture of your lingerie as he presses your soft lips on his, and hear all your lustful cries in the course of his insatiable greed.

Utterly devour you.

You have absolutely no idea what’s going through him right now, too occupied tidying bits of yourself in the mirror with a set of sleeping clothes lying on the counter, waiting to replace your beribboned attire. You wore this with the idea of wanting to treat Shouto to a good night of passion, but considering the time and how he must be tired after a long day at his agency, you figure it’s too late for such desires now. Oh, how wrong you are.

Undoubtedly so as the moment your fingers find the clasp on your back holding your bra together, they’re thwarted by a hand wrapping around your wrist and moving them out of the way. Within that instance, you’re also spun around. Your back presses against the sink counter as you come face to face with the sensual glint in Shouto’s gray and blue eyes.

You feel small underneath his unwavering, heavy gaze, squirming in place while his hands still grip your wrists that subdue any thought of you getting away from him. “Shouto, I need to get changed so we can go to sleep—”

“How long have you been wearing this?” he interjects, ignoring your plea and slipping a finger beneath the satin strap of your bra. Meanwhile, the other hand caresses up your warm, bare thigh until it arrives at your panties’ lace. The gestures leave the air hitching in your throat. You have to swallow down a gulp in order to reply to him amid his methodical strokes and caresses.

“I had it on all evening…” you admit, voice becoming quiet. Shouto hums at your answer, leaning into you and pressing your back further against the counter. He traces up your form with not only his hands but also his eyes, committing your bewitching state to memory, familiarizing himself with the intricate patterns of your lingerie.

“For that long, love? You expect me not to appreciate the effort and thought you put in, bearing your pretty body in this—” he palms at your breast through your underwear, rousing a moan to slip from your lips, “and waiting for me this entire time?”

“I-I thought you’d be too tired to—ah—t-to do anything so I figured we should go to sleep now, mm—” You find it hard to keep your voice steady. Not with Shouto’s ministrations descending to your cunt, stroking the wetness gathering at your center that saturates the crotch of your black panties. He captures the slickness around his fingertips and earnestly licks it off with his tongue, admiring your taste while keeping such intense eye contact. It makes your cheeks burn and your arousal heighten.

“On the contrary, baby, seeing you in this just riles me up even more. Makes me want to ravage you while you’re wearing it,” he tells you with an edge in his tone that reduces you to whimpers. Before you can come up with any coherent thought, he hoists you up onto the bathroom sink, effectively spreading you open in front of him as he kneels eye level toward your clothed pussy.

“And that’s exactly what I intend to do. So sit there and let me admire you as I appreciate everything you have to offer.”

#bnha x reader #bnha smut #bakugou smut #todoroki smut #bnhabookclub #bakugou x reader #todoroki x reader #katsuki smut #shouto smut #bnha imagine #bnha scenarios #bakugou katsuki x reader #todoroki shouto x reader #bakugou imagine #todoroki imagine

[dasakuryo]

Would you be able to share ways Mando gets fetishized/written OOC by fanfic writers? Or maybe know of a resource where I can find more information myself? I’ve tried Google but haven’t found much relating to this specific issue in the SW fandom.

So, I am going to answer this under the premise that this an actual honest question and not a bait to then nitpick my answer. And I apologize if my answer has a harsh or rude edge, but honestly we Latine fans have answered this same question COUNTLESS times before. Anyway, here it goes.

Would you be able to share ways Mando gets fetishized/written OOC by fanfic writers?

I mean, I have pointed this out time and time again on my posts about Latine characters, The Mandalorian and/or Pedro Pascal. The answer is actually in the question you have asked yourself, anon. The ways in which Mando gets fetishized and written OOC by fanfic writers is… precisely being fetishized and written OOC by fanfic writers. It’s not rocket science, the fetishization is directly connected to applying stereotypes and biases about Latines to Latine characters, especially when said stereotypes go in direct opposition to their canon characterizations.

The main stereotypes applied to Latine characters by fandoms (and yeah, note I am not limiting this issue to The Mandalorian, because it happens to every Latine character in every fandom under the sun) are:

The Latino Lover stereotype

The angry/fiery Latina

The sexualization of the Spanish language

The exotification of Latin American Spanish varieties and NNE Latin American accents

The portrayal of Latines, especially Latinos, as cold, irrationally angry and violent, detached from emotion. As far as Latinas are concerned we get extremely sexualized or villainized (quite often portrayals are hyper sexualization with a dash of angry jealous Latina ready to steal a given LI)

I’ve talked about these and Latine mistreatment in Mando (tangentially) here and here.

softie actually made a pretty good summary on the different ways The Mandalorian fandom sexualizes and fetishizes Din/Pedro and his Latine identity. You can read it here 

And now, this is not directed at you personally anon, but let me address something very important. Even though softie went through the trouble of listing the most common ways in which Mando gets fetishized/written OOC by fanfic writers, we Latine fans should not have to be here pulling out excerpts of every single fic this has happened in for people who aren’t Latine to a) believe us when we say there’s a problem, b) realise this is a problem because it’s a cemented fandom trend (across fandoms) at this point.

And another thing, because this mindset of “show me proof this has actually happened!” truly me tiene los ovarios inflados. Why should we Latine fans have to delve into disgusting content that will upset us just to give you all a research-like presentation on how X fandom exotifies and sexualises a Latine character? Especially when then many people love to pull “well X popular fic didn't do Y exactly you are a big meanie”, as if a given content not following every aspect of a stereotype to a T suddenly means the plethora of issues in said content isn’t harmful, stereotyping, biased, racist, etc.

(Not to mention that actually “showing proof” of fics/content in which these things are present actually prompts some people to argue we are targeting people on purpose, just to twist the debate and paint anyone raising concerns of fetishizing as a big meanie trying to stir fandom drama.).

Latine fans, particularly in the Star Wars fandom, have been speaking about the various ways in which fandom fetishizes Latine characters for years (and we have also talked at length about how to avoid fetishizing Latine characters and treat them respectfully), but it seems some people find out there’s a problem with Latine fetishization in fandom every two weeks. It’s exhausting.

If some of you all insist you aren’t biased/racist/w/e, then you truly don’t need people from X marginalized group or community telling you how to treat a character from said background with respect, without applying stereotypes to said characters, because you’ll be already looking at ways in which to write and engage with these characters respecting the human dignity of the group they represent (and you wouldn’t victimize yourself when someone points out something you are doing is harmful).

#ai responde #latine fetishization in fandom #fandom critical #Anonymous #i've actually quoted some legends in this lengthy response #my followers and mutuals know who they are and to these legends I say 💖

[total-ass]

the amount of misogynoir leshawna received on total drama was ridiculous! for starters she was subjected to many blatantly racist comments from heather. heathers skinny ass couldnt go a SECOND with out making a comment on how disgusting her fake hair was, or how gross her fat was and how “”ghetto”” everything about her was. as a chubby black girl that rewatched tdi in middle school that shot made me uncomfortable as fuck, i genuinely needed to take a break in between episodes. in tdi they barely even gave her any personality traits outside of being “”ghetto”” they basically sidelined her to being the “black best friend” who always always there to fix all of her white friends problems. now on surface that doesn’t sound to bad but if you did some research on the history behind the “black best friend” stereotype you’ll see how this stereotype isn’t as harmless as you think.

one thing we can all agree on is that leshawnas elimination was racially biased. the second leshawna actually stared showing oh i don’t know...real character traits and how capable she was BAM! they take her out cause they hate to see black women winning (which seems to e a common theme in this show hmm 🤔 and no i’m not counting sanders shes a cop and her name reminds me of s*nders s*des) while all of tdis eliminations had little to no thought put into them and barely made sense in regards to the “rules”(bridgettes, lindsays, DJ, duncan, etc.) but leshawnas elimination was was easily one of the most contrived scenes in the show! (and that’s saying something 🤨) and that’s not even getting into all the sexual jokes they made at her expense, from the perverted camera angles focusing on her curves, to all the disgusting comments she received from her team mates.

FUCK TOTAL DRAMA ACT*ON, everyone hates total drama act*on. that season was fucking garbage. a lot of thing pissed me off that season, the ableism, the fatphobia, beths existence, boring as fuck, (i lowkey like lesharold and all but all of harolds comments towards leshawna were...😐) but the worst thing about total drama act*on is once again!! the way leshawna was treated. oh boo hoo she made fun of you guys for being annoying? well you guys are, everyone that season was insufferable at some point. td* came 2 DAYS after tdi, that means leshawna was stuck with those fuckers for an entire summer and had nothing to show for it, she had every right to clown on them i said what i said. and her elimination was also bullshit this season but what else is new?? 😐

in total drama w*rld t*ur she was treated like nothing but a pawn for alejandro (another racist stereotype) to do stereotypical racist spanish stereotype things to her. and her graceful exit was her randomly beating the shit out of heather undoing the little character development that didn’t involve a white boy she had 😐. ngl if leshawna had beaten the shit out of heather in tda for...yknow yelling everything but racial slurs at her, then maybe it would justified for her to to that but no, they had to use it as an opportunity to villainize her for thier piss poor plot.

anyway i want to surgically remove leshawna from this show and put her in a good one. she deserves so much better the what she received, hopefully the black girls in the new seasons are actually treated with dignity. but we all know that’s asking too much from this company 😐

#total drama #td #td leshawna #racism #anti blackness #misogynoir #heather critical #harold critical #anti tda #anti tdwt #long post

[aadi-kted]

Burn🔥🔥

A/N - Hey guyss!!!! AAHHHH!! I just finished watching Hamilton and I fell in love with it!!! I loved everything about the musical and I am soo glad I got the opportunity to watch it!! I  loved Phillipa Soo in it and I adored watching her sing Burn. When I heard it I just knew that I had to write a fic on it! I have never written angst before but I am vey glad with how my my story turned out. People who haven’t seen the musical or heard the song can also definitely read this!!

W/C - 1,955...Whew!! My longest fic yet!!

Warnings! ⚠️- Fluff and sooo much angst!

~~~

Memories. Those damned memories. No matter how much you tried, you couldn’t get his memories out of your mind. They were swirling in your head; you were forever being taunted by images of what had been. His hand in yours, as you both walked down the Rockaway beach, smiles on your faces as you talked about nothing and everything.  You could still remember the way his curls bounced with the breeze, the auburn streaks highlighted by the setting sun. He had been constantly moving a pesky curl which wouldn’t stay in its place. You couldn’t help but laugh at his irritated expression and with a loving sigh, you had run your hands between strands of his hair. His eyes had lit up with joy and affection and you could feel a smile creeping on your face. Whenever you were with Peter or even thought about him, you would feel an insurmountable amount of love and happiness. But now, just his name was enough to make your blood boil. Instead of smiling every time someone mentioned him, a frown would be etched on your face. You couldn’t bear to think about him, not without wanting to cry. The time you had with Peter had been magical, but now you were left behind, broken-hearted and miserable. You had first started dating in sophomore year of high school. Most people say that high school relationships never last and that you guys would be over before you finished high school, but it would be well into sophomore year of college before you guys would be over.

You could still remember the early days of your relationship, the golden days. You had had partners before, but none had been like Peter. Peter was affectionate and kind and so, so sweet. Unfortunately, he used to get flustered around you and instead of being able to say things to your face, he would write you letters. He used to slip them in your locker, slide them in your desk or give it to you when he would walk you back to your house. Some people might have found it weird, but you found charming. Being a romantic at heart, this was your dream come true. Even though Peter later started being more comfortable around you he still gave you letters from time to time. You cherished every single one of them and kept them safe and secured in your drawer. Every couple had something special to them, and this was your something special. He wrote you letters and you used to bake for him. Peter loved your baking. He said that your cupcakes and cakes were heavenly. In fact, he used to joke that you would just leave the ingredients out and angels would come into your kitchen and bake the sweets. Just reminiscing about those days were enough to put a smile on your face. But, now you didn’t feel like baking, you couldn’t bear to look at the letters. It hurt too much. Peter still wrote you letters, you just didn’t want to open them. You were too scared to find out what he had written, too scared to know why he had cheated on you.

Anyone who knew Peter would say that they could never even imagine Peter doing something like that. Until a month ago, you would have said the same thing. But now, here you both were. You had gone from being that couple in love to practical strangers with broken hearts. You, at least, had a broken heart. You doubted Peter even had a heart. You weren’t even sure you knew who Peter was now. He had first been your cute boyfriend, then he became your cute (secret) superhero boyfriend, he then became your amazing, valedictorian, college boyfriend and now he was this horrible person who didn’t even have the decency to break up with his girlfriend before going off to kiss other girls. This was not the guy you knew.  This was not the guy you had dated. This was not the sweet guy who had written all those letters to you. When you had read those letters, you had known Peter was the one. He was yours. You thought he was yours. You should have known. When you had told MJ, your best friend, that you were dating Peter Parker, you hadn’t realized that your expression was conveying more deeply about your feelings for him to her than your words. She knew you were in trouble. She didn’t have anything against Peter, but MJ was a great judge of character and she had known Peter for a long time. She had warned you, she said it would be too much for you one day. But his sweet words had flooded your senses, whenever you were with him, you felt like you were on top of the world. But now you wished you were buried underneath it. You didn’t want to face anyone, your friends, your families and least of all, him. You were cooped up in your room, trying to forget everything. Trying to forget how happy you had been that day. How excited you were to see him again, after months of being apart in different colleges. You had loved every video call with him, but you missed his touch and were craving for it. So, you had decided to surprise him. You had the week off and instead of spending it with your family, you had gone straight to Peter. You were jittery with excitement, you had been imagining the kind of reactions he might have had, but for the life of you, you could have never imagined that you would walk into that room just to see your boyfriend, sitting half naked on his bed, with an equally naked girl on his lap, snogging the lights out of him. For a moment time stood still. You couldn’t believe what you were seeing, but the proof was right in front of you. They hadn’t noticed you yet. You couldn’t think of how to react. You were frozen. But, just like that, the spell broke, you released a gasp and the two people were startled out of their kissing. Peter’s eyes went wide as he took you in.

 “Y/ N – Y/N/N!” He stammered

The reality still hadn’t set in for you. You were getting hysterical and couldn’t stop your reply, “And here I thought I was going to surprise you.”

You could see the confusion on Peter’s face. “Pl-please! Just-just let me explain!”

You cut him off before he could give any excuse. You just wanted to know one thing.

“How long?”

You could see the answer in his expression, but you were still unprepared for it when he said it out loud.

“3 months”

That was the moment when you felt your heart break. The moment where you lost control of your emotions. Tears filled your eyes, begging to be released. You couldn’t keep standing there. You turned around to escape with what little of your dignity was left. You could hear Peter calling you from behind, shouting your name, begging you to stop. But you couldn’t, you wouldn’t. There was no possible explanation he could give that would make you forgive him. You didn’t want to forgive him.

So now, here you were, pathetically hiding in your room from everyone. MJ had been calling you continuously. She was the only one you had told what happened. You couldn’t bear seeing the pity in her eyes. Or in anyone else’s eyes for that matter. The letters he had sent you over the years lay scattered about in your room. You couldn’t bear it anymore. You took the first letter he ever wrote you and read it. You read it like you were a person wandering the deserts for months and had only now come upon water. You consumed every letter he had written you. Your eyes scanning every line in ever paragraph. You tried read the lines for a sign, any sign for the boy that had been yours, from when he had been yours.  The letters conveyed every one of the emotions and love he used to feel for you. Each affectionate line felt like a dagger to your heart. Every paragraph pierced your soul. You read letter after letter, and then finally you reached the ones he sent you this week, after you found out about his infidelity. With trembling hands, you forced yourself to pick them up. The swishing of the pages as you opened them felt like a daunting warning to not read them. As you read, you wished that you had heeded the warning. He had said that he was sorry. He hadn’t known what to do. He had been having a tough time, juggling college work and his duties as a superhero. He felt overwhelmed and he had needed your comfort. But you hadn’t been there. So when, another girl started flirting with him he didn’t say no to her. He didn’t know how to say no to her. God, you wished he had said no to her. He had never meant to hurt you, but he had lost all clarity and just… broke all the promises he had made to you.

You wanted to scream, to shout, anything to let the pain out. He had forgotten he was yours.

He had forgotten you were his and that you had made promises too. You would have been with him, helped him, and supported him. But he had forgotten. You were a broken mess and you were angry. Angry at the letters for reminding you of better times, angry at him for cheating on you and treating you the way he did, but most of all, you were angry at yourself. Angry for being such a mess, angry for punishing yourself by pushing away people who cared for you, and most all wasting tears on a ruined relationship. You wanted to do something. You didn’t want to sit there and waste your energy and tears. You gathered all the letters surrounding you. You collected them all in your hands and walked down the stairs with a determined stance. You could feel your dorm mates and other students staring at you, wondering what you had been up to, all these days locked in your room, but you didn’t pay attention to them. For the first time in weeks you were feeling hopeful. You made your way to the nightly bonfire the students in your college created. You noticed MJ standing there talking with your friends. You could see that she was surprised to see you, but you just smiled at her and made your way to the front of the bonfire. You looked at the letters and brushed your hands against your name which had been inscribed in Peter’s messy handwriting on the top corner. You then stared into the fire, trying to calm yourself. You didn’t want to look back at the letters again, so you just flung them into the fire. You watched as the fire engulfed the letters. You felt relieved as you let out a breath and felt as though you were breathing for the first time in a long time.  What happened with Peter was in the past. And while it still hurt, you knew that your heart would heal over time and that you would find people who deserve your love and friendship.  The flames from the fire were dancing as if they knew what had happened and were rejoicing with you. You felt a smile take over your face, brilliant and radiant, almost rivalling the brightness of the fire. The letters had burned, but your life would not burn with them.

~~~~

So..this was it folks!!! Plsss tell me how u liked it and feel free to send me asks!!! 

#tom holland #break up #angst #fluffy #peter parker x reader #peter parker #peter parker fluff #peter parker angst #breaking up with peter parker #hamilton #burn #musical #phillipa soo #just imagine #i love this #eliza hamilton #eliza schylur #schylur sisters

[crowsent]

a fuckton of things i want in da4

a few words censored bc tumblr will swallow this in the void if i dont. long ass fuck list ahead

a romanceable dwarf

more romanceable elves/qunari

more elf/qunari/dwarf companions

consistent writing for once

more nb representation

good hair. please just give me good hair options. give me long hair. give me luxurious flowing locks. give me braids. give me good fucking hair options

let me shittalk the chantry

dalish elf npcs that impact the plot in unique ways

dalish elf companions that are proud of being dalish

if it is set in tevinter maybe uh. maybe address the issue of systemic oppression (and slavery) of elves???????

a return of the friendship/rivalry system in da2 but improved. maybe instead of a friendship rivalry sliding scale its friendship/rivalry/animosity sliding scale. bc rivalry is more like. two people pushing each other to be better than they were before. friendly competition. hes an idiot but hes my idiot kind of deal. animosity would be just regular disapproval. i liked the crisis cutscenes in dai so high animosity would be the same as low approval and might make the companion leave still, but theres more variety with high approval. high approval “friendship” would be the “were best friends and we share many opinions and agree on almost everything” while high approval “rivalry” being “we disagree on almost everything but goddamn it youre my friend and ill follow you into the fade if i have to” so you can have a high approval with someone instead of being a kissass

actions and choices having consequences again

multiple endings again (epilogue slideshows dont count)

dialogue wheels with descriptions that match what you actually say

characters from rivain, antiva, anderfels, etc

gifts. bring back the gifts. i want to give my companions gifts

maybe. maybe a focus of non-andrastian religion for once?

let me shittalk the chantry

i know its a stretch, but maybe. diverse skin colours. please?

nd characters that are written respectfully and treated w dignity

please bring back the talent wheel from dao and da2

more bi romance options

more wlw romance options

more mlm romance options

ace romance options

nb romance options

background romances

let me shittalk the chantry

far fetched but maybe a polycule?

i lowkey LOVED the fast-paced feel of da2s combat so maybe bring that back in some form? maybe improved to mesh with the tactics of dai to give players absolute freedom of playstyle whether they want to be like me and rush into every encounter or play more strategically

companions with unique companion abilities

would be nice to explore cities

would be nice if the open world were a little smaller so it doesnt feel empty all the gd time

more mage spells. mages felt like just another class of fighter to me in dai. they dont really have any awe-inducing wow factor like in dao or even da2. if the narrative wants me to believe that mages are powerful and dangerous and that it takes multiple templars to hunt down an apostate, maybe show that? give me strong mages

remove the jump ability. its pointless

a narrative that addresses the oppression that the chantry and templars perpetuated please

bring back the attributes

make the choices in dai matter. mages governing themselves? i wanna see that

let me shittalk the chantry

please bring back the healing magic for fucks sakes

multi-class system between rogues and warriors?

multiple specialisations that feel like specialisations and not just skill tree+

player-only skill trees

hardening

companion quests that affect their abilities and further dialogue

actual morally grey choices instead of this stupid mage freedom vs templar oppression narrative that is in no way morally grey but is presented as such and thus leaves the conflicts and narratives set up by dao and da2 to be fucking meaningless

bring back the tactics

would be nice to have an origins-esque prologue again. maybe one that would determine future events in game just to give your character better narrative cohesion with the plot

an approval/disapproval system but for companions with other companions. bringing certain companions together may bring them closer or make them pissed off with each other which affects banter maybe quests maybe combat

give me a fucking mabari bioware. give me back my fucking mabari

day/night cycle

a nightmare mode where you have to finish the main quest on a time limit. it is absurd that dai expects me to believe that i have all this time to do wartable missions that can take literal real life DAYS to finish and still thwart corypheus’ plans in time. bullshit

that said. no more wartable missions. waiting for a countdown to finish isnt very fun

let me shittalk the chantry

kal-sharok. ive been hearing about it since dao let me fucking see kal-sharok

dwarven politics

politics in general. my fav dao quest was the succession crisis plotline in orzammar/the landsmeet and wewh in dai

npcs i can talk to. even with generic dialogue like in dao. makes the world more alive

using the environment to your advantage. far fetched but i would love to be able to pull down boulders if were in the mountains or freeze water to get to places as a mage

home base customisation but the customisation choices you make actually. mean something. and do something. or at the very least give more companion dialogue/banter/approval change

laconic and ergonomic codexes. like. sorted by what kind of codex it is, etc etc but then you just get a brief summary of the codex and the option to read more about it so i dont spend eternity scrolling through cards looking for a specific codex entry. cool aesthetic dont get me wrong but real irritating to deal with. also. maybe. the pc making comments about the codex if you do read more about it? like a dalish elf saying “they got it all wrong” when reading a codex about dalish elves written by a human??? that would a) give character to the pc b) incentivise people to actually read the codex to see what was so wrong about it c) summarise the codex for people who want to learn the lore but dont want to spent the entire game reading text

maybe have the merchants in your home base close to crafting stations so you dont have to take a fucking hike if you miscounted the amount of elfroot you need?

let me shittalk the chantry

avvar companion maybe??? interesting lore right there

bring back stat requirements for weapons and remove the class restriction for most shit. obviously a dagger would be better for a rogue than a longsword and a mage would do better with a staff than a sword and shield but its not about efficiency. its about the roleplay. its about the options. give me the option to make a mage with wildly inappropriate stat distribution

bring back sustained mode abilities

traps. bring back traps. bring back the option to stealth into an area, trap the fuck out of it, and go from there

have the three available classes in kind of a rock paper scissors scenario. warriors do real well against rogues who do real well against mages who do real well against warriors. so you can plan your party depending on who/what youll face AND how much their approval will change during the quest you take them on

let me shittalk the chantry

actually resolve the plot points introduced in dai

a more threatening villain. the inquisitor thwarted every attempt made by corypheus in dai. he was not threatening at all

queer characters. background, companions, etc. queer characters

mounts were meh in dai. maybe. make them faster? or less cumbersome? or have your companions on mounts too so theres still banter?

i liked the armour tinting. let me have armour tinting from the beginning

i would really like mages to move and attack at the same time bc lowkey standing in one spot is uhhhhhhh kinda boring

let me check companions friendship/rivalry levels

would be nice if the narrative acknowledged that elves suffered greatly at the hands of the chantry and stopped victim-blaming them

more taverns. specifically like tapsters in dao where theres a dwarf just reciting something in a language i cant understand and if you look its a ballad/poet about dwarven culture and that was a real nice touch let me have that

dalish elf clan. dalish elf clan that does not get murdered please and thank you

meaningful quests. more cinematic dialogue

make found gear / quest reward gear more valuable than crafted gear

game modifiers like in dai were real nice. i want more

let me shittalk the chantry

quests that can be resolved in multiple ways. like connors fate in dao. and for those ways to impact further quests

companions with varying moral alignments

companions that are mutually exclusive (like alistair and loghain) but are both good companions so itd really make you think

a pc that IS NOT a “chosen one” vanilla da2 is my fav dragon age game for one reason and one reason only and that is because hawke is just some random refugee who escaped lothering. no chosen one magic at all. just an ordinary person who is a real good fighter. and that appealed to me more than this “you are the only one who can do it” narrative

let me meet more elvhen gods

if the setting is in tevinter, GIVE ME FUCKING ARCHITECTURE. give me the high spires, the archways, the buttresses, give me statues lining city gates and magic infused into the buildings. tevinter is a land ruled by MAGES give me magical architecture. give me floating buildings. give me fire floating as orbs above the streets like lamps. GIVE ME ARCHITECTURE

SHALE

let me shittalk the chantry

PIERCINGS GIVE ME FUCKING PIERCINGS BIOWARE

more main quests, longer main quests

if it is set in tevinter maybe. maybe address the fact that tevinter has been at war with the qunari for a while? on and off war is still war. and maybe give us the option to influence the outcome of that war?

more voice options. instead of just american voice or british voice, do the thing in dao again where there are multiple voices of different tones to further cement the pcs personality

more armour designs

biased but uh. can. can taliesen jaffe va a character?

i already said qunari companions but specifically saarebas companions

blood magic

FINISHING MOVE ANIMATIONS

please do not let it be as long as inquisition. inquisition was a SLOG in later playthroughs

body sliders. what if i want a tall but lanky qunari? what if i want a buff as shit elf? body sliders

more eye options

let me call out companions

btw bioware. if you really wanted cullen to be a good guy. maybe handle his fucking redemption arc a little better instead of retconning all the terrible and creepy shit hes done in the past k thx

can female walk/run animations not have. so much swaying hips? no one moves like that

personality dialogue that affects future dialogue like in da2 but meshed with the wider range of emotions introduced by dai

keep the race/s*x lock on romance candidates like in dai. keep the fact that some characters can only be romanced by certain races or s*xes

nb and genderqueer options for the pc

cutscenes of companions interacting

ngl i lowkey liked the random encounters of dao so maybe bring that back

my fav quest in dao is the landsmeet / orzammar succession crisis questline but you know whats my second favourite? the rescue mission if the warden gets captured and you have to play as your party members. give me that again

more creepy/dark shit. dai was too lighthearted for me esp after da2 and dao

let me shittalk the chantry

broodmothers. in hd.

red lyrium broodmothers. in hd

companions with different backgrounds. different faiths. different statuses. different families. etc

maybe make the pcs appearance make an impact on the story? like how bull says he likes redheads, but even if you are a redhead, he says nothing about it????? maybe keep track of which slider the player picks so that can affect the story?

i love my inquisitors but maybe. dont. bring the inquisitor in as anything more than an advisor/npc in this game? let me fall in love with a new pc???

if theres gonna be a homebase like skyhold where youre not in armor. maybe give us better clothing?

a kind of gear skin mechanic similar to ac:odyssey where you can change how the gear looks but keep the stats. so you can equip that higher level armour and keep the look and aesthetic of your old armour and you unlock the skins/looks of the armours you discover/make so you can be both powerful AND aesthetic

i enjoyed the nobility/underworld/arcane/etc knowledge in dai unlocking more dialogue options so maybe keep/expand on that but make it more accessible by side missions or companions or something that isnt the abysmal perk system in dai

let me shittalk the chantry

customisable walking animations. does the pc walk straightbacked? slouched? with a swagger? please

since there will undoubtedly be an obligatory fade sequence, maybe have an option for nightmare demons that ARENT spiders. thank you

slap on subtitles and conlang some languages. i want to hear elvish. i want to hear tevene. give me the languages

more dragons. esp if they look vastly different

more bard songs

i am completely biased here, but i would like to hear laura bailey as a va for a character. preferably a voice option for the pc

hey maybe have the true ending actually included in the base game and not in a dlc (tresppasser cough cough)

better val royeaux

please remove the had to do it to em idle animation tis distracting

on that note, more idle animations. maybe some unique to companions?

very trivial but. unique stair climbing/descending animation

bring back talking to companions on the road. maybe with some dialogue that can only be said on the road???

if banter is interrupted, make like rdr2 and pick up where the banter left off

more vallaslin designs please?

if theres another formal scene like dai maybe. give us. decent clothing. or better yet, decen clothing OPTIONS. i wanna decide how i look in a ball full of haughty orlesians

mage vs templar conflict resolved and addressed please. it is NOT resolved in dai. what we got was sequel bait and a slideshow. resolve it please

let me shittalk the chantry

a pro-mage anti-circle circle mage companion like anders

religious person who doesnt victim-blame elves in the codex or in game or anywhere please

characters more like leliana who question the chantry and acknowledge its corruption and greed

unapologetically sapphic companion

idc if its tevinter i dont want to fucking see queer people being disrespected

a true tal-vashoth companion, one who escaped from the qun

have quest decisions affect whether or not a companion will turn hostile to you or not

if IF solas will be redeemed, please do the redemption arc right

more horn options for qunari

an apostate mage who doesnt use me for their personal agenda whilst hiding something from me (morrigan, anders, solas) thanks

i really dig the whole “leader of an army” thing dai was trying to go for. but you didnt actually. lead. anything. would be nice to have that option. command soldiers. send them places that affect further quests. would even use the wartable for its intended purpose. planning wars. battles. like. you get sent word that there are bandits harassing villagers. you can set up an ambush with your soldiers or confront them headon, and theres a new mini-location on the map like the manor you meet vivienne in where you can go deal with the bandits and depending on your choices, there are actually soldiers with you in a field, or traps in a narrow pass, or even in a city. id rather the wartable shit dont return but if they have to, at least this way youre not just waiting real life time for a bunch of text to appear

i am real fucking excited for the possibility that da4 companions can just fucking die on you. good shit. give me that angst

missions that certain companions would refuse to go with you to. you know. so you actually have to use other members of your party instead of the same 3 (three) people all the goddamn time

disabled characters (i want a character who suffers from the same chronic bad leg disease as i do is that too much to ask)

kinda touched on by the da2 combat point but let me do close combat damage with the staff

no multiplayer. and if there is a multiplayer, dont tie it with achievements

let me fucking explore weisshaupt

(i dont think solas will be the endgame villain of da and i dont think da4 will be the last da game but still) again. for emphasis. resolve the plot points dai brought up

full-body scars and tattoo options

companions and npcs changing their opinions about things over time. eg: a pro-circle mage wanting instead for circles to be abolished after a specific side mission or a main quest decision etc

keep the multiple companion quests. and maybe change what kinds of companion quests are available further down depending on choices made in previous companion quests

please for fucks sake give us more characters of colour

let me shittalk the chantry

#dragon age #dragon age 4 #da4 #long post #its 3 am and i am once again putting on my clown wig bc bioware will fucking disappoint me again

[feyariel]

The Inner Sea Pantheon: Blech

As I've said before, I don't like the Golarion gods. This really means "I don't like the main deities listed in the Core Rulebook and sometimes called the Inner Sea Pantheon (when it omits the rest of said pantheon)." I look at them as direct replacements for the Core 3.5 gods, sometimes by way of the Realms. There are some positives, true, but there're a lot of things I don't like.

Each time I've started this (as is my habit), I've gotten sidetracked by length or wanting to discuss other issues. Since I'm working on this right now as a major part of my current campaign, I figured that I should start by identifying the actual issues I have and moving on.

Abadar

Replaces St. Cuthbert and the lawful segments of Fharlanghn's worship by way of Waukeen

Pros: None.

Cons:

Stupid-ass name; sounds like "Yabba Dabba Doo."

(I did not come up with this; a friend of mine did and it's stuck with me.)

Lawful Neutral is the most boring alignment, but he manages to make it more boring than any other Lawful Neutral deity; King of No Personality.

Sees benefits to both Good and Evil (pg. 64¹), which is beyond illogical; as such, wants to create "perfect" laws irrespective of morality, which does not follow in the least.

Abadar is something of the sort of neutral Dr. King railed about in his Letter from Birmingham Jail, only worse: his incrementalism includes not opposing slavery, just opposing "misusing slaves or beasts of burden [because it] is a waste of resources and detrimental to the profitability of a farm and civilization as a whole" (pg. 65¹).

Described as calculating and given the title "the far-seeing;" crafted the lock and key to Rovagug's cell so that only Asmodeus (not even Abadar himself) can turn it.

His First Vault supposedly contains Platonic Forms, yet he fails in absolutely every regard in understanding (let alone working within) Platonism. (pg. 65¹)

Essentially the replacement for the more lawful side of Fharlanghn's worship.

Literally the God of Capitalism and does not think that people have intrinsic dignity, yet is not Lawful Evil for some reason.

Not only the God of the Encroachment of Civilization on wild spaces (despoiling of nature), but treats it as evangelism in the same way Christians treat general proselytizing. Surely will get defense from people who will say "uwu you can't treat humans and their works as different from nature" when he sees nature as antithetical to his areas of interest.

He's not even a good deconstruction of the problems he represents.

¹ "Abadar." Curse of the Crimson Throne #2 (Pathfinder Adventure Path #8): Seven Days to the Grave, pages 64-71.

Asmodeus

Replaces Hextor by way of Bane; yoinks Wee Jas'

Pros:

Satan, more or less

One of the better written deities in the setting

Cons:

Satan

Like everything diabolic in D&D, fails to recognize that Satan/Lucifer (the rebel angel) is Chaotic Evil

Runs on Hollywood understanding of contract law, which is fine but has no real good counterpart to reflect why people would want to engage in making contracts if they're necessarily evil

You get no real props for replacing Hextor (meh) or Bane (less meh) with a character that's been in D&D since the very beginning, let alone one you didn't change much to fit your setting. Even 4e promoted Asmodeus to godhood.

Calistria

Replaces Olidammara, god of rogues and revels (domains: Chaos, Luck, Trickery; Calistria adds Charm and Knowledge), by way of Sune

Pros:

An Aphrodite Pandemos (y'know, goddess of sex), which is usually absent from D&D.

Makes up for the frequent absence of gods of love by being one of several

Name alludes to Calliste/Callisto ("fairest") and in turn Eris' golden apple

Vengeance as a Chaotic Neutral portfolio element works

The interplay of the deities with arthropods for symbols is interesting and works given most of their associations (Calistria and Desna: elves; Calistria and Urgathoa: hedonism; Calistria, Glaunder, and Rovagug: portfolio elements that deal with anger and/or harm [destruction, wrath, infection, revenge]; Achaechek, Calistria, and Norgorber: Trickery domain deities who are definitely about using underhanded means of combat; Brigh and Calistria: goddesses embodying an internal drive of some sort [invention/creation, revenge, lust])

Cons:

Ends up being the replacement for Olidammara (god of revelry and rogues; Chaos, Luck, Trickery), which is a little too spot-on. (If you were going to make any of the Core 3.5 deities love gods, it'd either be Olidammara [revelry] or Wee Jas [vanity]. Dragon opted for the latter.)

Seriously, she's a goddess of wasps.

Treated as the most elven goddess when that should be Desna

Cayden Cailean

Replaces a combined Kord and Olidammara; the rest of Kord is moved to Kurgess (lesser deity)

Pros: I guess he's relatable?

Cons:

He's just a dudebro. His inclusion is either a joke that isn't terribly funny (if it's funny, it's only so for a short while) or as someone's stupid fantasy.

"Cayden" is one of those dumb names meant to sound like "Aiden" which were all popular in the '90s.

"Cailean" sounds like it's some sort of Gaelic surname, solidifying the stereotype of drunken Irish/Scots. (It's actually a given name.)

Literally every god who isn't ascended is accidental.

Essentially Olidammara mixed with Kord but with the interesting bits taken out

Generic Adventurer Deity

Desna

Replaces Fharlanghn by way of Selûne and Corellon Larethian with Sehanine Moonbow

Pros:

Title: "Song of the Spheres;" nice allusion

Overall functions as Selûne/Sehanine Moonbow

Is also Tyche (the Greek version, not the Faerûnian one)/Tymora/Lady Luck, which works as a goddess of stars

Butterflies don't get enough attention in D&D, I don't think.

Cons:

Another stupid name; sounds like "Destiny" or "Desiree"

The combination of the name and symbol make me think "Goddess of the Lower Back Tattoo"

Not as interesting as either Selûne (in mythos) or Sehanine (in portfolio)

Elfiest elf goddess in the setting, yet is noted more as a Varisian goddess than an elvish one. (Still worshiped extensively by elves; treated as lesser compared to Calistria.)

Despite all the fairy motifs, can't keep fairies and eladrin/azatas interrelated; ends up duplicating Fey with Azatas

Is effectively Selûne replacing Fharlanghn, then also replacing Corellon (or at least tearing apart his portfolio). While Fharlanghn (Far Long One) was fairly boring compared to his inspiration (Hermes), Corellon was at least cool and was the only nonbinary god in the pantheon.

Erastil

Replaces Ehlonna (because of Desna) and Yondalla

Pros:

Has one of the better names in the pantheon; not great, but not awful

Somehow functions anthropologically

Cons:

Why is Cernunnos lawful?

Why are there two Cernunnoi?

Why is the one not named "Cernunnos" a major god but the other isn't?

Why do we have a God of Hicks? Seriously, this entry reads like people whom I live around.

Damns suicides. Because he's Jaezus.

Gorum

Replaces all Chaotic War gods (Corellon Larethian, Erythnul, Gruumsh, and Kord) by way of Tempus

Pros:

Unusual in being an egregore; makes egregore theory seem really cool (even if it's not)

Not a human with superpowers, but the emotions of war coalesced into animate armor.

Cons:

War is not Chaotic Neutral, which was always the problem with Tempus

One of the worst names in the pantheon; combines "gore" with "ho-hum"

Gozreh

Replaces Obad-Hai

Pros:

Approaches identity in an unusual way; is effectively ambigender

Cons:

Requisite True Neutral deity of all (or at least most) of nature without being the personification of the planet/all of life itself

Effectively Zeus/[insert Indo-European sky god here] and a sea goddess; two gods in one isn't as queer as it seems

Having a Green Man figure was more interesting

Kinda stupid name; not as stupid as some, but still not good

Iomedae

Replaces Heironeous by way of Mayaheine (and Siamorphe)

Pros:

This is more or less what I would have done myself to address the sausage fest issue of the core pantheon, though I would have ended up making Mayaheine into Athena

I'm not kidding, this is literally Mayaheine recontextualized

Deals with Divine Right Monarchy, which is an issue few settings address despite having such governments

Name's not stupid!

Cons:

Artwork is kinda bland, TBH.

Maybe a little too Jeanne d'Archetype?

Irori

Replaces Zuoken (added in the Expanded Psionics Handbook)

Pros:

Monks have a deity right from the start, investing them into the setting

Is not incidental to D&D monasticism, either: his portfolio is literally what being a D&D Monk is all about

Name's good. ("Zuoken" is cooler, but "Irori" isn't bad at all.)

Cons:

That's not how Buddhism works

No seriously, it's fantasy Buddhism, which is kinda shitty

Lamashtu

Replaces remnants of Erythnul (god of savage humanoids) with a Mesopotamian demon; kinda replaces Tiamat, but doesn't because Tiamat is also in the setting anyway

Pros:

Hey, we have a Mother of Monsters that isn't Tiamat, even though she's Mesopotamian!

Cons:

For some reason not that much like the real-world demon; instead of being a cause of stillbirths, child abduction, and such, she's just pregnant and birthing all the time.

If her form were a little more draconic, she'd be identical to the fursona one of my former roommates had, which is full of problems I do not want to begin elaborating upon in this post. Goddess of Nightmares indeed!

Nethys

Replaces Boccob

Pros:

Name isn't stupid

Boccob was boring as presented in the core rules, whereas this one has some personality

At last, a deity with multiple facets!

Cons:

No doubt originated as someone briefly mistaking Olidammara's holy symbol for Boccob's, then going "hey wait..."

Boccob's Greyhawk mythology (which echoes Odin's) is more interesting, even if the main 3.5 books fail to address it.

Norgorber

Replaces Vecna (as god of secrets) and Nerull (as god of murder) by way of Mask, Cyric, and Bhaal. Mainly uses Mask iconography.

Pros:

Features prominently in Rise of the Runelords?

Makes sense as someone passing the Test of the Starstone, so is effectively Vecna (and/or Mask)

Cons:

Without a doubt the worst name in a pantheon full of terrible names

Literally just the god of all things criminal (except maybe rape), which is treated as Neutral rather than Chaotic (but that's a critique of it being crimes)

By combining Vecna (secrets), Mask (thievery), and Bhaal/Nerull (murder), doesn't really do justice to any of the component parts

No real reason to exist as a deity save for the Test of the Starstone

Pharasma

Replaces Wee Jas (as goddess of death/fate) by way of Istus

Pros:

Seems to have been created in tandem with the Raven Queen, rather than being a reaction to it per se.

Keeps the river associations with Death.

Mythos includes her and Yog-Sothoth as "anchors of creation"

Name isn't horrible.

Cons:

Name isn't great, either.

Kinda boring.

Very big on the "prophecy/fate doesn't work anymore" motif. (Eyeroll.)

Rovagug

Replaces Tharizdun (Greyhawk/Temple of Elemental Evil)/Kezef the Chaos Hound (Forgotten Realms)

Pros:

Enemy of the Gods sort of monstrosity, like Typhon

LOCKED INSIDE THE PLANET! Like Typhon, but cooler

Cons:

Usually such a monster only works if the pantheon is a tight one, which this isn't by any means.

Name is both stupid and not scary.

Symbol is laughable

Not as cool as the innumerable other apocalyptic deities in the setting, including Azathoth et al.

Sarenrae

Replaces YHWH Pelor

Pros:

About what you'd expect for a replacement for Pelor to be

Cool holy symbol and epithets

Name isn't bad at all

Cons:

Requisite Neutral Good Sun Deity of Healing and Goodness to cater to the Christians when playing a fantasy roleplaying game filled with paganism. (Rather sick of these gods.)

Another Fantasy Sarah name

Doesn't even incorporate phoenix symbolism

Agriculture? And associated calendars? What are those? (4e's Pelor is a bit better about sun cults, IMHO.)

I mean, out of all the Crystal Dragon Jesi out there, I kinda like this one. But only kinda.

Shelyn

Replaces Corellon Larethian (as god of music, art, etc.) by way of Sune

Pros:

Another goddess of love! An Aphrodite Urania! Woohoo!

Hey, she's also the goddess of art! :D

Cons:

Her name is literally Shelly/Sheila + Lynn(e). It doesn't sound bad, it's just a boring-ass regular name.

As of this spot in the list we have one god (Cayden Cailean, but only because he's an ascended mortal and still acts like his old self) and multiple goddesses (Calistria, Lamashtu, Pharasma, Shelyn) relating to sex, sexuality, and resulting issues thereof. Of these, the least sexual is Cayden; it's not a major component of his identity nor of his cult, just an aspect of his behavior. Pharasma is literally the goddess of birth, alongside Lamashtu. There are two more gods in the pantheon that deal with that sort of thing: Urgathoa (female) and Zon-Kuthon (male). This seems a little skewed, don'tcha think? A little, shall we say, patriarchal and heteronormative?

Her role as the goddess of art falls by the wayside. It's there, but it's treated as ancillary. Because we can't have Apollo.

Torag

Replaces Moradin

Pros: Not really any.

Cons:

"All Dwarves are the Same," ergo the god of dwarves is just a dwarf. Like, Corellon was just a deified elf, but managed to draw upon Apollo for interesting bits. Moradin/Torag should draw on Hephaistos, but doesn't beyond being a smith. (I mean, this all goes back to Aule in the Silmarillion.)

5e also has a Torog (with O), who is the god of the Underdark, prisons, and torture (so Zon-Kuthon, but less sexual/a Hellraiser reference). The name's not terrible for a dwarf god, just not terribly interesting.

Urgathoa

Replaces most of Vecna (lesser goddess of magic, undead, etc.)

Pros:

More of the gluttony/undeath parallelism

Gluttony isn't just eating, but wasteful indulgence; also a sex goddess

Cons:

Squick beyond squick. Like, I did not need to see that illustration and know that it's of a sex goddess.

Almost redundant with Zon-Kuthon, given her role as goddess of squick.

Name's ugly, but it at least fits somewhat?

Zon-Kuthon

Pros:

Not a replacement deity: does not have an equivalent in the Core 3.x Pantheon at all.

Cons:

Just a Hellraiser reference, as are the Kytons. Eh.

Missing from the replacements are Bahamut (Apsu, a draconic god), Garl Glittergold (the only gnomish god is Nivi Rhombodazzle, an ascended svirfneblin), and Gruumsh (the orcs have a much more extensive pantheon of gods than they do in Greyhawk or in the Realms). If you wanted to include Ilsesine in the Core Pantheon (since it's printed beside Zuoken), it doesn't have a replacement per se, but then again the Aboleths had to take over for the Illithids, so whatever.

[brlngelsahome]

Listen I don't know what's going on w the noelle ableism discourse but I've been iffy about she ra for awhile just bc of general annoyances when rewatching the older seasons n seeing how they treated Entrapta plus the annoying amount of comic relief from every character in every scene but hearing about and remembering the scene where they put entrapta, an autistic woman, on a LEASH is just too much for me sorry I can't support this show anymore I had a good time w the lesbian rep but I'd rather keep my dignity as an autistic person than accept that this is how the show writers believe I should be treated

So this blog will no longer post she ra content

This has been a rant, if you aren't disabled I don't care what you have to say about this

#spop #spop discourse #ableism #ableism in media #actuallyautistic #she ra ableist #noelle stevenson #entrapta #autistic representation

[honeymoonjin]

Welcome back you lovely lovey person!!! So glad to have you back, I cried when you left ( I am a mess ik) and so happy to see you back on my dash. So happy to see you doing what you love to do and not caring if people agree or not (as you should). Sending you love 💖✨ Also I read somewhere reading fics about a pairing you don't identify as (being bi and reading mxm, or trans fics) is similar to fetishizing. What do you think about it?? What really falls under fetishizing i am really confused😕

fetishizing is essentially making something into a kink/fetish. reading, say, a fic or any content with a trans character is not inherently fetishizing. but if you only viewed trans individuals as a sexy concept and didn’t actually care about real trans lives then that would be fetishizing in my eyes. 

i originally started reading mxm because i felt that the stories that involved ships often had a much higher quality than self-inserts, and i still maintain that today. when you already have characters established, you can much quicker get to the meat of the story, and in addition, self-inserts can often fall into the indulgent category (not inherently bad btw) where the focus is on picturing yourself doing all these cool/sexy things w bts. that is something that i don’t particularly care for, i much rather enjoy seeing the bts members as a muse for beautiful stories, and i was finding that at a much higher rate than on tumblr/self-insert fics.  i think that is the case for a lot of readers, and to call it fetishizing is a pretty wild take when the focus is on the story, not using gay sex as a kink if you get me? 

there are plenty of other reasons people read mxm rather than self-insert. for me, mxm is a neutral safe space. tw assault, but one reason i prefer it over female self inserts is that i’ve experienced sexual assault by a female, and now reading graphic content involving women is too much for me to handle. when i’m reading a wonderful story, or even just smut that’s dicks only, it doesn’t make me uncomfy in the same way. i’ve heard that other people engage w content separate to their identity in a similar way, because it’s something neutral and safe. i also wouldn’t view this as fetishization personally. 

what i would view as fetishizing is that there are a fair few people, often (though not always) cishet females of a younger demographic, that produce and consume content with gay sex exclusively featuring the members of whatever they’re interested in, be that bts or teen wolf or hannibal, or idk anime i guess? but then are openly negative towards news of queerness in that community, or are openly intolerant of, say, gay women although they drool over gay men. 

i personally think the whole ‘gay best friend’ trope also falls close to that line tbh

i would say the important thing is that if you engage with a certain gender or sexuality in the content you consume or create, make sure you treat people with that gender or sexuality in real life with the human dignity they deserve, and understand that people are more than their genitals and who they wanna have sex with. 

i imagine you probably can kinda vibe this line out yourself when engaging with content, bc for most people respect is kinda a given, but i know it can be confusing sometimes to navigate. i hope this helps! and again, this is my take, and other opinions very well may also be valid. additionally, i’m speaking as a cis lesbian, and thus don’t have a full range of experiences of all the communities i’ve mentioned.

(finally ahh i’m so sorry you cried : ( i’m happy to be back every now and again, it’s been really nice)

[a-deadly-serenade]

i hAVE to get something off my chest. YES its about robin hood to i’ll put it below the cut so i dont look insane

listen. i love guy, he’s been one of my comfort characters for over 10 years now, but if i see one more take on marian for the way she treated guy.... like. u dont need to TELL me guy is damaged honey, i know, i’ve been known. but you really have to take things into perspective here. 

marian is unwed and lives with her father, the same man who’s very job and position were robbed by the sheriff. now, we all know vasey is a cruel man, so it wouldnt be too farfetched to think that he would not tolerate any opposition to his sudden instatement. edward was stripped of his dignity, his power, & the only way he can ensure not only his safety, but his daughter’s as well, is to play along with the sheriff’s schemes. and on marian’s part, that entails her being polite to guy. she’s not stupid, she knows who he is--he’s the sheriff’s right-hand man, she, more than anyone, knows what he’s capable of. even from the beginning, there was no way they could have worked. unfortunately for guy, he’d already established a reputation in her eyes w/out so much as having to speak to her. 

yes we can talk till the sun comes up on how guy only exudes this facade of domineering control because that’s what he was taught shows strength (along with things like money & being able to provide) but how is marian supposed to know that that’s not really who he is at the core of his being if that’s all she’s seen? 

and i dunno, cant you tell how uncomfortable marian is in every scene guy interacts with her?? richard has explicitly said he did that on purpose, so your skin would crawl & it’s like no shit. guy practically forces himself upon her Multiple times in the series. even just taking in the first season, she is SOOoOO uncomfy in almost all their meetings; rolling her eyes half the time, trying to politely brush him off when she clearly wants him to leave; “no father, sir guy was just leaving.” 

do you not think she would fall to being nice? to being his friend? he is a man of position, the sheriff’s lieutenant; one wrong word and both she and her father could be sent to the dungeons or worse. did you not think she would take advantage of the fact that he believed her to be so unthreatening that he’d freely speak of plans to her? gloat about his deeds? she had been the nightwatchman for YEARS, she’d already made up her mind on how she felt the state of england was fairing so... yeah, of course she would help robin in getting rid of the sheriff.

guy isn’t any less guilty either. s1ep13 ring any bells? oh that’s not really king richard, we’re just using it as a way to kill the rest of his supporters, including ur father. anyway, let’s get married honey the king is Totally on his way :) like. when much tries to break it up even threatens her again! “think of your father” AAAAAA!!!!! BOY if you DONT STOP

they were never meant to work. guy had marian on a pedestal, he goes so far as to self-sabotaging their whole relationship by giving her the madonna treatment; she is a pure, saintly, someone that will wash away his sins. if that doesnt make ur skin crawl idk what will. marian cannot be a person, she cannot be someone with faults and decisions of her own, for guy has an idealized image of her in his head. do you know how dangerous that is? im sure this is what ultimately led to him killing her if im being honest. she reveals to him her true self and it’s someone that he’d rather kill than even think could be conceivable. 

anyways. you can have your opinions on marian but like... it drives me insane when i see posts about her being some master manipulator that had 0 empathy i just. are we Watching the same show???

#HOOO #anyways #off to read more of the silmarillion

[kyluxtrashpit]

2019 Fic Recap

So I’ve done this for the past few years and I started doing it at the end of 2019 but never managed to finish it. I think between TROS and IRL and then I got really, really sick, I just haven’t had the chance to do so. But fuck it, I decided to finish it anyway even though it’s now 3 months late lmao. So anyway, a recap of my 2019 fics

Total wordcount: 96 419 words. Which is less than last year, but still not too shabby. I wish I could’ve banged something out to get it over 100k but eh, it just didn’t happen. I definitely have enough wip words and whatnot to get me over that bump, though

Tough Love, 6572 words, posted Jan 17

So this was an experimental one. As you all know, I’m pretty hard on the sub!Kylo/dom!Hux train. But I had a conversation with a friend and it turned into one of those ‘okay, I don’t like x dynamic because of a, b, and c. But is it possible to write x without those and make it into something I like?’ and as it turns out, yes, yes it was. Thus this fic happened and here we are. I still really like it and I have a lot of Feelings on this dynamic vs the one I usually write, but that’s an essay in and of itself lmao. It got some great feedback too, which was cool

Take My Breath Away, 1230 words, posted Feb 7

Ah yes, this one, which was based off a throwaway KOTOR ability but was an excuse for me to write Kylo getting stuffed from both ends with some asphyxiation thrown in. And also extremely rough sex + softer aftercare is a weakness of mine haha, so I just had to do it

Fix You, 1994 words, posted Feb 10

So this was my first piece for Bad Things Happen Bingo, which is an event I’m still planning to finish at some point lmao, and that I’ve had a lot of fun with so far. This fic was another that I tried for a more ‘classic’ feel with, though it’s a lot softer. The uncomfortable intimacy. The ‘feelings are happening but we won’t talk about them’. The shaky trust. All of that good stuff. I had fun with it

Keep Your Enemies Closer, 1657 words, posted Feb 24

Another for BTHB! I just love when Hux wins, okay. And I think this was one of those time periods where Kylo was doing all the winning in fics and I just. Needed something different lmao. Emperor Hux remains one my all time fave ideas and it’s still a shame canon never gave it to us. But I have the power to make it happen, so I did. Plus Kylo in a shock collar is always fun >:)

Indulgence, 17 357 works, completed Apr 19, first posted Mar 28

So! This was a continuation to my experiment from above and really it was just an excuse for lots of smut and pampering lmao. Much as I had thought I had said everything I wanted to say with Tough Love, apparently I had not, and this monstrosity formed. There may be a third, more serious piece to finish off the series this year, but I haven’t decided yet. Although, I have to admit, I’m still surprised how poorly this fic did feedback-wise, especially compared to its predecessor and considering it’s the more popular dynamic these days. Tbh some of my best smut is in this fic imo, but ah well, sometimes people just don’t like things and I suppose I have to accept that, even if I’m really, really proud of that thing

(Okay and the rest are behind a cut for length)

Best Served Bloody, 2666 words, posted Apr 29

Another BTHB and, again, not much deeper to it. Beating up Brendol is always fun though lmao. And when I was writing this, I really wanted Hux to be the one to strike at his father. A lot of pieces have Kylo doing it, which is great, but I wanted to do something a little different. I wanted Hux to have the power to save himself. It was fun to write in that way, as a powerful revenge fantasy

The Best, 6450 words, posted May 12

Ah, now this was a fun one lmao. It was born of a horny crack idea but I can’t do real crack, so it ended up as crack treated seriously. And really, I just wanted an excuse to have Kylo sucking dick. A lot of dick. All the dicks he can find lmao. Slutty Kylo fic remains my favourite pwp, so I gotta contribute to the cause, you know. It was a delight to write, though challenging cause it kept turning me on LMAO. Totally worth it though. It was one of the most fun this year for sure

Be My Outlet, 1003 words, posted May 23

There’s not really much of a story behind this one haha. I was horny and I wanted some classic, Not Nice Hux and hatefucking, thus this exists. Plus I miss Kylo getting choked and it’s rare these days to see stuff quite this rough. I also have a bit of a somnophilia thing, which this sort of fits in to. And I’m always a fan of messy, masochist Kylo. So yeah. Idk it’s smut lmao what else could we want? It’s just a short little pwp, but I had a lot of fun with it and it was nice to revisit the classic kylux days

Safe Harbour, 1616 words, posted Jun 13

This one was for kyluxomegaverse week and it was very fun. A/b/o is one of those tropes where I really, really like a lot of it, but there’s also some stuff that’s much less my cup of tea. So I don’t write a lot of it, even though there are aspects of it that I adore. Which this one includes a lot of lmao. I think the nesting is fucking adorable and I wanted to write something soft, so here we are. Plus omega!Kylo is just delightful. Also looking back on it now, this one did really well? Holy shit, I had no idea it was that popular!

With Dignity, 4475 words, posted Jul 1

This was the last for BTHB that I managed last year (and I still intend to finish my card eventually, it’s just been a rough go so far this year lmao). I’m actually very proud of this one because this is the exact sort of angst I love to write. I didn’t intend for it to be as heavy as it ended up being, but when I started looking up the mechanics of force-feeding and reading about the experience of it, the plan changed drastically because holy fuck. I had never thought of it as that much of a torture before. I also enjoy with Hux like, making the reader feel bad for him while also actively reminding them he’s awful and getting that perfect cognitive dissonance. So this was a great excuse to do exactly that. And I love how tough he is even in such circumstances. Despite the heavy subject matter, I had a blast with this one

Greener Grass, 3389 words, posted Jul 14

This one was originally a twitter thread that really got away from me lmao, so I edited it and put it on ao3 because I really liked it. I’ve always liked self-cest as a concept and I thought it’d be interesting for Kylo to interact with a version of himself that made some different choices. One that was happier. And then we see Kylo through Ben’s eyes, see what the dark side has wrought for him. And then, of course, some smut to pull it all together lmao. It was a really fun character study and I had a grand time with it

Subliminal, 5719 words, posted Aug 23

This one! Okay so I’m pretty sure I sent in a couple of khk prompts over the years that were basically this, but no one ever wrote them so I finally did it. I’m honestly surprised hypno kink isn’t actually used more in kylux, considering Hux is canonically in charge of the brainwashing program. So much potential. So I had to write it. I also went down quite a few rabbit holes in researching this (with mixed success lmao) and learned a whole lot about hypno kink in the process. I may have even acquired it as a fetish lmao. But anyway, this one’s a bit darker and it’s fun to write those every once in a while. I think I pulled it off well too

Ashes Among the Stars, 36634 words, posted Dec 1

Ah and my big bang this year! I had a blast with this one although it was quite the challenge. My first fandom was gundam so when I saw this prompt I was very intrigued and ended up getting it. This fic had a lot more world-building than I usually do, which was the primary challenge as I basically had to take aspects from both franchises and sew them together into a new world of its own. I think I did that rather successfully tbh. The plot gave me trouble too but also gave me some of my best eureka moments haha. My partner was also wonderful and made the experience that much better. I know crossovers don’t tend to perform as well, so I was expecting that, though I do wish some more people had given it a chance since I wrote it specifically so that no prior knowledge was needed. But alas, I’m still incredibly proud of it. It’s also my second longest fic ever!

Filthy, 5657 words, posted Dec 9

And here it is, the gangbang fic I’ve always wanted to exist lmao. I had wanted to write this one for a long time, but I could never figure out how to end it, what circumstances would lead to the gangbang. Then a convo with friends gave me the idea and boom, I could finally write it. This fic is just straight up smut and I fucking love it lmao. There needs to be more Kylo gangbang fics tbh

What have I learned?

Last year wasn’t as successful for writing as I’d hoped, given that I wrote less in 2019 than I did in 2018. But also a lot of things happened to me last year. I got a new role at work. My dad had a heart attack (he’s okay though). I had a pretty rough time with my mental health. And then there was the lead up to TROS and the frankly unnecessary amount of stress that caused me. So there was a lot going on and working against me, which is a large part of why I didn’t manage to write as much as I’d hoped I would, and there’s a lot in my folder that I started but just wasn’t able to finish before the end of the year. I worried for a while I was losing interest, but looking back, no, it was definitely the IRL shit lmao. That said, I’m also extremely happy with all of the pieces I did finish, regardless of how well they did. I’m proud of them and I loved writing them, even when it was difficult

One of my goals from last year was to write more, which I didn’t manage, and to get better at answering comments, which I think I did well on for the most part up until post-TROS lmao. I also wanted to do the big bang again (and I was hoping for a reverse, which it was!) and I did. And I also wanted to have fun and keep my confidence with my writing, which I think I was the most successful at. I feel really good about everything I made and I really enjoyed writing them, even if I didn’t manage to finish everything

Goals for 2020?

I think part of the reason I didn’t finish this post in 2019 is because of my TROS breakdown and subsequent stresses associated with it. Because I wasn’t sure what I wanted or what I was going to do. Sometimes I wanted to give up and find a new fandom/ship, other times I was sure I was over it and going to just do whatever the fuck I wanted, and then there was every emotion in between

Now, though, I’m sure I’m going to keep writing here. I haven’t managed much this year yet, but I can feel it coming back to me. I have a post-TROS fic I managed to solve a major problem with the other day. I also have renben as a new ship to excite me. And I still have a lot of wips and BTHB and various others I desperately want to do. Right now, I feel good about my writing and my interest in it is back to normal, which is great. So this year? I’m not going to set a hard goal. I’d love to write more than last year and maybe I will, but it’s okay if I don’t. I’d love to do another big bang this year, but I’m not going to kick myself if I can’t handle it when that time comes. I’d love to finish BTHB, but if it stretches into another year, who cares? My only goal is to just keep writing and keep enjoying it. I want to have fun with it. I want to be happy with whatever pieces I do manage to put out. I want to set aside time to read more fics from others, if I can. And I think all of those will really help with my mental health, which is starting to recover right now, and that’s what’s most important of all

Also thank you all for your patience with me. I know I’ve not been responsive, here or on twitter or to comments, but I am trying my best. It’s been a rough go and I don’t like to whine too much in my fandom spaces. I don’t know when or even if I’ll get back to normal, but I’m trying, and that’s what matters. I love every one of you on here <3

#kylux #I started this back in december #but then shit happened and I just never had a chance to finish it #but I thought about it yesterday and was like fuck it this is happening #but anyway I do love everything I wrote this year #so I'm not going to be sad that there was less of it than I hoped #I'm proud of what I've accomplished #and I'm going to hold onto that and that's all I want from 2020 writing wise: to be happy with what I did #it's not about the volume #it's about my own personal happiness with it #but anyway #my fic #shut up nerd

[dextervexter]

god it really wasn’t as bad as it could have been but it certainly wasn’t the best. I will say it was definitely no where near as horny as everyone is making it out to be.

so first of all, I’m opening with I’m not gonna talk about the ENTIRE movie but just some parts of it but there will definitely be spoilers

I was right about a LOT of stuff going in, like Macavity whisking away a lot of the contenders for rebirth so he could be chosen. I was also right about Taylor Swift not being in the movie for more than five minutes, I was right about Tugger not having a massive role, I was right about Grizabella being given a past with Macavity, and I was right about the dancing being fuckin bad

I was also unfortunately right about Jenny eating her cockroaches and I literally could not look at the screen during her whole number I was so upset I felt so trapped The Gumbie Cat Number Is A Fucking Hostage Situation 

H o w e v e r -wheeze-

Over all, it was Cats. It was a really REALLY weird take on Cats, but it was consistent with the stage play save for some changes with characters and pacing. Hooper clearly watched multiple versions of the play to try and get the vision he liked the best. He understood that this would be difficult, and he did what he could to try and get this weird ass musical on screen. There are parts of it I liked, there are parts of it I didn’t care for, and there were parts I astral projected to get away from. But if you go see this movie, you will be seeing Cats as it was when it first arrive on Westend in 1981. Original arrangements of the songs are used as well, for example, Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer  is sung as the jazzy and insidious number from the OLC rather than the bouncy and fun 98 version. I don’t think it’s awful but it’s definitely not what younger fans are familiar with. 

I think the only issue with the musical arrangements I have was the singing because Hooper once again insisted on having everyone sing live and it really hinders a lot of talented people. Often times I found myself wondering if these people were capable of singing in the slightest. But I think that’s just bad choices on Hooper’s part.

Let’s talk about the Good:

The best part of the film is definitely Skimbleshanks, and not just because he fucks and later kills a man with his supreme tap skills. The visuals are great, this is the only part with actual good dancing, and Steven Macrea has fantastic energy. Skimbleshanks is already one of my favorite numbers in the stage musical, and they get pretty creative with this. It was one of the moments in the movie where I could say for sure I was REALLY having a good time.

Also Les Twins were absolutely a treat to watch. They were funny, talented, clearly having a ton of fun, and played off each other as though they weren’t in a movie, they were just goofing around like real siblings do. I found myself actually missing them when they weren’t on screen

Robbie Fairchild does a decent Munkustrap and has some fun exchanges with the other characters. I also thought Jason Derulo did a wonderful job as Tugger despite not being in the film a lot. He’s self centered, clearly caught up in his own world, and is so obsessed with himself he doesn’t really flirt with anyone or focus a lot on Victoria for too long because he’s just so in love with himself and what he wants. And honestly that is basically just tugger.

The visuals are also really nice. The sets and practical effects help the movie feel more real and bring a great sense of life to this world that is happening right under the human one. The whole movie has this lovely, dream like quality to it, and it helped remind everyone we weren’t supposed to take it so seriously. 

There were also a moment with Munkustrap that I thought was really cute, where Jenny complains she’s just as good as Tugger because she can break dance too. You hear Munkustrap chuckle and say “oh yeah? show me.” in a really playful way and it was adorable, even if it resulted in me seeing Rebel Wilson pop and lock,

Lastly, and this is a big one I know a lot of fans were angry about: Misto is implied to like victoria, but it’s never stated that they end up together. Actually a lot of their interactions can be interpreted as Just Friends Being Pals. It’s definitely not as big of a problem as a lot of people were making it out to be, but it’s just not interesting and doesn’t really matter to the plot.

I liked more of it than I was expecting, especially the little shout outs to Eliot’s original drafts of the poems. I’m seeing it again tomorrow with friends so I’ll probably post more about the things I missed (i seriously missed a lot of the gumbie cat number because i was too horrified to look so maybe i will be braver this time)

NOW THE BAD!!!

This is literally the worst fucking Macavity ever and Idris Elba had every right to be as piss drunk as he was at the premier. In fact I’m pretty sure he was drunk for a majority of the film. It’s very clear he is not having a good time, he is not enjoying the story, and he doesn’t want to be there. Granted, I’m willing to place a lot of the blame on Hooper’s take on the story, which required Macavity to be a greater presence, but a lot of what we see is a clowning, pathetic, loser who is throwing a tantrum because he isn’t getting his way and he’s very very naked for most of it. His last moments in the film were so laughable, so embarrassing, and so unbelievably desperate that I could barely watch. There is no dignity in Elba’s performance, and nothing mysterious or threatening about him. It’s not just 2019 Macavity that hurts this movie though, it’s how Macavity changes a massive part of the story with his nonsense, but I’m saving that for last because it’s a big one and I hate it!

Victoria is basically really bland. There was absolutely no reason to try and make this from her perspective. Like Webber and Hooper say they wanted her to serve as the character we see the world through but she’s bland, uninteresting, and just very boring. I understand their reasoning for making her the lead, as Victoria is a very recognizable character and easy to follow in dark lighting and crowded dancing, but she just simply exists to stare in wonder and ask questions that are answered in songs that she will stare in wonder over. If they wanted to have the audience experience the world through a character they probably should have gone with Munkustrap or something considering he’s narrating a majority of the film and knows what’s going on and can explain things a little better. He’s also a stronger character. Victoria is boasted to be this strong but shy little thing who approaches this new world with curiosity and hope and she’s really not. She doesn’t really get the chance to do or say anything that would help with the plot. she barely speaks to anyone but munk or misto, and it is very much a downgrade from her stage counterpart. Frankie Hayward is a very pretty dancer, but she’s not given much to work with and I found myself not caring in the slightest what she was up to.

This also leads into Beautiful Ghosts, which I posted about before so I’ll just leave this here and move on because I’ve said all I can say and I have more important things to talk about regarding Grizabella. to summarize, I was right and the song sucked.

The dancing is lamentable mess as well. God I sometimes forgot they were dancing. They are moving, but it’s not dancing. I would say only Les Twins and Jaih Bote were the clear dancers because they were pretty much the only ones allowed to put their own personal spins on the choreography. I’ve said it so many times and I will say it again Andy Blankenbluer is a fucking awful choreographer. His work is claustrophobic and ugly to look at. You lose the person in the movement but in the sense that you really don’t care if you see them again. Blankenbluer has stated so many times he feels as though audiences don’t have the attention spans for long dances sequences anymore and want more than one thing to see, but for the love of god could you give us something to look at? The dances are quick, ugly, and the moves are put down before they can make a good impression. He has no understanding of how to define a character through movement, which makes telling everyone apart very difficult, especially since the designs are already so unrecognizale. His work was  atrocious in the 2016 Cats Revival, but at least he had Gillian Lynne’s original choreography to lean on. Without the backing of better choreographers, his work is downright forgettable. 

Now the Big One, the inexcusable and awful part that I hate hate hate: Grizabella.

God I was rooting for her we were all rooting for her. Remember how in the 98 film she’s this broken down, cast aside, character barely hanging by a thread? Yeah in this she not only is given a throw away past where she chooses to side with Macavity for some unknown reason, but she’s chosen as a last resort. Yeah. Remember how I said Macavity’s plot paves the way for the mishandling of a beloved and tragic character. This is it. After Macavity steals literally everyone who is competing for rebirth, after Old D is returned, the Jellicles realize they have no one to choose from for rebirth. Victoria goes outside, brings Grizabella in, they sing memory, and she gets chosen. It is framed in a way that the cats all realize how badly she has it, but oh my god does it come off as heartless, careless and pis aller. Old D has no interaction with Grizabella until this point. The Jellicles don’t really interact with her unless to shoo her away. She is basically a background character for the whole movie. Giving her a past with Macavity was pointless. It never comes up. Macavity never sees her in the film. It’s never stated why she chose him or what she did with him. There is not a shred of dignity in Hudson’s performance, and I fully attribute that to Hooper making all his actors sing on set. Grizabella comes off as pitiable, but not enough to want to see her be reborn. It was downright heartless.

OVERALL!!

I give this movie a 6/10 stars. When they are doing Cats, it’s pretty enjoyable. Not everything I wanted, and some things I genuinely didn’t fucking ask for, but overall it is not as big of a problem as I thought it was going to be. I think if you’re apprehensive or angry about the film, I think you should give it a watch and you’ll either like it or you won’t. 

you should definitely not expect the 98 version, because no version will ever be that perfect, but go in with an open mind and give it a chance. 

#cats #cats 2019 #cats movie #probably the only horn dog scene #was when munk was high out of his mind #and writhing on the table like he was getting rawed to kingdom come #that was certainly a scene i watched with my eyes #and enjoyed

[darkhymns-fic]

Give Me Chocolate!

Yuan was not much for sweets, while Martel loved them. But surely she could eat something better than apple gels…

Fandom: Tales of Symphonia Characters/Pairing: Yuan Ka-Fai/Martel Yggdrasill, Kratos Aurion Rating: G Mirror Link: AO3 Notes: This is a gift fic for @ssc-chico for a Secret Santa exchange held in the Colloyd discord server back in December! I wanted to combine the idea of sweets with Yuan/Martel. Much of this story was inspired from this comic by Chico! Thanks so much for being a part of the server and happy holidays!

–

When traveling the roads for days on end and avoiding the populous towns that would turn away even at the hint of a sharply pointed ear, there were few luxuries that they could afford. Yuan knew this.

Still, Martel had asked him once.

“You don’t have much of a sweet tooth, do you?”

The question was sudden, surprising Yuan out of his task – stamping out their campfire that morning so that the group could start heading off. Kratos had already gone ahead to scout the forest area with Noishe (always demonstrating his skills at every opportune moment, of course), while Mithos had tagged along. The boy rarely left Martel’s side, but when it came to promises of learning from the human, even the boy could be swayed to leave the company of his sister.

Yuan treasured those rare moments, when it was just him and Martel, when it felt as if no other ear was listening in for once. This was also his chance to truly impress her, now that he had set out on this journey with them. Within the circle of trees the group had taken shelter in the night before, Yuan stood up tall, trying to gaze at Martel with the confidence he used to have as a past military officer.

But of course, that confidence deflated the moment she smiled at him, as she did now, making him fumble in his words – and movements.

“W-What gave you that idea?” he asked, trying once again to put out their campfire with a kick of his boots against the dirt. He had instead successfully kicked the dirt up so high that it landed right in his face. He coughed loudly, trying to wipe it from his hair.

Martel simply smiled, even laughing just a little bit. She placed a hand against her mouth, eyes shining as Yuan tried once again to gain some semblance of dignity. “Nothing, though I guess you prefer something more earthy than sweet!”

Another cough and Yuan was sure that he finally got the dirt out of his mouth. Well, at least the campfire was out. He flicked his long cloak behind him, then cleared his throat. “Still, that is not a question I expected to hear you ask…”

The sun had only just started peeking out from the horizon, painting the sky a pink hue. It blended with Martel’s hair, the green color as rich and bright as the grass beneath them, seeming to take a brightness that Yuan couldn’t turn away from.

Then he caught himself staring, clearing his throat again. Why did he always have to lose all common sense when it came to Martel? Finally, he had a chance to be alone with her again, with no pitying look from Kratos, or a curious stare from Mithos. And yet he kept messing this up. I must be making this unbearable for her, he thought shamefully.

Martel was kind to not comment on his sudden awkwardness. Instead, she seemed to move closer to him, which Yuan could only tell by the nearness of her staff. Delicate fingers held it aloft, and soon she was smiling up at him, the morning breeze picking up her hair.

“You never eat the gels, you know!”

Yuan blinked. “Uh, what?”

She laughed again, never taking her eyes off him. The same green, the same hue of the fields they traversed. All this green that could wither away if we don’t succeed, he thought to himself. But her eyes gave him hope still.

“Mithos loves apple gels the most. They go well with an added pinch of honey, though we haven’t had some in a while.” She tilted her head, dreamily looking towards the clouds in the skies. She always seemed so calm, despite how far they traveled, how far they had to be from so many others to even get a morning such as this, with no burning smoke or jeers from a crowd to disturb them.

She turned back to him. “But you avoid the gels completely! Do you not like them at all?”

Yuan blinked, too confused to even be tripping over himself as he tended to do. “Gels are for healing us, to restore our energy… They’re not exactly meant as desserts, you know.”

Martel nodded in agreement. “True. I suppose it was just that me and Mithos could barely afford to get real sweets… gels were much cheaper in comparison, and every store sold them. You could even make them if you had the right ingredients.“ She sighed, as if reliving a pleasant memory. "And a dessert that heals your aches is never a bad thing.”

Yuan instantly felt guilty – had he just basically ridiculed Martel for her tastes in desserts, all molded by her circumstances? I’m such a fool.

She noticed his sudden somber mood, tilting her head to the side. “Yuan, is something wrong?”

“Um! N-Nothing, Martel. It’s nothing.”

She didn’t seem convinced. “I guess you don’t really like sweets so talking about them must be boring… I’m sorry, Yuan.”

“No! It’s – it’s not that at all!” Yuan coughed. “I mean…this has just reminded me how long it has been since I’ve had any kind of dessert actually.”

“Ah! Would you like these apple gels then that I’ve been saving for Mithos?” With an airy laugh, she gestured to a pack on the ground near their belongings, overflowing with the red gels. “I’m sure he wouldn’t mind you having his share.”

“Martel…” Yuan faintly protested as she plopped one of the wobbly, gooey-looking things in his hand. He had eaten far, far too many of these to ever miss them, but Martel looked so pleased, the green of her eyes shining so bright.

He would never be able to taste the apple gels as anything but much-too-sweet medicine. But, through that familiar taste, the faint hint of honey reached him…

–

“Kratos!”

Kratos turned to him, his face as static as ever, in contrast to Noishe who stood with him, looking to Yuan with a dopey smile. The Arshis was just about to pounce on him while Yuan tried to flail him away.

“Down! Not now!”

“Is there something you need, Yuan?”

Finally, after pushing away Noishe and his slobbery tongue, Yuan faced Kratos. Of course, now his hair was a damn mess…

“I will be taking over the restocking of our supplies today.”

He used a stern voice as he spoke, one he put on for his troops when he had been a Sylvaranti officer. It made men listen to him. But maybe because since Kratos was human, or a knight, or was from Tethe’alla, it only made him raise an eyebrow..

“You mean our grocery shopping?”

Yuan sputtered, shifted on his feet. “W-well, yes, I guess if you put it that way!”

“I thought you had said that such a task was beneath you.”

Oh, of course the human would remember that little detail from months back…

“I just figured that I should help take over some of your heavy duties,” Yuan said through gritted teeth. After all, Kratos would keep taking watch, or making their camp, or even speak to other strangers while they traveled, no doubt quite easy to do because of his human heritage. “If you would rather not, then I see no point in arguing.”

Kratos seemed to consider the suggestion, looking to a curiously-whining Noishe (asking the creature his opinion on the matter?) and then his eyes flickered to the other side of their camp. Martel was seated with Mithos near a birch tree, happily chatting with him, their laughter ringing through the air.

“Ah,” Kratos merely said, then nodded. “I see.”

Yuan huffed. “You see what?!”

“It is of no matter. If you would like to do the shopping, that is fine by me. But will you be alright? The nearest town is of human population.”

“You forget that we’re in Sylvaranti territory. I can find ways to gain trust. Got yours, did I not?”

“Hmph,” Kratos said with a smirk. “But if you do go, just remember to get some treats for Noishe.” He patted the creature’s head, scratching behind the long ears. Noishe wagged his tail. “We are running low.”

Yuan frowned. “Ugh, if I must…”

–

It was rare that Yuan could be completely alone with Martel, but he had managed another opportunity on that same day. Kratos and Mithos had, quite mysteriously, went somewhere else to train just at the time he had arrived. His back was laden with packs – full of food, bandages, and the treats for Noishe, of course. But that was not all he had.

Martel knelt by a rushing river, laying her hands within its currents. She had her eyes closed, appearing to be at peace.Yuan was reluctant to disturb her, but his footsteps must have been less than steady, for then she turned.

“Yuan. Glad to see you safely back. I was a bit worried.”

Her soft tone, combined with the smile she gave him, nearly made Yuan flush. “I…I can take care of myself. There is no need for you to worry.”

Martel smiled. She seemed so relaxed and peaceful. When with her, Yuan felt the world stand still.

He remembered suddenly what he had come here to do. “Ah, actually I wanted you to… have something for me?”

“Hm?” Martel tilted her head in curiosity. “What do you mean, Yuan?”

“W-well, um…” Why did he always have to be so tongue-tied around her? It made no logical sense yet here he was, flushing as if he were a schoolboy in front of his crush, ready to give her a gift.

He supposed he wasn’t that far off, in all honesty.

“Just, let me get it first,” he said, partly to recover from the intensity of her gaze. She looked as if she already knew everything… and she must have. Just as Martel knew that he was infatuated with her. It was one reason (besides finally getting Kratos to respect him!) that he ever even joined on this journey.

From the pack, he got out the package he had bought from the shop, though his hands shook. Why did they shake? Why must he keep acting like a young fool like this?

Martel’s eyes flicked to what he held. “Chocolate?”

Damn it, he meant it to be a surprise! But he hadn’t exactly wrapped it well… “Um! Y-yes, it…it is..”

With a sigh, Yuan held the package out to Martel. He was…not the best gift-wrapper. A small ribbon tied over the box was essentially the best he could do. The box itself was rather plain, but he hoped that to Martel, such plain appearances wouldn’t matter.

“I wanted to get you something sweet. Nothing too fancy. I suppose all the talk of desserts had made me nostalgic for them.”

Martel continued to stare. Her staff was not at hand, placed carefully on the grass near the river. She thoughtfully placed her fingers against each other, apparently so very fascinated by the box he held.

“T-They’re bon-bons! They’re a bit like gels, if you think about it. Here.” Yuan pulled away the box cover, showing off the rows of fancifully decorated chocolates, drizzled over with an array of colors, from blue to silver to gold. “These ones happen to have apple-flavored filling!” he said, pointing to the top row. “And these ones…um… have a bit of honey..”

Yuan pulled at his collar nervously, wondering if he was going about this all wrong. Martel was still staring at him and at the box. Maybe she didn’t like this type of chocolate? He should have done more research.

“Um, Martel?” he asked. Her gaze was very focused, very beautiful – but unnerving.

He was just about to apologize when Martel asked, “Could you feed me the chocolate?”

Yuan’s brain felt like it was overheating at such a request.

“Oh, I am sorry.” Martel pressed a hand to her mouth. “That was very strange. I don’t know what came over me.”

Yuan didn’t get anywhere in life by squandering his opportunities. It was the only way he had ever made any top position. So with his heart thudding in his chest, he took the chance.

“Yes! Of course I will!” Yuan cleared his throat. “I mean… if you would like, I can do that for you.”

The usual dreamy expression Martel held seemed to change just then. It was mesmerizing, it was fascinating in its existence. She genuinely looked surprised, caught off guard by his words.

“You would do that for me?”

Yuan nodded, taking one of the bon-bons, holding it carefully between two fingers. “Yes, I can just-”

Martel was suddenly much closer to him, smiling brightly, hands behind her back as she looked up at him.

Yuan was speechless. She was so close to him that he thought she was about to kiss him.

…Gah, of course not! He shook his head, and just went on with what he promised to do. He held up the chocolate near her mouth. “Well… open up then.” He still felt so nervous!

Martel, bouncing on her toes, opened her mouth, even saying, “Ahhh~”

Yuan thought he would pass out the moment her lips brushed against his fingers, taking the chocolate from him.

She leaned back, her face so euphoric, pressing one hand to her cheek in happiness. “Oh! This is delicious, Yuan!” She took her time chewing the treat, enjoying every second. “And it even has a bit of cacao powder!”

“Ah, yes. I felt that would help more with the flavor.” Yuan still had his hand up, remembering the sensation of her mouth. “So you liked it?”

“Yes! I liked it so much.” Martel, with obvious excitement, reached for one of the chocolates in the box he held. He thought he was taking them for her before she held it up to his face.

“Uh! M-Martel…”

“You must try this, Yuan! It’s so sweet! Say ahhh~!”

But he had never seen her so happy. So happy over something so small and trivial. They were just chocolates. Simply meant to satisfy a craving. But she was enjoying it so much, like he had given her something precious.

Maybe a small thing like this meant more to her than he realized.

Trying to ignore his nerves, Yuan leaned forward to quickly take the chocolate from her fingers. A brief taste of something very sweet. He heard Martel’s soft laughter, and felt his own happiness light up his chest.

“Very… delicious,” he said with a blush, chewing the chocolate, tasting the hint of honey. Martel gazed at him, eyes as green as the hills around them, as green as the world they were trying to save.

.

.

.

–

After so many years, it was hard for Yuan to think about finally resting, about finally staying in one place. But as he gazed at the small sapling that was supposed to be the new World Tree, he didn’t feel the urge to move anymore.

So much of his life had been chaotic – but where the tree rested, there was a peacefulness that was familiar to him.

“Yuan?” spoke a voice, just as familiar. But it was not really her.

Martel, the spirit with the face of the woman he had loved, gently walked over to him. She had a staff held in her right hand, a smile that was soft and bright, eyes that reflected the greenery of their world.

“Did I disturb you?” Yuan asked. Being the guardian for the tree, he felt he still had much to learn. “I only came by to check on things.”

Martel nodded, then looked down at what he held. “Oh. Is that chocolate?”

He smiled at her. The box full of bon-bons were drizzled in an array of colors, from blue to silver to gold. “I’ve gotten a bit of a sweet-tooth,” he admitted. He had made these chocolates himself, made with time and care.

He saw her look at the chocolates with curiosity, with an interest that spoke of something human and so very familiar. “They look very well-made,” she said, her voice so soft.

Yuan held out one chocolate to her. “Would you like one?”

And, he didn’t even have to tell her what to do. Martel, with an echo of the happiness he once saw in the Martel of 4000 years ago, leaned forward to take the chocolate from his fingers. She then leaned back, face bright, her cheeks painted with a hint of red.

“This is delicious!” she said, with an excitement that was also familiar. “Thank you. It has a taste of apples…and honey.”

“You’re welcome,” he told the spirit, thinking he would feel sadness. But instead, he felt contentment, smiling at her. “These were her favorites.”

#tales of symphonia #martel yggdrasill #yuartel #yuan ka fai #kratos aurion #fanfiction #one shot #Christmas