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macabrecravings · 9 months

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People believe in me. They care about me so much.

I'm sweet and talented in their eyes. My writing affects them enough to get them hooked and want more. Something I am so passionate about, people feel the same way about it. My hard work may be societally-misplaced. I continually fail school, can't drive, don't have a job, but the art that keeps me going isn't for nothing.

I am loved and appreciated and all those things. I will get there with time. Although I may not be up-to-speed with my peers, or even the friends that are... much younger than me. I will get there. I'll graduate. I'll get my license. Live on my own one day? (I can't fathom that, but...) It's all possible. One step at a time, one day at a time. Things will work out. The rest of my life doesn't need to be meticulously planned out, day-by-day. Make the future easier, one step at a time.

I don't need to be on the same timeline as other people. I'm allowed to take my time and do things the way I need to. I'm not a disappointment.

#sorry i laid in bed and started crying again #so heres post 2 #haunting’s thoughts💋🖤#to my future self #reasons to live #positivity #mental health

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chappellrroan · 1 year

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I have to adopt two cats one smol grey one and other mid sized ginger and name them may and daisy

#remember this #to my future self #your dreams are a sign🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️

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ailelie · 1 year

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why i'm writing this story

So Nora's Return because many villainess stories involve transmigration rather than the original person traveling back in time. Of the few I know that involve the original person traveling back that I can recall off the top of my head, most focus on the villainess character simply avoiding 'death flags' and accidentally getting snared in plot or her original relationships or they give the villainess character some additional power to face the past (e.g., another life in the modern world becoming a doctor, an hourglass that reverses the past minute or so). The ones that don't do that usually have at least one other person returning to the past with their memory in tact. One doesn't fit into any of these categories and, in it, the villainess character focuses on improving herself and her key friendships and then uses her knowledge of the past to outwit the main antagonist. This one is probably the closest to Nora's Return. The others closest are the ones where others also regain their memory (though that won't happen in Nora's Return until the epilogue).

Note: This is just based on my memory. I have read a lot of these stories and several have blurred together. Also, I did not finish all of them either. Some stretch on a bit too long, imo. This does not include stories where the villainess grew up and belatedly received memories of a first life in which her current life is a novel or otome game. Those are closer than pure transmigration stories given she has built a life in magic world and isn't a new soul starting suddenly, but still different as they suggest the magic world is not real or that other worlds exist.

Also, all of these are in translation. If you're not into reading webnovels, light novels, or manga, you've likely not heard of any of these.

I think time travel fix-it stories have a broader appeal. I think stories focused on a young woman who is trying to both be a better person while also thwarting her enemies are interesting. I also like the emphasis on relationships (familial, platonic, and romantic) these stories usually have.

Also, I just want to read this story. I've assembled an outline and cast of characters I personally find interesting. I think flawed Nora whose perception is so terribly skewed at the start of the story is also a great character to get to know. She begins the story believing she has been totally abandoned by everyone she's ever loved. She won't discover until the epilogue, until the knowledge is no longer relevant, that the best friend who turned his back actually tried to intervene and, when that failed, wrote her brother to tell him what was happening. She learns that her brother who ran away at 18 tried to find a way to help her and, when nothing worked, used a dangerous magic ritual he didn't even think would work. He'd planned to go back in time himself. He instead sent her back.

True, she had no way of knowing any of this, but that's why she doesn't find out until the epilogue when her brother regains his memories on the anniversary of the ritual and her death.

Anyway, I can't wait to see how Nora grows and changes. She's still prickly and possessive at the start of the story and still willing to go a step too far in her goals, but she has decided that making friends is one of her best strategies for surviving if she fails to stop her aunt and uncle. Of course, friendship has a way of changing people. Notably, Nora feels more secure when she has more people she can rely on and her possessiveness shifts instead toward protectiveness.

But that's why I'm writing this. Because we need more time travel fix it stories. Because we need more villainess stories. Because people who don't read stories in translation really ought to start. Because I want to see Nora grow and change. Because I cannot wait to see her look when she finally exposes her aunt and uncle for every bit of harm they've ever caused.

And I'm writing this up partially to remind myself when I reach a more middlepoint of this story and am struggling to remember why I ever thought writing it was a good idea.

Dear Self: Just get the words on paper. The story idea is good. The characters are good. You can fix the rest in editing. Don't stop now. Love, Your Past Self

#nora's return #to my future self

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by-sunn · 3 months

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First (and probably only (bc depression)) half of my wedding vows.

The moment I decided I wanted to write this, was because I just saw some tiktok of a groom making his vows all about sex and that seem really sad to me. I want you to understand how much I love you, how much you changed my life. So here I'm, my past self (to you, because this is my present to me(?) and I will try to tell you some stuff.

Hace you heard that song «IDK you yet»? I think that's the spirit of what I'm going to try and say. I don't know you (or maybe I do, I'm not totally sure) but I'm pretty sure you changed my life.

Right now, in this moment, I'm sick. Like I had fever, and I'm taking drugs; but also like in depression and stuff. I cried this morning thinking that everything felt so hard, I feel like I can't do anything because I feel so literally weak, and I'm usually proud of my own strength, so being weak is hard. It's heartbreaking realising that I just know to exist when I'm useful, and being this weak and useless is making me feel lost, and scared.

But, If I'm with you, If I actually made it this far in life, then I know everything is better, I'm sure we are a team, I hope we go to therapy together (because therapy is awesome), and I hope you know I will hold your dreams, your hopes and your laugh with all my heart, because I'm just so sure i fucking love you.

I don't really want to get marry, because I'm 24, I'm depressed, I don't think I will live to my 30's. So, if you somehow helped me to get better, I already damn love you, even if It took me a lot to say it.

I don't know the colour of your eyes, or the way you smile, I don't know how your laugh sound, or your name (or maybe I do) but I know that if I love enough to marry you, you have my hole heart, you must be so precious to me, so special and I just love you.

But I need you know, please, Can you hurry? I will be ready to meet you, but I'm not patient and I suck at waiting. So please, come to me, I'm so ready to love you, dearest.

#wedding vows #future self #to my soulmate #to my future lover #to my future self #love

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tragicvanities · 4 months

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2023, oh how great you were despite everything that happened.

this is the year where i could say i saw the most growth. my manager saw it too. i dont know what happened but i came back to work after the christmas holidays as a new person. i felt more confident in myself. unfortunatelu that didnt last long. as problems arises, my confidence went downhill again. it’s a rollercoaster ride but all in all, my progress just shows that i can get better. i can unlearn old habits. future rochelle, if youre reading this i hope you have more days where youre confident. you are doing well.

the last learning and development i hard, my manager told me that i agree to most things he said because it is easy to please me which i can agree. until now i dont know what i want. on days i dont want to settle for mediocrity, i hope to achieve something and i couldnt seem to pinpoint what it is. talking to people makes me realize about the things that i really want. future rochelle, if youre reading this, i hope you finally know what you want.

this year, you summon your courage to talk to a long time crush or rather someone youve been interested since university. while writing this, you made up your mind that he is actually just a happy crush. youre happy to just be friends with him. dont get me wrong, his awkwardness could be an ick but he is a great guy. it just goes to show that sometimes crush cant progress to love. it’s also good to get to know them first before taking another step forward. future rochelle, if youre reading this, i hope the two of you are still friends.

i finally started looking after my physical health. after running during spring and summer of 2022-2023, i decided to do reformer pilates. it is very challenging but it refreshes me especially on days where work gets hecting. i started to build muscle which never happened even when i went to gum. however here’s the catch. along with the muscle, i could see myself bulking and it doesnt look good compared to my old photos. to the future rochelle, i hope youre loving your body now. i’ll try to work harder and stay consistent so hang in there.

theres nothing much for me to add to this letter. i hope 2024 brings more joy and growth. i hope it truly makes you happy because the 2023 rochelle fought hard for you to see another year. i love you and will always do.

#to my future self

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patronsaintofsacrifice · 1 year

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I better feel more stable tomorrow

#this is a threat #to my future self

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macabrecravings · 9 months

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The world is so unfathomably beautiful. The way you can have a heartfelt conversation with someone across the world like it's nothing.

How scrolling endlessly among walls of text and moving videos can introduce you to some of the sweetest, most profound friends you'll ever meet in your life. Even if you know each other oh so briefly, the words that they tell you can shape you for the rest of your life. Normally, I find that horrifying. I hate thinking about the effect I have on others. I hate thinking about existence at all. I wish for it to stop, slow down, or that I just wasn't here at all. Not dead. Just anything other than me. I love myself. But it's all so... overwhelming. I never feel like I function the same way as everyone else does, and it's fucking frustrating.

Yet, tonight I feel cozy. Hopeful. Light. I was told something that I didn't know that I needed to hear. "Life is weird, but it is so beautiful." How it's so silly and wonderful. We exist here, interacting. A bunch of people on Tumblr, existing in such different places, but we all come together to bond over things that bring us so much joy. Things people in our lives might not understand.

I am so emotional, and this post might be dumb. It may be stupid in the morning when I'm not sobbing, but, for a night, I'm so happy. Makeup running down my cheeks as they hurt from smiling.

I really cherish the connections I've made here. And on TikTok (when I used to be active. LOL.) To be loved and appreciated by the most talented people I've ever seen is profound, and it scares me so much but... in a good way. Thank you everyone for existing <3 If you read this all, you're fucking crazy, I love you so much!!! Mwah mwah.

#haunting’s thoughts💋🖤#delete later #happy vent #reasons to live #i love life #to my mutuals #long post #to my future self #mental health #positivity

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chappellrroan · 1 year

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anyways I saw a dream and it ended with the guy realising he was the actual con artist he had been looking for and then he ended up kissing another guy in rain

#while his friend got married #and i was there adding some pretty necklaces to the cart but everything sold out so i was there just watching everything unfold #and oh by con artist i mean the murderer #to my future self

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juniiperx · 1 year

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If you haven't heard, (original tweet was deleted, thread still remains)

DeviantArt created an AI generator using the database of all the art in the platform where everyone was originally opted-in by default and to opt-out you had to fill in a form that may take days to be revised and could get rejected, allowing DeviantArt essentially steal all of your artwork.

They listened to the people and made it so every art is opted-out by default in this other tweet.

Although they "fixed" it but as of now have yet to apologize to all the artists the platform has offensively dared to steal from... in my eyes, DeviantArt is dead.

I also consider twitter dead in my eyes but that's another story and irrelevant to what I wish to discuss.

Because of the horrible executive actions DeviantArt, I have removed my past presence from the platform and I want to talk about my finds.

DeviantArt, in the past, was a very influential platform for little ol' me so going back to remove my old art was a trip down memory lane.

There was a total of four accounts. I always struggled with identity online and because you needed to pay to change username, i simply made a new account instead. It was... nice. I saw four stages of my art growth that made me nostalgic.

The first account I went to was my latest account, 2019-2020.

It had my most recent artwork with little to no description. It was no cause of nostalgia because it was my latest and still had art that I consider okay. It was my most urgent to remove from the platform trying to steal it.

The second account I visited was of 2016-2019. Apparently by 2018-2019 was when I started spending most of my time on Amino since there's a couple of posts drawing OCs of people from Amino. Despite mainly spending my time on another platform, I still posted occasionally to DeviantArt.

But let's talk about the past first, 2016-2017, my second most active year on DeviantArt. I posted drawings of my OCs and characters I simply designed for the sake of it with a brief description.

This was my first drawing posted on that account:

"Vladik" nov 29, 2016

This is a fellow character of mine named Vladik (whatarelastnames) who's from a story that I may write. I'm also gonna write a better description than this later but for now satisfy with a one sentence explanation.

He's that typical shy guy at first that the more you get to know, the more annoying and flirty he'll get as well as his edgy, dark past and- oh the pain! (making fun of my own characters ftw) but even with that he keeps that little smile as his past events haunts his mind... becuz he secretly edgy

Yeah, I was young and had recently figured out how to use a drawing tablet. My biggest art inspiration that contributed to my current style was the youtuber "LeslieLu Marie" (great artist, check her out).

Looking back at it, oh how I wish I had explained more... This character, back then, was one of my main OCs I'd think about a lot and even used for roleplays with my friend. I had a very detailed and tragic backstory for him that I no longer remember since it was such a long time ago.

The vague memory I have, he was a soldier (?) and had a group of friends but one friend went against him so he had to kill his friend. Years after, his dead friend came back for revenge (?). He truly doesn't fit the design but looking back, how fun heh. It's fun to look back at what younger me was creating, elaborate plots and relationships, all the things that shape my current story.

All the other characters were in similar fashion, either being a mere design or being a very detailed OC with complex backstories. Unfortunately, it's all stories lost to time because I never wrote detailed descriptions. I can never know the stories I had planned because I was very secretive, I kept it secret from my own friend because I wanted to be mysterious and only reveal it once I have an established comic/novel. The sad reality is that, that day never came... and those stories became secret to my own self as I read back only to find nothing.

The OC story I remember the most is of Vladik and I already wrote what I remembered, it's not a lot... the fact that I may never remember what these characters were was slightly upsetting for me.

This was my last drawing posted to that account and also my first and only traditional drawing:

"Snek boi" Jan 13, 2019

Oh wow traditional art o^o

...I vaguely remember that he had a name and story but I recall no details of it. Again, his story is a mystery to myself.

The other account was 2015, the creepypasta phase.

Let's briefly talk of the backstory and mentality of 13 yr old me:

I was introduced to DeviantArt and Wattpad before that age and now I was old enough to actually use the internet and those platforms without lying about it online.

I thought "Jeff the Killer" was hot and that his story was sad and therefore excused the murders. I wanted and eventually did make my own creepypasta (lost to time) and I remember I had two creepypasta OCs, my Jeff the Killer rip-off named "Crooked Smile" and my Liu rip-off named "Cody"... obsessed with Jeff the Killer is an understatement.

I believed the only valid way for me to post art was digital art and that traditional art wasn't good enough to be post and if I did post it, it was of no use because my camera was crappy and it'd look bad either way. Therefore, I drew my creepypasta OCs but I never posted them because they were all traditional.

I pirated Paint Tool Sai... as I'm sure most artists did back then, right?

I was now involving myself more with the horror community because of creepypasta and I still interact with media involving horror movies (Mista GG) and stories involving murder and other (MrBallen).

(No, I do not and will never consider myself part of True Crime Community.)

And then I moved from being obsessed with Jeff the Killer to being obsessed with Ben Drowned and that's when I started posting on that DeviantArt account on 2015.

Backstory over, let's go over to my first drawing posted on that account:

"*Warning*" Jan 1, 2015

As it says there I'm a creepypasta-fan, soooooooooooo... I draw creepy stuff

(I draw horrible T-T)

well at least I finished the drawing and OMFG! it took me ALOT of time to draw it

first: I drew the boy in paint XP (or something like that) but I couldn't leave it like that with no background

second: sooooooo... I went to paint tool sai to do the background, but people wont understand WHY did I drew it soooooo...

third: I went to paint to put a text and FINALLY I finished and I'm so happy

I don't know who the f**k is he... maybe Ben idk do you think that he could be my OC because only the eyes are similar to Ben but nothing else right?

okay maybe its Ben in casual eating some kidneys with Jack? (nah... we all know that E.J. wont ever share his kidneys and Ben will never eat that right?Sweating a little...)

well whatever hope you enjoy it and leave a comment always helps me (please no critiques)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

EDIT: hahhahahaha no (2017)

Oh my creepypasta phase... even though it's as one calls "cringe", I look back at those memories fondly. It was a weird but fun era for me, making those drawings of my "Ben Drowned" rip-off.

Myles Thorme, creepypasta name being "The Missing Thought", catchphrase: "Are you lost? Because I think you're missing." He was my most developed OC in public. He even had a comic and a completed journal with his backstory which is frankly... a hilarious read.

The best of this character is not the poorly drawn blood on his mouth or his hilarious choice of style but the fact that he was the one to help me connect to a community for the first time ever browsing the internet. You see, after making him, I looked up DeviantArt groups to join, something roleplay focuses because me and my friend would roleplay but since they moved, we haven't been able to do so. Because of that and because of my obsession with creepypasta, I found "Proxy High", a creepypasta fan group where slenderman was the director and was housing a bunch of creepypasta fan OCs that were his proxies.

This was my input to the group, and the first time I fully moved from MS paint to Paint Tool Sai:

"The Missing Thought/ Proxy High" Jan 3, 2015

For Proxy High

I only have one OC sooooooo. . . yeah nothing else[Green Link Sweat]

is the uniform okay? cause idk

and know I'm officially ready for rp I am a dummy!

(I forgot to say that in the school he's ANTI-social, but I HOPE he can finally find a friend)

Name: Myles Thorme

Proxy name: The Missing Thought

Nickname: Missing

Gender: Male

Age: 13

Class: Green

OC: yukkim.deviantart.com/art/

Back Story (how he became a proxy):

He went though the city, getting a new victim like always. He covered his face with his hoodie. When he finished his daily walk in the city he went into the woods. Lucky he found a young teenager wondering through the woods. Trying to forget what happened last he went to say hi.

"Hello", said Missing.

"Ah! you scared me, what's your name", said the girl.

"Are you lost?, Cause I think you're missing", said Missing.

"I am lost but not missing!", she said.

Immediately Missing stab her in the stomach, he kept stabbing her again and again. When she was unconscious on the floor, he got matchstick and burned her body. He ran away before the fire catch him. While he was running, he noticed that his knife was missing. He went back so there where no clue of his existents. He saw that the knife was on the girl that was now on fire. He grabbed his knife as quick as possible and went running. But then, he notice that the fire surround him. "Its the end, I'm dead", he said sitting there waiting for the fire to catch him. When the fire was inches of him, he heard a static from the distance. "Open your eyes Myles", said a mysterious voice. Missing was shocked. Nobody new his real name. "Well that doesn't makes sense", said Missing. He blinked and the fire was gone. Missing was surprised. He saw a tall man in suit but no face. "Ummmm. . . hi! thanks for saving me", he said waving his hand. He heard the static again it eventually got louder and louder, hurting Missing's ears. He fell unconscious on the floor by the static. He heard the faceless man. "You will work for a proxy", said the man.

---------------------------------------------------------------

EDIT: this be were I met my friends Llama Emoji-50 (Whistling) [V3]

Well isn't that a hilarious read? I posted this to the group which they surprisingly accepted me in and for the first time I had received an influx of comments starting roleplays. It was lots of fun roleplaying with so many people even if my OC was definitely one of the hilariously bad OCs the group had.

After gaining some... notoriety, I began making a comic about Myles life in the school. It didn't last long but oh I sure had fun making it.

I'm glad I wrote as much as I did about this character, even though it's such a bad character. I know him really well, know his story which was so dramatic and funny, and his relationships with others. He (and I) had a good friend which was a rip-off of "Ticci-Toby" but essentially the only difference was that she was a girl. We'd roleplay a lot until... well I started to grow out of the creepypasta phase and sadly, I left her behind. Where ever she or they are, I hope they're okay and remember this phase as fondly as I do.

I left that account on 2016 when I got a drawing tablet and began learning how to use it which afterwards, I made the DeviantArt account I spoke of above. I did however, briefly came back to it on 2017, reading messages of old friends that had moved on from the creepypasta community. It was a bittersweet feeling to see messages but having abandoned them but in a way... it was a nice closure.

This, wasn't my last drawing posted there but I think it's the drawing that matters the most to move on from this chapter:

"Draw This Again" Apr 7, 2017

cuz y not make it a meme [Llama Emoji-66 (Orly) [V3]

The last account I visited was my first ever DeviantArt account and it was made on 2014 when I was 12 yrs old. Yes, I lied online about my age to join DeviantArt.

I was drawn in by my friend who recommended me to read a comic they found about, at the time, favorite movie "Rise of the Guardians". The was a fan comic which involved an OC called "Mori the shifter". I loved that comic and it was the first comic I read and finished.

During that time, despite reading a comic with humanoid creatures, I was more into drawing feral and anthropomorphic animals. Essentially I was (and still consider myself to be) a furry.

In the old account, I'd draw furries and most of them had no story whatsoever. I had a fursona which I named "Happy" (because it was before I was diagnosed with persistent depression... cough).

There wasn't much on that account but I did revisited on 2016 for a redraw:

"Draw this again- Happy" Dec 9, 2016

2014 vs. 2016

Sooooo I found my old account in deviantart and damn... wtf iz dis shet I've seen some things - [Emoticon ... Nino Wants To Die] I then decided to re-draw it because.. why not?

Her name is supposed to be Happy because she's an optimistic lil sh!t

I don't care what she was in the past or what you all say but she gay...HA! GAAAAAY! (Emoticon) LOLOLOLOLOL

ALL DA HOMO :rainbowfrog:

But there's something I have yet to mention about this account. I apparently had a story about a group of wolf friends? I wrote nothing related to them because I, again like my recent self, wanted to keep it a secret until I made a comic I never started. All I remember was a black wolf named Shadow who was the villain of the story.

I sadly don't remember any other details of the story...

Before all this, before my slow transition to the online media on 2013 and before that... my childhood was spent drawing traditionally a comic about wolves and their adventures in the world which I have unfortunately lost the 4-6 completed notebooks (Yes, all the pages filled) of.

And before that? 2012 I believe I was roleplaying with "Littlest Pet Shop", having complicated stories inspired by the novelas my mother and I would watch before bed.

And before, before that? I was roleplaying irl with my friend about wolves, inspired by (and yes bare with me) "Alpha and Omega", the movie about wolves and "forbidden romance".

Before, before, before all that? I was just me being a kid. I still am me but as an adult I guess. It's alright, I'm having fun roleplaying with my current boyfriend. I'm thinking about elaborate stories and plots to do with him.

I had fun then and I'm still having fun and I hope my future self also has fun whatever they're doing.

Why did I write all this?

Be cause if I could go back and change one thing about the past I'd do one thing... I'd write more. I'd tell my younger self to write down the silly little stories they have planned. Tell them that it doesn't matter if they have an audience or not because your own self is the best audience you will ever have.

You have no idea how much I wish I could know what was my younger thinking when I drew that purple wolf in 2014 or that snake character in 2019. How much I wish I could connect to my younger self like I can easily do with my 2015 creepypasta self.

So the real answer is, all this is for my future self. Hi, future self, enjoying the nostalgia trip? It's nice to look where you came from and compare to who you are now, no?

Whoever you are, whether it's myself or some random person online, wherever you are and however you are, please... look into your past fondly because your past is what shaped you into being you!

With that said, have a nice day/night :].

#deviantart #oc #nostalgia #creepypasta #to my future self #from my past self #hi :)#juniiblogs

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