the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.
three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.
two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.
their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.
one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.
i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.
i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.
and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?
you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.
a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.
someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.
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riize when they're jealous
shotaro
is a little oblivious at first- for example: tries to make friends with the guy
then as the conversation drags on and taro realizes this guy is barely acknowledging him,, and is literally only talking to you he gets pretty uncomfortable
you are also getting uncomfortable and shotaro notices so he finds a way to quickly end the conversation (pretending you had somewhere else to be or smth)
he doesn't get too down about if afterwards and definitely doesn't blame you for anything he just tries to make jokes about how attractive you are "people just can't stay away from you! you're like the flower to a bee (⌒▽⌒)”
but honestly, it still irks him a bit. pls make sure to give him at least one kiss and remind him he's ur shining star
eunseok
def not the type to be worried about you around his friends or your male friends.. but random guys actually hitting on you in real.
he would never admit to being jealous, he tries to tell himself he's just annoyed with the guy or like.. worried for your safety which- um ok wtv
that being said ,, when he does get this way he goes completely cold. hard frown, glaring eyes, clenched jaw etc. etc.
he's very confident in your relationship but something about the highly unrealistic possibility that you could be swayed to leave him ruffles his feathers to say the least
i hope no one would be bold enough to try to hit on you WHILE you're with him because he'd immediately get in front of you and confront the guy "who even are you? what do you need to talk to her for?"
sungchan
oh dear lord.... it's not good. like he wont hurt anyone but sometimes wants to. like,,,
ok it depends if you were far away talking to a guy he would immediately come over and wrap his arm around you and goes "who's this." and ur like PLS don’t do anything embarrassing 😳
it’s to the point he does not want to hear about your past relationships (unless it was like a serious conversation) bc it makes his skin crawl thinking about another person touching his girl
he trusts his friends but it will take a bit of convincing to trust your friends. not bc he doesn’t have faith in you he would just get pissed at other people thinking they had a chance
i’m making him sound like a freak but he’s very open and vocal about how he feels and wants to work on it with you - but he’s always gonna be protective like a guard dog
wonbin
he’s like ., quiet possessive (?) he's just like " ur only my baby right?" wants you all to himself, near him as much as possible
jokingly says you can’t watch other groups but is like ..half joking he lowkey doesn’t want you thinking other guys are cooler than him
it really just comes down to the fact that he doesn't want to lose you.
if there was a real situation where someone was like actually flirting with you, he would get soooo sulky. - like comes over to you and puts his hand on your back, smiling at you like everything is fine 🙂( 😐)
but when he hears you say "yes, this is my boyfriend i was telling you about." his chest puffs up and he’s like jumping for joy inside T_T needs extra kisses too afterwards
seunghan
you are his baby and is very clear about it in public . always has his hands on you so it would be insane for someone to hit on you but if he walked away and someone approached u…
hhhhh lowkey gets an attitude … mostly with the other guy like tongue in cheek “is this guy serious…”
honestly kind of confrontational “can i help you? what do you need from my girlfriend?” can be intimidating when he wants to and makes sure people know he is NOT playing around
first makes sure you’re ok and then he’s like “wtf.. do i have to give you an ‘i ♡ my bf’ shirt or smth”
with his and your friends he doesn’t have a problem he trusts you all the way he just gets offended when people don’t get the hint that you’re taken
sohee
surprisingly, gets more jealous than you’d expect like sometimes ur like ???
he really just wants all your attention and if other guys try to take it he’s like . abt to start barking
that being said he trusts you 100% but when you notice his smile is like 10% less bright than usual and you ask what’s wrong he’s like “OHHH nothing -_- i just can’t believe i’m up against the whole city bc you’re so pretty. what am i to do ?”
ur just like 😭my sweet boy !! give him a kiss he’ll be cured and recovers pretty quickly
kind of is one that doesn’t really like you having male friends but he doesn’t want to control you so he’s doing deep breathing exercises if you’re really involved in a conversation with someone that isn’t him.
anton
ohhh sweet sweet anton. honestly ! doesn’t get too jealous
like he gives u your space if you’re talking to another guy but if they start subtly hitting on you he’s like ?
will bring it up to you later when you’re sitting with him like stroking your arm and he’s like “sooooo that guy ..” and ur like oh 🙄that was so annoying. did it upset you? :( and he’s like “um . i mean… well not really it was just weird ..”
will appreciate your reassurance more than he shows you
might be one to be insecure with you around the members just because you would get so close to them he’s like ha…. what if they got even closer … but then he remembers none of you would ever do that then he just hugs you a little tighter
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personally i think a super important part of jinshi and maoamos relationship (esp at the beginning of the series, though still true) is how they both have had really negative experiences regarding sexually/romantically-natured exchanges. maomao grew up in a brothel, shes seen probably every situation possible under the sun of women being abused, manipulated, lied to, and used for a mans personal benefit. and as such, the typical "sweep her off her feet with honeyed words and false promises" approach doesnt work on her at all, because shes already seen 101 different ways that can go wrong. subconsciously or not, she just instinctively knows that those 'fake'-like people cant be trusted.
jinshi, due to his characteristically beautiful face, has had no shortage of admirers during his time at the rear palace. women that invite him to their room in the evening, give him food with blood or hair or whatever in it, gifts him literal aphrodisiacs. hes willing to use his beauty to get what he wants (never unreasonably, though) but it becomes evident later that he certainly has some kind of complex about it. hes only 19(?) at the beginning of the series, and hes already been working in the rear palace for long enough to garner a strong reputation. the only people hes close to is gaoshun and MAYBE gyokuyou. to him, it probably seems like everyone else only cares about how pretty he is, and ignoring anything beyond that.
and so he meets maomao, who reacts to his advances not just coldly, but with obvious disdain. she sees RIGHT through his false flirty demeanour, and seems to be one of the only few people to do so. he doesnt expect that, and that interests him. not being attracted to his face is, in jinshis eyes, a key trait to have in order to work with him. he seeks maomaos counsel time and time again (bc he likes his new toy but also) because he trusts her to work WITH him, not FOR him; actually using her head to figure out what the best conclusion is, instead of just blindly following him and giving him whatever she thinks would make him happy with her.
after it becomes obvious to him that absolutely none of his advances will work on maomao, he really tones it down and they enter what i call their "bonding stage", which is mostly just dealing with situations around the inner and outer court together. thats where the foundation of their relationship really starts to grow; jinshi values maomao for her intellect and straightforward attitude, and maomao values jinshi for being a genuinely kind and hardworking person. they start to hold each other in higher esteem because they actually see each others real selves, and likewise appreciate that finally someone can see them beyond that metaphorical impersonal veil.
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okay so just watched the new ep, here’s my 911 s7 ep 1 thoughts:
nearly broke down watching Shannon read the letter to Chris. “I love you, even from a distance.” I’m unwell.
the bucktalia breakup explanation was funny, but what was funnier and gayer was Eddie’s reaction to it sjdjdj
there’s absolutely no chemistry between Marisol and Eddie.
the whole Bathena marital struggles™️ arc doesn’t convince me too much tbh (although I understand Athena’s thought process & concerns).
Chris putting the Shannon frame back up and Eddie’s heart visibly repairing in front of us will forever haunt me btw
“never seen a man turn off a woman with such skills.” “it’s a gift.” fuck off u homosexual
during that same scene, Buck staring longingly and lovingly at Eddie will also forever haunt me
Buck saying the sexual tension line and Eddie almost passing out is very in character
I genuinely felt bad for Bobby during the whole episode
Madney dating and then not dating makes me fuzzy inside, they’re so obviously in love
shirtless Eddie and drooling Buck <3
Eddie eavesdropping on Buck & Chris and scrunching his face in pain made me stop the ep, sit down on the floor and scream
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