#to sUICIDE BOMB AMARA

[destiel-wings]

Dean Winchester & hug dynamic analysis

I was thinking about how whenever Dean hugs someone he's almost always the one hugging the other and how this links to his psychological trauma of always being the caretaker of people, making himself bigger to protect them.

Because that's how Dean sees himself, as a shield for others, and then I thought about how Cas actually is the shield, and he's HIS SHIELD, specifically, the only one who's really there to protect HIM, which is why it hits so much when we see this:

The way Cas wraps his arms around him, trying to protect him with his whole body--that he'd use as a shield and give up in a second if he could spare him from any pain and save him.

(for context: Dean was about to go use the soul bomb on Amara there, it was a suicide mission)

Bobby is another one that hits, he hugs him as the big hugger because he's his father, he loves him and he's actually here to protect him (and Dean LETS him -barely, but he lets him *and Cas* - in a way that he doesn't let Sam)

I watched a compilation of Sam & Dean hugs to check if i was right about it, but it's almost always Dean the big hugger with Sam, except when he's about to die or Sam sees him alive again after losing him.

Even then, Dean mostly tries to hug Sam as the big hugger anyway, with at least one arm, like a way to comfort him, making him feel protected, like his body language is saying "I'm here, I'm okay, I'm still strong, i can still protect you" (because their real father failed and Dean thinks it's his job).

He rarely lets himself be the little one hugged with Sam, unless he's barely conscious. Which is why it kills me so much more now that in this moment (s14, when Dean was going to lock himself in the Ma'lak box cause he was possessed by Michael) and Sam has a desperate breakdown and punches him (to stop him) he forcefully hugs him as the little hugger, the way Dean always kept him, like a way of saying "I still need you to protect me, please don't do this to yourself".

In the scene below he gives Sam his blessing to do a dangerous (possibly suicidal) mission, and one of his arms is down, but the other one tries to stay up--he's forcing himself to do it and he struggles because he still wants to protect him, but (as the seasons progress) he slowly becomes more prone to let go.

So in this view the hug dynamic becomes an indicator of how Dean sees Sam (and himself) and his protector role, how adult and self sufficient he considers Sam, and how much he lets people around him take care of him, lowering his walls and letting himself be hugged.

This is also why i think hugs from characters like Garth or Charlie are so special, because they're just like us: they see Dean and they just know that he needs to be hugged a lot, and that he's not used to it, so they just go for it-- and it's so normal and kind and spontaneous that Dean's just not used to it-- he doesn't know how to respond (especially with Garth, at the beginning, but as the seasons progress, he learns to, and he even initiates the hug eventually).

I love the hugs where they're 50/50 (one arm up, one arm down both), feels like they're equals, both taking care of each other. I feel like with Sam and Dean, this indicates a healthier dynamic, because Dean lets go a little of the role that was imposed to him and manages to see Sam as the strong individual that he is. But the same applies to 50/50 hugs with other characters, like with Cas, where I feel like it testifies how equals they feel in terms of being fighters, there's a show of respect of each other's strength that transpires by the gesture (which is even more astounding considering that Cas is literally a powerful angel).

And just to end on a destiel note, I'd like to note the possessiveness and protectiveness of Dean (rightfully so) whenever he finds Cas after he thought he had lost him, and how that translates into his body/hug language:

#dean winchester #spn #dean winchester character study #spn analysis #dean winchester analysis #dean winchester & hugs #dean studies #destiel #deancas #body language #hugs #dean winchester hugs #castiel #sam winchester #sam & dean #sam & dean dynamics #dean x cas #psychology #my thoughts #my interpretation #my analysis #spn gifs #dean winchester gifs #Youtube #long post #but it's mostly many gifs #no that's not true i also wrote a lot (but it's little paragraphs in between more gifs than the mobile app allows) #(I did it from the website to cheat) #(i hope it doesn't lag too much)

[casgirl]

Funniest supernatural weapons ranked

5. Borax to kill the leviathans

4. God Killing Murder Suicide Gun

3. That time they put a bunch of ghosts into dean in order to make him into a ghost fueled bomb to blow up Amara

2. Lucifer catching egg that got lost in the mail

1. Witch killing bullets

[shallowseeker]

Was it you that pointed out that Dean gets showered with hate for allowing Jack to make himself into a bomb, when in season 11 his entire family was willing to let him do the same? I've been thinking about this a lot...

Sorry, not me. But I do talk about this and other Jack stuff in some of my ramblings about #SPN parenting, and I believe @jackgirlbluntrotation and I batted the tragedy of the Jack-and-Dean soul bomb parallel back-and-forth a few times, so you could look there as well.

But to get what what I think you're getting at, I think yes: Dean, is judged more harshly for this. I have some vague ideas why below. And I can't answer without being longwinded about all of it, and because I am NOT feeling very cohesive this week, behind the cut it goes...

Not meta, just random thoughts... I tried to edit it into something that made points. But I couldn't. Sorry. I'll try to revisit it later. This is like...three separate unrelated topics.

Sam & Cas + violence + getting onboard with Dean's sacrifice:

Sam and Cas do not object to Dean becoming a live bomb in season 11 to serve God's Big Kill-Amara-Cause. I haven't seen this held against Cas or Sam, and certainly not as a moral transgression. (This is not a hit piece against Sam or Cas. It's just a note that they're a little differently tied up with the idea of war-as-sacrifice.)

Furthermore, when talking about child sacrifice, I don't typically see a lot of Emma or Oskar or even Jane the Nephilim crop up in conversation, and when it does, people sometimes get annoyed about it ("I just don't care about them that much.") I do occasionally see Cas re:Jessie the Antichrist and May Sunder. Occasionally I see Sam:Emma. But hardly ever Oskar or Jane. But Dean is the caretaker. He's not supposed to cross this line of killing complete innocents. Also, as "parent," he has an obligation to Jack that adds another layer.

My point is...and I'm not certain about this...but I suspect that if Dean had overseen any of these above murders, it would be a much more daily appearance on the dash, especially Jane and Oskar, who were completely innocent.

Of note, re:Oskar.. Sam and Cas are The Two Men post-Lucifer that Rowena identifies as Love Matches. (She reserves her ire and hatred re:Oskar for scapegoat child, Crowley.) To Rowena, maybe even to the audience(?), the violence of Sam and Cas is expected, maybe even sexy? Maybe even the mark of a strong protector. Who knows? All I know is that we politely look the other way. And so does Rowena...

And I'm not trying to keep score in a murder show. Just...yeah. Something about this is tied up with Dean's role as heart/hearth/caretaker, I think. Maybe. Also parental roles. But that's always going to be conjecture. Let's look at more interesting stuff, which is how family sacrifice gets passed around:

Dean + sacrificial bomb

Dean -> The bomb sacrifice is framed as Dean's choice, even though it is just as coerced as what we see in season 15 with Jack. To make Dean's bomb even uglier, the reason Dean is the bomb in the first place is part-strategy, part-gross. "The enemy is sexually attracted to you, ergo, you can get closer to her." Dean is, once again, rendered as sexual (?) bait.

Cas -> Cas is the one who came up with the idea of the soul bomb, but he immediately shows regret and offers to die with Dean. Which releases the tension of how awful it is that he doesn't object... After this, Cas is forevermore anguished at the thought of sacrificing Dean and in season 14, he completely Objects to Dean's Suicide as Solution, even when solider mode!Jack suggests it. Of note, it may also be that in season 11, Cas put up a strong front about sacrificing for the God partially because Chuck was present(?)

Sam -> We are sympathetic to the idea of Sam being "okay" with sacrificing Dean because, at the start of season 12, we-the-audience are shown Sam's guilt over it, and that eases the narrative tension of how horrific it is.

Maybe the guilt over everything wrought in season 10 is what makes Sam and Cas more willing to not object to the bomb in season 11... But overall, for the audience, Sam and Cas's emotions about it make us more likely to look upon the situation favorably. Plus, neither of them is Dean's "parent." We'd be much harsher if John came up with the bomb idea, or Mary for that matter.

To reiterate, no one is responsible, exactly. I'm really just bringing it up as a point of contrast. Each character's relationship to war swings like a pendulum and is greatly affected by their psychological-wounds-of-the-moment. They all tend to swing the extremes, from Apple Pie Escapism to Holy Cause to Black-and-White Rules, etc. (And no one, save Metatron, has the proper mindset in season 11 with regards to war. And he gets killed for his trouble, too...)

Dean + Ma'lak box + "Jack iSn'T fAmiLy"

Notably, in season 14, Sam and Cas flipflop on the idea of sacrificing family. They strongly object to Dean climbing into the Ma'lak box--a stark and welcome contrast to season 11's soul bomb.

Of note, sacrifice MUST BE a complicated topic for Dean here... When you look at the two sacrifices, in Dean's mind, they were collectively rewarded for his hero's sacrifice/soul bomb (the return of Mary) but punished for his "selfish" non-sacrifice/Ma'lak box (the loss of Jack's "personhood" + Mary's death). So yeah, sacrifice is complicated topic. It never emotionally feels like the right thing, but in media and religion and hero stories, it's the heroic thing.

Finally, Jack's bomb is also complicated by the "Jack isn't family" of it all. Dean has more trouble sacrificing and walking away from "family," whereas Sam n' Cas, were always more pragmatic commanders by nature, and have seemed, at least from a distance, way more comfortable sacrificing their (military) family members (See: Balthazar, Rowena, etc). Thus, Dean sunders Jack from family role in order to make the loss more tolerable. It's awful! But very real.

Honestly, I think it gets at the heart of the matter that they're all soldiers struggling with soldier relationships to Cause, especially Dean. The longer Dean fights, the more he becomes like season 4 Cas or AU Earth Michael in terms of feeling insecure in his wayfinding.

The grayer morality gets, the more he can feel the tension of his own wrongdoing and the less "real" everything all feels (derealization/depersonalization). The soul bomb parallel plays into what they're ALL struggling with in season 15--purpose. Purpose/meaning is The Answer to AU Michael (and Chuck's) nihilism/nothing matters theme. But they don't even know what's real anymore.

The war and the horror and the heartbreak has dissolved all the meaning.

That plays into what each of them is struggling with in the terminal seasons. Their shadow selves and their best selves.

Sam - "Martyrdom Versus Heroism" -> You and you alone can do it / Save the world / I won't break your independence even when your safety is at stake / Saving the world at the expense of your own life is brave and noble and heroic -> (Sam's tentative answer to that problem: "I still think it's wrong, though.") He seems to realize, somewhere in there, that restricting power can be protective; that disinhibition of all boundaries doesn't look so great from the other side of parenting. He has an "aha!" moment where he understands Dean's relationship to him re:the complex nature of protection. Yet, Sam's eureka moments don't quite hit. It needs more time to resolve, possibly in the form of parenting his son, Dean, IMHO.

Cas - "Destiny Versus Genuine Hope for the Future" -> Serve the right cause and even heinous actions take on noble meaning / Live up to the big destiny / Be the God I couldn't be / If you're alive, then your life has to Mean Something Big and Awesome / Wield the totalitarian power the right way, in My Image and in Your Mother's Image and in My Chosen Family's Image, and bring the universe to its feet -> (Cas's tentative answer to the problem: "We don't love you because you're part of some grand design. We love you for being you." Cas squeezes in a late "aha!" moment only after the revelation of Jack's incoming second death. Cas rediscovers his faith, but it takes him awhile to have faith in the Small Things, not just the Big Things. Having faith in the future is healthy. Having faith in predestination is not. Like Sam, Cas is not quite given enough room to resolve, but his gets the closest of the main three.

Dean - "The Law of Purgatory Absolutes Versus the Complicated Gray of the Real World / Nothing matters I don't matter" -> Kill the right enemy and the law becomes just / "My life's work is a hoax" / I've been burying my anger all my life and it's finally spilled out like angry Leviathan chompin' at the bit for blood / So, get revenge / Take out the threat / Serve the ugly cause at the cost of our own lives so others can be happy / We are already ruined heroes / We don't matter / Save our loved ones (Dean's tentative answer: "The ultimate killer is not who I am." ) Like the other two, Dean never quite resolves. It would need another good one or two seasons to do so. The Winchesters actually helps with the above! He specifically talked about it in 1x12: The Tears of Clown. However, in SPN Prime he at least doesn't seem to be languishing in a complete loss of hope, which is one positive way to spin the finale. Nor is he switching to a complete pacifism at the expense of the lives of the two Crowther boys they wind up saving. He's not running away/escaping. He's really trying.

And finally... Through all this, there is also the parallel of giving up ("sacrificing") your son to War or to God's Cause, so that you can finally retire, which is the entire Ugly Thing with War as a Concept. Non-fighters (typically symbolic mothers & daughters) + aging fathers are sold the lie that they must give up sons to the Cause in order to preserve and enjoy Freedom (which is WHY Jack's AU Earth nightmares are directly juxtaposed with Dean's dreams of Hawaiian shirts and beaches in 13x23).

Always peace OR freedom, never peace AND freedom.

More than any other character, Jack is symbolic son. He is treated as Heir to his fathers' burdens and responsibilities. And the burden is too heavy.💔

One last set of parallels, then, with Jack AS each main character's Symbolic Fate:

Jack as doomed child (Sam; Boy-king/gold)

Like Sam at various points, Jack becomes the cursed child, kneeling to accept his execution for the crime of "murdering" his own mother.

It's the Sacred Executioner's suicide, too, because this is truly, as Cain said, "The murder that Dean would (literally) not survive." Like with Sam, Dean balks at the order from the father-God and throws the gun away. Tragically, Dean is excommunicated and tossed into a literal headstone, a motif for his eventual Death in the story. Jack dies. Dean "dies."

Sam wounds God in the shoulder and suffers a left shoulder / heart connection with God. For a time, this "infects" Chuck with hope.

Jack as tool of war / blunt instrument / bomb (Dean; Death/myrrh)

When Jack takes the rib-bomb, he becomes Dean from season 11. He feels "unworthy," so he "might as well be the hero / blow himself up to ensure the happiness of others."

The would-be victims and civilians even thank him for it. As Dean told Death, "I don't matter." Heroes matter only so much as their sacrifices are worth.

Also, in comparison to Sam, Jack is fundamentally WAR SON. Whereas Dean was love-offering-object-sacrifice chosen by Amara's hunger, Jack is simply "Simba." He is heir to the burden of Heavenly hero by birthright, outranking Sam and Dean in terms of hierarchy.

Furthermore, Jack is not Earth-son; he's a Heaven-son (the "son" to Sam's earth-son "daughter" role here...I hesitate to use gendered language, but it's about the hierarchy an the expectations of War as a Concept. Jack outranks Sam in terms of hierarchal expectations).

It's also why it's a rib that is blowing up Jack. The rib also calls to mind "Mother," or the simpler, non-gendered poetic: "Earth," as Jack is literally being sacrificed by Earth.

Like with Dean's soul-bomb, Jack survives the lighting of the fuse. Dean survives by getting defused, and Jack survives by detonating in The Empty.

Paralleling the Equalizer confrontation, Death tries to take Jack anyway, the way God took him even when he survived his initial Moriah trial. This time, it's Dean who takes action. He wounds Death with her own scythe, in the shoulder, just as Sam injured God's shoulder.

Jack "escapes" bomb death and Death!Billie, and Dean sets into motion the death of Death!Billie. (Sam's enemy is Chuck!prime and Dean's enemy is Death.)

Jack as God (Cas; God-king/frankincense)

Finally, when he takes God's power, Jack accomplishes what Castiel could not.

This is the final destiny that Jack seems unable to escape--"eating" up all the power and becoming more God than God.

Despite Cas's change of heart in the final episodes, it is ultimately Castiel's burden of Being God and the expectation of Heavenly destiny that Jack inherits when he ascends.

Since during the Equalizer confrontation, Sam wounded God, and with the rib-bomb confrontation, Dean fatally wounded Death, the narrative parallel for Cas here would be to fatally wound or seriously injure powered up!Chuck-mara. But instead, he sacrifices himself for love. (I saw a meta about SPN being a battle royale between Chuck and Cas...this lends some WEIGHT to that!)

In the final confrontation, Cas is absent (dead!KIA in this case), as Cas tends to be. (It's one of his absent!father motifs.) So Jack, as Heavenly son in terms of rank, has to stand-in for Cas, and the price is TOO HIGH. :(

It's a terrible fate. Even when Jack wins, he loses. He becomes nothing and everything.

Sorry. sorry. That was a lot. I was stuck at medical facility, so.

#spn + the three wisemen #asks #and stuff you didn't ask FOR #in MY DEFENSE #i'm dying inside #kinda #so i ramble

[mlobsters]

supernatural s15e17 unity (w. meredith glynn)

thinking on last night's fight between sam and dean, and that has to be one of my least favorite persistent character traits of dean, how he gets mean when he's freaked out/upset/scared/whatever. curious to see what i notice when i start the show over. first time i recall really commenting on it when sam was dealing with hallucifer at bobby's in 7x02. wonder if that's something noticeable going way back.

DEAN So that's how it's gonna be? You give me the silent treatment? SAM I'm not sure what you want me to say. DEAN That you get it. Like, I said, killing Amara, Jack dying... that's the only way. SAM "The only way." "Our one shot," "our last chance." You ever get tired of saying stuff like that? DEAN We don't have to like it, alright, but you and me, we gotta get it done.

you know my perennial complaint of later seasons is this jumping to conclusions about someone killing themselves is the only way to solve a problem without trying other options so, i'm vibing with you samuel

amara is so pretty and that wild glitter jacket is kind of amazing, and everything is better than that weird cleavage gazing dress she had on the first time we met her

AMARA I wish we'd gotten to know one another. That's my fault. Maybe when all of this is over, we can?

they are going out of their way to humanize amara here. talking to the old lady in the park sure did a number on her apparently

DEAN But when the time comes, we can count on you, right? AMARA Like I told you when we first met, you and I will always help each other.

pile on the guilt and doubt and sympathy

SAM Jack, look... I wish you'd have been up front with us. But sacrificing your life for a cause... takes a lot of courage. I still think it's wrong, though.

just thinking about how sam usually is also ready to pack it in if necessary. okay for me to die but not for you is the winchester family way though.

DEAN Chuck is back. You wanna take a knee? SAM That's not what I'm doing. DEAN Wh... You don't even have any leads. SAM What do you have, Dean? Honestly?! What, Billie's sending you to Santa Fe to... to meet up with her mystery guest that's gonna perform the "final ritual," or whatever that is, and turn Jack into a suicide bomb? DEAN Sam, you and me, we have to do this, it's in the book! SAM Oh, Chuck's "Death Book," right? Come on, man! Blindly following orders?! Lying to Amara, sending her to her death? Does any of this feel right to you?!

like when dean's book the only solution was the eternity of torture in a box at the bottom of the ocean with michael, right? knowing they found another way around that problem seems like good evidence that death's books aren't the only way

DEAN It doesn't matter how we feel! You know what? Stay. Stay. But somebody's gotta be the grownup here. SAM Yeah, well, someone has to keep fighting for Jack. DEAN He knows what he signed up for! SAM Last I checked, we don't give up on family. DEAN Jack's not family. I know how you feel about the kid, okay. I care for him, too. I do. But he's not like you. He's not like Cas. He's just not.

again, literally gasped and said dude! what a horrible thing to say a) period b) when the kid is still in the same building as you. and of course he walks in to hear it. devastating.

no one should have to hear that. that's some john winchester level fuckery. heart breaking for jack

hereby revoking dean's dad status. though he already threw it in the garbage like the samulet.

and didn't he just have a heart to heart with the kid a few episodes ago about still being mad about mary but trying to move past it?

from 15x14 last holiday DEAN Okay, I’m just going to say this, okay? Just get it out there. Jack. I’m trying, okay? I really am. But what you did, that’s not easy to forget. Now I was angry with you, for a while. And maybe I still am a little bit, okay? But I’m not gonna let some evil Mary Poppins take you out. Do you understand?

CHUCK The Winchesters have gotten to you, huh? Figures-- you and Dean have that whole weird... thing. AMARA That wasn't you? Writing? CHUCK Ugh! Not that part. Gross. AMARA Well, I'm not on Dean's side. And I'm not on yours. Someone needs to defend this world.

dean's got his special thing with cas and amara. sam's got... jack, i guess. outside of the special thing that trumps all special things that sam and dean have with each other. and apparently amara's on team free will now too

AMARA Oh, I think I do. You want to evaporate every kernel of existence because the Winchesters won't do what you say. CHUCK It's not about that. It's about everywhere I look, I'm reminded of my failures. Like, why did I go with carbon-based life? Why not silicon? Or yttrium? Zeroing out-- starting fresh. That's what I need.

DEAN Listen, Jack, I don't know what you heard back there, but... JACK You don't have to say anything. And... you don't need to be sorry. I'm not like Sam or Cas. I... I understand

i'm giving dean the death glare rn

JACK Billie said... this is where it ends.

least he has the decency to look somewhat distressed

alessandro juliani as adam / the magicians s2e4 as sawbones / altered carbon s2e5 as jack soul brasil

JACK You hate him. ADAM Oh, no. I've been wanting this for going on 300,000 years. Took me that long to figure out how to do it, too. JACK Wait— killing God is your plan? ADAM Yeah, Billie's been giving us a hand, yeah. Sera and me, this is our baby, yeah. She kept me alive this long so I could see it through. All we've been waiting on is you.

lol okay sure why not

well looks like dean's having some doubts now with the high angel's "meant to be" bullshit so

ADAM You'll collapse into a living black hole for divine energy. One nothing can escape— not the darkness, not God himself. But once it starts... you can't stop it.

hokay

DEAN Hold up. Just... What I said to Sam, you didn't need to hear that. Alright? Not now. Not with the weight that you're carrying— for us, for this world. Jack... I don't know how to explain it, but what I found out about Chuck... it's like—it's like I wasn't alive. Not really. You know, like, my whole life I've never been free. But like, really free. But now... now me and Sam, we got a shot at living a life. Without all this crap on our backs. And that's— that's because of you. So, I— I— I wanted to say... I need to say... Thank you, Jack. Thank you.

didn't need to hear it, but not gonna say sorry. of course want to take the nugget of him and sam getting the chance to live a real life, but this was just such a miserable shitty thing to have dean do. jackles delivered this really well and it felt sincere, but i'm not over it

not sure i get what the title cards with the characters' names on it is. referencing something, i imagine

all right so sam and cas are gonna try to find the key to death's library to have a chat or whatever

THE ENTITY The Empty was supposed to be mine. Not even God held sway. But lies, sweet little lies. Billie said when she takes over, she'd make it all better, but then your busted-ass friend in the trench coat came along and he gave me these trust issues. SAM Billie wants to take over? THE ENTITY Become "New God." Classic narcissist, right? She's all tingly for the rules, the good-old days. SAM What is that supposed to mean? THE ENTITY Everyone back to where they belong... realities, dimensions, graves. What should be dead dies, angels off Earth, demons back to Hell, and I go back to sleep. Or I'm supposed to. Except, again, trust issues. But you, you're Sam Winchester. You're in God's book. SAM That's... That's Chuck's Death Book? Have you read it? THE ENTITY Only Billie can read it, dummy. She always talked about how you should be so dead, except she needs you. So, maybe if I hurt you... Hear that? Get your scythe down here, Billie, or your boy's toast.

well, i did not see billie trying to be the new god but i didn't really consider that she might be malicious, just that she wasn't always right. and this is all absurd but i'm happy to get more rachel miner time

CHUCK: Dean. Brought to the edge of doubt. His sense of duty, his rage winning out in the end. CHUCK: And poor Sam. Always gotta know everything. Can't leave well enough alone. CHUCK: This is my ending. My real ending.

well, this is all very clever i guess and upsetting.

SAM Because if Billie takes over, then everyone goes back to where they belong. That means everybody from apocalypse world, Bobby, Charlie, they get sent back to a place that doesn't exist anymore. And everyone we saved. Eileen, she... she just dies again. And that's just the beginning.

surely they'd both be dead too

DEAN I don't care if Billie gets what she wants! I don't, man! I'd trade it all— I'd trade 'em all for Chuck in a heartbeat! SAM What about me? Would you trade me?

the $25,000 question. i'm upset that this is getting to me because this entire season has been such a mediocre shitshow for me but sure enough they can cash in on my literal mountain of feelings and attachment to sam and dean

all right. so long, amara. character rehab complete

SAM I know you feel like that right now, okay. I know you do. But you gotta trust me. My entire life, you've protected me— from Dad, from Lucifer, from everything. I didn't always like it, you know, but... it's the one thing in the whole world that I could always count on. It's the only thing I've ever known that was true. So please... put the gun away. Just put it away, and we'll figure it out, Dean, we'll find another way, you and me. We always do.

well, that's devastating too. jared is so good. and that the put protecting sam from john and lucifer in the same sentence, well. sums up my feelings about john winchester too. the show definitely has gone through times of rehabbing his character so you know it's satisfying to hear this, if terribly upsetting as well.

i feel like meredith glynn really gets their relationship. i'd have to go do a survey again but i feel like whenever she's got an episode, i can count on some good brother content

well. that's a way to end the episode.

sigh. i'm worn out

something something the power of sam and dean's love can withstand and overcome even god's manipulations

#supernatural #spnwatch #spn 15x17 #meredith glynn #spn clip #sam and dean mush #spnhiky #hiky #alessandro juliani #the magicians #altered carbon

[heteroflexiblecastiel]

ok so. my mental s12 rewrite that will never exist bc i can't write.

11.23 when dean is saying his farewells before going and suicide bombing amara, cas straight up plants one on him. kisses him in front of (literally) god and everybody. and dean is about to die so he kisses back. doesn't go on terribly long but it happens and everyone saw it and that's that. cas still offers to go with him. dean refuses. etc. then dean leaves. same sequence as in canon, dean doesn't end up dying, amara brings mary back to life, sam gets kidnapped by toni bevell and the bmol

so now mary is back. and dean is absolutely NOT equipped to come out as like, kinda gay or whatever, to his mother who died in the 80s. it's not happening. so when they get back to the bunker and cas hugs the shit out of dean, dean makes even more of a show out of it being a Bro Hug and gives cas a significant look. cas backs off but looks... disappointed. not angry. just disappointed. this kicks off a Secret Relationship arc where literally everybody but mary knows that dean and cas are a thing now, but dean is tying himself in KNOTS trying to get and keep his mothers approval even as she is overwhelmed and drawing away from them. she leaves just like in canon and dean is devastated and angry

the presence of the bmol in america is. contentious. they've had a longstanding deal with crowley that they rule the UK, but america is off limits. that's crowleys domain. so now not only do they have to deal with distrustful and uncooperative lone-wolf type american hunters, but they've also royally pissed off the king of hell. it's a world war type situation. lots of shifting loyalties, strange bedfellows, double/triple agents, etc. the "sides" are much more blurred and the emphasis isn't on like, rugged american individualism vs smarmy superior brits. all three of the "sides" commit some pretty terrible acts. an acceptance of torture as a necessity is actually something everyone here has in common.

mary bolts just like in regular s12, but instead of unofficially joining up with the bmol, she instead runs afoul of them on a hunt where ketch sort of.... catches her scent. instead of the weird partner situation, they're bound together by ketch's determination to kill her. it's personal now, and he will hunt her down. mary is of course overwhelmed by the technological superiority and sheer numbers of the bmol, and she would surely be dead were it not for a mysterious woman showing up out of nowhere and kicking their asses, causing the survivors to flee. her face is unclear all thru the fight sequences. when the fighting is done, she turns to face mary and it is none other than... bela talbot. she's back and she is a demon

bela and mary have a meet-cute that directly parallels both the samruby and deancas first meetings. otherworldly creature busts in and saves a winchesters life, said winchester asks who the hell they are, entity replies that ummm, duh, they're the one who just saved said winchesters ass! mary has seen how the lines have begun to blur and is begrudgingly convinced to start working with her bc she really does need some backup and she's not willing to go back to the adult strangers who are her sons to get it. they start having sex. it's "casual" until it's kinda not. like there's only so many near death experiences and post-NDE frantic hookups u can go thru with one person before ur like.... at least a little attached

#sorry this is very vague i should at some point rewatch all of s12 and pick out episodes i think could be #reworked to fit this #spn #m

[tfwbigbang]

Promo: to treat a soul with grace and love

Title: to treat a soul with grace and love

Author: fogsrollingin

Artist: jenniferb-art

Rating: Mature

Ships: queerplatonic wincestiel

Expected word count: 7k

Major warnings and tags: acknowledges canonical rape of Sam Winchester

Summary:

S12 canon divergence. Dean carried a cosmic suicide bomb into a meeting with God and his sister, Amara. Cas was thrown clear across the state by a powerful banishing sigil, and Sam got shot and kidnapped and tortured, all while thinking his brother was dead.

And Mary Winchester was resurrected.

Extract: The three of them knew by now how to handle each other under these much too frequent circumstances. It was rarer for Castiel because he was an angel and so he rarely endured the torture they did, but they figured it out quick when Castiel's wings had been forced into tangible existence and battered bloody. In helping him recuperate in the bunker, they discovered there was some kind of emotional-spiritual connection he had with his wings. Baring them to reality was opening himself up as raw as an angel could get, apparently. Just a gentle touch and Cas broke down. Water, a soft cleanser, careful strokes and affectionate kisses and it was like a direct line to the angel's heart.

When it came to Dean, Castiel often took point because Dean didn't even remember a time when he was afraid and didn't have Sam to hold, to protect. It was an instinct now, backed by comforting logic, and in an effort not to rob him of it when he needed it most, it nevertheless kind of put Sam out of commission when it came to orchestrating anything more for him. That's where Cas came in, where he could add another dimension to it. Literally.

And finally there was Sam.

Of course, Sam being Sam, he was a little trickier.

===

POSTING DATE: September 19, 2021

#queerplatonic wincestiel #Dean/Sam/Cas #spn fanfic #supernatural #Team Free Will #tfwbigbang2021

[drsilverfish]

Amara and Castiel Parallels in 15x17

Castiel rebelled against Heaven and (through his connection with Dean) came to truly love humanity and the world. Look at this shot of him in 6x20 The Man Who Would be King, on a heart decorated bench surrounded, even in the winter of his doubt, by flowers.

Amara raged against her brother, Chuck, but (through her connection with Dean) she stopped being simply The DarknessTM and came to truly love and appreciate the beauty of the world Chuck had created (when he no longer could): 

We talked, at length, back in S11, about the contrast parallels drawn by the narrative between the forced bond between Amara and Dean in S11 and the profound (chosen) bond between Dean and Cas.

And we also talked, at the beginning of S15 about the new set of parallels being drawn between Cas and Amara.

Amara breaks up with Chuck in Reno in 15x02 Raising Hell (in front of a picture of the Taj Mahal, mausoleum to dead love) because he’s treating her poorly, and only wants to use/ control her, rather than respect her as an equal:

CHUCK: “Amara, we've been all through this. We belong together.”

AMARA: “Yes. Yes, yin, yang, balance of nature. I am willing to coexist with you, brother, in the universe. Just not, you know, anywhere near you.”

CHUCK: “Hey, don't test me. I front the group. You sing backup.”

Cas breaks up with Dean in 15x03 The Rupture because Dean is treating Cas poorly, blaming him for Mary’s (apparent) death (as Cas was the one who brought Jack into their lives etc.):

CASTIEL: “The plan changed, Dean. Something went wrong. You know this. Something always goes wrong.”

DEAN: “Yeah, why does that something always seem to be you?”

CASTIEL: “You used to trust me, give me the benefit of the doubt. Now you can barely look at me. My powers are failing, and -- and I've tried to talk to you, over and over, and you just don't want to hear it. You don't care. I'm... dead to you.”

Eventually, Cas returns to Dean and Dean apologises for his behaviour in Purgatory 2.0, in 15x09 The Trap. But, things are still not truly OK between them. Dean loses faith in Free Will and joins Team Fate, getting down with Billie’s plan to turn Jack into a suicide-bomb to kill God, thus denying that Jack is truly family, which breaks Cas’ heart all over again.

Just as Amara tries to get her brother to accept a true partnership in 15x17 Unity, but he won’t, and still wants to absorb/ control her.

And now, Cas has just had to watch Dean, in 15x17, intent on killing God, apparently dismiss Castiel as unimportant to him (although we know that’s not how Dean really feels). 

Dean has already, at this point, unilaterally, fed Cas’ beloved son, Jack, the final bomb ingredient (Adam’s rib) and, as Cas crouches against the wall shielding his dangerously unwell son, Dean yells at Sam that he is willing to sacrifice everyone to get free of Chuck, including, Castiel is bound to have surmised, himself. 

In 15x17 Amara tells Dean: “We will always help each other”:

but he betrays her. And after that, she agrees to be re-blended with her brother Chuck, apparently, a kind of “suicide” for her, as Chuck “absorbs”  her. Although, I feel certain, as I’ve said in other meta about the episode, that the feminine principle is not truly lost from the narrative, but will return, and Amara will change Chuck from the inside.

The persistent Amara/ Cas parallel in the narrative, however, at this point, gives us insight into what mind-state Castiel may be in, in 15x18 Despair (i.e., like 15x17 betrayed Amara, a self-sacrificial one). 

Castiel told Dean in 15x02 Raising Hell: 

“You asked, what about all of this is real? We are...”

But, Dean couldn’t hear it, couldn’t believe it, so sure that everything in his life had been written by Chuck. Now, although Chuck has confirmed in 15x17 that *this* Castiel was always a wild-card agent of Free Will, is it too late for Dean and Cas to get on the same page about how much they mean to each other? 

Remember when Cas committed the awful sin of breaking the wall in Sam’s mind (Dean’s brother-son) back in 6x22 The Man Who Knew Too Much? 

Now, Dean has committed a similarly awful sin, being willing to sacrifice the life of Castiel’s son, Jack. 

This is the moment of 15x18 Despair, BUT, take heart lovelies, it is not the last moment.  This is a penultimate story beat, not the final story beat. 

NB: Obviously, as far as Chuck is concerned, Sam and Dean mirror Amara and himself (which is why he wants one brother to kill the other, in his preferred ending - playing out his own fratricidal impulses). 

NB also: reading the evidently crafted Amara/ Castiel parallels does not automatically mean the narrative is going to break into a rainbow of obvious romantic/ erotic love, declared between Dean and Cas (although it’s all there in the subtext - and subtext IS part of narrative). Amara and Chuck are God-Twins, siblings and family in overt text. Their coding as lovers is subtextual (like the use of the Taj Mahal painting between them, above). 

#Supernatural #15x17 #Unity #SPN meta #Meta #Amara #Destiel #Still subtext #But subtext IS part of narrative #Narrative Parallels #As above so below #6x20 #The Man Who Would be King #15x02 #Raising Hell #15x03 #The Rupture #6x22 #The Man Who Knew Too Much #15x18 #Despair #Castiel Novak Winchester

[horsegirlneigh]

worst case scenario les mis cast?? (incl. as many minor/swing tracks as you imagine they'd totally bomb)

This is a difficult question because it’s going to be almost impossible to beat the nightmare cast that we’ve only recently endured at the Gielgud concert. But I will try my best.

The year is 2025. We have endured another 3 staged concerts with fantastic actors as 3rd understudies and mediocre urdang graduates as principals. Bradley Jaden is still principal Javert in the west end, he now wears an open poet shirt during his suicide and is dampened with a wet sponge prior to the scene so that it clings nicely to his arms.

The anticipation for the 40th anniversary is great. We daren’t get our hopes up, we’ve been burnt before but someone has heard whispers of a revolve….

That someone lied. The 20065th cash grab concert is announced in a joyless Facebook graphic. Cammack has managed to find a venue even bigger and less suited to such an event than the O2 and he’s holding it there. Tickets start at £470.

Maybe it will be a good cast though. They couldn’t do it again could they? “I don’t have enough money but if they cast JOJ and Earl Carpenter in the leads I’ll have to buy a ticket!!” Tweets one naive fan.

The cast announcement drops one lunchtime and all the air leaves the room.

Its under the cut for suspense. And also because its sooooo long

Jean Valjean: Ramin Karimloo Did you know he was the youngest person to play the phantom on the west end? DId you? Oh you did? Good. Did you also know that he is conventionally attractive? Well you’ll be sure to know this by the time the concert is over because he will be performing the entire thing shirtless. Except for the barricade scenes where he will wear the national guard coat open over his bare chest. He will also add a few lines of profanity because Valjean has had a really hard life which means he would swear a lot...obviously. (Disclaimer: this could be so much worse I know but wait until you read the rest)

Javert: Tim Minchin Fresh from his phenomenal vocal performance in Jesus Christ Superstar, Tim tries his hand at performing the flattest rendition of Stars you have ever heard. Of course the ensemble will be full of phenomenal actors who could have performed this 1000% better but where would be the fun in that?

Fantine: Idina Menzel Who wouldn’t want to hear that cheese grated voice belt every note in I dreamed a dream? Its obviously exactly the casting the fans have been asking for and who is Cammack to deny them?

Cosette: Amara Okereke  Theres just something about having one member of the cast whos actually really good in their role that makes these concerts even more painful and Amara is taking that bullet. At the end the original cast will come out and they will all look at her with knowing smiles and it will be the only think worth watching.

Marius: Tom Fletcher Carrie helped him get the role, age is just a number. Apparently he’s always wanted to play it ever since he was a child. He gives it his all but his voice cracks multiple times and the whole thing is so embarrassing to watch that you miss Nick Jonas.

Eponine: Carrie Hope Fletcher Yeah this is okay casting I don’t hate her in this role but she has to pretend to be in love with her older brother (and puts way too much into it) so its the worst casting ever.

Enjolras: Michael Ball. Apparently this is another role he has always dreamed of playing but was never cast in. Thats because he’s incredibly wrong for it. It doesn’t matter that he’s older than the rest of the cast, he’s Michael Ball.

Thenardier: Ricky Gervais Oh you thought Matt Lucas was bad? You will be begging for him to come back.

Madame Thenardier: Matt Lucas in drag. He’ll make Madame T’s verse in Master of the House take a full 2 minutes and be incredibly sexual. You will want to die.

Gavroche: Eddie Redmayne  He has always wanted to be Gavroche and Cammack decides to let him. He comes out on his knees like lord Farquaad.

Grantaire : Jeremy Jordan

The Bishop of Digne: James Barbour Do I even need to say anything....?

I have put all of my energy into this i don’t think I can bear to think of bad takes for all the remaining tracks. Perhaps I will make a post later. BUT there would be members of the OLC in really minor tracks just as a kick in the teeth to the audience. Eg, Colm Wilkinson as Bamatabois, Rebecca Caine as the Locket Crone. Earl carpenter is also there as “man reading newspaper”.

#IM SORRY #I AM DRAINED NOW

[mattzerella-sticks]

Swallow It Whole (Dean/Cas 1.1k coda to 15x16 “Drag Me (Away From You)”)

Read here on ao3

"The older you get... the less lies make everything better"

But when you've told as many lies as Dean has, it's hard to tell what's true and what's not. How can he remove all the rotten parts of himself without bringing everything down? Which lies have ingrained themselves so firmly, that removing them would change everything about who he was?

And, scariest of them all, who would he be without those lies?

           Dean doesn’t stop him. The fire in Sam’s eyes, tense set of his shoulders – it’s suicide. Anything he said would be met with a sharp tongue that cuts worse than any knife and acid words which will scar indiscriminately. He’s tired anyway. Weighed down by over forty years of waking nightmares, a heavy, iron ball in his stomach. They cut his fuel line, letting it bleed along the road home.

           He climbs out of Baby, once the echoes of Sam’s footfalls lessen considerably. Slinks towards the trunk for his duffel. Sam’s still there, untouched. Forgotten in his anger. Dean leaves it, too. Bag swinging with every step, dangling off his fingers.

           His phone vibrates, chirping with a text. Cas, Have you told…

           Rolling his eyes, Dean offers a curt reply. Dean tries pocketing it again, only his phone starts ringing. He answers immediately, “Cas…”

           “Sam knows?”

           “Yeah,” Dean says, shuffling down the hallway. Darkness ahead and behind, reminding Dean of how empty their home is. Haunted. A chill races up his spine. “He wasn’t too keen on it, either.”

           Cas softly huffs over the line, “I had a feeling.”

           “Yeah, yeah… your feelings.” His imagination recreates the night before. Their last conversation face-to-face. Cas looking soft in such a sad way, that cruelly tempted Dean. Urged his hand forward, like he can force a smile with a simple brush of his thumb. A band-aid on a mortal wound. He almost did it, then. Even now, it twitches at his side. Like he can reach through the phone and touch stubble. “You think it’ll make a difference?” he asks.

           “I hope so.” Cas hums, the sounds of tires rolling on asphalt filling the background. He’s still on the road. “Two heads are better than one.”

           “And three?”

           “…Is that an offer?”

           He wishes it was. Dean enters his room, flicking the light on. Dumps his bag without care and slams the door behind him. Shutting himself off from the rest of the world. “This is the best shot we got,” he tells Cas, “and I doubt you’ll find anything in the next few days that’ll top Billie’s.”

           “We will,” Cas says, “we have to… for Jack.” He pauses, finger on the trigger. Tapping at it, Dean waiting for the blow. “If you… if you tell him that he doesn’t… that this won’t make up for Mary’s death, that might change his mind.”

           It would. Cas mentioned Jack’s motivations, and Billie confirmed it… though Dean held no doubt about that. Dean sat with this truth for longer than he’d like, asking himself in an infinite loop if this can really balance the scales. Each time, the answer remained the same. A loss is a loss, and Dean’s tired of losing. Jack’s death won’t heal her absence. Hadn’t when Chuck smote him, and he doubts it’ll hurt less if Jack returns the favor.

           But then he thinks about the other choices. Losing his son or losing the world.

           Caitlin made a point, that lying won’t make anything better. For other people. Tell yourself enough lies, and you can convince yourself of even the most improbable things. Like how he has room for a few more. “I can’t do that, Cas.”

           When he speaks those words, Cas deflates. Verbally, with a low hiss. Visually, he must mirror how he looked under the Bunker’s dim lighting. Weary, dragged through hell with miles to go. Unraveled and strung out for vultures that circle. His chest slams against his ribcages. Beating a mournful drum, the same cadence with which Cas walked from Dean’s side. Onto a ruinous path he couldn’t follow. How he yearned for it, though.

           “Dean,” Cas starts. Voice trembling, unsure. “you can’t do this for Jack?”

           He’d do everything for him. Switch roles, become the bomb, take Chuck and Amara into the sunset with him. Billie laid the plan out very clearly, any deviation from it would be very painful. His wants… aren’t important. Never were. There’s very little he can control. “No,” he whispers, blinking back tears, “I… I can’t.”

           “Would you do it for me, then?”

           “Cas…” It’s easier repressing these. Especially so without distractions like Cas’s hair, his eyes, the little cleft on his chin and the warmth that constantly radiates from his body. “I can’t.”

           “I see…” The detachment in Cas’s words shouldn’t hurt as much as they do. He can’t ever believe this lie. “Then it’s me and Sam, then? Alone…”

           Possibly. Dean bets his brother skipped past his room, exchanging sleep for the Bunker’s trove of secrets. Like they might hold more than the manifestation of Death, herself. Which… “Billie might pop in,” he warns, “not to help, obviously. She’ll be… making sure the house is in order.”

           Cas chuckles, the noise uncharacteristically grating his ears. “I’ll be ready for Billie.”

           “Will you?”

           “I killed her once.”

           “When she was a reaper,” Dean rubs at his jaw, “promise me you won’t take any unnecessary risks… rock the boat too much.”

           “I can’t do that,” he parrots him, uses Dean’s words against him. One lie for another. “It’s getting late… is there more you’d wish to say or…”

           He can apologize. Cry, tell him how Jack’s sacrifice hurts with the same fury Cas must feel. That they’ve bucked fate before, their family can do it again. How there’s hope the four of them can see this final battle through. A peaceful future exists, where Jack is alive, and Sam isn’t angry with him, and Cas stays. With him. And Dean can finally… he allows… he feels…

           Dean swallows each and every prayer, scowling. “No,” he says, “night.”

           “Goodnight, Dean.”

           Cas drops their call. Dean stays on, listening as the ringer flatlines. Then, when the quiet returns, he remains there. Phone pressed on his cheek, rooted to the spot.

           His stomach lurches, startling him into action. On wobbly legs Dean stumbles towards his bedroom sink, leaning over the porcelain. Gagging on all the mistruths and almost-saids he forced down his throat. Sick from his own bullshit. Tears freely flow down his cheeks while he coughs, choking, fighting himself.

           Dean loses. A simple thing slips through, “I don’t want…” Then, the next. “Jack, he –“ Dean gasps, drool pooling around the drain, “He doesn’t deserve this. Doesn’t need –“ He groans, sweating now, too. Eyes burning, blood vessels popping from the strain. “Cas, I want…” It’s stuck there, chained by years of pressure. Millions of lies – little ones he says easily like a blink. And the larger ones, that required gymnastics to make sense. “Please,” he says, “don’t go where I can’t follow, angel. I can’t lose both of you…”

           He glances at his reflection. Expression sunken, face wrecked from it all. Flashes of Jack, with his eyes burned out. Cas on the ground, wings scorched into the earth.

           Living with so many lies, it’s hard to parse through the truth. Dean knows one.

           His life has never been fair.

#supernatural #spn #spn15 #15x16 drag me (away from you) #dean winchester #castiel #sam winchester #jack kline #billie the reaper #destiel #deancas #supernatural fanfiction #spn fanfic #destiel fanfic #deancas fanfic #destiel coda #angst

[violetfaust]

“My father was an obsessed bastard!”

All that crap he dumped on me…That was his crap.

 He's the one who couldn't protect his family.

 He--He's the one who let Mom die.

 Who wasn't there for Sam.

 I always was!

 He wasn't fair!

 I didn't deserve what he put on me.

And I don't deserve to go to Hell!

Okay, Deano.

Captions, of course, from Dean’s explosion in S3.10, Dream a Little Dream of Me, when he confronts his dream doppelganger, who’s taunted him that John never loved him like he did Sam, raised him only to be a soldier, a “blunt instrument.” We finally saw all the rage and pain that Dean repressed in trying to be a “good son,” one worthy of his father’s love.

This is one of the iconic character-establishing scenes, and the show called it back in both S14, when Cas and Sam are tiptoeing through the trauma tulips of Dean’s mind trying to free him from Michael, and in Cas’s confession in S15. (How did Cas know about the “blunt instrument,” btw? Did he see it in Dean when he remade him after Hell? Or did they--gasp--talk about it?)

And then Dean’s major arc for the last THREE SEASONS of the show is him falling into the EXACT same patterns with Jack that John played out with him, and it’s never paid off.

(This is getting long so more ranting beneath the cut.)

 Dean was able to recognize John’s influence on him way back in S6, when he started playing prison guard and snapping at Ben and Lisa. But somehow he never notices the much more obvious parallels when he’s offloading his traumas onto Jack? Dean’s terrified of the Ma’lak box; he puts Jack in the box. Dean’s anguished that his father only thought of him as a weapon; he’s on board with Jack literally becoming a weapon. As if that’s not bad enough, Jack’s a soul suicide bomb--exactly as Dean was in S11 against Amara.

And Jack is just as heartbreakingly hungry for Dean’s love as Dean was for John’s. Of Jack’s three dads, Cas and Sam are much more caregivers (Cas is Jack’s chosen father, and Sam is essentially his mom), but it’s Dean that Jack wants to model himself on. He’s so, so happy whenever he gets a shred of approval from Dean. “It’s like I’m you!��� when he’s driving the Impala.

Like, OBVIOUSLY all this angst had to be leading somewhere, right? OBVIOUSLY this would eventually click for Dean; he’d make the connection. His love for Jack (which seemed to clearly exist right up until “He’s not family!”) would outweigh all his damage, and he’d be able to break the cycle of abuse so he and Jack could both heal.

RIGHT????????

Instead it seemed he was willing to sacrifice Jack right up until the moment when he knew it wouldn’t work. He never even really apologizes for saying Jack’s not family. And when everything’s over and they’ve defeated Chuck (literally thanks to Jack), Dean just seems to decide to...ignore all that? They’ll all go back to the bunker and go on as before without dealing with anything? (Oh, yeah, and then Dean almost immediately DIED.)

What happened?

#dean winchester #jack kline #supernatural #spn #john winchester's a+ parenting #op #fingers crossed for posting in at least one relevant tag

[shallowseeker]

Love yourself, love your child

I'm going to add the quotes later, and this is SO rambley it probably belongs in @shallowtakes where it can be properly hidden away, but I LOVE my three un-wise men (king, god, and death) as parents and I adore where they go wrong with Jack Kline, because they're all in such in varied states of arrested development due to growing up as child soldiers.

I have a lot of SPN parenting takes like this, so it's a bit of me saying what I always say, but boy is it fun to think about! When I see other posts talking about this, I have to revisit it. I love #spn parenting and I trouble myself with it so often.

///

Because, I mean, Cas didn't protect Jack, not at the end. No one did. He let him eat angel hearts and went along with Death's plan, for starters, using Jack as the primary weapon against God. Cas did that, and Dean was actually a little wary / disapproving of the eating-hearts at first, remember? This is because Cas has a toxic, angelic relationship to destiny, fate, and the cause. He's spinning it like overcoming God is a beautiful, good thing. (And who knows? Maybe it is?) But the point is that, while Cas is not motivated by revenge, per se, the end result IS the same. That's how angels do. They're righteous.

That's Cas in a nutshell, dressing the authoritarian good-king-fallacy-mission up in lovely words and declarations of goodness, but what he's really doing is imposing a new child king onto the holy throne and calling it, "good for the world." Ultimately, that's too much to put on yourself, or anyone, especially your kid. Chuck had similar expectations of Lucifer, remember? With Amara and the mark. It's heavily implied that he thought Lucifer was bright and good enough to withstand that burden!

<Insert Cas and Dean conversation about defeating Chuck, but one is motivated by destiny and the other by revenge; both result in doing terrible things to win the fight>

///

But what does Jack want? He wants:

14x07 (Unhuman Nature), Dean and Jack discuss his dying wished

///

Cas partially comes to his senses when Jack tells him the depth of Billie's plan, but the devastating truth remains that Cas was marshalling him as super-soldier in the first place. It's not until after Jack explodes via rib-bomb that Cas more completely comes to his senses. That is, he gives the wonderful, "we love you for being you," speech, but, like Dean's fretting and care in 15x19, it's technically too late for it. (But wait! The overarching point of SPN is it's never too late. You can start being good any time.)

Anyway, Cas loves Jack dearly, and he tries his best, but he is completely shaped by being an angel, and Jack absorbs the self-hating parts of being an angel, too, I'm sure. Cas woobies humanity and puts it up on a pedestal because of the nature of the devastating moral injuries and disillusionment Cas suffered as Heaven's solder. Cas becomes the dreaded blue-collar soldier loyal to family instead. Still, power and the use of it is this awful phantom specter embedded within Cas and Jack's relationship. "This child must be born with his full power."

<Insert Cas quote about Jack being okay as-is from 15x18>

Cas, like Sam, is genuinely horrified when he finds out about Jack's suicide, and indeed, he goes off to look for another way. But the fact is, prior to being faced with Jack's suicidal plan, he wholly submitted to Jack's BIG DESTINY the same way Dean submitted to REVENGE and Sam propped up INDEPENDENCE.

///

By the eleventh hour, Jack has wholly absorbed the toxic heroism and penance-making of all three of them. There's also quite a lot of self-hatred that goes unsaid, especially after he regains his soul, because he loved Mary. (Mary called Jack Sweetheart. She loved Jack.) But she is heavily implied to choose to use him as weapon in Game Night.

<Game Night quote about Mary choosing to use Jack to defeat Nick, despite the danger, "even if she knew...she'd still do it">

This is due to all of them being shaped by constant, neverending war their entire lives. :(

///

While Sam verbally disagrees with Jack wanting to sacrifice himself, Sam values INDEPENDENCE so much that he doesn't fully step in to block the move, until it's too late and Jack is already in countdown mode. He won't override Jack's autonomy to protect him (even though arguably, THIS is a lot of what parenting and family support is: trying to walk that line of independence vs safety).

<Sam quote from 15x17 about sacrificing yourself being wrong>

///

Season 15 is beautiful in some ways because it showcases all of their individual neuroses wrapped into one. They all over-prioritize the mission, and heartbreakingly, maybe they have to in order to stay alive / on-the-air. (Audience are the monsters demanding sacrifice, perhaps.)

Dean treats Jack like Dean often treats himself, as a weapon to complete revenge. He allows Jack to go off and be a bomb (Amara-callback; no one stopped Dean then; he brutally dissociates Jack from the concept of family in order to do it because unlike Sam and Cas, Dean can't as easily allow familial sacrifice; so, Jack becomes weapon).

Cas wants Jack to rise up and meet his destiny and become the new God (that bit's implied, but wrapped in pretty "good-for-the-world" language). Cas has said of himself, "I overestimated my own (military) importance" and he does the same to Jack. Jack is going to be the merciful, purely-good human-angel-god that Cas could never be. Jack can withstand the corrupting forces of power because he's good.

Sam is overall a very safe role model, even if he at times expects to "mold" Jack (13x01) and laments that "Jack is who he is, not who Sam wants him to be" (14x20). Sam also falls prey to the "I and I alone can fix this," mistake that is somewhat penultimate to SPN, except that he applies it to Jack, with "You're the only one who can (defeat Chuck)." Ultimately, in 14x17, Sam over-prioritizes independence at the expense of safety, verbally disagreeing but ultimately allowing Jack to do the heroic sacrifice; Sam is thus also treating Jack like he treats himself.

THESIS: The tragedy of it all is...they love their son as they love themselves; that is, HOW they love Jack reflects their individual FAILURE to love themselves as they are.

#spn parenting #anyway it's not so much about stereotypes #cas is kind #dean is a caretaker who feeds jack and soothes his nightmares and shares his music #sam is a confidante #but they all make critical mistakes #sam and dean were going to put jack in a box #the very same episode cas reaches for the exact same solution #it's a glorious mess #and it's true cas protects jack at critical moments #but he puts the weight of the friggin universe of his shoulders like it's some birthright and devastatingly maybe it IS #it's also about the terrible circumstances that chuck has groomed them into accepting and is actively pushing them into

[wendibird]

SPN 15X17 Observations

Well, watching this week went pretty smoothly (and I was actually able to get my little bluetooth keyboard thing to talk to my tablet so I was able to watch on my big TV screen and type up notes fairly easily. :) 

And just to clarify, sometimes my notes as I took them were VERY brief, and in some cases I’ve gone back and added in a few details or explanations to make clear what I meant by what at the time. 

I’ve also come to the conclusion that I don’t always remember to take notes, especially if Important Things are happening. (Do people even like the notes section? Or would you just prefer reading my odd takes on everything after the fact?) 

Anyway, here’s what I have for 15X17 “Unity”. Well, I do have more thoughts drifting around, but I’m always concerned that I’m going on too long as it is. *LOL*  (Under the cut for length and spoiler aversion)

Okay, going in I’ve heard rumors that this is a “Sam Heavy” episode, so we’ll see. *fingers crossed* 

- wow, is Chuck starting in on this world already?

- Silent treatment.

- I wonder if she’s guessed.

- fuck you Dean!

(but I’m not surprised. it just confirms what I’d already suspected about how Dean really feels about Jack.)

Commercial Thoughts:

Yeah, so, I’m firmly in Sam and Cas’ camp here. Jack may not be family to Dean, but he is to them. He’s their Son. 

I also think that though he hasn’t talked about it, Sam regrets his part in the Drama Coffin plan involving Jack last season. Think it’s one of those cases where he realized too late he was on the wrong side, and he doesn’t want to be there again.

As for Dean… I get that he wants to see the people he cares most about make it out of this. (Sam and Cas.) And I get he’s doing the tunnel vision thing. I think he knows that Sam’s right but he won’t let himself admit it.

- Wow….. The fanangels are kinda creepy.

- They’ve lost all their nuance with Chuck. Or my theory is right and Chuck has actually shifted darkside.

- Oh wow…. Amara is really going to bat here.

Commercial Thoughts:

Still not sure how much she’s (Amara) really guessed. She’s acting as though the whole “trapping him” idea is still a go, but what she’d said to Dean, as pointedly as she did, it seemed like maybe she suspected what was really going on and was still trying to give him the option to go a different way.

And even if this is Chuck having shifted dark, it could still be written with more nuance than this crappy villain schtick.

I mean, even in S11 when he’s all but given up on humanity and existence and was going to let Amara win, it was written with there being a depth to him about it.

- Don’t know if Dean’s trying to convince himself that he doesn’t care as deeply to make this easier or what.

- HOw is ADAM still alive?! And she’s an angel?

- Interesting behavior for an angel. *LOL*

- “Then he moved on to our sons.” Hints of Cain and Abel?

- Okay, so the angel kept him alive. (Sure, I can buy that.) 

- Pretty Crystals!

- He’s (Dean) heard those lines before. And Dean’s feeling uneasy about it.

- Amethyst! (Sorry, always had a thing for Amethyst and it’s my birthstone)

- (oh, okay, all of them)

- Ewww….. Open heart surgery

- Rib!

- Dean doesn’t like being rail-roaded.

- Talk time.

- I don’t like this…… (Jack using the rib and starting the suicide-bomb process.) 

Commercial Thoughts:

Okay, so, what Dean said, I’m glad he said it. And I have been getting hints of that feeling from him the whole season, about feeling disconnected because of what they found out about Chuck and their lives. I just… I still think he’s willfully blinding himself to what’s really going on. That even this version of “Free Will” is a script that he’s following. (Well, I think he’s starting to have misgivings about that.)

- Uh-oh! Ideas! 

- I love two researching nerds!

- Were we supposed to understand the Latin? *LOL* I caught “Mortem” in there a few times.

- Yey door!

- “your internal compass is functioning perfectly”

- I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!!

- Who dat?

- Dead someone or other

- W section.

- Reapers maybe?

- Who’s thinning the ranks?

- Empty!Meg!

- Sam is good! (At bluffing the hell out of an ancient cosmic being.) 

- IT’S A LITTLE LATE TO STOP IT!!!!

Commercial Thoughts:

*FREAKING OUT!!!*

Jack already started it! OG!Adam said that once started the reaction couldn’t be stopped.

Okay, deeper thoughts. Everyone’s playing chess. Still. The game is just bigger.

OG!Adam wants God dead because of stuff that happened. And Billy is following his plan? (Did I get that right?) The plan will make Billy the next God. (Not surprised there honestly.) Her world will be a lot more “orderly” no doubt.

The Empty just wants to sleep. (Honestly, can relate.) 

But everyone’s just using them all as gamepieces again. Dean’s getting that feel from things OG!Adam and Whatserfaceangel said. Sam knows now too. They’re still stuck in someone else’s story. They’re still not gaining true “Free Will”. I’m hoping that the route they take will actually get them off this train track.

- DUDE - WHAT (was in reference to Dean pulling a gun on Sam)

- Go Sam! He’s not letting this one go. (Referring to my feelings on Sam feeling bad about Jack and the Drama Coffin thing from way before, and him NOT settling for Dean’s plan this time, him sticking to his guns and saying what he feels and taking action.) 

- Chuck played her (Amara) too.

- Not again! (Oh Jack, will this forever be your fate?)

- FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!

Holy shit! That episode!

Okay, it actually did a good job of wrapping up a lot of ideas. Like, big-picture ideas that have been themes throughout the run of the show. 

Also, apparently this was the only world where Cas and the Winchesters broke the mold? Didn’t play by their roles?

Also, minor point but it made me happy: Chuck pointed out how it’s Sam who needed to find things out. Sam who kept digging. I made mention of it last episode how Billy kept going to Dean, because he was easier for her to manipulate. But Sam asks more questions. I think part of it is what Cas said about his internal compass. I think another part is his experiences. He’s been the brunt of the cosmic plot-lines a LOT of the time. So he does keep asking questions because of all the times he hadn’t and things went badly. (Like end of S4 with killing Lilith.) 

And let me be clear, it’s not that I think Dean is dumb. He isn’t. And he and Sam both make decisions a lot based on their feelings. (Sometimes it’s all you have to go on.) But he’s shown a tendency in the past several years especially to be more likely to make them based on anger. And he doesn’t get called on it often. And I don’t know if this is TOO meta (is that even a thing with this show anymore? *LMAO*) but I feel like part of that is written into the script. Of their world. Even when Dean’s wrong he’s often proven “right” by the narrative. He very rarely is made to face up to his mistakes. (Not saying he never is. But it definitely doesn’t seem to happen as often.) And I’m wondering, is that because up till now, he was Chuck’s favorite? We saw that Chuck can manipulate a LOT of things. And events, and even some people. 

How often have we noticed and commented on how the Narrative backs Dean up so much of the time, even when he might be in the wrong? Or even just questionable? Or morally grey? How much of that is possibly now supposed to be due to Chuck’s meddling? Because I’ve also seen it mentioned (and have also noticed) that although Sam winds up the “wrong one” a lot via the narrative, he’s actually HAD to learn and grow because of that. But because Dean is rarely shown as wrong, he hasn’t had to, and his character has stagnated a lot in the last several seasons. Of course, in reality, that’s due to the writing/show-running/powers-that-be making those decisions, but in-show could it possibly be something to do with Chuck? Maybe at first because he liked Dean more? But as time grew on, and he kept trying to set up his Cain and Abel plot with them, maybe it was to reinforce Dean’s self-image that he’s Right? 

And also by contrast, we had the end of last season where so many of Sam’s decisions which had been made with best intentions and best information/resources at the time wound up blowing-up in his face. As if to say "Ha-HAH! That's what you get for thinking you could lead people! That's what you get for thinking you could save Jack! That's what you get for thinking someone like Nick could be redeemed! That's what you get for talking your brother out of the Drama-Coffin plan!" It felt like it was specifically intended to make him severely doubt his own judgement. And it worked. After all that shit went down, one thing after another, culminating with their mother's death, he didn't trust himself. He didn't believe in himself. So he put all his trust in Dean. And Dean was full of RAGE. (I don't blame him. His Mom has been a keystone of his life, even when she wasn't there.) But Sam didn't give the objections he normally would have to Dean's plan to box-up Jack. Even though it was CLEAR how much he didn't like it. How wrong it felt to him.

Basically, what I’m trying to say is, I think Chuck has been nudging and manipulating a LOT of things in order to get the Winchesters to behave how he wants them to. 

IDK. My head is hurting from some of these meta thoughts. *LOL*

SO! Back to what happened in the actual episode.

I thought the format was interesting, focusing in on the different POV characters for their spans of the story until it all came together. (Wondering if this is going to continue into the next episode…) 

I liked that we got a lot of reveals about what is (possibly) really going on, in regards to the grand schemas. Because there are several at play here. But now we're at least getting glimpses of them. 

Even though we didn't see Billy, I thought the reveal about her plans were interesting, but definitely fit with her character as established so far. I know a lot of people are saying she's gotten drunk with her power or she's "turning evil" but I don't think that's the case. It's true that she hasn't told them everything about her plans, but that's because she's also using them as pieces in her game. But her goal is the same as it's always been since we first met her. She has ALWAYS been about the Natural Order. She never liked how the Winchesters (or anyone else) flaunted death again and again. So once she's in charge? Everyone and everything goes where they belong. The demons stay in hell, the angels stay in heaven, souls go where they're meant to, people from other universes go back (even if there's no universe to go back TO. Tough shit, they'd be dead anyway according to her) and those who have already died and been resurrected? They go back to wherever they should be. (At least, I THINK that was the implication made, with Sam asking Dean if he'd be willing to trade HIM to take-out Chuck. Sam was definitely realizing a LOT when Empty!Meg told him what Billy's plan was.) 

This isn't her turning Evil like has been done with Chuck. It's more, her becoming a more extreme version of what she already was. When she got her promotion, she found out a LOT more things. Including this option of events for taking Chuck out and putting things back to how they belong. And it even started with Dean's aborted Drama Coffin plan. Which eventually fails, because Sam, but it then leads to Jack sacrificing his soul to take out AU Michael, which eventually leads to Mary's Death and Chuck's opportunity to manipulate things more and so on and so forth until we wind up here. 

(Also, just wanna say, absolutely LOVED Rachel as the Empty again!) 

And also, having just watched that scene again, can I just say again how awesome Sam is? He straight-up told the Empty that even if he WAS lying, their best bet is to let him go with the book. And it couldn't really argue with that because he was right! (Well, if it had killed him then and there, Dean probably wouldn't have known right away and probably would have been able to carry out the plan. So there is that. Buuuuut none of them knew that either at the time.) 

And in general, I love how Sam just would NOT give up. This is the Sam Winchester I've come to love. He could feel in his bones that this plan was wrong so he was doing everything he could to not only stop it, but to find some other way to get what they truly wanted. 

I also loved his and Cas' interactions. They were supportive of each other and both were trying to find a way to save their son. (Dean has officially forfeited his Dad-Card in my book. Hell, in his book too.) Also, I remember hearing someone from production, or who was maybe on set or something mentioning something about the Holy Grail in this episode? Well, in that scene where Sam and Cas are looking through those old crates and trunks and boxes, when Cas finds the key Sam is holding this really old looking chalice. Wonder if that's supposed to be what that is. *LOL* I mean, the Spear of Destiny (or at least, the head of the spear) was there in the Bunker, so why not I guess? *LOL*

We didn't get a lot of Sam and Jack interaction, but I liked what little we had. Sam made it clear to Jack that he wants to save him. (I'm really hoping we get SOMETHING more of them in the next episode or two but... yeah. Not a lot of time left.) 

I could go on for some length about my feelings on Dean and how he's been this season. But I don't want this to turn into a fully anti-Dean rant. I will say though that I'd definitely gotten the impression before this that Dean has different categories of people he cares about, and in his mind, he also has them ranked according to how expendable they are. And I'm not just talking about Jack here, though he is a major part of it. But at the end of the episode when he and Sam are having it out, Dean says he's basically willing to sacrifice EVERYONE to get what he wants. 

(I don't think he's actually willing to sacrifice Sam for it though. And yes, I know, he was waving a gun in Sam's face. But I don't believe for a moment he had any intention of killing his brother. Not when Sam asking point blanc if Dean is willing to trade him for killing Chuck, and that seems to be what causes Dean to start listening to what Sam's saying. Also, in the past, Dean hasn't been above threatening people to get what he wants. Like with Kaia. Also in S8's "Trail and Error" when he and Sam were talking about taking out the hellhound, Dean pretty much said if Sam even tries to get close to it, Dean would shoot him in the leg. Now, we never got to see if he actually would have or not, but regardless, it was a case of Dean being willing to hurt Sam a little in order to protect him from something he saw as a bigger threat. In that case it had been taking on the trials. In this case, it would have been to win their shot at freedom. At least in Dean's mind. Not saying I approve! Just, I think that's where his mindset was.) 

And this is a far cry from the Dean who, just a few years ago was willing to be a kamikaze bomb in order to save the world. And yes, Dean has mentioned "Saving the world" this season too. And I'm sure he means that too. But when he was at his most emotional, what he was talking about wasn't saving the world and everyone in it. It was freeing him and Sam from being Chuck's entertainment. And he's willing to sacrifice nearly anyone to accomplish that. At least, he was up til now. I hope that they're going to give him a change of heart before the end because I really REALLY would like the show to end with me not despising Dean and what he's become. Yes, I'm a Sam-girl, but I do care about Dean too. 

Also, I feel bad for Amara and what wound up happening with her. Like many other characters, she fell victim to Chuck's manipulations, and now I'm guessing he's even stronger than before. But also, Chuck wasn't the only one manipulating her. And maybe if they, (Dean especially, since she had a soft-spot for him) had actually been trying to find another way earlier, she wouldn't have fallen to despair when finding out the truth. 

Aaaaaanyway, I think I've rambled enough about this episode as it is. Thank you to whoever actually bothers to read all of this. *LOL*

#spn 15x17 spoilers #spn season 15 spoilers #episode review #my thoughts #tangents: i tend to live in them #sam winchester #dean winchester #castiel #jack kline #the darkness/amara #god/chuck #i think your internal compass is functioning perfectly #sam is jack's dad #castiel is jack's dad

[yeahidontgohere]

Too many thoughts on SPN 15x17, “Unity”

Welp, I don’t usually do this, but this episode was so great and packed with so many good parallels and callbacks I couldn’t help it! Meredith Glynn is such a great writer. So, let’s begin. Lots of spoilers under the cut.

The first scene opens up to Amara living life to the fullest in an Icelandic hot spring (I’ve been to some in Iceland and would 10/10 recommend – don’t bother with the Blue Lagoon, though). My eyes were immediately drawn to the super recognizable cover of Murakami’s “Norwegian Wood”. Now, I haven’t read this book since, like, high school (now realizing that was a DECADE ago), but I do remember the general plot and themes of the story (I should really reread that again, it’s a good book). Basically, the story is recalled by our narrator and protagonist Watanabe at a later point in his life as he is reminded of a time of life when the Beatles’ song “Norwegian Wood” plays. I don’t want to spoil the whole book, but basically it is a coming of age story that is steeped in themes of regret, sex, love, and death (among others, it really is a literary treasure trove!). Skip the next paragraph if you don’t want “Norwegian Wood” spoilers.

In short: Watanabe’s best friend from high school commits suicide which haunts him and his friend’s girlfriend, Naoki, for the rest of their lives. Watanabe and Naoki become close and romantically involved, but she leaves for a sanitorium. Watanabe wants to be with Naoki despite her telling him that she doesn’t think she can love anymore (she described herself and her high school boyfriend as soulmates). Watanabe later meets Naoki’s opposite, Midori, a lively girl who Watanabe grows close to and is also interested in. Watanabe essentially doesn’t move forward as he is waiting on Naoki while having Midori waiting on him. At the end of the story, it is revealed that it has always been Midori and he realizes he wants to be with her.

I thought that this was an EXCELLENT pick for Amara to be reading. It really sums of a lot of surface and not-so-surface level themes in Supernatural. Wondering if there is a parallel between Dean and Watanabe about sort of idealizing a life (with someone) that isn’t meant to be while ignoring love in front of you? Would love to hear all of your thoughts.

Moving on (I’m skipping through parts of the episode to just focus on some key observations)! Amara tries to convince Chuck to fight on behalf of this world and wants to show him some of his creations. So, she brings him to Heaven to see his ‘first children’ (i.e., angels). She also refers to angels as having prefect angelic devotion which immediately made me laugh because our fave angel Cas is really devoted to Dean humanity and not Chuck. Ahh! This whole episode just kept pointing out how special Cas is.

And then, callback after callback began. Amara brings Chuck to the bunker so Chuck says, “Is this a trap?” which made me think of episode 9 (“The Trap” by Berens). This was almost immediately followed by another callback when Chuck says, “You can’t hold me here forever,” to which Amara replies, “I can hold you long enough.” Um, Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets (12x10, Yockey), anyone?

Ishim: “You can’t hold me here forever.” … Lily’s powers are wearing off as Ishim approaches her until Cas stabs Ishim in the back with his angel blade. Cas: “You held him for long enough.”

Like, COME ON! Almost verbatim.

Skipping forward to Dean and Jack’s adventure to visit my favorite hippies, Adam and Serafina (like seriously, they were fantastic characters!). Adam refers to himself as, “…first dude off of the assembly line,” which is similar language that has been used to referring to angels in the past (again, invoking Castiel?)

Then Dean assumes the woman is Eve but they both just shake their heads and chuckle, “I’m Serafina,” I’m definitely not the first one to point this out but… the First Man being in a near-lifelong romantic relationship with an angel named Seraph Serafina?! Uh, yeah, ‘nuff said.

Serafina also mentions that she saw Jack when she and Adam were, “…sipping mushroom tea on the Hanging Gardens of Babylon,” which made me wonder if there was some sort of connection with Glynn’s season 14 episode, “Byzantium” (14x08), which is the episode Cas makes his deal with the Empty. Babylon was a fortress of the Byzantine empire (not going to lie, my historical knowledge about the Byzantine empire is preeeeetty limited).  

I also loved the whole speech by Serafina to Dean: “I mean, just think of everything that has had to happen to get Jack to this place, to this moment. Baby, it was meant to be,” Dean, of course, is upset by this because he is probably thinking that this was all basically predestined, and he has had no free will. However, he just needs to wait a little while longer until Chuck tells him to his face that he has never been able to control Cas since he laid his hand on Dean saving him from Hell.

Serafina also heals Adam’s wound and it is, of course, super reminiscent of Cas healing Dean (although, even Serafina doesn’t directly touch Adam when healing him – it’s, once again, unique to Castiel). Obligatory hand squeal: HANDS!!!! Wow, they are not even trying to be subtle about the whole hands thing. It is so IN YOUR FACE begging for the audience to notice it.

Adam then mentions how much power is in his rib: “But this puppy? Is packing enough punch to create LIFE. Or, in your case, destroy God.” Well, at this point I think we can all be pretty certain that in the end it will NOT be used to destroy God, so will it instead be used for creation? Excited to see how they defuse Jack’s supernova bomb next episode.

Rounding off Dean’s vignette is a heartbreaking scene with him and Jack in the Impala. Dean says, “I don’t know how to explain it. When I learned about Chuck, it was like – it’s like I wasn’t alive. Not really. You know, like, my whole life I’ve never been free. But like, really free. But now, me and Sam, we got a shot at living a life…But now we have a chance. And that’s because of you.” Again, this is before Dean learns that Cas’ actions were made of his own free will, and from the sounds of it, Dean’s connection to Amara as well. I also immediately wondered if Jack bringing Dean some sense of freedom was what Cas saw when Jack showed him “paradise”.

Moving on to Sam’s vignette: Sam remembers that Sergei mentioned the Key of Death was in the bunker (how did he remember this, wasn’t he unconscious at the time? A little disappointed Cas didn’t get to provide that little fact but I’m also glad that Sam actually served a purpose this episode and was a bit more front and center). They find the Key of Death and there is an inscription in Latin on the box:

Viator mortalis, cave, quoniam scias Clavem Mortis pensare graviter. Il tamen desideres ut introeas illum abyssum obscurissimum artis opus est tibi porta.

Okay, fair warning: I took Latin for 4 years but it has been awhile so my translation is super not perfect, but I figured I would take a stab at it because the subtitles were wrong at times and Google translate is not perfect. I translated it as something like this:

Mortal traveler, beware, because you know the Key of Death should be considered seriously. However, if you want to enter the darkest abyss, this work of art is the gate/door.

Honestly, there were a few words that I couldn’t find the right conjugations to and I know this isn’t 100% accurate, but it gives you the gist.

Sam then visits Death’s library and finds the Empty there, killing people (?) to get in touch with Death, whom they hasn’t been trusting as of late. We learn that Death’s plan is to assume the role of New God and restore the world back to order, bring back rules. The Empty is wary because they don’t know if they can trust the promise of being able to go back to sleep. Trust issues, the Empty says, because of “your busted-ass friend in the trench coat,” another subtle-not-so-subtle mention of Cas. But why, exactly, did Cas give the Empty ‘trust issues’? Was it because he woke up in the first place? Because he has ‘traipsed in and out’ of the Empty without dying?

We also learn that only Billie can read Chuck’s Death book, and, this may be a crack idea but… maybe Cas should be able to read the book because he was the one that killed Billie and made her Death in the first place? Seems like Cas might have a connection to Billie. It would be cool if Cas were the one to read Chuck’s book.

Finally, we learn a bit more about the Empty, and how they can’t go to Earth unless summoned. Hmm…

Flash forward to Amara and Chuck in the bunker. Amara tells Chuck, “It’s not too late, brother,” and, if you’re like me, you finished that sentence with “it’s never too late (to start all over again)”. So many great Destiel songs out there, but “Never Too Late” takes the cake for me.

Amara and Chuck decide to become one, become ultimate balance. Chuck extends his hand and Amara grasps it as she is absorbed into Chuck. I don’t even know if I really need to say this, but… HANDS! (Destiel is already canon to me but if the show is going to make it more explicitly canon for the audience, it’s going to be through hands as I know people have been shouting about for several seasons now).  

To finish, let’s talk about that kick-ass scene with TFW 2.0 at the end of the episode. We find out that Chuck’s real ending is to have Dean regress and give in to rage and kill everything he loves, probably ultimately leading to his own death. Woof, what a tragic ending (tragedy ≠ good ending). So, we’ve got to subvert that which Dean does after a heartfelt plea from Sam (“You would trade me?”). I enjoyed how much Dean looked back at Cas during this exchange, especially after Sam tells Dean that Eileen will die again. The parallels, the connection.

Honestly, I’m not sure why Cas and Jack were in that scene other than to have some meaningful glances exchanged between Cas and Dean and because TFW2.0 is together in the next scene. But… whatever, more Cas so I liked it.

And finally, the scene that had me shaking with VINDICATION.

Cas to Chuck: “What, you consumed your sister?” Chuck: “We came to an understanding, so spare me your contempt Castiel, the self-hating angel of Thursday. You know what every other version of you did after ‘gripping him tight and raising him from perdition’? They did what they were told. But not you. Not the ‘one off the line with a crack in his chassis’” (Cas looks back at Dean after a moment)

Okay, so let’s break this exchange down. So much satisfaction with just a few sentences. Bravo, Ms. Glynn.

“We came to an understanding.” Didn’t Michael and Adam say the same thing after they decided to share equally in their bond and vessel? Callback #1.

“…self-hating angel of Thursday.” Ahh, it’s been so long since we got mention that Cas is the angel of Thursday. The last time was, what, when Crowley says it to Cas back in season 6? By the way, it was totally meant to be that Supernatural will finish off the series on a Thursday. Callback #2 (ish).

“You know what every other version of you did after ‘gripping him tight and raising him from perdition’?” This is the second time the show has repeated Cas’ first line to Dean near-verbatim in two seasons. You know, just in case the audience forgot Dean and Cas’ infamous first meeting (which I am like 99% sure we are going to get hella callbacks to next episode). Callback #3.

“They did what they were told. But not you. Not the ‘one off the line with a crack in his chassis.’” Again, Chuck is closely paraphrasing what Naomi said about Cas in season 8:

8x21 “The Great Escapist” – Naomi: “You're the famous spanner in the works. Honestly, I think you came off the line with a crack in your chassis. You have never done what you were told. Not completely. You don't even die right, do you?”

Callback #4. Seriously, Glynn packed four callbacks into such a short time period. Wizard.

My only *criticism* of this final scene is that Dean and Cas didn’t seem to react too much to Chuck’s news about Cas always having free will (although, I think Cas already knew this, but it is news and confirmation to Dean!). I highly suspect that will come next week, though. I’m SO excited (and also terrified) for next week. We are definitely going to be getting a lot of Cas next episode. Misha, in an interview, mentioned that we would get Cas’ ‘chapter’ in 18, and I’m wondering if this will be the true Cas-centric episode? I don’t know, maybe the Cas-centric episode was “Gimme Shelter” but I was expecting more of a “The Man Who Would Be King” kind of Cas-centric episode.  

All in all, 10/10. I keep reading and seeing things that are galaxy braining me, so it has been super fun reading all the meta and reactions to this episode.

Three episodes left. Get your tissues ready for Cas’ death (oops, is this even a spoiler at this point?) next episode. And remember, “Nothing ever really ends,” and “The end has no end,”

#spn #spn 15 #spn spoilers #spn 15 spoilers #spn 15x17 #15x17 #Unity #Meredith Glynn #Destiel #Deancas #hands #meta #maybe? #spn meta #meta or just random thoughts and reactions #awesome episode #profound bond #castiel is key #supernatural

[bre95611]

HI! I’m finally rewatching 15x17 so I’m doing an in-depth(ish?) super stoned commentary! Hooray!

Before I get into it, I just really have to say, god I love this season so so so much. The writing has just been beautiful, and it has me EMOTIONAL af. Anyway. Here we go!

I always like looking at the Then/Now scenes. I feel they can ring some really important storywide context to the show. A great example of this is the Pizza Man montage. This episode it starts with the conversation from a  few episodes back with Dean and Sam discussing Jack killing God.

I’ve found the Dean/Amara relationship very interesting. After how it was played up in the 15x15 Gimme Shelter, always from Dean’s perspective in a joking manner. I believe it was @verobatto-angelxhunter that discussed the Big Married Energy it gave off, Dean teasing Castiel about a woman from his past. Season 11, as the beginning of the Dabb era, has been calling my name for a rewatch lately, especially with Amara being brought back. Its always been established that the connection Dean and Amara have was not something Dean liked. It wasn’t actual attraction. I’ll talk more about this later.

I have made some random posts here and there talking about the symmetry in endings between Season 11 and Season 15, I will also dig into this more later.

Saw a post about the amount of times “world” is said, want to keep track of that. I know there is a heavy Destiel attachment, and the second time it is said is during the Then sequence, Chuck’s dialogue from the episode with the tvs, talking about how its time to clear the board. (Want to look into Chess mentions this season, maybe even Dabb era as a whole? Because obviously there’s been a game going on at the cosmic level for quite some time). It doesn’t show the scene where Dean and Cas in the kitchen comes up on the tv where Chuck calls them “the world”. but it does have that section of dialogue as t screens are being shown, bringing that to mind.

Then we have Meg 2.0 as The Shadow, Cas is confused why he is being harmed since they’re on the same side. The Shadow makes their loyalty known. Keep this in mind. Will touch on this later as well.

Shit this is a lot for the episode not even starting yet. Below the cut for more!

God Amara is a QUEEN and I love her SO MUCH.

Sam tells Cas to “just get home” cause the Bunker is his FUCKING HOME

One thing I’ve seen brought up a lot is how Dean is always very action focused. Solve the problem at hand, “cross that bridge when we get to it” type of mentality. His plans always revolve around that. Cas and Sam are always very focused on there being another way, how there is always another way, especially when one oftheir lives are at stake. Sam calls him out. Sam wouldn’t care if Dean was saying that all the time if it were actually true, wouldn’t wonder if he ever got tired of saying it if they did only ever have one choice. TFW always subverts the problem at hand. Last season, their only shot of beating Michael was the Malak Box. Season 11 was soul bomb Dean, 13 was Dean saying yes to Michael. Ya’ll see a theme yet? Dean loves to sacrifice himself. Sam’s done the same exact thing, closing the Hell gates, letting out Lucifer. Cas’s whole thing in Season 6? They’ve all done the same things. over and over. Hamster wheel. Think of what made all those endings obsolete? What made them find another way, huh?

Fuck that paragraph went somewhere I wasn’t originally taking it, but still a good take IMHO. 

I’m loving the SUITS!

I really hope that Amara is not gone. I know I’ve seen some stuff that talks about why that has to have been her last episode, but whatever. Imma still dream. And I really might have to just write a fix-it fic after the finale about Aunt Amara and Jack hanging out. 

I just noticed world again (Dean to Amara: saving the whole world’s ass)

“You and I will always help each other.” That look on Dean’s face when she said that. Not  the face of someone enjoying being flirted with by and “ex-flame” or whatever the hell

Saw a post about the generational family story that was being told (I believe it was @occamshipper) that basically has Sam is to Jack as Dean was to Sam growing up (Dean is John and Cas is Mary, super awesome read, will try to find and link in a bit). This whole family arc is about breaking the toxic circle, being a better parent than your parents, found family kinda things. So how has Dean reacted to Sam in these situations? Most recently, I think, is season 8, with the Trials. Sam was sacrificing himself, he knew that, he was okay with it. Sam was suicidal by the end of it, and Dean does what he normally does with Sam and keeps him from finishing the trials, and season 9 starts with Dean completely taking away his autonomy again, allowing Gadreel to possess him. Dean was angry, he was disappointed, he acted like Dean, and that is the kind of treatment he gets from his “big brother” father figure. But Sam breaks through his treatment, tells Jack he is brave and validates him, and doesn’t try and take away his FREE WILL.

Sam continues the path he started on when he told Dean to stop as he continuously made excuses/explained why he had kept things from Sam about Jack. He grows!! I love to see it!! He does NOT give up his FREE WILL. Guys I’m loving it. These boys are actively making HARD decisions and we are seeing growth in real time. TFW in every form has...not really lived up to its name? Sure, the world gets free will, but the boys never do. And not just in situations like they’re told they can’t do something. I’m talking constant violations of each other’s bodily autonomy. Dean all the time with Sam, Cas when he takes down the Hell wall from Sam’s mind, honestly....mostly its Sam having it violated. But the other guys have to stop fucking with it. They all need a variation. Dean needs the Free Will to stop being his father’s soldier, to live his true non performative life. Cas needs to be free of his self doubt. Permission to be happy, not happy in and of itself. Jack needs Free Will to be a fucking toddler.....

Sam SEES it dude, he knows something isn’t right, and he’s the one that figured it out like, every other time this season, too. Jesus. Dean is so desparately caught up in wanting to get the hell OUT of the hamster wheel, he’s too blind to see how deep into it he is. The first plan ANYONE gives him, he goes with it. He’s literally followed Billie’s plan because of one of her books before, and what happened? Cas and Sam brought him back from sacrificing himself. 

I’ve really enjoyed how much Sam and Dean are fighting, honestly. Like, my spec for a while now has been that the brothers are going their seperate ways at the end of all this, the only way to satisfyingly bring an impactful end to their toxic codependency that they’ve been chipping away at for the last few seasons.

Guys I’m suuuuuuuper baked,

Dean says “Someone’s gotta be the grownup here” talking to Sam about taking Jack to do the final ritual. Dean is fully his father, talking to the “older brother” Sam protecting the “special child” Jack. Dean is not  breaking the cycle established by his father, going mad with rage over his circumstances

Jesus Christ the LOOK ON SAM’S FACE when Dean says Jack’s not family. I’m dead. He looks so broken.

That line though is.....hm. All through season 14 and 15, its been established that Jack is family, their kid. When Lily Sunder comes back to help get his soul, Dean makes comments about not making them go through what she did with her daughter, and again to Belphegor in 15 when asked who he was (after a fight between Dean and Cas no less, calls him “our kid”). So this is how far Dean has spiralled? This is how he is choosing to try and deal with knowing Jack will die? Denial of his importance?

“He’s not like you. He’s not like Cas.” Dean feels he holds a different relationship with Cas than he does with Sam. Just...sayin....

Jared’s acting is......truly just phnomenal.

Man, i feel like the music is off? and it makes me think its intentional, cause Becky says something about how there’s no classic rock? So foreshadowing? nah.

This really does feel like....the last real Sam and Cas interaction. It is heart breaking really.

Alright, I’m posting this now......cause I literally just got to the first commercial break.... So 

This is pt 1 I guess.

#spn 15x17 spoilers #spn 15 spoilers #spn spec #spn meta #my meta #my spec

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. LXIX

It was a love story from the very beginning.

I Want You Back (Part II)

(11x16b/11x17)

Hello there! Finally finishing the second part of this meta.

It will focus on the parallel between the entity from the 'Safe House' episode and Amara it’s suggesting. Afterwards we will talk about one of the episodes that were discussed more controversially among us Destiel shippers, I'm talking about 'Red Meat',  and I will show you step by step that it is, indeed, a very Destiel one.

Thanks to @destielle for beta-ing this one! She's amazing. Thank you girl! 😘💝

Soul Eater

Let's talk about that haunting parallel I just mentioned.

If you check episode 11x16, there is this entity from that house that ate souls. 

RUFUS: A Soul Eater? What the hell is that?

BOBBY: Undead creature that feeds on souls. Hence the name. They exist in a place between our world and… another. Soul Eater moves into a house, and once it does, it makes what the lore refers to as a ‘nest’.

RUFUS: A place that exists outside of time and space.

//

SAM:The nest looks and feels like whatever house the Soul Eater is in.

The creature created a fake house, like a reflection in the mirror. It’s a fake home in which the entity shows people the souls of the ones they love in different and terrible situations (dead) to keep them under it's dominium. From the moment the seal was broken, the creature attacked again. 

SAM: Apparently, the nest messes with their victim's head, shows them things they love, parts of their soul in distress, it keeps the victim's soul vulnerable.

So we have a broken seal, a powerful creature eating souls, a fake reality to keep them dominated, right?

And Bobby saying that he could feel the evil in that dimension…

I think we have the perfect description of Amara here, Dean and Sam broke the sigil, Cain's Mark, and she was released, she eats souls, just like the Soul Eater, creating a fake happiness/reality to dominate the victims/Dean.

Again the writers are showing us that Amara is evil, her dominance over Dean is established through fear.

I think it’s vital to mention that between all the books Rufus and Bobby were reading, there was one with the title "Fallen Angel", it make us recall Castiel and Lucifer with the particularity that they're sharing vessels at that moment. Two fallen angels: one fell due to love and the other due to hate.

Another interesting visual narrative that acted as a foreshadowing, was the soul eater placing a hand on Dean's chest in the same way Rowena will place her hand on him in the last episode of the season where he’ll become a soul bomb.

And now, pay close attention to the following scene, because it’s connected to the next episode (Red Meat).

RUFUS: What'd you see, Bobby?

BOBBY: My boys. Both of 'em. Both of 'em dead. And I saw… well I don't know what the hell I saw.

And…

SAM: Hey, you said the Soul Eater made you see things. Plural. So… what else did you see?

DEAN: I saw you. Dead on the floor.

This was a foreshadowing of Sam laying dead on the floor (well he won’t die, but almost) in the next episode. But it’s A BLATANT MIRROR. BOBBY SEEING HIS SONS DEAD ON THE FLOOR. AND IT’S REFLECTING PURELY FAMILIAL LOVE. A father and his two children who are brothers.

FAMILY LOVE, there's no hint of ROMANTIC LOVE in here, no Wincest! Bobby was actively chosen to pose as the mirror. The writers easily could have used a couple with the husband seeing his wife laying dead on the floor, right? But it was BOBBY who saw his boys on the floor, just like Dean saw his brother. It’s about Family!

Sorry I'm a little bossy here, but I need you to understand this point before jumping to the next one.

Using Logic

Let's analyze episode 11x17 with logical facts…

The mentioning of Castiel at the beginning of the episode is there to remind us that Dean is feeling miserable because they couldn't rescue him yet. And he is not sleeping because of that. Sam is trying to comfort him by saying that they’ll get him back.

The episode introduced Corbin and Michelle, a newly-wed couple very much in love.

Corbin would do anything to protect Michelle (Dean mirror) and he is the one becoming a monster (werewolf), so he’s acting as our Castiel's mirror here.

Sam gets shot, and he has a very bad wound. We have Corbin trying to kill him, because he would do anything to save Michelle, even if that implies making a bad decision.

Now, we have Dean thinking his brother is dead. But keep in mind that WHEN HE ENTERS THE ROOM SAM IS ALREADY DEAD (in Dean’s eyes at leat). So DEAN DIDN'T SEE HIS BROTHER DIE. HE FOUND HIM DEAD, LAYING ON THE FLOOR. (First fact).

Then this… he asks Michelle to assist him in his try to contact Death… but … he also says this ..

Dean: Okay. After I do this, go get the doc and tell her to, um... Tell her to bring me back, if she can. If not... no hard feelings, okay?

He is not suicidal here, THIS IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT TO EPISODE 13X05 WHEN HE WANTED TO DIE, NOT WANTING TO LIVE BECAUSE CAS WASN'T ANYMORE. Even knowing Sam was dead, Dean wanted to live. GIVING YOUR LIFE FOR YOUR BROTHER DOESN'T COUNT AS A SUICIDAL THOUGHT, BUT INSTEAD AS SOMETHING ANYONE WOULD DO FOR THEIR BROTHER, especially when that brother is your little brother you raised yourself like a father. (Second Fact).

Dean wants to be alive because he needs to rescue Cas.

Billie: That's what I thought. It's cute, though. You pretending you're trying to save Sam for the greater good, when we both know you're doing it for you. You can't lose him. But even if Sammy could win the title bout... the answer would still be “no.” The answer will always be “no.” Game's over, Dean. No more second chances. No more extra lives. Time to say bye-bye to Luigi, Mario.

This sums up perfectly how Dean feels about Sammy. He raised him, he always took care of him. He can't lose him because all his life revolved around Sam. This is not Wincest, this is solely FAMILY LOVE. Remember what we said about Bobby a little earlier, these were Bobby's feelings too.

I will put here an addition from Destielle, she talked about the well known toxic codependency, and i think is important too:

"Billie basically calls out the toxic codependency between Sam and Dean here. ‘You’re doing it for you’ she deadpans. It’s more about Dean fulfilling the task, or rather duty, John gave him so early on, that it’s part of Dean’s personality. An automatism. He doesn’t want Sam to live because it was Sam’s wish, but because Dean needs Sam to keep things the way they always have been as so not having to deal with himself."

Is interesting because John Winchester heritage to Dean was the GUILT and the FIRST BORN duty, so practically, he keeps reacting and acting like a soldier that needs to protect the little brother and the entire world, I talked so many times in My metas about this toxic heritage and about THE BIG PROTECTOR living inside Dean. Interesting comment my friend! Thank you!

Dean’s spirit [sadness and desperation in his eyes]: I'm asking you... I'm begging you, please. Bring him back. Bring him back and take me instead.

DEAN WINCHESTER WILL ALWAYS GIVE HIS LIFE IN EXCHANGE FOR THE ONES HE LOVES BECAUSE HE IS DEAN WINCHESTER. NOT JUST FOR SAM, BUT FOR THE WORLD, AND CAS.

Billie: I'm not here to bargain with you, kid. I'm here to reap you. And the kicker is... Sam's not dead. [Dean looks stunned] But you are. Or will be, soon enough.

Now… let's go with Michelle and Dean's conversation… the third fact:

Dean: Michelle, this is gonna be very hard. But you will be okay. And, eventually... eventually you'll get back to normal.

Dean is talking from experience. Drawn from every time he lost a friend, a family member (including Sam) which he always affronted in the same way, by hunting, drinking heavily and stuffing bacon in his face. It always was hard at first but got better with time until he got back to normal. He's talking with determination because he lost a lot of beloved people. But … he hasn’t lost the love of his life yet… Michelle did…

Gif set credit @thejabberwock 👇

Michelle [sighing]: No, I won't. They said I could leave... [she sighs] an hour ago. But... where am I even supposed to go? After everything we survived together... [turning back to Dean] I watched the man I love die. There's no normal after that.

This is a rich piece of text over there. First of all, she's convincing Dean she won't be back to normal. Ever. She's the one talking with authority now, because she's talking from her experience of losing the love of her life… 'where am I even supposed to go?' SHE'S LOST, Just as lost as Dean will be for the first 5 episodes from season 13. 'After everything we survived together…' these words are carving deep into Dean's heart, because the man he loves is in danger in the very moment, and I know he's recalling everything they survived together. 'I watched the man I love die, there's no normal after that', Dean's face is priceless here, full of fear, he doesn't want to go through the same Michelle has and had to. He doesn't want to watch Cas die. And I want you to remember the first fact I pointed out, MICHELLE IS SAYING SHE WATCHED CORBIN DIE, not that she found him dead. Okay? So we are not talking about a reference to the death of Sam here. Dean didn't watch him die, he found him dead. And secondly, Dean knows Sam is okay by now, so why would he display a face full of pain and fear? Who's the one in real danger now, possessed by Lucifer? CASTIEL. DEAN DOESN'T WANT TO SEE CASTIEL DIE. HENCE THE TERRIFIED EXPRESSION.

AND THAT'S WHY IN THE NEXT EPISODE HE WILL FIGHT AGAINST RATIO, AGAINST WHAT’S THE LOGICAL THING TO DO, JUST BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WANT TO SEE THE MAN HE LOVES DIE. Sorry for the yelling. But I needed to make things clear.

To Conclude:

The Soul Eater in episode 11x16 is a blatant mirror of Amara. Another way to show us her dominance over Dean is a forced and dark one.

Episode 11x17 must be analyzed with logic. The clues are in the details and related to the previous episode in which Bobby saw Sam and Dean dead. It was purely about FAMILIAL LOVE and it must not be mistaken for something else because that just would be a twisted interpretation.

Dean giving his life in exchange for the one of EVERYONE shouldn't be mistaken for suicidal tendencies, too.

The fact that he wanted to go on with his life EVEN THOUGH BEING CONVINCED SAM IS DEAD is an important difference to how Dean is behaving in 13x05.

We have the foreshadowing for Castiel's death and Mourning!Dean and a prelude to 11x18 where we’ll have a very desperate Dean trying to save his angel.

Hope you liked this one! See you in the next meta!

Tagging @metafest @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-is--endgame @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

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@imjustkipping @destielle @agusvedder @spnsmile @shippsblog @robot-feels @superlock-in-the-tardis

If you want to be added or removed from this list just let me know.

If you want to read the previous metas From s11, her you have the links.

Vol. LXII, XLIII, XLIV, LXV, LXVI, LXVII, LXVIII

Buenos Aires July 7th 2020 5:36 PM

#destiel #destiel chronicles #destiel meta #supernatural meta #season 11 meta #vol XLIX

[tfwbigbang]

to treat a soul with grace and love

Author: fogsrollingin Art by: jenniferb-art Pairings: queerplatonic wincestiel Rating: mature Word Count: 6798 Warnings: no archive warnings apply Summary: S12 canon divergence. Dean carried a cosmic suicide bomb into a meeting with God and his sister, Amara. Cas was thrown clear across the state by a powerful banishing sigil, and Sam got shot and kidnapped and tortured, all while thinking his brother was dead. And Mary Winchester was resurrected.

Link to Fic and Art on AO3

Link to Art on Tumblr

#supernatural #spn fanart #spn fanfic #Wincestiel #queerplatonic wincestiel #Team Free Will Big Bang 2021 #submission #tfwbigbang2021