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chosoniisan · 5 months

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caught in the middle ▶︎▶︎ choso + suguru (r18)

➤ pairing: kamo choso | reader | getou suguru

➤ setting: modern, non-curse au (uni au, specifically)

➤ genre: smut!! (a little dark, just a lil')

➤ caution: threesome (ish); a splash of d*bious c*nsent (coercion); oral s*x (p & v); rough treatment

➤ summary: according to suguru (no thanks to choso), you're too inexperienced for your own good; he intends to change that

➤ authoress' notes: I was struck with the idea of choso and suguru tag teaming you, and so this was born plus I haven't written smut in so long and wanted to dust myself off. my hope is that I can make this into a lil mini series, because I'm keen to continue exploring the concept of suguru showing you & choso the ropes when it comes to the downright nasty. I'm also keen to playing into a degenerate characterization of suguru, but that's neither here nor there :')

“Remember what I said—don’t let her cum before I do.”

Would you have preferred him talking to you rather than over you?

Who knows, but what you do know is that either way you’re the last one who’s primed to contribute any sort of coherent response. And how could you when you’re currently suffering from acute choking-on-Suguru’s-girth disease of which your symptoms include aching in your jaw, saltiness clinging to your palate, and, of course, an affinity for only breathing through the mostly muffled, the utterly debauched.

But he’s only one accessory to the crime of ruining you from both ends with the other half of the blame resting on Choso’s shoulders, coupled with you resting entirely on his face. How much “persuasion” went into this arrangement is a story for later if ever, particularly when Choso’s not flattening his tongue for another pass across the seam of your lower lips, as though a consolation for drawing back at the last second.

“. . .That doesn’t seem fair to her,” he pitches in your defense, and for that he has your appreciation, even if speaking up for you brings with it the fanning of his breath, teasing of his pinked tiers where you’re most sensitive. It isn’t a perfect solution. . .or much of one at all, considering he makes a point to return to the source of intoxication, courtesy of a rogue flicker over you in that empty space—not so much with the ripple effect that sends you sputtering around Suguru and wishing he isn’t crammed so deeply in your mouth. “She always likes it when I eat her out, and I really want her to cum on me. . .”

Just like Choso’s blatant admission, so too is the embarrassment scorching through your insides, bubbling up over the expanse of your face; though you can only contemplate craning back since Suguru is enough steps ahead of you to crown his fingers through your hair. Suffice it to say, you aren’t going anywhere besides the engorged length of him, filling you up to the absolute brim. (Clearly addressing Choso’s knack for oversharing to your detriment will also have to wait for another time. And honestly, you’re not entirely sure you would have gotten through to him when he’s this overtaken by the peachy pit between your legs.)

Off the heels of abashment, you falter a bit as those pesky digits relinquish their hold on your tresses once Suguru’s commanded your compliance again. He’s silkly devious that way, tracing the pads of his fingertips across your cheek at first before his thumb presses at the corner of your lips and strains the tender flesh even further around his member. Unlike earlier, his sunglow gaze is trained wholly on you and no one else, nursing a glossy sheen atop your skin (then there’s Choso who isn’t helping your case either, wetting saliva over your folds). “Don’t you think that’s selfish of you?”

Is what Suguru says in the same moment that he’s devolved into using his hand on your face to guide you even further onto him, until he’s bobbing dangerously near the back of your throat, preluding what’s to come. Though as for the right now, he’s thoroughly effected by your oral sleeve, those last vestiges of self-constraint gradually falling to the wayside in a wash of heartthrob red laying claim to more and more of his face. “You have me to thank for this—yet you’re only concerned about getting off yourself.” His chiding has an edge of something else, which persists in obscurity as you’re beholden to a punctuated ram throwing you off kilter. “I didn’t think you were a selfish girl. . .” he trails off there, leading you along his very short leash. “Tell me I’m not wrong about you.”

You don’t tell Suguru anything—instead, you offer a semblance of a nod, accompanied by an even greater offering of slickened reverence to his cock as you work him feverishly into your mouth, skimming over the vein webbed on his underside. That sets off the chain reaction of him folding over you with a malted groan spilt from his lips, and in the meantime you rear your hips back, hoping Choso takes the hint to sympathize with your plight of not wanting to fall over the edge too soon. Because if he keeps at his previous pace, you have no doubt in your mind that you’ll be reacquainted with the sort of rapture only he knows how to indulge you in.

Surprisingly, Choso is receptive to your wordless plea even while he steers you back onto him with hands curled over your sides; the hum of a sigh inked in relief strums through him as he stitches himself back to you in earnest. Like each ticking second spent away from your heat was a second shaved from his existence. He’s measured for once with his devotion, smearing beads of your wetness to pave the way for his tongue breaching past your pleated slit and settling between your inner walls with a sinful ease. From you, there’s a whine that splinters into pieces the moment it hits the air as you’re realizing (belatedly) that you severely underestimated Choso’s proclivity for cultivating you into pure bliss.

It's too late now with his one-track mind and equally fervent ministrations, so you try to make what you can out of the situation in spite of electricity sparking over your nerves, the incessant bubbling up in your stomach already signaling the beginning of the end. And you need look no further than the weight of Suguru seeded on your tongue. Choso might be stealing a good chunk of your attention, but that doesn’t stop you from fixating on the sting at the outer edges of your lips from a tight fit or the soon-to-be mottling over your knees trying to keep yourself steady in the midst of a deterioration into downright battering. How quickly demanding bruises through Suguru like a contagion, the strain that’s cured only from your undoing by his hand, and so you’re left with no choice but to let yourself be caught up by him, in him, for the sake of him.

“You know. . .you’re not very good at this,” Suguru remarks as if he isn’t fiercely warming himself between your lips, because only he could pull himself together enough to tear into you with a breezy tinge in his wake, the proverbial salt in your wound. Sooner rather than later, his hand finds itself tangled at the back of your head, dragging you right down to the base of him, and your scramble to smother your gag reflex (and Choso in the process) through a hail of full-bodied quaking merely proves his point. “You’re lucky I’m willing to teach you how to properly suck dick, since Choso clearly isn’t giving you enough practice.”

Speaking of—it’s right then and there that Choso takes the opportunity to really spear you on his tongue.

He isn’t taking that dig too well.

Problem is. . .his displeasure is misplaced, or at least it feels that way when his fingers move to split open your folds so he can bully and prod at the spot that has you blinking back stars in collapse. A whine sets the stage for your frantic writhing atop Choso, trying your best to dislodge him for your own good, but he’s resistant to coaxing of any kind when you’re falling apart at his beck. It’s one thing to bear through an unrelenting Choso, molding you to the shape of his sticky sweet pleasure, but it’s another thing entirely to keep your head above the waters of gratification whilst swallowing down every inch of Suguru’s cock.

And he doesn’t make it any easier for you, you who’s allegedly rough around the edges in the craft of obliging a man. Breathing might as well be a luxury what with Suguru beating your throat raw with his swollen tip, and there’s no finesse in the way you fumble your tongue over him; either your efforts aren’t clumsy enough to warrant a snide affront or he’s far too consumed with chasing after his own end through you. (You’re inclined to think it’s the latter more so than the former.) Beneath the chorus of depravity suffusing the room, your heart is heavy against your ribcage, and you can only hope that Suguru acquiesces first, even if that means holding your nose to his c—

Lips seal around your clit with particular fervor.

Oh, no.

No no no no no.

A sweeping arch invites itself over your back in the same beat that you instinctively squeeze your thighs around Choso’s head, surrendering even more of yourself to his gluttony. It’s a vicious, depraved cycle because with every convulsion racking down to your bones, you’re anchored back to him gorging on you with little abandon, utterly remorseless that he’s driving you out of your mind. Ecstasy is oh so malted, tastes like a milk & honey delicacy while Choso can’t seem to decide whether to savor your pulsing clit or root through your tightly knotted, dripping wet clutch. Though it’s the bitter part of that sweetness sobering you up before you have a chance to feed into the velveted hunger that’s ravaging as it is rosied:

“You really don’t listen, do you.” His infliction isn’t the slow, too slow drag of his shaft along your tongue nor is it him relinquishing your mouth to slide along the side of your face. And neither is it the obscene tap, tapping of his ruddy cockhead against your cheek, streaking a mess of juices over the once untouched canvas of you.

Blinking bleariness from your vision and yet his moonless gaze, crackling at the edges, is clear as day—says there’s no need to wait long for true retribution.

“I guess, I’ll have to give you a lesson in obedience, too—my treat.”

#geto x reader #choso x reader #choso x you #geto suguru x reader #jjk x reader #jjk x y/n #geto smut #choso smut #jjk smut #jujutsu kaisen smut #jujutsu kaisen #jjk

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alexxncl · 12 days

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‼️NIGHTBRINGER LESSON 32 SPOILERS‼️

normal and hard

masterlist | all lessons | lesson 31 | lesson 33

i know i said i like angst and this is exactly what i meant by angst but OUCH ????

and ik i've (probably) said this about satan but i wish they'd show and tell levi how much they care about him to his face, like it'd at least help his self-deprecating and self-loathing tendencies be pushed to the back of his mind at least for a little bit yk

everyone needs a bit of reassurance, especially when they're so deep in a cycle of self-hatred that their default setting is to think the worst of themselves and believe that everyone around them thinks the same

also i feel like it's pretty obvious that levi and lotan are in the flood equivalent of the "eye of the storm" right? RIGHT???

he's completely submerged, which means he's still at least near the HOL, which means he's still in his room in his tub-bed right ?????

also, jealousy and envy are two different things, though they're very similar. jealousy is the threat of losing someone or something, evny is wanting what someone else has. we've seen levi act on his envy all the time, but the fear of losing mc forever is something he's never had to deal with until now. imagine they left without saying goodbye?? then he'd be envious. if the avatar of envy jealous is this bad, the avatar of envy being being envious is realm ending

also, this is the first time we've seen levi use his powers to this extent in the entirety of both games if i remember correctly. have we seen mammon and lucifer do the same ??? imagine what that would look like...

there's already a power gap between levi and mams, but the power gap between lucifer and the rest of the brothers is immeasurable. like lucifer ripped 2 of his wings off and birthed the 4th most powerful of 7 and is STILL the most powerful of all of them by a long shot. if this is what happens when levi's almost completely acting on and engulfed by his sin, what would it look like if lucifer did the same? or worse?

maybe i'm getting ahead of myself and thinking too hard, but what if levi's little d is lotan? like what if he can shapeshift or smth???

see now i'm really thinking his little d is lotan, bc how else would they teleport from the castle back to levi's room in the HOL and be underwater while being able to talk if lotan/no. 3 hadn't hadn't bought them there ???

"consumed by a snake" or whatever the fortune was, what if this is jonah and the whale type shit ???

SOBBING

ok so i was right about him being in the HOL, but not his room. he's in mc's room from the current timeline

"our love transcends time" or whatever the login screen for the game's opening is, this is a physical and spiritual manifestation of that. they love mc so much that even in different universes, they still feel an indescribable and irreplaceable connection to them. even in his darkest mental state, levi still seeks mc's presence, or at least the remnants of it, for comfort. the same can be said for the others

HE INITIATED THE KISS I'M GONNA CRY

while yes, he did kiss them to save them, the fact that he was able to push away his anxiety to save someone he cares about with no hesitation is proof that he's also deserving of love and affection and care regardless of what he thinks about himself. and the fact that he's still blaming himself for having feelings (even though the intensity of those feelings did end up flooding the devildom) makes me so sad

i just want him to be happy and love himself as much as he loves his brothers and mc and as much as they love him :(

he's getting there though, and i love how the devs take time with exploring how difficult it is to break yourself out of such a detrimental mental state not just for levi, but for everyone

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bellelvrs · 2 years

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ALL ALONE / GHOSTFACE

summary - a secret admirer calls you while you’re home alone. what could go wrong?

warnings - masturbation, fingering, groping, fear-play, stalking, dub-con, obsessive behavior, scarring, blood, cursing.

a/n - first one shot! extra info: afab!reader, 2k+ words.

Living in a small, sleepy town didn’t ensure that chaos wouldn’t break. You knew that. Your parents knew that. The Pruitts, who lived in a cozy home on Brooke St., didn’t know that. Not until their daughter Angie, an unsuspecting 16-year-old, was found mutilated in her bedroom, blanketed in gore.

So, it was no surprise that you immediately froze, darting eyes alternating between the bedroom door and window, as the phone on your nightstand began to ring.

There was the possibility that it was just another idiot meathead from school, maybe a bored friend, or merely a lonesome stranger. Nonetheless, it was late. You had already dozed a bit while ogling at magazines with clothes you could never afford on your babysitter salary. A phone call, even a short one, seemed tedious.

Although, with wakefulness came boredom. Boredom lead to curiosity. The endless ringing buzzed through your mind like a blaring siren. Stomach flat against the bed, you turned your head and stared at the restless phone. It was strange how you felt the dire urge to answer the phone. Almost as if there was an obligation. A dependence on it.

You scooted backwards, resting on your knees. It’s summer. Parents aren’t home. Just one call won’t hurt. You reached for the phone, lazily grasping it in your hand.

Unknown number.

Worry overwhelmed your thoughts as you accepted the call and slowly rose the phone up to your ear.

Curiosity never actually killed the cat…

‘Hello?’

The other end of the line sounded somewhat of static.

‘Hello.’

You rose your eyebrows, rather shocked by the unfamiliar voice. Gritty, low, rasped. Obviously matured. A little…sinister?

‘Erm…do-‘ Every word was considered, over-thought, in fear that over sharing even the smallest details with whoever this was, could be detrimental.

‘Do I know you?’

Rumors were whispered among town of a masked murderer by the name of Ghostface. Though the specifics of Angie’s death were obscured from the public, everyone, without question, assumed it was him. Cold killings only ever occurred in populous cities. A Halloween costume slaughtering a teenager felt like a cruel joke.

‘No. But I know you’

You quietly scoffed, sliding off your bed to impatiently pace around your room.

‘Is that so?’ Maybe the stranger was one of those weirdo punks that smoked at the local park. They always carried a standoffish, mysterious persona. Might as well play along.

‘It is.’ The stranger responded, without hesitation.

‘But only really by your pretty face,’

You rolled your eyes.

‘Which is why I want to get to know you.’

You considered hanging up, hovering your thumb over the “End” button.

‘Whatever.’ You mumbled under your breath, annoyed.

‘Wait! Wait! Wait!’ The stranger pleaded, almost barking into the phone.

You sighed, rubbing the palm of your hand against your forehead,

‘Okay…what do you want to know about me?’

‘Hmm.’ He hummed, ‘What’s your favorite scary movie?’

‘Agh. Halloween is my first pick, but Friday the 13th is a close second. I watch it every summer.’

‘Why those two?’

‘I don’t know. They’re cool. In a way, the final girls remind me of myself.’

‘Because they’re beautiful virgins?’ He teased. You could hear the smile growing on his face.

What kind of comment was that?

‘How do you know I’m a virgin?’ You snapped back playfully, even though you cautiously walked to your window and checked the outside.

The curtains, now slightly ajar, exposed the still summer night. Darkness began to creep into your dimly lit bedroom.

On the other hand, Ghostface could see just enough of you.

‘Just assuming.’ He knew. You hadn’t brought a boy home for all the 3 months he’d been watching you. Even then, he was still a bit clueless.

‘You’re wrong. It’s because they’re tough and smart and-‘ you trailed on, but he wasn’t listening.

Ghostface was crouched behind a thick shrub a few feet away from your window. Seeing the shadows dance on your bare, toned legs was enough to have him frantically unbuckling his belt. Lust had clouded his mind, a free hand massaging the stiff erection in his boxers as his grip on the phone slightly loosened.

While rattling on, you noticed the prolonged silence from the receiver. Listening closer, the man’s breathing seemed heavier.

‘Hey? Are you still there…?’ An uneasy feeling gathered within your stomach.

‘Yeah,’ caged in fabric, he withdrew his ached cock and pumped it steadily, ‘Tell me, y/n,’

He liked to see you stutter. Stiffen. Squirm. The moment your breath hitched, pre-cum dripped from his glans. A gloved hand gliding up and down his cock, slicked with arousal. However, he started to slow. Being too eager would ruin it all.

He hadn’t even gotten to the fun part.

‘How does it feel to be all alone?’

You stalled.

When someone is panicked or afraid, you expect them to run. Fight. Scream.

Do something.

Instead, feet firmly planted into the floor, you stood unshaken, emotionless, like a fresh corpse.

Some freaks enjoyed to frighten people for amusement. That’s just the case. No one was stalking you. You were safe.

Mom and Dad locked the front door behind them…

Your bedroom window was tightly closed…

The patio door is broken, jammed shut…

The kitchen window is a little bit ope-

‘What?’ There’s a hint of genuine confusion, but fear seems to paralyze your mouth from speaking any further.

‘Didn’t mommy and daddy leave you a couple hours ago?’

‘I-‘

‘I know they did.’ Ghostface interrupted, no longer hiding his labored breathing.

‘Because I’ve been watching you aaaaalllll night.’ A menacing, light chuckle followed.

Your brow, unintentionally, furrowed.

‘Every night, I’ve been watching you. Every. Single. Night.’

‘This isn’t fucking funny.’

The tremble of your voice allowed him to pump his cock faster. Each time gradually sloppier, as his thumb occasionally rubbed the tip. His eyes were locked on you. Only you. Not even the snap of a twig, or the rustle of a bush could distract him. He let out a faint moan every so often, just to see your face petrify.

‘You’re a disgusting creep. I’m hanging up!’

‘If you hang up I’ll rip your fucking guts out!’

Glassy tears blur your vision, sending rushes of anxiety throughout your entire body. The phone is practically glued to your ear, as putting it down would be a death sentence. You push the whimpers down your throat, swallowing every sob you can.

It becomes almost uncontrollable. His body is prickling with warmth. His hips give out a sudden jerk as his hand reaches the cockhead. He wants to hear your voice. How it whimpers and stammers when scared. If only you knew his name. To hear his name exhale from your delicate lips, delivered so soothingly. Even the frightened cracks in your voice were heavenly.

‘Come to the window.’

You turned to face the window, but didn’t bother to take another step.

‘Do it.’ He growled lowly, agitated.

Without question, you went to the window drew the curtains back.

The exposure was the worst part. It didn’t matter that you lived on the rural outskirts of town, you still felt as if you were putting on a show. No pants, no bra. Just a shirt and some casual underwear. Modeling for a psychopath.

Ghostface hummed as he felt himself getting closer.

‘Can you say Danny for me, baby?’ He asked, that mocking smirk reappearing behind the mask.

Your blood boiled.

‘Danny? W-why Danny? What kind of messed up shit are you dragging me into, huh? I swear to fucking god I’m going to ca-‘

His pace grew fast. He closed his eyes and let his body slouch. J-just keep talking, he chanted underneath his loud breath.

‘I’m giving your name to the cops, Danny!’

That was enough.

He couldn’t help the vulnerable moan that escaped him. Stumbling to his knees, he took in a few breaths, still looking at you. The phone left his hand with a toss. He had put himself back together, finally buckling his belt.

Your heart beat through your chest as soon as you noticed it.

He dropped the phone.

Like a glass cup on a hardwood floor. The sound of the phone hitting the grass, muffled and faint, rang through your ears.

You didn’t even feel the phone fall from your clutch.

Panic made you fast. Though earlier your body had gone numb, you managed to bolt to the kitchen.

Your life depended on it.

The kitchen window easily slammed shut, now you were focused on finding a weapon. Rummaging through cabinets and drawers, throwing silverware and plates across the room as if they were confetti. You found a drawer full of vicious knives, and chose the largest, sharpest one.

The silence became deafening.

In the reflection of your prized knife, a tall, dark figure with a ghostly face prowled a few feet behind you.

Before you could even turn to impale him, he pounced at you. Holding your struggling body against his, he dug his chin into your shoulder. The hunting knife he held pushed into the skin on your stomach.

You fought as hard as you could. Your elbows dug into his figure, legs flailed, kicking in all directions. Managing to push the both of you against the wall, he held you tighter, and let the knife slowly dig into your skin.

‘You gonna kill me?’ You said through gritted teeth.

He let out an amused chuckle, ‘I don’t want to hurt you baby,’

His voice was less deepened, with a clearer rasp. Still muffled.

‘I just didn’t want you to be all by yourself!’ A roaming hand grabbed your breast. The leather hand massaged your clothed chest teasingly. Moans bubbled from your lips.

‘Especially since a murderer has been running around town.’ Ghostface let his whispers fall close to you. His breath trailing your ear, to your jawbone.

You hated how you melted in his embrace.

‘Look at you, whoring yourself out so soon.’ The lunatic snickered at the blooming color on your cheeks.

He loved it.

There was a warm bulge grinding against your back. Two gloved fingers played with the hem of your panties.

‘You’ll be good for Ghostie, right?’

Something within you screamed. Cried for mercy. For dignity. It reverberated inside of your body. Calling your name, begging you to be conscious. Panic had washed away, but the fear still lingered. Depravity wanted him to defile you. Completely. For your own sick, selfish desires. Years of sexual frustration. A new adult who had barely been touched. It wasn’t right. But you would survive.

‘I will.’

That creeping hand of his ever so carefully slid into the your underwear, rough leather caressing sensitive skin.

His thumb now pressed circles onto your clit. The kitchen lights began to blur as your mind drowned in a steamy fog. His clutch did not weaken now that you didn’t resist. You were slightly lifted, head resting against a strap on his shoulder. Remorse contracted the muscles in your stomach as each pulse of pleasure jolted your body. Those same two fingers entered your throbbing cunt, the pressure on your clit strengthening. Whimpers freely spilled out from your mouth. Whether you were forced into obedience or pitifully insane no longer mattered.

You liked it.

The hunting knife still intimidated you. Hovering closely to your stomach, any mistake or mishap ending with a painful stab. He wouldn’t kill you. Not now. He seemed to revel in the heat of the moment. Though, speaking too soon would be a death wish.

His calm pace became aggressive, excited. It wouldn’t be long before you broke.

The stimulation wares on your body. You throw your head back, and rest your forehead against the side of his mask, his head slightly tilts.

He hums, pulling the arm holding your chest away. The active arm hooks you against his torso.

From your peripheral, he holds out a gray…rectangle?

‘Don’t be shy, baby.’

The single thrust of his fingers sends your entire body limp with a cry. Simultaneously, a bright flash causes you to wince. He lets you fall to the floor, much more invested in the picture he just took.

‘Aww, tsk, well isn’t that a great memory.’

You’re sweating, softly cowering as you think over everything at once. There’s nothing left within you to crawl away or scream. You might as well be dead.

There’s a sudden surge of pain bursting in your leg. A sharp edge cutting through the skin of your thigh. You don’t move in fear that the blade will drag farther, but you can’t help the agonized grunts and shakes. Cold gushes of blood trickle down your heated leg.

He carved the initials G.F. into the thick of your thigh.

Ghostface then crouches down in front of you, gently placing the blade of his knife under your chin to lift it. Your tired eyes meet with his soulless face.

‘Remember that I’m always here,’

‘So when I’m bored, and you’re alone, I might come visit you again.’

The toying tone of Ghostface’s voice shifted to a serious growl.

‘Without an invite.’

#ghostface #ghost face #ghostface x reader #slasher x reader #ghostface x you #ghostface x y/n #slasher x y/n #slasher x you #danny johnson #danny jed olsen johnson #danny johnson x reader #danny johnson x you

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filmnoirsbian · 3 months

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i dont know who else to turn to in asking something like this and i know its probably left of field of what you normally get but like what do you do when you know you'll never get closure? how are you supposed to move on? after a series of incredible terrible events irl last year that would require tws to explain most of my friends abandoned me for being too erratic and being unable to explain myself, some of them by dropping a wall of text of all my wrongdoings theyd never brought up before ever in the most vague way possible and then blocking me. part of me still wants to apologize but it was all so vague and my memory is so bad i dont know what i did and i dont expect them to believe that. i also have no way of even contacting them if i could figure out how to apologize for it. so like. i guess im asking is what do you do when you did something terrible you cant remember and will never learn and can't apologize for? how do you move on from something like that?

While not exactly the same as your situation, I have experienced something similar (in the vein of doing harmful things I do not/will never remember, and having to come to terms with the fact that I did and that other people involved are never obligated to forgive me nor will I probably ever be able to apologize). For various reasons (drug abuse, mental illness, etc) this is a reality that quite a few people might have to face and I think the only way to really do that is to acknowledge it happened, and do your best to not let it happen again. This might mean behavioral changes, lifestyle changes, or anything else you can actively do both for yourself and those around you. What I'll say is that you have several options ahead of you. You can do your best to somehow reach out and apologize, which your friends may or may not accept. Or you can allow them their distance and move forward on your own, hopefully learning and growing from this admittedly suckass experience, and building new, healthier friendships in the future. I know it sounds silly but you move on by moving on. I'm not saying you have to ignore or forget about this information, tbh I don't think you should, but instead place it aside with the knowledge that you may have fucked up in the past (who hasn't?) but you can always do better. Every day is just a series of choices to be better than you were, to do better than you have. Closure is honestly very rare. Real life is filled with loose strings and messy endings. But wallowing in guilt and regret and what ifs is almost always detrimental to growth. You can feel sorry--I certainly did, and likely always will--but extend yourself the amount of grace it takes to stand up and keep moving forward, knowing that the best apology, even if they never see it, is in not committing the same hurts.

#asks

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goodtoyous · 9 months

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The Trouble With Tagging

Tagging in fandom is useful, but ultimately detrimental because of how people are using it.

When I shop online for shoes, tagging is what lets me filter my view to white sneakers in size 7.5. But there are other attributes I look for in shoes. Maybe I want shoes with widely-spaced holes so they aren’t too tight when I lace them. Maybe I want to buy soles that aren’t too thick because I think that makes them clunky. And there will be other people who have these preferences too, so that must mean they’re useful classifications to have!

So it should be in a company’s best interest to provide me a way to find white sneakers in size 7.5 with widely-spaced holes, thinner soles, and whatever else I want in my shoes. Because otherwise it’s just a waste of time for me to buy something and return it later when I don’t like it, right?

No. Absolutely not.

I can’t ask for all the shoes that aren’t red to be tagged as #Not Red. I can’t ask for all shoes to be tagged #Loose Around the Ankles, when that isn’t a universal metric. The best way for me to find the shoes I want, and maybe this is still somehow controversial but I can’t imagine how, is to go into the store MYSELF and either try on shoes until I find ones I like, or ask a salesperson to help me.

Yet, somehow, people fail to see how this applies to tagging.

Back in the days of cable television, when a show was about to start, you’d see a rating and a content warning. ‘Viewer discretion is advised’, and maybe a few more words on what kind of content to expect: crude language, sexual situations, or graphic violence. We still use variations of those ratings and contents warnings on AO3 today, and they are very useful, standardized indicators.

Writers would use these indicators, and it was understood certain ratings would contain adult topics. There was nuance there, and room for interpretation, and responsibility on the reader’s side for monitoring their own content consumption.

In fandom, we coined our own terms to help enforce the idea that fanfiction was a free space for everyone to write what they wanted. ‘Don’t like; don’t read’ (DL;DR) is a common term that has perhaps become less common over the years, and has lost some of the meaning it used to have.

DL;DR does not mean ‘we, the writers, will warn for every topic that this work will include so you can avoid it’. What it meant was, if you read a story and came across something you didn’t like, you would stop reading. It did not have to be something triggering, it could just be something you didn’t like. You would hit the back button and that was the end of it.

Using tags became a way to include additional information on a story so that people could avoid certain topics more easily. So that back button didn’t need to be hit quite as often. Nowadays, I feel as though people have begun to see it as a requirement.

People will preach about wanting to avoid content they don't want, but you have always been able to do that from the very beginning. You always have the option to close the tab, to stop reading.

‘I wouldn’t have read this if I had known ___’ is a complaint most writers are not unfamiliar with. Readers complain about having wasted their time on stories that were ‘disappointing’, ‘problematic’, or ‘misleading’, simply because there is an aspect of a story they disagree with.

If a story doesn’t have ‘Unhappy Ending’ slapped on it, readers hold the author responsible for their emotional response. If one topic isn’t tagged, the author is somehow at fault for being ignorant, insensitive, or irresponsible.

It is grossly misleading to approach this by assuming authors are acting incorrectly, or possess malicious intent for not including a tag. Simplifying fiction by categorizing it into tags is exactly what that is, simplifying it. Maybe it isn’t tagged because it's a spoiler. Maybe the author didn't think it was an important aspect of the story. Maybe they just forgot!

If an author is mistagging and misrepresenting their work, that is a different story that is subject to different nuances. But it is not a requirement, unspoken or otherwise, to include a tag, because this isn’t how reading works! There is a reason why 'Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings' exists, and that is because tags are for an author to classify their own work how they see fit. It is their choice!

People have been trained by social media into not curating their own content; they let algorithms and FYPs do it for them, and when they see something they don't like, they blame it on the person who posted it.

"How dare anyone encroach on this public space with something I don't want to see!"

So I ask you this: does an author’s opinions and desires on how their work is presented not matter? Are authors shackled to public opinion irregardless of what they believe is most important about their own creation? Should creative control be fully relinquished because people who had nothing to do with a work's creative process believe they know better?

If your answer to that last question isn’t a firm, resounding NO, then you are admitting you feel more entitled to a creator’s work than the actual creator.

Society has evolved to no longer value art for being art, but value art only if it is able to conform to various labels for commodified consumption. Yet there is no faster way to kill true art than to try and cram it into a billion tiny little boxes.

Fiction is subjective. Tastes are subjective. Tagging is useful, but it isn’t everything. Take responsibility for the content you consume. Stop asking people to pick out your shoes for you, and go try some on for yourself.

#ao3 #writing #meta #fanfiction #fiction

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nihilnovisubsole · 6 months

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i think i followed you Back In The Day, seven years and seven blogs ago, for something related to mass effect (zaeed? maybe? who could say) and it's wild to come back to this site years later and find you thriving, surviving, growing-- playing ffxiv! love that game. curious how you'll feel about some side characters in shadowbringers, but i won't spoil which ones.

i do have real questions, though; writing tools. not pens or software, but personal structure tools and/or guidance. what does a beat sheet look like, for you? do you have a favored way of outlining or note-taking on your own thoughts when putting a story together?

and... i'm really curious how you hold a big story together in your head while you work on it in pieces, especially for something like dangerous crowns. there's this larger story i've been chasing around for a while, and I can't quite wrap my head around how to write the political/espionage plot for it without feeling like i've actually written a children's pantomime. the best i've got so far is "research real life events and use those as my outline" but after a point it becomes hard to keep track of all the variables of who knows what about whom, who is planning x when y, etc, etc. the characters don't need to know all that-- and may never know some things-- but i feel like /I/ need to understand what's happening on the macro level so i can move the world around them appropriately.

short version: how do YOU wrap your head around writing complex plots?

hey, anon! i started endwalker this week after a long... uh... glamour detour, so don't worry about spoiling things. i spoil myself for a lot of stories on purpose anyway. let's just say i've been attached to one too many characters who got killed.

anyway. writing. i've always handled plots the same way: clear documentation. if i don't note it down, i'm not going to remember it. i've used the same table outline since around 2014. it varies in detail for different projects, but the core format stays. i know it's kicking around in my blog archive somewhere, but it's worth reposting once in a while because people like to ask about it. here's what it looks like, featuring plot points cribbed from an endeavour episode:

i used this format for an outline at work a while back, and the team found it easy to follow, which was a big day for my ego. keeping track of plot structure is even more chaotic at work because we have multiple writers who all need to stay on the same page. we have very meticulous notes on what the player should know at which point, when we're introducing new information, and what we know, but shouldn't tell. we're also not above leaving notes like "this character has to convey X," "this character has to learn Y here," or "this is a clue that they're planning Z." it can be super on-the-nose. all that matters is that it makes sense to you. because you're right - if you get too lost, you can write yourself into logic holes of tremendous proportions. ask me how i know!

[as a sidenote, researching real-life events as a starting point has really grown on me in the past few years. my lead on coh3 had me do it. he said we were dealing with real people's history, so we couldn't be cheap or play fastball - we had to be accurate to pay it respect. even if you're not writing historical fiction, it just gives you insight into how people behave.]

i would argue that the plot of dangerous crowns is actually not that complicated, maybe to its detriment. there's kind of a genre struggle going on. at voltage, we were taught romance fans came for the relationship beats and valued them above all else. in fact, leadership told us players got irritated - which meant less sales - when the plot was too complex and took time away from the making out. political thriller fans, by contrast, expect relentless twists, high stakes, and harsh consequences, and sometimes see the relationships as superfluous.

but whatever. the point is, when you look at dangerous crowns' structure, it's a pearl necklace: a chain of anchoring events. the "pearl" scenes are where Big Plot happens. they're the reason you want to write the story, and probably the ones you have the most vivid daydreams about. the scenes in between are the string. not flashy, but important because they connect the pearls. they build tension and add logic, cohesion, and context. take the opera and hector's failed assassination. those are pearl scenes. that's a burst of drama i really wanted the story to build up to. i also had other flashbulb visions. livia by the fountain questioning herself, marcus' macbeth moment, the temple riot, things like that. so the question was, how could i believably travel between these pearl scenes? how could i make these big showcase moments connect smoothly?

if you're having trouble holding the story together in your head, i would ask, "what are your pearls?" what are the anchor points? outline those. it might not look like a necklace yet, but you'll sort of see it taking shape. and then, once you can see where your heart's-desire milestones are, you'll have a clearer idea of what can't fire until you set it up first. two other neat things can happen here. you could find the rhythm of your pacing, or realize you have a lot more plot meat than you thought you did. even if you don't, you have some road. and if you can't think of the string, sometimes you just have to start writing the pearls and see what comes to you.

good luck!!

#asks #anon #writing #long post

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piningprecussionist · 5 months

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Howdy, Pine! Can we get three headcanons for all your favorite Scott Pilgrim characters? :-)

Oh absolutely!!!! Lemme think for a minute...

((FUTURE FUTURE ME: I LITERALLY JUST PROCESSED YOU SAID THREE HEADCANONS IM SO SORRY--- YOU WILL UNDERSTAND 😭))

Okay I had a whole thing here, but we're gonna try this again but slightly more Hinged-- forcing myself to format so things don't get out of hand again. I will HAPPILY elaborate, though!!

((Whoop this is future me. This post is going to be so long if I dont do this, so I'm going to put this all under the cut! I'll try to remember to come back up here with the characters I talk about- alternative, should I not do that, maybe check the tags! I'll try to only tag the people I'm directly talking about))

KIM PINE

sexuality: very likely canonically Bi, I am a very big fan of her being a comp. het. lesbian, though (I get this both from my read of the comics/her character and just me Injecting myself into my favorite characters ✌️)

pronouns: she/her usually, but I think she'd be very open and vibe with they/them (me injecting myself again, but also she's just chill like that. I think she prefers if strangers use they/them for her, and her friends or partners use she/her. I'm undecided if she prefers her partners call her their girlfriend or their partner, though.)

Characters I think she has feelings for: RAMONA FLOWERS, Lisa Miller, (MAYBE Scott Pilgrim, still)

Elaboration on that:

I honestly think I can just. Point at some comic panels for Ramona. And the goat thing again. They make me Unhinged that's how canon that is.

Lisa!!! My beloved!!! I think she had a tiny crush on her in high school and had no idea that it was a crush until way later in life- maybe shortly after seeing her again, actually. But like. She's so obviously smiley and happy when she's around, I really can't help but read it that way! She, at the very least, gets an extreme mood boost in her presence, so she really likes having her around.

Scott Pilgrim.... *scrubbing at my face* okay. Okay. So, I have a couple different reads on her feelings for Scott, they're kind of complicated for me to dismantle. Especially since I haven't started my reread of book 6 (I've been giving my thumbs a break, which I am currently prolonging but I have been DYING for someone to ask me to talk about this series.) I'm going to go with my more canon read and leave it at that I think, because it's already becoming this text wall.

Scott was really important to her, I think. She's this aloof, sullen, bitchy girl and she knows it- and then this dorky idiot walks into her life and they really hit it off! They date, they have really sweet, private moments together- it's everything to her. It's someone loving her in spite of the hard shell she initially puts out, and managing to reach her soft, easily bruised heart in ways no one had before. But then he left so abruptly, and that heart was crushed under the weight of her own ribcage. I think she carried that hurt with her every day from that point- I don't imagine her having a particularly roaring love life after that. I think she kept that hurt bottled, and it made any relationships she DID attempt fall apart. It's a wound she's been nursing for way, way too long, and I think she knows that- that's why she wants so badly to forget about it. But then she goes to Toronto and runs into Scott again at the lowest point in his life, and she can't get herself to step away, because this is the only person who ever claimed to love her in a way she felt. I think her decision to stay was sort of... detrimental to her moving on. If she'd detatched herself and stepped back, maybe she could have moved on eventually- she could have worked on herself, or maybe lucked out and found someone who could get through those walls without a sledgehammer, and she would have been better for it. But that's not what happens. She stayed, and I think the longer she stayed the harder it became to keep herself completely shielding from him, because he's still that same goofy guy at his core- he's just a bit worse than she remembered him being. But damn near everything he does throughout the comics just continues to crush her until she HAS to leave- he can apologize, and she can accept it for the version of him she loved, but he's not enough to convince her to stay anymore. I'm going to cut my canon analysis there until I reread their next scene, rather than just continuing incase my thoughts have slightly changed, but like... man... they hurt me in a very unique way. If it was anyone other than Scott, it'd be tragic. (Maybe it still is, maybe that's the Kim Bitterness talking)

For a brief touch on my less canon take, with Kim being a lesbian: I think Scott would have been better placed in her life as a best friend than a partner, but when you're young, and honestly even when you're not all that young, emotional distinction like that can be so, so confusing. So all of the hurt remains very genuine, because she does love him, just not the way she thought she did.

((Because I do love the trans!fem Scott HC as well, I will say. I feel like it would be really, really funny for Kim to realize she's into women and be like "wow sure dodged round two of the Scott Pilgrim bullet" and then one day Scott shows up having started her transition and is like "Oh hey Kimmy!! I'm a lesbian AND a girl, like you now!!!" And Kim just. Crushes her drink or something in her hand like "oh no... oh no she's attractive again... FUCK FUCK FUCK." Obviously a lot more nuanced than that, though. I should probably clarify that I started answering this ask almost IMMEDIATELY after waking up and also BEFORE I've taken more pain meds. If this post has been or starts to become very scattered again, that's why lol.))

Bonus consideration: Hollie. I can dig her having a crush on Hollie, but I feel like it faded a little living with her, and then shattered entirely after the Jason Kim situation. Even an overwhelming attraction to women ain't savin that one, chief. That's just too severe a betrayal.

The Knives Situation: Oh Boy. So in the original answer for this I had a whole thing done up, lemme try to condense it. Basically, I think Kim woke up the next morning HORRIFIED by what she'd done. Like, dry heaving in the bathroom horrified. And this likely really hurt Knives's feelings, should she see! Which Kim would feel horrible about. I'm undecided on if she just runs from the situation before Knives can wake up, or if they have a sort of agrument/one-sided rant on Kim's part afterward where she just really tries to hammer home for Knives how not okay it was for them to do that- for HER to do that, given their ages and inherent power imbalance. In the event that this discussion happens, Knives absorbed none of it, and probably leaves that conversation a little wounded. I think it would proceed to play back in her mind when she and Stephen are talking at one of Julie's parties later on, though, and she'd probably approach Kim after that to thank her for being a reasonable adult about that, unlike how some of her friends had been. Once that understanding is reached, I think they could be good friends, although Kim probably teases her for how she started to dress like her after they first met.

Silly little things: If anyone's familiar with Night in the Woods, do you know the part where Mae's like "that's not drums... that's a computer..."? I feel like that has Kim energy. To me.

Also I think Kim sucks at Rockband- I know that releases like, way afterward or something so far as comic timeline goes, but bare with me, okay? It's my silly little headcanons! Anyway, she'd suck really, really bad on the drums, since so far as I can recall, they don't REALLY correspond with the music. If her friends force her to play, she demands either the mic or the bass, because "fuck you Scott, you try playing their stupid fucking drums." He proceeds to play flawlessly, much to her chagrin. She fairs better on the bass, but only a bit better than the drums, since her fingers aren't quite used to the movements.

Kim didn't think she liked cats for a while, mostly because she was only ever around them fleetingly, and generally in the homes of people who should have been cleaning their litter boxes more regularly. After hanging around Ramona's house more, though, she discovers she really love them! She feels a sort of kinship watching how they actually behave, and I think Gideon ends up warming to Kim very quickly, which probably helps with the very quick turnaround on her opinion. I think it'd be funny if sometimes, when Kim's over, Scott will try to beckon Gideon over to him for cuddles or affection, and the cat will just. Stare at him entirely unimpressed before jumping up into Kim's lap with exaggerated purring and chin rubbing before curling up for a "nap." Kim was in awe the first time this happened, and Ramona finds it ceaselessly amusing every time it happens. ((Funny additonal scenario: once after this happened Scott was whining to Ramona, who was coming to join them on the couch, looking generally very sad/cute/pathetic, and overcome with a sort of playful evil, Ramona proceeded to sit by and cuddle up to Kim as well. Kim immediately froze up and went bright red and wide eyed, Scott's jaw probably dropped before he dove into a theatrical, exaggerated spewl about the betrayal of it all, and Ramona just got to blissfully enjoy Kim cuddles while giggling at both of their reactions and petting Gideon.))

Conversely, I don't know how Kim feels about dogs. Like, I don't think she hates them or anything like that, but maybe they fill her with a sense of pity, for their associations with unwavering loyalty. Something about that specifically runs too close to things she considers about herself, at times, maybe. Idk, just kinda spit ballin here.

I think she does like rats! And mice. Idk. They're cute little guys and I like them, let me have this--

Oh man... just Kim's section is so long. And I have other characters to get to,,, buckle up I guess--- I mean, I did start with My Girl, so maybe the others will be shorter?

((This is future future me again... this is where I actually went back and processed the ask properly :') I have no words to describe my current emotional state beyond that I am trying really hard not to burst into a little fit of laughter at myself and wake my roommate--))

Three! Three headcanons!! I can do this (restraintrestraintrestraint)

Okay! Let's try being Normal About Media- and just as a note, they aren't really in any particular order, beyond Kim being the first because she IS legitimately my favorite, I think. Idk she's very Me.

Ramona Flowers

1. She doesn't really do labels, for things like her idenity; she does think pride flags are pretty, though. Scott got her a bi flag once and she decided to keep it and hang it in her room for this exact reason, though she did explain to him that she doesn't really consider herself anything but herself- Ramona Flowers. He's very understanding about that, although a little confused in the typical Scott manner! They eventually come around to just considering it being his flag, when he comes to terms with himself (yeah, spoilers, I HC him as bi)

2. Her hair actually does have magic properties to it that prevent it from getting absolutely butchered by all the bleaching she does- she doesn't know how or why, though. Maybe it's less magic and more to do with the supplies themselves? Unlike Scott, she's not as meticulous when it comes to reading the status effect labels on things she uses or consumes.

3. Of her former partners, I think she does have genuine lingering feelings for Roxie. So far as the comics/movie go, she simply repressed the hell out of them and plays the Deny Deny Deny! game, but so far as the show goes, I think she's come to terms with the fact that she still loves her, but horrifically fumbled her- she doesn't want to hurt Roxie like that again, so she's unlikely to ever try things again between them, I think. Not unless Roxie was the initiator, and even then, it'd take some coaxing.

Bonus 4. She absolutely has feelings for Kim. I feel like maybe further into their relationship she'd 100% ask Scott like "hey... you know your really hot friend Kim?" and proceed to discuss with him if being in a polyamorous relationship is something he could get behind. Maybe it'd happen after a period of time with Kim living with them too, or something.

Roxie Richter

1. She gets ALL the girls- all of them. She's an unholy TERROR for men where she lives, because she is notorious for giving women the night of their lives and making them never look back so far as dating men goes. Now, I don't think she deliberately breaks up people or goes after "straight" girls or anything, but it's probably something that's happened on accident before, so she's A Menace. I will say that she might deliberately swoop in and woo a girl she knows is taken if it's extremely clear that their relationship is just Not Right- like if she's seeing clear signs of abuse, or something. She isn't intending to get with these girls when she does this, but she is fully intending to get them out of shitty situations. She's even turned girls down after their (ex) boyfriends have stormed off in a huff, simply out of respect for them- she'll try to give them advice, and if they're adamant in trying New Venues, she might play matchmaker where she can, but she isn't really comfortable sleeping with them after doing stuff like that- to her, it feels gross, maybe even exploitative.

2. I actually don't know if this is meant to be canon or not, because it's noted alongside some of her sketches, but she's german/japanese in my eyes- but raised in the states. She knows English the best, and some German, but she doesn't really know much Japanese, much to her own agitation- she just struggles with it a lot, for whatever reason. She can kind of read some things, but if she tries to speak it she runs the risk of butchering the words. I personally further HC her dad as German and her mom as Japanese- dad by process of elimination, mom based loosely on how I read some of her and Ramona's conversations in the comics.

3. She is in fact whistling the tune in the show intending it to be from the Robin Hood movie- in fact, I think I'm going to HC it as one of her favorite animated films from childhood. (... do I HC her as a furry now?)

Lisa Miller

1. Disaster Bi! She's a bit of a Menace and she knows it; she likes to rile people up, but she can't really take what she dishes out. Like, if she'd done the kind of seductive teasing she does to Scott to Kim and received any sort of flirting back, her brain would shut down and she'd need to reboot. She doesn't know how to handle when someone else takes the reigns, which is why it was so easy and fun to play with Scott- he was too stunned/shy to play back, which she enjoys. Not to imply she doesn't enjoy having her brain melted a little, of course.

2. I think she makes it big after she heads to America! Or at least, bigger than she was. She sends her friends back in Toronto signed copies of movie posters and CDs and things when she can- she doesn't expect them to keep them, although she loves it when they do, but at least in Scott's case it's sort of a "incase of emergency, please sell" sort of situation. He does not, obviously. (Ramona probably does, though, both from admittedly petty lingering jealousy and because they just don't have room for all of it; Scott rarely seems to notice anyhow, and the money usually goes towards rent or random gifts for him anyhow)

3. I forget if everyone's sudden absence is noticed when they Poof briefly during the finalt episode of the show, but if it is I feel like Lisa starts to talk to Kyle, since he's in front of her, like "hey, what exactly happened there-" before looking out over everyone else who reappeared in their seats and noticing Scott is actually up there with them. She spends the rest of that night chatting up him and the league, and maybe even scores an in with Matthew for getting a foothold in her acting career!

Matthew Patel

1 . He absolutely has a dedicated cult following for his theatrical works, and it's warranted! He's genuinely good at what he does, and his passion is clear as day; any production is lucky to have him, and he knows it, which can kind of lead to butting heads behind the scenes. I feel like he might come across to his fellow performers as full of himself, especially given his proficiency with one man performances, but he truly is just deeply, deeply passionate about his work, and he wants to feel that passion with anyone he works with, too. He NEEDS his energy matched to feel like it's going to be a grand performance, and he simply doesn't notice how off-putting this can be for his coworkers as a result.

2. The demon hipster chicks have always been the visual age they are now, even when Matthew was a kid; he viewed them as older sisters growing up, and they're very protective of him perhaps as a result. At his current age, they're his best friends and personal body guards- they'll descend like rabid dogs on anyone that steps out of line around him, if he doesn't call them off. Sometimes it's a bit much for him, but they're usually pretty good about understanding when they do and don't need to interfere on his behalf.

3. Ya know I'm not sure if it's a HC I've seen at all but I could really vibe with trans!masc Matthew. I would love that for him, truly.

Scott Pilgrim

1. Look... I really love any trans!Scott headcanons. Like, any direction, I've said before; I genuinely have such a problem figuring out which version I enjoy best: he's trans!masc and has been all along, or trans!fem and Ramona eventually helps to crack that egg. But also, while I'm saying this, he is. So stupid. Not like maliciously stupid in this sense, absolutely not, but I feel like he's the kind of person to like. Run into someone from his past post their transition, with THEM coming up to HIM to be like "oh long time no see, Pilgrim," and then he would say something to the affect of "oh, you have the same last name as (DN)!!! Are you related? Kim, Kim!! Do you know if (DN) had any siblings?" while Kim and the other person just stare at him deadpan for a bit before bursting into laughter at his expense. He would then proceed to be really confused and just not get it, either until they explain it to him or like, he'd just suddenly sit up in a cold sweat later that night realizing what he did like "oh my GOD that WAS them, I said their dead name at them like seven times!! I am Going To Hell!!!" (And Ramona would just kind of blindly, lightly slap around in his general direction, like "honey you're not going to hell for basically affirming the effectiveness of their transition, go the fuck to sleep. They would've said something if it was a problem." Idk, that's just how he feels to me.)

2. When he has his own money for things, and space living with Ramona, he spends it on video games or video game related merch- it's probably a lot of patches and t-shirts, but I can see him starting to collect plushies, too! Like some of the really old kinda silly looking Sonic plushies, for example? If I had my Knuckles one on hand I'd use him as an example, but I think he's in storage somewhere :(

3. Gets into really heated arguments about video game mechanics and stat stuff where applicable; like, Ramona has to drag him away or else he will actively start fighting people kind of heated. He can hold chill conversations, but if he feels like he's being talked down to about a game that he's REALLY into, like Sonic Adventure (he has the director's cut!)

Wallace Wells

1. MENACE TO SOCIETY. He's comparable to Roxie in this way except he is so much worse (I say this affectionately <3) because he does just straight up, in canon, do things like steal Stacey's boyfriends! And that's his friend that he's doing that to! So I cannot IMAGINE what mischief he gets up to when he goes out drinking. He's probably ruined so many lives, naybe even marriages. What am I saying, maybe? Definitely. And he feels no remorse about this! In his eyes either your man was already gay or you needed to treat him better, sweetie; he HAS been rejected before, so clearly his charms can't ruin what ain't already broken.

2. While he does have feeling for Scott, which is basically canon I don't even want to hear it, he KNOWS better. Like, he'd been living with Scott for a while, so he knows if they were legitimately dating he probably would be even more sick of him than he already is. When they were still living together, though, there were times where he couldn't help but wonder if it would really be all that bad... right before Scott comes in and does or says something that just highlights for Wallace that he's making the Sane choice. Besides, Wallace is (and i hate using these terms but I straight up don't know what other words I could possibly use) a sugar baby; he can't keep up being both a sugar baby and Scott's effective sugar daddy (HATEHATEHATE THAT WORD) while ALSO paying rent. It doesn't really work out that well, especially with him having, at the time, such a shitty apartment to begin with.

3. I feel like Wallace really enjoys his nightlife and getting to sleep around, so I'm unsure if this is something still in play while he's with Mobile, or if he respects Mobile enough to do away with that entirely. Like, different situations work for different relationships, so if Mobile is fine with it then maybe it's something that continues! But taking into account the sparks from the show, maybe he'd actually be really fine being exclusive with Mobile. Especially given how well their future selves seem to be doing. Idk! Basically the sum of this one is just that, if Wallace is exclusive with Mobile, he misses be a bit of a whore, but he's very happy where, and with who he is, now.

Envy Adams

1. She gives me vibes.. queer vibes... in some sort of direction.... idk if I'm fully behind her also being a comp. het lesbian or just labeling her a disaster bi, but I also get a vague sense of gender fuckery. It's entirely her name thing, probably, but I can see Envy being genderqueer.

2. She probably hunted Lynette down after that show- an arm was likely Not Enough to quite satisfy that rage. Especially since she didn't get the satisfaction of beating Todd more thoroughly herself, since Scott stepped in. Conversely, for the show canon, Wallace has a target on his back for the rest of her life, as far as she's concerned, even in a world where her feelings for Todd were just misunderstood- she considered him her best friend, and you don't get away with hurting her friends like that unless you're her.

3. I think I'd like to HC that some part of her regrets booting Scott from the band the way she did back in college? Maybe not immediately, or even soon, but I feel like sometimes she would think about him and their relationship as a whole and just feel bad, Idk. Like, she doesn't want to get back with him at all, but I could maybe see her offering to promote Shatterband (or Sex Bob-Omb, in the show,) or even play with him as a genuine apology instead of a coy trap somewhere down the line.

Knives Chau

1. Look... look I know I'm about to sound like a broken record... comp. het. lesbian or bi. HEAR ME OUT: her puppy dog love for Scott is really just that- something cute and innocent, but very intense, especially once he cuts her off in that honestly really brutal manner. Teenage heartbreak is messy- even if you feel like it was real, true love you had, you can often realize later in life that what you felt was just admiration, or something else innocuous like that. I think she reaffirms it to herself as a deep and true love because of how intense the pain of that breakup was, paired with everything that comes after, and I think the show really highlights that for me? Because in the show, with Scott out of the picture entirely, she's just a lot less intense about it. I think after playing music and hanging around his friends, she realizes she didn't really love him all that much, just thought he was a cool older guy and liked that he took an interest in her, even if she recognizes how wrong that was now. ((I probably have more articulate thoughts on this but I am really starting to feel the lack of pain meds so I need to get through this--))

2. Knives is really good at rhythm games and things like DDR or, when it's eventually released, Just Dance. Like, freakishly good. She picks them up just as well and just as quickly as she did her instruments.

3. With how quickly she picked up her instruments, she kinda gives me honor student vibes? Idk. I feel like it'd be a little stressful for her later on, because I do think her passionate drive for music makes her grades take a slight spin, but she just gives off that energy for me. Knives is a lot smarter than people give her credit for, I think, Idk.

... yes, I am very normal about media... spending 3 hours on 1 ask that offered me a lot more simplicity than I can apparently manage...

#asks #txt #kim pine #ramona flowers #roxie richter #lisa miller #Matthew Patel #scott pilgrim #wallace wells #envy adams #knives chau #i think i might have said this in the post but maybe i didnt or removed it- they're not necessarily ordered by like. most to least favorite #i just kinda chucked same names on there and went. debated starting some for lucas but i think my hands need a break- and my stomach a Snac #spto #sp comic #spvtw #headcanons #scott pilgrim takes off #scott pilgrim comic #scott pilgrim vs the world #potential spoilers for both the comics and the show i think?#if anyone wants this tagged w ship stuff for my little blurb under Kim lemme know #also I didn't include Roxie in the list of characters I think she likes but she should have been an honorable mention. i mostly had comic +#+ brain with that section #long post #woollyworm #demon hipster chicks

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paperclipbean · 6 months

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I love stories. I joke that books are my best friends, but it's not entirely a joke. When GO first triggered such a deep emotional response from me, my husband noticed and couldn't understand. In my own effort to understand and explain it, I've looked back, looked up, looked around. I've spent so much time unearthing things in myself that I'd buried. I've brushed off the dirt, looked closely, and felt things awaken that hurt but need to be allowed to hurt to properly heal. These things have echoed the raw emotion of my first response, but I can tell they are not the whole answer. I've rewatched the TV series (a *few times), read the book, joined Tumblr to read other people's ideas, and kept notebooks full of analysis, ideas, questions. I've recommited to my writing because I can feel that part of me waking up again -- stirring and sitting up in a deep pit of despair where rejection had left it to wither. It's not just that the trigger was painful- it was also awakening. So much about myself that had just laid down and accepted "this is life" is waking up and it's angry, and hopeful, and confused. After all my searching, I think that part of the reason is how I relate personally to this story based on my past and my dreams. But, also, I absolutely love Aziraphale and Crowley. I love their story. It's touched me deeply and I'll never be the same. And really really good stories do that. I also think that so many of us feel like this because we are all Aziraphale and Crowley. They are in each of us. Personally, I'm much more Aziraphale- in so many beautiful and, also, unhealthy ways. And, I've followed the rules all my life. Full of love but at the detriment to myself, never allowed to even really ask what I want. When I think back to my young adult self, I remember knowing I really wanted children. But, also knowing I really did not want to be married. At that time, being married meant a man and a woman. That's all. And, if you wanted children, that was your only choice. I remember the deep shame of my thoughts about other girls, and the shame was so strong that I never even admitted those "temptations" to anyone. I thought, it's bad enough being tempted by lustful thoughts about boys, having these thoughts about girls, too, was some twisted act of the devil and if I even admitted to being tempted in that way, I'd be ... well, at the time, it didn't even bear thinking about. Let's just say, it would not have gone over well. With anyone. There were no allies. There was no one telling me to be myself. There were a lot of people telling me to follow the rules and be "good." Can you imagine Aziraphale if he'd never met Crowley? Imagine all those questions slowly pecking at his brain with no one to encourage him to explore the answers, helping him to look at things differently, showing him that love can exist and good can manifest-- outside the "rules." Imagine never tasting food because you were told it's unhealthy and wrong- all the while knowing you want to taste the food. But, never allowing yourself. Never allowing yourself to even ask if that's what you really want. Over the years, I've developed some beautiful friendships that have given me the space to question and to be myself. I'm so very thankful for those friendships. But, it's not the same as what I see when I look at Aziraphale and Crowley. And that's what I want. And that want is what is waking up inside, yawning and stretching, and it hurts, and it's bittersweet. But I refuse to try and put it back to sleep. Have you ever felt a deep sense of missing someone, but you can't place who? Or feeling homesick when you're home? I've felt that way before. It always puzzled me. I think that even though I like the analogy that we are all part Aziraphale and part Crowley, I admit that I'm much more Aziraphale. And, I think I'm searching for Crowley. I want that. I want what they have with my whole heart. But, like Aziraphale, I can't bring myself to hurt anyone else in order to find it.

Update: I left an abusive relationship. (Yes, I'm in therapy.) I came out to my mom after fearing that conversation for years. It was beautiful. I moved to the city. I was terrified at the time; but, I love it. I am writing. It makes me feel alive and whole. I am acting for the first time. It's something I've always wanted to do and I love it. I'm making new friends and I'm so very thankful for all the friends who have supported me on this journey. I wouldn't say I've met my Crowley. But, I'm learning how to ask for what I want. I'm learning not to be afraid of making mistakes. (Yes, and. Go improv!) I hope that anyone else who has read this and identified with my story is encouraged to stand up for yourself and have the courage to seek a happy, healthy life. I welcome any asks or DMs.

#good omens #my best friends are books #Aziraphale and Crowley #ineffable husbands #will anyone even read this #doesn't matter #i needed to write it #missing someone you've never met

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middlenamesage · 2 months

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Tumblr is VERY Piscean and I think it’s absolutely beautiful.

Today I woke up thinking about how Tumblr has been the only website out there where I can share longer writings of mine and get them noticed and appreciated by merely including hashtags. The niche as a writer that I am falling into is extremely unconventional- it’s vulnerable personal accounts of my life, contextualized by astrology that naturally most want to come from me. And I am very grateful for anyone who resonates with my frequency and appreciates my messages, because I know I’m basically out here trauma dumping😂, and to happen across other people who are here for both that and astrology, is surely a rarity!

I was feeling grateful enough for Tumblr this morning to get the idea to look up when this site was launched. I was curious just what were the open-minded dynamics, so accepting of emotional vulnerability, that characterize Tumblr. To my pleasant surprise, Google informed me that Tumblr was launched at the very beginning of Pisces Season- meaning that it’s just about to have its birthday.

But that wasn’t all. Tumblr’s conception chart (with time unknown, but at least city known) is likely the most Piscean chart I have personally ever seen. 💖 Every single personal planet except Mars is in Pisces (and maybe it’s a good thing Mars didn’t join this party😂). All this Piscean energy seems to create a realm where I can find others as if I’m divinely guided by the Universal spirit which connects us all.

There’s vast yet connected territory here, because Pisces is the very undercurrent that runs through all of society. It’s the 12th and final sign, so it holds a little understanding of them all. 💧

Pisces holds so much power, it just holds it graciously. And often inconspicuously.

Pisces also explains why I was just realizing I see so many emojis included in informative astro Tumblr posts, compared to other sites. I’d been wondering if Cancer had a hand in this somehow (I myself am a Cancer Mercury, and please don’t ask me to not include emojis in my writing😂). But Pisces really makes a lot of sense too. Both Cancer and Pisces energy want to show expression in emotional terms… and emojis are so good for that. ❤️

And jeez, Tumblr still has relevance after seventeen years?! What other social media sites can you manage to say that about?? 🤔 This really shows the fluid and mutable ability of Pisces to adapt.

The Moon and Venus in Pisces in Tumblr’s conception chart really create an expression of Pisces energy that’s especially accepting and open to emotional vulnerability. And personally, they are trine my Moon in Scorpio, explaining even more why Tumblr-ites can stomach any sharing of my trauma. 😂 As if that wasn’t beautiful enough, the Pisces Sun in this chart is on my Pisces ascendant. No wonder I feel this is the only site I’ve so far found that gives me and my writing a place to shine. 🌞

Mercury retrograde in Pisces could be seen by some as indicative of a site where not the most comprehensively informative nor practical writing is shared. But I see it as indicative of a site where writing that makes people reflect on their emotions, grow their imagination, and even feel open to the web of Spirit connecting us all, is shared. I’ve long been fascinated and often admired a Mercury in “detriment” because it brings Jupiter’s realm up into Mercury’s realm; merging areas that can relate to the concepts of “left brain” and “right brain”, sometimes in amazing ways. And Mercury retrograde just gives us more opportunities for inward reflection. I love that posts can stay relevant here for ages, as we keep coming back to reflect upon them.

Jupiter is at home in Sagittarius in Tumblr’s profoundly Piscean conception chart, and aspecting some of those Pisces placements, so I think you can say this chart is extremely Jupiterian in every way. Personally, I’m so here for the expansive energy. 🏹 There are many ways to grow your philosophies hanging around on this site.

And I should mention that Uranus is also with the group of powerful forces for love and oneness hanging out in Pisces, because this is a revolution.

Thanks to the North Node also in Pisces in Tumblr’s chart, lending extra forward motion to this whole movement, I’d say exploring Jupiter territory, most colored by the loving, accepting, and spirit-recognizing side of Jupiter that is Pisces, is a perfectly appropriate direction for this site to only go deeper in.

Happy Birthday (tomorrow), Tumblr! Thanks for providing a meeting ground for beautiful, inclusive souls who can learn from each other.

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discluded · 2 years

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I'm so proud 🌈 of Apo for how brave he's always been.

In case you missed it since Apo never specifically said it in an interview, Tong spoke about having this conversation with Apo about how Apo viewed Porsche's character (I'm guessing Tong here means Porsche's gender preference... this is the official BOC subtitled version too, sigh.)

This is a companion to the Proud🌈 of Mile piece I wrote a while back. I've been wanting write one for Apo but it's very hard because it's obviously very hard for him to talk about too. Sometimes I when I get notes on the Mile one, I still feel shy about it (even though I don't think Mile is shy!) But someone needs to loudly celebrate both of their bravery! Especially Apo's!!

It takes a lot of courage to walk away from a career you love because you realize you're being not treated the way you're supposed to be. Especially when it's an art you love and you've gotten to a place that most people dream of. Let's not forget, Apo was quite famous as an actor in Thailand already before KinnPorsche. Not only is he a great actor, but he was building a reputation for himself and he chose to walk away from all of that, potentially permanently.

The kind of policing that Apo received of a young person's self-expression while working on the sets of Channel 3 has really detrimental effects on the psyche. I won't say too much about it because Apo is human and he's allowed off days and deserves the grace, but you can see glimpses of how being at an industry event full of industry people, some of whom may or may not have said shit to him in the past, inadvertently hit him at the Vogue Gala. Of course Apo had fun still and it was an amazing experience he got to share with Mile! But if that's how he felt like he had to police his own body language every day on set, I can see why he quit.

New York was so good for Apo because it allowed him to see that the problem was with the people around him, not with himself. When I was in my early 20s, I remember seeing a billboard in New York that said something along the lines of: "Here we judge you more for the shoes you wear than who you love." And ain't that the type of freedom Apo needed.

But when he got back from New York, he committed himself to making queer art.

How brave does he have to be in the first place to walk away from a career he loved because of the homophobic comments he got and knowing it wasn't right (and a reminder, he wasn't working on any BLs before KPTS), and then how much braver still to come back and say: you can't hurt me with what I own about myself. And, I want to make art that expresses it.

Make no mistake, I'm not commenting on Apo's sexuality here. He's asked us not to. But being queer, queerness isn't just about gender or sexuality. It's about identity, the struggles you go through; it's a political stance. Many queer musicians who've never been publicly linked to a same-sex partner have made art specifically to explore their queerness and grapple with violence they still are at the brunt of as a result of being part of society.

And Apo has let us know multiple times what his political stance is, the kinship he feels with expressed queerness. It's the way he came back home and owned the queer art he is a part of. It's the way he continuously expresses the humanity in the stories he's telling, and talks about in interviews how he sees that honesty in the story resonates with the audience.

Apo is a role model in not only how we should treat those around us, but a reminder that being kind to everyone includes being kind to yourself. Especially when society tries to tear you down.

youtube

#queer #lgbtq #apo nattawin #actor apo nattawin #kinnporsche #pride #mileapo and pride #kinnporsche promo #not gay as in happy but queer as in fuck you #they tried to buy my pride #but that just ain't up for sale

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majorarenarde · 5 months

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🔥 Mars 🔥

Mars - known for aggression, motivation, conquest, acting on desire, sex, and stamina

One's mars sign can drastically influence the way they carry themselves, are seen, and impact personal relations and diplomacy. Mars is Energy.

❤️‍🔥 Mars aspecting Chiron can lead to wounds being healed through physical activity- such as martial arts. It should also be noted that it may also indicate particularly violent wounds, or wounds involving domineering men.

❤️‍🔥Mars in pisces need to learn to act on instinct. Decisions are made intuitively and felt through. Because pisces is co-ruled by Jupiter- luck tends to be on their side in accidents or conflict. The type to be in a serious car wreck without a scratch.

❤️‍🔥Mars in cancer are very moody individuals. They can be very shy in private, but project confidence in group settings. They claim to be loners, but I usually see them socializing and going with the mood of the crowd they’re in. Super sweet, but more on the guarded side of cancer placements.

❤️‍🔥Virgo mars have ANGER issues. The type to journal their darker feelings graphically. Think of constant bickering and debates as stimulating and engaging. PE teacher vibes.

❤️‍🔥Libra mars are by far the most charming libra placement I’ve encountered. They can really make everyone comfortable and smooth rough edges in their environment. The type to just shrug and go “this too shall pass” at high stress situations. Very loyal and old fashioned lovers. Their energy is directed towards unity.

❤️‍🔥Pisces mars genuinely need to have a hold on their escapist tendencies. I notice we’re either running from something or highly highly spiritual. Mediums fr tho.

❤️‍🔥 Gemini Mars 🤝 Arguing as a way to flirt

❤️‍🔥 Pluto-Mars aspects and their eternal struggle with control and power is real. You know they aren’t in a good place when they keep trying to death-grip everything in their lives.

❤️‍🔥Saturn-Mars and needing to build up tension

❤️‍🔥 Mercury-Mars and the voice *chefs kiss* 🤌🏻

❤️‍🔥 5th house mars 🤝 being addicted to high risk activities.

❤️‍🔥 Mars in 1st house can appear to always be injured/ in accidents. Commonly seen for the first time with casts and braces. Athletic. Also prone to arguing about themselves. “I’m not like that at all!” “my leg is fine! Just leave me alone, I can handle myself!” Etc

❤️‍🔥 Capricorn mars is NOTORIOUS for their waiting. I’m not saying they don’t take action (they DEFINITELY do and BOLDLY) but it’s more structured when they do. When they move, they make it so NOTHING can disrupt their foundation. They’re slow and steady FS. Very respectful of lover’s boundaries in my experience.

❤️‍🔥 Mars in 2nd house constantly argue about their worth, fortune, and their structure. Sign will color how this plays out. My mom has Aries mars in 2nd house- always arguing with people ab money, her values, eating habits, etc. my father also has mars here- but it’s Virgo, and he will debate about giving away his money, debate values, etc. he tends to be less aggressive than my mother in this house.

❤️‍🔥 Mars in 7th literally HAVE to argue with their partners. I don’t know why. They get really upset when their partners don’t argue back. They really like bratty banter.

❤️‍🔥 10th house mars 🤝 arguing with authority figures

❤️‍🔥 Mars-moon hard aspects have a hard time balancing their emotional reactions, and tend to have very impulsive responses to stimuli.

❤️‍🔥 Mars in detriment or fall signs tend to have lower energy levels and aren’t necessarily motivated to act easily.

❤️‍🔥 Mars in water signs and houses can and will be angry if those around them are. Very reflective lol. Also the type to get hype/motivated when in a crowd. Probably loves mosh pits tbh. Hard for them to release that emotion.

❤️‍🔥 Mars-Venus are charming individuals, often making peace during war, but can sometimes take out their angers and frustration on their closer friends and lovers. Could also just find conflict with social relationships.

❤️‍🔥 Mars Opposite Jupiter (cap mars) can be VERY quick. For some reason he wanted to edge himself??? Literally went in and exited immediately.

❤️‍🔥 EVERY Sagittarius Mars i have met was so funny and sooo nerdy. 10/10 my Sag Venus falls SO hard for this mars sign (esp bc its in my 5th house). Most around my age have aspects to pluto, which is very hot omg. In true fire mars fashion,(in an unserious and joking tone) i have been told by this placement, "I don't want to share you," and that they would flip off anyone checking me out.

#astrology #mars #asstrology obervations #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #leo #virgo #libra #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #aquarius #pisces #rising sign #love #zodiac #witch #astroblr #witchblr

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humpandpump · 4 months

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Emily's attack

My first attempt at a story!!! Explicit, proceed with caution!!!

***

I had barely gotten inside after a long day at work, still in my paramedic uniform for the day, when she knocked on my door. I checked my watch before I turned around - it was exactly 9pm, the time we had arranged. I was exhausted, not really in the mood for the lesson, but I had told her I would help, and I needed the extra money.

I opened the door and found myself looking... down. She was smaller than I had pictured, and although I didn't have any required criteria for who I could help, I found myself attracting quite a specific clientele: usually women, often young, who found themselves struggling to breathe during their intensive fitness regimen, which left them with excellent figures that made this job, well, easier.

Emily was no exception.

'Hi,' she said quietly when I struggled to form the words. She really was that beautiful, with perfect, plump lips, round breasts and a tight hourglass figure. She wore a tight tank top (no bra - she had read the guidelines for her first appointment) and loose linen shorts. Sometimes, I really loved this business. 'Is this the...'

She let it trail off when I nodded. 'Uh, yeah! Come in. Emily, right?'

I stepped back to let her into my apartment, mentally scolding myself for not tidying up beforehand. As quickly as I could, I led her to the spare room, where I had everything set up. When I was just starting out, before I knew how in demand this business would be, I ran it out of my bedroom, but that made things... complicated.

She looked around shyly, noticing the relativity empty room, with nothing but two chairs and a kitchen caddy under the window, though the blind was down - I didn't need nosey neighbours getting the wrong idea about this.

I guided her to the chair and sat across from her, resting my elbows on my thighs as I leaned forward. 'So, what's been going on?'

'I...' God, she was shy. This was going to be hard. 'I saw your services online and I thought... well, you helped some other people who are in my predicament, so I thought maybe you could help me. I've had this trouble breathing... kind of like asthma, but it doesn't come up when I'm doing usual exercise. It only happens when I'm, well, you know.' She blushed, rubbing her hands between her thighs and letting her blonde hair fall over her face. 'I don't have a boyfriend or anything, but I find it hard to have casual sex. Because I'm worried I won't be able to breathe, or I'll collapse. My throat closes up and my heart starts racing and I feel like I might be dying, and I don't know what to do. It happens when I start to get close and then, well, then I can't get there, because I'm scared of what will happen when I get over the edge, if I might die.'

I nodded solemnly. 'What you're experiencing is a very common occurrence. Trust me, I see a lot of women in this position.' At this, I gave a soft chuckle. 'What's happening is that your body is reacting to the sexual stimulation as a threat to your survival. It's a mis-wiring of the system.'

'What do we do to fix it?'

'Well, it's complex, and if you're here it means you know my methods are unorthodox. But the most success we've seen is controlled stimulation, sometimes paired with CPR, to take you to climax without killing you. It teaches your body how to react to the climax by giving it a bit of a helping hand. We do this a few times, regular sessions, until your body starts to learn on its own.'

She looked uncomfortably around the room. 'Here?' she asked.

I chuckled. 'Well, I can't exactly get a hospital bed in here. And a real bed would be too soft for CPR, it would have a detrimental effect on its effectiveness. Don't worry - I have pillows for under your hips, which keeps the blood flowing to your heart. I can go get those when you're ready.'

She looked shocked. 'What, now? Are we doing this today?'

'We don't have to,' I said, putting my hands up in defence. 'It's completely up to you. We can call this a complimentary information session.'

She looked around the room again, and then her eyes slowly passed over me. I felt exposed in my uniform - it had been getting tighter since I'd started going back to the gym more regularly, and I could feel the fabric press against the skin of my arms. Slowly, she nodded. 'No, now is as good a time as any. What do you want me to do?'

I cleared my throat. 'Well, step one is to simulate the conditions of the attack. You say it happens when you start to climax? We'll have to get you there, and then we'll start doing whatever methods necessary. First, let's get you hooked up. Could you take off your clothes?'

She lifted her tank top over her head, and I tried not to watch as her breasts bounced back into place as she lowered her arms.

'Pants too, please,' I said quietly. She slipped out of her pants, revealing a lacy pair of underwear that disappeared into a firm ass. Like I said, sometimes I really loved this job.

'Lie down, please,' I instructed, motioning to the ground. Tentatively, I pulled out the EKG machine and started to press the electrodes onto her breasts and abdomen. I could feel the heat of her skin and the lines of her abs beneath my hands. One hand could span nearly the entire length of her torso. I tried not to let my imagination get carried away with that, though I felt myself twitch beneath my pants. I then grabbed the pillow, sliding it beneath her hips.

'This will monitor your heart,' I said. She moaned slightly, and then pressed her lips together, as though it were an accident. She pulled her legs up as if trying to keep them together. I tried to suppress my smile, to keep it professional. 'Is there anything that turns you on, that might help you get to climax?'

Wordlessly, with my hands still on her abdomen from where I had pressed the last wire onto her skin, she lifted herself up onto her elbows, so that our faces were close. I could smell the mint of her breath.

'Is this allowed?' Oh, boy, yes it is allowed. This line of work wouldn't work if this was not allowed. To communicate this point, I pressed my lips to hers, feeling the hot air of her mouth and warmth of her tongue against mine. As soon as they met, the machine started to beep, slowly getting faster. Every time we pulled away, I checked the numbers, just to make sure.

Her hands roamed my body, reaching for the buttons of my uniform, but I grabbed her fingers with one hand, forcing them above her head, watching her body stretch to accommodate the motion. Her breast heaved with desire.

'The uniform is to remember who's the teacher and who's the student,' I whispered into her ear, before moving my lips to her neck. The monitor beeped faster as I sucked on the soft skin of her collarbone, letting my other hand roam of her breast and gently flick her nipples back and forth. I could feel them getting hard under my hands. Her heartbeat was climbing, climbing - I rested my hand on her ribs in an attempt to bring it down just slightly, in case I mistimed the whole thing and killed her. I could still feel her heart beneath the slight pressure of my hand on her upper abdomen.

But she was doing okay, which I occasionally paused to check, searching her eyes for signs of fear. There was nothing but desire, which made me incredibly horny, though that was probably a test of the rules. Oh well, I thought. I'm my own boss.

I moved my lips to her breast, releasing her hand to guide her nipple into my mouth as my other hand continued down to rest on the curve of her pelvis, lightly caressing her centre. God, she was so wet already. Not that the machine wasn't giving away everything, her heartbeat incredibly receptive to my every touch. I was hard as a rock, hoping she couldn't see the tent that strained my pants. Her hands pulled at my hair, at the collar of my uniform, at everything she could get her hands on.

I flicked at her nipple and let my fingers stroke the outside of her underwear in gentle motions. She liked it - the beeps gave her away.

'More,' she whispered, nearly missed in the chaos of the EKG machine and her panting breaths. I moved away from her side to between her legs, guiding her underwear over her thighs and discarding them. I could see her centre, dripping and ready, and even without me touching her, she was grinding her hips against the pillow. Without my hands, her own started to move down to her centre, though she eyed me curiously.

I moved her hand and pinned it up near her head, leaning over her as my own hand took its place, slipping a finger into her warm centre. With one finger inside her, I pressed the heel of my hand to her swollen clit as I fingered her, all while watching her breathe, just to be sure that she still was.

'You're doing so good,' I found myself moaning as I rocked my hand into her. I slipped in a second finger, feeling the push of her pelvis against my hand. She started to moan. We had lift off. I let go of her hand and settled myself with her legs over my shoulder, moving my palm to replace it with my mouth. With soft, gentle kisses at first, and then powerful, stroking licks of her clit. The moaning intensified, and her hips bucked wildly. I pressed my hand into her lower abdomen to keep her still as I licked her clit and curled my fingers in her cunt. She tasted incredible. I could hear her breathing, labouring against her lungs, as they struggled to inhale. She was getting there. Just a bit more...

And then, suddenly, I heard the sound I had been listening out for - the sound of a heart in distress. I pulled away quickly, lifting myself out from between her to first check the machine, and then her. Her heart was beating, but much too fast, and she looked at me with panicked, swirling eyes. Her hands reached for her neck, desperate.

'It's okay,' I said, immediately switching to work mode, the safe version of me. I reached for a stethoscope from the caddy and rested it over her breasts, confirming the EKG machine's diagnosis. This was the attack she feared. 'We're going to get this heartbeat down, okay?'

She shook her head, as if to tell me she didn't believe me.

'Look at me,' I said, reaching for her face. I wrapped my arm around her torso and pulled her up so I could readjust the pillow to underneath her breasts, keeping her airway open. She was light and limp as a doll. 'I'm not going to let anything happen to you. Okay?' She stared into my eyes frantically. I couldn't be sure she heard what I said. Instantly, I pinched her nose and pulled down her lower lip, closing our mouths together to blow hot air into her lungs. I could see her chest rising the slightest amount. When I pulled back, she was still staring at me, her eyes still moving in panic, not taking breaths on her own.

I did it again, sealing my lips over hers and blowing air into her, this time letting my other hand rest on her stomach to feel the rise. I couldn't tell where the air was going - stomach or lungs? I gave her more breaths, aware that the machine was still indicating her heartbeat was insanely irregular, as I applied more pressure to her body with my hand. One breath with a hand pressed to her sternum, and another with a hand pressed into her stomach. As I pressed to her chest, her heart beat wildly against my hand. It was slowing down, ever so slightly. As I gave her one more breath, I felt the rattle of her lungs as she took in my air on her own, and expelled it. Progress.

'Okay, Emily, you're okay. I got you. You're going to be okay. I'm not going to let you die on me.' Thankfully, she was still conscious, but immobile, and fear kept her paralysed. I sat up, surveying the situation and the machine. We weren't ready for defibs - this was a manual task.

'This is the part I said before - we need to give slow chest compressions while we stimulate, to teach the heart the proper way to beat.' I placed one hand on her sternum, though my hand was big enough to nearly cover her entire breast. I then pressed my other hand over her vagina, fingers resting on the opening, palm pressed and applying pressure to the clit. She was still wet and warm, so I slipped two fingers into her vagina - in and out, in and out, as I pressed down on her chest, all while watching her face for signs. At first, I kept my compressions and fingering slow, gentle movements that kept her calm, as her heart reacted on the monitor. I could feel it against my hand, as her nipple stiffened, almost against her will - she was so panicked, and so aroused at the same time. But I was completely in control of whether she made it through this, completely in control of her heart and her body right now, and I had to make sure I kept her safe.

She was still warm and wet for me, though she had stopped grinding her hips against my hand. I counted out 30 compressions and 30 'come hither' motions in her vagina before carefully removing my hand to rest on her stomach. With the other, I pinched her nose, and she opened her mouth, ready for my air. She closed her eyes as I breathed into her lungs, feeling the gentle rise of her stomach under my hand. The EKG machine was quieter now, slightly slower.

After a few more breaths, I looked into her eyes, smoothing back her hair to check that she was okay. Her chest was still heaving desperately, but she looked less panicked, and I knew I had earned her trust. My palm found her chest again, and this time, I straddled her, letting my stiff cock press against her clit as I secured her thighs between mine. Slowly, I pressed against her sternum, one palm over the other, as I calmed her heart to beat against the rhythm I set. She looked up at me, watching me press into her, calming her breathing. I nodded at her.

'You're doing so good,' I said. 'Just keep breathing.'

She breathed between my compressions, her stomach rising against me as she inhaled. I watched the EKG machine as it steadied the rhythm, steading slowly until we came to a pace. With every drop of the machine, I lightened the pressure of my compressions, until I was barely pushing at all, holding my hands pressed to her ribs. Her own hands raised up to meet mine, as if to thank me.

She coughed, and pulled herself up on her elbows. 'That was scary,' she said, in a small voice. Immediately I pulled myself off her, grabbing my steth and coming by her side. I put the ear pieces on and pressed the bell onto her breast, listening to her steady rhythms.

'It was scary for me too,' I admitted. 'I didn't want to lose you.'

She laughed, and coughed as she did. 'Bad for business?'

I couldn't bring myself to laugh along, I was still caught up in the thought of losing this magic that I had only just found.

'Well, I think it was working,' she said. 'I think I probably need more practice, though. Should we say same time next week?'

#cpr resus #cpr #cpr writing #resus

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