#today i fucked up

[r-today-i-fucked-up]

TIFU by being horny

I (21ftm) started testosterone a couple of months ago and so far the most noticeable effect by far has been increased libido. I've been clawing at the walls, suddenly feeling much more understanding if how obnoxious my car was when she went into heat right before we desexed her.

So, I did what any sane man would do, and bought my first vibrator. Just a little bullet vibe from the sex shop down the road. I was in heaven. Usually, I have to stop jacking it when my arm stops cramping. No more! I think I spent three hours with it before the battery finally died.

Then I stood up. Started to walk. Realised that my clot was radiating pain with every step. Took a good look at it, and it's fuckin purple. I had that vibe pressed into it for so long and so hard that I bruised my fucking clit.

It not only hurts to walk, but I'm genuinely afraid to jack off until it looks normal, so I'm back to clawing at the walks ToT

.

#nsft #reddit #tifu #today i fucked up

[alterniatifu]

tifu...

i just realized that the troll ive been pitch-flirting with over trollian is actually a human... and they just hate me in a platonic way... they don't even swordfight...

.

#human rƐlat1onsh1ps arƐ strangƐ #1m surƐ you two can work somƐth1ng out #and you could always tƐach thƐm swordf1ght1ng yoursƐlf #tifu #today i fucked up #unreality

[thebuginthecornerofyourroom]

What in the god damned

#reddit #tifu #today i fucked up #196 #r/196 #rule #reddit post

[rtifu]

TIFU - im making mac n cheese but already started the pasta when i realized we dont have milk so i figured i could use half n half in my mac n cheese but we dont have that either BUT we have an almondmilk creamer and i thought sure why not, lets see how this tastes in a cup first and let me tell you, its a good thing i tried it first because it is NOT almondmilk creamer it is homemade bailey's. my stepmom reused the almondmilk container to store her bailey's in. i almost just made mac n cheese with whiskey and hersheys syrup

.

#reddit blog #today i fucked up #tifu #wdym anon? that sounds scrumptious

[ultimatebumblebee]

Accidentally washed a really big pack of gum with my blanket. It's been washed 3x and it still smells minty.

#today I fucked up #mint #gum #bedding #justgirlythings #fuckup #mistake #whoops

[gardenianoire]

went to the store for snacks and toothpaste and accidentally locked myself out haven't seen my landlord all week and my roommate is godknowswhere

#today I fucked up

[prittyvenus]

Today I fucked up. My computer has a cracked screen. I should have been more careful with it.

That is all

#today i fucked up

[fuji09]

Today I fucked up by telling my husband to strip because we need to do a tick check.

So it just happened, I found a tick crawling on our bed. I walked into our computer room and asked if he was busy on a call. Well I thought he said no. So I showed him the tick and told him I just found it on the bed and to strip because we need to do a tick search.

Turns out he said what, not no. He's on a work call and I'm praying that his mic didn't pick me up. So now I'm dying inside because everyone on the conference call may have heard me tell my husband to strip.

#fuji rants #today i fucked up #tifu

[you-need-not-apply]

On todays episode of “well fuck me” we will show the astonishing plight of trying to use a broken toaster

#tumblr #I fucked up #today I fucked up #tifu #todays episode of #well fuck me

[crimsonicarus]

Help, i made the mistake of telling my relatives i stopped taking my meds and want to stop going to the doctor and now I'm dealing with the consequences of my own actions

#laurie complains #today i fucked up #and i fucked up baaaaaad #jesus take the wheel #jesus take the whole car #like what the hell i do now????

[r-today-i-fucked-up]

TIFU by not cooking rice.

I had Chinese for lunch a few days ago and had leftover fried rice from the meal. Great, amazing even. Today I go out to the refrigerator to grab said rice. I go inside to heat it up in the microwave, but one of the people I live with was on her phone blocking it, so I sit down, with my cold, hard, fried rice, and eat it with a fork. Yeah, a fork. Sufficient to say that was a) unpleasant b) unhealthy c) wasting good leftovers and d) proving I’m a wimp.

.

#NO IM SO SORRY ANON…. #reddit #tifu #today i fucked up

[alterniatifu]

xX_TIFU by mixing up h0m0ph0nɘs_Xx xX_I (7.02 swɘɘps, purplɘ, malɘ, &ltɘrnian) havɘ a bad habit 0f mixing up w0rds, ɘspɘcially if thɘy s0und similar, ɘspɘcially ɘspɘcially if I’m ar0und a tr0ll I admirɘ. Givɘn my castɘ, thɘrɘ havɘ bɘɘn a fɘw l0wbl00ds that havɘ triɘd t0 gɘt buddy-buddy with mɘ t0 av0id thɘ cull. Nɘɘdlɘss t0 say, th0sɘ that try this gɘt cullɘd. &lth0ugh, thɘrɘ was 0nɘ tr0ll (6.66 swɘɘps, 0livɘ, fɘmalɘ, &ltɘrnian) that did managɘ t0 capturɘ my bl00d pushɘr. Shɘ was s0 swɘɘt, s0 kind, and I was s0 happy t0 find s0mɘb0dy--a l0wbl00d, n0 lɘss!--that likɘd mɘ f0r mɘ. I ɘndɘd up flushɘd f0r hɘr ɘmbarrassingly quick. 0nɘ day, I p0ppɘd thɘ quɘsti0n, and ɘvɘrything wɘnt d0wn thɘ l0ad gapɘr. I g0t my w0rds jumblɘd insidɘ 0f my thinkpan and said that I wantɘd t0 bɘ palɘ with hɘr, instɘad 0f pail with hɘr. I d0n’t kn0w H0W I didn’t catch this right away. Shɘ happily agrɘɘd. Flash f0rward a bit 0f timɘ, and I triɘd t0 pail with hɘr. I didn’t t0uch hɘr! Just br0ught 0ut a buckɘt I f0und 0utsidɘ. Shɘ FRƎ&KƎD. Callɘd mɘ wɘird, a frɘak, ɘtc. Thɘ pin dr0ppɘd. Shɘ was making such a fuss. I ɘndɘd up gɘtting s0 ɘmbarrassɘd that I lɘft. Trying t0 dɘcidɘ if I sh0uld g0 back--t0 ɘithɘr makɘ up 0r cull hɘr. I fɘɘl likɘ garbagɘ n0w. I ruinɘd thɘ 0nɘ thing that madɘ mɘ happy._Xx (ooc i hope i did this right. if you need a de-quirked transcript i can send one)

.

#oh holy sh1t an ask th1s doƐsnt happƐn oftƐn anymorƐ #anyways you should pro8a8ly try to makƐ up w1th hƐr! #m1sscommun1cat1ons happƐn all thƐ t1mƐ #talk 1t out #1f you want thƐ rƐlat1onsh1p to 8Ɛ morƐ flush thƐn just ask 1f shƐ 1s comforta8lƐ w1th 1t #tifu #today i fucked up #unreality #ooc: yeah you did this perfectly fine lol. also i have seen WAY worse quirks on this blog dw

[onlyonewoman]

I'm have a real difficult time reckognizing faces, especially when I see someone in a different situation than where I usually see them. Well, today, since I work with horses and the guy who owns the shop at the corner has told me about his old friend who likes to play on horse games, I knew the guy he meant and he was watching a race in the shop on a couch. So I decided to be, you know, social, and said "Winning any money?" Well, from there he recalled I work with horses and then, out of the blue, he said: "You're with MIL's lad, right?" I was like... yeah, thinking it was some neighbor, but it turned out the old man was MIL's new hubby (NH) - I knew she re-married barely a year after FIL (lovely man) died, and so I was like, "yep, that's me, we got married last summer". NH went on with "Why don't you never come and visit when you're living this close? You should be able to." There I stand, with my "bribing myself to clean chocolate", regretting ever opening my mouth, realising that OF COURSE MIL hasn't told her hubby ANYTHING about the reasons why we don't plan on seeing her voluntarily ever again. We haven't spoken to her in YEARS, because she's a self-absorbed, immature person who is incapable of looking past her own wants and wishes. She destroyed whatever she could of the relationship between my husband and FIL, used emotional blackmail to get her way all through life - even in childhood, relatives have confirmed - and it's taken a long time for my hubby, who's a single child, to come to terms with this. There's a special kind of "what the fuck am I hearing?" moment when you hear the lies of someone you've managed to cut out from your life, from someone who OF COURSE doesn't know the true story. I just said: "Well, sometimes it's just not that simple", then I added: "I hope you're doing good together" and he said: "Oh, we do! We really do!", clearly aiming at making me look surprised or something. Instead I smiled and said: "I'm glad you do. That's the important thing." Hubby hates even catching a mere glimpse of his mother and any mention of her makes his day at least a bit shitty, so I'm thinking of keeping this unfortunate convo to myself. It seems to me, that a caring spouse wouldn't tell their spouse about something that doesn't impact their life at all if they're not told, when being told would make them feel bad.

Remember: YOU DO NOT OWE AGING PARENTS A RELATIONSHIP, NO MATTER HOW CLOSE YOU LIVE, IF THE PARENT IN QUESTION, MAKES YOU FEEL BAD EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU SEE THEM, AND IS INCAPABLE OF CHANGING OR CARING ABOUT YOU.

#you don't owe your parents love just because they're your parents #emotionally immature parents #protect your spouse if they have shitty parents #and of course yourself too #today i fucked up

[rtifu]

TIFU by thinking everyone who has spent enough time reading fanfic has heard of hanahaki and got called weird because I made a joke about it :(

.

#reddit blog #today i fucked up #tifu #maybe its because im old but who the fuck hasnt heard of it before?

[jasonsnowwhitebrody]

MY MOM READ MY FANFIC

So uhm, my mother read the fanfic I wrote about Jason and Vaas......no it’s not child friendly.....

HOW THE HELL DO I EXPLAIN THIS TO HER

#today i fucked up

[mystic-nacho-kingdom]

Today I learned

Just want to update you on something that happened to me. Last week I had an evening appointment at the doctor in Lombard. This was an after hours visit. When we got there as I was getting out of my sister's car, another person was entering the locked entrance. I asked the person to hold the door for me. Then from somewhere in the dark parking lot I heard someone shouting close the door, close the door. The guy that was holding the door closed the door. I just assumed the female voice shouting was his wife thinking I was going to mug him. I shouted at this invisible female voice "mind your own business". She shouted towards me again saying something like close the door, ring the bell. Well I figured an appropriate finger in the air would show what I felt. I then went in and sat down waiting for the staff. Well when my sister came to pick me up I asked her if I had sworn at that woman. She replied, "yes". And when I asked her what I said she told me. I felt bad that I had used that language. It burned in my head for the next few hours how someone had said the same thing to me months ago. And that put me in an awful depression that I am just coming out of now. If I felt that way when someone else did that to me, I could only imagine what that lady felt the same way.

Well I sent a letter to the Duly executives explaining what I had done and expressed to them that if they could find that lady and give her my written apology that i would be so much appreciated.

I learned another life lesson that day.

#til #today i learned #today i fucked up