#today that like . since i haven't fully come to terms i felt more closed off.... like not as willing to work on my problems ? and i felt v

[24kitty-doodles]

10 Projects

I am a few weeks in grad school pursuing an MFA and a common question that has been presented to me (starting with the application process) are what are other works of art that inspire me or are my favorites. It begs the question "What do you I really like??" It's something that I haven't really put a lot of thought on until recently since it has come up so often now.

It's forced me to put more thought into that question and formally pick things out, categorize it, and log it into my brain so I can more properly draw from these inspirations later. As a part of that process, I'm starting with these 10 "projects" that have inspired me in some ways in the past. The term project is used loosely and varies from things I've seen, played, or other artists, but let's start the list!

the 2D animated movie Klaus

To give more context as to how much the movie amazed me, I have to talk about past sentiments while I was completing my BFA in animation. When I was an undergrad, 2D animation was pretty much written off as a dying and antiquated art. Disney had officially closed the last of their 2D animation studios not long before I started my BFA, reasoning that there is much more time and work involved in hand drawn animation in comparison to 3D animation. I feel a lot of people treated that as nail to 2D's coffin, which saddened me to say the least. I wasn't really able to pursue it as a result. Only classes being offered at the time was cell animation during my undergrad, and I focused more on 3D as a result.

But this movie really changed how I felt about the legitimacy of 2D animation. The fact that the studio was able to make their own software, creating new technologies for the art which really amazed me. Makes me feel that it is only a matter of time before the technology for 2D catches up to what 3D has to offer. It definitely rekindled my desire to learn the art and I'm looking to do just that during my MFA.

2. the animated film It's Such a Beautiful Day

I just really love this film. The style of the animation can be considered child-like or unrefined with its use of hand-drawn stick figures, but it works so perfectly with the story it presents. I can't imagine it being done in any other way. I think it helps me to put things in perspective that, you don't need to approach a project with a mainstream mindset that one might consider to be current or proper. If it works, it works; focus on that.

Also please go watch this film because it's great!

Watch IT'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY Online | Vimeo On Demand on Vimeo

3.-5. animated cartoons like Adventure Time, Courage the Cowardly Dog, Steven Universe, and many others!

I probably wouldn't be sane today if it wasn't for animated cartoons. It brings about the purest forms of joy through nonsense and tomfoolery, while still delivering complex storylines, fully built universes, and deep messages. Afterall, you can't be super serious all the time. Trust your gut, be yourself and be silly!

6.-10. GAMES! Just all the games! But some of my favorites are Darkest Dungeon, The Binding of Isaac series, The Legend of Zelda series, Labyrinth of Refrain: Coven of Dusk, and Hades

My love for games is similar to my love for cartoons, except you get to be the character! Experience the grand world and storylines through that character or create your own stories, characters and worlds. Nothing inspires me to create my own characters and worlds as much as games do, especially games that give you the freedom and control to add and create your own sort of story to the overarching story provided by the game.

I tend to have an affinity for dungeon-crawlers, rogue-likes, and RPGs. Something about slowly progressing through the story through an endless cycle of trial and tribulations, of death and rebirth. You are slowly learning and growing along with story, making it feel that much more rewarding when you do succeed and progress. The progression from starting off weak and becoming stronger through both mistakes and triumphs, appeals to me personally, makes it feel more immersive and that no matter what, you just have to keep trying and you'll eventually get there.

If that's not inspiring idk what is ¯\_(´・ω・｀)_/¯

#video games #art #animation #2d animation #cartoon #grad student

[yutadori]

/

#i feel like today was such a mess oh my god #like it was a mess but everything felt toned down ? unreal ? idk how to describe it but hhh #it sucks that i'm still thinking about it like ig i need to get it out of my system so sorry if you already saw this briefly on twt gjkdfhgf #but hhhhh i went in for a consultation with a (potentially) new therapist and it didn't go.... well #it wasn't Bad at all but she just was not the right fit for me ? #i really forgot just how difficult it is to find a therapist that suits me #like they could be perfectly fine but if we don't vibe it's like :/ i tried to like . disregard that bc i feel like i'd waste a lot of time #trying to look for a therapist that i get along with? like what's really key is that i find someone who can tend to my needs #but hhhh we just didn't click and like i felt sort of awkward ? like i didn't feel comfortable ? felt v detached like i was able to tell her #a bit about my problems but i just ??? did not feel anything at all ! we love the dissociation ! #and like i think that's partly due to the fact that i'm not like . that i haven't moved past the fact that i can't see my current therapist #anymore bc of $$$ (: i THOUGHT i was past it and ready to look for a new therapist to work with but i guess NOT bc when i briefly talked #about her i IMMEDIATELY teared up and started to cry GFDJGK LIKE GOD...... #and she was saying stuff like 'aw you worked with her for so long and built a good relationship with her so this must be really hard' #AND I WAS JUST LIKE GJDFKLGJ STOPPP IM CRYING HHHHHH #idk i don't know if i can do this yet??? idk if i can continue going out and looking for a new therapist to work with? bc also i realized #today that like . since i haven't fully come to terms i felt more closed off.... like not as willing to work on my problems ? and i felt v #disconnected like the dissociation kicked in real hard today and i just felt nothing while telling her my personal problems like ??? idk and #like the thing is my current therapist really wants me to find a new one so i can work through my mental illnesses and heal but i don't know #i just CANT right now and i feel bad telling her that? bc she's really rooting for me ): like i feel like if i told her i can't she'd tell #me to keep trying. which isn't bad but i .... sort of don't want to and don't feel like i'm at the place wher ei can do that yet? i don't #know... i guess i need more time. aaaaa and also i want to save money.... ))): hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the rate this therapist offerred was p low #but still when i totalled the amount for the month it was like.... ah . idk . im okay with not going to therapy for a while . i think i'd be #okay. not amazing but i'll manage? though idk if she'd take that as an answer bc i know she wants the best for me HHH IDK what to do ! #T_____T i don't want to disappoint her ))): #sun texts

[another-sonic-blog]

The Dark Prince: Epilogue: Not The Dark Prince

"Today is the first Independence anniversary for the Acorn Kingdom! Not too long ago, the Acorn Kingdom was under the commands of their tyrant King. Everyone expected the Rebellion leader Princess Sally Acorn to take over the throne. However, informants declare that a secret member of the Rebellion, whose face had not been revealed yet, has been picked by the people of the Acorn Kingdom to take over the throne. He goes by the name of-"

"Cream, stop watching that!", Amy turned off the TV of her leaving room.

"But they were going to reveal the name of the new King!" Cream said winning.

"You have been too obsessed with this new King, you don't even know his name nor his face...what's with this guy anyway?" Amy said as she looked at herself in the mirror, making sure that her hair looks decent for work.

"He is just so mysterious! The news is always talking about him and about the things he has done or the Acorn Kingdom...Weirdly enough, the Acorn Kingdom never let a single picture of him infiltrate...I wonder why?" Cream said thoughtfully.

"He is a secret Rebellion member, if his identity was revealed, then the Kingdom would probably go after his loved ones."

"Rouge?!"

Amy and Cream turned around to find Rouge drinking a cup of coffee. "What?"

"How long have you been there?"

"Half an hour", She said as she took a sip. "I used to be spy honey...I remember some old tricks."

"I forgot that just two years ago you used to work for G.U.N hehe... well at least you are doing good as a self-defense trainer." Cream said as she made room for her bat friend to sit with her on the sofa.

"And you are doing good as a Pre-K teacher yourself Cream.", Rouge took a seat next to her rabbit friend.

"I am really happy you are here Rouge but I am just leaving to work," Amy said as she opened the door, ready to leave.

"But we even haven't talked about the wedding yet!" Rouge said almost screaming as she saw Amy leave.

"We will talk about it as soon as I get back home!

And with that Amy left.

Rouge and Cream looked at each other, already knowing what they were going to do next.

They turned the TV and watched the breaking news.

The news reporter was shown quickly on the TV, still announcing the breaking news. "Who would have thought that the new King of the Acorn Kingdom will be no other than the re-owned worldwide superhero-"

Then, both Rouge and Cream yelled in unison...

"IT'S HIM!"

.

.

.

It has been another busy day at Momo's Cafe, AKA Amy's cafe. Although she was thankful that her cafe had become more popular these days, she was still thankful that everything was working well.

She looked up at her phone, looking at it proudly, she was able to buy herself a smartphone. She received a text message from Sonic clearly saying: "Can't wait to see you!"

Amy smiled with the text, it has been two weeks since she last Sonic and she was super excited to him. She texted back: "I am cleaning up at the cafe, you can come if you want."

"Alright :)" He texted back.

She put her phone away and put on some music to start cleaning up. Her last employee left and since Amy was the owner, she made a thing that it must be her the first one to arrive and the last one to leave.

To leave

It has already been two years and still no signs of him. She really wonders if she is worth waiting for him this long. She wanted him to be there for the wedding, but it seems like she wasn't going to see him anytime soon.

Amy used a towel to clean the underpart of the cashier's table. As if she was under it, she heard the cafe's door open. Steps getting closer to her as they finally made a stop in front of the cashier, waiting to get service. Amy was having a bit of difficulty getting herself up from the underpart of the table, as she hit her head.

"Can I have a cup of black coffee?"

Amy heard a someone from the other side of the cashier say, as she stopped from touching her head, she quickly stood up to face her client.

"Sorry sir, we are closed-"

This must be a dream.

Amy must have hit her head too hard because the one standing right in front of her, asking her for a cup of black coffee was no other than Shadow the Hedgehog.

.

.

.

This wasn't like in the books, where both protagonists end up kissing each other after a long time of not meeting.

Their feelings were never like that, and Shadow was aware of that. Before, Shadow would be worried about that fact. Now, it didn't matter, it was unique. It wasn't fictional....

their feelings were real.

And now they were here, alone, drinking coffee on the place where everything began. Quietly, their eyes crossed each other, not knowing where to star.

"So...how you have been?" Amy asked trying not to make eye contact. Shadow took a sip of his coffee before answering, keeping his cool.

"I've been alright"

That was it. Shadow couldn't get words out of his mouth. He really was trying to make any motion possible to show that he was happy to be here.

"What-um..what you?"

"What?"

"What about you?" Shadow finally was able to pronounce his words properly. He didn't know why he was getting so nervous for. It was just Amy, the girl who he had a crush on since forever, nothing to be worried about right?

"I've well since you left two years, I kept working on my cafe and now it's gotten more popular. Also that I've been busy planning a wedding." Amy said simply, still trying to fully realize that the Dark Prince was in front of her.

"Oh...A wedding?...things between you and Sonic must be pretty good then." Shadow sighed, what was he expecting? He clearly told Sonic to go after Amy, and for him to make her happy. It had been two years, so of course their relationship had developed. Of course Sonic would want to marry her, who wouldn't? At least Shadow would do it in a heartbeat.

So if he knew...why was there still a pain in his heart?

Oh, yes...because he had hoped that Amy would have waited for him. But he knew that it would be selfish of him to ask her to do so.

"Ummm, yes we are good but I am planning Rouge and Knuckles' wedding. They asked me to do it, so of course, I said yes. Don't get me wrong, I love planning but it can be stressing at times."

"Wait, so Sonic and you?"

"What about us?" Amy said a bit weird out by Shadow's question.

"You know..you both are...a thing?"

"No, we never dated. I couldn't bring myself to think about anyone else after what Sonic told me." Amy took a sip once again from her cup, already knowing where this was going.

"What did Sonic told you?"

Shadow was panicking. Sonic couldn't have told Amy about the letter...right?

"Mmm...where should I start?... I am not perfect, and I may have hurt you-"

"STOP!"

Shadow could feel his cheeks getting hotter by the second. He had never felt this flustered before. He hated himself as he realized that he had lost his cool.

"I am sorry...I won't talk about it again." Amy said smiling a bit, proud that she made Shadow get pink like that.

A few minutes passed again in silence as Shadow had gotten his composure back. "So...you waited for me? Although I told Sonic to be with you?"

"Sonic always put others before himself. He knew that you loved me so he stepped aside. He asked me if I was ok with it...you know...If I was ok with waiting..."

Amy sighed as she remembers the scene clearly from two years ago. Sonic showing her the letter Shadow had left. Reading Shadow's true feelings was what made Amy come up with an answer.

"And I said yes."

For a moment, Shadow couldn't' hear anything but his heartbeat. For a small fraction of a second, Shadow couldn't see anything but Amy. That 'Yes' stumble his ears again and again, almost like a melody.

It may be a simple word, but for him...it meant everything.

All of this time, he was scared that all previous feelings Amy had for him were gone. But now, seeing her eyes glow like that as if she was about to cry. Her lips trembling, and her body ready to jump into his arms.

"Are you still looking for an extra worker?" Shadow smiled, hoping that his words will resonate with her.

"Yes..." Amy took one second to stop her voice from cracking. " I can't promise you a good paycheck but...I promise you that I'll never fire you... Will the Dark Prince comply to these terms?"

Shadow couldn't wait to get Amy into his arms. After two long years of being part of the Rebellion and learning more about himself, he was ready to start living. Although he still had questions about love and how it should be treated, he knew that the only way to learn was to experience it.

And he wanted to experience everything with Amy. Their time was ending, the two lovers had no one to stop them from loving each other. It was the beginning of the end, but what a beautiful ending it was.

Sonic had finally arrived at Amy's Cafe but he couldn't bring himself to interrupt the beautiful moment the two were having. At last, his promise to Shadow had been fulfilled and there was nothing else to do but watch. He smiled out of happiness as he watched the two share a small kiss. He learned to watch from afar and appreciate the little things life brings him. He was truly happy for them both.

Shadow smiled and held hands with Amy. He closed his eyes and opened them slowly as to savor the moment, not wanting to let go, he sighed and answered her question...

"I am not the Dark Prince anymore...but if you want, call me the Dark King."

.

.

.

.

.

The Dark Prince Epilogue: END

.

.

.

.

.

Previous Chapter: https://another-sonic-blog.tumblr.com/post/185970145230/its-been-a-while-since-sonic-had-seen-shadow-he

The Dark Prince: Chapter Nine: A Confession

A/N: This story came out from a small idea, now it has become a complete story.

Personally, I think this is the best ShadAmy fan-fiction I've written. I want to thank everyone who has followed this story to the very end. Especially those who comment and inspired me to keep writing.

There's really not much to say, I will probably take a break from writing stories with multiple chapters. I'll like to get my ideas going by writing one-shot stories, so of course, if anyone has prompt ideas feel free to message me.

Thank you once again to everyone who read "The Dark Prince" I have loved writing this story and its sad to let it go.

But all things that start well, end well.

.

.

.

#shadamy fanfiction #shadow and amy #shadowxamy #shadow the hedgehog #Shadamy #shadamy comic #Amy Rose #shadow x amy #sonic fanfic #sonic fanfiction #sonic the hedgehog

[justinsdaysinthedark]

Post #2 - Thank You

What an overwhelming 36 hours it's been. An endless amount of phone calls & messages of support got me through what was an agonising day of waiting yesterday. This blog was started to keep my family and close friends informed about my journey but it's grown into so much more.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you to each and every single one of you that took the time to reach out and wish me the best of luck. A simple message of support may not seem like much to you, but when you're in a situation like mine it means so much. Thank you.

Monday night provided the worst sleep I've had in weeks. Keep in mind, i've had some terrible sleeps in that time! Why? It was nerves. Simple as that. I was nervous for the gastroscopy and biopsy. It wasn't the procedure itself but the anaesthetic side to the operation. I haven't been under since I was five and the unknown had my measure. What if they didn't put me under fully? What if I could feel the procedure? What if I woke up early? What if I didn't wake up at all?

In retrospect, I lost sleep over nothing.

With the little sleep I did have, I woke up Tuesday morning earlier than normal. I was expecting the gastroscopy between 8:30am - 11:30am and knew I was booked in for a Radionuclide Ventriculography (RVG) scan of my heart later that afternoon.

Since being in hospital, 9am has been my regular time to get up, shower, brush the chompers - y'know, get ready for the day of sitting in my little 3x3 room and watching the world go past. Tuesday however, I was up and about at 7:30 - showered and ready. I hate feeling dirty, so if my procedure was at 8:30, I'd be ready to go.

Breakfast rolled around at 8:00 and I had to politely decline it as I was required to fast from 12am for the procedure.

This is about the time when my previous blog post took off and messages started coming in for the remainder of the morning. Before I knew it, it was 11am and nobody had been to get me for my procedure yet. I called the nurse and enquired to which I was told to hand tight, it shouldn't be much longer. Whilst she was around, she did my daily observations and it was no surprise to see my heart rate up to 100+BPM (regularly around 65BPM resting) and a slightly higher blood pressure. I guarantee this was due to the nerves.

Lunch comes around at 12:30 and once again had to politely decline. 12 hours fasting thus far - lucky I don't have an appetite still and honestly didn't care! It was around this time the doctor comes around with the results of my Lumbar Puncture. This fortunately came back negative as there was no major changes to the one I had three weeks ago. White blood cells still present with a marginally higher protein count than normal. I once again mentioned about my gastroscopy or there lack of and the doctor assumed I'd already had it. He said he'd follow it up and get back to me.

Mentally, I'm okay. Still incredibly nervous and a little frustrated I prepared myself for a procedure between 8:30 - 11:30 and still nothing. Your messages of support continue to light up my phone, which certainly kept me pre-occupied and made the time fly by.

Finally! 2:43pm and somebody comes to my bed to pick me up. "Justin Smith for a procedure? Let's go." I mentally build myself up as they take me. With my heart beating the quickest it had all day, we get going. Minutes later, we get into quite a dark room with a single scanner to my left and a glass wall. The radiographer, Liv meets me and goes through the basic questions. Name? Date of birth? Address? What are you here for? "A gastroscopy and biopsy" I reply. A few seconds of awkward silence follows so I split it with an "I think..." hoping to relieve the slight tension.

Liv replies with "not quite. We're here to do your Radionuclide Ventriculography scan of your heart."

My heart dropped. I spent the past fifteen minutes mentally preparing to go under and it's not even for the right procedure; I almost feel robbed!

To give you a brief understanding, the RVG scan involves injecting a small amount of radioactive material into your blood stream where they then track it until it passes through the heart, ensuring the heart is healthy and working as it should to a level that it should. Why am I having this scan? Good question. The doctors wanted to get ahead of the game essentially. Providing the biopsy comes back positive for lymphoma, I will need chemotherapy. The level of that chemo will depend, however if I do happen to require a strong dose, it can have negative effects to the heart. This scan is to ensure they have a baseline reading of my heart and ensure it will be able to handle a high dose of chemo.

This scan took 40 minutes from start to finish and before I knew it, I was up in my ward again. By this time, dad had arrived so at least I had somebody to talk to and reassure me when the time comes to get my gastroscopy.

4:00pm and the time finally came. 16 hours of fasting, I was slightly hungry but by this stage, I just wanted to get the procedure over and done with. I was still nervous, but more relieved the time had come. Having dad there for the hour or so beforehand made me feel a lot better about the whole thing.

The operation itself involved a gastroscopy (camera down my throat into my stomach) and if they could see lymphnodes, get a biopsy to test.

Cutting to the chase, was it worth worrying for 16+ hours? Not at all. All I remember is them checking my blood pressure, putting something in my cannula and asking me to count to 10. I got to 12 and next thing I know, I woke up coughing my lungs up in recovery with a nurse next to me. Luckily, the coughing only lasted for about fifteen minutes and that was just a result of irritating my throat.

Apparently, the gastroscopy went well and they were able to get a couple of good tissues from the lymphnodes to biopsy. Additionally, they also took the following photos whilst they were inside - I have no idea what they're of or even if anything is okay, but I thought they were cool!

For the first 45 minutes after the procedure, I felt fine. I was great! I felt incredibly thirsty and hungry but I assume that was simply due to the fact I hadn't eaten. Things from here turned pretty quickly once I had some dinner and a glass of water. I started to go downhill pretty quickly - feeling incredibly fatigued and tired....essentially dopey. It was from here I knew I just needed to have some rest and I'd wake up better in the morning. Needless to say, I was asleep by 9pm and basically slept through the night...except for when the nurses woke me up at 11pm, 12pm. 3am and 5am.

Waking up this morning (Wednesday July 17th), I instantly felt a lot better than I had last night. Admittedly, I had a bit more of a sleep in than I generally would've - it was great. I use the term 'sleep in' lightly though - it's nothing like a sleep in at home! What was the plan of attack for today? Well to be honest I wasn't too sure. A doctor yesterday mentioned briefly about a bone marrow test however the nurses and doctors on had no idea about one and couldn't see one booked in. I hadn't eaten since the night prior however the nurses got me to fast once again whilst they investigated. As a result, breakfast was staring me right in the face and I couldn't even touch my beloved weetbix, milk and sugar!

The clock ticks over to 10:37 and a Young, lanky doctor comes by. "Hi Justin, I'm Alex and I'll be doing your bone marrow procedure today..." Alex went on to explain the procedure, risks and what to expect. As he finished and started to walk away I had one last burning question. "When are we doing it? Later this afternoon?" "Now" Alex replied.

Woah. Wait. What? Hang on two seconds. I'm not prepared for this. You mean now...as in like, once Alex had finished preparing? You betcha....

Now I was under the assumption I'd be getting knocked out as I had done the night before however Alex proceeded to explain they'll put some medication in my cannula that "makes you feel like you've had four or five beers" as well as some local anaesthetic. No point being worried or scared about it - if it's getting done bedside, it couldn't be near as bad as the lumbar puncture, right? Once again, like I have been for the past few weeks I was completely and utterly wrong.

First though, what's this procedure involve? Basically, blood, white blood cells and platelets are produced in your bone marrow. This can be accessed via key areas of your body depending on your age...for me it was my hipbone - left side to be exact. The aim of the procedure is to get these fresh samples of blood, white blood cells and platelets as well as get a sample of my bone marrow - generally one small sample of the bone.

Alex got me curled up in the fetal position, lying on my right and basically began straight away. A few local anaesthetic needles numbed the surface before he inserted a needle in to collect the blood samples. This part was similar to a lumbar puncture, but I couldn't feel as much internally.

Alex then stated he was starting the bone marrow collection, which was without fail the worst part of this whole experience so far. He used the large needle with a blue handle, which can be seen below.

Alex hit the bone and advised me the next part was only going to tickle a little bit. What's he do? He starts to screw into my bone. Whilst I couldn't see, it felt very similar to uncorking a bottle of wine. Whilst he went in no deeper than 1mm, christ it hurt. The worst part was yet to come. Much like the pressure behind uncorking a bottle of wine, this happened too. Alex yanked the sample out and the pressure and pain was immense! Done. It's all done. Thank goodness. Then Alex said the words I didn't want to hear next. "Y'know what Justin? We want to make sure we only have to do this once, so let's get another sample, eh?"

Oh my lord. Are you kidding me? Whatever. Lets do it. I want to get it over and done with. I don't even think I replied, just mumbled something along the lines of whatever. And thus, the process happens again. I've attached photos of the two samples below, which I thought were pretty cool!

I must admit, Alex was incredible during the procedure. I asked at the start to keep me informed throughout the whole process. I'm quite an inquisitive character when things are happening that I don't know what the process is and this was no different. Alex not only kept me informed, he did as much as he could to keep me as comfortable as I could be during such a procedure. One thing I was incredibly surprised at was how much blood was on his hands!

Not much happened throughout the rest of today to be honest. Courtney, dad and mum came to visit but that was it. The doctors advised they are expecting the result of the biopsy tomorrow afternoon (hopefully) however they said it could take anywhere up to 72 hours from the procedure - which puts it at Friday night or Monday. Where does that put me? Same boat as I have been throughout this entire process - just waiting for answers.

I was advised that the results could come back either negative or inconclusive. Whilst this wouldn't be ideal, it's unfortunately just going to be another roadblock in this venture. In preparation the results don't come back the way we probably expect the, too, I'm booked in for an ultrasound of my gall bladder tomorrow. That will be their next avenue to answers. I suspect this is because my PET scan showed up significant areas in my gall bladder and I suppose that's not exactly a vital cog of the human body...so I suspect they'll just remove it, cut it open and see what's inside. But that's nowhere near a medical analysis of what's going to happen.

Before I finish for tonight, I'll leave you with how I am mentally. How am I going despite all this? Y'know what? I'm actually the opposite to what you probably think I am. I'm in the best mental state I have been over the past six weeks. Why? I think it's because we're close to (hopefully) getting an answer or at least following a more solid path to answers.

I end tonight with a final thank you. Thank you for all the messages and endless love. It's helping - trust me, it is.

Juzz xx