Oh gosh Sam would have an ENTIRE debriefing before him meeting them.
"So what gift do I get your mother? Flowers?"
"Unless you have cultivated them yourself and they don't come with plastic wrapped around them, that's a hard no."
"I could just take them out of the plastic and put them in a nice vase."
Oh goodness the fixing while they wait for the door to open
*kind of messes with his hair because if its too perfect they'll get suspicious*
"You don't call them 'sir or ma'am'. 'Mr. and Mrs.' Is out of the question...is there any way we can get rid of your blazer? Never mind it's too late. The framed pictures and photo albums on the walls? Yeah, you don't see them. No, you don't see them. If your feeling overwhelmed and they start asking you things like your birth sign, you give me a nudge and I'll say we need to leave early."
AND IF THEY GET THERE SEPARATELY
Sam would still be waiting in her car for him, because she doesn't want to walk in alone. She knows she can train Andrew, but her parents listen for a minute and then it all goes out one ear.
"You're late. Why are late?"
"I didn't want to show up empty handed, so I got a bottle of something that you said your father liked and your mother this lovely box of chocolates."
Sam throws the box of chocolates in the bushes. "She doesn't like single-use plastic. Dad's somewhat okay with it, but she hates it. Just say the liquor is for both of them. She has a higher tolerance than him anyways."
I see Andrew and Sam's mom becoming drinking buddies 👀👀
THIS THIS THIS
Sam would be absolutely b r i c k i n g it all the way to her parents' house, giving Andrew the run through of like
talk to my dad about Tom Waits, you guys can bond over your weird junkyard man
compliment my mum on her place settings, she does the table up special depending on the guest (I'm guessing she'll get her favourite green ones out for her only child's boyfriend)
be your lovely, adorable, charming self
under any circumstances mention that you're a pisces, do not even refer to your birthday whatsoever
ask my dad about his tattoos/photos if you aren't ready for a two hour podcast
ask about young Sam, there is no need for you to hear about stories such as the time I got the worst sunburn of my life from passing out drunk in a field - ah, ah, ah! no further questions!
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