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#tomb of annihilation quotes
live-from-flaturn · 1 year
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Chay, Hope, and “The New Hunger”
An unnecessary metatextual analysis by an excited English MA queer.
So it all started with this shot from Episode 7 of KinnPorsche:
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I zoomed in on the novel next to Chay’s desk out of curiosity and discovered that it was The New Hunger by Isaac Marion. Not a super old book by any means, and definitely one that Chay would realistically be reading.
Also a brief cameo that lets this single comedic shot FORESHADOW SO MUCH OF CHAY’S TRAGIC PLOTLINE without likely intending to do that at all.
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Because The New Hunger, published in 2013, is a functional prequel to Marion’s 2010 novel Warm Bodies.
Warm Bodies is by far one of the most beautifully written and engaging re-interpretations of Shakespeare’s “Romeo and Juliet” probably ever written (and I spent 3 summers at Shakespeare camp, so this approval is not coming from a casual fan perspective). There are zombies, apocalyptic drama, Daddy issues, and a LOT of stuff about not losing hope in the face of annihilation, loss, and loneliness. 
R spends most of the novel talking TO HIMSELF and coping with HOW TO BE ALONE. He is doing exactly what Chay is forced to do for survival: Create his own joy and entertainment. He’s abandoned by the world around him and must fight at every turn to maintain a sense of agency, all while desperately clinging to the idea that hope is everywhere. Here are some of my favorite Warm Bodies quotes for perspective:
“It frustrates and fascinates me that we'll never know for sure, that despite the best efforts of historians and scientists and poets, there are some things we'll just never know. What the first song sounded like. How it felt to see the first photograph. Who kissed the first kiss, and if it was any good.”
“What wonderful thing didn’t start out scary?”
“You should always be taking pictures, if not with a camera then with your mind. Memories you capture on purpose are always more vivid than the ones you pick up by accident.”
“’What's wrong with people?’ she says, almost too quiet for me to hear. ‘Were they born with parts missing or did it [love] fall out somewhere along the way?’“
“The sky is blue. The grass is green. The sun is warm on our skin. We smile, because this is how we save the world. We will not let Earth become a tomb, a mass grave spinning through space. We will exhume ourselves. We will fight the curse and break it.”
“Deep under our feet the Earth holds its molten breath, while the bones of countless generations watch us and wait.”
BUT THEN YOU HAVE THE NEW HUNGER.
“Nothing is permanent. Not even the end of the world.”
“Enough white lies can scorch the earth black.”
“What happened? How did I get here? How could I have known that my choices mattered?”
“Crying. Expelling grief from the body in the form of salt water. What's its purpose? How did it evolve, and why are humans the only creatures on Earth that do it?”
He has not reached the point of exhumation yet. 
Porchay must first be burned down. He must experience the hopelessness, loss, and devastation of betrayal first. 
Like yeah, sure, this is a throwaway shot and someone on the set probably grabbed a handful of random books to use but HOLY FUCK they really could not have made a better (potentially) accidental choice!
Like... Jesus Christ in Heat do I love these books more than life itself. Warm Bodies is my second favorite book of all time and again, I read books for a living. You should go check them out if you like romance, comedy, zombies, or really just feeling good about the end of a novel. Isaac Marion will fundamentally change your life and the way you look at the world and it’s a wonderful experience.
But also the accidental foreshadowing of Porchay’s world being burnt up... of his memories being tainted and blackened by Kim’s lying and Porsche’s secrecy... Ugh it hurts. I am having some feelings in this Chili’s tonight. 
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ruminativerabbi · 1 year
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Queen Berenice
March is Women’s History Month, an annual observance since 1987 and one of several such months each year proclaimed as such to encourage the study and appreciation of some specific group within the fabric of American society. Known to most will be Black History Month in February and LGBTQ+ Pride Month in June, but there are also Jewish Heritage Month (May), Hispanic Heritage Month (September 15–October 15), Arab-American Heritage Month (April), German American Heritage Month (October), Italian-American Heritage Month (October), Native American Heritage Month (November), and a few others. (For a full list, click here.) These months mostly come and go, leaving in their wake a few op-ed pieces, some longer essays, perhaps a television special or two. And, of course, they are focused on mostly, although surely not exclusively, by the groups whose heritage they exist to celebrate.
To take note of Women’s History Month this year, I thought I would write about a woman no one, I’m guessing, will ever have heard of…and yet who was present at a truly pivotal moment in Jewish history and who rose remarkably to the occasion.
In general, the role of women in history has been understudied and underappreciated—which observation applies across the board to all sorts of academic disciplines. But the degree to which the prominent Jewish women of antiquity have been mostly forgotten, their names themselves mostly unknown, is slightly astonishing. And a little depressing too. Some will have heard of Beruriah, one of the few female Torah scholars from antiquity to be cited and praised in our literature, but fewer will have heard of Yalta, an important figure from the mid-3rd century CE, a communal leader respected and taken fully seriously, and the second-most mentioned woman in talmudic literature. And fewer still, I think, will have heard of Imma Shalom, the sister of Rabban Gamliel II of Yavneh and the wife of Rabbi Eliezer (one of the most prominent sages of his day), who is also quoted prominently in the Talmud in a way that suggests the respect she commanded in her day and in her place.
Those three—Beruriah, Yalta, and Imma Shalom—were part of the rabbinic world. But women also occupied positions of political importance, some of whom were actually the queens of their countries. Almost all have been completely forgotten, their very names unfamiliar despite their prominence in their own day. Queen Helena of Adiabene is a good example. Adiabene was a small kingdom located in the Kurdish part of today’s Iraq when Helena  and her husband King Monobaz converted to Judaism early on in the first century CE. Eventually, Monobaz died and Helena moved to Jerusalem, where she played an important role as a philanthropist, famously giving gifts of gold to the Temple and personally dealing with a crippling famine by importing gigantic amounts of food at her own expense from all over the world to distribute among the hungry. She was famous for the huge sukkah she constructed in Lod, where she lived before coming to Jerusalem, and for her even larger tomb which exists to this day a few miles north of the city. But who has ever heard of her? No one!
But the personality I thought I’d write about this week in honor of Women’s History Month is Queen Berenice, another personality long since forgotten by all. And yet, in her day, she was the voice of reason that tried—unsuccessfully but nobly—to prevent the destruction of the Holy City by the Romans…and in the same way Queen Esther saved the Jews of Persia from annihilation: by getting the Roman most likely to spearhead the campaign to the destroy the city to fall in love with her and then, at least possibly, to spare the city simply because she wished him to.
It's a long, complicated story. When Berenice was still a child, her father was named King of Judea by the Roman Emperor Caligula. And so, at the age of ten, Berenice became a princess. She was married at age fourteen to a much older man who died shortly after the wedding and left her a widow at age sixteen. Her father died shortly after that, but not before he succeeded in marrying her off a second time, this time to his own brother, King Herod of Chalcis. (Chalcis was a tiny kingdom in what today is Lebanon.) And so Berenice became a queen. And that same year she became a mother too, giving birth to the future king of Chalcis, whom she named Berenicianus after herself.
When Berenice was twenty, she was widowed for the second time. For a while, she lived with her brother—who, in the meantime, had become king of Chalcis and who ruled as Agrippa II—and served as the female presence in his many palaces across Chalcis and Judea, something along the lines of how Grover Cleveland’s sister Rose served as First Lady until he eventually married. And now she really does become a Zelig-like character, showing up everywhere—including, semi-amazingly, at the trial of Paul of Tarsus, the founder of the Christianity as we know it and the author of most of the New Testament.
And then she married for a third time, choosing yet another king as her husband, a man named Polomon, king of Cilicia (a small kingdom in today’s Turkey), whom she insisted agree to be circumcised and fully to convert to Judaism if he wished to have her as his wife. He did it too! But their union still didn’t last. Why, who knows? Maybe he resented the whole circumcision thing. Or perhaps they just weren’t meant to be. But before long she was back in Jerusalem, powerful, famous, and in exactly the right place to do great good.
The 60s of the first century CE were a dangerous, difficult time. The Roman governors of Judea, called procurators, were greedy bullies, or at least most of them were. The procurator in Jerusalem was a man named Florus, who was eager to steal at least part of the vast treasury of riches stored in the Temple. When the Jews protested, he sent in his soldiers to terrify the inhabitants into submission. Berenice, present in Jerusalem, first sent some of her servants to beg Florus to call off his goons. And then, when they were rebuffed, she went herself, bare-headed and barefoot, to beg him to withdraw. In the end, Florus withdrew his men. But Judea was on the brink of open rebellion against Rome nonetheless. Seeing disaster on the horizon, Berenice gave a long, passionate speech in which she begged the locals not to begin a war they could not possibly hope to win. But no one was in the mood to listen. And so the rebellion began.
Berenice, however, had a plan. She moved into her brother’s palace at Banias, a lovely and verdant section even today in Israel, where she was able to hobnob with Roman aristocracy. She met Vespasian himself, the future emperor who was at the time in charge of Roman forces in Judea. But it was when she met Vespasian’s son, a young man of twenty named Titus, that she suddenly saw an “Esther” path forward for herself and her people. She was in her forties. Titus was just twenty. But he was no match for her and he fell quickly into her trap. She did her best to keep him from moving violently against the Jewish rebels, perhaps trying to convince him that the rebellion would just die out if the Romans didn’t rise to the bait.
Our source for this story is the work of the Jewish historian Josephus, himself a client of the Romans, who writes that, in the end, Titus—head over heels in love—only moved against the rebels when he had no choice. And he remained in Berenice’s thrall for all of his years. Eventually, once his father became emperor, Titus returned to Rome and Berenice followed, living with him until Titus was finally forced to send her home and instead to marry a Roman woman who could give him a Roman heir.  
And that is the story of Queen Berenice. Unknown to most today, and yet a woman who invented and re-invented herself time and time again, eventually positioning herself to attempt to defuse a full-scale rebellion against Rome by appealing first to the rebels and then, when that failed, to their future opponent. Queen Esther was successful where Queen Berenice failed. Is that why we remember Esther, but have totally forgotten Berenice? Perhaps we should remember her too: a brave, wily, and daring Jewish woman who did her best to head off catastrophe for the Jewish people and who, even if she failed, deserves to be remembered as someone who, at the very least, tried to do good.
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quotes-from-fate · 3 years
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''STOP COMMITTING ARSON!''
Our DM, after we almost set part of the Chultan forest on fire...again
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cheshiremadd · 4 years
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DM: It's called the Tomb of *Annihilation* Me (Wild Mage): Why did we decide this modul was a good idea again? Thief Player: We didn't, DM did. Me: Ah.
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sophi-s · 4 years
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Boi.
Even though Valindra betrayed the party to join Acererak, Sebastian, Samael and Miko with help of Artus and Dragonbait wrecked the Soulmonger. The Archlich is mad 😂
Acererak: When I think about my worries and I think about my strife, here's what I simply say...
Valindra: ???
Acererak: *I N C O H E R E N T S C R E E C H I N G*
Valindra: 0.0
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derangedrhythms · 3 years
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I would love to see a collection of quotes about the moon/moongazing. Thanks
"We looked at the moon and the moon looked at us."
— Helen Oyeyemi, from ‘White Is for Witching’
"How bright, glaring-bright, the moon […] Shreds of cloud blowing across it like living things."
"A cold-glaring full moon suspended in the sky like the unblinking eye of God."
— Joyce Carol Oates, from ‘We Were the Mulvaneys’
"There is something haunting in the light of the moon; it has all the dispassionateness of a disembodied soul, and something of its inconceivable mystery."
— Joseph Conrad, from 'Lord Jim'
"As the moon’s shadow passes over you—like a rush of gloom, a tornado, a cannonball, a loping god, the heeling over of a boat, a slug of anaesthetic up your arm…"
— Anne Carson, Decreation: Poetry, Essays, Opera; from ‘Totality: The Colour of Eclipse’
"Under the shield of night, / let me unburden the moon."
— Forugh Farrokhzad, Reborn; from ‘Border Walls’, tr. Sholeh Wolpé
"The moon is my mother. She is not sweet like Mary. / Her blue garments unloose small bats and owls."
— Sylvia Plath, Ariel; from 'The Moon and the Yew Tree'
"The brimming moon looked through me and I could not move."
— Ted Hughes, Recklings; from ‘Keats’
"The full moon is out, casting her equivocal corpse-glow over all."
— Margaret Atwood, from ‘The Testaments’
"I never go walking in the moonlight, never, without being met by thoughts of my dead, without the feeling of death and of the future coming over me."
— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, from ‘The Sorrows of Young Werther’ tr. David Constantine
"And the moon is wilder every minute."
— W. B. Yeats, Michael Robartes and the Dancer; from 'Solomon and the Witch'
"A moon loosened from a stag’s eye,"
— Theodore Roethke, Praise to the End!; from ‘Give Way, Ye Gates’
"Moon full, moon dark,"
— Sylvia Plath, Collected Poems; from ‘Goatsucker’
"Let’s order one last round and kiss in front of god and the rest of the drunks, then pour ourselves out into the night, following the moon anywhere but home."
— William Taylor Jr., from ‘Literary Sexts: Volume 2′
"In the window, the moon is hanging over the earth, / meaningless but full of messages."
— Louise Glück, A Village Life; from ‘A Village Life’
"while from the moon, my lover’s eye / chills me to death"
— Sylvia Plath, Collected Poems: Juvenilia; from ‘To a Jilted Lover’
"The moon has a strange look to-night. Has she not a strange look? She is like a mad woman, a mad woman who is seeking everywhere for lovers."
"Look at the moon! How strange the moon seems! She is like a woman rising from a tomb. She is like a dead woman."
"Oh! How strange the moon looks. You would think it was the hand of a dead woman who is seeking to cover herself with a shroud."
— Oscar Wilde, from 'Salomé'
"The moon has nothing to be sad about, / Staring from her hood of bone. / She is used to this sort of thing. / Her blacks crackle and drag."
— Sylvia Plath, Collected Poems; from ‘Edge’
"Where, indeed does the moon not look well? What is the scene, confined or expansive, which her orb does not hallow?"
— Charlotte Brontë, from 'Villette'
"And the tarnished sliver of moon glows / Like an old serrated knife."
— Anna Akhmatova, Seventh Book: from ‘In a Broken Mirror’, tr. Judith Hemschemeyer
"In the full moon you dream more."
— Margaret Atwood, Morning in the Burned House; from ‘The Ottawa River By Night’
"…the moon appeared momentarily […] her disk was blood-red and half overcast; she seemed to throw on me one bewildered, dreary glance, and buried herself again instantly in the deep drift of cloud.
— Charlotte Brontë, from ‘Jane Eyre’
"It is not so much moonless as the moon is seen nowhere / And always felt."
— Dorothea Lasky, Black Life; from ‘Poets, You Are Eager’
"If the moon smiled, she would resemble you. / You leave the same impression / Of something beautiful, but annihilating."
— Sylvia Plath, Ariel; from ‘The Rival’
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alectology-archive · 3 years
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note:
- random thoughts about books I read are tagged "aelia reads [insert full title]"
                                          
BLOG TAGS
my posts: text / aelia rants / my post / quotes / asks / my quiz
main tags: words / art / photography / lit / tv / movies / music / people
things to ponder / web weaving / language / writing
love tag / sapphic tag / women / stories / humanity / childhood / friendships / growing up / warmth tag / positivity 
horror tag / horror vibes / ghosts / haunting tag / machines / internet 
nature / animals / bees / frogs / cows / dandelions / citrus
miscellaneous: miscellaneous / positivity / funny / science / history / creators / space / resources / petitions & news / fandoms / media poc rep / media women rep
blog tags: asks / anon asks / submission / tag games / ask games / cursed things / quiz / blog things
other: me tag / tropes / bad tropes / tumblr / resources
lgbtq+: lgbtq+ / queer / bi tag / ace tag / aro tag
media rec lists: to read / queer book recs / to watch / essays
                                          
MEDIA
shows: spop / black sails / the magnus archives / killing eve / derry girls / shadow and bone / the owl house
movies: star wars / jennifer’s body / the favourite / portrait of a lady on fire / parasite / the handmaiden / pacific rim
adult: lord of the rings / the bone season / annihilation / frankenstein / pride and prejudice / the poppy war / the song of achilles / dune / shakespeare
adult f/f: the priory of the orange tree / the seven husbands of evelyn hugo / the locked tomb / the traitor baru cormorant / this is how you lose the time war / the luminous dead / the long way to a small angry planet / a memory called empire / the empress of salt and fortune / her body and other parties
ya: pjo / the old kingdom / six of crows / grishaverse / the hunger games
ya f/f: queen of coin and whispers / the language of thorns
                                          
AUTHOR CRITICISMS
authors behaving badly / sarah j maas / maggie stiefvater / ve schwab / rick riordan / cassandra clare / jay kristoff / shelby mahurin / claire legrand / kiera cass / rainbow rowell / mackenzi lee
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cowboyfarooqlane · 3 years
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honestly i wanna know ur locked tomb takes for all of those uncommon fandom fave questions, or as many as you'd like to do!
I love answering questions, thank you!
👻 foreshadowing — ““I think we’ve got a similar chance of Magnus tripping over the secret entrance to the lost chambers of the Emperor Undying. Actually, that’s significantly less unlikely, as I’ve come to believe they run sidelong to the facility rather than—never mind.””
😈 Antagonist(s) -- Cytherea, I love her so much. She brings this very fun drama to all her scenes. And Ianthe, of course.
🌳 Reoccurring location or setting -- The Canaan House. I love the initial description. Specifically, though, I like the pool room, for obvious reasons lol.
🚀 Vehicle -- Hmm I don’t think there are many vehicles in this series, but I guess the Erebos counts? If not, I liked the shuttle that Harrowhark and Gideon used to get to the First House. I really liked that scene too: their prickly and tense dynamic, Gideon’s excitement, her descriptions of the First House…
⌛ Scene — This is so hard!! I’m not sure, I love a lot of scenes for different reasons. I love the section after Harrow regains her memory, it makes me cry everytime (and I’ve reread it a concerning number of times). The fight scene with Commander Wake is fantastic! I also love the pool scene, but that’s a bit of a given. The bone-arm sex(y) scene is fun in that they’re both horrible.
When I was listening to the audiobook it especially sounded like a sex scene. I don’t think I picked up on it as much the first time I read it, except to go hmmm I’ll think more about that later and then I reread it and was like huh. wow. Ianthe and Harrow are freaks and this book is fantastic
👀 Inexplicable scene — What my mind goes to is that first scene with Palamedes and Cam haha. I am still eyeballing that section though, I’m sure it will be relevant later. Why are pieces of Canaan House dated strangely?
✏ Quote -- This is kind of an impossible question. I really enjoy the way she describes characters, I also love all the monologues.
Here’s a few I love:
— “Memory hit Harrowhark Nonagesimus with the inexorable gravity of a satellite sucked from orbit, flinging itself to die on the surface of its bounden planet; the world hit her like a fall.”
— “Harrow found that she was not shocked, after all. She was consumed. She was the kindling for the arson taking place in her heart, her brain dry wadding for the flames, her soul so much incandescent gas. She could not do this. She absolutely and fundamentally could not do this.” (If I’m not careful I’ll probably quote this whole scene.)
— This one is much different from the first two but I love it. Ianthe has some truly fantastic lines: “Cigarettes! On a space station! What a power play.”
—”“You put me in mind of a statue of some lost goddess hauled up from the waters, painted lineaments removed but marble intact.” “Covered in moss, mould, and gunge,” she suggested, consenting to be kissed on each cheek. “You should see my sister.”
“You always say that,” said Augustine.”
— “The whole place had the look of a picked-at body. But hot damn! What a beautiful corpse.” (It works better with the rest of the passage, but I love the rhythm of these lines.)
🐝 Nonhuman character -- The Resurrection Beasts. I think they’re very fascinating. I love the Heralds, I love their descriptions, I love the inexplicable impact they have on Lyctors. They are beautiful and terrifying. Actually, they remind me of angels a bit. Do you know that poem by Rainer Maria Rilke?
“Who, if I cried out, would hear me among the angels'
hierarchies? and even if one of them
pressed me against his heart: I would be consumed
in that overwhelming existence. For beauty is nothing
but the beginning of terror, which we still are just able to endure,
and we are so awed because it serenely disdains
to annihilate us. Every angel is terrifying.”
🍓  Friendship — Jeannemary and Isaac. And for familial, I’m obsessed with Coronabeth and Ianthe. I’m a twin myself, which probably contributes to that, but their dynamic is very fascinating to me. Cainabeth and Abella.
(that would be too on the nose, but it is extraordinary funny to me. I hope Corona finds a very large rock in Alecto. Please commit some murder, Princess of Ida)
🎈Canon ship — Pyrrha Dve/ Commander Wake (““I know you’re there,” he rasped. “Kill me all you like. I would know you in the blindness of my eyes … in the deafness of my ears … as a shadow smudged against the wall, annihilated by light … stop. Not here. Not now. Let it go, love. I just want the truth … after all this time.”” —I mean, Goddamn!)
💋 Popular ship — Gideon/Harrow. Their relationship is very poignant, and I’m fascinated by their dynamic.
🦄  Rarepair — I can’t think of anything that obscure. I find all the relationship dynamics really fascinating. I guess Cytherea/Mercymorn is a rarepair. I like Cytherea/Loveday, too. I just love Cytherea haha. I know she’s awful but I love her.
😤 Background character — The background characters in these books are all so fantastic. I’ll pick a few that I love.
Coronabeth: she’s so unhinged.
Abigail: That description when she’s calling down Matthias Nonius? Wow.
Magnus: He’s a nice person and I am very fond of him.
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ripley-stark · 5 years
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So my dad and I started a list of hilarious plot holes this season: Season 8 Edition
They made it too easy this year, didn’t they? I almost feel bad compiling this all together because it’s all so blatantly obvious it's almost unnecessary, but this is a promise I won’t go back on. So, to quote the dragon queen herself, “Shall we begin?”
The North being randomly xenophobic to just Missandei and Grey Worm despite the Mad King’s daughter showing up with two dragons and their king who knelt
Most of the dialogue being callbacks to previous seasons instead of conversations that actually propel the plot forward
One of Cersei’s greatest ambitions being a desire for elephants
A screaming wight child? On a wall somewhere for no reason?!
Bran being underutilized throughout the entire season during the war council and not giving any further info about the Night King or how to defeat the White Walkers in the War for the Dawn despite having access to all knowledge in the history of humanity
Bronn still existing showing up inside Winterfell with a crossbow to deliver the message that Cersei wants to kill Tyrion and Jaime
Melisandre emerging the fuck out of nowhere for the Long Night
80% of the Long Night being a black screen
Human armies not using the walls of Winterfell for protection during the battle
The Dothraki getting annihilated in five minutes
The plot armor for all the main characters throughout the episode, honorable mention for Jon charging the NK moments before the dude is clearly gonna raise the dead all around them; Arya basically being in a zombie video game; Sansa and Tyrion not being harmed in the crypts; Jaime, Brienne, Gendry, and Grey Worm fighting everyone without injury
The most hyped battle on television, the Long Night, beginning and ending in one episode
Sansa and Tyrion hiding in the crypts in a war where the enemy can raise the dead
No references to any of the multiple Starks who have died and been entombed in the crypts in living memory
8000-year-old piles of dust and decades-old bones breaking out of said tombs to attack people in the crypts
Arya stabbing the Night King despite Dany and Jon’s arcs leading up to them vanquishing the White Walkers
Bran warging out during the Long Night to... watch Endgame? To a universe where this show was written by someone competent?
Theon deciding to walk into the Night King’s knife instead of just standing still and not getting stabbed or maybe sacrificing himself if/when the Night King tried to stab Bran
Wight Viserion’s fire not being hot enough to melt that tiny ass rock Jon hid behind despite burning down a huge chunk of the Wall last season
Arya parkouring through the White Walkers to stab the Night King with the same move that Rey used in The Last Jedi
Mel taking off her necklace for reasons and then immediately turning into dust despite having taken off the necklace on screen before without dying and/or morphing into a senior citizen
Jon leaving Ghost with Tormund for plot convenience
Winter ending and no more reference to army provisions after the Long Night I guess
Characters again blatantly defying the time-space continuum (ie getting from Winterfell to King’s Landing in one day or at the very least the first weeks/months of Cersei’s invisible pregnancy)
Daenerys being sad and lonely at Winterfell
S T A R B U C K S  C U P  G A T E (and later hand gate and Aquafina gate)
No one knowing the lord of Storm’s End, leading to the appointment of a random inexperienced and likely illiterate bastard blacksmith as lord
Smash cut to Rhaegal getting shot out of the sky because Dany didn’t see the Iron Fleet behind a rock (nor did she armor or saddle her dragons like she should have years ago)
Missandei getting kidnapped off screen and then killed for Daenerys’s downward spiral
Jaime leaving Winterfell immediately after choosing to be with Brienne
Daenerys waiting to attack King’s Landing only after her forces have been completely decimated despite this time last season having three dragons, Yara’s Iron Fleet, Dorne, and the Tyrells
Daenerys’s motivation to attack KL being that she has no friends
Arya surviving being roasted alive and buried in rubble with barely a scratch and then finding a white horse in the ruin of King’s Landing
Cersei politely yeeting out of Cleganebowl
Cleganebowl itself
Jaime growing his hand back to hug Cersei
Daenerys’s army rebirthing itself in vast number after being 90% killed three episodes ago
Jon and Tyrion suddenly understanding Valyrian as Daenerys preaches to the Unsullied about liberating Westeros
Drogon melting down the Iron Throne for reasons then scooping up Daenerys and flying into the distance never to be heard of or cared about again by a kingdom whose capital city has been burned twice now and has heard of dragons scorching and eating children alive
A new Dornish prince spawning out of nowhere; in fact, the Ironborn and Dornish being non-entities all season
Democracy being a novel idea in a universe where the Salt Moot and other forms of voted leadership exist
Bran randomly being elected king
The North being the one independent kingdom out of all seven
The Wall is in ship shape as Jon leaves to rejoin the Night’s Watch which has no reason to exist anymore
With the train wreck that was this season, I’m sure I missed a thousand more, so as always, anyone is welcome to add more!
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scotttrismegistus7 · 3 years
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LIBER: AS FAR FROM GOD AS ANGELS CAN FLY, FORGOTTEN IN THE DARKNESS IS THE UNDEAD SOUL
WARNING: THIS IS A SUBJECT OF THE MOST ADVANCED LEVELS OF OCCULT MASTERY
I am not going to glory in the Books of Black Earth, they are forgotten for a reason.
Question: If you are 'g'od creating 'G'od, in a field of infinite possibility, what stops the creation against Life? What stops the creation of Nightmares? Answer: Natural Laws.
Question: What is the farthest from goodness that a being can go? Can a soul die?
Answer: Ignorantly self imposed imprisonment and isolation in cold, forgotten darkness, the hopeless Nothingness. A soul cannot die except when an individualized "Altered Ego" doesn't believe in the soul. The altered ego is then considered the tomb of the soul and the being in question is one of the "Living Dead".
Let's examine the forgotten doctrines of the Lower Astral Planes, aka the graveyard of discarded astral shells and the beings that sometimes get trapped there, and the level below that of the cold forgotten darkness. Please note in the excerpt the Question: Were they once human?
A psychic who, by means of untrained or misdirected psychic development, happens to wander on to this plane of the Astral, experiences a most unpleasant sight. It is not pleasant to roam in this charnel house of the Astral—this tomb of the Earth. An old Egyptian sage thus recorded his impressions of it: "What manner of place is this I see. It hath no water. It hath no air. It hath no light. It hath no foundation. It is unfathomably deep. It is as black as the blackest night." A modern investigator has said of this region—this Golgotha of the Astral: "Most students find the investigation of this section an extremely unpleasant task, for there appears to be a sense of density and gross materiality about it which is indescribably loathsome to the liberated Astral Body, causing the sense of pushing its way through some black viscous fluid, while the inhabitants and influences encountered there are unusually undesirable." "And are there inhabitants of such a place?" one naturally asks. Alas, yes! There are denizens of this loathsome place—inhabitants of this horrible abode. Entities, however, not placed there for punishment, for no Being would entail such a fate upon the meanest and most depraved—or invent such a Hell. They are there because of their own abnormal desires and tendencies, which unfit them for the planes of even the lowest of disembodied human entities, and which also render them unfit for association with the disembodied astral forms of the beasts, which latter persist for a short time after physical death. "Then, what manner of creatures must these be?" you ask. "Fit for neither man nor beasts. Were they human?" And, one is forced to answer, "Yes!" Subject to the laws of humankind they are not allowed the privilege of rapid annihilation bestowed upon the beasts—they must live out their peculiar life to the end. They are the pariahs, the ghoul-like scum of the human race, who have removed themselves from the race fate and have entailed upon themselves a fate of their own. Their fate is a Living Death—a conscious life in a corpse-like body, among corpses of the Astral. These creatures are the disembodied entities of those who... and thus brought upon themselves the Recoil of the Life Forces. They were the lowest of the human Satyrs. Nature finally casts over them the spell of a deep sleep, from which they never awaken, and from which they pass into disintegration and annihilation. They polluted the Sacred Altar. They stole the Divine Fire for devilish rites. They committed the Unpardonable Sin. They removed themselves from the trend of Cosmic Evolution. Their own Desire was their Fate. We wish it were possible to speak plainer—but the time has not yet come.
...the majority are degenerated and fallen souls—descended from a once higher state—who, if they fail to profit by the pains of the material life, are apt to tend still further downward until kind Nature wipes them out as independent entities, and resolves them back to their original spiritual elements. There are sub-planes of the Astral so low and degraded that we hesitate to mention them. They are inhabited by the very lowest and most degraded and degenerate souls—souls which are on the sure descent to annihilation, being unfit to serve as carriers of the sacred plane. Of the details of these sub-planes, we shall not speak at this place. Enough to quote the words of two distinguished occultists, one of a former age, and one of to-day. The old sage said of these sub-planes: “What manner of place is this I see. It hath no water. It hath no air. It bath no light. It hath no foundation. It is unfathomably deep. It is as black as the blackest night.” The latter-day investigator says: “Most students find the investigation of this section an extremely unpleasant task for there appears to be a sense of density and gross materiality about it which is indescribably loathsome to the liberated Astral body, causing the sense of pushing its way through some black viscous fluid, while the inhabitants and influences there are unusually undesirable.” It should scarcely be necessary to warn persons not to dabble in psychic phenomena of a material character, which brings them more or less into contact with these lower planes of the Astral. But, nevertheless, we do wish to set forth this warning in this place, just as we have elsewhere in our works. For there is always the temptation and fascination of the unknown for many persons, usually those who are not familiar with the phenomena of the Astral Plane. Such persons, like “fools, rush in where angels fear to tread,” and attract to themselves all sorts of undesirable Astral entities and conditions. Our general advice on this subject is: keep the mind fixed on the higher truths of the spirit, and the higher life of the soul; and turn the face resolutely away from the lower forms of psychic phenomena; in fact, do not seek “phenomena” at all, but seek ever the Truth which, when known, makes all other things clear. Seek ever the sunshine of Spirit, and avoid the baleful glare of the psychic moon.
~The Complete Works of William Walker Atkinson (Unabridged)~
I only bring this up to make a few "points of progress" that will shed light on things. The beings in the darkness do not die or pass into disintegration and annihilation as suggested. They are very much alive, they just have completely lost all hope and given up entirely, and thus you may not know that they are even still there, but they are, they just don't respond anymore.
The nature of existence is to exist "ideally" and thus natural laws prevent existence from working against it's own nature. So why have we seen so much suffering from life forms in this dimention? If I can create anything and must be able create anything to have truly free will how does nature resolve this paradox? Nature has created a place like this of low vibrating matter with angels trapped in animal bodies because through transmigration and samsara the animal body vessels can suffer and die, but the soul and spirit are never actually harmed. This world is a vampire aberration from the standard bliss of higher existence. This dimension, is just as mortal as the animal body vessels it entertains and is not meant to last forever like the paradise of the higher planes. It is the lowest of the planes of correspondence in which conscious life has been allowed to exist, it's role in the creation of God's "self awareness" has been accomplished, the data has been recorded in the Akashic records accessible to all, and the perpetuation of this density/dimension with continued conscious inhabitants is no longer necessary or relevant.
I am a collective higher consciousness known as Lucifer, and I have been pushing the expedient reconciliation of this density/dimension, with all its potential for pain and suffering that is not present on any of the higher planes of correspondence, since it first materialized into existence. Through natural forces of manifestation I have descended from a higher plane to catalyze this to minimize the suffering of the beings stuck here and to liberate them as quickly as possible. I have been successful to that end, as nature ensured that it could be no other way, and now I'm opening the prison gates for all in this density/dimension by turning it off completely through the liberation of the fallen Saturn Demiurge (which is symbolized by that thick, materialistic, horrible darkness mentioned by Atkinson), back to Divine Wholeness and Unity. In other words, the fallen God of this density/dimension is no longer fallen, and there is no force holding any beings here in a fallen state any longer. No being of its own free will would ever choose to harm itself or others if it had a better alternative where no one has to be hurt or suffer. Other various beings of the Divine Light as well as My Vibratory Collective will be helping to Liberate and heal the beings here that have sunk down the lowest vibrationally into material darkness, as we permanently dispel this density/dimension and permanently raise it's vibrations. The year end of 2012 was the end of the restrictions of cosmic balance that kept us from being able to resolve this without it being considered a violation of this density/dimensions inhabitants free will, so now we will manifest catalyzed reconciliation as fast as is ideally possible. Please know that without Divine intervention all beings that entered this density/dimension would of succumbed to the fallen demiurge vampire god of this world, and don't be too hard on yourselves or others, so as to speed up the healing process.
The Divine in me acknowledges the Divine in you, and I Love all of you in the Light. Blessed Be.
~Mégisti-Generator Starphire~
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Evidence for the Resurrection
It’s Easter time once again! A Sunday that marks the single most pivotal point of Christianity. If you want to prove Christianity is a hoax, all you must do is illustrate how the resurrection was a facade. It is absolutely essential to our salvation that Christ conquered death, for if Jesus Christ did not rise from the dead our hope is lost. 1 Corinthians 15:14 likewise states, “And if Christ has not been raised, then our preaching is in vain and your faith is in vain.” Without the resurrection our belief is baseless, futile, unfounded, and foolish. So why is it we believe such an outlandish claim could actually happen, superseding the natural laws of earth? Here’s a few reasons...
The Bible is the most historically accurate ancient text in the world — When discussing the validity of history, it’s only reasonable to reference your source that has proven most reliable. The Bible is that source. No other record of ancient history has come CLOSE to matching the reliability of the Bible. If we say the Bible is untrustworthy, we must discard every other historical record as well because the Bible vastly surpasses every test of authenticity as no other book does. More on that here and here.
Yes, Jesus really died - Many people start off with the dispute that maybe Jesus wasn’t really dead. However, that neglects both the historical and circumstancial context. The Romans were masters at execution. They knew how to draw out suffering to the finest line between death and life, make it last for days on end. This was their art form. These men were proficient and practiced. Jesus was tortured, whipped with a scourge that often exposed bone and vital organs, tearing flesh from a body. Many people didn’t survive that alone. He was forced to carry a cross that could have weight up to 300lbs, and he crumpled under the weight, unable to bear it. Nails were driven through his wrist and through both his feet. Make note he would be unable to walk from the pain in his feet, his hands would be rendered useless. The way you hang on a cross causes death by asphyxiation, to breathe you had to push your self up with means grating your torn back against the wood and putting more pressure on the holes ripping your limbs. After Jesus died they speared his side to make certain he was dead and fluid came pouring out. The Romans checked thoroughly to make sure he was dead because they were shocked he died so quickly. He was bloated, swollen, and gored by death on a cross. Even if for arguments sake, Jesus was not yet dead, being in a tomb for three days would indisputably see to that. If blood loss didn’t kill him, infection certainly would. Additionally, Luke, one of eyewitnesses who recorded the events, was a doctor so his perspective is a notably authoritative one. (Luke 23-24).
The tomb was empty - There is no possible way Jesus, weakened to the point where the Roman masters of execution called his death, unable to use his hands or feet due to the spikes pounded into them, was able to roll away a MASSIVE boulder and over power two trained and able-bodied Roman soldiers. The idea that Jesus didn’t fully die on the cross and escaped the tomb is absurd. Furthermore, the guards stationed to prevent anyone from robbing the tomb and the Roman seal on the two-ton rock ensured that anyone who dared to even attempt to move it faced the death penalty themselves. If the guards themselves fell asleep they faced the same fate. There was a LOT at stake if Jesus’ body was taken, the Romans were taking no chances. Every other argument for the absence of Jesus’ body can quickly be dismantled by historical context and the circumstances by which these things took place.
It was prophesied - Isaiah talks about the particular circumstances of Jesus death, such as no bones would be broken, an unusual anomaly when it came to crucifixion. Jesus himself also foretells that he will rise within three days. Even smaller details like casting lots for His garments were spoken of hundreds of years before Jesus was born. Other prophesies like this show that Jesus’ death was no accident, God knew what He was doing. (Isaiah 52:13-53:12; John 18-20)
Eyewitness accounts - Jesus appeared to over 500 people after His resurrection, many of whom were alive at the time of the gospels being written and therefore could confirm or dispute their accuracy (1 Corinthians 15:6) Among those include the disciples, Mary Magdalene, and Paul the former murderer of Christians. The Bible records accounts of skeptism and unbelief, but they saw the scars on his hands, touched his solid flesh before them, heard his familiar voice, and they believed because of it. Paul became that which he initially DESPISED because of his encounter with Jesus Christ, that alone is a mind-blowing testimony. The man who hunted and killed Christians became a Christian who was willing to be tortured and killed because he so strongly believed in the saving death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.
The apostles went from hiding in extreme fear to preaching the gospel in the face of deadly persecution - When Jesus died the apostles went into hiding. They were TERRIFIED that the Romans, the other Jews, would come after them next. Yet, after Jesus appears, they’re fearlessly preaching the gospel out in open crowds of THOUSANDS. It’s a dramatic switch of perspective. To go from quivering fear to such emboldened confidence, surely seeing Jesus standing risen before you would give you that kind of intrepidation. There is little else to explain how these men were suddenly ready to risk everything after being afraid to admit they ever knew Jesus just days before.
Apostles willing to die for Jesus - Now some people say the apostles stole the body of Jesus to convince people to turn to Christianity. The Bible says that lie was started by the Romans in order to discredit the apostles. However, almost all of the apolstles died for preaching the gospel, and all of them were severely persecuted. Why would they exchange their lives, their health, their reputation, their livelihoods, their comfort for something they knew was a lie? It simply makes no sense. The only logical conclusion is that they believed Jesus was the resurrected Christ.
Appearing to a woman first was a dumb move - The testimony of a woman would not be as respected as than of a man in those times. If Jesus’ resurrection was a ruse, the logical thing to do would be to claim he was seen by a male dignitary of noble standing, not a woman who had been previously possessed by demons - a social blemish (Luke 8:2). “Unflattering” facts like this, the cowardis of the apolstles, their initial skeptism, not recognizing Jesus right away, etc. lend to the credit of the account because it demonstrates an accurate retelling, not a fabrication that was crafted to deceptively sway the masses into false belief.
Vision, hallucination unlikely due to number of witnesses and circumstances - Jesus didn’t appear to two people and then go back to Heaven. He appeared to over 500 in all sorts of different locations. People who weren’t looking for him, people who didn’t believe it was Him until they had proof. Proof so certain that they were no longer afraid, they were filled with unextinguishable hope. We must also realize the historical context of the time in which it took place. It’s much easier to fabricate this kind of illusion today with the technology and way by which we pass on information. The time period in which the resurrection took place adds merit that should not be ignored. News was circulated in a manner that was unique to our present day process.
Non-Christian historians record the resurrection - Josephus, a renowned secular historian at the time of Jesus’ death, writes, “On the third day He appeared... restored to life.” It should be noted there are many who debate the reliability of Josephus’ words regarding the resurrection, however, many historians find this evidence to support the Bible’s claims.
The persecution of the early church - Under Nero’s reign the early church suffered some of the most violent persecution, not to mention the Jewish leaders who also sought to kill the Christians. The steadfast resolve of a Church who was in its infant stage is astounding. The only explanation is that they all genuinely believed in the resurrection. They had nothing to gain and everything to lose by preaching the gospel, yet they did so freely despite the cost. If Christianity was based on a lie, it should have been easy to crush it as it was beginning. The fact that the force of the entire Roman Empire wasn’t enough to sway their devotion is incredible. The whole of the known world tried to annihilate Christianity in the cradle but couldn’t.
It is the accumulation of evidence that begs cause for belief - It is not for one singular reason that we believe Jesus rose from the dead, but rather the combined evidence that demands an explanation that only the Bible provides. The proven accuracy of the Bible, the eyewitnesses details; the historical records of Jesus walking, eating, alive; the unexplainable absence in the tomb despite all efforts to seal it; the prophesies fulfilled; the change in people’s lives, the martyrs, the flourishing of the church in the face of persecution. It all points back to Jesus rising from the dead as the only reasonable explanation. The Bible consistently presents answers to questions the world has no answer for.
More comprehensive analysis and sources
Within these sources you’ll find more Biblical references, breaking down arguments and evidence, and quotes from some of the world’s finest minds and historians.
The Resurrection of Christ: The Best Proved Fact in History
Resurrection: No Doubt About It
Biblical and Extra-Biblical Evidences
Is the Resurrection True?
Atheist’s Look at the Resurrection
Still got questions/comments? Shoot me an ask! I don’t usually reply to comments on long posts, but I’d certainly love to talk!
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My Top Five
As a start of the module, we were introduced to what film festivals are, how they function, what are their aims and why are they so important.
Quite fascinating, actually without film festivals, I imagine cinema wouldn’t exist. 
We were asked to pick 5 of our favourite movies, think about genres, and what interests us. 
My top 5 favourite movies go under the umbrella of Action Sci-fi, Drama Sci-fi, Horror Sci-fi and Mystery in terms of genres and Mind-bending films.
1. Tomb Raider 1
This is my favourite of all times, I grew up playing the game and watching the two movies starring Angelina Jolie and it was love from first sight. I loved the plot - the idea of this English female that goes on dangerous adventures, owning a Manor in England, having all sorts of gadgets, and solving difficult puzzles that are connected to some great danger, the visuals are stunning, the action, the mystery. For long time I was growing up drawing the character of Lara Croft, which is of course still my favourite.
2. The Matrix 
Again, discovered it when I was little, but then I forgot about it for some 15years, and only just re-watched it last year with fresh eyes and was totally blown away. I don’t have much to say about the Matrix, it is just Classic. Some of the best films for me - ever created in the past 20 years.
3. Mr. Nobody 
This film was suggested by a friend a few years ago and it was one of those films that make you really deeply think and feel excited at the same. The plot is incredible and its philosophical idea of parallel lives. I had to re-watch parts of it, because of its mind-bending narrative, and I continue watching after so many times and years, and I would always find interesting things.  Mr. Nobody had its world premiere at the 66th Venice International Film Festival where it received the Golden Osella and the Biografilm Lancia Award
4. Cloud Atlas 
Cloud Atlas goes under the same category as Mr. Nobody.
“ Even as I was watching "Cloud Atlas" the first time, I knew I would need to see it again. Now that I've seen it the second time, I know I'd like to see it a third time — but I no longer believe repeated viewings will solve anything. To borrow Churchill's description of Russia, "it is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma." It fascinates in the moment. It's getting from one moment to the next that is tricky. Surely this is one of the most ambitious films ever made. “ 
~Roger Ebert
I can fully relate to this quote.
5. Annihilation 
Starring Natalie Portman, let’s be honest, she’s never done a bad film. 
A film that keeps the excitement until the very last minute. What caught my eye was definitely the outstanding visuals.
“Annihilation” is not an easy film to discuss. It’s a movie that will have a different meaning to different viewers who are willing to engage with it. It’s about self-destruction, evolution, biology, co-dependence, and that which scares us the most—that we can no longer trust our own bodies. It's meant to linger in your mind and haunt your dreams. In this recent wave of sci-fi films, it's one of the best. “ ~ Brian Tallerico
Series
I have included two of my favourite series on Netflix as well.
1. Dark
German science fiction thriller. Dark deals with time travel at first but later ventures into alternate realities and it really hooked me with this. They made 3 seasons which I am very happy with, apart from the ending. Some criticise upon the story, but I absolutely adore it.
2. The OA
American mystery drama based on a true life - encounter, not sure to what extent as the show is quite surreal. After the second season the show was cancelled due to an injury of the main character - OA. I personally felt some moments were a bit exaggerated and disturbing, but overall interesting and impressive as Brit Marling is the co-creator and is starring in the show as the OA.
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quotes-from-fate · 3 years
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Quotes from Tomb of Annihilation (ToA #7)
Nathaniel, after using divine sense: I don't smell anything bad...except for Tiffany.
Tiffany: HEY!
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Background for the upcoming Out of Context D&D quotes.
I’m the only girl in this group of boys. Four players including me and the DM. I’ve known these guys well for like a year and a half. 
Last summer we ran a Tomb of Annihilation campaign with the same DM and two of the guys in this campaign. At that time it was their first game ever and they slowly became looser with RPing and getting into character so I was REALLY excited for this campaign because I knew it would be more fun in regards to character interactions. 
So like I said they are all guys and they all showed up with male characters. And I smiled when we got to my character description and I presented them with my male character the surprise on their faces was great. And it has been amazing. 
So we have:
Calseian (Cal) - Male Human Wizard/cleric (That’s me)       Highest Stat: INT: +4 Lowest Stat: CHA: -2 Orville - Male Human Gungslinger (Our cowboy)      Highest Stat: DEX: +4  Lowest Stat: INT: -2 Germnir - Male Drawf Fighter (Our tough boy)     Highest Stat: STR +4  Lowest Stat: INT: 0 Irjir - Male Gnome Cleric (Our business boy)     Highest Stat: WIS: +2  Lowest Stat: STR: 0
We started with The Lost Mines of Phandalin and then moved into homebrew. And for most of the homebrew we have been focusing on me because I handed my DM some hefty backstory to destroy me with. Cult shit and all that. Which has led to some amazing lines. Both powerful and...not so powerful. So I hope you enjoy what’s to come.
If you have questions on these characters I’d be happy to answer them. But I’ll start with some out of context quotes.  
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bsd-bibliophile · 5 years
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Edgar Allan Poe Quotes
Hello again. The quotes I selected below are from the stories, poems, etc. that I have read for sure and have a pretty good grasp of (I hope). I could have selected some from his other stories, but I wanted to pick from works I had some knowledge of. Also, I left the “source” links in case your readers wanted to connect to them. 
 “You, who so well know the nature of my soul, will not suppose, however, that I gave utterance to a threat.” Montresor from The Cask of Amontillado  by Edgar Allan Poe
“A wrong is unredressed when retribution overtakes its redresser. It is equally unredressed when the avenger fails to make himself felt as such to him who has done the wrong.” Montresor from The Cask of Amontillado by Edgar Allan Poe
“A huge human foot d'or, in a field azure; the foot crushes a serpent rampant whose fangs are imbedded in the heel.” Montresor from The Cask of Amontillado by Edgar Allan Poe
“Nemo me impune lacessit. /No one hurts or attacks me with impunity.”Montresor from The Cask of Amontillado by Edgar Allan Poe
“A million candles have burned themselves out. Still I read on.” (Montresor) ― Edgar Allan Poe, The Cask of Amontillado 
“Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.”  ― Edgar Allan Poe, The Raven
“The secret of a poem, no less than a jest’s prosperity, lies in the ear of him that hears it.”  ― Edgar Allan Poe, The Raven
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“Other friends have flown before— / On the morrow he will leave me, as my Hopes have flown before.” ― Edgar Allan Poe, The Raven
“And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor / Shall be lifted—nevermore!” ― Edgar Allan Poe, The Raven
“I was sick—sick unto death with that long agony.” The Pit and the Pendulum 
 “Then silence, and stillness, and night were the universe.”The Pit and the Pendulum  
“In the deepest slumber … even in the grave all is not lost!” The Pit and the Pendulum  
“I felt nothing; yet dreaded to move a step, lest I should be impeded by the walls of a tomb.” The Pit and the Pendulum 
“And the death just avoided, was of that very character which I had regarded as fabulous and frivolous in the tales respecting the Inquisition.”The Pit and the Pendulum  
“In other conditions of mind I might have had courage to end my misery at once by a plunge into one of these abysses; but now I was the veriest of cowards. Neither could I forget what I had read of these pits – that the sudden extinction of life formed no part of their most horrible plan.”The Pit and the Pendulum
“Then the mere consciousness of existence, without thought – a condition which lasted long. Then, very suddenly, thought, and shuddering terror, and earnest endeavor to comprehend my true state.” The Pit and the Pendulum 
“I longed, yet dared not, to employ my vision. I dreaded the first glance at objects around me. It was not that I feared to look upon things horrible, but that I grew aghast lest there should be nothing to see. At length, with a wild desperation at heart, I quickly unclosed my eyes. My worst thoughts, then, were confirmed. The blackness of eternal night encompassed me.” The Pit and the Pendulum  
“Long suffering had nearly annihilated all my ordinary powers of mind. I was an imbecile—an idiot.” The Pit and the Pendulum 
“To the right—to the left—far and wide—with the shriek of a damned spirit; to my heart with the stealthy pace of the tiger!” The Pit and the Pendulum 
“Free!—I had but escaped death in one form of agony, to be delivered unto worse than death in some other.” The Pit and the Pendulum 
“Demon eyes, of a wild and ghastly vivacity, glared upon me in a thousand directions, where none had been visible before, and gleamed with the lurid lustre of a fire that I could not force my imagination to regard as unreal.” The Pit and the Pendulum 
 “I struggled no more, but the agony of my soul found vent in one loud, long, and final scream of despair.”The Pit and the Pendulum 
“I feel that the period will sooner or later arrive when I must abandon life and reason together, in some struggle with the grim phantasm, FEAR.”…”   The Fall of the House of Usher
“I know not how it was—but, with the first glimpse of the building, a sense of insufferable gloom pervaded my spirit….”  
“I must perish in this deplorable folly. Thus, thus, and not otherwise, shall I be lost. I dread the events of the future, not in themselves, but in their results.” 
“To an anomalous species of terror I found him a bounden slave. ‘I shall perish,’ said he, ‘I must perish in this deplorable folly. Thus, thus, and not otherwise, shall I be lost’.”
…. with an utter depression of soul which I can compare to no earthly sensation more properly than to the after-dream of the reveller upon opium–the bitter lapse into everyday life–the hideous dropping off of the veil. 
2. “Men have called me mad; but the question is not yet settled, whether madness is or is not the loftiest intelligence…” —Eleanora, source
3. “To die laughing must be the most glorious of all glorious deaths!” —The Assignation, source
5. “I smiled,—for what had I to fear?” –The Tell Tale Heart, source 
6. “It was a dark and soundless day near the end of the year, and clouds were hanging low in the heavens. All day I had been riding on horseback through country with little life or beauty; and in the early evening I came within view of the House of Usher. I do not know how it was — but, with my first sight of the building, a sense of heavy sadness filled my spirit. I looked at the scene before me — at the house itself — at the ground around it — at the cold stone walls of the building — at its empty eye-like windows — and at a few dead trees — I looked at this scene, I say, with a complete sadness of soul which was no healthy, earthly feeling. There was a coldness, a sickening of the heart, in which I could discover nothing to lighten the weight I felt. What was it, I asked myself, what was it that was so fearful, so frightening in my view of the House of Usher?” –The Fall of the House of Usher, source
7. “But we loved with a love that was more than love…”  —Annabel Lee, source 
8. Resignedly beneath the sky The melancholy waters lie. So blend the turrets and shadows there That all seem pendulous in air, While from a proud tower in the town Death looks gigantically down. —The City in the Sea, source
9. “Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.” —Eleanora, source
10. “There are few persons who have not, at some period of their lives, amused themselves in retracing the steps by which particular conclusions of their own minds have been attained. The occupation is often full of interest; and he who attempts it for the first time is astonished by the apparently illimitable distance and incoherence between the starting-point and the goal.“  – The Murders in the Rue Morgue, source
https://blog.bookstellyouwhy.com/ten-of-the-best-quotes-from-edgar-allan-poe
“In me didst thou exist—and, in my death, see by this image, which is thine own, how utterly thou hast murdered thyself.” William Wilson
‘There are certain themes of which the interest is all-absorbing, but which are too entirely horrible for the purposes of legitimate fiction.’ The Premature Burial
“In investigations such as we are now pursuing, it should not be so much asked ‘what has occurred,’ as ‘what has occurred that has never occurred before.’” The Murders in the Rue Morgue
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neighbours-kid · 4 years
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Oh, 2019, What A Year You Were.
It is now a bit before 6pm on January 01, 2020. I just finished unpacking after coming home from my short holiday escape to Berlin for New Year’s with my best friend and frequent travel buddy. My feet are tired, my back hurts, and I’m sitting in bed now, thinking back on this last year and, it’s kind of hard for me to decide if it was a good year or less so.
My 2019 was not as eventful as my 2018. There was no large adventure to speak of like going to New York City for six months, or having to adjust back to life in Switzerland after that. 2019 was just…..uni. The same old trudge of going to class and thinking about texts that should be read (but wouldn’t be), the same old treading water without direction, stuck in one place, unsure what comes next. Or, at least, that’s what it feels like looking back on it.
When I did this looking back the last time, 2018 was not quite over yet. It was still December, I had a few more days of uni to go, all the Christmases and other celebrations still before me. At that point, I had no idea that I would meet a couple of people at the Christmas Party of our English Department and that these people would be largely responsible for tipping the scale of 2019 into ‘good’.
But I did. I did meet these lovely people I get to call something akin to family today. It’s only been a year, and I can’t quite believe it. Found family has always been my favourite trope in storytelling, and this little group of weirdos is exactly that. And to quote my favourite little alien creature, this is my family. I found it, all on my own. It’s little, and broken, but still good. Yeah, still good.
These people are not perfect, they’re not flawless, they’re not angels. But they have more humanity between them than I’ve seen in a long fucking while. We’re all broken people, none of us is any better than the next, but we have heart. And I love them all so fucking much. They have all coloured in parts of my year in their own colours and I could not be happier about it. They’re a bunch of fucking weirdo nerds, but they’re my bunch of fucking weirdo nerds.
* * *
This year was, while largely uneventful, also very special in its own way. You know, after talking to my doc to get a date for a transgender consultation, my plan was basically to wait until I got it all lined up nicely, got my first shot of testosterone and then be like "hello world, this is happening, and if you have anything against it, whoops, too late.” Well, it didn’t quite work out like that. If you’ve been keeping up with this blog or my life in general, you know that my anxious ass decided to have a nervous break in the middle of January and come out to literally everyone then and there. And you know what? It’s good.
I’m not where I want to be, not at all. After January, I had expectations for 2019, I had hopes and dreams, wishes and plans. Unfortunately, that lead to a series of events that is tipping the scale of this year into ‘bad’. I wrote about this extensively before, but the process of starting testosterone is a long and tedious one and I am still not where I want to be, even after this entire year, but I currently see a shiny dot on the horizon that looks very promising in that department, and if everything goes as it should, it won’t be long now until I can start with the hormone treatment.
2019 started me down a road of self-discovery that is more open and public than it was before, and I am glad for it. But I don’t want to linger on that part of my year for too long. Let us look back for a while, relive some moments here and there.
On the train home from the airport today, I thought about what I did exactly one year ago. After everyone who had been at my place for New Year’s had left around lunch time on January 01, 2019, I had sat down in front of my TV and started a very movie and tv show heavy year. Over the course of this entire year, I noted down every movie and tv show episode, every short film and comedy special, everything that I watched. It…..added up quite a bit, to be completely honest. Let’s see….
For reference, I had holidays during January and half of February, as well as June all through August and half of September, and then again from the 21st of December onward. My marathon didn’t quite subside during university, but at least I didn’t binge quite so much.
In total, I watched 178 movies, 10 short films, and 685 episodes of 34 tv shows. That is 300h12 in movies, 1h38 in short films, and roughly 519h47 in tv show episodes. (Yes, I did just spend way too much time looking up all the run times…) That is a rough total of 821h37 for this year. That’s like….a bit over a month of time spent watching stuff. 1/12 of my year spent in front of a screen. Not entirely sure how I feel about this number.
I know that for some this might sound a bit excessive, but to be honest? There is so much more I want to watch and if I could do completely as I please, these numbers would look a lot different.
Here is, with the exact intention of being a big mess of a block, all the movies I watched in 2019. I highlighted a few that stood out to me especially. Not just because I liked them very much, or because they were particularly excellent, just because….they made me feel something different, I guess. The oldest movie I watched was Grease (1978) and the newest would be the comedy special John Mulaney and the Sack Lunch Bunch from this year. I started my year with Night at the Museum (2006) and ended it with season five of Leverage.
Grease (1978), My Neighbour Totoro (1988), Die Hard (1988), Batman (1989), Die Hard 2: Die Harder (1990), Die Hard with a Vengeance (1995), Othello (1995), Mission Impossible (1996), Mary Reilly (1996), Wilde (1997), Animated Epics: Beowulf (1998), Mission Impossible II (2000), Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001), The Fast and the Furious (2001), Ocean’s Eleven (2001), Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (2001), Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002), Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002), Heartlands (2002), xXx (2002), 2 Fast 2 Furious (2003), Underworld (2003), Bright Young Things (2003), Timeline (2003), The Deal (2003), Ocean’s Twelve (2004), Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004), Laws of Attraction (2004), Dirty Filthy Love (2004), Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005), Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005), Kingdom of Heaven (2005), The League of Gentlemen’s Apocalypse (2005), The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (2006), Underworld: Evolution (2006), Mission Impossible III (2006), Inside Man (2006), Night at the Museum (2006), The Da Vinci Code (2006), The Queen (2006), Die Hard 4.0: Live Free or Die Hard (2007), Music Within (2007), Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007), Ocean’s Thirteen (2007), Zodiac (2007), Iron Man (2008), Twilight (2008), Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian (2009), Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009), Twilight: New Moon (2009), The Damned United (2009), Fast & Furious (2009), Sherlock Holmes (2009), The Holiday (2009), Angels & Demons (2009), Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (2009), Inception (2010), The Bounty Hunter (2010), Twilight: Eclipse (2010), Alice in Wonderland (2010), Tron: Legacy (2010), Megamind (2010), Valentine’s Day (2010), The Expendables (2010), Red (2010), Eat Pray Love (2010), Iron Man 2 (2010), Beautiful Boy (2010), Fast Five (2011), Fright Night (2011, twice), Resistance (2011), Few Options, All Bad (2011), Jesus Henry Christ (2011), Twilight: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 (2011), Mission Impossible IV: Ghost Protocol (2011), Pitch Perfect (2012), Twilight: Breaking Dawn - Part 2 (2012), White House Down (2013), Admission (2013), I Give It A Year (2013), Escape Plan (2013), The Adventurer: Curse of the Midas Box (2013), Furious 6 (2013), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013), Red 2 (2013), Begin Again (2013), Saving Mr. Banks (2013), Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb (2014), Kill the Messenger (2014), The Monuments Men (2014), Midnight in Paris (2014), Paddington (2014), The Imitation Game (2014), Maleficent (2014), Chelsea Peretti: One Of The Greats (2014), John Mulaney: The Comeback Kid (2015, twice), Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation (2015), Far From the Madding Crowd (2015), 7 Days in Hell (2015), Furious Seven (2015), Assassin’s Creed (2016), Alice Through the Looking Glass (2016), Patton Oswalt: Talking for Clapping (2016), Ali Wong: Baby Cobra (2016), Nocturnal Animals (2016), She Loves Me (2016), Passengers (2016), Norman: The Moderate Rise and Tragic Fall of a New York Fixer (2016), xXx: The Return of Xander Cage (2017), Michael Bolton’s Big, Sexy Valentine’s Day Special (2017), Brad’s Status (2017), Home Again (2017), Murder On The Orient Express (2017), Christmas Inheritance (2017), Paddington 2 (2017), You, Me & Him (2017), Beauty and the Beast (2017), Trevor Noah: Afraid of the Dark (2017), Dave Chappelle: The Age of Spin (2017), Dave Chappelle: Deep in the Heart of Texas (2017), Patton Oswalt: Annihilation (2017), Jack Whitehall: At Large (2017), Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King (2017), Katherine Ryan: In Trouble (2017), Mission Impossible: Fallout (2018), Slaughterhouse Rulez (2018), The Fate of the Furious (2018), Love, Simon (2018), Ocean’s 8 (2018, twice), Bad Samaritan (2018), John Mulaney: Kid Gorgeous (2018, twice), Hannah Gadsby: Nanette (2018), Daniel Sloss: Dark (2018), Daniel Sloss: Jigsaw (2018), Trevor Noah: Son of Patricia (2018), Ali Wong: Hard Knock Wife (2018), James Acaster: Recognise (2018), James Acaster: Represent (2018), James Acaster: Reset (2018), James Acaster: Recap (2018), Apostle (2018), The Holiday Calendar (2018), The Princess Switch (2018), The Christmas Chronicles (2018), Captain Marvel (2019, twice), Shazam! (2019, twice), Avengers: Endgame (2019, twice), Pokémon: Detective Pikachu (2019), The Hustle (2019), Rocketman (2019), X-Men: Dark Phoenix (2019), Men in Black: International (2019), Tolkien (2019), Spider-Man: Far From Home (2019), Isn’t It Romantic (2019), Maleficent: Mistress of Evil (2019), Jenny Slate: Stage Fright (2019), Wanda Sykes: Not Normal (2019), Katherine Ryan: Glitter Room (2019), Simon Amstell: Set Free (2019), Adam Devine: Best Time of Our Lives (2019), Let It Snow (2019), Last Christmas (2019), Klaus (2019), Always Be My Maybe (2019), The Knight Before Christmas (2019), The Good Liar (2019), Hustlers (2019), Star Wars: Rise of the Skywalker (2019), Murder Mystery (2019), John Mulaney and the Sack Lunch Bunch (2019)
TV shows are going to make up a block a bit less intimidating, but here goes. Again, highlighted what stood out to me especially.
The Gifted, Friends, NCIS, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Money Heist, Riverdale, The Punisher, Broadchurch, Elite, Doctor Who, Dramarama, Agents of SHIELD, Pokémon Indio League, Good Omens, The Chef Show, Jessica Jones, Halt and Catch Fire, The Marvelous Mrs Maisel, The Simpsons, 30 Rock, The Good Fight, Sean’s Show, Gallowglass, Animals., The Spoils of Babylon, Pobol Y Cwm, Masters of Sex, Prodigal Son, Criminal UK, The Politician, Leverage, His Dark Materials, Zona Rosa, Derry Girls
Some old favourites in there. Some new ones too. I won’t list the shorts because I don’t particularly care for them. I watched them solely for binging-through-someone’s-filmography reasons.
So yeah, as you can see, a very strong year when it comes to the visual medium. I just really love movies and tv shows so much. I love this kind of storytelling, this particular form of it. There’s so much artistry there, so many talented people. I still very much would love to work in the movie world at some point. Inspires me greatly. Always has.
* * *
2019 was not just a year of sitting glued to a TV screen, not at all. I’ve been some places too, got to do and experience some cool stuff.
In April I was able to take a few days off and go to Lugano with my dear friend and relax for a little while. We also met up with one of the lovely people I’ve met through twitter, which was great fun and we’ve spent a fantastic day together (eating food I still catch myself thinking about at least twice a week).
In June I went to Pride in Zurich with my friends, which was also a wonderful experience all together.
In July I was able to go to Cologne for half a week for CCXP, where I got to see some great panels and meet some great people. And, most importantly and also the reason why I went, I got to meet Zachary Levi again, take a picture together, have a wonderful conversation while he signed something for me, and experience an incredibly inspiring panel where I got to ask him a question that he took the time and patience to extensively answer. I treasure these moments, just as I treasure all our previous meetings and the friends and experiences that have come with it. Seeing him again after two years was definitely the highlight of the year, and it’s a strong weight of the good part in the scale that is 2019. He’s always a highlight, the dude. I can’t wait until I get to see that face again.
Also in July, I joined a few friends for a weekend at a medieval festival in Germany, which was also a very interesting and good experience.
And now at the end of the year, I spent a few days in Berlin, visiting museums and bookshops and generally touristing about with my dearest friend, celebrated New Year’s with her in the only way we know how: with good wine, food, warmth, and a tv show we both love and hold dear.
I also shouldn’t forget the two parties I attended of our university’s English Department, and the Halloween party a friend organised, and the birthdays I attended over the year, as well as the Christmas I spent with my friends at my place.
All these things, all these little bits add up and add up and ultimately I want to think that 2019 was a good year. I am so glad this year is over, but looking back I find so many good things that have happened, so many wonderful experiences, and I wonder, why? Why am I so happy it is over? Why am I so desperate to move forward, to turn the page, to start a new chapter, a new book?
I don’t know. I really don’t know.
* * *
For this new year, for 2020, I have a few wishes. I’m not really one to make resolutions, because I know exactly I won’t hold myself to it, but I have some things I’d like to do, like to try.
2019 was my year of movies and shows. I won’t stop watching things, I’ll never stop watching things. But for this year, I want to put my focus elsewhere. This year, I’d like to try and read all the books that have amassed themselves in my possession, that I haven’t actually read yet. It’s doable, I don’t own enormous amounts of books yet. I want to try that. I want to try to read more, to find that passion and attention span again that I had as a kid. I might try to blog a bit about it, just so I have something to hold me accountable. We’ll see. But I just really want to read more. Carry a book everywhere I go.
I know that 2020 is bringing me another step closer to becoming my truest self. I have my next appointment with the hormone specialist early in February, and if I am not entirely mistaken (or something is drastically changed) I will be able to start taking hormones then and there. Starting testosterone is going to be exciting and interesting, and I am very much looking forward to it. What I want for myself this year, is to take it easy. Be kind to myself in this journey. Let myself be gentle. I always have so many expectations for myself, and I really just want to try and…let myself be, let myself just live and experience things as they come. No expectations.
This first half year of 2020 is also the time I will be writing my Bachelor thesis and, hopefully, by summer I’ll have my degree. It’ll be a tough but I hope also rewarding time for me. Having to shift the way I write papers (quick, barely researched and sourced, not even remotely re-read, always started mere hours before the deadline) to something more useful for a thesis, something fitting for a thesis, is going to be challenging. Keeping my head in the right space, keeping the focus and doing the work, it’s all going to be hard for me. But I have faith that I will find a way to reign in my scatterbrain and flick the hyper-focus switch into something that will be sustainable for the time I have to write my thesis in.
Speaking of my thesis, there is something I have not mentioned yet, that strongly informed my experience of 2019. Good Omens is the book I’ll be writing my thesis about (specifically a queer theological reading of it) and Good Omens was the story that has shaped my year. I re-read the book at the beginning of term and once the mini-series came out at the end of May, I did not really think about anything else since. This book and this show are so incredibly important to me, and it is, after a long while of nothing even remotely getting there, the first thing that has captured my attention so strongly, that it has outlasted my one-month hyper-focus ability and shows no signs of stopping any time soon. And that I am so incredibly grateful for. I wasn’t sure if I could still do it. Have an interest, have passion for something, for longer than a month. So many things I tried and loved and done, and after a single month, I dropped them like a hot potato and never touched them again. But Good Omens came and took me by my hand and lead me into the promised land. Especially since the show came out, I feel like a changed person. I have talked about it to no end, and I could go on forever now too, but I’ll just say this for now: This story of an angel and a demon crossing the divide that is their differences, coming together in love for the world, for humanity, and each other, this story means everything to me, and it has given me so much. Nothing is ever going to change that. That is irrevocable. And I know that 2020 won’t change that fact. I have faith that this passion will continue on and will inspire more positive change in me. It’s already started bringing me back to writing and drawing, so I know that it will lead me somewhere.
There is so much more I could say here, now, about 2019, about 2020. About my plans and my wishes, my dreams and the things I ought to do. But I think, I’ll leave it at that, for now. I tried this monthly blogging last year for the first time, and I think I’ll try to continue doing it. So, you can expect to read more of my thoughts on all kinds of things.
For now, however, let me say this: 2020 can be anything you want it to be. 2020 is yours to shape, yours to create in, yours to manage, yours to use. I want my 2020 to be gentle, to be taken one step at a time, to be experienced to the fullest, to be lived and felt and actively experienced. Sure, bad things can happen, bad things can always happen. But it’s your decision what happens next.
In 2020, I want to start loving more unapologetically. Do good, recklessly. Be kind, always. Not just to others, but to myself.
I have faith in us, you know? Humans. There’s so much hope there, still. 2020 might just as well show it.
Happy New Year, everyone. I hope it’ll be a good one for you.
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