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#tony has daddy issues
fbfh · 2 months
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Thinking about how aggressively protective over you dad!Tony is. Like whenever someone is fucking mean or rude to you, or generally gives you trouble like... you have to laugh. Cause you know what's coming. You were out running some errands (aka picking up falafel and shwarma for you, your dad, Peter, and Harley) when you ducked into a cute little boutique on the way. You saw a pair of sunglasses that were so cute, but upon further investigation, they had weird designs all along the sides. You laugh at how terrible it looks and get a picture to show your dad when you get back. You're about to leave when some stupid fucking Paul Blart mall cop drags you into the back of the store and accuses you of shoplifting. You just laugh. You laugh and ask Jarvis to call your dad. Knockoff Paul blart is trying to scare you into confessing to something you didn't do, threatening you with jail time and telling you your parents can't bail you out now, it's too late for that. You record part of the conversation and send it to your dad. About 0.0000001 second later you get a notification that he's on his way. You hear his repulsors outside and moments later he's storming into the back of the boutique.
"Okay, chachi, you've got about three seconds to explain to me what the hell you think you're doing here."
"Sir, are you the father of-"
"Three..."
"O-of this-"
"Two..."
"-was suspected to be shoplifting-"
"And you're done!"
You watch with a barely repressed laugh as your dad TEARS into this motherfucker. Like he is not holding back in he slightest. Tony KNOWS his kid. There is not a shadow of a doubt in his mind that this is a result of some miserable little man on a powertrip who couldn't get into cop school. And Tony TELLS HIM that to his fucking face. You watch a sad, angry little man reduced to tears after being roasted to within an inch of his life by your dad. It's giving "you pathetic, short little man. you don't have any friends, or any family, or any LAND." By the time he's finally done, you dad looks the guy dead in the eye ad tells him with more confidence that paul blart has ever felt in his life
"If you're lucky, maybe you'll be scrubbing my floors with a toothbrush. Maybe."
Tony ushers you out of there, ordering some food and coffee and asking Jarvis to cancel the next chunk of scheduled events so he can spend some time with you, make sure you're okay. He may or may not have also bought that little boutique, because when someone messes with his kid, Tony does NOT let it slide.
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shinningraes · 21 days
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All of these are about Alfred
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spider-mancan · 1 year
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peter is the tutor brought in to walk morgan stark through some upper level courses and tony is the dilf that peter is desperately trying not to fuck. he can't fuck that dad. he likes morgan too much to traumatize her like that.
someone please stop him from fucking that dad. fuck.
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stackthedeck · 1 year
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My philosophy is that spidey ship is drastically improved by replacing Peter Parker with Peter B (especially if it's the twinkified tom holland version of Peter) but then I was like...really any ship, even...that one? And then I thought about it for a second and I was like...yeah any ship, I'm so right
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isadora-greenhall · 1 year
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This was inevitable. From the moment Scary met Willy this was going to happen
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everyone Irondad's Tony adopting Peter and Harley and now Riri
and yeah that's good and cute and all
but I'm just like: "Harry Osborn"
and I think I'm the only one
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procastinatingofc · 1 month
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I feel like I have daddy issues but I’m not sure
But I also cry whenever there’s something father child ‘sad love miss you I love you’ thing going on
But I’m not sure haha
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chaoticace2005 · 2 months
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Reason I, sexiest being ever Angel Dust, wanna get fucked by BE WITH Whiskers: (Complimentary to Husk's reasons for NOT getting involved with Angel post)
He's hot.
~Daddy~ (I don't have daddy issues shut up. Who am I? Charlie??)
Wanna see the kitty ~purr~ and those wings ~flap~
He has hearts. I have hearts. THAT'S SO MANY HEARTS!!!!
Our colors compliment each other!!!
Are cat's dicks really... ya know?
Honestly he probably needs a good lay.
Actually, wait: is he even queer??? YES YES HE IS!
Makes good drinks.
Funny to piss off.
Charity work. That's a redeeming "quality" right?
Fuck this entire list actually. He sucks. And NOT in a sexy way. He'd be LUCKY to fuck me.
Good singer and dancer??
Actually gets what I'm going through and doesn't give me that pitying bullshit?
Badass motherfucker with EXPLOSIVE CARDS?!
Good drinking buddy
HE CAN FLY?!?!
Somehow actually believes in me??
Short king. Short guys are sexy (except you Arackniss, fuck you.)
So fucking soft. He'd deny it though. AND HE PURRS
Doesn't bullshit me or anyone for that matter.
Smiles wouldn't like it.
Husk should know he is loved and supported. (Am I really the best guy for that?? I don't even need to date him to tell him this. I can get it through this thick skull in other ways until someone better comes along.)
Best cuddler ever.
Makes me feel seen and alive.
Being with him is better than any drug.
He takes care of Nuggets!!!!!!
Speaks Italian?!?!?!?!? AND DOESN'T EVEN BUTCHER IT!!!! (and it's VERY hot)
Nice enough to ask for permission before doing anything??
Thinks that asking for permission should be expected?
Takes care of me after a bad session/day and I wanna take care of him.
Doesn't want to have sex with me.
Says "Tony" WAY too well.
I've literally never cared about someone this much before??
One of my favorite people ever and I'm so lucky to have him as a friend. And maybe that should be enough?? What the hell am I doing??
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peachesofteal · 7 months
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Floorplan
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Steve Rogers/female reader 2.1k words - AO3 Warnings-tags: 18+ MDNI. Explicit sex. Nomad era Steve. Reader and Steve have a baby together, mention of pregnancy. Possessive Steve Rogers. Praise kink. Breeding kink. Daddy kink. Dirty talk. Orgasm delay/denial. Could be considered toxic. Steve has issues with boundaries. Angst. Steve Rogers is keeping a secret.
Steve Rogers is keeping a secret. 
It’s heavy, heavier than most, this you know without a doubt, because you carry it as well, it’s existence a variable in your life that you never expected, never even imagined, if you’re being honest. 
A variable that ties him to you, indefinitely. For eternity. For better or for worse, without the papers or proof, the only exception being the small infant that sleeps in the room down the hall, while her father has you pinned against the bed, fingers digging into your thighs, splaying your body wide for him to do as he wishes, because you’re so fucking weak.
“Steve.” You hiss, word drawn loud from your mouth when the tip of his tongue works in tandem with his fingers, playing your clit easily, hips eagerly rocking against his face. 
“Pillow, honey. Don’t want to be too loud.” He murmurs a reminder into your cunt, crooking a finger up against that spot, the sweet spot that waits for him inside your body, working you into a mindless haze, building you up closer and closer to an orgasm until you’re panting, curve of your spine shining with a glimmer of sweat. “That’s it, that’s it. Almost there.” He hums, pulling away at the last second to peek up at your face, beard wet with you, absolutely soaked with your arousal. It glistens in the low light of your bedroom, and he smirks before going back to his meal, dotting gentle and slow kisses down the inside of your thigh that make you whisper desperate pleas. 
“Steve, please, don’t-“ Don’t stop. Keep going. Please, please, please. 
“Shhh. I know.” He coos. “Just need to get you ready for me sweetheart, that’s all.” And, if you weren’t so lost in the haze of your pleasure right now, you’d probably have something sharp to say in response. He always does this. Brings you to the edge over, and over, makes you wild for him, ache for him, just so he can pluck your strings perfectly, harmonize your need with his since your mind won’t budge, his possession of your body always tipping you over the cliff and into his arms, every time, without fail. 
Even a sailor lost at sea needs an anchor. 
And he is lost, has been, for some time. Since Bucky. Since Tony. Since he broke everyone out of the raft and went on the run, dipping in and out of towns and cities across the globe. 
That’s how you met him. That’s how you brought him home one night, that turned into two, that turned into more, and more. Your greed, your desire overriding your good sense because he was leaving soon, and he wouldn’t be around, and it’s all just some fun- I can keep a secret, Steve, you don’t have to hide from me. You’re safe with me. We’re not even together, just enjoying each other’s company, yeah?
You never thought you would survive it, loving him. Loving a man who’s not a man at all, who’s lost in the wilderness, who’s relearning everything about himself and the world all at once. Cast out by his country, his own namesake. Living on the run. Living with his band of misfit toys. 
So, you kept it to yourself, even though he didn’t. Even though you heard him whisper it to you in the middle of the night, when he thought you must be asleep. Even though it felt like obsession, possession, both ends burning the midnight oil. You kept it to yourself, kept the smile on your face, kept the swell of your emotions at bay. 
If you don’t love him, it won’t be as bad, when he goes. When they move on. 
Then, Steve Rogers did something he didn’t even know he could do. Something he didn’t intend, he claims, something he was told should be impossible. 
He gave you a baby. 
He gave you a baby, and everything changed. 
You’re just about to spit out something insistent, something needy, as he calls it, when you’re being moved, flipped over to your belly with no warning, the warmth of his chest bleeding across your back. His beard tickles against your ear, mouth pressing sweet kisses to your temple, and you can smell yourself on him, the proof of your weakness for him all over his face. 
“Here we go, good girl. I’ve got you.” The solid weight of his cock lays between you, the spill of his pre come smearing against the inside of your thighs and then inside of you, the heavy, thick head pushing in little by little, your mouth drooping wide on the pillow. 
“Ahh-“ you groan. It bites, the stretch, the sting of it all, and he knows, he loves it, and you do too (even though now you never tell him, because it’s not like before, not like when you weren’t the mother of his child, not like when things were simpler, when you could have walked away, when you weren’t falling down the rabbit hole with a man who has lost his entire identity, his country, his life-)
“God, honey. What a sweet little pussy you have for me, huh?” His teeth find the skin of your neck, below your jaw, and they graze with a nip, light pressure to punctuate his ownership. For me. For me, for me, for me. “Just perfect. My perfect, good girl.” You try to bite back the moan that rises in your throat but it’s impossible, and he’s no fool, the curl of his smile imprints across your skin, cock sawing in and out of your body like you were made for it. 
He says you were, of course. That you were made for him, and for no one else, and he doesn’t care what happens in the next year, or two, or ten. You’ll always be his. He’ll always come back. He’ll always be here. 
“What will you do if… when you go home, to America?”
“I’ll bring you both. Put you up in a place. Or maybe I’ll buy you a house, honey. With a white picket fence and everything. Give you another baby. Give you two more babies.”
“Steve-“
“No, no. Don’t.”
“Steve.” You whine, still mouthing the pillow, fingers tight in the sheets. You clench down around him, unable to keep yourself from barreling towards your orgasm any longer, and he whispers encouragement in your ear, soft praise of how good you feel and how wet and are you going to come for me, honey? You going to give a me a good one? Let me feel you squeezing my cock with it?
Your first orgasm comes with ease. So does your second. 
Your third comes with tears that he laps up across your cheek, as too many words get stuck in your throat. I love you. I hate you. I don’t want you here. I don’t want you to leave. 
It builds, each time he slips inside the house at night, each time you come home from work or errands and he’s sitting on the couch reading a book, or sketching, just waiting for you and Emmaline. It builds and builds, when he’s got you bent over the kitchen table, cheek pressed to the wood, sinking his cock into your body with an unmatched fury, breathing claims of ownership against your skin. Mine, for me. My girls. My baby. 
“Maybe I’ll give you another. Fill you up until you’re overflowing, get you pregnant.” It’s an overload, a killshot straight to your heart, your nervous system, and it engulfs you in fire, your body clenching around his cock involuntarily, like all it wants is to be bred by him, fucked deep with his come until you’re round with his baby, again. And he knows it, knows it too well. Sees the way your eyes shutter, can feel the way your body begs for it. You want to come, and he’ll torture you with it, dragging it out until you’re breaking apart. “Go ahead, tell me honey. Say it, do you want it?” 
“Y-yes, please. Please, daddy.” 
Everything you carry, all the tangles, the snarled mess that exists in your heart for him surges, and his hand sneaks between the mattress and your body to cup your belly, palm warm like a brand. Like it’s always been, now, and before- 
He holds you from behind, hands flush overtop your navel, stroking the roundness of your stomach with longing affection. 
“How’re my girls today?” 
“Tired.” You shift, and he hums in response. You’re about to snap at him about being here in the first place, remind him he can’t just use his key whenever, let himself inside whenever, but his hands drift to the bottom of your belly and lift, robbing you of all the lectures and rebuttals as the pressure on your spine is instantly relieved. 
“That better sweetheart?” 
He’s deep, so deep that it burns, head of his cock punching against your cervix, hitting that spot repeatedly. You gasp, burying your face in the pillow, smothering the shriek of your moans. He’s close, you can tell, you can feel it, the way his muscles start to become rock, the strike of his hips against your ass moving you further up the bed until your neck is craning to the side to avoid the headboard.
“Here it comes honey, lie still, just- just let me- let me give it to you.” It’s a stammered slur being pushed out through a too tense jaw, restraint burning in his muscles, arms cradling you like a precious, rare gem to be coveted, something more important than duty and a shield. 
Later, he’s still in your bed, even though he said he wouldn’t be. 
He’s heavy, and hot, so hot that you don’t need a blanket when he holds you. You find it fascinating, even more curious that your own child runs hotter than normal too, more evidence of the clear truth that both you and Steve are working vigilantly to hide and disguise. 
“You should sleep.” He’s insistent, and your lashes flutter closed with a big breath. 
“You don’t have to stay.” He wants to. He’s stubborn about it. It’s the reason he gave for appearing on your doorstep earlier. 
“Why didn’t you call? I would’ve come sooner.” 
“It’s not like I know where you are these days.” 
“Don’t. Don’t… start this.” 
“She has colic, Steve. There’s not much you’re going to be able to do, we just have to ride it out.” 
“I don’t care. I’m here.” 
He was the one who had managed getting Emmaline to sleep earlier, rocking her in his arms until she settled, sweet little baby finally succumbing to lullaby of sweet dreams in her dad’s arms. 
He’s so good at it, taking care of her, understanding what she needs and when, that you hardly sputtered a protest when he clicked her door shut and pulled you in for a kiss, pushing you into your own bedroom and laying you out on your back, a hand pinning your stomach to the sheets, another gripping your thigh wide for him, his strength forcing your body into a trap, where you were powerless. Stuck.  
“I guess I gotta put both my girls to bed, right? Isn’t that what you needed? Just needed daddy here, honey?”  
“Close your eyes, sweetheart. I’ll get her, when she gets up.” The fire of his skin makes everything in the room feel heavy, feel heady, and it’s so easy to slip into your imagination to pretend, dream about a world where your relationship wasn’t shattered, where Emmaline’s dad wasn’t just a shadow in the dark half the time he’s in the house, in her life, in yours. 
“You can’t just keep coming here, acting like everything is normal.” You whisper to the ceiling, but he doesn’t respond, just hums into your skin, deaf to your sense, your logic. 
You’re right. You know you are. Why can’t he just see that?
“Steve.” You pick at him. Pushing and pushing, careening closer to a breaking point, an inevitable end when he will sigh with the weight of exasperation, and then ease himself out of bed and disappear into the night. 
“This is the normal, for now.” He says instead, a rebuttal that takes you by surprise, a change in his usual course. Fingers stretch over yours with a yank, pulling you closer into the bend of his body. “But it won’t always be like this. We’ll go home soon.” Home. It sounds nice, but feels like a threat, considering this has been your home for years now, and this was where you were raising Emmaline, and this is where you had settled into life, started a career, put down roots. 
“Steve, I’m already home.” You remind him and he chuckles softly against your brow. 
“Are you?”
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Fandom observation nicknames and funny tags: Part One Piece
Okay, one piece fandom it's your turn and I'm going to highlight your creativity. Again this is not meant to shame or call anyone out. I am genuinely impressed with the creativity and you guys made me laugh. So again in my opinion these were too good just to be lost in the tags or in the anonymous messages, several you sent me. So expand post at your own risk. This one is unhinged
* updated as of April 6th with more tags and new characters
I have mentioned this before, but for some reason that is beyond me. One Piece fandom you guys refer to your characters as daddy and mommy (And it's in a kinky way) way more than any fandom. I think I should just start with the list of characters that have been labeled as such before I go into the creative names for individual characters. Because trust me who makes the list and who doesn't is actually funny.
One piece Daddy's: Shanks, Mihawk, Buggy, Sir Crocodile, Benn Beckman, Killer, Sanji, Rayleigh, Roger, Doflamingo, Rosinante/Corazon, Katakuri, Ivankov, Arlong, Yamato, Marco, Izou, Smoker, Garp, Sengoku, Zeff, Kuzan/Aokiji, Kizaru, Fujitora & Akainu
When it comes to the One piece Mommy's: Nico Robin, Boa Hancock, Charlotte Smoothie, Charlotte Galette, Charlotte Amande, Vice admiral doll, Ivankov & Crocodile
Now due to popular demand the new category the One Piece Babygirls: Ace, Buggy, Sanji, Luffy, Sabo, Zoro, Ussop, Marco, Crocodile, Doflamingo, Kid, Law, Bepo, Killer, Mihawk, Shanks, Perona, Yamato, Kuzan/Aokiji, Kizaru, Fujitora, Rosinante/Corazon, Katakuri, Smoker, Robin, Nami, Vivi, Jinbe, Hatchan, Roger, Zeff
Now when it comes to individual characters there have been some interesting standouts but I'm just going to do some highlights because you guys have so many characters
Ace: "Depressed sunshine orphan boy with daddy issues", "ace has that grungy line cook riz you know he lays legendary pipe", " he got goofy older brother swag", "Beautiful butch dyke wife", "Ace my greasy fire narcoleptic king", "The narcoleptic babygirl", the greasy crusty desert rat. "He would be worth the burn risk", "my favorite fire donut"
Arlong: "Y'all are too afraid to recognize the truth too afraid of his drip, his swagger, his saw nose, to admit that he's hot also live action arlong?!?!the only sexy fishmen," "arlong looks like a toxic florida frat bro," "I legitimately think there's something wrong with me sometimes due to how bad I want arlong the rancid personality enhances the appeal,"
Akainu: "The world's next top authoritarian," magma Daddy, "He makes donuts and I still love him"
Ben Beckman: Dilf, "retirement blorbo", "Benn Beckman is a religious experience", "to me? beckman is the character with the most sex appeal ever. raw sex appeal. I would [redacted] if I met this man. just sayin", "He can ruin my life any day of the week", "Also lest we forget pre TS Beck a++ quality right there I just want someone smart who will also hit a guy with a gun is that so much to ask for", "This p**** wants what she wants and its always going to be Benn “back breaker" Beckman", husband material, "men are like wine in order to get a good vintage you want the one that's aged", he had that sexy blind and reckless loyalty about him", "Beckman is a fine aged vintage of wine as men should be", "DEAR GOD the things I WOULD DO to that man LIKE [redacted] and [redacted] because [redacted] and [redacted]", "idk how to explain it but he's so wife"
Buggy: Assigned clown at birth, walking disaster, "my pathetic sniveling wet clown", my Beloved, "he has blue hair and pronouns", Failboy, "the skrunkly clown", "my clown wife", "he has that fail boy cringe", "buggy has the stronger levels of foolishness and fumbling his way to success", "the cringefail clown extraordinaire buggy", "he is silly and pathetic like a bisexual divorced dad",
Crocodile: desert daddy, Babygirl, "He's like if tony soprano was trans", crocodaddy, crocomommy, Big titty mob boss, He's 8ft tall and I would let he ruin me,"Mr. Sandman", "the human sandcastle," "literally has sand in his britches", "son of a beach", "World's Most Expensive Sand Sculpture", "he's got 99 problems and his hook is one of them", "casino blorbo", "I would subject myself to sandburn any day for THE SIR FUCKING CROCODILE Anakin Skywalker don't go here because I WOULD love sand if it was like 8 feet tall and had a voice like that absolutely rabid he could stick his sand in so many places and I'd thank him crocodile is one of those guys i wanted to hate so bad and then went actually no i want this guy carnally Crocodile has some weird rizz goin on and i need to climb that sandcastle", "I'm so sorry but I need to eat crocodile's pussy", "With Sir Crocodile you can have Sex on the Beach. Literally. Plus he owns a casino so you could probably sip on the cocktail version too...while getting some cocktail.", "mafia vibes and style", "crocodile's got style. class. you will be wined and dined in the most exquisite way you can imagine", "He's got DADDY vibes", " One handsome mafia boss",
Dragon: "the revolutionary scrungle dragon",
Doflamingo: "Dofy's got some wierd (potentially fun) energy but he would NOT treat you well he'd be awful", "The psychopathic pimp on a shoestring budget. Seriously dude, San Diego Zoo called and they want their flamingos back. That coat is so last season.", "fashion travesty", "Doflamingo dresses like an eye test and will probably steal your credit card by the end of the night not because he needs the money. because he finds it hilarious", "Mingo is just a spoiled frat fuckboy who's too full of himself to be interested in anyone/anything else", "a balding white man", "evil florida man my beloved they dont understand you",
Fujitora: "fujitora yes plz that like calm collected way he fights makes me KNOW hed take care of his partner real good", "have you seen how he slurps his noodles? I just know he could eat me out in ways I could never imagine"
Eustass Kid: Pirate punk, "He's a sopping wet loser", "a man wearing eyeliner and nailpolish is by definition hotter", "my scrungy little fuck", he would also probably give me an STD and it would still be worth it
Franky: " Three words light up nipples"
Jinbe: "I wanna suck on the webbing between his fingers", does anyone else contemplate how soft Jinbe's tits are to lie on or is that just me?
Killer: "big tiddy murder boyfriend",
Marco: Bird daddy "Mr. Dr. Emotionally-Stable Scrungles", "surfer hippy electric blue glasses wing flapper", "DR. MMMMM", Fineapple
Luffy: "l am in the minority here I need luffy's gomu gomu no [REDACTED]"
Mihawk: The Vampire Pirate, Goth Dad, the sword father, Pirate Dracula, the big titty goth husband, "I think mihawk would treat you right. i want mihawk to treat me right", "I love his gay wine uncle energy", "I appreciate that he dresses Like That everywhere extra ass bitch", "hot vampire cowboy pirate", Morticia Addams, "Mihawk oozes 'step on me' energy",
Robin: "she has irresistible weird girl rizz", "big tiddy archaeologist gf"
Rosinante: "my insane clumsy tall dilf", "wife material", "he has cringefail dad swag", "rosi is everything to me actually. I would climb that tall clumsy king like a tree", "the klutzy mime", "he has that pathetic depressed clown vibe thats irresistible", "He's the epiome of strong but silent, he's the asshole with a heart of gold, he has everything", rosinante is hot tho and his clumsiness somehow enhances it", "I've said it before and I'll say it again I WOULD climb that clumsy king like a tall tree want to kiss him until his silly jester makeup is all over me too", "I am loyal to the guy who actively sets himself on fire",
Sanji: fail wife, Cooking Daddy, "I NEED sanji to f*** me to tuesday and make me dinner before and breakfast after", "The man will feed you the best meal you've ever had and genuinely compliment something about you", "His fighting style is 'kick the problem until it goes away' and he chugs Love Women Juice", "he can cook and fight and he's damn fine while doing both"
Shanks: Margaritaville Himbo, "Dilflicious", "the deadbeat malewife wifi user", "I am a whole lesbian but if there were a butch girl version of these men I would let shanks ruin my life", "favorite guy in the local frat" He's probably a walking STD risk but he's hot and I'm a slut that has a thing for red heads, "the unwashed bitch", "LOOK AT THAT SCRUFF ON SHANKS the three scars on his face that smile", "my Scrungle drunk bastard",
Silvers Rayleigh: "Silver Fox Rayleigh", "he's old but he can get it", "Rayleigh has that 'your daughter calls me daddy too' energy", "he's a gilf who married a literal queen", "rayleigh has spent his entire life SERVING CUNT", "Raiyleigh has that gilf energy despite having no kids", I need him in so many different ways I cannot list", "he has my heart around his little finger", "Rayleigh makes me howl like a dog I swear", "I mean come on look at his HAIR his GLASSES that incredible STARE even his wrinkles are hot", "Rayleigh got the 50 year anniversary in the bag idk why you would go for anything else", "helloooo????? Rayleigh is the hottest old guy in one piece please", "I would let rayleigh ruin me and I would thank him", "Rayleigh to me is more like a really smooth mead"
Trafalgar Law: "DR. Slut", "He has them tattoos which makes me go fucking feral", "A stoner greasy boyfailure", "the edgy emo orphan boy with daddy issues", 'My tried stressed bitch"
Zoro: "The President of the strawhat's local big titty committee", "The king of boobs", "Beautiful butch dyke wife", I would probably get an STD but it would be worth it, "his stupidity and gay attire make him very appealing", canonically the biggest tits in one piece, He got them big naturals, "Big honkabadonkaroo hoinkybadinkirs massive man tiddies Zoro", "Zoro oozes 'I won't let anyone hurt you' energy"
Zeff: "He will wine and dine me before leaving me lovingly bedridden the day after. And he actually takes care of his kid", "Zeff is honorable and can cook and clean and bathes and almost dies for a kid that's not his and then adopts him" He's got line cook energy. If you know you know
I definitely know I'm going to have to add to this since there's so many more characters and you all are definitely going to get more creative after seeing the list.
And a few observations. Why did Sanji make the daddy list and not Zoro? Characters that I thought would be short cliff notes turned into some of the longest sections And characters I thought would have some of the longest sections turned into some of the shortest ones. And I still think this was worse theyn JJK I just forget how unhinged this fandom can be because your unhinged craziness is dispersed amongst so many characters. And I haven't decided which fandom's next.
I now have my answer on why Sanji made the list and not Zoro. Overall the fandom is just thirsty so very thirsty. Hence the many updates to this list
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two-white-butterflies · 10 months
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do i wanna know? | m33
Description: Max Verstappen begins dating Tony Stark's daughter.
Pairing: max verstappen/nepo-baby!reader
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y/n_stark: happy father's day, so much to be thankful for ✨ tagged: tony
192 comments 182,390 likes
tonystarkisasigma: #1 alpha male
maxverstappen1: Happy Father's Day - f1forzaferrari: ariana what r u doing here 💀
schecoperez: ¡Feliz Día del Padre! - ilikesmootheis19: BYEE WHAT ARE THEY DOING HERE
danielricciardo: pls tell ur dad to give me a seat 😇 - y/n_stark: will do!
yukitsunoda0511: happy birthday
alonsohamiltonworld: friendly reminder that tony stark owns redbull and alpha tauri, that's why the drivers are kissing his @ss
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Y/N STARK ALLEGEDLY DATING AN F1 DRIVER. by deuxmoi (podcast)
Deuxmoi: So allegedly a famous billionaire superhero nepo-baby is dating an F1 racer. My bets are on Y/N Stark, because her dad is the only superhero with kids. As for the F1 racer, we're not sure - some people in my dms say that it's Daniel Ricciardo, Charles Leclerc or Max Verstappen.
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y/n_stark: first time in the redbull garage, totally in awe ✨
928 comments 128,349 likes
maxverstappen1: 💙🧡 #OrangeArmy
landonorris: aww missing you here - ynfans: YA'LL BE SAYING IT'S CHARLES, DANIEL AND MAX BUT IT'S OBVIOUSLY LANDO BYEE
tony: ❤️🔥
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ynfans: a thread on how y/n stark is dating lando norris
Y/N was in England the same time Lando was in England. (picture proof: she's the one who took the photo)
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2. Lando commented "aww missing you here" to her post 3. They would make a cute couple. I rest my case.
9 comments 100 likes
carlandoisbae: bitch bffr
grimes49r: "(shes the one who took the photo)" girl just kys 😭 they're obviously not dating
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y/nfans: ok, if she's not dating lando then she's dating charles ya'll stfu because idgaf
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avengersassembleconspirancy: I'm praying for the driver that manages to date iron-man's daughter.
10 comments 1,293 likes 12 retweets
peterparker1001: praying for max verstappen 😁 - ynismymommy: I CHECKED HIS PROFILE? HE INTERNS FOR TONY STARK, AND THEY'RE LIKE CLOSE CLOSE 😭 - ilovecaptainamerica: someone is getting fired 💀🤣
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y/n_stark: since the cat is out of the basket 🤷🏻‍♀️💕 tagged: maxverstappen1
2911 comments 292,201 likes
maxverstappen1: 🧡💙
peterparker1001: really sorry mr verstappen 😕
starkfashion: how did ur dad react? - y/n_stark: we'll know in a few minutes 💗💕
tony: I feel sorry, - peonysandsuid: me too, she deserves better -- tony: for Max
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maxverstappen1: Cheers to more laughter ✨ my lucky charm ❤️ tagged: y/n_stark, tony, redbullracing
819 comments 912,384 likes
carlandolover: bro tagged his entire family 🥶
verstappenleclercbonus: bro isn't scared of tony stark 🥶
y/n_stark: handsome and spectacular 💕
danielricciardo: aww cheers mate 🥂
lokiandthorareinnocent: bro said, i'm the boss now 🥶
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AITA FOR ACCIDENTALLY EXPOSING MY BEST FRIEND'S RELATIONSHIP?
I, student, M have a friend - 23, F, and she's been in a relationship with a very famous guy for over a year now. She's very private and lowkey with all the things that she does. Now, instead of using my alternate account in commenting something - I used my real account and their relationship got exposed. She tells me that it's perfectly fine and that she doesn't blame me but I feel really bad. AITA?
3 upvotes
aragornofmirkwood: nta divorce the alternate account
benelopecruz: if she says that she doesn't blaim you, nta
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maxverstappenisnomber1 max verstappen after pulling tony stark's daughter
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starkfamily99 tony stark after a broke man *worth $60 million* dates his daughter
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starkfamilyisworld how i imagine tony talking to max: "100 Million, stay away from my daughter"
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y/n_stark: SMASH. WAIT WHAT WAS THE GAME?
193 comments 293,129 likes
y.nbutterflyworld: this is how i know tony stark is a good dad 😭 his daughter's type is SO far away from what he looks like. Sis has no daddy issues fr 😭
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michelleleewise · 2 years
Text
The Proposal
Pairing: Sugardaddy Loki x reader
Warnings: touch of angst, self esteem issues, insecurities, dom loki, sub reader, reader being a brat, spanking, smut, mentions of past trauma (pretty minor)
Summary: you find out what Loki does for a living....
**I am apparently unable to write a short chapter to this story! Lol sorry!!......or am i.........
Part Five-
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A couple days had passed when you decided to text Tanya about lunch, telling her to meet you at the little diner down the street from your school. You walked down the sidewalk getting the feeling you were being watched but when you turned around no one was there. You frowned before continuing to the diner texting Loki where you would be. After Sunday he insisted on knowing where you were at all times and if you were being honest it gave you a small sense of security.
You walked in seeing Tanya waving at you. "Hey! How are you?" She asked hugging you "im really good!" You said sitting down. "Ok, you HAVE to tell me who your daddy is!" She said as you looked around "Shh! Keep your voice down." You hissed making her laugh. "Look, he doesn't want me telling anyone his name, but he's incredible!" You sighed leaning back. "He's so hot, and I mean next level hot! And he's careful about what I'm comfortable with. Hes....amazing." You sighed looking at her. "Ooo....sounds dreamy." Tanya said smiling.
You sipped your coffee looking up at the TV above the counter seeing Tony Stark on the screen. "Hey look, he must have knocked down another building." You said laughing as Tanya turned to look. You watched the subtitles saying something about a new member to the team "huh...I wonder who they..." you started when the camera panned out and you saw Loki standing next to a tall blonde man. "Oo, whose that?" You heard Tanya ask as you stared at the screen, seeing him looking immaculate in his back suit. "Y/n, you there?" She asked snapping you back to reality. "It said he's Thor's brother...Loki." She said sipping her coffee.
You stared at your coffee, feeling your heartbeat in your ears. "He's an avenger, a hero, a god.." You thought to yourself "Hey, you ok? You look a little pale." You heard Tanya say. "Yeah...I'm fine." You said smiling. "I gotta get back to school though, text me later?" You asked setting some money on the table standing up. "Sure, I'll talk to you later." She said smiling. You walked outside dialing Loki's number, hearing it go to voicemail "Hey, um it's me...I just saw you on tv...your an avenger? And...God I don't even know what to do now...why are you even with me? Who else do you have arrangements with? I just...I don't know." You said hanging up heading back into school turning your phone off.
You spent the rest of the day in a haze, trying to make sense of everything when your instructor called it a day. You slipped your coat on making your way home when that same eery feeling crept over you. You spun around but only saw people going about their day, nothing stuck out so you slowly turned making your way to your apartment. You went in slipping your uniform off heading to the shower. "I bet he has atleast 5 other women, that's probably why I'm the weekend side piece." You said to yourself sighing shutting the water off. Wrapping a towel around yourself you made your way to the kitchen setting the kettle on the stove deciding tea was needed.
You grabbed your cup heading to the couch feeling the silence weigh on you. You picked up your phone off the table turning it on seeing multiple texts and calls from Loki. You sighed setting it down rubbing your temples. You heard your phone go off again, picking it up seeing it was a text from Scott. "God, fuck off already." You growled throwing the phone down. You laid down on the couch closing your eyes trying to calm your mind when you heard the front door open. "Y/n! Where are you!?" You heard Loki yell as the door shut, watching him stride into the bedroom. "I'm over here." You sighed sitting up, seeing him turn striding towards you
"why didn't you answer my calls?" He asked sternly as you looked up at him. "I figured one of your other women be better company right now." You snarked pulling the towel tighter around you "what are you talking about?" He asked slipping his coat off, seeing he was still wearing the black suit. "Your an avenger and I'm not stupid." You snarked again. "Watch your tone y/n." He growled "Oh what are you gonna do....punish me?" You mocked crossing your arms watching him unbuttoning his suit jacket, sliding it off throwing it on the chair "yes...I will." He said sternly rolling his sleeves up to his elbows.
"How many women are you fucking?" You asked looking him in the eye. "One....you." he said without hesitation. "But your you...I'm....meh." you said looking at yourself. "What does that mean?" He asked furrowing his eyebrows. "That im....not enough for you." You said looking down. He came over sitting on the other side of the couch "y/n, what you need to understand about me, is that while I am hedonistic, and in my youth I would bed many women, sometimes at the same time, as I've matured I prefer only one partner." He said looking at you "so..you don't have a warehouse of women somewhere?" You asked making him laugh "no..just you pet." He said smiling "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I was unaware until today I was even going to be on the so called "team." He said air quoting.
"It's just...Tony has a reputation with women, eeeeveryone knows that, so I assumed..." you trailed off. "That I have a warehouse full of women." Loki finished making you laugh "Well yes. Is that why I can't tell anyone about you?" You asked looking at him hearing him sigh "that, and....how long have you lived here y/n?" He asked tilting his head "Oh, a few years. I moved here right before I met Scott." You said "so you are unaware of my past transgressions?" He asked "umm...I guess. I mean you seem familiar but other then that.." you said shrugging. "Awhile before you came here, I...attacked the city with an alien army." He said sitting straighter.
"Oh..you don't seem crazy though." You said seeing him smile "well thank you, but I didn't do it of my own will, I was being controlled. Being a part of the heroes is recumpence for my slights." He said fidgeting with his hands. "Well, whatever you did it's in the past now." You said sipping your tea. "Well and as such, I keep my personal life very personal. That's why no one can know." He said looking at you. "Ok, that makes sense." You agreed. "Is there anything else you would like to know?" He asked looking at you. "Umm....not off hand no." You said "well like I said, we must be open with eachother so if you have issues you come to me understand? Do not ignore me again." He said sternly. "Yes sir...sorry sir." You said looking down.
"Very good, now to your punishment." He said standing up. "What? I...I thought we were good." You said holding your towel "oh we are, but you will atone for ignoring my calls and how you spoke to me." He said smiling "but..I said sorry." You said getting up trying to run past him when he hooked an arm around your waist pulling you to him "be that as it may, you still need punished." He said sternly sitting on the couch pulling you over his lap as you tried to free yourself. "You will only make this harder if you keep it up, now be a good girl and take what I give you." He growled. You sighed putting your head down "fine.." you huffed feeling a slap on your ass "ow..what..." you started "is that how you speak to me?" He asked "n..no sir." You said gripping his thigh.
"You have earned five slaps, you will count them out understand?" He asked sternly. "Yes sir." You breathed feeling his hand rub your cheek. "And why are you being punished?" He asked slapping your cheek making you jump "o..one...because I ignored your calls" You breathed gripping his pant leg. "And..." he said slapping again "ahh..two...for how I spoke to you." You panted feeling your walls clench. "And if you have an issue.." he said slapping the other cheek making you moan "three....i...I talk to you." You said shakely. "Mm I think your enjoying this.." he purred rubbing your cheek. "Y..yes sir." You breathed digging your fingers into his thigh. "Who do you belong to." He asked with a sharp slap making you cry out "f..four....you s..sir." you panted feeling his fingers slide down between your thighs." "Oh...you are enjoying this..." he purred running his fingers through your folds making you moan.
He removed his hand making you whine "do you want me to fuck that attitude out of you?" He asked with another sharp slap "aahh God yes...please sir yes....five!" you yelled out as he flipped you up ripping your towel off pulling you to straddle his lap. You panted seeing him reach down unbuckleing his belt and pants pulling his cock out "is this what you want pet?" He teased stroking himself. You licked your lips watching him "yes sir..please." You panted needing to feel him inside you now. "You will be my good girl won't you?" He asked speeding up his movements "yes sir..I'll be good." You said looking into his eyes. "Very well, ride me pet." He said removing his hands placing them behind his head.
You reached down gliding your fingers along his cock hearing him moan. You braced yourself on the back of the couch lining him up as you slowly lowered yourself onto him groaning as he bottomed out. You wiggled your hips a little hearing him growl "stop teasing pet." He said looking at you. "I..I've never done this sir..i.." you started when he placed his hands on your hips. "Just go slow, do what feels good." He said moving your hips back and forth "aahh god...that..." you panted "place your hands on the back of the couch." He said, you immediately gripping behind his head. "now, slowly slide up and down." He said gripping your hips. You did as he said, lifting up to his tip before pushing back down to his base. "That's it, just like..ahh...that...how does that feel pet?" He asked digging his fingers into your hip. "Good...so good...s...ir." you panted feeling every ridge of his cock slide against your walls.
"Mm...harder pet...fuck me harder." He growled, your nails dug into the leather couch as you slammed your hips down on him hard, quickening your pace. "Norns yes..just like...ahh pet.." he moaned closing his eyes laying his head back. You bounced up and down as hard as you could feeling him hit that soft spot inside you "god sir...I'm gonna....aaahhh..." you cried out feeling your orgasm coming fast "s..say it pet..." he growled moving you up and down on his cock "aahh d..daddy I'm gonna...God im.." You tried but your brain stopped working "I can feel you squeezing me....come pet...come on my cock." He growled slamming your hips down onto him. Your orgasm slammed into you as your walls clenched hard around him "oooohhh gods...y/n your...mmmm" he moaned as he slammed your hips down holding you there as he spilled inside you.
You laid your head on his shoulder catching your breath feeling his fingers run up and down your spine. "How did that feel pet?" He panted "sooo good sir, can we do that again?" You asked pulling back seeing him smile "if you behave pet, yes." He said kissing your cheek. "I will, I promise sir." You said smiling. "I am serious y/n, if you have an issue, anything at all you need to talk to me." He said "ok I will sir." You said slowly lifting off of him. "Good girl, now you have class tomorrow and I must return to that circus, so get some rest. You will need it for this weekend." He winked tucking himself back in buttoning his pants up standing up. "Ok I will sir." You said watching him put his suit jacket back on before slipping his coat on.
"And do not forget to text me where you are understood?" He asked "yes sir, I won't forget." You smiled. "Good girl, and I'll see you this weekend." He said leaning down kissing the top of your head. "Pleasant dreams y/n." He said backing up "Goodnight sir." You said watching him walk to the door leaving. You sighed laying down "well, now the couch is broken in." You said to yourself giggling. You got up cleaning yourself up slipping into bed. "I'm sleeping with an avenger.." you said to yourself smiling. You closed your eyes letting sleep take you, unaware of the stranger across the street watching from the shadows..........
💚🐍💚🐍💚🐍💚🐍💚🐍💚🐍💚🐍💚🐍💚🐍💚
@vbecker10 @lokisgoodgirl @holdmytesseract @el-zef @ijuststareatstuffhereok89 @123forgottherest @lovebyloki @javagirl328 @loopsisloops @high-functioning-lokipath @immersed-in-mischief @chantsdemarins @lokisasgardianvampirequeen @midnights-ramblings @slpnbty2001 @angelaf1978 @sinsandguilt @usagishira @xorpsbane @lokifriggadottir365 @your-taste-on-my-lips @asgardianprincess1050 @cakesandtom @agentandreastark @sekaishell @dukes2581 @aniar4wniak @spork-fighter @stupidthoughtsinwriting @d1a2n389 @hypergamer7744 @buttercupbestie @cabingrlandrandomcrap @lokiprompts @daggers-and-mischief @kats72 @mochie85 @commanding-officer @lokis-coffee221 @huntress-artemiss @limiworld @lulubelle814 @idfkgabby @glitterylokislut @highkeysimpingforloki @myworldgoesboomz @lonadane @budugu @cloud-of-daisies @all-envy-suyu
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Text
Tony Stark: Hey Director, did you get my report on the Tesseract?
Nick Fury: Yeah, I looked it over. Nice work.
Tony: Good. Thanks, dad.
Tony: ...
Tony: Why is everyone staring at me?
Natasha Romanov: You just called Director Fury dad. You said, "Thanks, dad."
Tony: What? No I didn't, I say, "Thanks, man."
Fury: Do you see me as a father figure, Stark?
Tony: No, if anything I see you as a "bother" figure 'cause you're always bothering me.
Thor: Hey, show your father some respect.
Tony: I didn't call him dad!
Fury: No, no no no, Anthony. I take it as a compliment.
Steve Rogers: It's not a big deal. I called Peggy "mom" once, and she was my fiancée.
Tony: Guys, jump on that! Cap has psycho-sexual issues.
Clint Barton: Old news. But you calling Fury "daddy"---
Tony: Hey, "daddy" is not on the table here.
Justin Hammer (currently under arrest): But you did call him "dad", dude.
Tony: You shut up. You've done nothing but lie since you got here.
Hammer: Alright, alright, I was lying about bankrolling Whiplash. But the dad thing, that happened.
Tony: Aha! He admitted that his alibi was a lie. It was a trap, all part of my crazy, devious plan.
Fury: I believe you ---
Tony: Thank you.
Fury: --- son.
Tony: ...
Fury: Do you want to talk about it later, over a... game of catch?
Tony: I'd like that.
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pretty-bratty · 2 months
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THIS IS FAMILY BUSINESS
Mafia boss Tony getting Bucky to babysit guard his precious baby Peter. With Peter being a bratty terror, Bucky having issues, and Tony and Steve trying to deal with a looming threat, what can go wrong?
Mafia AU. Including brat Peter, Daddy boss Tony, Bucky who has issues but is warming up under Peter's influence, softie Steve, and Dum-E and Mark as Peter's dobermans.
Also including found family trope, lots of Star Wars reference, discipline and spanking.
Chapter 8 is up!!!
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ironspiderfics · 3 months
Text
this is supposed to be a vacation
for @meilz
by @iron--spider
~
Tony loves this kid.
It’s a montage at the beginning of a movie—Tony was crazy about Peter almost immediately, couldn’t accept it, his own damn daddy issues courtesy of Howard Stark, then he had to accept it because the kid kept trying to die, then things settled, they worked together, then they unsettled and the kid dissolved in Tony’s hands, and a year of heavy-drinking and nearly exploding himself in the lab wound up with all the dissolved people undissolved and the kid back and Tony in a hospital bed. Three-week coma. Whole screaming celebration when he woke up loud enough to bust his eardrums and restart his heart.
But Peter was there. Peter was there. 
Time slowed to a crawl, sped up and slowed down again, and Tony tried to recover. He knew Peter and his friends went on that European trip—he encouraged it even though Peter was worried about leaving after everything. May and Happy chaperoned, and then everyone nearly died because Quentin fucking Beck decided to roll out of Tony’s past to try and kill off someone he loves. He failed, because Peter is Peter, and Fury and Happy shut down the false allegations Beck tried to put out there before he was arrested, and everybody came home.
It’s been about two months, since then. And Tony had just gotten back on his feet a week or so before Peter left, and he’s even steadier now. Getting steadier by the day. 
But he loves this kid. More now, than ever. The son he never had. He loves May, he loves the kids that come along with his kid, he loves everything Peter has to say and everything he doesn’t, he loves keeping an eye on his missions, he loves the way he fits so snug into Tony’s little family. 
And he loves him enough to know when he’s crashing. When his eyes are tired and his patrols aren’t as succinct and punchy as they usually are. When he needs a vacation from his recent vacation. As if nearly being killed by some asshole in London is the vacation any of them need. 
So, Tony makes a couple decisions. 
After all the shit they’ve gone through, what the hell could go wrong with a break?
~
Peter knew Tony was planning something, because he isn’t secretive when he’s excited, and he found out what he was planning when Tony asked if Ned and MJ’s families would mind if he took them out of the city for a few days.
And about a week later, they were heading upstate to Mohonk Mountain House.
And Peter hasn’t been complaining, at least not to Tony, but his tiredness has been bone-deep since he got back from London. Since before that, really. Coming back from the dead can do that to someone, and he doesn’t even like to call it dead, and apparently they were all tiny particle souls inside that infinity stone but it doesn’t matter because that’s a whole other can of worms and he gets more tired and more weary every time he even thinks about any of that. 
He swung right into a wall the other day. Slap right into it. He almost broke his nose again. He feels like that might have been the moment Tony decided on this vacation—Peter could tell by the look on his face when he told him that he’d crossed some kind of line. 
They walk inside the main lobby of Mohonk and Peter keeps hearing Ben’s voice in his head. You’re gonna catch flies, Pete. But he can’t stop gaping at everything. Like…he’s been in a Hilton and this is so much better than a Hilton. 
“This place looks straight out of a Hitchcock movie,” May says, and she knocks Tony on the arm.
Tony laughs, and Pepper turns around, raising her eyebrows at May. “Let’s just hope we don’t have any Hitchcock-type events happen while we’re here.”
“What would that mean?” Ned asks, catching up to the group and trying to whisper in Peter’s ear. “You’ve seen Hitchcock movies. I remember you watched that weird apartment one a hundred times.”
“I love that movie,” Peter says. Rear Window. He never wants his leg to be broken. He knows he’d go insane just like that.
“You haven’t seen Psycho?” MJ asks Ned, hoisting her backpack higher on her shoulder.
Ned hums a little bit. “No. I know about it though. No crazy Grandmas for me.”
“That’s not what happens.”
Leather couches and tall ceilings and intricate carpeting and columns and everything somehow looks really rich but really comfortable at the same time—
“No,” Tony says, turning around and pointing at them. “No, no, and no.” He points at May too. “No. No Rear Window, no Psycho, no Vertigo—maybe a little bit North by Northwest—no, you know what, no. Not that either. This is going to be the lamest movie you’ve ever—this isn’t even gonna be a movie, there’s no—there’s no plot, this is just—a family video. A home movie. That’s it.”
Family video feels warm, and Peter grins.
“Of course, Mr. Stark—”
“It’s gonna be fine—”
“Absolutely nothing—”
“Listen, I’m hitting that buffet—”
“I’m just gonna sleep,” Peter says, as they approach the huge front desk. “Just the entire time.”
Tony smiles softly at him, and he winks. “You deserve it,” he says, and Peter can tell that he means it. 
They hear crashing, something that sounds expensive hitting the ground somewhere behind them, and they all turn around and see a bunch of employees running around to try and take care of it. A whole big production and two guys trying to hold up a big bear statue that’s trying to fall over.
“Okay, step to,” Happy’s voice says, and Peter hears him before he sees him, and then he breezes by, striding out in front of them. “Let’s go, come on, follow me, let’s get this in the books—”
“Oh, there he is,” Tony says, patting him on the shoulders. “There he is.”
~
Peter and May could never afford a vacation like this. They could never even afford to imagine something like this. Peter feels like they would have charged him if he’d even looked at photos of this place. A big, historic, mountain resort in upstate New York, on the edge of a cliff overlooking a lake? 
But now they’re here. They’re here with Tony Stark and Pepper Potts. Peter was able to bring two friends. Happy drove them all in a big plush rental van. They’ve got a line of suites on the sixth floor and they had steak and lobster for dinner on their first night. 
It feels unreal. But things feel unreal a lot. Especially things involving Tony, involving Spider-Man. Any of it. Like he’s having a long, prolonged dream before Ben wakes him up for school.
Peter stands on one of the terrace balconies with Tony while the others are arranging activities for tomorrow, and he stares off at the lake and the way the moon hits it. Light rippling on the water. 
“You really think you’re gonna sleep the whole time?” Tony asks, leaning on the railing. “Because nobody would judge you for it. Kayaks can wait. Ballroom dancing can absolutely wait, as can all of May’s Dirty Dancing comparisons, because I can feel them building up, like an aura around her—”
Peter snorts. “No,” he says. “But I probably will mostly just…relax. Take it easy. Just sleeping, no alarms—”
“You deserve it, like I said,” Tony says. “It’s thrilling to me that you’re even giving yourself a break.”
“Look who’s talking,” Peter says, giving him a look. “You were trying to get down to the workshop when your arm was still holding on by one string of muscle.”
Tony’s entire face contorts. “That is a terrible, disgusting image, Mr. Parker—”
Peter snorts again, choking on his laughter. 
Tony knocks him on the arm. “You’re awful, a menace, making fun of an injured old man—”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, but it’s true,” Peter says, swatting him back, and still laughing. “You’re the one who needs—needs this. Like Happy always says, I’m a ‘spring chicken’, I—I can bounce back.”
“I had enough bedrest for the next ten years,” Tony says, and he’s giving Peter that look again. Concern. Like he’s trying to read his mind. “You—I know you like to act like it all doesn’t affect you, but you were going through hell on the daily before that purple asshole snapped his fingers. Then there was all that, and the right after that, and the coming back from that, and me wasting away in front of you—and then Quentin Beck flaunting his dickheaded tendencies on your school trip—that was supposed to be your relaxing time and it got away from you too and I just—like I said, you deserve your time. You need it. Don’t—you’re not selling yourself short if you say you need some rest. You put everybody first all the time, yourself last—you deserve to relax, that’s all.”
Peter blows out a breath. He doesn’t even really try to deny it in his head anymore. He doesn’t try to compare himself to other people who have it worse. He’s tired. He’s beat. He feels older than he is. 
Tony clicks his tongue and looks out at the lake. “I know this place is kind of old, kind of dated, rooms kind of look a little bit like grandma was head decorator, but—I, uh—I’ve got fond memories here. Mom used to bring me, when Howard was, uh…in some of his dicier moments. And sometimes we’d just relax, too. Recover from…knowing him.”
Peter is just kind of staring at him, because it always takes him off guard when Tony starts talking about Howard. They’re close enough now that he hears stories about his personal life all the time—his growing up, his insane college years with Rhodey, meeting Pepper meeting Happy and everything in between, but Howard is still…something they don’t really talk about, past flippant comments about Tony striving to be a better father figure than he ever was. 
“Then I’m glad you brought us here,” Peter says, his voice cracking a little bit. “I’m glad you brought me here.” And in his head he hears I’m glad you brought me back. Because he thinks about that all the time. 
Everyone’s back because of you, Peter. He never gave up on bringing you back. It was about saving you.
Tony looks like he’s about to say something else when there’s a bunch of rustling in the trees below them, and a loud thump, and more rustling. They both peer over the railing, and Peter can see the trees moving, but not anything else.
They share a wary look.
“Probably just a skunk,” Tony says.
“Oh, great.”
“Or maybe a band of feral cats.”
“Okay that’s better. Hopefully not too feral. Like, I hope they’re receptive to petting.”
They keep staring down at the trees, but it all seems quiet again.
~
Tony and Pepper have one room, Peter, MJ and Ned have the one in the middle, and May and Happy are on the end in a single room together even though Peter is refusing to acknowledge what that means or what might be going on in there. Tony mentioned that the rooms were dated, but they feel more like what a royal castle might look like inside, and for the longest time Peter is worried about wrinkling up the sheets. And then eventually it’s Ned’s snoring keeping him awake.
And then, when he’s finally mostly asleep—
“Peter.”
MJ’s voice. Peter’s in the bed with Ned and she got the other huge bed all to herself, but she sounds like she’s right next to him. He turns over onto his side, towards her voice, and then she’s—
On the ground right next to his face—
He startles a little bit, and she grabs his hand.
“MJ what—”
“There’s someone in the room.”
She’s whispering, and his heart speeds up a little bit. What the hell? There’s no way.
“Are you sure it’s not Happy?” Peter asks, as Ned lets out a rip of a snore. “Sometimes he likes to do perimeter checks—”
“It’s not Happy!” she whisper-yells.
Peter blinks, and she’s already pulling the sheets off him and yanking him out of bed, and he feels like he’d be more paranoid if something was actually happening, like he’d feel it pulsing and burning in his head, and she’s tugging on him and they’re stumbling over to the wall and—
“MJ—MJ—”
She flips on the light—
And Peter only sees him briefly—a man, standing over by the bathroom, and Peter barely gets to see what he looks like before the lights go out again. 
But he wasn’t Happy he wasn’t Tony he wasn’t supposed to be here, and Peter’s heart rockets into his throat and he hears MJ gasp and he hears feet moving and Ned is still snoring, and Peter rushes towards where the man was and tries to catch him tries to fight, but he only meets open air. 
MJ yanks the door open and she’s already running out into the hallway, yelling Tony’s name, yelling for Peter to follow her. And the hall light is streaming into their room now, and Peter looks around, breathing hard, trying to find the guy—
Nothing. Nothing.
Nobody’s here.
Ned is still snoring.
~
Tony stands next to Peter while the manager shows them the video footage. He watches their doors, completely still and closed from the hallway cameras, and then he watches MJ race out, and Tony and Happy run in a few minutes later. Followed by Pepper and May a few minutes after that. And then Ned finally looming out into the hallway, still half asleep.
“As you can see,” the manager says. “No one entered the room.”
Peter can feel Tony’s anger simmering beside him, and he takes it as a compliment that Tony is all-in on believing that they saw someone, even though he didn’t see him himself.
“Can I get the outside view again?” Tony asks, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Of course, Mr. Stark.”
They switch to the outside view again, which they’ve already seen about three times. The cameras aren’t great out there, and Happy found out they’re in the process of an upgrade. Peter can see their floor from a distance, he sees a little flash of light that they can’t identify, and then nothing else. No one scaling the building. Not in a way they can see, anyway.
“When will the upgrade be complete?” Tony asks, his tone clipped.
“After your stay, sir, unfortunately.”
Tony huffs, and doesn’t say anything else, and he turns and takes Peter’s arm and leads him to the door. They walk out into the hallway, where MJ and Ned quickly back up.
“Don’t need to listen through the wall,” Tony says.
“Uh, we weren’t,” MJ says. “We were just—���
“Looking at the wallpaper,” Ned says. “It’s—so cool.”
“Uh huh,” Tony says. He moves so they’re in a little circle, and he grips Peter’s shoulder. “Do you want to leave?” he asks, looking around at the three of them. “Because we can leave. We can go somewhere else, figure something else out. Or we can move rooms, we can go down to the Grove Lodge so we can all be closer together—we can do whatever we want.”
Ned’s eyes go wide. “I mean, I didn’t see anything, I was sleeping—”
“It’s fine,” MJ says, fast, glancing at Peter. “I feel like we—Peter and I must have been—I mean, we’re—everything that happened, we’re always thinking about it, and Mysterio was about like—making us think we were seeing things that weren’t there or were there but different—it’s fine. Joint hallucination. Or maybe I made him think he saw something because I was saying I saw something.”
That would normally be a Tony joke cue, but he just looks at her intently. “You don’t have to make excuses,” he says. “I don’t want you guys feeling…unsafe. Despite the presence of, uh—enhanced individuals. Unnamed.”
“It’s okay,” MJ says, and she looks at Peter and nods. 
Tony looks at him too. And Peter knows that if he said anything about being worried, Tony would move them in an instant.
What the hell did he see? 
Were they really just tired?
Did he think he saw something because MJ thought she saw something?
“It’s okay,” he says, slowly, because…he isn’t entirely sure. But MJ seems sure and Peter doesn’t want to blow up the trip if they were just in a PTSD-addled nightmare. It is their first real vacation since that shit with Beck happened, it still feels like a knife in his gut sometimes.
“You sure?” Tony asks, and he shakes Peter’s shoulder a little bit.
Peter looks at MJ, and she nods at him. 
“Yeah,” Peter says. “I’m sure.”
~
They go back to bed after that without any more incidents, but Peter mostly stays awake, staring off into the darkness. MJ is awake too, through a lot of the night, and they text because Ned is sleeping and snoring like there’s nothing wrong and there’s never been anything wrong, ever.
I wouldn’t let anything happen to you.
I wouldn’t let anything happen to you either. Nerd :)
Over breakfast, Tony lets them know that Happy is setting up Friday to do sweeps and is doing his own personal perimeter checks.
“I want him to enjoy his break too though,” Peter says, pushing his waffle around on the plate.
“He’s enjoying it,” May says, through a mouthful of eggs.
Peter frowns at her. “I don’t like that. I don’t—I don’t need—”
She shrugs. “Well.”
“Okay, Miss Kiss and Tell,” Tony says, laughing as Pepper sits down next to him. “But it’s good. He’s on it, and I’m on it too.”
“Here,” MJ says, coming back from the buffet and sitting down next to Peter. She puts a cinnamon bun on his plate, smiling at him. “They just brought them out. Ned is trying to barter for more.”
“They can’t deny him,” Pepper says. “It’s all inclusive.”
“Exactly,” Tony says. “And after last night, we should be getting extra—I still think they sent someone in to check on something and didn’t want to admit it. I’m not gonna go all I’d like to speak to the manager on them, even though I did—do that—but either way—”
Peter hasn’t landed anywhere on it yet. He keeps trying to think back on it, trying to remember exactly what he saw. His spider sense, newly minted, is usually pretty bang on if something isn’t right, if he feels like he’s in danger, but he’d just woken up, he’s foggy in the mornings sometimes—
He figures his mind was just playing tricks on him. But MJ too?
She rubs his leg, like she knows he's agonizing over it, and he reaches down and holds her hand.
“Okay,” Ned says, walking back over holding a plate. “They let me take five of them. They’re all really warm and gooey, I feel like this is a promising start to the day.”
~
Peter isn’t exactly a spa guy, so he doesn’t join May and Pepper when they decide to go there, even though he feels like it might help him if he ever figured out how to relax. But going there is supposed to help him relax, so how can he ever relax enough to get to the point of going there—either way, he goes out onto the lake with Tony and Ned and MJ.
MJ and Peter both get their own kayaks, and Ned and Tony are in a canoe.
“He wouldn’t get into one of these,” Tony yells. “Honestly, if Happy’s not still doing security shit, he’s probably golfing. He’s terrible at it and he never likes to do it when anybody he knows is around. I’ll message him in a little bit and make sure but that’s probably where he is. Ned. You have to keep that thing on just in case we turn over.”
Peter snorts, looking back at them, and he sees Tony adjusting Ned’s lifejacket on his shoulders.
“Happy’s just afraid of racing,” Peter yells, cutting his oar through the water. “MJ remember when—”
“Yes,” she says, a little out ahead of him, and she’s already laughing. “I don’t even know why he was trying to chase you in New York traffic. While you were swinging in the air above him. You didn’t have any cars in your way, nothing was stopping you—”
Peter snorts again, bending over and laughing a little bit. “He was so mad. He didn’t talk to me for a week. He made me talk to Friday specifically.”
“I gave him shit for that!” Tony yells. “He shouldn’t have been trying to chase you. The gas leak had nothing to do with you. He’s always tossing blame around willy nilly.”
“Yeah he still blames me for the time those columns collapsed on that old garbage building,” Ned says. “A line of code can’t do that, that building was old I didn’t do anything there was no way he should have yelled at me at all let alone for twenty minutes—”
“He’s just dramatic,” Tony says.
“He just gets worried,” Peter says, glancing over his shoulder at their boat. And Ned makes big eyes at him, because yeah, uh, they’ve seen why he gets worried. They’ve dealt with why he gets worried. And now, after last night, Peter feels like he’s making himself worried. He needs to stop, they’ve already moved past it, they’re still here, it’s all fine.
“Yeah, I imbued him with a worrying virus that will never be cured,” Tony says. “And now the next generation has to deal with it. Here we are.”
Peter shakes his head, smiling. He’s gotta relax. The sun is shining on the lake bright and beautiful, and May is actually getting a massage for the first time in years and everything is fine. It’s fine. 
He hears Tony chastising Ned again about his life jacket, gently, and Peter starts rowing out and around the outside of the lake. They’re the only ones out here right now, and he wonders how long that’s gonna last. He wonders if that’s something the resort set up, because it’s Tony, because of what happened last night, because Happy’s been intimidating people, and Peter simultaneously appreciates it and balks against the special treatment. But he’s with Tony, he should know it’s gonna happen.
He feels like he’s going a little faster than he should be going based on the way he’s rowing, like he’s really moving along. He glances over at MJ and she’s even further away from him, moving in the direction of the hotel.
“We’re not racing yet!” he yells, and he feels like Happy—constantly worried. But he’s worried about her in a different way and actually starting things with her in Europe made the whole thing worth it in a way, and now they’re together and it’s amazing but he’s just so worried all the time.
And now he’s stopped rowing all together, and he should be slowing down, but he’s still moving. Moving….fast. Maybe even getting faster.
Should that be happening? He doesn’t really kayak. He shifts around a little bit and looks down, and feels a little bit tucked in here. 
“Hey!” Tony yells. “You’re moving like you have a motor on you!”
Peter’s brows furrow, because he is, and he’s not rowing, and he should have lost any propulsion at this point, and he looks up and he sees MJ looking back at him, and she’s not moving anymore, and he glances back and both Tony and Ned look concerned—
And he gets the worst feeling in his chest, like an alarm, like his spidey sense but more warped and panicked, and he tries to get up without toppling over, because the kayak is still moving for no reason, speeding along and it’s going faster and faster. He drops his oar, and balances precariously for a few seconds before he leaps into the water.
Bubbles all around him, and muffled calls of his name—
And he’s only submerged for a couple seconds, because of the life jacket pulling him back to the surface, and he comes up just in time to watch the empty kayak lift up into the air, careening into the forest and disappearing into the trees. 
And he floats there, treading water, staring.
“What the fuck?” Ned yells. “Peter? Peter?”
“Peter!” MJ yells.
“Pete, we’re coming!” Tony yells. “Hold on!”
But Peter is just sort of. Staring. Staring off, at where the kayak disappeared. He stares over there. He stares. 
No thoughts, just. Insane.
“Was that supposed to happen?” Peter asks, his voice squeaking. “Is that—MJ you should probably—you shouldn’t be in there if you’re not, uh, prepared to go—flying—did anybody see it explode? Did it explode? Or did it just shatter, uh, well, wooden—wooden kayak, was it wooden? Or plastic? Either way I bet it’s not a full kayak anymore—”
He feels himself being lifted out of the water, and it’s Tony pulling him into the boat. He doesn’t know how they got here so fast but to be honest a kayak just went full fighter jet on him so he can’t be that confused. 
His shock has him gripped and he just sort of lays there like a rag doll as Tony and Ned pull him up, and he sees MJ rowing over to them. Thankfully, she’s still in her kayak, and it’s not—flying through the air.
“Hey, hey,” Tony says, once Peter isn’t in the water anymore. He’s got both arms around him, and Peter is laying against his chest, and Tony is patting his cheek and trying to peer around and meet his eyes. Ned has his hands on Peter’s knees and he’s just staring at him. 
“I just got a defective one,” Peter says, pointing over at the forest. “It’s okay. It was just—a flying one, we didn’t make sure we didn’t get a flying one. I hope MJ doesn’t have a flying one and it’s just not like. On a time delay I don’t know. MJ, just—hurry over here—” He waves her over. He wants her to hurry up. 
“Peter,” Tony says, and he pats Peter’s chest. “Are you alright? Did you twist anything when you jumped out, can you breathe—”
“Are kayaks supposed to do that?” Peter asks, feeling like he can hear his own voice echoing everywhere. “I didn’t think that was, uh, the case—”
“It’s not the case,” Ned says. “No. It’s not. It’s not the case.”
“Peter.”
MJ finally rolls up alongside them—
“I think you should get out of there,” Peter says, pointing at her. “It’s unsafe—”
“Something is going on,” MJ says, and she’s not looking at Peter. She’s looking at Tony.
~
Tony loves this kid, and this is supposed to be a fucking vacation. Tony loves this kid, and he believed him when he thought someone was in his room, even if the hotel was trying to sway them away from the idea. Tony loves this kid, and he just had to watch him abandon his kayak because said kayak was lifting off and destroying itself somewhere on the property. And kayaks don’t just fucking do that.
Tony stands close to Happy, well into his personal space. He’s got his hands on his hips, like a stern stance is gonna bring him any closer to an answer, and Happy sighs.
“I’ve done ten sweeps,” he says. “There’s nothing going on. There’s nobody here that isn’t supposed to be here. We even looked at the remains of the goddamn kayak and I didn’t find anything wrong with it.”
“There was something wrong with it,” Tony says. “It was flying. It was flying, speed wise, without Pete even rowing, and then it was flying, literally, after he had to abandon ship.”
“I know. It was in a million pieces.”
Tony sighs. They moved down to the Grove Lodge after it happened. Nobody told Pepper and May why, because Peter was insisting on not telling May, and he was also insisting on not leaving even though Tony wanted to leave, because if they left then they were leaving danger behind for the poor unassuming Mohonk guests. And if they leave, danger will probably follow them anyway, and Tony doesn’t know what move to make. 
He’s upset, because this was supposed to be a relaxing break for all of them, but especially for Peter, after everything he’s goddamn gone through. He’s upset because this place felt like his place, his haven, a place where he could get away and be secluded and safe, and now something is pursuing them here. Something is trying to hurt them.
“You haven’t found anything?” Tony presses. “Nothing?”
“Nothing out of the ordinary,” Happy says, and he glances back at the front door of the lodge again. “I’m still looking, I’m not giving up, and I think we should be better located down here because we rented out the whole house and I told them not to come in for room service or cleaning or anything. I know we lose the nice high-up view—”
“It’s fine,” Tony says, crossing his arms over his chest. He’s afraid to even be discussing this in public. Anybody could be anywhere listening.
He doesn’t like feeling like he can’t protect these kids. 
“It looks like they’re targeting Peter,” Tony says, as quietly as he can. “And I can’t tell if that’s because of me, that they think—I mean the whole goddamn world thinks he’s my love child at this point, thinks May is my secret mistress or the sister of his secret mother, God knows, I don’t know what the most recent story is. But I can’t tell if they’re targeting him because of me or because of the other thing—”
“And the other thing is worse—the spider thing—”
“I didn’t specify on purpose, Hap,” Tony says, pinching the bridge of his nose. 
“Right, right—the innocuous other thing—”
“We’re lucky we got out of Europe with the other thing intact—”
“Yeah,” Happy says, shaking his head, and Tony wishes he had been there with him, had been there period. He would have torn Beck in half had he laid eyes on him. 
Why do they always target people he loves? Why not him? Blow him up. Kidnap him. But he guesses he’s been there already. He guesses they’ve done all that and it’s old hat to these assholes to go to him directly.
But this could be about Spider-Man too. There could be people that know who he is. People always find out, no matter how hard Tony tries, and Peter has made plenty of his own enemies. His own gallery of rogues looking to take him down.
“Just don’t tell May, if she asks,” Tony says.
“Oh, and don’t tell Pepper either?” Happy asks, in that stupid voice he uses to make fun of Tony. Tony glares, and Happy glares back. “They know by now something’s going on. They’re not dumb. They’re just not saying anything. But May will beat someone to death with anything she can get her hands on and so will Pepper, so maybe we should be sticking close to them.”
Tony sighs. “I just wanted—”
“I know—”
“And now—”
“I know,” Happy says. “We’re on it. We know it’s real, now, even if these people won’t cop to anything. I’m in their walls. Literally. Maybe I’m doing some things I shouldn’t be.”
Tony steps up onto the porch. “Don’t even tell me.”
“I won’t. But maybe I am.”
~
“Ned, why are you in here while I’m in the bathtub?”
“She’s in here!”
“I’m dating her.”
“Wow, that’s great,” Ned says, not making any move to get up from his spot on the gold lounge chair. “That’s great, I see how things are going. I see what direction we’re heading in.”
Peter scoffs. He warmed up a long time ago, and he’s getting really pruny, but he doesn’t want to get out just yet. He feels like something is gonna happen if he gets out. Like it’s all gonna start up again and maybe the house is gonna explode or their fridge is gonna grow arms and start trying to fight them or something. 
And he isn’t lazy. He’s always ready to fight.
Maybe he’s a little lazy. But not usually. He thought Europe was gonna be a Spider-Man free trip and look how that turned out. And he thought this was going to be calm and relaxing but now it’s become suspicious. And worrying. And he’s torn between leaving and staying and telling May and not telling May and he doesn’t know if she’s in danger too and sometimes he feels like everybody would be safer if he lived out in Alaska somewhere and nobody knew him.
Peter sighs, and MJ rubs his shoulder. Ned is still giving him that look and Peter ignores that look. He’s never been in a little claw-foot tub like this before. Tony doesn’t even have these in the compound. And a bubble bath? He hasn’t had a bubble bath since he was a kid and Ben was still alive. It almost distracts him from… whatever the hell is going on here.
“We’ve got two more days,” MJ says. “And we’re sticking it out.”
“We’re sticking it out,” Peter says. “I got my webshooters, I guess I’ll wear them if we go hiking tomorrow.”
“Someone is gonna push you off a cliff,” Ned says, raising his eyebrows. 
“We’re all going together, so nobody is gonna push anybody,” MJ says. She leans down and presses a kiss to the corner of Peter’s mouth. “Okay let’s leave so he can—get out.”
They both get up, and Peter watches as they argue.
“Oh, you’re not gonna help him?” Ned asks.
“Oh, you’re not?” MJ replies, nudging him as they move towards the door. “I thought that was your job, guy in the chair—”
~
They have dinner in the main building, and Peter watches his back. He only jumps once, when someone drops a tray full of plates, and he winces at the shattering and runs over there to help clean it up before they usher him away. They visit the horses in the stables, and Peter checks every nook and cranny to make sure somebody isn’t hiding in there. They watch May and Happy bust into the late jazz class that’s going on in the ballroom and Peter forgets to do anything because he feels like his face is going to catch on fire from all the blushing.
And he remembers to be paranoid when they get back to the Grove Lodge, and he can tell May is suspicious and they’re all watching him like hawks and he gets worried that Tony is the real target of whatever is happening here and he’s just a distraction. 
He can’t let anything happen to Tony. He can’t let anything happen to any of them.
Or maybe nothing is happening. And nobody was in their room. And the kayak was just—Parker luck. Too much strength, or something. 
He wakes up around three in the morning because he can’t stay asleep, and he sits down in the ‘great room’ and stares out into the darkness of the night. 
“Don’t jump,” Tony’s voice says, but Peter jumps anyway, twisting around and seeing him on the stairs. “You jumped! I said don’t jump! You heard me, I said it—”
Peter snorts, shaking his head. “You can’t just tell me not to jump and expect me not to jump—especially if you’re stepping out of the shadows—”
“There’s no shadows,” Tony says, stepping off the landing. “No shadows. I’m fully illuminated—”
Peter sighs. “You can’t sleep either?”
“Nah,” Tony says, walking over quietly. “Sleep and I, we have a very contemptuous relationship.” He shakes his head. “I just feel like shit because you can’t have a normal vacation. Whatever the hell is or isn’t going on here. You just deserve—Jesus, a full day, at the least, without something happening you have to question.” He sits down next to Peter and lets out a sigh.
“It’s not your fault. At all.”
“I mean—it might be. We’ve seen Europe as an example of very much my fault.”
Peter narrows his eyes at him. “That wasn’t your fault either. You know it wasn’t your fault, idiots blaming you for their own stupidity is not your fault—”
A huge crash outside. It sounds like one of those big weird planters falling over and knocking into the other planters and then it sounds like a bunch of feet shuffling and this isn’t Parker luck, this isn’t a hallucination, this isn’t a kayak doing non-kayak like things—
They both leap out of their chairs. The noises don’t stop and Tony is immediately stepping in front of Peter and holding his arm out, as if to shield him.
“Kid, go back upstairs—”
“No,” Peter whisper-shouts, grabbing his arm as the two of them move forward very, very slowly towards the back porch doors. “You almost died recently—you’re wearing pajamas and a house coat—”
“You don’t even know what a house coat is—”
Another crash, more skittering feet, and Peter focuses—he can hear separate heartbeats from the hearts he loves in this house. Two of them.
“Tony I’ve got my webshooters on—”
“That doesn’t matter you’re wearing pajamas too you’re not prepared—”
And when they’re just close enough to open the door, there’s a flash of bright white light. And Peter closes his eyes against it, and he can feel Tony turning around, trying to block him from it, and it must be more than just light because he hears a loud bang and the windows are shattering and it feels like a cataclysmic boom is pushing them through the air. The two of them fly backwards, and hit the far wall, and the last thing Peter hears before his head snaps back too far is 
GOD DAMMIT ALFIE YOU’RE TWO SECONDS TOO EARLY WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS JUMPING THE—
~
Peter gasps awake. His gasp echoes, and he sits up, and looks around, and he’s…nowhere.
He scrambles to his feet. He’s alone, and he’s nowhere, there’s nothing but blackness and his ears are popping like he’s high up and he sees—
He sees—
A kayak? Flying through the darkness? 
He watches it, cascading like a majestic bird, and he stares at it, and then it just—blinks out of existence. Like it was never even there.
Maybe he’s just dreaming. Maybe he never even woke up and went downstairs and talked to Tony. Maybe none of that happened at all. Maybe he’s still asleep and Ned is snoring somewhere and MJ is saying not beets in the salad in her sleep again and maybe—
God dammit, Alfie, I swear. I swear I’m gonna whack you in the head.
Peter spins around, in the complete darkness. He can see himself, his own body and his hands and his pajamas and his webshooters, like he’s got a spotlight on him. “Hello?” he calls. “What the hell is—whoever that is—”
And then the London Bridge appears huge and massive above his head and he starts to duck, nearly collapsing in on himself, and there’s no way this is actually happening this isn’t real and he shoots a web at it and it goes right through it and it hits—somewhere—somewhere in the darkness, it sticks, it—
ALFIE I THINK THEY’RE BOTH—
I KNOW IT I CAN TELL OKAY I’M NOT MORONIC—
It clicks in Peter’s head. This is someone using Beck’s tech. It’s someone using Beck’s tech. That’s what this is. This is some idiots using his tech and not knowing how to use it properly and—
Peter starts yelling. “Whoever you are, you’re—you’re not good at this—this isn’t gonna work out for you—”
The bridge disappears, and Peter starts running. His spidey sense is going berserk, and he can’t tell where the danger is, what direction, how far. He can’t tell what’s underneath his feet, it feels—crunchy, and a little old, maybe? All he knows is he needs to get the hell out of this illusion. It feels unstable.
He starts shooting his webs everywhere, and most of them fly away without hitting anything, and that makes him wonder where the hell he could be with so much space—
STARK IS DOING SOMETHING WITH HIS AI—
Peter’s heart lurches.
“Tony!” Peter yells, still running, and he holds his hands out and tries to find something, anything, and he shoots webs fucking everywhere, and then—
SHIT—
He runs right into someone. And they push him off, and then he gets a brass-knuckled fist to the face before he can get a hit off of his own. He stumbles backwards through the sharp pain, wrestling with the instinct to just fight even though it’s only darkness all around him and he can’t see who the hell he’s fighting with. 
Instead, he spits out a line of blood and keeps running.
Pulsing, face pulsing, beating with ripped skin and metal—
A massive kayak blips into the air briefly, and then it disappears.
Peter narrows his eyes, shaking his head, and what the hell is with the kayak—
He runs smack into something, like a train going accordion against a wall, and he stumbles backwards again, clutching at his crushed nose and trying to stay on his feet. The punch and the goddamn running into whatever that was has him dizzy, has him mangled and seeing stars in this manufactured darkness and then he hears Tony hollering his name at the top of his lungs—
“Peter! Peter!”
He sounds like he’s behind him—
“Tony!” Peter yells, all nasally. “Tony! Hey I’m over here—”
He turns around, changing his trajectory. And the darkness blips, breaking in large pixels, and Peter keeps running towards Tony’s voice and the darkness blips again, turns bright white, and then—
The illusion, or lack of one, breaks all at once, and Peter can see—
He’s on the roof of the main Mohonk building—he can see the lake, and the forest, and the mountains, settled in the calm of the night that feels decidedly not calm for him in particular, and he skids to a halt because he’s nearly running off the roof—
And he feels someone grab his arm and tug him back, and he spins around and it’s Tony, thank God it’s Tony—
“Hey!” Tony yells, and Peter looks at him and grabs his arm and they both look up and—
There are just two guys standing there. Two guys, both on the shorter side, definitely unkempt, and they’re holding a little gray box and they’re both just hitting it and hitting it and hitting it—
Peter aims his webs and just starts shooting. He feels like he shoots the most amount of webs he’s ever shot. The two guys fly backwards and get stuck to one of the upraised red parts of the roof, and they’re both gritting their teeth and trying to get out like they’re Scooby Doo villains.
“They must be associated with Beck,” Peter says, trying to catch his breath. His entire mouth tastes like blood. “They’ve gotta be.”
“I figured, with their shitty illusion attempts,” Tony says, and he sounds angrier than Peter’s ever heard him. He glances at Peter, starts to glance away, but then he looks at him again, fast, his brows furrowing severely. “Jesus Christ, you’re—bleeding everywhere—”
“Yeah, it feels—it doesn’t feel good—they didn’t hit you?” Peter asks.
Tony takes Peter’s chin gently, tilting his head and wincing. “No,” he says. “They didn’t goddamn hit me—”
“Well, the nose was from—running into something—I think that, uh, I think that’s a chimney over there, I think I ran into it—you didn’t run into anything—”
“No, I didn’t—”
“Oh, that’s great—”
Tony looks like he’s about to breathe fire, and he lets go of Peter and starts stomping towards the webbed bad guys.
“Why the hell would you be loyal to a moron like him?” Tony asks. “Beck? He couldn’t even keep a job at Stark Industries—”
“Yeah, buddy, because you stole his idea,” one of them hollers. They’re both still wiggling around, trying to get out.
Tony sneers. “He worked for my company executing an idea I designed and commissioned and decided to weaponize it when it was created to help deal with trauma and mental health—have you never had a job, an occupation—you know what, I don’t care, I don’t care—”
“Well he didn’t say that, he didn’t say any of that exactly,” the other guy says, the one with the longer hair. “He just said—”
“Nothing he says is true,” Peter yells, wincing when he touches his nose. “That guy is a liar, and a freak, and you believed him enough to follow us on vacation and—screw up every attempt you made to kill us—it was one of you guys in my room—”
“No, that was just testin’, that was just—we was just testin’, it was—you guys acted really dramatic—”
Peter scoffs. “Dramatic?”
And the two guys start giving each other nasty looks, even though they’re webbed shoulder to shoulder. “Maybe if you hadn’t dropped that dart gun in the lobby when they first got here—”
“Maybe if you hadn’t fallen out of the tree—”
“Maybe if you had made the goddamn kayak explode instead of fly—”
“Stop!” Tony yells, cutting his hands through the air like an angry teacher. “Stop. Stop. I’ve never wanted to hear Boston accents less. Stop. You’re arrested. We’ve arrested you.”
“You can’t do that, the Avengers aren’t cops,” the shorter one says. He’s got a tattoo on his neck that says GOLDBARES with a Haribo bear icon and Peter squints at it and he feels like his entire face hurts worse just from seeing it.
“You’ve committed several crimes,” Tony says, still pointing at them. “It’s—my personal security already—”
There’s a click. A very loud click. And both guys clam up real quick.
“What was that?” Tony asks.
Peter’s spidey sense is—ratcheting up, clear into his teeth—
“Tony!” he yells, because it feels like something is coming, and, just like in the Grove Lodge, there’s a big boom and they’re blown backwards by a seismic wave—
And they’re launched off the roof, and it feels like they’re moving in slow motion, through the dead dark of the night and the reflection of the lake, and Peter screams like a moron. He just screams, and then he shoots a web right at Tony and pulls him in with it, and then he shoots a web at the building and swings back around with him. 
They don’t land well, because Peter’s brain is on the backburner and there’s nothing on the front, and they roll in a heap, Peter tucking his face into Tony’s shoulder. When they come to a halt Tony pulls back, sitting up and touching Peter’s cheek.
“You in there?”
“I’m in there. Here,” Peter says, and he feels like he’s bleeding worse, somehow. “Did they blow up? Did those guys blow up? It sounded like they blew up.”
“We didn’t blew up we’re still over here but maybe I wish we woulda blew up because—”
And they start shouting at each other, but Peter tries to tune them out.
“Thank God you brought those things,” Tony says, tapping Peter’s wrist. “Thanks, bud.”
Peter blows out a breath, shaking his head and still just. Laying there. “Oh yeah, no problem. All good, just—completely normal.”
Tony sighs, and his eyes cut to the side. “Any other late traps ready to explode?” he yells, over his shoulder.
They stop arguing with each other. There’s a brief silence. 
“Uh. I honestly got no idea. We just brought the whole bag of tricks, I don’t know. There’s shit everywhere.”
Tony looks at Peter, slowly shaking his head.
“Fantastic,” Peter says. “Wonderful.”
~
“So, you weren’t in there watching us when we were getting our nails done in the spa?” Pepper asks. “I thought it was weird. I told May it was weird. That was these guys—”
Tony scoffs, and he feels like he instantly gets a headache, a migraine—
“Of course I wasn’t—of course—you thought I was just standing there? Staring at you in the spa? You didn’t think that was out of the ordinary—”
Pepper gives him a look, and Peter laughs from the hammock behind them.
“Yeah, when I went to get my nails done later you kept walking in and out,” Happy says. “But I thought you were just—I don’t know what I thought. But then you told me about the kayak thing later and I thought—well—I attributed it to that.”
“Happy went and got his nails done,” Ned whispers, somewhere behind Tony, too. “We could do that?”
“Who’s stopping you?” MJ says, quiet.
“Well, the whole—the whole situation stopped me, I guess, but I didn’t really think about it—”
“I’m glad it wasn’t you staring at us,” May says, standing near the railing and peering out into her binoculars. “Pepper said it was normal, but it was concerning me.”
Tony glares at Pepper, but she just bats her eyes at him like the picture of innocence.
“Sometimes Peter does that to me,” May says. “Just stares at me from behind a Lucky Charms box in the kitchen. That’s how I know something’s wrong.”
Tony snorts, and he turns around as soon as Peter starts protesting.
“I do not!” Peter says, shifting around in the hammock. “I do not do that.”
“It sounds like something you’d do,” Ned says.
“You’ve done that to me,” MJ says, clearing her throat.
Peter huffs, and everyone laughs at him, and Tony tries not to laugh too hard, because this started with his own wife acting like she thinks he’s capable of acting like some weirdo who stands around staring at people.
Tony sighs. He turns around, walking over and peering down at Peter. He braces his hand on the tree his hammock is attached to. “How’s the nose?” Tony asks.
“Broken.”
“It’s not broken anymore, we reset it.”
“It knows it was broken. I know too.”
He’s still got the butterfly bandages on the bridge of his nose, and it’s bruised and angry looking. He’s got a burst blood vessel in his eye, and the white part is dipped with red. Tony feels like shit because he got out of the whole ordeal relatively unscathed. Just a few bumps and bruises. Some whiplash. But Peter broke his nose again.
They hiked up to the Sky Top Tower, and the kids wanted to hang out once they got up here. They all thought Peter had earned the hammock. Happy refused to come, and he’s in charge of the security situation, anyway, so he couldn’t exactly abandon it to do a hike he didn’t want to do. 
They had to clear the whole damn resort out to get rid of any remaining traps and illusions. Tony had to bring in a whole team. Rhodey made fun of him on the phone when Tony told him, laughing for a good five minutes.
And sure, it’s stupid. Those guys are stupid and they had no idea what the hell they were doing, they couldn’t even attack properly. But that’s what happens when stupid people follow more powerful stupid people. They hold grudges. They make up shit in their heads. They cause problems.
And it’s never really funny when Peter is bloody at the end of it.
“I feel like I’m sinking,” Peter says, his brows furrowing.
He reaches out his hand, and Tony takes it, and he pulls him out of the hammock as MJ and Ned push on his shoulders. Peter groans like he’s a hundred years old, and Tony claps him on the shoulder.
May looks away from her binoculars. “How you doing, honeybunch?”
“Fine,” Peter says, letting go of Tony’s hand. “Incredible. Amazing.”
“Just a normal day for a hero,” Pepper says. “MJ, you’ll get used to it, May, you’ll never get used to it—”
“And Ned,” Ned says to himself. “You will be there every step of the way.”
Tony looks at Peter, and he wants to apologize. For all of it, for being a hero at all, for the goddamn radioactive spider at Oscorp and everything that came after. For stupid morons like Quentin Beck, who know the quickest way to hurt Tony is to attack this kid he’s nearly adopted as his own.
He doesn’t know what the hell to say, because Peter wouldn’t accept his apologies anyway. He never would. Peter is just appreciative of every moment. Even if the moments aren’t ideal.
“We’ve got the whole place to ourselves,” Tony says. “How about we have a pie bar when we head back down there? I can tip the kitchen staff two hundred percent when I ask. I don’t think anybody would be pissed off.”
He sees May smiling softly at him over Peter’s shoulder. Trust in her eyes, even after all this bullshit.
“Can there be…at least four key limes?” Peter asks, raising his eyebrows.
“Four or five,” Tony says, ruffling his hair. “Or six or seven. Depending on the number of ovens in the joint.”
Peter grins at him, still bright and lively, despite everything.
Maybe they can salvage this vacation yet.
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emwheezie · 3 months
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Who are you choosing if my characters were in a dating sim?
Lennon:
Gremlin mode
Daddy issues
Bad hair
Musical/Creative genius. Perfect pitch
Ambitious
Doesn't shower
Ate a lasagna once
Doesn't know how to use his words
Fights drywall
Movie watcher
Chicken addiction
Street smart
Closeted Weezer fan
Dunkin Donuts
Shoes on the bed
Green Day
Might be silly
Goes up the stairs on all fours
Stressed/depressed/poorly dressed
PBC singer and lead guitar
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Tony:
Purple
Crazy driver
:3
Mall pretzels
Catholic school survivor
Emotionally smart/book smart
Stressed/depressed/dressed to impress
Afraid of getting old/ugly
Wants to fight the MBTA
Might be delusional
throws up from anxiety
Redbull and Taco Bell
Loves dogs
Green Day
Poetic
Saw Moses (biblical) in the woods while high with Theo
Bisexual
Lactose intolerant
Finds meaning in everything
Always in a relationship
PBC bassist and "manager"
----------------------------------------------
Enzo:
Evil
Might have killed a man
Man Bun
Posts on DeviantART
Loves dragons
whispers and shakes
Future tattoo artist
Movie connoisseur
Might be a furry...?
LOVES the Saw movie franchise
Protective and loyal
Street smart
Stays up all night in the dark
In an online relationship
Does what he wants
Doesn't waste time
Sparkling water enjoyer
Tea drinker
Never listened to a music in his life
Guitarist in a band (PBC)
----------------------------------------------
Theo:
From New Hampshire
Asexual
Golden retriever personality 
Grew up with 8 siblings
Joined the military after High School
Eats Oatmeal?
Doesn't wear a seatbelt
Outdoorsy/hiking adventures
Works at a club/bar with his wife, Gia
Is a cinnamon roll
Emotionally smart
Saw Moses (biblical) in the woods while high with Tony
Calls music his "funky jams"
Forgets his shoes
Mtn Dew
Forgetful
Kidney Stones
His appendix exploded once
PBC drummer
---------------------------------------------
Park:
Loves alcohol
Hates the government
Hates the IRS
Has never paid taxes
No sense of personal space/very touchy
LOUD
Climbs things
Grilled cheese enthusiast  
Dunkin Donuts manager
Aliens are 4 realz
loves video games
Wicked smart
Goes to MIT for like space engineering or something idk
Makes monkey noises
"I have to be both the sexiest and most mentally challenged person in the room at all times"
Obsessed with skin walkers
Conspiracy theories
----------------------------------------------
Oli:
Photography/cinematography 
Graphic design
Urban Explorer
Abandoned things
Summer time vibes
Lives in sleeveless shirts
Black coffee drinker
health freak/gym rat
Smokes cigarettes (hey we all have our vices)
Secretly gay
Chronic complainer
Works at zumies
Does graffiti 
Runs from his problems
Travels for work
Drives a modded Subaru
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Alyssa:
Preforms unethical experiments in the sims 3
Loves cows
So many many plushies there's no room for her in the bed
weezer fan
Talks a lot
Lots of keychains/charms
Maximalism!
Assertive
Good listener
Workaholic 
HAS to be the BEST at anything she does
----------------------------------------------
Rosie
Grew up with strict parents
Working too many hours at Dunkin Donuts
Former ballet/dancer
Likes to bake and really good at it!
Compulsive liar
"I have a twin sister who goes to another school"
Gets jealous easily
Body image problems/eating disorders :(
Emotionally Immature 
Spider eyelashes
A nose ring is "rebelling from my parents"
Currently in college
Afraid of change
Emotional support eldest daughter
Loves to sing
72 notes · View notes