#too many iconic screen shots to post

[co-reborn]

WYR-0525: Good Little Student Wang Yiren Is Secret Porno Slut! Couldn't Resist Fuck During Office Hours With Teacher, Multiple Orgasms Spanking Doggy Style Sex Party!

Yiren x Male Reader

view in AFF

4,246 Words

A/N: Powered through writing this for @praeluxius​ and special thanks to him and @sinswithpleasure​ for helping beta-read this fic. 

A/N2: Potential TW in terms of dubious consent for a certain part of the fic. I do not condone doing it IRL.

Funny how Wang Yiren has such a strong passion for the camera. The shot of her face when you take her attendance always reminds you of the many times you’ve seen her on the internet long before she became your student. You didn’t want to believe it at first but everything about her felt so familiar. You try to ignore her online persona as much as you can. She distracts you enough outside of class and you can’t have her be a distraction in class too. 

Your eyes linger a little too long after you mark her as present. An hour and a half ago, she was dressed all prim and proper. Now at the end of class, Yiren looks like a complete mess. Her top is haphazardly buttoned and her face is flushed with stray hairs sticking to her forehead. You know that look. You can tell what she has been doing during your online class.

Block out any stray thoughts and focus on what’s on hand right now. You finish class with final reminders about other assignments and soon after, your students begin to leave the call. Only one remains. Yiren doesn’t say anything, just navigating her screen before she makes eye contact with you through the screen. 

Immediately, your phone receives a notification. The website icon gives you a hint on what it’s about and you tense up for a second. When you look back at your monitor, you’re alone in the online classroom. You heave a sigh and close the app. Your next lesson is a while away so you busy yourself with some emails and marking of assignments. However, the universe has another plan for you. The notification of your phone stares at you. Ignore it.

You can’t. 

You pick your phone up to read it proper—WYR uploaded a new video. 

Your monitor cursor automatically finds its way to the bookmark bar and clicks the oh-so familiar webpage. Right at the top of the page it shows the latest video—“Class Time Sex Video For Teacher To Watch!”. You check the video length. Thirty minutes. Lunch break ends in an hour. You can finish lunch in fifteen minutes, you have time to spare. Your cursor hovers over the thumbnail. Just click away.

You almost give in to that voice in your head. The video preview starts playing. It shows Wang Yiren’s near-naked body. She has posted several intimate videos on this blog from months prior to being in your class and you hate to admit that you watched every single one of them. Your fingers tremble and ultimately, you go against your morals and get ready to watch the latest release.

The video starts off simple as always—an up-close image of her cute face smiling at her viewers. You’re thinking to yourself, ‘Fuck, she’s so goddamn pretty’. Yiren is easily the cutest student you have come across and if you were her classmate, you’d die to date her. 

However, when she takes a step back and you see the manner she’s dressed in, your thoughts change to ‘Fuck, she’s so goddamn hot’. Her uniform top, the same one she was wearing earlier in your class, is halfway undone and she’s giving you a peek down to her cleavage. That sight remains on your screen for the next few minutes, you aren’t exactly sure how long. She stayed in the position for some time, undoing the rest of the buttons and pulling the top open repeatedly in a teasing fashion, plus you couldn’t resist rewinding those few seconds several times. 

Then, Yiren takes another step back and turns around. When she leans forward, her skirt lifts just enough for you to see her cheeks peek from below it. Her hands reach for the side of the skirt and an audible zip later, it drops to reveal her skimpy pink panties. You pause the video to take the moment to properly admire her half-clothed ass, even spotting the outline of her pussy. Letting the video continue playing, you watch Yiren pull her panties down her legs. She’s already wet and definitely needy for some action. She follows up by teasing the camera with shakes of her ass mixed with her hands running all over the pristine white skin.

Meanwhile, you’re obsessed with the thought of what it would be like if you were next to her. Digging your fingers into her fine little ass would send you into a frenzy. You wouldn’t stop there. There’s more to enjoy than groping her. You want to spank that ass and ruin the perfect white with red hand marks. That will truly drive you insane.

As if she can predict your thoughts, what comes next is a series of soft slaps accompanied by her soft yelps. Yiren is slapping her own ass, although you would be rougher than that if you had the chance, and the first few moans of the video already have you twitching and leaking. This continues for the next minute or so, her slaps gradually increasing in strength, causing her ass to grow redder.

Yiren then turns back to the camera and smiles as she takes a seat. Slowly, she spreads her legs and your eyes are glued to the screen. You want to get a proper look at her crotch but her hands are covering the view, as if she knows exactly what you want. Keeping up the painfully slow movement, her fingers run across her soaking pussy lips before she fully exposes herself to the camera.

Yiren picks up a dildo off her desk and she winks when she presses the dildo against her entrance. Anticipation is at its peak. You’re staring intently at the screen and waiting for your student to begin fucking herself. Unfortunately, she draws out the moment further by circling the toy around her clit.

You do not have the time nor the patience to watch Yiren tease herself so you spam the arrow key to skip ahead. One click too many and you barely catch the sight of her inserting the last inch of the toy into her pussy. She then pulls it out and her juices staining the toy causes it to glisten. A split second later, the dildo is buried deep inside her one more. In and out the toy goes, a seemingly endless cycle that you’re so accustomed to watching such that you can “watch” with your eyes closed.

You stroke yourself at the same pace as Yiren fucking herself. You wish to be the one fucking her and your mental image slowly shifts. 

She’s lying on her back and already spreading her legs. She’s wearing that same “fuck me” look she loves to put on in her videos and beckoning you to get closer to her. You’re pounding her fast and hard and the next thing you know, Yiren has her arms and legs wrapped around your neck and waist. She pulls you into her and you hear her every gasp and moan.

“Faster. Harder.”

You’re fully unaware of how long the video has been going for and eventually, the moaning comes to a temporary pause. You slow your strokes down as well, not wanting to blow your load too early. An abrupt cut later, you’re presented with a new angle.

The dildo is now placed on her chair and Yiren has repositioned herself to face the backrest of the chair. While you’re denied vision to her front, you have the privilege to watch her ass. Her hand steadies herself against the backrest while the other pulls her cheeks apart just enough for the camera to catch the erotic scene. Yiren looks over her shoulder and bites her lips as she sinks downwards onto the toy. 

As soon as the dildo is fully in her body, she begins to ride it fervently, not hesitating to vocalise her pleasure. You wish you could watch her face contort in pleasure but you’ll settle for the sight of her ass rippling as she bounces on the chair over and over. If only you get to watch that in the flesh or even experience it for yourself.

You always suppress the thought of fucking her when in class or on campus but in the privacy of your home, your inhibitions no longer hold you back. It would be heaven for Yiren to be on top of your lying figure and riding you. You want to grip her hips and bounce her hard against your cock. You want to fucking use your hot student’s body in any way possible. While your imagination continues to go wild, the pressure in your loins grows as you inch closer to your orgasm.

“Fuck!”

You snap your attention back to the screen when Yiren’s moans grow in volume and frequency. Your eyes are glued to the screen just in time to watch her cum. Her back arches and her head tosses back. Even after she has came, she never stops riding the toy despite the struggle.

By now, you’re more than 20 minutes into the video. You have been edging closer and closer to your peak. Rewind the last few seconds over and over. Watching the sight of Yiren cumming repeatedly is just what sets you off. You cum all over yourself and make a mess of your hands and your crotch. Your eyes shut while the pleasure of your orgasm courses through you and all you can hear is Yiren’s skin slapping on the now-wet chair.

Gently maintain your strokes even when you have stopped leaking while you grab nearby tissue to wipe yourself up. By now, Yiren is facing the camera and is holding her stained dildo. Her tongue circles the girth of the toy as she begins to suck it. If not for the time constraint, you would consider going for a second round.

After you finish cleaning yourself, you look at the video again. The glint in her eyes as she sucks her juices clean off the toy tells you something—she’s not done yet.

Before the video ends, she leans closer to the camera and whispers, “Aren’t I a good little student?”

“Yes, Yiren. Yes you are.”

~~~~~~

An unexpected knock on the door causes you to snap out of your trance and pause the video you were engrossed in.

“Come in.” You shut your laptop and look up.

Oh. It’s her. 

Yiren steps into your office. Seeing that she’s wearing the same outfit as that video from days ago, your mind replays clips of her stripping herself, spanking herself, fucking herself. You shake your head and clear the images away. 

Standing across the desk from you, she exclaims, “Do you like me?”

You raise your eyebrow, unsure of what she means. She shifts your laptop to the side of your table and lays her bag carefully on it. You frown, confused by her actions. Moving towards your side of the table, Yiren crosses her arms and leans on the edge of your desk, “I mean, sir, do you like watching my videos?”

There’s nothing you can do but sit in confused silence.

“Oh please, I recognise that website icon on your bookmark bar any day of the week.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. In fact, I’m flattered that you watch my videos.” Yiren then places her hands on your shoulders and leans closer to you. “Sir, did you know I started filming myself in the middle of your online classes before?”

You gulp. Of course you remember the times when notifications go off minutes after your class ends and when you watch the videos, she is wearing the very same clothes as during the attendance check. “Y-Yes Yiren.”

“I did that not because I was bored, but because I get so wet whenever I hear your voice. I touch myself thinking about you. I fuck myself imagining it’s your cock I’m riding.” 

Your eyes widen at the revelation. Your student lusting after you? This can’t be right.

“I want you, Sir, and I know you want me too. This will be our little secret.”

She finally plants her lips on yours and you immediately reciprocate.

You shut your eyes as you melt into the kiss. Her lips taste so sweet and addictive that it makes you yearn for much more. This isn’t right. 

It feels like a match made in heaven. Yiren straddles you and pushes into you to deepen the kiss. Her tongue probes against your lips and you accept it. Immediately, it swirls around yours and explores your mouth. This is wrong.

Your hands roam her body, starting from her thighs up to her waist. So, so wrong. 

They continue moving up to her shoulders. You want to wrap your arms around her and pull her tight. Stop now!

Your eyes widen and you push her away instead, trembling while the dilemma of what’s right or wrong sets in. Your last bit of conscience begs you to draw the line and walk away before you make any mistake. Yet where was it all those times when you jerked off to your student’s porn videos and streams and fantasised about fucking her in any conceivable way?

Deep in thought, you don’t even notice that your top is removed. Your body doesn’t register the sudden cold when heat is built up between your legs. The devil is now on her knees. Yiren does everything in her power to tempt you. Her lust-filled eyes are fixated on you and hold yours in place. You feel her hands unbuckling your belt and pulling down your pants but you’re completely powerless to react. Maybe you don’t want to.

Her first touch on your exposed shaft sends shivers up your spine. When she spits on your cock and begins to stroke it, you’re pulled back closer to sin and your rational thoughts are pushed further away. Yiren doesn’t stop there, especially when there’s so much more she can do. She dips her head lower and begins to pepper your balls with light kisses. It becomes so much easier to give in to your primal desires when she lightly sucks them. You manage to hold back a moan but your resistance is crumbling fast.

Your eyes dart up and look at the door. It isn’t locked. In a final attempt to stop, you mumble, “Someone might come in and catch us.” 

As if being caught is the only problem with this.

Yiren licks your cock from the base to the tip before she looks into your eyes. “So let them watch.” You twitch in her hands and elicit a smirk from her. “Let them watch how good you fuck your good little student.”

You take a step across the line once again. When she wraps her lips around your girth, you hold her hair and push her lower onto your dick. Taking her time, Yiren takes you into her mouth inch by inch until your full length is in. She keeps you there and loudly gags on your cock, making a mess on your crotch with her saliva. Then, as slowly as she took you in, she peels off you, her lips still maintaining their tight seal around your girth. 

Your hands clutch onto your chair, trying to ground yourself into reality. You’re a teacher. Yiren’s your student. She’s sucking you off. She’s giving you the best blowjob you’ve ever had.

“Fuck, your cock tastes so good, Sir.” Yiren continues to lick your slit and leaking precum. “You like my mouth on your cock?”

A groan will suffice. You don’t need any other answer. You only need her skilful mouth pleasuring you. 

“Shut up and fucking suck my dick.” 

She takes you in her mouth once again, this time letting the tip hit the back of her throat. Her hand rubs your balls and she alternates between deepthroating you and stroking you quickly. 

The room is filled with the sounds of Yiren’s sloppy blowjob and your deep breaths. If anyone were to walk by your office, surely you’ll be in deep trouble. However, the fear of getting caught has long slipped your mind, replaced by the ever-growing lust for your student.

You yank her off your cock by the hair and pull her onto her feet. Hastily undo all her shirt buttons and rid her of the top, followed by her bra. You barely get any time to admire her bare chest before she turns around, so your hands roam her body instead, feeling up her waist and her tummy, fondling her breasts and pinching her nipples. This perfect body that thousands watch and dream about touching that only you get the honour of doing so.

Yiren leans against your chest and unzips her skirt. It drops to the floor and leaves her in her panties. You wish to reach into it and finger her but she pushes off you and supports herself on the desk. She repeatedly shakes her ass and pushes it back to you, her clothed ass occasionally brushes against your swollen tip.

Her teasing got to you and you’re too impatient for that at this point. You bend down and peel her panties off her, ridding Yiren of her last article of clothing. You finally get to see her naked in the flesh and even get a close up view. Your forefinger rubs her lower lips to find that she’s utterly wet. Curiosity got to you and you get a quick taste of her essence. Fuck, she’s so delectable. 

You wish to bury yourself between her thighs and drown in her juices but you have a better prize instead—your hottest student is aching and desperate for you to fuck her. Having perfectly positioned yourself behind Yiren, you press your tip against her pussy. She looks over her shoulder and bites her lips. 

Your heart pounds. You’re about to do it. You’re about to fuck your student. You’re about to fuck the Wang Yiren. Fully entering her body in one go, you're quickly overwhelmed. You want nothing other than to fuck this girl over and over. 

“God, you have no clue how long I’ve wanted this.”

“If you had asked, I would let you fucked me earlier.”

“Then we have a lot of lost time to make up.” You kiss her cheek. “I’ll need to schedule more meetings with you.”

Yiren giggles in response and you feel her clench around you even further. As you continue to indulge in her body, more sinful thoughts fill your head, particularly all the things you want to do to Yiren. 

Raise your hand and land a slap on her butt. Immediately, there is a reaction—her body tenses up and her pussy clenches around you. Yiren drags out a moan before she turns to you. The glint in her eyes tells you that she wants more. You time your next few slaps with your thrusts. Partially withdraw your cock from her, then land a spank on her. When her body jolts forward, hold her hips and pull her back to yours, thrusting your dick in at the same time. Upon establishing this rhythm, your strength gradually increases and you spank and fuck Yiren harder.

This is addictive. You’ve been “using” her to relieve yourself for months now, watching her put on provocative performances on the internet, but now, you’re truly using her as an outlet for your pleasure without a care about hers, although there is no doubt she’s enjoying herself too. You can’t go back from here. There’s no return to just jerking off to her videos. You need her. 

Soon after, you press onto her back to slam her onto your desk and pin her waist against the edge, keeping her writhing body still while you continue to have your way with her. Caught off guard, Yiren yelps in pain. Her walls tighten around you as she gets closer to her peak. She’s so snug, so wet, and you take it as a signal to give her the final push. Digging your heels into the floor, you put more energy into your hips, forgoing strength for speed, all the while not letting up on your spanks. Tug her hair and lean straight into her ear, “Cum.”

Yiren instantly melts into her orgasm and loudly moans as pleasure washes over her. You remain buried deep in her throughout it, her pussy pulsating around your cock and bringing you a step closer to cumming. 

Moments later, you pull out of her and fall back onto your chair, your slick-coated shaft still erect and aching for your own orgasm. Yiren remains bent over the table while recovering and you note the shade of red on her ass. It’s even redder than any of the other times she spanked herself on her videos.

Still, you can’t resist giving one last slap to her ass and watching her flesh ripple. She turns around and giggles before leaning over you. Her left hand holds your cheek and pulls you in for a kiss while her right wraps itself around your cock and briefly strokes you.

“Yiren, I want to watch you fuck yourself on my cock.”

“Anything for you, Sir.”

Yiren straddles you and inserts you back into her wet pussy. She holds onto your shoulder and rides you with the sole purpose of milking your cum. She tosses her head back and moans at the sheer pleasure of fucking you. 

Your senses are in overdrive. Days ago, the video only showed her riding the toy from the back and you were satisfied already. Now, you get to watch her pretty face contort in pleasure and nothing can beat this view anymore. The feel of her tight pussy is out of the world as her snug walls pulsating around you brings you more pleasure than all her videos combined. Her moans are mixed with your deep groans as well as the repeated sounds of skin slapping, surely anyone who passes by will know what’s going on. The musky scent that fills the enclosed room is one that you wish to keep permanently in your office. Her taste still lingers on your tongue that makes you seek for more.

When she leans further into you, you kiss her neck and down to her chest. Her breasts are a perfect size, all the times she teases her nipples makes you want to nibble on them and now you have the perfect opportunity to do so.

Yiren digs into your skin with each passing second and she picks up the rhythm. You try your best to hold back as you want to prolong this session but her body is just too hot. You don’t know how long it has been since she first entered your office and you don’t know how you have lasted this long.

“Are you going to cum in me Sir?”

“Of course.”

“Good. Fill me up. Fulfil your dreams of cumming in your good little student’s pussy.”

Your willpower has been chipped away and your body starts to crumble and give in. Holding her butt and slamming her petite body harder onto your lap, you thrust your hips up as much as you can. 

“Fuck!”

You hold her tight as you do just that. Spurts of cum are shot into Yiren as you experience an orgasmic high like never before. She gently grinds on you throughout, ensuring every drop of cum leaves your body and is buried inside hers. 

You sigh after you recover and bits of your conscience come flowing back. You shouldn’t have done that. It felt amazing, but you shouldn’t have fucked Yiren. When she lifts herself off your cock, you struggle to keep a moan in out of the fear that she pulls you in for another session.

She hastily puts on her clothes, leaving her bra and panties in your possession. You follow right after, haphazardly dressing yourself as fear of getting caught begins to seep in. While you’re doing so, Yiren leans against your desk and dips her fingers under her skirt. She scoops some of your cum out of her pussy and licks it clean. “You taste good.”

She then grabs her bag and heads out of your office but not before stopping at the door and turning back to you.

“See you soon, Sir.”

~~~~~~

The rest of the day goes by with your mind wandering about this afternoon’s events. You’re back home and by your desk. Why are you here again?

Your laptop is open. The website is loading. You’re preparing to undress yourself and to watch Yiren’s videos once again. Now knowing how Yiren’s petite body feels under your touch surely makes watching her videos much more enjoyable. The voice in your head quickly gives up and is suppressed. The sinful thoughts prevail once again.

At the top of the blog is her latest release—“Couldn't Resist Fuck During Office Hours With Teacher, Multiple Orgasms Spanking Doggy Style Sex Party!”. Your hand shivers as you click onto it. Eyes widen as you realise she has somehow recorded the session from earlier, capturing the action from multiple angles. Distraught, betrayal and anger fills you. You’d never expect to be set up like that.

But while your blood continues to boil, another feeling resurfaces. An extremely familiar one. 

You pull down your shorts and boxers. The video plays and you stroke yourself with each frame triggering memories of her touch. 

Maybe Yiren isn’t a good little student after all.

******

A/N3: Thanks for reading :) Please don’t record your sexual acts without your partner’s consent IRL

#kpop fanfic #kpop smut #everglow #everglow smut #wang yiren #yiren smut

[caitkaminski]

Modding your Litg2 app 101:

(If I made any typos, which is about 95% likely, pls accept my apologies) FOR ANYONE COMING HERE LOOKING TO MOD s6 PLEASE GO HERE FOR THE WORKAROUND

Strap yourselves in, this will be lengthy. You may cry, you may want to punch something, but trust me it’s worth it 😭 I’ve tried to dumb this down as much as I can so you don’t struggle as much as me, so here we go! Many thanks to @oliverslove for writing out exactly how to do the emulator method using Bluestacks, just answering my 50,000 questions and being patient with me 💛💛

First up, do you want your mod on:

- an Android - head to this post

- an Apple device BUT you also have an android device to move the game from eg an Android tablet to an iPhone - also head to this post

- an Apple device and ONLY have Apple portable devices but you do have a PC to move the game from (Start at Step 1 of this post)

- only Apple devices. No PC. No Android devices. I’m sorry, loves but this method won’t work for you at all!😭😭😭

IPHONE USERS WITH ONLY APPLE PORTABLE DEVICES BUT ACCESS TO A PC:

1. Download Bluestacks onto your PC here

2. Give it a little setup. Fairly straight forward but here’s a guide for it too:

3. After it’s all set up, head here

4. Download the most recent version of the mod from ModYolo. It’s going to basically download a whole new app, that’s how it works on Android. You’re just copying an Android without having an Android, you get me? (ps take a shot for every time I just said Android). So, in case you haven’t guessed already, you will lose ALL progress on BOTH seasons and have to start from scratch.

5. Now you’ve downloaded that, it needs to be installed on Bluestacks. To install it you need to navigate to the toolbar on the right side of the screen and press the small icon saying .APK (this lil guy)⬇️⬇️⬇️

6. That lil icon will make you select exactly what it is you want to Install from your computers files. So find the mod you just downloaded (in most cases this is just in the computer’s Downloads area)

7. This will start the mods download to Bluestacks. Once it’s done, open it up and if it’s been done correctly then you should see the ModYolo notification at the bottom of the loading screen

8. The app will go straight into Season 4 as that’s how the actual app is just hardcoded anyways. But once you create a character you can just go back to the Home Screen and go onto season 5 if you’d rather.

9. So TA-DAH! On the Home Screen you’ll see you have a lot of gems and a blank space for tickets. This is just simply because once the modded app is on your phone the tickets don’t transfer over 😭 So, if you want to abuse unlimited tickets, play any progress you want to on Bluestacks (the computer) first.

10. Time to kiss those LIs goodbye and don’t make Bruno cry on the way out. Save your Bluestacks game to the Cloud (try and keep it to the one on your IPhone to save some time) it might give the choice to keep a Local or Cloud save, just click the one with lots and lots of gems.

11. Next, head over to your Apple device (the one you want to play the game on). No need to get a fancy app or do anything with this one. You’ll just want to load a game save from the Cloud and pick whichever has more gems.

And that, my friends is how you mod your game on Apple. 🤗

I’m about 85% sure you might have to do this again for season 6 as will be a new version of the mod looking at previous versions but I will look into that more and update this post!

I really hope this post helps a lot of you but feel free to ask questions and I’ll help best I can! Please also send @oliverslove lots of love for helping me 💛

We are both pretty active on the discord server so if you want the link to join and ask questions, lemme know!

#litg #love island the game #modguides

[uispeccoll]

Past and Present: Cheryl Dunye’s The Watermelon Woman

Last year, Special Collections and Archives at the University of Iowa Libraries acquired items to form a new collection: the Black Film and Television Collection. In honor of Black History Month, we’re shining a spotlight on a different item from this collection each week.

In yesterday’s post, we discussed the original script for 1971’s Shaft, a defining entry in the Blaxploitation genre. Our final spotlight shines on a unique photo book from 1996, when Cheryl Dunye’s The Watermelon Woman attempted to excavate the history of queer Black women on screen.

Cheryl Dunye and New Queer Cinema

With The Watermelon Woman, Dunye became the first Black lesbian to direct a feature film. This movie belongs to a genre that came to be called New Queer Cinema, a movement in independent film during the 1990s that placed queer characters at the center.

The film was critically acclaimed and regarded as one of the foundational films of the genre, and it was added to the Library of Congress’ National Film Registry in 2021.

It also gave new momentum to Dunye’s career in film and television, which continues to this day. Her recent directing credits include The Umbrella Academy, Bridgerton, and Queen Sugar.

Unnamed & Uncredited

The Watermelon Woman stars writer and director Cheryl Dunye as an aspiring documentarian who works at a video rental store. Dunye’s fictional proxy, also named Cheryl, is fascinated by the history of Black women in film, particularly those who went unnamed and uncredited for roles portraying the racist archetypes that were common in the cinema of the 1930s and 40s.

In the movie, Cheryl embarks on a journey to discover the name of Black actress only identified as “The Watermelon Woman.” She eventually uncovers the woman’s real name, Fae Richards, and discovers that she, too, was a queer woman.

A Supplementary Archive

Fae Richards may be a fictional character, but she stands for countless queer Black people whose stories have been omitted from the record. Artist Zoe Leonard, in collaboration with Cheryl Dunye, created The Fae Richards Photo Archive, a series of 82 images that document the life of this fictional character. From candid shots, family photos, and publicity pictures, every image matches a time and place of this character. As the Whitney Museum of American Art explains, “Leonard acknowledges the project’s artifice, encouraging the viewer to recognize that she had to create a story that is fictional, but rings true, because the real life counterparts of such stories went undocumented.”

This statement demonstrates exactly why many archives are, or need to, work to fix the mistakes of the past. As a school with a rich screenwriting history, it is why the University of Iowa Libraries is actively working to collect more stories from Black cinema.

A Century of Black Film

During this series, we’ve looked at four iconic examples of Black filmmaking. But that’s not to say that the work of Black filmmakers can be reduced to four eras, or that the films we discussed are more important than those that didn’t make this list. There’s so much more to discover in the Black Film and Television Collection, and if you’ve enjoyed this blog series, we encourage you to check out what’s available online. As The Watermelon Woman attests, the preservation of these stories, and the names and lives behind them, is vital and rewarding work.

--Natalee Dawson, Communication Coordinator at UIowa Libraries, with assistance from Liz Riordan, Anne Bassett, and Jerome Kirby

#watermelon woman #libraries #blackhistorymonth #black film #uiowaspecialcollections #film #uiowa #black history matters #Cheryl Dunye #Zoe Leonard #Fae Richards

[midoriyaas]

WAIT WAIT I THOUGHT OF ANOTHER THING FOR THE IDOL! Y/N AU

NOW IMAGING BIG STRONG PROHERO DEKU BEING YOUR BIGGEST FANBOY

like in this one you don’t know eachother at all but you do know that you went to ua together

just him having a really popular stan account for you but no one knows it’s their number one hero behind the screen 🥹

shows up to as many of your fan events in a disguise bc he’s yknow, deku!! worlds greatest hero and all that jazz!!

will try so hard to learn your group’s choreos but he needs to clean up the moves a lot 🥹

when you release your first solo album you bet he’s buying every version available

one day his manager calls him to tell him about a photoshoot for his new merchandise with people from the sponsor company but they don’t disclose with who….

to his surprise it’s you!! his favorite idol!!

he has to hold back from fanboying too hard in front of you, but he can’t hide his blush when you mention that he’s your favorite hero 🫶🏽

you two get to talk to eachother during a short break in the photoshoot while they set up the next shots, and you realize you have a ton in common

he also comes clean about being your number one fanboy which causes you to go slack jawed because “DEKU?!? THE WORLDS GREATEST HERO?!? LIKES ME?!?”

face fully flushed and feeling like you’re on cloud nine, you get changed into the next outfit for the last part of the shoot and it goes smoothly!

you exchange numbers at the end of the shoot and start talking after that

that’s when the dating scandals start up, paparazzi catch the two of you at hero museums, and hold i hands at theme parks, they also catch izuku coming out of your agency’s building a few times

you post very vaguely about someone new in your life and the netizens go wild putting two and two together

-you were seen wearing one of deku’s famous “t-shirt” shirts during rehearsals….

-you’re taking pictures in an apartment that looks eerily similar to deku’s……

-and when the pictures from the photoshoot are released people begin theorizing even more, especially since both of you have a two page spread together,,,, and you look like such a power couple

-people also catch deku staring longingly at your advertisements during his patrols

so they catch on really quickly lol, y’all aren’t slick at all 🙄

when y’all do end up announcing your relationship there’s mixed reaction from both of your fanbases, on one hand your true fans wish nothing but the best for your new relationship, on the other hand there’s people calling you a gold digger and saying that you’re just gonna distract their number one….

everyone shuts up real quick when you post a video of the two of you dancing together under a starry night sky, you can vaguely hear laughter and people can notice that he’s nervous to step on your feet, although people cant see your faces fully due to the dark lighting of the video, they can just tell how perfect you are for eachother.

POWER COUPLE!!!!

YALL ARE HELLA INFLUENTIAL

anything you guys do or anything you promote sells out in seconds….powercouple i tell you

icons in love

okay i have no more ideas the brain worms are gone, but i need izuku to say i’m his fav performer of all time please i’m begging g u universeee 😭

#izuku my love <3 #deku x idol!reader #izuku midoriya x reader fluff #pro hero izuku #izuku midoriya x idol reader

[rainbowsky]

Hello RBS! How are you doing?

I wanted to ask a question which suddenly popped up in my head and I really can't find an answer to it 🥲

So, I remember once gg posted a photo in front of an aquarium full of goldfish. He posted it on Leslie Cheung's birthday. Can you please tell me how it was connected to him? I heard somewhere that it was inspired by a particular shot from the movie, "Happy Together." Sorry if you have already mentioned it somewhere previously..i missed it perhaps.

Hi Anon! I'm OK, hope you're well too! 😊

Reading this is a fascinating reminder of how things can get a bit lost/distorted when half-remembered, or filtered through various conversations. This is a recognizable account of the theory, but with some of the key elements wrong.

The post was actually an Oasis post GG made on 1 April 2021, which is the anniversary of Leslie Cheung's death (he died on 1 April 2003). GG posted a BTS photo from OOL filming (from the cafe, which had an aquarium). The photo resembles a scene from Farewell My Concubine (if you haven't seen that film, I highly recommend it) where Leslie Cheung's character Cheng Dieyi is seen through a bowl of goldfish:

Goldfish appear in a couple of different ways in the film. There is the fish bowl, and there is also a beautiful silk screen embroidered with goldfish that separates Deyi's bed from the main area of his room. In both cases they seem to symbolize isolation, entrapment, separation and ambiguity (as both the screen and the fish bowl are murky/partially opaque).

Some of the most painful, memorable scenes in the film involve Deyi being seen from behind these goldfish.

Given the date GG's photo was posted on, it's hard not to see the parallel or to think it might have been an intentional reference. Fans were speculating at the time that GG might have been commemorating Leslie Cheung's death.

For those curious to know more about Leslie Cheung and why he is such an icon to so many - especially those in the queer community - @potteresque-ire has an excellent post about him here.

#gg oasis #the mysteries of yizhan #lgbtpride #ask

[oneiric-somnolence]

I watched The Twilight Saga for the first time in 2023.

(Maybe somewhat obviously, there are spoilers for the Twilight Saga in this post! Proceed with caution and care.)

A real post on main, guys! Can you believe it?!

INTRO:

I’m a movie guy. I like films—even the ones that aren’t particularly good. Maybe especially those ones. 

When I’d reached the target age and audience of Twilight (2008), I really was of the scene and aesthetics of someone who should have watched Twilight (that, of course, being an edgy tweenaged girl). It’s release was, however, just a few years before my most conscious ages and by then had already garnered the reputation of being a rather shit film. The specific kind that fell victim to excessive scrutiny because it was targeted towards girls. I was never terribly fond of things for girls (for reasons that would come to make themselves clear in the future) so I naturally joined the hate party. I think at that point, the most I’d even known about the film came from parody in the cartoons i was watching. There may have been a particularly notable Twilight bit in American Dad. Who remembers?

Anyhow—while no longer tweenaged or a girl, I feel as if I have reached the point in my life where I would most respect these films for what they are. I appreciate an amount of cheese and I feel that a lens of nostalgia for the era they come from will cloud my judgement quite beautifully. I hope there to be an amount of earnest in them—as that’s all that a film really needs to be entertaining to me—but I’ve seen criticism of the later films in the franchise for being very of an industry and without the charm that audiences enjoyed from the franchise initially. The quality or charisma of any films after the first (excluding Eclipse) will not be necessary to keep my attention because Michael Sheen is in them. So I’ll do my best to give them all a fair shot and not let the opinions of others snake too far into my mind. 

First up, Twilight (2008)…

TWILIGHT (2008):

Knowing what I do about films in general and my preferences when it comes to them, I was immediately a bit turned off by the two-hour runtime. Even a supernatural action-romance didn’t need to be much longer than 1:45 if they knew what they were doing. It did, however, get the benefit of the doubt for being based on a book. I know that can lengthen things. Now, while it wasn’t exceptionally long, I think the movie would have greatly benefited from being a few tens of minutes shorter just to force them to figure out where their priorities lie and pace things much better. I will revisit this idea many times in the post to come as it is a bit of an issue with the franchise.

The very first thing the movie needs absolute credit for is its style. From the iconic blue filter over the entire movie to the insert song choices to the actors chosen and done up to specifically be beautiful in the way this story desires—they had a vision and they did their best to fulfill it. Now, I feel it necessary to mention I have not read the books nor do I plan to. I’m reviewing the films as films and alluding to the books as an abstract potentiality. I haven’t a damn clue what’s actually in them. With that bit clarified, it seems to me that the filmmakers had an idea of how they wanted to put the book to screen and it seems they’d succeeded. 

My favorite part of the movie before the final climax was—believe it or not—the most memed scene of it: Bella’s confrontation of Edward. I like it. I thought the whole vampire research montage was fun and the “I know what you are” bit was well done and a good buildup-payoff (this will not be very common in these films). Save for the silly vampire super speed moment, it was a visually beautiful scene and a great emotional turning point for the film.

There are a few things that surely wouldn’t have made a teenager in 2008 bat an eye and even would seem their greatest fantasy while not aging well at all. I very much enjoy the dynamic of “I would love to love you and it’s in my very nature to do horrible things to you but I love you too much to ever do them” but, as an already ethically gray trope, it becomes odd to watch when you put two high school juniors in it. Now make one of those juniors an immortal that has been a teenager much longer than the other and you start to wonder what the fuck you’re watching. Lonely flip phone-era girls don’t think about these things and that’s why they’re happier than us. Though, the filmmakers (I’m counting Stephenie Meyer as a “filmmaker” as she did have a hand in it by, y’know, writing the books they’re based on) did think about the oddness of it to some extent because, in the following films, they did wait until Bella was an adult to let things get “serious.” I’ll give them that.

I liked the baseball scene. That may be a bias for how anime it is and the Muse song in the background, but I did think it was a good transition from romance focus to Vampire Murder focus by showing us vampiric abilities in action. I do think the other vamps showing up to crash it and that being the major turning point was rather lame and I can’t exactly say why. That said, I found most of this section of this film to be rather uninteresting. The villains were unengaging—the best vampire out of the three antagonists was Laurent and they did fuck all with him. I rather dislike Victoria (and you will see that that will in no way change for me as the series goes on) and whatever the killer one’s name was. I really didn’t like him—it was no fault of the actor’s as I could tell he was trying really hard with the horrific dialogue he was given. He didn’t convince me as a Killer and had no motivation as a Vampire. 

As for the very end climax of the film, Kristen Stewart is about the only on this cast who could do action sequences convincingly and she was never actually partaking in any of them until they almost killed her. Alright. The final fight had some very pretty and cool shots but the fight choreography was just awkward and boring (this is never remedied even as the franchise goes on). I enjoyed the dynamic of the Cullens for the first time during this fight and I’m happy to say that they stay a very good group of characters from this point on.

If you break the movie into four 40 minute segments, the first half was okay, the third fourth was lame and uninteresting, and the last bit was maybe even quite good. The literal last seconds of the film aren’t a half bad lead into the next movie. I wish they’d prioritized some things and emphasized some other things. If they forced themselves to make this movie 30 minutes shorter, I think they would have found where their priorities lie and it would have been punchier and much more consistent and engaging. Not a completely horrible movie. I feel like they wanted to lean into more of the lore and world building I’m sure the book had, and they take the opportunity to do so in the following films, but you could tell they wanted to. It felt like they either forgot or weren’t sure exactly how. 

It’s a charming film, confident in it's romance but less so in it’s action. It’s got as many dumb and flawed moments as it has nice or enjoyable ones. Worth a watch for the sake of a watch. That’s the best I’ve got—it takes a backseat in your mind once you’ve watched all the others as the story moves so quickly in insane directions. It’s a humble beginning.

Here are some of my various notes I wrote while watching:

“Bella gets sexually assaulted eight minutes into the movie.”

“All the banter dialogue in this movie is completely unnatural and unbearable except all the small town Washington folks. Love them. That said, this is exactly how two extremely awkward teens act when forced to partner up in class.”

“If I was partnered with Edward Cullen, I would just assume he was severely autistic. (ETA: I’m not sure he isn’t. Might be on the spectrum on top of all the vampire shit.)"

“Edward Cullen really was such a dark pretty boy back then, wasn’t he? I’m not trying to imply Robert Pattinson isn’t widely considered beautiful still, but nowadays you can find a guy exactly like him smoking a cigarette and listening to Radiohead on every street corner—and also in every female demographic anime video game since 2010.”

"Edward should’ve just pretended he was surprised about the eye thing and the super strength and whatever. "

“This entire family are freaks and it’s not because they are vampires." 

“I’m starting to wonder if Edward talks so weird because a young Robert Pattinson is struggling to do an American accent."

“These movies would be infinitely less lame if more people got maimed to death. (ETA: They do.)”

“I was unaware of how close this film got to a sex scene.”

NEW MOON (2009):

This series has a habit of introducing a villain with very high potential and then either killing them or elaborating on them in a way that does not matter and doesn’t really amount to anything. This movie is Victoria’s nothing elaboration and the introduction of Aro and the Volturi. 

The Volturi, to me, are these very enticing anime-style villains. I think they’re a good addition to the lore as the governing body of vampires. They have their flaws, as every group in this franchise does, but their existence and the way they work in the story shows intention and direction—something I’ve mentioned these films are quite low on. This film is their exposition. They do little actual villainy within the walls of New Moon and I do wish they were simply more prevalent in general, but this film gives them great context and introduces them very, very well. I’m writing this here as a bit of a preface—they don’t really get too involved until the near end of the movie. This, though, is a good thing. They take the opportunity to properly explain and expose the Volturi and explain to us why we should be scared or be enticed by them before they force us to.

The emotional plot was—I don’t know—something. It seems odd and forced and unsure of itself but it tells us why Edward and Bella need each other and makes sure everyone in the movie is aware of it as well. I appreciate that. Breakup plots when you know they end up just fine together feel like they take forever to get anywhere and make any sense, though I’ll give it the benefit of seeing it through the eyes of that lonely teenage flip phone girl. I’m sure she was quite devastated and would have been left as Bella was if the movie didn’t resolve itself.

This was his movie but still I found a lot of Jacob's plot unmemorable. The only thing I do remember is how this is the film that turned him from the fun, casual alternative into a bit of a weird, obsessed never-even-was-ex-lover who chooses repeatedly and knowingly to insert himself where he isn’t wanted. A bit of Jacob's character is remedied in the following films but he really just enters an odd state where they aren’t sure what to do with him and you aren’t sure if you like him.

It did stop being the werewolf movie by the end of it. This is when the Volturi show up and steal the movie—and Michael Sheen shows up to steal every scene he’s in. I’m told Victoria was the main villain of this film and yet she was the most forgettable aspect of the film. By the time they make it to Italy, you don’t give a single shit about any of that—the feeling of something much bigger sets in as they spend little time wading in What Just Happened and quickly move on to setting up the following films. 

The unsatisfactory pacing and poor prioritization of subject matter per film is somewhat remedied when you start thinking of this Saga as a series—and I do believe it would have been one if the books were adapted in a time where limited series were more popular. Thinking of them as an anime is what made it more easy to finish and accept certain oddities. 

Overall, there was too much of the film that was terribly unremarkable but the good parts were rather very good and gave me a perhaps misguided hope for the next one. To add—I quite liked the soundtrack. The insert songs were often fitting and genuinely added to the scenes they were in.

Here are some of the notes I wrote while watching:

“So far, it’s my impression that these films are just as wildly ambitious as they are confused. It does, admittedly, make them a bit endearing.”

“I don’t think I’d take the time and effort to read the books but I could definitely see this story being much more nuanced and enjoyable in text form. Though I can’t say anything of Stephenie Meyer’s writing style. I haven’t read even an excerpt of it. Maybe it sucks. Who knows.”

“Michael Sheen’s first appearance in this movie is him ripping off a man’s head.” (This was noted simply from sense of amusement. Or perhaps arousal.)

“Alice Cullen is genuinely adorable.”

“I get the emotional implication of the motorcycle but I really don’t think Edward Cullen would be opposed to his girlfriend having a sick ass motorcycle if they were together right now.”

"I’ll admit I have been somewhat too engaged to make notes. So I guess that’s good. “

“Why did Edward fly to fucking Italy to kill himself? Just eat some fucking garlic or something dude.”

“I found this movie to be far more consistently engaging. And my judgement isn’t clouded by having Michael Sheen on screen because he barely was.”

“The vampire fight in Twilight was lame. The vampire fight in New Moon is even lamer since we got to see how fuckin' sick the werewolf fights were.”

“I’ll give credit to this movie for officially engaging me in the plot of these characters. I actually wanted to know where things were going in this movie. I didn’t feel that too hard with the first.”

ECLIPSE (2010):

New Moon sets up the Volturi and Eclipse knocks it down? No, not at all. They aren’t really even here. Victoria. Victoria, Victoria, Victoria. Hey, at least she dies in this one. They foreshadow the conflict very heavily and then go into a bunch of particularly boring relationship nonsense. It sets up for progression within Edward and Bella’s relationship to come but I found the way in which they did it a total snoozefest. I don’t care about the sex lives of teenagers. I’m sorry. Lord forgive me. A lot of what happened in this film could have happened elsewhere. It didn’t particularly need to exist in the grand scheme of the story.

The main point of this movie was Bella’s dichotomies. Bella struggles with the decision to be turned into a vampire and the decision between Edward and Jacob (though, that one less so as the narrative so clearly favors Edward). She’s shown the barbarism of vampires through the newborns and she’s shown the beauty and humanity in them as she talks to the Cullens about their lives and as she falls deeper in love with Edward. There’s a very nice bit where, in a graduation speech, Bella’s friend talks about how her age is about making mistakes and that nothing is permanent. It’s a very nice speech for anyone to hear and sends a good amount of uncertainty to Bella that drags with her until she makes her final decision at the end of the movie. I thought that was rather well done both cinematically and thematically. That may have been the most enjoyable part of the movie for me. 

Despite its flaws, by this movie I was unfortunately hooked. My critical mind had left me and I really was just following the plot. Still, I didn’t have the mind for emotional stuff that bored me and the action aspects of the movie were also rather boring. They gave us good backgrounds on some of the Cullens. The best vampire fight in the movie was when they were sparring. We get some decent vamp/wolf action and some jumping points. This movie was just a bridge but that does mean it leaves you wondering what’s next. The pacing feels a lot nicer, again, if you think of is as a really long episode of a greater series.

My notes are a little more sparse for this one:

“I really don’t find Victoria to be an interesting or scary enough villain to warrant being a villain for this many movies.”

“I think this franchise is so much more bearable when you think of it as an anime. Genuinely.”

“How many actors in these films are English and trying very hard not to be? Lots of weird accents going on here.”

“Every single other Cullen is infinitely more interesting than the one the story chooses to follow."

“I love the Volturi’s anime villainy. It’s my favorite thing in this entire franchise.”

“Jasper may be the weirdest, most fucked up creepo Cullen but he is also the funniest by far.”

“Why does Jacob specifically have to carry Bella to mask her scent? I don’t get it. If he’s so pungent, just him walking with her should be enough, no?”

BREAKING DAWN — PART 1 (2011):

The decisions are made! Edward and Bella are getting married! Then they’ll fuck and turn Bella into a vampire a bit later! Yeah! I know, like, thematically why they place so much emphasis on Edward and Bella having sex but I find it much less interesting than the whole Turning Into a Fucking Vampire thing. Bella gets pregnant. Hell spawn. Everyone gets pissed off. She has the baby. They name it something stupid. She almost dies. Edward turns her into a vampire. Jacob gets the hots for the just-born child and I’m supposed to be okay with that for some reason. Really, even the flip phone girl has to be asking questions by now. There. I summed up the whole movie. Really, that’s pretty much all that happens. Oh! The werewolves wanted to kill the kid, but didn’t. For reasons relating to Jacob wanting to fuck it when it grows up. I don’t know. I’m trying.

This movie was unexciting and just set up Part 2. I suppose it did exactly what it was meant to do but it did nothing for me. There you are.

Wanna read some of my notes? Here:

“If I dreamt Michael Sheen was at my wedding, it would in no way be a nightmare. “

“Sex preparation montage? Okay. I have no comments. I just needed to mention it was there.”

“They really, really don’t know what happens when a vampire impregnates a human? Really? In all this time?"

“Werewolf rage segment doesn’t interest me. The first half of this movie has not been particularly interesting."

“Every single actor in these movies are just beautiful. Genuinely fantastic-looking people. The vampires’ makeup would convince you otherwise though.”

"'Jacob just had an idea.’ '…It wasn’t an idea. It was a snide comment.’ is the funniest dialogue in this whole franchise.”

“Vampire venom CG? Okay."

"Jacob 'imprinting' on Renesmee is such an unbelievably odd and vile thing to put into this story. So fucked up."

“This is the movie that turned Bella into a vampire but still manages to be a boring and unnotable transitional phase into Part 2.”

BREAKING DAWN — PART 2 (2012):

This movie is the actual payoff for the Volturi—if you could call it that at all. This is it: the great climax! And yet it takes so long to get going in a way that means anything. The stakes set you up for everything and give you nothing. 

Bella enjoys being a vampire. Everyone is really mean to her dad for some reason. Everyone got really cool with Jacob taking claim on Renesmee very fast. The Volturi catch wind of Renesmee and think she is a child who was turned into a vampire, which is Vampire Illegal, so once again, they come to hunt down the Cullens. They’re very foreboding and scary and Micheal Sheen pleases me greatly no matter how terrible he looks. Really, with all the lost visions in these movies I wish they could have found a genuinely good design for the vampires—I’d never quite liked how they look. 

Anyhow, the Cullens build a great vampire army to fight off several clones of the Spirit Halloween logo, but, of course, they’re hoping they don’t have to fight and that the Volturi will hear them out. It all comes together in an empty field when the snow sticks to the ground where it’s vampires and werewolves versus the Italians. We see a great battle that gets infinitely lamer-looking when the characters you like join in because God hates you. Humbert and Dolores—I mean Jacob and Renesmee make a break for safety. Vampires get shattered like stone, werewolves go down like sick dogs and Aro rips off Carlisle Cullen’s head. Aro gets his head smashed off. Rami Malek is there. 

But alas! None of it’s real. We cut back in to Aro holding Alice’s hand before they started fighting and reading what she saw in the future—the future he has if they choose to battle today. Aro wants to call it off to save is head in the most literal sense possible but still fears danger remains in the form of a half-human-half-vampire child. Alice reveals a vampire they met who is indeed that and is just fine. Great, even. Grew to maturity and stopped aging. Aro is delighted and just leaves. All is well and all romantic pursuits are happy, including one with Bella’s father who is the only man in this series who deserves happiness. That’s the end of the film and the franchise as it stands.

While I would normally go completely feral and find someone to maim with that kind of “it wasn’t real!” ending, this one feels… earned. It stayed engaging. It had a reason to exist other than just trickery. I have no complaints regarding that and I’m sure it was rather exciting to experience in-theater at the time.

What I have got complaints about is once again that rancid sense that they have no idea where they’re going next. It doesn’t feel at all like they’re done with it but they gave no indication of where they would want to go in the future. With almost no payoff from the best villains in the series—everything just goes back to how it is and everyone’s happy. The only difference between the end of Twilight and the end of Breaking Dawn 2 is that Bella is a vampire now and Renesmee exists. It was an exciting movie but with so little point. This franchise is so afraid of ending but so unsure it’ll go on. It’s understandable but just annoying and unsatisfying as a viewer. It does deserve credit for making me care that there was a good ending, just gets the same points taken back for not giving me one.

Overall, I enjoyed the film. It’s one of my favorites in the series. I can’t, however, rate it as an ending because it isn’t one. I can tell it wants to get there but it’s too unsure.

Last round of notes comin’ up:

“They’ve taken a rather vague stance on if vampires sleep recreationally or not.” (This still annoys me.)

“I know I’m saying this while I actively chose to watch the goddamn Twilight Saga but I do not care one single bit about the vampire sex. It’s the least interesting part of these films. They managed to make Vampire Sex boring. I don’t get it.”

“Rami Malek was quite a sweet thing in this movie. I’m used to his characters being like sick or on drugs or something.”

“I like that that credits were kind of credits for the whole franchise. that’s nice.”

“Okay, I did not expect Billie Joe Armstrong once the scrolling credits came in.”

CLOSING STATEMENTS:

It’s not a series that’s going to change your world. I don’t even think it’d make a viewer of average sensitivity cry unless it hit a nerve specific to the viewer. It’s a flawed story, but ultimately an interesting and deeply earnest one. I find there’s a charm specific to the first and final movies. That isn’t to say the other’s were less interesting, just that the franchise has a problem with drive and direction. Quite obviously, the very first and the very last are the ones easiest to overcome that. The series is best at its most certain. There were moments it seemed rather confused about what was important or how something was to be portrayed, but within the moments that were very confident in themselves was an engaging supernatural romance, and I find it quite easy to give it the benefit of the doubt more often than not. 

In two words—flawed, charming. It does what it wants to do and isn’t completely terrible at it. Overall enjoyable films. 

I wouldn’t recommend someone sit through them all unless I think they would actually like that kind of thing or if they were making an essay about it. I might, however, recommend that one who enjoys films watch the first and perhaps second to see if they may be unexpectedly enticed. I found myself—to my own discontent—hooked in by the third one. I don’t recommend holding out that long if you really aren’t enjoying yourself but if you insist on giving them a fair chance, that’s my anecdote. 

#did you guys know unnotable is not a word? #because i didn't #twilight #the twilight saga #the twilight series #movie review #twilight spoilers #twilight saga spoilers #bella swan #edward cullen #jacob black #blog post #long post #long reads #long blog post #twilight review #writing #essay #essay writing #blog essay #blog entry #personal interests #movies #films #film review #living document #there may be typos

[911bts]

Thank you for those podcasts! I listened to that first one after you posted earlier and i feel like I've learned so much about oliver and the show from that alone. Super eye opening (also kinda sad how he thinks about himself lol I want to give him a big hug). I hope he does more - do you know if peter, aisha, kenny and ryan have done any?

You can find them below the cut!

Peter Krause:

Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - LIVE: Peter Krause

Armchair Expert Live from Detroit at the Fox Theatre. June 21st, 2019.

Spotify - Apple Music

Off Camera with Sam Jones - 147. Peter Krause

Peter joins Off Camera to discuss discovering acting, why playing a character who is too familiar is terrifying, how the baritone horn became the source of his teenage rebellion, and what it's like to be a hero to funeral directors nationwide.

Not on Spotify or Apple Music, but can be found here which also shows other apps that have it.

Aisha Hinds:

Trials to Triumphs - How Aisha Hinds Is Putting Her Pieces Back Together

Ashley chats with close friend and critically acclaimed actress Aisha Hinds about her path to replenishment. Aisha has appeared in a number of hit series including 9-1-1, True Blood and The Shield. She made her mark with a powerful performance in Underground playing icon Harriett Tubman. In this vulnerable conversation, Aisha reflects on how her parents’ divorce left her feeling fractured as a young girl and led to her “pursuit of wholeness.” Aisha discusses how her church family stepped in during a trying time in her youth and helped her get back on the right track. She also reveals how she’s paid that restoration forward with her nephew. Aisha celebrates her “destiny advocates” in the industry who challenged her to dream bigger and pursue iconic roles that have forever shaped the trajectory of her career.

Spotify - Apple Music

Keeping It Reel - 365: Ava DuVernay & Aisha Hinds

This week on the BIG show, Black Reel Award-winning director and producer Ava DuVernay returns to discuss her explosive new Netflix miniseries, When They See Us. Also, one of the most versatile actors in the business, Aisha Hinds will discuss sharing the screen with Godzilla. The promising career of actor Jason Mitchell has hit the skids, we'll discuss the allegations and his future prospects. 

Spotify - Apple Music

Really Famous with Kara Mayer Robinson - Aisha Hinds

Are you watching 9-1-1 on FOX? Did you see True Blood, NCIS, Shots Fired, Wet Hot American Summer, Under the Dome or Underground? If so, you know Aisha. But you don't know what a profound human being she is! Don't worry, you will after this conversation with Kara. The actress goes deep about ups and downs, people who touched her life (namely Laurence Fishburne, Ava DuVernay and Sarah Paulson) and VERY UNUSUAL habits. She cries (a few times!), laughs (hysterically!) and shares her BIGGEST secret.

Spotify - Apple Music

Behind Her Faith Podcast - 1.04: Aisha Hinds

This is a follow-up to Aisha's episode of Behind Her Faith.

Spotify - The episode of BHF is available for rent on amazon or you can get a 7-day free trial on ALLBLK

Kenneth Choi:

Behind Greatness (Inspired North) - 66. Kenneth Choi

Ken joins us from LA where he lives, works and breathes his life’s passion. Having grown up in a conservative immigrant family environment in Chicago, Ken felt that he wanted to explore more and differently than what was expected of him. Being very shy and emotionally-tuned, young Ken also understood that he needed to break out of his environment. But, as he explains, he spiralled downwards for several years into his early adulthood. It took a certain self-realization to have him turn it around. And boy, did he. We discuss with him many of life’s lessons that he’s learned along the way and how he weaves them into his work: having empathy for others and leading with compassion, the belief in making happen what you want, the confidence in your own creative self, the courage in leaving everything behind to focus on exploration.

Spotify - Apple Music

Ryan Guzman:

UFC Unfiltered with Jim Norton and Matt Serra - Tony Ferguson, Michael Chandler, actor Ryan Guzman, and co-host TJ De Santis

(Ryan joins at 1:08:00)

Actor and MMA practitioner Ryan Guzman closes the show by explaining why he has decided to train and compete in an amateur MMA bout despite having a successful acting career, explaining his pick for the main event of UFC 262, and reflecting on how his history as a fighter has impacted his acting and modeling career.

Spotify

#i haven't listened to peter or kenny's but i plan to!! #podcast #anon #answered #kenneth choi #peter krause #aisha hinds #ryan guzman

[sibillascribbles08]

ok last one i promise KDKFKG

107

You say this like I am bothered I can assure you I am not alskjdf

Donatello hated that he was going to his dad for advice.

Mainly because he'd already tried that before asking Jase out, before even being friends with him in fact. Befriending Jase just slowly lead him to the realization that he had no parental figures in his life that had any good advice regarding romantic relationships.

After all, just look at the line up. His dad, who's only stable relationship resulted in him being imprisoned in an arena for years. Draxum, who's relationship history was not only a mystery but also one Donatello didn't care to dig up. Holly Blue, who flat out told him when he asked her about dating to just never bother with it--not encouraging. And who else? Todd? Donatello wasn't about to open that can of worms either.

At least this was far less about general relationship advice and more specific like what the heck kind of things did you do with someone for a date?

Donatello didn't want to get his information from films, far too fictional to trust, and running internet searches was not only embarrassing but came with mixed results. Especially for New York City. A three hundred dollar dinner? No thank you.

So, here he was, standing in the living room while his dad watched some kind of romance drama on the big screen.

"Hey, Dad?" Donatello cleared his throat.

Splinter glanced over at him. "Yes, Purple? Did you need something?"

"Uh, just, wanted to ask for your opinion on something." He tried not to clear his throat again, tried not to fidget as he kept glancing to the side. "Like um... date ideas."

Splinter's ears shot straight up before he rolled over in his chair to lean over the arm rest. "Ohohoho, with that purple dragon boy?"

Donatello grit his teeth, trying to shove back the heat emerging in his cheeks. "He's not a purple dragon anymore, but yes."

Splinter hummed, tail swishing from side to side, obviously amused. "Surprised you're asking me for advice."

"I'm desperate." He scoffed.

"Hmph, rude! But well... date ideas would entirely depend on what the two of you like to do."

Donatello pressed his lips together. "Uh... programming?"

"No! Non-working activities. Going to the zoo? The park? A demolition derby?"

The last one was a joke, but Donatello glared at it.

"How about a movie?" Splinter pointed to the screen with his tail. "I know you love those."

That was actually a good idea. Jase had already shown him a few back when they were just friends, and apparently there were many, many movies that Donatello could still catch up on.

"Hm, I see you have your idea." Splinter flopped back onto the sofa. "Hope he has space at his place, or you get your own TV. You are not stealing mine so you can make-out on the sofa."

Donatello flinched, all the heat rushing back to his face. "Dad!"

His father just laughed.

----------------

Jase sighed, staring at the wall of math homework still on the screen. He technically didn't have to do it all tonight--the professor just posted all the weekly homework at once--but he wanted it out of the way so it didn't cut into his weekend free time.

Still, maybe he should take a break. Online math homework was a nightmare.

As if on cue, his phone buzzed on his desk. Jase picked it up, looking at Donnie's icon before answering it.

"Why, if it isn't Othello Von Ryan." He taunted into the line as he tabbed away from the math page.

"I can't believe you're still calling me that." Donnie tsked.

"You come up with a dumb fake name I'm never letting it go." He mindlessly scrolled through his social feed, looking to see if there were any updates on the leaks for the next line of transformers. "Any particular reason you called? You usually like to text."

"Ah, well... I just thought it would be easier to ask over the phone?"

"Lie." Jase said flatly. "You're really bad at that, you know."

"Only sometimes." Donnie snapped. "Fine. It's been a few days so I wanted to hear your voice."

Ah. Jase adjusted his glasses before messing with his hair to ease up the burning in his ears. "You said you wanted to ask me something?"

"Yes." Donnie's typical, confident tone returned. "You, me, popcorn, two liter Dr. Pepper and a movie. You in?"

A movie? "What movie?"

"I am so glad you asked. I have narrowed down my list of two hundred possible films to just five by calculating the length, ratings, content, actors, the actor ratings, the--"

Jase couldn't stop himself from snorting and laughing.

"Huh?" Donnie said. "What? What's so funny?"

"Sorry." Jase said between laughs. "Sorry, not laughing at you. It's just... so you."

"What's so me?"

"Going through all that analysis just to pick a movie." He let out another chuckle before running a hand through his hair. "But yeah, sure, send me the list and I'll help pick one out."

"So... that's a yes?"

"Yeah, Donnie, we've watched movies before."

"Sure, but not as a date."

He forced himself not to laugh again, both out of amusement and nerves. He found it so endearing that Donnie, who almost always had this guise of confidence and boldness would always get so shy about conversations like this.

Not that Jase was any better.

"Does it have to be Dr. Pepper by the way?" He tried to change the subject a little.

"Dr. Pepper is the superior movie soda."

"Yeah? Did you calculate that too?"

"Well, statistically--"

"Oh my god." He groaned, even though he kept smiling. "No. How about I just bring my own soda."

"It better not be that weird knock off grape soda."

"The taste of purple."

"Ugh!"

"Going to chug half the bottle right in front of you."

"Disgusting. Horrible. Maybe I should un-invite you."

"Yeah?" Jase rested his arm on the desk before leaning forward to put his cheek on it, still holding the phone to his ear. "Then who are you going to watch the movie with?"

"Hm, you have a good point. I suppose your company will just have to do."

"Yeah, whatever Donnie." Jase couldn't seem to stop smiling. "I look forward to it."

"Right." Donnie sounded nervous again. "I um... do too."

Jase glanced at his computer screen, the math tab haunting him. He sat up again, minimizing the entire window before pushing away from his desk. "Are you busy right now?"

"Not entirely, though Mikey will probably call me for dinner soon enough."

"That's okay." Jase flopped onto his bed. "Just want to talk for a bit longer. What were you doing at work today?"

"Oh! Well Alori, the cheetah yokai, she came by to test the new hanging lights and..."

#scribbly fics #rottmnt #jasonnie #okay I had so much fun with the dialogue in this one #Splinter as soon as he finds out Donnie has a bf: Oh I am going to tease him about this forever

[succubusphan]

Two Man Team - Chapter 1

Summary: This is the story of two struggling friends who after many trials and tribulations find their way back to each other and build the life they've always dreamed of.

Or how Phil changed his life by talking to random strangers on the internet.

Rating: E

Tags/warnings: Friends to lovers, Friends with benefits, mental health issues (mainly anxiety), Slow burn, Dan is a psych student. Canon divergence (the timeline is altered and some things never happened), Slutty Phil, Angst with a happy ending. The fic spans many years.

Author's Note: Written for the OSPBB 2023 @oldschoolpbb. Thank you @effingmeteors for being my life saviour and beta as usual and to my artist Lin @anironsidh.

Edits and the art will be added at some point, we are busy bees.

POSTING EVERY DAY UNTIL IT'S COMPLETED.

Total Word Count: 75k ish

Read on Ao3

CHAPTER 1: Somebody to Love

June 2005

Phil threw himself onto his bed and looked around at his neon green walls and carpet thinking how little time he had left in his childhood bedroom. He had one last summer in his hometown before uprooting his entire life and moving to York for uni. It was weird, in a way, to be in this sort of limbo where his basic education was over; he no longer felt like a child but didn’t feel like an adult either. It could be because he didn’t feel like he was fully himself, not to anyone he knew - not even his friends.

Could he really call them his friends if they didn’t know who he truly was, if he couldn’t share his attraction to boys like the others shared their crushes on girls and their flings? Maybe it wasn’t fair to think of them as near strangers, it was not their fault that he didn’t feel ready to talk about it. They had all been there for him his entire childhood and he still wasn’t ready. That was on him.

On the other hand, York presented him with a new opportunity, a chance to live his true life and finally get a boyfriend. That’s all he wanted, just - someone to cuddle with. Ok, also other stuff, but he wanted a proper boyfriend. It didn’t hurt to start looking now though.

Phil sat up and reached for his laptop, lifting the screen and connecting to the internet. He clicked on the Explorer icon and waited for everything to load for a few minutes. He logged into a random Yahoo chat room as per usual and greeted the 60 strangers chatting and sending emojis in the hopes of catching someone’s attention.

Snowdude: Hi. Anyone around 18? ;)

A private window popped up immediately.

DanTheMan: hi snowdude XD i’m dan

Snowdude: Hi. als?

DanTheMan: 16/m/reading. u?

Phil hesitated for a moment. It wasn’t often that dudes messaged him. Still, “Dan” was too young and still in school. Well, he didn’t have anything better to do than speak to him.

Snowdude: 18 m York. Are you in school?

DanTheMan: yeah just the A lvls to go. What’s ur favourrtie game?

Phil’s eyebrows shot up at the typo and he snorted. 

Snowdude: Final Fantasy 7 is ace.

DanTheMan: ace XD favourite show?

Snowdude: Buffy obviously. What is this, an interview? What’s your favourite subject in school?

DanTheMan: ouch, geography and psych and theatre.

Snowdude: hate geo, you act?

DanTheMan: don’t laugh. i always have but i’m cool.

Snowdude: nothing wrong with it. I’m a terrible actor. 

Looking at his ceiling, Phil felt bad for making Dan feel insecure by bringing up school, pointedly marking their age difference. He knew what it was like to be looked down upon by the older kids. He quickly typed another message.

Snowdude: I signed up to art because I thought it would be easy and almost failed. Seems like i suck at art.

DanTheMan: ROFL. ur weird.

DanTheMan: let’s be friends.

Snowdude: Lesbifriends

DanTheMan: forget it lol. I regret asking.

Snowdude: noooooooooooo 

DanTheMan: i have to go my mums calling. add me on msn i’m [email protected]

Snowdude: Rawr xD. ACe. Good luck with homework

DanTheMan: fuckoff with your capitalistion and good grammra ttyl

And just like that, Dan exited their chat. Phil smiled and logged into MSN, hesitating only for a second before adding his new friend.

Ian opened their conversation with a buzz as per usual and invited him over to play games with the girls. He hesitated, but another notification popped up and it brought a smile to his face.

GoThic chiK (Anja): coming or not phL?

Phil rolled his eyes, at least Anja would be there and even if he didn’t like girls like that, Anja was always cool. She was like a girl, but also not. Well, she was a girl of course, but she felt like a guy, but not - like him. He didn’t fit in as the kind of man his dad wanted to see in his son and Anja didn’t impress her mother either. Maybe they were losers but they still had each other.

Phil Strikr: omw Annie tell Ian

GoTik chiK (Anja): told you to stop butcherin ma name.

Phil laughed and sent her a buzz before logging out and getting into his favourite blue jeans and a green T-shirt.

--

The night went by in a breeze, with loads of pizza, drinking and a few rounds of TEG that ended in disaster. He mostly enjoyed it until the topic of dating came up yet again. All the guys had some sort of girlfriend or arrangement and Phil had barely anything to show for. For the umpteenth time, Phil considered coming out to them but he could never bring himself to do it. Maybe one of these days when he was drunk enough.

“Phil, Phil!” Someone said.

Anja snapped her fingers in front of his eyes, startling him and causing him to drop the dice he had been shaking for who knows how long. “Mate, what is it with you today?”

“Uh, nothing. I was just thinking about Buffy,” he said.

Anja gave him a look that let him know she was not buying it, but the rest rolled their eyes and continued with their conversation. For a moment Phil thought he was off the hook but Ian looked at him expectantly.

“What?” Phil asked.

Ian sighed heavily. “Sandra asked about you again, mate. When are you going to ask her out?”

Phil tried not to look like a deer caught in the headlights. “I think it would be weird to date your cousin, we are like brothers at this point.”

Ian snorted and shook his head. “We are like brothers but not actually. It’s not like incest or anything.”

“Ew, don’t say that,” Phil said, paling at the thought of Sandra and her wandering hands. He was not going to repeat the mistake of asking her out. One sloppy kiss was more than enough.

Richard, Noah and Keith laughed at the face he pulled but Ian merely smiled at him.

“Oi! Phil is mine, let him be,” Anja said, shuffling closer to him and resting her hand on his thigh.

Phil’s eyes widened but she gave him a small wink before looking back at their friends.

“What? Are you his girlfriend now?” asked Richard with a frown.

“Yeah,” she said, looking uncomfortable at the question. Anja didn’t like Richard like that, she loved him as a friend, but he had a huge crush on her and he was terrible at hiding it. Phil didn’t need to read her mind to know she didn’t want to break his heart or risk their friendship but it was bound to happen eventually.

Wrapping his arm around Anja’s waist loosely, he set his head on her shoulder. “Tell Sandra I’m taken,” Phil said and Anja relaxed against him, letting her head gently rest on his.

Richard looked disappointed but didn’t press the issue any further.

Eventually, the board games stopped being fun and the alcohol ran out so they declared the party over. As soon as Phil said goodbye and stood from his spot Anja followed him, making the others laugh and howl at them, half whispering about what they were going to do in Phil’s bedroom.

Once they were out, Phil turned to look at her. “Do you want me to walk you home?” He asked, hopefully.

“Nah, I was expecting to crash in your bed.” She began the walk back home and Phil followed her.

“What?” Phil squeaked.

Anja laughed and turned towards him, but her eyes looked a bit misty. “Don’t be daft, it’s not that.” She poked him gently, looking into his eyes. “I just feel sad and I don’t wanna be alone right now. I know I can trust you like that.” 

“Alright,” Phil said, still walking at her side. “Do you want to talk about it? What happened?”

Anja looked away from him, her eyes focusing on the moon for a moment as she spoke. “I was dating someone but they are not sure about it anymore and it sucks.”

Phil stopped walking and pulled her into a hug. “An- you know you can tell me anything, come stay with me too.”

“I know.” She returned the hug tightly only for a moment before stepping back. “Come on!” She said, grabbing his hand and pulling him along. “Kath will be fuming if we are not there before midnight.”

He snorted and laced their fingers together. “I’ll tell my mum you call her Kath behind her back one day, you know?”

“Meh,” Anja shrugged. “She loves me. I’ll live.”

They stayed silent for most of the 20 minute walk home and had to sneak in, but soon enough they were in his room. Phil gave Anja a big T-shirt and a pair of joggers and slipped into his own pyjamas while she changed in the bathroom. 

Five minutes later they were looking up at the ceiling as they lay under the covers in the small bed.

“Hey, Phil?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think Richard will get over his crush eventually?”

Phil turned on his side to look at her. “Probably, he has gotten over the others.”

She nodded. “Are you seeing anyone that you haven’t told us about?” she asked in a drastic change of topic.

Phil sputtered. “As if anyone would be interested.”

“You have pretty eyes and perfect eyebrows. I wish I had your eyebrows,” Anja said. “You should dye your hair black though, it would make your eyes pop.”

“I don’t know… Would you do it for me?”

“Of course, ginge,” She laughed.

“I’m not a ginger!” Phil whined.

“Course not.” She poked at his stomach. “Good night.”

“Good night, An,” he said and shut his eyes, letting sleep claim him.

---

It was a weird summer. Anja remained sad for the majority of it but refused to talk about her boyfriend, choosing to focus on giving Phil an extreme makeover instead. She dyed his hair black, took him to the mall to pick up black skinny jeans and to the stylist that had given her her emo haircut to tame his mane.

By the end of it, Phil had perfected a nice image for his MySpace page. He had even ventured into eyeliner for some pictures when he’d gotten bored waiting for Anja to get ready for a party. He’d enjoyed the results and even Ian and the guys said it looked cool on him. Even Dan thought he looked really cool when he saw the pics.

He got to talk to Dan quite a few times as well before going off to uni and caught up with life. It was amazing to learn that they were actually super compatible, liking many of the same games, music and shows. The best part was that Dan said there was a chance he would go to York like him so they could hang out and Phil liked the sound of that, even if Dan was still a full year away from it. Dan was honestly super cool and Phil really had come to consider him a friend in the last few months so it would be super fun to have someone close to hang out and play games with. It sounded like a great plan.

Daydreaming about their potential meet-up was a nice distraction from Dan’s home life, which seemed to be in constant turmoil as Phil came to find over time. There was a reason Dan barely mentioned his younger brother and he had vaguely complained about his father’s rage issues, so Phil always let Dan talk first, and let whatever was troubling him be aired so that he could offer his support or advice if it was needed. Phil also shared some of his issues and insecurities, but his problems were not nearly as bad as Dan’s so he tried to keep things on the positive side and help Dan out.

But Phil wasn’t expecting to catch Dan in a lie only weeks later. As it turned out, Dan had never been 16, he was a 14 year old kid. It was a silly lie, but it still hurt Phil, so he asked Dan to never lie to him again. Dan was very apologetic and begged him not to break their friendship, which Phil had briefly considered, but decided against, especially because of the kind of bullying Dan suffered at school on the regular. After the initial shock had worn off, Phil reassured him that they could be friends, even if they would have to be long distance.

Dan deserved to have supportive friends. He needed someone to be there for him and Phil knew he could be that someone. At an appropriate distance, of course.

It was a bit of a rough patch between them, but after they had resolved the issue, life went on as usual. Phil dived head first into his uni life and there were so many changes. He moved into the dorm and met new people at uni, but sadly, he wasn’t able to stay in touch with his friends back home as much as he’d have liked due to his schedule. In a way, he had inadvertently severed most contact with his life back home, but no matter how much things changed, some stayed the same: his lack of a love life and being trapped in the closet.

He decided that it was time to take his life by the horns and that marked the beginning of a new chapter for him, an exploring phase of sorts. After some consideration, he opened a profile on a dating website, hoping to find a nice guy he could date. His new look did seem to help a lot, but his popularity applied mostly to MySpace. The dating scene seemed a bit dry, or maybe he was just too awkward. There weren't a bunch of messages flooding his inbox by any means.

To be honest, he was starting to get really discouraged, thinking he would never meet someone, but his luck finally changed on a mighty weekend when in a hidden corner of a pub, he got his first taste of freedom. He was blonde and tall and three years older than Phil and his lips were on Phil’s, quickly taking him to heaven, making his blood rush south and his stomach tingle. His hands were inside Phil’s T-shirt and struggling with his jeans’ zipper in less than five minutes. It wasn’t too rough or something that Phil didn’t want, but the speed of it all scared him a bit. It was too much too soon and he wasn’t ready even though he wanted to be, so he took a step back and apologised.

“I’m sorry,” he said, still trying to catch his breath. “Listen, I’m not out yet, not even to my friends back home, my new uni friends or my roommates.”

The guy nodded and smiled at him. “That’s alright,” he said. “Could I get your phone number? Maybe we can meet up some other time.”

Phil nodded and saved it in the other’s phone, but he was not going to trick himself into thinking he was going to get a text. His chances were slim.

They parted ways with a quick kiss, which surprised Phil. He let out a deep sigh as he watched the blonde disappear into the crowd and surveyed the pub in search of his friends. 

Towering over most people did come in handy and allowed him to locate his roommates in under a minute. Phil tried to put on a brave smile as he made his way to them and accepted a beer, taking a zip and groaning at the bitter taste. It was performative and he knew it, but he didn’t know what else to do, so he followed along with what everyone was doing. He got drunk - and even made out with a girl briefly just out of boredom. 

He felt nothing, nothing at all, but his roommates cheered him on and the girl seemed happy enough. 

That made one of them.

--

Once back in his room, Phil put his phone to charge and turned it on. There were a few missed calls and texts from Dan, asking if he was free to talk. Phil got a bad feeling about it and tried to call him but Dan didn’t pick up. Maybe it was too late and he had fallen asleep. Biting the inside of his cheek, Phil hesitated before sending a text.

“I’m sorry I missed your calls, I was out until just now and my phone had died X.x . I’m free to talk in the morning!”

Phil lay in bed for what seemed like forever, the room spinning a bit around him, as he thought about the blonde guy, the boring night, the girl he kissed - and Dan. He wished he would have stayed home and talked to Dan, maybe played some games, or talked about school. It was sad that he got along better with a 14 year old than his own friends. What did that say about him? He fell into a fitful night of sleep just as the sun rose above the clouds.

The talk with Dan didn’t come the next day, or the following one. In fact, Dan stopped replying entirely for over a week and Phil’s stomach was twisted into knots. Over twenty messages unanswered could only mean bad news, right?

The following weekend, Phil sent yet another text: “Please, Dan. Just let me know that you are ok.”

Ten minutes later, his phone finally vibrated. “im ok. stop.”

Phil’s eyes welled up with tears. “I’m so sorry, Dan. I’ve been worried about you. I went out and had so many calls and missed texts, I thought something had happened and you needed to talk. It’s ok if you don’t want to, I just didn’t want you to think that I didn’t care. Sorry I missed your call.”

His screen lit up with a call immediately and Dan’s raspy voice greeted him on the other side. “Hey, sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s ok,” Phil said, trying to calm himself down, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. He swallowed thick and attempted a small smile, even if Dan could not see it. “What did you want to talk about?”

Dan was silent for a moment, but then he let out a tired sigh. “Nothing much, it’s fine.”

“You can tell me, you know you can,” Phil said with a frown.

“Last weekend I went to the mall and I had some problems with the usual shitheads…” he trailed off.

“Did they throw rocks at you again?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t care. And on Monday -” Dan paused.

“What happened on Monday?” Phil asked, frowning at the pain he could hear in Dan’s voice.

“One of the idiots grabbed me by the neck and slapped me for like 5 minutes,” Dan mumbled. “And I know what you’re going to say, one of the teachers saw and did nothing. He even laughed.”

“Dan,” Phil said, his heart breaking for his friend. “I’m so sorry, you don’t deserve any of that. I wish I could be there to help you.”

“It’s fine,” Dan said in a monotone voice. “I didn’t react, I didn’t want to give them that satisfaction.”

“It takes a lot of courage not to fight back. You were very brave.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Dan muttered. “Almost gave them another satisfaction.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m so tired sometimes, you know? Just so tired.” Then, Dan cleared his throat. “Anyway, I’ve been staying with my grandma since Tuesday, so I’m ok.”

Phil had to clear his throat too, trying not to get choked up by what Dan was implying. “You have to get good grades so you can get into uni and we can hang out, ok?”

Dan snorted. “As if you would hang out with me. You’re cool and I’m just a 14 year old loser.”

“You’re not a loser. You’re kind, and funny, and one of the coolest people I know. I know that one day you will be a great guy. Maybe you’ll be a famous actor, like you’ve always wanted.”

“Yeah… maybe,” Dan said. “Wanna play Mario Kart later? I have homework.”

Phil looked at the time, it was already late, but a few races wouldn’t hurt. “Sure. Text me when you’re done.”

“Thanks, Phil,” Dan said and Phil could picture a little smile on his face.

“No problem. See you later.”

“Yeah. Hey, can I follow your MySpace?” Dan asked.

“You can follow me anywhere,” Phil said. “We are friends.”

“Yeah, ok,” Dan snorted. “See you later, Philly.”

Phil rolled his eyes and hung up the phone.

Letting out a deep sigh, he decided to do the “adult thing” and study a little more for the exam he had the following morning so that he could join Dan online later. It was not a lot, but he felt better now that Dan knew Phil was on his side and he cared.

That night, Phil stayed on his DS until 4, but he managed to get a passing grade on the exam anyway. He rewarded himself with a 10 hour nap afterwards.

--

All through his first term at uni, Phil tried his best to keep in touch with Dan, but with his tight study schedule, the weekends pretending to be straight and attempting to not stress himself half to death with his new chaotic life, it was getting increasingly difficult.

Before long, Phil had to make a drastic choice. Something needed to change and he knew exactly what was the worst stressor for him: his straight-sex-maniac persona. And so it was decided. 

He invited his four roommates to their very limited common space and paced in the square foot of floor he had available to himself waving his hands around without uttering a word until one of the guys asked if he was ok. 

No, Phil was not ok at all, he was nearly crawling up the wall, so instead of giving a carefully planned and rehearsed speech, he stopped short of the wall, turned around and said: “I lied… I am not super experienced, I don’t have a lot of sex experience. In fact, I have zero experience, because… because I’m gay. I’m sorry that I lied, I just wanted you guys to like me, you are all so cool. I wanted to be your friend. I didn’t mean for it to get so out of hand. I-”

Peter got up from the armrest of the sofa, causing Phil to take a step back just in case, and gave him a hard pat on the shoulder. “It’s ok. We are all figuring things out,” he said. “Also, Sarah will be happy to know that you are not disgusted by her presence, you’re just thick as all fuck and gay. Right, Sarah?”

“You like me?” Phil squeaked, turning towards the popular blonde girl. She was super nice and also pretty, but she was still not a guy, so there was not even a chance.

“I do. I did, but it’s ok. We can be friends,” she said with a smile.

“We can?” Phil croaked.

Sarah nodded. “You’re a good guy, Phil. Why wouldn’t I want to be your friend? And the fact that you are not opposed to a little makeup also plays in your favour.”

Peter clapped once and rushed to the fridge. He got the Malibu out of the freezer, messily pouring the alcohol into various glasses and mugs and other liquid-holding implements before turning around to face the group and raising his glass. “To Phil, the gayest emo York has ever seen - and a good friend too!” He downed his drink without waiting for anyone else.

Sarah walked over to the kitchenette and grabbed a shot glass, raising it towards Phil with an encouraging smile. “Cheers,” she said and downed her drink. She then passed a repurposed laundry detergent cap full of Malibu to Phil. 

“Thank you,” he said, hoping that his eyes could convey the gratitude he felt. “Cheers,” he said and drank the entire thing.

Jimmy and Callan, who had been quiet until now, stood from the sofa and grabbed a mug each, raising them to Phil. 

“To Phil, the gay emo,” said Callan with a smirk.

“We can still be friends even if you’re gay and your willy is bigger than all of ours,” Jimmy said with a nod and necked his drink.

Phil laughed. “Stop talking about my dick, Jimmy. You saw nothing!”

“I will when it stops looking back at me every time you sit,” Jimmy cackled. 

Phil threw the laundry detergent cap at his head, hitting the target and causing the group to laugh.  Hours later, he crawled into his tiny bed and felt the effects of all the alcohol he had consumed rock him gently, like the waves in the sea. He let out a sigh of relief, a smile appearing on his lips as he remembered how the night had started. His coming out had been awkward but still a success. Now he could truly be himself, at least in York, and he couldn’t wait until he was able to live his life fully everywhere.

#phanfic #phanfiction #phan #succubusphan fics #dan and phil #phan au #ospbb 2023

[denimbex1986]

'Doctor Who fans have been left in a frenzy after the arrival of Ncuti Gatwa as the fifteenth doctor.

While fans knew the third special, The Giggle, was going to be the last time they saw David Tennant in the starring role, the way he was farewelled caught many off guard.

In the episode, the Doctor went up against an old foe The Toymaker, played by Neil Patrick Harris.

As they went head-to-head in an epic battle it started to become clear that things weren’t looking good for the Doctor when a laser beam was shot through his chest, sparking the start of his latest regeneration.

Standing by his side as it appeared this would be the last we saw of him was companion Donna Noble (Catherine Tate) and past companion Mel Bush (Bonnie Langford, who starred on the series back in the late 1980s).

While they each said goodbye to their friend, things took a turn when the Doctor split in two and Ncuti appeared after David’s Doctor teased that things were ‘feeling different this time’.

Managing to pull themselves apart, the rare regeneration saw the Doctor split into two and shocked by their ability to exist as two beings.

Even more shocked were fans watching on at home, who couldn’t contain their excitement at the plot twist.

‘DAVID TENNANT AND NCUTI GATWA TOGETHER?!?!? I DONT KNOW WTF IS GOING ON BUT WE HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE BACK,’ one fan posted on X, formerly Twitter.

‘OMG DOCTOR WHO!!! David Tennant AND Ncuti Gatwa the way I SCREAMED. It’s too much awesomeness on one screen,’ someone else shared.

Another added: ‘TWO DOCTORS! INSANE!!! THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST DOCTOR WHO EPSIODES EVER!! I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SEE NCUTI GATWA AND DAVID TENNANT ACT TOGETHER.’

Others said they were left in tears watching what had now become their ‘favourite episode and regeneration that has ever happened.

However, some did have some comments to make on the fact that for the entirety of his scenes, Ncuti was wearing just a white collared shirt and his underpants.

‘Oh I loved that. Ta Russell T Davies David Tennant, Catherine Tate & Ncuti Gatwa but please reassure me that lovely young man gets some trousers for the new series,’ one person posted.

However, others didn’t seem to mind too much.

‘I did not think Ncuti Gatwa could get any more iconic but doing your intro scene in your pants is *chefs kiss*,’ one viewer posted.

‘Well, I’d be quite happy if Ncuti Gatwa spends his entire time as Doctor Who in just his pants,’ someone else shared.

After the regeneration scene, the two Doctors then had to try and figure out if they could co-exist, with the result revealed after Ncuti’s Doctor managed to copy the Tardis to leave one behind for his other half.

While he eventually went off on his adventures, David’s Doctor decided to make a home in modern-day London alongside Donna and her family.

The conclusion to David’s return to the role was celebrated by many.

‘We get to keep David Tennant who gets to stay with Donna and her fam and we got Ncuti being fabulous,’ one person summed it up.'

#David Tennant #Ncuti Gatwa #The Giggle #The Toymaker #Neil Patrick Harri #Twitter #Doctor Who #60th Anniversary #Donna Noble #Catherine Tate #Bi-generation #Melanie Bush #Bonnie Langford #Russell T. Davies

[carveredlunds]

inspired by this post and this post (and probably others i’ve seen over the years but can’t remember! if you’ve talked about this idea before, chime in!) and the fact that i’ve just watched “the man who would be king”. but why didn’t season 15 have more meta episodes? 

we had “atomic monsters”, where becky called out chuck’s bad writing, which was kind of meta, and we had “the heroes’ journey”, a send-up of sam and dean’s plot armour that ground the dramatic tension of the season to a screeching halt and was played for laughs. i guess we had chuck watching tv screens in “galaxy brain”, and several references to chuck ‘cancelling shows’, but the meta was shockingly light for a season where god is your final antagonist.

why didn’t we have sam and dean look directly into the camera, like castiel does in “the man who would be king”? they could have looked directly at the camera, begging the audience to let them go (because what was the ‘point’ of season 15 if not to be a commentary on how it had become a shambling and zombified version of its former self, with the characters desperately fighting for freedom?)

instead of whatever the heck “the heroes’ journey” was, why not go the opposite way with it, and go full existential horror with the idea of plot armour? instead of having sam and dean lose their plot armour, why not increase it? have sam and dean on a regular hunt, and sam gets stabbed, but he doesn’t die, because chuck doesn’t want him to go out this way. or dean gets horrifically injured, but it just heals by itself, in front of his very eyes, because chuck doesn’t want his favourite toy to be broken. 

why not have them become aware that they’re in a tv show? have them say they’re going somewhere one scene, and then suddenly, the scene changes and they’re there, but maybe sam says to dean “what just happened?” because they insta-travelled. they didn’t drive or walk. (side note: an episode of “doctor who” called “forest of the dead” did this, and it was so creepy.) or how about the brothers become aware of background music? suddenly, the music goes all tense and scary, and tfw look around wildly for where it’s coming from, before a monster of the week shows up.

and, to take that further, imagine having chuck interact directly with the scenes themselves? imagine something absolutely wild happening. like in “proverbs 17:3”, we open on one of chuck’s planned endings. sam is dressed all in white, clearly possessed by lucifer, and dean shoots him in the head, only for him to sit back up again. the scene freezeframes, and chuck steps into the shot and says “nah, too old school” or something like that, and rotates his finger, and the scene rewinds like an old video tape, and another ending plays out. the big thing here? this isn’t alternate universe sam and dean, but our sam and dean, playing out endings for a while until chuck gets bored and leaves or something.

sam and dean did talk about free will and destiny and yada yada yada, but they never truly acknowledged the cosmic horror of being two very special bugs in a jar that god has personally kept alive and suffering for his own entertainment. the season 14 finale set up such an interesting and self-aware situation that season 15 never followed through with. the penultimate episode was literally what was left of tfw, alone on a dying planet, the only characters on an empty stage, and the absolute mind fuckery of that was never really talked about.

for a show as meta as “supernatural” that had iconic episodes like “the french mistake”, lines like crowley’s ‘castiel, haven’t seen you all season’ in “caged heat”, and so many directly paralleled shots to past episodes, season 15 could have really gone full meta, but they were cowards.

#spn #spn meta #sophie speaks #sophie talks about spn

[miloucomehome]

VIVANT - Final Thoughts and Theories Before the Finale

Spoilers for episodes 1-9!

Chief Nagano's "2 years in rehab"

Thanks to the SP, I genuinely believe this is a lie to throw Nozaki and Public Security off his tail. In episode...3 or 4, during the interrogation to find out who was a member of Beppan or a monitor, Nozaki and the agency's reasoning was that Nagano was a former JSDF and would be trained enough to to fit the profile. When confronted about the two year gap between the end of his studies at the National Defense University/School, he admits he undertook the training but that he turned to drugs. After he finished, he went into a rehabilitation center. This is between 1985 and 1987, the time Nogi was lost in Balka after being separated from his parents.

For some reason, I think he's actually the journalist who saved Nogi and brought him back to Japan--Iida the war correspondent. (We still need to learn why Nagano knows about Zayir, or at least reacted to his name)

I'd say there's some truth to his story about going to rehab though but not for drug use caused by the stress of being in the SDF.

There's one more member of Beppan to find out about. Maybe.

Again, thanks to the SP and fan-on-the-street theories, someone reminded me that one of the special collab goods involved a manju set with 8 pink-red coloured ones with the 別班 kanji written on it surrounding one white one with the Nogi crest/Tent crest. I think early on some theories involved screen shots of Nogi's phone which had an app group with icons reading "VIVAN"? I forgot how many there are.

That being said, if there are 8 members of Beppan (in Japan? or known to each other. I'd like to believe there could be others, just completely undercover) then we know of 6 if you include Commander Sakurai. (Kumagai and the other 3 from the operation and then Nogi and Kurosu, plus their boss)

If we follow that, then who might the final member?

Drum or Dr. Kaoru are one of the Monitors in Japan mentioned? IDK

I don't want it to be him, but one tweet I read pointed out that he's the only one to have seen the faces of the 4 members of Beppan who were taken out. Where this falters a bit is that the shots taken by the Monitor inside the hospital seem too normal--whenever Drum wanders around he looks different to Japanese people around him. I'd imagine people in the halls would've looked at him. (this could also be because of a hidden camera, but still, people would've glanced at him, I imagine.) However, it's possible that if this is the same hospital that Kaoru works at, and that staff have gotten used to Drum. (We don't even know which hospital they're in)

Liu Mingxuèn/Liu Mingshuen

Japanese fans were sent into theory overdrive this week after a special program or recap suddenly added the hanzi for Liu's name during the scene with Nogi and Nozaki on the place in episode 7 (that scene. the scene).

I made a post about it, and I can't help but shake off the feeling that he could be central to the final episode.

Why was Nozaki in Balka?

Yeah, why? o_o) (I don't remember if there was an explanation given)

Uh, there's other stuff I don't remember that needed answering but I'm pretty sure it feels like there's a lot left to resolve that should be resolved through scenes and not exposition T_T)

I really want a sequel announcement but haha how likely is that

#this post has been scheduled to post a bit before the episode #there's so many more questions #vivant #oh i hope i can watch it in real time and then spam my TL

[onlytibki]

Yelling into the void about OPLA

Spoilers ahead!

Neutral: Some major scenes that outlined certain themes of the original story were changed, which is fair. Some things were added in certain areas, which is also fair. There's pros and cons to these things in various directions so I'm keeping it all under 'neutral'--by the same token, my disappointment about it not fitting the original story is tempered by how much just knowing the original story made me excited to see these characters and places in a live action. The two things kinda cancel, so, neutral.

Pros:

Set building. Urgh,, this summer has been a highlight for physical sets as opposed to greenscreening things. It was GORGEOUS and it paid off SO WELL.

Make-up. Again, physical make-up (I think) not CGI'ing a face, and it went so well. The Fishmen are high-key terrifying and honestly it fits the narrative. (The CGI was also amazing, though)

Fitting like 50+ episodes into 8 hours. A LOT ended up on the cutting room floor but the result was cohesive and coherent and that could not have been easy. And yet, even with so much on the floor, I think they only completely culled two or three characters? (Johnny and Yosaku (tragic) and the Island of the Rare Animals dude (but his island was shown in the maps)

Cons:

Fight choreography. There was a lot of variation in quality, imho. Kuina was incredible, as well she should be, but in some of the major fights there were moments of stillness in the background, etc. I should not have seen Luffy just stand there with his fists up while Zoro engaged Cpt. Morgan.

Make-up. If they did the Fishmen, and Merry, so goddamn well, why the hell are we missing Sanji's eyebrow and Usopp's nose? Usopp's nose might've been distracting but it didn't have to be ridiculous.

I'm not sure if it's cinematography, or editing, or directorial decisions, but I feel like they wasted precious time on a few scenes, whose minutes would've been well-spent including short, more cinematic shots. Ex: scrap kid!Sanji's "Day 2", replace with a shot of grown!Sanji bowing in front of the Baratie. Quite a few of Oda's iconic double-page shots would've translated SO WELL to the screen. Why not use them??

Side Notes

ZORO WAS IN GOA KINGDOM holy shit the things that could've changed. I wonder if Johnny and Yosaku were there too? Also his scar wasn't big or bloody enough.

Helmeppo was there. I somewhat had an opinion on him by the end of the season, which is an impressive achievement.

Scratch that, my opinion on Helmeppo is that Zoro's cutting of his hair was hilarious but the butt shot was unnecessary. Ditto Sanji being shirtless to rescue Luffy. This is OPLA why the fan service.

Nami was in shackles until age 12. :( But Bechdel test, passed!

Also this version of Nami would've absolutely tried to get with Kaya before stepping aside given the Usopp/Kaya romance.

Mihawk was PERFECT. Like absolutely iconic. Honestly the whole cast was, obviously, but you don't see as many people gushing about this fact regarding Mihawk

What the hell happened to Gin. He ate the food and then vanished from the face of the earth.

Garp's development/arc was an interesting take, and honestly it was a chunk of the really engaging part of the watch for me. I guess in canon he was too busy doing Marine things to chase after Luffy after he left Dawn Island so this is a good take.

On a related note, it does take a bit away that we didn't go through 250-ish chapters before learning about any of Luffy's family, but obviously that wasn't going to happen anyway. Also, kinda wish we'd seen him yell out 'Fist of Love' or them both fall asleep at the same time post-Enies Lobby arc style, but he was definitely using haki so it's fine.

On a different related note, actually VERY upset that we (1) didn't get Garp saying that line about how he left Luffy with Dadan so he could grow up to be a respectable Marine, and have Loof respond with Garp's training and (2) had to listen to Garp telling Luffy that the GL isn't a game, given that Luffy's already lost Sabo to the world and (3) didn't get any mention of Luffy's brothers or Dadan at all, actually.

Quick Summary: I do think a degree of enjoyment was both added and subtracted due to my knowledge of the original story. Not sure if I would've sat through the whole thing if I wasn't already tied heart and soul to the crew, but I am and I did.

But it was definitely fun and really well built. 8/10.

#one piece #opla #one piece spoilers #spoilers

[tomtenadia]

A Little Braver - 59

Hello everyone, given how I left last chapter I decided to post the next one. This is a heavy one though. no matter how many times I read it. It still hurts like hell.

CW: character death, depression, PTSD, panic attacks, mention of alcoholism, grief, mentions of war, language, hurt/comfort and so much frigging angst.

(The gif for this week is the missing man formation performed by the airforce when one of their own dies)

A few hours earlier 

Lorcan was pacing nervously in the CIC while keeping an eye on the tactical screen. Shit had been going down for a while now and while his navy counterparts were dealing with the ships situation, his squadrons were handling the aerial attacks both on land and to their ship. His hand nervously ran through his long hair.

Sleep had been a luxury for the past 24hrs. He was surviving on caffeine and adrenaline. The first attack had happened in the middle of the night, but TNS Opportunity was a state of the art ship and the radar had picked up the attack with plenty of advance and the whole ship had been at battle stations well before the first attack arrived. 

For a split second he allowed himself to think about Elide and how much he missed her and another part of him was jealous of Rowan for being out of that shitty life forever, although he missed him. Gavriel had proven to be excellent at the job of captain, but truth was… he missed Rowan as his second. Maybe he should retire too. He had given the airforce twenty four years of his life. Perhaps it was time…

He was abruptly taken away from his thoughts when he heard the frantic voices of his men. Two of his squadrons were in a tight fight. He could see them on the tactical screen surrounded “Gav, spread out, you have two more bandits inbound. Watch your six, man.” He shouted over the comms, while leaning on the tactical screen as if magically allowed him to be with his men.

In the background he heard the voices of his navy counterpart and they sounded busy too. Another shitty mission.

A loud groan escaped him when he noticed the icon of Connall’s fighter being surrounded “Vaughn, cover Con, he is getting pounded.”

The wing commander agreed and saw his icon veer away towards Moonbeam.

Gavriel kept giving orders to his team and he approved, but he had a much larger view of the tactical scene and his job was to direct the action of all his units. He gave some orders to his other squadrons while keeping an eye for Gavriel’s team. The two pilots they had brought in to cover for Rowan and Fenrys had been good but the team was still adjusting to them and that made him nervous. He was about to shout another order when he heard a long sound. The dreaded sound that every pilot feared. Someone had a lock on a jet but his heart sank when he saw Gavriel’s jet icon flashing red. He was about to scream at him to move away when the icon disappeared.

His world fell silent. 

He froze and just stared at the tactical screen.

Gav’s icon was gone. 

He never heard the screams from Gavriel’s team. 

His world has stopped.

“Regroup and shot dow those fucking bastard.” Vaughan’s war cry over the comms broke his stillness. Fury. Grief. Pain.

He saw his men veer back in attack formation. They were out for blood. The enemy had taken one of them and now they had to pay.

Gavriel had been a father figure to all of them. He knew that the team was now taking it hard. Probably all the pilots. He was very well known and respected. Pain. He felt pain in his chest at another loss. How many friends was now?  He had stopped counting a long time ago.

He sighed deeply and went back to the screen. He had a job to finish and to make sure he did not loose any more men.

One of the navy officers walked to him and patted his shoulder “I am sorry, Lorcan. Gavriel was a good friend to us too. His death is a huge loss for a lot of people.” Lorcan nodded but remained silent. Gods, he needed to smash something or to hug Elide and stop hurting so much.

It was a few hours later when the situation finally resolved and Lorcan ordered the squadrons to stand down and let the relief team take the patrol shift. He passed his station to his back to back and ran out of the CIC and scrambled on the flight deck to see his squadrons land. 

With his eyes he scanned the skies and finally spotted them coming back in and braced himself. He was not one for speeches. That had been Rowan or Gavriel. And now his teams only had him.

One by one all the jets landed and he walked to the ones he was looking for. Vaughan was the first one to get off his jet. The man removed his helmet and Lorcan could see pain in his eyes. The other three followed and they stopped in front of him. He could see that Connall had been crying while Vaughan was trying to fight the pain as much as he could just how he was doing.

“I did not protect him,” the admission came from Vaughan “ I was his wingman and I just…”

“You were just as surrounded and you were helping Con as well who was completely surrounded.”

“The bastard just…” he let out a ragged breath “the fucker just appeared out of nowhere. I was too far to even try and have a lock on him.”

“You all have done all you could and I am sure Gavriel is proud of all of you. I am not the best at speeches, all I can say is that this is another shitty mission and we will do our best to honour his memory and go back home safe.”

They all agreed in silence “Now stand down and rest, grieve, have lunch. I will discuss a few things with the captain.”

His men left and Lorcan sighed. Gods he was the worst at speeches. They needed support and he offered very little.

He walked away from the flight deck and ran for the gym. Smashing a punching bag for a few hours should help him release the anger he felt. Then once his head was clear he would call Rowan. He had failed him and he was actually terrified of breaking the news to him.

A few hours later after he had directed all his anger at gym equipment and then showered he walked to vulture’s row and took the courage to call Rowan.

Present time

Rowan answered the phone and at Lorcan’s voice he moved out of the common room and into the apparatus floor and sat on the bumper of the engine.

“What happened?”

Lorcan was silent and Rowan worried even more.

“I hate the airforce, I hate this fucking mission, I hate my job and my life just now.”

Uh oh… thought Rowan, this was not like Lorcan. What the hell was going on?

“Lor, what is going on?”

“I did my best Rowan. I tried and I fucking failed.”

Was his friend sobbing? Was Lorcan Salvaterre crying?

“Lorcan, you are worrying me.”

Another long pause “Gavriel is dead.”

Rowan froze. No. It was a lie. His friend could not be dead. there had to be a mistake. He could not accept a world without his kind friend. No. “You take it back. You take back what you just said.” He was the one who was crying now.

Aelin decided to enter the apparatus floor in that instant and looked at him with worry but he ignored her.

“Lor…”

“It was a fucking mess. They were all surrounded. He was fighting off some enemies when according to Vaughn one sneaked up on him. I had told him to watch his six. He just came out of nowhere…”

“He had a wingman, Lorcan. Where the fuck was he?” Rowan struggled to contain his anger.

“Vaughn was helping Con who was in an even worse situation. He was too far for a shot.”

Rowan ran a hand through his hair and breathed out to calm his screaming soul. Another death. Another friend gone and this time it hurt like hell. For so, so many reasons.

“How are the guys taking it?”

“I wish you were here. I can’t do speeches and I don’t know how to comfort them. They are taking it badly.”

“I need to tell Aedion.”

“Why?”

Rowan paused and finally looked at Aelin who was staring at him with intensity “Gav was his father.”

“Fuck. Fuck, fuck and super fuck.”

“Let me deal with this, Lor.”

The man on the other side of the phone sighed “I am asking the captain to let us perform a memorial with missing man formation for him. He was loved by a lot of people.”

“Good.”

“You should be here to honour him too. You should be the jet to peel away from formation.” Rowan could hear the deep grief in Lorcan’s voice.

“I am sure you will give him the honour he needs.”

They chatted a bit longer then Lorcan told him he was going to try and rest and call Elide.

Rowan closed the call and stared for a long moment at the phone in his shaking hands. When he lifted his head he saw Aelin looking at him with puffy eyes “No…” she whispered while shaking her head.

“I am sorry…” he felt tears again and his pain resonated with hers.

“Damn it, no!” She finally shouted “that fucking job. It’s so unfair. He just found Aedion… and now…” Aelin paused and Rowan pulled her to him and they cried in silence in each others arms.

“We need to tell Aedion. I was Gav’s emergency contact and no one knew Aedion is his son. I have to tell him.” He was about to stand but Aelin grabbed his hand “We are all going.” 

The team saw the couple back in and was curious by their faces.

Aelin looked at Rowan and nodded.

Rowan relaxed and looked at everyone “I have just received a soul destroying call from Lorcan.”

Elide’s head turned to him quickly with pleading eyes.

“As of a few hours ago, Gavriel passed away in combat. Lorcan just told me.”

Lysandra shouted and Aelin ran to her. She loved her father in law.

“There is a colleague of yours who will soon need your support. Aedion was Gavriel’s son.”

Shock ran through the group.

“We haven’t told anyone because Aedion asked us to.” explained Aelin, while holding a sobbing Lys, then she turned to Ilias “Captain, you are in charge today, but can I ask permission to drop by to south station? Aedion needs to know and I want all of us to be there for him.”

“Of course. Just all grab your bunker gear and let’s go an be close to a friend in such a dark moment.”

Aelin thanked Ilias for understanding.

Rowan was about to go to his car but Aelin dragged him to the engine. Ilias took her spot in the passenger seat and they sat at the back with the others.

“I am worried how Fen is going to take it.”

Rowan was scared too.

Aedion was running drills on the apron when he spotted two familiar vehicles park at the side. Why was east team there?

Aelin was the first one to get off in her paramedic uniform, then slowly all the east team.

The whole of south station joined its captain.

Rowan was there too and their faces were dark. Did something happened? He then spotted Lysandra and saw his wife crying hard in Elide’s arms.

“Aelin…”

Rowan was the one who walked slowly to him “Aedion…I had a call from Lorcan. Something happened on the mission.”

Aedion’s heart started to race and he dreaded the news.

“Aedion… your father has been killed in action.”

Aedion stopped. He looked at Aelin, at Rowan and at his heartbroken wife and could not speak, or function or even think. They had finally started to build something together. To have a lot of dinners together. He had decided that it was finally the time to call him father and now…

“How…” he asked quietly, while his body shook.

“While doing his job. While fighting hard to keep his team safe.”

“I… I…” he turned and stomped away. Lys was about to follow but Rowan stopped her. Just for a moment he had to speak with him. He had been there countless times. Gavriel was his friend and although his pain could not compare to Aedion’s he had to go first.

“Lys, let me talk to him for a minute.”

The woman nodded and Aelin joined in the hug.

Rowan found Aedion in the equipment room. After spending a long time among firefighter he had learned that it was their favourite hiding spot.

Aedion was sitting on a bench staring blankly at the space in front of him. Rowan sat at his side.

“Is this karma punishing me? For fighting him at the beginning? For not calling him father from the beginning? For being mad at him?” His voice was broken and Rowan saw tears streak down his cheeks.

“No, it’s just the airforce and fucking military life,” added Rowan in a growl. He knew Aedion would understand his feeling. He was ex military after all.

“I lost so many friends in the name of duty and all that shit. I would have never thought I would loose my father.”

Rowan took his hand “Your father was an amazing man. He had been kind to me from the start,” he closed his eyes and started to talk “He was senior to me, but when I made captain he told me that he had been the one to suggest my name to Lorcan. Gavriel was supportive to all of us, a father figure to all of us youngsters,” he chuckled at the memory “He was loved and respected in the navy too. No one would ever make jokes about him being a pilot. That was how he was held in high regard.”

“I never told him I loved him or called him father.”

“I am sure he knew that.” He patted Aedion’s shoulder “do you want me to call Lys?’

Aedion nodded and when Rowan stood he took his hand “go to Fen too. This might hurt him and bring back his PTSD. He is a great firefighter, don’t let him screw this up, please.”

“Never. Gavriel and Aelin would kill me.”

He walked away and got back to the team and saw that Fen was nowhere in sight. Bad sign. 

“Aelin where is Fen?”

“Ansel is with him. I am scared, Ro. I am afraid for him.”

He walked around the unfamiliar station until he heard the young man’s screams and followed. They were in the gym and Fen was lashing on the punching bag while tears ran down his face. He nodded to Ansel and the woman left.

“Fen…”

“Screw the fucking airforce!” He shouted, while landing another powerful punch. Rowan grabbed the bag and stilled it for him “let it go… let it all out.”

“I am so damn tired of losing people I care about. Of all the people…” another series of hard punches and Rowan let him vent until the young man collapsed on his knees on the mat. Rowan slowly sat down. Crouching was still too hard for him.

“He was a mentor… a father figure and even after I fucked up he eventually supported and helped me. He did not deserve to be shot down.”

“Fen, this is a lot. I need you to promise me you will let us help you. No more spiralling or booze. You have south team, me, Aelin, Ansel and east team too. And when Con comes back he will need you too.”

Fenrys nodded “I know, I am healed enough that now I know how to deal with this. It hurts, but now I know how to cope with my demons now.”

Rowan relaxed “That is good, boyo.”

Fen chuckled “Gav used to call me boyo all the time.”

“Shall we rejoin the others?”

Fen nodded and together they joined the two teams.

Lys was still with Aedion and Aelin was standing alone in a corner and walked to her and enveloped her in a hug.

“Ro, how are you feeling?”

“It hurts…” was all he said and he felt her arms tighten around his midriff.

When Ilias radio went off he called his team into action. Aelin kissed Rowan “I am sorry, I need to go.”

He kissed her and nodded “Go, I’ll take a taxi to east and then go home.

Aelin looked at him worried “I am fine.” She was not sure but still left. East team disappeared and he was left at south station.

Fen was talking to one of his colleagues and seemed fine. He really hoped so. 

A moment later Aedion appeared on the apparatus floor and his team stood and enveloped him in a tight hug.

Rowan followed that scene with interest. Firehouses became families. He had seen that at east. They would all support each other, fuss and worry. Gods, they had even included him in that extended family. And to see them now stepping up to support their captain was a heart warming scene. Aedion needed that right now.

He looked up and spotted him. His blue eyes met his and then took a step towards him “They left you stranded here?”

“They had a call.”

“Let me take you back to east.”

“I can take a taxi,” protested Rowan, but soon realised that stubbornness was a family trait.

Aedion went to talk to his second and came back a moment later with his bunker gear and a radio “I’ll drive you with the pickup.”

Rowan thanked him and followed the man. He had forgotten his cane at east and his leg was protesting a bit.

“I spoke to Fen and I think he is okay. He is in a better place mentally.”

Aedion sighed “Thank you.”

“You need support too. This is a lot. You should take time off to grieve and deal with the loss.”

Aedion shook his blonde hair “I am like Aelin. Working will keep me busy. Lys will play mama hen and my entire station will too.” 

“If you need to talk… I am here. From a former military man to another. This might stir… memories.”

At the traffic lights Aedion sighed deeply “I know.” The he turned to Rowan “let Aelin look after you as well. This will trigger memories for you as well. Your last bad mission was only eight months back.”

Rowan nodded.

An hour later he was back at home after Aedion had driven him to the station. He took a shower, changed in house clothes and lay down on the bed with bird Rowan in his arms and let the grief take over. Let the tears flow in full force until he was spent. He was so tired of death, of saying goodbye to friends. With his hand he brushed his pec where his tattoo was. Those were only a few names, the important ones. In thirteen years he had lost so many people that he would need his entire chest to write all their names. But Gavriel… that loss stung so hard. Rowan squeezed the toy and felt like an invisible hand had a grip on his heart and squeezed hard.

Gods, he needed Aelin. He sat in bed and felt the telltales of a panic attack coming. Rowan tried to calm his breathing down but he couldn’t and his tears became full on sobs while he still frantically tried to get air into his lungs. 

Memories rushed to him, hitting him hard and felt sick all of a sudden. He jumped out of the bed and ran to the bathroom and emptied his stomach until there was nothing left. Spent, he sat against the wall, his head lolled against the cold wall while at the same he tried to regain some level of sanity. To recall the coldness and detachment the military had taught him. Nothing worked. Emotions hit him like a sledgehammer and the sense of suffocation came back. Rowan had no idea how long he sat on the cold floor staring into the void but when he did manage to feel sanity come back he stood and went to the sink to washed his face and mouth. Staring at his reflection in the mirror he noticed the light had gone from his eyes. The spark that Aelin had brought back in him had vanished and he felt like a shell. As if the last piece of his battered soul had finally left him.

Rowan walked back to bed and tried to rest but was scared of closing his eyes. Terrified of the nightmares that would wait for him in the shadows. So he did the only healthy thing he could do. He called Aelin.

“Ro?”

He was silent for a moment “Aelin, can I come back to the station? I am scared of being alone tonight. I can’t…” he forced tears back down “I am terrified I’d do something stupid.”

For a split second he had considered going to the pub and just drown his pain in alcohol until he was too far gone to even remember. But he couldn’t do that to Aelin. If he went down that road it would have him on the path to destruction and she did not deserve that. 

Aelin only said “Yes, Ro. Come here, please.”

He got off the bed and prepared a duffel bag with some clothes and his books. He had paramedic school the following day. Maybe that would pull him out of his bad thoughts.

Half an hour later he was at the station and Aelin was waiting for him on the apron. She ran to him and he hugged her tightly as if she was the tether that kept him afloat.

“I am here. We’ll do this together.”

Rowan nodded and followed her in.

“Captain! Back already? Can’t stay away from her, eh?”

Aelin glared at Ress and the man shut up quickly.

She had explained the situation to Ilias and asked if she could use the captain’s quarters for the night and the man had agreed.

In her quarters Rowan sat on her bed and looked up at her “I am sorry, it’s just… I had a panic attack at home,” he confessed quietly, looking away “I… am afraid…”

She did not ask him what he was afraid of. He would tell him if he wanted. But the memory of the night he came back after fuzzy’s death was etched in her mind and she had an inkling of what he meant.

She sat at his side and brushed his hair “You have done the right thing by coming here. You can stay in my quarters. You do not need to get out. I’ll even bring dinner here.”

He shook his head but she protested “I need to be here right now. My team will understand.”

“Thanks,” he added quietly “I can’t… I can’t deal with people tonight.”

She kissed him “let me go and have a chat with the team.”

A moment after Aelin had left, his phone rang and did not recognise the number so he answered and he learned that on the other line it was one of the pilots they had taken in to replace him and Fen.

“Captain, the commodore asked me to call you and show you this live.”

The man panned the camera and showed him the flight deck filled with people in dress mess uniforms “It’s for the captain, sir. The commodore can’t be here because he is flying.”

Rowan’s heart clenched. In that instant Aelin came back in and indicated her to sit down and she started watching the livestream as well. He saw Lucas, his friend and captain of the carrier take the stage and started talking about Gavriel. How the man had touched a lot of lives and the fact that he was a dear friend to many navy people too. After his speech finished, he heard the sound of engines spooling and the lieutenant turned the camera and Rowan saw the four jets lined up on the take off slip. They took off and kept a low altitude. The whole point was to be seen. They reached a point ahead of the carrier and veered back assuming a perfect V shape position. Rowan’s free hand grabbed Aelin’s. He had done that far too many times. He was surprised to see Lorcan fly the position that was meant to peel off. That had been his for a long time.

As they flew over the ship, Lorcan peeled away from the formation, leaving a hole. Again the lieutenant moved the camera and Rowan saw airforce and navy men alike looking up and offering their salute. And once more tears streamed down his cheeks.

“Thank you lieutenant. Can I as you a favour? If you have recorded the video could you send it to me? There are two people back home who need to see that.”

“Of course sir.” The young man saluted and closed the call. 

“Was that the missing man formation?”

Rowan nodded “It had always been me the one peeling away from formation,” he told her very quietly and then buried his head in the crook of her neck. Aelin pulled him closer.

“Without you… I think I would have ended up drinking until I could not remember my name. I would have gone down a dangerous path. You are the only reason why I stopped myself.” He admitted, and Aelin grabbed his face in her hands “How can I help you, Rowan?” Gently she brushed his long hair away from his face. His green eyes were dull and the grief made the lines of his face even harsher. Her heart broke for him, for Aedion and Lys. She was sad about Gavriel but her interactions with him had been short. She liked the man and he had been her uncle after all. It hurt, but her level of grief was nowhere close to what they were feeling.

“I just need your support.”

Aelin kissed him “of course, Rowan, all you need. I am here,” another kiss “I can even ask Dorian to let you stay here the nights I am on shift.” She was scared and would make sure to do all she could so that he wouldn’t spiral down a dark path.

“No… that would be too much. Tonight is still fresh and I need company. Then you are home tomorrow and the following day. I will be okay.”

Aelin did not believe him but pretended to. She had experienced in first person that attitude. The false “I will be fine,” when in reality nothing was fine. She was not letting that happen to Rowan.

Through the door, Brullo’s voice announced her that dinner was ready.

A quick kiss to Rowan “Let me grab our food.”

While Aelin was away he sent a text to Aedion This is for your father. I thought you’d appreciate the honour and respect he received. Lorcan was the one who peeled off from formation. He is taking it just as badly.

Then he sent the video to Fen as well I hope you are fine. The ceremony happened half and hour ago. Lorcan flew missing man. If you want to talk I am here.

Aelin returned and they sat in bed and she passed him one plate with food. Rowan thanked her and took a few bites.

He was silent while he ate and Aelin respected that, having a feeling that Rowan was not in the mood for talking.

Internally she cursed fate and all that stuff. Rowan deserved some peace. She wanted him to start heal again. He had a terrible year and just when she thought he was finally on the way to recovery, life threw him another curveball. She was furious and silently prayed Mala to look after him.  She was tired of pain and tears. They all deserved a break.

*

It was the middle of the night when dispatch alarm went off. Rowan woke abruptly and felt Aelin leave the bed in a rush. He looked around the room confused and frantically stood and then collapsed on his knees as memories started flashing back.

Red lights flashing in his quarters, the shrieking alarm of battle station. The sound of the ship being bombed. The sound of missiles flying past him and the dreadful alarm of a plane having a lock on him. He scrambled to the bathroom and reached the toilet and heaved. After he was done he sat at its side trembling and sweating while slowly tried to calm down his racing heart. Even eight months  later those memories had the power to destroy him and now with Gavriel’s death…

His stomach heaved once more and started sobbing in desperation. He was a mess and was taking Aelin with him and for a second he thought about leaving. She did not deserve to have to deal with his messed up self.

Gently he touched his pec where the tattoo with their names was. No he was not a coward. No, Aelin was his key to sanity and happiness. Slowly he tried to stand but his knee complained, too much for one day. Grabbing the sides of the toilet seat he pulled himself up in a powerful move, but as soon as he put weight on the bad leg he crashed back down. A savage roar of frustration resonated in the empty fire house.

Once he calmed down he dragged his sorry arse in the shower and opened the cold jet and sat there under the water.

And that’s where Brullo found him.

“Captain?”

Rowan turned his head to the voice but remained silent.

Brullo ran away and came back a moment later with Aelin.

The woman quickly closed the water and nodded to Brullo and the others to leave her alone.

Rowan’s stare was distant and dark and she feared the worst.

“Ro…” she brushed his face gently “What happened?”

He looked away.

“Come on let’s get you out of here and into dry clothes.”

He pulled away from her “Leave me… Get the hell away from me” he snarled, “You do not deserve to deal with my mess.”

“No.”

His head turned with a brisk movement and she saw rage in his eyes “Why do you bother with me?” He shouted “I will just ruin your life. I am not worth it.”

Aelin felt anger. But not at him. No, at herself for having missed how bad he was. Rowan had been a master at hiding his pain but now with what happened to Gavriel it seemed that the dam had broken and Rowan had plunged into his own personal hell.

She grabbed his face “the hell I am leaving you. To whatever end, remember? So now you get your arse out of this shower, get changed and we talk and you better stop hiding things from me.”

Rowan was taken aback. In his confused state, he was expecting her to agree to leave him. That’s what Lyria had done after all. Tired of dealing with his absences, his depression and PTSD after coming back from deployment. So why would Aelin care? He deserved to be alone.

Aelin pulled him up and pushed him on the bench “sit and shut up.”

Furious she stomped out of the bathroom and looked at her team “I am sorry. Give me five minutes and the bathroom will be free.” The guys needed to clean up after the fire.

“How’s Rowan?” Asked Brullo who was the one who had seen him first.

“I am working on him.”

Aelin quickly grabbed a fresh towel and some dry clothes, then went back and started changing him and drying him. All the while Rowan had been silent and his blank stare fixed on the wall.

She went to toss his wet clothes in the dryer and then pulled his arm around her shoulder and together they walked back to her quarters.

He sat on the bed “Why? Why are you doing all this?”

The resignation in his voice was like a stake through her heart.

Aelin crouched in front of him and grabbed his face gently and forced him to look at her “because I love you, you idiot. You are in pain and I am here.”

He looked away again.

“What happened, Rowan?”

She saw his hand ball up in fists “Dispatch alarm,” he finally said quietly “The bombs, the screeching of the carrier, the air raids and the planes attacking us and…” she saw him shaking and all she wanted to do was to hug him, but Rowan had to let it all out “He almost killed me…” his voice a deep growl “that bastard almost shot me down and I never felt more terrified in my life. I almost died trapped on the ship and then in my own jet. And all I could think was that I had almost failed you…” his body was wrecked by his shaking “It came all back tonight. All the deaths of that night and…” she finally wound her arms around him.

“Why you never told me how bad it was?”

He was still stiff in her arms “I thought I had it under control. It had not been bad until tonight.”

She kissed him gently “you should talk to someone. Fen went to the association that helps veterans and he says that it helped him a lot.”

Rowan was silent “you always have me, but I was not in the military. You need to have help from someone who specialise in this kind of trauma. Please.”

Rowan looked up at her “don’t leave me, please” the pain in his voice was a dagger in her heart “I was an asshole back there but I did not mean it.”

Aelin sobbed, seeing her wonderful man in that state was a far too painful “Never. I will be here. I love you, buzzard.”

Rowan leaned his forehead against hers “Thank you for being in my life.”

Aelin kissed him again and then convinced him to sleep. She sat at his side and while with one hand she brushed his hair, with the other was texting Fenrys asking for the details of the organisation where he sought help from.

TAGS:

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#rowan whitethorn #rowaelin #rowaelin fanfiction #aelin galathynius #aelin x rowan #aedion ashryver #gavriel #rowaelin fanfic #angst #hurt/comfort #throne of glass fic #throne of glass fanfiction

[calliopesburn]

So you mentioned queer film and docs in some of your tags, may I ask if you have any specific recommendations?

thank u for asking i have SO MANY!!!!!!!!!!

i haven't actually checked but im 99% sure all of these films were definitely directed and likely also written by queer people; for context this top list is all new so look for film festivals that might be screening or streaming these virtually / below i added some older films that are more easy to find

New from the past year or two:

the one i mentioned in the post is one i definitely recommend - it's called Nelly & Nadine (doc) - two women fall in love in a concentration camp, survive, and live happily together - the documentary gets made when a queer grandkid finds old stuff and is like hrmmmm

Rule 34 - one of my favorite films ever honestly - a black sex worker (in brazil) gets into criminal law school (paid for by her sex work) and witnesses her own life and identity being constantly debated in the classroom while continuing her sex work and beginning to explore BDSM at night - she becomes increasingly erratic throughout the film in a way that culminates beautifully (talk about a chaos queer) an incredibly commentary on women's agency

Before I Change My Mind - i think it takes place in the 60s - a non-binary pre-teen kid moves from america to a small canadian town and struggles to make friends for .02 seconds before they set their sights on their crush and become a member of their toxic friend group - puts a whole new spin on 'coming of age'

Compulsus - a woman starts hunting down men who sexually assault women (from the descrip it says it never shows the actual assault that leads her to start striking back, only her committing violence)

Tahara - first of all the stop motion kiss scene still has me reeling. two jewish bffs attend a funeral and things get real awkward when they kiss 'for fun'

Framing Agnes (doc) - gender case studies from a 50's UCLA clinic are re-enacted by icons like Angelica Ross - incredible history

Wildhood - a two-spirit teen falls for another indigenous boy while he journeys with his brother to find their mom

Anything's Possible - Billy Porter's directorial debut - a muslim boy falls for a trans girl and takes his shot even though he knows people will freak out (and they do) but it's really affirming and supportive and lovely and funny <3

Esther Newton Made Me Gay (doc) - ok wanna talk about queer history?? Esther Newton was the first person to ever write about drag culture from an anthropological perspective PERIOD. i think if i remember correctly she was fired from parsons, and was on very thin ice for a long time with her career - but even still she wrote and paved the way for queer academia - writing about fire island, cherry grove, the drag scene, and more!!!!! she also identifies as a butch lesbian/between genders and this film is so incredible for the lesbians - you really need to hear her talk about gender, about butchness and femmeness - ALSO you get to see her childhood growing up in the early 1900's as a queer person and it's incredible, you'll cry but like in a GOOD cathartic way

Sleep With Me (series) - a soapy sapphic thai romance between two disabled women - one in a wheelchair and another with a rare sleep disorder. this will literally give you every cute soapy sapphic moment you could ask for!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girl Picture - lesbians watch this one!!!!!!!! this is a ROMANCE!!!!!! there were scenes where i was like omg!!!!!!! when you never realize how desperately ur craving a certain style - just watch the trailer please ; also asexuals u should watch this one too :) (just to be clear though the asexual character is straight, not the sapphic romance)

Mama Bears (doc) - this doc will also make u cry but in a really fucking good way. this is a doc on christian parents who used to be conservative and homophobic before changing perspectives after their kids come out. most notable is Kai (though she also chooses the name Esther for herself <3, based on her favorite person in the Bible), a trans girl who talks about coming out to her mom as a girl as young as 3 years old, and in spite of the abuse she was put through, she kept saying it and her mom eventually realized she could either lose her "son" forever, or accept and love her daughter. im tearing up writing this - her mom gave up her entire family to literally save her daughters life - and she did.

Nana's Boys - two black men are about to get engaged when the city goes on lockdown and their relationship is put to the test - truths come out and the gorgeous twists and turns of their relationship really shows the gentleness and supportiveness of queer relationships (it's called nana's boys because they were both raised by their grandmas <3)

Unidentified Objects - a lovely film about two neighbors who take an unexpected road trip - their lives of course changing forever as a result. one of the characters is a gay little person who's mourning the death of a close friend and the other is a sex worker who is looking for the aliens who took her when she was a kid (yes that's literally the plot) it's wonderfully well written and has one of those endings that'll send you reeling

New - haven't seen but on my list:

The First Fallen - a narrative story that follows a group a friends as the first wave of the AIDS epidemic approaches in Peru <3

All the Beauty and the Bloodshed (doc) - you'll likely hear about this as its Laura Poitras' new film, it's about Nan Goldin

Stupid for You - a sapphic girl musical????????????????????

Way Down - an episodic on a bunch of friends trying to be musicians - the lead is non-binary in a romance with various ladies and i think everyone else in the band is queer too

The Blue Caftan - a tailor in morocco lives happily closeted with his wife until they hire a sexy assistant

The Inspection - a gay man enters the military and finds unexpected support and family

El Houb - can only remember that it's a muslim guy who comes out to his dad but is a dark comedy (he literally runs into the closet at a point in the film)

My Emptiness and I - a newly out transfemme woman navigates life and dating and surgery

Moneyboys - two gay men in i think taiwan?

so in general i highly recommend paying attention to queer film festivals - newfest, frameline, and outfest are the major US ones (they only stream in the US but im pretty sure you can use a vpn) inside out is a canadian one; most of them stream now!!!! like 80% of their films are available to stream for a short duration so sign up for their email lists and mark their festivals on your calendars because if you pay attention to these you'll start to see actual queer stories written and directed by queer people!!!!!!!!

also consider watching shorts programs - some of the most impactful films ive been seeing have been shorts (there's one called Dress Up that has been glued into the back of my skull for like 2 months) and shorts are basically seeing into the future of queer film and a lot of them are amazing so highly recommend!!!!!!!

-

For things currently streaming or easy to find and download:

Fantasy of the Girls (2017/2018 depending where you look) thrilled to list this one as it's actually the film that made me realize im a lesbian :) full film is also on YT

The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love dir Maria Maggenti (1995)

Saving Face (2000) and The Half of It - dir Alice Wu

The Watermelon Woman (1996)

Hedwig and the Angry Inch (late 90s i think)

Fire (1996)

Desert Hearts (1985)

The Velvet Vampire - feels like jennifer's body but in 1971 with a vampire who wants to have sex/kill both ppl in a married couple (dir. by a woman; haven't seen this yet though)

Chutney Popcorn (1999)

Paris is Burning (1990)

Brother to Brother (2004) (anthony mackie)

Pariah

Portrait of a Lady on Fire

The Miseducation of Cameron Post (a sad one but chloe moretz dated the girl from the film and the director is queer - incredible film)

Lingua Franca

Fire Island

Naz & Maalik

The Obituary of Tunde Johnson

Firstness

Firebird

See You Then

Ammonite

No Hard Feelings

Shiva Baby

Flee

Passing

--

so in general i highly recommend paying attention to queer film festivals - newfest, frameline, and outfest are the major US ones (they only stream in the US but im pretty sure you can use a vpn) inside out is a canadian one; most of them stream now!!!! like 80% of their films are available to stream for a short duration so sign up for their email lists and mark their festivals on your calendars because if you pay attention to these you'll start to see actual queer stories written and directed by queer people!!!!!!!!

also consider watching shorts programs - some of the most impactful films ive been seeing have been shorts (there's one that has been glued into the back of my skull for like 2 months) and shorts are basically seeing into the future of queer film and a lot of them are amazing so highly recommend!!!!!!!

#hope this helps!!!!!! #watch queer film!!!!!!!! #queer film #long post

[yuzu-all-the-way]

Fantasy on Ice Makuhari 2022 Day 3 - Impressions

After a full day, I have finally processed what I've watched - FaOI Makuhari 2022 Day 3 - live broadcast.

From the previously released photos of Day 1, I had such high expectations to have sooo many camera-focused Yuzu moments - while that did not come true, the center-Yuzu shots we got were so endearing. I was smiling so hard from the campiness of it all, starting with the traditional FaOI introduction.

(It's going to be a long post, so read more below - media included).

Back when I was "learning" about who Yuzuru Hanyu is, I stumbled upon recordings of previous FaOI & other ice shows - I distinctively remember there was this one video where the announcer introduces Yuzu, and he starting jumping when the announcer goes "Yuzuru" - and lands on "Hanyu". I was never able to identify from which ice show that was - and while the intro music of FaOI was playing and moment for Yuzu got closer, I kept on thinking maybe he does it now. AND YUZU DID! "Yuzuru" *jumps* "Hanyu" *lands*. (Sound On)

I was smiling so hard. And then that camera-work. Thank you, Yuzu, for making even the people behind the screen feel seen (I haven't realized until now that the people watching the cinemas saw a huge Yuzu doing this.)

The whole J-Disco number was so fun to watch and in the panned out shots my eyes kept drifting towards Yuzu's spot - not necessarily because I was specifically looking for him, but because he seemed to put his heart and soul into that choreography, as always. He simply was more into it that everyone else. Oh, that MJ circle-moonwalk thingy at the beginning of Afternoon Parade ... so smooth, so cool.

The other skaters were all so fun to watch, but, not gonna lie, Nobu killed it with his Kinky Boots program. Kaori was such a joy to watch, Mai too with her killer 2Ts. Keiji, loved both his programs. What the hell was that Swan parody thing? How am I supposed to watch Notte Stellata now without flashbacks to this parody?!

Yuzu's Real Face! The moment I've been waiting for since the first pics dropped. That program is so wild and crazy and angsty and full of great moves and expression even though it's rough around the edges - but the beauty of it lies in its rawness. Not gonna lie, that water cup moment felt a bit underwhelming because he poured it on his hair instead of face, but it's okay, it was still iconic. (And what do you mean, Yuzu, that you had no idea what would happen when you poured water on you like that?? That us, poor fans, would simply nod along and move on from it?? You knew very well we'd go crazy!)

About the elements from the program - that besti squat is on equal footing if not above the casual spread eagle (for reference, here).

Yuzu's 3A is a monster jump and when performed with anger, it is the king of jumps. That pistol lunge, I so wish we'd seen it from the front and not the back (damn it, Asahi TV cameramen, do a better job). Once more I've been reminded that Yuzu has amazing spins.

That ending pose and the change in attitude - whiplash!!

I felt a change of energy from him when he came back for the finale - and noticed that there was no black bracelet on his right arm. I swear that everytime I saw that bare wrist I kept wondering why my gaze was drawn there. Turns out, Yuzu tossed his bracelet along with the infamous water cup, but all good - he found it afterwards, we have photo confirmation of that.

The finale, even with the bracelet-hiccup, was fun to watch - Kaori: a ray of sunshine - the artist's voice was so good and it was fun to watch the light choreography. Still, those feather things - they remind me of Furbies for some reason. Oh, and check this out: I swear I almost did one heart in return.

I did not want the show to end - but it ended in the best possible way: 4T3A2T1Lo1Lo1Lo (the loops with rippon arms -> they are now called Yuzu-fairy jumps).

Yuzu fist-bumping everyone, his cuteness when he did the heart arms with Elladj was killer. And, of course, the traditional ARIGATO GOZAIMASHITA! What an experience.

I am so looking forward to the next live broadcast and to the recorded ones as well. My first time watching FaOI and it paid off!

#yuzuru hanyu #figure skating #faoi 2022 #faoi makuhari 2022 #text #long post #ice show #faoi