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#too many names baby

Above is a portion of a letter Stuart Sutcliffe had sent to his girlfriend, Sheila Martin (Garbe), dated September 24, 1959. 

Darling Sheila, 

I hope you don’t mind me writing - anyway if I post this it will be something to read on the way to work on Monday morning. I have thought of writing before, but knowing the way you receive my little eccentricities (this is probably why you call me a baby - or stupid). Anyway I’ve started, I shall probably finish it. Not long after you left, Don McKinley, came round - he’s a painter - quite a good one - He came to ask me to baby-sit tomorrow (Sunday) - it seems that I’m in business - I’ll probably sell my brushes, paints and easel, and install a few cots, and some baby bottles at the flat. I’ll make a fortune, after all babies seem to be the things these days!!! He was just admiring that small painting of you when Austen came round, he wanted me to baby-sit too. Well anyway I’ll be at Don’s tomorrow night. I prefer that to going to the Cracke. I’m afraid it would be noticeable that I wasn’t with you. (I miss you). I’m just listening to the record player, it’s working alright now. Anyway when Austen came, we went to the Jac, but we had to leave early (After 15 minutes or so) because I felt sick-I hope by Monday morning you feel alright? - The Jacaranda is an awful place! 
‘Loving you is still my only prayer.’  That’s a line I’ve just heard from the Platters. 
I’m sorry for appearing possessive about you not coming tomorrow, but I build my day around those few hours at night with you. That’s why Rod says I’m changed, because I’ve become moody - he says I’m always talking about you. I can’t explain why you have become so important to me, although I’ve always loved you I didn’t realize that it had gripped me so much - in the last couple of weeks particularly - that’s probably why I’m writing now. I hope you will excuse this. I feel I want to write all over this page and the next “I love Sheila” in large letters, and then stick them all over the walls so that everybody else will know. I restrain myself however for the sake of you and everybody else. Hell, this record by Mathis, someone has just the right words to express my feelings for you. I still can’t believe that it is you who has been coming to the flat these past few weeks, I know that to talk of love is very dangerous, and I appreciate that time when you said that you could say you love me but wouldn’t. But somehow I wish you could find it in your heart to tell me. You know I’ve come to rely on you more and more, I hope you never want to leave me. I hope I can make you happy while you are with me, as it is my ambition to make you happier than ever before and for always. I know it is a big job but I’m prepared to give everything I’ve got for you - if you will let me.

eppysboys
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hhhh

#negative, #i know its progress i know its progress i know its a Good Thing and im just a baby bc im not out bc i Cant be rn but like hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, #i dont. this is such a stupid thing. and i know its not a big deal. its not!! no one will even care!! its Not a Thing!!! who cares!!! like, #its just a user name to sign up for smth for school!! who cares!!! just a name!! but ive just been using the first half of my last name for, #literally everything lmao. but now that im signing up for this idk if it'll show my last name too??? i dont want it to repeat bc then i'll, #get questioned and getting questioned means ill get pressured and i dont want have to explain things bc im Not Out but also this is so Dumb, #idek why im suddenly worried abt it its just a stupid service so we can respond to ppl but im just. my school is really big on making sure, #that everyone clarifies their pronouns. which is good!! its good!! its really helpful for trans kids who are out. or working on getting ther, #and!!! its good! good for them! but it means if im ever asked i'll have to misgender myself bc i am NOT ready to tell ppl im enby! for many, #many reasons. but im hhh its this stupid sign up that finally got me. bc i need a username. and i cant use a stupid one bc its for SCHOOL an, #and im just! after i sign up i have to do an intro! and i know theres gonna be kids clarifying their pronouns bc we've been, #we've been taught to do that!! which is good! it's good!!! but im just. even if i dont clarify them theres probably, #someone whos  going to ask me about it and ive been so comfortable the last few months bc online is so much easier in that regard and i dont, #i dont want to go back!! i got away with it during orientation but the one social thing i went to i still got asked! it was just in passing, #so it wasn't as bad as 'whatre your pronouns' which i dont care abt in places like here bc who CARES on here but this is just! irl thru comp, #i dont want these ppl to know unless its on my terms which means just sucking it up and dealing with it and im so! this is so dumb!, #im not out! i cant move out this year! and yeah part of it is covid but part of it is me! part of it is my fault! thats my problem!, #i should be happy im doing online!! it's so much better for my family we're saving so much money since i dont have to worry abt housing, #and im!! its just a stupid username and a dumb intro! for one of many classes i have to take! for the first of many quarters i have to take!, #im, #im not out. nothing i can do abt that. im, #i'll just deal with it and sign up for the stupid site., #i think im just really really tired, #v.txt
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hmmmm thinking about vexx & travller + i had all and then most of you, some and now none of you + i took a little journey to the unknown, and i’ve come back changed, i can feel it in my bones + i fucked with forces that our eyes can’t see, now the darkness got a hold on me + i have seen what the darkness does, say goodbye to who i was + lost in time and space, aimless searching for a long lost face. i don’t know who i am i don’t know where i am  + my one and only love, i’ve been lonely long enough. tell me where did you go, i’ve been searching high and low + you are my sweetest downfall, i loved you first, i loved you first + and I am the fire and I am the forest, and I am a witness watching it, i stand in a valley watching it, and you are not there at all + ‘cause I see you in the daytime, and I hear you at night, there’s a pale imitation burnt in my eyes, i don’t wanna be here, I don’t know what to do + oh, I take it in vain all the plans and moves that we made, half a heart is aching to grow, soulmates aren’t just lovers, you know + I will wake her in the morning, once the dew has dried, i will say it to her face “you’re a conjured lie, a figment of my mind.” + he’s good and he’s bad and he’s all that i’ve got + who is the betrayer? who’s the killer in the crowd? the one who creeps in corridors and doesn’t make a sound 

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I don’t think there’s anything wrong with some of the names, it’s just the order they used them.

James Isaac (Josh) - I think this one is fine

Jennifer Annette (Jana)

Jonathan Robert (John-David)

Judy Michelle (Jill)

Jessica Hope (Jessa)

Jacqueline Marie (Jinger)

Jeremy Charles (Joseph)

Jacob Garrett (Josiah)

 Johannah Lillian (Joy Anna)

Joel Andrew (Jedidiah)

Jason Matthew (Jeremiah)

Joseph Reuben (Jason)

Jackson Elijah (James)

Jared Luke (Justin) 

Justin Peter (Jackson)

Jillian Kathleen (Johannah)

Jade Pearl (Jennifer)

Joyce Victoria (Jordyn)

Julia Faith (Josie)

That was harder than i thought because there’s only so many ‘J’ names to choose from but I still have no clue how they came up with Jinger before Jennifer. 

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