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straykidssoftt · 2 years

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Transported into Black Butler (Undertaker x Reader) 1/??

Hey besties! This is my first fan fiction after a long time away from writing so ummm I hope yall enjoy. There might be slow updates though because it takes me a while to think.

Undertaker/F!Reader

Word Count: 10.8K

(NOT EDITED YET! Ignore the spelling/grammar errors for now if there are any <3)

As I looked on my phone, I realized that I spent hours watching AMV’s and playing Genshin again. Is this what my life went to? I don’t even have contact with my friends that much anymore because I’m too entrapped in fictional realities. Maybe I should… stop obsessing over these things? Nah, I’m perfect just the way I am. I decided that maybe I should go outside to get some fresh air. Since I’ve been trapped inside for so long because of covid, fresh air could do me some good. I quickly threw on some shoes and made my way outside. It was kinda hot outside, but the wind helped cool me off. Maybe this is how Todoroki feels. Dang, I did it again. I quickly upped my pace as I made my way towards the front of Wonderfalls. It was a peaceful silence, nobody outside, the only lights emitting from the houses and street lamps, I loved it. It felt like I was the only one in the world. As I focused more on my walk, I noticed a glowing blue orb thing just staying in one spot. It looked perfectly in place with the surroundings and it was as if it was… waiting for me. I looked around to see if someone was holding it but no one was to be found. I did the only sensible thing a person could do, I ran back into my house and locked the door. Cheryl asked me why I was running like the police were behind me, so I responded by telling her my story about the orb and the comfortable silence. When I finished, she looked at me like I was crazy.

“I know this sounds crazy, but trust me.”

“Y/n… maybe you should take a break from everything. You’re struggling to separate reality from fiction and it’s making you crazy." She finished with a strong resolve. I felt like if I pressed it anymore she would try to search up therapists for me again so I let it go.

“I’ll just.. go take a shower. Maybe that’s what I need”

“Yep you do that buddy.”

After failing at describing my recent experience with my sister, again something strange happened. The orb that I saw in the street was miraculously in my room. I knew it was meant for me, but what’s it for? I decided to investigate it before touching it with my bare hands. I looked around the orb and again, nobody was there. Then I decided to look through the orb and it looked like a faint outline of something, but the blue was too overpowering so I gave up on deciphering it. That’s when a faint buzzing sound began and my ear began to ring. What the… is that a bee?? I internally freak out until I see the orb begin to vibrate. I think the fuck not. I run straight to my bed and hide under my covers. I reach my hand out to feel around for Wooyoung and Leo but my hand touches something warm to the touch. It was almost comforting, like putting on warm fuzzy socks while sitting in front of a fireplace with hot cocoa. I yank my hand back inside the blanket and think about what my next plan of action would be. Maybe I… become dauntless and look for what it was? No, I’m too much of a wimp. Maybe I could call for Cheryl? But what if she can’t see it? You know what Y/n? On the count of three, you just stop being a wimp and look at what it is. Ready?? One… Two…

“THREE!”

I yank off the blanket and I see the blue orb turn more into a lighter shade of the previous color. Why did it change? Is it related to the buzzing? I reach towards the orb to grab it and while my hand is outreaching, the orb acts like a magnet and travels to my hand. Woah, this is weird. This time, the orb kinda felt like nothing, just like if you were to brush your hand in the air. I pull my hand away from the orb but the orb was stuck on it. I shook my hand, but the orb wouldn’t budge. What the heck is wrong with this thing? I tried to use my other hand to yank it off but instead, both of my hands were stuck.

“CHERYLL” I screamed multiple times but she never responded. As I tried to walk to the door, the orb began to absorb my hands and drag me into it. I began to hyperventilate and wonder if this was the end for me. Am I going to die? I guess I won’t see Undertaker as I die. I close my eyes as to y/nng my end to a peaceful standpoint but what happens surprises me. My body felt as if it was laying on a soft bed with gigantic pillows. I wince my eyes as I see a y/nght light through my closed eyelids.

“Lady Y/n, it’s time for you to wake up now.” A familiar voice says.

“What?” I respond to the voice as I gently open my eyes.

I hear curtains being drawn and then the same voice that I heard starts again.

“We have a busy schedule today. Firstly, you and the young master have a meeting with the other nobles about the situation. Next-“ The same voice continued about the itinerary for a while as I grasp the situation. I was being stalked by a blue orb, then the orb appeared in my room and began to buzz, next I touched it and got sucked in-

“AM I DEAD?” I screamed as the person in the room finished relaying the schedule.

“I’d sure hope not,” The voice said as they stepped into my view. “Then Ciel would have my head.” My eyes finally landed on the person who was talking and it was none other than Sebastian, the great butler himself.

“Sebastian?”

“Yes.”

“You’re really Sebastian?” I ask again.

“Well, I’d think so. Did you have a dream or something?” He said while looking slightly amused at me.

“I- well n-“ I couldn’t get words out and instead, hid my face in my pillows out of embarrassment and amazement. Thank you magical orb that could have killed me but didn’t.

“I’ll send Mey-Rin in to help you get ready. After you’re done getting dressed, breakfast will be in the dining hall,” He says as he hands me a cup of tea. “This morning’s tea is Earl Grey with a hint of citrus. I do hope you enjoy it.”

As Sebastian leaves, he smiles at me and then closes the door. This is a dream, right? There’s no way this could happen in life.

“Lady Y/n, I’m here to help you get dressed, yes,” I hear Mey-Rin yell through my doors. “May I come in?”

“Yeah, be my guest.” I see the door open and there was one of the amazing servants in the manor.

“What would you like to wear today?” Mey-Rin asked as she opened my wardrobe.

“Maybe something light but not too dressy.” I respond. She looked at me like I was crazy and then grabbed the biggest dress I’ve ever seen in my life.

“I’m suppose to wear that?” I asked completely bewildered.

“Yes, what else are you supposed to wear?” She responds with a slight laugh in her voice.

“Ok, I guess” I let Mey-Rin put the corset on me first, and once I felt that pain, I realized that this was real. She finished getting me dressed and after she left, I took a good look around the room. My walls were beige, the comforter and pillows and curtains were all a lovely purple shade, and worse of all, I was no longer the person I recognized. It looked like I took a complete transition and looked nothing like I did earlier that day. I was in complete and utter shock. I decided to leave my room finally after looking through everything and it looked exactly like it did in the anime. Looking down the stairs I saw all of the servants lined up, waiting for me so that they could say good morning. I saw Finny and Tanaka and Baldroy and that’s when my anime stan self came out. I looked at all of them with a big, shining smile and said good morning to all of them. They smiled at me with the same warmth they received and said the same thing back.

“Lady Y/n, Lady Y/n!” Finnian began happily, “Today, can you help me with the garden?”

“Of course I can!! Just let me know whenever you need me.” I said, internally fangirling extra hard. I made my way to the kitchen where I saw Ciel sitting next to the head of the table, waiting for me.

“Good morning.” He says as he looks up at me expectantly.

“Good morning.” I say with a smile. How am I related to Ciel??

“…Are you ok?” He asks with the same look in his eyes from earlier.

“What are you talking about?” I ask, genuinely confused.

“Sebastian, she has amnesia.”

“What are you talking about? No I don’t.” I looked down at my hands, and then back up to see Ciel whispering to Sebastian. Sebastian got dismissed and Ciel looked at me with a serious look in his eyes.

“Ok then, if you don’t have amnesia would you mind telling me your full name and how we’re related?”

Wai- if I say L/N then I’ll seem crazy. And how am I related to Ciel?? Maybe I’m his friend?

“I’m Y/n L/N- umm…”

“L/N what? Skip that and come back to it. How are we related?”

“Fine, I might be a little confused.” I finish with a sigh.

“That’s what I assumed. Anyways let me clear up at least some of the confusion. Your name is Y/N Phantomhive and you’re my older sister. You have amnesia because in the last case we did, you tripped and hit your head.” He said as he sipped his tea.

I guess I should just go along with this for now, even if I do find Vincent hot.

“Oh that makes more sense.” I nod my head as I take the last few bites of my breakfast.

“Anyways, I think that you should take a break for today, you’ve been through a lot these past couple of days.”

“I guess I can take a short break, but only for a day.”

“There’s no helping it if you put your mind to something. If you need anything don’t hesitate to call Sebastian or any one else.”

I nod at him as my way of agreeing and then I decide to go back up to my room. I kinda want to stay here until I’m all caught up with the manga.

“Fine, I’ll stay here until I’m all updated. ONLY because I want to see those fine men.” I resolve to myself. A couple of hours passed and Ciel was done with the meeting with the other nobles. I’m going to shake things up. How about I get kidnapped instead of Ciel? I walk out the door into the study where I find Azzurro there waiting for Ciel. I look at him, and he looks at me, and we look at each other for a short minute.

“So… I’mma go and-“

“I don’t think so.” He says as he grabbed my hand and knocked me out. I woke up in a random room like the one in the manga. Bet I’m kidnapped… now what? I don’t have the mark that Ciel does. Ahhh hell no what do I do?!

“Lady Y/n, whenever you’re in trouble just bark like a puppy. Even if you don’t have the mark, since you’re related to the young lord I can sense if you’re in danger.” Is this a flashback? From the actual person who is here? Alright, bet. Wait- doesn’t he need proof? And aren’t I supposed to do something to help them out?

“Wake up. We have business to attend too.” A harsh voice spits out like venom.

“Can I just sleep for a couple more minutes? You know I have amnesia, don’t you, Azzurro Vanel.” I respond with the same amount of harshness.

“So you do know who I am. That makes things a lot quicker.”

“Which means you also recognize who I am and what I’m capable of.” Why am I saying this? Please don’t kill me

“Bold of you to assume you’ll be able to do something. Matter of fact-“ He pauses to grab my hair and yank me up towards him, “I think you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Crap he found me out. What’s taking them forever to find me? I know damn well it didn’t take this long in the manga. The ringing of the phone took me out of my thoughts and Azzurro had a tiny smirk on his face like he won the award for best villain in Black Butler.

“Seems like your brother is ready for negotiations.” He walked over to the phone and hesitates before picking it up.

“Don’t make a sound or else I’ll kill your brother alongside your servants.”

“Do you really think you scare me? If anything, what scares me is the fact that I won’t be able to listen to any of my KPOP or watch any of my anime’s for a while.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, but if you speak once, you’ll learn true fear.” He picked up the phone and I could hear Sebastian talking to Azzurro about his assassin failing. I laughed while saying my servants are the best of the best and assassins won’t kill them. I felt a sharp pain in my stomach as I realized that he kicked me because of his irritation.

“You hoe. That’s why your ugly ass will never have a girlfriend.” I spit at his feet and lifted my body onto the wall to support myself.

“Ah, I hear my lady is in the room with you, contrary to you saying she was knocked out. Lady Y/n, are you there?” I heard Sebastian over the phone so I did exactly what Ciel did in the show.

“Woof.” That was hella embarrassing I think I’ll just kill myself so that I don’t have to look at him when he shows up.

“Lovely. I’ll be there shortly.” Sebastian hung up the phone and Azzurro looks at me with a malicious look in his eye.

“I thought I told you not to say anything.” He glared as he reached for his gun that was in his pocket.

“And I thought I told you that I wasn’t afraid of your punk ass.” He walked over to me and yanked my hair once more.

“You’re lucky that you’re needed for a negotiation or else you’d be dead by now.”

Technically, I might already be dead but I have no idea. We heard gunshots and shouts, glass was shattering and there were a whole lot of thuds.

“Looks like my butler found his way here.”

“Well it’s time for you to look the part of a hostage ‘lady y/n’” He says in an almost mocking tone. I heard as Sebastian's careful steps walked towards the door and his quick knocks before opening the door.

“I’m here for my lady if you wouldn’t mind,” He says as calmly as he’s been in his life. “Your ransom is right here in my hand so we’ll do a fair trade.”

“Fair trade? Over my dead body, NOW.” As he screamed that, the sound of many guns went off, each one aimed at Sebastian. I blinked slowly and glared at Sebastian as Azzurro began laughing that he won and that he would be murdering me next, I was just waiting.

“I know you’re trying to joke around, but maybe if you hurried this up we won’t be late for dinner. Get up, Sebastian, I’m tired and I want a bath.” I complain as he chuckles and gets up effortlessly.

“Guns have improved since a hundred years ago,” He spoke as he spat out the bullets that entered his body. “I’ll give these back to you guys.”

He threw each bullet back at the men, which pierced all of the henchmen with precision in the forehead. Azzurro yanked my arm and aimed the gun at my temple.

“You’re going to walk away and leave us. As for her, she’ll be lucky if anyone wants to buy her when I show her off.

“I’m so sorry about your plans, but my master ordered me to save her and to solve this case. A Phantomhive butler who can’t do this much isn’t worth his salt.” He finishes with a finger up in the air.

Oh. My God. He just said the line, he just said the li- No Y/n, shake it off. You cannot be a simp at this moment in time.

“SHUT UP!” He says as he pulled the trigger. I braced myself for an impact that never came.

“Wow, that’s so cool!” I say while trying to retain some of my fangirl-ness inside me.

“I’m glad that’s amusing to you my lady, but we really should be on our way,” Sebastian said with a smile before turning back to Azzurro with a straight face. “I’ll give this back to you.” He says as he dropped the bullet into his front pocket.

“Bu- How did you?” Azzurro was bewildered at what he just witnessed. Sebastian picked me up and sat me down on the couch before cutting off all of the bondage ties. I nod at him as a little sign of appreciation.

“Come work for me, I’ll pay you ten times more than they pay you there.” Dang, now he’s just sounding desperate.

“I don’t have interest in human currency since it doesn’t matter to me.” He said as his eyes glowed a familiar color. Hell yeah, turn into a demon and kill this man. Sebastian transformed into his demon self and killed Azzurro with such ease, it was hard not to simp for him.

“Lady Y/n, let’s go back to the manor. Young master is eagerly waiting for your arrival.” Sebastian said as he picked me up and ran quickly to the manor. So this is what it feels like to run as fast as the wind can travel. I felt Sebastian slow down into a dignified walk and as I look forward I saw everyone standing in front of the doors.

“LADY Y/n!” “Are you okay?” “Why does your hair look so messy?” “Baldroy don’t say that. But why do you have tears and bruises on you?” “Finny how are you going to stop me from talking about her messy hair but you mention the most obvious thing.” “Guys, we shouldn’t bicker in front of the lady, yes.” As everyone talked over one another, I realized that Ciel didn’t say anything yet. I quietly walked next to Ciel and leaned down to his ear.

“Can we talk later today? Preferably before dinner but after my bath?” I whisper down to him. He didn’t respond but instead gave a little nod.

“Guys don’t worry about me, I tripped again. Maybe I should learn how to walk before going anywhere,” I say with a chuckle embedded into my last couple of words, “I’m just going to go take a shower, and then I’ll be ready for dinner. Not to mention, what happened was very entertaining.” As I began to walk away, everyone looked like they were confused and but they just let it go. Luckily, I found the bathroom with no effort and I quickly got undressed and into the bathtub. Wait- what am I going to talk to Ciel about? I can’t talk about anything that happens in my world, and if I’m being honest, I still don’t know anything about this whole thing.

“Ugh, what am I supposed to do now?” I sigh heavily and sink further into the bathwater. There were three knocks and then Mey-Rin opened the door to give me some clothes for after my bath.

“Thank you!” I say as I got out of the tub and wrap myself in one of the many fluffy blankets. She bowed and then left hastily because she had to get back to work. Is this another big dress? I don’t want to wear this. I look around for a way to make this more comfortable for me and I found a quick solution. Instead of putting on all of the layers and the corset, I just went with the lightest layer to make myself look presentable and comfortable. I don’t know what this era’s obsession with big dresses is. I walked out of the bathroom and into Ciel’s study, mentally preparing myself for our conversation. Not the social anxiety peaking inside of me. Ciel appeared in the room and looked at me with a small smile on his face. Ciel? Smiling? Where’s the Akito in him?

“You wanted to talk to me?” He asked while sitting in his chair.

“Yep. You know how my memories aren’t with me at the moment?” I started as Ciel nodded as a way to say continue, “Well, I was thinking that you could give me more information about… me. And the Manor and some of my relationships.”

“Hm… well it’ll kinda be hard since you’re older than me by a lot but I’ll try my hardest,” He takes a sip of tea before setting it down and sitting up in his chair. “Basically, you already know you’re my older sister. Your birthday is January 18th 1886, and you’re currently 19 years old. After Mother and Father passed away we both took up the role of the Queen’s Watchdog. We’ve been doing well at it, and you’re almost as talented as Sebastian when it comes to missions and cases.”

“Oh? Wait- So I’m almost demon level good at what I do?” I beamed at Ciel and gestured for him to continue.

“As for your relationships, I know for a fact you’re funny and that’s why you and The Undertaker are extremely close,” WHAT?? WE’RE CLOSE???? DOES THAT MEAN, I CAN GO VISIT HIM AT TIMES?? I failed to hide the smile that came with hearing Undertaker’s name and that didn’t go unnoticed by Ciel. “I can see that you still recognize him. You’re pretty good friends with all of our pawns which I don’t understand why. Madam Red adores you like your own daughter though. I remember when she came to a while back and I had to have Sebastian save you because she kept throwing you in dresses,” He looks up at the ceiling as if he was reminiscing and then he concluded by speaking about some of my local friends that are outside of our circle.

“I think I understand better now. And because of this, I also remembered something else.”

“What would that be?”

“When you and the actual Ciel were born, Father told me that since I had two new younger brothers, I should protect them with all I had. I took that so seriously, that when you had your first asthma attack, I wouldn’t leave your side and I gave you everything you needed,” I smile at him and continued, “I couldn’t just leave my cute younger brother to suffer, so I did everything in my power to make sure that you had fun, even if you couldn’t go outside.”

Ciel looked at me and gave a small smile as he stood up and stretched, “ I’m happy that you remembered something. I still remember what you said to me during that time, ‘ I’ll make sure that nothing bad happens to you, so just trust in your older sister and everything will be alright’ right?”

“Yep!”

“We had a long day today, even though you enjoyed being kidnapped? Anyways, I think it’s time for dinner so let’s eat and then retire to bed.” He stood up and walked towards the door.

“I agree, let’s go” I stood up as well and we both walked down to the dining hall, where everyone again was waiting for us. Ciel and I sat down and enjoyed the delicious meal that Sebastian prepared for us with a comfortable silence.

“Okay, I’ll be heading to bed now. Goodnight everyone!” I say as I walk towards the stairs.

“Goodnight, Lady Y/n!” I hear many voices yell towards me. After I reached my room, I sat on top of my bed and just thought to myself. Will I ever be able to return to my actual world? Or am I dead and since I thought of Black Butler as my last thought, they’re just including me in the storyline? Even if I could go back, would I want to go back is the real question. Hmm… I guess we’ll see when we get towards the end. I lay on my bed and tucked myself into my blankets before drifting off to the dream world. In my dreams, I thought about everyone that I left behind as I went into the orb. From my family to Savanna and Mark, to all of my friends. It showed some of the memories that I looked fondly back upon and it also showed some painful ones that I didn’t want to bear a second thought on.

“Good Morning, My Lady,” I heard as Sebastian drew back the blinds once again. “Today, I have prepared a lavender herbal tea as an effort to calm you down from the previous endeavors yesterday.”

“Oh, thank you! You really don’t have to worry about yesterday, as I said before, it was pretty fun getting kidnapped. Though those couple of bruises won’t go away for a while, it kinda is a refresher from my boring everyday life.” I sipped the tea and smelled the infused scent of the soothing lavender, “this is lovely.” I murmured

“I’m glad the tea is to your liking. Today we will be going to the London townhouse to gather more intel on the recent Jack the Ripper murders. Please, quickly get ready and breakfast will be downstairs waiting for you.”

“Okay, thank you!” Sebastian made his way out of my room without a second thought and closed the door gently. As I would expect from an amazing butler. I looked through the closet and my eyes landed on a burgundy dress that looked similar to one that I had in my actual world. I grabbed that and decided to skip the corset aspect of that. When I got downstairs, the servants again were waiting to greet me.

“Good morning!” I heard them all say in unison.

“Morning everyone!” I said with the same enthusiasm. I reached the table and grabbed the croissant that was closest to me but Ciel wasn’t there.

“The young master decided to take a bath before we leave, so he ate breakfast ahead of time!” I heard Finny say, as an attempt to soothe my racing brain.

“Oh, ok. Finny, after I finish eating I can help you out with the garden. I feel bad that I wasn’t able to yesterday, so I’d like to make good on my promise today. If you’ll let me?” I took a bite of my croissant and looked at Finnian, who was about to bounce off the walls in excitement.

“REALLY? OK!” He never looked happier in his life, so I was happy that I could make him happy. I know he looks extremely happy whenever he’s outside, but this is the next level. I quickly finish up and before I know it, Finnian was practically dragging me outside with him.

“Here, Lady Y/n, you can water this side of the garden, and then I’ll do the other!” He handed me a green watering can that looked like it came out of an anime. Oh, wait-

“Ok, I can do that easy peasy.” I begin to water the flowers and Finny and I have a great conversation for about 30 minutes before Sebastian and Ciel walk outside.

“Y/n, we’re heading out now.” Ciel said as he looked to see what I was doing.

“Ok, Finny I’ll see you when we return!” I say as I waved to him. He waved back as Ciel and I walked into the carriage. Sebastian was at the front, driving the thing and I was very impressed. On our way there, Ciel was discussing what we had to do and what we needed to find and although I was nodding acting like I knew exactly what was happening, my mind was on one thing, and one thing only. AAAAHHHHHH!! Undertaker is going to pop up soon!! I know that I’ll also see Grell, but hear me out, Undertaker is more important than my favorite girlie. Ok, I have to compose myself. Deep breaths, deep breaths.

“Y/n? Didn’t you hear Sebastian say that we’re here??” Ciel said as he shook my shoulder gently.

“Oh, yeah I was just deep in thought. Let’s go.” I hopped out of the carriage and as we all walked inside we saw Madam Red, Grell, Lau, and Ran Mao were wreaking havoc in the room.

“Where do they keep the tea in this place?” Madam Red said as she was rummaging through some cupboards.

“Maybe check in a drawer, you know the young master is short.” Lau responded while lounging on a chair.

“Good to see everybody’s here,” Ciel said a red tick mark appeared above his head, showcasing his frustration.

“I’ll go ahead and make tea for everyone,” Sebastian said as he walked towards the back. I looked around and I was seeing everyone in front of me. Y/n, no need to fret, just don’t let anything slip about this arc and we’re all set.

“My lovely niece, come here so that I can give you a better outfit.” Madam Red said as she yanked me towards her and Grell. “Grell, pull out the dresses that I brought for her.”

“R-Right away!” Grell started to run to the door until I stopped her.

“No need to rush, just take your time and be careful.” I offered a warm smile and she looked at me like she were about to cry.

“Right!” She finish exiting and right when she came back with the dresses, Sebastian had the tea ready.

“Madam Red, your dress up party will have to wait. We have business to attend too.” Ciel said as he grabbed my hand and brought me to the dual chairs at the head of the table.

“Jack the Ripper uses very unconventional ways to kill.”

“We knew that, but can you describe it?” Lau pushed for more information but Ciel stopped him.

“I don’t know all the details but there is one individual that does.” UNDERTAKER’S FINALLY COMING INTO PLAY. Keep it cool, Y/n Ciel did say that he found me amusing. All of a sudden, I found myself standing in front of the funeral parlor next to everyone except Ran-Mao. Lau had her stay back to clean the mess they created before our arrival. As we entered, Undertaker was nowhere to be seen.

“Undertaker where are you?” Ciel said as he took off his hat and handed it to Sebastian, alongside his walking stick.

“It appears he’s not in here.” Lau declared as he looked around the darkened place. It looked exactly like in the anime, but that wasn’t a surprise to me anymore. I walked to the upright coffin that was adjacent to the door and knocked on it. Wasn’t he in here during this scene?? If I’m wrong I won’t hesitate to kill myself.

“Undertaker, wake up.” I spoke softly through the closed coffin. I hear giggles coming out of the coffin and as quickly as the laughter came, the lid came off and Undertaker peered out.

“I was ready to surprise the Earl knowing that he was on his way here, but instead you surprised me. Leave it to Lady Y/n to know where I am.” Undertaker chuckles and steps out of the coffin.

“Would you like some tea? Give me a moment, as you can tell my area is a bit messy.” He disappears for a prolonged moment and by the time he got back, we made ourselves comfortable on the coffins. Ahhh it’s like we’re close friends- wait. We are close friends Y/n. BUT STILL UNDERTAKER SAID MY NAME!! He passed out the diverse array of cups that were made up of beakers and a singular tall cup.

“I can assume what you’re here for, but I’ll allow you to tell me yourself, Earl.” Undertaker said as he made himself comfortable on his chair.

“Very well. I’d like to know more about the way the victims in the Jack the Ripper case died.” Ciel took a sip of tea and looked at Undertaker, waiting for him to give him what he needed.

“There is a certain commonality among all the prostitutes, but first you must pay me.” Undertaker smiled and waited for his payment.

“How much money do you want?” Lau said, willing to pay every penny. Undertaker zoomed to Lau as fast as lighting and opened his mouth to speak.

“I’m not interested in the Queen’s money. There is only, but one requirement for the information you need,” He paused and looked at Madam Red then back at Lau, “Show me a first rate laugh!” He said as he salivated over the thought of laughter.

“What?” Madam Red and Lau said in unison as they looked in disbelief.

“That’s all you want?” Madam Red asked as Undertaker was still thinking about laughter. After Undertaker nodded, they both decided to take a whack at it. They both failed of course but, it was the thought that counted.

“Now the only people that’s left, the Butler and Ciel. Would the Young Earl like to entertain me today, or will the butler be doing so?” Undertaker asked, sitting back down onto his chair and rolling upside down onto the coffin acting as a table.

“What about Y/n? She hasn’t gone yet either.” Ciel protested as he desperately looked over at me.

“I’m not funny, so I’m gonna have to sit this one out.” I respond to Ciel as I cross my arms.

“You’re absolutely right Ciel, we’re going to have to have her try this. My Lady, would you care to amuse me?” He said with a small smile on his face.

“If I do this, EVERYONE except for Undertaker is waiting outside until I’m done. I don’t need to embarrass myself.” I sigh and look at each of them seriously. If looks could kill, everyone knows that they would be dead just by my stare.

“Y/n, I leave this to you. Come, Sebastian.” Ciel and the others start to walk out and all that’s left in the room is me, Undertaker, and silence. What did I just do? I know I’m trying to make the most out of this, but I am not funny. I don’t have any jokes and worse, the man I simp for hardest is sitting down, waiting for a joke. I don’t know if I can do this-

“I’m ready whenever you are, even though you lied.” Undertaker said as he chuckled a little.

“Huh?” Words couldn’t form in my mouth after he said that.

“You said that you weren’t funny, yet you’re one who made me laugh on countless occasions. Now, go ahead and give me what I desire.” He propped his head upon his hand and peered at me through the bangs.

“O-okay.” not the stuttering, cut it out, “When you die, what part of the body dies last?” I begin my joke as Undertaker thinks for a second.

“I don’t know, what?”

“The pupils… they dilate.” I look at him, Undertaker was trying to contain his laughter but he couldn’t. His laugh made the whole shop shake and his laugh was so contagious, I laughed almost as loud as him. When our laughter died down, everyone re-entered the room, looking at us like we were crazy, and in amazement.

“I thought you weren’t funny?” Ciel said as he took his seat back.

“It just came to me?” I offered a shy smile and turned back to Undertaker, who stood up and was ready to continue the information given.

“After that delectable laugh, I believe you all need some information.” He walks up to me and stands directly behind me. He’s so close to me, I can smell him. Hmm… it smells a little like cinnamon and vanilla. Noiceeeee.

“All of those dead prostitutes had their throats cut and they were missing something.” His hands ghosted my throat as if demonstrating what happened and then his hands went down to my lower abdomen. “Their wombs were completely taken out of their body and sowed back up. Very neatly as well, if I do say so myself.” Undertaker removed himself from me and went back to his desk. I finally had my y/n moment… AHHHHH.

“So that means that whoever our culprit is would have to be experienced.” Ciel concluded from that hint which was given by a very fine man.

“That’s exactly right. It would have to be someone experienced in that field.” He said as he leaned back in his chair and giggled slightly.

“That was all we needed. Let’s go, Sebastian, Y/n.” Ciel grabbed his hat and walking stick and started towards the door.

“My lady, if you ever want to stop by again, you know where my building is.” Undertaker said as he pierced into my eyes through his bangs.

“Of course! Bye Undertaker and thank you again!” I said as I fangirl another time and wave slightly at him.

“No, thank you!” Undertaker turned in his chair so that his back was facing the door and waved from behind his back. When I got back into the carriage, Ciel and Sebastian were already talking and Madam Red was waiting for me.

“Honey, what took you forever? I wanted to talk about what dresses you’d like from me.” She said as she looked over my outfit and shook her head in disappointment.

“I just had to finish up in there.” I said as I got comfortable before Grell took off the carriage.

“Oh?” She gave up on investigating any further and sat back in her seat more.

“Y/n, as I told Sebastian earlier, we concluded that anyone with medical training can be the murderer.” Ciel said as he looked out the window bored.

“Yeah, I was thinking the same thing.” Mainly because I’ve watched the show.

“So while Sebastian is making a list of subjects, I’d like you to just relax.”

“Wait- why can’t I help out yet?” Ciel just looked at me like I said the stupidest thing in the world and rolled his eyes.

“You know why. After we narrow the list down, you can come with us to nail down the final suspect.” Ciel sighed and went back to playing with his ring.

“Ok!” I said and went back to humming in my seat as I patiently waited for us to arrive back at the townhouse.

“Uh-oh.” Grell whispered outside of the carriage.

“Grell… whats wrong?” Madam Red asked her, nervousness seeped into her system.

“I think I made a wrong turn somewhere.” She said as the carriage slowly came to a stop. I peeked out the window and saw that we were in the middle of a random town that wasn’t like the one our townhouse is at.

“Grell, would you like me to help you?” I asked as I looked out the door.

“FABULOUS!” She said as she did her signature pose on the low.

“Y/n, are you sure you know where you’re going?” Ciel asked as I got in the front with Grell.

“Nope but it might jog my memory so I’m going to help.” I say as I grab the handles from Grell.

“Grell… I don’t know how to drive this so… you’re gonna have to be on watch for me.”

“I got you! Leave it up to me!” She said as she attentively watched what I did. Wait… I’m a natural at this! Look at me go! After a couple of minutes, I found myself in front of the townhouse with Sebastian standing in front of the door.

“Lady Y/n, what on earth are you doing right there?” Sebastian asked with a smile on his face, but we all knew he was beyond irritated.

“Oh, Grell got us lost so I decided to help her drive so that we wouldn’t be that late. And TADA!! At least I remembered where the house was and how to drive this thing!” I say as I chuckle to let the awkwardness fade.

“Oh my. Well, I suppose that if you wanted to help him, nothing could be done.” Sebastian walked up to the step and helped me down.

We all walked into the townhouse and sat down in the study where Sebastian already had tea and snacks ready for us. Now that's capable.

“As for our suspect list, here it is.” Sebastian said as he rolled a large piece of paper out.

“How on earth did you do all that in a short amount of time?” Madam Red asked, amazed that he could pull this off.

“I’m merely one hell of a butler.” He replied as he politely smiled. SEBASTIAN PLEASE I DON’T NEED TO SIMP ANY HARDER!!!

“What did you narrow the list down to?” I ask to show interest in the topic. I already know, I just want to hear you say it.

“I’ve narrowed it down to Aleister Chamber. Although he graduated from medical school, he hasn’t been involved in the profession and he is well known for hosting a number of seasonal parties where he only allows people close to him to attend.” Sebastian finishes while summarizing more things about the subject.

“Which means that he might be choosing the victims at his parties.” Ciel said as he sipped his tea and exhaled tiredly.

“Exactly right.” Sebastian nodded at Ciel.

“Now all we need to know is when the next party will be.” I said with a determined look plastered onto my face.

“I actually have an invitation to one of his parties that should be tomorrow evening.” Madam Red said as she clapped her hands together. “I can get you guys invited as well but you’ll need to disguise yourselves.”

“How are we suppose to do that?” Ciel asked with a sigh.

“I was thinking… Lau could be my lover, Sebastian could be Ciel’s home tutor, Me and Grell can be ourselves and Ciel and Y/n, darlings, you guys would be acting as my nieces. Nothing changed for Y/n but Ciel… I’d be able to put you in a dress.” She giggled to herself in excitement.

“WHAT? Why do I have to dress like a girl if Y/n’s going?” Ciel yelled as he suddenly stood up.

“For fun! Also since this is your job, you have to be the one to solve the case.” Madam Red said as she trailed off into dress ideas for both Ciel and me.

“But Y/n also has this job!”

“Ciel, I have amnesia, remember?” I point out, not trying to do any more than I already am doing in this universe.

“Of course you pull that card when it benefits you.”

I smile as I stand up to go to my room.

“Y/n, Darling, I’ll have your outfit all planned out by early morning at the latest! I can’t wait to see how you look in one of my outfit picks.” Madam Red exclaimed as she waved me off.

“I can’t wait,” I said as I approached my room at the townhouse. As I made my way through many wrong rooms, I finally stumbled around the one that looked similar to my other bedroom at the mansion. I got changed and sat on my bed thinking about the old reality of my life. Just sitting around waiting for my friends to text me back. Even if I can’t return to my reality, I don’t think I’ll miss it. Everyone in this reality cares about me and they talk about me.

“Ughh how refreshing!” I sigh as I get comfortable in my blankets and drift off to sleep. The next morning, I’m met with the y/nghtness and the loudness of Grell and Madam Red.

“Now Grell, make sure you put all of the dresses up on the wardrobe.”

“Y-y-y-yes ma’am right away.” Grell rushed to grab all of the dresses but falls in the middle of sprinting them over to where they needed to be.

“Grell what on heavens earth are you doing? You’re going to mess them up!” Madam Red fans herself and looks at me to see that I was awake and looking at them confused.

“Ah, good morning Y/n! I am so sorry about Grell, he can’t do his job right.”

“Good morning?” I respond as I wipe the sleep from my eyes.

“I’m sorry, I’ll repent with my death.” Grell says as she wipes a tear from her eyes and dramatically runs to the window.

“No Grell, you’re fine. Just pace yourself even though I don’t get why theres so many dresses to begin with.” I respond as I grabbed her and pulled her away from the window.

“You’re a saint, Lady Y/n.” She responds as I can see the animated dramatics above her head.

I forgot how funny the animations make something. Madam Red went to explain on about how she always wanted a daughter to dress her up in pretty dresses and named each dress that was in the room.

“Wait- I appreciate the sentiment of this, couldn’t you have brought like… two of them?” I ask while being overwhelmed.

“Nope!” Madam Red said with a beaming smile on her face.

“Alright.. well can I wear the burgundy and black one?”

“Of course! Grell, help me get her in this dress.” Madam Red and Grell went to put me in the dress and as they stepped back they both gasped.

“You look stunning! It’s like… this dress was made for you!” Madam Red started and Grell finished the sentences as if they were one brain.

“Thanks.” I sheepishly laugh as I pull the sleeves down a little.

“Don’t pull at the sleeves, it makes the whole outfit.” Madam Red swatted at my hand and did a dramatic sigh.

“Now we have to leave in a couple of minutes so eat and then go out to the carriage.”

“Wai- it’s literally only 10am.” I tell her, a little confused at why she was trying to leave so early.

“No, I wasted your whole day talking about the dresses. It’s 5 in the afternoon.” She said proudly.

“Before you say anything, Ciel told me to distract you for this long so blame him. Grell, let’s go.” She starts the room before Grell follows shortly after.

Wow… it’s probably because he didn’t want to hear me talk about him wearing a dress at the party so he distracted me until the last minute. Makes sense, I wouldn’t want to think about it the whole day either.

I walk back down the stairs where I was greeted with Sebastian standing next to the table with a tiny meal in front of him.

“Hello, My Lady. Since you haven’t eaten at all today and we’re about to go to the party, I decided to make you a small yet fulfilling meal. Today I made… and for your tea we have green tea to aid in digestion.” Sebastian said as he masterfully sat me in my seat and pulled out the tiny plate with the sides.

“Thank you, this looks great. How much longer do I have until we leave?” I ask as I begin my meal.

“You have 20 minutes left.”

“Ok.” I get back to eating and then before I knew it, I was in the carriage 5 minutes away from the party.

“Ciel I-“

“Nope.” Ciel interrupted my sentence and stopped me while I was ahead. “I know you were going to say I looked pretty but thats not what I want to hear right now.”

“Sorry.”

“Anyways, be careful when you’re in there. If Aleister tries to go to you instead of me, remember what you have to do.”

“Gotcha- I mean, ok.” Ciel gave me a weird look but shook it off as we pulled up to the door.

“Yes, we’re here under Madam Red?” Madam Red said as she flaunted her red dress. The door holder allowed us in and the party was very extravagant. There were many people on the dance floor, and people were chatting on the sides of the dance floor but there was one person that we all recognized.

“Elizabeth?”

“Lady Elizabeth?” Ciel and Sebastian said in union.

“What’s Lizzy doing here?” I ask acting like I knew nothing about this arc.

“I don’t know, but I absolutely cannot let her see me like this.”

“Lucky for you, she’s heading towards you.” I turn to Ciel and Sebastian but they both were gone.

“Wow, so that’s how it is?” I sigh as Elizabeth rushed towards me.

“Y/nIIIIII” Elizabeth screamed as she dashed towards me.

“Hi Lizzy!” I say as I reciprocate her hug and spin her around.

“What are you doing here?” She asked me as she buzzed in excitement.

“Madam Red invited me, so I couldn’t possibly turn her down.” I reply as I laugh at her childlike behavior.

“Ah, I see. Well, I adore your dress but I’m on the hunt for a girl with this ABSOLUTELY stunning dress that I want to compliment.” She said as she physically tried to remember what it looked like.

“Good luck!” I waved as she ran off in the opposite direction of Ciel and I couldn’t help but giggle. Wow, Ciel has the hard life doesn’t he?”

“What’s a beautiful young sparrow such as yourself doing giggling all to yourself?” I hear a voice ask me, in slight amusement. I turn to face the mysterious voice and I couldn’t help but gasp. I’m the main character, I’m the main character- How is it that Aleister ran into me before he ran into Ciel?

“Oh, I was just thinking about what my friend said before she dashed off to look for someone,” I reply, avoiding eye contact.

“Oh, is that so?” Aleister asked as he grabbed my face and gently lifted it so that our eyes had to meet, “Your eyes are lovely, I wish you would stop avoiding my gaze.” He said as flowers appeared around us.

“I apologize.” My mind goes back to when we were in the carriage and Ciel told me what to do in this situation.

“Keep the mission going, I’ll have Sebastian keep an eye on you so don’t worry about dying.”

“Gee, thanks.”

Do I have to do this? We saw how Ciel was traumatized.

“But your eyes are just so captivating, I can’t help but avoid them. What if I fall in too deep?” I ask while fluttering my eyelashes. Kill me, please.

“Well aren’t you good with words.” The viscount replied as he smiled and rubbed my back.

“I’d like to think so,” I look around uncomfortably and see Sebastian winking at me as he miraculously stopped Elizabeth from going towards Ciel and began his magic trick thing.

“But I’m a little bored with this party. Is there somewhere where it’s funner than here?” I ask in a fake flirty tone, but he couldn’t be any stupider.

“Of course there is. Would you like me to take you there?” He asked me as he grabbed my hand gently and pulled me in the direction of the knockout gas room. Welp, better brace myself.

“Yes, if it’s not too much of a bother.” I let out a fake giggle and walk with him into the room.

“Wait here, I’ll be right back. I have to tell my friends I found a cute little bird to take back to the nest.” He said as he walked to the door and closed it behind him.

“Now I wait,” I reply as I stand in the middle of the room. The gas activated and within a couple of seconds, I was knocked out. Wow, how long will I be knocked out for? Meh, I don’t have anything to lose. I awoke from being knocked out with a blindfold on and rope around my arms and legs.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, today I have brought a lovely gem for us. She has beautiful brown eyes and-“ Aleister trailed on, talking about me and they started to start bidding on me. When does Sebastian get here? Wai- doesn’t Ciel call Sebastian inside?? But I should be different right?

“Two hundred thousand!” I heard a random man shout.

“Umm, excuse me? I am worth two hundred billion bitch. Sebastian, if you could hurry up before they mark down my price anymore, that would be lovely.” I huffed and glared through the darkness of my blindfold.

“Right away.” Sebastian said as he quickly took care of everyone and knocked out the Viscount. He quickly opened the cage I was in and took off the ropes.

“Now that right there is what I won’t deal with.” I said while rubbing my wrists where the rope was placed.

“The auction?” Sebastian asked as he picked me up and prepared to take me back to the house.

“No, the price they tried to put on me.” I wailed out as he calmly walked out of the building and ran back to the townhouse. As we arrived, Ciel was waiting in the living room area with a cup of tea.

“Welcome back.” He said as he snickered and set the cup down.

“Mhm. I hope you know I’m traumatized.” I said as I sat down next to him, being sure that he felt my glare.

“Of course. Now, I’m pretty sure that the case is closed so go prepare for our departure tomorrow.”

“Yep. Good night.” I said sounding unsure while walking back to my room. Getting out of that heavy dress was a nightmare, but it was worth it when I finally got back into my bed.

“Ahhhh.” I sighed as I snuggled into my blankets. Drifting off to sleep was finally calming to me, without a second thought about my old life.

“Good morning Lady Y/n. Today I’ve prepared earl grey tea and scones for you before we head off.” Sebastian said as he took the tea off the tray and handed it to me.

“Thank you!” I cheerfully took the tea from Sebastian and took a nice sip. Mmmmm I thought to myself but realized I accidentally said aloud when Sebastian chuckled at me.

“By the way, yesterday before you retired to your room, what were you thinking?” Sebastian asked as he walked towards me slowly.

“Huh?” I questioned not trying to sound suspicious.

“The tone that you used when you said good night sounded like you were unsure of what happened. Therefore I asked you, what were you thinking about?”

“Oh nothing haha.”

“Lady Y/n, I know when humans like yourself tell a lie. And right now, I can tell that it wasn’t nothing. I believe you don’t think he’s the murderer.” Sebastian said as he did a small smile with a slight tilt to his head.

“I don’t think he’s the murderer.” Sebastian nodded at me as if beckoning me to continue.

“If anything, he’s just a member of a cult who sells people. It doesn’t seem as if he has the mentality of a serial killer. Also, if I dare go on, he’s one huge creep. He doesn’t have it in him to murder someone.”

“I see. Well I thank you for sharing that and if I could continue, I know he’s not the killer. I actually had another suspect in mind that would perfectly fit our killer.” Sebastian said as he headed to the door.

“It’s Madam Red, isn’t it.” I ask, not worrying about the plot anymore. I just want to talk with Sebastian more.

“I guess we’ll see later on, won’t we. If you’ll excuse me.” He said as he left the room without another word.

-A Couple Hours Later-

I’ve been in my room for the past couple of hours just waiting on Ciel and Sebastian to finally take me with them to the dramatic showcase. What’s taking them forever.

“Lady Y/n, the young master is ready for us to leave.” Sebastian said as he held the door to my room open with a hand on his chest.

“Finally. I’ve been in here forever.” I said as I stepped out of my room, stretching to make myself feel better after being confined for hours.

“Lets go Sebastian!” I exclaim skipping down the halls to the front door.

“Of course.” He said with a slight smile on his lips as he quickly followed me.

As we reached our destination, we slow down as we reached the door.

“We’re at the house of the next victim, Mary Jane Kelly. Proceed with haste.” Sebastian said as he approached the door in front of us.

“AHHHHHHHHH!” We heard a voice scream inside of the house.

“Sebastian, break down the door. That’s an order.” Ciel said as he swiped his hand in the air.

“Right away,” Sebastian said as he kicked the door in with such style. In front of the door, there was a woman’s body but Sebastian dragged both Ciel and me back before we could see the gruesome sight.

“I- I don’t know what happened. I saw this woman bleeding out in front of me an-“

“That’s enough, Grell,” Ciel said as he cut off Grell’s rambling. Grell was covered in the victim's blood and was holding a bloodied knife.

“I guess since you’ve caught me, theres no reason for me to wear this hideous get-up.” Grell began to transform into her usual grim reaper fit.

“As I suspected, you are a grim reaper.” Sebastian said as he shook his head and grabbed his knives. “But I don’t get why a Grim Reaper would pretend to be a butler.”

“I was captivated by a woman.” Grell said as she flipped her hair and shook a little in excitement.

“And, who would this woman be?” Sebastian asked for clarification and identification.

“It should be obvious.” Madam Red said as she stepped out from behind Grell.

“Madam Red! Your name was on the list but no human could have independently committed the murder.” Ciel began as he walked up next to Sebastian, “Which would be a different story if you were working with a Grim Reaper. Their supernatural abilities would allow him to access the prostitute’s room without anyone knowing and to travel to the murder scene from Aleister’s party. Therefore, you both had to act together as Jack The Ripper.”

“I’m hurt Ciel, you would suspect your own aunt?” Madam Red said in shock

“There’s an additional connection between all the prostitutes; they all had an abortion at your hospital. And even though we knew who the last victim would be, we weren’t able to save her.” Ciel said with some sadness in his heart.

“It pains me to see that it actually was you, Madam Red.” I said with pain in my voice.

“Oh, my sweet niece and nephew, I regret that you guys found out. We won’t be able to play chess together anymore and I won’t be able to force my dresses onto you anymore.” Madam Red said as she looked at Ciel and me with remorse. “I won’t go easy on you guys. Grell, you know what to do.”

“YEAH!” Grell said as she pulled out her Death Scythe and began to attack me and Ciel until Sebastian stopped him.

“This is an order, capture Madam Red and Grell.” Ciel said as he ripped off his eyepatch.

“Yes, My Lord.” Sebastian said as he began to attack Grell.

As Sebastian and Grell were off fighting, Ciel and I were questioning Madam Red.

“Why’d you commit the murders?” I asked her. This is my main character moment.

Madam Red pulls out a knife and began to speak, “I’m ‘The Hunted’ and theres only one path.”

“That doesn’t answer the question. Why did you do it, Madam Red?” Ciel asked a second time for us.

“You children wouldn’t understand even if I told you. IT WOULD BE BETTER IF YOU WERE NEVER BORN!” Madam Red screamed as she moved in to stab Ciel.

“NO!” I cried as I stood in front of Ciel, to protect him.

“Lady Y/n, Young Master.” Sebastian said as he was cornered by Grell. Madam Red froze as she stared into my eyes, frightened and confused.

“Sebastian, stop. Don’t kill her.” Ciel ordered as Sebastian turned into his demon form, getting ready to kill Madam Red.

“Why do you look so much like him?” Madam Red quivered as she shook violently.

“What are you waiting for? Kill them so that we can go on.” Grell said as she walked over next to Madam Red.

“I can’t.” She replied as a tear began falling from her eyes.

“What? After you already killed so many women, now you can’t kill? Well you can either kill them, or be killed by me.” Grell said as she looked over her nails and looked back up at Madam Red.

“I- I can’t kill them, t-they’re my ni-“ She coughed as Grell shoved her Death Scythe into her chest.

“I’ve lost interest in an ‘ordinary woman’ like you.” Grell said as she pulled her chainsaw out of Madam Red’s chest. “Anyways, I guess it’s time for me to depart. Goodbye, and good riddance.” As Grell was walking away, Ciel suddenly looked at Sebastian.

“Sebastian, capture Grell. This case isn’t over yet.” He said as he looked back down at Madam Reds' body.

“Right away.” Sebastian said as he stepped towards Grell. They began their battle once more and it was just as intense as in the anime.

Wow, Sebastian does have the moves at times. I looked over at Ciel and he was kneeling over Madam Red’s body and he looked like he was in a daze. As I looked over Ciel, Grell came slamming onto the ground with Sebastian over her, with her death scythe in his hands.

Before Sebastian could kill Grell, someone came and stopped the blow before it landed. Ahhhhh it's William, don’t freak out, don’t freak out.

“Grell Sutcliff…” William went on to list a ton of her faults, but she didn’t care because she was just fangirling over William.

“I apologize for my colleagues actions.” William said as he turned and bowed at all three of us, “I can’t believe the day has come to where I have to apologize to a demon.” As William was dragging Grell away, Sebastian threw Grell’s chainsaw at William’s head, but he easily caught it.

“Didn’t want you to leave that behind.” Sebastian said as he did a fake smile

“Thank you.” William said as he tossed it on Grell and fully walked away.

“Young Master, I apologize for letting Grell escape.” Sebastian said as he bowed towards Ciel.

“It doesn’t matter anymore.” Ciel replied as he stood up, swaying onto Sebastian seeming light-headed.

“Are you okay?” Sebastian said as he grabbed Ciel to support him.

“Let go of me. I’m just a little tired. Let’s go Y/n.” He said as he pushed Sebastian away and walked towards the carriage. I quietly followed behind him, scared that anything I said would make him break. I knew she was gonna die but, that must suck for him. Well, not for me because Undertaker is gonna pop up pretty soon. After the long silent ride back to the mansion, we broke away into our respective rooms. I took a warm bath and I laid back into my bed as I always did before I went back to sleep in my new home and I anticipated the next day. The next day, as expected, the wedding for Madam Red happened but I decided to stay home. It went like Ciel did his very dramatic thing with the red dress and he asked me if I wanted to y/nng the red bouquet that we bought for her but I decided to pass because I wouldn’t be able to stay professional in front of Undertaker. Finny, Meyrin, and Baldroy all three decided to try and cheer me up by doing witty stuff like asking if I wanted to go for a walk or to help them with their chores and it worked even though I wasn’t sad. Thus, the end of this arc and the beginning of me deciding my destiny… of making Undertaker love me.

#undertaker #blackbutler #black butler #undertakerxreader #sebastian michaelis #undertaker x reader

59 notes · View notes

cazimagines · 3 years

Note

Hey! You are a really good writer and I was wondering if you could write a fic where Bucky finds out the reader is anorexic. Can it be just platonic, like Bucky and the reader are best friends? And Bucky just assures her that he'll help her and it's not her fault, etc., lots of comfort. I've been having a tough time lately and I just want Bucky to tell me it will be okay and that it's not my fault and stuff. Don't feel pressured if you don't want to write it! Have a great day.

Synopsis: See above

Word count: 1k

Author’s note: Hey, thank you for the request! I've been meaning to write about Bucky for a while so thank you for giving me the opportunity to. I know I have a lot on my too write list but I wanted to get this one out as soon as possible so it could help you through the hard time you've been having. I hope you find comfort in this and if you ever need someone to talk to my DM's are always open 😊

Warnings: Mentions of eating disorders, mentions of PTSD, lots of comfort

Masterlist

(Please check out my master list to see what I will be writing next and if requests are open or closed)

Cross-posted to ao3 under the same username

The sound of metal rings out as you finally put your fork and knife down on the plate. You had spent the previous five minutes pushing the food around, attempting to muster up some enthusiasm to eat it, but it was so unappetizing. The thought of actually eating it made you sick.

Sighing, you push the plate away, guiltily avoiding the eye contact of Buck, Sam, and Zemo as you got up from your place at the table and walked away.

“I need some fresh air,” you mutter as you quickly rush by them.

It made you feel awful knowing the effort they had put into making food for you, just for you to turn it away. Though Zemo was a baron, food was scarce as all of you were trying to hide out, remain inconspicuous. They had spent hours in the kitchen making it and you couldn’t even eat it. That has to make you a horrible person in their eyes.

You knew you needed the food; you were hardly any help to them if you didn’t have enough energy to stay awake, that you hardly had any muscle built upon you anymore. But it had gotten so out of hand you didn’t know how you could stop. The feeling of hungry had faded from being painful till, when you felt it, it was almost a comforting pain.

Sitting on the patio of the garden out the back you felt a chilling breeze swipe across you, sending goosebumps up your skin as you clutch your arms around your body to bring up some body heat. You let out a shaky breath, watching as it condensed into mist and floated away from you.

Suddenly you felt something wrap around you. A warm jacket is placed over your shoulders. Quickly turning your head, you see Bucky looking forward at the view before you as he sits down beside you. He clasps his hands together, his jaw stiff as he continues to stare forward as you push your arms through the jacket.

“You’ll catch a cold,” he finally mutters

You feel the awkwardness seep in between you two as you silently nod. You pull the jacket close to you as you look forward again, watching the city life before you. It wasn’t much of a view, with built-up concrete buildings all around, worn down streets, and dull lamplights. But the sky made up for it. The night was settling in as the sun went down. From where you and Bucky were, you would see the sun falling beyond the horizon, turning the sky from its beautiful sunset colour to the comfort of darkness.

“I understand you know”

Your eyes flash back to Bucky and are finally greeted with his icy blue ones. His head was turned to you, though he still held his usual stoic expression as he looked at you.

“I understand what you are going through”

You shake your head almost in disbelief, letting out a breath of unsureness. “How so?”

He sighs, looking back out to the sky, finding comfort in the beauty of it. “All of us have our own demons. Our own problems to deal with. It’s been years since I was last...him, and yet still every night I wake up with nightmares about it. My therapist, says it’s PTSD. Perhaps it is, perhaps it isn’t. All I know is that most days I feel exhausted, that I fear even trying to get to sleep because of what awaits me. I still can’t sleep on a bed, you know. Has to be on the floor. A bed feels, it feels too soft.”

He pauses, realising he’s speaking too much about himself. He purses his lips together in bitterness towards himself as he looks back over to you, but instead of finding what he thought would be an expression of irritation instead, he found an expression of kindness, in how your lips pulled up slightly in a reassuring smile, how your eyes sparkled with a knowing in what he said.

“What I’m, what I’m trying to say is that you’re not alone y/n. I’ll always be here for you because… well because you’re my best friend. I know these problems are hard to deal with. They don’t just suddenly get better but maybe together, we could help each other through it.”

As he looks at you, he swallows, awaiting your response anxiously, but no words are needed. You move nearer to him, brushing up against his metallic arm. In realizing what he wants, he lifts it over your shoulder, gently placing it around you as you rest your head on his shoulder.

You say like that for a few minutes in a peaceful silence till you can find the right words to say to Bucky, that he might talk you through your doubts, your self-hatred.

“I feel like it’s all my fault, Bucky. I’m doing this to myself and that I only have myself to blame. I could try more to eat, force myself to eat more, but I always wimp out. And it’s affecting the mission. I hate myself for it”

Bucky’s eyes gaze down at you. His arm that was wrapped around you gripped you tighter as he rubbed comforting movements into your arm.

“It’s not your fault y/n,” he stresses, “You are so strong. Stronger than you realize. You prove it in so many ways, like admitting how you feel about it to me. That takes courage and bravery y/n. Even just eating a little bit of food is showing how strong you are. And with that strength, I know you’ll be able to pull through. You shouldn’t hate yourself for it, please. For me, don’t hate yourself. Because you are one of the kindest and most genuine people I know and for you to hate yourself, what does that make me? If I can learn to like myself, then I know you can learn to love yourself.”

He smiles gently at you as he pulls you even nearer. As your head rests on his shoulder, he rests his head slightly on top of yours. “I’ll help you y/n, every step of the way. I’ll be there for you”

No more is needed to be said. Instead, you two enjoy the comforting friendship between you as you watch the sun slowly sink beyond the horizon of the city and the sky light up in an arrangement of colours before finally flowing into darkness.

Tags: @wonderwoman292 @there-goes-thefighter @multiyfandomgirl40 @freyjasamael @ineffablebean

#bucky fic #bucky fanfic #bucky x female reader #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky barnes #platonic #fatws bucky #tfatws #marvel #mcu #james buchanan barnes #friends

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agustdef · 4 years

Text

With All My Heart

Pairing: Tattoo Artist!Hoseok x Doctor!Reader.

Genre: Established Relationship; Angst; Fluff

Word Count: 11K

Warning: Angsty. Language...?; Mention of Death; Mentions of mental health struggles

Rating: PG15

Banner Maker: @httpangelicjimin who was wonderful enough to remake this one after realized the other wouldn’t work and then proceeded to use it for I Found You.

Beta Reader: @suhdays who knew I was in a rush and was kind enough to offer to beta it for me without me asking.

When Hoseok came home from his last appointment, he found the apartment mostly silent and way cleaner than when he’d left that morning. Probably cleaner than after the weekly Sunday morning routine was finished, which was impressing and worrisome. But also made him hopeful.

After discarding his shoes and jacket at the door, he headed to the bedroom where he found YN already settled into bed. She wore a large shirt – with the words fight me with a leprechaun on front – that she’d probably stolen from Yoongi’s closet during their last visit, her bonnet, and a koala face mask. Her eyes were focused on the TV on the wall opposite their bed and she hummed along with the intro to the anime she was watching.

It was the most relaxed he’d seen her in weeks.

“Hey baby,” he said.

That drew her attention towards him, and she smiled when they locked eyes, though that stopped as soon as her mask shifted. She was happy to see him and had missed him after the day she’d spent alone. Not that she was lonely or anything, but it felt nice to break away from being by herself.

“Hi. You’re home early. I thought you had to work on that big piece tonight?” she said.

That made Hoseok annoyed in an instant. He huffed and rolled his eyes while his fingers ran through his hair. The memory of the evening he had before, and after he finished what turned into his last client filled his head.

“She called and said she couldn't make it. Which was fine, because I wasn't up to working on it tonight anyway. I'm still feeling sick I guess. But, then she kept changing her mind, and when she finally decided to come - and said she was on her way - she didn't come at all. No response to calls or any of the messages I sent. But I was scrolling through the shop's feed while waiting for my other person only to see her at some other shop we follow getting a different tattoo. I just told her that if she wasn’t going to honor appointments and give me the run around, then we weren’t the right fit.”

In response YN frowned. It was clear how annoyed and tired he was, even without the added stress of a wishy washy, client who just thought they could do whatever the hell they wanted when requesting someone’s time. She wanted to knock the girl upside her head, but it wasn’t realistic, and she’d never go out of her way to attack someone. Though the idea of cussing her out if she appeared at the shop when YN was around didn’t seem too terrible of a plan.

However, that wasn’t something that either of them lingered on long because Hoseok sneezed five times in a row and by the third he seemed wiped out.

YN took off her mask and threw it in the trash near her side of the bed before hopping up. She opened her bedside table and pulled out a thermometer, which she quickly freed from its little bad as she rounded the bed to where he stood. Hoseok knew better than to argue so his mouth opened before she even raised her arm to stick it in.

They stood there for a moment staring at each other, until they heard the beep and when YN looked at the temperature she winced.

“You went up so much since this morning. You’re practically at fever levels. Go take a shower and get in bed. I’ll get some stuff for you to take,” she said.

There was no way Hoseok would argue with how he felt. It was like once he was at home and stopped moving his body had started to give up. He felt heavy and he ached a little here and there. His head also felt a little weird, but he chalked up part of that to being frustrated. So, once she stepped away from him he dragged himself to the bathroom.

By the time he finished his shower and pulled on some clothes, YN was already back in the room. She’d had a bowl, a mug, and a glass of water sitting on the table near his side of the bed. And she was unfolding a blanket, which Hoseok recognized as one the weighted ones. It was something that YN pulled out whenever one of them was having a tough time sleeping or in general, and when they got sick. Something about the thing eased the body into relaxation that neither of them had ever felt before.

When she noticed his arrival, she smiled at him and patted the bed. Hoseok moved as quickly as his body would allow him and plopped down onto the bed. Before he could do much else she placed the bowl into his hands.

“It’s a mix of the broths from the soup your mom brought and that Mama Min brought. You are to never tell them that I did this. Or that while both are good they taste next level combined. I will not be killed because I took care of you,” she said.

At that Hoseok laughed, and then drank down the broth. YN wasn’t wrong about it being better combined, which was part of the reason he downed it despite the burn he felt. Naturally, YN chastised him as he did because she could see the pain on his face, but he paid her no mind. Once finished, she replaced the bowl with the mug and one look inside had him sitting it down.

“You know I don’t like that version of ginseng. Why can’t I drink the other one?” he whined.

“Because it’s the kind that helps you the most and it hides the taste of the medicine you hate so much. This is your own fault for being a wimp and not wanting to drink it down by itself. So drink it,” she said.

Of course, he didn’t do it right away. Hoseok stared YN down and attempted his best puppy dog eyes and pout, but was met with an unamused expression that became more uncaring as each second passed. That didn’t deter hum though, at least not for about a minute or so when it was clearly she only grew more impatient with him.

With a huff he grabbed the mug and quickly downed the shot of ginseng and medicine. He winced in reaction to how bitter it was and immediately snatched the glass of water up as YN took the mug from him. Once he’d downed that as well she grabbed all the dishes and headed out of the bedroom.

“Get comfortable in bed,” she called back.

Upon return she had both of their 34oz water bottles filled up and ready for them to drink through the night if need be. Which for Hoseok was often while sick and because she’d caught a little of his cold she too needed a few sips at random times if she woke up.

After giving it to him, she climbed into bed and slid under the blanket. It may have been summer but they tended to keep their room on the colder side, which meant that they wouldn’t overheat just because they slept under them; which was good because YN needed to be under a blanket to sleep.

Getting comfortable didn’t take them long, since they were both so wiped out from their days. And despite Hoseok’s sickness they cuddled together, because unlike him YN continued her dose of medicine until it was gone. She knew she wasn’t one hundred percent better even when the symptoms appeared to have left her completely.

They stayed cuddled together for about half an hour watching what YN had on before he’d come home. Nothing felt tense or awkward in their silence, just comfortable and relaxed.

But as time went on Hoseok remembered the feeling he’d had upon his arrival home. The worry that filled him when he saw how much she’d cleaned by herself in the time he’d been gone. And the hope he’d had at knowing she’d found enough energy to even make the effort to clean that much in the first place. She’d been out of it for weeks and it was the first major sign that something changed. Or that’s what he wished for.

Hoseok turned his head to look at her, well more like assess her face. It was relaxed and she seemed genuinely interested in what was on the screen and not off in her own little world. Though once she realized he was staring she turned his way and his assessment was over almost as quickly as it began.

“Can I help you?” she asked, her brow raised.

For a moment Hoseok debated telling her no, but that didn’t sit right with him. He needed to say something or it would bother him until he blurted it out. Or there was a chance she’d bottle it all up and not say anything at all because she was fine or she didn’t want to dump on him because he wasn’t her therapist.

“How was your session?” he asked.

There was a momentary change in her expression, but she didn’t let it linger for long. That made him even more worried, but he waited for her to say something. Though he knew if she was holding back and if he should push her.

“It was fine, I guess. Less crying than usual. We talked about all my other issues and saved how I was feeling about my mom for last. I think she hoped that by keeping me in a time constraint of twenty minutes I’d be forced to get out the main issues first and avoid going off into tangents. She was very wrong about that and the appointment ran for half an hour longer than it should have. I’d gotten so worked up that it wasn’t wise to try to force me down quickly,” she said.

Hoseok nodded along and reached under the blanket to grab her hand but didn’t utter a word. Just like her therapist he wanted her to let things out at her own pace.

“I mean it’s getting easier, but I don’t know. How is one supposed to process the death of their mother? And it doesn’t help that on top of that it’s dealing with how we were estranged. Knowing that my mix of apathy and deep hurt are valid. That it’s okay that I’m not as torn up about her dying as I think I should be. That I’m not torn up about losing a chance at speaking to the sibling that I never wanted to deal with because he moved back to the US. Dealing with calls from a slew of aunts and uncles who regularly give no fucks about me, questioning why I’m not there, and why I chose not to be heavily involved in the process. Why I could only show up. Why I didn’t stay longer.”

The more she spoke the shakier her voice got and it broke Hoseok’s heart. She was getting better and he knew that, but he always knew it was a lot to overcome. The loss of her only parent, despite their relationship, was something hard to deal with or so he imagined it. It had even affected Yoongi a great deal since he’d been close to her before too, but he recovered faster.

More than anything, Hoseok wished he could find some magic way to lessen the pain and confusion for her, but he felt just as helpless as when she found out. She’d come to the shop when she still had six hours of her twelve hour shift left to go and looked in shock. Without a word she’d run into Yoongi’s arms as he’d come out of his room after hearing Jungkook’s frantic calls. There she burst into tears, and through the sobbing told them that her mother had been in a car accident and didn’t make it.

None of them, except Yoongi, had ever seen her cry that hard and he tried his best to be her rock, but he broke with her. They broke down in the middle of the shop, falling to their knees as they cried together. The boys decided to close after that and just let them cry, comforting them when they could. And at some point they called Beau and Mama Min to tell them what had happened.

From there, they had to wait until they were calm enough to get them in a car to head back to Yoongi’s place. There they were met by Beau and Mama Min, who accepted them with open arms. The sobbing started all over again and they slowly got them to calm down enough to eat and shower. Everyone assumed it was a sleepover kind of situation, so they’d gotten Jin and Taehyung to swing by their places to grab stuff for them.

The entire night was just everyone surrounding YN on the makeshift nest they’d made. She never once let go of Yoongi’s hand and he didn’t dare release hers. And as they slept she cuddled into Mama Min’s side holding onto her for dear life with her other hand.

Seeing her shattered like that was eye opening for Hoseok, and he tried his best to make sure she was okay. Work gave her two weeks off, but when she didn’t bounce back quickly they extended the leave for a little longer. Then when that ran out she used vacation time she’d saved up. That was the start of when she actually made progress in not being a shell of her former self and Hoseok would tell her to take off all the time in the world if it meant that she’d be better.

But, as Hoseok sat there thinking about how he wished there was something he could do to fix things he realized there was something he could at least try to make her feel a bit better. And it would allow him to do something that he’d been wanting to for a while.

Smiling at her he leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead before pulling away and staring into her eyes.

“We haven’t gone out in a while. So, what do you say about us and everyone going out to the beach for a week? We can do it next week too. Go to the beach house and hang out, have some fun,” he said.

For a moment it felt like she’d say no, especially because she looked so emotional, but then she nodded. And Hoseok watched as a smile worked its way onto her lips, bigger and more genuine than he’d seen in a while.

“That sounds like what I need,” she said.

Happy with that, Hoseok leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to her lips before pulling away and snuggling into her. They continued their comfortable cuddly night in and slowly drifted to sleep together. Hoseok’s mind focused on planning things out perfectly until he knocked out.

The day before they were to leave to head to the beach house YN had planned to spend it packing and relax because the journey was tiresome. However, Hoseok had other plans and just as she finished packing her stuff he called her to come down to the shop for the night. Saying no was an option, but he sounded so excited that she couldn’t help but say yes.

So, on a Friday night when she could’ve been in her home eating and playing video games she found herself in Hoseok’s tattoo room by herself. Upon her arrival she’d been told he’d run out for a second and would be back in a bit. And in that case a bit meant thirty minutes or so after she got there.

Annoyed was an understatement, especially when she saw that he read the texts she’d sent asking him where he was. When it got too much, she got up to leave, but the moment she put her hand on the knob she was stumbling back because the door was being pushed open from the outside.

Hoseok – sweaty and breathing heavily – held bags of food and balanced multiple drinks in a tray. His eyes were wide and his mouth open in that uncomfortable mouth breathing way. Like YN could see the man’s uvula clear as day.

For a while they stood there staring at each other, that was until Hoseok regained control of his breathing.

“Were you about to leave?”

“Yes. You asked me to come at a specific time and you’re not here. Then I have to wait over thirty minutes where you open and don’t respond to my texts. How much longer did you think I was going to stay? Especially since you asked me to come here when I planned to not leave the couch until I absolutely had to all night,” she said.

At that Hoseok frowned. Moving past her a little he placed the stuff down in the tattoo chair that was reclined back. Then he moved to stand in front of her, his hands cupped her face. He stared at her expression and saw the slight bags under her eyes and the lingering sadness. She’d done so well for almost a week following his proposal of the beach trip, but the last day or two something shifted.

Her mother’s husband had found a way to contact her and it had thrown her off. Though the conversation had gone well it had brought her two steps back. Hoseok had woken up to her crying in the middle of the night and through the tears she’d managed to say that she felt like she was doing something wrong despite knowing she wasn’t. Despite knowing she was doing what was best for her and her mental state she felt like it was all wrong. Overthinking her decisions needlessly. The next morning – after he’d gotten her to sleep – she apologized and told him she knew that she was right and having a conversation with her mother’s husband that didn’t go horribly or fill her with anger felt off.

Things got better after that, but it took more than a moment of clarity and a talk with her therapist over the phone to get her back to where she’d been before. And that was why Hoseok had come up with the idea to call her into the shop. Well Jungkook and Taehyung came up with the idea to take her out before they all left, but he came up with what they’d do.

“I know, but I wanted to do something before we left. I swear we shouldn’t be here all night and I got that burger you were craving,” he said, a pout formed on his lips.

The usual thing would be for YN to throw the smallest of fits because she felt so tired, but his stupid face was there and she couldn’t say no. Plus she hadn’t left the apartment much in a week and needed the change of scenery even if it wasn’t a major one.

YN sighed. “Fine.”

With her answer and the small smile he saw fighting to take form on her lips Hoseok finally stopped his pouting. Leaning forward he pressed a quick kiss to her lips before releasing his hold on her face and moving over to the food. He carefully removed everything from the bags and then ran to put two of the four drinks in the tray into his mini freezer.

All the while YN stood and watched him; she hadn’t wanted to get in the way of what he was doing. The man could be anal about how things were handled when he was attempting to make some nice gesture and she’d been on the end of one of his glares before. Though she knew he wasn’t actually mad she knew not to push it further. There was no need for her to deal with a pouty baby later because things veered off plan; especially since she’d shown up before he could get back.

“Okay, so I know you were craving a burger and I went to the place you like and got you a double cheeseburger with extra pickles and a large fry. Also, a sprite and a chocolate milkshake,” he said.

Hearing him list the things made something stir inside YN. After giving into him she’d gotten less annoyed, but that hadn’t meant her mood shifted completely. Despite not being actively sad she felt down and having him get her the thing she’d been craving and getting her out of the house brightened her day. The corners of her mouth even turned up in a smile, something that hadn’t graced her lips once since she’d arrived – or all that day for that matter.

So, she watched as he excitedly continued and reassured her that the things she didn’t like weren’t on the burger and that he thought it would be good for them to sit in his room to eat. There was something about another plan of his, but she barely heard him as she smiled and watched him closely. His smile grew as he excitedly spoke of his idea, causing her own to do the same.

Hoseok was mid-ramble when he noticed that she was smiling at him. A truly genuine one at that. It made his heart beat a little erratically, but he didn’t mind at all. YN’s happiness was his priority and it felt good for him to see that she looked happy, even for a moment.

“Should we start eating?” he asked.

She nodded and he moved one of his chairs over to her so she could sit down to eat her food at the tattoo chair. In many cases she’d object, but the smell of multiple disinfectants told her that he’d cleaned the thing multiple times before her arrival. Plus, he’d laid a paper you’d see when you went to the doctor over the seat, so there was an added barrier from the food and the not so cleanly people who sometimes sat in it.

Though her mouth watered at the smell and the visual of her food YN waited until Hoseok was seat in his own chair across from her. He gave her a pointed look that she knew well from all the times he got annoyed at her not just eating and she dug into it without a word.

Not speaking was something they maintained for a few minutes before Hoseok swallowed a bite that he barely chewed.

“Did you finish getting everything ready?” he asked.

She nodded, because unlike him she liked to chew her food quite a bit before swallowing it.

“Yeah. Everything of mine is packed, as well as stuff we need for the beach, most of the snacks, and I grabbed all your stuff but didn’t pack it.”

Hoseok scoffed. “Good.”

At that she couldn’t help but to roll her eyes.

“You could’ve just let me pack it all for you. That way you don’t have to worry about it when you get home. Plus, you’re going to ask me to help when something doesn’t fit anyway,” she mumbled.

“I can back my own stuff. I’m a big boy. Besides who says I’ll need your help this time, I’m not even taking a whole lot with me.”

There was no verbal response to that, just a shake of the head as she gave up on the topic. At the end of the day she knew she was right and that Hoseok would come to her whining about something not fitting right or being unable to zip the bag. And the solution would be to refold something, rearrange how things sat, or make him realize he didn’t need as many pairs of shoes as he packed. And he definitely didn’t need to bring multiple colors of the same chunky, ugly pair of shoes that she hated.

She wished she could burn them but he loved them too much.

From there silence persisted for a bit and then she randomly turned her head to see a sketch on his wall of an anime she’d watched a long time ago. Naturally, that started a whole conversation about it and how much Hoseok hadn’t liked it as a kid. Something about his sister forcing him to watch it and him not liking the main character. Which led to a discussion about other main characters they both didn’t like. It spiraled into the difference between characters made unlikable as a part of their stories and how some were just not great and people played them off as unlikable on purpose. That didn’t stop people critiquing them though. Definitely didn’t stop YN.

As they talked their food lessened until it was gone. Hoseok took the initiative to clean it up and directed YN to the freezer. She grabbed their shakes and sat the one that was clearly white and black down on his side, grabbing a straw and jabbing it into her own cup. Her lips wrapped around it to pull some of the frozen treat up, but she struggled with how thick it was. When she finally got some out she pulled away with a smile.

“I see it’s up to your standards of thick. Sure you don’t want a spoon?” he asked upon his return to the seat.

YN shook her head vigorously and went in for more. Part of her brain hated the struggle, but the joy that filled her each time she finally got some was too great. The thick milkshakes were always the best.

While she did that Hoseok moved to his computer and turned on some music, his usual tattooing playlist blasted through the speakers. He turned it down when he saw YN flinch and then slid his chair back over to the seat. He grabbed his own straw and milkshake and sucked it down. It was thick, but the normal kind. No part of him had the patience to wrestle with his food or drink, so despite how much creamier it was her way he chose not to suffer.

About half the milkshake was gone before he got up from the seat and snatched YN’s from her hand – despite protest – to put back in the freezer. When he turned around he was met with her pouting and he wanted to give it back but they had other things to do as well.

“There’s another reason I asked you to come,” Hoseok said.

“Which is?”

He didn’t respond, just gathered a few things and prepped his small rolling table for tattooing before pushing towards her. There was no time to process what he meant by the action because then he was whipping off his shirt and taking a seat in the tattoo chair.

His intentions were beyond clear.

“Today?” she asked.

“Today.”

“But I-”

“Aht, no buts. You’re ready to do this and you were so excited to get to tattoo an actual person. So, today you’re going to do me and then Yoongi another time. Probably the others too since they’re all babies who can’t be left out.” He rolled his eyes while he said the last bit.

“That’s so many, I didn’t sign up for that. And why now? I’m not prepared for this. I don’t even have the stencil ready or-”

Again she didn’t get far because Hoseok pointed to a sheet of paper on the table that had various copies of the tattoo they’d agreed on and a pair of scissors.

The man had truly taken the time to make sure that everything was set. Which was sweet, but also spiked YN’s nerves. So much that any sadness that she’d felt was nowhere on her mind.

Hesitation was clear on her face as Hoseok watched her and he worried she was stuck amid her sadness, but then he noticed the nervous glint in her eyes. He found it cute that the woman cut open people for a living and was worried about how her tattoo would come out. Even though she caught onto tattooing faster than anyone in the shop and had the steadiest hand of all of them.

Reaching over Hoseok cupped her face and forced her gaze on him.

“You’ll do fine. We chose this tattoo because it was quick and basic. Line work and some shading. You even did it a million times on oranges, lemons, and grapefruit. It’ll be great,” he encouraged.

There was an urge to protest, but YN didn’t. She rose from her seat and walked out of the room. She went to wash her hands and then came back to slip gloves onto them. She lifted the arm rest and placed his arm on it, careful to look around for a good spot. Hoseok was tattooed almost completely on both arms, but there was a spot on his left forearm that had enough space.

From there she was kind of on autopilot. She cut the stencil and placed it on the spot to double check that it would work. Once pleased she set it back on the table and grabbed an antiseptic wipe to clean the area. She spent way too much time on that, but Hoseok didn’t comment on it. Before she knew it she was actually placing the stencil onto his skin and peeling it off, the thin purple lines transferred perfectly.

By then the nerves had returned and she was ready to back down, but then she made eye contact with Hoseok and he gave her an encouraging smile. She couldn’t stop then, she needed to see the tattoo through.

She got the gun and the ink ready, but the vibe felt off. So, without a word she rolled over to the computer and pulled off a glove. There were several clicks before Jonghyun’s beautiful voice filled the space. It was the first song on her surgery playlist and in a way tattooing was like that, so it was the perfect relaxer.

After replacing the glove she took off with another one she got to work. The tip of the needle dipped into the black ink and using her free hand she pressed Hoseok’s arm down and began the tattoo.

The design was a crescent moon – which would be shaded in – and a sun combined. Where the moon stopped lines and dots of varying lengths were used to make clear that it was the sun. Nothing intricate, but still something she worried about messing up.

Her movements were careful and steady, her hand moving easily as she traced the outline of the moon. It took her shorter than she thought even with her excessive wiping, but she wasn’t pleased with the outcome. It wasn’t bad at all, basically perfect. However, she’d been so nervous that the lines were too thin.

“If you want it thicker you can do it. I know Yoongi worked with you on that the last few sessions. I only taught you to start with thinner lines just in case you’re unsure,” Hoseok offered as if he read her mind.

YN nodded, chewing on her lower lip as she went in again. That time her lines were a little heavier and though part of her worried that it was a mistake to make them that thick, by the time she’d finished and wiped the excess she was pleased with it.

Being happy with her outcome meant that she felt more confident, which meant she went into the next part with less worry. She shaded the moon in with vigor and had to mutter a few apologies when Hoseok whined about her being too aggressive. It was just that she got excited and so into the work.

Which meant that she didn’t notice Yoongi when he’d silently entered the room. He stood behind her, though about a foot away so he wasn’t crowding her. Him and Hoseok watched as she finished the shading and went on to the lines to create the sun. Her hand moved carefully as she did and though there were a few curses when she thought she messed up, there were also those lightbulb moments when she realized she could make up the length with a few extra dots. Nothing ruined at all.

Once finished she set the gun to the side and carefully used the other items on the table to clean it. Seeing the cleaned version had her scared it was a mess, but the more she stared at it the more she liked it.

“You did good. How the hell did you get that to curve so fluidly?” Yoongi said, startling her with his sudden presence.

“She was so worried she’d mess up, I told her it would be fine,” Hoseok said.

Involuntarily, YN rolled her eyes. They enjoyed double teaming her on everything, but self-doubt was by far their favorite.

“Let the man see the new tattoo,” Yoongi said, playful nudging her shoulder.

Her eyes widened as she remembered he couldn’t see it well from the angle he was at and she moved away from the chair so he could get up. Hoseok immediately went over to the floor length mirror hanging near the door. He held out his arm and examined it closely – and for way too long – without saying anything. If he hadn’t smiled before he spoke she would’ve thrown up in fear he hated it.

“I told you, you’d do good baby,” he said.

Tension melted from her body at that and Hoseok watched on in joy. Not only had she accomplished her first tattoo, but she also appeared genuinely happy. There was nothing about her that exuded sadness or showed that she was even vaguely in a low place. It didn’t mean she was completely free from the thoughts, but it did mean that she wasn’t caught up in them enough to show any outward reactions. And since she wasn’t the best at keeping her emotions hidden and bottled up that was a win.

From the eye contact he made with Yoongi for a moment the older male also appeared to think so. Flashing Hoseok a thumbs up when YN wasn’t looking.

The first part of Hoseok’s plan was a success.

The trip to the beach was long and started early. They’d rented a twelve-seater van to drive there and alternated drivers. Jungkook, Yoongi, and YN switched out every two hours so no one got too complacent or tired with the six hour drive. It was trying sometimes because of stupid drivers or someone complaining too much, but they made it there without anyone killing someone else.

A true win.

They arrived at the beach house late afternoon and decided they’d spend that night in. None of them had enough energy from the trip to anything and they had a full week to venture out. Plus avoiding the massive crowd on a Saturday night was a win.

Food was ordered in front various places because everyone either wanted something different or couldn’t make up their mind on what they wanted at all. Dinner was eaten and though it started off with minimal conversation they all eventually started talking about random things and eventually it led to talk of what they would do the next day. Hoseok mentioned something about the amusement park nearby, which got YN excited immediately and everyone agreed with that.

However, the quickness in which they all said yes wasn’t lost on YN despite her excitement. Usually they all took forever deciding what to do on any group outing and when they did there was some sort of whining. But everyone had agreed and then went about eating like everything was fine. No questions asked. No adjustments to time. No concerns about being there for so long. Just compliance.

It was something YN planned to ask about and fight against if they were doing it because she wanted to. Them giving in just because it would make her happy because she’d been so down wasn’t something she was okay with. The thought was nice, but she preferred they did their own things if that’s what they wanted. But she didn’t get to ask because everyone finished and before she knew it Hoseok escorted her to their room.

And like clockwork her body felt heavy the moment her eyes laid on the bed. Not even the pretty view from their balcony could draw her in. Which made it easy for Hoseok to maintain control to get her in the shower and then bed in the matter of thirty minutes.

By the time her head hit the pillow she felt refreshed, but like she’d cried for a few hours straight. The kind of tired where you don’t really feel one with the world and everything is almost like an outsider looking in. Though when she looked at Hoseok he grounded her a bit.

He took a few minutes longer to get into the bed after she did, slipping in wearing nothing but his boxers. Which was fine because she was in short shorts and a crop top. Something that seemed to warrant him poking her stomach every so often, which she allowed to happen because she didn’t have it in her to stop him.

Hoseok knew what he was doing too and that he’d pay for it once she slept, though she tended to forget things when too tired. But he stopped his poking and prodding after a few seconds, preferring to pull her close so they were cuddled together. Her leg thrown over him and their faces resting inches away from each other. He wanted to stay up a little and talk, but her eyes were closed and her breathing slowing.

For once she didn’t argue about it only being 8:00pm and thus too early to sleep. She’d say that every time they went on a trip, but more than anything she’d been saying it since after her mother’s funeral. Even when she looked exhausted and mentally not there she refused to sleep that early. So it felt good to see her not do it for once and after placing a kiss on her lips that thought lulled Hoseok to sleep.

Because they’d fallen asleep so early everyone was up at around seven the next morning. Well, everyone except for Jin, Beau and YN. They’d all woken up and ventured out of their rooms at around five almost six and decided yoga was the move. They gathered on the back patio of the house where you could see the beach and got to work.

Yoga was something that Jin and YN did regularly. The hospital had classes for all the staff to take and they’d gone with no intentions to ever do it again, but then realized how good they felt the days after. From then on they went to the classes or met up in a secluded part of a park early in the morning to do it before going out for breakfast or something. Beau joined in once when YN did it at home and then usually join her anytime he saw her doing it. Sometimes even joining her and Jin when they ventured out.

It was a great first moment of the vacation and one of the few times she’d felt so at peace in a long while.

From there they showered, got dressed, and went down to make breakfast. They’d picked up some groceries before getting to the house so they didn’t have to worry about it later.

By the time they finished everyone was up. Food was consumed at an alarming rate and everyone got ready with the same quickness. They wanted to get to the park at opening so they could have a better chance to get on everything. Which led to a lot of yelling and rushing people to hurry up and get to the van.

Hoseok took it upon himself to drive them there and as the rides came into view the closer they got the more excited YN got. She bounced in her seat and almost opened her door before the car came to a full stop.

That was dangerous and with the way Yoongi looked at her Hoseok thought she’d get scolded, but in fact the older man was upset that she tried to cheat. Which confused Hoseok until he whipped the door open and sprinted towards the entrance, YN hot on his heels and yelling about who was the real cheater.

It was like watching two children and goodness did it make Hoseok feel good.

When the others reached them they both stood there with big smiles and holding wrist bands, all of them the kind that were used for those with fast passes.

Hoseok narrowed his eyes at them, but neither of them looked regretful about what they’d done. In fact, they both appeared way too smug.

“What did we say about you two buying everything before anyone gets a chance? It’s not allowed on this trip or any trip,” Beau said.

Yoongi and YN turned to each other and shrugged, then thrusted a wristband into everyone’s hands. Since it wasn’t their first time out with the two amusement park junkies they all knew to get the bands on quickly, as if their lives depended on it. Yoongi had once wrapped Jungkook’s so tight that it limited circulation in his hand and they had to get another.

No one wanted to repeat that.

Without missing a beat they walked towards the workers scanning people in, leaving the others to catch up. Both of them were several feet inside the park by the time the others caught up again. They stood perfectly still and took in the park. One could feel the excitement that radiated off them.

It took Taehyung clearing his throat multiple times before they turned to face the rest of the group. Though that only lasted for a second before they were focused on each other.

“We meet here in four hours?” YN asked.

Yoongi nodded. “Right here and then I kick your ass in everything.”

That made YN scoff but she refrained from any trash talk in retaliation, there was always enough of that during them playing the games. Besides her focus was on something else.

Off in the distance was a ride that was way too high and moved way too fast – by even her standards – but the expression on her face showed how much she wanted to try it. So, without a word to the others Hoseok walked forward, grabbed her hand, and headed towards it. Everyone else went their own way, except for Jungkook and Taehyung who followed behind them. Hoseok felt like he was going to be sick the whole way, but YN and Jungkook reassured him the whole time while Taehyung poked fun at him, though it was clear that was only to calm his own nerves.

Once on the thing they all were ready to shit themselves but pushed through and as the it reached the first drop. YN and Hoseok made eye contact for a second and there was a reassuring feeling that flowed through them, but the next thing they knew they were sailing through the air so quickly it took a moment for her to breathe properly again.

The entire ride there was no moment to relax or get used to it. Even knowing what was to come didn’t make it any easier to adjust.

It was exhilarating.

That feeling is why Taehyung and Hoseok ended up waiting as YN and Jungkook went on again. Neither of them wanted to relive that and the fast pass line wasn’t that long, so they just sat on a bench a few yards from where the line-up started.

“So, are you going to do it today?” Taehyung asked, his voice a bit strained.

At first Hoseok was confused by the question and then it dawned on him what he meant. A different kind of discomfort settled in him at the thought of saying yes and so he shook his head quickly.

“Definitely not,” he muttered.

Taehyung turned to look at him with a raised brow and confusion.

“I thought that was the plan? Get her all happy and then do it? Don’t tell me you’re chickening out?” he teased.

Hoseok reached over and lightly punched his shoulder, a soft – but nervous – laugh escaping his lips.

“I’m going to, just not today. I want to make sure she’s good first. I’d hate to do it while she’s still wrapped up in sadness. That would make the whole thing much more complicated than it already is.”

At that Taehyung shrugged and turned his attention back towards the ride. They sat in a comfortable silence watching it climb high and then drop, looping a few times before it climbed again. It was more nerve wrecking watching it move like that then being on it, but that didn’t mean that Hoseok wished he was on it instead. He never planned to get on that ride again if he could help it.

About twenty minutes or so passed before they both returned and then everyone was off to other rides. They were all their own level of terrifying, but as they ran from ride to ride Hoseok got used to the fear and thrill that came along with them. He’d even agreed to go on one twice, which made YN beyond happy. Especially since she could see the eagerness was genuine. As if him being the one to request they go again wasn’t clear enough.

They continued on like that for a while, though eventually Jungkook wanted to circle back to get on something they’d all said no to. He convinced Taehyung to go with him and then Hoseok and YN were traversing the park alone.

A few more rides after the departure of the others and Hoseok forced a stop for food. Which wasn’t a whole lot and less than Hoseok would’ve liked her to eat, but it was more than she’d had some of the days from weeks before. A win in his book.

Before they went to get on some more rides they stopped to get a dessert, which was ice cream wrapped in a crepe. The park hadn’t had it the last time they’d come to it and that made YN all the more eager to indulge. They reminded her of ones she’d had in Japan when she’d gone for six months to study in high school. They tasted like them too.

“I don’t know if I should get another one now or later when we’re about to leave,” she said.

Hoseok laughed as he watched her devour it.

“I think I saw a stand with it near the entrance so you can get it when we leave,” he offered.

Though she looked conflicted at first, she smiled and nodded after a bit. No matter how practiced she was at eating and getting on rides too much dairy was a mistake. Fifteen-year-old her learned that the hard way.

After food was consumed, they went on a few more rides and then headed back toward where they were to meet with fifteen minutes to spare. The walk was taken slowly and they intertwined fingers as they went.

It was a moment of peace among the chaos and when YN looked at Hoseok with one of the brightest smiles he’d seen in a while he felt near tears. She’d been so happy and never once did her expression falter or her body language shift negatively. There was so much freedom and joy radiating from her and despite his optimism he’d been scared she’d stay shrouded in darkness for forever. So to have that voice in his head silenced because she was there and existing outside of it was just the best thing to happen to him.

Everything wasn’t fixed, but it was better than nothing.

Yoongi was at the meeting point with an irritated Beau who held a large stuffed bear. Most would question why Beau looked that way, but by the shifting that Yoongi was doing and the wide smile it was clear that he’d challenged his boyfriend to a few games and then mercilessly beat him.

Upon seeing a smiling YN though Beau’s expression shifted to mimic the smile on her face and so did Yoongi’s for a moment. However, YN was in competition mode and when he noticed that he was as well.

Not a word was uttered between them as they left their significant others to head towards the games and neither of them said anything about it. They merely trailed behind them and watched as they tried to one up each other.

Who knows how much time passed or how many prizes were handed over to kids or anyone standing nearby before everyone was gathered together watching them. Though it was tiring to stand there and see them go on forever there was also this mutual contentment as they all looked on. It was as if they were all on the same wavelength with how nice it was to see either of them back to some sort of normalcy.

“Has she been like this all day?” Beau whispered.

Hoseok nodded, his eyes never leaving them.

“Yeah. She’s been so happy and carefree. I don’t think she’s thought about it once all this time. And it doesn’t feel like she’s faking it,” he said.

There was a nod from Beau in response and then all the focus was back on them.

YN being that happy that quickly wasn’t what Hoseok foresaw at all, but it was nice to see that the second part of what he planned worked out well. He only hoped that it was doing some actual, concrete good for her mentally and that the last part of everything would go as smoothly.

Four days into their trip YN decided that Hoseok was acting weird. Though weird was something normal for his behavior it was a different type. He was attentive and kind, but also drifted off into his own head a lot and didn’t put up a fight when asked to do something that wasn’t necessarily in his comfort zone. She hadn’t pushed his limits by any means and accepted no when he said it, but for the most he gave in without a second thought.

Of course, his efforts were appreciated greatly, but that was what worried her the most. She knew how down she’d been and how the call from her mother’s husband had changed her. It was clear as day to her how she was acting and she wished she could snap her fingers and stop, but that wasn’t possible. And since she knew that, so did Hoseok and that meant he’d ramped up on trying to keep her at the very least not actively sad. All his free time was spent trying to help and look after her. The trip was just another one of those things and though she jumped at the prospect of being away from home to enjoy herself – and had enjoyed herself – she feared him taking things a step too far to please her.

No matter her mental state there would be no excuse for any damage she could do to his if that was the case. So YN planned to talk to him about it one morning, but she was redirected by Yoongi to get ready. Apparently he wanted to take her out for the day, just the two of them. Something she happily agreed to on the compromise of her going to talk to Hoseok about a thing first, but that was shot down by being told he’d headed out a few minutes beforehand. Which meant she had no other choice but to do as she was told, but with a pout.

Despite her mopey mood she didn’t take long to get dressed. Mostly because when she’d entered the room she found a pair of shorts and one of her long sleeve tops laid out for her. Yoongi promptly informed her he didn’t want her taking forever so he’d done it for her. It wasn’t out of the norm since he’d done it many times throughout their lives because supposedly she moved too slow or always grabbed the one thing in her wardrobe he hated with a passion. After a while she learned to just let it happen.

Once ready to go Yoongi grabbed her hand and practically dragged her from the house. It took some begging and mild threats to get him to not hold her hand so tight and slow down. From there he was less aggressive, but still held her hand firmly in his. She was fine with that because it was a habit from childhood that they never grow out of. As long as his bony fingers didn’t dig into her hand or squeeze too tight she was fine.

During their walk they didn’t speak, which was fine. They both tended to be quiet people and silences were rarely awkward. Walking for ten minutes to the nearby cafe bookstore was nothing in the realm of how long they could be around each other and not utter a single word.

“I wanted us to relax before dinner later. You know they’re all going to get drunk and it’ll be a mess. So, some peace and quiet for now,” Yoongi said once they entered.

That made YN smile wide. Even without the reason she loved the idea of spending a few hours there.

“You sure it’s not because they let you take naps here whenever we come?” she teased.

Yoongi laughed. “That too. A peaceful nap.”

With that she nodded and finally removed her hand from his. She shooed him away to see if any good seats were open and then headed off to buy their drinks. All of her will was used not to stop and look at books that caught her eye as she walked to the counter. The man wanted a nap, but him waiting too long for his favorite hot chocolate wasn’t on the table. Plus, there was something about being inside the place that calmed her so much that she was a bit tired herself.

After she grabbed the hot chocolates she searched for him and was beyond happy to find him at the reclining chairs in a back corner. Not daring to destroy the nice atmosphere of the space she merely handed him his drink and plopped down into her own chair. Her body relaxed instantly. It was asking her to sleep, but she wanted to drink her hot chocolate first. That lasted maybe ten minutes before she and Yoongi drifted off.

Sometimes she didn’t remember how much having a good time and being happy could drain from a person, no matter how much sleep they got.

When they finally woke up, panic filled YN because she’d misread the clock as saying four hours had passed, but it was barely an hour. The darkness only exacerbated that, but she was thankful her eyes adjusted before she shook Yoongi awake.

Since she felt refreshed from the nap the urge to explore books overcame her again. Instead of ignoring it she left Yoongi to continue his napping and looked around the store.

A lot of what did interest her were things she had read, were on her to read list, or by someone who wasn’t the greatest person despite their excellent writing. The things she did find that didn’t fit into that were all so tempting and she wanted to get them all but knew better than to do that. Her to read list was long and she didn’t need a million more books. So, she settled on getting the top three and took pictures of the others to buy at a later date.

By the time she made her purchase Yoongi had woken up and joined her at the register. He appeared rested and much peppier than he had before, which made her happy to see.

“Should we head back now?” she asked.

He nodded and then they were holding hands and walking back to the beach house.

The silence on the way back didn’t exist. Yoongi asked about what books she’d gotten and some other book she’d gotten a while ago that he’d been interested in. She agreed to give it to him and just as they reached the house and she prepared to ask if he wanted the book’s sequel as well he stopped abruptly.

Confusion coloring her face YN turned her head to look at him and was met with a tense expression. However, before she could question it he spoke.

“You’re okay, right? Actually okay, not the fake okay?” he asked.

YN felt a pang in her heart and her eyes watered for a second, but she pushed that all down. She wouldn’t dare make him more worried than he’d already been, especially when there was nothing to worry about.

“I’m okay. In fact, I’m as close to content as I’ve been in a while,” she said.

His entire demeanor changed when she said the word content. It was a signal of sorts. Something that they’d both learned they wanted through therapy. Happiness was great but being content and not so much good or bad was always the goal. As long as they could reach contentment all would be fine.

Though relaxed he didn’t stop staring her down for a moment and then after a firm squeeze of her hand – that she returned – he started walking again.

Inside the house everyone was putting the finishing touches on the dinner they’d decided on for the evening. It was a night in, which meant cooking and Jungkook had said that meant it needed to be an extra meal. So, him, Jin, Jimin, and Namjoon had spent a lot of time getting everything prepped and cooked. YN had wanted to help and even offered once Yoongi and her returned, but they were done and shooed her out to the patio so they could bring the food out.

Hoseok, who she’d seen maybe twice that whole day, pulled her down onto the seat next to him and immediately moved in for a kiss. That elicited some gagging from Beau which was met with a middle finger from both Hoseok and YN all without pulling away from each other.

They did part when the first of many dishes were placed on the table though. And without hesitation – once everyone was seated and Jin gave his go ahead – they began grabbing the things they wanted or moving them in range.

There was just so much. They’d made kimchi stew, bulgogi, pork ribs, fried rice, curry, and braised chicken. And of course, enough white rice that would satisfy even YN.

Bloated wasn’t even the word that truly captured how YN felt by the end of it all. Though happy was definitely a descriptor. They’d eaten, talked, and down alcohol. Jokes and stories were told, laughed about, and denied with intense vigor all around. It was a peaceful moment despite the chaos and watching her family just be together always filled her with such joy.

She could stay like that forever, but of course that was a no.

About thirty minutes after she’d had her last bite Hoseok suggested they go on a walk while they waited for the others to return with the chosen dessert. No was on the tip of her tongue, but he reminded her walking could help her feel better. Plus, he had a look in his eye that reminded her that she’d wanted to talk to him about something before.

So, they kicked off their shoes and headed down the beach. Hoseok laced their fingers together and led her away from the house. At first they said nothing, but then at the exact same time they spoke.

“YN-”

“Can we talk-”

They both paused and looked at each other with wide eyes before descending into laughter. It took a moment or two, but they collected themselves soon enough and continued their trek.

“You first,” he said.

YN nodded. “I want to thank you for all of this. It was what I needed and I’m so happy to have all this time with you and everyone else. Being with the people I loved most and who love me. Having fun that I haven’t had in a while. Having moments where I feel content, even if it’s fleeting. I haven’t had a bad day for the last few days and I haven’t even thought about anything really. And even if I did it was such a fleeting moment that I only barely remember it happened at all.”

“But?” Hoseok said when she paused.

“But I worry about taking advantage of all of you. I know that I’m not and everyone is happy to be here for a good time and to offer all the support in the world. I know that that feeling is for naught. But I realized how much you’ve given into me the last few days and it makes me feel like I may be crossing a line. You’ve had to deal with me being distraught and not myself for weeks. Never able to escape that unless out at work or I’m with someone else. And then you plan this and you give into my every whim. You do things that I know make you uncomfortable. Even if I’m not pushing you on certain things and I know I’m not crossing any hard lines it still feels wrong. And I’m sorry about that,” she said.

That ended in them coming to an abrupt stop. Hoseok released her hand and moved to stand in front of her, his hands moving to cup her face.

“Baby, you don’t have to worry about any of that. You have not crossed a line or made me do anything I didn’t choose to do. I’m fine. Did I agree to a few things that scare me or make me cautious? Yes. Did I do them partly because they made you happy? Yes. But like I said, it was my choice. I wanted to try them and that was an extra incentive. Seeing you smile or be in the moment was the greatest incentive in the world. I wouldn’t change doing those things. And I know you’re worried about what all this or your behavior could have done to my mental health, but I’m good there too. It hurt me to see you like that, but I processed that in therapy. Dr. Seo was more than willing to take me in more than once a month to process all this. I swear to you I’m fine.”

There was clear uncertainty in her eyes despite what he said. Hoseok could see it and though he wished she’d just believe him he knew that wasn’t how the mind worked. Sometimes things took a while to process or a little more assurance needed to be given.

After taking a deep breath he leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips, one she returned without hesitation. When he pulled away one of his hands slipped from her face as their foreheads pressed together.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too.”

The next few moments happened in a weird space where everything moved too fast and too slow. Hoseok’s other hand moved from her face and he pulled away from her, but before anything could be said or done on her end he was down on one knee with a ring in his hand.

YN had no time to process it before he started talking.

“This week was about making you feel even an ounce of happiness, but it was also about finding the right time to ask you. YN you know I love you with my entire being. How you love yourself, me, and our little family brings me such joy. How you live to be the best you and know that you’re not always going to get it right. How you know yourself enough to know how to handle your problems. You realize how off you’re being and take the time to self-assess, not just because of you but because of me. So you’re not doing anything that could affect me. That could lead to unintentional behavior that could harm me. You grow so much all the time and it feels impossible for you to put forth any more effort than you already do.

“You just make me feel so happy. Doesn’t matter if it’s from watching you be that way, you making me feel that way, or the reminder that I can be happy on my own despite you. That I can stand alone in happiness that doesn’t revolve around you or anyone else. Something I struggled with so much before. You’ve helped so much by just being you. And though I know that we have cemented our relationship already, I still want to do this. It would truly be the best thing in the world if you married me, baby.”

YN had worked through the initial shock and was much calmer than when he’d started talking. Her brain fought to keep up with the words and her heart soared as she took them in. It’s why she didn’t hesitate in responding with a yes.

Without missing a beat Hoseok slipped the ring on her finger and rose onto his feet. He pulled her into a tight hug and whispered ‘I love you’ over and over. In the distance there were cheers from their friends who had watched on from the back patio. She hadn’t even realized they’d turned and walked back towards the house once she’d started talking. But that didn’t matter at all. At least not in that moment.

The calm that she felt mattered. The excitement she felt mattered. The content feeling that washed over her mattered.

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ohhey1293 · 4 years

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Take Me To Church (0)

A/N: Hello Tumblr world!

Warning: Language

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“You wanna tell me why we’re here again?”

I rolled my bruised eyes, thankful that the sunglasses were covering the purple skin from the world’s view.

“I don’t have time to be spilling my feelings about our marriage to some quack who’s charging me by the minute.” I watched as the cigarette flicked from his fingers onto the ground, smothering under the weight of his expensive shoes. “I have work that needs to be done, Mac. This is fucking ridiculous.”

I stayed silent as I walked close behind him. Ever since I brought up the idea of going to couple’s therapy, it had been a nonstop rant of complaints and curse words. I guess you could say that I made the situation worse when I mentioned it in front of his family, earning a death glare from my once loving husband.

“It won’t kill you to attend one session.” I finally spoke. “She’s supposed to be the best around.”

“Yeah, best at taking my damn time and money.” Reggie scoffed.

It wasn’t always like this.

Believe it or not, there was a time when we couldn’t get enough of each other. We were inseparable, almost to the point of being annoying. The first couple years of our relationship was magical. I know how corny that sounds but it was true. We were so wrapped up in each other that I never thought our relationship would end up where it is now.

“What floor is it, again?” Reggie spoke, cutting me off from my thoughts.

“5th.” I slowly removed the sunglasses that were covering my eyes, rubbing softly at the skin.

He quickly pushed the button, stepping back, pressing his back against the elevator wall. I could feel his eyes move up my body, locking on my bruised face. “People are gonna think I did that to you.”

My eyes shifted to meet his, “Your actions were the cause of this.”

“My fucking actions?” He stood up straighter. “My fucking actions caused you to start beating some poor, defenseless girl to a fucking pulp in the middle of a nightclub? Are you that fucking deranged, Mackinley?”

“You were all over her, Reggie! You two were basically having sex in the fucking booth in front of God and everyone in there.”

I watched as he hastily ran his fingers through his short hair. After being together for almost 10 years, I learned that he did this the most when he was frustrated, especially with me.

“You’re a real case, you know that?” He spoke. “You could have been arrested if it weren’t for me getting you out of it.”

“Yeah, I’m so thankful that your friends with the police commissioner and basically fucked that girl so she would drop the charges. You’re a real Prince Charming, Reggie.”

By this time, the elevator doors had opened, revealing us to those in the waiting room. I can’t tell you how long the doors had been opened but I’m sure the patrons heard most of our conversation.

I quickly pulled my sunglasses back on, walking ahead of my pissed off husband.

“Mackinley and Reggie, here to see Dr. Browerd.” I spoke ahead of the receptionist.

She quickly started typing our names into the computer, clicking around a few times. “I have you both checked in. Please have a seat until your name is called.”

I silently thanked her before turning toward the lobby seats. Reggie was already seated, his body rigid with anger from our elevator exchange. I took the seat across from him, not wanting to be next to him at this time. I could feel the stares of those around us, probably judging without even knowing the full story. Hell, if I saw two train wrecked people like us come fighting into the lobby, I probably would be looking at them a certain way as well...

“Are you gonna say anything?”

 I stayed silent, my head leaning against the cool window. The frozen window helping the pain that flooded through my face. After the night I had, I wasn’t planning on speaking to him for a long while.

“You’re really gonna give me the fucking silent treatment when you’re the one who came in there like a bull in a china shop. Where the fuck is your head, Mackinley?”

I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, “Can you just stop talking to me.”

“Are you serious, right now?” Reggie’s voice boomed. “You want me to stop fucking talking. You’re the one who needs to be talking, Mac.”

I carefully wiped away the tears that has broken loose. “I have nothing to say to you.”

Silence took over once again.

As we neared our home, I swiftly removed the seatbelt, ready to make a quick exit into the house. I didn’t want to be around him any longer. Once the car was parked, I removed myself from the vehicle and sprinted towards the door. I unlocked the heavy, wooden structure, making sure to shut it before Tom had a chance to get out of the car. I made my way up the stairs and into our room, gathering my pajamas, along with my pillow and a blanket to sleep with. He could have the bed. I’m sure he shared it with the girl from the club or any girl for that matter.

I brought my things into the guest room, locking the door behind me. At that moment, the walls broke and my emotions took control. My face was pounding with pain, the salt from the tears seeping into the cuts on my skin. “Fuck.”

I carried myself into the bathroom, flicking the lights on, only to be met with my current reflection. She really did a number on me. Luckily for me, she was looking worse once everything was done and over with. Growing up, my dad taught my sister and I how to fight like boys. He didn’t want either of his girls to be wimps. He taught us the basic moves but also those used to get heads snapping. When the first punch was thrown tonight, my dad’s voice flowed through my ears.

“Don’t let her catch you off guard.”

“Cut to the left; Don’t curl your fist up so much.”

“Don’t let her get you first.”

I want to say that my father would be proud of me at this moment, but he would probably shake his head with shame seeing as I was fighting over a man, a man he had grown too despise as the years trekked on.

I reached into the medicine cabinet, retrieving the bottle of peroxide. I cleaned the cuts up one by one, my bruised eyes staring back at me tiredly. “You really did it this time, Mac.” I spoke to myself. “All this over that asshole...”

“Earth to Mac.”

Reggie’s fingers snapped in front of me, cutting me off from my thoughts.

“Stop.”

He leaned back in his seat, the lobby now empty of the patrons that were there before. “What’re you thinking about?”

I shifted in my seat, pulling at my cuffed jeans, “Who says I was thinking about anything.”

A smile formed on his handsome face, “I’ve been with you long enough to recognize when you’re thinking, Reese.”

My heart fluttered at the sound of the nickname he used when things between us were good. Reese was my maiden name and a name Reggie much preferred over Mackinley. He always said that Mackinley was too masculine of a name. Reese was more feminine, much softer. He was the only one who called me by that name, but as I mentioned, only when things were good between us.

Before I could say anything, a woman dressed in a pants suit entered the lobby. She had to be the therapist just by the way she was put together.

“Reggie and Mackinley, I presume?” She smiled.

I glanced over at Reggie, his face showing no interest at all. “Yes, ma’am.” I stood up.

“Please, follow me.”

I followed her lead, giving a kick to Reggie’s leg as I passed him, telling him to get up and follow.

We ended up following her into what I figured was her office. Medical degrees and various awards were hung on the light colored walls. A vibrant plant of some sort hung out in the corner of the room and two chairs were situated in front of the large oak desk.

“Please have a seat.”

Reggie and I followed her directions as her watchful eyes studied us. This was my first time seeing a therapist and I was scared shitless. I knew that things were going to get intense between Reggie and I but maybe that’s what we needed. Everything needed to get out and onto the table before we ended up killing each other.

“Shall we get started?”

#Tom Hardy #tom hardy fanfiction #tom hardy fic #tom hardy x oc #original fiction #take me to church #tom hardy imagine #Tom Hardy AU #reggie kray #reggie kray imagine #Reggie Kray fanfiction #Reggie Kray fanfic

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boyiiish-a · 4 years

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prxnsias‌:

boyiiish‌:

“oh wow, too good for brunch now? you millenials really are shiteheads.” he teased, putting on a posh accent before he chuckled and leaned in to press a kiss to the top of her head. when he felt her hand mess with his hair, he sighed softly. “i mean, i definitely really want to…but today is our day without toby and he would be pissed if we did it without him.” he reminded with a little sigh. “what…what if we did get married though? soon i mean? i mean if you want, because i want, but like i get if you’re not sure, and i’m sorry i’m such a wimp. i’ve had a ring for months, and my therapist said i need to stop looking for a perfect moment because it’s a mechanism that i use when i get anxious, but uh anyway.” he rambled on for a moment before smacking his forehead as he realized just how much he had said. “fucking hell arlo.” he mumbled as he leaned against the counter.

his comments cause her to laugh, “maybe i’m feelin’ lazy. you got a problem?” she jokes with a grin. she enjoys his touch and she can’t help but smile, she places her arms around his neck and looks up at him, listening. her heart skips a beat at his speech, he’d had a ring all this time? that was adorable. “i mean we’d go pick him up first, so he didn’t miss anything” a chuckle leaves her lips. she didn’t want to force him into anything, they could take things slowly if he wanted. “i do want to get married to you idiot. soon. whenever you’re ready. you’re not a wimp, it’s okay. i can wait. there’s no need to get anxious, you know i’m going to say yes” she leans up for a kiss, “thanks for telling me though”.

#☆ﾟ*・ﾟ atticus does a thing — ↳ talks

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notquitejiraiya · 5 years

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Chess [26] - {ShikaTema AU}

Right, so: it’s been months. Too long, and I’m sorry. And this isn’t the fluffiest of chapters. I had to split this in half, with the more plot-heavy chap being this one, so 27 will be fluffier, but I hope you like. Sorry for the delay.

[READ/COMMENT/FEEDBACK ON AO3]

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

“I’m going to take a guess and say you have something else you want to say?”

Shikamaru shrugged, taking an oversized sip of boiling hot coffee. His mouth seared with heat. He couldn’t help feeling it served him right. Despite wanting to speak, it wasn’t happening. There were almost too many words, too many other things he wanted to say.

“So you went to uni in the end, I suppose?”

There was silence.

Kurenai shifted. “You’re intelligent, Shikamaru—Asuma mentioned it more than a few times. You’re telling me you didn’t go to university?”

He shook his head, preparing for the usual eye roll and comment of how he’d wasted the most valuable years of his life in a bloody flower shop.

Temari elbowed him, clearing her throat. “He chose to become a mute instead, it seems.”

“Shut it,” he muttered, making the mistake of swilling yet more searing hot coffee around his cheeks. He winced once he’d gulped it down and nervously leaned forward, unable to stop his eyes veering towards Mirai, once again, through the glass doors of the conservatory.

But quickly he felt his eyes focussing less on her, but rather the landscape behind her; the shrubberies and the cherry blossom tree that hung over the garden fence from next door. He swore he could see it, a slither of smoke drifting from behind this giant potted plant, and his veins flooded with a sudden shot of adrenaline, and every desire in his brain hopped toward the idea of investigating that garden, that plant, that smoke.

“Shikamaru?”

He blinked himself into the realms of reality just before he could spill his coffee over his feet, met by Temari’s soft but definitely unimpressed stare.

“Kurenai asked you a question,” she whispered.

Her hand traced very slight circles on his forearm, and he wondered how he hadn’t noticed until this moment. Moments earlier he had been calm and still, almost happy to be perched on the edge of Kurenai’s sofa, glad at the very least.

Now was not the time to go into a trance.

Carefully he set the coffee cup down and squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. “I’m sorry,” he sighed. “What did you say?”

The pitiful look in Kurenai’s eyes was almost too much to bear. “Don’t worry about it.”

“No, please.” Shikamaru rubbed his eyes and reached into his pocket. “I am interested, I swear.”

“I don’t doubt that. But your mind is elsewhere, it’s not hard to tell.”

“No, I—”

Kurenai chuckled and got to her feet, reaching for Temari’s empty teacup. “Just get out there.”

His eyes flickered to Mirai, then quickly to the garden, then back to the lady before him whose eyes were so ridiculously friendly and seemed ready to laugh.

“Go on,” she smiled. “Go have a smoke.”

God, was he really that transparent?

“It’s okay, I’m not offended.” She reached for his mug only to find it almost full. “He was exactly the same—lost in himself when he was stressed and hadn’t got it out of his system with one of those things. I don’t agree, but still.”

“I’m sorry.” His hand almost found the back of his neck, but he felt warmer fingertips than his own grab it before contact was made, and carefully she brought his hand down to her lap.

Temari smiled and nudged him. “Don’t catch your death out there, okay?”

Shikamaru nodded, clambering to his feet and swiping his coffee up from the side. He reached out to hand it to Kurenai meekly, but she shook her head.

“If you haven’t finished with it you can take it out. It’s only a mug.”

He nodded, biting his lip. “I do want to talk to you, I swear,” he mumbled. “I’m just a wimp.”

“You’re not a wimp,” said the women in unison, and Shikamaru felt the hairs on the back of his neck fly up on end instantly.

“We can talk when you’re ready. We don’t even have to talk today if you don’t want to.” Kurenai rested her hand on his shoulder. “Just go have your smoke and chill out—alright, kid?”

He nodded. “Alright.”

It was only a matter of steps before the soles of his shoes stopped shuffling across the carpet and halted. “I was going to go to uni, by the way,” he insisted, his voice meek through the silence. “I wanted to.”

Kurenai smiled once more. “It’s not for everyone, Shikamaru. Go on—smoke.”

With a smile he raised his hand in thanks and shuffled towards the door. “I’ll shut the door behind me.”

Temari winced awkwardly as she rubbed her hands together, hauling herself off the sofa to be level with Kurenai. The way the woman stared out at her daughter, and at the figure that meandered around her garden—cigarette poking out the side of his point—you’d think this was normal for her. The blonde couldn’t help wishing that she, too, was so accepting, so calm in the presence of those who were close to her family.

“I’ll wash those,” she said, trying to repay the woman’s kindness somehow. Or at least that’s what she told herself as she took the two mugs from her hand and tore Kurenai’s eyes off of the two people ahead of her.

Jealousy wasn’t something she was used to, but neither was affection from either a man or a parent. She wanted both, and envied Kurenai for having had just that, and for having known Shikamaru longer than her; envied Mirai for hearing her mother’s voice every day, and gaining the most heartfelt looks from Shikamaru in just a short time.

But she shouldn’t have. She should not have envied the life of the two ladies in this house. It hit Temari as she turned the corner to the kitchen, Kurenai looming behind her, and the hung picture on the wall of her and Asuma all dressed up in their wedding attire—so young and full of smiles—stopped her in her tracks.

She might not have had her mother for long, but she had for some time. She might’ve had a father not many would’ve loved, but she had him all the same. And she might not have known Shikamaru long, or even too well, but she had him now—right now she had someone who cared for her and smiled at her for almost everything she’d do.

Neither Kurenai or her daughter had that right now, and as she set the dirty mugs in the sink, eyes still fixed on the most beautiful and most genuine wedding photograph she’d ever seen, Temari realised quite how lucky she was.

~~~

The garden was wet, and the edge of the conservatory gave little shelter from the developing rain, but Shikamaru barely noticed the spatters of water against his forehead as he dragged his feet through the grass. He couldn’t help feeling a little downtrodden that the smoke he’d seen from inside the living room was little more than the bloke next door who he’d just heard be called in by his missus.

He knew it was stupid—ridiculous in fact—for it to be anything else. What else was he expecting? Asuma’s ghost to be perched behind the plant pot, puffing away ready to load him up with all the life advice he needed? If that was really what he was thinking, Shikamaru needed a therapist more than he realised—probably more than just that.

No, he needed to just let his mind wander for a moment—wrap his head around where he was and why, entirely on his own.

Yes, he somewhat wanted to leave Temari to walk home in the rain for bringing him here. Yet he knew if he was to kickstart the mindset he knew he needed to create, then he had to be honest with himself, brutal to himself. He had to speak his mind and feel it open up.

Through the kitchen window he could see Temari nodding softly as Kurenai spoke to her, and he felt the corners of his mouth twitch when she smiled. She appeared to shoot something witty back, and the older woman burst into laughter, so loud he could hear it through the window pane.

Maybe he hadn’t let Asuma down. And maybe he hadn’t let Kurenai down, or her daughter. After all she laughed well, and Mirai sat metres away from him behind glass, giggling at the little book in her hands amongst blankets. The gardened he wandered around in circles was well kept, pretty, and behind the fence there were no words that didn’t ring full of positivity.

So maybe, just maybe, he hadn’t failed him; his cowardice hadn’t ruined anything. Maybe he could believe that was true.

In the back pocket of his jeans, his phone began to buzz.

Placing the cigarette back between his lips, he whipped it out and opened up his messages. There were four, quick-fire messages from both Ino and Choji to the group conversation they all shared, and reluctantly his thumb tapped the screen.

Choji: shikamaru???

Ino: I see you down there. He’s not here. He’s got the day off work x

Choji: since when does he take days off????

Ino: Since he got a girlfriend, obvs x

Shikamaru rolled his eyes and took a drag. There was nothing he wanted less than to respond to this, but from the bubble that appeared almost instantly it was too late. They had noticed him.

Choji: where are u???? where did she take u???

He sighed.

—> You two are a joke.

The bubble appeared again and he frantically tapped once more.

—> Not my girlfriend.

Ino: Yet ;) x

Choji: where are u????

—> Capitals and correct use of question marks ring any bells?

Choji: Where are u?

He chuckled. There was no doubt he appreciated his friend’s interest and care for him, but there was no way in hell he was telling them both what was happening—he couldn’t effectively explain within the lifetime of the cigarette between his lips, where he was and why.

—> Visiting someone. I’ll explain later.

Before he could turn off switch off the screen there was a flash at the top, a personal message.

Choji: if you’re where I think, man, you’ll be fine :)

And somehow, for now, that was all he needed; whether Choji thought the right place or not. That and seeing the beautiful girl at the kitchen window smile out at him when he looked up.

Yes, when a little hand against the glass of the conservatory caught his eye, and the blushing round face it belonged to fluttered her big eyes, Shikamaru’s chest froze up and the pit in his stomach opened up. But that was okay for now. Something about the smiles on all of their faces told him that even if he didn’t think it was okay, it could be. It would be.

This wasn’t a feeling that could be fixed in one trip, he knew that for sure. He knew, whether it was alone, or with Temari or Choji at his side, he would surely be back here soon enough. After all, he needed to—and, strangely enough, he wanted to.

~~~

“I’m sorry if I sound silly asking,” said Temari slowly, leaning against the cabinet behind her, “but weren’t Shikamaru and your husband exceptionally close for a student and his teacher?”

Although slightly affronted Kurenai nodded, chuckling. She held her hand under the hot water as she ran the tap, waiting for it to heat up to continue her washing she refused to let Temari do.

“Didn’t you find it weird?”

“Oh, yeah: really weird,” she smiled. “But I couldn’t really tell him to not be enthused by his students.”

Temari scoffed. “I would’ve. I never liked any of my teachers.” She felt her phone buzz in her pocket, but ignored it. “Personally it kind of freaks me out.”

All the lady did was smile.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to offend,” spluttered the blonde. “You’re a teacher as well, right?”

Kurenai nodded softly. “He and I were both teachers—we met in training, you see—but I think secretly Asuma didn’t want to teach at all.”

“No?”

“No,” she said. “He did it because it was stable money, I know that. But he never told me what he did want. I never asked.” She sighed, piling dirty glasses into the soapy water. “He was miserable until he started teaching Shikamaru. He was his in his tutor group—as were those other two he’s friends with.”

Ino and Choji, thought Temari, nodding along as she stepped closer. She lifted a damp tea-towel from the kitchen side and reached for a clean mug. The least I can do is help given how sad we’ve clearly made her by making her talk about all this…

“I think,” she continued, “he thought of Shikamaru as much an adult as he was, and by the final year they really were friends more than anything. I always thought it was some strange pity thing, and weirder, worrying stuff even crossed my mind once or twice, but when I saw he’d left the kid something when he left us—that lighter he used every day—I knew he was serious.”

Temari nudged her with her elbow, forcing a smile as she saw subtle tears in the corner of Kurenai’s eyes. With that the older woman smiled and passed her another cup to dry up, and the two knew it was all settled for the moment.

“You can come over any time if you’re going to help me wash up,” she laughed.

“Oh, Mrs Sarutobi,” she giggled in reply, “anything you need.”

Her eyes shifted, out the window and into the garden, right into the gaze of Shikamaru again. He smiled as he puffed on the last of his cigarette and she grinned right back. Nothing filled her more with relief than seeing him smile now, despite the fact she’d brought him her against his will, and despite the way he’d quivered and blanked out in the living room. And while she couldn’t rule out the possibility that her relief was not because he was okay but rather that she hadn’t completely ruined his day, she was happy in that moment. Thankfully, by the look of it and his grin, so was he.

Kurenai was clearing following her eyes outside. “Shikamaru seems like a good man.”

“He is a wonderful man,” whispered Temari as she stared out of the window at him, kicking at the leaves as edged closer to the door. “Sometimes he seems like the most wonderful man.”

“God, I remember that feeling,” she chuckled, drying her hands on a tea towel. “I remember it all too well, and yet he never understood why I thought so.”

“Deep down I think Shikamaru knows he’s good,” sighed the blonde as she turned away from the window, locking eyes once more with the lady before her. “But I think he’s so caught up in the past—so annoyed at himself for, quite frankly, just being human—that he drowns in guilt.”

“Guilt over Asuma, I assume?”

Temari nodded. “That he couldn’t bring himself to face you after he died.”

Kurenai frowned. “But why would he feel that way?”

“Your daughter.”

The wistful voice from the doorway behind them sent the women spinning round to face him, staring into dark eyes that were so suddenly filled with sadness it was almost unbelievable. Shikamaru leant on the threshold as though nothing was wrong, hands shoved deep within the pockets of his jeans, and let out a great sigh.

“Asuma was such a huge figure in my life,” he told them, “and although it probably sounds dumb I felt like I’d lost my uncle or something...” He looked down, withdrew one of his hands and rubbed his eyes. “But Mirai…”

Temari walked over to him and removed his hand from his face gently, giving it a slight squeeze. “You can be upset, Shikamaru.”

He ignored her, staring straight at Kurenai. “He was actually your family, and Mirai never gets to grow up with her dad—never even got to meet him. I was just so selfish for feeling the way I did, and I couldn’t forgive myself; couldn’t bare to force someone who’d truly suffered to see me fall apart for what seemed like no valid reason.”

There was a beat.

“Shikamaru?”

He sighed, and only then did he realise the rigid nature of his body. He forced his neck to shift, convincing his senses he was still more man than stone. “Yes?”

Kurenai took a single step closer to him and reached for his shoulder. “You weren’t selfish.”

“You say that,” he muttered, “but I was. I know I was.”

“Okay then.” She sighed. “I forgive you. If that’s what you need to hear, then I forgive you.”

Shikamaru tensed, and the tightening of his hand almost made Temari well up. “Don’t say it if it isn’t true.”

“Of course it’s true,” Kurenai chuckled. “Come on; calm down, relax your shoulders and go home—enjoy the rest of your day.” She enveloped him in a hug, to which he hugged back, letting go of Temari’s hand regrettably. “I’m so glad I finally got to talk to you. You’re a good man.”

“Thank you,” he forced out.

“No thanks required,” she replied, pulling back and leading the pair out of her kitchen and back through to the door.

He forced a smile as he followed, reaching for Temari’s hand once again without a second’s thought. “He always said you were kind.”

Kurenai smiled, opening the door. “I’m glad,” she said. “Come back any time you want to, okay? Door is always open.”

Temari smiled and mouthed a silent thank you, but the man beside her, with a slight smile across his lips, looked out into the conservatory at the little whose nose was deep in the book before her. Instinctively he reached into his pocket with his free hand, meeting metal instantly. “Hey,” he said as softly as he could, eyes never moving. “You really can have the lighter back, if you want it—or if she does.”

“No, it’s okay,” she smiled, following his eyes to look at her daughter. “Like I said; he gave it to you. It’s yours. We don’t need it.”

He nodded. “Well, I’ll see you around.” He felt a squeeze around his hand. “We,” he corrected, “will see you around.”

And with a freshly genuine smile, Shikamaru turned away from her.

“Wait!”

He whipped round in the blink of an eye, and looked down to see eyes staring up at him, a little frown across them.

Mirai poked out her bottom lip as she grabbed her mother’s trouser leg mindlessly. “Are you leaving?”

He almost couldn’t get the words out. “Yeah, we are.”

“Are you coming back?” She sounded somewhat sad, and Shikamaru hated it—couldn’t stand it.

“Yeah,” he told her with certainty, kneeling down. “We definitely are, eventually.”

“Good,” she mumbled, and grabbed her mother’s leg tighter. She watched with a smile as Shikamaru rose and stepped back, and out of absolutely nowhere gushed forward and grabbed his legs into a great hug.

Shikamaru had to grab the wall to stop him from falling, and, after forcing himself not to swear in surprise, he smiled to himself. “Goodbye, Mirai,” he said, trying his best not to let tears form in the corner of his eyes. “It was lovely to meet you.”

She nodded and slowly let go before running off back to the conservatory. “Bye!”

Temari watched as Shikamaru adjusted his coat, tucked loose hair behind his ears and rubbed his eyes, desperate to hide the tears. She wished she’d got a hug from the little girl, but she’d never really thought she’d be very good with kids. Still, as she zipped up her jacket and listened to the young man before her hum as he walked, she let out a sigh of relief.

Everything today, she decided in that moment, was worth it.

Chuckling, Kurenai rested her hand on Temari’s back. “Thank you,” she whispered to her as Shikamaru stepped completely out of the doorway and away from them, rustling his keys as he went. “For bring him here to see us.”

“Oh, please,” Temari smiled, “thank you for opening the door.”

~~~

The car ride that ensued was predominately silent, not including the faint sound of Phil Collins through the mangled radio.

Temari barely paid attention to what was going on, what buildings were around them or the people that went by, but she was certain that after about ten minutes, they were not where she expected them to be.

“Shikamaru?” she piped up, frowning as she stared out the window.

“Mhm?”

“Where the hell are you taking me?”

He chuckled and shook his head.

“Right,” she muttered, “I want to trust that you’re taking me home, but this is starting to feel eerily like an abduction.”

Shikamaru spluttered. “An abduction?” he laughed. “You aren’t half melodramatic, are you?”

“I’m not,” she insisted, “but I like to know where I’m going.”

“As do I. And yet where did I end up today?”

Temari grew silent, and her spine tingled.

With a sigh, he reached over and grabbed her hand. “That wasn’t a dig, Tem. I’m grateful for today.”

She smiled slightly and looked over at him, the ever-changing light of the sunset behind his silhouette, shrouding him with hues of orange and pink that seemed somewhat out of this world. In that moment she wanted nothing more than for him to stop the car and just look at her, stare her down with those dark eyes, and envelope her in his arms. She wanted him to hold her tight and tell her that everything was okay; that he wanted nothing more than to watch her, night and day.

But that was ridiculous. He barely even noticed she’d been staring at him by the time she turned away, and hummed along to his music none the wiser.

Temari sighed and sat back, letting her dreams be just that. “Where are we going?”

“I thought we had already established that I’m not telling you.”

“If you don’t tell me,” she warned. “I will get out right now.”

“You will not jump out of a moving vehicle.”

“Try me.”

Shikamaru smirked. “You’ll jump out if I do tell you, since you’re so sure you’re capable of it.”

“Shikamaru.”

“Fine,” he chuckled, “I’m literally just dropping the car off. We’re almost there, anyway—it’s just around the corner.”

Her head whipped round. “Dropping it off?”

He nodded slowly. “At my house,” he said calmly.

Temari winced and dug her nails slightly into her palms. “Um, Shikamaru…”

“You can get out here, don’t worry,” chuckled Shikamaru. “I’m not returning the favour of the day and forcing you to meet anyone.”

“Then why the fuck are we heading to your family home?”

She didn’t sound even slightly amused by the situation, and Shikamaru knew the only way to send the angry lines that creased her forehead packing was to let her out. Carefully he pulled over to the side of the road. “I only thought,” he said, taking her hand gently and letting his thumb run over the back of her hand, “that if I parked up we could walk to the pub for a bit. I don’t like parking around there.”

Temari said nothing, only curved up one eyebrow, unconvinced.

“Plus,” he sighed, somewhat embarrassed. “I don’t know if Dad needs the car tonight.”

With a weak smile, Temari unclipped her seatbelt and pushed open her door. “I’ll wait out here,” she mumbled, giving his hand a final squeeze. “See you in a minute.”

Shikamaru smiled and nodded. “I’ll be right back.”

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ebonydusk · 4 years

Text

Things that were, things that are, and things that may be...

I’ll warn you right now this post might get rather long, so I’ll be sure to put most of it under the line. And also warn that this post contains very personal talk about severe depression, anxiety, PTSD, abortion and suicide.

I’ve made various posts over time on this hellsite. I call it that cause...it really can be at times. But it’s also a place I can vent and put my thoughts out into the world, even if I know no one will notice or will really pay attention to it. This one though, this one is probably the most personal.

I’ll start off by explaining I’ve suffered from depression the majority of my life. I can’t possibly tell you how or when it truly started, but I can recognize now that it was there since I was young. It went hand in hand with my growing anxiety that was born of being isolated and over protected and sheltered in a small town with small minds. It’s possible it all came from the fact I was molested as a child. Up till I was at least ten. Which is the last time I let him come near me. My grandfather was a ‘war hero’. A ‘pillar of the small community’. A ‘good man and a good father’. A ‘wonderful husband’. But he also didn’t keep his hands to himself. And I never told anyone. Not my mom. Not my dad. Not my sweet grandmother. No one. They still don’t know. But my therapists and my husband and closests friends now do. I’m not as ashamed of it anymore. I realized only recently I shouldn’t be, it wasn’t my fault. And I’m not the one who should have ever felt such shame and guilt.

But keeping that secret since I was so little and never dealing with it left it’s mark on my small mind. A mark that festered and grew into fear and anxiety and self hatred.

Then I realized I was into girls. I felt...out of place. I wasn’t really shamed of that per se. But it WAS a small town. I got picked on by those that knew. Those that guessed. And those that just didn’t like how quiet I was. I was the “girl to talk to if if you wanted to ‘experiment’” to most of the girls in school. I mostly went along with it cause...how exactly did you say no to some of the most popular girls in school and not end up the target of some serious Mean Girl shit? Right? So I started my experimenting early. My girlfriend at the time got jealous easy and she wasn’t happy about none of it...but she was also closeted and afraid of people finding out. There was a point she became a source of bullying just to throw people off. I grew cautious of telling people. I didn’t want to be targeted anymore. I didn’t want to be used. I didn’t want to be looked at as a freak. Another secret I had to keep. Another thing I had to hide. I’m more open about it now. I still haven’t pin pointed what I am myself. And that’s ok. It really is. FOr everyone who’s unsure it’s ok. No matter your age or how long you’ve had to figure it out.

I met my husband in high school. He was a bright point in those times for me. (And a dark one too, it was high school after all. Drama.) We were on and off more than once. Him being a hormonal guy and me being the idiot that kept forgiving him when he’d come crying back to me when his attempt to move on was rejected harshly. (he’s a wonderful man but he can still act like a teenager sometimes.)

And yes, we did get married. Which leads me to another stressful point in my life. I was left on my own shortly after our marriage. My husband practically volunteered to go be sent overseas. He had to ‘prove himself’. He had to ‘get away’. And so he left. We weren’t prepared. I certainly wasn’t. For nearly a whole year I was left on my own. In a tiny apartment. At first I was ok...until both cars broke down. I had no ride and I was too scared and anxious to ask for help. Cause the one time I did I got guilt tripped about being a burden to my husband by someone he worked with giving me a ride. and the manager of the apartment was a ‘military hater’. So she wasn’t happy about us. So I felt trapped. Alone. Scared. Isolated. And I gained 100+ pounds from ordering out cause I had no way to leave. It was dark time and I was a mess and the apartment went to shit cause of it too. It was my first mental break. I didn’t recognize it then. I do now though. When my husband returned it was to a barely kept together apartment and a wife that was suddenly overweight and mentally unsound. It was a stressful time. I tried to get help...but they did nothing but throw medication at me that didn’t work.

One of the many reasons I don’t fully trust doctors.

Fast forwarding by a lot, skipping over quite a few little things that went on that probably had some affect on me. But we’re gonna go with big things for now. We’re in alabama now. I need a job. Jody helps me get one at a bowling alley on base. It’s my first job after FIVE YEARS of me trying and searching with little luck. The place was ok at first. But things went downhill fast. The promised hours were not what I got. The manager ran two buildings and the one I was at was the one she hated the most. (She admitted this often.) She micromanged everything. Talked down to everyone. Expected more than was could be given.

I was doing the job of 10 other people at that place. And for not enough hours and during the BUSIEST times of the week. The weekends. Most people will scoff at that. “Only the weekends? Pffft! You wimp! You child! That’s nothing!” Yeah. Maybe it is. But those three days of work? They were awful. They were draining and it got to the point I would actually cry before having to go back cause it was so bad. I hated it. But I kept trying cause I felt guilty. I felt weak. And I didn’t want to disappoint my husband who HELPED me get the job. During all this stress I found out I was pregnant. (this part is very upsetting for me and might be for others too. I apologize to anyone who is still reading this.) I didn’t know how to feel when I looked at that stupid pee stick. I was dumbfounded. I told my husband and...his reaction broke my heart. He panicked. Badly. He had to be sure. We went to a doctor. They confirmed. Their ‘Congratulations’ hurt me. It cut too deep. Cause I knew what my husband wanted to do. He wasn’t ready and he was panicking with every day.

He had me convinced we couldn’t do it. I knew it was bull. I knew it wasn’t true. The military would have paid him MORE to have the baby. I knew it. THey increase pay for such things. But I didn’t know how to fight him on it. I didn’t want him to hate me. I didn’t want him to regret or resent me. So...I went along. I agreed.

I know I told some people that it was done cause it was affecting my health. I lied. I felt too ashamed to tell the truth. I didn’t want to say “we got rid of it cause we weren’t ready”. Cause that wasn’t all true. HE wasn’t ready. I was more than so. I always wanted kids. At least one. But he...

He once told me “If it happens then it happens and we’ll deal”...that was clearly not the case. The abortion broke me. Both mentally and emotionally and physically. I hurt. So much. I still have nightmares at times. Not as often anymore thankfully. But back then it was almost every night afterwards. I...I went back to work. I had to. What else could I do? But not long after returning I just couldn’t anymore. I saw a therapist and he was kind. Understanding. I wasn’t used to that from doctors in the military. He helped some. But it was a temporary thing. Not a full time therapist. But even with his help I could stick it. I had to get away from that job and I needed time.

So I quit...And I felt ashamed and guilty cause I was handed that job on a silver platter and I couldn’t stick to it. I did for 4 years but I still felt horrible.

I stopped seeing that doctor. I stopped taking my meds. I just...tried to move on on my own. I tried to find other things to do. I had my friends online and they helped a lot. I disappeared into my writing. I distracted myself for a long, long time. Then things started going downhill ‘last year’, of 2019. Money getting tighter. Friends getting busy. Some of my favorite places to hang out online, RP forums mostly, were slowing or dying and shutting down. Some of the people I called friends weren’t talking to me anymore. I knew some were just busy and dealing with their own lives but it still felt painful and I felt alone again. Even with a house of three dogs, a roommate, a husband...I felt unwanted. Unloved. Useless. worthless. Pitiful. Shameful. Painful. I couldn’t sleep right. I was staying up for DAYS straight cause of my nightmares and insomnia and my brain just not turning off. I barely ate. My husband had started doing new better work but also college classes and had NO TIME. No time to talk. No time to sit with me anymore. No time. And I knew he needed space to work. I understood that. I wasn’t stupid. It wasn’t that he didn’t care he was just too busy to focus on anything but. Yet it still hurt. I was alone. I felt hollow and full of nothing but darkness at the same time. As dramatic as that sounds. I just wanted it to end. I wanted to not be a burden. I didn’t want the people I knew to feel they had to bother with me anymore. They wouldn’t need to worry or care or bother checking on me anymore. No more emotional mess that is me. No more mother hen monster fussing. No more pestering to hang out. No more.

I had a plan. I had a method. I had a place. All I needed was to wait for my husband to leave in the morning. Make sure the roommate was still sleeping in like always. And I’d take care of it all. I’d stop being a pest, a burden, a mess, a black mark on the lives of those I knew. I’d stop being a disappointment, a failure, a weakling, a pathetic excuse of life.

But one night...I realized those thoughts were wrong. just a moment. Just a spark of a thought. Through the dark fog that dominated my mind. And I sat down and talked to my husband. I told him what was wrong. I told him what I had planned to do. And he took me to someone as soon as possible. They sent me to a hospital (by the way 16 hours waiting in a hospital room is AWFUL and hospitals should be ashamed). And THEY sent me to a Behavioral Health Facility. A nut house. Yeah. BHF is just the nice way to name it. I was there for three days. It seemed to help. I calmed down. I discovered I had diabetes while there too. I continued to seek treatment. I got my therapist. I got my psychiatrist. I have help now. Continuous help. Consistent help. And I’ve stayed on my meds this time. All this started in May 2019. I went into the BHF on May 10, 2019 and I’ve done my best to stick with everything. I’ve realized a lot about myself and I’m working on a lot of things. I’m hoping to keep getting better. There are a lot of people that helped along the way. People that kept me from doing something I’d regret sooner. Some that helped me more than they could ever realize and I wish I still talked to them. But I know they’ve had life keep them down. I want to thank them right now for being there for me. Misty, Tahki, Jessi, Tana, Fishy, Oobi, Verg, Aru, Naan, that one person who kept answering my depressing blogs and cheering me up ( I’m so sorry I can’t remember your name at this time I feel horrid), There are so many others...I want to thank you all. I’d @ you but I don’t want to disturb you with this long ass mess. I love you guys. Always will. I’m sorry for not talking to any of you more. But know I’m still here. And I’m still thinking of you. Always.

#personal #long post #depression #anxiety #suicide mention #new year #Abortion #mental health

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asking-jude · 4 years

Note

Anything I say to my family is taken out of context and pinned against me. I almost don’t want to say anything because of this. When I brought it up I was told I was being sensitive and weak and should ‘learn to laugh with it’ but I don’t, I don’t find it funny. It makes me not want to talk with them any more and I don’t know what to do.

Allow me to translate this nonsense:

“Stop being so sensitive” = “Stop holding me accountable for my bad behavior.”

“Learn to laugh with it.” = “We won’t stop making fun of you.”

“You’re weak.” = “I think being a jerk makes me strong and funny.”

What your family is telling you is that they don’t know how to be nice and they don’t care to learn. I bet that there are several generations’ worth of dysfunction that everyone perpetuated because they couldn’t bother learning how to break the cycle. Taking everything you say out of context and holding it against you is called gaslighting; they’re trying to make you out to be crazy and a bad person so they feel justified in being jerks to you.

In addition, by telling you that you’re too sensitive and that you’re weak for getting upset, they’re manipulating you and policing your emotions. They’re blaming you for your very valid feelings because they challenge their desire to be butts to you. Your family thinks of you as a figurative punching bag because that’s probably all they know how to treat you. Changing the way they treat you would mean they have to admit that they were doing something wrong and that is anathema to them.

What you can do is called grey rocking; this is when you communicate as little as possible, give one-word or cagey answers to questions, etc. Be as boring as you possibly can. There’s a clever way to call people out on their nonsense if you wish. This is when someone makes a nasty comment or terrible joke at your expense; use phrases like, “I don’t understand. Can you explain it to me?” “Wow how embarrassing for you to say that.” “Bless your heart.” Make people realize that they’re being inappropriate by showing some pity for their stupidity or make them explain why the inappropriate thing they said was funny and watch them backpedal. Maybe it’ll teach them to keep their mouths shut.

I highly recommend going to therapy, as well. I know it’s probably not going to be easy, especially because I can already hear your relatives going, “Why do you need therapy? Are we just that AWFUL to you? Wimp.” or something like that. But here’s the thing: you deserve to have as much help as you need; a therapist can provide ongoing guidance and a safe space to vent as much as you need. In other words, they can help you further than we can. I imagine that there’s probably a lot to unpack from your awful family, so a therapist can help you do that one step at a time. You’ve already done that here, so keep it going. See if you can find someone at school, through an employee assistance program, your insurance company, Captain Awkward’s blog, etc. I’m not trying to keep you from coming back here; I want you to broaden your support network beyond us because I know you can benefit from that.

Hugs,

Angelica Barile

Asking Jude needs YOUR help! Donate pocket change here and save our safe space.

#ask #advice #mental health

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nekoabi · 5 years

Text

On the Verge of a Heartbreak - Chapter 26

Time for some double dating shenanigans!

Pairings: Moxiety, OC/OC Words: 4011 (oops) Warnings: High levels of anxiety, food mention. If there’s anything else, let me know!

Summary: Double dating at the theme park.

Virgil was an absolute mess the night before the theme park double date. He was still utterly scared at the prospect of being forced onto rollercoasters that would terrify him even more than he already thought they would, which would then cause him to look extremely childish, which would then cause Abigal to laugh and treat him like a little baby, and would cause Reggie to suggest they leave him behind with the child day care if he couldn’t handle something so easy, and would cause Patton to then see that Virgil was absolutely not the person he thought he was and then Patton would leave him and ditch him forever because he couldn’t handle rollercoasters!

The teenager groaned and rolled over, crushing his face into his pillow, hiding from the morning light that was trying so hard to enter his room through his closed, blackout curtains. “It’s official. I am going to die alone.”

“What’s got you all upset, honey? I thought you’d be excited to go out with your friends today.” His mother had entered his room almost silently and the sound of her voice startled Virgil a little bit. He caught his breath as she walked over to the curtains and pulled them open.

As the morning light was finally allowed to shine into the room, Virgil groaned again, shoving his face further into the pillow, “Mom… Why are you in my room…?” He mumbled into the pillow.

There was a soft laugh before Virgil felt weight being added to the edge of his mattress and a hand coming to rest on his back, “I wanted to make sure you were getting up in time, sweetheart. Please, tell me what’s wrong?”

Virgil sighed heavily and sat up, leaving the covers pooling around his waist as he leant against the headboard. He talked about what he’d seen on the website for the theme park and how he felt about it all, how many of his thoughts had spiralled over the last couple of days as the time got closer, how he wasn’t sure how to bring this up after Patton was so excited for it.

“Oh honey…” His mom said, moving closer to wrap him in a loose hug, “Patton would understand and so would your other friends. I know it must be hard for you to open up to them about these things, but I think you should at least let Patton know.”

“I can’t.” Virgil muttered, his face buried against his mother’s shoulder, “Patton would stop himself doing things he wanted to do if I told him… That’s not fair on him…”

His mom pulled away and brushed his hair away from his face, “Well, I just want you to promise me that you won’t push yourself too hard today, okay?” She pressed a soft kiss to his forehead when he quietly agreed to her statement before she got up and headed to the door, “Get up and dressed quickly so you can have some breakfast before you go.”

Virgil rolled his eyes, “Okay mom. Be down in a little bit.”

It took him much more time to get ready that morning than usual as he still was trying to delay the inevitable. He spent far longer picking out his outfit, changing his mind several times before deciding, he redid his makeup at least four times to make sure it was ‘perfect’, he triple checked that he had all the things he needed in his pockets before even thinking about reaching for the door handle. Virgil looked aimlessly around his room, as if searching for one more thing to try and occupy his time before he finally left his bedroom.

Virgil trudged down the stairs at a sluggish pace, his brain racing at almost three times the speed of that trying to think of excuses he could use – not that he’d actually use any of them and leave Patton on his own like that. Eventually, he reached the kitchen and slipped into the free chair next to the door, across from his mom, who smiled at him warmly before going back to reading the article she was deep into.

His dad placed a plate with some toast in front of him along with a drink, ruffling his son’s hair as he took seat in the final chair, “So, worried about today, huh?”

Virgil shot a look over to his mother, who simply ignored it but took an extended and loud sip from her morning coffee to hide the small smile, “Thanks mom.”

Jason laughed, “You’ll be fine. There are lots of different things to do at theme parks that don’t involve rollercoasters and thrill rides. Everyone has different things they want to do, so they’ll listen to you, especially if they’re your friends and if they’re Patton.”

The teenager let out a deep breath, “But I don’t want to force anyone to do anything… or have them think I’m a huge wimp or a baby…”

His dad’s face turned serious, “If they think that and make fun of you for it, then they’re not very good friends, Virgil.” Neither said another word as Virgil began to finally eat through the toast in front of him.

Virgil knew that both his parents were right, but it was hard to believe when his thoughts were so fixated on being loud and obnoxious about all the insecurities he had. He needed to just keep their words in mind and trust his friends. He did trust them, especially Patton.

As he thought that, there was a knock at the door that had Virgil’s heartrate doubling.

“That must be Patton. I’ll get it, you just finish eating.” Jason patted his son’s shoulder in a way to silently tell him that it was okay if he couldn’t. Virgil nibbled and took small bites as he heard the front door opening and the sudden cheery voice of his boyfriend.

‘Everything will be fine.’ Virgil chanted in his head. He stood up, leaving his breakfast half finished. He downed the last of the drink he’d been given before stepping out into the living room.

“Hi Virgil! Are you excited?” Patton asked, immediately running towards him and grabbing a hold of his hands. He was bouncing up and down on his toes, being utterly adorable in every way. Virgil couldn’t destroy that.

“Uh, yeah, totally. So excited.” Virgil plastered on a fake smile.

For a brief moment, it seemed like Patton was concerned about Virgil’s response, but he must have imagined the sudden expression change as Patton was still excitable and bouncy when he left his side.

Virgil got the disappointed Dad look when he slipped out of the car later, but he attempted to ignore the guilt that rose up in his stomach when he saw it. “Have a good time, boys! Let me know when you two would like to be picked up!” Jason called out of the window before driving out of the car park outside the theme park.

The two teenagers headed towards the front gates, looking around to see if they could spot their other friends that were supposed to be meeting them there. As they reached the pavement just outside, Patton’s phone started to ring. He fished it out of the bag he had slung over his body and picked it up, “Hello?”

“Hi Pat! So so so sorry! We’re running a little bit late! We’ll be there as soon as we can!” Abigal’s voice came through the speaker, loud enough for Virgil to hear it from where he was standing.

Patton giggled, seemingly having expected this turn of events, “It’s okay! See you soon.” With that, he hung up and turned to Virgil with a large sunny grin, “I guess you heard that?”

Virgil let out a soft breath of laughter, “Yup. Guess we’ll be out here for a little bit.”

They both moved closer to the wall, standing in a small part that was free of posters or gates. Patton was making light conversation, while Virgil pulled out his phone and was scrolling through social media at the same time. It didn’t exactly register to him, but his nerves had died down quite a bit. It was almost as if just being around Patton calmed him down.

As he was thinking about the boy, Virgil turned and looked at his boyfriend. He was suddenly struck with how odd they must look to some outside observers. Virgil leaning up against the wall casually in his ripped jeans, emo band hoodie and dark makeup, black headphones dangling from the shirt collar as he scrolled through his phone that had a self-made MCR phone case, while Patton stood next to him, looking extremely innocent by comparison. He was stood just in front of the wall, rather than leaning against it, which allowed for the pastel-coloured skirt he was wearing to flow in the soft breeze along with the bright shirt that had some sort of motivational saying on it that made Virgil almost puke at the thought – he’d had way too many of those back with an old therapist. His hair was pinned back with a simple butterfly clip and was looking all around extremely approachable.

Two completely opposite looking human beings not just standing next to each other, but clearly being close. At one point in the conversation, Patton moved closer and grabbed a hold of Virgil’s hand, swinging it lightly and looking entirely smitten with the dark emo. It made Virgil smile, because he knew he must look the same.

“PATTON! VIRGIL!” A loud shout and the sound of someone running broke their little moment as both of them turned to see Abigal coming towards them at full speed. She skidded to a halt just in front of them and panted, “I am so sorry. It was all my fault. I couldn’t find the thing I needed. And then my dad wasn’t answering the phone. And then I-”

Virgil clocked out of Abigal’s ramblings as he noticed that Reggie wasn’t currently alongside her. He looked behind the girl to see the other teenager in question slowly heading their way, taking his time rather than running like his girlfriend had done. They made eye contact as he got within speaking distance and the two greeted each other a little awkwardly – at least on Virgil’s part.

Unlike Abigal and Patton who had known each other since Patton had started high school, Reggie and Virgil were still relatively new friends, and really hadn’t had any time to get to know one another outside of their large friend group meetups. Virgil had this feeling that he should get to know Reggie, that maybe they could be friends as a lot of their humour lined up, but he just didn’t know how to go about it.

While Virgil was thinking all of this, Abigal had finally caught her breath and was done listing off her rack of apologies. She grabbed Reggie’s arm and pointed to the gates, “Time to go in and have the time of our lives!”

Patton squealed in joy and dragged Virgil along behind him as he followed the other couple up to the gates. They stood in line, chatting happily and laughing as they waited to reach the attendant. When it was their turn, Abigal stepped up and dug around in her bag.

“Abi?” came the voice from inside, causing the girl to look up.

She immediately broke out into a large grin, “Oh hey! I didn’t realise you were working today!” Abigal and the worker started an extremely casual conversation, which didn’t seem all too out of the ordinary. She was a very outgoing person and would probably have a few friends that none of them were aware of. The strangest thing happened at the end of the conversation, “So, I have three friends with me today, okay?” They all watched as Abigal passed over a card and the attendant barely checked it before handing it back.

“Have a good time!” The attendant smiled at them all, looking at them for the first time. Abigal thanked them and grabbed a hold of Reggie’s arm and Patton’s free hand before dragging all of them along with her into the park, through the turnstile.

All three of her friends were a little stunned, Virgil also feeling some form of pure terror. They’d all just walked in without being asked a single question, without any of them paying or doing anything that they should have to do in order to gain entrance to somewhere like this and it was not sitting well with him.

“What was that?” Reggie asked once they were all a fair distance from the entrance.

Abigal turned and looked at him with a slightly confused smile, “What do you mean?”

“You just dragged us all into a theme park. You knew the person at the entrance and you just had to hand over a weird card thing that they didn’t even have to look at to let you and your friends in.” Reggie rattled off all the events, almost deadpanning the whole thing.

“Ohhhhh, I hadn’t told you guys?” Abigal gasped and looked between each of them, falling on Virgil last. He was acutely aware that he was probably showing a lot of his anxiety right now, especially as he had to fight so hard to keep control of it. Abigal bit her lip before apologising, “I’m sorry, I thought I told you all that my dad owns the park…”

“WHAT?!” Patton screeched, drawing the collective attention of almost everyone, “That’s amazing!”

His reaction perked Abigal right up, “I know, right?! It’s freaking awesome! Though I am super super sorry about not telling you guys, I didn’t mean to scare you like that…” Virgil knew that was aimed mostly at him, but he was appreciative anyway. Knowing they weren’t breaking the rules and were definitely not about to get thrown out or arrested was most certainly a good thing for his nerves as they almost immediately dropped back to their normal levels.

“So, where first? You know all the best places, Abi! Where should we go?” Patton was almost vibrating from excitement. Abigal brought him over to a map and pointed to several of the rides around the park, indicating the order that she thought they should all do them in. Virgil tried to not pay attention, instead looking for something that was more his kind of thing. He noticed there was an arcade put at the centre of the map and that sounded like a much easier and better thing for him to do, now it was just bringing it up… which he just couldn’t do.

Abigal and Patton led the way, chatting and laughing as they walked in front of their significant others. They walked at a decently fast pace, which meant that Virgil’s nerves were upping at the exact same rate. They were getting closer and closer to that first rollercoaster and Virgil was having a hard time keeping himself calm. He could do this, he could definitely do this. It was only one rollercoaster, it didn’t really matter all that much. He was too busy trying to calm himself down that he didn’t notice someone was watching him the whole time.

Next to him, Reggie was clearly noticing Virgil’s anxiousness and was trying to figure out what was causing it to suddenly rise like it had. It made sense that the initial scare of being pulled through into a theme park without being told how they were able to just walk in would put some stress on the poor kid, but all they were doing was walking through the park.

“Ah, there it is!” Patton excitedly pointed towards the sign in the distance for the ride and Reggie saw that Virgil immediately tensed even more. It was suddenly all clear.

The two at the front of their group immediately headed for the entrance, but Virgil and Reggie stayed back, not getting close to the line. After a moment, Abigal and Patton realised that their boyfriends weren’t following them and returned to their sides.

“Hey, what’s up? You guys not coming?” Patton asked, sounding concerned.

Abigal smirked playfully, “Are you two just too chicken?” To anyone that wasn’t Virgil, it was clear she was only messing with them.

But Virgil was sadly himself and this was just Virgil’s worst fears coming true. Patton being upset with him not wanting to go on the rides and ruining the whole day for everyone. Abigal thinking he was a wimp and a coward and thinking less of him because of it. He was just beginning to wallow in his despair when Reggie scoffed exaggeratedly beside him. He looked up to see the boy flick his long braids in a show of sass.

“Excuse me? You think I’m going on that? With this hair? Honey, no. I am not ruining perfection for some cheap thrills that mean nothing to me.” Reggie pouted and crossed his arms in a show of defiance before continuing, “You two go enjoy whatever you want, ruin yourselves as much as you like. Virgil and I-” He looped an arm around Virgil’s shoulders casually, leaning into the emo a little, “-are going to go have our own fun, alright?”

It was clear to both Abigal and Patton that Reggie was covering for Virgil, who they could easily see was extremely nervous about the ride. His eyes kept flicking up and looking at the signs and at the tracks that looped around in the distance, he visibly flinched whenever there was a loud screaming from the rides around him. Ever the good friends, the two didn’t bring it up.

“Okay, babe. You two go have your fun and we’ll meet somewhere for lunch, I guess.” Abigal popped up onto her toes in order to press a simple kiss to Reggie’s lips before she stepped closer to the ride, waiting for Patton to join her.

“Yeah! I can’t wait to hear what you two get up to!” Patton kissed Virgil’s cheek and grinned before joining Abigal.

The other two waited until their significant others reached the line before heading off back towards the main section of the park. They walked in silence for a bit, Virgil still trying to calm his nerves back to their usual levels.

He looked up to the older student who he was now apparently going to spend most of his day with, “Hey… Thanks for that…” Virgil mumbled, returning his gaze back down to watch the paving stones as they walked, “You didn’t have to, you could have gone on the ride with them…”

Reggie simply smiled, watching the shy boy next to him, “I didn’t make anything up back there. I do not need this perfection going to waste on some rides, besides it can’t be fun to just wait for everyone else on your own when you’re freaking out.”

Virgil felt a soft smile tugging at his lips, “Yeah, it’s kinda the worst thing.”

“See? I’m just being the nice person I normally am.” Reggie grinned as Virgil gave him a disbelieving look.

“You? A nice person? That’s a pretty funny joke.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Do I have to bring up the first few years of high school?”

Reggie stopped dead and stared at Virgil with an open mouth, making various unhappy gasping noises. After a few seconds to think, Reggie walked the few paces to where Virgil was watching him with an amused grin before he spoke, “That is unfair. You don’t bring up a past like that.”

“Uh huh, whatever you say, Princess.” Virgil couldn’t help laughing as Reggie made more insulted noises beside him.

The two ended up at the arcade and spent most of their day in there, playing various games. Virgil had far more skill at almost every game they played, except for when they played any of the dancing games the arcade had set up. Virgil went first and did fairly well on medium difficulty, but he could not have been prepared for when Reggie got up there and absolutely demolished a song on the hardest difficulty without even really trying. The older boy went through a few different songs, drawing in a curious and impressed crowd within just the first two. Virgil watched as he thrived from the attention, especially at the end when some of the crowd – mostly the parents with young children – applauded his efforts.

Reggie hopped down off of the machine with a confident grin and an ego that could barely fit inside the building, “So, what’s next?”

Virgil snorted and headed over to a completely different game, “I kick your ass and bring your ego back to a manageable size, so we can all breathe.”

After an hour of absolute domination, Virgil deemed Reggie’s ego thoroughly beaten and they took a break to sit outside on a bench. They were both more comfortable with each other, joking around a lot more and just generally talking about stuff that neither of them would have considered talking about in the past. Virgil learned more about Reggie’s family and why he was currently living on his own in an apartment in America and Reggie learned a lot more about Virgil and his anxiety and his past with Patton.

On the other side of the park, Abigal and Patton had just come out of the final ride they’d wanted to go on. They were still giddy with adrenaline and were giggling together.

“I guess we should go find our boyfriends?” Patton asked, becoming happier and even more giggly as he said the final words. He went to reach for his bag in order to pull out his phone but found himself interrupted by Abigal.

“Yeah, I think it’s time to get food. I am absolutely starving!” Abigal grabbed Patton’s arm and pulled him along behind her as she ran back to the central area of the park. It was only for a few seconds, but it managed to divert Patton’s attention away from getting his phone and meant that the two ended up simply wandering casually to the centre. Once they got there, they quickly noticed their two boyfriends chatting happily on a bench outside the arcade.

Patton immediately felt his heart bloom with warmth as he saw Virgil smiling and being so relaxed. He’d been worried ever since seeing the emo that morning since the boy really didn’t seem all that excited about coming to the theme park, but all that worry was now a distant memory. Patton joined Abigal in slowly walking over to them.

What he didn’t join in with was her sneaking up to the back of the bench and surprising Reggie by wrapping her arms around him and calling directly into his ear, “Boo!” She grinned as the boy in her arms turned sharply to look at her.

Virgil turned around to see Patton standing just to the side of him, also grinning. He moved over on the bench, giving Patton just enough room to perch on the end. Virgil’s arm wrapped around his boyfriend’s shoulders, giving him a gentle hug.

“Soooo, how about we talk about everything we’ve been up to over some lunch?” Abigal suggested. Everyone was more than happy to go along with that plan and they headed over to one of the restaurants inside the park to eat. They happily recounted their mornings and had an overall good time. The last part of the day was more relaxed, as they all spent the time together and went on easier, chill rides and did other activities.

Virgil was exhausted but feeling really good as he and Patton climbed into the back of his dad’s car later in the afternoon. They’d said their goodbyes to their friends and were heading home. Everything was so utterly perfect and Virgil could not have been more pleased that he’d made the decision to go out on the double date to a theme park with his friends.

Last Chapter —– Next Chapter

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Abigal and Ayana belong to me. Reggie belongs to @not-so-innocent-bi-sander Daniel belongs to @doces-e--tuga Ana, Em and Asher belongs to @fangsandrainbows Sophia belongs to @notalwaysthevillian

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#Sanders Sides #Fanfiction #Moxiety #Virgil Sanders #Patton Sanders #Anxiety Sanders #Morality Sanders #OC #Lots of OCs #OC/OC #On the Verge of a Heartbreak #School AU #Human AU #my writings #just rambling

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