Here you go 🤲 Take this.
I usually post all my smut to a different account but I realised that I don’t actually give a shit if anyone finds it so
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merlin episodes summarised in the gayest possible way:
arthur disobeys uther and risks his life to get merlin a really rare flower
merlin and arthur spend several minutes arguing over who will die for the other (this one actually happens several times)
some guy tries to take over merlin's job, merlin only realises he's possessed by the spirit of a dead sorcerer because he's too obsessed and jealous of how much arthur seems to like him
merlin gets really jealous around arthur's new girlfriend, desperate to sabotage their date
arthur is completely oblivious to the fact his own wife is enchanted, but notices and gets really worried when merlin doesn't smile for two days
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Live footage of Merlin trying to keep it together when Arthur and gwaine start doing their weird competitive homoerotic practice duels during training:
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I'm going to get a good grade in Merlin, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve
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do you ever watch a movie with your family/friends/people you have to be Normal around and have to resist the urge to go “now kith” and go completely insane when your favorite ship comes on?? because same
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All the married flyboys probably picked Mav up by his armpits to show their wives the " stray kitten Viper let them keep".
Merlin, holding Mav: Look honey! This is the stray kitten!:D
Merlins wife: …Dear, that’s an adult man.
Mav: PUT ME DOWN-!
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(the guys are trying to think of how to get Iceman and Maverick together)
Hollywood: We could make one of them jealous?
(everybody stares at Hollywood)
Hollywood:...What?
Wolfman: We can't do that.
Merlin: There'd be mass casualties.
Wolfman: Maverick would run over his competition with his motorcycle.
Slider: Ice would kill his competition with a LOOK.
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Merlin: Fanfiction recommendations
PORN WHAT PLOT/PORN WITHOUT PLOT
Arthur's Arse by chaosgenes :
https://archiveofourown.org/works/41125050
Merlin does what he wills with Arthur's arse.
A Normal Day by Anonymous :
https://archiveofourown.org/works/47240239
On Tape by Inextricable :
https://archiveofourown.org/works/1645349/chapters/3487799
Written for this prompt on kinkme_merlin #36:
Arthur/Merlin, modern AU
They like to make creampie sex tapes together.
MODERN SETTING.
sweet talk to me (then i'll believe) by cherrywined :
https://archiveofourown.org/works/38466595
Arthur made an attempt to rise from his lying position and the invisible force of magic pushed him down harder. He found it rather difficult to breathe and despite himself he moaned.
Then the pressure was gone all at once. “Oh gods, did I hurt you? Arthur, I swear, I never -”
“Don't.” Arthur interrupted Merlin and squeezed his eyes shut, mortified by what he was about to say. “Don’t stop.”
---
or: Arthur makes an offer. Merlin agrees. It doesn't go according to plan. The prince discovers new things about Merlin, as well as himself.
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just thinking about all the times arthur has been on his warpath and merlin, a lowly servant, a village idiot, a country bumpkin, is the one to stop him. with uther in the sins of the father, merlin's voice stopping him at the peak of his anger, with elyan in a herald of a new age, merlin reminding him that its not elyan, with annis' warrior in his father's son, merlin being the one he looks to before he shows mercy. all those times that merlin has been subjected to arthur's anger, merlin knowing arthur's rage better than anyone, merlin being arthur's calm in the storm, his voice of reason, his moral compass...
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[This is what happens when you trap Maverick on a carrier at sea for several months, in shared bunks with Merlin, Slider, and Iceman. He finds new ways to entertain himself. Namely, antagonising Slider.]
Maverick: You know what I've always wondered? How do tall people sleep at night when the blanket can't go over them right to their toes?
Slider: Maverick, it is three o'clock in the goddamn morning.
Maverick: So you can't sleep, huh? Is it because of the blanket?
Slider: Maverick, I swear to god if you don't shut up I'm gonna-
Maverick: Sorry, what was that? I couldn't hear you through the blanket covering me completely.
Slider: I hope you die.
Maverick: Yeah? Well, I hope you step on legos.
Slider: Take it back. TAKE IT BACK RIGHT NOW.
Maverick: Barefoot.
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