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arsonkoobi · 11 months

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taekooker to jikooker: my personal experience.

this is merely how i felt and all the things i saw while being a hardcore taekooker for almost a year and a half. if you get offended, im sorry but the unfollow and block button is right there, i dont mind. i love taekook themselves, but i can no longer look at them in the way i used to. now they genuinely look like best friends to me. people change, and their perceptions and views on different aspects of life change. thats what happened to me.

I first joined this fandom 5 years ago in mid january 2018 through my friends. taehyung was my first ever bias, so most of the bts related yt recs i had were mostly of taehyung and ot7, and occasional ship videos among which taekook was the most prominent. me being a curious lil unsuspecting lamb, clicked on one, it also helped that my friends were taekookers as well so i dived pretty deep into the rabbit hole of taekook. im gonna be writing my thoughts and experiences on shipping taekook at different times of the year. i dont remember every single detail clearly (like this was 5 years ago) so forgive me if i sound vague at times plus this will only be a summary. without further ado, lets start, shall we?

february-march, 2018

by this time, i already watched quite a few taekook analysis videos, i also came across a few tkk_lives' videos(i think i came across her vids like much later but i just included it here) as well as other deluded channels. i fell even deeper into the rabbit hole. i thought taekook were the epitome of boyfriends silly in love, i felt like they had the best chemistry and that they were the ones whose ship actually made sense. i feel so embarrassed to admit this but one of my rather major reasons for shipping them was how good they looked tgthr🤦‍♀️(im a changed person now i promise). now i realise many tkk analysis channels tend to heavily edit things to make it look like theres something going on, overanalysing things to no end, it made me see them as if they were closer than they actually are, and as if theyre hiding something, but it was really just heavy and clever editing that forces your mind to get convinced. it was quite literally manipulative. plus back then, i was rather immature and hadnt even been in a rltnshp yet, so i blindly believed whatever they said. i believed every narrative and every theory they put out even if i knew lots of them didnt even make sense. they constantly also put out the jealous jungkook/taehyung whenever the other breathes next to another member..as i now realise, thats one of the biggest toxic traits a person can have. they were always pushing tkk as a toxic relationship without even knowing it(or just ignoring it). i also do not like jikook analysis vids where they are portrayed as the same territorial mfs who cant stand the other interacting with anyone else but himself. bc thats literally pushing their relationship as a toxic one and making them look toxic, and i would rather not do that.

march/april-september, 2018

i only watched taekook vids and funny bts moments for a long while as a baby army. i didnt watch official content very much, i ddint even know how to watch official content..i didnt know bangtantv existed yet💀 this tkk analysis watching continued for around 4 or so months after i became an army before i took an unintentional break from them(analysis vids) and i went on twitter. twitter, was so much worse(as i now realise). i didnt have an account at that time and learnt to browse on twt without one(it doesnt really let you do that anymore). at first, i found nothing weird or unusual and i enjoyed lurking on twitter, but slowly i started to see the ugly side of the community. i found multiple accounts directly or indirectly hating on jimin. i was weirded out. very weirded out. i was quite conflicted but..i only thought of it as jimin haters who were coincidentally tkkrs, maybe i refused to see tkk shippers in a bad light? probably, unfortunately i cant remember much and as i said, i was immature.

october-december, 2018

i stumbled across gcf in tokyo somewhere in october, i think it was in a fanwar on twitter and a jkkr said "at least we have this" or sumn along that line and put a link to gcft . idek how i didnt see it earlier. immediately after watching it, i felt..weird, conflicted, insecure. insecure about my ship. it seemed so romantic to me even then. but ofc i didnt let myself give up immediately, and i searched interviews + info about it, i found tkkrs saying vminkook were supposed to go tgthr and jikook only went bc they had a few days off and tae didnt. that gave me a lil bit of security and i held onto that thread of security and refused to believe or even hear out the actual fact(which i will come to later). as you can see, i was a stubborn mf. inside i knew that even if tae not having time off was the "only" reason behind jikook's japan trip, it was still unusual and suspicious to go on a trip with only your "bro" when said "bro" has told you and the world multiple times that they wanna go on a trip alone with you, when the hotel room you're staying at with your "bro" has a see-through glass wall for the bathroom and when you make a whole love confession in the guise of a travel log for your "bro" while your boyfie is waiting for you at home.

in conclusion, i was very insecure.

did i give up? no, not yet. we're getting there.

so as a masochist and out of curiosity caused by insecurity, i searched up jikook videos on yt, thinking "there's no way they could ever have more chemistry than taekook 🙄" - when i tell you i was wrong as fuck, i mean it. i was HUMBLED. the chemistry and tension between jungkook and jimin was undeniable. i felt uncomfortable watching some certain moments, felt things that i didnt feel while shipping taekook, saw things i didnt see in taekook.

i was confused plus the sinking feeling you get when you've been too loud about what you think and your opinions but then it turns out you were a stupid ass bitch.

there was a plethora of jikook vids, and i think my first jikook video was from Made in Busan, ig it was the "serendipity" analysis? back then it made lots of sense to me, but now it looks slightly overanalyzed (i still believe "serendipity" is very much connected to jikook tho). i slowly got more introduced to jikook in general. this mainly occured in like the first week of october and december as i had my boards in november.

december/january-february, 2019

so its been more or less of a year since ive become a tkkr, gcft is still in the back of my head screaming at me. and then jikook drop another bomb. that is, 2018 MMA.

this..was just, just..i cant explain it in words. jungkook had every bit of his attention directed towards jimin, they were giving each other loving glances, jimin giving jungkook a flying kiss, jungkook giving jimin a finger heart, jungkook subconsciously massaging jimins nape..it was just so domestic and coupley. i've never third wheeled so bad in my life. i felt like i was interrupting something by watching them. imagine how hyunjae next to them felt😔✊not to mention how it very much looked like jungkook was saying "남편"[ nampyeon] meaning "husband" and "형의 남친"[ hyung-ui namchin ] meaning " hyung's boyfriend" in their conversation after jimin pointed to himself and jungkook (forgive me if the spellings/romanizations are not accurate enough, im not fully fluent in korean). plus, after jungkook said it, jimin smiles and shyly looks down..LIKE??

youtube

watch from 31:00 to see for yourself. im not kidding.(p.s i love this video so much)

i was bamboozled. i was shocked. i was frustrated. i was feeling stupid. i was begging for taekook to drop something mindblowing or sumn that would regain my secuity in the ship and i found some moments during other award shows but, it didnt feel the same. to me it was really looking like taekook had boundaries and limits between each other, the limits that apply when you're good friends. but with jikook, i couldnt see how their gazes towards each other could be passed off as anything platonic, how their actions+body language could ever be seen as platonic.

so what did i do? did i give up? oh hell no im stubborn as fuck. but we're getting there.

i ignored every jikook moment and brought my focus back on taekook, i started watching analysis and moments again. in a span of a few weeks, the security around my ship had improved after pretending that i didnt feel like a stupid mf after MMA 2018. haha. it sorta worked lol. sorta.

march-may, 2019

these were my last months as a taekooker.

after all that shit, all i wanted was more taekook moments to make me feel better about myself. and i did get quite a few. however, as i said before, they looked like they had boundaries. i couldnt look at them exactly the same.

i was busy in april with my class tests, i doubt i had much time to catch up with the boys. so when the tests ended, it was most likely in the last week of april or the first few days of may.

we all know what happened in the first few days of may, don't we? in case you don't, this is what happened.

surprisingly, i clearly remember the first time i got to know about it.

it was in class, i just arrived and then one of my friends and i start talking and she goes [this convo is all translated from bengali]

"hey did you see what jungkook did at the latest concert?"

"no, i didn’t, what did he do?"

"he went and literally sucked on jimins ear!"

i was shocked once again, my eyes went wide, my heart did a backflip..all that shit. i didnt believe it at first.

"don't joke around like that, you're being absurd" i said.

"im not kidding bro, he sucked jimins ear in the rosebowl concert last week, ill send you a link too"

when i got back home, sure enough, the link was there and i saw jungkooks ear nibbling in all its glory, albeit a bit low quality. but no doubt he took that ear into his mouth and i knew it.

surely i must've given up now? no, but im this🤏 close we're almost there i promise

i went online and found lots of tkkrs denying that jungkook ever took jimin's ear into his mouth and that jimin's ear only got caught on jk's chin. but..if it got caught on jk's chin then that means his chin was behind jimin's ear, and his lips must have been at least kissing jimin's ear, given that we couldnt see them very well. the lip we could see was the upper lip, which again lead me to be believe that jungkook did indeed, suck jimin's ear.

yeah, my faith in tkk was crumbling into millions of pieces. because i couldnt see how jungkook, being in a supposed relationship with taehyung, could do that with tae's best friend. i sure as hell wouldnt let my partner get away with that, nor would i ever do that myself with someone else other than my partner. even if its to comfort them. it just goes way over platonic boundaries.

i was seriously considering shifting over to jikook by now. but before that, i searched lots of shit up abt jikook.

there i saw an interview where jimin talked about the tokyo trip with jungkook. what i believed until now was that vminkook were supposed to go tgthr but jikook were the ones with time off, and tae didnt have time off. jimin said he told taehyung and jungkook that he wants to go on a trip to Japan. he didnt say he wanted to go on a trip WITH taehyung and jungkook. yall, ive told my wishes to go to japan and turkey multiple times to my friends, does that mean im taking their asses with me? no. mind you, jimin has said he wanted to go on a trip alone with jungkook multiple times in their rookie era. on jimin's bday of 2017, jungkook tweeted a pic of him(jimin) with the caption "Its not over yet.." and shortly after, we find out jikook went on a tokyo trip by THEMSELVES with no staff, no managers and no other members. dropped off at the airport by jungkook's dad and brother and jimin's dad. jungkook paid for everything and put a hell lot of time into making the masterpiece that is gcf in tokyo WITH a bgm of a gay fucking song by a queer fucking artist and showed the fucking rainbow colored ferris wheel at the line "love is a road that goes both ways".

also

its clear who the main model of gcf is.

you can deny the trip being only for jikook, but you can not deny the symbolism and significance shown in gcf in tokyo. saying "jungkook didnt understand the song, hes not fluent in english" - is so small minded and belittling.

saying he didnt show jimin on the parts "boy, im holding onto something, wont let go of you for nothing, im running, running just to keep my hands on you" on purpose is not only straight up denial but also understimating jungkook's intelligence and artistic capabilities, saying that jungkook isnt smart enough to get the meaning behind these words. and just because hes korean. thats fucking racist if you ask me.

then i discovered the iconic osaka vlives, i was convinced. it was my last straw along with rosebowl.

alas, after around a week of denial, i gave up and became a jikooker in mid may of 2019. ive never looked back. over the years they've only given us more and more evidence and i doubt my beliefs will ever change soon.

i hope this was kinda fun to read, i had been planning to do this for a long time. im glad i finally got to say my thoughts out here. thank you for taking the time to read this<3

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unbloomedrose · 25 days

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𝐀𝐆𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐓 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐎𝐃𝐃𝐒•𝐏𝐒H

O͟n͟l͟y͟ a͟ f͟i͟c͟t͟i͟o͟n͟ n͟o͟t͟h͟i͟n͟g͟ t͟o͟ b͟e͟ t͟a͟k͟e͟n͟ s͟e͟r͟i͟o͟u͟s͟ o͟f͟

N͟o͟ h͟a͟t͟e͟ t͟o͟ a͟n͟y͟ c͟h͟a͟r͟a͟c͟t͟e͟r͟ p͟o͟t͟r͟a͟y͟e͟d͟ h͟e͟r͟e͟

W͟r͟i͟t͟i͟n͟g͟ t͟h͟i͟s͟ f͟o͟r͟ m͟y͟ o͟w͟n͟ p͟l͟e͟a͟s͟u͟r͟e͟

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•𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐍 𝐎𝐅 𝗘𝗡𝗛𝗬𝗣𝗘𝗡•

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𝑻𝒐𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒅𝒆𝒂𝒅

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𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖✩♬ ₊˚.🎧⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩♬ ₊˚.🎧⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

8months of their married life it was a arrange marriage between two people who had their own ideas and own dreams to achieve one to become a figure skater and one to become a ballerina but who knows fate had different plans for them bounded by a marriage where they both don't even love each other oh they do speak to each other only when they want something from each other not paying to each other as like they both don't know each other existence the husband goes to work while the wife is a housewife but more like roomates not a actual husband and wife

I'm home.*the husband said walking in taking his coat off as he looked around for his wife expecting to hear his voice taking his shoes off he walked in too see his wife sleeping on the sofa peacefully he raised his eyebrows it was raining snowing outside as he looked at the clock its 2:00pm and some delicious shell spreads the living hall he looked at the kitchen walking there to see food he took a bite nodding his head as he walked to his room changing into a comfy clothes as he took the heavy blanket carrying it as he softly wrapped it around her softly covering it on her on his wife as he sighed before looking at her for the first time he actually paid attention to her features he softly moved the hair on her face patting her head as he sat on the kitchen counter eating what she made for her thinking about everything happened so far today he was eating until he heard some whimpers sounds coming around snapping back from the thoughts he looked around to see his wife struggling in sleep he stood rushing to her unknowingly as he stood there infront of her with a poker face not knowing what to do he watched her struggle as she was breathing heavily whimpering as she looked like she's having a nightmare he stood there not knowing what to do as he's someone who don't show his emotions to anyone he slowly reached his hands at her crouching down to the sofa level as he caressed her hair softly

I'm here......im ...here*he said softly stuttering looking at her as he sighed nervously hands reaching on her back patting it softly but I ly to hear more groaning sounds coming from his wife mouth he shaked her body hoping to wake her up from her nightmare as she struggled on the sleep he looked around awkwardly before sitting on the couch pulling her body to his. Hugging her softly expecting her to calm down as his plan worked out she stopped struggling the noise reduced he looked at her awkwardly not knowing what to do as he let her wrapped her arms around him he pulled the blanket around them he was lost in his thoughts untill his wife Muttered something gaining his attention

Please don't go..."the wife requested in his chest clinging into him tightly snuggling in making the husband heartbeat seeing how close they both are"

I won't

The husband muttered softly as he hugged her tightly caressing her back hair in a soft way comforting her as he closed his eyes Fallin asleep the very next day the birds chirping sound were heard the sun hitted on their face making the wife wakeup she yawned streching her arms as her eyes fell on the male holding into her like he's not gonna see her again if he ever let's her go she looked at him with widen eyes gently moving his hands she was about to wakeup until she was pulled back into his embrace her wrist being held tightly looking around the male deep voice cooed to her ears as she looked at in confusion

Stay"the male demanded in sleep with his eyes being still closed she looked at him before laying her head in his chest nervously

S-sunghoon i have wor-", i said stay."the poor girl was about to speak until her husband shushed her in one sentence making her sigh falling asleep the husband pulled her into him snuggling as he wrapped the blanket around him and her so they can get comfy hours passes by but what they didn't realise was how long it's been now since they been cuddling it's 6:23pm now nearly morning as her husband woke up seeing her wife still sleeping he wrapped the blanket around her walking to the room to do his business taking a bath as he changed into his business attire glancing at his wife before leaving the room he was about to leave the home too untill he hesitated he stopped on his track as he bite his lips he looked back before stepping inside the kitchen as he throwed his bag on the couch making some thing for her after he was done he wiped the sweat off his forehead as he took his bag from the couch walking out of the home before locking it

The wife wokeup as she knows her husband must have left to his work by now she did her business wearing some formal attire as she got ready for the day hours later after reading the books she got bored as she decided to walk out of her home to her garden to clean the grass as she was doing it she didn't realised how late it become as she was cleaning a voice was heard calling for her

Miss !!!*turning around it's her nearly her age male neighbour he walked to her with a very unsettling smile as he looked at her up and down as he folded her arms she smiled at him before nodding her head

Need help mrs..park?*he asked as she declined politely but he didn't moved at all she looked at him with confused face before taking a step back only for him to take a step towards her she smiled nervously Looking at him scared holding her gardening equipment

What's the matter mrs.park I'm trying to be helpful yk?..*he said with a laugh walking to her to scare her even more as she took another step back trying to tell him no no

Beside your husband isn't h-well he's here now",the male voice was cutted off by her husband glaring at him as he walked towards them he eyed his wife and that male"

Oh hey mr.park just trying to be a gentleman and help her out yk men's these days?..*he said laughing as he was about to touch his wife joking untill sunghoon pulled his wrist twisting it making him yelp in pain"

Touch her again and you are dead

The man looked at him like he was some crazy before cursing and walking from there sunghoon eye fell on his wife who was looking at them both he walked to his wife crouching down to his level checking her are you okay?he asked looking at her as his wife nodded nervously he sighed before pulling into a hug as her eyes gone widen hesitatedly she returned the warm hug as she patted his back sunghoon broke the hug looking at her

Dont let any man touch you other than me got it?.."he asked looking at her caressing her cheeks feeling something within him for the first time towards his wife

Y-yes*she stuttered nervously scared of her husband behaviour as sunghoon looked at her ruffling her hair before carried her inside the home as he locked the door of the home

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