Now that sounds like a good at first but…
My parents never wanted me because they wanted an addition to the family. They didn’t want me because they actually wanted a third child.
They only wanted me because my older brothers are both developmentally delayed, they will never be able to be independent.
I am not their daughter.. I’m their insurance policy
Someone to take care of my brothers full time after they die
All my life they have stripped away my identity. I was told that I wasn’t allowed to have my own life, my own dreams, aspirations, I wasn’t allowed to live the life I wanted to. I have to sacrifice my happiness for them
“I know that’s your dream job, but you need to suck it up and get a job that makes more money so your brothers can have nice things”
Sometimes I don’t feel like I’m a real person, just an object… a doormat
“You are so selfish. If you committed suicide there would be no one to take care of your brothers”
I have no identity, I don’t see a future for myself.. it feels so hopeless
My thoughts, feeling, interests, hobbies… none of it matters
I don’t matter
I just want to be accepted but I don’t feel like I am deserving of acceptance
They say I’m just being overdramatic. They do love me, accept me, they do want me.
If that’s true then why do I feel the way I do? I feel so alone, scared, trapped, attacked. I can’t stop crying and now it’s hard to even breathe
I just want the pain to stop. I just want someone to love me and accept me for who I am
Why is that so hard
Do any of you have parents who make you feel like shit for not doing certain things while also discouraging you from doing those said things.
“I can’t believe you’re not mature enough to get a job”
“You would never be able to handle the stress of going to college and having a job”
“You’re so lazy you won’t even make any important phone calls”
“You need to make that important phone call in my room so I can correct you when you mess up”
“It’s embarrassing that you don’t have your drivers license yet”
“At your age it would usually take a couple weeks to get a license, but I’m pretty sure it’s going to take you several months”
These are only a few of things my parents have said to me… I just wanna know if anyone else has parents like this
january prompts day nineteen: “i don’t think i could ever hate you”! We Projecting In This House
If I did them like they did me they really wouldn’t be chilling right now
“i think being in love is good” he tells me
“no no i don’t think so, i don’t wanna love again” i tell him as i stare into his eyes on black bed sheets.
he stares at me for a while before saying “that’s because you only know love as being hit”
i stare at him for a while and start laughing so hard
“yeah i guess you’re right”
later he tells me that he thinks i’m in love with him and i’m a doormat and that i should listen to my dad and my friends about how he’s bad for me and i’m gonna get hurt and i feel the poison in my belly because i’ve heard these exact lines before.
this is the worst kind of deja vu
“you’re always gonna let men manipulate you, you’re a doormat sierra you’re not going to get out of this until you mature”
i wanna puke as i put my clothes on and tell him i’m leaving and he asks me to stay and he’s sorry
but he’s right and this is my time to go because i won’t relive the past with the same person but a different face
i spent so much time wondering why you’d leave, now i spend my time wondering why i never did.
If you have been following me for a while you will know I was dating @.mylovesickvalentyne
And lemme tell you…it was toxic as fuck…
She ghosted after a month of dating and when my auntie died she was not there for me at all. I reached out for support and got sarcasm back…every date we had after one month.. she never rescheduled but she never told me she wouldn’t show up. She’s an absolute bitch and then she wanted to be friends after stomping on my heart.
The only reason we broke up was because I messaged her to reach out when she ignored me (she responded to a friend of mine before me when we messaged at the same time) and she wanted to still be friends.
She’s in the lost boys community and I fear this is not the first time she has done this. Please be careful.
This has been a PSA
- Brooke out
My mum never holds my brother to the same standards as me. Like, he gets away with so much, and it’s ducking bullshit. There is a reason I identify with Sam Winchester and Loki more than I do Thor or Dean, despite being the eldest sibling. I often feel more like the little sister instead and no one in my family corrects that except to put more pressure on me. Like, I just don’t even fucking know anymore.
It scares me how I recognise a toxic relationship the moment I see one and still think their partners are nice, while they just have a manipulative phase at the moment. I‘m scared of my future.
“I’m out of words to describe the ways in which I hurt. I should leave now, pack up all my stuff, leave this letter on the table for you, and never look back. But I am a coward. Afraid of change. Afraid to lose you. Afraid to hurt you. Afraid to try to pick up the leftover pieces all over again. So I won’t. I’ll stay here. In the house you made with someone else. With the secrets in your phone and the lies you build all around us. I’ll give you the love and attention you want to come home to after work. I’ll stay up late, hurting and empty at night, thinking about all this distance I travelled to get right here. And I’ll tell the lies, to my friends, to my family, about how things are so different now and how you’re so changed. And, in the end, I’ll bury myself in the amount of times I’ve said it’s fine, I’m okay, and smiled when I shouldn’t.”
I smelled his cologne today.
It hurt, and it made me uncomfortable more than anything else.
Sitting here now, alone, I’m realizing I had nearly forgotten that smell, and the comfort it used to bring me. I still think it’s nice, just tinged with bad memories. But, unfortunately, it mostly makes me think of good memories, where I tucked my face into his neck and inhaled, and I was the happiest I could be, and I felt safer than ever because it smelled like him.
But right now I feel nauseous. Because I don’t want to like that smell. I don’t want to remember how it used to make me happy. I don’t want to smell it ever again.
Yesterday I found out that in the eyes of one of my oldest friends that I’m not valued for my mind or even as a person..
That she gets verbally abusive with me and no one else because I’m her “ safe space ”
She made me feel bad for telling her I’ve had enough of her pushing to apologize for things I didn’t do wrong and making me cry because of how cruel she can be..
She tried to guilt trip me for her pushing me to have autistic melt downs from her viciousness..
Calling her out on misgendering me and dead naming me..
And then I showed I wasn’t okay with that treatment anymore
Then from her, it’s
“ I’ll be keeping you at arms length from now on for my personal boundaries because you take things personal and make me feel bad because you cry.”
And how dare I…..Her safe space make her feel bad for how she treats me…because she just trusts me so much is why she gets verbally abusive because she’s “ in a mood ” and “ stressed over life ” until the point I’m crying and just repeatedly apologizing so she’ll stop.
I don’t wanna cry but I can feel the tears trying to slip out..
I hate you for making me miss you so much. Your hurtful words chip away at my soul yet I still think about you everyday at least a thousand times or more. Use me, abuse me I still miss you. You say you love me the most but you treat me like I’m never there. I crave you, i’ll do 𝙖𝙣𝙮𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 for your attention.
love is even though they hurt you
you still think of them as the best person in the world
love is the most violent act.
This is something I struggled to comprehend until last year when I got my cookies taken then ghosted. Its a standard that we must set and keep if we want to be valued. Its a discipline we must follow if we intend to make an impact in this world whether big or small. I am not perfect but I will be sure to change my behavior when it comes to bringing people in my life. I have learned that you teach people how to treat you. If say this to say if God sent Jesus to died on a cross for me why on this same Earth would I expect less from myself or anyone else.
You’re always breaking our hearts, I’m starting to think you like watching me bleed for you.
I rant about my mom a lot and I’m sorry if y’all are tired of seeing it but it’s going to happen. Anyway. I had a discussion with my mom the other day while I was taking my husband home from worl. I just barely saw this guy walking on the side of the road wearing all black at night. I’ve got shitty ass headlights and I almost hit him because he was walking in the road and I only barely saw him right? So I said, while on the phone with my mother, “you fucking dumb ass what the actual fuck are you doing?!?!” And my mother goes, “watch your language watch your mouth￼!”
She’s over here scolding me like I’m a 12 year old child living under her roof not a 25 year old woman who’s moved out. Like, what the actual fuck.￼