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#trans day of visibility
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Bbygorl took some wonderful close ups today!! My god I can barely still see the person who started hrt 7 months ago now! My face is much more round and full, and obviously my hair!! But my boobs are growing in so much better then I ever expected, and my skin and hair, everything else too! At 7 months, it’s not perfect yet, but I am so happy with my body transformation so far!

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I just want everyone to know, that for the next 2 weeks I KNOW I’m going to be a fucking mess and will need attention. Thank you for listening to this PSA.

On June 1st, it will be half a decade that I started taking hormones.

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Originally posted by lipgallaghersaysfuckyou

I don’t have anyone who I had at that very moment in my life anymore except my parents of course.

This will be weird, odd for me at least.

It’s a huge moment, but honestly I don’t think it’s quite a big deal to anyone else besides me because no one was there except someone who who isn’t by any means in my life anymore.

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Originally posted by samemaze


I hate to bring this up so much, but every year since the beginning of my first day on T my ex’s family always did something for me and my ex would get the friends I was close with then and every year after that and it be a whole celebration. This year, that won’t happen. No one knows or really remembers that day cause it wasn’t big for them and that’s fine, it’s just something that has been on my mind and idk.

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Originally posted by retroapollo

The day I started T means more to me than my birthday because it was the day I “officially” felt some type of relief. There’s a whole thing and story behind it that I honestly only tell when someone asks about my transition because it’s a lot and long or if someone seems interested in how everything went down/is currently going.

I would also never just bring this up to anyone because..well what would the point be ya know?

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Originally posted by transmed-aesthetic


Yes. Sometimes I do have that mentality. Where I wish I was a cis man. Certain things would be easier. Things like dating, sex, sexual intimacy, using the bathroom.


There’s a statistic that has always stuck with me since I read it back when I first broke up with my most recent ex. Only about 13% of the world’s population would be completely fine with dating someone who’s trans.

Now.

Do I think that’s completely accurate? No.


Does it suck to read? Yes.


Have I believed that every day since I became single? No.


Have I believed it from time to time? Yes.


Do I believe it right now? Yes.


Will I always believe it? I mean, who knows?


I’m not gonna lie and say being with someone whose trans, let alone has my personality and baggage, is easy. It’s not for the weak. I know that.


But there are times where I feel like I’m some type of monster.

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Originally posted by cowmart


Not because of my actions, but because of how strongly I feel. I feel with such extremities that it literally freaks everyone out. Expect for those who have been around me long enough. It’s who I am and i don’t like it. I sometimes wish I could feel less, but in all honesty do I REALLY want that?

No.


So then, what do I want?

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Originally posted by cupcake-xox

I don’t know.

So I paint.

I don’t know.

So I write.


Things are confusing.

Feelings are confusing.

I’m confused and confusing.

I can never explain myself in a way where someone else can understand.

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Originally posted by pessimistbitch

BUT.

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Originally posted by serendifity5

I…

I want to live in the moment.

I don’t want to worry about tomorrow, next year, or forever.

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Originally posted by agathebrgr


I want to live in the now and not worry about how it’ll affect my future.

And by right now, I don’t mean right now this second, what I mean is…

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Originally posted by bedenehapsedilenruhlar

I want spontaneous.

I want comfort.

I want googly eyes.

Nervous hands.

Eye contact that lasts a little longer than normal.

I want hand holding.

I want dates.

I want to be silly.

Playful.

Cheesy.

I want long personal conversations.

Nights where I could fall asleep after someone else has already fallen asleep on my chest or in my arms.

I don’t need forever.

I need right now.

I don’t care for tomorrow.

I care about this moment right now.

Where I’m writing this and just listening to music while sitting and having some candles lit and letting my thoughts run free.

I go about my day feeling almost empty.

Which has been causing me to be completely distant from my feelings and has led me to just shut them off.

A lot has been running in my head and going on in my life.

Well “a lot” should I say. It’s really not much at all. It’s almost nothing, but it’s something nonetheless.

This sucks.

Things suck.

Feelings suck.


They suck for now.

But that doesn’t mean they’ll always suck.


I guess we’ll just have to see where life takes me.

Patience is key.

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In a few days, it’ll be my first month on T and I’ll post a video update on my voice(no, it doesn’t sound different lol.)


I think I’m going to start writing out changes in different sections per month, rather than weekly updates(see below)

~

𝐂𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐌𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐡: 1st

𝐃𝐨𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞

Month 1-3: 60mg/weekly

𝐌𝐨𝐨𝐝

Overall, I’ve been feeling alittle more evened out. I don’t feel as upset as I used to.

𝐀𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐞

It’s easier to eat more, but I’m not necessarily more hungry than usual.

𝐋𝐢𝐛𝐢𝐝𝐨

(Might be a TMI for some folks 😂) I do not have any more sexual tendencies than normal, but it’s more intense occasionally.

𝐀𝐜𝐧𝐞

It’s definitely more prominent- I’ve never really had acne anywhere else besides my face, but I’ve been getting spots on my neck/shoulders/back. Small areas, small amounts. Nothing crazy.

𝐌𝐮𝐬𝐜𝐥𝐞 𝐓𝐨𝐧𝐞

Definitely not far enough to have dramatic changes(like with most of these.) However; my arm muscles are more easily defined after a couple weeks of pathetic “work outs” 😂

𝐒𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐭/𝐒𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐭

Sweating more easily. I don’t notice any change in the way that I smell(sometimes common for people, sometimes not. 🤷‍♂️)

𝐁𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐓𝐞𝐦𝐩

Fluctuates- sometimes I’m warmer than others but I’m never as cold as I used to get.

𝐕𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞

The vocal chord tightness is consistent. It feels easier to hit lower notes while singing; as if my voice is coming from my chest. Although there is no actual change in my voice itself.

𝐅𝐚𝐭 𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐛𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

Nada.


𝐅𝐚𝐜𝐞

Nada.


𝐅𝐚𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐇𝐚𝐢𝐫

Nada.


𝐁𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐇𝐚𝐢𝐫

Nada.

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dysphoria: a short lesson on it.

Dysphoria is internal conflict with having the body of the opposite biological sex. for example i am a guy, but i was born female. Dysphoria is the mental state you need to be in to be transgender! Gender is not a feeling, gender is the way you are mentally and psychologically. The reason transmeds (including myself) fight the fight that dysphoria is needed to be trans is because started horomones (HRT) changes your body in a more feminine or masculine way depending on if your a trans male or trans female. When it changes your body if you have dysphoria your brain will associate more with the way your body’s changing (trans guys develop a deeper voice, muscle becomes more prominent, fat redistribution and others). if you don’t actually have dysphoria when that happens your going to disassociate with your body and gain dysphoria. which is the exact opposite of what the goal of horomone treatment is. the only way to ‘cure’ or ‘alleviate’ dysphoria is by transitioning to the gender your brain associates with.

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We were learning about gender identity in class today…and let’s just say it was interesting…

For one, my teacher didn’t use the words “non-binary”, “gender queer”, or “gender fluid” once. 

And I learned that half of my class is severely uneducated about gender identity (Though I’m not surprised honestly. Most of the kids in my class a very narrow minded. They use the word “gay” as a joke. Send help).

And also that most of my class is transphobic/homophobic despite it being 2020.

Oh, and we didn’t talk about respecting people’s pronouns at all. 

:/

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Month 1, week 2//

Can we talk about why the fuck small things are so cute. Because it’s all I think about when I hold the testosterone bottles.

Anyways- Officially 2 weeks(going on 3) & I finished the first bottle.

The biggest changes are: SUPER oily skin, hot flashes and an increase in appetite.

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