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lttleghost · 2 years

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The Thematic Relevance of Jesse as an Egg

(no significance to this picture I just think he's pretty here)

This headcanon is one that I have become increasingly passionate about as I have rewatched Breaking Bad, the more I think about it the more I feel that this headcanon is the most supported version of Jesse being trans based on direct observations of canon. It is primarily based on parallels, and largely focuses on "what if Jesse realizes he's not a cis guy like he thought parallel to realizing he's not cut out to be the criminal he thought he was?" also I will be pointing out how Jesse's initial sense of self, or who he tries to be, is disconnected from who he actually is and how that also works very well as support for Jesse realizing he's trans during the story

in Breaking Bad there is a common pattern of characters being introduced in a way where their first impression is at least somewhat different from the character that we come to know. While I myself liked Jesse from the very start, I wasn't quite expecting just how much of a kind, empathetic and conflicted young adult he ended up showing himself as. Each character whose initial introduction contrasts who they end up being generally has some aspect of themselves believing the mask that they put up to others, but I think Jesse has a particularly strong disconnect between who he thinks he is, who he thinks he should be, and who he really is.

I think my most solid example of this has to do with Jesse's superhero characters-

furthermore when Jane leaves to check the door, you see Jesse looking at his drawings and he seems to be considering something, and I think it's likely that he is further considering the idea that he was in fact drawing himself

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I do believe that Jesse's superhero drawings were either 'sonas' of himself - whether or not he made the conscious decision to draw them that way. I think this because his response to Jane mentioning they all looked like him, and after initially denying it, was "like you've never wanted a superpower," which felt to me like an admission that he has wanted a superpower, and that his drawings might've been a manifestation of this

and I think it's interesting because currently Jesse is a criminal right? and while superheroes are as well, I feel most people would categorize them as a different type of criminal than Jesse is; but in any case he's got all of these drawings of what seems to be himself as a superhero, while in the present he is simply a criminal, and not the vigilante type that a superhero is. and considering he used the exact words "fight crime" when describing what his superhero characters do, it might show that inherently he wants to do something good

I think a large part of why Jesse ended up as a criminal is it was likely the only thing he thought he could successfully do for a decent living, since he has no support from his parents, or anyone outside of the drug trade. Not only that, but he's aggressively ADHD coded. the combination of having so little support, battling addiction, and having undiagnosed ADHD would make slogging through any job he seemed to have access to, or would be encouraged to do, a complete nightmare. So I feel like much of him falling into the drug trade was because it was something he could reasonably achieve and live off of, as well as it becoming something Jesse, an artist, has some enjoyment doing as he stated that "cooking is art." Another factor could be that there’s a sort of rebelliousness stemming from how normal society failed him. but I think that to deal with the more harsh aspects of that life, even before Walt re-entered his life and made everything increasingly worse, Jesse had to play into a specific role, a criminal, and convince himself that that was who he really was so that he could survive

I'm also curious as to when Jesse started making meth because he said he drew his superhero pictures four years ago, specifically phrasing it as "I was a kid when I drew these it was like... four years ago", and he's twenty four in that scene, meaning he would've been twenty when he drew them. I think it would've been even more interesting if he had just started making meth around that point and if his drawings were almost a subconscious vent about how he wishes he was sort of doing something different, something still rebellious in some way maybe but also something that directly helps others since Jesse's care and empathy surfaces time and time again throughout the show even when he tries to hide it, but that's more speculation on my part

so relating this all to gender: while in reality masculinity and being a man isn't intrinsically tied to criminality at all, Breaking Bad does tie them together in some ways, and though it is specifically toxic masculinity it's still reasonable to parallel Jesse not fitting in with the criminal world with him not being entirely a man, if he ends up having any connection to being one at all. Other than Jesse having dissonance in terms of his identity and how it becomes more and more apparent throughout the series that being the type of criminal that he is doesn't suit him well, looking back, even at the start of the show his attempts to act in this hyper-masculine way that is more or less the norm in the drug trade comes off as really fake for the most part. Even in episode one when he's talking to Krazy 8, who mentions that Emilio thinks that Jesse might've ratted him out, while Jesse responding with “that's bullshit” sounds genuine, when he goes to say "I should kick his (Emilio's) punk ass for even thinking that" I not only personally think his tone of voice sounds like fake bravado, I also believe that there is no way Jesse actually thinks that he can take on Emilio, considering Jesse has a body type that resembles a lil twig and I seriously doubt he has such little self awareness that he wouldn't consider that.

I also think Jesse's romantic relationships are telling in his separation from other characters in terms of toxic masculinity. While in episode two Jesse does throw the insult "great job at wearing the pants in the family" at Walt in regards to Skyler coming and confronting Jesse, when it comes to his actual actions in a relationship he doesn't show any need to be in control over his partner. In another area regarding relationships there is a scene having to do with Jesse and Jane that I think separates Jesse from the typical idea of toxic masculinity even more - when Jesse asks Jane why she didn't really introduce him to her dad, which evolves into discussing their relationship in which Jane suggests that they're just sleeping together where Jesse clearly was under the impression that they were dating, it places Jesse into a role that is stereotypically assigned to women or female characters in media, and I think that in the case of Breaking Bad, that can be seen as significant

and tying all of those things together forms a solid base for it being thematically relevant and fitting for Jesse to realize he's trans at some point as the story progresses. Jesse discovers his gender identity as he is learning and discovering other parts of his general identity as a whole. I don't have any true "proof" for this headcanon, as Jesse was not written to be lgbt+ and this headcanon is drawn from parallels that weren't intended, but those parallels can still be observed regardless and are relevant to Jesse's character arc as well as not bringing up any conflicts or questions with canon material that we are given

I also have my own ideas of the progression of Jesse discovering his identity as a trans person when he questions and represses his gender more and more. this will be told through the lens of my specific interpretation for Jesse, where he's a gender nonconforming transfem person (even before I started to consider that he could be trans I always found him to be "inexplicably feminine") who doesn't medically transition. I think he is a butch lesbian personally as while his connection to "manhood" is nothing but negative, he seems to have some expressions of masculinity that are fine with him, and approaching them as a transfem lesbian would cross into those few aspects of masculinity feeling comfortable again, but since I believe any identity where Jesse realizes he's trans during canon can equally be supported by this analysis, I feel some events could be altered to fit any identity that falls under that category

I don't think Jesse had many notable Gender (™) experiences other than just generally feeling a little out of place, though maybe he couldn't identify how he felt out of place since a lot of things could have contributed to it. Maybe he could've been interested in "girls’ stuff" as a lil kid but with his parents being the shitty type of people that just seem to want a "normal" child, I imagine they discouraged it. I can also see Jesse at some point when he's older screwing around with his friends and putting a dress on and saying something out loud along the lines of "haha I look like such a queer don't I" but internally thinking "I will die before I tell anyone how this is making me feel"

but in the show, up until he's in a relationship with Jane, I think he had fully convinced himself that he is a cis man, but after meeting Jane and starting to date her, I can see how she might have started to introduce him to more gender-related stuff. I do believe Jane is bi and maybe trans, I don't have any solid evidence for my hcs relating to Jane, except for maybe her approach to relationships feels very not straight, as does her fashion sense. If you want to interpret her as trans I think her gender identity could reasonably be within a wider range than Jesse, I personally think her appearance is what she prefers as far as presentation, but it doesn't put any limits on her identity, she could be transfem or gnc transmasc or transneutral, I think there's at least something reasonable to interpret her as any of those things.

In any case, I can picture Jesse mentioning to her something about how he sometimes wishes he wasn't a man, but that he doesn't want to change anything about himself physically or anything so he thinks he is stuck as one, and I can see Jane sort of trying to nudge him in the direction of "the only thing you need to not be a man is to feel like you aren't one" which in all honesty at first I don't think Jesse would be all that receptive of, he still is in deep with the drug trade and it… isn't particularly lgbt friendly and Jesse might subconsciously recognize some danger in realizing he's trans, even if he could opt out of telling people that he is. But as he and Jane continue to get close I think that around her specifically he gets more comfortable questioning and talking about his identity at least to a small extent

but when she dies I think Jesse just goes into total repression mode, more so than ever. as he falls into the persona of "the bad guy" he also dips back into that hyper-masculine behaviour that is so prominent in the drug trade, which also coincides with him seemingly acting more selfish for awhile during large sections of season three (at least until he meets Andrea) because he lost someone so important to him; and, whether or not we're including the headcanon that Jesse was starting to realize he was trans, Jane was still the only person Jesse ever seemed to fully open up to, or at least open up to more than he does with anyone else, so it makes sense that losing that would cause him to close up, even to himself

then after meeting Andrea and everything that follows, I imagine that Jesse drops the full on repression of his gender identity but also isn't trying to actively consider it because there is simply too much going on in his life that is way more of a priority. I sometimes think that maybe he might've told Mike, and while I think Mike himself wouldn't respond negatively from a personal end, I do think he'd probably tell Jesse to please not share that with anyone else, which would technically be good advice but would still likely be discouraging to Jesse

I'd say that Jesse eventually fully figures his gender out is once he is safe after all of the canon events of BrBa, and I like to think about how he'll find a lot of comfort and healing in no longer having to try to be a man, because now he knows he isn't one.

#breaking bad analysis #brba analysis #breaking bad #jesse pinkman #jesse breaking bad #jesse brba #brba #transgender #transgender jesse pinkman #im not used to writing long ass analysis posts like this sorry if anything is like off #this is my girlfriend don't touch him #meat.txt

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