#trauma response

[thebibliosphere]

just wanted to wish you luck with the emdr! it worked great for me despite being self-administered (not recommended, but nhs waiting lists)

Thank you. I've done EMDR for the Other Horrors in my life, and it works well for me (even if it's harrowing to begin with).

I'm pairing it with somatic movement therapy because part of my trauma/masking response is to completely freeze up internally while pretending to be completely fine outwardly.

(can't show emotion! my emotions are Too Big, and that makes me Annoying for others to be around, so I will simply not experience them. I'm sure this is totally fine and will have no lasting repercussions on my mental and physical health ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ… oh what's this? it's multiple immune disorders coming in with steel chairs!!!)

So, I'm learning to flail around to give my body something to do with all the adrenaline after EMDR sessions. Weirdly, that's almost harder than the actual EMDR.

There's something weirdly visceral about Kermit flailing to music in front of your therapist 😅

#therapy #trauma response #trauma recovery #gif warning

[tartarusknight]

Steve had this habit, a habit which most of the party were annoyed by. They understood it, God did they understand. But after everything was over and the Upside Down was gone for good, it kept happening. Months and months of daily calls. Just Steve checking in and asking them about their day.

Mike hadn't understood why he was on the list of names Steve would call, but if he didn't pick up the phone, there would be a knock on the door within the hour. And Steve, sometimes followed by Robin, would stop by like he was that important to them. Once, it had been on their way to work, and Steve had only locked eyes with him and raised an eyebrow. Mike just flipped him off and continued reading his comic.

Dustin had told him it was Steve's way of coping, and Lucas had turned the calls into workouts with the older teen. Will had just gone a little red and nodded along. El smiled and told Mike about the tips for hair care she got. Max just rolled her eyes and said that Steve had taken to stopping by with food most days.

Steve would be there. He was always there. It was annoying, but it was a constant. Maybe that's why Mike laid awake as the clock ticked closer and closer to midnight. Normally, he could fall asleep within minutes, a habit he had inherited from his dad. But he could bring himself to sleep as his phone didn't ring. As the walkie stayed silent. As the door remained untouched, no knock to be heard.

And it was stupid. Because Mike didn't want Steve to call him every day just to ask him if he was okay. It made him feel like a kid. It reminded Mike of his mom, but even his mom wasn't that bad. No, no one really did that for Mike. No one checked in day after day even as he remained uncaring towards them. No one but Steve.

Until now...

Mike watched the clock as it passed midnight, and his stomach twisted into knots. Fear bubbled up, and he pictured Steve getting into a fight he couldn't walk away from. He pictured a car crash so great that Steve was unable to reach for the walkie he carried with him everywhere. He pictured the worst- the Upside Down still around. The demogorgon coming up and dragging Steve into that hellpit.

Mike was up and pulling on a warm sweatshirt before those images were fully formed. He crawled out his window and down the roof, not too unlike the way Steve had done to visit Nancy. It left him already out of breath by the time he climbed on his bike. But that didn't stop him. He pushed off the ground, biking as fast as he could towards Loch Nora.

The cold air hot his face, and the road seemed to go on forever, but Mike didn't stop. He couldn't stop. Not until Steve's place was in view.

Mike tossed his bike uncarringly onto the pavement before slamming his fist into the Harrington's nice door. He didn't let up. He couldn't as an image of Steve dead in his own pool floated in his mind.

However, then the door was opening. Steve stood there, looking like he hadn't been asleep either. A smear of white powder on his cheek and a hollowness in his eyes. But still, something eased in Mike the same time Steve lost some of that weight in his shoulders as well. "You- you didn't-" Mike started, still out of breath. "Call. Why didn't you- call?" He gasped and Steve looked at him with a weird expression.

"You- What?" Steve questioned, sounding lost.

Mike crossed his arms, "I- you can't just stop!" He gasped out, and Steve's brow furrowed.

"But you don't like it when I do? I annoy you," he tries to point out, and Mike huffs.

"God, of course you annoy me! You track our days more intensly than my mom, and you always make dumb jokes, and I hate that I find them funny! You always call when I'm in the middle of something, and you make it easy to stay on the phone! You are always there like some weird older brother that I never asked for!" Mike shouts and Steve's eyes are wide.

"You don't have to stay around or call, but you do! You do, and you actually care. Like when you call and ask me if I'm okay, it feels like you care, and I don't understand why! I don't get you! I didn't ask you to care about me, but even when you were dating Nancy, you cared! You took Holly and me to get ice cream even though Nancy had to study! You give me and my friends rides everywhere! You care!" Mike throws his hands up in the air.

He glares at the older teen, "You care so much that I stupidly care about you! I care enough to come and check on you because when you didn't call, all I could think was that you were like dead or something," Mike snaps and takes a step back. "But you're obviously fine so-" and he wants to run suddenly. To run from the way Steve's eyes are filled with tears or the stupid words he just told the older teen.

Steve runs a hand through his hair, tugging slightly. "Mike, I stopped because I didn't think you wanted me to. You always acted like I was your least favorite person in the world and I guess I just- I didn't feel like it was fair to force you to put up with me just because I can't handle not knowing if you were okay." Steve said, and it didn't sound like the normal Steve. He sounded tired and nervous. He sounded like someone had finally beaten him

Mike bites his lip and tastes salt like he had been crying. Or maybe he still was. He crosses his arms like he can shield himself from this conversation. "But now you don't care enough to keep calling?"

Steve rubbed his face, a sigh shaking his whole body as he did. "I still care, kid."

Mike scoffs, "You didn't call."

Steve drops his hands to his sides. "Just come inside. It's too late for you to bike home. I'll call your place and leave a message." Steve says, his voice sounding close to tears. Mike is stiff when he lets Steve pull him inside.

They are quiet as Steve guides him towards the kitchen. The kitchen that has music playing softly and smelling like a bake sale. He blinks as he steps into the room and spots cookies cooling on a rack and a pie stilling uncooked on the counter. The top crust is sitting on the counter next to it. There's a smell of something in the oven, and Mike states at all of it in confusion.

"I bake when I can't relax," Steve admits, and Mike glances over at him. "I still care, and I was trying to give you space. I was trying not to crowd you, so I just," and he waves his hand around the mess everywhere. The smear of white on his cheek now makes sense.

Mike hugged himself, "I don't- I don't mind the calls." He whispered, and it got a snort from Steve.

He looked over at Mike, "I kinda got that from your speech."

They stood there in silence for another moment before Steve moved to finish putting his pie together. "I know that we aren't close or anything. But I care, it's not just the Upside Down making me anxious, it's just that-" and Steve went quiet. "I went overboard, I get it. But now I just- I can't stop." He admits, and Mike hates how upset Steve sounds. How guilty he sounds.

"I fall asleep easier knowing that if someone wasn't okay, we'd know because of you. It's like you take all the stress from me just by being around." He says, and Steve's eyes are wide. "Maybe we just do a sound off every night so you don't have to play phone tag all day." He shrugs, and Steve wrinkles his nose.

"I don't really get how to use the walkie. Like Dustin tried to show me, but he got distracted and started talking about radio waves and well..." Steve mimed it going over his head.

Mike snorted to hide how much that terrified him. The thought of something bad happening and Steve not being able to respond. But he pushed it away as Steve looked at him as if waiting for Mike to tease him. "That's fair. We did modify them, so they worked better. It's not as simple as your average walkie. I can show you," he offered, and Steve's face split into a grin.

"Cool, want to help me finish this so I can put it in the fridge until tomorrow? Then you can teach me the ways," Steve says, going all dramatic, proving to Mike he'd been spending too much time with Eddie. Mike groaned but came over only for Steve to shove him to the sink to wash his hands.

Steve showed him what to do, and Mike was glad to have Steve around. Because sure Steve's habit was annoying, and sometimes it interfered with Mike's plans, but it was nice too. Steve was nice. And that was something Mike ever believed would happen. But as Steve joked that Mike should not become a baker, he was nice. Like the way Mike was nice to Holly or how Nancy was nice to him. He was part of the family, annoyingly nice habits and all.

#stranger things #mike wheeler #steve harrington #trauma response #mike needs a hug #steve needs a hug #knightly talks

[insignificantfailure]

Are you normal or does the slightest criticism make you feel like throwing up, makes you sweat uncontrollably and your face feel like it's burning?

#anxienty #embarrassing #i wish i could control myself #because this is truly ridiculously embarrassing #reacting like this from two slightly mean comments smh #mental health #actually mentally ill #mentally tired #vent #venting #personal #personal blog #anxi4ty #anxitey #trauma #childhood trauma #trauma response

[autismwithoutpremium]

Getting flashbacks

#queer community #autistic community #autistic things #autism #lgbtq #actually autistic #autism spectrum disorder #autistic memes #autistic adult #neurodivergent #trauma response #autistic artist

[unwelcome-ozian]

#trauma response #generational trauma

[rapeculturerealities]

Art by Sarah Burgess

#trauma response #infographic #Trauma #Fight flight fawn freeze

[neuroticboyfriend]

i dont think people realize how painful it is to constantly live in survival mode. like fight/flight/freeze/etc. is reserved for when you're close to fucking dying. people weren't made to live entire lives in that state. can you imagine the damage that does?

#softspoonie #disabled #disability #ptsd #cptsd #survival mode #fight or flight #fight flight or freeze #trauma #trauma survivor #traumatized #post traumatic stress disorder #trauma response #trauma survival

[jupitersrising]

Nicky Hemmick's trauma responses are more subtle than the other Foxes. Next to Andrew, who lashes out when he's touched without consent and Aaron snaps at people with vigor, Nicky looks normal in comparison.

Just because they're subtler, doesn't mean they're not there. He always hides his phone/book/magazine when someone comes into the room. Its immediate, unthinking to shove it under his thigh or the pillow behind him because at one point that was all that was between him and Luther finding reason to look through his things. He hesitates for a few seconds, not enough to be noticeable to most, before he eats, waiting, inevitably, for someone to start a prayer. He gets nervous when people are too calm for the situation, he needs noise and energy to know that no one is mad at him. He overshares whenever he tells stories because for so, so long he had to keep everything he loved under wraps in fear of his parents taking it away. Now he has years worth of stories and experiences he never got to tell anyone out of fear-hatred-not being safe and he just wants everyone to know. Though, sometimes, he finds himself falling back into those patterns of keeping details close to his chest. He'll repeat the same stories over and over again and completely forget to mention others. It an unthinking notation, one that he forged to keep him safe even when his mouth ran a mile a minute in front of Luther. His personality—outwardly at least—is a result of this too. He's free now, and he gets to be flamboyant and loud where he never could be before. He won't forget that privilege.

#nicky hemmick #religious trauma #trauma response #aftg #all for the game #andrew minyard #aaron minyard #nicholas hemmick

[whump-blog]

Whump Art 9

Whumpee is safe, but terrified of his rescuers, or maybe he's still with Whumper, who is trying to be a better person, but Whumpee can't forget all the things Whumper did to him so easily.

#whump #whump art #whump art 9 #I couldn't decide which version I liked better so here are both drawings #I'm busy with life #but I want to try and keep posting #whumpee #conditioned whumpee #rescued whumpee #angst #caretaker #scared whumpee #wound #trauma response #cigarette burns #:D #whumper #whumper turned caretaker #whumper to caretaker #carewhumper #my art

[safe-haven-safe-place]

@jenpeters_soulguide_healer

#mental health #healing #recovery #freeze #trauma response #fight or flight #dissociation #trauma healing #trauma recovery #complex post traumatic stress disorder #childhood trauma #cptsd

[trxppedmind]

"Your trauma makes you stronger"

No, my trauma gave me depression, quiet & self-destructive bpd, anxiety, insomnia and a inner child that desperately wants to get healed.

Scared of being alone, only pleasing other people desperately trying to have friends, to not be the outstander.

I was a child. I wanted to be protected by the persons that hurt me. I wanted their help & their love. And now I am the person struggling to accept care even though I want it because it makes me feel trapped & dependent. I am the person struggling to show love.

#borderline personality disorder #actually borderline #actually bpd #mental health #bpd awareness #vent #bpd vent #bpd #bpd thoughts #vent post #mental heath awareness #mental health matters #trauma response #inner child

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

Childhood trauma culture is being grown and still getting really into whatever was popular with kids/teens when you were that age because you feel like you missed out

#childhood trauma #adverse childhood experiences #late diagnosis #medical trauma #family trauma #parental abuse #csa survivor #sa survivor #trauma disorders #traumagenic #trauma recovery #cptsd healing #cptsd recovery #complex trauma #age regression #trauma response #post traumatic stress disorder #complex post traumatic stress disorder #autistic trauma #neurodiversity #neurodivergent #late diagnosed autistic #audhd problems #intersectionality #comorbidities #comorbid conditions

[manyminded]

here’s to all the people who have trauma that would be ‘silly’ to anyone over the age, of like, 10. There’s not a set number here.

to everyone who has a legitimate trauma response, even disorders like PTSD, from something as simple as a bee sting or getting lost in the super market one time.

it may seem dumb. something that isn’t ‘real trauma.’ but it effected you just the same! and that’s okay! you’re completely right to be impacted by it, even if it’s ‘small’.

you might’ve been young. (too young to have a decent grasp of what was scary or not.) you might’ve already been a victim of trauma, and develop more easier than others. maybe it was some other thing.

everyone’s brains works differently. if that means developing trauma easier, then that’s that. you shouldn’t feel ashamed or like you don’t need help because of it. you aren’t alone. there are people out there who will listen. I promise.

#trauma #trauma recovery #trauma response #trauma healing #childhood trauma #ptsd #ptsd recovery #mental health #mental illness #mental instability #trauma positivity #positivity #self compassion #healing #healing journey #trauma survivor #complex ptsd #post traumatic stress disorder

[unwelcome-ozian]

#triggers #trauma response

[family-trauma]

So I came across this video and it blew my mind. All these decades of feeling misunderstood, bullied, laughed at for not being able to remember things, it was all due to childhood trauma. There's justification for the memory loss and I'm not flawed. It's been a hard journey, but change and growth is always hard. Cheers to myself and everyone else going through this super hard journey of abuse/trauma recovery. Every single piece of knowledge we gain about understanding ourselves is a win against those who have used, abused and hurt us so far.

#absurd #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mental wellbeing #mental health #mental abuse #trauma response #trauma recovery #emotional abuse #avoidant attachment #childhood trauma #trauma #toxic #toxic family #dysfunctional family #toxicity #toxic people #family-trauma

[vesora]

dealing with fear of abandonment through LOA + general tips

personal backstory / long post ahead

“Change your conception of yourself and you will automatically change the world in which you live. Do not try to change people; they are only messengers telling you who you are. Revalue yourself and they will confirm the change.” ― Neville Goddard, Your Faith is Your Fortune

as a child, my needs were not met and therefore, i developed a schema that people were meant to disappoint me and leave me and my relationships, both platonic and romantic reflected EXACTLY that.

countless times, i was ‘left’ without any reason, always strengthening the notion i had always felt that people were meant to abandon me. even if i was close to someone, i would still engage in self-sabotaging behaviours when i felt disappointed by the expectations i had set for them. feeling this lack of control when it came to relationships because i was so deathly afraid of being left alone; of disappointing the other. not putting myself first because i felt the only sense of worth i had was through whether another found me worthy. this is all very hard for me to say of course, im a private person but i felt maybe someone at least needed to hear this. my parent would be nice at one point and disinterested in the other, i felt i had to work to gain their approval and for them to be nice to me all the time. i needed them to view me as perfect, so they wouldn’t leave me. but guess what guys? thats stupid, bcos fuck perfection.

in my abandonment activation strategies/self-sabotaging behaviours, my body would go into a state of desperation, in dire need of any sort of relief and safety, crying my heart out because i was so scared, leaving people because i was scared of being left first. being scared i was being clingy by asking for reassurance which in turn sends me into another frenzy, isolating myself from people so i have no chances to be hurt, feeling resentment when someone doesnt meet my expectations/needs through no fault of their own. my inner child would just take over my body, repeating the same distress i experienced as a kid. 

but i am not a kid anymore. i am a well-functioning adult and i cannot continue this abandonment schema. so what do i do?

i use loa. 

how to use loa + general tips for this:

recognise that everything and everyone is you pushed out. your relationships play out the way you assume they will. this is not to say at all what happened when you were a child was your fault. we are not to blame. our needs were simply not met.

change the way you view relationships, no matter how hard it may be. if everyone is just us, how can anyone else abandon us? not even that, why would anyone leave us? we are amazing and fun and good people

be someone YOU are proud of, irrespective of what other people think. all is mind, so why do you think you need to impress someone who’s just another part of you? a part that can easily be molded

you are not clingy. you are not desperate. you are not unworthy. you are not unlovable. repeat affirmations that you are lovable. that you deserve to have your needs met. that everyone meets your needs. that you never feel abandoned. that you love yourself unconditionally. YOU are on the pedestal, NOT anyone else.

if someone is emotionally unavailable, this DOES NOT mean they do not love or care about you! they might be busy, not be well-versed with showing emotions in a healthy way, express their love in a different way than yours or they may simply be going through something in their lives right now. 

when this happens, you can talk to the person about it and usually in my experience, the person understands and reassures me that they still love me and that we are okay. if a person is not willing to make sure you are okay, maybe rethink their position in your lives. you are the pedestal, not them. now just because someone reassures you doesn’t mean you don’t work on yourself. you do work on yourself through LOA and useful strategies.

take deep belly breaths when you feel yourself get triggered. it is okay. you are going to be okay, i promise. the next day im sure you will feel fine. it is not the end of the world, i promise you. the world IS you. just change it.

reassure your inner child and your adult self that you are okay now. you are the best version of yourself right now. you are safe. you are secure. you are not in danger. your life is in YOUR hands. YOU are in control. YOU created this life. the only way to change it is within.

if you feel impatient and you want things to change IMMEDIATELY, i.e. when youre having a panic attack, take deep breaths and remember this is temporary. remember you are in control of what happens but also do not be attached to any outcome, just have faith that everything works out in your favour.

if you feel resentment when someone doesn’t meet your expectations, do NOT use strategies to hurt them or leave them. just calm down and view them with a gaze of love. transmute this feeling of resentment and abandonment to love and understanding, you can even visualise it. they still love you, you can manifest them to love you the way you want to idk but still they love you! don’t try to make them jealous, don’t distance yourself, don’t do whatever you do to get ‘revenge’ idk, it is NOT healthy. it only hurts YOU in the end. plus, LOA dictates the way people act with you is a reflection of yourself, so all you need to do is change self.

no matter what, KNOW you are loved. even if your body is freaking out and wants to flee, tell yourself in the moment it will pass. it has to. your trauma trigger reactions are NOT you. 

it may be hard to believe that someone loves you. for me, i felt like i was delusional. that i was kidding myself, because how dare i assume someone loves me? that’s why i kept seeking external reassurance for any semblance of love because i was not giving that reassurance to myself internally. and when someone didn’t give me that reassurance in the 3d, i’d freak out, even though i had manifested it unknowingly. how can i go to the 3d and ask for love when everything, good and bad, is within me? as the creator, how can i not tell myself i am worthy of love and that people close to me love me? how can i not believe that when all is me? it is a bit stupid to think like that, no? well i did, and to an extent i still do. but i’m recovering. i deserve to live a life where i am not constantly afraid. i deserve to live a life where i can speak with confidence that someone loves me. it is hard for me, even now, but i know i will get through it, as will you. 

let’s be brazenly impudent together, shall we?

“Dare to believe in the reality of your assumption and watch the world play its part relative to to its fulfillment.” ― Neville Goddard

#abandonment issues #abandonment #fear of abandonment #attachment #anxious attachment #attachment anxiety #trauma response #loa #law of assumption #neville #neville goddard #law of attraction #law of belief #manifest #manifestation #manifesting #consciousness #psychology #awareness