You are real.
You are in control.
You are strong, brave, and capable.
You have survived.
you are worthy of your dreams, you deserve a life full of joy, and you are unconditionally loved just as you are.
Positivity post for people whose trauma processing is delayed!
If bad things happen and you don't immediately recognize it as trauma, or it doesn't immediately incite super strong feelings for you, that is okay and normal. That doesn't mean it wasn't trauma, and that doesn't mean what happened was okay. It doesn't mean you don't deserve help or to be able to acknowledge how much hurt it caused.
Whether it's been hours, days, weeks, years, what happened can suddenly really hit you for the first time out of nowhere, and that's valid. You deserve to be able to process it whenever your brain decides it is time and no sooner than you're ready.
Brains are funky, and individual responses to things are different, and if it's taken you a long time to acknowledge what really occurred, that's just how it went for you and that makes sense. You still deserve help. You still deserve to be able to call it what it is.
Trauma. Can I mourn myself?
Trauma does damage to your brain. It creates connections and patterns that will stay in your brain and make you function in a certain way.
For example something that triggers you, you come in contact with a trigger and you immediately have a reaction.
For example, I'm triggered by loud noises, like when you slam the door, and I have a reaction: trouble in breathing correctly, random shivers, accellerate heartbeat etc.
This up here is a simple example, something I can relatively live with. Think about what a complex trauma does, like being abused or developing depression, a personality disorder after a toxic relationship, whatever...
You cannot remove the damage by cutting those neural connection, you cannot un-learn the response, you cannot cancel the trauma, you cannot "go back to what it was" before the trauma. It stays there (yes, even with amnesia, just because you can reach it it doesn't mean it's not there).
And it's ok to be scared, angry or sad about it, you may think that you have lost the real You. Completely valid. You're going to mourn a status that you cannot have back.
I'm not here to make you feel worse, so let me tell you about a thing called "brain plasticity". this term is commonly used in neuroscience to indicate the brain's ability to create/repair/substitute neural connection/paths, when a damage occours. In therapy "brain plasticity" translate into the ability you can build (yes, this is something you build) of overcoming your trauma mechanism by creating a new structure, with another mechanism, that will allow you to regulate your reacrion to the trigger/trauma.
It might sound easy, but it's not. It requires time and effort, because you're not building something from zero; you're building something stronger than its previous version. (So, while in this process give yourself time and forgive yourself if you stumble)
Living with severe trauma is like. I am in pain. I am invincible. I can’t do this anymore. I only want this forever. I fear forever. Things are better now. It’s been years. It was just yesterday. The wound is so raw. The wound is healed. It was never there. It’s always there. I can live with this. I can’t live at all. I can talk about it. What’s there to talk about? I was never hurt. The pain is fatal. I am my own god. I have no trauma. I am my trauma.
Alright look I like never talk about this here but I gotta get it out.
Abusive relationships aren't usually traumatic all the time. Hell, in some cases it's fine 95% of the time and traumatic for 5% of it.
You can have good memories, happy memories, even great memories of times you spent with an abuser.
I have good memories of mine.
Some days I hid under my bed to try and avoid getting hurt by them.
Some days they took me to the park and we played together all day.
Some nights I'd lie awake for hours terrified they were going to come in.
Some nights they tucked me in and read me stories until I fell asleep.
I have good memories of them. I remember kindness, and happiness, and laughter. I also have bad memories of them. Ones of fear, and guilt, and pain, and tears.
I feel like [some] people have this idea that abusive relationships always look and act abusive.
But this just isn't true, and if you do have good memories of times you spent with an abuser, that does not make the abuse and trauma any less damaging, important, or valid.
your disorder is not your fault. it does not make you a bad person.
your trauma is not your fault. it does not make you a bad person.
your feelings are not your fault. they do not make you a bad person.
your thoughts are not your fault. they do not make you a bad person.
you are not a bad person for needing help, you are not a bad person for needing to recover, you are not a bad person for feeling emotions out of your control, you are not a bad person for all the violent and angry thoughts inside your head.
you are not a bad person for existing.
Source: Pinterest 📌
I relate to the comment so I added that.
i am healing. i am transforming. i am aligning with my brightest light. i release all fears and insecurities. nothing is too good for me and i am worthy of everything that i desire.
Hard to swallow pills #4
Your childhood trauma it's not only ""what your family did/did not to you". It can be:
Culture or being written-off for your culture
Inadequate resources (emotional resources included)
Poor medical care
Unsafe spaces (house, neighborhood, school, city, State aka war-zone)
Abusive people (teacher, doctors, coaches, classmates, friends)
Feeling like you're not seen or heard, feeling judged
I know it's a lot to unpack, but being aware of the source of the trauma might help you face your healing path
That awkward moment when you realize you have no support system, and things that you want to vent about have no ears to fall on. So you internalize what you would want to say to someone and run a mental simulation of what that interaction would be like and end up comforting yourself all the while feeling like you’re going to burst if you don’t spit the words out. Then you post on tumblr to speak into the void just to let it out lmao. This is my life
Suddenly you're ripped into being alive. And life is pain, and life is suffering, and life is horror, but my god you're alive and it's spectacular