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#trauma support
furiousgoldfish · 2 years
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May you find someone who is gentle to you. May you get a person who sees you and figures you out, only to be consistently kind and understanding to you. Someone who finds it easy not to prod you where it hurts, and to respect that some things are uniquely painful to you. Someone who has the patience for all of your triggers, without trying to fix them. Someone who lets you take all of the steps in your recovery on your own, but cheers you on, on every step of the way.
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subsystems · 5 months
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If you were hurt by another child in your childhood, I want you to know that you aren’t alone.
If you experienced COCSA (child on child sexual abuse), I’m here for you. If you were bullied by other children, I support you. If another child committed any sort of violence or abuse onto you, I believe you. If it was a family member, a friend, or someone who you trusted a lot, I hear you. If it was complete stranger or someone you didn’t trust at all, I see you.
I understand how incredibly complicated and agonizing it can feel to know you were traumatized by another child, while you were a child. Especially if you hurt them back or were coerced by adults to hurt each other. That shit’s incredibly tough.
But you are not alone. I believe you. Know that recovery is possible and you’re on your way, even if it doesn’t feel like you are. I promise.
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neuroticboyfriend · 3 months
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i hope your bodymind gets even just a little more rest and calm tonight. i hope you stumble upon a more comfortable way to lay down. i hope the amount of light in your room is just right. i hope your bedding brings you comfort. i hope you find that moment right before sleep where there isn't a worry in your head. i hope whatever pain is held within you quiets even just a bit tonight, and i hope you know just how much every little improvement counts.
goodnight, sleep tight. i'll be thinking of you. you're not forgotten.
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unwelcome-ozian · 9 months
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If you have experienced a trauma, it can be like staring directly at the sun.
Even after you look away, the glare seems everywhere and prevents you from seeing things clearly.
It can keep you from even opening your eyes at all for a while.
Life After Trauma: A Workbook For Healing
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antis-hell · 3 months
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Bit late lol but happy new year to all the survivors of ramcoa/ Extreme abuse out there
Remember that every year you survive is a year of defiance, and you regaining your freedom<3
You will be okay one day
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Dear Abusers, We Are Not Punching Bags.
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Punching bags don't have feelings.
They can't say no. They can't complain. They don't flinch or run. They don't scream or cry. They take whatever you give them and wait for more. Hanging there, numb and still to await your rage, your lust, your loneliness, your sadism, your apathy, your excuses. With every hit, YOU grow stronger, more resolved, more convinced of your dominance. What more could an abuser want for themselves than something to strengthen their grip over the dignity of others?
You think punching bags are tough, don't you? Because the only thing under their skin is sand. This is what makes them so perfect to withstand your abuse: the endless capacity to absorb with no ability to feel...the closest thing to DEATH.
How many women have wasted away behind these lies of approval? That touch of comfort you so desperately think you need at the price of her sanity? The theft of her voice? Eroding her dignity as you hold her body ransom? THIS is what you buy.
Does it take any effort for you to reduce her?
Transforming her flesh and blood and bone to leather, sand, and metal? Is the word "WOMAN" simply the brand name of your favorite abuse tool: Always ready, never demanding, and forever silent? The only voice anyone can hear in this exchange is YOURS, filled with pleasure at the merciless infliction of your violence.
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positivelymasc · 2 years
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To all men with T3RF/GC/Transphobic parents please know you wont be trapped with them forever. You will be able to escape your abusers and live freely as yourself. I know it’s scary right now to be stuck with people that don’t accept you but I promise making it out is worth it. You deserve happiness and a life away from abuse.
Please don’t add to the 42%.
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imkrisyoung · 1 year
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Healing from trauma is hard because as I open up a layer of trauma to heal from, I feel physically ill, in pain, and exhausted. Is this common in healing from emotional trauma?
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xanaxlollipop · 2 years
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Trauma. Can I mourn myself?
Trauma does damage to your brain. It creates connections and patterns that will stay in your brain and make you function in a certain way. For example something that triggers you, you come in contact with a trigger and you immediately have a reaction.
For example, I'm triggered by loud noises, like when you slam the door, and I have a reaction: trouble in breathing correctly, random shivers, accellerate heartbeat etc.
This up here is a simple example, something I can relatively live with. Think about what a complex trauma does, like being abused or developing depression, a personality disorder after a toxic relationship, whatever... You cannot remove the damage by cutting those neural connection, you cannot un-learn the response, you cannot cancel the trauma, you cannot "go back to what it was" before the trauma. It stays there (yes, even with amnesia, just because you can reach it it doesn't mean it's not there).
And it's ok to be scared, angry or sad about it, you may think that you have lost the real You. Completely valid. You're going to mourn a status that you cannot have back.
BUT
I'm not here to make you feel worse, so let me tell you about a thing called "brain plasticity". this term is commonly used in neuroscience to indicate the brain's ability to create/repair/substitute neural connection/paths, when a damage occours. In therapy "brain plasticity" translate into the ability you can build (yes, this is something you build) of overcoming your trauma mechanism by creating a new structure, with another mechanism, that will allow you to regulate your reacrion to the trigger/trauma.
It might sound easy, but it's not. It requires time and effort, because you're not building something from zero; you're building something stronger than its previous version. (So, while in this process give yourself time and forgive yourself if you stumble)
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lifeonkylesfarm · 1 year
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i was only 5
i was only 6
i was only 8
i was only 9
i was only 10
i was only 11
i was only 12
i was only 13
i was only 14
i was too young for what they did
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furiousgoldfish · 1 year
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What not to do when trying to support a traumatized or mentally ill person:
Don't assume they've done something wrong for this to happen to them.
Don't try to tell them they've done something wrong to deserve this.
Don't assume this couldn't happen to you. It could.
Don't attempt to apply stereotypes to their situation. It's likely you don't know exactly what's going on with them, unless they've told you.
Don't assume you know better/understand better about this than they do. They've been struggling with this for a while. They're intimately familiar with it.
Don't give them unwanted advice. If they ask you for advice, then you can advise them, but continuous unprompted 'why don't you do x and y' is not going to help.
Don't minimize their problem. Don't tell them they're being lazy/childish/unreasonable for having symptoms, being tired, being unwilling to do certain activities. They don't deserve to be told their struggles are nothing. Nobody deserves that.
Don't say 'I just would do x'. You don't know what you would do. You're not them. X might not even have been an option in their situation.
Don't compare their struggles with someone else's, either to make them feel like "it could have been worse", or to say "it's the worst". These things do not need to be compared, and we're not in a competition of who has it worse. Everyone's struggle deserves support and attempts to make it easier on the person.
Don't try to compete with them. If you want to share your struggles with them, it's possible to do it in a respectful way, without ever one-upping or implying that you're the one who has it worse. We are not in a competition.
Don't try to change how they behave. If a traumatized person is showing a certain behaviour, it's often the best they can do at the moment, and they do not need to be shamed or pressured to change for someone. If the behaviour is harmful, it's okay to pull yourself back to safety.
Don't think you can 'save' them. Don't try to build yourself up in their eyes as 'the only one who understands' or as 'someone who can fix it all', because you can't. And they're not here to support your personal 'hero fantasy', or to act the part of someone who's being 'saved', for the sake of your ego.
Don't ignore their boundaries, even if you feel they're unreasonable. Traumatized and mentally ill people get to build their boundaries any way they feel comfortable with, and nobody gets to judge it. Do not tell them it's unreasonable. Do not try to argue them down.
Don't assume they're able to completely heal from this. Sometimes they won't, and it can hurt to see that expectation put on them.
Don't experiment on them. Don't try to trigger them, thinking you can fix the trauma once it comes up. Don't change up your behaviour just to see how they'll react to it. Don't play the devil's advocate just to upset them and to see them react emotionally. These people's struggles are not your entertainment. They're not here to be your test subjects.
Don't drain them. Even if someone traumatized gives you their attention and care, don't ever forget that they need this energy for themselves as well.
Don't judge them for the things you don't understand. If they're doing something harmful to themselves, or engaging in activities that in long term bring damage to their body, it's very likely they're already judging themselves for it, or feeling guilty. Shame will not motivate them to stop. Judgment will only leave them feeling alone and helpless.
Don't give them a time frame in which they're supposed to get 'better' or they'll be considered failures in your eyes. Not only it's impossible to recover with any kind of deadline, but you don't get to call them failures. Nobody is a failure for doing things in their own time, in their own way.
Don’t try to indoctrinate them into your religion, or insist that the religion will help them out of this. It’s opportunist, predatory, and insulting. If they wanted to reach to religion for help, they would not be waiting around for you to tell them. Religion might be the part of why they’re traumatized.
What to do when you're attempting to support a traumatized, or a mentally ill person:
Be patient with them.
Ask them if they want to talk about it. Should you get a 'no' as an answer, respect it.
If they do feel safe talking to you about it, believe them.
If their story is scaring you, or making you want to yell at them, try not to yell. It's okay to feel concern, but if your first reaction is yelling, or a big emotional outburst, they might assume that their reality is too upsetting, and never talk about it again. They also might feel that it was a mistake opening up to you.
Stay calm and accept that whatever is happening, was likely happening for a while, and you're being trusted with it as a safe person. Be worthy of the trust.
Acknowledge where they've been in a tough situation. It's possible they're not realizing just how bad their situation is, or how hard they've struggled. Remind them that they've been enduring a lot of heavy stuff, that the burden on them is big, and that it's okay that they're tired from carrying it. Acknowledgment can mean a lot to traumatized people.
Be consistent. Make sure they know what to expect from you. Traumatized people need stability, continuity, consistency and the ability to rely that people will treat them consistently with kindness.
Point out to them when something they're going thru is not normal. A lot of traumatized people have learned to accept painful and terrifying situations as normal. It's good to give them a reference so they would know their situation is extreme or considered to be traumatic.
Point out that their feelings are normal. Often, traumatized people will judge their own feelings to be wrong, or worry that they're feeling too much, or being unreasonable. It can mean a lot to have their own feelings acknowledged and accepted.
Make sure they know they're valuable and welcome in your life, regardless of their struggles. They might worry that their value in other people's eyes is dropping, due to them being often tired, isolated or unwell.
Get excited for them when things go well, when something good happens, when they're happy. It's probable that they don't get many joys, and having someone happy for them might mean a lot.
If you want to do something specific for them, ask them if they're comfortable with it. Don't put pressure on them, and don't ask them to put up with things they're uncomfortable with. It's always good to ask if something is a good idea or not.
Treat them as you would treat someone who is doing the best they can, who you're pleased with, who has deserved a rest from pain and a refuge to feel safe in. Let them know that you don't think they should be put thru any more hardships.
Let them know you have faith in them, in their choices and their instincts.
If they seek support from you, give only as much as you feel comfortable with. It's okay to make boundaries here, and to give yourself space if you feel like the problem is bigger than what you can handle. You do not need to put your own emotional health on hold, in order to help. Most traumatized people would be mortified to know they've caused damage to someone else, and it's okay to make sure you're feeling safe and comfortable as well.
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subsystems · 5 months
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Sending support to every survivor who is triggered by Halloween or similar holidays this season. Take care of yourselves. 💚
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its-v3ry-dark-in-h3r3 · 3 months
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Reach out if you need to 🌀
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ravenousnightwind · 10 months
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The illusion is that "I'm better than this, I can get better". While things can improve, if you have depression, it doesn't just go away. It doesn't just get better because you try harder. People used to tell me "if you just tried I know you could do better" or "you need to try harder, believe in yourself" people said this, to me, a then 8-12 year old who had zero idea of what was going on. Zero understanding about what depression or adhd or autism even is/was
(To be fair, back in the 90s there wasn't as much info, but it's no excuse to be cruel. I wouldn't count this as cruel exactly but a lot of people equate it to being lazy, which it isn't.)
People would ask me why I didn't want to go to school, and I really didn't know, but looking back I remember how I felt and I can identify what it was now. It was because it was hard to get up, it was hard to do anything. I knew I had a problem, but at that age, I just didn't understand why I couldn't do things. Yet people would physically attack me because I was "being lazy". Like not getting up in time. But of course, when you literally try to pick up an autistic child of that age who doesn't feel well, you're gonna be met with a bad reaction.
It's only now at age 35 that I can identify not just how cruel my parents were but the school officials that literally mentally, emotionally, and even physically abused me. While I did grow up in a better setting than some people I've met or known, it was the one area in which my parents failed me. They didn't know why, just as I didn't know, but it's hard to..forgive it, because I feel like I would have made a different choice.
It wasn't that my parents didn't try to understand, but it was that they made choices that were just less cruel than what the school officials did to me. It set me back as a person. It stopped me from living what allistic and non-disabled people call a "normal life". Secretly unbeknownst to me. My entire family didn't believe that I could actually take care of myself. It was only after I moved that they saw what I was capable of. They literally told me this was the case after the fact, and it hurt me, because they told me all those years to believe in myself..but they...didn't even believe in me!!!!!
All those years I hated myself, I literally believed I was nothing and worthless. That I was a burden, that I was just bad. Even the school counselor told my mom that I was a bad student!!!!! Like..just because I couldn't do work, or because I..had problems. And..even though I'm passed all that now, it's still there. The pain sometimes rushes back in and I feel it all over again.
But you know...I say to all you right now who have read this far. Never give up on yourself. Never let anyone tell you you're bad or evil. To deal with what you, what we have to deal with. It isn't easy. They can't understand the weight of what we have to carry every single day of our lives. So I say, you're not lazy, you're not a burden, you're not bad. We're just people with problems. It's okay to have problems. It isn't our fault. We never chose this life.
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🌺little things to make life better🌺
wash your face and freshen up
get your body moving
stretch in the mornings
practice deep breathing
journal about your dreams or goals
get some sun and enjoy fresh air
shower, change, pamper your skin
go for a drive, walk, or bike ride
write to a friend
eat nourishing meals
complete a puzzle
engage your five senses
practice mindfulness
drink water, drink water, drink water!
start a new game or book
chat with a friend
plan your week or month
create art or doodle
play some music, dance around
try a new recipe or an old favorite
decrease your screen time in the evenings
log off your socials
unfollow people/pages that bring you down
smile more
laugh freely
be kinder to yourself
challenge yourself with new goals
look at the sky for at least 5 mins daily
dive into your hobbies
brush your teeth twice a day, who cares when
recognize your strengths
celebrate your victories
help people in need
share goals with friends and loved ones
show friends & loved ones appreciation
prioritize your well-being
replace negative self-talk with kinder words
tell stories at night
and try your best to sleep on time!
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