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lestatthebrat · 2 years

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Louis as a Survivor of Abuse and Intimate Partner Violence / **Trigger Warning**

Hi! Hello. It’s been centuries since my last post. Whoops. My bad. Anyway… trauma theory and Louis as a survivor of abuse and IPV in “Interview with the Vampire...”

The main characters in “The Vampire Chronicles” usually endure horrific trauma immediately before they become vampires. Becoming a vampire can be interpreted as an allegory for becoming a survivor of trauma. The characters are changed physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. They feel as though their “old self” is gone or ruined. They are ashamed of what has happened to them, even though it was not their fault: they were attacked by a literal and figurative monster. They have intense feelings—they often experience things more intensely than they could prior to this traumatic experience—but at the same time, they feel “detached” from their emotions or from the “mortal world.” They often feel cut off from their past lives, loved ones, intimate partners, and families. They cannot make sense of nor come to terms with what has happened to them. They have died—or, at least, a part of them has died—but they must find the will to go on, despite the emptiness, shame, and self-hatred they feel.

In a previous post, I talked about Lestat and how when Magnus abducts him and forces the Dark Blood upon him against his will this is an allegory for sexual assault. Lestat explicitly labels Magnus’ attacking him as “rape” in later books. (For more on Lestat, look at my post “Lestat as a Trauma Survivor.”) Now, let’s talk abut Louis. His experience in “Interview with the Vampire” is that of a survivor of intimate partner violence (IPV), a.k.a. domestic abuse. Unfortunately, this trauma is perpetrated against Louis by Lestat, who is himself a survivor of sexual trauma.

Drinking blood and especially turning someone into a vampire is explicitly equated with sex in the “vampire world.” While Magnus’ abducting Lestat and forcefully turning him into a vampire is clearly a violent assault, Lestat’s turning Louis reads more like a seduction—at least, at first glance. Lestat comes to Louis during the night while he lies in his bed and tells him “about all the wondrous things I [Louis] might become.” He seduces him with promises—and with his strikingly good looks—he gives Louis a choice, and Louis agrees to become Lestat’s immortal companion and lover.

However, the “choice” Lestat gives Louis is horribly skewed from the beginning: “Become a vampire and be my lover, or I will kill you.” To put this in “real world” terms: “Have sex with me, or I will kill you, or “Be my partner, or I will kill you.” If someone gives you a “choice” between entering an intimate relationship and being harmed in some way, this is NOT consensual, even if the victim “agrees.” Louis admits during the interview that he thinks Lestat would have killed him if refused to become his fledgling.

So from the beginning, Louis never really has a choice, and Lestat never really has consent. However, before Lestat turns him into a vampire, he forces Louis to help him kill a man, to prove he “has what it takes.” Louis breaks down crying. He says he can’t do this, and he begs Lestat to let him die rather than make him a vampire. Louis changes his mind. He revokes whatever semblance of “consent” he ever gave Lestat. Rather than listening to Louis, Lestat becomes angry and violent. He jumps on Louis, pins him to the ground, and performs the Dark Trick against his will. Louis describes this experience and his transformation as very sexual and physically pleasurable. However, it is also violent, painful, and terrifying—much like Lestat’s rape by Magnus.

After Lestat assaults him, Louis no longer feels wonder and awe toward Lestat but revulsion, hatred, and fear. Louis was infatuated with Lestat and he trusted him; but rather than guiding him in the intimate and pleasurable act Louis expected, Lestat sexually assaults him. Louis repeatedly says during the interview, that his transformation could have been savored and enjoyed if Lestat had treated him with kindness, rather than harshness and violence. Similarly, sex can be pleasurable and special when between two consenting adults—but when there is not consent, and it is horrific and traumatic.

Lestat continues to abuse Louis, not only forcing him into an intimate relationship with him but also forcing him to share a bed (coffin) with him against his will. The following night, Lestat slaps Louis in the face. Louis downplays the severity of this indecent, saying it was not really painful but more of a “shock” or “rapping of the senses.” It is very common for victims of abuse to try to downplay or excuse the violent actions of their partners. They might say things like, “He didn’t hit me that hard” or “He’s a good person; he only hits me when he’s drunk/when he loses his temper,” etc. Louis mentions a few other instances of physical abuse from Lestat, including when Lestat hits him, kicks him, wrestles with him, and pins him to the ground.

However, Lestat seems to abuse Louis most frequently through threats and psychological manipulation. He constantly threatens to kill or harm Louis in order to keep control and power over him and to keep him from leaving him. He makes Louis feel dependent on him, by convincing him that he cannot survive without him. As the older vampire, he keeps Louis intentionally ignorant, claiming to have (and intentionally withholding) invaluable knowledge, and Louis fears he will die if he leaves Lestat. It is common for abusers to make their partner feel dependent on them, as a way to maintain control over them and to prevent them from leaving.

Once Claudia comes into the picture (and, of course, Lestat makes Claudia to “baby trap” Louis and force him to stay with him) things become even worse, as Lestat no longer threatens only Louis but Claudia as well. He most often makes these threats privately to Louis, behind Claudia’s back, like in this instance: “They’d hear her screams in Paris, he said, were he to lock her away to die. But all this was meant for me, to draw me close and keep me there.” Once Claudia begins challenging Lestat’s authority over both her and Louis, however, Lestat openly threatens both of them: “I can undo what I did. Both to you [Claudia] and to him [Louis].... I’ll break you in a thousand pieces!”

Louis, like many survivors of intimate partner violence/domestic abuse, loves Lestat but, at the same time, he is terrified of him. He desires to leave Lestat, but he is too afraid even to attempt it. When Claudia tells Louis she also wants to leave him, Louis says, “He’ll never let us leave.” When she plans to murder Lestat, Louis begs her not to try it. He thinks she will fail and Lestat will kill her. At the same time, he does not want Lestat to die (he does love Lestat too, even if he also fears him), but he does not warn Lestat, because he thinks he will kill Claudia if he learns what she plans to do. Louis’ fear of Lestat endures throughout the entire 60+ years of their relationship as partners, throughout all of the original book.

Does Lestat realize how terrible and harmful his behavior toward Louis is? Probably not. He repeatedly calls attention to the fact that he gave Louis a “choice.” “I’m going to give you the choice I never had,” he says in 1994 film, and he makes multiple bitter remarks like, “I didn’t have a choice, remember?” After the horror he, himself, endured at the hands of Magnus, Lestat seems determined not to violate any of his own fledglings the same way.

It is possible that Lestat does realize Louis has been hurt and traumatized by the violent, non-consensual act he perpetrates against him. Maybe his repeated insistence that he “gave Louis a choice” in an attempt to convince Louis and himself that he did not assault Louis and that he is not like Magnus. However, it is also possible that Lestat really does not see anything wrong with his behavior. He may really think Louis was given a fair choice, and he may really think Louis’ transformation was consensual. It is possible Lestat’s perception of what is consensual and what is not has been distorted by the horrific sexual trauma he has endured himself.

Lestat’s transformation certainly looks much different than Louis’. It is obviously non-consensual. A stranger kidnaps him, forces him to get drunk, attacks him, and kills him, while Lestat is screaming, crying, and fighting to get away the entire time. This is a brutal assault no one can deny. In the “real world,” this is like when someone gets dragged off the street by a stranger in the middle of the night, beaten, raped, and murdered. Louis’ assault is no less real and no less traumatic, but it is less “obvious” to people who don’t understand sexual assault and trauma. In the “real world,” Louis’ assault might sound something like this: “I was afraid to say no.” “I thought he would hurt me if I didn’t.” “I said ‘stop,’ but he ignored me.” “I changed my mind, but he didn’t listen.” This kind of sexual abuse and rape happens all of the time, on college campuses, at our friends’ houses, in our own homes. It often goes unreported, and, tragically, when it is reported, many people don’t take it seriously. This is horrible, and this needs to change. We hope and pray that it will. But “Interview with the Vampire” takes place in the 18th century. There is a very high chance that Lestat would not take an assault like Louis’ seriously. Especially if Lestat is comparing Louis’ transformation to his own, he may think there was “nothing wrong” with the way he treated Louis, because (at least in Lestat’s mind) Magnus treated him “so much worse.”

Of course, the VAST MAJORITY of trauma survivors never hurt anyone else. They are victims, who have been hurt by a violent perpetrator and who are in no way to blame for what has happened to them. However, in some unfortunate cases, survivors may process trauma in unhealthy ways and end up hurting and, in some cases, even abusing other people. This seems to be the case with Lestat, as he is himself a survivor of horrific sexual abuse and trauma. However, for 60+ years, he perpetrates similar abuse against his own partner, Louis, whom he does sincerely love more than anyone else in his life.

On a side note, we do get dramatically different versions of Louis and Lestat’s relationship in later books. In the sequels (narrated by Lestat, not Louis), their relationship is portrayed as much more healthy and loving, rather than abusive and toxic. However, throughout the original book “Interview with the Vampire,” Lestat is clearly characterized as a perpetrator of intimate partner violence, and Louis is trapped in a highly abusive relationship, torn between conflicting feelings of love and terror toward his abuser.

#louis de pointe du lac #interview with the vampire #trauma theory #tw rape #lestat de lioncourt

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gayofthefae · 1 year

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Thinking about healing and how narratively, the supernatural started to get better for Will in season 4, yes technically because he wasn’t in Hawkins, but also because he started to address the things the monsters are symbols for in his life. He did a project on Alan Turing. He stood up for himself to Mike. He’s healing the things that his “inner demons”, externally represented, represent so they’re going away.

On the other hand, Max was never a target before but her struggles got big enough (not to compare traumas) to warrant supernatural representation. It’s this fine line of meta where the monsters both represent psychological torment AND it’s because Henry attacks with psychological torment.

#stranger things #will byers #henry creel #max mayfield #trauma theory

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mtsu4u · 8 months

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https://www.ctipp.org/ from Jesse Kohler presentation Resilient TN Summit 2023

#mtsu4umisc #trauma informed #trauma theory #social work #social services #human services #resilient TN collaborative #resilience #adverse childhood experiences #positive childhood experiences

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danishprince · 2 years

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shonni enlow, "the great recession"

for context—this article's about how the new modern style of acting is super restrained and held back (as opposed to the more stanislavski-esque method actors from the mid-20th century). enlow argues that it's evolved from our understanding of psychology/the way traumatic experiences work—trauma isn't just one event that you work through and then magically heal from, it's something most people just kind of...learn to live with. numb it out. pretend it doesn't exist. plus ~society today~ feels very much like an unending crisis event, so current trends in acting reflect that. definitely worth a read imo

#as someone who is very into a) theatre and b) trauma theory this entire article is my own personal Sickos Ha Ha Yes moment #though tbh a lot of freud's conception of ~how we process traumatic events~ are still the backbone for modern trauma theory today.#the repetition-compulsion of it all....#acting #trauma theory #this has been a post

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tenderheartbeating · 1 year

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I KNOW IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE

I KNOW ITS MY NEED TO REPLAY OLD TRAUMA CYCLES OR WHATEVER

AND I KNOW THAT THEY WILL NEVER BE ABLE RECEIVE ALL THE LOVE I WANT TO GIVE THEM IF THEY DON'T DO THE WORK

BUT IT DOESNT FUCKING MATTER DOES IT

BECAUSE I STILL FEEL LIKE SHIT

BECAUSE I STILL LOVE THEM

AND IT HURTS TO KNOW THAT LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH

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loriache · 20 days

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Falin's Nightmare

#og post #my art #dungeon meshi #dunmeshi #falin touden #marcille donato #farcille #falin x marcille #horror #so. you guys liked my last comic. hows........ this #Welcom To My Wild Ride #cw blood #cw nudity #my theory: being turned into a dragon would give a person Some Trauma #and also falin isnt like 100 percent comfortable with her own desires : )#theres a lot of my thoughts going into this but thats one part #dungeon meshi manga spoilers

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brainwormcity · 4 months

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We gotta talk about Rome, y'all.

So, the flashback in Rome is pretty much exclusively the only time Crowley is actively short with Aziraphale and it has always sort of itched my brain as to why. When I finally got my hands on the script book it started to make sense:

For the uninitiated, Caligula was a Roman Emperor so despicable that there's literally a wiki dedicated to his atrocities.

Some of the deplorable things he was said to have done include, but aren't limited to:

Ordering criminals to be fed to the wild animals used for Gladitorial entertainment, after having cut their tongues out

Decapitating and butchering several people

Beating a priest to death with a mallet

Crucifying, burning, and suffocating multiple people

Literally having a Senator he disliked ripped apart by a mob

With this in mind, we know that Crowley, despite his indifferent attitude toward his demonic assignments, actively works against hurting people and animals, and even though his dialogue implies that he never tempted Caligula, we don't actually know what he might have witnessed. Still, it's not at all out of the realm of possibility that he saw things that could have straight up left him scarred psychologically.

Though the filmed scene leaves this portion of the conversation out, including his failed rebuff of Aziraphale's company, it's clear that he's in some emotional distress. With this in mind, Aziraphale's appearance may have occurred at just the right time. If he saw even just a hint of the monstrosity and madness of Caligula, he'd have needed some sort of comfort, so Aziraphale's stupid question and temptation for oysters may have been the best thing that could have happened under the circumstance.

Plus, given Aziraphale's ignorance about Caligula (he was there for Nero,) he'd have no idea how badly Crowley was messed up. He never reacted to Crowley's irritation or boorish attitude with anything other than continued enthusiasm for his presence. Demonhood has likely been incredibly tragic and traumatizing for Crowley at times, and, in this scene, Aziraphale was a balm for that pain without ever knowing.

#good omens #aziraphale #crowley #ineffable husbands #good omens 2 #aziracrow #aziraphale x crowley #crowley good omens #good omens rome #good omens 41 #crowley trauma #caligula #roman history #crowley rome #good omens meta #abel talks meta #good omens theory

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creature-wizard · 7 months

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PSA: If you're searching out resources to help cult survivors, check their citations and look out for these names - and if you see them, leave immediately - because these people are all far right conspiracy theorists:

Svali

Cisco Wheeler

Fritz Springmeier

Cathy O'Brien

Mark Philips

Lawrence Pazder

Michelle Smith/Pazder

Lauren Stratford

Texe Marrs

Bill Schnoebelen

Rebecca Brown

Mike Warnke

Literally all of these people were (or in some cases, still are) pushing far right conspiracy theories derived from early modern witch panic, blood libel, and The Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion. Literally do not trust anyone or anything that cites them.

#religion #spirituality #religious trauma #religious abuse #spiritual abuse #cults #cult survivor #cult recovery #conspiracy theories #conspiracy theory #conspiracism #conspiracy theorists #witchblr #paganblr #red flag #red flags

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wanderingmausoleum · 2 months

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the opening lines of the shadow of the erdtree trailer remind me a LOT of a certain quote from another game:

and with this in mind, i really hope that the direction they go with miquella is less like the manipulative griffith-esque archetype some people are theorizing, and more like N’s characterization in pokemon black and white: someone very intelligent and powerful but naïve, whose honest attempts at creating a better world might bring about more destruction in the end.

#there’s also miquella’s curse of eternal youth vs N’s trauma and abuse keeping him stuck in a childish mindset #but idk how to fit that in here so it’s going in the tags #(and yeah of course i’m an N enjoyer it came free with the fucking neurodivergence)#and tbh i don’t think miquella’s goals will innately lead to destruction #i just think that would be an interesting direction to take it #but having him actually succeed in making a better world might be even more interesting lol #i just used what i did as an example for comparison purposes #elden ring #shadow of the erdtree #elden ring theory #miquella #pokemon black and white #n harmonia #natural harmonia gropius #speaketh #greatest hits

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charlietheepicwriter7 · 4 months

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Why is it always Hellva Boss earworms that make me come up with ideas?

So, during the whole Freakshow thing, it wasn't true mind control. Danny was definitely affected, but it messed with his self esteem and emotions to the point where he damaged all of his relationships and is considering running away. Freakshow, who was a little bit smarter in this, then reveals that he knows Danny's a halfa and hey, why don't you join my ghost circus while you figure some things out.

So Danny becomes a clown because he's always liked clowns, and if you've seen the new episode, you know what happens next

and over the course of a few years, Freakshow isolates Danny from his family and friends, indoctrinates him into the crime side of business, and gaslights Danny into thinking he's nothing without him. Danny loves performing, but is so beaten down that he thinks he can't leave even if that's what he wants. Danny's a famous performer at this point, even if no one knows his real identity. The other ghosts aren't really a comfort since they're mind controlled.

The Justice League, specifically Young Justice, already know that Circus Gothica is a crime ring, but have no evidence to get them arrested bc the ghosts (who they think are just metas) are too good. The leader during the thefts (Danny) is the only one they've ever been able to get close to. Maybe at some point, Tim!Robin and Danny get trapped and Danny has a panic attack for failing Freakshow? Something happens that makes Tim convinced Danny isn't a criminal willingly, but he can't convince the others.

Danny and Klarion somehow end up dating. Freakshow joins the light, probably, and the two work really well together. Klarion asks Danny out, and Danny was really reluctant since he hasn't had... anyone, in years, but they date and it's just another thing for Freakshow to hold over his head.

Eventually, Freakshow gets the inkling that Danny isn't working as hard as he should be so he puts "Greatest Clown in the World" contest, and tells Danny that all the clowns who don't win will be immediately killed.

Danny is horrified, but he can only care about himself right now, so he's working his ass off.

(Meanwhile, in Gotham, the Joker tried to join, but the Batman broke in, stole all his bones, and left him in the hospital for a few months)

So Danny's putting his all into this performance, but Young Justice finds out about the murder bit and infiltrates with, IDK, disguised Nightwing? Klarion is also there to support his man.

Danny ends up tying with Nightwing, and the tie-breaker is a three minute performance and whoever's more entertaining wins. Danny has a panic attack during Nightwing's performance and Tim and Klarion team up to talk to Danny.

Danny's convinced he will be nothing without Freakshow (literally, he might fully die), so while Klarion helps him feel better about his skills, Tim finally gets the deets about Danny's whole situation. Tim logics that Freakshow mindcontrolling this other dimensional species + Danny is half this species = Danny is being mind controlled, pissing off Klarion while Danny thinks back to what happened when Circus Gothica first came to town.

His irrational anger at family and friends, his desperate need for approval from Freakshow, how he never even considered going independent, how he thought he was immune to the mind control staff despite being half ghost.... He's pissed. He wants to quit.

So he tells Tim that YJ needs to get the staff during his performance; without it, Freakshow wouldn't be able to mind control anyone. And he goes on to give his performance.

As for that... look, 2 Minute Notice is an amazing song with amazing choreography. the only thing i would add would be a quad somersault during the trapzee part.

Danny proves himself as an amazing clown, Freakshow gets arrested since Danny is willing to testify against him, the ghosts are free, and Klarion later murders Freakshow in a cell because that's his boyfriend, you pathetic excuse of a warlock.

"Freakshow, you sad sack of shit! Fuck you!"

#chaotic spirits #dc x dp #dcxdp #dpxdc #dp x dc #c: danny fenton #c: freakshow #c: klarion the witch boy #c: tim drake #c: nightwing #cw swearing #cw attempted murder #did i imply that danny was actually a grayson in the end?#yes i did and both tim and nightwing are having a little freakout over that #i'm tired of people saying danny's afraid of clowns bc freakshow isn't a clown! it's just circus trauma #now i gave him DOUBLE circus trauma #klarion loves his silly clown boyfriend #danny loves his scary magic boyfriend #tim loves having his theories validated and lords the fact that he was right about Danny over YJ for weeks

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midnights-dragon · 2 months

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Aziraphale prays to God like a child in a Catholic household, told he must or he is a sinner; told what to say, and what not to say; told what’s right and wrong to ask of God. Aziraphale prays to God because he feels that he will be punished if he doesn’t.

Crowley prays to God like an angry, confused reject of the church. Someone hurt by it and who knows they were hurt by it. Crowley prays to God because he wants to, because he is angry and feels that he deserves it; because he wants to challenge what’s hurt him so badly; because it makes those who have hurt him angry that he can still be someone who prays.

They both pray for the wrong reasons, and there will never be right reasons; not for them. But they both do it, and it hurts. It hurts, and yet, it feels too right to stop, and it feels too wrong to admit.

#im not projecting whatttt #good omens #religious trauma #good omens theories #good omens meta #crowley good omens #aziraphale good omens #god good omens

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gayofthefae · 1 year

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Thinking about the suicide metaphors in Stranger Things and how Max saves herself by reaching for a will to live through her friends who are on the ground begging for her to but also how in season 1, Joyce says to a dying Will in the upside down “It’s me, it’s your mom, and I love you so much” as if that would help him come out of it...because maybe it did, in the grand scheme of things.

#trauma theory #will byers #max mayfield #joyce byers #stranger things

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the-rad1o-demon · 7 months

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Please do what you can to stop this bill from being passed, and please share this message where you can. It's going to be very bad for pretty much everyone on the Internet if this bill is passed. If you're skeptical: There are resources online with more information about the KOSA bill, including articles written by lawmakers explaining why this bill is a terrible idea. There is even a TechDirt article written by Mike Masnick titled "Marsha Blackburn Makes It Clear: KOSA Is Designed To Silence Trans People" where they write of and post a video in which Senator Marsha Blackburn (who co-wrote the bill) explicitly stated that this bill would be used to target the trans community. So please share this in your stories, with your family and friends, and call your Senators to tell them not to sign this bill. And if you know anyone in Massachusetts, tell them to call Senator Warren to ask her to withdraw her support of the bill. Thank you for your time and consideration.

EDIT - UPDATE:

Please read the post I linked below, it pertains to the status of the KOSA bill. Things are not looking good right now.

UPDATE #2:

Please look at this post!

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jupitersrising · 2 months

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Post-Islands Headcannons

Brooklynn sorta becomes a kleptomaniac...just a bit. She's so used to things being free on the islands that she pockets things without thinking about it. So of course whenever she sees keycards and other things she pick it up...just in case. They might need it to save their lives. It's not until later when she empties her pockets that she realized she took so much stuff.

Yaz has chronic pain in her injuries ankle, hip, and knee. Due to the injury not healing right on the islands (ankle injuries have a correlation between knee and hips pains btw). She has to be extra careful running and makes sure she stretches + wears a knee brace and compression socks.

Kenji never learns how to drive. Like ever. Brand tried to teach him a few times but he eventually gave up. If he can, he tries not to take any vehicle. He'd rather walk than take the subway. He can remember how many times he's almost died in the passenger seat of a vehicle (be that a helicopter, car, etc) and doesn't trust them anymore. It takes years before he gets in the passenger seat of Darius' jeep and even then he's panicking the whole time.

Darius is afraid of the dark + silence in the dark. He has big chunky headphones that play music all night and he has nightlights spread throughout his bedroom. But he can't sleep without his window open, even in winter. He wants to have another escape route, knowing that he can get out no matter what.

Sammy takes to wandering around areas of the farm she's never been to before. She'll completely disappear from a room and come back four hours later saying she made a new hiking path up to their neighbor's property. Also, she has an immunity to poison oak/ivy because she got it so much on Isla Nublar.

Ben lights small fires that aren't technically arson whenever he gets a chance. He has a collection of different lighters and mini torches and he carries at least one wherever he goes.

#they're so traumatized i love them #i really really hope chaos theory explores (some) of their trauma #camp cretaceous #jwcc #jurassic world camp cretaceous #ben pincus #brooklynn jwcc #darius bowman #yasmina fadoula #kenji kon #sammy gutierrez

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wolfythewitch · 6 months

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Do you ever have that feeling where, despite your distance with your religion, there's still moments where sparks of what you were bought up with, return?

I'm from a religious family, but I'm not in touch with my own religion. Yet there's me calling in the name of the Lord before and after I eat. It's like this lingering piece that I never turn to look at but somehow slips into my ordinary life.

I don't really know you that much, or your religious status. But seeing your religious talks made me want to bring this up.

I don't even know if I make sense here- just- ignore this if you want to, I don't know.

Hmmm I think so. My whole thing with it is really complicated haha. I still go to church every Sunday, though I prefer doing volunteer work with the kids over listening to the sermon. I pray before I eat out of habit. I find myself quoting the bible more often than I open to read it (though this is changing because of all the times I look for references lol). There's a resentment that I get whenever it's brought up, especially around my family. I find myself immediately on guard the minute it becomes subject of conversation. Sometimes at night I'll pace around and just talk. I don't know if I'm talking to myself or to god or whoever but. I'll talk. I think I still believe in him. I definitely believe that there's something out there. I don't think the question is of belief as much as it is of care. Do I care enough to try?

I'll say this though. Whatever I'm doing right now has gotten me to think more about bible and religion than I have in the past few years. So. That's fun! Who knew trying to explore something your own way instead of the way forced onto you by your environment gives your room to feel everything out without any preexisting pressure?

#wolfy tedtalks #anon #wolfy religious tedtalks #i have a theory #and that theory is any time some vaguely catholic holiday rolls around jesus bitch slaps me into being more religious than i currently am #first it was during easter #and now all saint's day is rolling around soon #or maybe its my period #side effects may include #nausea. fatigue. back pain. resurgence of religious belief coupled with complicated thoughts of compartmentalized trauma. cramps. mood swing

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